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age 11: worry about internet people finding me in real life
now: worry about people in real life finding me on the internet11 -
“Yeah but you’re not a *real* developer”
Fuck. you.
I wrote 80% of this code base. I do 80% of the tickets/storyboard points. I do all of the QA. My nose is to the grindstone every fucking day honing this craft and sweating my balls off like a blacksmith staring into the red hot kiln while the sores of previous mistakes scream bloody murder from the unrelenting exposure to heat. I saw this amazing industry of opportunity, freedom and self examination and wanted in no matter what it took. I glued myself to every pithy resource I could possibly get my hands on and crawled through the muck and filth of it all until I could keep myself warm with the smallest spark of my own making. I stoked that spark until it became a fire and stoked that fire until I could set entire forests ablaze. I listened to the ungrateful people keeping warm by my combustion saying it “wasn’t hot enough” or “would have been a nicer colour if they did it” or “could have warmed up just fine jogging on the spot”. I made painstaking alterations to my ignition and watched my undeserving benefactors gradually be silenced and begin to sit quietly by the heat. I jumped into that inferno daily, was reduced to ash daily and emerged reborn daily. But you are right! I didn’t get scammed out of $40k+ studying technology in an archaic institution from instructors who don’t give a shit and answering “D all of the above” for 4+ years straight therefor my opinion doesn’t mean shit. Push your bullshit to prod and watch the server come burning out of the cloud as the apocalyptic swarm of angry tickets come flooding in why don’t you? Bet they didn’t teach you that in school. You’ve never poked around inside an open source codebase in your life. They are just a mystery boxes of magic that unless someone holds your hands with finely crafted instructions containing a 50/50 picture to word ratio you throw a hissy fit. Every problem that comes up instead of working to solve it you reflexively point to the first person in the room while thinking with your pea brain how you can possibly scapegoat them into taking the fall for whatever it is that’s come up today you couldn’t possibly understand.
Not a real developer?
Fuck. You.28 -
The programmer who killed people: Not so talented programmer named John, made a mistake in his code. because of this mistake the program users spent 15 minutes to do a workaround. this program had 10 million users. In general the users spent 150 million minutes because of john's mistake, which is 2.5 million hours. if a person sleeps about 8 hours a day, he have 16 active hours. which means john wasted 156,250 human days that equals to 427.8 human years. people leave approx. until the age of 64, that means John just killed 6.68 people because of his bug. So john, how do you sleep at night?10
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Latest facebook for iOS update is 219 mega-fucking-bytes. Yet, no real changelog to tell me what da fuck changed!!!!!! Fuck that developer for real!!!
14 -
The most badass dev you've met in real life? For me, it was meeting Joel Spolsky, founder of Stack Overflow and Trello!
16 -
Impostor Syndrome at it's finest.
Any experienced developer knows writing good programs has very little to do with syntax and a whole lot to do with where you put it. If this guy actually did any work over his career he probably knows a ton about application architecture and design patterns without even realizing it.
source: https://quora.com/I-have-been-worki...
2 -
Changed my username to something other than my real name.
Realized my GitHub and website have my real name anyway.
🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️12 -
Real life job interview…
Manager: what about this problem? Could you solve it? (Showing me a problem about scanning a 2d array to find a value written on a piece of paper)
Me: sure! Just give me a piece of paper and I will write a solution.
Manager: no need for that. I don’t have the knowledge to check that anyway… if I wanted you to solve it I would have called one of my programmers.
…
Manager: do you have any question about the company?
Me: What do you exactly do in the company? I wonder what is the purpose of a person that makes questions about things he doesn’t know.3 -
git commit -m "last"
git commit -m "last1"
git commit -m "real last"
git commit -m "real last 1"
git commit -m "real real last"8 -
The whole "‹‹in what language you program?›› ‹‹english››" joke is all fun and games until you realize there's people who don't program in english...2
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Let’s be real here for a second.
All I really want in my life is this virtual doggo!
A real virtual good boy!
11 -
[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!
Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~
No fans spinning
9 -
Why is it so important to some people to claim that "HTML and CSS are not programming languages"? I get it, you're a REAL programmer working with arrays, maybe tuples, objects and possibly direct memory management. Who the fuck has a right to call themselves a programmer for writing some brain dead markup or poorly designed selectors, right? Who fucking cares for semantic tags or nested selectors?
