So I've got a Linux related job (or, starting at monday). When people ask me what my new position is called, I'll of course tell! Well, I stutter sometimes in my native language. Especially with the letter L.

"so what's your new position?"
"Lllllll-lllll-llllllllllllllllllll"
*mother of god*
"lllllllllllllllllllllll-llllllllllllll*
*OH FFS*
"Llllllllllll-llllllllllllllllllll-lllllllinux support engineer!"
*FUCKING FINALLY!*

"Hey man, you got a new job I heard, what's your new position?"
*please work*
"Lllllllllll-lllllllllllllllll-llllllllllllllllllllll*
*MOTHERFUCKER*
"Lllllllll-lllllllllllllllllllinux support engineer!"

"ey dude, what's your new position? Heard you got a new job!"
*alright let's do this better*
"gonna do stuff with servers and customer service!"
"Ah cool! What system do they run on their servers?"

No. 😡

F🤬k!! why doesn’t this work on the testing server!l! I swear it worked local.

Meanwhile live:

When you are waiting for community to help you resolve the issue

Okey this made my day. Laravel Nova officially uses my open-source library vue-toasted ❤️😍😍😍

💻 L > W 💻

B a l l m e r P e a k

A customer did send a 3GB+ .txt file to the database guy in my office. He (senior dev) starts ranting about how he should handle this since his tools failed to do whatever he had to with this data.
After seeing him struggle some time I did a short search (I'm apprentice since 4 months) and then told him to use "split -l".

Me coding at Starbucks and this hot chick passing by me stops to tell me:
- I love WebStorm, don't forget to command + alt + L.
Me:
WebStorm:
MacBook:
Charger:

"best translation service in the world"

D E L E T E _ F A C E B O O K !

Ranting about a meme lol

This type of shit is what I fucking hate most iPhone users.

Samsung was founded in 1938... Apple was founded in 1976.

Most iPhone users are a walking L these days with their ignorance and false sense of superiority. Fucking assholes

God... My (l)users are killing me... I think I'd much rather lay on my back and piss up than to get another phone call saying the printer isn't working. How the fuck did you manage to make the toner fit in backwards, Becky?!

Weekend so far:

Chrome Update FUCKED UP my website.

Tried to update my server to Ubuntu 16.04. That FUCKED UP in the middle and I didn't have any recent backup.

Went back to old backup. But didn't see any changes in the website. Was wondering that for 1 hour.

Forgot that my website was using cloudflare caching. In the meantime I have changed my DNS settings.

Out of frustration removed website from cloudflare. That FUCKED UP the DNS further.

Now I have no idea how long it will take the DNS to update.

FUCKING F M L

R.I.P : l

. _ _ _ /\/|
/ \ _
| [ o]-[ o] l l
\ ¬ / l l
////////// l l
/ \ \ / l_l
/ \ \ _ _ _ _ l
/ \ _ _|_ |- -| \ /\
| ===== |_ |

D E V E L O P E R
A T
N I G H T

IPhone :l

Project Manager: "So that's the feature we need you to add... T-shirt size?"
Me: "Depends what shop I go to, sometimes L, sometimes XL-"
Project Manager: "No, no. T-shirt size... Estimate. Small means hours, Medium means days, Large means weeks."
Me: "Oh... 4 hours."
Wtf.

Fuck XML. Fuck it right up it's X with it's M, all the way to L.

c l a s s y

>P
>l
>e
>a
>s
>e
>
>d
>o
>n
>t
>
>d
>o
>
>t
>h
>a
>t

How long is it ok to wait before telling my colleague that the Windows Update-screen he's been watching for the last 25 mins is just me giving him a lesson in "Win+L"? (He's actually just watching fakeupdate.net)

curl -L git.io/unix

"who is 'Drew Paul? And why do you hate him so much?"
"It's D-R-U-P-A-L, mom. And don't worry about it, you don't need that aggravation in your life."

Look... theres an error in my commented code
Now what i cant even comment

Easy 50$... (l)user brings in a tablet and says she’s got a virus.... okay.

(L)user - “I have a virus, I can’t click on anything and there’s a green box around everything.”

Me - *turns off TalkBack* here you go, all fixed.

Fucking URLs, people.
They're not hard.

If you're going to give me a bug report, TELL ME THE GODDAMN URL.

If, after yelling at you several times for not providing the url, you instead just fucking GUESS at the url, YOU'RE A GODDAMN BLITHERING IDIOT AND YOU'RE WASTING MY GODDAMN TIME.

ALT+D, CTRL+C or CMD+L, CMD+C

SO HARD. ASDFASDJGHLKASDHFLJKSGDFSKDF

Me: I honestly don't care how thick a phone is and who cares if it doesn't have wireless charging...

Other consumers: I want a thin, beautifully designed phone and it has to have wireless charging, it's 2018 l, every phone needs this....

*Me watching that same consumer put a thoch bulky case that hides the phone and breaks wireless charging*

Well that makes fucking sense doesn't it...

Home office / lockdown story

Last year, when the first lockdown happened, everyone in my office started working from home. Including myself of course.
I decided to use x11vnc for remotely accessing my PC cause it is super convenient.
A few days into the home office and suddenly the remote keyboard acts weird, with random keypresses that I didn't do, and then the letter L was written over and over like it was stuck.
Assuming a bug in x11vnc, I restart it several times, but no luck. Whenever I open a terminal it is full of "L"s within a matter of seconds.
So I restart my PC remotely and reconnect the x11vnc, which is a huge pain in the arse if you have ever done it. And can you believe it... Still the same problem!
So, finally I gave up and went to the office to see what the hell was going on with my PC. I entered my office room and could not believe my eyes.
What had happened? The room cleaner had wet-wiped my desk. To create enough free space for that, she had first cleaned up the mess, putting the scattered paper nicely on the side, but then also *putting the bloody mouse on the bloody keyboard*.

E L I T E

Dev of my team coding on Idea

Seeing him using space-bar to format copy pasted lines of code

Me: why don't you use ctrl+l shortcut?

Him: I don't use shortcuts while coding

Me: at least use the tab

him: nope.

