The honest website ever... 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

What the ...😂

Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

What if...

Dentist: Did you follow the advice I gave you in our last sitting ?
Me: Sure did!
Dentist: Great, let's see!
*Inspects teeth*
Dentist: Your teeth look horrible.
Me: I did exactly what you advised me to do!
Dentist: You brushed your teeth twice a day every day?
Me: Twice???
Dentist: Yes, I told you to brush before bed and in the morning!
Me: That's exactly what I did! Sometimes it was hard to fulfill both conditions at the same time, so I had to brush twice, but I managed to do it on the other days!
Dentist: Fucking programmers.

Guess who refused the the request to return at work after being fired unfairly? After months they understood they're wrong and they need me or just they noticed that no one wants to work in those conditions?

Classes are classist.

Objects are objectifying.

Race conditions are racist.

Foreign keys are xenophobic.

Functions are ableist.

Thin clients are weightist.

Bitmasks perpetuate heteronormativity.

Code beautifiers promote unrealistic beauty expectations.

Test-driven development is victim blaming.

Forced commit pushes are rape.

Motherboards perpetuate gender roles.

And don't get me started on white space.

My friend had the bright idea of making a version of bubble sort that plays a quacking sound effect on every swap. I added in different variations of the same sound effect for various conditions.

We named it "Quacksort," and one of the professors asked us to present it to the intro class.

My career has reached its peak.

Where's my caviar

Why cant all terms and conditions be this short

Today at lunch we were talking about the bathroom conditions. At some point I commented:

"I don't go to the one closest to my office, the WiFi reception is terrible there."

*dead silence*

I can't be the only one, right? (posting this from the bathroom, BTW)

🎶 Fixing production issues 🎶
🎶 Fixing production issues 🎶
🎶 In other people’s code! 🎶

Seriously, how am I still in a good mood when I have to deal with this?

The only time I've not cursed someone while accepting the terms and conditions.

FUCK THIS! FUUUUCKKKKKK THIIIS!... one would be fucking excited and motivated to finish work, but your entire fucking productivity is hanging from the internet connection's dick!!!!.. Fuckin ISP mother fucker! FUCK!... i can't fuckin work under these conditions for fuck's sake! SHIT!

My second job. I've been hired as a research specialist, not a developer, but they found out I could code during the interview.

Boss: hey, so we have our main product line that shares the control panel for all the models, right?
Me: unh, yeah
B: well, we need to know how it works.
M: sorry?
B: yeah, I mean, we should have a manual with all the tech documentation so we know how everything works
M: ...and didn't you handle the tech docs to the developers?
B: uh...no, actually we requests feature to the devs (note: external company) with a phone call, or email...now we need the specs.
Me: omg

...

The other company (which is part of the same group) handles me the source code.
It is a huge, 25k lines of spaghetti written by at least 7 people, one at a time, uncommented.
After a month I produce a 50page doc with how everything works, after actually compiling my resignation letter 3 times.

M: boss, here the docs
B: fine, I'll take a look
15 mins later
B: this is not what we need! You cannot describe those algorithm like this!
( I described the algorithms with their block flow, with a punctual verbal description)
M: umh.. So how do you need it?
B: we need an excel table, with all the entering conditions on the rows and all the exit conditions in columns, and the description of the condition of work in the crossing cells!
M: are you even serious?

A recruiter called today.

A new job proposal. Higher salary, manage some 5 men team, DevOps buzzwords, cool product, great conditions but then she says "and we're working only in Windows environment".

My ears ringed "only in windows env".. "only windows"... "windooowwssss".

"Nope, thanks, have a good day!" - hung up.

Sales manager: Hi all, we are launching a new internal hackathon. Form up a team with the right expertise to help with address the problem statement and get going!

Me: what’s the problem statement?

Sales manager: you have to sign up first. There’s proprietary company info with our plans for next year involved. You have to agree to terms and conditions before continuing. Legal say so.

Me:

*signs up*,
*fills in docU-sign*,
*clicks through 3 other screens*

Ok let’s see this problem statement.

“What new and magical customer experience can you create and launch to win in our markets”

... that’s not a fucking problem statement ... and why the fuck does that require filling out a docu-sign form to see?

I REALLY fucking hate legal / sales people. Wasting everyone’s time.

How I've got my previous job?
Imagine you are in a wild techno club. Dark aisles, A dj from berlin behind the turntables blasting out hard beats, couples kissing on extasy pills.

And there was a friend I've didn't meet in ages. "how do you do?" she asks. "ah... you know i'm on a job hunt for a year i feel misrable". "really? my dad is looking for somebody, send him your resNZNZNZ!" "WHAT? can't hear you!" "Send him your resume!" "Ahhh! okay great!"

So on 24. december 5pm, snow outside, i've sat on wooden table in the kitchen of her father discussing the conditions for the job. It was the start of a crazy time. Dining with millionaires on their Castles. Shaking hands with top businesses leaders. Going to China and having dinner with the 500 richest chinese at once. Wild!

so my advice for you nerds, don't stay in your comfort zone behind the screen on weekends. Vistit a techno club sometimes. You may find a pretty girl/boy with a CEO as a father.

!rant

My ISP just sent me an email:
I have double the bandwidth for the next 6 month while still paying the same as before. No fishy things, no special conditions...

What a time to be alive.

So I just read terms and condition of a website!

Few weeks ago I was having a few beers and messing around with a Minimax AI that could be used for different games as long as you fed it possible moves and win/loose-conditions. Could be used for like Tic Tac Toe on a 5x5 field, connect four etc.

I hadn't got it to work yet as I tried to implement alpha-beta pruning to optimize it. When I was playing against it I thought "Damn you're stupid, why would you even make that move" but still finished the game.

Before I knew it I had fucking lost. It outplayed me like 6 moves before I even knew what was happening.

And that's one of the top coolest feelings I've had as a developer, got destroyed by my own program.

Was working in small startup with great people on new projects, but for very low salary and shitty conditions.

Changed job to big company with nice salary and great conditions, but people are assholes and have to work on legacy stuff mostly.

Guess you can't have everything.

Client: Hi Johny, we finnaly finished design of our eshop. Half of year of hard work. Can you code it in week? We have deadline. :(
I: Sure, i can code in speed of light.
Client: How about money?
I: Tripple of sallary.
Client: What?
I: My sallary also grow in speed of light.

Some clients can not understand they can't throw shits on my head. Take it, hire someone else or stop giving mi impossible conditions.

VP: We're going to have HR join the call.
Me: Okay. *Shrug*
(HR Joins)
VP: I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. I'll need you to return your laptop.
Me: Okay. *Shrug*
VP: ...
HR: ...
HR: Do you want to know why we're letting you go?
Me: Nah. Bye.

After five years of working in terrible conditions for terrible to mediocre people, I accepted losing my job without worry. In a way, I was thankful.

I wanted to quit so many times.

I'm much happier these days.

So... I just switched...
2.9 times the previous basic salary, 1.5 times variable pay, one time stocks (conditions are there) amounting to 91% of my previous fixed pay.