Just think for a few seconds about when you were taking your first baby steps to becoming the GOD ROCKING MEMORY HANDLER THAT WRITES _REAL_ CODE that you are today, and how good it felt to be able to create something that appeared on your screen. It felt pretty awesome, yeah?
Now imagine if someone much more experienced than you told you "You're not a real programmer, that is not real programming. You should see what I do, I do real programming".
I think you get it. Why spend your energy spreading bad vibes when you could spend it on something more productive. Like reading up on the new CSS4 specs ;)18 -
To all those fellow devs who wish to have a girlfriend,
Please don't, she'll be a distraction, unless she's in IT12 -
I wrote code yesterday, that functions the way it is supposed to.
I do not understand my code today.7 -
You know you have been coding for a while when you see a sign on the street and think "hey, that could use a bit more margin 🤔"3
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On reccomendation of @chabad360 I made this its own rant.
I switched from marketing to CS (complete with a three year degree, no Bootcamp). I still went to interviews as you'd expect a marketing man to go; in a suit. Commence the weirdest interview.
$I: interviewer
$M: Me
I: "You're not the typical engineer. Can you talk to real engineers?"
M: "could you elaborate"
I:"you're dressed in a suit. That leads me to think you're a MS user. Do you think you could talk to real, ie. Linux using engineers?"
M: " well, I haven't used windows in about a year soo..
I: "Mac isn't Linux."
M: "I'm aware. I've switched to Ubuntu so I could use KVM-QEMU android emulator with GPU pass through to train Deep Convolution Networks on mobile devices. Also had to compile Google's internal build tool because it had bugs I had to fix so I could compile the APK."
I: "ah, Ubuntu eh? **Insert Smirk** How about a follow-up?"
M: "no, I'm switching to Gentoo this week and would like to talk to real engineers about that."
I thanked him for the coffee and left.1 -
So I just got this email from a tech company, I registered to send my CV some years ago , about a dev Job openning.
The descripition included:
Java and Angular ( first red flag )
So I go to their site to check it out ...
No https, ping the domain returns an ip from another continent with 500+ ms latency.
Major flaws on the site usability...
Super dumb password recovery method...
I'm fucking outta here dude. I might send them a proposition to fix their servers and at least put it behind letsencrypt though...
And these morons have big clients, like my bank... wtf...4 -
today I experienced real-time bug fixing and deployment..
The phone was attached to the debugger, the client is using the app, me catching the logs.
Client: oh here is wrong behavior.
Me: *tapping on keyboard, then* ok try now please..
😅2 -
A kid in our neighbourhood hit my dog a few months ago.
Today, he asked for some technical help.
I solved his problem.
Asked him to install Windows 9 and then come to me for further guidance since it was a pre-requisite for the software he needs.
It has been exactly 18 days since I have last seen him.2 -
So I'm playing around with Node late at night and decide to make something of it. Made a real-time 2-way communication system with NodeJS, Express and Socket.io. The UI currently looks cheap, but it's clean. Open multiple tabs to see it in action.
You can also send private messages by typing /p username message. I could add authentication here and also connect it to MongoDB.
Any other ideas or reviews? Also any other ideas for Node projects? Thank you.
Try it out here: https://node--chat-io.herokuapp.com4 -
Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.
And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.
🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!7 -
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Hah nope.
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1 -
Yesterday while we finished having breakfast, the receptionist from the office approached us and said: "Guys, the company mail does not work! We lost the domain! They forgot to pay the bill!" and we all see each other's faces confused.
I don't like to link the work email on my personal phone, so I open the company's page on the phone and for some reason a DNS error appears. oh boy!
We all go crazy ass to the computers to see the mail and we can use it normally, my computer opens the company page normal, we send emails between us and everything works well…
I ask the receptionist if the test emails arrive and she says "No, I cannot even open the mail". (hmmm) I go to see what happens and she says "Look!" I see a label on the login page: "your password was changed 16 hours ago" (facepalm) I ask her if she have changed the password and she say NO. So I ask the support guy if he can reset her password and that's it. Magic, magic!
In the end we remember that not all of us have the same "computer knowledge" and discovered that the company's website only works if you enter “www”, very good custom software company! Very good!3 -
Yet another bullshit app to cure your problems that have taken place by not talking to people. No app can give you the comfort equal to talking to a person that cares about you can give. Go talk to some real people ffs.
