my girlfriend knows how to work with linux based systems and she does not like apple products. She's the one!

"A picture is worth a thousand words"

No one knows the pain of that more than a front end dev trying to reduce load times of a web page.

Something that I'm utterly ashamed of.

Had to add text message and call communication functionality in one of the products.

Boss shrunk the deadline to two days ETA.

Didn't know jackshit about twilio.

Meeting with client:

Client - So the communication thing is done right?
Me - Yyeahhh
Client - Let's try it then. *Calls himself*
Me - *Calls the API directly from my phone*

Client got out happy. Nobody knows what actually happened there. I didn't even talk to my colleagues about this. Boss gave me bonus to pull of the impossible. I added the feature after a week of the incident.

Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.

Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.

MFW.

Me, doing QA

PM: "stop submitting bug reports about screen size, we're only supporting one resolution for now"

Me: *What do you mean you're only supporting one resolution it's a website and it breaks on screens <1400 px tall*
*Sigh*
"okay, what resolution?"

PM: "No one knows"

Me: *dies*

So I was looking at the linux environment at my new job. Found 2 VM's in the local network, only one of them is documented. Noone knows about the other one or what it does, let alone usernames and passwords.

Spent over an hour trying to break in, only to find out that a couple of bored devs, that have long since left the company, set up a game server on there and noone noticed it for the past 3 years..

This one colleague at my work.

I'm pretty new to a lot stuff and I stress out about some stuff a lot more than the other guys, mostly because I'm scared I might not be able to fix it.

But whenever that happens, I explain this guy what's going on and then, while making jokes, talking in a very calming way, he always knows to fix it in no time!

For everyone who does this, thanks for being there for the little/new guys :)

PM: Hey Brod, I know your really busy refactoring to ES6 but I think our Ruby app broke, could you fix it?..
Me: Ask Tom, he's the only one here who knows ruby he wrote the app..
PM: I didn't want to interrupt his Skype call.
Me: he's not on Skype, that's his face, he's taking snapchats.
PM: oh, well I don't want to really interrupt that either.

SAY YOU HATE ME. JUST SAY IT.

My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.

Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.

"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."

*facepalm*

Guess not everyone knows how much one gigabyte is :/

Eclipse - The one and only IDE which knows how to zoom properly.

Disclaimer: non dev related.

So I went to a festival today. What is the most stupid question you can ask at a festival?
And the winner is
And the winner is...

'why are you sweating?'

THE WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?
DETAIL ONE: I'M AT A FUCKING FESTIVAL
DETAIL TWO: I'M DANCING MY ASS OFF
DETAIL TWO: EVERYONE IS MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUUUUUCK DANCING.

Mother of god, stupidity knows no fucking boundries 😲

Management knows shit about managing.

They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.

Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:

"Hey, I want a hamburger"

Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"

"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"

When you quit and you are the only one who knows about the project.

Your attitude when you are the only only one in your group who knows how to use Linux.

The awkwardly embarrassing moment when you realise your junior, a fresher out of college, knows more than you... Shittt... Why kids are so fucking smart these days!!! I'm looking for a place where I can go and just hide from the world. If you know one, please help.

NEVER ACCEPT to be the ONLY DEV in the company who knows the whole product!

I am in the position of being the only one who knows all modules, there are even modules I developed which no one else will be able to maintain as soon as I leave the company, which I am planning right now and this also makes me getting depressed about.

3 people for developing the prototype including me.

One person knows unity. He started modeling the terrain in that.

Another person knows 3D modelling. He started designing the bots.

I don't know unity or C#. I started implementing the logic :/

It was the worst experience but learned shitloads from it in 2 days.

beginner coder: figures out how to write a feature

average coder: knows a few different ways to write a feature. but not quite sure on which one to use.

master coder: meditates before starting a project. closes his eyes to map out the entire infrastructure of the project.

god coder: gets paid ALOT of money to guide people on the right to do it.

People: I will never put one of those smart speakers in my home! You're basically just putting in a microphone that will spy on you!

Also People: Hang on I have to grab my phone/high-fidelity microphone/high resolution camera/GPS tracker/Data Aggregator and make sure I have it with me literally everywhere I go, because who knows when I will want to comment on a cute picture of a cat!?

The previous developer left no fucking documentation of how he developed this fucking website. Did I mention no one else in the company knows how he developed this fucking thing.

Fuck.

My boss knows only one design pattern -
Singleton!

My mother is the one that introduced me to computers from a young age. She would tell me that they were the future and that people could do amazing things with them. Fast forward at me graduating from uni with a B.S in Computer science and she was the happiest :) she tells everyone that I am a computer scientist, she seldom says "programmer" or "developer". She is super well versed in general computing and can use Linux and Mac, so yeah :) mom is awesome. My dad has lil idea of what I do, to him its just magic, my step dad is the same way but he will be the first to tell everyone that I am a wizard.
My brother and sister could care less...my sister tells everyone that I am the smartest person she knows, but that I spend most of my time glued to the screen "playing with a bunch of weird code!"
The rest of my family is pretty meh about it, 2 of my uncles are super proud of it and normally ask for my input regarding tech or about life as a dev.
Finally, the wife. The wife knows how to code from before I even knew what code was :) so she knows exactly what I do :)

3:30 on a Friday, random PM: our Argentina devs just sent out a merge request. We need to release before the weekend.
me: We try not to release on Friday afternoon unless it's for a high priority bug fix.
PM: This is urgent
me: why?
PM: We're two weeks behind schedule and the dev for this it's going on vacation in an hour.
me: so, you want to release when there's no one around if something goes wrong and the person who knows anything about it isn't contactable?
PM: yes
me: no.

Want to play some Tic Tac Toe? Letting my bot go for a good first round of public testing
Probably will break right away.. Who knows :D
For starters limiting to one simultaneous game. Have fun!

Why are all my classmates building their web applications in PHP for our thesis? I know it's used a lot but for smaller projects there's tons of better ways to build a web application. Besides myself and another guy in this class (I'm using Java and mongoDB, he's working in ASP.NET and Microsoft SQL), nobody else wants to use something different. We only did PHP in one class so this seriously can't be the only language 2/3rd's the class knows.

Oh God it probably is.

Any one knows the meaning of "s" or ""d". Because I don't know😐

I wonder, does one have to know English to code?
And does devrant auto translate other languages to English? Seems everyone here knows English wherever they're from.

I'm pretty young for a dev and I am still learning as one but I find it sad how nobody at my middle school knows anything about code. But I'm glad I got this app because I get to see what devs are up to 😃 blessdd

It's my first week working at shithole.co (can i say that?). My boss is a micromanaging asshole who knows the bare minimum re: programming. He thinks css is hard (no offense). I'm fresh outta college. He expects me to be able to do a very complicated api development through an equally complicated authorization process. Every fucking day "Is it working yet?" [This is my first week on the job]. I don't think he's read the documentation and I don't think he understands how to. As I am typing this out I realize I'm more educated than this dumb ass. Oh, some more context. Our senior dev is working on a more important project So we don't have time to bother him? So I am doing his job for 1/10 the cost. Oh, and i'm not allowed to contact him because he is too important. When the app inevitably crashes and no one knows how to fix it. I will give them my nutsack to swallow (can i say that?).

