My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

What language do you hate the most and why is it Java?

And that's why there are scientific programming languages:

"Hey, you are the Java guy, aren't you? My Java is broken!"

Me: *Takes a look at the code*

if ("4+4".equals("5+3")) {
System.out.println("Same result!");
} else {
System.out.println("Different result!");
}

*happily tapping along on my projects while commuting*

Some random kid appears, overly interested in what I'm writing, so I let him look.

Then he goes *snort* do you know why Java threw c out?

No.

*giggles* because c told Java to stop treating women like and objects.

Well, treating them like primitives is no good either.

*kid walks away*
Then I hear: mom. That man ruined my joke, he said treating women like primitives is no good.

My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java

My professor( 2 yrs ago) : Why r u wasting ur time on Python. Learn Java or .net , u will get a good job.

Now she asked me for python tutorials cause she needs it for her PHd. 😂😂😂

I accidentally open eclipse (Java code) during a demo.

The same smart ass Einstein's cousin business guy : Oh that is SQL, I have learnt it.. it was too simple for me that is why I decided not to be a developer

Me : You are lucky it's Friday

*Posting screenshot about random stuff*
Typical comment: Why are you using light theme, oooh my eyes 😨

*Posting something related to Windows*
Typical comment: Why are you using Windows, use Linux like "pro", btw I am using Arch 🙄

*Posting something related to IDE*
Typical comments: use vim, why are you using that

*Posting something related to Java*
Typical comment: Java is slow ( 🤮 ), use Python it's cool.

*Posting something related to JavaScript*
Typical comment: js is cancer, get rid of it and use {some_other_language}

Just a normal day on devrant 🤷

(not mentioning of course non dev related sick comments)

to be continued

Girl: you don't...see sharp
Me: I'm... Not a Java developer
Girl: I never said you were
Me: but why make that joke?
Girl: what joke? You hit your head on a beam tripped over a chair and missed your drink. You clearly need glasses
Me: *gets glasses* oh your not a girl 😳

java - - version
Unrecognized operation: - - version

FUCK!!!

java - version
java version "1.x...."

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

Why Java, WHY?!?!? 😭

Every other tool uses - - version ❤️

"I hate C# and Java because compiling takes forever. That's why I use JavaScript."

npm install && gulp

...9 years later...

"Java is slow"

If that is the only reason you can come up with when i ask you why dou you think java is bad, im going to assume youre either a fucking shit programmer or live in the 90s.

So...
Why do elegant programmers use Java??

It is classy! :D

Manager: we use <teaming meeting service> for all of our team meetings.
Me: cool I'll go to the site and join the meeting.
Me: [using opera as default browser]
Service: [doesn't work with opera]
Me: [not really surprised, tries firefox]
Service: I need java to run me.
Me: I have java.
Firefox: yeah but I don't.
Me: why?
Firefox: 'cause we're phasing it out.
Me: [looking for some kind of plugin]
Internet: [tldr Firefox can only use 32bit java if it must use java]
Me: [installs 32 bit java]
Firefox: nah.
Me: waht?
Firefox: [covering its eyes] I can't see anything
Me: it's right there.
Firefox: ...
Me: ...
Firefox: ...
Me: ... please?
Firefox: ...nah...
Me: [checks service supported browsers]
Service: on Linux: ONLY FIREFOX
Me: .... fuck...
Me: [downloads Linux-32 distro]
Me: [runs as vm]
Me: [installs Firefox esr]
Me: [installs java-32]
Me: [manually creates plugin for Firefox to recognize java]
Me: [logs onto service and signs in]
Service: Meeting concluded 26 minutes ago.

C#? Should have used Java
Java? So much boilerplate, use node
JavaScript? Terrible language, get some types
Typescript? Lipstick on a pig
PHP? Gross
React? Should have used Angular
Angular? Should have used Vue
Vue? Why aren't you using jQuery + HTML
VSCode? Use vim instead

Stfu, no one gives a shit about your biased closed minded opinion. Your users really don't care what technology you use, so long as they're happy.

(While there is also IntelliJ on the PC)

Teacher : "We're going to make JAVA, please open Eclipse"

Me : *Opens IntelliJ, get weird looks from friends and explains why it's good*

At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development

"Why can't I just get the terminology right in my head"

java: map.
javascript: object?
python: dictionary!
ruby: HASH!
php: aSsoCiaTiVe aRrAy

Yesteryear's me: What is up with this effin' catelyn-katelin-thingy? Yet another hipster language trying to dethrone Java. Yeah, right. And why does it sounds like my ex's name?

Today's me:

Hi everyone, I'm new here but I liked the posts so I thought I'd chip in. Here's a picture of my home office.

I'm currently brushing up on SQL and Java in my internship while I await graduation at the end of the year. Java>C# IMO. C++ is my first love but nobody wants to hire for it anymore.

To everyone who's worked in Java, Eclipse or Intellij IDEA and why? (I mostly use Eclipse because the internship requires it).

I hope to have fun here, so please give me a warm welcome or a rant.

Me, doing ui design: 'hm, i feel like jumping into machine learning right now'

Me, writing a ml chatbot: 'but what if i extend flutter with my old custom android components'

Me, porting java components to dart: 'hold on, p5js has vectors, i could make a physical simulation'

Me to me: 'why are you like this'

I tried to learn Java by watching tutorial videos on YouTube. After falling sleep on chapter 3, the next day I started programming in JavaScript.

Don't ask how, don't ask why.
And yes, I thought that Java and JavaScript was the same... For about 5 minutes until finding StackOverflow.

Good times.

