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Professor : Explain deadlock and I will give you full marks.
Me:- You give me full marks and I'll explain deadlock.20 -
Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?37 -
Me : I need to give Tom a wash.
GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.
Me : you hurt poor George!10 -
GF: "Honey can you leave the PS and give me some attention?"
ME: "ofcourse!"
**Gives her 29 minutes of attention**
12 -
*random person stars my repo on Github*
Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!
*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*
Me: Take that star back you whore.9 -
Visiting websites in
2015: Download our app
2016: Get our notifications
Give me some space will you ffs14 -
Me: Whats the deadline?
Client: Asap
Me: And when are we getting paid?
Client: 30 days after you give us the invoice ☺13 -
My manager promised to give promotion to me in this quarter, But yesterday he was fired by the company. :-(3
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This was just a „you had one job“ moment. I double tapped a rant to give it a ++ and immediately this message appeared. devRant, why do you give me such unnecessary notifications?
7 -
"Can't have a fucking std (method) call, give me a break"
Said that loudly on a phone call. Wondering why people were give me dirty looks on the train1 -
I hate when people give me shit for using a Mac. You can use whatever you prefer, let me use what I like.13
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"no micro managing here!"
*Boss comes in at 5*
- how much work have you done?
- why isn't this finished yet?
- you're working too slow
- show me git status
- show me git log
- why is this taking you so long?15 -
Sure Edge... let me just give larry and sergey a quick call, I'm sure they will be happy to help me fix your problems.
10 -
Everytime someone compliments me on my work all I can't think of is:
- ok,ok, shut the fuck up and give me a raise already.5 -
It's 3:17AM and the senior dev won't give me a ship-it even after 4 code revisions. I've decided to give up on life
9 -
My department is legit getting a fuckload of heat over some missing reports that were not generated by the lead dev.
Shit falls on me since he ain't here.
Look b. I am gon give it to ya straight: I don't give a fuck, your shit is secondary, unimportant, bottom of the list...call the vp if you want, he gon get a fuckload of indifference as well ....
know why?
Cuz yall motherfuckers want shit done quick af but don't say shit till the same day. Fuck, shit don't work that way...pendejo.
Best thing? I ain't even supposed to be doing this shit at all because of y'all bitches not placing me in the correct classification... -
Me reading a forum after long hours of debugging and research...
YES THIS IS IT THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE!
* Me reading some answers I have tried already *
COME ON GIVE ME THE ANSWER
* Me reading the last answer *
"I was able to resolve the issue thanks for all the answers...
bye"
OP marked problem as solved
FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THE SOLUTION OF FUCK OFF6 -
Me: Decentralized, Transparent, Immutable, Trustless ...
Host: Please give a big round of applause for Blockchain industry expert!2 -
> Best part about working from home?
"People don't give me as much shit for having a wank during standups" - not me, but I wish it was7 -
fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUCCCKKK FUCKING FUUUCKKKBKB
if you gave me a feature that has 2^5 posible output, but didn't give me all the possible inputs AND expect me to finish it for this thursday, THEN DONT GIVE ME EXTRA JOB ON A DRIVER THAT DOESNT WORK. FUCK2 -
If AI steals my job I will overthrow it by making so many new JavaScript Frameworks every day, it will give up and give me my job back.1
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Fucking love unpaid overtime every week! Please give me more! I am definitely doing fine mentally...10
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Please Windows give me the option to disallow any app from stealing focus. I cannot deal with any app that thinks it’s okay to give itself focus while I’m fucking TYPINGGGG6
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I really dislike the writing invoices and proposals part. Just let me make great stuff and give me enough money so I can live.
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Finally got a call for an interview and they asked if I had any experience with front-end frameworks. I said yeah and they said that that's great since their client needs a UI/UX guy and said they'd get back to me in 2 days.
I got a call from the said client half an hour later who goes, "Hello! I am PersonX from CompanyA and we've got your resume and would like to hire you as a Laravel developer!"
Buddy... it says right there on the top that I'm a front-end developer and you were even checking out my LinkedIn... fuckin' fucktard.3 -
Amazing API's and SEX!
Alright people, now that I've got your attention, I'm getting to the point where I need to plan and roll out a solid API for a project. So after reading a lot of the horror stories written here, What are the finer points of what makes an amazing API experience to use and integrate with over a poor one?
And don't say documentation (If you do explain why) 😁11 -
"So Alecx, how did you solve the issues with the data provided to you by hr for <X> application?"
