EDIT: devRant April Fools joke (2018)
-------------------------
Hey everyone! As some of you have already noticed, @trogus and I made a decision (based on the suggestion of some members of the community) to start transitioning all scores on the app to binary. We have started by making all user scores in our mobile apps and website (if you’re logged in) appear in binary. We think this makes the app more fun while remaining usable at the same time!

Please let us know what you think and happy binary-reading!

Will the bug in my code please stand up?

I repeat

Will the bug in my code please stand up?

I think we have a problem here.

*music intensifies*

*computer fell, broken in pieces*

Me calling [Microsoft] tech support: hey can you check my warranty on this computer, I think I broke it?

Tech support: yes sir but we must first go through the troubleshooting steps,

Me: no, no I just-

Tech support: have you tried pressing F8 sir?

Me: umm… no, look I'm just -

Tech support: sir please press the F8 key sir

Me: okay… I pressed it, now can you just check my-

Tech support: sir please what happened when you pressed F8?

Me: it's broken, now if you could just check my warranty -

Tech support: sir I'm sorry sir I think you did it wrong. Please press F8

Me: no just check my-

Tech support: sir I think you do not understand, sir it is at the top-

Yup.

A client asked if we could change their nameservers to wix's ones.

"we want to move to wix because one of my best friends can create a professional site there"

My eyes are bleeding and I think I just spontaneously got aids AND cancer at the same time.

Send help. Please.

Please kindly fuck off. I don't need your genderbiased bullshit. I couldn't care less about a programmer's gender.
I'm also aware about the margin between the numbers of female and male dev who want to study CS, but if you seriously think that a learning algorithm is biased on gender and ethnic it's creator, I will have to kindly remind you that math doesn't support an output based on your gender.

Now please get the fuck off my sacred newsfeed...

Hey everyone - tonight we performed a database upgrade and unfortunately there were a few "surprise" breaking changes to the query language we use that weren't caught during testing. Once they were discovered after the upgrade. The queries were corrected within a few minutes. You might have noticed some issues with commenting, voting, etc.

On this note, please let me know if you notice anything suspicious like errors when trying to perform normal actions, or anything at all. I appreciate any reports since it's a bit tricky for us to cover every last part of the app alone, though I think we went through most of it. Thanks and please let me know if you have any questions!

My CEO: "So! You are the new guy we hired to design and manage the implementation of our new state of the art super-duper fancy ERP solution with badass Business Intelligence systems to grow our company which already spans over several localities across the county, that has to live for at least the next 12-15 years?

Please remember that the Windows Server in the rack in the basement needs replacement soon, and that our new fancy solution must not in any way utilize cloud-technology or SaSS! I don't like that! I think it's a scam! We store everything on premises, own our infrastructure and we buy our software...Because I think that is best!"

Me: "So... let me get this straight: You want me to build you a one-off, concept sports car that can outperform a Lamborghini using only plywood, duct-tape and a donkey cart?"

He walked off... I may need a new job next week!

Found in the React source. Those poor children...

Fuck Microsoft.

No, not in any relation to windows this time.

Dear Microsoft, why on earth did you put us on your spam blacklist? There haven't been any spam attacks from our side, our servers have nearly the highest 'reputation' that email servers can get, we comply to all security standards and yet you're blacklisting us.

If for some reason you think something is wrong at our side anyways, we've tried to contact you and we either get ignored or get a very late response saying that we'll get delisted again within a day/week or whatsoever.

Microsoft, please go fuck yourself.

PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test

*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!
What is the point in separating us into backend/frontend developers if everyone has to learn/do everything?

And now this FUCKING DUMBASS that is leaving!!! The company convinced my FUCKING STUPID boss to start using react with nodejs on the new platforms ...

Did anyone think about talking to the fucking devops that maintain the fucking deployments about this????
By the way, this sucker is me.

And now I have one month to: deploy a new app... ALONE!! learning fucking react (please kill me) and probably merge it in a clusterfuck of unseparated backend/frontend because fuck it.

Oh, and figure out a way to make deployment automated and easy for me at least.

I'm about to rant in real life...

Mark.

Mark was a support guy who could have been replaced by a robot. Nearly every support request that came in, whether it made sense or not, had a reply saying:

"Thank you for your query, I will escalate with the development team"

...and then I would have a message saying:

"Hi Almond urgent issue case xxx - I think you need to PLEASE CHECK LOGS" (yes, with that capitalisation.)

I'd then look at the case, take 10 seconds to work out the customer had done something stupid when calling our API (often forgetting their authentication details, despite a clear message telling them as such) and tell Mark what the issue was, and how to find it for himself next time. I'd then usually get:

"Thank you but PLEASE CHECK LOGS to see if there is any more info we can provide to customer"

...there would be more back and forth, and then eventually something like the following would reach the customer...

"Very sorry the development team have a major issue they will fix very soon but in the meantime a workaround is (instructions for using authentication details)"

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

My friend: My laptop is not working. Can you please fix it?

Me: Ok. I will take a look at it.

*After 1 hours*

Me: I think your hard disk has failed.

My friend: Can't you fix it? You always spend day and night on your computer. So, I think you can fix it.

Me: Sorry. I can't.

*Next day I went to his home*

His brother to my friend: You said he is a genious. He can fix anything related to computer. He can't do anything. I will take it to a best repair shop in the area.

Me: *walks out of his home*

Product replying to Jira ticket: We think this issue has been resolved. Can you please reach out to the user and confirm?

Customer care: User xxx has responded to say she "has given up in frustration, and the app simply doesn't work". She has requested to have her account deactivated. This user has requested to not be contacted any further by the program.

Hows your day going devrant? mines going VERY well

Mgmt: We will need you to work on Saturday
Me: I'm afraid I can't, I have plans that cannot be rescheduled.

Mgmt: Then please call your coleague out of vacation. Treat this as super urgent.
Me: I do not feel comfortable calling him out as, as you know, he is on leave (family emergencies) and it is a weekend. I do not think it would be ethical to do so either.

Mgmt: *crickets chirping in my mailbox*
Me: *Updating my LinkedIn*

Dear devRant,
I am writing to you today to ask you for a favor.
Please support landscape mode, viewing landscape images in portrait mode really upsets my right brain hemisphere. There is a conflict with what my synapses think but this is another story.

Regards,
#th

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated."

When writing a JavaScript guide, please don't use emojis as keys in objects. Or anywhere else in code. Zoomers will think it's common practice.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Sincerely,
everyone

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

Dear devRant developers
Please, use emoji compat library
At least until i buy new phone with Android 8
I don't think Marshallow is so bad

Please, do not "learn to code".
The industry is already filled with too many shitheads who think they're the next bill gates.
Most people have no business coding anything.
You might hear big tech screeching about "tech shortages" and that "we need more coders" but in reality, they're trying to flood the developer market with shit-tier coders so they can pay less wages, because they're too greedy to pay their workers a decent salary.

We don't need more coders.

You're not special.

Your bootcamp project looks like dogshit and 10,000 other people wrote the same thing only better.

dear anyone looking to teach kids programming (especially organizations):

- please be realistic. teach things your students can use. how to debug, how to solve realistic, real-world problems. not how to make a turtle draw a circle, that's not programming.

- please don't have blocks. just don't. they hurt.

- focus on your content instead of putting up posters on the wall with celebrities talking about the importance of programming

- don't call it 'code,' call it 'program.' do you know how different muggles think they are?

- please teach in a logical order. too many times have I seen commands --> functions --> variables/variable types --> then back to functions and return types.

