Today I figured out how to remotely control my student's computers and how to send them messages when they're not doing the right thing

When you implement a 3rd party payment system, and it doesn't work... and their support can't fix the problem... So you debug their code and send them the revised code and they update their GIT repo and update their documenting.

Just called Asus for a problem with my router, went to send them my systemlog.txt for analysis

"Oh we don't have an email you can send that to"

Me: "(me calling bullshit) let me talk to the tech team.."

*Get transferred*

"Hello this is the supervisor"

Me: "fml"

"Ya we don't have an email you can send that to, but we can use a different departments verification services to get a file from you, has to be a picture though"

Me: "What? I got a .txt file here, I just want to get it to you, does it really have to be a picture?"

"Has to be a picture or a PDF, we can't take txt files"

Me: "fkin.. srsly? Fine"

I can't believe Asus's system srsly. I think it's for virus protection, but viruses can be embedded in both picture formats and PDF, but not in txt. So wtf is going on lol

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-

1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.

2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.

3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.

4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.

5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.

6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.

7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.

8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.

9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.

10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.

And.......

12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

😂🤣😃😁😅😜

!Rant

Support Call:
”our PC stick isn't booting up! Come and fix it! (angry)”

Me:
”The PC are meant to boot up whenever power is delivered to them. Are you sure your TVs are powered on?”

Support Call:
”Yes! I just pressed the power button on both TVs and it didn't turn on the PC sticks.”

Me:
”So you can confirm the TVs are on? Can you change the input and see what happens?”

Support Phone:
”Stop wasting my time and send someone down to fix it now! I told you it isn't working!”

Me:
”Ok, we will get someone out to you as soon as possible.”

Then a support guy drives 2 hours to their store.

When he gets there he realizes that the TVs power is connected to a light switch and they has the switch off!!!

He said ”can we turn on some lights so I can see behind the TV?” and then all the fucking TVs came on.

These are times when I fully understand the concept of “firing a customer”.

The customer sent an email saying ”the downtime for your product was unacceptable.” even after it was explained to them that the problem was them turning off the power.

These fucking idiots actually expect us to deliver products to display on TVs without fucking electricity to run them.

Potential Employer: So your website does not seem to work well in Internet Explorer. A lot of employers might get annoyed with it.

Me: Yeah, I don't want them to hire me or even send me a message.

Receives email from warranty guy in work.

Warranty: "Hi, see attached scan in PDF form.
I normally fill the boxes in manually, scan as pdf to myself and then email it on to the higher ups, but they now say they need it in excel form from now on! Can you convert it for me?"

Me: "It looks like your scan's quality isn't good enough for a convert to excel.
Where do you get the original form?
Is it from a website?"

Warranty: "Hang on and ill send you an email with the file and give you a call"

*receives email and a phone call"

Warranty:
"There you go. Theres an excel sheet in that email. what do i do?"

Me: "So.... just so I understand the question... you just fill in this excel sheet, scan as pdf and send it on... but they want it sent as an excel form and not a pdf?"

"Yes."

"So.... Could you not just fill in the excel sheet and email it to them?"

"What do you mean?"

"....fill in the excel sheet as normal, and go to file, share and email... send the original one on."

"And what would that do?"

"...you... you'd be sending the form as an excel sheet, as requested??"

Warranty: *silence for 10 seconds* Oh, i see now. I get you! You're a genius! Well done for figuring it out. Thanks a million!!"

O.O

A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .

In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.

A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.

A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”

When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.

IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…” 

The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.

The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.

The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.

I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.

I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...

The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.

I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!

DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them

The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.

The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh

I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…

Story time:

I was once working on a project that dealt with incredibly sensitive financial data.

We needed a client’s database to do a migration.

They wouldn’t send it over the internet because it was too big and they didn’t think it would be secure.

They opt to send it in the post on an encrypted usb drive.

(Fair enough thinks I)

USB drive arrives.
Is indeed encrypted.

MFW there’s a post it note in the envelope with the password on.

MFW this is a billion dollar multinational petrochem company.

MFW this same company’s ‘sysadmin’ and ‘dba’ once complained because a SQL script I sent them didn’t work - they’d pasted it twice and couldn’t work this out from the fucking “table already created” error message management studio was throwing at them.

Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*

Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*

Fucking seriously?! Cunt.

Here's an idea.
Make a virus called nudes
Everyone that says "Send Nudes"
I will send them "nudes"

Last week, I notified a customer about that their webbserver spewed out several thousands of spam emails every hour, and they have to fix it ASAP.
(I also inform them for the 50th times for the last 2 years that they really need to update their websites so we can update from Debian 5).

The owner of the company forward this to their developers.

Today, I got the answer from them denying everything and blaming our "negligence" and they also dared to question all our technical expertise. shots fired

Spend some hours, finding shit on their websites, dug out logs, read documentation and old conversation and compiled that into a huge email that was designed to put them 10 meters under ground.

mfw I pressed send

Found a security hole....

A fast food delivery service had an ID for every order it Said
"example.com/order/9237" - i go 9236... finds another persons order, address, and phone number

So What should i do?

i thought of making a crawler and then make statistics on everyones orders and send Them a link 😂

devRant needed my "physical address" to send me stickers.
I sent them: 8D:*E:85:12:**:**

Waiting for the stickers... :-/

I am on nepal and we don't have international payment system. I have been sending email to dev writers for their book as I can't buy it from here and all of them send me their book for free. Its amazing :)

Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification

Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.

Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?

Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again

Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%

Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"

Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"

Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.

Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.

Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.

Client: We need this site up and running by the end of the month.

Me: Ok we need them to send creative over. Please provide it in Photoshop format.

.... A few days before due date.

Client: We have sent you all the creative. Please see email attachment.

...... Opens attachment. Creative was created in PowerPoint.

FML!! I CANNOT BELIEVE!!!

*starts twitching*

Them: "Could you send the password in an encrypted mail?"
Me: "Yea sure, what's your GPG public key?"
Them: "What's that? Can't you just encrypt it?"
Me: "Nvm, do you have Signal?"

One month ago. By email.

Boss: so, this client A has a problem with one of our devices and he believes that it's a bug in the software.

Me: all right then, what happens?

Boss: well, he says that the parameter P in the option menu does not changes the device's behaviour as it is supposed to. I'll forward you his mail. You will find attached an excell file with the results of his test performed with and without the parameter active.

Me: < read mail, read excell file > well, boss, his tests are performed in completely different conditions, how could he expect to infer a meaningful results from this?

Boss: damn, you are right. Send him a test plan and follow up.

Me: < send detailed test plan >

No answer in a week. Then...

Client: hi, there, I made this tests, I attached the excell with the results, can you check the software now?

Me: < read another bullshit filled excell file with none of the suggested test performed >
You know what? Just download the procedures you are using from the device and send them by mail, specifying the software version you are using so we can perform some tests here in the lab and get yo a solution asap.

No response. For a MONTH.

Super Boss: client A still has his problem, how could possibly be that it takes more than A FUCKING MONTH to solve his issue??

Me:...

“No we don’t use the time zone info you send on each request. We get all the drivers for the store ID, choose one of them randomly and take their time zone. We have been assuming it will always be the same for all drivers for each store.”

This is my new favorite response to a Jira ticket in this company.

I may have to print it out and hang it on my desk

So the tax authorities in the Netherlands have this slogan that roughly translates to:
"We can't make it fun, but we can make it easier."

I'm not sure how this is going to be easy for me. This arrived in the mail today.
Even worse this is a fuck up from them. They are saying our company did not do it's taxes but when we log in their online portal we can see that we did them. But they are saying that they don't see it in their system.

Who build that system?

Trying to stay calm when they are claiming I own them more taxes then my company has earned in a year.

I did not have enough sleep for this drama.

By the way how about we save some trees and don't send 30 letters on 1 day.

I so fucking hate mosquitoes. At this point I'm seriously willing to lure all those bitches in and guide them straight to an electrical death. Problem is, I know how to generate super high voltage to char the fuckers right into smelly dust, but I don't know how to lure them in, or even find them manually, so let alone automatically. Even a chemical reaction we can electronically dispense to lure in the fuckers, but I have no idea what that chemical stuff would be. I'm not a chemist (yet). But if I can build it, fucking hell.. I would build a ton of them, weaponize my entire home and even build some spares to send off to fellow ranters. Because those parasitic bitches must DIE!! The only reason why they still exist after thousands of years is because we didn't kill the fuckers yet. I want to fucking kill the leeches, preferably in the most gruesome way possible.

So yeah. A shout for help to my fellow ranters this is.. perhaps even a collab. I have no idea about the stuff that draws those fuckers into their death. Any suggestions? Whoever can guide me to the demise of those parasitic pieces of shit, seriously.. if at all feasible, I'll build it for you and ship it!! Death to those parasitic blood-sucking bitches!!!

