me deleting print statements after debugging my code

Hoorah! My code finally works! Now gotta remove those 1000 print statements I used to identify the bugs 😥

I could replace you with 10 if statements.

You say: "We added AI to our product"
I hear: "We added a bunch more IF statements to our codebase"

My thoughts on programming:

As a child:
It is 100% magic

As a developer:
It is 65% if/else statements, 34% iterating an array, 1% actual amazing and unique code

Another one, teach secure programming for fucks sake! This always happened at my study:

Me: so you're teaching the students doing mysql queries with php, why not teach them PDO/prepared statements by default? Then they'll know how to securely run queries from the start!
Teachers: nah, we just want to go with the basics for now!

Me: why not teach the students hashing through secure algorithms instead of always using md5?
Teacher: nah, we just want to make sure they know the basics :)

For fucks fucking sake, take your fucking responsibilities.

Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"

FUCK OFF

No it isn't.

A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!

Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P

What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.

I told my girlfriend she was the semicolon to my statements,little did she know I was using Python.

All the new computer science students at my university refer to include statements in C++ as "hashtag include"

Replaced all the echo statements in my utility scripts with cowsay. This is great :-)

I wrote 2 dozens of if else statements
...
...

They called it AI.

A coworker was working on some code and wrote two return statements and asked a senior developer why the second value wasn't being returned.

Where's my caviar

It's 2017, I've got a bird on my shoulder and a stressball on my desk, everything is alright.

( I should be working on that SQL statements I generated instead of writing them out right now)
Just one more thing
I ♥️ DevRant

I'm so fucking done with all those "woke" YouTube programming tutorials like: "Why you should NEVER use else statements", "Why functions should ALWAYS return a value", "Why switch statements are actually EVIL" and stuff like this
I swear to fucking god

I often think in if statements ..

FUCK YOU PHP!!!! FUCKING HELL JUST FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
8 GOD FORSAKEN HOURS SPENT TRYING TO ZIP SOME SHITTY FUCKING FILES IN A FOLDER ON MY WEB SERVER TO HAVE THEM DOWNLOADED TO MY CLIENT COMPUTER.... 8 HOURS UNABLE TO OPEN THE DAMN FILE AND THE ISSUE WAS "echo" & "print_r()" STATEMENTS GETTING TRAPPED IN MY ZIPARCHIVE BUFFER MAKING THE ZIP FILE A GIANT PILE OF UNREADABLE SHIT.
HOW IN GODS NAME WERE THOSE FUCKERS EVEN BEING ADDED TO THE ZIP FILE.

Fucking hell. Time to sleep.

Today I was searching Android docs and found something interesting:

To write Android log statements, you use the android.util.Log class with the following methods:

Log.v()

Log.d()

...

Log.wtf() 😮😮😮

According to Google it seems to mean "What a Terrible Failure".

WTF?!?!?!

23 nested If statements....are you fucking kidding me!!

me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I always use brackets for clarity even if there is only one statement inside them

if (boolean){
function ();
}

Cus it's so much easier to read, and if I need to add statements after the if I don't need to remember to add brackets. Plus the else may need brackets and an if with no brackets but an else with brackets looks awful.

Today I remembered why I don’t “wing” things.

Anyway, here’s my cat in a cardboard tank.

Statements related.

Instead of using actual debugging tools, using print statements and forgetting to remove all of them.

I told her, you are the semicolon go my statements.
She replied "I code in Python"

Debugging is...

I had a weird dream last night where people communicated by using log statements.

Like if I wanted to say something very loud I'd think Log.wtf("WTF!") and it would appear in front of me like subtitles. Log levels were equivalent to tone level.

The scene was basically a bunch of people with log statements of various levels in front of them and their lips moving with no sound.

I think I need a vacation.

NO JIMMY.
YOUR 45 IF/ELIF STATEMENTS ARENT FUCKIN A.I.
NOR ARE YOUR 25 METHODS THAT RETURN A STRING A FUCKIN BLOCKCHAIN

STOP FUCKIN USING EVERYWHERE THOSE FUCKIN WORDS
FUCK OFF

I find statements such as, `count = count + 1` very annoying >_<

I'm going to make 4 statements of which only 3 are true. You tell me in the comments which 3 are true.

1. At my job in the marketing department, I manage our Facebook ads campaign where we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising.

2. MIS department inexplicably blocked the marketing dept from the Facebook domain altogether near the end of the day.

3. They also block Dropbox although we still have to manage all the distribution of digital video and commercials to our tv advertisers.

4. I work in a technically progressive environment that understands how things work online.

Hi all. I know it's been a while. I've forgotten what days off are. However, knowing you all are here and understand the terror of horrendous code gives me comfort while dealing with statements like "the problem isn't with our code, we haven't touched it in 14 years" while discussing database upgrades (3, in fact).

to the guy who writes indented IF statements all one liners and brackets removed
please fuck yourself

> Writing some code 😀
> Compile it
> 10 errors 😣😣
> Debugging mode on😎
> Write about 100 print statements to debug the code
> At last found errors and now remove those print statements😅
> Compile code
> 2 out of 30 test cases pass😤😤
> Exhausted and angry😡
> Silicon valley new episode arrives🎉
> Super excited after watching the episode and think like you too can code like Richard Henricks😎😎
> Coming back to the old code and build logic from scratch
> Compile and finally all test cases pass
> Task completed😂😂

That just takes the damn fun out of it.

