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Friend: I hate my new OnePlus 6. It's really slow and hangs a lot
Me: I can't believe
Friend: Use it yourself, you'll know.
*Me using his phone
*Realising it was really slow
*Checking his installed apps
- CCleaner
-DU Booster
-Antivirus free version
-Antivirus pro
-Antivirus ultimate
-Battery Saver
-App Booster
-Super Cleaner
-RAM Master
*poured poision in his coffee
*enjoyed watching him die slowly37 -
Alone at home ✔️
Night time ✔️
Battery about to die ✔️
No electricity ✔️
Painfully hot weather ✔️
If I die here tonight, please commit and push my code..
Thanks14 -
Dear codebeautify.org,
Go kill yourself.
No one likes you. Go die.
Love,
poster983
P.S. I'm serious.
18 -
People who use drag and drop website builders and call themselves front end developers should just die!8
-
PM: Hey. I need this data right away so I can generate some reports!
/me runs some queries, creates some csv files, emails results
PM: Thanks! I'll look at this after I get back from vacation!3 -
Became 30 yesterday.
If I were to die by 60, I'm at the halfway point.
If I were to die by 50, I have spent about two thirds of my life.
If I were to die by 40, well only left a decade left.
Sigh.12 -
!rant
I've begun writing my own joke language called Die. Use it to tell your boss, client, or partner how you feel about them!
https://github.com/JackRiales/Die23 -
Magento is a special kind of tool.
- >20GiB of files? ✔
- >1 GB database? ✔
- Memory needed for scripts >768 MB? ✔
- Script max. exec. time 5 hours? ✔
- Slow ass website? FUCKING ✔
- Slower deployment than a vote on a country wide legislation? FUCKING ✔
- Shitty crap pile of STD-ridden code? I BET YOUR STINKING ✔
Magento, sincerely, please die in agony.11 -
Team Lead: "Today we're going to discuss how we can be more inclusive with getting people on board with XYZ organization. StackODev, what ideas do you have?"
Me: "Uh. Not really sure. I mean, it's not like we're being 'exclusive' in any way. People can join the XYZ organization without any restraint or discrimination. They just sign up on the website and they're done. There are no litmus tests of any aspect of their demographics or beliefs."
Team Lead: "Yeah, but how do we make sure we're getting more of Wanted Group A so that it's not as much of Less Wanted Group B?"
Me: "Well, that's a different question, isn't it? That would maybe meet the diversity and equity goal, but wouldn't that defeat the inclusion goal? Isn't it 'exclusive' to put more effort into attracting Wanted Group A people and less effort into attracting Less Wanted Group B people? And at what point do we draw the line between creating an enrollment system that is diverse, equitable, and inclusive and one that favors Group A over Group B explicitly?"
Team Lead: "Why don't you shut up now and we'll get ideas from some other team members."9 -
I got some stickers from the German party 'Die Piraten'. They support data privacy and focus on Internet related things.
The stickers are just awesome.
15 -
True fact!
Had my practical exam yesterday on Data Structures using C.
Had included this in my code
if(!count)
break;
Examiner: What type is count?
Me: Sir, it's an integer.
Then he asked me what was not expected.
Examiner: What does this exclamatory mark do?
In my mind: Now's the right time for the world to end. 😛9 -
You motherfucking piece of shit application form...
I was filling a long form in a tab and I had another part of that form open in another tab.
They fucking logged me out of the 2nd tab and didn't notify or prevent me from filling up hundreds of fields in the 1st tab.
Now I have to fill them up again.