Congratulations? For fucking what. So you built a wix website. Now youre a web developer and the whole world knows it, my services aren't needed anymore.

Congratulations you bypassed half a decade in 50 hours a week of coding, then you have the bone and fucking marrow of emailing me because your like buttons are causing users to create a new instagran account. Good one kid.

My co-workers hate it when I ask this question on a technical interview, but my common one is "what is the difference between a varchar(max) and varchar(8000) when they are both storing 8000 characters"

Answer, you cannot index a varchar(max). A varchar(max) and varchar(8000) both store the data in the table but a max will go to blob storage if it is greater than 8000.

No one ever knows the answer but I like to ask it to see how people think. Then I tell them that no one ever gets that right and it isn't a big deal that they don't know it, as I give them the answer.

When my idiot technical lead on the client’s floor (where everyone could hear him), “corrected” me in public telling me I should never use parent/child classes and override a method. Instead just use lots of if else statements in the one.

Not just is he a moron, but sounds like he knows what he is talking about if you are a client who knows nothing about coding. So I look like an idiot to our customers and he sounds smart... when it’s the other way around.

And HOW DARE you criticize anyone, even if it is warranted, in public in front of clients. You go in an office and close a door.

StackOverflow knows everything!

One night I asked question on SO first time. So next morning, really excited man, want to see my scores. But result was -3 rating! "F**k!" And urgently deleted my question. But SO gave me `Peer pressure` badge, badge for `Delete own post with score of -3 or lower.`... OMG!

I've been fired today and somehow it was an relief :)
As I know that I am pretty much the only one who knows how the infrastructure works and I am the only one who actively tried to get the company to a better level of coding (tests, code reviews, proper deployment / continuous integration,...) It somehow feels like that gif.

"Delete node_modules folder and execute npm install" is the js version for "reboot the machine". Often works, but no one knows exactly why.

At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She knows noone except for me and the bride.

Already spotted 3 programmers and I can give you my hat to shit into if that particular one of the three doesn't own a macbook. It's all over his face...

<noRant>
When one of the clients has technical background and knows what's possible and useful. I even like to have meetings with them, they are always really productive
</noRant>

Here is the problem.

We all make mistakes. It's part of our lives and we learn a lot from it.

But you motherfucker, acting like an all-knowing being amongst all the developers. You think no one knows better than you. You learned something 2 years ago and you think nothing has been updated after that.

You make a mistake, you accept it and learn from it. But if you think you know everything, stop asking me to review your code. Fuck you, cocksucker.

I am interviewing people for a job position with python knowledge.

My first question is how to reverse string and second one what’s the difference between set and list.
So far no one knows.

Fairly speaking I am asking only basic questions about what is decorator, generator, lambda. Also some basic data structure questions.

Is it to hard ?

I lost my faith in humanity.

Literally what I do 80% of the time at work.

I am the only one that:

Knows CSS properly
Knows SCSS
Understands how to set up a proper front end workflow
Etc
Etc
Fucking etc

I AM the css dude at work and I FUCKING HATE working with CSS, at the same time I take it upon myself to push through the projects because my team is shit at it and I would rather work with it than to have someone else do it and then fix their shitcode.

As a whole....i dislike design. Badly.

My one of friend says that he knows android but
.
.
.
He doesn't know java.

So I just finished my first 40 hour work week.
And just an hour ago I had a meeting.

In that meeting I said pretty much this:
"Your old system is rubbish, I want to make a new one"
"Also we can't use the old framework"
"Also it needs to be in a different language that nobody knows here"

And they went for it!

At this point I think I can sell anything to anyone.

Sooo I've been working on an ancient php 5.6 project that did not have any documentation and was a homemade "framework" created 7 years ago. The original creator is long gone and no one else knows a lot about this project.

When I first looked into it I almost immediately noticed the security flaws...

Old outdated libraries
a "development" feature to easily turn dev mode on/off
BY A GET PARAMETER!

it spits out full sql queries and php warnings -.-

Oh and did I mention that the site is a webshop.... and has a backdoor password?
AND THAT THE CUSTOMER REQUESTED THAT?

We all have that one coding-buddy who we consult in case we are stuck...
We all have that one coding-buddy who knows nothing about coding

When I first got in this companie, with 3 other people, one of the first thing they told us was about a "rule" that we never deploy on Friday's or at the end of the day, but no one else in the company knows about it. It's the department's little secret 👌

**Me, while working on sql based project**

Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.

**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**

Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.

Manager: I can see my password

Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***

Manager: you are no different than others.

Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**

So I was setting up my friend's NAS. Got everything worked in minutes (dns, port forwarding etc.). Enabled ftp connection tried it locally, working. Tried remotely, timed out...

After half an hour I was about to tear my hair out one by one when he suddenly said to wait a sec he knows what's the problem. Tapped two on his phone and suddenly, it's working.

THE FUCKING PHOTO UPLOADING FROM HIS PHONE TO THE CLOUD BLOCKED ALL INCOMING CONNECTIONS AND HE WAS AWARE OF THAT ALL ALONG. WHAT THE FUCK MAN, DO YOU ENJOY SEEING ME STRUGGLE?? That was literally an "I'm out" moment.

In a former company we had a CEO that was no developer but thought he knows better just because of googling stuff.
One meeting was a very ridiculous one. He told us which technology we should use for the new project. All of us developers objected and agreed on something better.
It ended in he yelling at us and calling us stupid and incompetent. This meeting lasted almost a whole day.
I left the company soon after.

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

Everytime I'm digging into some random legacy code where no one knows its original intention I'm seeing "Software Archeologist" as a well-paid job sooner or later...
Fucking undocumented legacy code...

So being a sole developer at the company, full stack, you know, basically 24/7 job because you are the only one that knows what's going on.

I love my job but now that I'm not working with a team I miss code reviews and bouncing ideas off.

So, is there like a community or something where a sole developer can get this? Maybe more privately than SO or reddit or whatever

It's sad. When developers create the application and ONLY know how to lunch it by clicking that green button in the IDE, having no clue how to package and launch it properly...

it makes me sad.

Now I'm supposed to dockerize an application no one knows how to launch outside the IDE.

I feel JS has taken over...

The good.

Easy to learn, thus everyone knows it

The bad.

Everyone knows it, so npm has disgusting code that's used in prod.

Npm itself is still an unstable mess at times.

No one knows what it is to be a good programmer .

Dozens of frameworks every year since everyone thinks they can make it a bit better.

