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Teacher: Homework for next time is to make 2 web pages with three javascript.
* whole class is quiet *
Me: What's "three JavaScript"
T: undefined
M: Do you mean three files?
T: No, I mean three JavaScript.
M: Okay, so let's go with five CSS and twelve HTML as well then...
Please, go somewhere else when you can't explain your OWN HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. Holy fuck.16 -
I've always find it weird when people said "You never know how much you love something until it gone"
Until i broke my keyboard's Left CTRL.11 -
Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?
Me: (int)4.5;
Gf: Ffs the proper way!
Me: Math.Round(4.5);
Gf: Fuck off.12 -
Me: *Has 3 difficult exams to study for and hours of work*
Also me: I should try my hand at encryption in Python.7 -
it's funny, how doing something for ages but technically kinda the wrong way, makes you hate that thing with a fucking passion.
In my case I am talking about documentation.
At my study, it was required to write documentation for every project, which is actually quite logical. But, although I am find with some documentation/project and architecture design, they went to the fucking limit with this shit.
Just an example of what we had to write every time again (YES FOR EVERY MOTHERFUCKING PROJECT) and how many pages it would approximately cost (of custom content, yes we all had templates):
Phase 1 - Application design (before doing any programming at all):
- PvA (general plan for how to do the project, from who was participating to the way of reporting to your clients and so on - pages: 7-10.
- Functional design, well, the application design in an understandeable way. We were also required to design interfaces. (Yes, I am a backender, can only grasp the basics of GIMP and don't care about doing frontend) - pages: 20-30.
- Technical design (including DB scheme, class diagrams and so fucking on), it explains it mostly I think so - pages: 20-40.
Phase 2 - 'Writing' the application
- Well, writing the application of course.
- Test Plan (so yeah no actual fucking cases yet, just how you fucking plan to test it, what tools you need and so on. Needed? Yes. but not as redicilous as this) - pages: 7-10.
- Test cases: as many functions (read, every button click etc is a 'function') as you have - pages: one excel sheet, usually at least about 20 test cases.
Phase 3 - Application Implementation
- Implementation plan, describes what resources will be needed and so on (yes, I actually had to write down 'keyboard' a few times, like what the actual motherfucking fuck) - pages: 7-10.
- Acceptation test plan, (the plan and the actual tests so two files of which one is an excel/libreoffice calc file) - pages: 7-10.
- Implementation evalutation, well, an evaluation. Usually about 7-10 FUCKING pages long as well (!?!?!?!)
Phase 4 - Maintaining/managing of the application
- Management/maintainence document - well, every FUCKING rule. Usually 10-20 pages.
- SLA (Service Level Agreement) - 20-30 pages.
- Content Management Plan - explains itself, same as above so 20-30 pages (yes, what the fuck).
- Archiving Document, aka, how are you going to archive shit. - pages: 10-15.
I am still can't grasp why they were surprised that students lost all motivation after realizing they'd have to spend about 1-2 weeks BEFORE being allowed to write a single line of code!
Calculation (which takes the worst case scenario aka the most pages possible mostly) comes to about 230 pages. Keep in mind that some pages will be screenshots etc as well but a lot are full-text.
Yes, I understand that documentation is needed but in the way we had to do it, sorry but that's just not how you motivate students to work for their study!
Hell, students who wrote the entire project in one night which worked perfectly with even easter eggs and so on sometimes even got bad grades BECAUSE THEIR DOCUMENTATION WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
For comparison, at my last internship I had to write documentation for the REST API I was writing. Three pages, providing enough for the person who had to, to work with it! YES THREE PAGES FOR THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING PROJECT.
This is why I FUCKING HATE the word 'documentation'.36 -
Assembly...
Do I really need to say more? Okay, it's low level so there is no abstraction. All you deal with is cold naked mathematical truth and physical limitations.
It's still ❤️8 -
I get serious anxiety when someone is doing something on a computer and I know that the way they are doing it is the slowest way possible.8
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Him: everything is hackable, you know
Me: oh well, enlighten me with an example.
