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Me: *coding*
Gf: *walks into room*
Gf: awww look at all the sad winky faces
Me: excuse me?
Gf: look at all the sad winky faces *points at this ); *
Me: ... 😕😂12 -
This is Why I give IT support so much respect.
Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro
Next day.....
Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number4 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
Client: "This does not look like the mockups I gave you."
Me: "tHiS dOeS NOt lOoK LIkE THe mOkUpS i GaVE YoU"
2 -
Me visiting a bar...
While going for a smoke...
Woman: Can I ask you a very impolite and downright rude question..?
*expects a Facebook hacking question*
Me (hesitant): .. sure, ask ahead...
Woman: I've never seen you here before. Who are you?
Me: *tells name*
(thinking) not what I expected! (:
Woman: So you're living mostly on the internet?
Me: yeah pretty much... 🤔
Woman: So I live here next to that lawyer...
Me: I don't know most of the area here, where's that?
Woman: Why don't you look it up, hmm? 😜
Quality pwnage!! 😆19 -
Friend: can you take a look at me code?
Me: sure, it's all shit!
Friend: You didn't even look!?
Me: did you write the code?
Friend: yes...
Me: well, I don't have to look, I can smell ur shitty code!5 -
Someone replied to the Christmas party invitation using REPLY ALL... his family personal details sent to hundreds of people. Wait, it gets even worse: he works in the SECURITY DEPARTMENT.5
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My dad believes in hiding his passwords in plain sight
He puts them all in a
readme.txt sitting next to the Canon printer exe file. 😂2 -
Client promised an email in 5 minutes after hanging up.. It's been 2 hours since.. Is he typing with his penis? Is it so small that it's taking so much time hitting each key!
4 -
When top level guys look down they see only shit... 💩
When bottom level guys look up they see only assholes.. 👍
7 -
If I get the new arm I looked at today, I'll always have a battery pack on me. It's USB C and will charge my phone11
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Employers look for degrees, fellow developers look for stickers - how to tell a developers experience xD
6 -
The most embarrassing moment is when you look at an answer in StackOverflow and think "Which stupid wrote this answer?" and look at the name only to realize that it was YOU!!!1
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I smell burnt electronics.... Somewhere. Can't find it. Look, unplug, smell, plug in, look smell, unplug, smell, dance, can't find it.
I need a young priest and an old priest.5 -
*Creates empty node web project in visual studio*
Let's have a look at the default configuration... Oh look the default port is 1337... Microsoft... Please stop trying to meme... Please1 -
everyone on twitter is like "hey look tetris lol how would that look" but like WHO THE FUCK DIDN'T CHECK THIS
23 -
Just waiting for the day were a head hunter mail starts with: "We saw your profile on devRant and found it very interesting how you comment your daily anger while being a dev....."3
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Look, I don't know why, but after sitting around doing nothing, I think he wants to kill me.
Send help.
I mean just look at him, staring right into your soul.
8 -
Look to your left, then look to your right...
All of those devs started out exactly as you are doing now!7 -
Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!
There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.7 -
My coach during my first internship. The first 4 weeks he took the time to pair program at least 3 hours a day with me. He needed the time for his own work but still invested in me. His technical prowess was insane. His code was so easy to read that it took me less than 3 weeks to get to know the 500,000+ lines codebase. He could explain the most complex stuff at such a fundamental level. After those 4 weeks of coaching I wasn't an intern anymore. I was an actual member of the team. Also learned a lot of useful non-technical skills like planning and communication from him.
Then after those 4 weeks he resigned and started working for another company. At the time I found it a dick move. It took me months to realize he managed to get an intern with 0 experience so comfortable around a code base that everybody treated me as a worthy colleague and engineer. It was a matter of days before people would ask me hard questions and I found I could answer each and everyone of them.
Pure sensei this guy was. Such a different level of knowledge and ability. I hope to become such a model for all of my students. -
keyboard shortcuts.
If you threw your mouse away, could you still code very fast?
I learned all the kb shortcuts 2 years ago..
Coding shortcuts in sublime are the best
Best skill I every owned..speed of pc use is drastically improved
Put me up against any normal user and I'll have 10 typical computer tasks done before he finishes one
Could you throw away your mouse for a day?
If you can't.. I challenge you to try. Probably the best skill for getting jobs? Just guessing24 -
A junior dev said i look a bit like Mr. Bean which got a laughing approval by many of my co workers.
I mean, i like Mr. Bean, but when it comes to looks, he's not a physically appealing guy.
Self esteem cant go much lower than this.7 -
When I design a website I always give my best to make it look modern and responsive. Then I look at a website of a local company and want to throw up.
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Hearing "you just saved me from doing hours of mindless work every week"
In the end, that's what we're for. First time hearing it was so rewarding. It's a shame we don't hear it more. Could keep me going eternally.2 -
!rant
I was added to a private Trello board today, of a company that I’m not a part of.
I don’t know if I should mess around with their boards and move stuff around, just leave the board, or better yet, relieve devs of their assigned tasks.