Just spent like ten minutes searching why my api always returned false.
I forgot, that I am using Java and therefore cant compare strings using equal signs 🤦‍♂️

(After telling a friend about a date)
Ahh I get it why she talks a lot. She codes Java, man

while we were in the car...

mom: so what are u doing in your new job? you code in java?
me: no, i code in javascript, html, css and php..
mom: so thats java. how nice.
me: no, its javaSCRIPT.
mom: theyre still the same.
me: java and javascript are not the same
mom: but most people use java so why dont u just do it in java?
me: thats what ive been asking myself too in the past few weeks, why did i even accept this job

This is 2017 but someone still think that Java and Javascript are the same language.
And this person is an IT student.

Why is Java so comfy?

I don't know why, but every time I try to use Javascript and Python I feel lost in those functional gimmicks and fancy libraries.

Java feels like the warm, soft old couch at home.

Had a recruiter contact me at home on my day off.

Recruiter: We have a company that would be interested in hiring a C# developer because of your programming skillset.

Me: Does it involve ASP.NET?

Recruiter: Yes.

Me: I apologize, but I don't have any skills in ASP.NET. I've been instead focusing on building my skillset with Java Spring/Hibernate and soon JavaScript to start building front end skills with my backend skillset.

Recruiter: Oh, is Java an in demand skill that companies want?

....Why are you talking to me mate? Take off your headset, go home, and rethink your life choices.

When i found devrant in play store. I dont know why, but because it was something like a community, installed it, found out java, installed eclipse, then found out android is java (well at that moment...) so i am doing android development until now! (me 15)

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

I would (at apprenticeship level) start to teach more software architecture and security related stuff.

Yes knowing how to iterate over an array is important but it’s getting lame...

And last but not least it’s fucking 2018 why am I writing a Java 6 swing GUI on paper as a test

why tf java internship requires me to have a knowledge of a 3+ years experienced java developer!?

Went to an introductory session for the new version of the lousy CMS my organization uses and on the second slide of the presentation WRITTEN BY THE BIG BRITCHES OF THE IT DEPARTMENT they informed us that the CMS removes the necessity to learn languages for web programming like HTML, CSS, and Java. My first thought is "huh why would I need Java for... wait..." You could see the thoughts crossing my mind.
"Wait a minute... Who writes Java applets anymore? Java isn't.... but what if... no... they wouldn't..."
For the holy love of Bill, YOU ARE THE IT DEPARTMENT. Please don't tell me you misguided cactus-heads just mixed up JavaScript and Java on an official document you're using in presentations for everyone using the system? It hardly did anything to inspire overwhelming confidence. And even if it was handled by somebody whose entire job is to write PowerPoints for these things, who reviewed this thing? Dilbert's boss? And that wasnt even the only soul-scorching error. Sweet mother of Tux, people, I'm a student using your system, your professional presentations shouldn't make me cringe.

Me when I tried to switch from Python to Java:

Why so much extra stuff??

So the team I joined has been producing garbage software in C# for 10+ years. The solution proposed by the tech lead - start using Java because it’s better than C#, that’s why we have problems. This actually gets signed off by management. Why did I choose this career?

"why do java programmers wear glasses? ...
Because they can't see sharp"

My fucking ex-boss trying to be funny. Well you're not funny youfuckingpieceoftrash

Why is native Java UI development have to be so f*cking hard??

Our school like:

School: hey everyone! Today we are learning java.

We: But we can Java and we already read the whole book

School: So ok! Let's do Java for 4 months!

We: What the... c'mon that makes no sense!

School: ...

We: ...

*After 4 months*

School: So class lets write a exam in java!

We: oh boy! this is nice!

School: Open your VM!

*Everyone started theyr VM and opened Eclipse*

School: Aaaaand now open NetBeans!

We: Holy Moly Crap! Really? why?

School: because...because...because...fuck off! we dont know...but it stands on the fucking exam so shut the fuck up u little crap!

When someone writes class names lowercase and methods uppercase in Java.

That moment when you learn Java in school and your teacher tells you that Strings are unimportant.
*facepalms*

As a Java guy starting to learn about JavaScript I have one question.

WHY ARE THERE 20,000 VERSIONS OF JAVASCRIPT???! WHAT MAD GOD APPROVED OF THIS AND HOW DO WE KILL HIM?

...I don't actually think it's that bad of a language though. :^)

Seriously why hasn't anyone made a coffee brand just for devs called "java" .. So we can show some superiority over the simple folk drinking coffee..
😏☕🍪

If Java and Javascript are garbage collected, why do they still exist?

So I'm in HS CS and some of us know how to code, and the others are struggling with variables (in python).

One of them asks: "Sir, why are doing python? I heard about java and how it changed the internet and stuff"

So naturally my teacher explains the difference (between JS and Java, in case your captain of the USS dumbass), but then described JS in the best way possible:

"JavaScript is basically the California of programming, its a really weird place where people mix everything up and nothing makes sense"

Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards? Because they use a strongly typed language.

Why the hell are “technical” recruiters so inept that they can’t understand that java and JavaScript are 2 completely different things?

Thats Why JAVA programmer's are Single.... :)

Why don't people like Java? With only a year of AP comp sci for experience, I don't know enough about it to say I do or don't like it. But it's widely used, and is an official language of Android. Are the people hating on Java just people that don't use it? Or is there something about Java that people just genuinely despise?

Java's shitshow, or why I'll never like java, the language:

The fact that you cannot read the length of an iterable at any point in time without iterating through it. Did I just read this from DB? Yes, I did. Do I know how many items I read? No. Why? Because fuck the designers of this shit language and all its shitty third-party libraries. 😠😠😠

Why do most Java programmers know Java and nothing else? Wtf, every time find myself reviewing crappy Bash/Python/JavaScript/Ruby shit written by Java-only programmers I want to puke. Don't you know that the world is bigger than your small island?

