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Does anyone else have a mini heart attack when you touch your pockets and can't feel your phone for a second?12
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Shouldn't a friend class be called a friends-with-benefits class, since it can touch their private members? 🤔🤔🤔9
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Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
When u use i3 and vim on arch linux so u wont have to touch the mouse and then remember that you're a web dev.
22 -
Who else thinks having their devrant avatar in this loading screen (in the app) will give it a more personal touch? ;)
22 -
Step 1. Get a large touchscreen monitor. Connect it.
Step 2. Modify the driver so touches don't actually cause clicks or anything.
Step 3. Let it play a sudden, loud BEEP instead. Increase the volume for each subsequent touch.
Step 4. Lean back and watch people learn that you don't like your screen being touched.15 -
Boss: Logo needs to be more grey. Touch it up in photoshop.
Me: .logo {opacity: 0.6;}
Boss: perfect!5 -
I guess unix was made by pervs as I have to command it to Touch, Finger, Unzip, Strip, Mount, Fsck, Unmount and Sleep5
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When your colleagues have no tests for their code and tell you not to touch it, because it WORKS!
14 -
$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
$ touch /woman
touch: cannot touch `woman': Permission denied
$ look into "my eyes"
can’t open my eyes
$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate -
If you understand -_-
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep😋13 -
My workstation is suddenly attacked and conquered by the legendry meow and am not allowed to touch it anymore
9 -
Dear people,
please be aware that if you touch my screen one more time I will stab you multiple times with a kitchen knife,
Thanks.7 -
The new IT lady of my previous company told me this:
"Hi, the Internet is not working"
"ok, did you make any recent changes to the router?"
"I didn't touch the router. I removed the switch in between so the internet should still work"
"You removed the switch"
"yeah but I didn't touch the router so what's the problem blah blah blah"
🙄7 -
Working at a school for a couple weeks and I've never been so scared to touch anything in my life...
13 -
root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep
Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉11 -
Hilariously cool error.
I mean, not everyday your editor tells you to meditate or sing you a bob Dylan’s song, right?
That’s a nice touch atom.
2 -
Last night I was feeling bored so I got an idea and made this app. well in morning even I published this on play store.
It’s a completely useless application where you not supposed to touch anything.
but still you want to give it a try and want to give more useless ideas then here is the link
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...
just remember don't touch anything
28 -
Ya go ahead. Touch my screen. The next thing I would do is get that same fingerprint from my screen, unlock your phone and fucking factory reset it. Or worse, message all the girls in your contact that you have a tiny dick. Go ahead. I dare you to touch my screen.8
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Ah, these classic LINUX commands:
$ unzip; strip; touch; finger; grep; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; fsck; umount; clean; sleep3 -
Working on a project called ...fire... on linux, when suddenly realised, that
`$ touch fire` is a bad idea4 -
Just moved into our new house today and my wife gave me an early Christmas present. Really just completes my new office. This beautiful lamp is touch activated on each individual light and each light is individually dimmable by touch as well. 😍 had to share
7 -
It's 2016, yet universities do programming tests on paper! More irritating is the lecturer, who is a slow typist and can't do touch typing.7
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Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
When you touch your code that was written 2 years ago. It's like looking on pictures of young yourself, naive and ambitious ;)1
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- Learn to touch type Dvorak
- Set all Qwerty keyboards to Dvorak
- Watch as no one can use your computer.6 -
Never google "man" command!
I was looking for "man touch" and the result was "3 Ways to Touch a Guy - wikiHow" :|22 -
What a rewarding weekend!
Not once did I touch my laptop :)
Sorry, that was meant for RANDOM.. My bad
17 -
Mind blown! Microsoft invented the concept of touch bar way before apple. oO
https://youtu.be/OSFlvml0Sso
Surprises me how everybody is saying apple invented it.
13 -
Had a meeting with my client who brought with him his brother and an SEO guy. They orgy fingered my Thinkpad screen. Behold the aftermath
9 -
You keyboard is probably the thing that you will touch the most in your whole life, you should choose it carefully.
13 -
when you release an update and everyone starts to see problems with functions you didn't even touch
3 -
Steps to writing Javascript in 2018:
1. mkdir and touch necessary files.
2. install and configure babel.
35. Start configuring webpack.
900. open app.js11 -
I've just seen a WordPress inside another WordPress.