Classes still suck , no interfaces !

Q:Why should a professor teach things that aren't in the source book?
A: so he can get an exam that not even himself can answer properly!
Q: But why?
A: no one knows the answer. It's one of the philosophic questions that has no answer. But maybe to hurt his students!

So we have this one dude in our team. Mid level engineer. 7 months old in the company. Arguing with everyone. Doesn't listen to the leads. Wants to do stuff in his own way. Complains about everything. First I thought he knows he stuff. But the. I realized he just wants to disagree with everything. Also thinks that all the work he did in his last job is superior. But most of the things are not following standards. Looks like he is just full of himself. How to deal with a person like that? Will he get fired eventually?

What can we do with a boss who urinates in a cup in his office and then dumps it in the kitchen sink even when we (all women) are sitting there eating lunch?

We are certain of what is in the cup because it smells, is yellow, and it sits right on his credenza in plain view. He’s even left it outside the office, forgetting to empty it.

A few weeks ago I was washing my lunch dishes and he dumped it right on top of my stuff. I was pretty much in shock, I just couldn’t believe it.

Is there something wrong here that I’m not getting? He’s the owner, the boss, in his 70’s, and very respected, but I don’t understand this. No one knows what to say. We feel that if we said something, he would deny it and since he’s the boss, who knows what would happen. Is there any way to approach this? The only other males in the office are related to him. Someone did mention it to one of them, but nothing has changed.

Being an apprentice programmer in a Ludum Dare (Create a game in 72h) that knows more than the official programmer, and have an artist in the group who makes THIS PIECES OF ART!

She didn't even had a computer to work with it, neither she asked for one to the event, so eventually she used mine... And I could not do my work.

Did I mentioned that she used PAINT to color the images?

This is a long, looong story, I'll do the complete version soon...

God.

Being a programmer in a scientific discipline can be infuriating.

using "no one" ="almost no one"
using everyone = "almost everyone"

1. No one knows what even the very idea of good practice is. And everyone refuses to learn. 3k lines of repetitive copy pasted main. 500 lines of plotting method.

2. Raw C-style pointer based array creation. Won't use develope array libraries because what if development stops. FUCKING HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR CODE WHAT IF DEVELOPMENT ON YOUR CODE STOPS. FUCK.

3. LOOP VARIABLES DECLARED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE METHOD WHY.

4. Everyone wants to make modular, independent code. No one wants to use OOP. NOPE. ALL IN ONE FILE. WRITE C++ LIKE A FUCKING PYTHON NOTEBOOK. FUCK.

5. LIBRARIES OH MY GOD PLEASE DO NOT CODE UP YOUR MATRIX MULTIPLICATION. PLEASE DO NOT TRIPLE LOOP IT. NO. THE LINEAR ALGEBRA LIBRARY WILL STAY IN DEVELOPMENT.

6. Please realize that literally not one comment over an 1800 line file does not help anyone.

FUCKING. WHY. WHY ARE WE SCIENTISTS SO GOOD AT SCIENCE AND SO FUCKING SHIT AT THE CODE THAT MAKES OUR SCIENCE HAPPEN. WHY. FUCKING. WHY. FUCK.

Stand up on Zoom...
Day 1: No one knows who will speak their daily tasks first or last
Day 45: There is mutual order which appears out of the blue and everyone has their own sort of roll number for speaking in stand-up meeting😂

Just saw a job ad for a company they were asking for one developer they wanted software developer x 7 and senior developer x 2.

How cheap is that? If you want to hire people do so but don't bundle them up, the description for what is required is funny too, I love how companies don't even know any standard way of asking for a specific role just blurt you need this this and this senior is that plus knows how to lead, cool.

Is this really a real requirement: "Visual Studio experience"?

Or is this just some piss take?

General approach : I'm wasting my time by just sitting in front of computer all day. Since I'm freelancer, almost all of my work can be done at one place. They think, I should get a REAL job.

When they need help with tech : I'm the guy who knows everything about tech and can fix their mobile, printer, toaster, washing machine and nuclear warfare.

When it comes to admiring what I do, I'm just a useless piece of shit but, when they need technical assistance I'm their lord and savior!!

There’s a bug in production, where a user account is vulnerable to simple bruteforcing 15 minutes after signing up. I’m the only one who knows. To fix or not to fix 🤔

At my job there is little to none documentation of the software. Software is from 2000 and updated since...

Imagine the features no one knows about.

> be me
> started using greentext on devrant a while ago
> semi successful rants
> people start using greentext too
> lookMomIDidIt.avi
> be happy
> no one knows I started it
> maybe it wasn't even me
> sit in shower
> try not to cry
> cry a lot

Shit. That's not a rant about coding

> fuck microsoft

Why is it that CS students with no industry experience lament about HTML all the time?

I don't get the weird obsession with talking about how it's "not a programming language"
No one who knows what they're talking about is claiming it is.

Hyper Text *Markup* Language.

Markup is in the name.

Running a wild UPDATE statement against an inventory database, it was chaotic and didn't have backups.... yea I know 😅 the backup service died god knows when and no one noticed. I was only new at the time so #notMyFault

UPDATE stock_on_hand = 0; WHERE id IN(1,2,3,4,5,88,972,7388);
# rows affected 1,234,567,890

> I think I almost died inside.

Oh the fun that mess was to clean up.
The positive outcome of this was, we had backups working again not long after and the inventory counts where accurate after that stock take.

During the 3 years I've been in this job I have had one pay increase.

My manager has gotten 2 raises and 2 promotions (which each come with a pay raise) during that same time.

My company really knows how to make you feel unappreciated.

Today I had what might have been my worst job interview to date. It had many different technical, cultural, and business red flags. One that really stuck out to me was when I asked my interviewer why he loves his job, he went on about how great the benefits and events are. Not a single word about the work he does or his teammates. A younger me would have seen this as an opportunity to put in some hard work and contribute to something great. Older me knows to avoid this dumpster fire like the goddamn plague.

I work in a bitcoin startup , my fucking boss really wants everyone to use ubuntu because of security and all , the bad thing is i am the only guy who knows how to install and deal with it , so when any one joins or has some problem he always bugs me and the thing is i am an android developer not a sys admin and now he fucking want to get 2 factor in ubuntu desktops when they log in

!rant
Had a conversation with an non-dev acquaintance today...he was telling me my job was in danger because of the rapid advance of AI...that soon the client will just specify what he needs and the AI will create it.
Yeah...just one small problem...the client never knows what he wants...as long as that client is human I'm pretty sure we're safe

types of programmers on social media from my school

#1: that bitch with a mac who barely knows enough python to write a keylogger or web scraper and implies they could make full on applications

#2: that other bitch who has windows and learned a little bit of html and flexes screenshots of their website

#3: the one who runs a club and promotes it on social media, they know java and run windows

#4: the knowledgeable, friendly linux user who's got a bomb ass personal website or plain as to their liking, and retweets cool news on twitter

#4 is the best.

uSE AnY pRogrAmMinG L@ngu@g3 yOu liKe.