- don't set an appropriate "age" to do it. please. its enough for people to learn to program, but to be told they're too "old" for a course? I can't tell you how many forgetful seniors and special needs students have been insulted. and don't even get me started on being too young. knowledge is knowledge, skill is skill, ability is ability.

- teach concepts with programming. don't separate them. they work better when they're taught together.

- understanding is more important than style. for beginners, fuck style. all of your program could be all on one line for fucks sake. I've had teachers chose style > functionality, because, fuck working programs, right?

- let your content speak for itself. this is not the place for celebrity endorsements.

- give resources for after a lesson is complete. when a beginner is finished, recommend more resources. you're never done learning.

most of these were things code.org did wrong. fuck them. I was in a constructive criticism mood today…

$ sudo pacman -Syu
*enter*
"283 updates available"

The only thing I can think of is:

Please, don't break my system.
Please, don't break my system.
Please, don't break my system.
Please, don't break my system.

'$ y' *enter*

*gives me creeping horrors*

I'm wondering, what's you guys/gals/linux kernels/however you identify yourself 'superpower'?

I think that nearly everyone has something which can be extremely useful (maybe not healthy) and which not many other people you know have.

In my case it's that i can manage with extremely variable sleep patterns and when needed, I can sleep very short for days in a row (3-4 hours a night) and I'm all good. Nearly all friends/family that I have NEED regular sleep patterns + at least 8 hours of sleep but i can very much manage without those. Very useful when having disruption service and stuff.

Please post yours in the comments if you're comfortable with that!

Life of Boris, a youtube chanel of a slav guy that makes random stuff (and some delicious russian recipes 😋) uploaded this video few hours ago.

I watched it, and I didn’t expect the video to be an actual Python tutorial 😂 I loved it!

What do you think?

P.D. I hope this is not necessary, but I remind you that Life of Boris is not a programming channel, please don’t be too strict, it’s just entretainment

"please use a secure password*"

* But don't make it too secure, 20 Charakters is enough.

Why would you fucking do this? The only reason I can think about is a scenario like this:
"How do we store the passwords in the database?"
"Just like anything else?"
"So I create a VARCHAR(20)?"
"Yeah why not? It's good enough for a name, and you shouldn't use your or anyone else's name as a password, so it should be perfect"

A: Can you tell me your opinion about this? Please, be honest.
Me: Ok, I think you could do it in a different way, but let's talk about what you did and see how to make it better...
A: I don't think so, I think this is the best way to do it.
Me: Oh, OK.
A: Why are you always complaining about my job?
Me: Well, you just asked me, and I work on this too, so I thought...
A: I don't think you're collaborative enough with me!
Me [walking away]: Oh, OK...

Qa: do you think this looks like the provided designs?

Me: yes I do...?

Qa: well it doesn't, please check

Me: well I hate playing find the difference, how about you fucking tell me what exactly is wrong?

Oh my fucking god. Stop posting the same screenshot over and over again. Ok, a company tested in production. But please don't send me screenshots of that shit every goddamn few minutes you cunts. After seeing the same screenshot for 20 times I finally got it so shut the fuck up now.

And maybe you should not only think about bad software. Maybe you should remember who is using that shit

*Working on a personal project*
Random guy:- it sucks :|
Me :- idgaf about what you think ..So please f off -__-

*Paid project*
Client :- what's this? This is ridiculous..I don't like it at all
Me:- okay , I'll do something about it .

-__- money changes everything

Hello devRant, i think this is my first story here, but i want share my happiness with you.
After working 1 year as C# dev and no reaction of my current company to my claims:
I get a job with 25% more pay, christmas and vacation bonus und 5 more holidays!
Holy fuck that`s so cool.
Hope you guys have a good week!
Please excuse my english skills ;-)

Can we please make physicist use another name for black holes? I think that term is very racist and schould be replaced by a more politically correct one.

[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!

Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~

No fans spinning

Another non programming related rant although kinda tech related.
So I work in a distribution center and today I learned box packing.

1. THEIR LEGACY ASS SYSTEM ONLY RUNS ON IE (FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS PLEASE).
2. SYSTEM CONSTANTLY FREEZES.
3. THE HAND SCANNERS RUN ON AN OLD FUCKING LEGACY WINDOWS (PRE 2000 I THINK) SYSTEM AND IS SLOW AS MOTHERFUCKING HELL.

Yes, it is VERY frustrating to have to work with this FUCKING SHIT THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING DAY.

Plus side today, the locations I had to pick from today included 200, 403 and 404. Had loads of inside jokes about not being able to find locations and not having permission etc 😆

I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."

Please help me.

Hello "friend", whom I haven't seen or talked to in years. How have you been? Please don't mind me, my life is boring as shit and nothing happened to me since. Yes, I'd gladly make an app for your company because you agreed to do it but apparently you lack the skills. Oh, you've been fucking around for a month doing nothing? That's sad but sure, I can do it by Sunday, I don't have plans for the weekend anyway. You say you can't pay me more than what I earn in six hours doing my day job? And your boss should think you did it all by yourself? Well, let me consider this cool little opportunity. I'll be in touch, talk to you "soon"!

I'm the worst with color combinations and I want to enable dark mode on the privacy/security blog!

What color combinations (if you have hex codes or something, please share!) would you think would suit the blog?

Halp :P

1 - Please hack his/her facebook account for me.

2 - (at home) I used to block wifi access by mac filtering and if there's legit server down and wifi isn't working, everyone blames me.

(I am freelancer and mostly work from home)

3 - almost all of my relatives think I don't work.

4 - I am first choice for everyone's phone, PC and hardware repair.

This one is classic

GET A REAL JOB, you need to go out in the field for work.

Today I got a standing aviation by panel in my final year projects presentation. It was such an emotional moment and I went numb. I don't have an impressive grades so it meant a lot to me. I just wanted to share this somewhere please bear with me.
And to anyone out there who think that they can't make it, please just keep going. I just want to say, make your journey beautiful. If you love doing it, you won't care to reach some destination.

For fucks sake if I send you a clearly described 5 step install instructions do not start on step 3! Yes you fucking moron instructions labeled 1,2,3,4,5 should be carried out one after the other! Not in random order.

Seriously, how deranged are you that you have never ever encountered a step-by-step instruction before?!

Don't give me that "oh, should I have started with step 1 first? You weren't very clear about that. I think it is a bit too complicated."

Here are some more instructions:
1. Close your PC
2. Donate it to someone with detectable IQ level
3. Go fuck yourself
4. Please die
5. Yes, start with step 1

It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.

Client: We want a car with 2 doors.

We: Here is you car with 2 doors.

Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.

We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.

Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.

We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.

Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...

It's never enough

Now seriously, WHAT THE FUCK???
Every single time I have to work with people from a particular country [you have one guess. Yepp, that's the one], I see A-FUCKING-LOOOOOOT of manual work?!?

"can you reboot the server?"
-"sure, let me help you, sir" <20 minutes later> "done"

"can you unlock my account?"
-"yes, just a moment sir" <20 minutes later> "please check now"

"can you restart this environment w/ 200 instances?"
-"yes sir, let me check" <6 hours later> "please check now"
"you've missed 18 containers"
-"oh okay sir, will restart them now" <2hours later> "please check now"
[I am already OoO]

why is it that every time I have to work with you guys I am the one who is automating shit. How come you never think of/do any automata? You are fucking technitians, you should know how. WHY DO YOU ENJOY CLICKING ALL-DAY-LONG????

I'm serious. Why??? I'm struggling to understand...

My coworkers are all working remotely because they're hungover, and all shocked I'm in the office today.

You think a night of drinking and 4 hours of sleep is enough to hold me down? Please. If I'm hungover enough to not go to work it means I'm probably in the hospital lol.

