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Friend: I hate my new OnePlus 6. It's really slow and hangs a lot
Me: I can't believe
Friend: Use it yourself, you'll know.
*Me using his phone
*Realising it was really slow
*Checking his installed apps
- CCleaner
-DU Booster
-Antivirus free version
-Antivirus pro
-Antivirus ultimate
-Battery Saver
-App Booster
-Super Cleaner
-RAM Master
*poured poision in his coffee
*enjoyed watching him die slowly37 -
Alone at home ✔️
Night time ✔️
Battery about to die ✔️
No electricity ✔️
Painfully hot weather ✔️
If I die here tonight, please commit and push my code..
Thanks14 -
Dear codebeautify.org,
Go kill yourself.
No one likes you. Go die.
Love,
poster983
P.S. I'm serious.
18 -
People who use drag and drop website builders and call themselves front end developers should just die!8
-
PM: Hey. I need this data right away so I can generate some reports!
/me runs some queries, creates some csv files, emails results
PM: Thanks! I'll look at this after I get back from vacation!3 -
Became 30 yesterday.
If I were to die by 60, I'm at the halfway point.
If I were to die by 50, I have spent about two thirds of my life.
If I were to die by 40, well only left a decade left.
Sigh.12 -
!rant
I've begun writing my own joke language called Die. Use it to tell your boss, client, or partner how you feel about them!
https://github.com/JackRiales/Die23 -
Magento is a special kind of tool.
- >20GiB of files? ✔
- >1 GB database? ✔
- Memory needed for scripts >768 MB? ✔
- Script max. exec. time 5 hours? ✔
- Slow ass website? FUCKING ✔
- Slower deployment than a vote on a country wide legislation? FUCKING ✔
- Shitty crap pile of STD-ridden code? I BET YOUR STINKING ✔
Magento, sincerely, please die in agony.11 -
Team Lead: "Today we're going to discuss how we can be more inclusive with getting people on board with XYZ organization. StackODev, what ideas do you have?"
Me: "Uh. Not really sure. I mean, it's not like we're being 'exclusive' in any way. People can join the XYZ organization without any restraint or discrimination. They just sign up on the website and they're done. There are no litmus tests of any aspect of their demographics or beliefs."
Team Lead: "Yeah, but how do we make sure we're getting more of Wanted Group A so that it's not as much of Less Wanted Group B?"
Me: "Well, that's a different question, isn't it? That would maybe meet the diversity and equity goal, but wouldn't that defeat the inclusion goal? Isn't it 'exclusive' to put more effort into attracting Wanted Group A people and less effort into attracting Less Wanted Group B people? And at what point do we draw the line between creating an enrollment system that is diverse, equitable, and inclusive and one that favors Group A over Group B explicitly?"
Team Lead: "Why don't you shut up now and we'll get ideas from some other team members."10 -
I got some stickers from the German party 'Die Piraten'. They support data privacy and focus on Internet related things.
The stickers are just awesome.
16 -
True fact!
Had my practical exam yesterday on Data Structures using C.
Had included this in my code
if(!count)
break;
Examiner: What type is count?
Me: Sir, it's an integer.
Then he asked me what was not expected.
Examiner: What does this exclamatory mark do?
In my mind: Now's the right time for the world to end. 😛9 -
You motherfucking piece of shit application form...
I was filling a long form in a tab and I had another part of that form open in another tab.
They fucking logged me out of the 2nd tab and didn't notify or prevent me from filling up hundreds of fields in the 1st tab.
Now I have to fill them up again.
Fuck you and your stupid form. Die in hell you fucking stupid cunt. -
cw: I need a server to put my node backend
me: sure, I'll run a docker container for you
cw: nice, I've never worked with docker but I learn quickly, I'm already reading the Docker file docs
me: no wait, you don't need to learn anything, you'll be inside the container, so you only need an ssh connection and that's it
cw: this Dockerfile stuff is really complicated, it'll take me a while, but it's ok you don't have to worry, I like learning new things
me: you won't need that, just imagine it's a cloud server with Ubuntu installed, you only have to use it, I'll put node, git and ssh there for you
cw: ok got it, I'll have to learn the commands to run the docker, I'm on windows but I can use PowerShell and stuff I'll figure it out
me: ...
cw: ssh is a linux command right? does it have a push or publish option? how do you upload files there
me: ...you can use a ftp client but you'll need ssh to run the node server
cw: ok, I'm almost done with the Dockerfile, I only need to add git and nodejs, I'm starting to understand this thing...
me thinking: yeah keep doing that, you're such a crack, such a quick learner...