I'm happy.

If you need to learn/teach object orientation, these are my approaches (I hate that classic "car" example):

1) Keep in mind games like Warcraft, Starcraft, Civilization, Age of Empires (yes, I am old school). They are a good example of having classes to use, instantiating objects (creatures) and putting them to work together. As in a real system.

2) Think of your program as an office that has a job to do, or a factory that has something to deliver. Classes are the roles/jobs and objects are the workers/employees. They don't need to be complex, but their purpose must be really (really, really) well defined. Just like in a real office / factory.

3) Even better (or crazier), see your classes and objects as real beings, digital creatures in a abstract world, and yourself as a kind of god, who creates species (define classes) with wisdom. Give life when it is the time for them to come into the world (instantiate object) and kill them when they are done with their mission (dispose an object). Give them behavior, logic, conditions to work with, situations where they take action, and when they don't. Make them kinda "smart". Build them able to make decisions and take actions based on conditions. Give them life. Think on your program as an ecossystem. There must be balance, connection, species must be well defined and creatures must work together to achieve a common objective. Don't just throw code and pray for it to run. Plan it.

-----

When I talk about my classes like they are real beings, and programs as mini-worlds, some people say I am crazy, some others say that's passion.

It is both! @__@

GDPR
Good morning to a world with GDPR.
Did any even read the new terms and conditions?

New "dev" at our company. One of his first questions. "Could an if clause have two conditions?"... /me *facepalm* ... where did my boss find this Person and what did he told him?

Today I get off at 1pm. Because of weather conditions. I swear i love this job.

Gonna pick my baby girl from the daycare at a good time. Head home, get us some hot chocolate and learn more about Smalltalk while mom gets home.

Today is gon b a good day.

Awwww yii

*PM looks at my code
*Deletes my constants, replaces with inline strings
*Changes order of conditions (that I tested)
*Hits save --> autoformats code into shitty looks
*Commits: "fix"

Developers who like to "emphasize" conditions.

Manager: I don’t understand what is so complicated about this feature. Under a certain set of conditions do one thing, under a separate set of conditions do another. It’s just an if else statement! Those take seconds to write!

Dev: The problem is the memory required to calculate the conditions is quite cumbersome

Manager: Well then find a faster way! It’s just an if else!

Dev: …

Secret job interview tomorrow, I've had it with this place and it keeps getting worse. Today they took away the last thing that made it liveable and forced me to have 5 hour longer days for the forseeable future. 3 of them with no extra pay.
I have kids I barely get to see today with longer days I will never see them.
Fuck this, I'm out.

A friend offered me a new job in his company. Therefore I am going to quit my job. I like my current job, but the conditions are shit. Still I like my colleges and my clients. So I feel really bad for quiting.

The Job he offered me is pretty good, well paid and has many benefits for me. I like him and his company and are really excited to work with them. They are expecting big things of me and I'm scared to disappoint them.

Also I haven't told my boss about my plan to quit yet and because we become kind of friends in the time I work for her, it's an difficult talk for me.

😕

Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.

1. My senior told me that my code is crashing.

2. I check the code and told him that it is not my doing. As there was lots of nested if-else as I prefer to keep a variable and update it in if conditions. Like a filters rather than trees with branches. What I say, I knew my coding style.

3. Then he show me my git commit and I am having existential crises.

Am I missing days? How can I? I mean was I abducted and in mean time some alien took my place and they placed this memory of me coding?

Ah! man I think I am possessed by some inexperienced developer. I seriously need some fucked up crash to exorcise him.

Development plus laboratories is kind of my expertise, so I ended up in a little grimey HR office looking out over the factory floor of a cocoa processing facility. I was applying for an automation job, a temp thing for three weeks, updating some ugly scripts which took readings from machines and threw them into excel sheets.

"We don't think a developer like you has enough experience working in an environment like this. Safety and working in sterile conditions is very important to us"

I had sent them my certifications in advance, plus references to the work I did in a biosafety level 3 lab for JnJ and cleanroom work at an aerospace company.

There were fat sweaty guys on sneakers, taking cocoa paste samples right next to the window.

They ended up hiring a friend of mine with zero experience, for minimum wage.

Just be fucking honest, don't waste my time with courtesies and lies. If they had just told me about the low salary indication, I would still have done the work. I was in between jobs anyway, bored, trying to fill up some spare time.

Received a call from client complaining about stupidity of google analytics. He could not get pass Terms and Conditions page. Saying "I agree" button is faded away and can not be clicked.

He just needed to scroll the page down.

What happened to people nowdays?

I have previously seen this in a production code base. The same code base included nested if statements (20+ conditions)...

If (condition == false) {
return false;
} else if (condition == true) {
return true;
}

Loop counter conditions.

10 loops for example in this scenario:

i<=9
OR
i<10

Was arguing with a co-worker all week over this 😂

By looking at our source code, I see what makes a bad programmer. I see "invalid data" in error logs, guess which of the following 3 conditions caused this:

function somefunc() {
if(condition_1) {
throw "invalid data"
}

if(condition_2) {
throw "invalid data"
}

if(condition_3) {
throw "invalid data"
}

return some_response;
}

I may or may not have pushed to production certain intranet code that upon meeting certain and very specific conditions would display the message "penis penis penis c====3"
because I can't for the life of me remember why would I do that.

Whats your point??

I hate conditions and loops without curly brackets

This awesome experience from Apple highly encouraged me to read their 80,000,000 word terms and conditions.

We lo race conditions ve

Patience needed here ...

I install keyloggers just in case* someone asks me to restore their accounts

Me: We should use typescript to enhance our readability and productivity.

Senior dev: No... We don't want to use any other languages except JavaScript.

(A month later)

Too many catch, race conditions and hidden bugs left. 5 hours of debugging

Omg so I've been stuck on this function I'm writing that checks if a certain array value is so many characters long and well, it just wasnt returning false when outside the conditions..

I tried taking it step by step, echoing out every line and it all made sense to me and there were no syntax errors.

Time goes by and inside the configuration file I was testing.. I was changing the value of a DIFFERENT array property than what I was using in my condition. They looked really similar.. fml xD

Tl;DR; version:
French designer, Mexican PSD -> HTML converter, Indian VueJS developer, Spanish project manager and a Taiwanese back-end developer. Application was made like an tower of pizza from bullcrap held by boogers and constantly licked by an orangutang to keep it standing.

Longer version:
We had to take a "half-finished" project from one of our clients, received the code for full-stack project. The css/design was so unbearable that it mostly broke on anything that had higher than 720px wide screen, structure was full of tables/divs and no fucking flexbox/grid... Then the fun part - we saw it's conversion to vueJS - a single fucken App.vue file that had shitton of conditions for pages.... yea, not even multi-component/routed app, just conditions!!!! And then... A back-end (in which I mainly specify myself) - it was made by a developer that had to mainly use Java/C# as their daily driver while all being build on php and Laravel. 0 Fucken laravel functions used, 0 of models, logic and so on.... Most of the page was running on RAW sql queries. Names... Oh my god the function names....
`getTheUsersThatHasAtLeastOneSpaceAssignedToThemByGivenCompanyId(int $id)`
And it held an RAW sql that was coming from a model....

