This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Well this would suck.

Teachers!

Why can't they just leave me alone!?

I was using my laptop. (Linux) and I have it set up so that I do basically everything from command line.

My teacher then walks by (he was checking on people) then he sees me.

I was using a split terminal setup with a client web browser and nano open. (I was taking notes)

He sees this and like all teachers, he immediately decides that I am hacking.

So.. I saw him and was like "fuck.. this will be interesting"...

To keep this short,

I got in trouble then he spent for ever telling me about how much trouble I could get in for using "that thing" (a terminal)..

I have lost hope in all teachers..

This isn't the first time too..

STOP TEACHING ON STONE AGE IDEs FFS

Biggest hurdle: torn between having boobs and missing an arm. I swear some people are under the assumption the brain is in the arm.

I am fully capable of building your network, resolving your outage due to your faulty code, can even tell you how many users your database can support at once. I don't need arms for that. Nor do my boobs distract me that badly.

"but men are going to make your life so hard" yup. And that's true no matter where i go

"all that typing with one arm can't be good for your back" welp. Find me a job that doesn't require a computer. Or manual labor. If you think typing will fuck me up, that's DEFINITELY out of the equation

"you're too pretty, there's no way this can make sense" dafuq you just say?!?!

"why don't you just stay home on disability, I'm sure you qualify, you wouldn't need to work" I'd rather be a fucking trophy wife if I'm staying at home. Fuck that.

And many more.

Sometimes they're fun. Give me more dumb arguments to counter? ;)

Me: "I did it, I finally finished implementing the design!"
Designer: "The client wants a complete overhaul of the design."

You suck!

Friend: Hey! How do you uh... alt tab out of the game?

Me: *wtf* Uhhh... You press alt tab.

Friend: *after 10 seconds* Oh! That’s why it is called alt tab.

Me: *crying laugh emoji*

This one's for the #codergurlz! ☺️

Exams next week but I'm on a HP marathon ..

Just had a feedback session.

Apparently one of my colleague has a problem with me.

The irony is - I didn't even knew the guy's fucking name until now.

Relatable right?

That's fine....😂😂

He proved he is the hands-on guy they were looking for🤣

What am I supposed to do here?

"Arch Linux is actually not that difficult".

I ssh'ed into my home server yesterday.

I was greeted by a message from an ext3 disk about needing fsck. Fine, "I haven't been in here for a while, might as well do some maintenance". fsck /dev/sda6, let's go!

This nicely "repaired" the sshd service (i.e. cleared the sectors), I cursed at myself for pressing enter at "repair (y)" right before the connection broke.

So I connected a display and keyboard... ok so let's just pacman -Sy sshd or whatever. We can do this! Just check the wiki, shouldn't be that hard!

Wait... pacman has not run since 2010? WAIT IT'S ACTUAL UPTIME IS 9 YEARS??? I guess we know why I'm a DB admin and not devops...

Hmm all the mirrors give timeouts? Oh. The i686 processor architecture isn't even supported anymore...?

4 hours, 11 glasses of cognac, 73 Arch32 wiki/forum pages, 2 attempts at compiling glibc, and 4 kernel panics later: "I think I'll buy a new server".

Resume: experience in c, c++, java and Android.
Recruiter: DO YOU HAVE 10+ YEARS EXPERIENCE WITH SWIFT AND IOS??!!

So, I was talking to a recruiter..... After 15 minutes of telling her what I do.....She asked are you into coding?

Is it just me or is the...

SUCK IT, JIN-YANG

Me: Open terminal on current folder
Mac: No.
Me: Copy path of current folder
Mac: No.
Me: Delete this desktop icon (Delete key)
Mac: No.
Me: Lets move this icon to trash
Mac: Alrighty then, delete application.

Man i will have a hard time getting used to this, Windows had its cons but these small things made my life easier.

Suck it up and learn.

So, I sign up for devrant and read all about the school devops fuckery everyone seems to have.

The only problem is, computers at my school's lab has no internet access and only a pirated copy of.... Visual Studio *6*. Hell, that's 5 years older than I am.

No python, no git, nothing. The best part, you ask? They use VS6 just for teaching 9th graders Visual Basic, and for C and C++, they use TurboC++ in DOSBox. 25-year old software. They teach us Pre-ANSI C++.

No fucking wonder people from here re-learn everything on the job. I jumped the gun and started messing with basic C++ in 7th grade, and then had to go back and remember that 25 years ago, they used <iostream.h> instead of just <iostream>.

Everyone just saves their code in the TC/BIN folder in DOS too, making it more of a chaotic mess than anything ever imaginable.

Bringing your own device? Too bad that's against the school rules.

The fact that they went out of their damn way to make me use TurboC in DOSBox on Windows 7 instead of giving me a sane Linux install with an editor and GCC is just... ugh.

My classmates all think I work magic, while all I really do is simple logic. Schools here in India are almost universally terrible.

Well, it's a good thing I started learning it on my own, because if I thought programming was in any way similar to how they try to teach it to us, I would've given up a long time ago.

Phone rings, recruiter: "hi Scott just come across your CV and really want to talk to you about an exciting opportunity"
Me: "Ok, cool, can I just qualify this call, what was the keyword search you used to find my profile?"
Recruiter: "it's for a Java developer role for an exciting employer"
Me: "so you matched me on a Java training course I did 8 years ago?"
Recruiter: "ok, but I see you're fully qualified in c#"
Me: "you mean the support developer role from 5 years ago?"
Recruiter: "yes"
Me: "😑"
Recruiter: "listen it's a pretty bad line can I call you on a land line or drop you an email?"
Me: "sure drop me an email with your contact details and I'll give you a call back"

Still waiting on that email...

Why can't recruiters just admit straight away that they blindly called you without even reading your CV

and the award for most downvotes stackoverflow post, is… well, stackoverflow. I posted this a while ago, but it got much better. -247, what a beautiful number. apparently there's a stackechange app, but instead of fixing its bugs, they made a stackoverflow app that does the same thing. go and give those cocksuckers a big, fat downvote! more pics and link in comments.

