My worst dev experience in 2021 has been a PHP-based CMS developped by lobotomized, single-celled organisms incapable of coherent thoughts.
A CMS even worse than WorstPress.

200k lines of "code", no use of packages, multiple entrypoints, no namespacing, all dependencies loaded by "include" at random places and everything is dependent of every thing else... a complete mess.

One could call it the butterfly effect CMS. Adding a space could completely crash the application.

At this point I've almost developped terminal eye cancer...

1.
!dev

Found a gray hair and plucked it. 😢 I'm too young for this shit. Whyyyyy oh god whyyyyy.

2.
Linux 5.8 has been breaking my shit. Like, keyboard and track pad stop working. Apparently, a fn key is to blame. Fixed it for now, but can Linux kernel fuck off? I can't have my system break so often. This is the third time I'm reverting or man handling the shit in the last two months.

3.
I need a good expensive fucking vacation. 😢 And a dedicated eye candy (gender doesn't apply) to keep in my line of sight. Maybe then I can recover.

4.
The last 7 days were an emotional rollercoaster. Specifically, from work perspective. I need many hugs. Like, real hugs. Also need good food. 😢

5.
Overall, I shouldn't be stressed but shit is not going great. 😭😭😭

Who ever prefixes their table names like this should be sentenced to death.

tbltable_name or tbltablename

Is that some kind of sadistic fetish or something.

My eye can’t fucking pinpoint the first letter, thus I can’t easily find the table. I have seen it so many times!!! This trend has to STOOOP.

Prefix it tbl_table_name for all i care ffs.

105 pages of information security policy to read through before getting through onboarding that could have been summarized as: "This is 2022. Don't be an idiot."

Also 40 pages of code of conduct that could have been summarized thusly: "This is 2022. Everyone is offended by everything. Shut your cakehole, put your head down, don't make eye contact, and just do your job."

Imagine: It's the year 4249.

Corporate has finally managed to convince workers that they don't need a salary.
Workers are now paid with food, shelter and clothes. And it's only in effect if you achieve your deadlines.

Keystroke monitoring softwares are now replaced with Webcam eye tracking software.

GitHub Co-Pilot now takes over your code editor and tries to dictate you how to write better code.
Refusing to do results in a signal sent to the management about your behaviour and you lose food access for the day.

HR Recruiters now require you to give them a blood sample and part of your house as a security deposit.
They also require you to have a micro-chip placed in your brain so they can monitor their worker's thought process.

Switching a job is no longer an option. You pledge allegiance to one company your entire career.

You can never see the real world now because the government has mandated you to never take off your VR glasses.
You see the world the way the government wants you to see it.

PHP is still trash.

Life is Good.

My boss has zero emotions and empathy. How ironic for someone into product management!

He is 100% logical, maybe more. He is smart that way and yes, that is a skill to learn from him. He has good product management hard skills.

But, he is an emotional void. Zero humane feelings. He treats everyone like a machine. He is overly obsessed with documentation and wants every single word to be his way.

My writing and communication skills are his pet peeve.

Last Monday, our CTO was in office and he wanted to meet me. I was working remotely, so leads notified me. Even though our CTO runs a monkey business, I was eager and excited to meet him.

This week, my boss will be in office. He texted me to catch-up on coming Monday. I am anxious and worried even though my boss has great skills in our work function.

Furthermore, I find my boss overly critical about everything I do. Maybe it's not me and he does it with everyone, because I haven't been part of a group connect, so no idea. But dude.. give me a break.. give me some room to breathe..

What I heard from another junior, who joined us last month, is that one of the folks who resigned in past was because of my boss.

Feel like that I will move on from my dream organisation as soon as I complete little more than one year.

And apart from that, I scratched my eye glasses, Reddit permanently banned my account for no fault of mine, wanted to catch-up with a cousin, who is going through a rough phase, to cheer up the lad, but he won't answer our calls.

What a shitty weekend.

And yes, my boss is a hipster in the way he dresses and thinks.

He literally keeps saying that we need to use dark patterns like click baits, incite FoMo in our app users, add feedback loops, etc.

We have a 12pm meeting every Wednesday. I asked: Why is our 11/30 meeting at noon?

I was skimming a FedEx page to track a shipment when out of the corner of my eye I see “Watch list” and almost had a merry little panic attack because I apparently did not get the requisite amount of sleep for rational thought.

FedEx, our ideas of watch list are very different.

I have a confession to make.. I have sin.. after 8 years of coding in the dark I've joined the light..

