Indent your goddamn code!

!rant
Me to my bf: You smell. Go shower.
Him: I don't feel like it...
Me: Sudo go shower.
Him: Goddamn it Rudi..
*wait for it*
*He showers*
Me: *evil chuckle* I gotta post this to devRant

A few years ago, i got a call which went like this:

Phone: *rings*

Me: *looks at call, recognises the number and picks up*

Me: "Hello! Haven't heard from you in a while! How are you doing?"

Him: "I have a problem with my PC, could you..."

Me: *hangs up*

Aside from not even getting a "hello, how are you?" at the start of the call, here's the plot-twist:

A - This was my goddamn Brother calling

B - It was my goddamn birthday

only elon musk is smart enough to realize there are smart people out there who can get shit done without a goddamn fcking degree

A HUGE FUCK YOU TO EVERY GODDAMN ONLINE STORE WHO NEEDS A CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO OBTAIN SOMETHING FREE.

(the following is a big fuck you)
______
| ___|
| |_
| _|
| |
\_|

_ _
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| |_| |
\___/

_____
/ __ \
| / \/
| |
| \__/\
\____/

_ __
| | / /
| |/ /
| \
| |\ \
\_| \_/

__ __
\ \ / /
\ V /
\ /
| |
\_/

_____
| _ |
| | | |
| | | |
\ \_/ /
\___/

_ _
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| |_| |
\___/

FINALLY
GODDAMNED
FIXED

I'VE SPENT OVER A GODDAMN WEEK SWIMMING THROUGH DEMON EXCREMENT WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS SHIT.

I FINALLY FOUND IT. IN A FUCKING. CONDITIONAL. OVERLOAD. OF A MODEL GETTER.

THAT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE RETURNS EITHER THE REQUESTED COLUMN FROM THE DATABASE, OR AN ENTIRELY FUCKING DIFFERENT COLUMN, ALL DEPENDING ON THE VALUE OF A THIRD FUCKING COLUMN.

HKJSDFASKFJ

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE.
THE VALUE IT RETURNS. IS COMPLETELY WRONG. FOR ALMOST. EVERY. FUCKING. CASE.

BECAUSE THAT FIRST COLUMN? IT NEVER GETS UPDATED. EVER.

AND THIS DEALS WITH ACCOUNTING AND REAL GODDAMN MONEY.

AARRGHHHHH
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

Every goddamn time, when am in a hurry, this (shit) happened.

!dev

Knocked over a beer bottle with my hand and caught it mid-flight.

Felt like a fucking ninja.

No clue why I'm sharing this but goddamn that was good.

What the crap is it with job applications and requiring freaking videos now?

I'm not some social butterfly that wants to be all friendly with everyone and a part of their goddamn lives. Give me a problem and/or some code and I'll happily make it work; give me an extrovert with a goddamn video call fetish and I'll fucking leave.

I'm an engineer, not your salaried girlfriend.

I didn't believe him but this guy was goddamn right.

Spent two goddamn hours writing a Python script to convert exported JSON from Trello to an Excel sheet, only to find a Chrome extension that already does it, and better. 😧

I FUCKING HATE WAITING FOR PEOPLE.

It feels like a full quarter of my life is wasted just goddamn WAITING.

Fuck off.

From now on I'm just leaving whomever behind.

I have a little Gradle,
It's slow as f*king sin,
And when I'm on a deadline,
It loves to sit and spin.

Oh, Gradle, Gradle, Gradle,
It takes all goddamn day,
I guess I'll make some Ramen,
'Coz Gradle loves to play.

/rant

YOU ARE A FUCKING SOFTWARE DEVELOPER WITH AT LEAST A LITTLE TRAINING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP FUCKING UP THE GIT REPOSITORY BY COMMITTING THE GODDAMN NODE_MODULES

"Dude, don’t you hate it when people say "well yes and no" like they are some kind of goddamn quantum computer or something?"

"I will create a very useful library and won't document it" - said every developer ever.

This fucking snapcraft is making me lose my goddamn mind.

I was signing up on Twitch...
I was in a hurry...
Goddamn that CAPTCHA...
After fucktillion attempts...
I came to terms with the fact that I am a robot...

For fuck sake a goddamn "+" is a fucking valid character in an email address!!!!!!

Probably isn't a righteous rant... But there's a new guy who shakes his leg... All day... Makes my screen wobble... All day... Trying to think about about my code... But thoughts being shaken to the floor... All. Goddamn. Day.
*sigh*

I just realised my typing speed is exponentially higher when I'm angry :-/

Every normal developer:
git pull

Me:
gti pull
gut pull
gi pull
git pill

Goddamn

WHEN DOCKER IMAGE NUMBER TWENTY-MOTHERFUCKING-TRILLION FAILS TO COMPILE /RENDER/WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER THE GODDAMN DATA WITHOUT PROVIDING SUFFICIENT ERROR/HOWEVER-YOU-FUCKING-CALL-IT DEBUGGING INFORMATION.

I'M DONE. I. AM. SO. FUCKING. DONE.

Dear Apple,
WHY DA FUCK DO I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD 4+ GB EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TO UPDATE X-FUCKING-CODE? A goddamn patch would be more than sufficient.

RememberMe's relatives' guide to raising a kid:
1. Enroll kid in school IT course - Java/SQL.
2. Let kid be useless on Facebook all day. Kid doesn't write a line of code unless it's for exams.
3. Realize that kid need to do a project for 12th grade (final year in school).
4. Complain loudly to everyone in the vicinity.
5. Let kid choose a project waaay above her skill level.
6. Have some other relative mention that RememberMe is a "computer waala" (computer person).
7. Ask poor RememberMe to do the kid's project.
8. Use typical family blackmail ("oh you can't have that much work, do something for your family for once").