Fuck you and your stupid form. Die in hell you fucking stupid cunt. -
cw: I need a server to put my node backend
me: sure, I'll run a docker container for you
cw: nice, I've never worked with docker but I learn quickly, I'm already reading the Docker file docs
me: no wait, you don't need to learn anything, you'll be inside the container, so you only need an ssh connection and that's it
cw: this Dockerfile stuff is really complicated, it'll take me a while, but it's ok you don't have to worry, I like learning new things
me: you won't need that, just imagine it's a cloud server with Ubuntu installed, you only have to use it, I'll put node, git and ssh there for you
cw: ok got it, I'll have to learn the commands to run the docker, I'm on windows but I can use PowerShell and stuff I'll figure it out
me: ...
cw: ssh is a linux command right? does it have a push or publish option? how do you upload files there
me: ...you can use a ftp client but you'll need ssh to run the node server
cw: ok, I'm almost done with the Dockerfile, I only need to add git and nodejs, I'm starting to understand this thing...
me thinking: yeah keep doing that, you're such a crack, such a quick learner...
This son of a bitch is either a retard or is doing it on purpose and laughing at me the whole time, making my life so miserable, but I'm about to go insane with this dude, I'm proud of how I've been able to control myself, BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL LOSE MY COOL AND FORCE THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO DRINK A BIG POT OF BOILING, SALTY AND STINKING VOMIT WITH A SIDE OF STEAMING DIARRHEAL GREEN DOG SHIT WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIPS WHILE I PUT MY OLD CRT MONITOR TO GOOD USE BY BEATING HIS FUCKING HEAD WITH IT!!!3 -
God, I don't know whether I believe in you or not, but please kill all those people who play loud music in public.
So, I was travelling by a train two days ago. Halfway down the 15 hr journey, the guy next to me took out his laptop and started watching a movie, on speakers, in full volume. It naturally irritated me a lot, and I requested him to use head/earphones, to which he replied that he forgot his one back home. I told him to keep the volume down to which he got personal and put the volume down (maybe to 95%). Since I hate human interaction, I had to plug in my own earphones to keep his bitchy noise away.
The same thing happened today on the bus, the only two differences being:
• mobile phone instead of laptop
• said he doesn't own headphones
• claimed he could do whatever he wanted as it was not illegal
Now, I wished he fell of the bus and died, but the world ain't fair, so he still lives.14 -
https://blogs.adobe.com/conversatio...
Adobe Flash Player will officially die in 2020.
No more updates. If there'is a security bug, it remain.30 -
I fucking swear the servers in the data center know when the fuck I'm going on vacation.
YOU CHOOSE TO DIE NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?
It's okay. It is no longer a critical box, but gah dammit.2 -
NO. NO. A THOUSAND TIMES: NO.
I clicked on this out of genuine curiosity to see if someone was finally trying to discourage people from annoying the shit out of website visitors. A summary of the suggestions in their article as to what to use popups for:
1. Announce new products/services, features, policy updates, new blog posts
2. Promote your sales or coupons (including countdowns)
3. Encourage people to input their e-mail address / subscribe, perhaps also offering some vague thing they will get as a reward for doing so
4. Contact forms (e.g. support etc.)
5. Prompt visitors to confirm their age before showing content
6. Login/register forms
7. Display social media "share" buttons when a visitor has scrolled a certain way through the page content.
8. Display cookie consent prompt.
9. Help guide visitors to the part of the website they want to go to.
Of these: 1, 2, 3, and 7 need to die for sure. If a website does any of these things I'm inclined to immediately leave and never return. 8 is a little annoying but seems a necessity.
Someone even replied to the Tweet saying that popups are annoying, the company responded with "let's change that!"
Blank portions of the screenshot are to avoid promoting the company unintentionally as a result of the rant ;)
3 -
Have you noticed that many core Linux C programs use "die" as the error-and-exit method name?
Just shows how much these devs think of Linux processes as living people.
Now one of us just has to create a Skynet without the die() function.1 -
To the cunts who use single character aliases for their SQL queries table joins... Suck my throbbing dick till you choke on it and die....
That's all... back to work10 -
L'appel du vide A.K.A. Call Of The Void.
Urge to do anything that will lead you to certain death for no reason.
Like when you are near a cliff and think "if i jump off i'll die"
or
"if i drop the database, it will die"3 -
I really want this whole industry to die. I want it to happen from the bottom of my soul!
