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"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.
Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy17 -
It was between me and another guy.
I fucking won!
I GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!
I'll be a junior Linux Support Engineer in a week or so!
OMG OMG YAYAYAYAYAY97 -
This shit is real.
Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.22 -
*In a team meeting*
Me: *happily jotting down notes in markdown*
Other guy: "Dude what are you doing? Pay attention."
Me: "Umm... I'm taking notes?"
Other guy: "But why does your MS Word have black background?"
Me (a bit lost): "Umm... That's not Word. That's my text editor."
Other guy: "Alright... But how do you convert your notes into Word then?"
Me: "... I don't."
Other guy: *stares at me*
Me: * stare back*
It was a nice conversation.12 -
Ranted about this guy yesterday (who didn't get that we weren't hosting his server).
Today my colleague picked up the phone and was like "yo, I've got this guy on the phone asking for you *explains who it is*"
Me: Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE. FUCKING FINE, PUT HIM THROUGH 😡
Guy: hey! I just wanted to let you know that the issue has been solved, it was not on your end.
Although I know I'm not required to do this, I want to apologize personally for the behavior of my it guy. It wasn't okay and if you got any stress or whatsoever due to him, again, my sincerest apologies! I've had a talk with him, it won't happen again. Have a great weekend!
Glad those kinda people still exist!13 -
Conversation today...
Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"
Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."
Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."
Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"
Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"
Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."
Guy: "But you said it was easy."
Well fuck you...12 -
There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.
Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.
In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.
I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.
Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦♂️
I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.
He left class with a priceless look on his face.14 -
Rule 34 ½: For every programming problem, there is already related XKCD, StackOverflow question and indian guy explaining it on YouTube. <3
23 -
This one guy wanted a website to sell illegal drugs or something. Oh and he only offered $20 for it. Obviously I didn't take it.
There was another guy who wanted a calculator in Python. I'm not sure why, but I think he was a student who wanted someone to do his homework. He offered $250 so I took it. Once it was done, he didn't pay and blocked me.
I quit freelancing about two months ago or something since I was sick of it. Most clients are disrespectful.20 -
This made my day.
This really makes me wanna go back on Twitter just to follow the guy who posted it.
3 -
Is it just me, or does this emoticon look like a guy giving some serious middle fingers with Michael Jackson gloves?
10 -
Guy: I don't understand how people could actually learn or work as programmers.. It's so boring.
Me: have you ever programmed before?
Guy: yes
Me: what language?
Guy: matlab
I punched him in the face and kicked him in the balls. Actually just I thought about it. Maybe 3 hours later.17 -
Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh
I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking11 -
The website i made has been hacked today.
Stored in their server.
They didnt give me an access for it.
The user account in the cms i used for updating content while building the website was revoked when the website is completed.
Now they ask me for the latest backup.
I have no backup because how the hell i do a backup when i got no access to the cpanel.
The only backup is the zip file for initial uploading into their server and the contents were added after the website is on their server.
That goddamn IT guy who wont give me any access for “securty sake” is calling me furiously asking for the backup and how to set up the stuffs from the beginning.
I thought he was the one who know his shit but i was wrong.
Fuck me?
No.
Fuck you.
But i still responding to him telling him step by step how to do shit with some swearing and sarcasm.
ALWAYS BACKUP YOUR SHITS, MATE7 -
FOR FUCK SAKE...
The same fucking guy that said Java and JavaScript is the same thing tried inserting RAM into the PCIe slot twice! It doesn't even look like it will fit at first sight.8 -
Pc wouldn't boot. Went to the service center.
The guy at the shop : what's the problem?
Me : pc won't boot, just starts beeping
The guy : I see. It could be a hardware or a software problem.
Me : (trying to keep a straight face) oh?
Him : oh yes... It's always either a software or a hardware problem.
Me : thanks I guess?9 -
Me when I go the IT guy for the 7th time, asking for yet another software installation, because I can't install my own stuff on work laptops.
5 -
im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.17 -
I once had a co-worker (QA guy) who had the worst smelling breath of anyone's I ever smelled. He was a nice guy but it was kind of weird/irritating how bad it smelled. One day someone confronted him about it, and he said that it was garlic since he apparently constantly chewed on garlic. I guess it was just some odd habit and he didn't care he was grossing everyone out haha.11
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Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN
IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS
Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.
IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.
Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!16 -
Good guy @dfox,
When he sees a good rant without upvotes, he upvotes it.
We need more like @dfox.
Be like @dfox :)12 -
Seen on a lottery commercial:
Guy 1: That can't be right check it again.
Guy 2: Computers can't be wrong, they're programmed that way!2 -
To the guy who said that java is the best programming language. Sorry if it has been posted before.
13 -
Dammit, I can't even describe how much I hate when I'm researching to fix a problem, find a forum/question and the guy answering it makes a post saying "Forget about it, solved it" but doesn't say how.3
-
Saw a video of an interview on Cloud Computing...
That genius guy says: "Cloud computing is highly risky. Because if it rains, all the data will be lost."4 -
Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.
"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"
Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.19 -
I sometimes look at the code of the guy who had my job before me and I think.
Delete it.
Delete it all.
Delete it with fire.
Use the developer as kindling so it never happens again.9 -
This little guy came and went in between my arm and my belly. He must be having a rough day. Just kinda glad I can make it better :)
5 -
Other guy: Hello! I need your help! I don't have my password for my gmail ! Help!
Me: Okay, ... (proceed to guide him where to recover the passwords), Now enter you email in.
Other guy: Well i don't remember it either, Help me get my email.
Me: ...
Fml7 -
I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.
I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.
When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.
Sweet, sweet malice.4 -
In few hours I was with client showing his website after long time coding and designing.
Client: I think this is it, here your final $$
Me: Me thanks sir and bye
A guy came in.
Client: Oh! Wait, this guy is our it expert let see if he have any advise.
Me: Oops! Okay
Guy: So this website will showcase our products
Me: Yes,
Guy: What about security because I just got news that Russian hacked one big company.
Me: I don’t think Russian have time to hack your one page website
Out of the door...3 -
This happened just a few meters of me.
IT Guy: What happened sir?
IT Manager: WTF does the variable a4g646g54a6g54a65g654ag546a654g56a?
~awkward silence~
Still curious.2 -
*girl in office call IT guy*
Girl: my computer isn't working
Guy: what happened?
Girl: screen is blank.. nothing on it
Guy: ok... I'll replace the monitor (starts unplugging)
Girl: wait.. wait.... I didn't took backup yet..
Guy: *face plam*6 -
Fighting an IT guy is lot like fighting a pig in mud. After some time you realise pig likes the mud.
-
Dude, stop trying to cram your crappy open source library into all our projects. No-one uses it, it's buggy as hell, and even if it did work properly, it adds virtually zero advantages.