Yeah, nope. Get lost. I don't mind teaching, but I'm not doing your work for you.

"let's setup a seedbox quickly to seed Linux iso's!"

-

You can remove that 'quickly' part. My own goddamn fault but fuck this is annoying.

And there was I struggleling with another goddamn error. Turn to a colleage and asks for help.
He looks at me. Breaths slowly. Then says.

"Dude, Jesus is your answer".

😡😡😡😡😡
This is why I hate those American shitcompanies who don't want to accept debit or Maestro 😠

Just accept my fucking card and give me my goddamn stickers already 🤬

The universe has this weird magical power.

Whenever there are hardly any phone calls and someone mentions something in the trend of that it's not busy at all, we suddenly get overflooded with phone calls.

It's weird how this 'works' every goddamn motherfucking time. (Same goes for tickets)

Actual quote from professor regarding homework that has us recreate the ArrayList: "If you import ArrayList I will punch you in the Goddamn mouth!"

This semester ought to be fun

preface: swearing.
because anger.

So. I'm trying to use Material Design with Material UI. The components and UI look *great*.

It's from google, though, which really pisses me off. but I like what I can do with the UI.

HOWEVER.
I really want a grid system for responsiveness. because obviously. besides, i really hate doing all the responsive shit myself. it sucks and i hate it.

Material Design does not include a grid system. okay, it includes a grid component, but it's not for site layout. it's for making a grid of images. or something.

What it does include is a lot of very lengthy documentation on what you should do, complete with fancy graphics saying "THIS IS HOW YOU MUST DO IT OR YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG" -- but they don't actually support it! you must do it all yourself.

Why oh why would they tell you how you must do things if they don't provide the tools to make it possible? fucking google.

You might decide it's a grand idea to interject at this moment and say: "there are plenty of tools out there that allow you to do this!" And sure, you'd be right. however -- and i think this might just barely might be worth mentioning -- THEY REALLY FUCKING SUCK. Hey, let's look at some of the classes! So clear and semantic! This one was nice and simple: "xs4" -- but wtf does that mean? okay, it apparently means 4 columns as they'd appear on an extra-small layout. How does that work on a large layout? Who knows. Now, how about "c12"? okay, maybe 12 columns? but how does that display on a phone with a layout small enough to only have 4 columns? i don't know! they don't know! nobody knows!

oh oh oh oh. and my particular favorite: "mdc-layout-grid__cell mdc-layout-grid__cell--align-bottom" WHAT. THE. FUCK. I'm not writing a goddamn novel! and that one claims to be from google itself. either they've gone insane or someone's totally lying. either way, fuck them.

SO. TERRIBLENESS ASIDE.

Instead of using Material Design v0.fuckoff that lacks any semblance of a grid layout, I figure I'll try v1.0 alpha that actually has one supported natively. It's new and supports everything I need. There's no way this can't be a good idea.

The problem is, while it's out and basically usable, none of the React component libraries fucking work with it. Redux-Form doesn't work with it either because it doesn't understand nested compound controls, and hacking it to work at least triples the boilerplate. So, instead, I have to use some other person's "hey, it's shitty but it works for me" alpha version of someone else's project that works as a wrapper on top of Redux-Form that makes all of this work. yeah, you totally followed that. Kind of like a second-cousin-twice-removed sort of project adding in the necessary features and support all the way down. and ofc it doesn't quite work. because why would things ever be easy?

like seriously, come on.
What i'm trying to do isn't even that bloody hard.

Do I really have to use bootstrap instead?
fuck that.

then again, fuck this significantly more.

UGH.

Fucking URLs, people.
They're not hard.

If you're going to give me a bug report, TELL ME THE GODDAMN URL.

If, after yelling at you several times for not providing the url, you instead just fucking GUESS at the url, YOU'RE A GODDAMN BLITHERING IDIOT AND YOU'RE WASTING MY GODDAMN TIME.

ALT+D, CTRL+C or CMD+L, CMD+C

SO HARD. ASDFASDJGHLKASDHFLJKSGDFSKDF

Why is text selection on touchscreens still so goddamn terrible?

My personal life is in shambles-but goddamn is my code clean.

"Big data" and "machine learning" are such big buzz words. Employers be like "we want this! Can you use this?" but they give you shitty, ancient PC's and messy MESSY data. Oh? You want to know why it's taken me five weeks to clean data and run ML algorithms? Have you seen how bad your data is? Are you aware of the lack of standardisation? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE MISSPELLED "information"?!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE MORE THAN 15 WAYS OF MISSPELLING IT!!! I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN GODDAMN DICTIONARY!!! YOU EVER FELT THE PAIN OF TRAINING A CLASSIFIER FOR 4 DAYS STRAIGHT THEN YOUR GODDAMN DEVICE CRASHES LOSING ALL YOUR TRAINED MODELS?!!
*cries*

I quit my job last week and I’m starting as a full time mobile developer in January. I’m so goddamn excited.

With no university degree, I’ve finally gotten an in as a developer!

Those rare times when stackoverflow doesn't have the solution to your problems and when you finally do come up with a solution on your own, you feel like a goddamn king

FUCK WEB DEVELOPMENT.

Seriously, what the hell. Things evolve so goddamn fast and someone new to the field can’t even grab something to start with. Once you start understanding something it fuckin changes and something else takes it’s place.