3 -
My friend and I (both undergraduate) built a software to track emails for a local company (by the recommendation of my mom :D) now that is finished, it will cost $6 USD per 10,000 emails aprox. There is only one company that sells this service as a B2B, and the cost is near to $1,000 per 5,000 emails 😐. Things are always like that in the IT market?6
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When a client wants something that's responsive and done within a few days, but the whole thing just goes south.
1 -
When do you know you are a real dev?
When there is a sales of alcohol for half of price in near by shop and you stay at work to solve a bug.
Just happened to me today.2 -
Coding in sick mode...
I mean real sickness. Specifically, cold.
God help the ones that suffers from the same situation.6 -
seeing all these real life computer setups and desktops makes me drool. @dfox and @trogus , mind if i suggest creating a tab or place to share this exquisite computer porn ?7
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Yesterday was the first day of an "Advanced" C programming class. I looked at the first homework afterwards and saw this:
NEVER use 'assert'. Real programmers don't use assert in big software projects because it makes your code stop.
Who the... What... How... Why would you...
*sigh* it's going to be a long two months.5 -
This is the real times. This is not that it's happening right now, this is pretty regular. Lesson? Rethink before you decide the variable type
3 -
!rant
Remember that one day someone says "lets make a game about a fat italian guy that save the princess from the evil big monkey by jumping some barrels and a hammer".
Do not be afraid of your own ideas, you always miss the shots that you don't take.
1 -
What keeps programmers interested in programming? Does solving new problems always stimulate your dev soul as much as it used to, or are we all doomed to find our jobs uninteresting after a short while?7
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Debugging in real life
Our family is working on the house. We have an integrated floor heating system, which is connected individually for each room. (we have three rooms, only two are connected yet)
Today we changed the main water boiler. At first it seemed like it was working, but then we lost pressure. It dropped fairly fast so we checked every sink, every water outlet.
We just missed the unconnected floor heating pipe, that was connected to the main pipe...
Its a fucking mess down here, so dont complain about you bugs, I have experienced worse!!!3 -
Sometimes I get me thinking that the only coworker I consider real dev is the intern.
Really looking forward to go to a real coding job.2 -
Just before my graduation a big consultancy firm reached me to offer me a job.
They told the salary was double compared to other jobs but they needed me to
go to a city 4 hours away from mine,
have an interview there,
if that went well I would have had to attend an intensive course in the same city (paying all expenses by myself)
and after that have another interview to see if I was good for the job
“Sounds nice 😊 can you call me next week after my graduation? Now I need to focus on that but then I would like to hear more…”
How did it go? Who knows, after my graduation I turned my phone off for a month and 👻 ghosted them…4 -
Just been watching some police soap on YT with "real police officers in action". Haha, yeah.
Huh, what's that outside, flashing blue light? Oh, a police car. No, two. Three. Actually, four. All of the guys rush into the neighbour house, WTF. Real police officers in action. -
Jilano had not even posted a single rant ever and having more than 30000 upvotes.
This changed my idea
"Code sometimes lie
Comment never does."
Commendable!!!1 -
It's 3am, just submitted an app for review for iOS... go to take one last test drive on the release build for android, and I get stuck in an infinite loop of "system up stopped working". An factory reset and an hour later, I'm saying fuck this, android waits, and fuck whatever Xamarin did to my phone. While I'm at it, fuck Apple for making me have 20+ icons in different sizes, and their shitty walled garden approach to a so called marketplace.4
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I was cozy at home, coding and talking trash with my duck, then "real" life called and now I'm out in the cold. Nothing new here, just wanted to complain about something 😓
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Can we collectively as an industry just calm down a little and stop lying to ourselves in a misguided attempt to inflate our sense of purpose...
I just stumbled upon a job listing for a WordPress developer position that described it as "helping solve the big problems of the day". Seriously?! Let's stop and get real you're probably just building themes. Maybe a plugin or two. So just relax and accept you're just another web developer building yet another 💩site you're not solving "the big problems"...
... Then again it IS WordPress...4 -
What Dev tools/practices would you love to see getting adapted into the normal world?
I would like to fork Spotify playlists!3 -
Part of the problem, So many dev's here know the real problem with OS's governments and 3ed party apps happly spying on you and making there EULA to so called make it right for them to do it.
I want to know why so many dev's are portending this is not happen or why they not caring, you become part of the problem if your willing to work with the problem and there rules and guide lines.