That being said, I have discovered that scotch does not agree with my stomach, so I'm not having the best time. At least I'm here though!

HAVE YOU JUST TRIED TO BARGAIN ON MY ESTIMATE?!

I really hate when people try to bargain on my estimates. It's done when I say so. I really think it through before I tell you the deadline, so GO FUCK YOURSELF PLEASE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. NEVER EVER BARGAIN ON THAT AGAIN.

If you do, it will take one week longer for every time you try it.

So we're hiring for a new junior dev and for the most part it's been going great! We have some promising candidates and I am so glad to finally have a new dev on the team!

However, I would like to take a moment and offer a few suggestions to the people who wish to work for this great and illustrious company:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE APPLY FOR THE JOB USING THE METHOD INDICATED IN THE AD. Please use our fancy, top-of-the-line, whiz-bang, cloud-based "talent acquisition" system that we paid way too much money for. I promise you, it's easy! Please don't send in your application by email, mail, telephone, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, telegram or carrier pigeon. But most importantly...

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THIS WORLD DO NOT SHOW UP AT OUR OFFICE UNANNOUNCED RESUME-IN-HAND. Believe it or not I do have an actual job that I spend my day doing! If I'm not in a meeting or at lunch or working from home, the best possible scenario is that you'll get 30 seconds of awkward small talk and be pointed to our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line "talent acquisition" system which you should have used in the first place (you did read the ad, right?). And at this point whatever you do...

DO NOT DEMAND AN ON-THE-SPOT INTERVIEW WHEN YOU SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED TO OUR OFFICE! Like, really? Do you think that you've wowed me so with your 30 seconds of awkward small talk that clearly I cannot wait to see what you will do with an entire hour? Look, I prepare for my interviews. I research you, your previous employers, your school and the hobbies you list on your resume. I check out your GitHub and LinkedIn. I may even Google your name! If that is all in order, I try to hassle some people into sitting in with me, find a time that works for everyone, and hope that there is a meeting room available. I'm not going to interview you at reception at 4pm on a Friday afternoon.

Please submit your application through our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line online "talent acquisition" system. Once I figure out how to log in, I promise I will spend an evening and read through all your cover letters with the utmost care. If you seem OK, you'll get an interview. There aren't that many developers in this town.

Can someone explain to me why the fuck I should even care about the fact, that some companies collect, use and sell my data? I'm not famous, I'm not a politician and I'm not a criminal, I think most of us aren't and won't ever be. We aren't important. So what is this whole bullshittery all about? I seriously don't get it and I find it somewhat weird that especially tech guys and IT "experts" in the media constantly just make up these overly creepy scenarios about big unsafe data collecting companies "stealing" your "private" information. Welcome to the internet, now get the fuck over it or just don't be online. It's your choice, not their's.

I honestly think, some of these "security" companies and "experts" are just making this whole thing bigger than it actually is, because it's a damn good selling point. You can tell people that your app is safe and they'll believe you and buy your shit app because they don't understand and don't care what "safe" or "unsafe" means in this context. They just want to be secure against these "evil monster" companies. The same companies, which you portrayed them as "evil" and "unfair" and "mean" and "unrepentant" for over a decade now.

Just stop it now. All your crappy new "secure" messenger apps have failed awesomely. Delete your life now, please. This isn't about net neutrality or safety on the internet. This is all about you, permanently exaggerating about security and permanently training people to be introverted paranoid egoistic shit people so that they buy your elitist bullshit software.

Sorry for my low english skills, but please stop to exist, thank you.

Motherfucker if the project uses Eslint to enforce code standards, please don't start every fucking file with 20 lines of /*eslint-disable*/s

It's there to fucking help you and all the new devs who have to deal with your shitty code. I'm sorry that you're too fucking lazy to make a few small tweaks so that future developers don't have to deal with your sad braindead 1337speak JavaScript

Just use the fucking tool like everyone else, you don't have to fucking disable it so that your sad ego can continue to think you're the Bill Gates of JavaScript

I think Suicide Linux is a little heavy handed. Really? One mistake erases your hard drive? Please, let's make things interesting.

I would rather use Casino Linux.... try your luck. Any mistake sets a random single bit on your computer to 0. You could be lucky and it would set unused memory to 0, doing nothing. You could be an unlucky bastard and corrupt everything. You could be a super unlucky bastard and corrupt something important and only find out much, much too late.

I'm asking for $90,000 to start my business for 2% share of my company

Devops here, Devops there ... Stop with this bullshit, less than half of the guys with Devops on their CV truly are Devops.

Same shits for Fullstack or Scrum Master, and I think I know why.

Because recruiters and companies absolutly ignore what it truly is : "Devops ? That's the new name for sysadmin hipster, believe me we're not hiring Sysadmin anymore but Devops now.".

So now they want more and more people with these profiles.
This is just leading everyone to become what they're not.

Please get your facts straight before fucking everything up.

Client: I want to change the wording on the page. If I inspect element I find the word I want to change, but it won’t let me change it. How can I change it please? I am very disappointed this is not working. What is the point in you developing all this if I cannot save changes to my website. Please fix this ASAP.

MFW they think updating a website is just as simple as using element inspector in chrome because they have seen me use it to quickly mock up some css changes.

" this page uses cookies"
"We've updated our privacy policy"
*30 sec full screen ad* OR "please turn off your adblocker and refresh"
"Would you like to take a survey?"
"Click to read more"
"You've reached your free articles for the month. Please subscribe!"

Jesus fucking Christ! Is it such a sin to read articles in peace? How does anybody use your shitty site. How does anybody PAY for your shitty site?! Fuck your articles. Why do companies think this is a good model?!

So... GDPR.
And the deadline.
And I have no idea what to do.

What does it mean for one-man indie projects? Data protection officers? Companies? Controllers? Processors? EU employees? Argh.

Look, please, EU. Not everyone can afford to hire an entire team for this, when their current team is literally one person.

Yes, the GDPR is probably a step in the right direction, but I think I'll just stop collecting the data altogether.

(All data I collect is just user settings stored in a database, nothing more.)

Can someone point me in the right direction?

Never accept a deadline you think you can can make if you work really hard. Just to please a client.

I think: "please send us an email"
is a polite way of saying
"please fuck off and don't call again".

May be I'm wrong 🙄

I'm a junior developer working on a project that's completely out of my scope. I've missed deadline after deadline and my boss + the customer are getting very pissed off and impatient. This project has got me feeling sick. I'm not sleeping well and honestly thinking about leaving my job just because of this 1 project.

I've tried speaking with my manager but she just says, complete it ASAP to the best of your ability. It will take me months to get it right but I am really struggling.

I'm just looking for some advice please? Has anyone else been through this? Do you think leaving is stupid?

Thank you ranters 😃

When i read this, I think "Inject me please! Inject me with all you got!"

I watched today one of our devs working in Windows with a Docker Environment.

I think I'm pretty insensitive regarding pain, horror and morbid stuff.

But damn. I really needed to turn off the stream or else I'd walk to the company and rip his fucking workstation out of the server rack to put it out of his misery...

Errors? ignore them....

Weird python messages? Ignore them...

wild copy pasta between notepad++ containing shell commands and a git bash... Per mouse context. Yes. Move the cursor, mark the text, right click, copy, go to terminal, right click, paste.

Understanding of whats happening. Zero. Like literal zero.

He was wondering why there were strange characters when he pasted log output in a text file...

My question: How do you think colored text works in a terminal environment?
was answered by : "Don't know, never thought about it. But don't think this has something to do with the weird characters?"

I don't wanna talk about the rest.

Retarded humanity can please kindly kill itself so the intelligent above average nice people can live in peace...