Fuck this shit, I’m out.

Getting hired at my job, I've learned so goddamn much in the past 2 months and my team is amazing

This is the ugliest goddamn prompt

EVER

Fleksy, if you're going to tell me through a fucking annoying notification that you won't run unless I update Google play services (those can go fuck themselves, I'm not updating that fucking malware) one more goddamn time, I'll fucking exterminate you.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOR FUCK SAKES!
FUCKING GODDAMN FUCK SHIT CUNT FUCK!

no reasons needed... that's my rant

I have a client who wants his website to look like a goddamn PDF. I'm really considering making his site in a Word document, exporting it as a huge image and just slapping it in the HTML.

Fucking motherfucker. I should charge more for dealing with this bullshit.

I wouldn't say least successful but my current one has an extremely irritating annoyance.

I have to setup a tile server (for those draggable maps in browsers and such) and I've come to the point where I'm skilled enough to at least setup the server. BUT:

- Generating the tiles from a database to PNG pbf files at a max 15 zoom level of only even the goddamn nerherlands will take more than a hundred days and I want the entire goddamn world. (20 core rather powerful server).
The end result is veeery fast.
- The importing is fast enough but generating them on the fly is so painstakingly slow 😫

😖

If you ever completely want to waste your goddamn time, call Keolis (company behind Arriva I think) with a question regarding their app. They'll be able to provide you with no fucking usable help/information at all and will gladly guide you through the login process twenty-motherfucking-billion times again and have no single solution as to why its not working.

As a bonus, they'll ask for your details so they can investigate and call you back a little later to take you through the exact goddamn process you just did two-hundred-trillion times before with the exact same completely fucking useless result.

that feeling when you code from 11 pm to 2 am to solve a problem and then decide to google it and see that you could solve it in 2 min or less

FUCKING STARBUCKS

Get your goddamn internet speeds up to 1st world speeds

I have a fucking paper to write

Yea #deletefacebook is fine and all but what about putting fucking Like-Buttons all over the goddamn web. Care about that, would ya?!? You're not any bit better than zuckerfuck if you are doing this on your site!

THE NEXT FUCKIN TIME I SEE SOMEONE SAY "hay, how do loop python PLZ HELP" instead of asking a goddamn search engine IM GONNA FIND YOU AND SLIP YOUR FUCKIN THROAT WHILE I KICK YOU ON YOUR FUCKIN RIBS WITH ALL MY POWER AND SLOWLY DRINK MY COFFEE AFTER THAT.

Goddamn SortOfTested be joking about me needing seroquel and here we go, my psychiatrist prescribed me seroquel today.

XCode.........pffft....... more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-hang-myself-while-you-Code

Or more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-crash-myself-while-you-Code

Or

Xcuse-me-while-I-make-you-angry-enough-to-throw-the-fucking-iMac-out-of-the-goddamn-window-while-you-Code

Like WTF, I got reassigned to iOS development after a year being in web development and was genuinely excited to work in swift again. The excitement quickly faded away, seeing the goddamn IDE struggle to compile or run. I dont remember facing these issues in version 7 or 8. FML ;-;

I goddamn hate reading logs

JavaScript Motherfucking Asynchronous Bullshit.

I get it, for quite some stuff, async is very, very useful. But why on fucking earth do so goddamn many functions NEED this (and those callback functions) and can't do without?!

If there would be good and nicely understandable await documentation that actually fucking works, I'd be so happy.

I've currently got .then after .then after motherfucking then and its irritating me to no end as it, in this context, shouldn't even be necessary. This thing I'm writing doesn't give a fuck if something takes a few milliseconds before the rest of the program can continue!!

Fuck asynchronous programming in JavaScript for goddamn everything.

(I do love JavaScript!)

Huge dev-team presentation today with YouTube livestream link available to all clients.

Management wanted us to test our laptops, connections and cables to the bone, so that every computer will work 100% while the stream is running.

You know what didn't work?
The goddamn streaming camera device.

Working with the french person in the office and git gets me every time.

shit push, shit merge, shit rebase

Goddamn accent!

So, boss asks for support on sunday, I say sure, no problem. I arrive, get to my station and suddenly my nose, eyes and throat become itchy. The goddamn building's been fumigated. Fucking assholes. I'm going back home dizzy and nauseous.

My friend thinks commenting every goddamn HTML tag is a good practice.

I'm beyond pissed as of now. hostgator, FUCK YOU.
YOUR GODDAMN PORTAL IS DOWN. PORTAL.HOSTGATOR.COM IS DOWN.
PLEASE HOSTGATOR, STOP BEING A BIGGER BITCH THAN MY LARGE FEMALE DOG.

end of rant, a hosting company should really be able to keep THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE UP.

What the hell is wrong with you guys taking screenshots with your goddamn phone?! Ever heard of that small magical programm called "snipping tool"? It's like fucking screenshot porn! And yes, there is a screenshot programm on Linux too. Goddammit. Are you devs or fucking newbie users?

To new web devs from a new web dev:
Try to design your site before you write a single line of code. Be it Photoshop, Paint, a piece of paper, a literal goddamn canvas, you name it. You may thank yourself for it later.

FUCKING GODDAMN TIZONIA RANDOMLY RESETTING MY FUCKING VOLUME TO MAX ADSFJAIETWANKNGBAIWOUFJHSLDÅKG

Next interview.. i swear! 😂🥳

Nearly, nearly ready to deploy self-hosted maps, fucking awesome!