He formatted 3000 lines of code with space-bar. He's not even using notepad. 😐

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

For fucking once in my life I decide to go very early to bed so I can be 100% clear in my head for today's meetings. What happens is the following:
1. going to bed at 10pm.
2. Falls asleep relatively fast (yay)
3. Wakes up at 1am
4. Has a major headache and gets dizzy when I get up to go take a leak
5. Grabs a huge glass of water
6. Goes to sleep again
7. Wakes up at 3am with major headache and gets dizzy when I get up again.
8. Grabs another huge glass of water and goes back to sleep.

It's now 4:36am and I'm wide awake, with no headache, and no ability to sleep apparently. F... M... L!!!

"Y’all talk about UX like it’s just another feature. For a user, it literally is the product. Full stop. Everything else is inside baseball." - Startup L. Jackson

!rant
Yesterday was my first day at my first internship as a naive rising uni soph. I brought my tiny 13 inch thinkpad thinking I was gonna code on that. Imagine my surprise as I walk in and HR brings me to a table with 4 monitors on it. l o l

I like it there.

Sitting next to the sales guy at work,l and I'm just like

alias l="ll"

Lead dev: Hey boss, you really do like Python right?

Me: No

Lead dev: Well it's cuz I was think....wait what? WTF do you mean no, you have automated a fuckload of BS with Python and we are still using it, why tf would you use Python if you don't like it?

Me: I like it enough for the automation scripts that we have and for parsing documents or generating glue scripts, its already installed in every server that we have, so testing bs in dev and then using them in prod is cake, it doesn't mean I LOVE python, I like it for what we use it.

Lead dev: Well ain't already bash and perl installed as well?

Me: Do you know bash and or perl?

Lead dev: No, don't you?....

Me: No......

L Dev: (using a Jim Carrey impersonation) WELLL ALLRIGTHY THEN! What is the other language that you used for X project?

Me: Clojure, do you remember that one?

* he said paren paren paren paren yes paren i space paren do close paren close paren etc etc
L Dev: (((((((yes (i (do)))))))) and nevermind, I'll get back to working more with Python

Me: das what I fucking thought esse

Hey, why isn't X working?

Well, whats it doing

It doesn't work

That doesn't help

OMG it blue screened

What did the blue screen say?

How do you fix it?

T e l l M e W h a t I t S a i d S o I C a n H e l p Y o u

I'm factory resetting it now

(L)user - Is Youtube blocked?

— I don’t know, have you tried it...?

(L) - Well no, but I just wanted to ask before trying it.

Are you kidding me?!

Guess the language...

(L)user tried to impress the IT staff (myself included) by installing a few of the NSA leaked tools last night, (l)user was infected with ransomware... (l)user is now job hunting. 👌🏽

Guys, unlike a lot of fresh and volatile developers here, i don't get angry at a lot of stuff

but people who play the "I'm older than you" card really really r e a l l y make me upset.

My Professor today, explaining data distribution in distributed systems:

"Imagine distributing Username data in subsets, such as A-C, D-F, G-I, J-L etc... And we have a lot of users with A .... *long pause* A bunch of assholes basically .."

Well, shit... I may have just shot myself in the foot. 🤔

5 years worth of asking my boss to get a Mac development machine for me, thereby allowing me to better create and maintain the hybrid mobile apps I've been building for him for years...

I finally got a definitive "yes, we'll do that" about 2 or 3 weeks back.

Now, running into stupid startup crashes on the aging iPad (6th gen) that I have for testing, I asked if I can just get a "Mac in cloud" subscription IN THE MEANTIME, you know, to help me meet deadlines...

His response: "Ah, yes.. that's a nice elegant solution, now you don't need a Mac! Well done."

F.. M.. L..

N O S T A L G I A

My worst interview ever was my first interview fresh out of college. After the initial phone screen, they asked me to drive 2 hours to their office to give me a "code challenge."

The challenge was to spend 4 hours writing a simple rest API for a blog type thing, but the catch was to not use any existing libraries for data access and instead write an entirely database agnostic DAL. Then after I finished they sat me in a conference room with 3 of their engineers and the CEO to just tear apart my code.
For a JUNIOR position to someone fresh out of college.

I guess I defended it well, because they asked to continue the process l, but after that I found a different position.

Used "ls -l" for the first time

Time to update CV to "Linux System Administrator"

*Motivation for side projects.*

Please come back. :l

Started my own business recently, it's still in the works but it's picking up nicely... Had a (l)user call me this morning asking if I could help him with his website design. I tell him he's and ask him what he's like his website to do... His exact words "I want everything like Facebook but the site not to be called Facebook and the colors green. Can you please make this happen?"

FUCK YOU!

I need to learn to TEST MY CODE P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y !!!!!!!

I don't want to come off as a linux-elitist but it's simply amazing how much easier my job is on linux. A good example recently was setting up some libraries for a C++ program I was writing to show to my class. Most of them were using Windows and visual studio, took about 15 minutes to download all the headers and libs, and show them how to configure a VS solution to link them. Not too big a deal but on linux, it only took about 30 seconds to pacman and gcc -l the lib. Little things like that keep me interested in linux as a dev tool.

Someone really needs to change the look of 'I' and 'l'
Guess what the first one is a capital i and the second one is a lower case L
This gets really confusing!

l can't imagine how porn site develepers do they work. :P

If you type "12oatmeal" in one of my school assignment console games, it plays a beep.
V e r y u s e f u l ™

Today I played hide and seek at work, this time it was not find the missing semicolon but instead find the unknown. After 30 minutes it turned out the request URL had a capital 'i' instead of a small 'L'
==> l = I almost the same but guess my eyes are not functioning as they should

It was a fun game

My girlfriend configuring her e-mail account in the app because her phone had to be reset to factory :
-I can't figure out how to do these setting, annoying...
-Oh yeah the imap and smtp servers can be tricky, let me put that
(I Google the settings for her mail provider and put them in)
-It still doesn't work.
-Uuuh, maybe with another security setting, try it.
-This shit still doesn't work, seriously my phone is broken.
-Have you verified the e-mail address and carefully typed the password?
-Yes of course, I've tried it several time
(I take the phone and check all the parameters... During a looooong time... Until it hits me.)
-Hmm... Can you read the e-mail you've entered?
-Yeah, it's my mail, blabla@hotmail.com.
-No can you read it again please?
-It's blabla, why?
-No, can you *spell* your e-mail?
-Yeah it's B-L-A-B-L-A-@-H-O-M-A... Ow shit...
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Good l(a)unch!