STUPID SHIT ASS EMAIL POLICIES NOT ALLOWING ME TO SEND CERTAIN FILE TYPES TO A SUPPORT MEMBER WHEN THERE ARE FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THE PRODUCTION SITE. THE GUY THAT SET UP THOSE POLICIES CAN ROLL THEM UP AND STICK THEM IN HIS ASS.

There that's better...

A month ago I had some medical tests, the next morning, the clinic's send a email with my results. Oh surprise, unbelievable security flaws. They sent me a link without any kind of authentication, token, or security. I looked at my results, and by entering consecutive and random numbers I was able to download a lot of results and folders of other patients. I wrote an email to the clinic informing them of this situation and their response was "Thank you". Today I have accessed the link and the error is still present. I am going to notify higher health authorities.

A co-worker at the city-government just chose the wrong mailing list and send an e-mail to EVERY SINGLE emlpoyee (about 20'000 people, including our police-department, hospitals, councils etc.).
Within A MINUTE hundrets of people responded to the mail by using the "reply all" button, pointing out that this mail obviously wasn't meant for them.
After another minute the same douchebags sent another mail (of course using the "reply all" button AGAIN), asking to be removed from the mailing list and stop spamming them.

Even two hours after blocking the mailing list immediately, our mail servers still are processing all those damn mails.

RIP exchange servers
RIP inbox
RIP faith in humanity

Edit: typos

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Best part about IT culture is how you send someone an e-mail & then you have to go and tell them that you've sent an email.

It happens to me often!!! 🤣🤣

Fuck those clients which are surprised when they get an invoice when they ask you to do something for them.

I think it's as simple as:

- you know my hourly rate
- you ask me to do some work for you
- I give you an estimation
- you agree with the estimation
- I get the job done and show it to you
- you accept the edits/solutions
- I send you an invoice with less hours than estimated
- you agree with the invoice and pay

It seems that every step is going well, except the last one...

Well... fuck you too.

I got a friend who likes to travel randomly to random places.. he now found some dudes who share this hobby.

So now there is a thing running on my server ticking everyday, 10am, with a 1:150 probability to send a sms to 7 numbers (including me) which tells them to travel to budapest.

FYI: he and his friends study engineering, i study too. So 1:150 may sound pretty low at first but we don't have that much time over the year actually.:D

Russian Roulette Travelling is a thing now.😁

DAMN IT JUST SEND ME SOME FLOWERS

Started a new job yesterday, and rather than making my partner work to pick up hints I have said explicitly a few times that I want him to send me flowers at work, because

1) Yay flowers!
2) Displays dominance over other women at work because it demonstrates I have a caring partner
3) Did I mention pretty flowers?
4) Let's the dudes at work know I'm in a relationship so that means we can all just focus on being colleagues

FFS I even sent a link to a site that does local same day delivery for no extra charge, and pointed out the three bouquet styles I like best. So easy.

But he has yet to send me any.

And as I'm filling out the W-4, learning that I have to pay an extra $10k in taxes, because we eloped a week ago and apparently that's what happens when two high earners file jointly and it's making me want to rant because THE COST OF FLOWERS IS INSIGNIFICANT TO MY TAX BURDEN SO SEND ME THE DAMN FLOWERS.

(and yes technically it's "our" tax burden and yes the money spent on a bouquet would only add to our shared house expenses but I don't care; I'm generally anti flower but there's a time and a place and this is the time and the place)

And if he sends them late in the week, a significant portion of their prime blooming time will be during the weekend which is just wasteful so ugh.

</rant>

I'm freelancing and there was a guy who needed help with JavaFX. He gave me code only to his view class so I don't steal the rest... It was around 5k lines and it was full of compilation errors because of missing classes. While checking the code I realised something is really wrong with his model classes. So I asked maybe he could send me this one model class that was suspicious. So he did and it was around 10k lines long and had around 200 fields... ALL OF THEM FUCKING STRINGS except 3. You know what the rest of 3 were? 2 Lists of strings and a boolean... It was his "main" model class, he was using it for everything. It had setters for all fields and empty default constructor, so he would just instantiate the object and would set the fields that he wanted to use. Need new functionality? Just add 5more String fields and set them!

Since roughly 981 Malaysians are using my app now for helping the needy. So I decided to send this message to those who use my platform , to remind them to stay strong.

Because I begin to see people are fed and slowly I believe someday we can do a better job than our government.

Email subject: Urgent need for developers!

Email body: We found you in our database, and think you're a match for this position! Requires 5+ years of C++ experience

Apparently C# == C++. Good luck finding an appropriate candidate, buddy. I was tempted to send them an email pointing out their error, but I'm not too good with "pointers"

The fuck did you think was going to happen?

User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.

PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?

Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.

I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.

PM: Well that's not what x said.

Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)

PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits.

I got really pissed off with this company. Why you ask? Well, first off they send me an email for applying with them for a job. Ok, harmless. I wait a couple of weeks and they send me another email. I'm excited, perhaps I got the job! NOPE it's the fucking same email for the fucking same job. I half assed their application the second go around because I was pissed off with them. In their section about uniqueness I essentially gave them the finger.

Starting to work with a new senior designer in the remote office (red). Spent 4 days explaining to him that we need .png's in multiple sizes for the app, trying to teach him to use Zeplin to let us export them. Everything failed, his manager told him to just send us the .png's via slack ..... has he seen a computer before?

Because of the pandemic and how most of the people in my institution's I.T department are working from home we were asked to route calls from our work extension to our home phones. I did it to my cellphone and some of the calls that I get are hilarious, yet annoying. Annoying because we have a bunch of boomer ass people making the most ridiculous calls.
Being that the calls are not registered into our phones they just show the random number from which x person is calling.

Just right now my phone rings aaaand:
Me: "Hello?"
Boomer: "YES <tech support technician's name which is obviously not mine> I NEED YOU TO FIX MY EMAIL IT IS NOT WORKING AND MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING"

Me: "I am sorry, I don't know how did you get this number, but what we can..."

BOOMER: WELL CAN I PLEASE SPEAK TO THE TECHNICIAN? I NEED THIS TO GET FIXED RIGHT NOW

Me: As I was saying, we can attempt to send an email through your phone's outlook app if you have it installed or I can send an email asking them to contact you since you are reaching an entirely different dep..."

Boomer: "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME! MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING AND I CAN'T SEND EMAILS AND I DON'T WANT TO USE MY PHONE, I WANT TO USE MY LAPTOP"

Me: Did YOU not hear me? I just said that I can send an email for you since my computer is working properly, at the same time, not wanting to use your phone to send an email when you have no other option available is more of a YOU problem, it is not mine

Boomer: EXCUSE ME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO? i AM THE MANAGER OF <X> DEPARTMENT

Me: nice to meet you I guess, I am the MANAGER of X department as well, i have been told that for issues with my attitude I can just toss you over to <Director of IT> if you wish.

Boomer: Oh....no...thank you, I will send an email through my phone and see if that works.

Some background: The Head of my department is a hardass that is not scared to tell people to fuck off when they are messing shit up and he is very protective of all of us. I love this man and have personally followed the dude through hell when no one else came through. If they think I am bitchy that dude would throw down an entire house over people being dense, and even though he is a boomer himself (age terms) he despises the general attitude of entitled people from his generation.

10/10 I love my boss and hope to heaven that all of you find similar leaders.

Customer: Can you do a database query for me?

Me: Made the query and send them the result as a csv-file.

Customer: Is it possible to send it as an excel-worksheet because the columns don't have the right width.

Me: Resize the columns to the right width, saved it as xlsx-file and send it back.

Just received an email from Apple ID noreplyappleidaccountlocked.case4125@trustedsender.company that said my apple ID is locked. I must send my personal details to unlock them.

I wonder how many people got caught by it :(

*Never* do CSS tweaks over the phone and tell the customer to refresh and approve the change. This will lead to endless tweaking andlong calls at any hour, and further trivializes your work by making it look like everything can be done instantly. Better to have them send you the changes they want, then send them an update later once they have been done—perhaps with a bit of a delay to further stave off the sense of instant gratification.

Also, if they keep requesting changes to changes after you’ve done what they asked, be prepared to let them know that future changes will incur an additional fee.

I got through the first stage for a summer internship at Amazon. They send me a link to a technical test with a 7 day deadline to complete.

The link brings me to a 404 page. Fuck.

I contact customer support, reach out to Amazon directly, don't get any response whatsoever. The week has passed and the link is still dead and I s received no word from them.

FML. And fuck Amazon for teasing me like this and for having such shitty technical support.