Aaaand now comes the goddamn styling since these will be vector tiles..

I fucking hate designing/styling and I fucking suck at it too. 10 attempts which all pretty much look like shit.

Fucking great.

Men who can’t wash dishes and clean their goddamn rooms because tHatS a WomAn’S jOb are simply not self-sufficient human beings.

Women who can’t find a job and make goddamn money to afford their lifestyle because tHatS a Man’S jOb are just the same.

Worst part: being everyone else's Search Bitch. Seriously, how the hell do you have a job in the tech industry when you can't use a fucking search engine, whether it's Google, a builtin search facility or, hell, scrolling down the goddamn page?

Developing something which, for real world testing, would require a smartphone with a gps chip/capability or however the fuck you call that.

I do have that but it's so goddamn hard to get a lock on my location which makes it very hard to test this IRL.

😥

if ur gonna explain a brand new goddamn concept and make a goddamn course or a goddamn series out of it

then dont fcking goddamn copy and paste the godfuckingdamn code and just explain it

WRITE THE CODE AND EXPLAIN IT

!context

Fucking goddamn thundercunt.
AGAKDHDSGAKSGSHFKDG.

Perfect....
I am working on my laptop, listening to some music and then... Suddenly the system gets stuck... Forced shutdown the system...
And voila!!!!!
BOOT_VOLUME_UNMOUNTABLE

Fuck you windows 10!!!!!!!! Goddamn it!!!

Really hope I dont have to reinstall everything from ground 😣😣😡😡😡

In my first week of study again (at study location) after being away for 9 months. It really annoys the living fuck out of me that half of the students here are either gaming or watching series etc. Serious-fucking-ly, either DO YOUR GODDAMN STUDY or FUCK OFF.

I just want a goddamn option to “Never trust this computer. Never trust *any* computer” when I plug in my phone to charge.

Also, only got an hour of sleep. No idea why.

But woke up to find an emergency alert that we’re in flash flood territory, so that’s exciting.

Since this isn't dev, I'll have to make it a rant:

I can have hobbies other than devving, goddamn it! Leave me alone!

Can anyone make a simplistic version control like git for microsoft word? I just want an easy check in, check out, and seeing the diff. Goddamn some of these tools got a lot of steps

THERE ISNT A GODDAMN MARGIN THERE WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

Why in the goddamn fucking world do I not fucking commit the fucking code every time there is a motherfucking major change

WHAT THE F***ING F*** IS THIS GODDAMN UI?

What to do when you somehow can't align 3 goddamn icons side by side?

You take a screenshot of them three when they are aligned and you set this image as the button instead.

Who managed to hire such incompetents??

(screen is me dragging the "icons")

When you use yourself as a rubber duck and you realize how much of a dumbfuck you are...

Fuck me, I was using a variable called staticHTML in ejs template. But when passing the variable, I was using staticHtml.

Goddamn

Why the fuck is this site blocked. How the fuck is it remotely adult content? ITS A GODDAMN WEBGL GAME. And you blocked is as being EDUCATIONAL. WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY SCOOL BAN A GODDAMN EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE?

P.S. for all those that know me, i made a website a year ago, during english class, and it got blocked at school (my goal was to get it blocked). Or so I thought. It turns out it didn't get blocked at my school, it was blocked across the whole county! I feel accomplished.

!dev

There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling depressed and apathetic toward everything for days, like the walls are closing in, you’re never going to achieve your goals, and there’s no point to living... only to realize it’s just that it’s “that time of the month”.

I miss the days when my PMS was literally just “Random commercials make me cry”.

To clarify, I would probably catch on that these emotions are just a hormonal reaction if “that time of the month” happened every month. Nexplanon is a weird birth control.

I’m sure this thread was overshare, but I just wanted to express my frustration.

Here’s Bob being stealth

Why the Fuck I keep forgetting human names and keep replacing it with variable .........???
Apparently Jessica is var1
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬
( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)
:＜￣｀ヽ、　　　　　　　／￣＞
　ゝ、　　＼　／⌒ヽ,ノ 　/´
　　　ゝ、　`（ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ／
　　 　　>　 　 　,ノ
　　　　　∠_,,,/´”

I'm talking about you JON!!! Goddamn, I don't fucking know what a .bnk file is and why the fuck it's in your steam files!

Ffs, I just want to get myself a goddamn domain, why is every registrar so shitty? Each of them has a major downside that makes me go away from their site! Bad payment options, way too high prices for a domain after a year, ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better now.
How to stop being a lil bitch? Why does it seem like everyone got the "don't give a shit" patch except me? I'm working hard on getting my shit together, I've made MASSIVE progress, but everytime I'm feeling good and confident and ready to take the world head-on, I just kinda crumble again with the slightest mishap. This needs to stop. I'm really trying SO hard not to snap. Fucking hell, being aware of all this makes it even worse! It's like I'm two people, one is a downer and REALLY good in draining my brain power, the other is the guy who's typing this and knows that life shouldn't be taken this seriously, but doesn't stay in the cockpit for too long. I'm extremely tired and mad. I just fucking hate this.

You are a lifeless developer when you are working on the same goddamn laptop even on a weekend.
Should get a life :P

Twenty five goddamn minutes finding an incorrect quote mark in a bloody massive query of mySQL, I need a beer.

Goddamn! Take a shower! You smell dank as fuck!

People coming into my cubicle smelling this way piss me off! I know it's possible for you to find time to shower.

Jesus

FUCK!
After submitting a registration form I noticed the site is served over plain HTTP. Their marketing site is served encrypted, but login and register are not! What the fuck!!!