Seriously, if you Google this library, the results are: a blog post this guy has written about it saying it's awesome, the same guy answering people's questions on Reddit by saying that all their problems would be solved by using his library, and someone else raising an issue saying it doesn't work 🤦♀️5 -
Guy: We should build a Blockchain based review website.
Me: Why does it have to use a Blockchain?
Guy: That way we can verify that only real people are leaving reviews and not bots.
Me: That's not really how Blockchains work.
Guy: Blockchain!5 -
So my girlfriend decided to surprise me with this cake... I'm happy with it but I feel violated as I'm PHP guy not .NET
13 -
1) no more "can you fix my printer?"
2) no more "but you're the IT guy!"
3) no more "can you fix my printer?"4 -
Easily this guy.
Fun fact: I was following him on Quora and YouTube for what must have been a year until I realised it was the same person.
3 -
"OOP is just a trend." - My first year internship technical manager. It happened 6 years ago, the guy retired soon after.15
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Day 1:
Me: 'Hi'
Middleware guy: 'Raise a Jira. We have always been so accommodating. Contact your manager.'
*Jeez*
===
Day 2:
Me: 'Could you please start the server in dev environment? I am a new joiner. I don't have access. Here is a jira.'
Middleware guy: 'Deadlines may be for you. It is not for me. Wait until tomorrow.'
*Damn, did he get a divorce recently?*
===
Day 5: *An urgent delivery asap* 'Hi, could you please do the configuration of the new app in staging?'
Middleware guy: 'So, here is the split up...
Task 1
Task 2
Task 3
Task 4
Task 5 & 6
Your app will be configured by tomorrow first half hopefully.. Oh and you can escalate if it is too late..
'
*What a b...*
===
Day 8:
Me: *Doing late sit for pushing a task* 'Hi, we have an issue. The server is not starting. Could it be due to..'
MW guy in 'second' shift: 'Oh, we don't extend support on unusual hours'
Me: 'But this is second shift.'
MW guy: 'Yeah, but I have to go home early now...'
====
Day 10:
Team Lead: 'Any innovative solutions?'
Me: 'Let's go SERVERLESS!' :D12 -
A friend called ITIS guys about some network issue on his system.
Frnd : Hi, I'm facing some security policy issues on my system. Could you help me connect?
ITIS guy: Ok. Please run 'gpupdate /force' cmd from cmdpromt.
Frnd: Well actually I'm on Linux.
ITIS guy: Well, at least give it a try and tell me how it goes.
*Facepalm*? *Bodypalm*? Murder?4 -
My dear diary,
Today, the guy that convinced the boss to completely replace our functional CMS website (marketing used to update it) with a static one he was writing from scratch in PHP + jQuery, has published our MailChimp Api Key on StackOverflow, because he couldn't make the API to work.
Boss didn't complain, but I don't think he understood what happened. Just asked the guy for not doing that again.
It was a crazy day.12 -
'your good with computers right'?
Me: I work with one every day so I guess...
Can you fix a problem I have with my pc? (relatively old man, and I feel bad for him so I agreed)
Next day he had me fix 4 laptops (from his kids) and a Macbook of his own almost all had shady malware and were WAY behind of their windows updates... Like sub wannacry level...
Rip one of day of my vacation 😠8 -
Favorite co-worker conversations:
Guy 1: PHP can be plenty fast! Just put in APC, Memcached, and Varnish and you can handle just about any load.
Guy 2: So you're saying PHP is fast when it doesn't run.1 -
Currently on the train to work:
*Guy pulls out his laptop
Me: *Oh nice. Dell laptop. Oh wait, shoot, that’s a Dell XPS 15. 😎Sweet!! Looks super clean. Get it boss, I salute you. Anyway, it’s probably running Windows 10 as expected. It’d be super cool if it run Ubuntu though.
*Guy lifts laptop lid.
Me: *Ahh, look how clean it is too. No fingerprints or smudges on the screen or keyboard. That’s my style. I like this guy. We can definitely share laptops.
*Guy powers on laptop
Me:*Woooooohooooo, no way!!! Gets a little tear of joy in my eyes. I want to hug this guy. This guy rocks. Oh mann, I want to start a conversation with him but can’t because another passenger is standing between us.
*The laptop run Ubuntu! 😍😱😁
17 -
While live streaming Google pixel launch, every time the guy on stage say Ok Google my phone triggered it 😁😁😁2
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During code review:
Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"1 -
*Working on a personal project*
Random guy:- it sucks :|
Me :- idgaf about what you think ..So please f off -__-
*Paid project*
Client :- what's this? This is ridiculous..I don't like it at all
Me:- okay , I'll do something about it .
-__- money changes everything3 -
*family dictionary*
Software developer (noun) : IT guy.
Individual who will know every issue you have with any electronic device in your house. He'll fix it. -
First time my laptop acted as a CV.
I've been in a personal project with my pal for like a three months. We meet sometimes at a cafe which is a very nice workplace, we often see more people with laptops, so we are not the only ones that thinks so.
My pal was waiting for me, he got a table early and then I arrived. there was a guy nearby us.
Me: (this guy has a newest new macbook pro, fucking riche)
-- I sit, put my laptop and start to work with my pal --
The guy starts looking at my stickers without hiding his doing at all. I noticed that instantly
Me: (Crap, he's gonna ask something :( )
-- I kept discussing stuff with my pal for like 5 minutes and then it happened. the guy stands up and... --
Guy: hey! how are you? sorry for bother, are you perhaps developers? I'm asking because I saw your stickers
Me: mmm yes
Guy: Do you have a job currently?
Me: We are in a project (No need to mention this is personal project and I got my full time job)
Guy: Oh, ok, no problem, you see I got a company, and currently we are looking for people to work with us, we want frontend developers with javascript skills preferable, but anything is welcome. Interviews starts next week, so if you are interested or know someone that could be, I'll give you my card and please write me at my mail if anything.
Me: got it, no problem.
-- I tried my best to hide my displeasure face(but I think I showed it a little), for him to being a riche with a new macbook pro, and you know, the interruption, I wanted to be focused while working in da project --
-- I got the card, I read it a bit, didn't dig into too much, there was stuff to do at the moment. the guy already returned to his chair and my friend --
Pal: Excuse me Mr Guy, what's the job tittle?
Me: (FUCK! dude!, we're working in our shit, don't give him more reason to try to scout us. we are behind the schedule and I need to explain this shit to you FFS)
Guy: Oh yes, will be frontend developer(again), but if you are a full stack that will be a plus too, we got some stuff with angular 1.x(ugh), and sencha touch(ugh) and ...(don't remember what else was it)
Pal: Ok and the job is full time in site? or are you open to work remotely
Me: (ok man, you sound interested, that makes me look interested too >:( )
Guy: preferable in site, but we would consider remotely depending on the person.