10km stroll a day keeps the XX(X)L away.

It's working :)

IntelliJ has this tutorial where it teaches you a bunch of shortcuts for making life easy, since version 2017.3 or something like that. Most of it is pretty meh, some of it is pretty useful. And I just came across a keybind to auto format code.

What else do I need. If I can quickly format my code and make it look pretty, that's all I'd want.

"Try reformatting the selected code with Ctrl+Alt+L"

*Linux Mint goes to lock screen*

*logs back in, code is unchanged*

Well played...

My grid doesn't always render right. My code literally gave me the L.

Since I already posted images of my desktop setups at work(Mac) and home(Linux), I didn't want to repost this week. So, to keep it at least mildly interesting, here's a shot of my garage networking setup.

Pictured:
Ubiquiti Edgerouter-L
Ubiquiti UAP-AC Lite
Drobo 5N
TP-Link cable modem
A big UPS, so we'll still have wifi during a power outage, since that's apparently important
A couple of older machines I'm working on when I have time
A Philips Hue Bridge
An unremarkable 7-port switch
An Ooma phone device
A shitload of my wife's stuff that she's left there on her way in and out of the house.

This stupid crap is pissing me off.

I write a quick blob of code that performs an http request with custom headers and writes the response to a file. easy squeezy. Everything works.

I abstract it into a class and add request building and stages (enjoayble!), and have one method make the response, read its body, and write to a file. I literally copy/pasted most of my existing code into the method and indented it. The only changes were updating var names to instance vars.

But now? It's complaining something is trying to read the request body twice, and it's throwing a fit. What? How? You were just working!

asfklasjdf;l

...when the workaround is soo good it becomes the solution :-L

I was called back into work last night at 4 a.m.

(L)user - *anony* I’m sorry to wake you but I’m needing on the internet and I can’t get out.

**Just installed a new firewall and I haven’t had time to get a trusted cert pushed through**

Me - alright I’ll be there in a second.

After rolling my sweet ass out of bed and getting here, I get her through and leave. When I get back to my house I realize I’d forgot my fucking keys... I come back and the bitch has her computer shut down reading a book and isn’t even using the internet...

Me - I thought you needed on the internet, whys your computer shut down...?

Her - Oh, I don’t need it right now, I was just having trouble getting on is all.

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK! This is the SAME fucking (l)user that somehow managed to get the fucking toner stuck backwards in a printer. It’s the same girl that has called me in the past at late hours and requested that I move a chair from one patient room to the other. A fucking chair. I’m not in the maintenance department... so first, you’re calling the wrong department and second; the time it took you to call me you yourself could have fucking done it. She didn’t like the way that call ended.

Although partially my fault, if I would have finished everything I wouldn’t have had to get up but shit... this fuck still deserves a chair to the fucking face.

- Learn git/github
- Create and finish a useful project on my Raspberry Pi
- Successfully organize a LoL tournament in my school, and develop something related to it
- Do not lose my mind when my programming teacher keeps saying bullshit
- Install a Linux distro along with my Windows as dualboot
- F u c k i n g clean that computer case a l r e a d y
- Finish the website I have been making for like half a year for my hobby
- Be active on devRant

Me and my manager throughout 2020

January:
Me: So umm, we can release the new app version
Manager: No we promised client X app first go build that
Me: umm, ok.

February:
Me: so the app is done, but client hasn't setup area L so there is no data there
Manager: ok, I'll have them setup area L soon ™️

March:
Manager: area L is too much work to setup, use workaround L thats way better
Me: ok ...

April:
Manager: client is nitpicking on design and layout please make this mess even greater
Me: ok, anything else?
Manager: yeah also start on app for client Z!
Me: and our app update?
Manager: later son! Risk tooo muchos!

May:
Me: the mess for client X is done, and first version for client Z is also ready for test
Manager: ok good work, here is a new set of things to mess up
Me: but... Seriously, wtf?!
Manager: clients want quality
Me: ah ok, not nitpicking, cool

June:
Manager: client X went MIA, but client Z will send you a weekly list of things they don't understand and want to change
Me: ah great, truly worth postponing my February holiday to release nothing

July:
Manager: so, how we doing on all them changes
Me: well, I am a loyal custodian with alot of pleasure in my work!
Manager: ah ok good!
Me: any news from client X??
Manager: who
Me: mkay ... n.v.m

August:
Me: can we release yet?
Manager: change, we can!!!
Me: are you Obama?
Manager: ambitions
Me: fuck you pay me

September:
Me: I am confident we can now release all 3 apps as promised mid september
Manager: great!! Good work

Also manager: you know that immensely complex area within the app? That needs a complete rewrite because we have bad ux there!!!
Me: ok... To which requirements?
Manager: good ux, we must have standards
Me: but the layout of page R id generic as page F so then we need to align there as well
Manager: go! Do!
Me: ok I'll come up with my own requirements then
Manager: we also need documentation
Me: really!!!! How clever of you to fire colleagues T & P and we now have zero workforce for that
Manager: things will get better someday
Me: ah, great! Put it on my calendar

October:
Me: I need a sabbatical biatch
Manager: a what?

Playing Minecraft minigames.

It's a pictionary clone. One player draws a secret word while the other players have a minute to guess.

Along the bottom is a hint.

Hint is in "_ _ _ l e" format.

Possible word is apple, for example.

I already win half of the games.

I can win more.

Initiate cheating.

Python script that accepts input in same format as hint and returns a list of results based on the word database.

Any time I come across a new word just add it to the database.

Stopped at 69 words tonight.

Game on.

Sometimes my "L" keys stops working. Then I have to plug in another keyboard to press the "L" key there. After that I can unplug the second keyboard since the original key started to work again.