Just give me a link to the web font man. Oh, there isn't one? You used a font that we can't legally use? Do you understand how that works? I don't want your 300MB photoshop document. I don't want to comb through your ridiculous stack of insane layers and artboards and deal with the images you didn't bundle into the project or try and make sense out of your arbitrary spacing and random font sizes. You're not an artist, you're just a crappy visual designer handing off an unthoughtful glorified wire-frame - and now I have to sort out all the things that you were paid to do. It's really easy. 1. Pick a color, 2. Pick 2 fonts that are legal and available to use on the web, 3. build a few patterns for font sizes and weights - write them down. 4. Pick your images. Make them double the size you expect them to be on the site + put them in a folder, 5. add readme and list the font patterns and the link to the webfont, 6. quickly scribble the wire-frame out, 7. take a photo of it, 8. put it all in a folder and send it to me.

So the CEO tells me our new release needs to be compliant with new guidelines. I say sure, I draft up a few small changes and send them to my PM. He calls an impromptu meeting with the UI team and I explain my changes. They don't like them. They then proceed to draft and redesign a new UI based on these new requirements, I tell them that they are overthinking everything and remind them of the rules of KISS. 45 minutes of me silently waiting and an entire 4x8 whiteboard of designs, I tell them this is an entire redesign and that we will never make our end of the year deadline. PM goes silent for a minute, then responds "yeah I guess your right, let's just implement your original changes"

You fucking cunts, just because I bought something from your shop via online that doesn't mean you can send me an email every other day about your products.

Stop sending me useless emails. Fuck you to all the websites/companies that do it. I wish I could print these emails and shove them up in your fucking ugly buttholes. AHHH I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY!

Dumbest request?
Email piping chat system.

The chat system had to take replies from web and send them to an email, which the admin user can reply back via email and it publishes straight into the chat.

It was all fun and games until they wanted HTML based emails and content going back and forth, and attachments going both ways.

Why are clients so ignorant and stupid?!

Send them the software with specific instructions WHERE to install it. Location is important as it is a plugin for AutoCAD.

First mail with complains about the plugin doesn't work. Find out (in the mail they sent internal) that they installed the plugin somewhere else than I instructed them.

Sent an email back with (again) an explanation why it doesn't work and where to install the plugin.

Email from client: So I put the plugin here [incomplete and invalid location] and create the last folder myself...

FOR FUCK SAKE SRUPID ASS IGNORANT DOWN SYNDROM (sorry folks) MOFO CLIENT!!!!
I SENT YOU UP TO 3 TIMES WHERE TO PUT THE GODDAMNED PLUGIN!

Yes yes yes
Let's spend countless hours writing painful spaghetti that generates a financial report, extend that spaghetti for specs, then not bother to check the amounts or status. or where it says the money went. Nope, checking non-unique names is totally good enough. We're so good at this. Ten points to the legendaries.

Let's also make the object factories not create the objects correctly, and make sure that report includes entries for orders that don't include any actual payments. Oh, their status? "Ready to send" of course! Let's send that totally valid $0.00 to nobody!

Oh, but Root. Root, root, root. You can't ADD payments to this. no no no. if you do, it'll break specs everywhere else that uses that factory! Shame on you for suggesting it.

Pssh, now you want to make a payment just for this report? Why would you do that? Our best devs have been working on this for years! What could you possibly know that they don't? No, they're perfect. Don't touch them. Just make them better, okay? No take, only throw!

Why do people insist on moving stuff on my desk!

I've very particular about my desk, have my monitors, laptop stand, stands for devices etc. setup the way I like them, and every so often someone sits at my desk when i'm not in and just shoves everything around.

Last company I worked for, I came back from holidays to a thunderbolt cable, the connector of which, had been crushed under the wheel of a chair, because someone left it on the floor.

... Is it wrong or not "proper", to send around an email saying the next person to touch my stuff gets stabbed?

Boss: We need to make a site but the content will have bolded words where the user can hover over to see more for each term.

Me: Ok sounds simple.

B: It's for a client and we aren't gonna touch it in the future so make it simple.

M：okay... so no JavaScript?

B: That means we are only going to send them HTML and nothing else. Here's a list of the images they have.

Me:......

Now I have to make about 80 pages of pure html with inline styles on each page.

They always say "Stop wasting time".
They always say "Just use the tools we are all using".
They always say "I get it, you're the OSS guy. IDC, go to work now".
They always say "I hope you won't be logging this time on our customer's timesheet".

And they always come back to me "Look, I've heard that tool you've made/found is really cool and efficient, saves lots of trouble and makes us go faster. Can you send it to me via slack? TIA"

I see things that could/should work better and I make them do exactly that. It's my gift. It's my curse.

So I just got this email from a tech company, I registered to send my CV some years ago , about a dev Job openning.

The descripition included:
Java and Angular ( first red flag )

So I go to their site to check it out ...
No https, ping the domain returns an ip from another continent with 500+ ms latency.

Major flaws on the site usability...
Super dumb password recovery method...

I'm fucking outta here dude. I might send them a proposition to fix their servers and at least put it behind letsencrypt though...

And these morons have big clients, like my bank... wtf...

I wish I knew for sure I wouldn't offend certain people if they read this. I'll be vague for a reason..

WHY THE FUCK ARE. PI WRITING A PROGRAM IN A LANGUAGE OF YOUR LIKING AND THEN TELLING ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH FILE TO UPLOAD?!,!,!? How about the ones that make it work?

And why did you send the program, unformatted? This hurts.

I'm trying to teach these children how to fucking be professional in their jobs and this is what I'm working with.

How hard is it to know your tools and pick one that shows you know what you're doing????

And all this after the deadline, and the language written wrong

This happened yesterday. It was a Friday and I didn't have much time to implement something that I was asked.

I was supposed to get the cpu temperature from a host device and send it to the server. Instead I just used random.randint(x,y) (python random function) with x,y linearly dependent on cpu utilisation (cpu utilisation is easy to get).

The ability to generate random numbers on fly has to be on of the coolest things that you can do. You can almost fake anything using them properly 😅

Security rant ahead, you have been warned!
As part of a scholarship application, our government requires a scan/copy of the applicant's credit card. Since the IBAN is now on the back, you have to send both sides.
The back is also where the CVC (security code) is. Any bank will strictly tell you NOT TO EVER SHARE IT - not even with them!
To make things even more fun, you now have the option to send this over email which is, of course, NOT ENCRYPTED!!!!!
I'm basically sending all the info needed to steal all my money over an unencrypted connection to an underpaid secretary, who will print it out and leave it on their desk for anyone with decent binoculars to see.
These people are fucking insane!!!!

Instant messaging apps are a burden if your client is a b*tch.

Client: hey, I want you to put some more images on this page.
Me: Oh, okay, send them all and I will do. *provides email*
Client: Cool, will do that in an hour.

*closes facebook*

[two hours later, waiting for the email and wondering why I didn't receive it yet]

*opens facebook*
*is greeted by 45 new messages from client*
*opens to see 45 images sent one by one for me to use it on the webpage*

fml

MySQL fell down the stairs again and dropped tables all over the datacenter

the affected servers tried to notify me in advance but spamd wasn't able to scan their messages so IT JUST DIDN'T SEND THEM

EVEN IF IT COULD, NAMED COULDN'T RESOLVE ANY MX RECORDS

BECAUSE BEFORE MYSQL CRASHED IT CONVERTED /ETC/RESOLV.CONF INTO AN INNODB TABLE

(AND THEN DROPPED IT)

(ON PURPOSE)

The amount of work people do to avoid work sometimes amazes me.

About to send my entire department on Vacation Leave today for the next week. We have 3 days of work before we go on holiday leave (next week). And I want to give them a 3 day head start because fuck everyone else and I want me boys to enjoy shit beforehand.

Fuck you, managers do care.

Woke up to an email from someone, saying that a blog post (tutorial) I had made really helped them. It's always nice to hear that I've made something that helps people. But idk, there's something special about getting that feedback via email, maybe because it takes more steps to send an email..?

Frontend dev for 10+ years here.

"We can't afford to hire you as a senior, so your job title will be 'Frontend Developer' and your tasks will carry less responsibility than expected from a senior"

One year in, team of 2 handling 3 projects.

After merging with the parent company, we got business cards, mine describe me as a "Senior Frontend UI Engineer".
"Well, our customers only trust seniors, otherwise we can't send you to them".

Meanwhile a former colleague earns >1000€ more a month.

Yeah, fuck you too bosses!

!dev

And again...