Said the VP of my institution in charge of my department.
"It was complex sir, I could not figure out much of the general ideas of the data schema since it came from a bunch of people not trained in I.T (HR) and as such I had to do some experiments in the data to find the relationships with the data, this brought about 4 different relations in the data, the program determined them for me based on the most common type of data, the model deemed it a "user", from that I just extracted the information that I needed, and generated the tables through Golang's gorm"
VP nodding and listening intently...."how did you make those relationships?" me "I started a simple pattern recognition module through supervised mach..." VP: Machine learning, that sounds like A.I
Me: "Yes sir, it was, but the problem was fairly easy for the schema to determ.." VP: A.I, at our institution, back in my day it was a dream to have such technology, you are the director of web tech, what is it to you to know of this?"
Me: "I just like to experiment with new stuff, it was the easiest rout to determine these things, I just felt that i should use it if I can"
VP: "This is amazing, I'll go by your office later"
Dude speaks wonders of me. The idea was simple, read through the CSV that was provided to me, have the parsing done in a notebook, make it determine the relationships in the data and spout out a bunch of JSON that I could use. Hook it up to a simple gorm golang script and generate the tables for that. Much simpler than the bullshit that we have in php. I used this to create a new database since the previous application had issues. The app will still have a php frontend and backend, but now I don't leave the parsing of the data to php, which quite frankly, php sucks for imho. The Python codebase will then create the json files through the predictive modeling (98% accuaracy) and then the go program will populate the db for me.
There are also some node scripts that help test the data since the data is json.
All in all a good day of work. The VP seems scared since he knows no one on this side of town knows about this kind of tech. Me? I am just happy I get to experiment. Y'all should have seen his face when I showed him a rather large app written in Clojure, the man just went 0.0 when he saw Lisp code.
I think I scare him.12 -
Ideal job?
The one that give me a roof over my head.
And pays my bills.
And bring food on the table.
And give me a lot of free time for my hobbies.
And avoids me to discuss with stupid clients.
Ok, maybe the last one is a bit unrealistic..1 -
My employer has no work for me, so i'm sitting here, watching anime and scrolling devrant. For gods sake give me work.11
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Here it is.
The CS final.
I reached this point in my life.
I hope I won’t forget the base case in recursion like last time and fuck up an entire question.11 -
It amazes me how quickly give out their passwords. I ask for a person's user name and I swear at least 75% of the time they give me their password too!5
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This bus driver really has to stop wasting my fucking time. He was 8 minutes late in the first place (this line is NEVER late) and then he took a 10 minute detour which means I'll be 2 trains late for work. Fucking great start on the week!5
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Fucking give me an error message instead of telling me {error: "You can find more details on developer.incompetent-shits.com", success: false}2
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I've deliberately searched a tonne of tech related stuff so my Google feed shows me tech news, but just because I live in Australia in getting bombarded with shit about the royal family.... I don't give a fuck how you pronounce Louis, I just want news!1
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Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?7 -
Friend: "Oh so can you like... hack into people's computers and stuff?"
Me: "Yeah, if they just give me their password, I can hack in easily!"6 -
If I have to hear chocolatey, Choco, nuget, or coded ui much more, I'm going to vomit up my spleen.
Give me *nix or give me death.6 -
So - A && B == B && A ?
Not according to my mother. She seems to think that "eat the rice and I'll give you dessert" is different from "give me dessert and I'll eat the rice"11 -
At the shop, buying cigarettes.
Me: give me *** cigarettes
Cashier: sure, you want one click, double click...
Me: do you have a right click? -
I need a project. I am on holidays, I don't have a computer at hand and can only code small things on my phone, mainly in python... Sad thing is I don't have any idea what to code.
Give me your challenges (please), so I can keep mental health!
P.S: if anyone has a working way to use Node.js on Android, I'd be glad to take it :)13 -
I disagree with the hate on MS on buying GitHub. Could you imagine if facebook decided to do that? Or Google? At least MS is straight up about its business model: give me money I'll give you products10
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I have never encountered a codebase so horrendous. The styles are so fucking bad.
Give me a codebase with a poorly implemented programming langauge, fine.
Give me a codebase with styles that have been copy/pasted off Stackoverflow a million times until something works, not fucking fine. -
They call it security questions.
I call it social engineering backdoor.
I'm supposed to enter those questions after logging into my account and I'm not able to skip it nor to set a proper two factor method.