How did this happen? Well whenever I would decide to change my dark theme to another dark theme in VSCode, normally I would arrive at the light themes in the list, and for some reason the reading felt more pleasing to my eyes, so I started researching as to whats the best theme for the eye, and why does the light theme feel "more right"?

So it turns out that there isn't any difference for the eye, but that maybe because of the white paper black letters the eye finds it easier to focus on the letters rather than visa versa.

And here I am coding in the light for a month now and it feels great I guess?
Keep in mind I was one of those that would see light theme users as mudbloods and muggles. But I can't deny that the light theme + blue filter makes my eyes more rested.

A certain person here on devRant was annoyed about my phone being named “Beyond”, seeing a screenshot of my settings.

What they said: “the name, beyond, reeks pretentiousness and arrogance, you say you’re better than other people”

What really happened: during one of my manic episodes, I discovered the band named Death Grips. Their music resonated with me and helped me to cope with my derealization. In one of their songs, I misheard lyrics, and heard the word “Veyon” that was never there in the first place. Upon my inner voice pronouncing it, as it usually happens to me, a brand-new universe appeared before me, where Veyon was a name of a megacorporation that exists in a shaky spacetime plane somewhere in India. If you want to go there, three outcomes are possible: you can actually come to their building that appears to be normal, with people working inside you can talk to, and no signs of trouble in sight. Or, you can try to walk to their building, but you will never reach it. GPS will show you slowing down gradually as you get closer, but to you, it would look like you’re just walking with your regular speed, as if nothing happened. Like a function trying to reach its asymptote, you’ll never come to your destination. The third outcome is by far the most interesting one. You will reach the building, but it will be abandoned, with doors scattered on the floors randomly, some of them will disappear after you walk in, rendering you missing in this universe. Oh, and floors are guarded by robots and turrets, and they are made by Grumman, the military aviation manufacturer. Yes, Grumman, not Northrop Grumman. This building in the third outcome originates from the spacetime plane where Northrop and Grumman never merged.

The whole thing raced through my mind in a millisecond. I liked it and decided to squat the name, but it was already taken by Veyon open source software (Virtual Eye On Networks).

In some time, I bought a new phone second-hand, and named it Veyon. The next day, I took it to shower with me. It turned out that the seller lied to me about it never being fixed. It was, and in the process its water resistance was compromised. So, this phone was damaged beyond repair the next day I bought it.

The same day, I went and bought the same phone model, but brand new, and in black, as I originally wanted. I was grateful for this opportunity that helped me escape the situation where I would've been using the phone of the colour I disliked just because I cheapen out. I know myself, and I would’ve been feeling uneasy every day, hesitant to sell it and get a new one because “nothing is wrong with it, quit being this picky, it’s just a colour”, but wait, don’t I deserve to make the colour a significant enough reason to switch the phone because I care about colour, especially if it’s me who’s paying the money? Did I make this money rightfully, or am I an impostor who gets paid because of intricate lies I tell? Do I actually tell them, or do I make that up to somehow convince "them" I'm innocent? Or do I try to get attention?

I’m terrible at dealing with that kind of mess, So, I was grateful.

The only thing left to do was to name my new phone. I decided not to name it “Veyon” again, just in case. So, I named it “Beyond”, as this word is probably what the actual song said.

The monstrosity of a story above is the usual thing for me to feel. I was really hurt by you telling me the name I chose was a display of pretentiousness. Do I deserve to be pretentious? I say yes, but my voice is shaking, as flashbacks of my awful mother abusing me come in the way.

You hurt me with that comment. Let’s meet? :)

I just saw a news article (nope, not sharing it...don't want them to get the clicks) where they said it's now considered passive-aggressive to use the following emojis (the percentage is a non-specific n-value and N-value...probably 3...of how many younger folks think it makes you look "old" to use these):
1 - Thumbs up - 24%
2 - Red love heart - 22%
3 - OK hand - 20%
4 - Tick - 17%
5 - Poo - 17%
6 - Loudly crying face - 16%
7 - Monkey eye cover - 15%
8 - Clapping hands - 10%
9 - Lipstick kiss mark - 10%
10 - Grimacing face - 9%

I previously only ever used thumbs-up and checkmarks to signal that I understood the message sent to me. My new goal is to use as many of these as possible when messaging anyone under 30. If you are so butthurt by ANY emoji, then you certainly deserve what's coming to you.