Our ISP doesn’t say it blocks any port on our Business Fixed IP. Currently I’m trying to access port 25 for SMTP. Guess what? Indeed port blocked. Called them “The port is open”, I visit a port checked, the same thing “Port Closed”

Always the fucking same thing. Every fcking time. These are just criminals. Lastly I removed their router, that they mentions was the only working router in our house and our signal from the other router, not provided by them was much better. They blocked the hotspots because we removed the router then. Guess what? On their site is an option Enable Hotspot on your home router (this enables your access to hotspots). Just pressed it. Haaa they can’t acces my router to set that up and it works.

In our second home, we have another ISP, Proximus, first they did difficult to come and install everything. Because in the appartment the previous owners didn’t pay the bills. After a week or so someone came to install it. Because they cut the cables couldn’t do it myself. Ok it worked for some time. After 3-4 months by once I can’t access the camera there, strange. My uncle went there and there was no internet. Neither TV. But we never received any invoice. Because they didn’t send them. We contacted them, no response. My father sends them an email, with politic people in copy and by once they called to say they will turn it back and scrap the invoices that were not send. They said no technician needed to come, as it’s second home. Guess what, next day a message came “We will arrive in less than an hour”
My uncle went. They did nothing, only restart the modem.
There still was no internet after two days after they came. We called back, response was: “There wasn’t anyone.” Yeah right, we have proof of a technicial that passed (Local Video). By once the internet worked.
Now 4 months later, still didn’t receive any invoice, neither via post or email.

Fuck those criminals, called ISPs

Alright, I have no idea who to blame!
Me and my Linux group at college hosted a Firefox Quantum Sprint with about 30people. And we promised them Firefox swag coz Mozilla promised us! Its been more than two fuckin weeks since we were supposed to recieve them... no swag!
Well, guess what? The local post office says "Insufficient Reciever Address". I specifically remember giving u morons More than sufficient sender address! My name, college name, college address, my number... thats enough to get me assasinated if u want and u cant send a package of stickers?!!!
Well shit.. after five more emails I havent even gotten a reply from Mozilla.. or maybe its the weekends... fuck! Why am i defending these assholes?!!
Send me ur swag Mozilla! Or I ll... I ll...
Wait.. i cant do shit!
Fuck my life! 😣😣😣

Wow! They are incredible!

I keep creating new email filters every week or so, and they keep finding new ways to send me spam!

The best part is - these emails are sent from our internal infra. Judging by the sender it looks like they have created a bot collecting various events and sending them to... everyone.

Much smart. Many useful.
Much working

Has anyone ever ordered off RedBubble? Are they even a legitimate company?

Rant...

20 days ago I ordered a package from redbubble.com

They shipped the package, without an apartment number. So the delivery was refused and it was sent back to them.

I reach out to support and they ask me to send them a complete mailing address and my order number.

I send them my exact mailing address and the order number as they requested. They inform me that the package is being sent out again ASAP.

This morning I see that the new package has shipped, WITH NO FUCKING APARTMENT NUMBER.

I email them to let them know this. They inform me that since it has my zip code it will be fine (which is a ridiculously stupid this to say).

So I actually call the post service and ask them if the address will work, they let me know that of course, it will not get to me if there is no apartment. Duh!

So, I email RedBubble support again to let them know this.

I expect some sort of answer as to why this is happening. But the following happens.

They send me a refund.

Let's be clear, I did not as for a refund. I asked for the order I made to be shipped to me.

So it seems that putting an apartment number on a shipping address is completely impossible for this very unprofessional company.

After 2 weeks of bullshit, I will be receiving nothing at all from these shady cunts.

Fuck RedBubble it seems.

How can some developers send emails like "I did <x> and <y> right, but I still have an error!" with NO copy/paste of the error? Come on, you hate user emails that just say "Your site doesn't work." You should know better.

I'm going to just start answering with "Wow, that sucks, and you did everything right, huh? It must just hate you." I shouldn't have to go force you to tell me what the problem actually is at that basic level.

I used to think this was a user thing. We wouldn't do that... hah, lost user, oh well, that's why we're helping them. Apparently it's not.

ssh your.server.ip, welcome message:

#Ooops! your files have been encrypted.
#Don't waste your time trying to decrypt them.
#Nobody can.

#We would gladly offer you a way of recovering all
#your files safely, but sadly we lost the decryption
#password.

#Hackers too are not perfect, have a nice day.
#PS. you can still send money to support us if you want at this
#web page: fuckyou.onion.
#Your personal key: m0r0nm0t3fukk3r

(I'll code this one day and install it on somebody machine, it's one of my top dreams)

Building a wheel is great.
Building a steering wheel is also great
Building a brakes pedal is amazing.

Making them work asynchronously - not that good of an idea is it...

Who the fuck thought separating data stream (copying bytes) from stream control (when does the stream start/end) is a good idea...?

- open a connection
- send data to the stream
- send() returns
- close the connection

Apparently, the send() does not copy the data and returns. Instead, it enqueues the data copying task end returns. When does the actual copying start? IDK. When does it end? IDK. Can I close the conn? NO!

This thing is UNUSABLE. And I'd riddle it with reflection-based workarounds if it weren't for the static methods.

Fuck!

When your "product owner" just doesn't listen...

Skype conversation:

PO: What format will the dates need to be in for the csv file upload?
Me: Just tell them YYYY-MM-DD
PO: ok

Two weeks later...

PO: there is a bug in the csv file upload! The dates aren't being picked up
Me: ok will have a look, send me through an example date the are using
PO: ok, example date 12/03/1990

FFS! 😡

If you or a loved one suffer from whatever the f u c k this is...

Send them to the fucking hospital

Facebook 2FA:
Want to log in? Sure, authorize your login. Oh you've authorized it? Nah you can't get in. Log in again.
2FA, excellent technology, except when it's implemented by "move fast and break things" Facebook.

Facebook Marketplace:
Want to buy $listing? Sure, you can send a message to the seller to ask for details. Oh, you want to send them a message? Nah sorry, you can't send messages to this person. You'll have to go to their profile, send them a message there and do it not with our le fancy instant messages but by manually typing it in. Because you know, reasons. Message approvals or something like that probably. Because why on Earth would Facebook support its own ecosystem?!

Move fast and break things. And breaking things those certified enganeers at Facebook sure do. Fucking pieces of shit.

So the development team are being sent very angry emails from a customer.

Reason being that we can't send a release to them because we are waiting for the signing of a document our managment has known about for five months...

While mangement just keeps passing around responsibility and just throws poop. I'm seriously starting to question why middle managers are allowed to exist in a company structure.

I'm two days away from personally calling the CEO then someone gets fired. It's me or one of these middle manager clowns.

"Hey boss, could you look over this reply to this support case before I send it? I just want to clarify a couple of things first."

"I haven't got the time to look over support case replies - you need to be proactive in deciding what's right, and then just sending them on."

"Ok, no worries."

5 minutes later...

"What the hell have you written on this support case? This isn't correct at all. Now they're going to be really confused. You've completely contradicted what I told them yesterday on the phone."

this was about office politics. for context, a lot of non tech people think they can borrow our time willy nilly and our boss agrees, so we're often pulled out of our tasks to do random shit.

these girls asked for my consultation on a simple problem, because another team wasn't fixing an issue for them and they said it wasn't possible. i said it was possible and simple to solve, i spoke to the other team, showed them how to do it and thought that was done. they kept asking me to produce proof that it was possible, excessively, like i had nothing to do.

that went on for a week, lots of back and forth, i was getting tired, so i told this girl fine, I'll do this stupid thing IF you send me an email making this a formal exchange, she says fine. the next day i find out they went after another guy in my team, who's much busier than i, and he stopped everything to coddle them.

i told him to be careful about that stuff, because he's setting himself up for this shit, he's making the rest of the team look bad and he's stopping his work to do something that was already done, because they couldn't bother to send an email. had a huge discussion about this, he was super condescending and overall, he was an asshole.

next time, I'll just send the girls his way

What a day to wake up to the win10 update asking you to confirm yet again that you don't want to send all your data to them, I guess it's time for O&O ShutUp again..

CTO: We'll use epochs for any time related fields in our services.

After service integration...

Dev from producer team: Hey the time field is showing up as 1970 and not null in your table. That seems to be a bug.

Me: Code looks fine. We are converting epochs to timestamps here. Null is taken care by the library function itself.

The same dev: Actually we are sending zero instead of null values in that time field. But we'd want the end table to treat that as null.

Me: Why can't you send null then?

The dev: Actually avro doesn't support nulls. Hence the zero.

Me: WTF??????

Manager to me: Actually you need to convert them as null. Anyways, this is not a blocker and we can live with it for now.

END OF RANT

Why can't they fucking send it as null? And when I asked about the details, that particular event type doesn't require that field. Still the manager insists on sending that field for it.