Wrote a 4000 line method with 32 nested if elses.

On call part 3: I'M BACK ON THE CAL FROM YESTERDAY FOR THE LAST 6.5 HOURS AND THEY'RE JUST DOING WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO YESTERDAY. Is it because I'm female? Does having boobs mean I don't know how ssl works and that I can't possibly know about networks? I'm seriously about to just hang up and tell them to deal with it on their own.

Cup is there because it expresses my mood.

IT'S FUCKING HEEEEEEEEEEERE

I was working on a website for a client and he wanted an illegal (breaking TOS) functionality and I refused to implement that part so he paid me $800 less than what he owed me. Unfortunately there was no real contract besides some emails detailing the specs and payment, and if I pushed it any further he would've charged back the money he already paid me. Basically I'm screwed :/

I guess now I know how important it is to get those contracts and detailed specs written out from the very beginning.

I am leaving my job from a very big company with very high paying package for doing my own startup.
1 month notice period on.

These mother fuckers know when I'm packed up and ready to go to work and decide that's the perfect fucking time to call me. WHY COULDN'T YOU CALL WHILE I WAS STILL LOGGED IN AND DIDN'T HAVE TO LOG THE FUCK BACK IN, WAIT 90 YEARS FOR THE VIRTUAL MACHINE TO LOG ME IN and then tell me your issue self resolved. Come down to my office and bring me coffee for being so damn annoying before I'm sufficiently caffeinated.

Idealistic goals:
1. Learn python
2. Start a project and see it through

Realistic goals:
1. Learn how to initialize variables in python
2. Make plans for 2019

Reason #387 I wish I worked from home:

Some dude at this office needs to be banned from toilets. I'm pretty sure he craps in his hand then tries to swat it into the bowl with a slotted spoon.

Fuck fucking timezones!

All bankers are fuckers, fuckin assholes.

I went to bank today.
Gave my card to swipe and he gave me the machine to enter my pin
I entered it
But then it wasn't the actual PIN
Transaction failed

He retried it, but now he didn't give me the machine to enter the PIN, he asked me (whaaat...)
I denied to reveal my PIN
He asked me again and again I still denied.
At last that asshole cancelled the transaction.
And told me to write the deposit slip
Why should I write the slip when I have the card.
Whats wrong with that guy
Why should I give my PIN to him

These assholes come to work at 10 and leave at 3 and their pride is at the peak. They live on our money and showing superiority on us.

I hate them.

My Galaxy S7 Edge fell onto the gravel road as I was getting out of my car and the screen shattered into tons of small cracks!! Just a few days before I was gonna sell it to somebody for the same price I bought it for! 😫

FUUUUUCCCKKK 😡

WHY can I only make digital payments on weekdays, 7:00-16:00?? Its not like there's a human authorizing all transactions. And computers don't sleep!!

I had a recruiter contact me today, calling me Andrew in the process. Believe it or not my name isn't Andrew, and the email address they sent it to was me@MYFULLNAME.com, so they should be able to get my name right.

I responded to them pointing that out and advising they never contact me again. (In a somewhat sassy way).

In a well crafted apology I was informed that they had a great track record and that mistakes happen. Here's the email's subject line:

RE: Hi.. opportunity in New Haven, CT (Downtown- next to train station)- RUDE DO NOT CONTACT EVER AGAIN

I responded more kindly that I appreciated the apology but the subject line confirmed my position of "not interested."

This was followed up by them trying to "recall" the email, and resend it... Like I didn't notice the insult in the subject line of your apology...

Nicely done, nicely done.

On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...

(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)

Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.

Another hackathon is over.

Didn't win this one either but I am slowly recognising my weaknesses and (hopefully) getting better.

A good night's sleep and I'm ready for the next one. :)

Beyond Hackathon 2017 @ Athens, Greece

You had one job Microsoft 🤦‍♂️

My dad got a job at TD (bank)

We where talking about their computers and stuff. Then we started talking about passwords.

Keeping in mind that this is a bank....
Here is their password rule:

6-12 char long
All lower case
Only letters and numbers

(Passwords are stored on a legacy system)

Why?

Why should I trust that bank??
And also.. how do they expect to be extremely secure??

Just bought a sound muffler recommended for a firing range, so I can focus while I work.

Unpopular opinion: superhero movies fucking suck.

Ugh.

I was confirmed to start on the 28th on Monday through an email the one below:

Hi xxxx,

Yes, you can just bring your original paperwork on your first day. January 28th is okay with us. Please come to the Corporate Office at 8:00 on the 28th.

Thanks!

I was going to resign yesterday, Tuesday, was all pumped.

1) post to devrant, check,
2) resignation letter written and cc'd and hard printed, check,
3) courage to talk to boss check.

Ten minutes on Tuesday before scheduled time to have meeting with boss then I get this email:

Hi xxxx,

I am having trouble getting a reference. Is there anyone at your current employment that I can now contact since you gave your two weeks?

WHAT!!!!! Is this normal? wtf? what if the reference check turns out disastrous and I have already turned in my resignation?

Why wasn't this brought up before I resigned?

Ofc, I did not hand in my resignation, but they obviously didn't know that.

It took all day and the recruiter to get involved to get the reference checks done.

But now I'm apathetic, the wind is gone from my sails, and I am not excited anymore about this new job opportunity. They really have ruined my faith in their processes.

If I am not excited to start a new job, that is a really bad sign. What happens if I turn in my resignation then they decide they forgot some other check that I don't pass?

I am writing letter now to decline the offer, I am trying to leave the entrenched corporate culture for a fresh eclectic fun culture, not go to an even more bureaucratic entrenched culture.

If I have doubts and apathy starting a new job, those are definitely really bad warning signs.

I will continue to look for the perfect job elsewhere but for now...

Passing. Final Answer.

Who knows people like this?
from r/programmingmemes

Selfrant:
I suck.
I suck at programming.
I suck at python.
I suck at debugging.

oops 😂

Tumblr looks like a burning ruins right now.