Pal: Good! thank you very much Mr. X
Guy: cool
-- Later on, like two hours, my friend goes to the counter for more coffee --
-- I text him: dude, I feel the guy will kidnap me or something --
-- then the guy start looking again at my laptop and... ---
Guy: hey! Jhon was your name right? Do you have experience with devops? I see your aws stickers
Me: yes
Guy: do you have experience with microservices?
Me: yes, a bit with lambda, also I've done some stuff with kubernetes, opsworks, rds and whatnot. no biggie
Guy: oh cool! we have a devops job too, there is a migration we need to do for an app to micro services. again if you are interested or know someone that it does. please mail me :)
Me: gotcha
There were no further interactions with Mr. Guy the rest of the day.
I'll be thrilled if someone ask me about my bee and puppycat sticker
12 -
Guy A : so I had to downloaded the one you sent ...
Guy B : wait you what
Guy A : I downloaded the file you sent
Guy B : you didn't need to download, you just had to save it
Guy A : NO, I had to download, if not it will cost my mobile bill
Guy B : NO, saving it won't cost any
And here I am : (屮゜Д゜)屮3 -
Guy: - "Your restart script doesn't work."
Me: - "What do you mean?"
Guy: - "It does nothing."
Me: - "It should kill every processes that's running within the project and start them again. Wait... Why do you terminate it?"
Guy: - "I don't. It just stops."
Me: - "It says `Terminated` here. You killed it. Just let it do it's job, don't kill it."
Guy: - "I'm not killing it! It just stops!"
(...two hours later...)
Me: - "Wait... Where do you run it from?"
Guy: - "What do you mean? I just run the script you gave me."
Me: - "Yeah, but where do you run it from? Where did you put it?"
Guy: - "It's part of the project so I put it in the project, d'oh!"11 -
I’ve started the process of setting up the new network at work. We got a 1Gbit fibre connection.
Plan was simple, move all cables from old switch to new switch. I wish it was that easy.
The imbecile of an IT Guy at work has setup everything so complex and unnecessary stupid that I’m baffled.
We got 5 older MacPros, all running MacOS Server, but they only have one service running on them.
Then we got 2x xserve raid where there’s mounted some external NAS enclosures and another mac. Both xserve raid has to be running and connected to the main macpro who’s combining all this to a few different volumes.
Everything got a static public IP (we got a /24 block), even the workstations. Only thing that doesn’t get one ip pr machine is the guest network.
The firewall is basically set to have all ports open, allowing for easy sniffing of what services we’re running.
The “dmz” is just a /29 of our ip range, no firewall rules so the servers in the dmz can access everything in our network.
Back to the xserve, it’s accessible from the outside so employees can work from home, even though no one does it. I asked our IT guy why he hadn’t setup a VPN, his explanation was first that he didn’t manage to set it up, then he said vpn is something hackers use to hide who they are.
I’m baffled by this imbecile of an IT guy, one problem is he only works there 25% of the time because of some health issues. So when one of the NAS enclosures didn’t mount after a power outage, he wasn’t at work, and took the whole day to reply to my messages about logins to the xserve.
I can’t wait till I get my order from fs.com with new patching equipment and tonnes of cables, and once I can merge all storage devices into one large SAN. It’ll be such a good work experience.
7 -
Dad : My WhatsApp has an issue and you're a software engineer. Fix it
Me : Looks like a Android bug...can't do anything.
Dad : Come with me, this guy at the shop around the corner who does prepaid talk time recharge will fix it... learn from him
Me : facepalm , gotta kill that guy1 -
I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.25
-
Was searching how to embed youtube video in html and found this in w3schools..... The guy who wrote this turorial hates auto play i guess.... It really is annoying 😡
10 -
Brought in a meeting a really good idea. One guy out of 9 sayd, that it's stupid and we could not use it.
1 week later the same guy proposes the same idea to the boss and team. Took all the merit and when I confronted him, he denied, that it was first my idea.
Fuck my life...2 -
We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.
On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.2 -
I learnt it!
00210121021112011211211120102000212101021112100202
Whoever decodes it, is the cool guy on devRant26 -
rant || !rant
My father-in-law wants me to buy a new computer for him. He's currently using an old Acer minitower running more malware than real software on shitty Windows Vista. He only uses Email (Outlook 2003), Facebook and Youtube. I'm gonna get him a MSI Cubi Intel N3700/4GB/120GB SSD with Linux Mint and problem solved. No more malware/virus calls from him. I'm installing Mint on Vbox right now and I'm loving it from second 0.
16 -
I first got into software when found an broken printer abandoned in my front porch and u fixed it. That was when I realised that I would be an IT guy
.
.
.
.
.
.just kidding1 -
Just a guy burping and farting all day, every day.
He was a very cool guy and a good worker, so he was excused. But it was very weird when he just started at the company!1 -
When you review a PR from a senior dev, find something improvable, suggest it and the dev updates it accordingly.
The first time when this happened made me the luckiest guy. It's still rare, though.1 -
Could you imagine a guy who takes A4 paper with encrypted text using modern algorithms and decrypts it in 20 minutes which pen and his mind?4
-
My first job was not exactly a job but a freelance project. The guy that I delivered the website to thought that I'd charge money each time I pressed a key on my laptop when we met.
Had to explain to the guy that that's not how it works. That's not how any of it works.4 -
Sunday afternoon extra work..
New guy: what do you do?
Me: backend, mainly
New guy: c#?
Me: yeah, but not just..
New guy: so you're good at it?
Me: I'm a fucking proctologist
Awkward silence, followed by nerdy giggling -
The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please
6 -
Client: Hi I'm having trouble with my computer.
IT Guy: Have you tried turning it off and on again?5 -
News station:
"This country is in need of IT specialists"
*Presents some guy from some company*
"We offer schooling for people who want to learn IT"
Also news station:
*Shows footage of the same guy typing some help command into cmd*
*Same guy opens minified js in notepad++*
Way to fucking cringe everybody with slight knowledge out of the continent!4 -
An open standard quotes the same guy in 2/3 refs, very open indeed.
This guy damaged JavaScript as a language more than anyone else in the world, and he may still call it an achievement.
6 -
How. The. Fuck...do these people has a job:
Me: How much to repair my Nexus 6 screen? It's not full smashed.
Tech guy: We'll need to see the phone
Me: Why? I need the screen replaced
Tech guy: Ok...send us a screen shot. it could be a cheap fix
Fucking me side ways! Really?1 -
Once a weird co-worker gave me a condom..since I'm a weird guy too, I accepted it just to have a peculiar stuff in my wallet...I'm a guy, no girlfriend, he's a guy too...im straight tbh...him..i dunno1
-
when my relatives know I'm studying IT:
"ooh, did you know that this guy made this and become rich, and this guy made this app and is rich now too, so why haven't you made anything yet?"