Marketing sends an average of 3 newsletter per week all year round, and 4-5 per week on Christmas.
Mailchimp makes this so damn easy for them...

We have ~500.000 subscribed customers.

They discovered the new chrome push notifications API and I 'refused' to build anything for it because I already find the amount of email they send unacceptable and I am pretty sure they would abuse of it.
I'm already imagining like 10 push messages a day...

Am I wrong? What would you do?

About a year ago I was doing work for a client that hired a separate contractor for SEO consultation. I could easily end the rant here.

This lady was trying to convince my client to write the same page or blog article several times over and merely change their physical address at the bottom of the page to one of their many respective clinics.

When I told them not to do this because they would suffer for stuffing and duplicating content, their response was to ask me to be respectful of the other contractor's skills and knowledge regarding digital marketing and to call her and sort it out.

I called. We argued. I called the client back and asked if they should respect the skills of an auto mechanic with pliers to remove a teenager's braces rather than send them to one of their orthodontic clinics.

Seriously, wtf..

- Getting ready for the K.I.D.
- Will need a red LED light/lantern to see things around w/o waking the kiddo up
- Order a bunch of various models
- Receive some of them
- The another one arrives - it only has white and blueish-white modes
- Reach out to the seller, ask to send me what I've ordered
- Seller replies with:
> Hi, friend
> I am very sorry this light is out of stock now

WTF dude... I order a particular SKU of your products, I need it for its particular properties the other SKUs don't have and when you see you've got no more left you do what? Send me a random product? Seriously, WTF man?!? How about ping me with a message, explain that you've oversold the item and suggest a refund? naaah, too much work, right? Just grab whatever products you still have left on your shelf and send them to your customer instead. /s

WTF MAN?!?!

[dec. 21]
lead: thanks for completing all the docs, i'll review them so you can do the revisions next week

[dec. 22]
me: sir, any feedback on the first few? so i can work on them while you review the others
lead: i'll send them EOD

[dec. 26]
was notified by our manager that our lead is on leave til 27. didn't get any email or anything for review points

[dec. 28]
lead: so how's the revisions doing?
me: done. if you can review them again...

almost end of day, haven't heard anything from him yet.

So, giving a talk soon and marketing wanted to see the slides.

Comments come back. On every slide that is purely visual they've suggested I add a title and a para or two of text.

Fuck you and your fucking slideuments. If you want them to read the material send them a memo and save me the fucking trip.

Or even better, turn up yourselves and read lists of bulletpoints off the screen for 30 mins while I sit in hotel hot-tub with a cocktail.

I hate the inanity of corporate life.

Next time I'm going to send you a blank slide and live draw my diagrams. See how you like that, arseholes.

Whilst shopping with the family...

MANAGER: "Hey Slug, I just got off the phone with $partner about $issue and they want to have a meeting with us to discuss it. Send them an email and schedule something for Thursday morning."

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK I AM, YOUR PERSONAL SECRETARY!!??? If you're the one who has a specific day and time of day that works this week, and if you were talking to them anyway, then how about YOU schedule the meeting????? And of course $partner comes back with "Does 10:30 work?" and so now I'm just playing middle-man. Who could have seen THAT coming.........

Terminal, cause I'm a dev, not a designer...Though removing things doesn't send them to the bin

Clients r wankers. He wants to be able to send login details incl passwords in email to his clients when he adds them in the cms. The passwords are encrypted and generated on creation of a new user. Ive told him that sending credentials in email is shit and not secure. The stubborn bastard wont budge, so instead i've put explicit instructions to reset password once logged in with the credentials they send. Any other suggestions?

I feel like making a slack integration tool that tells bad coworkers and managers to buzz off.

They message "hey" automatically send a link explaining why that's dumb and wastes time.

They message "do you have x minutes?" Automatically send a link showing them how to use Google calendar.

They message you "I need a status update on x", automatically send them a link to a tutorial on how to use jira.

Add in custom regex, custom links, and people filters, and you've got a stew going!

Client asked for time line for website I told them 6 weeks from moment they provide design (I had other active projects and would have to split time between them ) . For next 4 weeks they would send me design and then after few hours tell me to stop working and that they are going to change design.
After 4 weeks they sent me final version of the design and informed me that it needs to be done in next 2 weeks. We expected 10 more websites from them and it was 7-8 pages so I put other projects on hold and finished it in around week and sent link to them for review, 2 days before deadline they informed me that there are around 20 pages missing pages that are not in final version of design but only in version xx sent more than 2 weeks ago. In next day and half me and 2 other developers had more then 20 hours each to finish it on time

Not dev, but IT...

Just found out that one section of my place of work still uses floppy disks. No I’m not fucking kidding. The other sad part? We still have the outdated computers to read them. 😩😂

Please, send help or a job application...

Client comes to me.

Client: So my business is colour matching, people visit me and I help match outfits they should wear that works with their hair and eye colour etc.

Me: Ok... and?

Client: Well. I'd like to do this online, someone sends a photo in and I assess it and send them a colour palette back.

Me: Right... How are you going to calibrate this?

Client: What do you mean?

Me: Well, it's a nigh on impossible task to ensure the exact tones and hues they send you in their photo to what you see, and likewise what you send back might look very different based on their brightness and contrast. Colour science is actually quite hard.

Client: But I don't understand they just send a picture right?

Me: Yeah, they can send one, but are you going to have a consistent baseline for your laptop, can you guarantee the brightness is at the same level each and every time?

Client: No... Why would that matter?

Me: I'm bored now, I'm not gonna take this project.

So I'm in start up type situation with 9 employees. However this isn't a fucking standard business environment it's the military. Now I have to do all the dev myself, which is no problem the issue is my bosses do not understand technology at all. I mean they can send an email and know their way around excel, that's it. So when trying to explain to them why our Twitter or Facebook bot can't do XYZ it's like banging my head against a wall.

Got my first rejection after my first job interview via e-Mail today. It was about a local webhosting company.
I feel a little bit sad about it, but I am glad that I have made this experience with them and hope that I can use this experience to better myself in future job interviews.

What bothers me the most is that they told me in the mail that they are sad to send that rejection mail to a friendly and warm person like me, but they do not give a clean explanation why they had to reject me.
Was it because of someone better than me? Am I not qualified enough? What is the reason ffs?

I have send them a mail back mentioning that I am thankful for the conversation we have had, but also asking for the reason of the rejection.

I do not think that they will reply me back, but I hope they will.

When a Client is supposed to send you sponsor icons for the new website and all you get is a single PDF file containing all of them. Why ??!! This is even more work to do for them ???!!!

M: Type "cd path/to/files" where path/to/files is the path of the files I just sent you to download and send me a screenshot

C: Done!
*sends screenshot of them typing "cd path/to/files" and an error message because the path doesnt exist*

In college I was working on a PHP app that needed to get a list of people to send emails to from a DB and send an email to all of them.

The good news is, I had hard-coded my own email address for testing so I wouldn't annoy anyone if things got messed up.

The bad news is, I had done something wrong and had an infinite loop. It was only running for 30 seconds or so, but the emails were coming in for hours.

So back on November 7th I received my Xbox one x project Scorpio edition, unfortunately the model I have suffers from some sort of defective thermal paste and after a good couple of hours of elite dangerous at 4k, it shuts itself down and I have to wait overnight for it to work again. Microsoft said if I send them it they'll give me a new one in about 2 weeks, my solution is to hold it outside my window for 5 minutes to cool it down. God bless the cold of the UK.

The struggle of being a gay CS major is that all of my classes are 95% guys but all of them are painfully straight. Send help

Fucking useless bots.

I need a bit of help in getting some documents from my University, so I go into their site and they have a WhatsApp support number. Perfect, I think to myself. So I send them a message with my question and a fucking bot answers me with a list of categories for my question, none of them matching my question. So I answer the "Other" option and it just sends me a FAQ link. Like what the actual fuck? I contacted the fucking number because I need help from a damn human, not a fucking FAQ link you useless waste of server resources.

I freelanced for a company where I had to make an iOS app. The person who I was in contact with was a software engineer of that company. When i was asked to send them the final project code after publishing the app, the person was like email the project even after giving them the option of uploading to a private repo and sending link. It’s seemed like the software engineer didn’t know what GitHub was like how is that possible.

I am working on a webservice that some other consultants upstairs are set to consume.

Last week, monday, the consultants send multiple emails and one of them comes downstairs to find out why the service isn't working correcrly. My manager tells them in email that it is still being developed and won't be ready for ten business days.

However in the meantime the service has some barebones functionality that they can try out.

And wouldn't you know it, I get emails and visits every other day along the way asking why the service is down or doesn't function.