Why some recruiters can t understand this: javaScript is NOT java!!!

So i am a trainee at a Software Company in germany. Im in My thir year. We got a new trainee who has a better degree then me and is 3 years older (hes 23). yesterday we was in our Office working and My "teacher/Boss") was talking with a customer. Then the new trainee asks me at least 5 fucking stupid questions. I stay calm and answer them normally because i think He dosent kwow any better and would Learn it. So this fucker works on a typo 3 Website and ask me why He cant Put Java Inside his Website to animate some articles. I ask him why He would want to do this with Java? He says (like a ignorant fucker) because its only working using Java. I kindly ask him if He maybe means javascript and Not Java. And He says: oh yes i mean That but thats the Same thing. I say no its not javascript and Java are different languages. He responds with no Java is just a shorter Form of saying javascript. I quit helping this guy. The fact That he thinks He knows better its just killing me.

Why is starting a C++ project so overly complicated and annoying?!

So many different compilers. So many ways to organize the files. So many inconsistencies between Linux and Windows. So many outdated/lacking tutorials. So many small problems.

Why is there almost no good C++ IDEs? Why is Visual Studio so bizarre? Why are the CMake official tutorials literally wrong? Why can't we have a standard way to share binaries? Why can't we have a standard way to structure project folders? Why is the linker so annoying to use?

Don't get me wrong, I quite like the language and I love how fast it is (one of the main reasons I decided to use it for my project, which is a game almost comparable to Factorio)... But why is simply starting to write code such a hassle?

I've been programming in Java for years and oh god I miss it so much. JARs are amazing. Packages are amazing. The JDK is amazing. Everything is standardized, even variable names.

I'm so tempted to make this game in Java...

But I can't. I would have a garbage collector in the way of its performance...

"Well this is Java, that's intelliJ"
-Guy in my CS class figuring out why my code works and his doesn't

I REALLY HATE TECHNICAL PHONE INTERVIEWS!!!
I was asked: "What are the differences between C++ and Java?"
I got a mind blank at that point... Good thing it didn't last long and I came back with a reply.

But seriously, if you can't speak English clearly, why? Why? WHY?!
(I lost a whole question because I couldn't understand the interviewer. ☹)

At least it went "well" and now I have to improve the "technical" document and do 2 tests by Monday!

All the time while I'm programming I hate Java.... Don't hate me now :D I'm learning Java in high school. I very love very fast programming languages such as C and C++, so this is why I don't like Java, but there are some reasons why I like Java. I just started learning how to create own window. What the hack is this? This is so simple. I tried to create window in C/C++ with OpenGL, just blank window with color. Complicated..... But with java it's fairy tale.
You can add me now to Java familly, but remember I also love C++.

So here your are, Hello World Java FX app :D

Final goal:
Create window application similar scratch.

Why Java decided to use a guy resemble like nerd? It is not cool at all.

What's the language you hate most? And why is it Java?

I just had to explain to someone why Java isn't a suitable shorthand to JavaScript. Then he told me not to lecture him, because he's a CS graduate. Seriously.

I wrote almost all the java code in Main.java
why did I do that?
WHY DID I DO THAT?

Why do java programmers wear glasses?

They can't see sharp.

Java is so fucking stupid. Literally nobody likes Java. Fucking stupid ass language and every app that uses it is laggy and stupid as fuck. Fuck you Oracle. This is why literally nobody uses your cloud platform. Stupid deprecated shit that nobody uses anymore.

Anyone that uses Java is forced to because the software ware literally made 949349 years ago. Java is just such a stupid language and so fucking laggy. NOBODY LIKES JAVA VIRTUAL MACHINE. WHAT A STUPID INVENTION. WHOEVER DID THAT NEEDS TO BE FIRED ASAP. Oracle is such a stupid company. Make something that people actually want to use, because obviously nobody wants to fucking use Java. Nasty ass laggy fucking language.

Fuck you

What's your favorite IDE to use and why?

I saw a little IntelliJ hate on another rant, but so far it has been pretty useful for me, I only need 1 IDE for Java/PHP/HTML/Python/JS/SQL

Pic unrelated, just for attention and the LOL's

Does anybody know why java is brown in GitHub, html is red, objective-c is blue, and swift is yellow?

Why Java developers cant be homeless?
They always have JAVA_HOME

Why all the hate for Java?

This is why JAVA is powerful. You can find it everywhere.

Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.

So my friend is learning the Java. And he says to me "Why would you even need dividing in game developing?!".

Java 12 is here.

Why so many releases now.

It was good earlier, years taken for next release.

Atleast we could update our resumes properly.

Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they dont C#

Why is it that women find C to be more attractive than Java?
Because C doesn’t treat them like objects.

Me and my friends were roasting this guy in our java class saying that the guy had a compilation error when he was born.He savagely replied that if we did not have a compilation error when we were born why are we going through a runtime error now😂😂😂

People of Java.... Why do you love Java... It's so confusing and a pain to write.

Second off.... Why do I keep going back thinking I can write Java!!

WHEN I KNOW I HATE JAVA!!!

Intermediate programming exam today(in Java):
5 min before the exam started the guy next to me :"Hey can you tell me what a lambda-expression is? And why do we need streams? "
According to the assignment description you actually had to solve nearly every assignment with lambdas and the stream API.

Sorry mate.

Has anyone installed Elasticsearch on Linux - centos to be specific.

Trying to workout why the fucker won't install. Setting up a proof of concept so don't want to use it currently as SaaS.