Fuck everyone who does this stupid fucking shit with disregard to basic security features! Their goddamn bullshit privacy policy is bragging about how it's top priority to protect their customers' information and shit like that. Get the fuck out, cunts!!

I contacted them so I might have a continuation to this rant if I'm not satisfied with their answers.

Goddamn it!

Took me 9 hours to write what ended up being a 10 line function to sort messages and replies in the proper order.

I at least knew it would employ recursion, but goddamn... 9 hours.

Fuck sakes

I just want to make it clear to all of us here...

Not every goddamn thing is a bug from X or a bug from Y most of the time I, Us, We as programmers fucking make mistakes or don't know the issue because it's vague!!! IT'S NOT A FUCKING BUG!!!

My colleague does not use git (well, not for much), hates all external frameworks, and when he sees my code he tells me "that's not how I would have done this", every single goddamn time. Aaand we are the only two developers in our company.

I now know why I'm a developer and not a designer, it's so fucking hard like it's goddamn bootstrap that shit is basically built for me but it still looks like an egg took a shit on a toaster

Gradle just got updated and every fucking code shows error now!
Goddamn it android studio.

my code went into an infinite loop of printing "fuck". that happens when u forget to put curly braces and the first line after the if statement is printf("fuck\n");

GodDAMN, C# 7.0 is so ridiculously feature packed. I can pattern-match inside a predicate on an exception filter. Want to catch ONLY NHibernate's exceptions caused by a SQL timeout? Boom:

catch (GenericADOException adoEx) when (adoEx.InnerException is SqlException sqlEx && sqlEx.Number == -2) { return Failure("timeout"); }

If only nodejs, mongodb and stuff are taught in my university instead of goddamn php and mysql

Server Admins:

Don't fucking make changes to the server configuration and assume that it's going to be functional.

Stop fucking breaking shit on client servers then leaving it for the rest of us to clean up.

Verify your goddamn work before you tell them that their issue is resolved.

Why am I so fucking bad with estimates? I am literally 20 hours over on this one thing because it’s so goddamn annoying to deal with.

Not necessarily a "language" per se, but goddamn do I love git's rebase function. I mean, that shit lets you rewrite history!

Just imagine how the world would change if we could do a rebase on it. 🤔

I wish I was a goddamn designer. Spending hours on a design only to find out it looks like shite. So effing frustrating...

Code freeze is such an idiotic concept. What year do we have? Just make a goddamn release branch and do your codefreezy things there. Why the fuck would we stop the entire development just because you can't figure out git?

Do computers have bad breath or something? Every time I look at a game it has 'System Require mints' on the box....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
GODDAMN GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF

The table is not a fking drum, and you're not fking Roger Taylor, so stop tapping your fking pen on it.

No, you don't have rhythm, stop that goddamn racket when I'm trying to debug dammit.

Ughhhhhh. This fucking code is a disaster! The guy says he built it DRY, but it's WET as fuck! So much fucking repeated code!

I'm annoyed most because I know that it'd be a fucking waste of time to try and rebuild what these guys have built over the past 5 years, but goddamn it, it shouldn't be an excuse to keep on making code like this!

I know that I'm not super experienced in C# but pick up a goddamn book on good coding practices. This thing is a disjointed mess and it never had to get this way.

So many fucking interfaces!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

People filming fn fireworks with their goddamn phones is exactly why we should invent proper EMP device

Piece of shit cake. I'll stab you in the goddamn virtual neck with a screwdriver. Not get my nuget packages. Go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass. Goddamn, who automated this build process. I did. Fuck me.

WHY DON'T PEOPLE PUT FUCKING [FRONTEND] AND [BACKEND] LABELS IN THEIR GODDAMN JIRA CARDS

FUCKING FUCK

So my startup warned me last night that I would have to pitch. Goddamn guys, really?! Pitch for a minute in front of ... PEOPLE?! WTF were they thinking?! I'm a fucking dev, not a HR guy for crying out loud

So, I've come to hate Sundays. You might ask me, why? Why Sunday of all days? The answer is very simple: My wont-shut-her-fucking-mouth roommate.

Woman should be a commentator at sport events. She woke up at 10 in the morning and has been talking to what seems like the entire fucking population of this goddamn world, it's going to be 10 in the night soon. I feel like I am staying as a leech so I have no say in this goddamn room.

Please someone help me design a fucking signal jammer so I can block out the signals to shut her up!

Kill me now!
FML

Recently not a single fucking thing is going my way...... Every goddamn new thing i try, screws me over in some way... And when I finally think somethings working, I get fucked more than a highway hooker.

HOW. IN THE WORLD. COULD IT BE SO DIFFICULT TO COMMENT THE CODE I WRITE MYSELF ?

After my first project (you know, the "Working project I made for fun long ago" code everyone did once, but when you look at it again it looks like sorcery and there's no way to understand it ?), I decided that I'd comment almost everything I'd do... But...

When I begin a project, it's fiiiine and I do my comments the way they should be... AND THEN, WHEN DIFFICULTIES ARRIVES AND I START TO BE TIRED (ie : always) THEY START TO INCLUDE INSULTS OR WEIRD JOKES ABOUT THE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE, MOVIES REFERENCES, AND SOMETIMES THEIR LANGUAGE VARIES. (Like, that project you're doing in English and suddenly there's a comment written in French in the middle of that)

Soo, yeah, even if I do comment my shit now, it isn't more helpful, lol. Maybe I should listen to relaxing music when I code err.