The meeting was 2 hours. I drank 5 bottles of beer after it in1 hour and I'm please to announce I'm forgetting large parts of what has happened.

Cheers.

me: so can i use strlen?
intern: no!! you need it implement it!
me: *calls teacher* hey can i use strlen?
teacher: yeah, do as you please. who told u you can't use it?
me: *points at the other guy*

whoops i think i just got him in trouble today xd sorry not sorry, i want him gone so i can replace him hahaha jk

C : Cool (for me)

Java : Just A Variety Available (uhm.. no hard feelings java lovers)

Python : Please .. You THink On Nothing (You literally think on nothing xD )

JavaScript : Join A Very Attractive , Sophisticated Code , Reactive In Particular Time (hmm...that took a lotta time)

Boss: please deleted These vServers since we dont need them anymore

Done.

Me: Starts working today. Got a Mail from my boss.
"Can we Talk about Server xyz123, there may be some important data on it"

Sometimes I wonder if they think that I Just sitting around with a finger in my nose and wait for days before I start doing stuff.

Just dont ask me to delete stuff if you are unsure.

Is it done yet?

Stop micromanaging! We are providing updates every morning, what difference does it make to ask for the update in the evening?!? Don't think no one can see that all you are asking is "is it done yet?"

Like a small child who does not understand the concepts of travel yet, you won't understand why "such a small change" takes so long. It's because we are scooping all the crap, patched by assholes who cared only to please you and did not had the courage to say no to your pressure and do things smart way.

If you think it is necessary to keep reminding everyone to do their job - then you you do not belong in IT.

To stupid CEOs who think they are good developers, please go fuck yourselves.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets really annoyed when someone uses jQuery to do stuff that would take the same amount of pure JS. I think these days many people only use jQuery out of laziness, not because it's necessary. Why load an entire library to set CSS attributes and innerHTML? Yes, there was a time when it was very useful to have jQuery, but today we have querySelectorAll and all that. You can save plenty of kBs, load time and improve performance.

Next time you're about to load jQuery ask yourself: do I really need it? Chances are the answer will be no.

I can't help but think the red headphones in the avatar are Beats. Those are terrible headphones! PLEASE ADD SOME NON DECREPIT BLACK ONES.

It makes me angry every time I see them.

That's what my family think when they ask "can you please hack my friend's Facebook?"

So two mini rants rolled up into one

1) programmers who can code in 8292 languages but don’t know shit about the business side and think they know better than the business folks when it comes to big picture decisions, please go fuck yourself.

2) People who respond to “Gotta set up a few machines for non tech folks” with “Oh you should try Linux, it’s so user friendly”. You need to go fuck yourself. You have no idea what you’re talking about and probably lack empathy too you rotten squid smelling cumsock.

At a restaurant in Augustow there was a sign: "please wait for the waiter"

it confused me. If I'm waiting for the waiter, then what/who's the waiter: the one who's being waited for or the one waiting?

If I'm waiting for the waiter, do I become the waiter?

I think this is a good spot for a recursion bug to occur, resulting in waiter leaks.

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

 

Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?

Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...

Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...

Me: I already have a job.

Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.

Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!

Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.

Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?

Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...

Me: Yeah, please delete my file...

It seems like there are more lower-quality or duplicate comments on rants these days.

Please, save me some time and show a little respect for members of the community by ++ the comment you agree with instead of adding a nearly identical comment and tagging the commenter.

Additionally, comments like '@commenter 😂' when the great comment is still at +0 generally don't add to the discussion and should probably be downvoted.

Comment if you think you can add something, not just because you saw it.

I've been sitting and staring at my code for two hours.
Actual work done - nil
This has been going on since three days now.
Tying not to panic. It has happened before. This phase should end in the next couple of days....
Don't panic please.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight...

Nooooo !
I fucked up !
Please tell me what is going to happen if a pentester fucks up ?

I was just curious about the codes the developer was typing remotely while they were containing important datas :/
Fuck me ! I thought it would be nice if i take some pictures of that amazing code so the other employees misunderstood !!
They think I was stealing data ! 😭

What should I do ?
What can I tell them ?

Hello everybody. First time ranter, so please be nice.

Starting off with a classic: text editors.

I'm mainly a .net developer, so I mostly use Visual Studio (with vim key bindings), and (g)vim for everything else. However, visual studio code is slowly winning me over. It's sleek, it's pretty, and does a lot of cool stuff. It doesn't do all that vim does though (or does it in ways I don't yet know), and is slightly less customizable. On the other hand, vim sometimes feels like too much overhead for what I use it for.

What do you guys think? What do you use, and what personal gripes do you have?

2018 dev goal #1: ✔️

This week I learned Python 3, as in most of the syntax. Not yet any development, but that will come tomorrow onwards.

Oh, and I hate the funky type system, which is almost non existent and so flexible that I don't know if it's just bad or I simply don't see why I should want it this way.

Please enlighten me why you think Python is great or just plain snake crap.

Did I mention snake case being common practice? And that Python doesn't know real private properties, methods, etc.? How does that work?

What do you guys think of codecademy, free code camp and their likes? Please recommend good learning platforms better than these for absolute beginners.
Also can you use android studio for java programs and not just android apps?

So I'm not sure whether this actually is a believable story or not but I think I'll just share the saddest moment in my life with you.

So.... I've been working with a boy 0.5years younger than me on a project in Java so he could learn something about programming. I was actually dictating him code because he wasn't able to JUST WRITE ONE SINGLE LINE OF CODE WITHOUT ASKING ME HOW TO DO SHIT!!! So I dictated him a for each loop:
Me: "for ( Foo foo colon foos ) {doSomeShit();}"
Him: "for ( Foo foo .. foos ) {doSomeShit();}
For your understanding: in German colon means doppel punkt / double dot. I didn't think someone actually writes two dots... THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD

Please don't blame me for being a bad teacher. I'm inn a class with him and I know we did that in class. I also thought it multiple times to him

Please fucking think about what you are doing it before doing it

I feel like I've ranted this before. many times. but here we go again because Australia.

why do people think you can just ban math? like really?! that's what crypto laws do. they require companies to use shitty math. and what prevents me from using the good math? nothing! oh I mean... I won't use it? scouts honor.

you can't ban math.
literally billions of internet users don't fall in your jurisdiction.
no single jurisdiction can cover more than a subset of the internet.
I will use whatever maths I damn well please.
fuck off. please stop making us less safe.
/discussion

Byron (reckful) has committed suicide. He was one of the first big streamers on Twitch and a game developer.

He was suffering from depression and has been for quite some time. He always appears happy around friends. He did "joke" about committing suicide on his last stream. Watching the clip makes it obvious that there was some truth to the "joke".

Also, remember that you never know what someone online is suffering from or how that person may interpret a joke. Be careful and think about how your message is received.

Please seek help if you have suicidal thoughts or even signs of depression. It's not a sign of weakness. We all need help sometimes.

Wait... Do people really think C is an accurate way to learn how a computer works... Please tell me it isn't so

"Please don't break. Please don't break."

This is all we ever think about when making a half-baked software just in time before the deadline 😂😂😂

Need
An
Awesome
Name
For
College
Coding
Group.

Please comment whatever comes to your mind that you think is AWESOME...

Not just Stack Overflow, but all help forums:

If someone asks a question, and you think you might know the answer based on its subject or context, please spare a thought for others and instead of dragging the post on for pages and pages without an answer in order to show the poster up for being inadequately articulate, please make the first post a link to at least seemingly relevant reference material.

Nothing more frustrating looking for some undocumented api syntax, finding a similar question that you might be able to gleam from, and then only seeing pages of "aaah, but what OS are you on? What colour is your desktop? What is the average velocity of a..."