They won’t actually delete porn, but they won’t allow to post porn since today either. So, petabytes of porn are here, untouched.

They haven’t defeated porn on tumblr, but they got rid of almost all of the creators who’d driven their crappy website, they’re gone to reddit and Twitter. So, that’s what I call “defeat”.

It’s funny how they posted a gif containing what they consider a permitted content and their own bot flagged it just minutes after

Fuck npm and the whole npm community!
Seriously, what a piece of completely uncontrolled cat litter!

First experience was getting malware from an npm package which I ranted about a while ago. That it can even happen is beyond my imagination.

Second experience was today when our app broke because a fucker who wrote a library doesn't understand semantic versioning.
If you're gonna publish an npm library, please do the whole fucking world a favour and learn how to version your shit correctly, so my app doesn't break! If you do BREAKING CHANGES don't change the fucking last version number you filthy piece of garbage!

Phew, that felt good 😧

HR, why so stupid?
I'm currently living in Sweden, want to move to Austria (significant other is studying there, I'm finishing my studies over here)
Me: *Applies for a Junior Java Dev job via company's online platform*
HR1: We like your CV, be here for an interview in person in 5 days.
Me: That's expensive, can we do it via Skype? I'm still in Sweden.
HR1: How are you planning on working in Austria while living in Sweden?
Me: I'm not. I'll move to Austria in 2 months. That's when I'd like to start working with you.
Me: *wonders why they skipped that part in my CV/cover letter as it's clearly stated there*
HR1: ....
Me: Hello?
Me: Helloooo?
HR2: We're sorry to tell you that the position of Senior Database Engineer has been filled. May we use your CV for other potential openings at our company?
Me: No worries, I applied for Junior Java Dev anyways. You may use my CV for other openings.
HR2: Oh, sorry for the confusion. I just mistyped the job title.
Me: *WTF? That was a machine-generated answer. Your system filed my application in the wrong place. You didn't mistype shit.*
HR1: Oh good for you. We've suddenly found out we need a Junior Java Dev as well as a Senior Database Engineer. Do you have time for a Skype interview this afternoon?
Me: ....
HR1: Hello?
Me: ....
HR1: Tomorrow then?

When you are coding, put your coffeepot on fire, and forgot about it for two hours.

My life suck tonight.

Get this, at college we were told to use PHP7 for development right? All good, PHP7 is awesome and all, so we have to make a big project for college and put it on the school's server... now here's the pickle...

THEIR SERVER RUNS FUCKING PHP5.X

WTF!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? DON'T FUCKING TELL US WE SHOULD USE PHP7 AND THEN DON'T SUPPORT PHP7 FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

No wonder our sex lives suck!

Client:
"Ok,. so your saying that its gonna take you 63 hrs to create a simplified CRM with basic functionality and auto fill docs or automated work flow docs as an added feature?"

My response (after already under-quoting and planning on cutting some corners because he has a smaller budget than normally necessary):
"It sounds simpler than it is. There are a lot of things I need to take into account that you wouldn't even think about.

For instance:

Making sure your emails don't go to the client's spam folder. This requires the sending domain to be verified via DNS settings. I have to ensure your email content passes a spam test (link to text ratio needs to be good). I assumed you'd want an email that has your logo and looks good. This means testing the design in Outlook to make sure it's not broken.

What if the email doesn't send due to an invalid email address, or bounces back? You'll need to be notified.

What if the client list for the week contains duplicates? You need them merged or ignored.

Generating a PDF from HTML can be tricky because the conversion isn't apples to apples so there are things I need to adjust to make them as close as possible.

Making a site completely mobile friendly (the tier 3 option) can be very time consuming as well. It's not about whether or not it fits on a mobile phone, it's about whether or not it's intuitive and useful. You're essentially getting a mobile app without paying for separate development of an app.

If I took everything into consideration and built this to be 100% bullet proof, it would cost tens of thousands.

I'm doing my best to leverage your needs with the probability of running into an issue. I'm not going waste my time/your money on something that will likely never happen."

if a recruiter calls me one more time about an "exciting opportunity" 500 miles away, I'm gonna punch a baby in the face.

Got a request on a freelance site, was about modding a game.
I've answered thinking "easy money", then he reveals it's for a console, that it's not "hacked" so I couldn't run any third-party script.
I've tried to kindly explain the situation and he seemed having understood.

Few minutes ago I checked my inboxes and I got a bad review on that freelance platform, of course from him. 👌

Today is good, so far.

Husband graduates and promotes and my younger brother made it to Texas safely this morning.

Oh, and I'm out of the office 😄

Everything but UI/UX
Because I suck at it, lame but true, I love every kind of code, from MEAN and LAMPP to assembly, but when it comes to UI I just lack of the imagination and creativity to design something that looks averagely good.

All these people complaining about blue light ruining their sleep. Fuckers, I used to stay up until dawn staring at a fuzzy CRT TV whilst programming using an IDE that had a solid blue background.

Finally made my laptop a dedicated linux machine, time to start working on a theme then to start on OS development until Gamemaker comes to linux! :-P

Skipped my lectures at university just to get my new Dell laptop at home.

Here is my experience of dell account portal:

There is a 50-50 chance that your order will appear in the list of orders. It has it's own mind, sometimes it will appear, sometimes it will say it has found no orders.

Now if somehow you do see the order in the list, there is a 50-50 chance that clicking on the order number will actually show you the correct order. Most of the time it will take you to a completely different order, where you can see the name, address and other personal details of a person that you don't know. THANKS DELL!

Now if somehow clicking on the order number takes you to the right order details page, there is a 50-50 chance that there will be no courier information, it will be blank without any information. Sometimes it will show the tracking number, but no courier details.

Right, now let's say that I don't give a fuck about any of these. I stayed home, skipping my lecture, just so that I can get my laptop. They promised me that they will deliver it today and I trust them 🙂

BUT YOU MOTHERFUCKER, not only that they will not deliver it today, they haven't even bothered to give me a call and say that they won't be delivering it today. YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT, I skipped my fucking lectures for you. Now I have to skip my lectures for another day, just to get my GODDAMN laptop.