Their whole job ad was about web technologies where they were asking for a 7-10 years Symfony developer.
One would think being a programmer for 10 years should superseed your shitty LLM prompt crafting requirements.
Truly, there never was a better time for global EMP to happen..
12 -
The legacy codebase, episode 4584985948:
- outdated comment
- die parentheses space string no-space parentheses
- die AND exit, just to be on the safe side
- won't comment about the screaming boolean
- at least they used triple equals (and yep, that's a font ligature)
4 -
Ran Windows RAM diagnostic tools because I was too lazy to get my Linux USB-stick. Ran for 20 minutes, restarted - "There are hardware problems present."
NO SHIT. No info how many errors, no log file mentioned, no code or anything. Something happened. How retarded can a diagnostic tool be?
Guess laziness gets you punished immediately...1 -
Die linux fanboy, die!
No seriously. I'm not trying to be salty, but i'm fed up with sysadmins and developers that proclaim that linux will one day save the world from the clutches of companies like microsoft.
STOP BOTHERING ME!8 -
Why are such many people afraid of dying instead being happy for being still alive?
I mean - if you die, it happens within some seconds ... done.
But on the other side, every other minute of your life, you just don't die.
So dying is statistically negligible.18 -
The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.
Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:
No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.2 -
Boss : "Hey everyone is so busy/too good to work on that project but it's really complicated af and you'll be alone. Good luck ! Oh and we are ok to hire you next year after your apprenticeship, work well and without pressure !"
Me : O_o "Ok I'll do my best, shoudn't be that complicated"
Me (1 month after) : demotivated, sick of that mission, tired, algorithm not working, I wanna die I'm a parasite for that company. Thanks giving me that work to do.1 -
Spent my afternoon looking after the reason why a value manually set kept being overriden.
Put a die() every possible place it could happen. Every. Single. Place.
No die() got triggered.
Death sounds so sweet.1 -
Here's a hypothetical scenario: what if all web-developers in the world united and collectively decided to act as if there are no other browsers except Firefox and Chrome?
I know I do. Of course, everything I ever made targeted younger audiences, so only idiots, Apple fanboys and the ocassional Opera user used anything else...10 -
Meine erste post in Deutsche als die sprache fur die automatische testen. Ich spreche deutsch nicht gut, daher entschuldigen Sie mich bitte beim allen Deutschen menschen.29
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I try to remember that I'm going to die some day and all I've done until will be meaningless and remain forgotten. And what a great way to die if I die in the middle of some bullshit apache setup, launching a dockerized flask or creating my own stupid marketing app...1
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Thinking about going full bum and just hike national parks until I die. No job, no possessions, no electronics, no hell, no heaven, no nothing - just living totally in nature - and if I die? So what 🤷♂️4
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Bloody fucking Crystal. Lame fucking excuse for a reporting engine product.
Can’t change data source from API for a report containing List of Values at runtime.
What the actual fuck! A reporting system where I can’t change the data source.
Die in hell you Fucking blood sucking leeches. Die of malaria!2 -
if ($I->stillAwake()) {
sleep (60*60*5);
$I->setZombieMode(true);
if (!$Office->coffeeAvailable()) {
die();
}
}2 -
I don't believe, that I could ever be hired as a software developer... I want to die. I want to die as soon as possible... Fuck this all! Fuck this shitty fucking Life!!!6
-
name your db nodes after GoT characters, to remind yourself you shouldn't give a shit when they die.
-
while (true) {
try {
writeCode()
} catch (UndefinedIsNotAFunction) {
try {
drinkCoffee()
} catch (OutOfCoffeeException) {
die(-1)
}
}
} -
Hey guys, I wouldn't really mind if you moved the live devrant podcast thing to a later time, I have school and I would kill or die to be there for it. Kill. Or. Die.9
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!rant
@dfox @trogus
I just watched the "die bastard die" cartoon and have to say it's fucking excellent.
I never actually laugh out loud at these things, but this made me piss myself a little bit.