"In Python, we don't actually use commas unlike many languages. And as I mentioned last time, a tuple is a lot like a list, but it has it's differences. Oh yeeeah! Did I mention the logic behind if/else if/ and else statements?? They're sooo amazing."

A Month ago...
Me: when are you going to complete the report
Friend: we can do it in minutes
Me: you can't Ctrl + c and Ctrl +v as there is plagiarism check
Friend: we have spin bot
Me: you do that now itself . if something happens? You can join me .
Friend: just chill

Now ...
Me: done with report
Friend: feeding it to spin bot!

Feeds text related to database security....

Spin bot:
Garbage collector == city worker
SQL statements == SQL explanation
SQL queries == SQL interrogation
SQL injection == SQL infusion
Attack == assault
Malicious == noxious
Data integrity == information uprightness
Sensitive == touchy
.....
Me: told you so...
**spin not == article rewriter

I was at the robotics group of our school when suddenly two other students (both 2 grades above me) started talking:

P1: I always forget the brackets when writing code

P2: I always forget the return statements

P3: yeah, always takes ages to find out why your code doesn't work

P4: haha, in the end it's just something missing that you didn't notice like a semicolon or a bracket

Me (thinking): do you use a fucking toaster to code? Even if you don't use an ide the compiler tells you what's wrong

Advice to all new programmers, take this one from personal experience. DO NOT PUT SWEAR WORDS IN DEBUG STATEMENTS.
You will miss one, it will go to production and it will get picked up by your log monitoring...

*bunch of if statements*

Friend shouts proudly everywhere : I implemented an AI!

Me : but that's not how AI works

Friend : but it works just as an AI, so it is one, who cares?

😥

One day, this ex-boss of mine dropped the following bomb:

“Stop using switch statements, the switch statement is archaic.”

The if statement should be even more archaic, right? So, should we stop using ifs as well?

So today I wrote CSS using for loops and if statements in scss.

You could say I was programming in style...

Me: Bro look, I have learnt so many things from the past couple of days.
-Introduction
-Data Types
-Variables
-Arrays
-Operators
-Control Statements
-Classes
-Methods
-Inheritance
-Packages
-Interfaces
-Exception Handing
-Multi-threaded Programming
-Enumerations
-Autoboxing
-Annotations
-Generics

My senior: Congrats on finishing up the basics
Me: Those were just basics???...///!!! 😜

My colleague just found the following code in our program:

For a project day we had to write a game of our choice in Java.

"You should make this game using the JSwing library and make each component a JComponent"

Later I learned you can simply use a Bitmap as a canvas.

NEVER. EVER. BASE. YOUR. GAME. ON. SWING.
It inefficient to the top of my taskmanager. I had to wrap everything with something like a virtual playground where I had to manage everything myself to not roast my cpu.

I had alot more fun debugging hundred lines of C code with print statements than writing that shit

Fuck i love regex... managed to replace a series of loops and if statements with regex and cut execution time from 60ms down to 5ms

First year at uni, during c++ basis.
The professor has just finished explaining the while cycle.
Professor: We want the code to print all numbers from 0 to 40 using a counter. How would you do?

Classmate puts up his hand: we do 40 if statements and when we reach the 40th one we stop.

Professor: *face palm*

I noticed some users with very high votes and looked at their posts. All of the posts were just positive statements. Let me try. "I think computers are wonderful. It's so exciting to build out the ideas of my dreams and help others."

I have previously seen this in a production code base. The same code base included nested if statements (20+ conditions)...

If (condition == false) {
return false;
} else if (condition == true) {
return true;
}

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out They couldn't find a table.

I pretty much just copied code from Google for a good 2 years, following tutorials on Java, until I actually got a basic understanding of wtf I was doing. I could understand the syntax, loops, and conditional statements well, but for some reason I didn't quite understand the concept of an object until I took a class on Java development during my high school career, where it finally 'clicked'.

Reviewing bosses code and had these two if statements with no logic between
if (someVar) {
if (someVar) { // double check someVar is true just in case
}
}

Being a Woman in Tech® is exhausting because every time we know something a male superior doesn’t, we have to end our statements with “but maybe I’m wrong, what do you think?” so they feel like it’s their idea and take the topic seriously.

I used to be adamantly against this type of coddling but they beat it out of me. You can only be straightforward and confident a finite number of times before you’re pulled aside and told you’re “cocky,” “arrogant,” “irritating,” etc. So many of us use this strategy to avoid those labels, but it’s a tiring part of the job we shouldn’t have to think about.

rant.

when you're a programmer surrounded by designer friends, it feels frustrating sometimes.

people appreciate what they do more because they can clearly see the end product: beautifully designed ui, animated splash screens, clean colorful themes. even though it probably does squat other than to print statements.

then they look at your overly simple design and cant see the beautiful underlying code within.

end rant.

OMFG if I see one more single-lined if-else/for statements without proper closure brackets I'm gonna kill some people!!!

I spent more than an hour trying trying to debug why two functions were always returning undefined. I even put in conditional breakpoints and executed the statements to confirm the logic was correct.

I forgot return.

Over use of !important statements instead of fixing the real issue.

Just reviewed collegues code: 80 lines of if statements that are so long that I have to scroll sideways on my 27" screen. Just wrote the exact same thing in 5 minutes and 10 lines! If you don't know how to use loops in your code please learn something different and stop pissing off skilled devs 😡

Almost forgot how beautiful C is:

3 statements tell you if two strings are similar.