You can see they are struggling with an api, and you clearly know where to find the answer, so just quit the cocksure jostling of pretending you're any good at support and just be useful. The poster may be a tool, but the thousands of hits from Google will just think you're a twat.

When I think how big companies like Google, Amazon, Netflix manage all their services so well (all those load balancings, caching, etc. ), I feel so bad I don't know anything about it. I don't even know how people decide which technology to use. E.g., for a scalable Web app, one can use Node.js or maybe Django (but not definitely Flask, I suppose). Also, which DBMS to use, how to write flawless APIs. You see, I am just beginning my career. Any recommendations (books, videos, etc.) that teach these things? Please help.

Just got accepted as a volunteer (teacher assistant) in a non-profit organization, funded by Microsoft.
They teach high school students CS twice a week.
I know it might not be much, because I will not be payed, but I will be trained and teach alongside Google and Microsoft engineers.
The organization is called TEALS.

I hope it is a good experience and build a good network.
I do not have any friends, nor any engineer friend since I moved in USA, so I think this is a good opportunity.

P.S. Please for the love of god do not bash here Microsoft. Everyone, even the people who rant about hating Microsoft, will accept a job there if they got the chance. So please stop the hypocrisy if you intend to do some "sarcastic" comment about this organization funded by Microsoft.

Helping this lady with her Microsoft Access work. Wrote some complex Visual Basic script to make the database look pretty. This is what she is asking:

"Hey, where did you get all this code from? YouTube? Can you please send me the link?"

ffs I'm a dev, why the fuck do you think I need YouTube for this simple VBA script.

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

For fuck sake I get that people like python but not everyone is going to use it!

Just want a few articles or tutorials on interpreters and would you fucking look at that, it's all just in fucking python using external libraries...

Then I purchased a couple Linux and Raspberry pi magazines just to have a gander at some of the code examples and what do you think every single piece of code is? C? C++? Vala? Nope, fucking python!

I will eventually finish learning what I can about python but there are other languages that exist that isnt fucking python, give us some C, C# or even bloody JavaScript... Please

Ok rant about python over, back to my hole

Went to a thrift store last week near work and they often have old dev or technology books (I picked up a first edition K&R C book, once) and I found:

1) A book on the history of codes and ciphers throughout history.
2) Beyond good and evil by Nietzsche.
3) A modern publication of a 1673 Spanish demon summoning book (to go into a local town archive).
4) The technical information and construction manual for telegram systems from 1938.

I swear I was driving home thinking:

"Please don't crash, if CSI teams have to piece my identity together from these four personal items I dread to think what conclusions they're going to come to..."

This isn't serious. I struggled with the order. The main point was that the smart ones left the industry. I thought about making JS Devs be lowest tier. Please contribute your own version if you can think of a better ordering.

I may have over delivered my service to this first customer i got.

It doesn't help that pricing was dirt cheap and i over promised in a bid to make it attractive.

But in my hurry to please the client, I've been feeling so much stress since last 24 hrs. Dealing with customers suck. I hate this.

They can be little dumb and doesn't think much before blaming you if something's not working as expected.

I hate this feeling and now i remember why my initial business model was designed such that I wouldn't have to deal with clients.

But somewhere along the way, i forgot about that. :/

I wish I could get rid of this customer.

"Hello, the drive of your XYZ server is getting full, would it be possible to prune some of the unused and/or old docker images and layers there please? Alternatively, we can offer to replace the drives with a higher capacity models for FOO extra per month"

"Hello, the disk use keeps growing and has reached the 95% mark, please prune some of your images to make space for new. If you wanted to choose the alternate option of disk capacity increase, we would have to do that as soon as possible, otherwise you may run out of space before the RAID array rebuilds"

"Hello, your server XYZ has completely ran out of disk space. Any changes that would require data being saved on disk may and probably will fail. Please free some space as soon as possible"

Ugh, I hate clients that just don't cooperate until shit hits the fan...

And no, we could not prune the space ourselves, its not our data to delete whenever we think it necessary.

We merely manage the machine's operation, keeping it online and its services running.

It is increasingly difficult to believe that Google CAPTCHAs are not deliberately made unsolvable.

Everyone hates CAPTCHA, that is nothing new. As most people know, CAPTCHA frequently whines "please try again" after the user provides the correct answer. Sometimes it shows "Please select all matching images." when no new images with the named subject exist. However, now Google is taking it to a new level.

After clicking, the pictures take five seconds to fade to white and the new pictures take another five seconds to fade in. And CAPTCHA challenges have an expiry duration of two minutes. This causes CAPTCHAs to expire before it is possible to solve them.

Does Google think I am not a human because I don't have the time to waste whack-a-moling random StreetView pictures?

I have a feeling that Google is laughing at us for wasting efforts solving CAPTCHAs that are not meant to be solved.

I often wonder if our clients seriously think we have an all-knowing crystal ball of wisdom when they send tickets like "Cannot send emails - please check" while they have like 10 servers and email delivery is a complex matter on its own already.

If I didn't care what our clients think, I'd reply with equally informative email of "Maybe, who knows"...

Chat apps. What's the idea? Those are basically tools of violence. They give you a possibility to in real-time stop someones work and start demanding service. Now. Immediately.

Usually people send you first email and then they after 10 seconds chat "did you see my email?? read it! serve it! please me!" Usually it's just a small request to document something, review someone else's document. Do it ASAP. If you were coding something, then drop it and do someones job for them instead.

You got a request for me to create some verification case list? Put it into my backlog. I might start doing that in week or two. Or month. In case there's nothing else more important. Since I know that you are working with something that you think is the whole universe, but trust me, I got my own problems already.

But hey, if I don't reply to your chat in a minute, please feel free to walk behind me and start explaining your life. No need to wait even for me to get my headphones off. "Oh you are in conf call? Well, this is just a quick thing blaa blaa..."

- Can you please repair my laptop?
- Ok.... -.-

What do you think, how old is it?

god i despise these "javascript is bad" articles. everyone seems to be jumping onto that train ever since the WAT talk.

javascript is a *weakly* typed language with implicit type conversions, that's why `{} + []` gives you `0`.

it is not easy to be the most widely used language, and to maintain compatibility across varying platforms.

please think twice before dismissing hard work.

/rant

Dude on reddit was hearing weird faint noises from his phone.
You'll never guess what he found out!
(Cant find source tho 😭)

Arguing with a guy in a PR that substring(0,1) (first index inclusive, last exclusive) is equal to charAt(0), whereas he seems to think it's charAt(1).

My patience is wearing thin, but I now feel the need to check I'm not the moron here - someone please confirm if I'm the idiot here or not?

@cozyplanes birthday is coming.....
And my dad is asking if I want some presents....
But I can't think of one.
I already have decent headphones and earphones, speaker, keyboard, mouse, laptop, monitor, phone, and tablet...
I personally don't need anything now, but I want to get something.

Can anyone recommend hardware stuff for me? (not software) Mostly tech related, but if you can think of music stuff or leisure stuff (like boosted board, even tho I don't have the time to ride it), that's great too!

Will waiting for you guys/gals suggestions.

P.S. Ofc I want to get my own A320 or A350, but I am pretty sure my dad can't afford it. If any of you guys/gals have the money, please contact me.

Wtf is wrong with me? Last night, I had a very hard time falling asleep even though it was 3am.

Today, I've now been laying in my bed for over 2 hours, and I'm not even close to falling asleep. It feels like my brain wants to think over every possible scenario of what could happen tomorrow...
Please send help...