1nTervi3weRs Do N0t CarE aBouT tHe L@nGuAge.

Fuck you. Stop asking time complexity or space complexity of functional code. No one fucking knows.

Why it is so difficult to find an internship for a Computer Science Student?
I do have good resume, I am full of energy, I can spend a lot of time on solving problems and development. I can learn new things.
But everyone wants a intern who knows everything and can do miracle for them. No one is giving chance to ones who are in learning phase. Just try us and you will see the potential in us.
Been trying to get a good internship from last 3 months. 😔

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

Many people / engineers around me talk about trendy stuff like Cybersecurity or AI and show off what great encryption and neuronal networks they 'have built' ( I would rather say 'using').

I kinda get the feeling of 'Everbody talks about it - no one really knows what's goin' on inside (especially those guys who hate math and even algorithms).'

Am I just stupid or does somebody else here feel the same way? I mean people have been doing serious research about this stuff for years. And currently many kids are coming up with it as if it is easy stuff like the bubble sort.

Last time, working on a project with two mates at school.

I'm the one who knows how to read and understand correctly a doc for low-level c libraries (portaudio, opus) and working on sockets.

I make the barebone of our server. Co-workers should work on socket client.

After a week, the socket client is ugly, and almost unusable.
I rewrite the socket client in two days.

Co-worker, for a week : "the only contribution of Orionss is deleting my code" (it wasn't the first time)

In these moments, I would like to kill this guy

We had a company feedback meeting the other week; an airing of grievances so to speak. One of the complaints was about how when someone calls 911, no one knows exactly where it goes.

The way he phrased it, we all though it was a metaphor. But as they talked about it, someone said, "Wait, are you .. you're taking about real 911 calls? Like this isn't a metaphor?"

All VoIP gets routed via the central office; so when someone from the California office dials 911 on a phone, they get a 911 dispatch in Illinois. 😶

To all web devs adding cookie-nags on your companys pages: stop that! Now! No where does that cookie law require you to ruin your site with nagging popups. Where's the focus on usability?

And the rule about informed consent? Which normal user (like my mother) knows what that means anyway? I call bs! Politicians, don't get me started.

Every user on the internet goes JMIGA: Just Make It Go Away, click whatever making that crap disappear.

What user will go "holy shit, they're using cookies!! I'm outta here!" No one in the history of the internet, that's who. Argh.

"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)

No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.

Some of my colleagues have a joint birthday party, I'm here with them drinking beer. A friend here knows that actually today is my birthday. No one else knows and I hate boasting about myself and bringing attention to myself. I'm fucking sad today... Should have gone home to my family. If you have a beer at hand, have one on me!

My previous boss has bad habit of relieving employees. He find out his links in a employee
s new company and then god knows what he did with that.

For, that reason I did not mention my current company when I switch but today I tried to find out those people who left before me it was shocking that no one updated their current company.

Creepiness of the former boss was real. Everyone was scared.

Not a co-worker but a personal friend, I am still developing with the dude. He is absolutely AMAZING when it comes to reverse engineering he knows much more than me in this area of computer science. Actually one of my first friends who actually geeks out over this shit.

Oh so day continued....

My boss just asked me before I left... You know that report we wanted automated, you said you'd get it done by today, is it done yet?

Me: well uh who dragged me into a PROD issue because no one else knows how to investigate... EVEN THOUGH I BUILT AND SHOWED U HOW TO USE THEM... SEVERAL TIMES. (no i didn't say this last but that's what went on in my head).

Oh and I figured out what the issue was...

Even though I have 500 reputation on StackOverflow I'm afraid to ask a question! Coz other devs can be really down right mean! No one knows everything, we are all here to learn. Some ppl don't understand that they too started like this.

Hey guys, I don't want to shock you, but I just found out something very important that nobody of you knows:
WPA2 is broken.

Now thank me and give me plusses for I am the first and only one to have given you this important piece of information.

I will pick a dev who doesn’t know much but is eager to learn over one who knows a lot and is set in their ways every.damn.time

anytime anyone asks me to write a solution to fizzbuzz - i do it in brainfuck because even if i screw up...no one knows. :P

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+[-<++++<++++>>]>>-->++++++[->+++++++++++<]>[->+>+>+>+<<<<]+++++>>+>++
++++>++++++>++++++++[-<++++<++++<++++>>>]++++++[-<+++<+++<+++>>>]>>-->
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+++[----<++++]--[>]++[-->++]--<]>++[--+[-<+]->>[-]+++++[---->++++]-->[
->+<]>>[.>]++[-->++]]-->+++]---+[-<+]->>-[+>>>+[-<+]->>>++++++++++<<[-
>+>-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>+>>]<<<<<<]>>[-]>>>++++++++++<[->-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>
+>>]<<<<<]>[-]>>[>++++++[-<++++++++>]<.<<+>+>[-]]<[<[->-<]++++++[->+++
+++++<]>.[-]]<<++++++[-<++++++++>]<.[-]<<[-<+>]+[-<+]->>]+[-]<<<.>>>+[
-<+]-<<]

So, a company recruted me as an hybrid developer (ionic), they affected me to the mobile team where all they talk about there is either Java or ObjC ... I feel "alone" there, being the only one who knows JS and web techs in general, i sometimes join the web team at lunch time so we can talk in "commun" knowledge in JS frameworks and stuff i know :v

No one of my family knows exactly what I'm doing for living x)

Left my previous cushy job for a start-up and a paycut. Can't work in a project that still uses CVS and being the only one who knows what git is.

Developers that prefer to play the asshole card because it is easier than going through the trouble of acting like a normal person and lose a chunk of their time.

I come across this more and more: if I have a conversation with a random stranger at an event, and we touch upon a new thing that neither one of us knows about or whatever, there is this sudden cut off when one stops the conversation and leaves, rather than staying and keep on exploring the subject and risk of saying something stupid.

Am I just in the wrong place talking to the wrong people?
Or is there some developer budget your time manual that I haven't heard about?

Find yourself a manager/leader who knows a bit about software engineering. Better still, find one who is/was a software engineer him/herself.

Because software engineering is a form of art. A leader who doesn't understand your art won't be able to properly appreciate it.

They won't be interested in how and why you make/do something. They're only interested in how fast can you get it done.

I'm currently working on a feature that no one likes. Everyone knows that it will be removed soon because the users won't understand it, but it still has to be implemented due to client-side Management madness.

Good thing: the contract with this client expires in 3 weeks :)

We were redesigning our template apps into a single one and I repeatedly said to our pm "don't get someone to merge all the old backends into a single api get them to build it up with the new front end"

They ignored me now I have to spend goodness knows how long fixing it because the requirements for the new fe are completely different and it's all broken.