Being 25 and just now getting employable dev etc skills is really quite daunting when you learn of the old geniuses like Bill Joy, Linus, Wozniak and then hear daily stories of 16 year olds doing amazing things.
Inexperience in a field where everyone demands experience is scary. Still excited to see where I Can l can get though.

I wish i could use CTRL + ALT + L for everything to reformat them

What can happen when you spend too much time here :l

Ladies and gentlemens, my everyday workstation.. at work.

i5-5300 2,30Ghz, 8gb ram and 128ssd. Bloated external screen with low resolution and even lower colour saturation.

Running VM, handling big as images, editing and a tiny bit coding.. and they wonder why I'm asking for a new setup..

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.)

Cheers ☕

Time for some clear readable code.

int a = l;
   if ( O == l )
     a = O1;
   else
     l = 01;

Nailed it.

Created a batch file to modify some system files on our embedded system.

Accidentally double clicked it in my development main machine :(

Man, fm fucking l

1. Manage my time better.
2. Find motivation to wake up and go to work.
3. Fake more smiles.
4. Kick ass hole (L)users in the throat when they piss me off...
5. Attend anger management.
6. Stop making shit lists.

In all honestly I need to dedicate more time to my personal clients and stop allowing my primary job’s frustration to drain my motivation to take care of their needs. It’s not fair to them that I chose the life I have. Find myself and attempt to love myself again. Create more time to focus on my health and goals. Surround myself with people that have goals and want to better their life. Find someone to share life with.

Then, with my luck; throw it all away and repeat these steps like a broken record.

(Coffee/water) drinking strategy: Everytime I rerun the project, I take a sip.

Life could have been way better if God has used some version control system and let individual take care of their life.

git revert l@$tHaPP¥d@¥

Or

git reset --hard beginningOfLife

A client just asked why her site was in Latin instead of English (I used dummy text because there was no content yet).

Last week, she requested l chop up a .jpg mockup because she 'can't scroll' the image.

I had to re-read the email to be sure.

All hail Linux Lite.

Now there is no excuse.

Teacher asks the class:
"How do you become a good developer?"

All the students starts talking about algorithms, problem solving or working in a team.

He nods and starts writing on the board. w w w. g o o g l e . c o m
He then leaves the classroom.

So here I am years later, a master googler and a expert stack overflower.

I fucking hate being a Dev sometimes.

G i v e m e f u l f i l l i n g t a s k s p l e a s e

Not these shitty ones with API documentation riddled with holes 🫠😥

Small feature request, but I think it would be cool if you guys could add some devducks with colored capes as well as keep the classic yellow duck as an option inside Desk Items (L).

I know its impractical to add text for obvious readability issues, but I think the base color of the actual capes would be cool, you know to match your current devduck irl :) Maybe keep the classic duck at +100 and have a higher ++ for the devducks with capes? Anyways, I'll just leave this here...
@dfox @trogus

DevDuck Cape Colors:

#222242 // Purple
#b22028 // Red
#f4f6f9 // White
#f4753e // Orange
#171615 // Black
#3a6894 // Blue

My business partner who claim to be the best Wall Street programmer, probably 160 years ago, decided to improve our core system written in Go.

He dragged a *shortcut* of *whole* local github folder into Vendor(sort of node_modules), Manually changed commit hash in Gopkg.lock, etc,

Next morning I woke up to 24 failed builds on Master; all protobuf redone with his unknown gogo version, database trigger function with changed logics added parameters, and a text message “has anyone experienced build corruption? Works on my mac”

My other business partners said “it’s okay, He’s going through tough divorce needs some distraction”

F M L

Customer requested the implementation of a "Master PIN" Code for accessing their appliances, to be used by field technicians when the users forgot their PIN.
Actually they could also read or reset it via USB using the config utility, but then again it's much more convenient not having to carry a laptop all the time...

Our only contact person at that company - the guy we got all the requirements from, let's call him Mr. L - wouldn't talk only positive about the company and managers, but we never worried as the project was making good progress.

In the final phase of the project, Mr. L was often hard to reach, always seemed to be busy even when we just needed a prototype approved to start production.
He always claimed to be waiting for approval from his supervisors and engineers, still discussing minor things with them.

When he left the company about three months later, it turned out he was pretty much the only person knowing about the details of the project, and his successor would start asking us very basic questions about the appliance,
wondering why we had implemented certain things the way they were.
(Well, how about we implemented everything just as requested by a former co-worker of yours?!)

Somewhere in the preliminary specs previously exchanged with Mr. L, there is even a hint of a "Master PIN", but the value is never specified anywhere on paper.

Today, we are not sure if anyone except for him even knew about it.
Maybe we should ask them whether they are now selling a product that has a 4-digit backdoor PIN nobody at the company is aware of?

Obviously, it is the birth year of Mr. L.

As devs, our keyboards are arguably the most used tools in the creative process of software development. Shortcuts are essential for (most of) us.

What's your most used keyboard shortcut in your most used IDE? Please explain what it does in which IDE.

Mine is Cmd+Alt+L in IntelliJ (reformat code, but only VCS changed or selected lines). I press it all the time, almost maniacally, after changing anything.

Close second place candidates: Shift+F6 (rename anything, e.g. file, class, function, variable), double Shift (search everywhere), Cmd+Alt+F (find in path, also in code), Cmd+B (go to declaration).

Opened an old document using Office, tried hours to move around the document but couldn't.
Then realised, I was pressing 'h', 'j', 'k' and 'l'.
😒😒

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

Issue or Error? Rant story time!

I was working on a windows desktop app, and everything was ok, you know, tests completed succesfully, all in time, etc. The problem was when we showed the demo to one of our clients. He saw several screens and we explained all the features to him.

Client: *Sees a Error pop-up indicating that a remote service is temporarly unavailable (what it has to happen in order to show him how the system would warn him when an external service is out of service)
Client: What’s that?
Lead dev: What do you mean?
Client: Yes. That’s an error pop-up
Lead dev: Yes, it’s a message that tells you that there was an issue connecting to the bank service
C: No, no and no. Please change it
L: Why? Don’t you want the system to tell you when there is a connection issue and why is that happening?
C: Yes, but my employees could lost their minds because of this class of messages!
L: So...?
C: You have to change it
L: Ok. What do you want to change?
C: First of all, don’t put an “Error” icon, put an “Warning” icon, and instead of “Error” title, put... “Issue”
L: “Issue?”
C: Yeah. Don’t put the “E” word, if the users see an “Error” message, they could think that the program doesn’t work, even if it does work.