Oh, comments. Damn comments. Someday I'll do those correctly. Maybe.

After ranting last night about my cat, not allowing me access to my key.

Today she didn't let me sit on my own goddamn chair.......

It's 2017 and every keyboard on Earth still has vertically unaligned keys !
And if you think it's for ergonomic reason, you're wrong ! It's just something we inherited from goddamn typewriters.
It's time to let that go !
Far far away in the past.
Right next to floppy disks, MySpace and Nicolas Cage !

FFS chrome chaches fucking everything.. even goddamn redirects..😐

Fuck Captcha. Seriously. Am I blind to that shit or are you supposed to fail entering that goddamn letter soup like 5 times before getting it right? Of course you have to re-enter your form fields every time you fail because you don't deserve better, you illiterate fuck.

I finally finished reading the goddamn book. 🥵

This cryptocurrencies madness.

My CPU usage gone wild only for accessing 1 goddamn news website

Fuck you coin-have.com to provide the tools to those greedy scumbags

Guess who has 2 thumbs, half a brain and lost his job today...

Why won't you just approve my PR???

Whats wrong with you?!

I don't understand your cryptic one-sentence feedback. I'm not even sure you understand what you're asking yourself.

What the hell does "make it a transaction" mean? Don't give me pseudo-code examples that don't even work fucking asshole!

Its a small change that does NOT need a canary build dammit. Don't go testing the ORM, its a goddamn standard library. Why does working with you make everything so complicated?!?!

The code fucking works! There is no need to make it comply to your specific tastes goddamn it. Working with you is like pulling teeth!

/endrant

A rant on my feed reminded me of this
I once saw someone prefix his variables with the initials of his name. I was speechless.
Every goddamn variable in the entire project was named like that.

so wait... the recruitment agency just gave me the wrong FUCKING ADDRESS.

THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED.

Get your head out your arse, and take a fucking proper look at the appointment details, instead of checking your goddamn phone constantly.

Fucking hell, I'm angry.

Jesus goddamn Christ, fuck all the poorly designed UX. I wish there was an API for everything, it would make everyone's lifes way more pleasant

That absolutely glorious fucking moment when you have to pay >1'000 bucks a semester and STILL have to shell out 15 goddamn bucks to print out a motherfucking script. That's like 2 beers!

I can not fuckin stress how goddamn annoying it is to work with strings in C++. I'm not talking about std::string, those are bearable. But fucking char foo[number], char* foo, and const char* foo. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Is it too many or too few then? Make up your goddamn mind! (the two errors are coming from the same line).

So, those of you who have been in quarantine for more than a week, how are you keeping your sanity?

Specially the news, goddamn, people are so stupid. The number of infected around here has been skyrocketing so I'm not even afraid of getting the virus anymore, I'm more afraid of the damn numbers going up.

Also, those of you who don't live alone, need not reply. 😝

I like my independence, but goddamn this feels a lot like being in luxury solitary confinement. Plus, I have to cook for myself.

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yet here people are fucking driving nonstop even though our fucking gas prices are through the roof.....

just giving alllllllll our goddamn money away.

also i think this is an awesome project.

far better than the million and 1 stupid tasking boards like monday.com heh

Anybody tried developing a chrome extension? I'm bloody lost, with LITERALLY trying to get a goddamn Hello World.
This is worse than when I tried editing in Vim.

Or worse yet, Java.

FUCKING PROMISE WONT FUCKING RESOLVE SO MY FUCKING CODE KEEPS FUCKING RETURNING A FUCKING NULL VALUE FOR FUCKING FUCKS SAKE IT REALLY SHOULDNT BE THIS FUCKING HARD TO RESOLVE A FUCKING PROMISE WITHOUT FUCKING CRASHING MY GODDAMN SERVER

Finally found a quite reliable way of generating mbtiles 'archives' for tile hosting!

Now I yet have to find a reliable way to fucking actually HOST it and a way to get it fucking displayed.

Spend my entire goddamn day on this and I'm hardly a step closer, for fucks sake.

i'm starting to hate the whole goddamn thing

hating making "content"

hating making "posts"

hating the goddamn screen

hating doing shit that doesn't matter

i want to just do a 3 month sabbatical in indonesia or somewhere... where i just don't have to think or at least put on a facade that i'm thinking

i think i mentioned the last times i took holiday... well let's get started on the last time i took holiday for more than two weeks... uh that would have to be 2019

fuck covid fuck the profit motive fuck chasing everything i quit

ugh

I hate when I’m telling a story about something that happened that frustrated me and then the person I’m speaking to interrupts to say “I don’t know why you’re taking it out on *me*” and I’m like “I’m not, I’m just telling you the …” “You’re shouting at me!” “I fucking WASN’T [BUT I AM NOW]” and then I can’t finish my goddamn rant and instead of getting the goddamned thing out of my system I’m just fucking frustrated and seething.

who invented goddamned dynamic typing
its over one hour and i cant find myself in this goddamn object
GODDAMN JS

FUCK why did nobody warn me to NOT upgrade to mac os Catalina??? Cant do half shit here not even install goddamn photoshop!!!

Help

How do i downgrade?

Goddamn livid right now.

Our 3rd party Vendor developers' couldn't figure out how to check-in their goddamn code to our GitHub branch so they just sent our PM a zip file via email containing the project with the node modules folder too!!

Wtf.

Why are we even giving them a dollar. 😤😲

Goddamn it windows! I love the project neon!