I mean, impossible for who? For someone working 9-5 without procrastination, sure there are.
I have been a student and a procrastinator most of my life, so yeah, a 40 hour week's work is possible in two days with minimum sleep.
Also done massive projects in a week's time. If you know what you're doing, it's not that impossible.

Although, I find working with others almost impossible in some occasions, specially where you don't see eye to eye despite however much you try. (time-wise, speaking)

Giving the stink-eye to the stakeholder who scheduled an important meeting when I’m out on PTO 😒😑😠 And my calendar had the day blocked off for weeks. Stakeholder probably doesn’t want me there because I’ll just tell them their “solutions” aren’t actually solutions.

MetaRant - The avatar items cost too many points!
At least at this level of activity within the community.

I'll never get that eye-patch.....

Here we are, three years later. Our system breaks down at the slightest load. An architecture is hardly recognizable anymore. The code consists of methods that have been refactored beyond recognition. The so-called architects came and went, leaving behind an ever-growing fiasco. Wrong decisions are concealed, criticism of them dismissed as ignorance. Our clients are on the verge of having us all killed. Daily crisis meetings are the norm. The remaining developers skulk around the unmaintainable code like emaciated ghosts. Everyone who has even the slightest chance to escape takes a parachute. Our dailies are made up of lies to cover up yesterday's lies. Our Mondays have become days of dread, because that's when the weekend disaster news has to be analyzed. Yet there are still developers who turn a blind eye. Who recommend this and that workaround in a good-humored tone. The code consists only of workarounds. Sarcasm has replaced any normal discussion. Reasonable suggestions on how to basically refactor the whole thing are rejected for cost reasons. In the process, our entire budget is eaten up by maintenance costs. Middle management should be put up against the wall. Why am I still here? This deceptive feeling that one could still turn the tide. This is eating me up.

First experience with a PC....

It would have been the Commodore64 and those giant 5.25" floppies, ah those were the days with CRT TV's.

Watching a friend load up Tetris on that big screen was eye opening for a 8-9 Year old.

!dev

I'm eating at a restaurant. I ordered what's called wonton. It's noodles with some veggies and dumpling, accompanied by some hot sauce. I pour it, and the motherfucking noodle whipped a droplet of the hot, spicy liquid in my eye. I got a little bit desperate for a minute, good thing there isn't many people here.

Why, noodle?

Now, a bit eye cancer from german "Bundesregierung"

Sometimes I think devs are like superheroes who are bored to death and just want to have the greatest world clusterfuck possible to be ... Amused.

Backstory: One project, fairly large (roughly 200 dependencies, a framework). I looked over the ticket backlog and a critical ticket title regarding the important framework caught my eye.

(Rephrased as title was gibberish)

Framework fork needed for supporting different versions of library X

...

Ok. They want to fork a whole fucking framework for a single library dependency.

😶

The framework that is the basis of like 30 - 40 % of all projects at our company.

😶

Maybe.. I just misunderstood it. (my hope dies several times a day, one more or less doesn't matter).

Ticker: Blablablablabla...

"to incorporate library X at version A and - for other projects - at version Y, we need to split the framework into two forks with different versions but same namespace."

🤮

Why. Just why. How the fuck can anyone come up with such an incredible stupidity?

After chewing some people's ears off....

It turned out to be very simple.

Just split off the library dependent part, which were like 20 plus classes.

Release it with two different versions, for library in version A and library B.

Done.

Sometimes devs terrify me.

Please. Never fork / branch a framework or anything "heavy" completely.

That's madness. Properly split what needs to be split and be done.

It's not that hard, hmkay?

Yeah, fuck all the authentication/authorization framework I build, just access manage resources directly and leak stuff, assign it to wrong accounts and don't even check if they should be able to with that eye shore you call code

I'm generally new to front end development, couldn't keep up with the eco system even if I wanted to.

But what the fuck am I supposed to do when UX gives me mock ups in absolute units of pixels?

I thought best practice was for development was like vw viewport units of em units, because of the wrinkle of supporting different screen sizes and devices.

Is the general industry practice I'm supposed to use their general ratios and just get close enough? Like I don't want to dick around for diminishing returns trying to get shit pixel perfect, I don't have an eye for this shit to begin with.

I was reading a few interesting postgreSQL solutions to constrain polymorphic tables (anti-pattern, I know) when something caught my eye.
Some solutions were looked down upon (or looked favorably upon) based on their portability to other rdbms like MySQL.
Is that really so important? I get it, if somehow you decide to change from one to the other for some god-forsaken reason it will make the switch easier. But really, how often will that happen?
I feel there is a tendency to just avoid using SQL beyond the basics.