From why I can tell, it only needs Java, (check) and to be ran as a user other then root (check) but running ./bin/Elasticsearch hangs after a while and starts powering up 100 odd threads with no progress.

For Java development, what IDE do you prefer and why (if there is reason)?

A: Why do Java developers wear glasses?
B: Because they don't C#

Have to do a jee project without any knowledge in java, in 2 weeks.

Why ? My classmates put me in a group when i wasn't here, of course they know nothing and are not going to code..
Fuckkkkkk you!

Well, any advice with jee ? Where should i start to get a good grade x)

Why do the java people say that java is superior over C#, when in fact it is more or less the same language? I never hear C# guys crying that their language is better, but I hear java guys all the time. And the fact is even that C# has more language features IMO makes it a better language. .Net is more or less the same as the Java API but we have had DateTime objects and a lot of good things, that Java is now copying, for a long time. Just curious on some ideas why Java is better now and forever no matter what times infinity, but why? And if someone is so stupid as to write that Java is the better language without reading this far then that proves my point. ps. Now that .Net and C# is being open sourced there is not the open source argument anymore either

Why do java programmers not wear glasses?
Because they don't C sharp
BADUM TSS

im so bad,
im sorry

Why is flutter so unbelievably awesome?
It makes development soooo much quicker and easier compared to native java/kotlin/swift...so much simpler on so many levels, that it still feels somehow ..*wrong*...to me....

Why does every Software Engineering role at the top companies never have PHP or any functional languages in it’s list of languages they want you to be experienced in?

It’s always Java, Python, C#, C/C++, Objective C or Ruby. What about Elixir, Scala, Haskell or Clojure?

My two cent: Java is fucking terrible for computer science. Why the fuck would you teach somebody such a verbose language with so many unwritten rules?

If you really want your students to learn about computer, why not C? Java has no pointer, no passed by reference, no memory management, a lots of obscure classes structure and design pattern, this shit is garbage. The student will almost never has contact with the compiler, many don't even know of existence of a compiler.

Java is so enterprise focused and just fucked up for educating purpose. And I say it as somebody who (still) uses it as main language.

If you want your students to be productive and learn about software engineering, why not Python? Things are simple in Python can can be done way easier without students becoming code monkeys (assuming they don't use for each task a whole library). I mean java takes who god damn class and an explicitly declared entry point which is btw. fucking verbose to print something into the console.

Fuck Java.

Internships in BLOCKCHAIN

Required skills at least five among:
C++, Java, Java Script, Python, Solidity, Simplicity, PHP, Ruby, Rust, GO, C#, CX, Rholang, Scilla, Vyper.

Why do they expect so much? 🙄

Explain the 'Script' to Java. Why the Fuck would you want to do so?

Just had an interview with our new potential product manager. I companioned our CEO, if technical questions arise...

First, he came to our office, to the interview, and never..never looked at our application. Neither he saw some screenshots, review's or anything related to the product. As a potential product manager...gasp

And he really tried to impress me, by mentioning what a great full stack developer he also is (LOL), with years of experience in frontend and backend.
But, since I am an android software developer, he mentioned he don't like java. But he loves java script...

Me: ehhh what? So you compare apples to oranges. Why do you don't like java? (And I could image a lot things ...)

Him: because unlike JavaScript, java is a mess when writing code.

Me: ok Iam done.

One day C and JAVA walk into a bar
Everyone was hitting on Java and C was completely ignored
Do you know ...why?🤔

Java has his own class 🍻

They say:

Java is to JavaScript like Car is to Carpet.

Almost like interview.....
At project fair..
Q. Which language you use.
Me. Python
Q. Why.
Me. Explained
Q. Why you not use Java?..
Me(in mind): ###############

Why Google. Why did you have to over engineer angular 2+? You made Java out of JavaScript. 🤷🏻‍♂️

During interview:

Them - "what was the last thing you've learned?"
Me - "Java, actually. Learning it for a personal project."
Them - "Why Java? What purpose does it serve?"
Me - "ಠ_ಠ"

There is something so comfy about Java that I never get from other languages.

I don't know why but I genuinely enjoy writing 200 lines of boilerplate code. Maybe it makes me feel I am in control and not some syntactic magic like in Python or Javascript.

People keep ranting on java, yet it lives on.

So there's that project with my coworker. We splitt up the classes, 10 to be implemented by him, 10 by me.

Fast Forward to 4 weeks before deploy.
Coworker: Your stuff logs a lot of stuff. It's not very clear and a liiittle to verbouse. 5 entries per second? Too much!
Me: Okay, you're right. Let me fix that.

2 Days later I look at his logs at runtime. He logs EVRY SQL statement and their results! In a batch that processes a 10'000 of customers!
He points out: That's useful stuff and it's not that much. It's needed for debuging.

My face: 😦

Why is java called java?
Because by the end of the day you'll need a strong cup of coffee to retain your will to live.

What IDE do you guys use for Java coding and why? :D

Serious question: why all the hate on PHP?

I've been using it as my main language, and genuinely like it. Tried Java but find that to be typing a fuckload to get the same task done. Javascript is nice, but still, i prefer PHP (probably mostly because i know it).

Just really curious, what have i been missing?

Heard Java 7 provides catching multiple exceptions in single catch block ! hmm .. why need when I got this 😎😁
try {
// do something...
} catch (Exception e){
//log it ..
}

!rant

Best advice ever: "Why are you using Java for this? use Python"

And that kids, is how I fell in love.