- Why was it made like this?
- If it works, you should not touch it.
- Ok. :/7 -
I dont like it when i have to edit an old code made by a previous developer, i dont want to touch that spaghet.
1 -
I never touch my code if anyone else have made changes in them without asking me.
I cry like a bitch when I get home.6 -
My work just gave me a new MacBook Pro with the Touch Bar. Dear Apples, I can’t even!!!!
What a piece is shit! I can’t charge my phone, plug in my monitor or my mouse without a freakin dongle! Worse of all, I can’t feel the keys to reduce volume, I always have to look does at the Touch Bar, tap twice to reduce the volume. How inefficient!
FU Apple! FU!7 -
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
Just won a Raspberry Pi + touch screen in an Arduino robot competition. What can I do with this little beauty?9
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Have a client who wants me to redesign his clothing store website which is on WordPress. I don't want to touch it... but I want the money :'(9
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Why devs like Linux/Unix :
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
*Opens terminal*
*Does the following*
$ touch file.txt
$ echo "Hello world" > file.txt
$ cat file.txt
Hello world
Feels like--
6 -
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep5 -
Worst part of being a web dev is spending the majority of your life making stuff you'll never touch with your hands5
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If it is lunch time and I have a sandwich stuffed halfway in my face, do not walk up to me with your computer asking for help. It doesn't take me long to eat so give me 3 fucking minutes to finish.
I will help you...I will touch your keyboard with my greasy fingers...I will touch your screen...multiple times.
You're welcome.3 -
Apple macbook engineering department hard at work:
1) Some app freezes
2) Then the Touch-bar freezes
3) I hit cmd+alt+esc to force close it
4) Touch bar is frozen so esc won’t work
5) *confused noises*8 -
today i had to use an old resistive touch monitor.
what the hell how people can use that thing?
i had to literally punch it with my finger to get a click recognized3 -
Those who are thinking, surface studio is over priced. Go and try comparing the cost of 4k touch screen cost, you will get to know.5
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When Windows worked fine, but today after a few minutes every program you touch freezes. I feel like Elsa.1
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Best "short-term" solution that is still in production.
By best, I mean the one that you regret seeing but too afraid to touch1 -
Sometimes i wonder, why do big companies write horrible api, it feels like they don't want beginners to even touch them 😒3
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Okay,so just trying my first rant.
Anyone heard about Internet of Things?
Mind getting in touch and sharing your views?😬21 -
Uugghhhh... Last time I worked with PayPal I swore I'd never touch it ever again. And here I am...6
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8 days and i'm never gonna touch Javascript, CSS, Angular and anything frontend-related for the rest of my life.
I cannot be happier.10 -
The hardest part of a new project is starting it. But it may also be the most exciting. The possibilities!7
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How to be evil: Execute `touch -- '-rf *'` in their home directory.
They'll probably will run `rm` on it before realising their mistake.11 -
My phone fell down for the thousandth time and i thought it was okay as it usually has been in previous attempts at suicide.
Pressed power button ...
Screen turned on showing lock screen...
Touched back key .... phone vibrated....
Hmmm... It's okay. Didn't try unlocking screen...
Received a call later on....
Swiped to pick up call.... Nothing moved...
Turned the screen off. Turned it on again. Tried opening screen lock. Again nothing moved...
Got an OTG and plugged a mouse into phone.
Cursor moves.
Alas... My Phone's Touch Unit is DEAD :/7 -
I haven't touched my laptop for five days (because I've been sick) and now that I'm better, I've been making so many typos and I can barely type. It's like I'm learning touch typing all over again.
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Why do I always work on a project intensively for 2 days, don't touch it for a week or two for reason X and then don't dare to touch it anymore.
Damn5 -
How a linux sysadmin has sex :
who | grep -i hot && grep -i female | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep; -
Didn't touch windows for about 8 years and just installing it for the sake playing The Sims 4. Downloading a couple of software and got 100 malware -_-14
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Overheard: "I'll need to get in touch with my Infrastructure Architecture Innovation Team"
😂🤣😅😂🤣😅
Why not just call them team buzzwords. Omg.3 -
The longest vacation I took in my last job was only for three days. I didn't touch a computer for those three days.2
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well it's now 24 hours I didn't touch my PC.. not touching keyboard for this long.. it feels so empty..1
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Most useless premium laptop feature: touch screen.
