Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
My first try at 3D printing. Currently selling it on Shapeways, good thing they were celebrating and didn't have to pay for transportation. What do you think of my joke? :D
17 -
Halloween joke, anyone?
"If you want a slutty costume for Halloween, you should go as my professor. He barely covers anything important" 😁9 -
I've tried to joke about it, but you won't pick up the hint. I've told you about the smell, but you think it is a joke. It's not. It. Is. Not. A. Joke.
STOP MICROWAVING FISH IN THE OFFICE YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH!11 -
There are 11 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who are tired of seeing this binary joke.6
-
Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?
Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.
OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.
OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.
Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?
Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.
OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.
OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.
I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?11 -
Me: Hey Dave, wanna hear a TCP joke?
Dave: Uhh, sure...
Me: OK I'll tell you a TCP joke..
Dave: Please don't.
Me: Are you ready to receive my TCP joke?
Dave:...
Me: OK I'm sending my TCP joke. It'll be 4 words long and 27 bits large.
Dave:... Screw this, I'm going home now.
6 -
"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"OK, I will tell you a TCP joke."
"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
"OK, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
"OK, I am ready to get the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, does not have a setting, and ends with a punchline."
"I'm sorry, your connection has been timed out."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"6 -
*Me and my workmates laughing and having fun before going home*
Me: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Workmate 1: What is it?
Me: Look at your code.
...
...
...
Other workmates: BURRRRRNNNN!!!!4 -
S: Do you want to hear a UDP joke?
C: Yes I would like to hear a UDP joke.
S: ...
S: ...
C: ...?...?...?
S: Well I don't care if you get it!
User: "Hello, I'd like to hear a torrent joke".
Tracker: "I will refer you to people who can tell you a torrent joke"
Peer1: "Why d"
Peer2: "cken "
Peer3: "road?"
Peer4: "id th"
Peer3: "cross"
Peer1: "e chi"
Peer5: " the"
Peer2: "the o"
Peer4: "To ge"
Peer1: "side."
Peer5: "ther"
Peer2: "t to"4 -
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, those who don't and those who didn't realize the joke was in base three.5
-
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand ternary , those who don't and those who thought this was going to be a binary joke.4 -
!rant
I've begun writing my own joke language called Die. Use it to tell your boss, client, or partner how you feel about them!
https://github.com/JackRiales/Die23 -
Do you ever made something as a joke but then spend 6 days on it straight and it isn't a joke anymore?3
-
The computer science department at my university is located in the basement. I know I'm supposed to get real world experience, but what a sick joke! /s6
-
/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
Unintentionally Hilarious joke at work yesterday.
We were doing some data analysis, and I had to dump some stuff into a table for my colleague. So I ran the script and went to the bathroom (no.2).
When I came back, they asked me if the dump is done. And I said without thinking: "I just went." 😂3 -
There are 10 types of people in the world:
-Those who understand binary
-Those who don't
-Those who didn't expect a joke in trinary
-Those who keep it going with quaternary
-Those who cohort with quinary
-Those who use senary instead
-Those who think septenary is lucky
-Those who think octonary is prosperous
-And the Windows Naming Committee
See, 10.7 -
She asked to tell her a joke.
"My life...", said I.
"Error 404, joke not found..." replied she.
She is also a developer.5 -
developer: hey, want to hear a joke?
manager: sure
dev: what did the developer say to their manager after doing flaming shots in the server room and accidentally setting fire to all their systems?
manager: i don't know, what did they say?
dev: "hey, want to hear a joke?"3 -
One of our dev teams has a tradition: after each post-sprint review one of the devs tells a wood joke. The lamer, the better.
So far the winner is:
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car?
A: Robin, get in the car
It's so dumb it's actually somehow even funny :)31 -
There are 10 types of person in this world: The ones who have read this joke before, and the ones who have never accessed the internet.3
-
Cleaned up my Facebook timeline.. I actually posted a “there are 10 types of people..” joke back in 2011..
Shame on me...4 -
I seriously feel like this should be a joke/meme.
What you see in the picture is a database table.
This guy's now running around with a degree in something related to web development.
6 -
When you're used to hanging out with developers and you hang out with non developers and get a little comfortable and tell a technical joke then spend an hour explaining the joke1
-
“Hi, I’d like to hear a TCP joke.”
“Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?”
“Yes, I’d like to hear a TCP joke.”
“Ok, I’ll tell you a TCP joke.”
...3 -
Me : Posts a original developer joke after thinking for 15 long minutes.
Gets 20 ++'s.
Me : Posts random computer science joke stolen from Facebook that everyone would have already seen.
Gets 200++'s.
Fuck this shit.43 -
Me and my two coworkers are the perfect start of a joke: a mathematician, a physicist and a computer scientist walk into a bar...7
-
This may or may not be an old meme but this is the first time i ever saw it and all i can say is
THANK YOU to the original creator, whoever he or she might be!