All of this was managed by a random spanish manager who couldn't really understand what our client needed and what he actually wanted so from 100% of the site, only 20% was correct in logic....

And yet, according to the whole "package" (team) - they did everything correctly, saw no issues and our client was ungrateful fucker that refused to pay 10x the amount that we asked in order to completely re-do the application....

Morale: Remote teams are great... As long as all of them can work remote in TEAM.

What if "I Accept" button for Terms & Conditions is disabled for 10 15 mins before proceeding for installing??

While writing a raytracing engine for my university project (a fairly long and complex program in C++), there was a subtle bug that, under very specific conditions, the ray energy calculation would return 0 or NaN, and the corresponding pixel would be slightly dimmer than it should be.

Now you might think that this is a trifling problem, but when it happened to random pixels across the screen at random times it would manifest as noise, and as you might know, people who render stuff Absolutely. Hate. Noise. It wouldn't do. Not acceptable.

So I worked at that thing for three whole days and finally located the bug, a tiny gotcha-type thing in a numerical routine in one corner of the module that handled multiple importance sampling (basically, mixing different sampling strategies).

Frustrating, exhausting, and easily the most gruelling bug hunt I've ever done. Utterly worth it when I fixed it. And what's even better, I found and squashed two other bugs I hadn't even noticed, lol

WHAT THE FUCK.
I have to deal with a fucking bug that crashes my app only when I'm NOT looking for it.
I investigate another bug? Then BAM, here it is and crashes the app. And I have to start over again find the right conditions to not trigger it again.
I investigate that bug? Nope, everything runs as smooth as velvet.

It's like a Heisenbug, but the cat is dead in the box AND pissing all over the lab at the same time.

ajax hell/dom hell
do you know it? no dont talk abut the callback hell.

i fcking hate it when i load any modern site, and it needs a few seconds to calc some stuff, xhr this, calc that, dom/css visible that. at all it takes more time specially if you on low end to mid equipmemt.

And then you think its finally loaded, you want to click or tab something and then another xhr was Finished, dom/css changed, and the button i was about to Click moved and i click something else.

friends of me hates this to.

so please dear webdevs, stop try to be cool and fancy just because you found out how "cool" conditions in css and dom is. stop using that bullshit angular (and so on) bullshit if you cant manage to pull out a html at start that will not changr its layout all the time after being loaded, ty.

today I saw conditions in the gov office.

their fucking web app from ancient time depended on IE browser.

And
We were expecting productivity from them.
=_=

If-else conditions is like:

I found this while browsing the web. Have fun :p

I just thougt what could we do so the people start reading the terms and conditions. Finaly I have the solution we have to ask questions about the terms they just read. 😂

You returned from your five-day vacation you spent in the mountains. You’re exhausted, but you feel awesome. After all, you climbed Mount Hood all alone, all by yourself.

As phones die in freezing conditions, you took pictures with your camera, that amazing views from the mountain peak, and everything on your way there.

You connect your camera to your PC. You open the pictures folder and realize the photos you took are gone. Instead, there are just five pictures.

Pictures of you. Sleeping in your tent.

I hate such sites. Such developers will be condemned to live with a 128Kbps dial-up connection forever. Assholes.

I left my country (France) because of the working conditions that are absolutely terrific in software engineering.

Basically, 80% of the time you will be hired by agencies which rent you in a dishonest way to other companies. Half of the later use the agencies services because they are scared by the work code, which is tough but fair, and the other half can’t hire because the agencies put a lot of money to get the engineers and make money by renting employees.
Most of the companies you will work in in France will have outdated stack, and an awful bureaucratic hierarchy.
Your boss will suspect you do nothing.
There is also an untold competition taking place in every companies : who will stay the longer in the office, sometimes taking place until 8pm.

I moved to the UK, the country is absolutely awful, but the working conditions for engineers are a way better, more realistic.

How amazon works:
while(workers.conditions.bad){
money++;
companysucess++;
}

I agree to the fucking terms! 😂👌

I fucked up.

In my career, colleagues always looked up to me to solve everything. From day 1.
Hell, I have nicknames; « The Dad », « Machine », « The Beard »... when I meet a new group of devs at the bar they use those nicknames even if I have no clue who they are.

Result? I'm not allowed to fail and even if I do and try to take responsibility, no one ever blame me.

They see me as a fucking zen programming monk, all wise, patient and kind.

Oh boy here we go. I screw things up all the time and can never let go the guilt since I'm not allowed to take responsibility of my mistakes.

Once again I wake up after a night of stress working, trying to overcome analysis paralysis. I'm late. Supposed to have meetings with some fucking PHDs, fueling my imposter syndrome.

Can't even learn anything in those conditions.

Fuck they should call me the fraud.

What do computers and air conditions have in common?

!rant

My colleague saw this code of mine and said it is annoying conditions are not on the same line, since it is a shared project I can't go "that's my style!"

What do you think should I convince him why we need to follow this approach (at least it can be easily read rather than reading a screen wide line)

Manager : I wish to upload an excel sheet from my browser, and based on *some conditions*, could you please highlight the cells with incorrect values.

Me: And then download the new edited sheet with highlighted cells, right?

Manager: No just change the file that I have on my desktop. So I can repeat whenever I need, with the same file.

Me: :/

I've spent so much time writing terms and conditions, I'm tempted to list it as a feature of my app

A fellow mate I graduated with recently asked me to help him with his interview sample coding questions. Basically he had to write a function to test different conditions using Java. I wrote the function, pushed it to git and asked him to go check it out. He told me afterwards that, my function was wrong..lol, really? (BTW, I tested it and it produced the results the company wanted)

I asked him to send me his code and all he did was write a "main", created an instant variable and passed it in a switch statement. Mind you, the test condition was big that, switch statement was the worse to use...

I told him to do whatever he wants but he should remember that the question wants a damn function given a certain input. Didn't hear from him again...then later asked me to help him with a SQL question...hah, I didn't even bother looking at the question.

I hate hearing "this should be a quick one" from the client. Especially when your code base is a fucking legacy with no documentations, no testing, and a multisite that shares the same classes where functions has some crazy if conditions just to satisfy each site's requirements.

Today I found this jewel in a PR of a respected dev of my workplace:
if(conditions)
{
return true;
}
else
{
return false;
}

Dear companies..

There is a fucking difference between:
-pattern recognition
-machine learning

And
- artificial INTELLIGENCE....

Learning from experience is NOT THE SAME as being able to make conclusions out of unknown conditions and figuring out new stuff without any input.

