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Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.
"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.14 -
Pun of the day
Boss: I heard your colleagues hate dealing with code you wrote. Why?
Me: No comment16 -
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
Best conversation this week:
A: *reporting a visual bug* The text on this page seems to be placed too far to the right, is this intended?
B: No, it's indented.2 -
"I have a terminal illness"
*room goes silent*
"so I stopped using the terminal"
*bob throws his keyboard at me*5 -
Friend of mine: why are you always so grammar nazi-ish?
Me: well, it's in my job name...
Friend: ?!?
Me: pro-grammer :P
(Yes, I know that word isn't gramatically correct!)6 -
Who needs rubber duck debugging when you can do paper duck debugging?
Or is that concept too... Farfetch’d? 😎
13 -
The Inevitable Pun and the Joys of Working as a Basic User in the *nix World!
Sauce: http://hit-comic.com/comic/...
3 -
A university that teaches students
C++ without teaching an understanding of memory management is pointerless.5 -
I suddenly remembered this after being gone from my previous company for nearly a year.
So, I worked there as a tech supporter and Linux engineer.
What would often happen was clients calling with an issue regarding software of some sorts and about half the time, instead of LOOKING AT THE GODDAMN ERROR MESSAGE they'd just click it away fast and complain shit wasn't working.
I specifically remember this one case:
*big client mails complained that one of their clients' email isn't working. Screenshots weren't possible apparently so after emailing back and forth for way too long, we decide to do a screen sharing session (which we never do).*
(for the record, already emailing for hours, client very frustrated, me as well because the behavior of the software sounds impossible)
Me: alright, close everything, then open it again so I can see what happens.
Client: *opens mail client, error appears, client clicks error away faster than an arch user being able to mention they use arch*
Me: uhm.... I assume you already know what that message said and that it has nothing to do with the issue?
Client: it has nothing to do with the issue.
Me: okay... But have you at least looked the message?
Client: no but it has nothing to do with the issue.
Me: but, how'd you know if you won't look at it?
Client: it has nothing to do with the issue, okay?
Me: okay.... so, what's happening here?
Client: the user isn't receiving email anymore at this point!
Me: alright, have you checked the settings and everything?
Client: of course, all good
Me: okay but can we at least restart the software again to at least check the error message?
Client: FINE. *restarts client (pun intended, of course)*
Error message: username or password incorrect, can't connect to the server.
Client:..........
Client:............
Client:...............
Client:..................
Client:.....................
Client:..................
Client:...............
Client:............
Client:.........
Client: 😐
Client: 😶
Client: 😅
Client: 😬
Client:..... Right, I changed the password...
Client: *sets correct password*
*poof, error message gone*
Client:..... Thanks 💀
Me: you're welcome 😄
💀3 -
Colleague was doing something with a switch, wasn't working, he went to get another one:
C: hmm, this one isn't working, I'm gonna get another one.
Me: so you're gonna SWITCH them?
C: 😑😬
😅5 -
Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.
First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.
And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.
Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.
Asshole design12 -
The past 2 years where I work:
Me: hey let's use git instead of ftp!
Boss: should we?
Some time later: he is loving it...
Me: hey let's use trello instead of excell!!??!
Boss: huumm.. Dunno... Should we?
After much convincing: whole departments are using and loving it....
Me: hey let's move from rackspace to DO!
Boss: huumm... Convince me...
Year latter: everything smooth and muuuch lower prices... Managing 6 servers instead of one...
Me: UNIT TESTS!!!
Boss: nah, this but a waste of time...
For real? Get a grip man, I only encourage solutions tested ( no pun intended, or is it ) by me for a long time...4 -
Someone asked how patient you are?
.
.
.
.
I used Android studio on a laptop with 4 GB RAM.. and tested apps on emulator.
PS - It kept my hands warm in winters.13 -
I stare through the blueish black backgrounds and blurry colorful syntax into a somewhat familiar office within a mirrored world. That damned reflective glass layer covering these meaningless pixels is certainly not on my side.
The rushing sound of transactions flowing through cables is silenced today. Some blood cloth in the invoicing system is zeroing out everything after the currency mark.
While sighing I spin a one-and-a-half pirouette on my desk chair — even when desperate, you shouldn't give up on style — I take three steps away from my screen and try to harmonize my thoughts.
So much noise, everywhere... Noise from within?
I have been stuck at the apogee of an inhale for a while now. Locked into some masochistic constriction, self-punishment for the blindness which stings my ego.
Just fucking take a deep breath you asshole...
I freeze in place, and fall backwards.
Patterns on the creamy drywall rapidly vibrate and synchronize on vivid rhythms of respiration and resonating basslines. Deep indigo rainbows ripple through tiny veins, in-between chalky grains, raining as fine magenta dust through the ceiling frames.
My bare feet slide over soft oscillating concrete, fine flows of unsievable sand surrounded by toes, toes surrounded by streaming variables veiled in obscure vile abstractions.