"Kotlin, why the fuck would you want to introduce a better language for Android studio and still base it entirely on jvm, fuck you jetBrains and Google, you java dick sucking retards. "
LOL

If Java versions can coexist on a system
If all java versions have their own packages on the AUR
If you can change envvars in a launch script and be sure that all processes of the application will persist your settings
Then why THE FUCK do package maintainers keep announcing to change the default java version to install their package, rather than explicitly doing that by themselves? Fuck off, do you really think yours is the only package that needs a specific Java version? Do you think each and every user will write their own init script, or edit the PKGBUILD to include the new version as an envvar in the desktop file? This is why Arch has a bad name, and they're fucking right. If you don't have the time to put a single motherfucking diff in the motherfucking pkgbuild to specify the java version in the desktop file, then don't fucking maintain the package. I know there are too few maintainers, but pretending to maintain a package while doing fuckall is much worse than leaving it unmaintained on the AUR so the first person who has time can pick it up.

Helping a friend study for a midterm for a web development class at the university I went to. They have a new teacher this semester and I’m reviewing his slides about javascript to see where the confusion is...

First slide: based off of Java, hence the name JavaScript, but is not Java. Borrows most syntax from Java.

And they wonder why employers comment on the surveys: “unprepared for the workforce”

Looked up the professor.. no experience teaching or any background in cs. And people pay 6-12k / semester for this state university.

why do people hate java? it is the most elegant and simple language one can learn and code powerful apps and software. i don't get it

>mvn clean install
[ERROR] Bruh, couldn't find any of these classes you're talking about.
>mvn clean install
[INFO] The job has completed without errors.

Seriously, why is Java/Maven/Spring so temperamental. It's like it has to be in a good mood to compile for me.

Why do people compare languages? Like C++ vs JAVA, C++ vs Python, C++ vs Elixir?
All languages are best in their own specific use-cases. So why we need to compare all this stuff?

Or might be I am wrong.

I learned basic, Visual Basic and java in high school, then one year of college studying c++. I really hate c++ and swore I would never become a programmer. After that one year of college, I spent two years out of the country with no computer usage at all. Then 4 years working at a grocery store.
Then my friend told me about an opening at his work place for a java programmer. This was 7 years since doing java and 6 years since I had programmed anything at all. But I applied and interviewed. When asked about databases, I said “I know a little Microsoft Access.” Had no idea what relational databases were, never heard of php, but by some miracle they hired me anyways. Still working for them 6 years later, now an experienced java, php, MySQL, front end developer.
Still have no idea why they saw fit to hire me.

everything was going great, I was loving it,

then self happens

why should one pass self (current object refrance) to the constructor in python , why doesn't this keyword exist in python.

coming from java I always forget to add it.

just WHY?????

Just spent 30 mins (in bed at 5am) thinking how to improve a mongodb collection sync process from a basic script I wrote years ago to a cleaner Java process.

But then asked myself why.... WHY THE DUCK SHOULD I TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO IMPROVE SOMETHING THAT I WILL RARELY NEED TO USE BUT WOULD MAKE ALL THE MONKEYS JOBS ON MY TEAM A LOT EASIER

NO ONE ELSE TAKES INITIATIVE, WHY THE DUCK SHOULD I...

THEY DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY EITHER...

Or I could just not share my toys anymore... Watch while everyone else toils in misery...

Why the flying fuck does one indent Java code with two spaces? Coding standards exist for a reason, for fuck's sake!

It's sad when I see a seemingly cool job and it says something like: "required 69 years of professional Java experience". Why lock the opportunity to a certain technology?
I haven't used Java professionally but I have used it throughout university and I can get by. And I'm always willing to learn. Weird stuff!

Which language do you hate the most, and why?

Mine is Java, maybe because I've been learning about it since I started to learn programming on class.. getting tired and bored since I met Js and Python

I just saw this:

"I'm working with Java and I need to know why I have to change to Javascript"

why the hate on java? ok, i'm only studying applied computer sciences for a year now, we mainly saw java /javascript and i like them. personally i worked with python, c, c#, php, swift too but i still don't see the problem with java

I might sound ridiculous but yeah, I am switching from C++ to java.
reason: I am bored sticking to a single language for 4 years.
Why not python?
reason: I use it every second day at my work.
Why this(java) shit? There are tons of other languages out there.
reason: java gives me PLEASURE
How drunk are you?
me: VERY

Q: Why do real JAVA programmers wear glasses? {0_0}
A: Because they don't C#. {-_-}

It seems like I'm going on an assignment to a company working with Angular. Reading through the documentation I just want to ask all Java developers to get their greasy hands out of JavaScript. It feels like GWT all over again with Google reinventing core JS technologies just so that it looks like Java. Dependency injections? Observable wrappers? RxJS in general? WHAT IS THE POINT? Why can't I do this in a way adhering to web standards? Why can't I simply use fetch() or axios or whatever? Why can't you support reactivity without forcing me to write more boilerplate than I had on my central heating boiler? I just want to code and not be forced to discover what Google developers think web should be like.
Please, let me out of this hell.
Fortunately, it's not gonna be a long assignment.

Why in the everliving freaking fuck does Java have a class called URLEncoder which DOES NOT DO URL ENCODING??? The shit-spraying piece of a mouldy footgun does formencoding?? Which sadistic maniac thought that was a good idea?

Why do people hate java?

Can any IT/InfoSec people tell me why in the heck do I need to put in a ticket to download the Java runtime environment?

Like seriously, how is blocking this beneficial? I'm genuinely curious.