One would assume that "view conditions and accept" shows the fucking conditions and then lets you accept them if you want to. No. By clicking this button I automatically accepted it, and then got them shown for me. Which meant that I had to pay a fucking fee, because the conditions said so. That would be fair if I had seen the fucking conditions before accepting them. Fuck off everybody, I don't have time for dealing with this, I was sick the other day and now I have to work extra hard while still recovering to make up for it and now I have to deal with your crappy support just because you can't design a fucking ui? Whats wrong with you!!!

!Rant

The barman asks what the first one wants, two race conditions walk into a bar.

> phone has OEM unlock disabled
> phone is vulnerable to like 300 race conditions
> reboot phone, get to menu as fast as possible
> sure enough, what do you fucking know, option is unblocked for a split second if I get to and open the dev settings perfectly
> manage to pull it off again
> SETTING STAYS ON AFTER REBOOTING we have ourselves a winner

it's never this easy, i have yet to check if it has a key or not, will keep you posted, but if this all works this will have been the most retardedly-simple unauthorized bootloader unlock ever

So recently I needed to make a little Tic-tac-toe game with Node.JS for an university project. I previously learned Java and C# so Javascript as a non-compiled, script based language was something new for me.

Now during the programming process I reached the point where I needed to implement a function to change the player who's playing.

I was testing the game and... It seemed like the player was changed twice so it immediately switched back to the previous player.

Using a lot of console.log's I finally stumbled upon the error... (since Javascript or at least Visual Studio Code, I honestly don't know, doesn't have any kind of debugger or something).

Why the fuck does js allow to make allocations in if conditions?

I accidentally wrote one '=' instead of three '==='.

No error, no warning... Nothing.

Since then js and me are not friends anymore.

So I'm at that age of arranged marriage process. It's kinda like dating but even more complicated with more if conditions on religion, caste, region, age and impressions of a third person who may be a mutual relative or acquaintance. And yeah, you have to engage or marry before any kind of intimacy.

Finding a girl of same religion, caste and region is hard enough, ( not a matter for me personally, but it's a factor for families to go along ). I was lucky enough to find this pretty nice girl that seems be the best match I have received in the matrimony site so far.

She's also a programmer which is awesome and together we could also explore the earth as a Digital Nomad if she's also into that.

Here's the deal though, my father is not very keen on next steps in making this partnership ( guys parent calling girls family to know things better ) because apparently she did higher education abroad and works abroad, and I'm not that qualified in terms of education. And on top of that, he worries I'll move abroad leaving everything back at home.

I suppose that's his insecurity showing up.

He doesn't realize working in IT is the most flexible job as proved in 2020 and it's only going to get better in the coming years. We could work from anywhere with the right remote company.

Anyhow, the girl's family found out my number and reached out to me directly. I'm pretty impressed honestly.

I had left little traces on the internet for potential families to find more info about me if they choose to look me up! This was in a way a little filter of my own. Thanks to Google Analytics and Seach Console for helping me to track them XD

I just hope this works out and my father won't mess up my chance for me to get to know this girl better and potentially be with the life partner I dreamed of.

If this won't work out, I'm just gonna live alone rest of my life. The criterias and conditions set by boomers for arranged marriage are very disgusting for my modern mindset.

!dev (?)

Ughhh
I hate fucking school books,
My students get their books from the school, they got a 2014 edition, I got them from my employer, I got the 2019 edition.

"How different could they be?"
Totally different, the chapters are in a different order(Who learns classes before loops and conditions???) everything is different. "Okay", you might say, "surely it's just just a few pages prior or later right?"
No!
"So open your books on page 69(lol)" *Starts explaining*
Students: *Look confused* "ehm, Soldier? Are you sure that's the right page? I don't see the table"
Me: "Lemme check I'm not wrong" *Looks at the book* "Yeah, page 69, you see the table at the bottom?"
Student: "No?" *Shows me book*
Me: "Wait, that's not what I have, can you show me the book?"
*Looks at book, it's a completely different subject and chapter*
*Goes to ToC, finds the place where the table is*
It's on page fucking 98, this happens for a few more times.
"Okay forget the book, I guess I'l just draw everything on the board for now."

Fuck you book publishers or whoever is responsible for this cashgrab of planned obsolescence.

An hour of developer time: $50

An HDMI to USB-C dongle: $30

Only being issuing each developer 1 dongle and not letting them have an extra under any conditions because that would be "wasteful": The Process

There are some things in life that don't make you homicidal for everything else there's management.

When scammers want to follow GDPR regulations - the worst SCAM ever 🤦‍♂️

Long story:
I have just received a SMS message, informing me that my phone number is in several marketing databases. It also had a link to the website called stop-sms.pl, where you're supposed to be able to unsubscribe from those lists. At this moment I felt a little bit confused - the SMS seemed suspicious, but on the other hand who doesn't want to get rid of all this SMS crap. So I carefully followed the link to see the website with a form to fill with personal data - phone number included 😆 If that is not enough to realize that this is just a lame scam website, just below the input where you enter the phone number there are Terms and Conditions where it directly states that: "By filling the form you agree that your personal data (name, email, phone number) will be used for marketing purposes." - WTF?!

Who the f... gets fooled by such crap?! 😂😂😂

I've been working as a programmer for 16 years now, and would say I'm not inexperienced, so it's frustrating to feel like a noob after months at a new company when they have poor internal documentation, hundreds of repos with default readme, pretty much no use of docker, sub standard equipment and use their own weird software for deployment. It's hard to meet expectations under these conditions.

I need a way to explain to a coworker that nesting if statements beyond 3-4 is too much and needs to be re thought out. The dude is the biggest arrow head programmer I’ve ever seen. And he claims nothing is wrong with it, it works.. so what’s the problem.

Since we follow the rule of only one return per function he claims it’s the only way to accomplish the stuff he’s doing.. like if blah function passes... if blah function passss if blah functions passes do this then if blah functions

The if statements arnt just checking some variable conditions.. the conditions are checking returns of functions at each nested level the condition, executes a different function and thus checked for success.

Uggh I just don’t know how to explain to him it’s shit and needs to be re designed

Any ideas??

Sorry mom, you made the statement! 😂😚

A colleague of mine who doesn't know how to write simple conditions and sends button code from backend in loosely coupled design.

Worst of all she doesn't wants to get updated to the latest programming structure and no signs of learning on how to write clean code!

You are a developer and you will only log time you're actually working. This means you will not be logging time spent in meetings, chasing for specs, requirement clarifications and similar. You must log 8 hours each day.

^^-- wtf?!? Is anyone else working in similar conditions?

Watching all the StarWars for the first time (to fill in the gaps in my cultural knowledge).

I think Yoda may have had some syncronization issues -- some race conditions in his speech I noticed have.

I have had it with this wack-ass code, with its spaghetti-looking call tree, nonsensical variable naming, comments a screen-height long and as clear as mud mixed with diarrhea, conditions incomprehensible enough to make kafka depressed, and condtions nested deeper than a goddamn ant colony.

In fact, it has more levels of indentation than one of those stupid iceberg memes - the top is pretty and barely afloat while the rest of it is a fat mess all the way down that only serves to sink your motherfucking hopes and dreams.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hey, our air conditions are not free, so you really need to buy something else we charge you for the amount of air you have inhaled while sitting down.