WE dictate the future of tech not one company or another the people that create the software are the ones can make a difference, the users need to be educated and the dev need to take action now.
I loved this site at first but now I hate it I really do as so many posts are just blind or follow evil companies/software so on this is not how it should be, I wont accept this bull shit anymore and I not going to say quite to show the mass I going to follow them.
Step up and do something about it or stop calling yourself's dev's your part of the problem, you have the a gift and know how to help everyone do it and prove your worth.
I am really sorry I know some here do research and try and help but I rarely seeing it at the moment, things need to change, its not going to be easy but only the dev's can change this and soon, soon all OS's/software companies will get the feeling governments are on there side and governments what this so they have a back door in to WHO you are. FK the or if you have nothing to hide, EVERYONE has something to hide, compaines have already used Facebook Data to fire people working for them as they feel they shouldn't have to have someone working for them who likes or does XYZ,
Open your eyes people, small time dev's are not really included in this but big time dev's that do know how to work around these problems should be working on this to stop these problems, hardware venders are also a big problem but that's not something we can do anything about yet.
I know this rant will go on death ears to some, others will think I am over the top nut but if you really want to make a differences let's here it, lets get this world back on track, its not going to be easy but it we can do it.28 -
Someone should make a movie about three ghosts that haunt a BLOODY CROOK who makes his employees and coworkers burn the midnight oil in the bloody CHISTMAS EVE because the fucker haven't finished something that should have been ready TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.
The ghost of Christmas past shows the fucker that he was a bloody LAZY KID who made his elderly relatives cook, host, clean, wash the dishes and everything else all by themselves during family-gathering season.
The ghost of Christmas present shows him his employees' children teary eyed that daddy doesn't get to watch cartoons with them before bedtime (we're not Christians but just because my house is a steak-free zone it doesn't mean my kids don't expect gifts from santa, like most kids in their school!)
The ghost of Christmas future shows a Netflix documentary on how the fucker got arrested for being a BLOODY CROOK that gets played by some actor who is a hollywood-level jerk who beats his wife. And the show gets a 3% on rotten tomatoes, just to salt the wound. Oh, and a voiceover says the real BLOODY CROOK hanged himself in prison or something and his family is happy he did it.
Fuck, I hate, for real hate, people whose tardiness bleeds out on honestly-working people. I had to wake up one of my devs to fix the SHIT that the bloody crook higher-up shat on us.
My guy is getting a raise as soon as I can scream at the bean counters and my boss will be getting some loooooong, data-rich report on how the bloody crook's department is pissing in our soup.
Fuck everything.2 -
Just debugged and patched a broken loveseat. I looked at the components on the working part and compared it to the components on the broken part. Could not figure out what the actual problem was, so I hammered out a makeshift solution that has things temporarily working.
Sounds like my job. -
Am I the only one who when hearing the term "Artificial Intelligence" thinks about why nobody tries to develop "Real Intelligence" instead?
I mean the term artificial imho points directly at the reason why those systems are actually so damn stupid6 -
I woke up pumped as hell this morning, it was gonna be the most productive day in history, I was gonna finish that fucking Rails app I've been dragging on for long enough, maybe even go out and get a girlfriend... Then I went to the kitchen and the fucking espresso it's over... Fuck this shit I'm going back to bed.1
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People keep telling me that fullstack/web/mobile isn't real programming, and only "heavy" stuff like OS/Performence/libraries & SDK/Malware is "real".
I think they are just assholes. But these stuff are cooler than building a CRUD app.
What do you think?2 -
Tired to find out how to apply for an MNC Internship ?
Well, you can find the solution in the attachment below:
Remember : - Always keep it simple and genuine .
P.s. - This is real one .
Don't forget to ++ it .
7 -
Used own fake/spam mail to sign up here... (real address I kept for several years)
Wants to get stickers but need to send them real name and address with this email account..
Well fuck :~ -
When your project is actually implemented in real world solving real problem with the solution you created
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I was going to rant today about lack of self-awareness and emotional intelligence in some developers, this rant was based on the interviews I have seen flop over the years.
But then, as I am typing it, people in my office start having this exact conversation. We get together and discuss it and in the end we come to the same conclusion as my rant.
Now it feels like a waste to rant about something on the internet when I got to have a real in-person discussion about it.
It’s like devRant in real life!
——
The outcome of the offline chat...