FUCK YOU DELL, DIE IN HELL!

Just about to start a milestone presentation, when suddenly the boss froze and yelled:

"Wait! Don't move! There is a bug, let me take it back to nature where it belongs..."

*Grabs a bug on my shoulder and carries it to the window*

Best part of the day is when 5-6pm meeting gets cancelled

Helpful tip to all you freelancers or those with the authority:

Never let a client dictate anything in how you do your job, no matter how simple.

Even if they ask you to make yourself available at a specific time, don't. Instead, tell them times you have available so they have to work with you.

If you give a client an inch, they will always take a mile.

Fu*king Windows!!!

Integrating Linux kernel into their new build.
Microsoft Edge insiders experimenting with Chromium engine.

Microsoft has now bowed down to the open source community...

All hail Linus Torvalds!!!!
All hail Linux!!!
All hail Open Source!!!

WE WON

In a UAT meeting with representatives of our project partners,

The account executive, who set up the project, said to my PM in front of everyone just before the test started: "I hope your system won't fail, because everyone here will be watching"

My PM: "No it won't. But in that case, I believe it's your fault for setting an unrealistic deadline without consulting us, the development team, first"

All the representatives, being also developers from multiple companies, proceeded to stare at her with disgust.

Frack..people suck.

In sprint planning meeting, prioritizing the tasks...

ScrumMaster: "Next item, create a spreadsheet that identifies the systems used by order processing so the PO can identify errors by system."
Me: "That's already done."
ScrumMaster: "Did you work ahead of the sprint again?"
- Really trying not to throw something heavy at his head.
Me: "No, you did back in January."
- SM stutters..um..uhhs...
ScrumMaster: "No, I never did that...see."
- SM navigates to the sharepoint directory
Me: "Yep, there it is."
ScrumMaster: "I didn't create it, you must have."
Me: "Created by...you."
ScrumMaster: "Uh...um....I might have added it to sharepoint, but doesn't mean I created it. Anyway, lets take a look..."
- opens the spreadsheet
ScrumMaster: "What is this? Did you simply export the sharepoint list to excel?"
- Getting harder and harder to resist the urge to throw something heavy at his head.
Me: "I don't know what that is, you created it. You commented on the Trello card that this task item was done."
ScrumMaster: "No, I've never seen this or made any comment on the Trello board...lets look ..."
- FRACK!!! TRELLO IS DOWN!!!
ScrumMaster: "When Trello comes back up I'll assign the card to you. Lets stay on task with the cards from now on. Next item ... "

Trello up, 3 hours later, back at my desk, there is his fracking comment from January about uploading the spreadsheet to sharepoint. Frack frack frack people suck

True Story: Stupid Ass recruitment people

I have had some HR people, who dont know how to Google/research or don't feel like asking the technical people for what they need and instead rely on hot buzz words that are circulating in the industry.
A couple of new positions opened up in our team.
We needed people with jQuery skills.
The recruitment people went on with the Job description stating they need UI/UX engineers. On top of that, they asked for 3+ years of experience for AngularJS (some moron thought if we are hiring JavaScript resource lets have someone with skills for future technologies, just in case). The thing is Angular wasn't out for 3 years back then. How could some one have 3 years of experience in a technology that is barely mde it to mainstream. Moreover, all we wanted was a guy who know JS and jQuery, not AngularJS, and not UI/UX.
Consequently, we couldn't find people in time, the project was delayed and I (and one other person) had excessive work load

On call just started at 2100 last night. Phone rang at 0230. Going to be a long rotation.

Similar call from a few weeks ago that took 13 hours to resolve. Oh boy.

Recruiter e-mail:

„Hope this InMail finds you in the best of your health.

I was going through your profile and found your Scala experience pretty attractive. Infact your experience matches one of the job requirements that I'm working on.”

Sure, but I don’t have anything even remotely mentioning Scala on my profile.

Upgraded from MacBook to Razer and wanted to give windows a try but ended up installing ubuntu in less than 4 hours.

Fuck you windows.

Yours sincerely
Linux user

Dev memes usually make me cringe. It's like the people who make them are trying too hard; the lack of social skills just jumps off the screen.

My carrier sent a message in between two blank messages. Why tho?

Windows fanboys are awful. Seriously.

They can't even let you nag about something. Like, it's a dictatorship, full on!

Disclaimer: This rant is not about linux. Avoid comparing.

When you spend 3 hours looking at your project's code and debugging it to find out you forgot to add a '!' to your if condition.... Brilliant

website programing languages

My teacher thinks encryption and encoding are same

I remember a few months ago at my school we all had taken the Chromebooks (our county's OS of choice) out and put them on our desks. We were in science, and we needed to take screenshots of websites for some reason. "Everyone go to the chrome store," our teacher said, with a look-how-smart-i-am kind of look on her face, "search for the 'Awesome Screenshot Extension.'" Ugh. This was dumb. I reluctantly searched it up and upon bringing up the description and about to press the "Add to Chrome" button, when I stopped, and made a decision I would later regret. Now, I don't really like this teacher, and she thought she was so fucking smart for finding this shit extension. I raised my hand, and she walked over. "Uhh… I'm pretty sure you can just do Ctrl + shift + []|| to take a screenshot" I said. She was fucking dumbfounded. She yelled out "Class, listen up! [Let's call me 'Ben' for this story] Ben just found an alternative [she was trying to make her extension not seem entirely useless, even though she knew it was] way to take a screenshot. Just press Ctrl + shift plus that box with the two lines next to it. You can use my extension or the one Ben found. Whichever is easier [she damn well knew which was easier]." Three times in the span of the next five minutes she said "just a reminder… you can use Ben's way if you want" to the whole class. Everyone kept looking at me. A few minutes later, she called me up to the computer which was being displayed on the big screen in front of class. She said some people were having trouble, so then pulled all the attention on me to come up to the front of class and demonstrate a goddamn keyboard shortcut. She was running windows 8, and I knew it wouldn't work on her computer. I pressed a few random keys on the keyboard and said "uhh, I think it only works on their computers" she let me sit back down. She couldn't handle the concept that different computers run different operating systems. I sat down and the guy sitting next to me raised his hand. He said "you could use the 'snippet tool'" Yes. Some people can. But she can't. I stopped him from doing anymore damage on their small brains by saying "uhh, it won't work on the Chromebooks, so that won't help." I hate that teacher. At lunch my friend came over to me. He has the same science teacher as me. "You know what she's been saying all day?" I was confused. "What?" I said. He almost started to laugh. "All day she's [the teacher] has been telling everyone that you found this amazing new technology in the Chromebooks. [Most of the students were smart enough to know that I didnt] she was like 'Ben, from my 2nd period found this amazing thing'" End of story. And guess what? I still hate her.