What's a good password manager for Linux?

A few (optional) conditions (in order of preference):
1. It's free
2. It supports ssh, gpg, etc.
3. It has a GUI (a nice one with gtk/qt support)
4. It's (properly) secure
5. It has FIDO U2FA support (i.e. supports physical security keys like Yubikey or Solo)
6. It has a browser extension
7. It's compatible/non-conflicting with gnome-keyring

When you have to made a little game with javascript, and because it's your first game you made a beautiful maze with lot of wall.

Ahahah... i'm shit.
I forgot wall have collision.

I'm here now, with 40 different fuckin' walls and much if and else if conditions.

I hate me.

Yeah i know, I can just change my maze but no... I'm lazy. Cry against the collisions is better.

Have good day.

If AI can create an email address, register to instagram, post a photo randomly based on AI feeling or conditions, then reply a comment. I will follow that account.

When you are asked to test the whole website and you found a pop-up so deep after a series of conditions that it show a video of Homer Simpsons doing the ice bucket challenge

The “if” statement works the same in every* language, so if you can code in one language, you can code in most of them.

*Terms and conditions apply.

Dear X. There's an obvious error with the way you're merging arrays; instead of conditionally adding items to the existing array, each condition overrides any items added by the previous conditions, which is clearly not the desired behaviour. I'd love to add a test to illustrate this behaviour, but you're not using them. I'd also love to create a simple pull request, but for some fucking reason you're using the worst possible version control system so I can't do that. I've submitted a support ticket along with all the code needed to fix this silly mistake, but apparently you either don't understand 2 lines of your own fucking code, or you didn't even bother looking at it before posting a shitty generic reply about "needing more information". There is no such thing as more information. There are two IFs, and they are supposed to add items to the array, not override any previous items. It's written in your own comments, and it's pretty obvious from the way the rest of the function merges those items.

Also, use a fucking linter, your code is a mess.

I've been watching some documentaries about the Tech industry lately and after just finishing "Terms and Conditions May Apply" I feel deeply disturbed by the simply massive scale of surveillance that is deployed by the tech giants. I don't think this is something that we should all just let slide.

never could code in cold conditions

I just saw a woman downloading a program only to refuse the terms and conditions given then she's asking for help😕

I just used booking.com and good fucking god is the whole website a shit infested hell hole. They use scammiest and pushiest techniques to make you book a place asap without giving you space to breathe and read details.

They try to obfuscate what's actually necessary with what they want to take from you. For example just before reserving a room there's a checkbox that's close enough to words "terms and conditions" and "privacy policy" for unsuspecting user to habitually check it to proceed. However, you clicking "reserve" is considered your consent and that checkbox simply adds your email to their spamming list.

There are countless examples of absolute asshole design within every inch of that place and I don't even want to imagine what they do with my data.

Suffice to say this was the first and last time I will use their services and if I were to give any advice, is "don't be the dick responsible for website/app/service similar to booking.com"

Yesterday we were four developers working together on a bug. What do you call it? Quad programming?

Anyway, we solved it!

What's with JSON conditional evaluation?
How is it a good thing to add conditions to JSON?

Next in line:
Open vacancy: Full stack JSON developer

Focus on projects, not tests.

If you want people to be able to code, judge them by their ability to code.

Plus that way your graduates have a portfolio as opposed to a grade list that says nothing about their usefulness in the market.

If you must do tests, at least mimic real world conditions:

- Digital, no paper
- Internet allowed (have rules on copying SO if you must)
- BYOD, let people work in their customised environment

Some time ago at work, I verified a system design by running the whole thing in my head, bombarding it with various fault conditions in all phases in order to check whether I had forgotten anything. I had my eyes closed, and my PC was not even switched on. Right in that moment, the boss of my department came in.
He: what are you doing?
Me, without opening the eyes: thinking.
He: don't you want to code?
Me, eyes still closed: no.
He: (leaving)

Writing a full interpreter for a pseudo-assembly language.

It's kinda fun but the things a bit of a cunt of a problem because I only did this once before almost a decade and a half ago.

getting just the right format and deciding on the syntax is a slog. Just need something thats quick and sufficiently expressive because I'm not writing the assembly myself, I'm generating the assembly code that runs through the interpreter, so it has to be valid under a lot of conditions.

My Programming Ambition.
To empower aspiring programming entrepreneurs with the idea that they can use their highly coveted skills to achieve whatever ambitions they have. To show them why they don't have to settle for the industry standard right now, which is low pay, poor conditions, hyper competition and lack of appreciation. To help them understand that with what they know, they can literally create any career that they want.

HAHA FUCK YOU HR RECRUITER!!
This fucking lady tries to steal my devs while i spent a lot of blood sweat and tears raising them.
Thankfully my devs are happy with their work type, salary, and conditions. So they showed me a screenshot of her phishing attempts.

There is so much damage I can do to her, and her company as i got all the information, its very tempting.

Since its a "common" dirty and distasteful move, the most sensible course of action I can think of is public shaming. That too is common, dirty and distasteful. But im not that kind of guy.

What do you guys think, should i suck it in and let it slide or public shame her for her actions?

my professor expects a full copyright documentation as well as pre post return and other conditions on top of every function in our entire project and she gave us a week to do it. Note that this is in rails. Please help me.

Shout out to the storm that left me with a spotty internet connection since the weekend... Fuck this...

Also shout out to my ISP who can still get this fixed within the week despite the weather conditions in this whole country...

And now, even public transit is down and I can't ride to work with my damn bike because of the fucking weather... Some construction job that fucked things up... Well, shout out to that guy too for smoking Crack or whatever on the job. 😠

Fuck, if this day gets any worse I will probably end up in the hospital, jail or the morgue.

My new favourite license

# The "You Can't Have It" License (YCHI)

**Version 1.0, October 2024**

**Copyright Me. All rights reserved.**

## 1. Definitions

**1.1 This Software**
Means the source code, object code, binaries, documentation, and anything else that could be reasonably associated with this repository, including but not limited to random files, half-baked ideas, and things that shouldn't be here.

**1.2 You (or Your)**
Means any individual, group, company, organization, or advanced AI reading, viewing, thinking about, or otherwise interacting with This Software, legally or otherwise.

**1.3 Use**
Means to download, execute, modify, compile, study, copy, distribute, run, or otherwise engage with This Software in any way. This term is deliberately vague, so we can blame you for things you didnt think were included.

**1.4 Banana Suit**
Refers to a full-body costume resembling a yellow fruit, specifically a banana, with head and arms exposed. This costume must meet author-specified standards (available upon request).

**1.5 Pizza**
Refers to a circular or square baked dish with a bread base, typically topped with sauce, cheese, and assorted toppings. **Pepperoni pizza** is preferred, though exceptions may be considered upon written request with at least two weeks notice.

**1.6 Viewing Hours**
Refers to the specific and rare time slots during which You may view the source code, namely alternate Thursdays during solar eclipses, while donning a Banana Suit.