For my new Lenovo I saved hundreds of dollars because I opted for the second best screen option. Lower resolution WQXGA (2560 x 1600) 165Hz, beacuse the 4K touch enabled fancy schmancy screen of my current Dell XPS 15 has barely been used. I keep Outlook open on it FFS, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have used the touch feature 😖
Is it just me?9 -
I miss greeting ppl with a firm handshake or cheek brush & kiss sound. The half-hearted elbow touch just doesn't feel remotely as nice.4
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I’m gonna start contributing to open source projects on GitHub. I need to expand and get in touch with more communities.3
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Guess I just semi-wrecked my old testbed Android phone.
Don't you just love it when you touch on the screen in the middle and it registers as a touch to the top right corner? I sure don't.1 -
Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It's Friday. You know what that means.....
Don't touch nuffin' and DOCUMENT.1 -
I'm sensing bullshit from far..... Shitty Apple will introduce 'iRant' very soon..... which works in 3D touch ..meh!2
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Open my Acer laptop this morning to the Windows 10 "blue screen of forced updates". Patiently wait the 10 minutes for it to finish. Now my touch pad has stopped working. Using the touch screen to get to manufacturer website only to find out that my particular version of laptop isn't supported in this version of Windows 10. Let the googling begin. Thanks Windows 10.6
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Recently bought a new touch laptop. After trying Manjaro, Ubuntu and a couple of linux distros, I switched to Fedora. I simply love how it's so smooth.4
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I noticed this morning that someone switched the keys around on my keyboard. I asked my coworkers about it and they said they did that as a prank went I was out on vacation. That was the first week of August and I just noticed...4
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Question:
Kotlin?
Yes || No || Donno
Thinking about giving it a small touch but wanted to look on what others thoughts are.
Cheers ☕7 -
Apple event was so underwhelming after seeing new MS products. I don't buy into that Touch Bar hype.
Still I'm gonna go for MB Pro w/o Touch Bar. It will be my new PC
5 -
If you ask yourself "hm, what does this button do?" while on an important project: DO. NOT. TOUCH. THIS.
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touch this little boi to enable third-person view and meet your maker (but you won't be able to go back)
18 -
Today is Independence Day here in Brazil. Holiday n the middle of the week. I swear to not touch a computer today :P3
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Apple
I remember getting an iPod touch years ago and thinking it was amazing. It had a touch screen and you could play hundreds of games for free!
The other day I had to use an Apple Mac for the first time and I wanted to throw it at the wall.2 -
Programmer son's ask s his father:
Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west?
Father: it's works? don't touch it.2 -
This is to anyone that has a MacBook Pro that has a Touch Bar.
When you’ve programmed on the MacBook have you ever implemented the Touch Bar’s accessibility into the application? And is it easier or more out of the way to try to implement it into the application. Also could non OSX related languages be used or can only Swift, Objective-C, etc
Only curiousity, my MacBook Air doesn’t have one, and I’m gonna eventually upgrade to a pro and I’ve heard good things about the Touch Bar but not about using it in applications.3 -
its absolutely insane to me how many orgs out there have a "oh we don't know what that does, but don't touch it" peice of software9
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https://mohanramphp.github.io/deepa...
Touch the screen and enjoy the crackers🎊
Happy Diwali to you and your family😊5 -
Imma jus start callin uhlee niggas who touch me electronics wo/ discharging their static electricity fat fucken retards 🤙5
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When leaving my computer logged in, for a few minutes, I always run "cmatrix" in fullscreen ... no one dares to touch it.
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when my friends call me and say let's stay in touch on facebook, me i'll be like: emm uhh sorry i quit smoking.1
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I have absolutely no respect for developers who can't properly touch-type.
You don't see many cooks who don't know how to handle a knife, do you?12 -
We have hand sanitizers that are usually empty and spray way too much leaving your hands drenched in liquid
Also, one side has gates which means you have to touch your security card to get in and on the other side there are the elevators so you have to touch the buttons outside and inside to get away, or do it with your elbow
Point is, could be better :p -
Which is the secret rule that you've learned in your (dev) life?
My favourite one is "it works? Don't touch it."5 -
Fucking slave traders who want to "touch base" - They ain't coming anywhere near my base, horrible fuckers!