I was debugging my UDP server and client for 3 hours until I realized our school network has a firewall which blocks my connections.

One of my coworkers just had a baby, so he left work today and won't be back for a month or more.

We (accidentally) took the client's website down for 3 hours, messed up our git repo and when we finally fixed both things, I had to spend the rest of the day editing fucking vector graphics (which I had never done before and completely suck at).

I never realized how much work this guy does or how important he is until now.

Me starting a project: Okay I'm stuck with this project I'll just shelve this for now

[3 weeks later]

*comes back to project*

*find a solution with problem I came stuck with*

WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN WHY DID IT TAKE YOU 3 WEEKS TO HELP ME FIX SHIT WRYYYYY

Man.. I suck at ER Models. FUCK!

FFS customer, if you want me to test with real data and solve your problem quickly, then maybe NOT send me an export in which the social security number says "12" for about a quarter of the entries in the dataset and in which the date format is still wrong.
Sincerely, the pissed off dev who told you this about 4 times already.

PS: I hope you step on a Lego.

Ok... So iPhone X cames with 3gb ram and 2.7 mAh battery....
Fuck the new Xiami that costs 1/4 comes with 4gb ram and a 4mAh battery...

My girlfriend after 20 minuets lol

AirFrance, you suck

My compartmentalizing skill is not good enough. Wasted last night by doing nothing and falling asleep because of a bad mood. I have shit tons of tasks.

Why does the eclipse dark theme suck!?

I love it how managers try to act busy by going through the same mails over and over again while waiting for a new one so that they can instantly reply to it and show themselves off as "prompt" and screw us, who have to actually do some work, about not sending mails promptly and they have like this one single excel sheet opened at all times and they just make one obscure entry whenever they get an update and WOW, some of them don't even know how the fuck you spell Avro (spelt it as avero, handwritten) and oh, not to mention waste everyone's time by asking a mundane question that other managers are so eager to answer, one by one, over and over and did I mention THAT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HALF THE PRODUCT.

STOP EXPLAINING ME THE MOST BASIC COMPUTER STUFF LIKE "What is localhost?" WHEN I'M NOT ON A BASIC TUTORIAL...

I just realized this is the "week" where I am on call for a week and a half. Over a 3 day weekend. Hoping my friends are free and can save me from my insanity...

Oh? The deadline is tomorrow? Let's just change all the requirements. *sigh*

Step 1: Acquire Rasbpery Pi
Step 2: Install Rasbian Lite
Step 3: Install PiHole
Step 4: Setup VPN
Step 5: Get a domain name for the VPN server
Step 6: Install OpenVPN on Phone
Step 7: Connect to Rasbperry PiHole Server

NO MORE ADS MOTHERFUCKERS

I fucking hate SOAP.

Just watched a 30 mins tutorial on youtube and atleast 20 mins of that was debugging his code. Can't you just re-record or atleast cut the part where you go through all the stack overflow solutions!

Yeah sure it's super easy!
Step1: fuck you
Step2: repeat Step1 while(true)

When you're both a designer and a programmer at the same time

Let’s see I suppose the most pissed off I’ve been at work would be....

Being blamed for a clients mistake when their newsletter email settings where being changed over to a new mailing system but during the change over they wanted to still send out mail using the old list. So a single endpoint was kept in place so they could send one last newsletter out after it was approved as part of the migration and they were to inform us when they were done so we could change that endpoint over.

Several months later when everyone had long forgotten about it, the client tried to send another mass mail out using the old endpoint and complained when no emails had been sent.

I was blamed for making this mistake even though management approved the fucking old endpoint to be left in place at the clients request against my concerns that someone’s going to forgot about this and I was never informed to swap it over.

I quit on the spot and walked out the door after that.

Just spent 2 fucking hours debugging one of my websites scripts because apparently appendChild wasn't a function... Here I was thinking there was a function called getElementByClassName... Dick head me didn't realise I'm missing a single 's'... 2 hours over a single fucking s!

Fuck javascript man...

few days ago, I challenged myself to use only windows for a month.
it was painful.
withing 48 hours, I switched back.

I haven't hated on a thing here for a while, but in my desire to learn more about things such as NLP, ML and other buzzwords, I've had to learn a lot and the internet is the best resource for this. However, there are a million fucking Medium posts about them all with no real in-depth analysis of what is happing, just code snippets and vague instructions.

So my rant is thus: Medium posts and other shitty blog platforms make it so much harder to find legitimate resources for learning since anyone can put up a post and let it rise in search rankings. I want citations, links to documentation and some explanation of why you are doing a thing. Not fucking copy-paste code snippets that vaguely work.

All I want is to be able to go through a short tutorial, get some basic information and have a "For a more in-depth analysis, go here..." at the end. Is that so hard?

No more bullshit "tutorials" or blog posts. Keep your shitty fucking useless posts to yourself until you can flesh them out yourself!

To the cunts who use single character aliases for their SQL queries table joins... Suck my throbbing dick till you choke on it and die....

That's all... back to work

suck cock

I received a LinkedIn message from a recruiter who thinks I'd be a good fit for a role that requires being fluent in German.

My LinkedIn profile clearly states I only have elementary proficiency in German.