I'm just C# boy, born and raised in a .Net world ... Today I started some stuff with JavaScript, downloaded the JavaScript standard extension for using in Vs code... It made me do things...it made indent each new line by 2 spaces! Not 4 or a tab but 2! And then what really took the fucking biscuit, it said I couldn't end my statements with semi colons! I need a strong cup of tea and a sit after that shit. How is that at all useful to anyone!? It just made it make less sense!!!!

Started a new job this week.

Just learned that my manager strictly prohibits while loops and "if else" statements.

Do ya ever hate how often people use the term "AI" so loosely. It's like saying your thermostat or your "smart oven" (or "smart"-everything) is "AI-infused" because it can regulate the temperature. Unless the machine actually learns something for next time around, a bunch of "if" statements isn't truly AI in my book.

I hate setting up case statements cause it's hard to cover every case. What if a virus puts a gun to my programs head? What if my program is at a cache party and chrome offers it weed? What if my program isn't gay, but $20 is $20?

Today I looked at some code from our CTO. He used plain SQL Statements with huge selects and no prepared statements.

I asked him:
1. why dont you build some helpers or even use some frameworks?
2. why are there no prepared statements?

His answer (to both questions)
We do not need that. That just uses too much ressources and time. It's more cleaner and simpler this way.

My Face: 😵

Nobody:

Very stupid people with no github projects who are probably stuck at making wordpress sites: haha ai is just if statements

Pro-tip to self: Getting syntax errors on your If-Than statements? Try using If-Then instead!

*facepalms at own stupidity*

Am I the only one who when they are super focused writing code and debugging starts acting like Bob Ross painting a picture?(without a filter... of course)

And here we’ll add another little god damn breakpoint so we can watch our fucked up variables report the wrong thing..

Oh and over here will just add another little happy simple if statement.

Oh look at the happy if statements in a row.. maybe we’ll add little switch statement here.

Not adding spaces in for statements.

ex) bad practice
for (i=0;i<10:i++)
{
//some code
}

ex) good practice
for (i = 0; i < 10; i++)
{
//some code
}

Who the fuck writes a 200 line method with 52 if/else statements, 3 try-catches, 6 loops and only 1 comment saying //Array of system records. No dipshit I thought that was a Fucking interface. What happened to the whole keep it simple notion?!

When you look back at Code from your 2nd year of university...

Using while loops as if statements to check for vowels... *shudders in fear*

*squirming in bed*
If it ain't broke don't fix it.. If it ain't broke don-WHAT THE FUCK IS "payment.needed2"??
Calm down, it's just some bad code but it works, you didn't write it, it's not your probl-WHY THE FUCK DO THE IF STATEMENTS HAVE SO MANY DUPLICATED LINES??

Sleep. Just sleep.

That moment you need to teach a developer you work with how to write if & else statements.

Using an array of function pointers to replace large switch statements... holy shit.. I feel like Thanos getting the time stone.
Just when you think you can’t get your code to run any faster, nor did I think I could get the code any smaller... BOOM.. C never ceases to impress.

Next I’ll be turning this into “object” oriented ... but since it’s C ... it will just be Struct oriented .. SOP ..

“Yes! WE should do it like that”

I put up a PR.

“Why are YOU doing it like that?”

if
(condition)
{
statements ;
}

FUCK, I just realized something..

A lot of people are probably aware of the statement "Respect is earned, not demanded/given".

Now, if you are aware of the meme "Press F to *pay respect*", you probably know where this goes.

The statements "pay respect" and "respect is earned" are actually connected. Just like money, you pay money to people who deserve it. You work hard for it.

But if this is true, is "attention" also earned? I often hear "Please pay attention" from my teachers back then.

This is some big brain shit right here

I practice what I call "Aggressive Oriented Programming" or AOP.

Whenever I'm investigating a bad bug, working on a project that I really hate, or dealing with messy code written by a messy developer, I often find myself resorting to an [internal] state of violence.

It's not like I scream and smash my screen (although sometimes I want to). It usually consists of a few git blames and some curse words in print statements for debugging. This is just my way to vent.

is it just me, or do some people just make life difficult for the fucking sake of making life difficult?

now, lets ignore the lack of sanitised data, lets also ignore the lack of prepared statements, and for the love of god... lets ignore some magic numbers, because I still don't know what they mean yet....

but why! why would you create an array, implode it, smash it into a database query on the fucking fly, instead of just adding the data into the query in the first place.... it's not like you were doing this right to begin with, but this... this is next level!

The brand new language - C thru
In this C language you have a lot of new statements and thats all ;)

if ( condition ) {
callback(data)
}
callback(error)

--is a lot different than--

if ( condition ) {
callback(data)
} else {
callback(error)
}

callbacks are not return statements 🤦‍♂️

Apparently `a || b` is unreadable to set a default value for a string in JS, but assigning temporary variables and use if statements all over is better somehow.

My code reviewer said use `a ? a : b` except it failed eslint, so he went back on that. (eslint suggested `a || b`, ffs.)

just remembered watching a video where a little shit wannabe programmer was interviewed by another shit wannabe it professional "hacker" and the first shit claimed he designed a new language that is better with a compiler 10 times faster and better than gcc when he demonstrated his language it was nothing but a header file with couple of define statements for different C function.
and this dude was in the news and was glorified by people and shit
#justturdworldstuff

I'm glad i left "my" country

Last week I forgot to add the break; clause to a bunch of case statements and literally spent a whole evening busting my head 'cause my code wasn't working.