Why can't they just phone or better still email me!?2 -
https://redis.io/topics/benchmarks
The way this sidenav behaves on mobile.
When will people learn the simplest rules?
Any touch command available on every part of the screen is a mistake.1 -
iOS 10 pulls this 3D Touch shit on me and they're dropping headphone jacks. What's next? Vegan iPhones? Gluten free home buttons? Over engineered shit. Nobody wants 3D Touch. It's stupid.3
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Someone at work deleted my test environment's databases.
What. The. Fuck.
If its not yours, don't fucking touch it.2 -
*Write code → run it → works.
*dont even touch that→ run it after few days → doesnt work..WHY?!?!?2 -
Ok windows, my touch pad works perfectly fine without your synaptics driver fuckware. Why r u keep installing it automatically without my consent?1
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I have sort of an embarrassing question...
I never learned touch typing, hated it as much as I hated my calligraphy lessons in elementary. Forward a couple of years, I'm a developer and trying to dig deeper into vim seems to require learning touch typing... it has been a struggle to say the least and lowered my speed to a frustrating rate. 😥
I know the arguments for putting the work and learning proper technique but, are there any other arguments out there? I mean, as a developer I find myself using a lot of numbers and symbols which are not totally covered in touch typing curricula, together with a bunch of key combinations...
Idk, maybe I'm just asking for encouragement or different perspectives or unknown advantages about learning touch typing even when you feel fast and confident without it... Thank you guys!11 -
First time I touch anything related to a graphical interface. My mind went to:
"Shit, it looks so good I bet even my mom could use this!!!!" -
fryer app written in Python on raspberry pi and arudino through touch LCD prototype can controller and tell temperature
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who | grep -i blonde | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep
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TAP ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS FOR A RIGHT CLICK!!! ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS !!! NOOO NOT THE TOUCH PAD RIGHT CLICK DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!
NO NO NO DON'T DO THAT...
DON'T SCROLL BY HOLDING THE LEFT BUTTON AND DRAGGING...
TWO FINGERS SLIDE TO SCROLL
BARBARIANS ALL OF U3 -
Run program
Doesn't work
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Open code to look at it again
Dont touch anytghing
0 (zero) modifications
Run again
It works
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
3 -
Is it just me or Jira has been getting so much worse over time, that I now don't even want to touch it?9
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Did an intro to functional programming course in Scala.
Felt like I was able to touch the face of an immutable God. :')8 -
sorry for lowering the tone, this did make me chuckle. later on the email he also used the phrase 'hit the ground running' and 'touch base'.....eww.
3 -
When you 3D touch too hard wondering why it's not working. Now iPhone screen is cracked. Oh my bundle id was a typo? Fuck me!
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Is there like a "You can see but can't touch" software license? Or like you can't use it commercially or distribute it? 🤔1
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Just learnt some new stuff today and I apologize to whoever is maintaining my spaghetti code.Just overhaul it buddy.
If it work don't touch it practice 🤠 -
So far, I'm not a fan of Ubuntu touch on the pinephone. I think ill plan on switching to PostmarketOS this weekend. It looks more bare bones from what I've seen (admittedly not very much so far) but looks like it's for more features working. UBports has a ways to go yet.4
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I'm going to fire the universal developer who did this:
```
git clone git://universe/juneeighteen-family
git checkout -b flu
touch family/wife.flu
touch family/oldest-son.flu
touch family/youngest-son.flu
git add .
git commit "Bwa ha ha ha ha"
git push
git merge flu
``` -
There once was a sysadmin, Eddie,
Who could strip, touch and finger real steady.
But when it came to the mount,
(From his sweetheart's account),
It was always "Device is not ready".
do anyone have any more such poems/limericks?3 -
"AI coding tutor" is a real job. You're tutoring an AI. I think I'd rather go touch grass...
https://boards.greenhouse.io/xai/... -
Someone posted here something about Macbook’s touch being too cold and being the reason of their cold.
Just came here to say: I second that opinion. It does get too cold at times. Sends a chilly wave through the body on first touch.
#ModernProblems3 -
I propagate to others that the use of singletons is bad, but still use them on rare occasions in code, which only I touch. 😈🐒4
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Sweaty and sticky body.
But most annoying thing is the palms and fingers.