Well, fuck you. Did you ever thought about dying by a two factor method? Ever watched a Saw movie? You got the idea. -
Interviewer : can you give me the pseudo code for a multilayer perrceptron?
Me: you 've got some time?
Interviewer : well 2 minutes?2 -
How do you customise your arch installation ?
Desktop environment and stuff ..
Give me the whole list3 -
I'm torn between Sublime 3, Atom and VScode and no one can give me some proper pro's and cons. Not even me...12
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Can you give me some Distros, that allow me to install them in a custom LVM (like the Text-Based Ubuntu installer)?1
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Me : This isn't connecting to the network because of MAC filter
Biz dude : okay give me a minute, I'll boot windows
Me : *facepalm*1 -
In appraisal discussion,
Boss : Give me good reason why should we give you 30% appraisal!!!
Employee ( After logging into prod machine) : I am going to quit this job 😅😅 -
Don't you have a colleague in office, you want to shout "SHUT UP",
even though they aren't speaking.3 -
Alright I'm about to flip out so please give me something to program.
JS (web stuff generally)
Python
NodeJS
Just send me stuff to do please16 -
I’m searching for a engineering management job… I was told by two recruiters from two separate companies that they were going to give me offers and that I was an amazing hire… They then ghosted me for a week and then didn’t give me an offer.
FML6 -
Making me happy is like optimising an image for the web.
Just strip me, interlace me and give me a sampling factor of 420 😂
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I am so sick with shithead designers that heard about android, but decided it was not important enough to consider it and make their design for android and ios exactly the same. And then force you to implement the ios app in android with the same elements, even supressing native out of the box funcionalities.
They get paid for producing poopy smelly shit.2 -
I just tried to download Photoshop CC. On Linux. Just to give it a try in Wine 3.0 and see if it works.
Adobe rejected my humble request with "Your operating system is not supported."
Ok.
I switched my user-agent to Windows and voila, it tried to give me a dmg installer.
A. Fucking. Mac. Installer.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED DO TO WITH THAT ADOBE YOU STUPID CUNT!12 -
Client emails and asks why a certain element appears on particular page of their website. I respond by saying that they'd asked me to place it there. I then find and forward them the email in which they requested that I place the element on the page. Client replies to forwarded email, "What is this in relation to?".
I must stress that this was all in the space of about two minutes and no other emails were exchanged in-between; there was zero possibility of crossed wires. -
Fuck you Python! "It's global, unless you modify it. Then you have to use a keyword first." "It is passing reference by value." Asshole language that tries to be too flexible!2
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Is there anyone who has ever used frappe/erpnext?
It drives me nuts, as much as I like the framework doing any thing that needs some basic scripting is a pain!
I MEAN, COME ON MAN, WHY ARE DOCS SO HARD TO COME BY? WHY DOES YOUR "CUSTOM SCRIPT" EDITOR LACK BAISIC LINE NUMBERS? WHY ARE YOUR ERROR MESSAGES TELLING ME EVERYTHING BUT THE LINE THE ERROR'S ON, SO I'LL BE HOPEFULL THE ERROR IS IN THE DEV CONSOLE? WHY NOT USE MONACO, SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT WILL SHOW SYNTAX ERRORS? I'VE WAISTED HOURS ON LITTLE AUTOMATION SCRIPTS!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY????1 -
My Office Sucks. They give me impossible deadlines, and never properly test my code. And when it breaks in the production, they blame me.5
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Okay I'm not trying to start a comment war or anything, but Im struggling. I want to learn PHP but im already great with python and can just learn flask.. Is there any advantages to learn both because I probably will do that I just wanted to hear some opinions.7
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Sometimes I envy those people whose work is purely clock on / clock off, meaning those that can leave work and switch off to that entirely (delivery driver; mcdonalds etc). Having the time to focus on other things. I have never had that luxury, work consumes far too much of my time, even when not working i am thinking about it. I want the time to pursue my other love which is music, and playing my bass. I like my work but sometimes i fucking hate this path i'm on. Oh well FML.4
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Making an ad for web design.
Give me your puns to design something around so it isn't boring...
Go!4 -
Currently learning programming (c#) and I can't wrap my head around classes can anyone give me some tips?9
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I'm now caught in an infinite loop on this project. The tests all pass but the identical code on an identical Live environment won't work. The API vendor is saying it's our code's fault and they won't support us. The developer is ignoring my pleas for assistance because the client won't pay for more of his time as they consider this warranty work even though we warned them that this was a one-of-a-kind custom job with a risk of failure.1
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I would love to finish a personal project that I've spent three summers making. Wrote 3500+ lines of code and never got around to finishing it. 😕3
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Me seeing my code when the agent give me the modification to the project!!!!