- Have a cultural policy that is strictly NO ASSHOLES
- Watch for people who are nasty on the internet, especially LinkedIn
- Be careful with people who have a lot of questions for you but answer your questions with “we are in stealth mode” or something similar
- There is no point in wasting your time on these folks in an interview, just politely conclude it as fast as you can and move on -
Before you tell me shit is real, kindly provide the variables.
```
def real_shit(shit, real):
return shit is real
```2 -
I'm unironically VERY excited. In the last month, TWO real people, both of them into devops according to their profiles, have begun watching avtomat (https://github.com/Liebranca/...), and yes I WILL continue spamming the link if this keeps up. Would you like me to stop? Then give me a dislike and tit-slap the "unsubscribe" button NOW to end my suffering!4
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I now know enough about VPN my question now is where's Real Private Network?!? Is there any real private networks?!!!4
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"If you wanna study some real java shit, drink coffee and take laxatives"
~ Michael Quessenberry c.2017
2 -
tfw either some IP sanctions or some bombings in Iran fuck up your Linux distro
guizz pls, we're trying to nerd here2 -
How many languages do you really know... I'd say 7 for myself
"Html" "CSS" JavaScript php "SQL" c# Julia c++ python
bit of c an java (count them as 0.5)
Get on my level 😉 seriously thou, what would you guys say you really know?33 -
Ok ok ok. I see y'all have nice plans for the new year. Some of you even made a list that will be barely completed or remain unchecked.
Let me tell you my real issues/plans for 2020.
- First things first, I have to update the documentation of the projects that I maintain. Especially the copyright information. (2019 -> 2020)
- I have to check if any of the old software that I use is broken because of the year/date bugs. (you know, that happens)
- And finally I should check my Windows PC. If it's still OK than it means that no malware/virus is activated with a year payload. (it happens too, watch @danooct1 on YT)
Hope it helps someone.1 -
Every profession has people who have done some real shit. You have doctors, lawers, scientists, architects.
I want to be one of those developers who did some real shit. I'm just saying.....6 -
What do you use for performance monitoring on your infrastructure?
My company uses zabbix, OpenNMS and Nagios to monitor different parts of our infrastructure (from shared web hosting to OCCAS to IPTV to FutureVoice to Atlassian servers) but has no real-time performance checks.
I’ve set netdata master with prometheus backlog and grafana dashboards to monitor different metrics, however I am not sure whether any better approach could be done. Any suggestions?2 -
Pick one:
> Awesome username but ugly real name.
> Ugly username but awesome real name.
🤔
(examples are welcome) -
!rant
Working on a (mostly) off-grid LAN.
Basically just a real-life meetup in or around Arnhem (eg. somewhere in a park) where we have some banter and some offline IT (or non-IT, whatever people attending want) fun.
Of course, taking the covid-19 shit in mind.
wrote an entire custom DNS server (using DoH only atm) for it, added a Matrix server (along with Element so people have a start) and a wiki for it :)
Still need to add a Gitea server (or similar, any suggestions?) to it tho.
Gonna see to have some trial-runs by myself (or maybe with 1 or 2 people) soon.
Soooo exited o see two months worth of planning and development start coming together :313 -
Learning Tip:
While learning some new tool/technology never just go and start looking at the handbooks and/or tutorials. Always set small goals for yourself first or ask someone proficient in that tool/technology set these goals for you so you can follow along and make real progress while learning. -
If you Java Programmer are joking with Javascript programmers by they using "console.log", I alert you, you are using System.out.println(""), in your "debug" way1
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Whenever I rant about JavaScript and it's terrible way of doing things differently and totally illogical in the way real programmers would do things versus webdev-scriptkiddies...
Whenever I laugh about these engineers who can only 'code' in Matlab...
Whenever I hear people consider configuring (of stuff like WordPress or RGB-Keyboard-Lights etc.) as 'programming'...
I wonder, if I'm just like the 'Real Programmers' back in 1983 who truly considered Fortran or Assembly to be much more superior than Pascal and someone who coded in the latter or even used a simple OS like UNIX couldn't get accepted as a programmer.
Found that old article about "Real Programmers".
It's worth a read.
http://pbm.com/~lindahl/...
Just consider someone writing modern computer programs without libraries, ifs, for loops and only gotos by hand from top to bottom...
Some day I want to start some modern project everyone else would do in some random modern scripting language and hack it down in assembly just for fun and to tell people, I did it. So I could call myself a Real Programmer too.2
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