//its not that simple...3 -
Everytime dfox upvotes one of my rants I feel like a fangirl inside. Think of a big hairy guy reacting like a fangirl.. disturbing isn't it ? 😂7
-
One guy left the company and left me nodeJS project to maintain. It has a file with just a few lines short of 1700 lines of code.14
-
Other than being an a**hole, Linus. Guy changed computing as we know it with a little pet project59
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PM: "so I need you to deploy this new application to some new server. The deadline is in 2 days"
Me: "yeah I can do that, is the application ready and has been tested? Have the servers been set up properly by the IT guy?"
PM: "yep, all is set up and good"
Couple of hours later I try locating the server, only to find it didn't exist.
Me: "the server you mentioned earlier, is doesn't appear to exist?"
PM: "it definitely does, IT guy said he set it all up"
I dig around a little more, but this server definitely doesn't exist. The IT guy was on holiday for a week, so we had to wait for him to get back; delaying the release. On the morning the IT guy got back,
PM: " I though you said you set up that server for the application, we've had to delay it now!"
IT: "I just set it up this morning. Like I said in the email to you before I Ieft, I will have to do it first thing when I get back after holiday"
Turns out the PM had asked the IT guy to spin up the server, but never bothered to read his response. Assuming it was done he told the client he'd have it deployed in a couple of days.
The application was deployed successfully later that day, but not before the PM blamed us two for its delay.1 -
Me: Did you send that email to the client?
Other guy: No, I haven't. But you can send it, but you can send it, use teamviewer and send it from my email client
3 -
I really love how beautiful code can be, and the feeling of creating something for others or yourself to enjoy. But I hate being the family's IT guy... I'm a developer not IT support.4
-
How difficult is it to do things and do them properly? Clearly in 2019, very difficult. And why on Earth would you do things properly, when there's get rich quick schemes, shortcuts to be found and taken, and that filthy filthy legal tender. If the shitty implementation makes a profit, why do it properly? Makes no sense.
Except it fucking does. And you know why? Because of the guy that comes after you, that works with your fucking bullshit implementation and probably curses you to the moon and beyond in the process. Just like you probably did with the guy that came before you, with that bullshit you got tasked to work with. Don't be that guy. And don't be that guy to the next guy.
Still with me? Good. Here's the thing. You can do [insert job here] quick and dirty. But you're guaranteed to be checking back on it and fixing the crap later on. Or worse yet, someone else will be cursing you to the moon and beyond while they are fixing / working around your crap. So why not do it right in the first place? Is this why we can't have nice things?5 -
Ah yes, my favourite statement a client can say to me.
"I know a guy that will do it for $100 less"5 -
I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.2 -
It was a long flight but he just flapped right along! Good job my guy! Time to relax on the beach and enjoy the water!
2 -
Thank you unixstickers, stickermule, and to the guy who posted it here in devrant about the $1 for bunch of stickers (sorry i forgot to ++ the post and can't find it anymore)
6 -
It fucking pisses me off when people compare experience as a benchmark of his performance or knowledge while hiring for job and even salaries depend on that. How do you know that, that guy has jerked around while the younger guy with less years of experienco would work better and harder.
What is your experience with people like that?10 -
Sales guy: Hey, you're technical. Can you tell me how I'd go about doing (foobar) in this webapp I have here?
Almond: Err... I've never dealt with that webapp in my life. I wouldn't have a clue.
Sales guy: ...but you're a dev right? Oh well, never mind. Anyone more experienced around here that may know?
Almond: No idea, but I seriously doubt any of the devs will have used it. Maybe one of the other sales guys will?
Sales guy: So you're telling me *none* of the devs around here will know how to do this?!
Almond: Very unlikely (thinking why the hell would any devs be using a sales app, but whatever)
...15 minutes later...
Sales guy: Ahah, I figured it out! (Explains what buttons he had to click in crappy app to do foobar)
Almond: Glad you got it sorted!
Sales guy: I'm really surprised none of you devs could figure this out, but I could. Perhaps I should change careers and be a dev.
...what?!3 -
Me: We need to allow the team in the newly acquired subsidiary to access our docker image repositories.
Sec Guy: Why?
Me: So they can run our very expensive AI models that we have prepared onto container images.
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: So how we're supposed to share artifacts?!?
Sec Guy: Can't you just email them the docker files?
Me: Those images contain expensively trained AI models. You can't rebuild it from the docker files.
Sec Guy: Can't you email the images themselves?
Me: Those are a few gigabytes each. Won't fit in an email and won't even fit the Google drive / onedrive / Dropbox single file size limit.
Sec Guy: Can't you store them in a object storage like S3/GCS/Azure storage?
Me: Sure
Proceed to do that.
Can't give access to the storage for shit.
Call the sec guy
Me: I need to share this cloud storage directory.
Sec Guy (with aparent amnesia): Why?
Me: I just told you! So they can access our AI docker images!
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: Goes insane
Is there a law or something that you must attempt several alternative methods before the sec people will realize that they are the problem?!?! I mean, frankly, one can get an executable artifact by fucking email and run it but can't pull it from a private docker registry? Why the fuck would their call it "security"?9 -
An IT guy told me during a phone meeting set up to talk about how he builds these web forms on a dumb CRM for a client of ours that he has been an IT professional for 25 years.
He says he doesn't know much about the codey stuff.
What do IT professionals do again?8 -
Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?
If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.8 -
I'm a guy and when the migraine hits me I feel like crying. Is it normal for a guy to cry, coz I'm not able to handle this pain.17
-
Phone call with random guy:
"Hi I have an awesome idea for a mobile app that's going to change the world. I just don't know how to program it."
Me: "cool, let's set up a meeting to hash out the details and discuss the project & costs"
Guy: "I was hoping you would be able to do it for 10% equity, it's gonna make millions!"
Me: "Facepalm"6 -
Currently playing "the IT guy" for my uncle. I'm supposed to "speed up" the laptop. It's a low tier Toshiba from about 5 years ago, that while idle sits at about 100% CPU usage and 80% RAM usage.
From what I can tell, it has NEVER been turned off since I set it up for him 4 years ago, or unplugged..
16 -
-Client: I have a problem.My pc says I need a snake to run this program.
-IT guy: Please sir,tell exactly what it says.
-Client: You need Python to run this program.
-IT guy: *hits his head on the keyboard2 -
Me: *finds exploit in site at work*
Developer of site: "You talk bs"
Me: "lemme show ya"
While I was trying to demo it, the guy quickly patched it xD (making it look as if it didn't work in the first place) -
My company employed a new back-end guy from a random country in Africa (our first non-european). After firing the internal IT guy a year ago, they have now noticed that he has fully protected our company from login attempts outside of europe. The replacement has no idea how to revert it and honestly is not an system administrator.
Our DevOps guy knows how to solve it but nobody asked him and he cannot be arsed.8 -
I wish I had this guy as my calculus teacher in college. It was hell understanding the concepts because of language barriers.
6 -
Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.
While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!
All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”
IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong.... -
Hey new guy here!