I am a developer, not your goddamn it support guy that is there to fix your stupid printer

Self rant!
I'm 27, starting my goddamn first year of computer science in the University.
By the time I'll be done I'm going to be obsolete...
Let me know how good/bad my situation is...
How old are you guys? How many years of experience have you got?

FUCKING FUCK I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS

WHY THE GODDAMN ***FUCK*** DOES CINNAMON NOT HAVE DOCS FOR ITS DESKLETS

THE ONLY TUTORIAL RELATED TO IT IS FROM FUCKING 2014

THERES LITERALLY ZERO DOCUMENTATION ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET

HOW ARE PEOPLE MAKING DESKLETS AND APPLETS WITHOUT DOCS

Not using the ide's autocompletion and always writing out the whole goddamn names.

Fuck, today was a total shitshow. Every damn line of code I touched seemed to blow up in my face. Fucking bugs popping up left and right, and the deadline looming over my head like a goddamn guillotine. Today my wife mentioned divorce over dinner.

omfg. I hate this bullshit so much...
windows wont goddamn work after the anniversary update. it takes infinitely long to boot up , the searcj is not working , I am goddamn lagging for some fricking reason. what the hell Microsoft ?

New MacBook Pro: one type of connection port, no MagSafe, base drive is 256gb, and they killed off the goddamn physical esc key.

Apple you dumb.

React is so goddamn complicated please tell me all of this is actually worth it once you scale it up

Internal users are the worst. They act like you owe them the world. STFU and read the goddamn documentation.

So I just saw a post on Facebook about a "Serverless Function as a Service on Kubernetes". Could someone give me eye bleach please?

I really can't wait after Scoped Storage and how goddamn slow it is, to have a "glorified microservice" take 5 minutes to spin up a container, just to do something silly like printing a hello world. In the post it was apparently showing a QR code.. that's it. A fucking QR code, because remember it's just a function.

A whole fucking operating system that goes up and back down, just to run a goddamn fucking function!!!

I really love Linux, but i GODDAMN HATE, how nearly no Distro supports installing it on a Custom LVM.
I mean, i just want to have a custom LVM, inside of an encrypted Partition in other Distros than Ubuntu, Debian or Opensuse.

I think I just managed to fry my hdd THE SAME GODDAMN DAY I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO BACKING IT UP.
Holy fucking shit, that was WAY too close for comfort... 😰

WHY IS FUCKIN EVERYONE WATCHING GODDAMN FCKIN CHERNOBYL

EVERY STORY ON IG AND SNAPCHAT IS ABOUT CHERNOBYL

SHUT THE HELL UR CHERNOBYL

lol nvidia-bug-report.sh

it collected an xorg log that is not the current one.

For some reason, my arch openbox logs to $HOME/.local/share/xorg/Xorg.0.log.

What a goddamn trainwreck. I'm not necessarily saying it's nvidia's fault. But it is a trainwreck.

Every designer I’ve worked with is too goddamn slow. I always have to drag the work out of them like pulling teeth with your bare hands. It’s just an awful process.

JUST OPEN AS THE GODDAMN ADMIN - me everyday

How do we feel about documentation?

Fucking lies, lies and more lies.

If you are not going to keep it accurate don’t even fucking write it down you goddamn morons!

I would rather look at the source code then be led down the garden path by your fucking lies.

Good dev friend just told me today he believes the moon landing was faked.
Like, What the fuuuuck you have a M.Sc. in engineering.
You know the Sc. stands for goddamn science! I don't know if I can take him seriously anymore...should I try to change his mind? How?

FUCK YOU GITHUB AND YOUR MASTER SLAVE BLEEDING FUCKING HEART SPINELESS FUCKING HYPERSENSTIVE BULLSHIT TO BEGIN WITH !!! NOW FUCK YOU FOR REMOVING SHELL AUTHENTICATION AND GIVING ME A GODDAMN OTHER THING TO ANNOY ME !

Why is Firefox for Android so goddamn slow 😢😢

It's easier to rant when you down some goddamn beer. Try it!

Client can't pay me and has asked to pay me in four installments spread across on month. Surely to all hell, if you don't have the money, don't hire a goddamn developer!

This job was decided before I got advice from you guys about getting a contract as well!

Fuck off apache and ur fckinn 10 thousand different goddamn ports in use i can not start my python server bcz hhhhh too many processes use the main port and i need the main port to run the website

Tired of ur shit apache2

Just saw this question on quora asking if saying ess-kew-ell is an indication that someone doesn't know SQL. I say SQL because there's no goddamn ee or kwell in there YOU'RE ADDING LETTERS THAT AREN'T THERE BUT SOMEHOW I'M THE MORON?!?!?!

It's not so much that I mind all the fire-war about best languages, editors, and other shit, it's that NO ONE PROVIDES ANY GODDAMN EVIDENCE OR ARGUMENT ABOUT WHY. Come on folks, everyone here is on the higher end of the IQ curve, FFS make an argument!!

I get punched in the face by my phone (free falling on my face) so often that I should start suing the mofo for physical damages.

Like, what is wrong with my muscles? Why can't I keep a goddamn phone at a goddamn safe distance and type without goddamn dropping it while lying down? 😠😠

why the hell there are "jpeg -> jpg" converters out there if the both are the same goddamn thing?

You know what's bullshit? CS Degrees as a requirement, even for the shittiest dev jobs.

Sorry fuckers, I don't feel like killing myself over fucking math bullcrap for 3 goddamn years just to work as an intern slave for some rich CEO who prefers to hire some guy who doesn't know shit about actual working with computers but has a degree.