Dear lord! Why is it so hard to get this to work! Anyone know if its even possible to run lambda expression on JSP? I made sure everything is running on Java JDK 8. BUT IT DOESN'T WORKKKKK. I keep getting "Lambda expressions are allowed only at source level 1.8 or above"

"Do you know OOP in Java?"
"No, I don't."
"How about POJO?"
"I dunno too."
"Okay, so what do you know?"
"Pascal."
"Then why do you call yourself a Java programmer, dude?"
"Cuz, I'm a programmer, and I'am a Javanese."
"Oh..."

javac *.java
28 errors? Okay..

Oh I closed my class too early.
javac *.java
Okay, only 8 errors.

Oh I forgot to close my switch.
javac *.java
19 errors?!

I can see why some people don't like Java.. >.<

Why is netbeans, or Java in general, so fucking bad at handling memory ? I mean, I'm literally doing nothing on my code and I see my IDE consuming more and more RAM, to some point it goes over 1GB so I have to close then reopen it to "flush" the memory taken...
It's 2017, how the fuck can't we still manage to actually use a correct amount of RAM when I open a barely 10MB project ??

And it applies to everything related to Java. Like Android, Minecraft and other Java based softwares...

I found this funny, or my dev-humor is just really bad :>

Friend: Ugh
Friend: Java and BlueJ.
Friend: Why you indicate relationships between classes that have no relationships.
Friend: Fu BueJ
Me: It's called a crush :wink:
Me: *badum-tssss*

Precision: As in having a crush on a person, but no relationship :)

Starting up the new Java project I'm assigned to.
Just to see that this project is made of pure black magic and tears of forsaken devs.
Crashing the jvm with segfaults on a regular basis is just one part of the magic.

Now I understand why no one volunteered for this project...

Why do I have 50 pdfs of books that teach me things that I will never be using?
Assembly tutorial? Why?
Java tutorial? Hm... okay. Perhaps.
Python tutorial x10? But I could use docs!
C? Shit!
C++? Ugh...
C#? Seriously?!

I think it's the time to wipe out all files with .pdf extention :/

I recently decided that I was going to broaden my palette and learn a bit of Java. I've had painful experiences in the past, but it's been a few major versions since I last did anything in it. Then I go to update the OS Java, and IT STILL FREAKING PROMPTS ME TO ADD YAHOO TOOLS TO MY BROWSER!!! ARE WE STILL IN THE 90s? DO YAHOO AND ORACLE STILL HAVE A DEAL? OR WAS SOME JAVA INSTALLER DEVELOPER TOO FREAKING LAZY TO REMOVE IT FROM TUE INSTALLER PROMPTS?!

And that's why I have a problem with Java.

JavaScript is a functional language.

It's probably closer to ocaml than it is to java. Why the fuck does no one talk about this? I would have learned it sooner.

Why does it feel like nobody uses D?
I love it. It combines the best bits of C++, Java, Ruby and even some Python. It still is C ABI and C++ ABI (ish) compatible. It can do everything you need it to. It's not limited like Java. It feels cleaner than C. I LOVE IT. But I don't understand why there's not much going on about it. Is it because it's not 100% stable yet? I don't know. AAAARGH

I spent 20 minutes looking at my Java if statement wondering why it's not working as intended:
if (word == "ABC")
I need some sleep/more coffee 🙃

I was asked the other day by a young dev why I prefer C# over Java.
So I responded by asking him why Java over C#?
Of course he replied "Its what we were taught at University"
Ah, well, there you go then, I wasn't.
Must be the grey hair, but I have seen so many languages come and go that they all look the same to me, so I just use whatever comes to hand these days.

Didn't think I had material for a rant but... Oh boy (at least at the level I'm at, I'm sure worse is to come)

I'm a Java programmer, lets get that out of the way. I like Java, it feels warm and fuzzy, and I'm still a n00b so I'm allowed to not code everything in assembly or whatever.

So I saw this video about compilers and how they optimize and move and do stuff with the machine code while generating the executable files. And the guy was using this cool terminal that had color, autocomplete past commands and just looked cool. So I was like "I'll make that for my next project!"

In Java.

So I Google around and find a code snipped that gives me "raw" input (vs "cooked" input) and returns codes and I'm like 😎. Pressing "a" returns 97 (I think that's the ASCII value) and I think this is all golden now.

No point in ranting if everything goes as planned so here is the *but*

Tabs, backspaces and other codes like that returned appropriate ASCII codes in Unix. But in windows, no such thing. And since I though I'd go multiplatform (WORA amarite) now I had to do extra work so that it worked cross platform.

Then I saw arrow keys have no ASCII codes... So I pressed a arrow key and THREE SEPARATE VALUES WERE REGISTERED. Let me reiterate. Unix was pretending I had pressed three keys instead of one, for arrow keys. So on Unix, I had to work some magic to get accurate readings on what the user was actually doing (not too bad but still...). Windows actually behaved better, just spit out some high values and all was good. So two more systems I had to set up for dealing with arrow keys.

Now I got to ANSI codes (to display color, move around the terminal window and do other stuff). Unix supports them and Windows did but doesn't but does with some Win 10 patch...? But when tested it doesn't (at least from what I've seen). So now, all that work I put into making one Unix key and arrow key reader, and same for Windows, flies out the window. Windows needs a UI (I will force Win users, screw compatibility).

So after all the fiddling and messing, trying to make the bloody thing work on all systems, I now have to toss half the input system and rework it to support UI. And make a UI, which I absolutely despise (why I want to do back end work and thought this would be good, since terminal is not too front end).

Me:

Hey Java, mind letting me compile and run this single class project that prints 'hello world'

Java:

Did you: add a manifest file, configure your classpath properly, ensure that the VM on the system matches the compiled version, make sure all libraries are included in the compilation and ensure the jar is a runable application?

*sweats*

"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes

I'm a fucking idiot.