WhhhhhhY!
// I'm sorry comments I should've used you more1 -
1. Give me the world's first fully functional quantum computer
2. Make it understand natural language but only me
3. Make it internet/network capable
And after writing all that I just realized... basically give me control of this guy or actually the blue one.
https://webtoons.com/en/super-hero/... -
I am learning NestJS + MongoDB stack after spending 5+ years as a Laravel + MySQL dev.
Wish me luck or give me advice. Thanks in advance!10 -
Can anyone give me tips for my first Interview for the web developer spot of a large local company?2
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Anyone watch the Viv demo at TechCrunch disrupt? It looks amazing. I can't wait till AIs are more usable1
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Please, can you give me tips on what to talk about when asked “tell me about yourself” during job interviews?12
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1. Give me more knowledge
2. Give me some nice colleagues that have a clue on what tbey are doing
3. STOP MAKING MY CLIENTS SUCH BIG MORONS -
Just some free knowledge that I'd like to pass around:
I wanted to free up some space in my MacBook. I checked out different methods.
Here are some methods that helped:
- Go to ~/Library/Caches and try to clean shit up.
- If you have Homebrew, (if you don't, just quit dev already) run `brew cleanup` -- only for people with Macs.
- There's this app called Omnidisksweeper. Check that out.
- Also, indexing Spotlight is something I've heard of but never tried.3 -
Oh dear Jehova why is EA first.... Please just give me all the rest first before bombarding me with 3 hours of shitty sports games
2 -
1) Give my logical reasoning abilities to my clients and users.
2) Whenever there is a change in project requirements, I should get 24 karat 100 Gram gold coins.
3) Give me 2 more wishes.
4) My code should work as expected on first attempt.
5) Give me ability to learn new technology in just 1 day.3 -
I started a new job in engineering at CenturyLink a few weeks ago - before this I was doing IT for dental offices in the greater Seattle area. Anyway, I wanted a registry tweak to make Excel open files in separate windows, instead of putting them in one. Today I was told by our IT that you need 16GB of RAM to open multiple Excel spreadsheets in separate windows. Suffice to say I told him he was insane and ended the chat.
And yes, I know there are ways to do it anyway, like opening new instances of Excel and then opening the file inside of Excel, but that's unnecessary clicks, dammit. -
I really love some of the job posting I saw in my community. It ALWAYS ALWAYS starts with something like this.... We are looking for experience devs that can build platforms LIKE Facebook, Alibaba, PayPal, Amazon...(a lot of big names) .Gosh. Those expectations.
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I despise news sites that redirect you to the mobile homepage instead of just showing you the article you actually clicked on
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Client: On the website, the thing won't open when I click on it.
Me: Oh right, what browser are you using?
Client: The one you sent me.
Me: *nrgh* -
HIRE A FUCKING QA AND GIVE TIME TO DEVELOPERS TO BUILD. DONT GIVE ME YOUR BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE BREAKING.3
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Oh my gosh... IT Helpdesk people piss me off!!!!! Get the fuck out of my way let me fix my own problem, give me admin rights! Damnit
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When logging in, why is there no reminder like 'your password was at least 8 characters long with at least one digit'.8
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Soon I'll reinstall my linux system. (Currently Antergos + KDE). People keep mentioning arch, i3, and rice. I wanna give it a try. Any suggestions or hints you guys can give me beforehand?2
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why me resume is not getting selected anywhere..
can anyone give me some suggestions to improve it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/...14 -
Appraisal interview is in a few hours. Can't wait for the manager to judge the fuck outta me and ignore all my contributions.2
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Give me a job pls im starving. Im a ML Engineer, no ones want to hire me. I will be eternally grateful :/5
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Can anyone give me some resources about DDD, clean architecture and repository pattern on c# or asp.net core?
Thanks!2 -
Please give me some advice how can I start on administering cloud? Any books or tutorials you want to suggest? Please give me lead so I will not be lost. 😆4
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Yeah...I m feeling monotonic and bored with sane product support. Kindly give me some refreshing ideas
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Someone in another room keeps opening issues that involve me.
I'm going give them a piece of my mind -
Ok, look, man, I'm not involved in any part of the product planning. If you need me to write tests for product you're still writing, you at least need to give me a solid idea of what you want it to do. I can't make what you need if I don't know what's needed.
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