We all though “WTF?!”

To make the story shorter, we changed all the pop-ups. That took two days.

Is that correct? I know that “Error” sounds hard but, seriously? “Issue: The remote service is not available, contact your bank?”

Love my new L-shaped CPU-holder...!

uSE AnY pRogrAmMinG L@ngu@g3 yOu liKe.

1nTervi3weRs Do N0t CarE aBouT tHe L@nGuAge.

Fuck you. Stop asking time complexity or space complexity of functional code. No one fucking knows.

How do you pronounce SQL?

1 s q l
2 sequel
3 squirrel

"We’re not insulting Larry [Wall] by saying he’s lazy; laziness is a virtue. The wheelbarrow was invented by someone
who was too lazy to carry things; writing was invented by someone who was too lazy to memorize; Perl was
invented by someone who was too lazy to get the job done without inventing a whole new computer language."
- footnote from Learning Perl, by Randal L. Schwartz, brian d foy, and Tom Phoenix

So, I was able to hack into a local business (legally) in under two minutes today... great and scary right? Get this, it was from my iPhone. All switches were still the default username and password... after seeing that they didn't think anything was wrong and didn't sign the contract... imagine what I could have done with my laptop and my PWNtools...

Fuck it, more (l)user data for me to log.😏

Alright, I need suggestions. I live in a small town and outside of my primary job, I own my own IT business. A lot of (l)users have eagerly asking if I’ll be teaching classes to explain some of the key things a computer is capable of doing. (Most of them will be elderly.)

How much would you charge for this? I’ve got about 20 people confirmed and I was thinking about doing 20$ a head. What seems reasonable? Keep in mind, this is a smaller sized town.

Meanwhile at my place (Translation L-R):

"Wow! Are you good at hacking?"
"Please hack my neighbor's Wi-Fi"
"Download me some movies!"
"Are you good at math?"
"Please fix my phone!"
"Can you remove the virus on my computer?"
"How many hours do you sleep in one day?"
"Put some cheats on this game!"
"Please hack my boyfriend's Facebook account!"

Yep, my family and even the entire neighborhood are ignorant of what I do as a dev!

FFS I'M NOT A PC REPAIR MAN!!! 😤😤😤😠😡

GOD DAMN THE STUPID IPTABLES, aaaaah!

Today I learned that
iptables -I INPUT -i !lo -j DROP
and
iptables -I INPUT ! -i lo -j DROP

are two completely different rules, the first of which doesn't work (in ~99.9% of cases)

yet both pass and get added to the firewall. And both rules show exactly the same in the state listing (iptables -L -n -v).

And I was wondering why the hell the firewall wasn't working...

I was cleaning up my hard drive and deleted some old directories.
I was notified that my backup just started and wanted to look how far along it was.
However, instead of 'ls -l /mnt/DATA/Backup' my shitpile of muscle memory typed 'rm -rf /mnt/DATA/Backup'... That's when my harddrive suddenly had 750GB of free space and I decided that I probably need some sleep.

Before any of y'all wanna lecture me on off-site backups, funny thing: Today I implemented a new daily backup routine (praised be borg) and therefore deleted my somewhat chaotic Backups on my NAS "Because if shit hits the fan, I still have my local Backup"

Come up with a bad version of flipping a bool's value. (value = !value)

I'll start with a bad way of doing it in C# (.NET):

char[] bca = boolWert.ToString();
if (bca.Length == 4 && bca[0] == 't' && bca[1] == 'r' && bca[2] == 'u' && bca[3] == 'e')
{
boolWert = !bool.Parse($"{bca[0]}{bca[1]}{bca[2]}{bca[3]}");
}
else if (bca.Length == 5 && bca[0] == 'f' && bca[1] == 'a' && bca[2] == 'l' && bca[3] == 's' && bca[4] == 'e')
{
boolWert = !bool.Parse($"{bca[0]}{bca[1]}{bca[2]}{bca[3]}{bca[4]}");
}
else throw new Exception("y e s");

THERE THANK GOD
MUCH BETTER

Yes, a plus, i.e. `+`, is a fucking valid char for an email address.

Your online service is shit, you don't know your craft, and you should feel bad about yourself!

But you thought email is fucking simple, google for email validation regex and took copy pasted the first fucking find from some random blog that validates anything but an actual fucking valid email addresses, didn't you!?

(Funfact, the plus sign allow to create email aliases in some free mailer services. GMail for instance. That's why I l like using emails like my.actual.mail+I_KNOW_WHY_YOU_ARE_SENDING_SPAM@gmail.com as my registration email. Also, brute-force that login email.)

When you want to buy a hoodie, but the L sizes are sold out... 😕

Wrote some documentation in a text-editor. Pressed cmd+option+l and wondered for a moment why it didn't properly formatted my document.

I love Unix systems because everything goes smoothly most of the time but today... Fuck me... I just wanted to see how many lines my script was with "wc - l" but I couldn't remember "m" or "w". 180 degrees separated despair and monotony, although I didn't know it yet. I did "mc - l" first and midnight logged empty ftp buffer to my file. Goodbye Thursday and Fridays work :) I should commit more often.

Kotlin and mother tongue

In my mother tongue (my first language which is Kikuyu) we do not have the letter L in our alphabet thus meaning L and R to us is similar thus pronounced the same.
Then Kotlin makes life hard for devs who got a mother influence in their speech from my tribe. Was having a talk with fellow dev who is my tribe mate and we had an issue agreeing between val and var hehe.
We had to write it down to tell which is which.

Thankyou Kotlin for making my day.

!rant

I aliased the go package manager dep to derp

I do this because I consider myself a grade A derper.

I derp hard when I write in go, not because of not getting the language,on the contrary....I feel quite profficient in it which gives me the ability to derp whilst cosing.

Go is amazing. Such a boring language in the best way possible in terms of syntax but so fun in productivity.