I'm gonna reply and see how long it will take for him to notice 😈

I forgot to put myself out of office today on our call schedule... Thought I'd get away with it because I shouldn't get calls anyways. Got a call. Not handling it, passed it on, but it woke me up... :(

On call part 4: you know when you're too angry to express your anger appropriately (ensure the level of rage is fully understood and appreciated)? Yeah. 12 hour phone call later, I'm there

How to get me to never respond to your email: make the subject line say "Salesforce ninjaneer wanted!!!"

First of all I don't do salesforce and second ninjaneer is not a word. I hate when people say code ninja or code warrior or any of those other crap phrases. I'm a software developer. Respect that or suck it.

Our 10th grade computer classes in school consisted only of writing 1 printf statement in C, which earned you an A.

Passionate programmer attends one of the toughest interviews ever and solves lot of algorithmic problems coding in different programming languages. Impresses the interview panel providing solutions with as much as efficiency as possible. Gets selected, completes induction and gets a nice Dev machine allocated.

Manager walks in and says we got to work with the production support team on fixing a UI bug.

Can interviewers PLEASE stop asking cliche and terrible questions??
Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Me: "Not with you guys obviously, you dumb piece of shit."
That's what I'd like to say to them at least... :/

Been at a startup for 2-3 weeks, hood some presentations about Linux and Foss stuff but they didn't have any work for anyone and as such didn't pay anything.

Pretty shitty.

So a colleague was like "hey man, I seed you making those presentations and stuff but not getting anything back, I think I might got a job for you".

And now I do small data analysis at another company. And get money.

*Warning angry rant
Unreal Engine, NVIDIA Waveworks and windows... Go fuck yoursleves. I have had enough. I have project at uni which involves me to create a realistic ocean simulator with bauyancy etc. And all I've fucking had with preice of crap software is hell.

First of all to use waveworks u need to compile the mother fucking unreal engine from scratch. Which takes some crazy whichcraft cause somehow it took me and 4 other people 4 weeks to work that out without running into a stupid error.

After all that now somehow the folder in which the editor has all its binaries is corrupted.

WHY. WHY DOES THiS HAVE TO HAPPEN!!!

Meeting of 10 minutes to review and grade a project that took months to make. Apparently your supervisor giving you proper attention is not important enough, compared to him getting his food delivery.

When you get more +1 on your comment than your lame rants. 😂😝

Just want to see the subway schedule...
Why so many transport companies continue to use windows?

It's kinda disturbing when people watch landscape videos holding their phones upright. I mean all you had to do was rotate the damn phone!

Work won't buy me noise-cancelling headphones T_T it gets so fucking loud here in this open floor plan

LinkedIn shows that I’m a web developer, using mainly laravel, twig, less, JavaScript, etc.

Recruiters: are you interested in a java function? Possibly .net? We’re also looking for network engineers...

Would have loved if my teachers had any idea about coding, more over, if they had any idea about coding in big projects, even more if they had any idea of producing understandable maintainable code and had taught people about it.

Nothing good will ever come by looking at your old projects. It is the dev equivalent of reading your old social media posts.

Exam tomorrow.

Studied until midnight, still can't tell the difference between state value policy and optimal state value policy. (mathematically)

Need to sleep, but anxiety kicks in.

Brain: "Ooooh, I can't wait to go ice skating after November!!!"

Brain: "I should learn Muai Thai!"

Brain: "Now that I have time (which, I don't!) I should read that damn book quickly and start reading all those 500000000 other books I've been wanting to read!"

:|
Kill me plz.

Dear client,
If you provide me a PDF file that you name a design, and don’t provide any info I can’t do much with it.

So I got a PDF design for the program I was building. I tried to rebuild the elements and copy your photos. As you said this was the only file the designer had. But don’t expect me to look for your fonts, sizes etc. And then complain that I need to be more specific in the design... and sending me by once do I need to ask her something?

Just f*** off

80% of the YouTube tutorials that I've watched suck and only wasted 10 minutes of my time each. Sometimes, I can work well with doing shit myself. Discovering errors yourself teach you more than following along someone else.

Old me was way better!
Where I'm heading to?😵

What linux distro would you recommend to a complete noob at linux?

Office prank of the day, bunch of arrogant computer scientists that I have to work with was supposed give a presentation about their algorithm; since I despise them I changed their entire printed materials (diagrams and so on) to comic sans. Our boss is an obsessive designer. Watching him cringe was the happiest I have been in weeks.

So hard to write ES5 after you write ES6 for a while.

So a few weeks back guy I used to work with contacts me for some dev work on a UK project he is working on, it's the Thursday and they need the thing the coming Monday. I tell him it's totally impossible, and it was so he asks what can done and how much, as well as how much for the entire project.

I stipulate exactly what can be done, with exclusions and say 7.5k and them mail over a detailed quote for 30k for everything.

I get told it's all fine, I must go ahead. I get through a bit more than expected by the Monday, but they still needed something to demo and I set I can get enough for demo in place by Thursday.

They demo to business and money and all that and everyone is happy and tell me to finish up along with some changes, and I don't even adjust the price as it was more work they wanted outside of the original spec.

Get to probably 80% done and they say we need to pause they need to look over other feedback.

Next thing, the PM come back, no they were never actually happy with the quote and they found some other guy willing to do the entire thing for 7.5k and they willing to only give me that for the code I have written so far. Cunts.

Anyway, he tries to take some blame for it, even though I know it's BS and says he will pay in another 7.5k from his share if I am willing and we call it quits.

This people, is why I don't freelance.

I feel sorry for this new kid, he clearly under quoted, and yes I am expensive, but with decades experience having worked on international projects for one of the largest digital asset management firms, my countries leading fintech dev house and now the lead developer for my countries largest insurance software dev house, you damn fucking strait my free time comes at a premium, as you are getting top fucking quality, 100% tested, high performing code.

They can go fuck an entire flock of ducks when they come back after this half ling fucks up the diamond I coded up for them.

Even funnier, they a UK based company, so for them this was a 1.5k project. Cheap cunts.

First Monday in 2017.
Mondays still suck!