I have been commenting a lot recently on linux ranters who rant about windows for stupid reasons.
To all these people who think linux is better and they are smart(er) than windows users, i say:
We use windows in the company I work for. And if you are a linux user, you're just not welcome and your skills are just a waste for the company. And yes it is a successful company with 100s of millions of euros as net revenue.
Our users have windows machines and we offer topnotch Microsoft solutions for them.
When you ask me to switch to linux because of a problem i had in a Windows machine, it makes me feel that you are a stupid person who knows about linux and gives solutions based on his stupidity and on zero knowledge of the scenario.
Please be professional and think about the solution you are offering. It would be best if you did not offer any solution at all in fact.

Why apple is a peice of shit..? Why even people love it.. It makes apple to grow more.. Although they don't deserve it.. They don't deserve the trillion dollars.. Why don't they fuck them self..
In a year they release a peice of shit and people are like applauding on it.
Are you fucking serious people?
The people who called as "apple fanboy" please go fuck yourself.. Tell me one reason to love apple..
I am not talking about the price issue. I am talking about they think that they are the best.. But no they are not. They are a bunch of asshole who are working to make money.. They don't need to respect.

9:45 AM
I just woke up and in my whatsapp there was rhe following message of one of my friends:
"Hello how are you? I have to ask you a favor, ca you check if in my facebook profile is hooked up a hacker? A person told me that but I don't trust at all! Could you please check and let me know? Meanwhile I closed my profile, if I have to open it again let me know, thanks and greetings"
I think I return to sleep

You would think developers would have some intelligence...

*Side note: If you're building a sort of SDK, please for fucks sake never force me to use XCode, and make sure that it actually fucking compiles without me having to fix your code"

Recently at my work everyone got all hyped about blockchain. I've spent years studying it and especially crypto so I like to think I know a lot about it. Now every time some feature is discussed (like tracking video views) someone non tech shouts out "Oh we can use a blockchain!" And I have to spend half an hour convincing them why it's a bad idea in this particular case. Like we don't need to share that data, we don't need to ensure integrity without trust etc. I mean a blockchain is a great piece of tech but please stop trying to apply it everywhere...

It's like people think that the blockchain features at its most simplified level don't work anywhere else. E.g. as if stuff you put into MySQL suddenly changes because data integrity is not a 'feature' in that sense...

Dear dongle manufacturers, I love USB-C, I think everyone does; it is the bomb... But.... But but but, please stop charging so much extra for it, I can get a USB-A to Ethernet adaptor for $12 AUD but it's going to cost me at minimum $49 AUD for the same branded dongle, even has the same internal chips... Why... Just... Why!

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

Goldman Sachs analysts - hey, please could we stop working 95 hour weeks? It's really getting silly.

David Solomon - Hey, I'm really glad you brought this up! But screw you. Work harder.

...yeah. Even ignoring the morality of the situation, that was a commercially stupid move. I can't think of a single person that would now want to apply there, analyst or not. Can't help but feeling they've lost a lot of potentially great dev talent over the coming months & years.

Helping Fix something on my Managing Directors Laptop...

After a restart I ask (word for word), "Can you please give me the password you use to login to your laptop"

She proceeds to give me her E-mail password

I respond by saying that I think that is her e-mail password and I need the laptop password.

Next thing I hear "You have to be more clear, to me they are the same thing"

Seriously... How much clearer could I have been, I'd be annoyed right now if my brain wasn't in an infinite loop going WTF JUST HAPPENED... WTF JUST HAPPENED... WTF JUST HAPPENED...

While I'm not a dev, I do love computers and I do know my way around them, so friends/family often ask me for tech support.

Friend: Please fix my computer!

Me: what's wrong with it?

Friend: *sends me pic of blue screen of death*

Me: ...

Me: I don't think you understand

Guys may i have your opinion please.

Should i take a job opportunity seriously if they are asking me to do an AngularJS code challenge?

Taking into consideration that AngularJS became outdated or legacy few months ago.

What do you think

Do you think you can start all your weekdays' 730am to 9am with continuous honk noises every 5 to 10 minutes interval?

If you think you can, please teach me how to survive that shit. This much craps on daily (and especially as the start of the day) is definitely killing my mind and productivity for the rest of the day.

You think americans are weird with their imperialistic units [inch, ounce, yard, pound, mile, ...]?

You think canadians are weird with their mixture of imperialistic and metric units [miles, liters, ...]?

Well I think we are all weird with our am/pm nomenclature when we start counting at 12 and end with 11 [12pm, 1pm, 2pm, ..., 11pm, 12-fucking-AM]

good luck making sense of that one!
"please run this command at 12pm sharp" -- is that noon or midnight? Did the chap writing this know which is which?

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

Wozniak, Apple don’t give a shit about what you think, they didn’t 34 years ago when you left and they certainly don’t today. Please stop commenting, you are irrelevant.

This week's huge fuck you goes to... Drumroll please...
Slack!

You earned this prize for your stupid auto-sleep if there is no interaction for x minutes!

I don't want to install your crap software on my system, so i am forced to alt tab every 15 minutes just to press space and then delete, because God forbids i am being productive on my freaking IDE, second computer, test device and/or meeting!
Also lovely how phone notifications are not sent on mobile unless you are on sleep mode... How could I ever ask for urgent notifications if i take a small break? Oh, right! I should go to sleep mode, so people will think i didn't touch your shitware for 30 mins every fucking time i go to the toilet! :D

Please get your prize whenever possible!

(This conversation is going in WhatsApp)

So a friend of mine asks me if i can build an app for a restaurant to place orders etc.

Me: “Sure, can i have his/her phone number to get in touch with them?”

Friend: “uhmm.. i’d prefer that the communication goes via myself. So what do you want to ask to them?”

Me: “i think that it’ll be easier if i can discuss their wishes and the costs directly with them. Don’t you think?”

He did not answered my question yet.

My question is to you guys; is it wise to take a project from someone that i don’t even know..? Probably my friend is willing to earn some money by raising the price that i ask.
Would you take this project?
Tips-/advices please.

Thanks.

After years of only breaking even or low profitability BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE CHEAPSKATES WHO THINK WHAT I DO IS EASY AND SHOULD BE FREE OR $5 OR WHATEVER AND FRIENDS I DID WORK FOR FOR FREE TOTALLY ABANDONED OUR FRIENDSHIP AFTERWARDS FOR STUPID MISUNDERSTANDINGS ON THEIR PART I closed down my web dev business and now focus only on full time employment. I don’t even do sites for friends anymore.

But did that stop people who before wanted to haggle prices from now BEGGING me to go back into business or to help their referral or to please-pretty-please just help them with one more problem?

Nnnnnnope!

And even now I hate disappointing people and telling them no even though I know they’ll have tiny budgets and will stall and delay and not deliver content or make decisions so I can finish and GET PAID.

WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! AND WHERE WERE ALL THESE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN FEWER PEOPLE WERE INTERESTED IN MY SERVICES?!

Hello, I'm a teenager and I want to become a Software Developer/Software Engineer/Product Engineer, I want to know how to start, what do I need to start learning, I have some knowledge of Javascript and I don't know if should learning Python or Java and where to learn it, please if somebody can answer those questions it would be great help and I would really appreciate it.

PS: I think I may need a mentor, if someone wants to help me my Discord is: patrik11

Every time my news feed says "Giant meteor potentially can hit the Earth in 2025 blah blah blah....."

I think to myself - Please, end it all already. Wipe the planet away.

I think the textbox (where I am writing right now) should be scrollable. And also the half of the screen is unusable.
Please fix it.

@skayo are you still around?
I have wish 😊
Could you please make a devRant Bot for answering to newbies?