This son of a bitch is either a retard or is doing it on purpose and laughing at me the whole time, making my life so miserable, but I'm about to go insane with this dude, I'm proud of how I've been able to control myself, BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL LOSE MY COOL AND FORCE THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO DRINK A BIG POT OF BOILING, SALTY AND STINKING VOMIT WITH A SIDE OF STEAMING DIARRHEAL GREEN DOG SHIT WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIPS WHILE I PUT MY OLD CRT MONITOR TO GOOD USE BY BEATING HIS FUCKING HEAD WITH IT!!!3 -
Do coding outside of work. I got into the industry because I enjoy writing code, but your job won't always be fun. That's why they give you money. Make sure that spark of joy doesn't die.
Or, when it does die, at least you'll have something to rant about.3 -
God, I don't know whether I believe in you or not, but please kill all those people who play loud music in public.
So, I was travelling by a train two days ago. Halfway down the 15 hr journey, the guy next to me took out his laptop and started watching a movie, on speakers, in full volume. It naturally irritated me a lot, and I requested him to use head/earphones, to which he replied that he forgot his one back home. I told him to keep the volume down to which he got personal and put the volume down (maybe to 95%). Since I hate human interaction, I had to plug in my own earphones to keep his bitchy noise away.
The same thing happened today on the bus, the only two differences being:
• mobile phone instead of laptop
• said he doesn't own headphones
• claimed he could do whatever he wanted as it was not illegal
Now, I wished he fell of the bus and died, but the world ain't fair, so he still lives.14 -
https://blogs.adobe.com/conversatio...
Adobe Flash Player will officially die in 2020.
No more updates. If there'is a security bug, it remain.30 -
I fucking swear the servers in the data center know when the fuck I'm going on vacation.
YOU CHOOSE TO DIE NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?
It's okay. It is no longer a critical box, but gah dammit.2 -
Have you noticed that many core Linux C programs use "die" as the error-and-exit method name?
Just shows how much these devs think of Linux processes as living people.
Now one of us just has to create a Skynet without the die() function.1 -
NO. NO. A THOUSAND TIMES: NO.
I clicked on this out of genuine curiosity to see if someone was finally trying to discourage people from annoying the shit out of website visitors. A summary of the suggestions in their article as to what to use popups for:
1. Announce new products/services, features, policy updates, new blog posts
2. Promote your sales or coupons (including countdowns)
3. Encourage people to input their e-mail address / subscribe, perhaps also offering some vague thing they will get as a reward for doing so
4. Contact forms (e.g. support etc.)
5. Prompt visitors to confirm their age before showing content
6. Login/register forms
7. Display social media "share" buttons when a visitor has scrolled a certain way through the page content.
8. Display cookie consent prompt.
9. Help guide visitors to the part of the website they want to go to.
Of these: 1, 2, 3, and 7 need to die for sure. If a website does any of these things I'm inclined to immediately leave and never return. 8 is a little annoying but seems a necessity.
Someone even replied to the Tweet saying that popups are annoying, the company responded with "let's change that!"
Blank portions of the screenshot are to avoid promoting the company unintentionally as a result of the rant ;)
3 -
To the cunts who use single character aliases for their SQL queries table joins... Suck my throbbing dick till you choke on it and die....
That's all... back to work10 -
<!-- Dear future me: I swear to god, if you play with this, I will claw out your eyeballs and eat them for lunch. You've been warned. -->
</div>3 -
L'appel du vide A.K.A. Call Of The Void.
Urge to do anything that will lead you to certain death for no reason.