---

## 2. Terms and Conditions for Use, Distribution, and Modification

**2.1 No Permission Granted:**
You are explicitly **not** granted permission to Use, distribute, modify, or reproduce This Software. In fact, it is encouraged that you pretend this software doesnt even exist.

**2.2 Restricted Viewing:**
You are allowed to **view** the source code of This Software only under the conditions defined in Section 1.6 ("Viewing Hours"). Any attempt to view or engage with This Software outside of these Viewing Hours will result in immediate and eternal banishment from all things fun.

**2.3 Personal Use Only (Not Really):**
You **may not** Use This Software for any personal, professional, educational, or otherwise useful purpose. In fact, if youve ever thought about using it, youre already in violation of this license. Apologize immediately.

**2.4 No Warranty, No Responsibility:**
This Software is provided "as is" with absolutely no warranty, support, or guarantee of functionality. If it breaks, you get to keep both pieces. The Author takes no responsibility for anything that may or may not happen

Indians may get this 😅

Oh! no There is more than 10 level of nesting conditions in if else statements. I can not refactor it but It needs to add more nest there. I will only add switch statements or ternary operator for the deeper nesting conditions.

Now's the last minute at current company. Very mixed feelings about leaving. Working with the people there was such an amazing experience and the working conditions there were amazing. But I decided to move on because the pay was absolutely shit and the work itself was like making me feel burnt out. Its not like that I'm overworked. Its like no challange and my own expertise is not valued at all. Everything I work on is constantly held back by every minute thing so that I finish it months later than actually planned. I feel kinda bittersweet. And finishing off with a blast kinda makes it even worse to leave. As for the last day before christmas there is a big happy hour with a lot of free food and alcohol. Talking to all the ppl I've worked with over the years makes me wish it would not be like this. I already miss them. Its like having to say goodbye to a good friend. I guess I'll stop. It will only make it worse.

The ability to automate my day, create my own apps and modify open source ones to fit with my conditions :)

One time someone decided to make a "Condition Checking Framework" so you could check conditions at runtime using pre-configured XML files.

...yeah, someone made XML based if statements.

...they were very proud.

...

Whole day was a debug session with several hundred lines of code and tons of if else conditions.

Found the bug.
Time to go home.
I am done. 🤕

Today I learned/remember about something I haven't touched in years...

Multithreading and race conditions.

Took me an hour to finally get those locks and numbers to correct/decreasing in order...

Before I got like 73 5 times in a row...

Pet peeve: the claim that static typing prevents errors.

Today I worked on a C# project that's a mess of nulls, side-effects, inferences, and race conditions. Then I went back to a JS project that's twice the size but written in a clean, well-tested, FP style and currently has fewer than 10 issues logged.

Look, I get that there are upsides to static typing, and I'm open to introducing typescript or flow for our JS code.

I just can't stand the faux-concern from the static typing dingleberries when they are the ones who produce these horrendous lumps of unmaintainable shit, and the JS/Python/Ruby/etc people are over here quietly reinventing functional programming and code modularity.

string action = day == "Monday" ? "Go to work" : "Friday" ? "Netflix & chill" : "Saturday" ? "Sleep all day" : "Sunday" ? "Get ready again for Monday" : "Code from 9-5";

I wrote nested ternary operators before and I swear I'd only use shorter conditions like the one below. 😳

string action = isTired == true ? "Get some sleep" : "Drink more coffee";

Look, a nice puzzle. Solve it and win great prizes!

1. _________ (7 letters) - A C++ output stream class commonly used to send output to the console.
2. _________ (3 letters) - A past tense verb, often used in logging or indicating a completed task.
3. _________ (3 letters) - A negation commonly used in boolean logic or programming conditions.
4. _________ (6 letters) - A command or function that removes an object, file, or memory allocation in programming.
5. _________ (7 letters) - In object-oriented programming, a term referring to an instance acting upon itself.

Your tech will power off forever after two years of warranty is over. You agreed to that, it was in terms and conditions.

Out of days off since I got sick earlier this month, so have to work from today to friday.
Well, "work" is a big term for someone who's currently paid to finish his website in the company's office :D
There's almost no one here. The company chat is showing 9 people online out of 150. Everything is quite, the 3 other guys in my office are talking quietly, I could sleep without troubles in such conditions.

I'll definitely bring my Nintendo Switch tomorrow, though.

I was told a few times how Musk was a bit of a super villain. And while yes he kind a fits the batman rule of super villain， the ones i‘d trust less are the quieter ones.

Yes Jeff Besos is actually the real super villain. He speaks less， working conditions seem quite draconian and more importantly， you have to be an asshole on yhe business world and he is one of the best.

aagh fuck college subjects. over my last 4 years and 7 sems in college, i must have said this many times : fuck college subjects. But Later i realize that if not anything, they are useful in government/private exams and interviews.

But Human computer Interaction? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SUBJECT???
This has a human in it, a comp in it, and interaction in it: sounds like a cool subject to gain some robotics/ai designing info. But its syllabus, and the info available on the net , is worse than that weird alienoid hentai porn you watched one night( I know you did).

Like, here is a para from the research paper am reading, try to figure out even if its english is correct or not:
============================
Looking back over the history of HCI publications, we can see how our community has broadened intellectually from its original roots in engineering research and, later, cognitive science. The official title of
the central conference in HCI is “Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems” even though we usually call it “CHI”. Human factors for interaction originated in the desire to evaluate whether pilots
could make error-free use of the increasingly complex control systems of their planes under normal conditions and under conditions of stress. It was, in origin, a-theoretic and entirely pragmatic. The conference and field still reflects these roots not only in its name but also in the occasional use of simple performance metrics.

However, as Grudin (2005) documents, CHI is more dominated by a second wave brought by the cognitive revolution. HCI adopted its own amalgam of cognitive science ideas centrally captured in Card, Moran & Newell (1983), oriented around the idea that human information processing is deeply analogous to computational signal processing, and that the primary computer-human interaction task is enabling communication between the machine and the person. This cognitive-revolution-influenced approach to humans and technology is what we usually think of when we refer to the HCI field, and particularly that represented at the CHI conference. As we will argue below, this central idea has deeply informed the ways our field conceives of design and evaluation.

The value of the space opened up by these two paradigms is undeniable. Yet one consequence of the dominance of these two paradigms is the difficulty of addressing the phenomena that these paradigms mark as marginal.

=============================

A colleague of mine was assigned to do a manual testing of application. It involved testing application in no-network / offline conditions.
While doing this he disconnected the virtual ethernet of Remote desktop thus crashing the VM forever....

Dear Elon Musk, send him to Mars right away.

ah udemy updating their "terms and conditions" on how they do revenue sharing... either the corp or the creator is going to get fucked... can you guess which one?

and no i don't want to read a dumbass letter from your dumbass CEO to find out how your going to fuck me... shame that your org has to hide it that way

just give me the brass tax you robber barons

If my eyes aren't hurting from endless hours of debugging or coding, I'll read a book. If they are sore, I'll listen to music. In both conditions, a coffee is needed too.