Microservices galore l.

I can't believe how many videos I see of some shell/terminal wizard typing in 'clear'..
*CTRL -L

Currently working in a virtual Linux machine running on a Windows host. The Linux VM is running i3 and I just locked the host for the umpteenth time because my dumbass pressed Win-L to switch one Window to the right...

Also, while typing out the tags, I got the tag-suggestion 'my password is as weak as my mental state' 😂

But l like microsoft and it's stuffs

I had a collage who kept linux commands like ls -l, ssh and git commit/pull/push in .txt file and when he needed to use them, he just copy from the file and paste them to command line EVERY F*CKING TIME. He just didn't won't to learn them.

Windows, because ... Is Windows 😝😝

P L E A S E
Do not just teach them on how to program. Teach them on how to properly write a documentation and how to properly execute a project. Like, don't start coding directly. Teach how to plan a project properly especially on estimation. (lol)

I feel this should go without saying: When you submit your curriculum vitae to a company in search of a job offer, or at least an interview then plz plz plz pretty please eith cherries on top make sure that you at l ast tailored the application towards the general direction of the industry for which you are trying to apply.

Some of the applications we got......booooooooooy these people.....

Recruiter: Do you know S D L C?
Me: ... Do you?

Need two needles, two infusion hoses and 5 - 10 l of coffee.

The blood must go, the caffeine get in instead.

And yeah. This sounds fantastical in my brain right now, as I'm literally drooling half asleep in front of the PC.

It's 16 o clock in germany and I have gotten done nothing.

And I think I should put on some baby bips or the keyboard fries from drool.

So today was interesting.

I had to extract the domain from an email address and compare the domain to a hard coded whitelist, nothing difficult, fuck takes 2 min really.

Except the project starts throwing 500 errors for no god damn reason, like seriously, I double check syntax, nope looks fine, run pho's syntax checker on the file
# php -l /path/to/file.php

Nope says it's all good.
Checks error log on server -> no log

OoooooooooKay then.

Comments out the few lines, saves, errors gone.

remove comments, error comes back.

Do this a few times, and magically the fucking thing stops throwing errors, now I haven't actually changed anything, and I know this project is so fragile I don't know how it stays running at times but fuck me this is a painful joke.

When you actually think about it, the Lazarus IDE for the Free Pascal compiler has the coolest name.

Them: what are you working on?

Me: **looks at screen and whispers** Lazarus......

I have been fucking around with Pascal more since I started to remember my Delphi days. Shit is tight af man.

I think I will try and build a site around it. Something sexy and modern to make this tech stack more l
Known to people. So far I have been having a blast playing with it.

Such an easy and powerful environment. And the syntax is so easy to learn.

>Gets assigned to this private Game server's project
>Boss wants me to improve the anti advertisement chat
> k
> Looks at old code
> Code is replacing unicode characters to latin ones that look similar which are being used for advertising
> lol'd who tf developed this
> regex101, building a regex query with endless of possibilities (would look something like this) /((L|\|_|I_)(O|0|\[\]|\(\))(L|\|_|_))/gi to detect lol
> Adds alot of similar looking unicode characters to assure that it will find something
> Works really well in the dev version
> Server open hour
> 30 players
> All chat at the same time
> CPU 100%
> BOSS NEVER TOLD ME TO MAKE IT EFFICIENT

#arduino #led matrix
Hey guys.
So, this is my first led matrix using a 74hc595n, I did all the connections right, isolated the cathodes (-), and when I tested, I only connected one cathode (to test one row, when almost all the lights turned on, in all rows doing a chacing... So I disconnected the negative wire and it still works.
One led in the arduino blinks (L).
GND is only connected to the shift register
All the rows light up doing a colum chase when there is no negative.
I'm astowned.....

I am working as a junior in a company that pays me minimum wage and doesn't give a single fuck about my existence.
"Change the job", you say?
Well, that's what I am trying to do for, like, 3rd month now. No one wants to invest into junior...

Every day I go to work with thoughts about quitting, but I need a job... Even if it's like this...

fml.
F
M
L

@dfox Could we also get watches on the right hand ? I've been wearing mine on the right hand ever since I've started wearing a watch and I feel awkward wearing it on the left :)

To all German Devs - can you help me out with some employment law?
I have a TV-L E13 contract in the uni. I've been travelling a lot for work lately, and the journey is always falling on my rest days (Saturday or Sunday). Can I ask for compensation for spending 7 hours in a train on the weekend?
I would not care if it was a one time thing, but it already accumulated to a lot of days....

Sequel or S Q L?

I find myself dipping between the two recently depending on who I'm talking to. It's driving my insane and I can't stop myself -_-

Kiki feet these days

S — Sucks
T — To be broke
I
M
U
L — Lambo
U
S

I think no one can notice the difference between L and i

Difference is l and I

So like a couple days ago I was trying to clear the Var directory of my Symfony project.
I wrote
cd /var
rm ./* -R
Linux: are you sure you want to delete write protected blah blah blah?
Me:AHA! SO ITS A PERMISSIONS ISSUE
sudo rm ./* -R

Quickly realized I was no longer in my project directory.

Took a fat L. Had to reinstall.

I fix antique code for a living and regularly come across code like this, and this is actually the good stuff!

Worst usecase for a goto statement? What do you think?

  int sDDIO::recvCount(int bitNumber){

  if (bitNumber < 0 || bitNumber > 15) return 0;   //ValidatebitNumber which has to be 0-15

  //Send count request

  if (!(send(String::Format(L"#{0:X2}{1}\r", id, bitNumber)) && flushTx())){

bad:   //Return 0 if something went wrong

  return 0;

}

  String^ s = recv(L"\r");   //Receive request data

  if (s->Length != 9) goto bad;   //Validate lenght

s = s->Substring(3, 5);   //Take only relevant bits

 

  int value;   //Try to parse value and send to bad if fails

  bool result = Int32::TryParse(s, value);

  if (!result) goto bad;

 

  int count = value - _lastCount[bitNumber];   //Maximumpossible count on Moxa is 65535.

  if (count < 0) count += 65536;   //If the limit reached, the counter resets to 0

_lastCount[bitNumber] = value;   //This avoids loosing count if the 1st request was

  //made at 65530 and the 2nd request was made at 5

  return count;

}

We have a bunch of legacy applications that runs on Windows only. I'm pretty much the only dev here who doesn't use a Windows machine.