Like... rookie: "halp i want to learn JavaScript, what should i do?"
heyheni: @ newbiebot js
newbiebot: Hi @ rookie welcome to dev Rant. The community for developers to rant and vent. Here are some free JavaScript learning resources
- freecodecamp
- scrimba
- JavaScript 30
...
Best of luck!

rookie: but i want to do android apps to!
heyheni: @newbiebot android
Newbiebot: hi welcome...

what do you think?

Hi DevRanters!
I got this react gig earlier this year, its pay is $280/month ($70/week), its a relatively new startup yet to launch though. i was tasked with building landing page and dashboard for user and admin.
Since the company is about to launch, myself and the ceo had a talk concerning salary and he's proposing a salary lower than the one stated above.
Please for a relatively new startup how much do you think is ideal for salary?
What do I do if we couldn't reach an agreement?
Asking for a friend. Thanks.

"Please move the logo left. The text goes a bit under."

Do you guys think people realize how unclear they are, and are just too fucking lazy to write the full spec? Or are they just so fucking stupid they don't realize I literally have no fucking clue what to do exactly with comments like these?

I guess Hanlon's razor applies here, but some days I just don't know...

Happy Friday! ☠️

Recruiter calls me and says, "Hi Rob, I've been looking at your LinkedIn profile and I think you would be a great fit for an ASP role I have in London!"

My profile literally states in the opening paragraph... "No ASP roles, PHP only please."

When I responded and highlighted that, the recruiter persisted to argue with me that they are basically the same language.

I immediately exited the conversation and debated on whether it was best I just hang myself now.

super random

I never got the notion of "men don't like smart women", it's not a stereotype that I see in real life too much.
And I kinda think the opposite way, like yes honey please go on about mathematical topics I don't know a thing about <3

Recruiter on LinkedIn:
"Hi *dev*,
I hope you don't mind me contacting on LinkedIn but I couldn't find your contact details. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't share this awesome job with you. Can U have you're phone number? I think you are a great candidate for this job.

If it's not quite right for you, please refer your contacts!"

Where do I start...
There's a good reason why I don't have my contact details in my profile. I also have a note saying I'm not looking for any jobs at the moment. If I'm "great candidate" what would you ask me to refer my friends? I know they're doing their job, but honestly it feels like they're retarded or something.

I think I have little bit problem with tab management.

Please note tiny grey dots above some tabs on left side, those are tab groups...

Your "feature" just became my problem. Your "great idea" is now my migraine. What you did in 300 lines, another team was already doing in 5.

The next time you `brew install...` on your laptop, you should fucking think that the infra team has to install those dependencies, on every server, too.

In less time than it took you to create your code, I could have given you several functions to call. I could have saved all of us weeks of work. Fucking ask cross-team before you cowboy code your next big idea please.

Got a problem you need to be solved, somebody else probably solved it, just fucking ask.

My grandparent once wanted me to fix their tablet which they said had a virus. I couldn't find anything so I went to the web browser. A tab was up which said "Your Android has 5 viruses please download our antivirus to clean your phone"

It had the fake gif flashing alerts and whatnot so I simply closed out of the tab and deleted all of the recent "antiviruses" which had been downloaded

To this day they think I'm a technical genius for the easiest "fix" I've ever done.

Oh and merry Christmas everybody! I'm new here but it seems like a great community of people :)

Please share C++ advice for devs new to the language. What do you guys think is the fastest route to self learning C++ development for infrastructure systems and please suggest resources.

I just mistakenly replaced 48 hours of work with the old files... I think i'm gonna die. Someone please help me if you can.

I'm seriously burned out "CTO" (small company 20 people, 4 developers).
Should I tell my CEO/CFO exactly that?
Should I tell them, I can't take it anymore, please help me.

Next month we'll have a fund raising opportunity.
I'm afraid it will sound like a blackmail.
I'm afraid they will think, ok, he's burned out, let find somebody else.

On the other side, if I take the risk myself, without telling anyone, I could explode and I'll be on my own.

What do you think it's the best approach?

var rant: QuantumBool = PartlyTrue

So now I think I've got everything in my app right.... But I can't test it because ***** xcode doesn't create a **** certificate so I can deploy it to my phone (it uses motion sensors)

I deleted all the certificates of developer from the keychain because of a bug and now I **** can't deploy my apps for testing....

Please, does anyone know how to reset the icloud keychain to absolute nothing?

“I’ve tried everything, it won’t work. I HAVE to do it this __insert-stupid-dev-fuckery-here__ way”

Hmmmm 🤔 ok have you tried getting down on your hands and knees and walking around like a little piggy begging daddy to rough you up and put you in a pen?!? Because that’s what your gonna need to do for me to forgive you. Please please please just try to THINK about it before you do ANYTHING

God, so tilted right now, after having to "urgently" (joke's on them, they will get charged the urgent rate) check why some deployments weren't working due to some npm dependencies not being found.

(Just from mentioning npm you surely think I'm gonna bash JS, but no!)

I'm tilted by TS devs that don't bother to learn the very basics of git pathspecs and just add "dist" to their .gitignore, not knowing that it's gonna exclude any file or directory named "dist" *ANYWHERE* in the project.

And when your poor CI pipeline tries to transfer the build artifacts (so, keeping the .gitignore excludes but manually including node_modules and dist), it excludes the dist dir in some packages and wrecks the deployment.

Please,, please, PLEASE.

if you want to:

A) Make your entry relative to the .gitignore...

Put a slash first.

B) make it only match directories and not files...

Put a slash last.

Interview pointers please

I've so far applied around 5 jobs and none of them have reverted back to be. I think I gave my best but have not been able to crack the personal interview..

Any pointers??

Now that I am on vacation I realise that there was a period of 3 months this year in which I didn't talk to any female at all except for my mom and sister, just because there are almosy no girls that study software engineering... What the fuck is happening here? Could we please make SE more attractive for women? Its not just that I would like to flirt with women, I think that having women around would improve a great deal of things. For instance, I think that a group dynamic is a lot better if the group contains women.

How do you think we can make software development more appealing to women?

Why are there no good file managers for Linux?

Come to think of it, why are there no good file managers that aren't Windows Explorer?

All I want is a good breadcrumb bar (editable), customizability, basic functions such as permanent delete, open folder with, etc, and built in zip reading. Is that too much to ask?

Currently I use the elementary OS one (works a bit better than the default nautilus) but it lacks a ton of basic functionality and there's pretty much no customization.

Please someone make a usable file manager for Linux. Ugh

I am 21 years old and I work on Machine Learning and deep learning. I have this problem and any advice on this is highly appreciated:

Whenever I sit to code, I put on some light music over the headphones. As soon as I sit, my parents think that I am wasting my time on YouTube or watching a movie. It is not easy to convince Indian parents. What should I do to get into coding without being interrupted or being falsely accused of enjoying in front of the computer? (Locking the room with be disastrous and I have tried it 😅)

Please help 🙏

To you, who use Windows 11. Is there at least one feature that makes you glad you switched from 10 to 11? Or maybe not necessarily glad, but it would make you appreciate the new OS? One thing that would make the upgrade worth it... I myself can not think of a single fucking thing. (Please don't say better HDR support, that's the one most often mentioned feature. Definitely not good enough reason to have a new OS)

Well after working a normal office job for a while I'm kinda starting to think I thrive on isolation.

All of the people, the noise, the distractions, the lights, it's all so overwhelming. I have constant anxiety attacks.

Idk does anyone relate with this? We're they ever able to overcome? Cope? Bend their employer to the will of their isolationism by working at home more often and still producing results despite the Beck and call to "please stay in the office and fit in our prescribed work time box, you robot."