Him: well take for example whatsapp, which was bought by facebook, so if Facebook is hackable, then why not WhatsApp
Me: ok, so tell me how do you hack Facebook ?
Him: just like how you hack WhatsApp.
Me: *digs in the Bosch toolkit to find and drilling machine* How about I drill some knowledge into you? *evil jack nicholson (the shining) smile*4 -
- implement feature
- manager suggests a different way to do it
- manager's version adds bug
- get blamed
- manager makes you implement feature the way you originally did it
..... -
!rant I think I may have a way smaller head than the pattern I was using seemed to assume. 😅
(Or my stitches got messed up along the way. Either is possible.)
5 -
Windows 10: if there is a way to condensate all the shit of the world into a single Operating System, Microsoft has it found that way for sure.
10 -
When you advise coworkers to do something one way because you know better but they do it their way anyway so this is you when shit hits the fan.
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Paraphrased conversation I saw in a space forum:
dude1: Our galaxy is moving toward a large cluster of galaxies and we don't know why.
dude2: Could it be gravity?
dude1: No gravity isn't strong enough for the distances involved.
dude3: Those galaxies are sexy as fuck. Our galaxy wants to hit that.
dude4: Is our galaxy old enough for a cluster fuck? -
Continuing someone's project mid way be like doctor performing operation, leaving it mid way and other doctor trying to continue. May the god bless the patient.1
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Finishing off an all nighter the best way I know how (well most practical because the best way isn't entirely possible lol).
11 -
Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?
A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:
"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"
GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!11 -
PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.
5 Minutes later:
*Receives email*
*checks email*
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!
Another reason on why I hate humans -_-1 -
I am a woman with multiple years of experience in the coding industry , while in most of my jobs I have been the only woman in the team and I do agree there is a need for more women in the coding industry , however I really do believe workshops like shecodes are an absolute scam , the inclusiveness to bridge the gender divide in tech needs to start from the employers , all resources to learn to code are completely gender neutral and unbiased. I also find it quite hypocritical that shecodes was founded by a man and is taught by a man . Can anyone please shine some different opinions about this or does anyone else believe a similar thing ?32
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Some honest to God declarations are in place here! Hope no new js frameworks get added before this rant is seen.
5 -
The never ending struggle between my need to do things the right way and the way client wants them3
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!rant !!questionTime
So I’m currently looking as a side project to build a web based game using canvas / webgl possibly, I don’t really want to take up iOS/Android dev to do this.
This is a new field for me being mostly a ecommerce guy rather then game dev, so I was wondering if anyone out there knows off a good starting point and decent frameworks to get me going.
I came across
http://phaser.io/
and it seems at a surface level semi suitable.
I’m not looking at doing anything overly complex, basically drag drop functionality for the interaction to navigate a sprite around mazes at a top-down level with I guess collision detection for when you turn the wrong way.9 -
That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉
3 -
Recently, my CS teacher proudly bragged about how, to this day, no pupil has ever had WiFi Access to the school network (only teachers have access).
What a naive teacher he is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)5 -
I started thinking and worrying about numbers much more than before
in the US, you write numbers like this:
1,000.00
in Germany usually like this:
1.000,00
and in programming languages like this:
1000.00
now i wonder how to type a number, whenever i have to use german software
should i use the US way, the german way or the dev way? the wrong one could possibly break it11 -
"The only way to make the deadline - the only way to go fast - is to keep the code as clean as possible at all times."
Uncle Bob
Spread the word.1 -
Dude, publish your damn dataset with your damn ML study!!!! I'm not even asking for your Godforsaken model!
😡😡🗡️🗡️⚔️🔫🔫🏹🔨4 -
Coding style influence:
Me: Did it work?
-looks like it worked-
Me: THIS IS THE WAY!
Someone else: Yeah but that -
Me: THIS IS THE WAY!1 -
here's one for ya: we devlop, use and sell a crm with extensive project managment, task assignemt and time tracking modules in it.
It is the main income ofbthe company.
Yet somehow we're still required to send an email with status update at the end of the week.
FFS i don't remember what i did on monday and all the 100 micro tasks that jumped in between.