@dfox and @trogus first thank you for this platform that helped gather this community. Second any news about new podcast episodes? I was really enjoying it!3 -
interviewing a guy earlier on... apparently jQuery is better because it can do things javascript can't
-
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks.Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.3 -
Our team(except one guy) does follow TDD, it may or may not be the best but solves for us in most cases.
This one guy follows HDD : Hope Driven Development.
He writes some code, checks_in and HOPE it works :-)
And breaks preprod almost once per week.2 -
So I finally got a job where I was an intern as a Data Scientist.
PS : I am a non-computer science background guy, who made it through.3 -
Guy at school
"I could do that... OR I could do it... in C#HNNNNNNNNGH"
Yeah, we get it. You like C#. Hooray for you. Please stop cumming every time it's mentioned.10 -
Call between Me and IT Assistant Guy working @ the Ministry of Education in my Country:
Me: Hi! I'm wondering why my account has been disabled. Can you tell me something?
IT guy: Have you tried turning off and on your computer?
Ministry.Of.Education.
4 -
So I saw this argument between two intellectual titans on Quora about C vs C++. It was pretty amusing lol.
First Guy: “C programmers are the Amish! They’re afraid of change. C++ is a better C because it repairs it insufficiencies like classes and namespaces.”
Second guy: “C is fairly consistent, while C++ is inconsistent in many places. It performs so many allocations without you even knowing it. It’s complexity is very distracting !”
10 -
When that guy *always* starts trying to aggressively optimize his code right after writing it. It really is the root of all evil. DK1
-
Nobody's fault. It's just my naiveness.
Meeting time is at 1pm.
2 guys from 2 different companies and me.
Guy A and Guy B offices are a bit closer.
Meeting venue is Guy B office.
Guy A confirmed and reminded me about the meeting around 12.
I had my lunch early and left my office at 1230.
Got a call from Guy A while I'm on route.
Guy B forgot the appointment, went out and they have rescheduled it to 530pm.
In the end I had to pay a round trip ride for a taxi.
Well at least it's cold inside the taxi while outside temperature is 38°.2 -
I love it when my boss says "review the code with this guy since he knows alot" and that guy wastes your time by just skimming my code and saying "where is the final product?". I don't get people sometimes. At least I impressed myself making a small chatbot.
-
So, 2 weeks ago, some guy in here left a comment about how great i3 is, so I was curious and installed it.
Since then I spend the same amount of time on playing with i3 as on doing actual work. Not sure if I love or hate that guy, but i3 really is awesome.5 -
Me walking into Best Buy picking up a package wearing my Android hat.
Me: I'm here to pick up a package
Best Buy guy: That is a nice hat!
Me: Oh? Thanks! It my favorite
Guy: As long as it isn't Apple2 -
On IT English lesson:
Professor: Simple question - how do we call all devices inside computer, like HDD, or CPU.
Some random guy: International Devices
*Insert loudest facepalm here*3 -
an IT student from same semester another section.
met because I was helping with a side project. and he happens to be there.
here's the interaction:
guy: heard ... u work for a company..
me: ya.. um web development
guy: never heard of that ...wheyyyyyy ....re is it!
me: ʘ‿ʘ3 -
it was not a technical interview.
just screening.
guy: tell me smth about redis.
me: key value, in memory storage.
guy: more
me: umm, the concept is similar to localStorage in browsers, key value storage, kinda in memory.
guy: so we use redis in browsers?
me: no, I mean the high level concept is similar.
guy: (internally: stupid, fail).3 -
One developer got a code and had to add new feature so he writes new function in similar way that arleady written one. Pass the code to next guy.
Next guy: why did u write this function like that?
First guy: Coz one was arleady written that way
N: but it was written wrong
F: ...so now 2 are written wrong (no he will not fix it 😂😂)1 -
"Millions of slaves"
"When you kill it, you kill everything."
-- Guy at work doing presentation about docker2 -
If you haven't watched the Sales guy Vs. Web Dude convo, check it out https://youtu.be/W8_Kfjo3VjU 😂1
-
So we had a talk in college on various tools we can use as developers and the guy kept pronouncing it as jithub. I was cringing so hard.3
-
when you think about it.. Moses was the first guy ever to download data from The Cloud and distribute it via p2p protocol [torrent]. The first it pirate ever.
Happy Easter!2 -
Family reaction to me being a dev (and offering to replace their home/personal IT guy with google drive and a mesh wifi network):
We're going to hire an IT guy because they have more experience doing this kind of thing. BITCH, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 15 YEARS!!! -
some guy recommended Replika app.
trying it now. so far, my first positive impression was with a thought "nice generic dodge, buddy"
8 -
Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.1
-
Is it that difficult to write a fucking commit message? I've told this guy 3 times and he still just commits 'dev' as a message.4
-
Got praised today by an important guy in my company for writing understandable javascript code. He said he'd gladly learn js if I were to teach it.
feelsgoodman.jpg1 -
Me: *works on some documentation*
Guy: "Why does it randomly say CUT DOWN LIKE LAMBS AT SLAUGHTER?"
Me: "Buggers I've been typesinging again D:" -
Ladies and gents,
It feels amazing to learn a new language. I feel like a French guy learning Swahili with ease. Or a game mod creator turning on God mode.2 -
When you create a script to automate something, and that one guy keeps estimating high on the task because he likes to do it manually and refuses to use it because "his way is simple and safer".1
-
Being the lone member of my family with a Computer Science diploma, they see me as a priest for their unfaithful computers.1
-
Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish2
-
From the moment I realised I was a TABs guy, and she a SPACEs person, it was all over. Love became terribly bad "indented" from that very moment.
2 -
Personally, I am fine with Windows and I run it on a couple boxes. Just don't be the Ignorant Windows Guy at work who needs constant help when there's not a GUI for something. Not as annoying as Elitist Linux Guy or Pompous Mac Guy, but still annoying.1
-
I am a learn it all, do what you can kind of guy. I work alone so Fullstack I guess, hate UI though, god saves boostrap.
-
Every time someone here makes one small complaint about their system, there's always that one guy to criticize your choice of OS. REGARDLESS of what OS it is8
-
guy creates very cool looking, advanced css effects library that went viral
guy puts it up on GitHub
guy writes a ranty post and pins it to top the of issues with stuff like "i'm not going to make this a module or library that can be installed, and also don't try because i've already created a seperate repo for that" ON AN OPEN SOURCE LIBRARY
dude, you already open-sourced it, people are going to use it however they want
idk, just found this to be a very weird vibe, thought i'd share. thoughts?13 -
me making new dev friends
[...]
me: yeah that's cool what IDE are you using for C++?
guy: like an editor where I write the code?
me: ......yes?
guy: hold on, I don't know what it was called
> taps around his desktop
> guy shows word 2007
> I'm laughing a bit uncomfortably because I'm not sure whether he is serious or not
> guy opens up .cpp file in word
> so many questions
> mfw
2 -
Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........1 -
I was happy because I broke 600 points on StackOverflow. Then I saw the post about the guy that reached 1 million and it killed my self confidence2
-
Lol the guy in my team make it sound like masterbaita. What an accent lol. Lol which should be master data 😂 so no one is correcting him
-
The new guy just locked our server account (I was using it, thats why he couldn't login) and the IT guy from the client has already left...