When is the service going to be down? Why isn't this working? Hey you need to fix this

IT'S NOT DONE YET

!dev

I hate it when people ask me questions that are easily googleable. I'm sorry but, please, don't waste both of our time on asking things like how to make a screenshot on an iPhone...
1. I have an android
2. Hey, you know this magical thing called Google?
3. You do know it? Oh my, good for you! Now try using it, thnx.

Unfortunately, I can never say this out loud. I just silently Google for them and send them a link. Perhaps, I need to grow some balls :D
Okay, never mind, said it once in a more polite form, and the dude replied with "fuck you, you female developers are such arrogant bitches", then he unmatched me. Good story, fun times.

When you send a mail to multiple geos telling them “low power cock” is wrong
fml 😫 , need a break

You know it is gonna be "fun" integrating client APIs, when all of them respond with
"Thanks for submitting the request"
And no error or status code whatsoever, no matter what you send.

Also, the client likes to test/call this API in Internet explorer address bar, and doesn't trust Postman. Amazing shit dude.

mfucking piece of garbage.

filth could be cleaned, but that mess can onle be purged by a supernova along with the galaxy.

when you explain a whole fucking week to someone that the goal is to have an adaptive algorithm that detects a version and handles different versions in an best effort principle....

YEAH.

YOU GET A LIBRARY WITH HARDCODED VERSION ENUMERATION AND NO ADAPTIVE ALGORITHM AT ALL.

For fucks sake, the stupidity of devs drive me insane.

So lets start from the beginning, best send them back to kindergarten, so they learn that a square is not a circle.

*Send 2 mockup options for new component*

Them: Nice! I'm torn, which one do you like?

Me: I like the first.

Them: Great, lets go with the second!

-.-

I already had a previous succesful interview the day before and just went to my current employer out of decency.
The previous day gave me so much confidence, that I dominated the complete interview and asked them what they could offer me, that I would choose them.

On my way home they send me a text how much they were interested in me and that they will show me code as I demanded.

I took the job because the were as much interested in quality, as I am.

made a prototype and showed the demo to clients. They asked me where it was stored and how to access to the code. Told them where it was stored was was a trial and it has expired. Asked me why I didn't pay the subscription. Also asked me if I could send them the code, for them to "try using it" and "implement it in their office". Told them if they wanted to use the program, it needs to be done again (since this is a prototype). 3 days now, no sounds from the client.

A couple weeks ago I told a now former client that I just "fired" that I had no remaining invoices to send them. Today I discovered a couple of invoices from a couple months ago that it appears they'd not yet paid. This is why I need to quit trying to run a business and just be an employee again. I suck at accounting.

Decided to go flexbox despite issues with Safari 6 (global usage at 0.02%). The boss, its wife, a friend of them and a coworker NEVER UPDATED Safari on its devices and send tons of angry emails with captures of the broken site. This is the biggest 0.02% ever seen!!

My firm works for this one design firm(they shall go unnamed) Let's call them BPOS, they ask us to customize a WordPress site, saying "it's very simple". They the proceeds to send us a psd file for us to refer to.
The file has a 6 fold homepage design with all the images on it in lines and ellipses. Their designer doesn't believe in folders to organize.
I send it back saying it's too disorganized. They then ask us for a time line, and I delay answering it.
I get the revised Psd and look and behold, folders. Though misspelled completely.
I go through the design and 'what a surprise' , the design and the theme don't even remotely match up.
We had agreed on a modest budget to do this with a 50% advance. The advance hadn't been sent.
They send us 4 psd files. 4 pages and asked us to estimate the cost.
Long story short. A project that should have taken 1 week to execute, has taken 2 months. And is still going on.

>be me
>go to a job interview
>company said to wait 1.5 weeks
>wait 2 weeks, after that ,I message them
>the company writes back, tells me they haven't decided on a candidate yet
>two days later the company writes me a letter asking me if I'm interested in a fulltime position, and if yes they will send me more info
>I reply yes
>they don't respond in 3 days
>successfully troll a candidate

Yesterday night, pushed code that work normally to prod server, website down, internal server error, too many connection to MySQL server, tried to fix it for 4 hours, nothing to do, removed the new code, still the same problem, in my head, I told myself that I'm not good at programming (not the first time), send an email to the host, they tell me the problem is from them and they fixed it. And now I know I'm not bad enough.

Post on Craigslist: Need simple website. No coding, HTML and CSS only. Send price and examples.
Me: I need you to answer 4 questions before I can send a price.
Them: I really like your work, but if you cant give me a price without me answering any questions then you arent a good fit.

Yeah.... I feel for the guy that picks this one up.

One of our clients IT team is lazy as fuck they slack too much, it took them 2 weeks just to respond our email (We already sent like 2-3 reminders in between).

Client:"We fucking pay you and it's still not ready, how much time it will take?"
Us: Just respond to that email ffs so we can proceed.
Client: Oh, there was an Email? we will have a look into that.

Even after, it took them 4days to send fields which were meant to be sent like 2weeks before.
(in between 4days we had called them just for the fields again and even after the fucking call they send that fucking fields after one reminder)

And of course, still, the blame game is on us.

Client is setting up Google Suite, needs me to create a TXT record. She sends me a screenshot of the record that needs to be created, so I ask her to copy/paste the record values .... she copy and pastes the URL and sends that to me. I ask again for her to copy the values in the fields on the page and send them to me ... she sends me another screenshot. How do these people get through a day?

That feeling when the client calls you to add a feature you added and gave them a course in last year and you're unsure as to send a new invoice because they forgot...

Client told me that they have two workers with very similar names (one letter difference) and customers constantly send emails to the wrong person because of this.

She asked me if there is anything I could do to fix this?

What the hell am I supposed to do? Tell one of them to get their name changed?

So here goes my first rant...

I was looking for a job as a software developer when I saw one nice company hiring.

I apply to them via their form online. Then they invite me to come to their event during which they will explain everything in details.

I go there (despite the time of the event being uncomfortable for me) and listen to them for a while. Basically, they say they will send the test task to all applicants and see how it goes.

Later same day they email me saying they didn't get my CV via their form and they need me to resend it so they can send the test task. Alright, no big deal, done.

Now today they email me saying "sorry, motherfucker, better luck next time".

What the actual fuck? I spend my fucking time to go to some shitty event saying a test task will decide everything to not even get one.

So, naturally, I go and re-check my email: I definitely did send them my CV;
seems like they ignored the email and eliminated me from the application process for not having my CV, fuckers.

If they will ever in the future invite me to an interview/offer me a job there, I won't take for fucking triple pay.

Thanks for reading and helping me vent my anger, have a nice day:)

After a year of college give everyone 2 hours to solve a programming problem in the language of their choice. Like implement a doubly linked list, or count the number of primes between two integers or something straightforward. Anyone who can’t do it gets kicked out of the major.

I’m sick of dealing with people who are 3 or 4 years into a CS degree, and can’t do 30-line programming assignments in two weeks. I might have to work with one of these clowns someday and I hope to God that my university doesn’t send them into the workforce with a degree.

A good life lesson:
1. DON'T DELETE FILES YOU MAY WANT TO RECOVER

And if you DO delete them and then recover them, then
2. DON'T SEND THE RECOVERED FILES TO A·N·Y·O·N·E

Today I found a lost µSD card in the street. I did what every sane person would do -- plugged it into my laptop :)

There I found a directory with recovered pictures. I figured, some of them may contain the author's info in metadata, so I ran a quick plaintext search for @gmail.com.

Turns out, inside some of the recovered picture files I could find embedded company director's emails in plain-text. I mean, open the picture with a text editor and read through those emails - no problem! And these emails contain some quite sensitive info, e.g. login credentials (lots of them).

Bottom line, if you delete and recover your files, then do your best to keep them close: don't share them, don't lose them. You might be surprised what these recovered files may contain

We have the funniest and weirdest conversations during lunch, most of them not dev related. Have been thinking about ranting them for a while now because they are just good fun.

The following one brought a bit of a discussion so It convinced me to post it because i would like to hear all of your opinions about this one:

Imagine that one day you come home and there is a (deep) clone of yourself having sex with your wife, what would you do?

We got divided into 3 groups mostly.
Group one would send him away and let him life his own life.
Group two would make use of the fact that there are 2 of them.

Group three would murder him, the explanation Why Was quite interesting, because it was the first instinct of them, it would also have been from the clone, that's why that had to.

Again I would like to hear what you all would do :)
Maybe if this one does okay I will post more stories

My family sometimes send me tick tock videos. I usually open them on brave browser. Dude, why the fuck is brave blocking "motion sensor" through camera? what kind of spying is this? tick tock is spyware and cancer fr

Me : Yeah dude, totally. I support Right To Privacy.
Also Me : To get OTP filled automatically, i need to ask Recieve Sms Permission from user. Also to send them, too.