That will take me an hour to gather the info and write an email that software automaticaly sends out everyday to PM anyway. :((1 -
So a server goes down and being the only person who can recover it, I get started, whilst doing this the boys sits right next to me (6 inches) and starts asking what caused the problem instead of letting me get on and fix it, then complains the outage was too long.
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Fucking hell with React Naive! Spent all day making a screen and that bitch looked messed up on Android but working as intended on iOS!
I fucking hate that shit hybrid shit apps!5 -
No matter how many stackOverflow threads you study or how many resources you have, experience is really what makes a very good developer3
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There's a classic joke about how programmers check both ways on a one way street because users are so stupid.
Well I took a walk on my break and literally 30 seconds from the door to my building someone was going the wrong way on a one way street.
Does art imitate life, or does life imitate art?7 -
endor's first magical adventures with PostgreSQL
"Alright, got the docker image up and running, and I'm connected to the db, both from console and from Datagrip! Cool, let's get started with the tutorial!"
*cue montage of me using Datagrip to create my first schema, then the first table, then insert a bunch of data to try things out*
"Cool, now let's see if I can view my data from the console"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]
"*Ahem*, I said:"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [cricket noises]
"Wut, why can't I see the data that I inserted? Wtf is going on?"
*30 minutes later*
"Alright, I have no idea what's going on, so let's try inserting the data from console and see if Datagrip can see it"
db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
ERROR: syntax error at or near "SELECT"
LINE 2: SELECT
^
"Wait, what?"
db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
INSERT 0 2
"Wtf? Haaang on... "
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1;
id | name | field2 | field3
----+------+--------+--------
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
(4 rows)
*eye twitches*4 -
Honestly?
No way.
No matter what you give up for your family and friends.
It's never enough.
"You're always tired"
"You're not interested enough in my/our stuff"
"No wonder you won't proceed with your carrier, when you act like that"
C'mooooooon!
Give me a chance to build up a regular life.
Most Ppl = Egotistical piles of crap.
Sorry for this dark rant :/2 -
Developer: we are going o have to do it this way because it's the only way I can get it to work.
Other developer: what are you on about that's a easy thing to do you should not be doing it that way you idiot are you thick or something! do it this way the correct blah blah way, "let me show you moron (says out loud to everyone in the office) to show how superior and awesome they are"......
Two hours later, "yes we will have to do it your way in the end, my way doesn't work"
I fucking told you that 2 hours ago. Some people just don't believe lol #timewasted1 -
Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"
-_-' -
Guys, a company's HR mailed me for a position that requires strong experience of ">3 years in Python with C or C++".
Does it mean Python and C/C++?
Or do they need someone who is using C/C++ to write Python?
I have some experience with adding Python support to C++ code. Does it count? 😁8 -
I hate Eclipse.
I have the Student membership for a year but I can't use IntelliJ for my project because I HAVE to use Eclipse.
I'm around 80% - 90% done with my project, so I guess I won't have to deal with it much longer.3 -
When people use one character variable names in their code I'm just like:
How do you guys live like this... 😰1 -
Here's an idea: starting my own botfarm to automatically downvote obnoxious adbots that simply won't stop tickling our collective fucking testicle sax with unrequited love stories and crypto bullshit.
To detect the sheeit, just look for idiot giving contact info in a rant about hacking the device of your unfaithful spouse/treacherous cyber girlfriend who also ran a bitcoin scam and fucked you in the ass with a welding torch. That should do the trick, I can give you that power with a perl script, because fuck you that's why.
But since there is no moderation in this bitch, daring to offer me sufficient knowledge to the inner workings of such a construct would be exceptionally perilous to your asshole. That is to say, nothing could then stop me from redirecting said botfarm to target my enemies and anally assault their every rant and comment.
Indubitably, this would in turn quickly spiral into digital warfare of cyberfeudal lords pitting their automated fake accounts against each other. Millions will die. Upside being hexical gets to pull the plug without guilt.
What do you say? Should we begin the apocalypse?18 -
Being made redundant from my first dev job this morning.