I guess its and early day... -
Presented a project in college for a competition this guy kept asking questions about it.
Now about one week later he's published a website with the exact same idea2 -
I will never understand how some retarded angular dev will overengineer a trivial HTTP request, make it an observable and feel like they're the most clever guy on earth6
-
!dev
I actually wanted to find some answers but this guy took it to another level
https://qr.ae/pvP18s
4 -
Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.
SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.
*fast forward*
SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.
ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.
Fucking hell.11 -
Not a fight I was involved in but one I observed. A junior dev on my team and a server ops guy had major personality conflicts. One day the server ops guy had enough and physically went after the junior dev. I was senior but still pretty new to my own career and had no idea how to handle it. Server guy got fired soon after. I was glad I didn’t have firing power and that he didn’t even report to me anyways.2
-
What's your opinion on Deno the new javascript / typescript / Webasembly runtime from the same guy who invented node.js ? Do you think it will be replacing node? Do you gonna try it?
https://deno.land/std/manual.md/...
21 -
A client's representative (was an operations manager maybe; non technical guy) was explaining his legacy project (a knowledge transfer session), mentioned about using Azure for their new system.
One of the senior .net developer in the room interrupts this guy and asks "can you explain what do you mean by azure?"
I was like "what the fuck! did I hear it wrong" -
On a Sunday 8pm evening. C-Level (CEO, CFO, C-etc) guy account is getting auto logout.
Boss: please be available on a 9pm call.
Me: can this wait till tomorrow?
Boss: No
Me in my head: why cant just login again
Meanwhile on normal days: other users experiencing issues.
Boss: C-guy never experienced and I cant replicate it.
Me: nice..4 -
I wonder
Why programmers are containing tons of guy while the first programmer in the world is a woman 😂
P.s : don't take it too seriously14 -
A client decided to give a refresh to his website. So he said he wanted me to take care of it. Curious because he has an IT guy full-time just for the website.
When I offered the hosting service too the IT guy got crazy, he started making a lot of questions like why should I take full control of the website. I replied that's optional, I can just deploy the website in the current server.
The client said, yes I want you to take care of everything.
IT guy again making questions about what database I'm planning to use, what framework, what version, bla bla bla.
At this point I said to my self: Well, maybe this guy made an awesome job. Probably he used a framework that I don't know. The database must be neat and tidy.
So, I go an check the current website... WordPress... Are you freaking kidding me? The IT guy getting crazy for a premium WP template? Why is he full-time anyway? Why is the client looking for someone else?1 -
That guy at the office who gets really irritated and worried about newly introduced technology. He would spend 2-3 days talking trash about it, saying how much he prefers the older and less efficient approach just because he knows it.
That fucking guy.2 -
Memorable coworkers? It's a toss up between the guy who got fired for calling a department director a c*nt on a recorded phone line loud enough for the whole call center to hear it, and the guy who reported me to HR for not including him in a private Slack conversation because it had nothing to do with him.
People are weird.1 -
Jit guy who is onboarding me talks slow, stutters(only in English) and talks 3x fucking times than-repeats sentences, tries to talk about things he does not know and ends with “I don’t remember/know it now”. Someone kill me please. I am too soft against these types, how can I say you are talking too much etc politely? It is like he feels lonely in corona times and wants to “onboard” me whenever possible...
Note: jit guy is the guy who pronounces Git as jit from my old rant.8 -
So it seems Mr. Bean has still got it :)
Anyone have a good Dev meme for this shot? (He's looking at a fat guy with 2 young girls in his arms.)
8 -
Boss while working at a computer repair shop, he was a chill guy and great guy to talk to. Didn't mind if I came in a little late and regularly let me leave early.
Regularly got fun stories like how someone's cd drive broke because they thought it was a bagle holder.4 -
I used to strive 7years back to become the company project manager. they agency was helping me to get there, and when they fired the old PM I thought "this is it!!!"
instead they hired another guy, which got me frustrated.
all that being said, I give that guy full credit for everything I know today. -
I don't know if our QA is good enough. We were developing an app for both ios and android. I, an ios developer, told the QA guy that it will take long before uploading the app in the testflight (convert swift2 to swift3). After a week the app is now uploaded in the test flight and at the same time my partner, an android developer, uploaded the android version of the app in the play store beta. The QA guy started to raise bug issues about the android version. He wanted to fix the bugs immediately since our boss needed to upload it in the play store and appstore. The QA guy kept on complaining to my partner why the android version is buggy. Then he said something we, me and my partner, facepalm.
The QA guy said " You shouldn't convert the app to swift 3. The ios version is fine when converted why the android version is buggy. You need to revert it back to swift 2"
We sit there in silence, thinking if we pity the QA guy or laugh at him. -
And there's always this one answer on stack overflow, that one guy,
Who searches for the same on google, copies and pastes it on stack overflow :D1 -
Guy: Hey you know computers right
Me: sure
This guy takes his computer apart during class and wants me to see what it wrong with it. I'm like dude what the heck the Professor is teaching! Freaking crazy. -
So there's this remote guy on my team that basically doesn't do much and when it does fucks up. This is a guy with a lot experience but it doesn't seem even give a fuck. He doesn't pay attention to standups and he has more time than me in the project but doesn't know that much about it. There are rare times when he gives good ideas. However this happena so rarely that it is awful to work with him.1
-
You come to me to seek help to clean your mess **YOU** did to someone and If I fix it, it's you who fixed it or else I'm your fallback guy, *claps*
You fucking moron, I was your fallback guy ever since we met, I treat you as a friend, ask to meet unconditionally and all you've ever done to me is to fix Windows installation. FUCK YOU MAN2 -
It was the worst local Hackathon. It's not even a Hackathon either, where the whole event spanned over 2 months.
It was a group entry with me and 4 teammates. Each of them did contribute:
Guy A: criticizes what is built and designed
Guy B: offered financial tips on how to make this thing feasible
Guy C: did UI but in graphics. No CSS file, just bits of graphical elements.
Guy D: family commitments
And then there's me, writing documentation, built the entire project, wiki, drove the project, prepared the presentation slides, tests the framework, unit tests, stuck with stupid problems like SSL, localhost, Google Maps Key and the likes.
And we didn't even win, let alone launch this thing, whatever it is, to anywhere. Never doing group projects again.
I'm flying solo for now -
Good to be back at work.