Not to mention it was rushed converted from js to typescript and nothing is typed.

Its going to be a fun Monday.

Maslow's hammer is my new favourite quote.

Ad-libbing - when one only knows how to use a hammer, a lot of his problems start to look like Nails.

This is so true

That one guy who always knows a better solution for your app 🤔👌🏾

Anybody else shipping SidTheITGuy with ostream?

#JustKissAlready

P.S. Content Warning, only god knows what will go in the comments of this one. U was warned.

really fucking hate those PM types who will hear a smart sounding term or buzzword used by a developer, and then proceed to overuse it (mostly incorrectly) in every fucking conversation as if it's le mot du jour.

or better yet, when the fucking parrot proceeds to drive a meeting with PO's by regurgitating verbatim your explanation you gave to him 2 hours before as if he knows that the fuck he's talking about. oh but when someone asks a question for clarification - "hey dev, you wanna take this one?"

hey PM, you wanna lick my balls?

Follow up on a previous rant:

I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.

It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.

These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.

They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.

I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.

No one knows if they even have source code.

Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.

Well I asked what Wednesday could bring in my last rant.

Potential redundancy apparently. Company I work for has just been bought and no one knows if any jobs are safe.

The question is do I still have a interviewing suit? (One that fits)

"Wow, you knows how to hack the system"

Me: Well... I was one of the creators of that system...

Me inside: Please don't use localStorage ever again

Things that I will do during the next few weeks at work because I am an asshole:

Write an entire CLI utility in Rust for internal processes, no one on my city understands or even knows that Rust exists.

Write a small desktop app as proof of concept for another department that had made the idea some time ago in either: GnuSTEP Obj-C or Lazarus Pascal for the same reason as the Rust application.

Job security people. And I have a tendency to write things in stuff that no one else uses.

What a horrible monday today was. Fuck-all worked. Missed deadline. Not much sleep. Heart is racing.

But hey, the horoscope in the daily toiletpaper press knows it all better, as usual, 100% IQ:

💫"You have finally found your center. Your body and soul are feeling great and your're in tune with yourself. You are enjoying it and would love to share your experiences with your loved one."💫

Where is my rocket launcher??? I have to kill a newspaper.

No one in my family has ever been a developer. No one understood what a developer does so I just was labeled the one who knows about computers. Thankfully my immediate family was ok with me studying computers and I wasn't pushed to be a doctor or lawyer like most stereotypical ones do.

My wife is a bigger nerd that me. She just told me Rooster Teeth is shutting down. Who knows shit like that? I haven't looked at anything Rooster Teeth since Red vs Blue.

Earlier conversation with her about something else:
Me: I can't believe how stupid people are. I cannot believe people are stupid enough to...
Her: Hold up. You really need to expand your imagination about how stupid people can actually be.
Me: I am not smart enough to understand how stupid people can be.

Yeah, I think she may be the smart one. She makes up for my weaknesses.

I see a lot of talk about complex numbers, and yet
for all they are worth, I have not once been
able to find an explaination on how to calculate
them by hand, namely the real component.
For example
(-5)**0.5
(1.3691967456605067e-16+2.23606797749979j)

2.23606 is obviously just the square root of 5, but where the hell did 1.369 come from?

Apparently no one fucking knows, and no site I've found gives a simple explanation for someone new to math in general.

"use a calculator", "hit a button",

How about no.

What is worse than React native? A crash in flutter ....

They need to work on their stack trace all it's errors lead to framework assertion failed, but which fucker in my code caused it....

No one knows, time to play cat and mouse with this thing 😒

Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In my project group, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and no one knows why.

Just figured out that while I was on vacation they made a really well thought (not) decision to switch to Firebase despite having 4 fully managed VPS with low usage.

Wanna know what the big deal is?
The only one who looks like knows anything is the fucking intern.

I was trying to understand the thought process and everything revolved around "its real time" argument.

No one knows how the api really works, the benefits of "real time" , and we are using the free plan :)

Yeah... People really do overthink things here...

I want to play GTA V on full specs - but computer doesn't have enough juice. Anyone knows the name of the website from where I can download an i7 processor, 5TB of Memory, and 16GB RAM. I have already tried SourceForge. Please post the link below, if you happen to know one.

I have this idea for a story, but I lack graphic talent. It's always frustrated me that I can't bring the ideas in my head out in to visual form, but the programmer in me knows how to be descriptive enough.

Thanks to AI I genuinely think I might be able to make my story as a visual novel. Here's one of the first successful renders of a scene.

This might just work. I'm excited...

I am working with a team that's producing tons of new services..
And me being a fresher, reading new designs every other day with God knows complex implementations and business requirements and attending design review meetings(where I can barely understand anything)
having a great learning curve..
Hopefully, I survive this period and cope up with the inputs...
Note: Just don't ask what's my contribution.. I am gearing up for the D-Day to make my impact(not a negative one).. 😎

Shower thoughts: Someone should infiltrate the NSA and create a backdoor. Then, with all the data NSA has, he could make the most efficient and successful dating service, which doesn't even need any rightleftmitchmatchbullshit, because it instantly knows who the perfect one is.

You know when you work with an incompetent team or organization? No one
knows what they are doing and there is no competent leadership to set high standards and
people are making their own bullshit up? Yeah? That's my current workplace.

Unreal Engine fun continues...
so I need to set limits to rotations within a skeletal mesh. So in other programms, like blender, you can specify a limit per axis, setting max and min angle. Makes sense, right?

Unreal Engine:
1. Let's call rotations sometimes xyz, sometimes roll pitch yaw, and sometimes swing1 swing2 and twist so that nobody knows what it is anymore.
2. IK node 1: limits? what are limits?
3. IK node 2: ok, you can set angular limits but they are all symmetrical to god knows what and to all axis apperently.
4. Physics: yeah you can define joint constraints but we give you only symmetrical constraints also
....
WHY. Were does this make any sense? One node is not like the other, and they talk rotations but use 100 different terms for them, since, hey, why the f not. And let's limit everything symmetricly so you can only set one value or have to fiddle with offsets to achive the range of movement you want.

I mean, one could just stick to xyz (or even roll/pitch/yaw, whatever) and min/max but hey, that's one extra field and then it would be easy to use. Who would want that? ....

It's May 4th and no one in my office knows the significance of today.

Hey guys.
This was my project for today.
Power supply, 5v USB 25A x2; 12V 10A x2; extra power standard cables to power HDDs and such.
Plus a sand paper whatever it's called :p

Ps: Need to know how to power it without the standart power supply, with cables direct to the brush motor pins. Anyone knows? Have arduinos, l293, easy shields, uln2003a... Would one of this work?