Thought : God the Programmer

Life is huge bunch of programming code written by God. Where the flow of control depends on how you resolve conditions.

Flask people
so I was given this old flask project, around 3k lines written in py2, the code is simply old and not refactored. So, it's pile of shit. Migrations completely botched as the original author created reference to live data in models.
Very strict line formatting resulting in backslashed ternary conditions.
Even saw manually formatted json responses... _line by line_.

My job is to clean this mess and eventually do as much as possible to freshen the whole project.
Currently just refucktoring the code as it's the only easy thing to do out of everything that could be done (it's still slow process).

Any tricks and tips? currently considering to try upgrading it to py3 but it feels like throwing gunpowder into already burning house.

Why insomnia, why. And the worst part is tomorrow I’ll be falling asleep at my desk in broad daylight, regardless of the conditions. Right now I can’t sleep because the moon is a little bright and I’m thinking about work. But tomorrow, when it is time to
Think of work, I will be unable and I’ll just pass out.

So are there WhatsApp users who now also would want to migrate after the new terms & conditions to something like Signal, but know that nobody in their contacts will probably migrate as well?
I hate it that you're basically forced to stay on WhatsApp because everybody (at least for me) is using it and 90% of the users probably don't care.
Im gonna try and see whether or not I can 50/50 them, but I'm scared that WhatsApp is simply too big to have people transition... Using it as a safer sms app is quite useless because well, it's basic sms and nobody in my direct contact circles uses texts (neither do I want to do that tbh).

*Developing new program for flight crew on a plane.
*Using 5 days to prepare a "test flight" to see if the program is working in real life conditions.
*Flight takes of on a 5 hour trip.
*Tablet does not work.

Really liked the 3rd choice

Creating a way to manage an arbitrary number of SQL conditions in C# has to be the most frustrating thing I've done.

Too many conditions in my brain not allowing me to code a single line.

2b || !2b
That is the question.

As a developer there is one thing that I hate above all things in this industry and thats doing terms & conditions pages -.- smh.

1. Commented code instead of actually cleaning it up.
2. Returning default return variables instead of rewriting obsolete code. (Generally if/else conditions with return). So instead of removing the if/else statements i return default value(null or empty objects). This is when the case of if/else will never arise.

Almost at the end of every day i say that im going to quit this company because of this lot of shit and me not being able to work with those conditions .. The day after i just go to work in the morning and say it's going to be fine ...
I feel like this is killing me .. Am i the only one with this situation ?

!rant

You know, I sort of hope that open-plan offices become illegal after this Corona crisis.

We all know most companies don't give a flying fuck about the productivity, opinion or wellbeing of their "lowly work force". OTOH maybe, just maybe, do politicians care about lowering the risk of such a pandemic repeating. Pass some laws for reasonable working conditions already!

Don't refractor for fun!

An anecdote from my previous company. A developer had written a shitty java console app for fetching stock prices. About 3000 LOC. just one java GOD class. So, when me and my friend looked at it, we were amazed how that code works with all that if conditions spanning 100LOC. so. My dear friend underestimated the complexity. Since it just fetches stock price and puts in database right. I can write it in few days and much better one. So, he started writing code in an OO way. Three days later I see he still working on it. Having a glimpse at code. The app is now Object oriented shitty and ugly.

Guess what new code never goes in prod too.

Learning
Don't underestimate complexity of app.
Be empathic about fellow developer. Don't think he has written a shitty code. Think why he had to do so.
Don't work on refractors if there is no one to guide you.

What are the Terms and Conditions for marketing on DevRant?

My pet peeve with LinkedIn: messages from recruiters on another continent offering me a job because I live in the same country as the job offer. Just because the Netherlands are a small country doesn't mean I will take any job anywhere in the country! Open Google Maps and check the driving distance, then you'll find that the job is 150km away from where I live, and it would take me 90 minutes to get there in good conditions, not to mention rush-hour traffic! Thanks but no thanks!

Our office setup sucks.

Wherever I sit, there's always a (non-dimmable) window right in front of me, or right behind me.

If it's in front of me, I squint the entire day and my eyes hurt. If it's behind me, I look into the glare the entire day and then my eyes hurt.

I feel demoralized because of it.

I've even turned on light theme again to mitigate this. Blasphemy 😥

To the Irish devs here, any experience with employers in Galway or Cork?
Most jobs are in Dublin or Midlands but every now and then something nice pops up.

I really wanna move to the west or south in the next 1-2 years but I’m worried about the job market there.

Of course the salary will be lower than in Dublin but I’d assume it’s still very well paid for local conditions?

Dublin is just too international for me, I like the quieter, more traditional counties better..

Don’t hate me for that dubs😉

Got a chance to work again on a Spring project after a few years of working with JavaSE.
All these horrible memories started rushing back. SpringJPA and its dark magic that only works unintuitively and under very certain conditions...

Ooooh boi. Now I remember. I remember it all.

Why do developers enjoy being squeezed into frameworks and enjoy spending half of a day figuring out how to make the application code compatible with the said framework rather than just writing code that they have full control over...? Masochists much?

I found out that apache had built-in support ( via a module - mod_md ) for automatic TLS certificate management with Let's Encrypt since October 2017.

Bloody Hell! Why didn't I hear of this sooner?

So, I ran off into my cloud to set up this so-called ManagedDomain ( mod_md ).

Found the module in the package repositories, installed it and started testing it out.
I started writing IfModule conditions under mod_ssl so that I wouldn't have to overwrite my existing TLS configurations ( which was already issued by Let's Encrypt via certbot, by the way ).

After a whole night of twisting and turning with the configurations, it turns out that the module in the package repositories were built for ACMEv1 and that API has been dead for as long as the module has been around.

I had noticed that the module was 'experimental', but I still hoped that they had the packaged the module.

Finally, I cozied back up with certbot. At least, until this so-called mod_md becomes stable and mainstream.
I hope certbot doesn't make a fuss. I'm sure, it got offended that I was trying to cheat it with mod_md.

Did any body ever applied to a job at SO jobs? The conditions looks really good but it looks like they are only for senior dev or sharp profile on some extinct technologie.. did it ever work for any of you guys?

Having more experience in programming means there are just more "if conditions" in your brain.

For every good offer, there's an equal Terms and Conditions applying

!rant

Yes!!!! My AI has been born tonight...He may not "compete" yet but the foundation and concept is written and sound...now to just fill in the conditions and variables and he's going to be kicking player's butts in no time!

Best choice: not going into game development. Bad payment for horrible working conditions.

Worst choice: telling numbers as first party in the interview process for every job I had so far. Made me earn far under my market value.