Me : java is suck.
Friend : php is suck.
Friend2 : c++ is suck.
Friend3 : network is suck.
Friend4 : security is very suck!

All : I agree.

Fuck HP!

They make worst fucking printers in the universe. Just because I don’t have color cartridge doesn’t mean I can’t print anything in monochrome! Also apparently my black cartridge is broken, even tho it worked just a minute ago.

when automation tools suck

Me and my project partner were explaining a idea for a smart mirror in front of two of our teachers (female) for our major project of final year.
After telling all the features and things it will do for 15 minutes, one of them very seriously said that,
"so basically you are making a smart mobile app".

We both died a little inside that day... 💀

You said any time.. not any valid time..

Not a rant!

Reaction when a person responds your joke with " I will go home, figure it out, laugh and will text you!!!!"

#priceless :/

I suspected that our storage appliances were prematurely pulling disks out of their pools because of heavy I/O from triggered maintenance we've been asked to automate. So I built an application that pulls entries from the event consoles in each site, from queries it makes to their APIs. It then correlates various kinds of data, reformats them for general consumption, and produces a CSV.

From this point, I am completely useless. I was able to make some graphs with gnumeric, libre calc, and (after scraping out all the identifying info) Google sheets, but the sad truth is that I'm just really bad at desktop office document apps. I wound up just sending the CSV to my boss so he can make it pretty.

Programming, suck on my covfefe

Client wants this "demo" LIVE by the end of the month... But still not got access to THEIR API yet!!! 😑

Turns out getting users to put in literally any effort to do something ends up in them putting in zero effort and just not bothering. Users suck.

Fucking Chinese designers...
Spent all afternoon leveling the 3D printer table while scratching it a lot.
all afternoon to understand that one piece is bent and the extruder is a lot lower it should have been...
Meanwhile, leveled the table with my knowledge of CNC and a specific tool that allows me to take measures up to 0.01mm...

Could have saved €20 on this fucking auto leveler that doesn't really work.

Just had my first issue raised on my GitHub project!

Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing...

If a client changes the formatting of their data without telling me, and it breaks the code that I wrote for them, could they own up to their lack of communication, and not give me shit for it?

This problem was caused entirely by you. Can you fuck right off? Would you kindly?

Python: We don't need interfaces except when we do

how can I stop being pathetic all the time? I suck at almost everything.

When they say: "Back in my day..."
I'm like:

Guys, jetbrains ide isint that awesome afterall....
So, one time retarded me was coding an android app, and that retard knew that text shouldn't be hardcoded. So its fine and all... BUT i used string and now i decided to add a spinner and guess what? Now i need to get those values into array...

I know what you guys are thinking: "its ur fault, dont blame jetbrains"
Fucking jetbrains cant undock shit!!!! Well, i guess notepad to the rescue...

Well... Its 2:20 and i think its time for me to go to sleep, especially since i started using shortcuts ctrl + alt + L and alt + enter while writing speech for my exam.... I dont think that i wrote anything good but what ya gonna do bout it....

Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 16

Fuck arch.

I know what you're thinking
"arch isn't that bad he's overreacting"

WELL I'M NOT OVERREACTING!

Thanks to me trying to install Arch i cant get my laptop to boot. It just say some thing about network boot failing. I cant go into BIOS either. It doesn't work! I cant even boot from usb!! It still just say some thing about network boot failing, shows some weird black screen with a black bar at the top left and after a while shows some thing about network boot failing again and that repeats

WTF Microsoft?

A dev found a bug I created where I set a SQL parameter name to @OrderID instead of the expected @Order. The standard is @OrderID, there is one stored proc where it's @Order.
Oops...I didn't catch it because the integration test didn't cover that area of the code. My mistake...I should have checked...I take complete responsibility for the screw up.

He let me know by email..
"When refactoring, from now on check the stored procedure parameters, there are a few that don't follow the standard."

I was like "from now on..."? ...wow....bold comment from someone responsible for code that doesn't check for nulls, doesn't log errors, and relies on exceptions for flow control. You wouldn't even have known about the error if I didn't modify your code to log the error (the try..except returned false)

I really wanted to reply ...

"Fixed. From now on, when you come across those easily found bugs, go head and fix it, write a test, and move on. Don't send a condescending email to me, my boss, your boss, all the DBAs, and the entire fracking order processing team. Thanks."

But..I thanked him for finding and letting me know...we're a team..blah blah blah..

Frack..people suck.

Continuous emails from recruiters:

"I saw your profile on LinkedIn and wanted to see if you were interested in a career as an Area Sales Rep for [cell provider]. Here's the benefits!"

degree says IT, past jobs say IT, hobbies say IT, interests say IT. Do they just send that to everyone no matter what the profile says??

I'm just super disappointed in people. A lot of people flaky and not as good as I think they are. I tend to be an idealist, and I believe in helping others to do a net positive. But what I find is that people just don't give a shit about anyone else except for themselves. If it's even a slightest inconvenience to them they won't do it. You ask for one little thing despite you helping them out a shit ton, and they won't do it for you.

Also, I'm so tired of people who always come up to me and talk big game about how we should work on a project together. But when shit hits the fan and I say let's do the work they don't do anything. Or I have to drag them along to get anything started.

Yeah, everybody is out for themselves, but I wish we were more kind to others and learn to take a hit to our own convenience every once in a while.

But maybe I should just find a better group of people to hang out with and fuck you all to my current group of friends. JK.

I'm going for a run to clear my head. Hopefully after I come back I'll be in a better mood.

people who invented 'click to see full article' should be punished and go to jail

I will never work in an open floor plan environment again.

The average salary is 6 figures and they can't even spring for sound deadening material on the concrete walls, nevermind cubicles.

Nothing says "I don't value your contribution to our product" quite like treating your engineers like cattle.

These days when I go out with friends for gatherings, it feels really awkward to talk with people. Most times I don't fit in the crowd at all. I feel at home, with my laptop doing something, even procrastinating seems worthwhile when compared to this.
Does anyone feel the same way? Or, it's just a very personal thing?