Hope you guys like my 🤪 ideas

Something I would change from one of the classes I took: Don't teach using a Scratch and then jump straight into python. It would have been a lot easier to just start at python. The only reason I would teach scratch is for a kid who knows absolutely nothing about how a computer works

that feel when I am the only one in team who knows at least one framework.. and coworkers refuse to learn and instead copy and paste code parts from old, insecure apps into new apps... 😐

I've worked with few incompetent people till now, but one guy who stands out is my peer who is a "Lead Developer".

First of all he knows nothing!! Even Jon Snow knows something, but this guy knows absolutely nothing. And on top of that he has a hard ass attitude. Never sticks to coding standards, pushes unwanted configuration files to Git, uses too many nested loops even when not even a single one is required.

And when I suggest him something, he starts giving these lame ass reasons and tries to avoid my comments. Then I say, "good luck with that buddy" and move on!!

That one kid who knows absolutely everything there is to know about computers... As long as they run Windows.

"You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it." - Andy Warhol

I find it hilarious that I am one of 2 people at my company of 60+ people that really knows front end development. Like, how have you guys made it this far without full stack devs?

Hey guys.
Have a look at, and be mesmerized
sunshinehostelfoz.com

Offered to redo the page in exchange for one night, let's see what they say.
Btw anyone knows what bullshit was this build up on? Can't check the code on phone.

My dev role model is our humble and stupid senior developer.

He gives hope to everyone that there is at least one person who knows less but is at a higher rank.

Several devs never faced imposter syndrome for him 🙏

YOU FUCKING FUCK APPLE GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER DAMN IT!
Left work 4 hours ago and guess what fucking ipa file did not get uploaded to app store, why? no one fucking knows! I admit 4Mbit speed isn't fast but if a tiny interruption happens to the mac's connection apploader will simply drop the upload!
I don't understand NASA was able to reach Mars and Apple fails to make a fucking decent file uploader !!!!
Now I will be going to waste two fucking hours tomorrow morning for the fucking file to be uploaded!

First rant that I really want to get out of my chest!

Never hated a job as much as this one. Haven’t done any development/programming related work since I joined. I have been mostly configuring Linux systems for IoT devices. When I get stuck at an issue, it takes me many frustrating nights to figure it out because no one on the team wants to deal with Linux shit… they’d rather be doing real development work (someone actually stated this!). There’s no one else on the team that knows Linux. Even the manager that was supposedly a Linux fanatic can’t even answer some of my questions and if they do, it’s the wrong fucking answer. Joined the company because they sold it as startup team with big money backing. Was excited to learn new technologies, new best software engineering practices, add new programming languages to my resume. But nope, been stuck at configuring Linux systems. At one point I was just pumping out updated Linux images with our updated application for a month straight. I was so excited when a development task was assigned to me a couple weeks back, but guess what?! There were Linux configuration tasks that no one knows how to do or don’t want to look at it, so my one and only fucking development work was swapped out!

And the funny thing is, I barely had any Linux experience when I joined. Why the fuck was I hired?

Man, I even bought books related to Linux programming (application and kernel) before I joined. Those books barely have a crease in them. What a waste.

Now in my free time, I’ve been learning new technologies on my own. Doing my own projects. But damn, I lose a lot of family time. Sorry wifey, I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to you!

But who knows, maybe this experience will have a silver lining in the end.

Thanks for reading :)

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

Am I the only one who's a final year undergraduate, but isn't sure he/she knows enough about programming and comp sci as they should?

Like I recently went for an interview with a company, and they asked what's the difference between pass by reference and pass by value. Now, this is probably a very basic qs, so I was surprised when I couldn't answer this. So I'm really scared that I don't know enough, also I'm terrible in their group exercises too, I can't see how the others can do it so easily.

I'm fairly new here, so I can't wait to see that one person who knows nothing about tech or software development/engineering join devRant and have no clue what anything is.

The mixed feeling when you manage to give orders without giving orders:

- feeling of omnipotence: you worked behind the scenes and you got what you wanted. Nobody knows, but what the hell you are the Puppet Master, God.

- sadness and loneliness: they will never learn. Somebody else claims to have given the orders, nobody knows about you. God is alone after all. And you'll be killed one day.

I am working for a company that has developed a custom CMS but has no documentation written for it and now no-one knows how it works... Best thing is that it advertises it in its website. Good job!

I set up an issue tracker for a software I'm developing for a company. Sent them an invitation to that tracker, stating that I hope to keep discussions more concise and clear that way (they're all HW/Embedded Devs)

The good news is: they've taken to the tracker quite well and are happily reporting issues and discussing them.

The bad news is: they're all sharing a single account.

It's been up for a day now and already no one knows anymore who reported/commented what.

WHY, JUST WHY would you think it's a good idea to share an account between 5 people, maybe more, who knows? Creating one takes less than a minute and it's free ffs.

It's asked before here but need to be questioned again because I'm bored.

Would you rather have fucked a sheep while no one knows or that you didn't do it but everyone is sure you did?

The sheep is average looking with okayish BMI. Looks bit German

When your college gets a gitlab server and a dozen or so people who know what it is are excited, but you're the only one who knows about the crisis that happened with gitlab, so have to just stand and stare as they tell everyone how gitlab is secure and risk free.

I fucking HATE ORMs. Fuck this bullshit, they always have some use case that is stupidly difficult or obscure that no one knows how to deal with because the creators didn't think of the one thing I want to fucking do.

Screw this bullshit, homebrew SQL is ALWAYS the way to go; I've never encountered an ORM that didn't turn in to a troubleshooting, dialect-learning timesink.

One of my colleagues who thinks he knows all about "big data": "I try to put everything in hadoop, that is my philosophy".

We don't even have a hadoop cluster.

Just found out that this whole time I've been using the awful, half-baked, abandoned library instead of the respected, feature-rich, popular one.

Why did it appear first in my search results? Only god knows.

Oooofff I'm so pissed right now😤

Sometimes I hate being multi discipline. I tend to get dumped into doing the older PHP I'm trying to get away from because no one else knows how it works. :-(

In the mood of doing nothing because I have so much shit going on. Anyone knows that feeling?

Also so many (cool) projects I would like to do but no motivation to start anything... I have no real reason to... I’m just waiting for motivation to come back one day - but it has been a long time.. :(

Not just a rant, also a call for help.

After 10 years using Git, I'm constrained to use Mercurial (company policy). It effing feels like playing tennis with one arm tied to my back.

Please, who knows a good GUI for Linux, or at least a command line tool to show a decent log?

Kill Mercurial!

Bought a nice widescreen monitor from Samsung through B&H Photo. 2 weeks later it wouldn't turn on. Shipped it in thrice for repairs and on the third time Samsung exchanged it for a new one. 7 days later the new one won't turn on. Same symptoms. The seller's money-back guarantee has expired, of course. No idea if Samsung will just give me the original value in cash so I can find another one from another manufacturer who knows how to make monitors. I'll probably just get ripped off. Time to die?