😂😂😂😂

!rant && advice
I am an Android Developer, but about to start my final year. I got a mail from a company telling me saying...
"... and we are looking for problem solvers like you.

We Invite your CV and look forward to hearing back from you."

Stupid it may sound, but how do I reply to them? Do I also send a cover letter? If yes, what do I write? What do I mention in the email?

Thanks.

I work as a consultant and my company wanted to send me on an engagement at a client who's main product is a well known online coding course. Their whole product is teaching lay people how to code. They decided the night before I was going to start that they didn't want me consulting with them because I "didn't have a CS degree."🤔

(PS: Their head of curriculum was actually a mentor and teacher of mine instrumental in my becoming a programmer...)

SMH

Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.

For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.

There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.

I don't get much spam, but when I do, I rant about how badly those mails are crafted.

I mean, yeah, for non-devs or typical old people, those badly made Google fake mails (that use the old Google logo, the logo in Times New Roman or something) or ISP / phone company mails with malicious attachments may look good enough.

But, seriously, if I were a dev paid to create spam mails, they would look like the real deal, if I may say so myself, as I would actually put some effort in them.

What do you think? Wouldn't spam made by real developers like us be "better"?

Maybe send some examples from inside your junk box 🤔

1. Go to Github for you
2. Download the 'codes'
3. Send them as a pdf to you when the code is there in the repo.
4. Write you a step by step tutorial when there's a clear README.

YOU LAZY MOTHERFUKCER!

So some asshole keeps sending phishing emails to every student and prof in our university and the IT department is too pathetic to block it. They all come from the same email and contain the same text yet they cant filter it and just send warnings not to click it.

Im getting sick of recieving 5 of these a day, i scanned and viewed the page and its just a simple form copying the outlook login page with a redirect to the actual page after submission.

Whats the easiest way to write a script that will spam them with thousands of fake accounts? How can i fuck with these guys?

Dear Client,
If you have any suggestions, please send them to spam@companyname.com to make sure they get treated properly.
Sincerely,
CompanyName Ltd.

Recruiters company emailed me to accept their privacy statement. I asked them what kind of information they got from me. Get an email back with: your information is deleted. I didn't expected that. It's clearly to hard to just send me the info...

*sigh* woke up did a data export for the customer, send it to them then they reply "thanks but it's next weekend we wanted the data export not this one" checked the email and they were correct.

Everyday:
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..

Today:
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL*

Convo I had 5 minutes with someone a just met at school

Them: what are you studying?
Me: computer science, what about you?
Them: so you know how to make websites?
Me: yea I have a couple years of experience in web dev but I like IT and automation more
Them: can I send you my white paper? Would u be ok with making a website for it?
Me: ....... potentially?

Thought it was weird they wanted me to do that for them when I just met them

5 years ago in Texas. There is shit code and then there's SHIT code. I know I can produce bad code and often do, but that codebase was an eldritch abomination.

Just to give you a tiny taste, variables in JS would usually be called "that" because "when calling them, I send the 'this' value right? So in the other function it is 'that'". I wish I was making this up. And this is nothing compared to everything else.

A fun story on how I lost my end of year project :

Last year was my first year of college in computer science. To get to my school, I need to take two different buses with a kilometer distance between them.
The day that I had to send my end of year project, which was worth 25% of my final grade, I thought that it would be fun to use my skateboard to get to the second bus instead of walking. So, I got out of the bus, started skateboarding towards the second bus and, about 20 meters later, my wheel got stuck on a small rock which was big enough to make me do a front flip. I landed on my back and broke my left arm.
An hour later, at the hospital, I tried to send my project to my computer science teacher but I quickly realised that my spectacular fall destroyed my laptop's HDD and my end of year project.
And this is how I learned how important it is to back up my files in the cloud.

##Design to front-end conversion

Me - Send me the designs so i can start working it

Graphic Designer - Done ( Sends PSD files )

Me - Send me them separately, element by element, with transparency, color codes and flattened designs not PSD's

GD - Done

Me - Opens email to see elements that should be transparent saved as jpg's

Me - Opens PSD's, crop and save elements.

Meanwhile explains next time do this and that so it'll be easier.

Usually this happens few times a month

I hate HTML forms. Fucking hate them.

They're semantic so folk use them to group related inputs.

But they're also functional if you're not just typing something in and pushing enter to send it to a server, you have to override every. fucking. event.

Semantic _or_ functional is fine, but for the love of all that is holy, not both. I hate this.

Co-worker: "I'm getting files from customers which are in multiple types and encodings. Is there a way to force them to send only us-ascii so my tool gets only one kind which is easier to parse?"

Me: "Welcome to programming with arbitrary sources; you'll just have to build your tools to figure it out and not break (just rely on dozens of existing tools which you refuse to use)"

Ok people. I got a contract last year with a company, and I was their support for one year, which ended back in February. They still email me for all their problems. I don't know why. They emailed me today, for Christ's sake, on the Saturday of Easter, to tell me that their 3rd party software can't send them emails because the mailserver has that IP on greylist asking me to look into it and find a solution. AS IF I CARE! I'm with my family, taking a break for two days damn it. Panic attack came, my heartbeat rate problem kicked in and now I can't calm down. I'm trying to get into the "I don't give a fuck" mood but I can't, I'm too responsible for that, in the worst dramatic way (the world is gonna end etc).

Piece of advice:
Be very clear next time you come to terms with another company, be precise and don't let them have it their way.

Update from mg previous rant.

The person who was supposed to set up the home internet arrived before the time frame forced upon us, they gave him the wrong number to call and he apparently waited a whole hour ringing at the door (which I call bullshit, because I was waiting on the couch close to the door in advance.)

Time to inform myself if I can legally send them an invoice for the lost work hours

I published an app on Google Play on Sunday and since then I received a number of emails from 6 unique companies that want me to promote the app using their services (excluding reminders they send for me to get back to them). I understand that some people make a living out of this marketing but stop flooding my inbox with this crap!

Not being able to persuade the client that storing plain text passwords so that they can send them to their users when they forget them is not the best way to handle user accounts.

This happened in 2012 but it still hunts me like it was yesterday.

Before you all demand to ban me from devRant, I’d like to say that we impelemented an alternative (unpaid!) for this, but were requested to disable it.

About twice a year some of my relatives call me up and say they have a computer virus, but then it turns out they just clicked "yes" when some sketchy website asked to send them notifications and now they're getting hot singles in their area notifications every time they open Chrome to check out their bank account

Who at Google thought this was a good idea???

I found an api that doesn't offer https when you use their free plan.

FFS, you have to send your api in plaintext... What dumbass of a developer didn't step up to marketing and told them to shut their fucking uneducated mouths

Boss: Can I have you design our website?
Me: Yeah, of course. I'll send you some details for the design and after you approve it, I can get started on it.
Boss: Okay, send me stuff you find.

Fast-forward to two days later, he decided going through my design checklist was a hassle so bought a WordPress theme and just asked me to make 3 banners for its slider with no given context and no help as far as design and aesthetics are concerned... way to get my hopes up then bring them down. And designing them is making me so sleepy, I took a bathroom trip to nap for a while because the Wi-Fi won't stop disconnecting either.

Consultant: "I don't agree with that, it's got to be something else" when you point to a known fault with the function they are using in the framework.

Then you send them 10 articles from stackoverflow and the framework's own website.

Consultant: "Oh. Thank you."

Just let me fix the damned bugs and not have to justify every single fucking change I have to make to make the damned thing work the way it is fucking supposed to.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Rant rant rant!

Le me subscribe to website to buy something.

Le register, email arrives immediately.
*please not my password as clear text, please not my password as clear text *

Dear customer your password is: ***

You dense motherfucker, you special bread of idiotic asshole its frigging 2017 and you send your customer password in an email!???

They frigging even have a nice banner in their website stating that they protect their customer with 128bit cryptography (sigh)

Protect me from your brain the size of a dried pea.

Le me calm down, search for a way to delete his profile. Nope no way.
Search for another shop that sells the good, nope.
Try to change my info: nope you can only change your gender...

Get mad, modify the html and send a tampered form: it submits... And fail because of a calculation on my fiscal code.

I wanna die, raise as a zombie find the developers of that website kill them and then discard their heads because not even an hungry zombie would use that brains for something.

"what's the update?" - Team Lead

For every fucking idiotic task given, every 3 hours, as if the world is gonna end, while all you did in that time was have a tea, chat for a while, send a few mails, sat with a few co workers and checked up on them.

And then he gives me all these "tricky issues", which are apparently critical, and demands updates with a higher frequency! Never sat with me to solve even one of them. Not one.