Just found out school will be extended by days for no reason at all. So much for having short days , fuck them

Yesterday we were four developers working together on a bug. What do you call it? Quad programming?

Anyway, we solved it!

!dev

Hello there..

I always wanted to have my first post here be something that pisses the sh!t out of me.

tl;dr: Memes are for braindeads and kids are fucktards

Backstory:
So basicaly I am now having a summerjob before my next semester starts so I can make some cash to buy some overpriced stuff I dont probably need. I work at a factory, 3 shift work and today we had Night shift, so there was me and a bunch of Arab guys, kicking our asses by pure boredom and desperacy.

Act One:
I was bored, opened my phone and decided entertain myself by some funny sh!t I can find on Mark Sugarhills webpage. I was just passing by some random a bit funny stuff and then I found some random ass meme, which doesnt give a single, even distant sence to me.. So since my german is as good as my coding skills (read: complete shit) I couldnt ask for opinion of my fellow coworkers and since its fuck1ng 4am theres noone to ask on messenger or whatever. So I did it... I asked in a goddamn comments, what the fck is that supposed to mean and Aw dear Lawd... I did a mistake.

Act 2:
Like 4 seconds after my question I had a response and I was like 0.o It has to be some Alice of Facebook so I guess someone cool. Oh boy I was never so wrong. The answer... the... FUCKING answer was.... "normie."

What the actual fuck?
Like man statisticaly speaking, there is 200,000 people on this wannabe funny site and since everyone is apparently laughing their asses off, I am the motherfucking original snowflake.

But I wanted to play it cool... was like Uhm sorry, I really tried but cant figure it out.

His fuck-me-sideways-with-rusty-crowbar answer was:
a) The joke is hidden in some random thing we created yesterday and decided to call it a culture
b) "u dumb"

Act 3:
I hope that most of you finally guessed it! Its the second fucking answer and oh sweet mother of pain, please find him, BUT thats where I flipped and fucking lost it.

The fucking nerve to speak to me like that u dissrespectful piece of shit. Go watch some Twitch, while I SSH into ur ass and hit u harder than ur mom her forehead everynight when she realises that she could have swallow you dickhead.

Afterthoughts:
I was always worries that my child would like to be a Rapper, or Youtuber...
But today Im adding being some dumb ass meme creator.

Asshole that my client hired: "You will be reporting to me now. As per client request."

Me: "I will murder you."

I fuckin suck at making functions. :l

I was supposed to have an interview for a software developer internship at a bank today, but they rescheduled last minute due to a "time conflict". This was to be my first summer internship interview. As if they didn't put me under enough stress already... Now I find out all my stress all week long was for naught.

God fucking dammit.

I can't get any shit done when trying to work in a public place, like in class or at Starbucks or frankly anywhere where people can (and will) look at my screen, as they'll inevitably think, "what the fuck is this guy doing?"

I am so sick of a senior developer that has no idea how to be a manager. I've been a manager before and it is not that hard. I came into this job thinking that it was going to be a fresh start, but instead all the haunting projects from incompetent developers that worked before me followed me to this team as well... (we are in the same company, just different teams) My boss thinks I'm an "expert" in everything, and everyone else on the team has no idea what is going on. I have to spend all of my time babysitting every other developer, and I don't get any coding done myself, yet I'm still expected to make my deadlines.

I need a new gig so bad I'm sick. The stress level is getting pretty bad. I've already had cancer once. I don't want to go through it again... Plz hlp

I remember the promise I made to myself when I dropped out of university to look for work.

"I'll explore different areas of software engineering since I like a number of them. But never shall I ever do backend web development"

Guess what job I landed.

Skypes emojis suck

Anyone have success dealing with nondevs and explaining the “zone” and to not interrupt if I’m programming and would like to share their techniques? I’m the only developer in the company I work for and all my coworkers/bosses don’t get it and even give me grief about using headphones in the office. I’ve actually gone into vacant offices off the open floor plan to try and program uninterrupted, but I don’t know how long I can keep that up without catching flak.

Not a rant but seemed appropriate. I was finding Pokemon at my desk while reading clientsfromhell.com and this happened

When you're making a git tutorial and you forget to Ctrl+S before committing.....

[Type: Question]

What do you guys SUCK at? (development-related things)

My Phone crashed (22%) while I was trying to send a picture of my bluescreen. (Phone needs to be charged) - fuck. my. life.
Damn driver updates. Damn 5yo iPhone.

Smh Windows. Always a let down

Recruiters bragging. Developers should do the same. (But not to this extent.)

Developer contract, day rate £500 in London or £400 remote working! WTF!
Does the agency/client seriously think they should pay less for the same work if done remotely? If anything, remote should pay more, it saves the client money and the remote worker will probably have more productive hours without the fucking shitty commute.

Once there was this fucking recruiter who actually had the nerve to call the head-secretary of the entire R&D department of the company my girlfriend works at, to ask to be put through to her after explicitly telling the secretary what the reason for the call was.
I mean, even if my girlfriend wanted to be contacted by some shitforbrains single-celled lowlife like you, how stupid can you be, calling the head-secretary for at least 400 people and then telling them you are headhunting?

Do you have to be a math genius to program?
I myself hate math but have been programming for a hobby in about 3 years now.

I keep hearing that you have to know a lot of math to program even though i usually only use basic math when i do.

Is it okay for someone to printout their own devRant stickers which includes the devRant logo (this :/)?

I am unable to get the stickers on my own. We don't have international shipping/mailing. But I know a local sticker printing shop which can print one for me. And I really one one for me.

I really suck at math rip

Hi there.. Stuck since days in the google auth error:disallowed_useragent with xamarin, my colleagues ask me to ask to u :p (the same as the mac with windows features photo)

Is there anyone else who's working for a company regardless of day and nights? Holidays or working days? And still get the old shitty pay?

Fuck this job I want to resign but can't do it because of financial problem.
damn I'm hating this situation.

do anybody know how can we build freelance profile how much time it takes?

I like nodejs, when it's not written like js. I hate js.
Send help.