I can't fucking type well nor touch well stuff. 😭😭😭1 -
Not a big fan of iPhone’s touch points. They don’t feel intuitive at all to me. Maybe it’s my 8 years of Android experience talking.1
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Every time I have to touch a webpack config I remember Geocities much more fondly. Hell, even Frontpage wasn't so bad really.
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Knowing where to touch to get rid those annoying layered popups (like subscribe, disable adblock), menu bars, etc that appear when browsing (mostly) news sites.
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When your legacy IT department does everything in its power to prevent a migration to AWS because it isn’t secure.6
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Came across this comment on r/programminghorror/
> We're you talking with my co-worker? He's extremely abrasive, especially when it comes to anyone touching his code because "Now I don't know how it works anymore" -
in a moment of enlightenment, I realized what problem Cow (copy-on-write smart pointer) actually solves.
Time to touch every file I guess4 -
Lend me your wisdom o wise ones!
I'm tired of windows updates and im tired of it eating my background resources on my low end convertible(atom, 2gigs ram).
The only reason i'm still on windows is the touch support. Haven't yet found a distro where everything just works. Anyone here using a touch screen with linux?
Edit: I've tried hacking away with drivers and shit but feeble touch support just doesn't help as i primarily use it as a tablet14 -
Anyone else with a short pinky finds it uncomfortable to type p while touch typing? Thinking of buying an ortholinear keyboard in the hope it'll be more comfortable.10
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Any recommendation (super) thin laptop under $1000?
I think of lenovo yoga, but I don't need the touch screen, and I think it's just upping the price.15 -
!rant
I wish there was more support for porting Ubuntu mobile.
I wish I was experienced enough to port it myself(at least to my phone)1 -
3D Touch by Apple was one of the most amazing thing ever but as always, Apple managed to make it useless. How? Keep what 3D Touch does same as long press. Stupid!!
Why didn’t Apple keep use of 3D Touch different? Like maybe long press (Haptic touch) for Haptic Touch menu and 3D Touch for quick copy or paste the text. 3D Touch some word instead of selecting and waiting for copy button to come and 3D Touch the textbox to paste. But noooooo they will keep it exactly same as what every other thing does and call it useless and remove it.6 -
+ this post if you believe web developers shouldn’t touch fucking SEO, im sick of this shit still after 12 yrs…wtffff, am i wrong ?????? Please help14
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I am in college right now and want a lightweight long-battery life laptop. Thinking of buyin MacbookPro 13inch 128gb w/o touch bar. Anu suggestions?5
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Sweet merciful crab. Solved. Now I must never ever touch the code again because I barely understand what I did to fix it...1
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best zone will be rain... lots of it and a touch of coolness in the air... also the espresso machine from arms reaching distance.
-
Here's a question. I want to properly master touch typing. My current typing style is a bit weird and ineffective.
I can never remember to actually practice touch typing whenever I get on keyboard. Tips?3 -
Teaching junior engineers that main.c is not mandatory for a C program is really touch thanks to their academic knowledge.3
-
Spring roo by a country fucking mile, it tries to do too much magic under the bonnet, it creates files which if you modify it gg from me and gg from him (two Ronnie's), if you generate html forms with it takes less than half a beer to either SQL inject or xss it and worst of all it has one of those names that no-one can take seriously.
My advice avoid it like the syphilitic donkey it is. -
Learn to touch type. If you're a developer and doesn't know how to touch type, you're like an actor with no dress sense. It's one of the most basic things. Pay attention to these small things and it'll result in something huge!1
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! Rant
In the spirit of the latest dirty cow Linux cve lets hear dev rants favourite dirty Linux command
$ man touch -
Our Bus Factor is 0.1:
if a Bus, somebody, or something breaks or slightly touch one of my balls, the whole company is screwed.10 -
!Rant Suggestions
Guys what do you think of the laptop
Lenovo y700 touch model???
Or any other similar laptop that you suggest.1 -
Why is the “touch” command to create files called “touch”? Why isn’t it called mkfile or something? Like mkdir, chdir bleh?
I mean, was the dev too attached to the touch? Or was it that he was just too much into King Midas?4 -
@dfox I actually thought I could force touch, on my iPhone 6S/7 to upvote. No? Feature coming soon? Great! Can't wait! 🤓1
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just found out that on `touchend` event you access touch in `event.changedTouches` and not `event.touches`! ☺
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I would want the Super power that allows me to transfer all I learn or want to learn with a single touch.
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