Oh you have a pull request that fixes a bug impacting customers atm? This is a perfect opportunity to write a novel that debates optimal coding practices in the review

Smiling eye twitch

Currently wondering why we use RGB when the "red" cones in the human eye are most sensitive to yellow light

I feel that letting your kids watch the live action remakes of old Disney films isike exposing them to Nazi propaganda with those eye clamps that keep their lids open

This is ironic to me because it's Disney

That rabbit in my grandpa's left table drawer, in the home I grew at. I wanted to finally catch it, and kill it. I was bad with animals all along, especially this one. My grandpa died the year before I was born, and my grandma said we would've got along really well. So much to talk about, a scientist to an engineer. So, I travelled back, but my home somehow turned from a city stone-walled house into a half-soaked, decaying wooden one. I caught that rabbit though, but while I was holding it at its neck and twisting it, it somehow disappeared, distributed evenly as if I were twisting a crayon. I was trying to find it, but in that left drawer, among century-old pencils and that red liquid thermometer I played with as a kid, only a faded out, dusty duckling resided. I picked it up, and unlike the rabbit, it was paper, no, cigarette paper thin. It wasn't hostile. It wasn't trying to run away. It just turned from yellow to grey, feathers leaving my fingers covered in fine dust. I realized it will never die, dwelling and decaying there forever, happy.

I did my calculations, and I knew for a fact when and where the rabbit should've appeared. It was the middle drawer, not the left one. I opened it and looked in anticipation how something chewed through the bottom. I caught it, but it was no rabbit, it was an alive, rubber rat. The rubber was white turned grey, old, aged, dusty, probably Soviet. I poked the rat's eye with a pen rod, but the rat's body inflated a bit, leaving it invincible. It was mocking me.

Of the same white rubber, a ball appeared. I knew for a fact it was alive too, I felt the bones inside holding it. I found its lips, and was prying it open. The massive, dry mouth emerged, with a full set of human teeth, albeit wider and nastier ones. Huge eyes looked at me. It was alive, it was intelligent. It was my grandpa's personal financial assistant all along. It told me to leave the rat and the rabbit alone. He told me not to worry about the ducking, as it was in safe hands.

It made friends with my brother during the "blue age", when he was wearing thin, worn out rugs instead of clothes, tiny faded blue flowers on them, screaming and annoying my grandma he lived with in that room, not a single person other than the two in sight. The house was slowly submerging. The water was rising.

I'm pretty much at my dream job currently. A lot of autonomy as a developer, solo projects, as there are only two developers in-house and each of us is covering roughly half of the systems, we rarely work on the same thing at the same time. We do have weekly sync checkins to keep each other appraised and offer a helping hand/eye when needed.

But.

There's always a but.

Our IT department used to service 500 to 1000 employees 7 years ago, and now, through growth, opening new sibling companies, and merging with our competitors we're at 6k, give or take.

Maybe it's the aftermerge crunch to harmonize our IT systems but I've been working 10+ hours from August. It's an interesting couple of new pieces of software that I'm writing but, the deadlines are pretty tight and business requirements are anything but tight still.

I love my job, but I wish to get the bigger stuff done soon so I can take it easy.

Dev Health Rant!

Hey guys, so I've been supper busy working most of the time and doing passion projects, very recently I've noticed eyestrain at the end of the day. Lights seem too bright and far away stuff seems a bit blurry, this doesn't happen on weekends when I don't look at any screen.

I feel like shit because of it, I can't go to the hospital since they are COVID crammed, I'm thinking about asking for a 2 week PTO to see if it subsides and buy some blue light filter glasses.

What do you think? Anyone in a similar situation?

For couple of days I have noticed that when i roll over my left eye. It causes a little pain. nothing else. just when i rollover and try to look up. I think may be because I am starring at the monitor way too much. Have anyone ever experienced anything similar?

Was talking about jokes in general at work today. Asked someone if they knew about jokes where you read something out loud. Ended up having them read this aloud:
We Todd did
Eye yam we Todd did
Eye yam sofa king we Todd did

Some people don't get it even when read aloud. Afterwards I thought: eye yam sew hymn mat tour

Edit: Oh, we could get people to read this to their dev duck. lol

to method java doc or not to method java doc

i'll do whatever we're supposed to , but i dont see consistency in industry or my slave drivers

i remember when i first did i was told not to, but then a new senior hire comes in does it and nobody bats an eye