But kind of annoying when you check the server and it turns out that the 3rd Party API fell over and the guy responsible for it is still in holidays.. -
Had trouble to connect to our MySQL database, so I decided to open a ticket to the Database admins. At least they are pros and I'm sure they'll help me:
"Hey guys, I have trouble connecting to [Hostname]. I guess it's a firewalling issue would you take a look? Attached are screenshots, saying hostname not found.
Answer:
Hey Dominique, are you sure the password you used is correct? Is it yours or the sysuser pw what you sent to the server? How did you send it?
Me: (kind of confused) Hey dear admin, did you look at my error message? It says Hostname not found. What do you think how I provided any credentials?
Support: yes, I saw your screenshot and don't see any password entry. That's why I asked!
Me: Well, than... ok... go and search for another job. Yeah and consider fucking yourself. Kisses. -
I once met a guy who seriously thought that JavaScript was an interpreted language, merely because it has an eval() function...9
-
There was this guy at university who pronounced 'branch' like 'brunch'. It was so hilarious that my friends and I had to hold our laughter back.1
-
Do you ever feel like no matter how much money you earn it just.. doesn't seem enough because you see certain people around you who earn even more? Whenever i hear my in-laws say 'oh that guy earns this much, this guy earns this much', i feel kinda low...19
-
I hate it when an opinion is valued by someone seniority.
Sure, you might not like react, fine, but if your only argument for that is it being built by Facebook, you're just an ass.
Sure, you might not like node, fine, but if your only argument for that is your prejudice towards javascript , you're just an ass.
Normally this guy is pretty nice, but fuck you for talking about shit you don't understand6 -
When the new guy changes the format of the code and fucks it up and you have to go back and fix it... slowly raises gun to head
-
The tale about our famous imbecile IT guy goes on.
After 7++ emails from the CXO and 4 emails from head of dev department, the IT guy has still, not provided the access I requested for our servers.
Do note, the head of dev department has been appointed by the Board of Directors to manage the infrastructure upgrade and merge.
The way everything has been done till now, is that one person controls everything and holds the usernames/ passwords. That’s going to change. At least 3 people will know it. And a super user will be created, and password given to the board of directors in a sealed envelope
I guess someone is at risk of loosing their job...
/me looks at IT guy1 -
I was looking at some code to add some quick features to it and muttering to myself, "whoever wrote this piece of shit... I'd possibly torture the guy to death if I get my hands on him now". Guess who's the guy... I'm sure two years from now I'd be saying the same thing about the stuff that I've written tonight...1
-
Conversation with a backend co-worker.
Me(Frontend): Here! The POS printer (for development purpose) has arrived! It supports Linux and Windows as mentioned on the box. I've sent you a decent npm package (escpos). Try to print a barcode with it, I'll sync with you tomorrow.
(Next day at noon)
Me: Whatcha doin?
Backend guy: Trying to set up the printer.
Me: ON YOU MAC?
Backend guy: Yes.
I try be as helpful as I can to anyone but it seems like this guy actively looks for a way to invent problems!3 -
I’m applying at Alorica to find out how much pain it is to be that guy at CSR
do I have a deathwish? -
I’m a neat guy and gosh darn it people like it when i yell at them
It stirs something above and below in them to hear precisely what is wrong with them at high earnestly hateful volumes before the salty taste1 -
Sales guy: Client has a new requirement, wants it by the weekend.
Me: but did you tell him why we've an alternative for this here.
Sales guy: cool, complete it by weekend then. -
One QA guy ... I solved one ticket out of two. He doesn't want to pass it because the other one is still unfixed.
-
The guy worked 4 days building a nice challenging feature.
Fucking spend 30 more minutes to write a documentation on how it works bc is like you did nothing. -
This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.
He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.
Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.
This guy.... -
This is an actual transcript...
Since it's way too long for the normal 5000 characters, hence splitting it up...
Infra Guy: mr Dev, could you please give some rational for update of jjb?
Dev: sparse checkout support is missing
Infra Guy: is this support mandatory to achive whatever you trying to do?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: u trying to get set of specific folder for set of specific components?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: bash script with cp or mv will not work for you?
Dev: no
Infra Guy: ?
Dev: when you have already present functionality why reinvent the wheel
Dev: jenkins has support for it
Dev: the jjb is the bottle neck
Infra Guy: getting this functionality onto our infra would have some implications
Dev: why should I write bash script if jenkins allows me to do that
Dev: what implications ??
Infra Guy: will you commit to solve all the issues caused by new jjb?
Dev: you show me the implications first
Infra Guy: like a year ago i have tried to get new jjb <commit_url>
Infra Guy: no, the implications is a grey area
Infra Guy: i cant show all of them and they may hit like in week or eve month
Dev: then why was it not tackled
Dev: and why was it kept like that
Infra Guy: few jobs got broken on something
Dev: it will crop up some time later
Dev: if jobs get broken because of syntax
Dev: then jobs can be fixed
Dev: is it not ???
Infra Guy: ofc
Infra Guy: its just a question who will fix them
Dev: follow the syntax and follow the guidelines
Dev: put up a test server and try and lets see
Dev: you have a dev server
Dev: why not try on that one and see what all jobs fails
Dev: and why they fail
Dev: rather than saying it will fail and who will fix
Dev: let them fail and then lets find why
Dev: I manually define a job
Dev: I get it done
Infra Guy: i dont think we have test server which have the same workload and same attention as our prod
Dev: unless you test how would you know ??
Dev: and just saying that it broke one with a version hence I wont do it
Infra Guy: and im not sure if thats fair for us to deal with implication of upgrading of the major components just cause bash script is not good enough for u
Dev: its pretty bad
Infra Guy: i do agree
Infra TL Guy: Dev, what Infra Guy is saying is that its not possible to upgrade without downtime
Infra Guy: no
Dev: how long a downtime are we looking at ??
Infra Guy: im saying that after this upgrade we will have deal with consequences for long time
Infra Guy-2: No this is not testing the upgrade is the huge effort as we dont have dev resources to handle each job to run
Dev: if your jjb compiles all the yaml without error
Dev: I am not sure what consequences are we talking of
Infra Guy: so you think there will be no consequences, right?
Dev: unless you take the plunge will you know ??
Dev: you have a dev server running at port 9000
Infra Guy: this servers runs nothing
Dev: that is good
Dev: there you can take the risk
Infra Guy: and the fack we have managed to put something onto api doesnt mean it works
Dev: what API ?
Infra Guy: jenkins api
Infra Guy: hmmm
Dev: what have you put on Jenkins API ??