In order to run those applications, I need use remote desktop to a Windows VM.

I use a Mac. And I use a lot of keyboard shortcuts. Case in point, CMD + L to go to the address bar in the browser.

This happens every time when I need to access those applications.

me: *remote desktop to the VM
me: "oh I need to get to the index/landing page"
me: *CMD + L
VM: "I'm locked now"

(I am talking about my school’s promotional project, look at my rants for reference)

Deadlines were insane and I had nothing to do about it. Had to touch JavaScript for the first time in 3 years and code like I still know it by heart.

In short: H.E.L.L. It stands for:

H oh
E god
L never
L again

We've had tabs vs spaces, gif vs jif, but how about S Q L vs sequel? Which one do you prefer? I'm in camp sequel.

Corporate Training: to lock your screen press ctrl+alt+delete and select lock screen.

Non-Dev: need to lock screen, ctrl+alt+delete... It's not responding... Ctrl+alt+delete.... Wait why did my computer reboot.... NOOOOOOOO... MY WORK

Me, Dev: uhm I just used Win+L...

Thank God for Ctrl+Alt+L in PHPStorm...one guy from our company seemed to like this code style once upon a time:

if ($variable > 0)

{

// stuff

}

else

{

// other stuff

}

June rocks. It is time to party:
[L]ets
[G]et
[B]eer
[T]acos &
[Q]uesadillas!

That's a fucking L devrant

Whoever programmed ATMA's roomba-style device… you really really need to improve your skills!
Yes… my room is L-shaped, but that doesn't mean one of the arms of the L doesn't need cleaning!! 😒

monday.com: our manager has been pushing for it for weeks. We barely got any time with the demo before it expired and the company took forever to get licenses.

Now that we're on it ... this thing sucks ass. It hijacks all the browser keyboard shortcuts. You can't use Ctrl+F or Ctrl+L .. you can't even right click.

This is the worst project management software I've ever seen. It's amazingly even worse that Jira. I wish we had just gone with Redmine. It's free and not garbage

(another) Russian roulette for devs

$jobs -l
[1]+ 642 python .....etc

$sudo kill -9 642

.... other commands here

arrow up...arrow up... (looking for jobs -l)... got it.
arrow up...

$kill -9 642
F*uck! (i remember that i have not changed the pid)
kill: no such process (luckly no damages)

anyone killed something relevant making this mistake?

We need Phones with nuclear batteries, and no need to stay plugged in all tye day anymore l.

Guys, is this another framework? Sorry, I didn't look at it yet...

:L

IsIdentical(object l, object r {
if (l.m_Lorum == r.m_Lorum)
if (l.m_Lorum2 == r.m_Lorum2)
if (l.m_Lorum3 == r.m_Lorum3)
if (l.m_Lorum4 == r.m_Lorum4)
if (l.m_Lorum5 == r.m_Lorum5)
if (l.m_Lorum6 == r.m_Lorum6)
if (l.m_Lorum7 == r.m_Lorum7)
if (l.m_Lorum8 == r.m_Lorum8)
if (l.m_Lorum9 == r.m_Lorum9)
return true;
return false;
}

//FML..

Just do this:

return (l.m_Lorum1 == r.m_Lorum1 &&
l.m_Lorum2 == r.m_Lorum2 &&
l.m_Lorum3 == r.m_Lorum3 &&
l.m_Lorum4 == r.m_Lorum4 &&
l.m_Lorum5 == r.m_Lorum5 &&
l.m_Lorum6 == r.m_Lorum6 &&
l.m_Lorum7 == r.m_Lorum7 &&
l.m_Lorum8 == r.m_Lorum8 &&
l.m_Lorum9 == r.m_Lorum9);

OpenSuse'e sarcasm is BRILLIANT!

```
~$ ssh 192.168.122.43 -l root
Last login: Thu Feb 2 19:12:45 2023 from 192.168.122.1
Have a lot of fun...
localhost:~ #
```

That moment when PM writes "click on learn more" on the whiteboard, but the 'c' and 'l' are too close together and it seems like one letter 😂

Me:put proper variable names so that i can remember later what this loop does
After writing some good names
Me: i will remember it i am just gonna put initials
After a week or two.....

Me:wtf these a,b,c,d,i,j,k,l variables do

I expect you to have data before advertising data analytics courses to me Udemy ... You don't even have my %lastname% for god's sake

I just want to thank Steam for making steam guard key in all caps. So I dont need to fucking think about if its uppercase i or lowercase L. It would be much better if they do it on all captcha services or just fucking dont use i l o and 0 characters. These are pisses me off. They are so fucking annoying.

I was part of shortlisting committee for workshop happening soon.

So I wrote a script to rank the entries according the answers given to particular question.

There was particular question asking " link for thier social presence?"
Guess what more than 60% ppl wrote as LinkedIn, github, stackoverflow..etc !!! instead of giving the URL.

So I thought of ranking these ppl low, out of frustration, and modified my algorithm such that if those were entries ,rank lower, but my algo failed for one entry which had linkedln as the entry and my algo Did not rank him down.
After 1 hr of debugging found that entry had spelling mistake it was spelled as Linked"L"n.(font was not able to differentiate)

F*** that guy !

Anyone in South West Kansas looking to grab a drink? Lol, I fucking can't with my (l)users today...

Today we were doing the ccna1 final exam and this was one of the questions and its answers. I know that they are real IT terms but still I was laughingin af😂

An job near my hometown l, where i can bike to work.

My keybo§rd is broken. I tested it on two different m§chines, ch§nged keybo§rd l§yout, tried to cle§n it up, but no luck. Left side of 2wsx keys is completly useless. I'm so dis§ppointed@@@ ( @ used to be excl§m§tion m§rk :( )

If you need me,
I’ll be in the cereal aisle
Coming to grips with
R E A L I T Y
🛒🙂

l
-bash: l: command not found
s

For all things, for all men, that a man compliments a thing does not imply that this man at least attempts to understand this thing. However, for all men, that a man criticises a thing implies that this man at least attempts to understand this thing.