So this week's answer: ME. I'M THE WORST.

*code reviewing someone's work*
OMG! if-statements within if-statements! This is an IFception! *prays*

Finally removing all mysqli references and make the pdo statements, so we can finally switch to PHP 7.2

PM sends email to development team with the whole management team in cc.

"Guys, the data is not updating correctly! Make sure all the updates are being done! If we can't get this right then we can just forget about this whole thing!"

Me: Yes, because making generalized statements and inflammatory remarks actually help in correcting the problems...

Give me an even worse one y'all can think of.

That dumb coworker who worked with SELECT *; statements exclusively.

people who don't use semi colons in JavaScript. I know it's not required but God does it drive me nuts.

also one line if statements that don't use brackets.

ahhhhh

A lot of things dev say are true, but this one I don't believe as much:
Many devs say that it's important for everybody to learn a bit of a basic programming language, to learn about computers and how programs are made. I disagree, I think that instead people should learn *how* things work. Ex, in my school people always use a VPN to get around the proxy. I don't care if they know basic statements, I think it's more important to learn how a VPN works. Most of them don't even know what VPN stands for. Am I the only one?

!Rant

I'm going to be teaching my roommate how to "code" soon. Or rather, I'll be teaching her how to use Scratch, so she can have a leg up when she applies to work at a children's code academy that uses a Scratch-like environment. Should be fun!

I love that Scratch exists. Such an accessible way to teach basic concepts like loops, conditional statements, etc, with results that are way more fun than "oh look I output the fibinacci sequence"

Was finally able to explain to the fiancée conditional statements..a few days later she sends me this

If a= tick, remove with tweezer

else Pepper may get Lyme disease

Pepper is her adorable lab btw! 😊

TIL Python doesn't really give a fuck about semicolons -.-

So after spending the past couple years almost exclusively using C# and Unity I decided to come back* to Python for no real reason except wanting a change of pace.

I almost ripped my hair out backspacing semicolons I kept putting in out of force of habit after having worked in C# for so long

Well guess what... I just learned (purely by accident)... Python couldn't care less. I feel internal conflict if that makes sense.

TBH now I'm randomly putting in semi-colons at the end of some statements just because I can and I want to abuse this freedom ^_^

Yeah yeah it's not very "pythonic" or pretty but screw that

* I started programming in Python back in high-school but switched over to C# + Unity after graduating and pursuing indie-gamedev.

Note: After some searching I realize you can use semicolons to have multiple statements on the same line but I never really needed to do that during my time with Python so I didn't even remember it was even a thing

Didn't realize how much I got used to PHPStorm until I used VS Code for a personal project and got errors from forgetting to manually add my Use statements. :P

Been using linux for 10 months now and finally figured how to write looping statements in terminal itself instead of writing a script for that .. Life just became simpler..

People don't seem to know how to properly do print-debugging, so here's a simple guide:

1. A log of "aaaaaa" or "got here" isn't as helpful as you think when ALL OF THEM ARE THE FUCKING SAME. You put a descriptive label or copy verbatim the conditional statement. This saves time matching statements, allows one to watch multiple branches at once, and allows others to understand and help faster when dragged in to help.
2. When trying to see where code fucks up, before each line, paste said line into a proper print statement for your language. If there's, say, a function call or some shit, have it output something like "functionCall(varA=<varA contents>,varB=<varB contents);" Most normal lines should be like this too, but it's especially helpful for calls and comparisons.
If need be, add return values after if they're not shown in another print statement later.
This allows for a trail of execution AND the line that fucks up will be the last in the log, making finding it easier when dealing with hangs and such.
3. Putting something unique like "DEBUG: " or something in front of all statements ensures you can just search for them to ensure you're not rolling one out to production. It also separates debug output from normal output at a glance, making digging through logs faster.

Create a new, fast, strictly typed programming language with organized project structure, normal package manager, dynamic syntax extensions (that means you can change the syntax of the language if you like!) and (most importantly) if statements which are written like this:
(bananas == 0) -> print 'No bananas!';

During a design meeting, our boss tells me that Vertx's MySQL drivers don't have prepared statements, and that in the past, he's used a library or his own functions to do all the escaping.

"Are you kidding me? Are you insane?"

I insisted that surely he must be wrong; that no one would release a database library without built in support for query arguments. Escaping things by hand is just asinine and a security risk. You should always use the tools in the database drivers, as new security vulnerabilities in SQL drivers can be found and fixed so long as you keep your dependencies up to date.

He told me escaping wasn't as tricky as I made it out to be, that there were some good libraries for it, and insisted Vertx didn't have any built in support for "prepared statements." He also tried to tell us that prepared statements had performance issues.

He searched specifically for "prepared statements" and I was like, "You know they don't have to be called that. They have different names in different frameworks."

Sure enough, a short search and we discovered a function in the Vertx base database classes to allow SQL queries with parameters.

I hate when people call any sort of program that does anything even remotely intelligent looking “AI.” No, there is a very specific distinction between actual artificial intelligence, and a bunch of if-statements.

Historically I've done Java but have recently moved to C# and got the book to do a cert.

Who thought it would be a good idea to start chapter 1 with threads, concurrency, asynchronous calls and PLINQ, then covering boolean expressions, if statements and loops in the section after??

I need a way to explain to a coworker that nesting if statements beyond 3-4 is too much and needs to be re thought out. The dude is the biggest arrow head programmer I’ve ever seen. And he claims nothing is wrong with it, it works.. so what’s the problem.