Infra Guy: (
Dev: jjb is a CLI
Infra Guy: ((
Dev: is what I understand
Dev: not a Jenkins API
Infra Guy: (((
Dev: (((((
Infra Guy: jjb build xmls and push them onto api
Infra Guy: and its doent matter
Dev: so you mean to say upgrading a CLI is goig to upgrade your core jenkisn API
Dev: give me a break
Infra Guy: the matter is that even if have managed to build something and put it onto api
Infra Guy: doesnt mean it will work
Dev: the API consumes the xml file and creates a job
Infra Guy: right
Dev: if it confirms to the options which it understands
Dev: then everything will work
Dev: I am actually not getting your point Infra Guy
Infra Guy: i do agree mr Dev
Dev: we are beating around the bush
Infra Guy: just want to be sure that if this upgrade will break something
Infra Guy: we will have a person who will fix it
Dev: that is what CICD is supposed to let me know with valid reasons
Dev: why can't that upgrade be done
Infra Guy: it can be done
Infra Guy: i even have commit in place3 -
In my office,
My fren was facing problem installing rabbitMq so he contacted the IT guy. He told please try installing tortoiseGit..🤣😂2 -
Anyone know any good free courses to learn programming for a total beginner?
The guy who needs it is looking to work with JavaScript and Node eventually.3 -
Who just accidentally volunteered to go through an apps code and write down how it all works?
This guy!
Asked what I thought was a simple yes no question and have now caused an entire department to question everything they know.
On the plus side at the end of this I'll be the go-to guy for this app. And I can document it as I go.
So win win? -
This guy. A friend of mine drew it.
It's kind of cheesy, but it reminds me to smile and enjoy myself. I really like it.
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Why is perl soo notorious? and why do people hate it. Like I'm a networking guy and sys admin and I like to write scripts and it's really handy. Though it annoys sometimes but it still helps.5
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Happened way back when I was still in high school and facebook was relatively new. We used to own a cyber cafe.
--
The Guy: (Talking to other customers) I'll have you know that I'm a graduate in Computer Science! *Proceeds to boast about self and other bullshittery*
Others: *In awe*
Me: *Veeeery Skeptical*
A few days later...
The Guy: (Talks to me) Hey, there seems to be a problem with your internet. I can't log in on facebook.
Me: Could you try to do what you are doing again?
...
The Guy: See, doesn't work.
Me: Have you registered your account on facebook?
The Guy: Huh? What are you talking about? I have my Yahoo! mail.
Me: ..You need to register your email on facebook in order to log in.
The Guy: What?? I don't get it. I am registered and have a Yahoo! mail!
Me: *Brain Sigh*
(I proceed to help him register his email on facebook)
The Guy: Oh, you had to register on facebook! Now I get it! I thought that if you created an email you can immediately use that to log in to facebook.
Me: *Internal facepalm x1000*
(This guy is a Computer Science graduate? Oh PLEASE. ) -
Been working in a company that forces me to double up as their IT guy, getting dangerously close to socking the next guy who says they don't see their network drives. DANGEROUSLY CLOSE!!!! PUSH ME MF, PUSHHHH MEEEEEEEE!!!!1
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copycat: how many of you ended up as IT professional because you trust the big swoosh and this guy said everywhere "JUST DO IT"
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I have my own sole proprietorship and hate it. I am in an area that a ton of businesses need new websites. Their existing ones look like they were made in the 90's. I go in, have a seemingly great meeting. We talk about goals and looks. It ends with "send me something and I will have my IT guy look at it". Your IT guy...in a business with 2 employees. Then a few months later, they have a new website. Looks like it was made in 2002.1
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We have a dashboard that does stuff and one of the things that you can do is to turn these devices on or off. I the front-end guy made it look better and added some new visuals from the back-end data for better use. So I wanted to disable the off button if the device is off and vice versa. So I found out that when I turn it off or on let's say on, the device turns on but the data I get from the back-end still shows it to me as off because the data comes from the server and even though a device is on it updates the server about that periodically so I wait 10 seconds for that update.
The back-end guy tells me he just can't do anything about it and that's why it was like that at first. Then a few hours later this guy complains about this little space in between elements. Like dude, if you are such a perfect guy go find a way to make your thing work so the dashboard can have up to date information.2 -
Anyone here also knows/works with someone who is really great at POCs but sucks big time when it comes to the real thing? I hate that guy. Dont be that guy. That guy will be your team's downfall.
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What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2 -
If I made a shirt that said “death to all managers” with a picture of bill nye the science guy on it, would any of you buy it?2
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Trying to understand why the last guy who worked on my current project gutted out the framework specific data layer and replaced it with component-level ajax calls4
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Have you guys seen that guy bought 80's Mac and found a hidden porn game on it? Then here is this https://goo.gl/7qEH8J
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Business Process Execution Languages.
Would anybody incorporate these into a new project? The guy mentioned it at the interview and I have still not understood what are they useful for... -
Anyone know any good free courses to learn programming for a total beginner?
The guy who needs it is looking to work with JavaScript and Node eventually. -
In a legacy application i support written in classic asp, the guy who wrote it names his variable 'ok2go'
where d heck was he going? 😞😞😂1 -
A guy asked me today why his code wont run and it didnt even have a single ; or endl; i straight up ignored the guy later he was all hyped he told me that the huge bug had beeb not using ; this noob literally taught he solved some huge bug....4
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I was a PHP guy most of my career and likes 4 spaces in tabs. Now that I'm a JS guy now I like 2 spaces in tabs and dislikes 4 now lol. It makes coding more compact.
I don't see the reason to use 4 anymore. Do you also like 2 spaces in tabs?15 -
For the IT guy, the desktop is the monitor, the coffee table is the system unit, and the keyboard is the dining room table.👩🍳
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!Rant
So today a friend told me how he create a ML programme in PHP... (I am not hard core PHP guy , btw I am hardcore elixir guy).
So guys it is possible ML for PHP , anyone do it before? (Something like Runic?)2 -
I've been thinking, and i feel like being the bad guy... So, for now, I'm also an "idea guy" if you know what i mean...
Idea: This site could have a feature like "product recommandations" (just like long rants or something [tyical idea guy saying]), where users could recommend stuff like programs, peripherials, or anything dev related.
This could be done using tags, like certain tags would get sorted into the "product recommandations".
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
(PS.: We should also make a site which is like google, trust me, it would make millions...) -
Put in 2 weeks of dev, it passes QA, guy that is presenting to customer checks it against the spec and after all of that half an hour before end of work day the day before guy is going to the client to present this he finds an error (I misinterpreted the spec)... Nope, not gonna code the changes all night so it's implemented properly for the presentation.
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If a "not a CSE " kid tries to do something in ECA, people are appreciative of that.
But if a CSE guy does it, it is just another nerdy thing he does to become "cool".
WTF5 -
Currently our team is in a cycle of blaming the PO (indirectly) & feeling bad about it. He's really a nice guy and is doing his best! (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞
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What if all devRant community works on a global project to kill Google, Apple, Facebook and others? I am a utopian guy, but it would be cool?!?
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The b*tch strikes again.... "Oh I dunno talk to the new guy I just trained"
Maybe I just hate my term now it need a vacation...1
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