Might as well make it a positive thing though! I've now got time for a few side projects and open source contributions!1 -
If a lot of people are programming something a certain way, should a person also program it the same way?3
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Awkward, but the only possible way.
Either I didnt figure it out or shame at Apple, this is not a good way to handle this.
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When you set your Windows machine up the right way, but the ONE time you actually need IE for testing and you realise...
Your past self is way too good for you...
3 -
!rant, story
Wonder if I’m alone on this:
I have habits.
Always use the same cup, with very same amount of coffee grounds. Same four presses with the same fingers on the coffee machine.
Same way I place the cups in my desk. Same way I carry my notebook, same way I dry my hands. Same exact spot I place my card on the rfid reader. Use same elevator, same locker. God.
You name it, I do it on my own particular way.
Thing is, that I think about it. I do it consciously. I am just happier if things stay the way they are. It not just muscle memory thing.
Not judging here, just wonder if there’s people who can relate as much 🧐7 -
I hate it when framework doesn't behave the way it should (or I didn't code it the way it's meant to), though in example it works the way it should.1
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Learn the hard way:
Episode 1:
Struggled 4 hours building my package. Some dependent package was failing build. Tried everything and atlast, contacted that package developer. He checked and said: "It seems it's broken. You can use v1.1 instead."
Lesson learnt: Sometimes, it's better to ask instead of banging your head and debugging things out. -
Think I finally figured out a clean way to get the data I need out of the system. The data format has it's origins in what was practical for computers in the 1960s. TGIF - I'll enjoy believing I've solved it all the way until monday.
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Excel plus CSV into word with mail merge into outlook to send.
Lovely integration.
I wanted to do it the hard way.
Postgresql database + python script.
I have no idea what I'm doing, but isn't that the best way to learn?1 -
The "just do it" mentality that comes with tight time constraints.
It's been way, WAY too long since the last time I just sat down and thought about design with patience and well-intentioned dedication. -
Lately, all I see is ppl postings gifs instead of ranting...
So, choose a team:
Team Hard G
Or
Team Soft G5 -
Goddammit Google, SWIPE to automate an email response? I AM NOT A COG IN YOUR MACHINATIONS.
I am human! Flesh and blood! You reduce me to some variable in your algorithm and you ignore the very nuance that separates me from your cold unfeeling advertising factory.1 -
I was thinking about the problems one of our clients faced with the launch of their project the other day, because things were rushed, stuff was omitted and in the end they could not meet the launch date, and I started making a list of hard lessons I learned over the years that would have helped them avoid this situation.
Feel free to add yours in the comments.
- Never deploy on Friday
- Never make infrastructure changes right before a launch
- Always have backups. Always!
- Version control is never optional
- A missed deadline is better than a failed launch
- If everything is urgent, nothing is important
- Fast and cheap, cheap and quality, quality and fast. Only one pair at a time can be achieved
- Never rush the start or the end of a project
- Stability is always better that speed
- Make technical decisions based on the needs of the project two years from now
- Code like you will be the only maintainor of the project two years from now. You probably will...
- Always test before you deploy
- You can never have too many backups (see above)
- Code without documentation is a tool without instructions
- Free or famous does not necessarily mean useful or good
- If you need multiple sentences to explain a method, you should probably refactor
- If your logic is checked beforehand, writing the code becomes way easier
- Never assume you understand a request the first time around. Always follow up and confirm
There are many more that should be on this list, but this is what came to mind now.2 -
When developers see everything the way it could be rather than the way it is - sort of on a slant. Opens up lots of opportunities.
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## Learning k8s
Sooo yeah, 2 days have been wasted only because I did not reset my cluster correctly the first time. Prolly some iptables rules were left that prevented me from using DNS. Nothing worked...
2 fucking days..
2 FUCKING DAYS!!! F!!!11 -
You explain something exactly. Write extra documentation and even do tutorials and videos for the approach.
And then others come along and think they want to do it completely different. And only because the colleague before them has already done so. -
What to do when you want to strangle a coworker, but he is probably just trying to do his job, the way he thinks , is the right way to do it ?3
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What's the best way to ask my IT manager for a first year review? What's the best way to approach it from a junior position where I feel I'm being underpaid and overworked?3
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Throw out or minimize paper tests and teach primarily through projects and the tools and libraries that are actually used.