O.M.F.G how much longer is that gonna take?!?! It's been 2 days already! 2 fucking days!!!

That's it. Fuck the docs. I'm going hardcore now: hooking up a debugger and diving into the unseen depths of Spring's automatic JPA repo initialization.

Unless any one of you knows how to
1. Manually create jpa repo interface bean
2. Make transactions work [also enable them manually by declaring beans in @Configuration]

and do all this in a single @Bean method. Jpa provider - hibernate.

Nobody? Not a single one? Allright then, I'm going in :(

In this project we're working on, there are so many abbreviations for so many things.

+ "Hey, can you help me test XXX through YYY API?"
- "Sure. But may i ask, what do XXX and YYY actually stand for?"
+ "Well, no one knows"

So people can work on something for months without really knowing the name of what they're working on. Good to know.

If there is anything worse than a bad, not willing to learn programmer is a so called plugin programmer.

Who only knows how to install plugin over plugin to do a simple task.

Just had to fix something on one websites (wp site, I know, just kill me) where the guy had like 25-30 plugins (some where disabled). And most of them were for adding new widget positions.

There's like one guy in the office who actually knows anything about the software we sell. It's a mess of bolted together chunks of code from different client projects (that the clients have paid for and continue to pay a license fee for) we just cherry pick the best bits and repackage it for the next release.

Cocoapods - an easy way TO SHIT ALL OVER YOUR MAC AND PROJECTS. Jut add frameworks to project? No way, lets put hundreds of shit, projects in projects, run all over the place some piece of shit scripts written by who knows who and for what reason, it's always fun when one little misstep can ruin all your plans for weekend.

Colleague: The user said this [Total line] is not the average she expected.
Me: Okay? But she knows that averages are weighted?
Colleague: I'm gonna call her.

... 30 minutes fast forward

Colleague: Okay she wants an average, but she wants us to divide it by something else.
Me: Okay? But she knows an average is the sum of one thing divided by the sum of another thing and not just anything?
Colleague: Yeah, she said she wants it to be kinda this in relation to that.
Me: Okay, so rather some percentage value?
Colleague: To be honest, she just wanted to reproduce this old Excel formula.

God has left this planet ... and I admire my colleague for not completely freaking out in the face of the user.

So, even as a long-time Apple user, overall there really wasn't too much exciting in the announcement last week.

That said, seeing the Mini get a spec bump caused the ears to prick up a bit. My 2014 is running fine, so it'd be a bit capricious to upgrade, but it does have one very annoying limitation:

It *will* *not* allow me to run 3 monitors at once.

Found this out for certain when I first got it and plugged one into each Thunderbolt port, and then another into HDMI, producing a courteous notice that I needed to remove one of them due to GPU limitations.

Anyone who knows more about hardware than me able to speculate if the new one might be able to support said extra monitor?

helping colleagues like a troll:
AAA: anyone know what the blabla_type_id column is for in the trololo table please?
AAA: oh and blabla_order while we're at it :)
BBB: ask AAA .... he always knows these
AAA: :)
ME: I would say the first one is id of blabla type and the second one blabla order, isnt it? :)
AAA: you two should work in support :)

#yourewellcome #allwaysapleasure

Cargo cult programming at its finest. I need to build a separate project twice, and restart visual studio to get this one to work.

Why? No one knows anymore and there is not user story for "Unfuck the dev environment" so we're not allowed to spend time fixing it.

"A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one" -- chancellor Palpatine

(And now he knows my real ugly face 😭😭)

I am so sick of this place. Production deployment shouldn't be such a massive cluster fuck of different departments and sometimes redundant configurations. Knowing who to talk to about a problem shouldn't change daily, and it shouldn't be hard to figure out.

My jvm doesn't appear to be running in production. I hunt down the fucker who is supposed to be handling this problem today...but he's out of office and no one knows who his stand in is...GODDAMNIT!

I don't know how many of you have been in this kind of situation but what really sucks is that, whenever my company is not having any projects to work on, believe me its happening a lot these days, I am forced to work on an old shitty project over and over again.
And the catch is, everybody knows that no one cares about that shit, customers have never responded not even negatively to that crap.

I have a LOT of Floppies but no floppy drive that works with my current Win7 machine, and my XP one is in multiple boxes for parts... so for now I can only stare at NetWare 4 to 4.2, WfW 3.11 and DOS 6-22.

Smart me made VMs on his XP machine and transferred them to his Win7 one.

I also have data tapes... now that is NEVER gonna work on my Win7 so... anyone knows how it could *possibly* work out?

Also... I got documentation on Compaq servers... those are nice.

AAAAAAND since I’m a huge MIDI nerd... I have a SC-55mkII hooked on the UM-ONE mkII and those shitty cans that I’m gonna switch (hopefully) soon for a nice pair of Cakewalks MA-15Ds.

Also, I’m looking for one of them 5150s because 80s IBM and since I also like keyboards... the one and only Model M.

Anyone can hook me up with a cheap one?

Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."

Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun

The irony that goes along with smooth migrations on production is this.

If the migration is smooth, no one knows how much effort, careful planning and execution went into the whole process. They just get a for your information mail that everything went smooth. No one, not involved in the process would know the scale of things; or what could've happened if the transition/migration was screwed up.

On the other hand if there are problems during the process and the tech team fights back, they indeed are the heroes. No one notices the silent crusaders.

No wonder then that all superheroes just smash stuff. Its only then that people notice that they worked so hard. Silent superheroes remain dead.

About half an year ago, I literally fought with my DS teacher for half an hour in front of whole class,

REASON:
That dude couldn't saw the infinite while loop on his BINARY SEARCH algo hand written on board...

I mean come on dude, binary search is one of the simplest algo, and he didn't agreed with me until he dry run his written code(PS: the only thing I liked about him...HE KNOWS HOW TO DRY RUN)....

Scariest part: He was supposed to teach us trees and graphs in about a month
And it was my first day in that class

I think what we need is a bot that scrapes user information from Facebook. That way we could show people that not only Facebook, but everyone can earn a lot of info about someone.

All these people starting to hate and blame Facebook for it's issues...
And no one realizes that it could be their fault.
If everyone shares so much info about their lives, it's very presumably, that Facebook knows a lot about you.

I have always wondered this: The compiler knows that I need to have semicolon at the end of the line. It complains to me about is missing. Why can't it add that semicolon there by itself?? I mean, clearly it's the smarter one of us two. It knows all those language standards and is able to check them. I know jack shit. Still instead of helping me, it has to be a bitch and just nag.