And this horseshit happens only in dev jobs. Why. Are devs some fucking nuclear scientists or something? I work as sysadmin and they didn't ask me for any shit degree and I earn more than the average code monkey where I live.

Goddamn HR fuckers. May Allah take you to hell.

Sitting through useless Friday meetings thinking "I need a goddamn drink".

Another day, another task that requires magic. I'm stuck trying to connect hibernate envers and tomcat. Both work fine on their own, but now envers needs session data and i see no way to make that work because THAT GODDAMN ENVERS-LISTENER HAS NO WAY OF ACCESSING THAT INFORMATION WITHOUT GODAWFUL INSTABLE HACKS.

<rant>
I was once a pure server side developer. Then came full stack development. So in order to keep up with the competition, I had to brave through front-end development.

But goddamn javascript, make up your mind between functions, and “Objects”.

Also variable visibility. Goddamnit. I thought ES6 was widely supported. I was happy doing const and let bbut goddamn testing frameworks, grunt and shit. Can’t make up it’s mind to support it unitedly.

And lastly, IE. Goddamn it, why the fuck are you not supporting Promise by default. We’re fucking 2017. [insert slowpoke meme]
</rant>

One good thing though, I like the library vuejs.

Bad thing is, this is just the beginning of a much more upcoming headache.

My company wants me to add semicolon in my JS code. I now have to change 191 lines. Why would you want the goddamn ;
😭

Happy Holidays, Everyone.

Wishing you all a fine holiday with closure and finality of this existential crisis we've called 2020. I will never forget this year. Cheers to the impending doom of this year which feels more like a goddamn era.

Eat. Drink. And be Merry.

2021 is coming!

Yours,
@bulletsponge

Rejections flying left and right and i’m getting tired of it. I’m already applying for a month and have been to 10 companies, made multiple assignments but it’s the same fucking story every single time.

Time for a goddamn careerswitch. Maybe riding a bus or a truck or so.

I still don't get why Chrome won't respect the password *autocomplete="off"* attribute. For fucks sake it's my goddamn website u shit brain! Obey the fucking command!!!

you don't know what true anger is until you have to manually merge a big assignment because your colleague made unreported changes ALL OVER YOUR GODDAMN FILES

So I broke my beloved Fedora Dist. instead of doing a little "sudo chmod -R 754 ./" on a development folder, I did it on root folder ( / )
Now, OS crashed, and I'm getting infinite loops when booting.
But I'm not even mad. I'm impressed :o

goddamn neckache, how do you guys get away with it 😞

Goddamn... Microsoft has a problem with their Bots and their behavior. Bing AI is absolutely unhinged and do y'all remember when Tay lost her shit?

I think Microsoft needs to just bury their dreams of making good AI... They're not good at it. 😂

Why do all these fucking stores not sell anything that isn't crap ? Our waste centric culture pisses me off when I can't just always buy something new immediately on something else wearing out

Goddamn getting back on my feet a million times crap !

That awkward moment when you forget every goddamn shortcut in eclipse after having spent two years on IntelliJ!

Fuck you, Google and your million goddamn captchas. One after fucking another, they just keep fucking coming and I can't get to whatever the fucking fuck it is I'm doing. Fuck you. I hope your children all get cancer.

Longest goddamn development time ever on this one app I’m working on. Totally got demotivated for many months. Only now just starting to finish it.

When Tracy puts another goddamn sandwich in the printer

What in the hell is a fucking phone manager, and why, or for what would I need something to manage MY goddamn phone?

It's so goddamn hard to get work on freelancer, upwork, people per hour sites when you're just starting, how are you meant to get your foot in the door when nobody fives you chance!

Can someone goddamn explain me this goddamn black hole meme what is the goddamn fkin meme about ths there is literally nothing to goddamn meme about ths

This damn Google Gboard voice typing switches between German and English, although in the settings only German is enabled.... This is so annoying goddamn...

Fucking Fucking Fuck.... fucking acumatica and fucking IIS.
I’m not shitting on CS or ASP but the fucking windows server/IIS implementation. No one should use that shit. Fucking horrendous garbage.

Literally every goddamn thing we do in acumatica has major fucking gotchas.

Today apparently goddamn concurrency is fucked cause IIS and acumatica. I love friggen obscure issues being only documented in a friggen comment on a damn post in a random difficult to search corner of the friggin internet.

I miss having a laptop, goddamn fucking sibling (he smashed it)

came to the pub for some peice and quiet to read my book and this fucking dumbass boomer is sneezing every fucking goddamn second dude fucking fuck off god just eject me into space what the fuck is wrong with these FUCKING retards jesus christ

Also: Windows Updates are breaking my solution. Goddamn you Microsoft. Burn in hell!

Beeeeedddddddddd wanna lay in soft sweet bed and drink champagne nightly and receive soft blowjobs until I nod off into Dreamland for a straight goddamn week

Oh and code and stuff to stay on topic lol

! Dev related rant
I rammed a knife into our fridge freezer to throw ice on my flatmate. And bam! I punchered the goddamn coil, now we've been without fridge for two days and I'm going to lose shit load of cash.
Off goes beer for a few weeks.

Update on SSHFS:

I have now moved over to a Samba share that auto-mounts via fstab. It took way too goddamn long....

Goddamn it! I'm trying my absolute best to get all the bugs you keep complaining about, but when you don't bother to explain exactly what you did to get to the bug you're making it really hard for me to help you. I know there's a goddamn deadline but you're killing me by making me take shots in the dark!!! FUCCCCCCCCCCCK!