You can still do the theory, there’s merit to it, but I wish I’d had more experience in my classes with the things employers are actually looking for. -
"We are a very solid development team. Come, young programming Padawan, and we will show you the Way..."
Oops, sorry, I was daydreaming. -
When agile is everywhere (including toilets). Do you want me to poop in agile way? 💩💩
What can be the agile way of shitting?
2 -
started by writing a perl script to crawl a website. The problem with that, is the fact ot affected the way I program. And not in a g/ood/i way.
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Fuck my integration tests. They fail everytime in another way. Every computer restart other gremlins get into the machine and fuck up the tests another way. I've got no fuckin idea where to even start....2
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!rant "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
I'm learning Java/Android Development with the Udacity Nanodegree (hey we all gotta start somewhere). Got to one project that was intended just to demonstrate use of basic form elements in a static quiz. Predicted time was about 20m I think.
Three days, much hair pulling, and many SO pages later I've built a little app that displays any number and type of question, dynamically generating the views.
I may do things the hard way, but I learn a heck of a lot more for doing so. -
A guy who thought the only way to access data was through a relational data base and the only way to access a data base from java was JPA
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Work to clients specs, sign off the job. Three months later they email asking why things are the way they are.. because they asked for it that way!
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Oh for fucks sake! Why so we have threading when we synchronize EVERYTHING with a singleton... and when I actually show you that even unthreaded spaghetti code runs 40% faster under real life conditions than your shit you just brush it of because I'm still at university and don't know what I'm talking about... And not because changing it would require money or time we don't have... no, just because I “lack the necessary experience with such things.“
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I don't know why I always take the hard way when I have an easy way to do something and when I failed then I doubt myself.1
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So best way for me to learn is copy paste from the documentation, then fuck everything up and then clean the mess 😌 Seriously works way better than tutorials 😂3
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Praised be the developer/customer! 6 hours listening to him how HIS WAY is the ONLY way to write clean and reusable code! And teaching us how to write HIS way!
No matter how it ignores normal conventions, his way will ALWAYS be the better one! And to everybody who codes otherwise... we call them WRONG!!!!!
Anything you would like to change? NO! We will write it the way "WE thought it before" (I think he meant "HE thought" and impose into us... but... well, I guess I'll have to endure...)
It is the first meeting for this project, and I already want to jump off of a bridge :)2 -
Oops, it seems I am ”in the flow” already.... dreamt about the right way to write functions to fix a bug. Wake up to ”functions” in mind in a romantic way 🌚
-
Nugget starting tomorrow. Full of energy and hope... I'm not sure whether to treat her the way Picard treated Wesley, or the way Sergeant Hartman treated Pyle...
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Fingers -- what are you doing? You don't need the extra typing practice. Just use copy+paste already!
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The only way I’ll be happy is if every politician’s house is destroyed by a tomahawk missle💣
The only way I’ll be happy is if I live in forest with unlimited Percocets💊
The only way I’ll be happy is if I bathed in a river of chocolate pistachios and wintergreen zyns🍫
The only way I’ll be happy is if Sid the IT guy posts a pic of his Lucious titties😩
The only way I’ll be happy is if I go inside of bill murray freaky Friday style👴🏻
The only way I’ll be happy is if I think God is actually real🙏
The only way I’ll be happy is if I get to wear the skin of my favorite celebrity 😍
The only way I’ll be happy is if I hold hands with Morena Baccarin as I watch the world literally go up in a gigantic fireball 🇺🇸
The only way I’ll be happy is if I take acid and 5 Benadryls and take in my live action horror film that is my life 🎥
The only way I’ll be happy is if I take gas station dick pills and huff gasoline and start as many fights as possible 🤺
Share on bible.com if you agree 😔3 -
Is there any way to sort an array in such a way that picking 3 numbers a,b,c randomly from the array and performing a cyclic right shift then place them back in the array??10
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