A jadegreen field of vectored compressions resiliently rumbles and bounces through the clearances and corners of the vibrant concrete office cave, whispering in tongues. I try to voice my woes in little blips and bleeps but I seem to be missing an asymmetric key to their shrouded sequenced speech.
Suddenly, a wild turbulence breaks up all signals.
Joanna floats by in her tipsy effervescent cloud of disordered black hair and alcohol perfume, one hand grasping grapes, her other waving at me.
With every finger she moves a thousand tensors propagating paradoxically flawed but perfect pieces of an intricate surreal picture, sketching whole constellations of possible paths throughout the leafs of the giant Ficus next to her desk.
She stops dead in her tracks, and asks somewhat hypocritically: "Are you high?"
I can not discern the meaning of her words, and respond stoically.
"Joanna! Check out those branches!".
"Pun intended?", she giggles.
I'm focused on her grapeless hand, her fingers stretching to reach the lush little tree.
On touch, the plant shivers, grappled in the tight net of the puppet master. She pulls her strings, applying measured weights, all nodes normalize, and Joanna speaks in an oddly soft tone:
"Isn't it beautiful, how so many models emulate nature"
Her cheek buried in foliage she babbles on about unbalanced search trees and machine learning models... but from the tips of her fingers tables and indexes flow into the plant. Users, payments, tariffs, invoices and taxes crawl over the bark, joining at thicker branches, joining at the stem....
Joining. JOINING. A JOIN.
"IF THERE'S NO FUCKING TAX MULTIPLIER IN THIS LEFT JOIN, EVERYTHING COALESCES TO ZERO" I shout at a perplexed Joanna who squeezes grape juice over her desk. I hop on the beat to my keyboard. She looks puzzled, hugs her Ficus tightly, and reaches for the whiskey bottle behind her monitor.
Attracted by my exclamation, Tom from finance swings open the door, while I push my branch.
I look at Joanna still half hiding between the leaves, and I laugh at her: "Branches! Oh, lame, I finally got it!"
Tom's heavy voice interrupts me: "Does this mean... does this mean that the invoicing bug is resolved?".
I smile at Tom with his tailored suit and waxed hair. "The money is flowing once more. All debts are being settled."
He releases his breath in relief, which he seems to have held since that morning as well.
Joanna adds: "Although I think he is forever indebted to my Ficus".
I nod.14 -
Made a bad pun at work. Collegue:
What about I break this beer bottle *points at it*, stick it in your throat and put it up your ass sideways afterwards?
Me: 😅 I'll stop 😅
Sometimes my timing is bad :P13 -
(important details for this 'rant': people often put their tv on/in a piece of furniture that we (dutchies) often call a 'kast' (tv kast(je)) which translates to closet)
*at a birthday party, mate plugs a Chromecast into the tv and lays it in the tv 'closet'.
Me: that's definitely a Chromekast now!
Everyone: 😑
😅7 -
"CSS doesn't put the fun in fundamentals. But it can make it bold."
Oh my god, that's so bad is actually good.
Courtesy of Enki.1 -
Noob: I hate $foo language! It sucks!
Me: Have you used the language before?
Noob: no because it sucks!
Me: have you tried using it?
Noob: no because it sucks!
Me: so how do you know it sucks?
Noob: because all my friends that use $baaa says it sucks.
Me: ........ I see your point... sheep 🐑8 -
How do you call it when production breaks and a programmer has find out what went wrong/fix it as soon as possible while the client is breathing down their neck?
He's going through a rough patch.12 -
So I says to the wife, I says, “When you go to Costco tomorrow, I need a new Oral B electric toothbrush. My old one’s battery is no longer able to hold a charge.” I’m picturing her coming back with one that’s pretty similar to the one I had. You turn it on, you brush your teeth, you turn it off.
She comes back with the Oral B Pro 6000. Go on. Look it up. I’ll wait.
So this thing has about 6 modes and Bluetooth that connects you to an app that not only keeps track of how often you brush, but tracks your performance and gives you trophies if you do well at specific tasks and techniques. And there’s a coach to take you on an “oral health journey” depending on your particular goals. There’s even a mount you can buy to attach your phone to your mirror so the app can watch how you brush and give you pointers. I don’t have the mount so I got an 85% on performance because who can hold a phone pointed perfectly at your face while brushing? The final report had what might be the app dev’s attempt at a pun.
It’s 2019 and everyone is judging you. Why not your toothbrush as well?