Like when you are near a cliff and think "if i jump off i'll die"
or
"if i drop the database, it will die"3 -
The legacy codebase, episode 4584985948:
- outdated comment
- die parentheses space string no-space parentheses
- die AND exit, just to be on the safe side
- won't comment about the screaming boolean
- at least they used triple equals (and yep, that's a font ligature)
4 -
Ran Windows RAM diagnostic tools because I was too lazy to get my Linux USB-stick. Ran for 20 minutes, restarted - "There are hardware problems present."
NO SHIT. No info how many errors, no log file mentioned, no code or anything. Something happened. How retarded can a diagnostic tool be?
Guess laziness gets you punished immediately...1 -
Meine erste post in Deutsche als die sprache fur die automatische testen. Ich spreche deutsch nicht gut, daher entschuldigen Sie mich bitte beim allen Deutschen menschen.30
-
Why are such many people afraid of dying instead being happy for being still alive?
I mean - if you die, it happens within some seconds ... done.
But on the other side, every other minute of your life, you just don't die.
So dying is statistically negligible.18 -
Do you live alone? Do you work hard and barely have time to do things?
Please tell me how you eat 3 meals of healthy food. If you do of course..9 -
The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.
Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:
No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.2 -
Die linux fanboy, die!
No seriously. I'm not trying to be salty, but i'm fed up with sysadmins and developers that proclaim that linux will one day save the world from the clutches of companies like microsoft.
STOP BOTHERING ME!8 -
It's 6am and I could only sleep for 4 hours, if I don't get my morning coffee soon I'm going to cut a bitch
.
.
Also please save the usual "I didn't sleep for a year while climbing a mountain while breast feeding orphans while curing cancer" kind of comments4 -
I will take any dev who can defend their point of view under scrutiny but admit to being wrong over one that just agrees with everything i say. I will also take a dev that asks questions over one who agrees with everything i say. In fact the only thing worse than a dev who agrees with everything i say, is one that disagrees with everything i say, and one that doesnt show initiative.1
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Thinking about going full bum and just hike national parks until I die. No job, no possessions, no electronics, no hell, no heaven, no nothing - just living totally in nature - and if I die? So what 🤷♂️4
-
Boss : "Hey everyone is so busy/too good to work on that project but it's really complicated af and you'll be alone. Good luck ! Oh and we are ok to hire you next year after your apprenticeship, work well and without pressure !"
Me : O_o "Ok I'll do my best, shoudn't be that complicated"
Me (1 month after) : demotivated, sick of that mission, tired, algorithm not working, I wanna die I'm a parasite for that company. Thanks giving me that work to do.1 -
Here's a hypothetical scenario: what if all web-developers in the world united and collectively decided to act as if there are no other browsers except Firefox and Chrome?
I know I do. Of course, everything I ever made targeted younger audiences, so only idiots, Apple fanboys and the ocassional Opera user used anything else...10 -
Spent my afternoon looking after the reason why a value manually set kept being overriden.
Put a die() every possible place it could happen. Every. Single. Place.
No die() got triggered.
Death sounds so sweet.1 -
Bloody fucking Crystal. Lame fucking excuse for a reporting engine product.
Can’t change data source from API for a report containing List of Values at runtime.
What the actual fuck! A reporting system where I can’t change the data source.
Die in hell you Fucking blood sucking leeches. Die of malaria!2 -
I try to remember that I'm going to die some day and all I've done until will be meaningless and remain forgotten. And what a great way to die if I die in the middle of some bullshit apache setup, launching a dockerized flask or creating my own stupid marketing app...1
-
So, I was fixing some code today, and stumbled upon this. Is it just me, or is this really an example of bad bad practice...? And, no, there was nothing to be executed after this function was called.
6 -
if ($I->stillAwake()) {
sleep (60*60*5);
$I->setZombieMode(true);
if (!$Office->coffeeAvailable()) {
die();
}
}2 -
I don't believe, that I could ever be hired as a software developer... I want to die. I want to die as soon as possible... Fuck this all! Fuck this shitty fucking Life!!!6
-
DEAR MOTHERFUCKING POSTMAN TEAM PLEASE JUST DIE.