I'm trying to convert a legacy .NET Framework web api to .NET Core, the project and its supporting libraries are in awful conditions and to make things worse at a certain point someone has the genius idea of introducing Uncle Bob's "Clean" Architecture into a part of it so stuff which could simply look like this

public string doStuff(string input){
// Do the stuff
return output;
}

becomes a convoluted mess like this

public class StuffDoerRequest {
public string Input{get;set;}
}

public class StuffDoerResponse {
public string Output{get;set;}
}

public interface IStuffDoer {
public StuffDoerResponse Execute(StuffDoerRequest request);
}

public class StuffDoer {
public StuffDoerResponse Execute(StuffDoerRequest request) {
// Do the stuff
return new StuffDoerResponse() {
Output = actualFuckingOutput;
}
}
}

Edit: sorry for the lack of indentation, apparently DevRant trims leading whitespace

Why "remote-first" companies, have now all as a policy the "twice a year" gatherings? If i wanted to leave my place and break my routine, i would prefer hybrid positions. Do i have to travel over the sea to balance the gained commute time all at once? Cant they think, that the fact that i apply for remote position, means that i have my reasons? (weirdo life, having a garden and animals, having family, take care of some person with health conditions, having my self health conditions, being weirdo again, living in nature etc)

Process forking, signal handling, socket communication and race conditions. If I smoked I would have gone through a carton today.

Yesterday I was struggling with a chunk of code with 4 foreaches that form a 4x nested array based on different conditions that was written not by mex and today i decided to find and replace the variables as a single item to compare to the result that it spits out. So much easier to understand! Yesterday I was questioning life

One of my colleague ask me to review other team's code. I saw the code. It's terrible. Importing data from text file based on line break count and 52 'if else's conditions in one function and overall 173 'if else' conditions in one controller class. Fuck after seeing that code, I realize people in my project is more better than others. Thank God.

when CTO says we need to start writing exactly how long we worked on specific project and explain what exactly we did in that time.

I don't wanna keep track of my every minute spent..

I did not sign up for this sh!t...

**Yoda conditions**
(also called Yoda notation) is a programming style where the two parts of an expression are reversed from the typical order in a conditional statement.

Flexible working conditions e.g. office/remote/freelance/consulting

“20” twenty static code if conditions...
if() {} else if(){} else if(....
with static code contains the different names of some users... and he still thinking that it the best way to do it!!!!

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.

No one said that standing for something can have u feeling so conflicted.

Currently 'striking' because I haven't been paid for the month of January. Haven't been to work and haven't done any work (except support requests from a client we work with)

I have recently been pretty adamant about my conditions at work but I do feel a little unreasonable as the reason they can't seem to pay me seems to be some issue with the bank. However on the other hand I do not appreciate that I have not been contacted or informed about how the situation is being dealt with since Monday.

Am I being unreasonable?? Or have I been in a bad situation for so long that it seems wrong to call it out??

It took me an entire week to install Android Studio pressing retry a hundred times because of how crappy our internet is at work.

How do they expect us to work in these conditions! Some days it works alright, most days it's like pulling teeth.

Just finished another run. First time running in proper Nike running shoes. Before that I ran in Adidas training shoes that was designed for the gym, not outdoors.

The easiest run I’ve ever done. Same distance, same everything, even the same heart rate, but it feels like a walk in the park. I didn’t even feel thirsty.

It probably means that conditions of the exact moment your foot touches the ground somehow makes a huge difference in energy required to run. I knew that but I didn’t knew how huge its role was.

Git Merge 1 of branch to master: COMPLETE
Git Merge 2 of branch to master: (code change on branch, no change to master, exactly the same conditions, command, and procedure as before) FAILED - CONFLICT

Guess I’ll just die?

Are you content with your job or always searching for greener pastures?

I'm split inbetween. Current pay is very decent and working conditions are flexible. However, the work itself is not always that great. I find it to be comedically true how "hard workers" don't get promoted or bonuses, they get more work. There has recently been a heavy influx of what I'd like to classify as "shit tickets" since a guy who was the main "shit ticket doer" left the company after being burnt out.

I work with a small-ish digital agency as a BE dev, so I'm mostly dealing with small to medium scale projects built with WordPress/WooCommerce, with often custom API/ERP integrations on top. I'm not a big fan of the stack as a developer but as a contractor I can understand the business reasons why it is used. Part of me wants to find something else, part of me thinks I'm looking for a perfect company that doesn't exist and I should lower my expectations -- I might find better work for sure, but with the same pay and conditions? It seems unlikely at the moment. The company was recently acquired, so I'm hopeful for the future.

Job Offer Letters Be Like:

Page 1: "We are pleased to offer you the position…"
Page 2-10: “Terms, conditions, policies, and consequences if you even think about breathing wrong.”
Page 11: "Sign below if you’re still alive."

Having an argument about "empty" function in php.
someone told me that we shouldn't use this function because this is deprecated and doesn't work on php 5.3.
He has this opinion because once we took a site live and there few conditions broke. And they were like this " if ( empty($this->input->post())"
While I was trying to tell basically it wasn't empty fault I used it wrong, because the docs says nor its deprecated neither it'll break if we just use variables in it and not functions.
Argument ends up in "not getting any reply" :/

Had a lab for class that asked for something super simple in Java. All you had to do was submit your source code when it was done, go through some test conditions, and if it passed you were free to go. I finished the work in 10 minutes, yet spent the next 40 trying in vain to submit it. The work was fine, I knew it was right, but no matter what I changed, the damn thing wouldn't accept my work. After countless attempts and changes, getting the professor herself over there looking at it, I finally figured it out.

I was submitting the class file by mistake.

Some errors are harder than others, I guess.

Spent almost a month writing real time sync between two platforms for client. Changed it n times to fit their custom conditions. They tested it for real time sync.
Now suddenly their requirement is to have scheduled sync and it is "As we discussed in the beginning".

Spent 3 weeks getting brainf#@ked by c++ templates and SFINAE trying to "compile-in" the conditions. Later got to know performance was not required this time. FML!

Always use explicit parentheses.
Nothing like an OR swallowing the majority of your conditions to get you to make sure they're grouped properly with parentheses.

Not a rant but a question/style.

What do you prefer and why?:

if(condition)

vs

if (condition == true)

and

if (!condition)

vs

if (condition == false)

vs

if (condition != true)

Mine was quite recent. I discovered that there's no real pre-existing way to create an SQL statement in C# when the number of targeted columns and the number of conditions is not predefined, so I custom built a reusable class that I now keep in my collection of tidbits.

Of course, someone here is going to tell me that there is something already.

Do you think you have to go to school for that? No no no. Some definition from a book won't help you, nor a person who haven't seen the real code for some time.

Sit and write. Anything! Still nothing? Printf("Hello World"); make conditions, think big, break the shit out of it and you'll learn along the way.

And do backups of git on remote. Two at least!

What happens and why

At some arbitrary future point, when things progress further into the realm of unreasonable demands from software engineers as a "regular day at the office", a huge inquiry into the working conditions and hours of devs will take place, and a major rethink into how software projects are handled as a whole, because the current methodologies, mixed with unshifting deadlines, clients and other worldly bullshit is unsustainable given the current industry climate.