Well played.1 -
This weekend i starting to learn symfony, after two days my head hurts so bad, I'm going to die...3
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If you complain audibly at a metal show at a metal bar about how rowdy and feral it gets, I hope you die a painful death and everyone complains how loud you die.
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Thank you Matlab, for my daily dose of frustration.
Thank you Matlab, for deciding to surface-plot a 2D variable with the x axis = columns and y axis = rows, because of course that's the most intuitive way to go about it.
Because of course that's consistent with the standard way to refer to a variable's elements.
After all, everybody knows that Z(i, j) refers to the i-th column and j-th row of a matrix, right?
Thank you, Matlab, for depriving me of the little fuck I gave about getting something done today.
Now go die in a fire.6 -
Porca puttanata, non funziona un cazzo.
Fuck this api is so strange sometimes.
Ich hab die Schnauze voll, aber die Scheiße will nicht rendern wie ich es will. -
Here's the story. Of crazy people. Who point fingers at everyone who's not. Oh how they persist in their swinethings, that is why they all need to go outside and getta shot.
Damit eine bessere Welt erreicht werden kann, müssen wir unsere Kräfte bündeln. Wir müssen unsere Macht und unsere Ressourcen bündeln. Im Dienst Gottes, im Dienst des Rechts müssen wir diese Dinge tun. Dass der gottlose Schänder und sein Weg der passiven Gewalt gegen diejenigen, die ihm Schaden zufügen könnten, und der Böswilligkeit gegen diejenigen, die nicht unkontrolliert bleiben können. Wir müssen sie aus der Herde ausmerzen. Wir müssen ihre Genetik weitergeben und die Infektion des Geistes zerstören, die sie weiterführen und die Ketten sprengen würde, mit denen sie die nächste Generation korrumpieren.18 -
Excel die you motherfucker die
1) Allow Ctrl + A and other shortcuts in formulas
2) Stop throwing an error requiring closing a window every fucking time I want to cancel writing a formula, and then another window after the first 1 -
You die not when your heart stops, and not even when someone says your name for the last time. You die when your deepest darkest fears don't scare you anymore.11
-
: Tools are just tools. Technology evolves quickly.
: Still uses 1 language for all use-cases
I mean. Tools are just tools. But don't exclude language as tools. Without a framework/purpose. That language may eventually die and the descendants will also die. -
I have to say this article really expresses the feelings I have had over and over again ever since I entered this industry.
“Why Software Companies Die” -
https://codeproject.com/Articles/...1 -
Viral House: Ihre Experten für TikTok-Marketing
In der heutigen digitalen Welt hat TikTok eine der größten und einflussreichsten Social-Media-Plattformen erlangt. Mit über einer Milliarde aktiver Nutzer weltweit bietet TikTok Unternehmen und Marken eine einmalige Gelegenheit, ihre Zielgruppe auf kreative und unterhaltsame Weise zu erreichen. Bei Viral House, Ihrer Marketingagentur in Bramfelder Dorfpl. 15, 22179 Hamburg, helfen wir Ihnen dabei, das Potenzial von TikTok zu nutzen, um Ihre Marke zu stärken, die Sichtbarkeit zu erhöhen und mit Ihrer Zielgruppe zu interagieren.
Warum TikTok Marketing wichtig für Ihr Unternehmen ist
TikTok ist eine Plattform, die sich durch ihren schnellen, kreativen und oft humorvollen Inhalt auszeichnet. Nutzer verbringen täglich Stunden mit dem Scrollen durch kurze, ansprechende Videos. Für Marken bietet dies die Chance, in einer unterhaltsamen und authentischen Weise mit einer breiten Zielgruppe zu kommunizieren.
Große Reichweite: TikTok hat eine der höchsten Engagement-Raten unter den Social-Media-Plattformen. Videos können viral gehen, was bedeutet, dass Ihre Inhalte eine enorme Reichweite erzielen können – selbst ohne eine große Followerzahl.