Since we follow the rule of only one return per function he claims it’s the only way to accomplish the stuff he’s doing.. like if blah function passes... if blah function passss if blah functions passes do this then if blah functions

The if statements arnt just checking some variable conditions.. the conditions are checking returns of functions at each nested level the condition, executes a different function and thus checked for success.

Uggh I just don’t know how to explain to him it’s shit and needs to be re designed

Any ideas??

When you forget to remove print statements before you push... 😐

I really dislike when people don't use braces { } on if/else statements.

If(almond.harvestStatus == undefined) almond.harvestMode=false
almond.dropdown = false.

So I was helping my friend debug her code.
A portion of text was not being displayed. We put log statements everywhere. Cross checked every line of code. We had almost started to lose it.
And then we found out that she had accidentally set the text color to white in the XML layout.
Just another one of those days.

It was my thesis defense and I've made a pretty complex algorithm of sorting out data to their respective tables. One panelist told me that it is not an algorithm but just a collection of for loops and if statements. An algorithm should contain mathematical equations he said. I facepalmed during the course of interrogation.

!rant

Working on a group project, and this is how my group member writes his "if" statements.

Should I change my group?

Lead developer wants to put SQL statements in to records of the database for the code to execute (in Rails). This smells really bad to me, am I over reacting?

Always include import statements. Always. No excuses. I don't care if you can't be arsed to copy-n-paste an extra bit of code.

Nothing worse than trying to learn something new, copy-n-paste a sample code then your wonderfully helpful IDE asks you which of the 8 matching packages you wish to import.

When someone asks me, "where did you get that", I don't simply say, "a shop"!!

If you don't include your imports in answers then I hate you.

The way this if statement is written (across multiple lines) is really weird to me. Anyone here that writes if statements like this?

As an "OOP Programmer" you have one job to do:

Kill all the if statements.

Sometimes with fire.

I just realized one of today's emails is asking to review again that spaghetti program and this time figure out how to optimize performance because it is getting flagged for high cpu and database usage. A Niagra of If-statements and nobody-cares-for-comments-and-technical-documentation.

*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* previous programmer.

I'll deal with this torture on Monday.

I never knew that I was a good mentor at SQL , specially at PL/SQL.

I gave a task to a new member of my team, to fill 5 tables with data from other 15 tables.

I informed him well about data table info and structure. He spended about 3 days to create 25 different queries in order to fill 5 tables.

After I saw the 25 queries, I told him, that he could do it with 1 main query and 5 insert statements.

So I spended 1 hour of training, in order to build,run and explain how to create the best sql statements for this task.

(First 5 minutes)
It was looking so simple at the beginning from starting with 1 simple join, after some steps he lost my actions.

(Rest 55 minutes)
I was explained the sql statements I 've created and how Oracle works.

Now , every time he meets me, he feels so thankful for learning him all those Oracle sql tips in 1 hour.

Now he is working only with big data and he loves the sql.

Just started a new job three weeks ago. I was doing pair programming with another developer that has been there two years; I was assigned an issue and wanted his opinion on it. He implemented a fix that involved multiple complex if statements.

He was surprised after I went ahead and showed him that the variable in question could be used (it was either 0, null, or > 0) like a boolean. I brought it down to 3 lines; a single if statement. Felt like a boss.

Nested nested if statements!!!
😡😡😡😡😡😡

That guy that keeps putting print statements in the code for the rest of us to hunt down instead of using a debugger... If i ever find out who you are, i will go full Liam Neeson on your ass...

You wouldn’t think that finding a home that actually had internet service would be the hardest part of house shopping in 2018...

Satellite internet does not count as internet. Also my statements apply to the US market only. Idk how bad this is in other countries.

Modern cross platform mobile app development is a lie. Maybe if you do Apple first, I don't know. Maybe xamarin is better than Cordova, idk. I've spent more time tweaking to one platform than I would have just starting with a platform and writing two or three code bases. I've got more if iOS statements than I know what to do with and the Windows code is some hacky transpiled mess because UWP isn't ES6 ready for reasons. Also, some error and image handling just doesn't translate. All this and I've got significantly less features than I could have implemented in the same time writing in a native language.

So I am currently figuring out JavaScript, I don't know how to write my _own_ code yet but I know how some statements go. Progress my friends!

Man learning I’m not good at learning new languages, I get to the point where I have the basics of the language ex: Conditional statements, loops, functions, classes, structures, file manipulation, etc but idk what to do after that, is this where I start learning libraries cause I still get the feeling I’m not at that step yet.

Before you ask, yes I know I am heavily over thinking this

When I was first learning Java I forgot to use If statements and made about a 600 systemoutprint lines. Don't be like me

When you go to an architecture meeting and people's statements are so abstract that they could apply to any product on the face of the earth.

Its amazing how many people call themselves programmers yet cannot figure out the usefulness of print/log statements. 🤦‍♂️

I just dealt with a 3 nested "if" statements in SQL. There is no indentation so I am quite frustrated since each "if" spans up to 2-30 lines.

I now understand why Python white space is significant

The more you learn languages like Javascript and Python, the more you realise that while every syntax differs, they're all essentially themes of the same if, else or and, type statements... This leads me to believe that with enough practice, it's possible to shortcut or pick up a new language progressively faster. Or am I just a melon?