Dear notebook manufacturers,

do you ever fucking think of how users actually use your notebooks in a company? Almost every company makes use of docking stations. Sooo... Instead of killing my battery over time by being constantly connected to power via the docking station. What do you think of doing some kind of scheduled/more intelligent charging or a charging range? I mean I dont stare 4 hours a day onto my 14 inch notebook display and then think "Oh I need to charge, better use my docking station" and go charging it for 90 minutes whilst staring at two 4k monitors and then unplug everything. My notebook now lives for 20 minutes without a power source... I cant even do proper presentations without using power cable... Please... Do something...

Yeah they will never see this. Just asking myself how you can develop a product do far away from the actual customer

I keep posting that I need job and I appreciate the feedback but I feel just saying that makes it seem like I'm not trying.

Like. I legit don't know. Could it be my cv that's a dud? Thinking of paying a resume writing thing

Cause I'm actually trying hard af to learn new stuff as well keep doing what I'm good at.

I got one interview in a year and even then they didn't gimme the chance to show tech side. It's soo tilting.

I'm actually competent though inexperienced I think.

Any advice or questions please. I legit need to sort this out this year. Like its very important that I do.

Help.

My conversation with Avalara support (API for taxing):
Me: Hey I'm implementing your API for a client. The requests are going through, I get a valid response back but all goods are taxed with $0. Can you please give me a hint what I might be missing?
Sup: You're using Salesforce Commerce Cloud, requests might be blocked through their firewall
Me: I don't think so, here are some sample requests and responses I just created. The object returned matches the one in your API Doc.
Sup: This isn't a system controlled by us, no support.
Me: So how in the world can it be you don't control your own endpoint?

Seriously, if you don't want to help, next time just say fuck you...

So a trainee made a website at the company where I also have my internship, he finished his internship earlier than I did. But the problem is I'm now fixing his site and it's literally falling apart! I fixed one problem and a dozen apear! His code is the definition of spaghetti code. It's so extremely bad I can't handle this, I don't want to do this anymore, just someone please drive a knife trough my chest. This is unbearable HE CREADED A HTML PAGE INSIDE ANOTHER ONE flipping heck how could you think that's how things work!

Many of you know twitch, now think of all the problems they have to tackle to serve livestreams to millions of users and sometimes deliver one livestream to tens of thousands of people around the world.

And this company always shows me the same FUCKING AD FOR THE SAME FUCKING AMAZON PRIME SHOW I DONT EVEN WANT TO WATCH. PLEASE LET AMAZON TELL YOU THAT METHOD HAD NO EFFECT AT ALL.

"White" Background is killing my eyes..
Please make "Black" as default website background color.
(Common google, atleast make dark theme for all of your apps)
(Who think is a good idea that your google launcher background default color is fucking White, Drop your default bright colorscheme bullshit. Hey you fraeking huge company, stop this trend please.)
(For every designer with dark colorscheme, Thank you for making my life easier.)

You think you are fucked until you realize that Matt Daemon is lost in mars with win xp.damn you nasa, you cheap bastards! (photo taken by me during the film) no spoilers please, i haven't finished it yet

!rant

One forgets so quickly how a bad internet connection feels like.

God I think I cant bear this 1mbit, 500ms ping shit connection. Feels like 2002 all over again.
Please dear internet gods, send help!!!

I don't think devrant would work very well in landscape orientation, but could we please get reverse portrait orientation?

I don't know shit about app development but I'm pretty sure that is an option.

* yes, I have seen the new iPhone
* no, I'm still happy with my current one
* actually I think lots of high-end Android phones are very good too
* will you please stop talking about the sodding headphone jack you're driving me insane please stop please oh god it's happening again I did warn you but you didn't listen you wouldn't stop and now look what you made me do this is all your fault they'll never take me alive

Me: hey guys there seems to be an integration problem?
Vendor: hacky workaround
Me: no that’s a hacky workaround, please check the integration
Vendor (sometime later): yeah so we made an engineering change like, a while back, which fundamentally alters stuff.
Me: so shit is fucked because you don’t think customers should be informed ahead of release? Dude do you not want our money?

!rant

My mobile game is going live soon, but I need beta testers to give me feedback about the game. It’s a simple mobile game, think Ketchapp style. If you’re interested in testing and have an iPhone (😱), please either contact me here or on my website or wherever so I can invite you to TestFlight. Thanks!

So LUA injector to Payday 2 requires on Linux certain library (libcurl3). So you know, sudo apt install libcurl3 and there you go!

You would think.

Apparently while you do that, the installation of libcurl3, it completely nukes your Steam installation... For some reason.
Can some please explain me, what the hell just happened? Please?

Do you think free VPN providers are reliable and not tracking our personal data?

If your answer is Yes then please let me know name of that VPN provider.

When you notice about the trains of your city use Java 6 in Windows XP and you think: please tell me that brakes don't

Requirement: "Build teleport using a teapot and some tape"

Yesterday I spent most of my working day staring at the screen thinking about it, without being able to write a proposed implementation document. I felt the most useless person in the universe.

Me, today at daily stand-up meeting: «Honestly I have no idea on how to proceed, please assign me a different task.»
Manager: «Well, just think about it a bit more»

Great.

Hello friends, please tell me what you think about haml? I just came across haml and I don't know, if its that usefull to faster write HTML markup.

Real life experiences developers, web developers and or designers! Please help.

I have been self studying for web development for almost 2 years. Even still, I'm too afraid to apply to jobs. I haven't built a solid project for a while because I'm losing hope. I know well beyond beginner html, css and JavaScript. What do I SERIOUSLY need to know before applying? Any suggestions? Concepts? Abilities? I think my girlfriend is losing faith in this choice I made as well. If I can't find a code job soon, I think I'm destined to find full-time work, anywhere.. and I only finished a 2 year degree.

Please help, fucking desperate.

Today Phoronix posted a short article about a (in my opinion cool) new feature I implemented in my file manager (Dolphin). Most of the feedback was positive/constructive criticism but some people attacked me personally because they don't like the feature/think "true" Linux users wouldn't use it.
I gave you something cool for free. Would you please stop bitching about it?
If you don't like it don't use it. You can even disable it if it threatens your ego as a Linux master user

Is it sad that I look forward to the weekend so that I can actually write some code rather than:

- Helping clients that can’t / won’t read docs
- Explaining to test colleagues that we need repro steps and can’t fix a bug based on “I was doing something and it crashed”
- Writing any regular expressions for another dev where it’s more complicated than ^[A-Z0-9]*$
- Wading through legacy VBA that’s littered with GoTo, global variables (even i, j and k for loops are fucking global!) and all the other fucking lazy shortcuts that save you 10 seconds at dev time and cost you (which ends up meaning me) hours in subsequent debugging.

I love writing code, and I think I’m pretty good at it, so can I please just get on with it?

Fellow ranters, please tell me I’m not alone in this.

Can anyone please suggest me a good strategy game for android or desktop. A game which force me to think.

You know, i think making a linux distro where it's ubuntu but "Sudo" is swapped with the word "Please" would be a good use of knowledge and time

Gmail,
Please stop reloading the page again and again in the backend for the new messages. You may think that no one can notice

And, stop doing reloads every time I enter it (when already opened), we have our mouse for reloading the page and clear the cache.

Or Simply use AJAX

A noob here, please don't judge too hard.
My major is maths and philosophy(mainly doing logic in philosophy), and even though we had python in maths, it's so basic I don't even think I can say I learnt anything (sololearn on my phone taught me more lol)
Does anyone have experience of transferring to IT after or during a maths degree? Not rly asking for advice, just want to hear life experiences and maybe learn something!