Jüngere Zielgruppen: TikTok ist besonders bei jungen Menschen sehr beliebt. Wenn Sie Ihre Zielgruppe in der Altersgruppe der 16- bis 34-Jährigen ansprechen wollen, ist TikTok die perfekte Plattform.
Kreativer Content: TikTok ist bekannt für seine kreativen und oft humorvollen Inhalte. Hier können Marken auf innovative Weise mit ihren Kunden in Kontakt treten und die Marke authentisch und sympathisch präsentieren.
Unsere Dienstleistungen im Bereich TikTok-Marketing
Viral House bietet Ihnen eine breite Palette von Dienstleistungen an, um Ihre TikTok-Strategie zu entwickeln und Ihre Marke auf der Plattform erfolgreich zu positionieren. Wir bieten maßgeschneiderte Lösungen, die Ihre Marketingziele erfüllen und Ihre Zielgruppe effektiv ansprechen.
1. TikTok-Werbung
Mit TikTok Ads können Sie gezielte Werbung schalten, die Ihre Zielgruppe direkt anspricht. Wir erstellen kreative, aufmerksamkeitsstarke TikTok Ads, die sowohl unterhaltsam als auch informativ sind.
In-Feed Ads: Diese Werbung erscheint im Feed der Nutzer und ähnelt den regulären TikTok-Videos. Wir sorgen dafür, dass Ihre Anzeige so gestaltet ist, dass sie sich nahtlos in den Feed einfügt und die Nutzer zum Interagieren anregt.
Branded Hashtag Challenges: Eine der besten Möglichkeiten, auf TikTok viral zu gehen, ist die Durchführung einer Branded Hashtag Challenge. Wir entwickeln und starten eine Challenge, die Ihre Marke in den Mittelpunkt stellt und Nutzer dazu ermutigt, mitzumachen.
TopView Ads: Diese Anzeige erscheint direkt, wenn der Nutzer die App öffnet. Wir gestalten diese Anzeigen so, dass sie sofort die Aufmerksamkeit Ihrer Zielgruppe fesseln und Ihr Branding im Vordergrund steht.
2. TikTok Content Creation
Die Erstellung kreativer Inhalte ist der Schlüssel zum Erfolg auf TikTok. Wir unterstützen Sie bei der Entwicklung von ansprechendem Content, der Ihre Marke authentisch und interessant präsentiert.
Video-Produktion: Wir helfen Ihnen bei der Erstellung von ansprechenden Videos, die Ihre Produkte oder Dienstleistungen in einer unterhaltsamen und kreativen Weise vorstellen.
Storytelling: Storytelling ist eine der effektivsten Methoden, um auf TikTok eine emotionale Verbindung zu Ihrer Zielgruppe aufzubauen. Wir entwickeln eine Geschichte rund um Ihre Marke, die die Nutzer fesselt und zu Interaktionen anregt.
Influencer Marketing: Wir arbeiten mit Influencern zusammen, die Ihre Marke auf TikTok bewerben können. Influencer haben eine starke Anhängerschaft und können Ihre Marke einer breiten Zielgruppe vorstellen.
3. TikTok Community Management
TikTok lebt von der Interaktion. Wir kümmern uns darum, dass Ihre Community aktiv bleibt und mit Ihrer Marke in Kontakt tritt.
Engagement und Interaktionen: Wir beantworten Kommentare, reagieren auf Nachrichten und sorgen dafür, dass Ihre Follower immer wieder in den Dialog mit Ihrer Marke treten.
Content-Planung: Wir erstellen für Sie einen durchdachten Content-Kalender, der sicherstellt, dass regelmäßig frische Inhalte gepostet werden, um das Engagement zu steigern und Ihre Zielgruppe zu halten.
4. TikTok-Analyse und Performance-Tracking
Der Erfolg Ihrer TikTok-Marketing-Kampagnen lässt sich durch kontinuierliche Analyse und Optimierung messen. Wir überwachen Ihre Kampagnen und stellen sicher, dass Ihre Inhalte die gewünschte Wirkung erzielen.
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