I never thought that I lacked the basic common sense to update you as soon as I fucking have one.

Ooh, also loop in the senior manager right before annual appraisal. There goes my hike!

My company provides its services as web pages and web services to our customers.

Once a year we update the certificate used for the https connections.

I notified the update to the clients that use the web services.

One of them asked me a copy of the public key.

No problem. Open the web site with the browser, save the key and send by email.

One day later the client asked me the public key in a zip file because the anti virus blocked my attachment.

Why the client hates the Chain of Trust ?
He could obtain the public key by them self from the browser or openssl.

New job wants me to send them a photo for the ice breaker email they're sending out about me joining...now to find a pic where I'm not making a dumb face or taking a selfie with a dog.

Thank you @dfox for the stickers! Awesome that you even send them abroad!!

My family members don’t seem to understand that you can attach multiple photos to an email, so they send them one by one, even if that means 10 emails 🙄

Trying to install python3.7 for one fucking dynamic library for the past 3 hours. Built from multiple 3.7.x sources, tried altinstall, enable-shared, install, with/without optimizations, tried virtualenv which is absolutely fucking irrelevant but I tried.
Now I'm just asking someone who has it to send me the worthless soup of voltage fluctuations

oh and fuck python. or people that use it irresponsibly. im not in the right mind to distinguish

Our profs: you are CSE students, you must be familiar with Linux
Their Linux: Ubuntu 20.04 LTS
Their tools: working for them

“We will send you a code challenge :)”

Or if we are being serious, I like it when we discuss projects I or they have worked on and what was interesting and challenging about them, and what was done to overcome obstacles and why. I really like when we discuss potential options and why one was taken over another one.

Ok tomorrow I'm gonna kidnap one dev or two and I'm gonna release them only when I fully fucking understand how to fucking send an image to a private registry goddamnit

Mozilla really knows how to nudge one to not use email encryption by default.
Since Thunderbird has native support for OpenPGP encryption, i can only chose to encrypt all or no messages by default. There is no opportunistic mode and there are no per-reciepient encryption preferences. The Enigmail addon had both.
So i obviously have gone for encrypt-by-default.

But since then, whenever i want to send a message to the majority of my contacts, i have to manually disable the encryption or get annoyed by the no-key-found dialog.
I thought, i would get the muscle memory to just disable encryption for recipients for wich i don't expect to have a key.
But they also made the GUI so i have to open a dropdown and then click on the right item to do that. All the items basically look the same, as there is no color coding or specific icon for them. The item labels are also too long for unconscious pattern recognition.
So i didn't got that muscle memory.

I now have turned off encryption by default and will probably forget to enable it for some emails wich i actually could send encrypted...

Salespeople telling clients "Your site doesn't need a privacy policy/cookie policy since you don't actually sell anything on your site."

Wrong wrong wrong WRONGITY WRONG WROOONNGGGG!!!!!

Client to PM to me: "Well Jim said we don't need those on this site."

Me: "Well Jim is misinformed, since we use Google analytics, Facebook Pixel, and contact forms, you need to have both a privacy and cookie policy."

PM to client: "We'll find you a template you can use to get started, it'll cover most of what you need."

Me to PM: "we will do no such thing, we can send them a few links explaining why they need these, but they should consult a legal professional and cover their asses for their own business practices. I can provide any technical details they may need like what data the cookies collect if necessary."

PM to me: "well I'll just find something for them then."

*In my head* please just go crawl in a hole and die.

Just lost hours of work because the winforms designer decided to send half my elements to (11, -8000) and resize others to (0,0). No matter what I did, there was no moving them back. And every change I made was reverted by some unknown mechanism.

Thankfully, I still have the user controls I built. But I still have to rewire 3k lines worth of form events.

Modem issues kept going on.
Started complaining to them again and requesting they send one of their proper modems.
Service: "Unfortunately it is not possible to request a different modem"
Me (tho *slightly* more polite): "I don't care, you guys caused this issue by sending us a shitty modem, so you guys are now to send me a proper modem, period. I'm done with having unstable internet because <ISP> doesn't want to admit their modems are flawed by design and deliver proper ones."
Service: "I have good news! We can swap out your modem for the one you requested"

Sometimes, you just have to bitch hard enough.

Today i met my friend after 3 months . I wanted to get some ONLINE books from him. I told him to send the link of google drive . He told me that GMAIL and GOOGLE DRIVE are different . It require different id's to access them . Then my reaction was :-

My manager during my internship in 2007 was very prone to screaming.
She took the position, because more senior staff than her didn't want it and she wanted to be in charge of them.
When people didn't deliver the results she wanted she would call them in the office, start yelling them and saying they were incompetent and demean them. And even though we were a small open office, she would send us messages through MSN Messenger (it was the it thing back then), to check on our progress or ask us to go to her office which was the room next to us.
I met many wonderful people during my internship, but I was more than glad when it finished. A couple of years later I've learnt that the branch she was managing was terminated because everyone slowly started quitting. I can't imagine why...

[LinkedIn, Recruiter InMail]

Hello,

I am Lazy As Fuck, and I'm looking for people to work for a company that pays me for doing nothing.

Do you know anyone that is an Angular developer? If you do, please tell them to send me their resume and phone number.

Thanks.

Fucking LinkedIn.

I created a new account with my main e-mail, and suddenly it was restricted. I sent an ID verification, I received an e-mail saying it was now back, but then it was fucking restricted again, and I CANNOT HAVE IT BACK BECAUSE THE TO GET HELP FROM THEM IS A HASSLE. Sometimes it asks me for a phone number, but then, and error appears saying the session is invalid.

I created a support ticket, their response takes hours with a new link to verify again, but when I send again a new ID, for some reason, my verifications do not reach them, and they send the same link again. FUCK'S SAKE.

Finally, I subscribed to Premium just to talk to someone, but they can't help with this matter. At least left a note to Jenny.

Why the hell is a newly created account being restricted? Fix your systems.

A non-profit wants me to build a database for them and I coded everything as a CMS in PHP. But now their IT guy wants it as a Wordpress site and he wants me to send files to the website but I can't update the website or plugins personally myself. How do I go about this?

The wordpress site I told my friend her friends I would take a look at made me feel a bit like a real hacker.

Without knowing them I guessed their username and password for the admin panel in 15 tries. Today they send me the password and username via email.
I just told them I already had access and that they should change the password.

TL;DR first off you are lazy, it isnt such a long text, but the real tldr is "Me Hackerboy"

Looking for internships for the summer, a comp. sends me a email at 3 in the morning and I had emails from them flagged and my phone woke me up. I'm not mad about rejection but rather why send me a email at 3 I like to sleep sometimes.

I'm dealing with an organization that wants me to send them some documents securely but I cannot use their platform (for reasons). Anyway, they asked me to send them an email with a password-protected zip folder for the documents and of course, I will have to send them the password by email so..

I've always thought that Wordpress is HOT CARBAGE for custom solutions. The opinion is influenced by devRant actually. And I'm really starting to see that after few of months working with it.

For context, it's a accommodation booking site with sub-theme that uses plugins such as Woocommerce Bookings. I didn't build it but I'm now developing and maintaining it.

The emails... I've tried to make them function properly. But no. Because we skip the fucking verification step to allow instant booking it just won't send them. I made yet another workaround and casted some spells. NOW IT SENDS THE EMAIL TWICE...

I'm done. It's good enough.

>be me
>some months ago
>apply for a node.js job, send them my resume with links to my git repos
>get an interview, they tell me they appreciate my additional android dev experience cause they be working on an app.
>think to myself "oh nice, imma get this job!"
>"Anon, we gonna test you, ok?"
>"okay no problem"
>I prepare for both node and android but mostly node
>test day arrives, I'm hyped
>test is actually to make a maps android app in 8 hours
>wat?!
>do it anyway, achieving some functionalities
>a couple of weeks after
>I email them, asking news
>they basically say "oh we sent you a message on skype to tell we continued with another person as a backend dev because they had a better android app"
>log into skype
>0 messages
>mfw pic related

Needed texts to call-duty with the gist of the incident. Implemented, works.

PM wants to also ring the phone, cause text may not wake them up.

Me, telling him, that his tools don’t allow me to call him. However, I said, I could send the text as a fax msg, which would end up “ringing” mr call-duties phone, and then fax-Morse-beep the msg to him.

PM was ok w/ that.

Windows, the operating system which is so much more user-friendly than Linux, or so they say, cannot be operated by my family members without constant support helping them to find files they downloaded and want to send in an email for example. So I have to stretch my mind between my family's non-tech end-user perspective and Microsoft's Windows 11 UI, both of which deviate from my developer's perspective, each in its own surprising way.