I hope every single one of you die by swallowing Kevin Costners feces to dead in front of everyone you ever loved (except there is now one bc who would ever love bloody assholes like you).6 -
!rant
@dfox @trogus
I just watched the "die bastard die" cartoon and have to say it's fucking excellent.
I never actually laugh out loud at these things, but this made me piss myself a little bit.
Well played.1 -
function toCodeOrNotToCode() {
if (!isset($coffeeOrRedbull)) {
die('No work can be done');
} else {
return true;
}
}
// I don't drink Redbull daily4 -
Hey guys, I wouldn't really mind if you moved the live devrant podcast thing to a later time, I have school and I would kill or die to be there for it. Kill. Or. Die.9
-
name your db nodes after GoT characters, to remind yourself you shouldn't give a shit when they die.
-
while (true) {
try {
writeCode()
} catch (UndefinedIsNotAFunction) {
try {
drinkCoffee()
} catch (OutOfCoffeeException) {
die(-1)
}
}
} -
Literally vs figuratively... That hilarious anecdote where something went derp did not cause you to literally die. You fuckwit.1
-
Porca puttanata, non funziona un cazzo.
Fuck this api is so strange sometimes.
Ich hab die Schnauze voll, aber die Scheiße will nicht rendern wie ich es will. -
This weekend i starting to learn symfony, after two days my head hurts so bad, I'm going to die...3
-
I'm just a dumb frontender and I should start flipping burger.
But then some idiots will probably explain that cheese burgers is not a real burger flipping craft. Or does the burger flipping community contain less shitheads?
33 -
Trying to find a linux distro I like to replace Windows on my home pc... Didn't like the first 3 I tried, so I'm continuing to try others...but now it feels more like I'm trying to kill Windows
ಠ_ಠ14 -
Here's the story. Of crazy people. Who point fingers at everyone who's not. Oh how they persist in their swinethings, that is why they all need to go outside and getta shot.
Damit eine bessere Welt erreicht werden kann, müssen wir unsere Kräfte bündeln. Wir müssen unsere Macht und unsere Ressourcen bündeln. Im Dienst Gottes, im Dienst des Rechts müssen wir diese Dinge tun. Dass der gottlose Schänder und sein Weg der passiven Gewalt gegen diejenigen, die ihm Schaden zufügen könnten, und der Böswilligkeit gegen diejenigen, die nicht unkontrolliert bleiben können. Wir müssen sie aus der Herde ausmerzen. Wir müssen ihre Genetik weitergeben und die Infektion des Geistes zerstören, die sie weiterführen und die Ketten sprengen würde, mit denen sie die nächste Generation korrumpieren.20 -
Thank you Matlab, for my daily dose of frustration.
Thank you Matlab, for deciding to surface-plot a 2D variable with the x axis = columns and y axis = rows, because of course that's the most intuitive way to go about it.
Because of course that's consistent with the standard way to refer to a variable's elements.
After all, everybody knows that Z(i, j) refers to the i-th column and j-th row of a matrix, right?
Thank you, Matlab, for depriving me of the little fuck I gave about getting something done today.
Now go die in a fire.6 -
If you complain audibly at a metal show at a metal bar about how rowdy and feral it gets, I hope you die a painful death and everyone complains how loud you die.
-
Excel die you motherfucker die
1) Allow Ctrl + A and other shortcuts in formulas
2) Stop throwing an error requiring closing a window every fucking time I want to cancel writing a formula, and then another window after the first 1 -
Typescript , Covfefesript, Sass and all the other javascript, CSS mongrels suck. Let them die out please. No offense.7
-
: Tools are just tools. Technology evolves quickly.
: Still uses 1 language for all use-cases
I mean. Tools are just tools. But don't exclude language as tools. Without a framework/purpose. That language may eventually die and the descendants will also die. -
I have to say this article really expresses the feelings I have had over and over again ever since I entered this industry.
“Why Software Companies Die” -
https://codeproject.com/Articles/...1 -
power of coffee! never dissatisfies!!! It's like healers for developers as in overwatch2 stating solemnly"Heroes never die"!!!
2
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