Reply to a recruiter today quoting her email:

You will end up with more qualified people if you don't use blatantly fictitious statements like. "While it's not often that I like to email people I don' t know (especially those in different cities!)" You're a recruiter using LinkedIn, the activity of recruiting is partially doing exactly the above.

No interest, have a good day.

I don't really get it why my co-male dev does not like ternary operator as a shorthand operator for if/else statements.

Be me, get a consultant job, go to a supposedly great client that has fame of getting scouted by Google. (attn: I doubted all this shit before I started)

Learn the basics by a awesome mentor and trial/error stuff at the same time to get the hang of things, after that was done, I noticed there was no documentation whatsoever, code is spaghetti and your documentation, good luck!

Royal spaghetti, you can't make heads or tails of it, dev code in production, empty try/catch blocks, empty statements, if (true)... (incl. their core classes)

Keep in mind this is a multi milion dollar company...

Someone please understand my pain...

Starting a project with someone that programs like an idiot on steroids. Like, why are you using 20 switch statements to set a variable instead of of just a single line linear expression. I removed hundreds of lines from one of this ass's files. I've never seen such a complicated mess of garbage.

Me: Alright Derwent, don't fuck up this database update. There's no undo button and no way to import a database backup so you gotta be extra careful or you're going to have to spend hours writing a whole bunch of regular expressions and sql statements to sift through an 11mb database dump and figure out how to restore 59 thousand records to the correct state. Let's practice this transition on a staging server first and make sure we get it right
Me: I got you fam *presses the wrong button*

Send the dev a request for a design before they do a delicate process. They send back some mess done in MSPaint and a ton of select statements, with no context or explanation.

Send back an example of what they need to work through. Get back a response saying that the previous spec was just a draft, and once they complete development they’ll complete the design.

Why would I want a design once it was too late? What would be the point?

I always love getting yelled at by a client about a feature that they “use everyday” and critical to their business is just not working. Go back and look... it appears that it broke a while ago (in this case a couple months).

It’s my fault, but I do start to question other blanket statements they make.

Stackoverflow is full of pedantic cunts who can’t admit they don’t know how to answer your question, I just spent 20 minutes having 4 people tell me because they didn’t have “the full code” they couldn’t help with the problem, despite by the end of me posting more and more (completely unrelated) code they were LITERALLY complaining because I hadn’t added fucking “#include” statements 😑

Anyone else hates this kind of statements:

if ( doSomething() != SUCCESS ) {
//log error
}else {
//continue doing other stuff
}

I simply find that confusing. This is much better:

If ( doSomething == SUCCESS ){
//continue doing other stuff
}else {
//log error
}

Maybe just my opinion.

no one should have given me the knowledge of if/else statements
I feel so powerful

'Google knows everything about you.'
'Facebook records conversations.'
'Personalized ads manipulate you.'

Guess that's why YouTube showed me an ad in Spanish yesterday. Or why I never clicked on an ad. Or why only every 1 in approx. 10 ads is somewhat relevant to me (and thats with me explicitly stating my interests in ad personalization options).

I don't have anything against shielding your privacy. It's your right not to use a product if you don't want to, but I don't see how people can make these statements without providing solid proof.

Just my opinion.

Hate my fucking ‘Logic’ class. Teaching us if, or, and, etc statements and when something is true or false so far. Fair enough, part of logic. But fucking 6 classes on the same topic, isn’t helpful. Especially since it feels like the same shit I learnt myself when I was 13 and a junior in High School.

People are all surprised at it, even the Computer Science majors. This shouldn’t be a shock to you on how these statements work if you’ve coded for a few minutes in the University. You should’ve learnt it in your first programming class.

Ugh, just how I feel about this class. Have to take it to get my degree, otherwise I would’ve dropped it by now >.> Waste of time and money for me.

I hate it when people use like 7 "if" statements instead of like.. 2? And when they do not nest "if"s.
For ex. :
if(condition1 && condition2){
}
if(condition1 && condition3){
}
.....

" But I am writing it out longer to understand better! "

Yet it eventually stays that way with like 50 lines of "if"s..

Textbook definition of insanity is debugging in Spyder

While True:
Do:
#Comment out code
Run
If not BUG:
Comment back in
Else:
Print('Congratulations. You found it. Just kidding. It's not THIS line. It's just the combination of lines')

Does anyone have a suggestion for a good python debugger that allows jumping to statements, etc.?

@apple since I can't move Xcode's instruction pointer without crashing Xcode or my app, I have to use a global with 'if' statements to have optional debugging logic.

if( ! gAppleFuckTards) {
... do optional code stuff
}

and then change the value of gAppleFuckTards with the debugger to execute the code.. but WAIT

Xcode purports to be able to change values via debugger but really cannot... can't change gAppleFuckTards to false in the debugger. But that kinda makes sense as it is an empirical truth.

Thwarted by the cosmos again!

Hello, brilliant minds!

I am participating in a hackathon based on web development and I need to submit potential problem statements for the same. They have some predetermined domains, but I am unable to look for a suitable problem. The domains are:

1. eCommerce
2. eGovernance: Smart City
3. Fitness
4. Social Innovation
5. Tool/Library/Extension for devs
6. Travel
7. Women's safety

I will have 6 hours to code. Please suggest some of your best ideas. Thanks in advance!

Love,
TheSlug

Taking over development of a system from some other guy who just straight up dropped it with zero documentation. The code looks like he wrote it after watching some getting started tutorial. There is no structure. Some methods and statements are just empty. And he spelt 'connection' three different ways in the same file.

God help me...