Also, what's this business with "true" or "false"? How the hell should I know? Most of the time I am like "maybe". I want code like this:

if (myVar =~ true)
function1()
else sometimes
function2()
or maybe
function3()
or instead usually
function4()

if (error = true)
fix it

When you can't use the internet cause the Australian government thinks good internet is only for video games. Meanwhile at the genius labs of Microsoft insist on putting a "standby mode" as the default off state on my housemates Xbox One, that allows full speed downloads while "off". Then top it off with another housemate who thinks she knows computers (after getting me to upgrade hers) saying that she isn't making the internet lag while running Windows 10 with auto-updates enabled, while simultaneously uploading to Facebook on our epic 500kb/s upload speed.

The worst kind of legacy code is the one in which a function body run miles climbing if-else ladders until nobody knows where the sky hits the floor, and returns when nobody is looking.
The best kind of legacy code is the one which is fully commented out!

!rant

We got a new Macbook pro, 2017 model, i was all excited for it, my 2 coworkers and the manager not so much. But being that I am the only one that knows how to use it and will be working on new web related tech as well as advising our contractors and helping them with the ios and android part it was decided that I shall use this baby. So fucking excited. I get to use this baby at work as well as the overpowered work station that they already gave me :] dis gon b good mane

when your server CPU has a load of 9.01% on a 6 core proc.... and no one knows whats being run on it.

This is !dev as fuck but does anyone know something like a book recommendation engine? There are a ton for movies and anime, but couldnt find a good one for books. The best would be one where i input some books and fonds me similar ones.

Alternatively, im looking for dark fantasy books where magic is negligible and potentially has assassins in it, if anyone knows good ones.

I've been working for a company since last year. I was very enthusiastic and happy because that company always boasted about being the leader of cloud solutions in my country and I was really interested in everything related to the cloud computing world . However, after one year, my current task is updating stupid fucking private products that no one knows on fucking old windows server.....

So today at work, a dev proposed some solution to a performance problem by using divide and conquer. But the way he said it was came across like "this is a brilliant, algorithmic solution, I bet you'd never think of this because no one else knows algos".

So then I just reply to him mentioning Big O and how it seems the performance is N^3, exponential. In which case the optimal size is like 1. But basically like starting an algo discussion to see if he can keep up... Or if he's just dropping some algo slang to look good.

At work, we have a lot of daytime spenders (they just hang around so they do not sit at home all day).
I'm the only one in the entire company with somewhat decent programming experience (and I have to admit that I'm still pretty bad at it).

A few (4) of them have been assigned to one of the biggest projects (potentially even bigger than the one I work on daily) the company has ever had.

here is the fun part:
- 2 of them only just started coding and have no clue what they are doing at all (they heavily struggle with HTML).
- 1 of them overengineers everything (in a bad way) because she doesn't know how to do it somewhat properly.
- 1 of them doesn't even code (only sitting there giving ideas n stuff... basically the "client").

As a bonus point:
- None of them knows how to database
- None of them knows how to back-end
- None of them knows how to design

This is going to be fun, especially since I'm going to refuse to have my hands in there even the slighest outside of recommending stuff (like using a framework, certain libraries etc.) :^)

one boolean can change your Life 😂😂

Ever think a life without booleans? Share your views on same.

A true developer better knows it!! 👀

After only having done linux and web projects for the past few years, our company took over an old WindowsForms program written by a guy who only (poorly) knows C. It's some of the most foul code I've ever seen... And I'm the only one in the company who knows how to write C#...

I have two potential client meetings next week. The first one now knows she needs a website (but I have no clue what her budget is), I think she wants me to host the site as well as do site maintenance. The second potential client I'm working using the barter system (but I think she will end up owing me some money at the end). We will see how they both go.

Join a new project & client site
Been a week and still no access, so no work
Told to read up on various subjects
Told to go back to internal office and talk with coworkers tomorrow
Get a flat tire on the way in, $200
Get it fixed
Comtinue to office
No one knows what I'm talking about
Call boss, no answer

What is my life, I just wanna to development

What's the worst kind of creature?

A self assured delusional fuck

One who thinks he knows everything

One who follows his "instinct", not worrying about data

One who sells his way of thinking as the best one

One who likes to build before thinking through. And calls it experimentation

One who thinks a dev is a dev. Not worrying about years of experience.

Sometimes, I feel like tearing my hair out from the way Bash works.

Like... Where other languages have two operators for case-sensitive and insensitive regex matching, bash? It doesn't. It only matches case-sensitively.

And if one wants the insensitive matching? Gotta set a shell option... And if a script wouldn't change it back, who knows what else could break, so of course it has to save its initial state, change it, do its case-insensitive matching, and return it back to its original value.

10/10 experience.

Why are there no crocs in the avatar shoes options?
I'm the saddest man on the planet.

PD: Does someone knows what does the design team uses to create the models and what format they need? I might be able to make one and send it to them.

Someone knows about delta printers? I build one with a 8 bit mcu and I'm planning to upgrade to 32 bit. What do you think about it?

Anybody knows the Kysoh Tux Droid?
Got one here and need to know if there is some market for those gadgets. How to find out what it is worth?
For those who don't know: It's a penguin which can be connected to the computer via the fish dongle. It is able to move the body, the wings and the eyes. Furthermore it can speak (via TTS) and the wings are buttons.

(Image is fom ParamountZone.com)

Having to do 10's of ElasticSearch v2 -> 6 client requests migration manual deploys of a 10-year old PHP/ Javascript codebase where the gulp build's plugins no longer work, the package dependencies have been .gitignore'd (who does that!), and dev cowboys have frequently bypassed version control by making changes directly in production.

Also, no one knows anything about it because the only dev who was supposed to maintain this app left 3 months ago due to unbearable management.

I was all gung-ho about migrating a .NET Framework 4.x 16-projects-in-1-solution 100+ table 300+ Standard Procedures "project" to a more streamlined Services based architecture with documentation and all

Until I realised the guy who's heading it, has been working on it since 2019-2020

And has kept his job because it's such a mess and no one else knows nor cares about how to navigate through it (:

I've been watching hours of Rust programming streams. Looks like no one knows what they're doing. People depend on the compiler to fix their errors but can't write one line without getting an error.

My company has 3 core partners but one works remotely nearly every day of the week and the other has his own business to run (attorney). It's funny being the one in the middle hearing about how each of them never knows what the other is working on for the company in an exasperated fashion, when all it would take is for them to talk to one another. I literally schedule meetings on their behalf just so we can all get on the same page. "Oh, you don't know what he's putting into that business proposal? We could just ask him and find out."

Just spent 2 days figuring out the issue for flickering of path drawn on canvas through sockets.

Every team member had already tried to figure out the bug.

I had checked almost everything and at last I was about to give up.

I gave a try, and it worked. How, no one knows...

Just changed 'lineData' to 'JSON.stringify(lineData)'

:)

Forgive me Yukihiro Matsumoto senpai, for I have sinned. I can't manage to pass my notices and my alerts from Ruby on Rails to React, so I have to display them in invisible divs. This is so ugly I threw up in my mouth.

Thank you again StackOverflow for being as useless as usual.