😆4 -
My friends netspeed. Must be nice.... attached in the comments is what I’ve got to work with. It’s sad when my mobile hotspot is faster than my fucking wall connection.
9 -
Why name Tree a Tree when it's really Root if you look at it with head up ?
(Tree Data Structure)
We're really taught to look at the world upside down1 -
I decided to create this so that my head would not need to look down. I noticed when just putting laptop on my knees my head has to look down and it causes headaches when looking down. So this "desk" make me no need to look down.
The desk has wheels so you can relatively easily move away from bed.
So prototype is done, now this could be improved to look better. Idea for furniture makers - you could do this and sell :)
20 -
Although Web design/development isn't exactly computer programming, I can't look at websites without judging them for how they look.
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Not mine but I always find this one very amusing: the story a mail server that refuses to deliver mail past 500 physical miles.
https://ibiblio.org/harris/...1 -
I finally got my github up.
You all can look at my terrible code, which is just glorified snippets. I don't mind.
Left out probably 98% of all the code larger than 10 lines because of jank, throwaways, and how poorly I documented it. Basically throwing shit on a wall.
I also left of the "maaaaaaths!" code because its already super convoluted and strictly a one-man thing. Likewise the web scrapers (barely documented and custom per site), and ML scripts.
https://github.com/YIntercept2
Did you know I once had an immediate rejection in the middle of a zoom interview, because the interviewer asked me "so whats your favorite browser", and I made a pretty obvious joke about using internet explorer.
That guy had no chill whatsoever. Fun times.11 -
Professor: Look to the left of you. Look to the right of you. By end of program, two of the three of you will be Javascript devs.5
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This Vue project I took over uses document.getElementById(...).innerHTML = stuff in its async created method.
That's the rant.9 -
Such beautiful. Much wow.
I am sick of this shit.
Yet another tour bus company fails to serve a website for tourists to reserve a seat ffs.
Tried the mobile version first. The UI looked awesome, but I could not reserve a seat. I could only see free and already reserved seats.
"Fuck you" I tought. Let us try it by changing user agent to desktop.
Now the UI sucks camel pussy, but the functionality works. Well... not so well. I want to sit at the most right corner to avoid people who keep going to WC or have other ADS syndroms thus interrupting my fucking sleep once every 30 minutes.
1 -
Sorry Google, you got it wrong this time ....
Oh my gosh, look at that function definition ...
Oh my gosh, look at that variable ...
Oh my gosh, look at that zone ...
Oh my gosh, look at that long ...
Oh my gosh, look at that short ...
Oh my gosh, look at that stop ... is more my style.
10 -
Interns' first day:
"Here is some documentation I found really handy, got me up and running quick"
"Here's a video series on the some of the stuff we work with and maintain. Found it super useful!"
Several months later:
They didn't use any of it, and I answer questions constantly. WHY!?
I started less than a year ago, and I'm the most senior on my team in this country. So it's all falling to me and I don't know how to hold their hands so they'll be able to learn and figure out what to do? Do I just start being rude and telling them to google things?6 -
Does anyone else compact their code to make it look as complicated as possible just to be a jackass or make yourself look smart?5
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random girl: words can't describe how ugly you look
me: words can't describe how beautiful you look
random girl: blushes :)
me: but numbers can...
me: 2/103 -
Not a rant, but I was offered dev positions at 2 companies. Excited to start working as a developer! I guess I'll get to post actual rants soon.2
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Goodbye, imposter syndrome.
Today I patched a StackOverflowException bug (that I myself introduced a few months ago) which caused the prod application to crash the other day.
Now I truly feel like I belong! 😂2 -
Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.
Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.4 -
The wordpress site I told my friend her friends I would take a look at made me feel a bit like a real hacker.
Without knowing them I guessed their username and password for the admin panel in 15 tries. Today they send me the password and username via email.
I just told them I already had access and that they should change the password.
TL;DR first off you are lazy, it isnt such a long text, but the real tldr is "Me Hackerboy" -
It was called a hackathon, but was probably more a CTF on a distributed TOR network. Organized by Dutch tax police (FIOD) for students. Finished it single-handledly in 18 hours, in front of several teams consisting of 6 people. Immediately got a job offer, but declined since I still wanted to do a master's :)2
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Become a farmer within a tight-knit community of some 100 people. Have a couple of cows, chickens, sheep, crops, fruit trees, ... Everybody takes care of each other and we're (mostly) self-sufficient.
Preferably with some good hiking areas and nice vistas nearby.4 -
What historical trends look more ridiculous now than short-form video will look in a few decades?13
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Take the worst possible estimate you can come up with. Multiply by 3.
Usually ends up pretty close in my case at least.3 -
Dell et al should start selling pre-stickered laptops so execs could buy that "dev cred" look.
There's probably a science to producing a look that doesn't make you look like someone's mum at a cool party.
What sticker placement approach do people use?2 -
One of these days....
Where you want to do a tiny task
....
And suddenly an explosion nukes every service, related service and dependant service.
Chain reaction. Yaaaayyy........