Old but gold: Why do Java programmers use glasses? Because they can't C# *crickets*

Urghhhhhh not Java again!

(uni project wants a java client for a section. Kill me plz.)

Time for some bad puns I made up with my coworker when we were stuck in traffic. Got any dev puns of your own? Share them here!

Why is it called Python if it isn't a snake?
Why is it called Ruby if I can't put it on my jewellery?
Why is it called Rust if it's so clean?
Why is it called Go if it stays in the same place?
Why is it called Perl if it's so ugly?
Why is it called C# if I can't write music with it?
Why can't I drink Java?

After meddling around with all kinds of goopy front end frameworks I decided to take a look at TypeScript (in Angular 2).

I must say, as a Java developer: Why have I only found this now??

Granted, I have only played around with it for one day.

Recruiter: we're looking for someone who knows .Net and "JAVA practices".

Me: <WTF is "java practices">
Me: <googling "java practices">
Me: dear recruiter, I know dotNet and good programming practices but there isn't thing like "java practices" in dotNet.

Recruiter: <no shit given>

Me: <why such incompetency is in charge of my potential future job?>

Why Java?

From long Using Visual Studio Code for Programming.

Why i love
supports Typescript
supports java
Lighter
plugins available like linter, git lense

Best for small web app projects.

And Favourite IDE, intellij Idea

Why ?
For writing java i use as
it can easily generate getter setters
constructor
importing
and build process.
best for java.

last but not the least
Nano
why ?
because most of the devops configuration, requires to be done via terminal only and i often use nano.
it is good for shell scripting,
editing configurations

that is all....

Finally starting to write unit tests for this Java library I'm working on, and I'm wondering why I didn't do this sooner.

After debugging this shit Java program for 2 days fucking straight, finally this shit works! Hallelujah!

Turns out, if you want to enable local DCOM/COM+ on windows, you have to not tell the piece of shit firewall that it should consider the network "public"...
WHY?!?
IT'S FUCKING LOCAL! NOT A SINGLE FUCKING NETWORK PACKET IS SEND! WHY?!?

There's a rumour that they are gonna stop frontend and shift us to backend which is done in Java.

I don't like Java at all. I find myself mostly interested in frontend technologies. Also, just recently started learning Angular2 and I'm liking it.

I know what i should do, but just to confirm my judgement..

Any reason why i should stay and try to work in backend here instead of moving to another company as frontend dev?

Going back to java after over a year of c and cpp.

System.out.println("yeah I still got this");

System.in......what was the console object called again

Why do Java developers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

I know this one gets thrown around a lot, but it's simple and a terribly great joke.

I dont understand why we must use PHP to
understand OOP

Im a student software developer and this is the first time i will learn about Object Oriented programming but i dont know man im really confused why our prof makes us use PHP to understand the concept of OOP rather than to learn Python or Java which is ten times easier for an OOP based application

I can understand that PHP can be used for OOP but why just why... can someone please explain why this might be and how does it feel to use PHP for OOP purpouses

why do java developers wear glasses?

because their ciliary muscles can't contract to focus light on the retina

Java rant...

If public field declaration is so so bad, why can't all class fields in java just be private by default? And make it a pain in the ass to expose it as public?

I can't actually remember a time declared a class field as public, it is muscle memory now... Private bla Bla Bla, return, private bla Bla, return...

Am I the only one who hates Java but really likes C#?

I don’t know why, they’re basically the same thing, one is basically just a Microsoft clone of the other

Why the hell the mutant-frankenstein language known as Javascript even exists?

Why back in the day couldn't they use an existing language's syntax for interacting with the web, Like Android did with Java?

Don't get me wrong, I like using js. But it has too many weird inconsistent parts which feel very quirky. Even more than Python.

Every assignment is done by reference in JavaScript... like why? Lemme use a pointer when I need it.
ES2016 looks so much like Java, I swear nobody will notice if they added pointers... and over 9000 more confusing features.

Why people loves Java? It's because the maintenance or something in architectural level? I don't understand, because we have languages like Python with a better syntax and languages like C++ with a better optimization and speed of processing

Ok so one of the advantages of Java is that it has a huge ecosystem of libraries.
Then why is there no fucking decent graph library?! I just need to display this planar graph. I'm so fucking close to learning c++ and using boost to layout the graph.
I'm seriously stuck with this since like a week.

FUUUUUCK

Server behaved weird and I couldn't find out why. Nothing on the logs.

As a personal side project, I've translated the whole project to Scala. Boom! FileNotFoundException. There was an incorrect path somewhere.

I still don't know why Java did not throw.

Not the most exciting bug i solved but i was very happy when i solved it!

we were working on a java game for a school project. Te game itself consists of a maze so we used a double array maze[][] to store all the Tiles of the maze. to move players around we used x and y coordinates. When we started playing we couldn't figure out why we could move through walls and go in weird directions. and finally it hit me,

java uses [y][x] , and mathematics uses (x,y)

Why is every cool project in JS nowadays?

All I have is java. :/

So spending the morning trying to figure out how to build a database with indexing in Java for the first OLX HackerRank question.

It was sort of interesting except now I'm asking myself, why the fuck is a machine learning company interested in knowing that you can manually build a rudimentary DB....

I fucking hate it when Java programmers hate on Python programmers! They believe Java is superb while Python is flawed. They talk about speed, speed, speed and speed!

Java programmers, why do you guys behave like assholes?