I had this insecurity for a long time as i always portrayed myself as more of a thinker than coder. I have to go over everythibg before i got to write even one single line of code, and for this reason i tought i might not be made out to be a programmer after all :s
It's truly reassuring to hear that your short comings are actually quite normal 😥
Sorry for the long post on a joke tagged post 😁
5 -
Today, a friend decided to spam my phone with "haha" messages. To do this (bad) joke, he used an app he developped to send me automatically 10 times the same message... but his app has a bug, I already received 50 "haha" and it's not finished... my phone is dying and I hate my friend!4
-
[ Meanwhile in python ] I thought it was just a joke , and now i take it seriously '😂😂😂!
(Old one)
2 -
OK, another crappy joke time.
0 went to a bar and asked for a vodka shot. The bartender gave him 2 vodka shots. He said, "For you 1 is COMPLEMENTary"!3 -
!rant
User: "Hello, I'd like to hear a torrent joke."
Tracker: "I will refer you to people who can tell you a torrent joke."
Peer 1: "Why d"
Peer 2: "cken "
Peer 3: "road?"
Peer 4: "id th"
Peer 3: "cross"
Peer 1: "e chi"
Peer 5: " the "
Peer 2: "the o"
Peer 4: "To ge"
Peer 1: "side."
Peer 5: "ther"
Peer 2: "t to " -
Recently bought some programmer T-shirts
made me popular, now I am known as the guy with the cool shirts.one of them has this on it:
2b || !2b ? "2b" : "!2b"
my fav joke now
I use these shirts to make friends and it actually works, you should also try ;)11 -
I think joke section is a joke itself. If I want to see cringy jokes, I would google image search “developer humor”.3
-
Let's split joke and meme into two different categories so that we can have shitty memes under one tag and (hopefully OC) jokes in the other. Then we could filter out low effort memes and still get the occasion joke. We need jokes.3
-
My internet provider is a fucking joke. Joke as in my internet is so garbage that it'd be better if I didn't have any internet at all.2
-
If she make a sexual joke, it's a joke and we all need to be good sport in the team.
If I make a sexual joke then it's sexual harassment and all the women in the team is offended.
Ok Noted.11 -
curl http://devrant.io/api/rants/text |grep -vi "hack facebook"|grep -vi "tcp joke"|grep -vi "udp joke"|grep -vi "app idea"|grep -vi "2 types of people"4
-
Our code base is shit.
To improve, we went through different coaching style: Freudian Psychoanalysis, behavioural psychology, gestalt
- Freudian Psychoanalysis: After several years refactoring and discussing our technical debt we can say that we really understand our code in deep. But it's still shit
- Behavioural psychology: after some months of work, we built a lot of testing. Now the code is still shit, but we don't get dirty anymore
- Gestalt: after few weeks sessions, the code is still shit. But we don't care anymore, we accept it and we are happy
(note. it's an adapted psychology joke)1 -
My team member was struggling with his .json files, so to cheer him up, I came up with a joke;
"Don't worry, if the program doesn't work, I'll be your yaaaii son"7 -
ughh there comes halloween and christmas joke, i'm sure yall know this right ??? OCT(34) == DEC(25)5
-
At a developer conference, we were given these "dev joke" card to trade with another person, to break the ice and make a new connection.
4 -
There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who were expecting a binary joke, those who were expecting a base 3 joke, those who were expecting a base 4 joke, ... , and those who were not expecting a radix or base joke.1
-
Girlfriend: I don't get why you love me...
Me: Maybe I should write a Setter method to make it clear.
She didn't understand that joke ._.3 -
I would like to share my son's best joke so far.
Knock knock
Who's there?
The tower in France.
The tower in France who?
The tower in France, there's a man on top... it's Doctor who... Ooeeooo3 -
Me chatting with a bandmate who is also a developer:
Me: do you have any experience in Db?
Him: Dropbox? Databases?
Me: Sorry enharmonic confusion. I meant C#
P.S. yes, sometimes I find my comments so funny that I make new joke posts about them.2 -
Bit of a joke, bit of an actual question. But who here, if you had the money to do it, would buy an offshore oil rig to repurpose and rebuild into a nation of their own? (i.e. MGSV)2
-
DevRant has increased my asshole-ery. Reading work design docs and I keep thinking, "really? That's your choice? Obviously this is a joke. You expect us to do what?? In what timeframe?"2
-
past time: Making jokes on programmer humor forums about the jokes being told on the humor forum.
fall out: Autists who don't get the joke of the joke and genuinely think they need to explain the original joke even though it is "obvious" it was a play on words.
struggle: Resisting explaining to them the joke on the joke. And if I break down and explain, trying not to be a condescending prick. Most of the time I don't respond.
3 -
at this point everyone knows how to exit vim. enough with this joke, honestly. snakeksuejesdjkdowksheuiwwmshshsiwkwlwkdjehdufndhelpmeiwrotethisinvimandidontknowknowhowtoexitvimandimstuckpleaseehsjsnenbdjdnejdjskwkjsjxkwksiwuwhwbbsdn7
-
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand ternary, those who don't and those who were expecting the binary joke ;)
-
Hey guys,simple joke for you....
"Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!"
#joke#meme4 -
101010001010101000101010101110101001000101010101010001010101110101010101010010010100101010101010
Well! Joke was in Binary 😋2 -
Hi devrant. Super-long time lurker, (years), but now introducing.