My worst legacy code experience:

>10k lines of switch case statement with "some" fall through.
Even fall through for 4 or 5 cases.

This monster was copy pasted and modified over years (Order of the case statements and another fall throughs).

So you can't diff this piece of shit for refactorings.

Luckily I leave that company.

Oh! no There is more than 10 level of nesting conditions in if else statements. I can not refactor it but It needs to add more nest there. I will only add switch statements or ternary operator for the deeper nesting conditions.

I just went through a node.js code for ChatBot. The person was excited and said, he can train the bot and AI blah blah. Well, I then just smiled seeing the "Switch Statements" in the code.

That James May "fizzy feeling" down there when you can use Replace Text on 400 lines of rather repetitive If Else statements instead of scrolling through and copy pasting.

Student intern here. My boss recently asked me to replace several if-statements with preprocessor macros.

In Python.

And apparently, he didn‘t joke.

After listening to the deadmau5 plane crash story on h3h3 this exact thought play went on in my mind.

The universe wants to be uniform. Everything is the same, nothing reacts anymore.

Humans like the complete opposite. We like complexity and entropy. We create and we destroy.

But we are part of the universe.
So if you break this down into absolute math statements, they are contradicting.
So are we breaking the equasion?
Or are we part of the equasion?

...Are we the universe's self made antidote to itself?

So I'm on orders for the Marine Corps, and this one guy thinks he's a programmer because he made a "program" in excel for dispatching our equipment. He's complaining that he's just fixing bugs. I take a look at his VBA code and see literally 1000 lines of if statements bundled into one function. (Or I think they're referred to as sub routines in VBA - it's been a while since I worked with it).

I try to give him some tips and pointers since he's literally just manually checking. Each. F'ing. Cell and a million nested if statements. Tried giving tips on making reusable code, and he has the cojones to tell me he knows what he's doing and doesn't need my "help". Granted I'm higher ranking than him and he also answers in a disrespectful manner.

End rant.

So, pissed right now. I spend time writing statements of work, designing the software, and spend a lot of time making sure things are done right. Then have a co-worker that just feels they can half-assed throw some pile of shit together and they have the solution. Then we will just have a meeting on how we are going to use this crap.

A colleague figured he would fix our performance issues by replacing .Count() > 0 statements with .Any()

Perfect idea, except he just did a replace all.

But hey,
var totalCount = items.Any();
Might have its uses.

During my first project in one of the SQLite statements I didn’t realize that it needed single quotes since I was new to it. So I brushed that off but when working on the next function for the program 8 hours were dedicated to debugging to only realize that the error was caused because I forgot the fucking single quotes. FUCK

No your nested if statements dont make an ai the same way logging into a txt is not machine learning

I always thought I suffered from imposter syndrome until I saw what the previous developer on this NodeJS/SailsJS project did.

They put return statements inside of a switch block. He also put in the break statements as well. The return statements were the exact same thing every time it was written.

Fuck shitty JS developers....

Python: I heard you like importing stuff explicitly, so I made sure you had to import every mother-fucking thing you need. Even the things that you obviously need and couldn't possibly do anything without.
What's that? You want more import statements than actual code? Look no further than Python, my friend. At least it scales, amirite?

Is it weird to not put a space between the beginning of my if statements? (i.e. if(true) vs if (true) ) Cuz my boss thinks it's weird enough to "have a talk with me"...

Nested switch statements

Even ask @Tayo

When you wonder why it doesn’t work put print statements all over the code, because you want to find the error, but no print Statement works even if it just should print test...

Fml

TIL: PHP if statements don't have block scope.

I didn't know this, was surprised and thought "well, huh".

One time someone decided to make a "Condition Checking Framework" so you could check conditions at runtime using pre-configured XML files.

...yeah, someone made XML based if statements.

...they were very proud.

...

my instructor forgot to do Cengage shit right again... why me...

Assignment wants me to "go do a thing to sort 3 numbers with if/else statements"

I'm going to use a list and list.sort() as i'm not stupid and these are bad habits to teach...

...or not.

(I know I can put the values into the right vars and then print those but that feels so wrong to me for something that's gonna be printed ONCE. That also doesn't help as it's searching for if/else statements... although it's not searching for a whole one... nor in actual code...)

"Where an expression’s main job is to produce a value, a statement’s job is to produce an effect."

That's the cleanest way of explaining the difference between expressions and statements I've ever seen. Kudos to you, Bob.

craftinginterpreters.com if anyone's interested.

Probably posted this before but don't ever put swear words in log statements because you will miss one and if you're client has a log monitoring system it will catch it, it's fairly embarrassing when your client says "we noticed quite a spike in 'bollocks' around 3am when the reorgs are happening on the database".

Real developers use try-catch instead of if-statements.

So, this has happened to me quite a few times
I write about 100 untested lines of code (I know, bad practice) and then go ahead to test it
As expected, the program crashes
Spend hours debugging, to no avail
And then I add a print statement to check where the code stopped, and hey presto! The code completes execution
I remove the print statement, the code gets stuck

Also, the codes don't use any low level functions that might be interfered by print statements anyhow

Till today, never understood how a print statement helps codes execute properly

More marks for a bubble sort.

For those of you that know the bubble sort you may share my frustration. I built a simple python program that took three integers and sorted them using a series or compound if statements using no built in low and max functions. Someone in my college class did the same thing but used a bubble sort and got higher marks. This angers me, I had to write an algorithim in a language I had barely touched but this person just used old scrappy code and got higher marks. Only a little tease but you get the picture, bubble sort is inefficient.

who cares about semicolon; or NO semicolon.
I end statements with periods in Prolog.