For all computer programs, that a computer program is terrible implies that scrapping the current implementation of this computer program and beginning anew may be the best method of fixing this computer program.

With few exceptions, for all programming languages $l$, given sufficient effort, $l$ source code can be human-readable.

The UNIX philosophy never became outdated.

For all computer programs $p$, $p$ should be written sufficiently well that the author of $p$ can be prideful of $p$.

For all computer programs $p$, a specification for $p$ should be written before $p$ is created.

For all good computer programs, a good computer program can run on terrible hardware.

Every clock cycle is valuable.

I really don't like the atmosphere in hospitals. Only thing I like about hospitals are the beautiful nurses and doctors, esp those who look in the eyes when talking.

If you think about it, basically what a doctor is to a humans or animals is same as what a computer technician is to a computer.

Maybe a dozen decades down the future, the reality may be such that there will be a convergence between the doctors and computer technicians as humans start integrating humanoid elements in their body.

I think it's l inevitable.

So many…

I think in general they boil down to: “you may be an expert, but I know what I want”

But the worst experience above all is one I had with a German school: the director/previous dev got angry cause they were told a real dev was needed (they were told this by most of their colleagues) and tried to actively make my job miserable. Oh and they requested an auto starting video with sound ofc! Q U A L I T Y - W E B S I T E

!dev
I was so tired of work last week and weather was so good I ended up in a bar.
People were so nice there so I got there second day in a row.
I met new nice people and cute female bartender who laughed from my jokes.
Was to drunk and tried so much to make her laugh that l forgot to get her number.
Got there next day asked bartender for her shifts, turned out it was last day of her work, she moved out from city for at least a year. So I got drunk again, and so on 5 days in a row.
Well that’s my life. Lucky me... again.
Karma is so funny I can’t laugh for some time anymore.

My left cortex: You have a paper to write @poster983. Put devrant down.

My right cortex: NO! Enjoy yourself. You have a study hall tomorrow. Do it then.

My left cortex: Remember, you already said that about history. Best to do it now!

*mouth makes farting noise*

My Right cortex: COME ON! IT'S HUCKLEBERRY FINN. JUST USE SPARK NOTES! DO IT L A T E R!

My left cortex: fuck you right.

My right cortex: right back at you.

*Snapchat buzzes*
My full brain: OK HALT THE DEVRANTS! THE BOYFRIEND IS TEXTING!

(Notice the recursion here?). This is why I can't ever write papers.
Same thing applies to when I'm programing. I end up spending 2 hours on something that only should have taken me 1.

My left cortex: Stop Ranting!

Help me.
💩

Lets play a little python game together and win some devRant points :

We have an array of integers named L

We need to sort this array so that the biggest number be in the beginning and lowest at the end..descending order

Rules:
-You are not allowed to write more than one line of code in the comment...only one

-if you comment once...you cannot comment directly after that...you have to wait for two other comments after you so you can comment again

-you have to build your code upon the previous comments ... you cannot start from scratch

-the lucky one who puts the final comment is the winner..and we should all ++ his comment to give him the biggest amount of points

Lets start and see who will win :)

Challenge: rank the following in your favourite order:

A: Stargate shows
B: Battlestar Galactica (and Caprica)
C: StarTrek
D: Westworld
E: Star wars
F: Doctor Who
G: Black mirror
H: X files
I: Matrix films
J: Babylon 5
K: Altered Carbon
L: The Arrival

And any other sci-fi shows/films I've missed

Our "boss" asked us to go to office on Saturday to work on something that is not part of the current sprint, but planned to be done next sprint, because we are
A g i l e

If you could keep only one alias from your {bash, zsh, etc...}rc what would it be?

Boomer humor: I hate my wife
Gen-X humor: I hate my life
Gen-Z humor:
🥚
🦵 L E G G

Just learned about the Linux watch command today. `watch -n 1 ls -l` OMG, where have you been all my life?

So I'm learning Vim at the moment... and one thing that bugs me is that the navigation arrows are h,j,k,l.
On the german keyboard layout, when I use the 10-finger-system, my right hand is in this constellation: forefinger on j, middle finger on k, ring finger on l, and little finger on ö.
So wouldn't it be better if the navigation would be j,k,l,ö instead of h,j,k,l?
Or is this different in english keyboard layout?
I'm confused 🤔

Is there any plugin/script for chrome that allows to automatically take all device screenshots and name them accordingly? (4k, laptop L, mobile L, ..) I don't want to rely on using external services and wouldn't want to write some quick hack with a chrome wrapper.

Boss said no more emoticons. I was like l, BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. #emoticonwayoflife

So, today I got my first day of vacation. Amazingly I didn't get called yet, but I know the other Dev wasn't in today else.

Who wants to place bets I'm going to get called this week. Really bad that I'm already bracing myself :l

Sometimes the "L" and "S" keys are a little TOO close to each other in Dvorak layout. Yeah, I just did this:

<button type="button">Select Ass</button>

"Y’all talk about UX like it’s just another feature. For a user, it literally is the product. Full stop. Everything else is inside baseball." - Startup L. Jackson

I've just checked and see that my FUP was increased from 150GB to 400GB with no extra cost

I'm getting 40 Mbps U/L and I'm paying $10.11/pm

Thanks to my ISP

Detecting platform in cmake (which I hate).
WHY do you display "armv71", yet can't match the string "armv71"???!?

I'll need to post my cmake lists and cli results on stackoverflow.

OK, last try, I'll copy and paste from the terminal into my file.

Ooooh! You weren't saying "armv71"! You were saying "armv7l"! 😥

(And my font does make a difference between l and 1)

Learnt a lesson today:

Never try out new hotkeys in a SQL query editor window.

Or if you do, at least make sure it's not connected to anything important :)

I was trying out new hotkeys and accidentally executed a SQL deploy script to rename something in multiple stored procedures in a large system.

Thankfully - so I saw after my heart stopped - it was only our QA db so not too bad, just a couple of devs set back.

Who woulda thought ctrl-l would execute :O