Expect the Spanish (ranting) inquisition.
Even as a green dot, I post in joke/meme just to not annoy innecesarily with non-rants.3 -
just as Erik Meijer said scrum is the most stupid shit in modern development process. I worked in an organization hires ppl as full time scrum master, which is joke. each day the asks what did u finished yesterday and how long it need to finish the task assigned to u. btw the scrum masters know nothing about programming. come on man how can u finish any serious shit in one day and who cares how much shit others finished. each week just attending those freaking meetings without coding. each programmer are assigned at least 5 bosses, and what the fuck is product manager doing, it's not adding indirection can solve anything.2
-
[Type : Joke]
Happy holidays!
Find out whether Santa has passed your country!
https://santatracker.google.com/tra...5 -
Note: this is a joke, it's not code related.
Someone goes to a restaurant, and he asks what they got, and the reply to him: "we have a crochet leg, a chopped liver and ligaments"
He says back: "don't tell me about your problems" XD6 -
Not sure whether to tag this as a rant or a joke, because it feels like equal parts of both. So fucking disappointed with Australian government.
2 -
mother fucking is this joke I work on everything and credit goes to PM. Is this is a joke? What pm will do if developer doesn’t develop then she will just blame I got bad developer.1
-
Joke:
A linux programmer walks into a restaurant, orders some food from the menu, and asks for a fork. After a while all the programmers at that restaurant start asking for forks. -
I appreciate my own joke when I before I left work for Christmas wrote “Something is wrong, help me!!!” In a console.log1
-
Hey guys, today some friends of me showed me this shirt on amazon. I don't understand this joke/ jokes. Can someone explain please?
6 -
Had an skype job interview, at some point the interviewer asked me to tell a joke. I told a dead baby joke. I dont know normal jokes. I am not normal either. Dont think he enjoyed it.3
-
I made the perfect situational joke:
I was explaining physics to a coworker and stating that the only particles that are important for everyday life are protons, electrons and neutrons.
CW:" What about neutrinos? You don't care about them?"
Me:" No, I don't. Wanna know why?"
CW:"Yes, tell me."
ME:" Because, they don't matter!"1 -
Joke 1: A good horse is expensive. A Trojan can be more expensive.
Joke 2: She: "Do you love me?"
He: "!yes, babe"
(! = not)7 -
What’s your favourite coding joke?
Mine is:
Why do programmers use dark mode?
Because light attracts the bugs!13 -
Old,but gold programmer joke
Wife asks her programmer husband to go and buy some things from a shop.
Wife: Go and buy 1 carton of milk,if they have eggs in the shop - bring 6.
Programmer comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why you bought 6 cartons of milk?
Programmer: Because they had eggs.1 -
I'm a scrum sprinter using my agile-ity to dodge rock-rigid waterfalls.
My take at another lame joke.
But I still have my legs and can walk... -
Hey guys I am offering you a joke today for the cringy devs like me:
( I am stealing your rants to get free developer SWAG) anyway here is the joke :
-->The joke5 -
A friend gave me a couple of Corona beers as a joke and now I can't decide on what quarantine burrito to make.
chicken with rice & beans or BBQ pork with coleslaw? -
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets". - voted funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe this year.
Personally I liked one of the runners up:
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts"
BBC News - Vegetable joke is funniest gag at the Edinburgh Fringe
https://bbc.co.uk/news/... -
Yesterday i went to see a therapist ( i am a javascript developer). The therapist asked me what the problem was and i said i had to learn a new tech stack every 3 months. He then told me he was a php developer .....
Therapy works guys! no cap
P.S- This joke is stolen from the oldest book possible ( yes! as old as php)2 -
I traveled back in time and broke the wieners, arms and legs off of all the ancient statues.
Edit: Second Baz here from the future, this joke will go down in history as the best joke ever written.
Edit: Third Baz here: Are you guys doing the time travel joke? -
Can we just auto down doot all joke posts? All possible programming jokes already have been said and we already reached all combinations of them.
-
So, here's a joke
Terry: hey, Sam I just got a joke for ya.
Sam: yeah
Terry(whispers to Sam): go to devrant and you find the joke over there.
Sam: okay!!
Terry: alright cya
how ya doin Sam(reader)?1 -
I go to YouTube and I get recommended the same selection of videos almost everytime.
I made a joke about being a virgin on 9GAG, after that the first video recommended to me on YT is "Master of Virginity" by penguinz0 (MoistCritikal).
Is that how being spied on like ?1 -
A: Do you want to hear a joke about TCP/IP?
B: Yes, I would like to hear a joke about TCP/IP.
A: Are you ready to hear the joke about TCP/IP?
B: I am ready to head the joke about TCP/IP.
A: Here is a joke about TCP/IP.
A: Did you receive the joke about TCP/IP?
B: I have received the joke about TCP/IP.1 -
Would be a perfect joke if it read "Then it's true" (or maybe "Then it's 22")
Now it's more like the kind of joke your annoying boss would make to "act smart around tech guys"
2
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View