(ancient prometheus node lead to an snapshot error, snapshot error made the migration tool unhappy, migration tool unhappy meant that my task failed - updating prometheus meant checking every target, exporter and so on...
Fuckity fuck it''s gangbang time.)1 -
As a teacher myself, I will always advice young people to go to school. Though I imagine it differs on the quality of education in your country.
I live in the Netherlands and here it's quite good overall. It's no Ivy League and there are plenty of exceptions but overall any technical study here is a good study.
I also teach at a small school (220 software engineering students) so I actually know my students and what generally need to get ahead.
But my main reasons for actually doing a study instead of going the self-taught route:
1. You spend +/- 4 years in presence of peers that are more or less in the same life phase as you are. You will make friends for life.
2. Companies value a diploma. Good for you that you landed a job on your 19th. Just wait until your 25, wanna switch jobs and don't even get to the second round of any application process because your CV does not list a diploma. This might change in the future but not for the next 5-10 years.
3. You will learn foundational stuff about most thing IT-related. Some things you'll never use. Some thing you'll use unknowingly every single day
4. It teaches discipline without major impact on your life if you fail something. OK, you failed a course. So what? Take it next year and take the time to do a side-project or internship during your study delays. It will teach you some life lessons without it costing you a job or your life savings, and you get some extra time to learn as well!
5. Retirement age by the time you retire will be 75. There's plenty of time to work. Why not spend 4 years with peers in a relatively safe and fun environment first?
TL;DR - small schools are actually fun, attend one -
After they look into your CV .. ask to look into their repo ! See what type of spaghetti they are cocking !10
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...Sometimes as I read rants or comments, I look at the author’s avatar and I try to imagine how the person look like in real life... By some people I would be quite curious how they look like in real... Haha 😄😄😄14
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In PHP, strings are classes, functions, whatever you them to be. I feel so filthy, I need a shower after typing this.
3 -
Basically an IMDb clone that reads my IMDb watchlist. I can add counts to it though (i.e. I watched a movie 10 times). Every day it runs runs the changes of that day through the OMDb API and then shows the amount of time I could've spent not watching movies on a dashboard.
Currently I've spent almost 10% of my life watching movies and series. Dear lord. Why did I make this.5 -
PM: Your app doesn't has the enterprise look , I want to have that
Me: any specifics
PM: I said enterprise look
Me: Ok what is the deadline
PM: Yesterday
😕2 -
wow, the new devrant just scared the shit out of me for a second.(Web version).
anyways its nice to see devrant like this :) -
Will I be classified as the weird uncle if i want to teach my nephew how to understand binary? (Thinking)
A 1 || 0 would suffice1 -
Sometimes I just want to see the world burn.
Unfortunately I'm the one who'll be ranting once I get back to that in the future.
4 -
When I forget how to do something simple and I have to look at past projects or look online.
Makes me feel disappointed in myself.1 -
Do you ever take a step back and think about how we look to non technical people? Sometimes I think they look at us like code monkeys and others like rockstars.3
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Getting the company to sit me down next to one of their teams for a couple of hours. Just see what they're doing. How work is managed, how code reviews are being done.
You want to hire me, not the other way around. But good luck in explaining this when you have to write a doubly linked list in pure C because some guy on a conference said that every dev needs to be able to do that. -
Not seeing my students while I teach and coach them. I've lost quite a couple of them due me not being able to literally sit next to them and talk with them. Online lessons are okay bit it's the physically being there that makes me get those students back on track. Now I can not reach them. Ugh.3
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Practice, practice, practice. Was 20 when I learned programming in uni. I found it so hard. But I created the time to do all the homework and did as many stupidly difficult side projects as I could of. I probably never finished one since I could barely nest an if-statement in a loop, so forget that homebuilt pension calculator.
But... I learned so much by failing all those projects. Still try to do as much stupid stuff as I have time for and I heartily recommend every programmer to do the same.
Start 100 projects, maybe 10 of them are viable. And of those 10 only 1 will work. But you'll learn the most from the other 99. -
Taught myself how to program a Texas Instruments 84 graphical calculator to solve the common mathematical equations in high school. Shamelessly copied a lot from the internet but learned quite quickly. Things like solving 2 and 3 degree polynomials, prime factorization or calculating integrals and stuff.
I quite liked how I could make life easier for myself and eventually class mates. Just rolled into software engineering afterwards I guess. No regrets thus far...1 -
Look, I don't know who are you? and what you want?
If you let me fix this problem then I will not look for you and I will not pursue you.
But if you don't
I will look for you,
I will find you and I will kill you..!!
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Thank you, docker, for a grammar lesson. I though "environment" was spelled "enviroment"...until today
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So I just refreshed LinkedIn and it has a new look.
It's so bad I can now remember Microsoft bought LinkedIn a couple of months back every time I look at it1 -
Get a bug report, look at the code: it was fix a month ago by... Me. The look on the face of my colleague like I'm a wizard or something: priceless1
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Okay so I calming down now. All is well. Great now I have iphostor syndrome! What will come tomorrow?! I can't wait... 26s till I can rant. now
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