So I am a Ruby guy since I don't now when. Probably forever. Lately I have to code Groovy. People are telling me all the time that Groovy is like Ruby. Let me tell you: No! Groovy is not like Ruby. Groovy is shitty Java with a slightly more usable syntax. Nothing more. It is so so tedious to code and reminds me why I stopped coding Java like 8 years ago. The fact that some features resemble Ruby syntax makes it even harder for me because I cannot code and facepalm at the same time. And I automatically type Ruby code all the time because it looks so similar in some places. I don't have that problem with other languages. Just Groovy. And the fact that Java people like it tells me how bad Java really is. It's just dirty. Guys, I feel so dirty now. And showering this morning didn't help. Had to get that off my chest. Thanks for "listening"

"We use top of the art, endgame, final boss, super technology"

What they actually use: Java 1.8, jQuery, JSP and an old version of bootstrap

Why is this still a thing?

If you feel you're not confused enough in life, try writing JS for a Rhino engine interface implemented on a Java codebase.
I have to deal with stringified JSON, native JSON, java JSON objects (org.json.JSONObject) and all the different attributes and functions specific to each of these objects.
Even "Why are the Kardashians so famous?" doesn't confuse me as much as this shit does.

I just got a legacy java system and im starting to see why kotlin should be implemented, so fucking imbeciles cant use null as a database path

WTFFFFFFFFOMFG

Why is setting Java path so frustrating? My $JAVA_HOME is supposedly be in my /usr/lib/jvm/java-8-oracle directory but Nautilus shows up nothing!

It's like I'm head first inside the rabbit hole. Fuck

Why on Earth would a Performance Testing application such as JMeter have such a low Java heap space by default.. i mean wouldnt it make sence to set this as high as possible for a Performance Testing tool ? 😞

Although iv only been developing in android for around 7 months yet I fail to see the appeal of Kotlin.

It has no real advantage over Java. In my opinion its fucking lazy code. It might look pretty but that's about it. So I don't see why employers are opening their arseholes for people with Kotlin experience.

Im pretty sure they are doing it because its "the next big thing". If you can write solid Java I dont know what the big deal is.. Maybe someone can shed some light on this..

Android studio can convert Java to Kotlin with one click. So No Mr employer I do not see your reason why you employed someone over me because he has Kotlin experience. Its fucked!! So that project I handed you... the one where I had pride in my ability to apply solid Java... Yes remember fucking Java everyone?!... well it works exactly the fucking same and in my opinion is much more verified and readable. SOOOO FUCK YOUUUU MR EMPLOYER!!!!! Go FuckYourStupidLittleKotlinBumChumsRightInTheirShitRiddenFuckHoles!!!!!!

Rant over...

I just wanted to try out apache open natural language processing. But why is building java from source such a pain? Totaly unintuitive. 😕

Told some Devs today, "I've given you information on how to start testing. Java is easy to test. I've explained why it's important. Now, if the next change you make isn't tested, that's a choice. If you make that choice, please consider other places of employment."

So tired of lazy.

Told my boss that i don't understand Laravel because i never use PHP in any project before.But he told me that it is so easy and give me 2 week to explore.

I know java, c#, python but don't know why it's hard for me to understand Laravel framework.

!rant

Emacs vs Vim? Why not both!
I found a gem of an editor called Spacemacs which combines the power of Emacs and the editing capabilities of Vim! Already replaced intelliJ with spacemacs for my scala and Java projects :)

Sure, you *could* set up identical VMs on your server and just have one config file for your java application. But why not just set up lots of users on the server, keep various configs in source control, and have a manual task to change the config you're pointing to when you build?

Idiots.

Fuck you Android ! Why the fuck does making my fucking status bar transparent has to be more difficult than launching a mars mission with a team of chimpanzees. I have been trying everything from xml styles to fucking java code but the status bar won't take the tint. Been at this fucking shit for 2 days

Learning golang to replace Java in my arsenal, I just wish they had a nice framework for creating guis similar to JavaFX

I know bindings exist to things like qt and GTK but why cant they have a nice native ui library.

Scala is as horrible as Java. Been using Java at uni and once having discovered the simplicity and beauty of other languages (Python, golang), never went back.

Currently trying some apache projects (kafka streams, apache flink) where Scala is native. Same crap as Java. Needs 10x lines to write the same thing, abstraction over abstraction, and intuitive = 0. Why tf did it even got invented?

why they are all saying "eating c#, eating java etc" when truth is programming is the one who ate us.

Why does Java not have operator overloads? Don't you just love doing A.add(B) all the time?

Why does C get all the girls, and Java gets none?
– Because C doesn’t treat them as objects.

Fun question:
Why do Java programmers wear glasses?
Because they cant see sharp 😂😂😂

Been programming Java for like 20 years. I mean, not like constantly throughout, but a fair amount.

Still, even knowing the exact answer, when that damn Java Updater pops up I'm like "why the fuck do I need this???"

Why is it so hard to find backend Java developers?

So much work to do... so few people to do it with... -_-

Why do Java programmers wear glasses?

They can't C#

..ill see myself out

Why Android uses so many quirky features in Java, like inner and anonymous classes, callbacks and nested generics?

I searched everywhere for the reason but can't find why, only how.

I rarely use these features outside of Android development.

I am a junior Java(Spring) developer myself and I am trying to understand the current trends.

Why are devs hating (or) moving away from java?

Why do developers out there think java is a write off just because of kotlin's existence? Java isn't going anywhere fam, you know how large the community of Java programmers is? You'll hardly find stackoverflow answers written in kotlin. Kotlin is the official language just as c# is for Microsoft but that doesn't stop anyone from writing windows software with java. Stop scaring potential java programmers with "ANDroId iS rOotiNG For kotlIN" for fucks sake.

If anybody even cares I use sublime for HTML, CSS, JS and php and IntelliJ for Java... even tho idk why would even anyone care soooo

bye