The more I surrond stuff in try{...} statements, and handle with geeky error messages that should actually never happen (e.g. "TransactionId 73545 not find for UserId 10. Look for Interaction 212345 at the logs."), the more I think our Customer Support area will someday need a Customer Support Support area.

So, AI is made using HTML. ha?
It makes sense, because it has many if, else statements

Finished my exam 💪 pretty easy because "programming" meant resolving If statements, language neutral

I had this problem where I needed to make a script that took two values, and from that printed what card was faulty in a pretty large system.

As the script language is horrible, I could not be bothered to manually write over 3000 if-statements I proceeded to write a program that writes code for me, based on a export of all the cards.

There are few things I have experienced in my life that compares to the satisfaction of seeing my own program produce many thousands of lines of code in a few seconds.

Apparently, calling a function recursively for 18572 times isn't a great idea.

And apparently, too many log statements can stop a script.

Otherwise, I am getting a stackoverflow error if I remove log statements.

APIs, APIs, APIs... I feel like building an API for everything which goes over the wire is a must-have today! Yes it makes sense for decoupling purpose, access control etc (all the things we learned from OOP design principle books when we were in school) but come on, REST API for internal database access when there is something like SQL over JDBC/ODBC/WhateverBC ?? So I have to study the REST API documentation for applying simple where-statements but in API manner...

man just please include the using statements in your examples, because i don't know what namespaces i need to use in your dumbass examples

I once found a bug that I couldn't figure out from the code, so I started putting log statements that would print out the variables on screen (yes I have xDebug, but old habits die hard). Then the entire website didn't load anymore and eventually the entire container crashed.

It took me an hour to realize I was trying to var_dump an object from the ORM, resulting in a memory overload since there were like 20 related objects that recursively tried to load all the data in the database.

In my defense, it was friday afternoon...

hey devs, quick question:
does rust support branchless conditionnals and jump tables, and if yes where to look for syntax?

i found no example for branchless so far and jump tables are scary in rust (and i need a library to use them, it seems).

inb4 "why in the hell/ what possible use those have?!":
i use branchless to make a looping array and jump tables whenever there's more than 4 if statements with equal probability, and the deciding factor is a numeric value, so quite often.

Don't you love when there's a teeny tiny little bug in your code that's not very important but you want to get fixed because you're a perfectionist so you start inserting log statements and it magically fixes itself and stays fixed even after removing the log statements? So now you have to live in constant fear that the bug will appear again and you will never be able to fix it.

Abfjancnancnamxhajd fuck this, fuck js, fuck webpack. It was probably a fucking cache issue but who knows, fuck everything.

I'm developing a new (just for fun) programming language and I'm wondering what features I should add next? These features are already implemented:

- Printing text
- Variables
- user-input
- Datatype conversion (String, Int, Float, Bool, List, Dictionary)
- lists/arrays
- dictionaries
- Sorting
- Shuffling
- random numbers & choices
- Math stuff like: log, abs, floor, ceiling, sin, etc...
- Time & Date
- Working with files
- If-else statements
- Ternary operators
- Loops (for & while)
- Functions
- Classes
- Error handling
- Importing libraries & other scripts
- Arrow/callback functions
- Escaping (\)

is there anything you often use missing?

Fuck I forgot to make a database export before I executed delete statements on a production database...

All went fine though. Nothing broke.

When you're doing a math problem at school and you can't solve problems with loops and if statements

Parsing logs to create conditional insert statements cause expert morons fucked up production database cluster.

Database is partially corrupted and cannot be used and they don’t know how to fix it.

The masculine urge to skew a scredriver in the lungs of the very funny colleague who place several random return statements inside their function

"unless" statements with an "else" branch 😒😵 please don't...

So I inherited this buggy application my company developed to process state rosters for health care. The daily process fails often and I haven’t been able to figure out why. Then I notice one little thing... it’s essentially using SQL injection as a method of updating records from a file that we receive from outside... there’s no checking for validity of the statements or making sure they’re safe to execute. Just a for in loop and calling a sp to execute the query text under elevated permissions.

My heart is always heavy when I have to add couple if statements with if statements inside of that if statement. Mans gotta do what mans gotta do

If not understanding code, read the documentation or debug the code. When trying to modify...
1. Follow proper indentation.
2. Don't make spelling mistakes and follow naming convention.
3. Don't try to write all the code in one line (based on line length set)
4. Simplify if else statements if possible.
5. If value of method call need to be used once, don't store it in a variable. Directly use where ever it is needed.
6. If there is duplicated code, put it in separate method and re-use it if possible.

ME:
if
{
//statements
}

HIM:
if {
//statements
}

My tokenizer can how tokenize many statements rather than just a single statement. ^_^ I'll make it open source once I've done a bit more work on it but so far I'm happy.

" Under the hood... the program is using a mix of condition-based learning, procedural generation of sentences/questions, and relational queries based on weighted 'topic' identifiers. It can create its own original statements and questions. It is real-time, and it really does 'think' (an internal dialogue feedback loop)." = If Statement

I saw this in the description for an app aclled "Real AI"

My best friend has been working to learn python and I guess he hasn't see control flow statements.

The problem is we have a girl name "elif" in Turkish and it's his ex's name (+4 yrs, bad ending)

What should I do :D