20 -
Prologue
My dad has an acquaintance - let's call him Tom. Tom is an gynecologist, one of the best in Poznań, where I live. He's a great guy but absolutely can not into tech of any kind besides his iPhone and basic PC usage. For about a year now I've been doing small jobs for him - build a new PC for his office, fix printer, fix wifi, etc. He has made a big mistake few years ago by trusting a guy, let's call him Shitface, with crating him software for work. It's supposed to be pretty simple piece of code in which you can create and modify patient file, create prescription from drugs database and such things. This program is probably one of the worst pierces of code I've ever seen and Shitface should burn for that. Worse, this guy is pretentious asshole lacking even basic IT knowledge. His code is garbage and it's taking him few months to make small changes like text wrapping. But wait, there's more. Everything is hardcoded so every PC using this software must have installed user controls for which he doesn't have license and static IP address on network card.
Part 1
Tom asked me to build him a new PC that will be acting like a server for Shitface's program. He needs it in Kalisz (around 150 km from my place). I Agred (pun intended) and after Tom brought me his old computer I've bought parts and built a new one. I have also copied everything of value and everything took me around three hours.
Part 2
Everything was ready but Shitface's program. I didn't know much about it's configuration so when I've noticed that it's not working even on the old PC I got a bit worried. Nevertheless I started breaking everything I know about it and after next three hours I've got it somewhat working. Seeing that there's still some problems with database connection (from Windows' Event Viewer) I wrote quick SMS to Shitface asking what can be wrong. He replied that he won't be able to help me any way until Monday (day after deadline). I got pissed and very courteously asked him for source code because some of libraries used in this project has license that requires either purchase of commercial license or making code open source. He replied within few minutes that he'll be able to connect remotely within next 10 minutes. He was trying to make it work for the next hour but he succeeded. It was night before deadline so I wrapped everything up and went to bed thinking that it won't take me more than an hour to get this new PC up and running in the office. Boy was I wrong.
Also, curious about his code, I've checked source and he is using beautiful ponglish (mixed Polish and English) with mistakes he couldn't even bother to fix. For people from Poland, here's an example:
TerminarzeController.DeleteTerminarzShematyDlaLekarza
Part 3
So I drove to Kalisz and started working on making everything work. Almost everything was ready so after half an hour I was done. But I wanted to check twice if it's all good because driving so far second time would be a pain. So I started up Shitface's program, logged in, tried to open ANYTHING and... KABUM. UNHANDLED EXCEPTION. WTF. I checked trace and for fuck sake something was missing. Keep in mind that then I didn't know he's using some third party control for Windows Forms that needs to be installed on client PC. After next fifteen minutes of googling I've found a solution. I just had to install this third party software and everything will work. But... It had to be exactly this version and it was old. Very old. So old that producent already removed all traces of its existence from their web page and I couldn't find it anywhere. I tried installing never version and copying files from old PC but it didn't work. After few hours of searching for a solution I called Mr Shitface asking him for this control installation file. He told me that he has it but will be able to send it my way in the evening. Resigned I asked for this new PC to be left turned on and drove home. When he sent me necessary files I remotely installed them and everything started working correctly.
So, to sum it up. Searching for parts and building new PC, installing OS and all necessary software, updating everything and configuring it for Tom taste took me around what, 1/3 of time I spent on installing Mr Shitface's stupid program which Tom is not even happy with. Gotta say it was one of worst experiences I had in recent months. Hope I won't have to see this shit again.
Epilogue
Fortunately everything seems to work correctly. Tom hasn't called me yet with any problems. Mission accomplished. I wanna kill very specific someone. With. A. Spoon.1 -
I've found sites like Udemy/Khanacademy/Codecademy/Brilliant/Edx to be very useful — possibly more useful than expensive education.
But they still need:
1. Better correction/update mechanisms. Human teachers make mistakes and material gets outdated, and while online teachers are rectified faster than classroom teachers, the procedure is still not optimal. Knowledge should be a bit more like a verified wiki.
2. Some have great interactive coding environments, some have great videos, some have awesome texts, some have helpful communities. None has it all. In the end, I don't want to learn a new language by writing code in my browser. It could all be integrated/synced to the point where IDEs have plugins which are synced to online videos, with tests and exercises built in, up to a social network where you could send snippets for review and add reviews to other people's code.
3. Accreditation. Some platforms offer this against payment, but I think those platforms often feel very old school (pun intended), with fixed schedules, marks and enrollments. Self paced is a must.
4. Depth is important. Current online courses are often a bit introductory. We need more advanced courses about algorithms, theoretical computer science, code design, relational algebra, category theory, etc. I get that it's about supply/demand, but we will eventually need to have those topics covered.
I do believe that for CS, full online education will eventually win from the classroom — it's still in its infancy, but has more potential to grow into correct, modern education.10 -
Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.
😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.
🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.
🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.
🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢13 -
$ npm audit
> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)
$ npm audit fix
> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages
> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)
$ npm audit fix --force
> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.
Me too, buddy. Me too.1 -
In another dev community I am:
A: Is somebody here familiar with Blender?
B: Jup, there is one in our kitchen6 -
At the end of a function for getting the machine's MAC address:
return ofTheMAC;
If you don't get this, you're too young.4 -
So today I wrote CSS using for loops and if statements in scss.
You could say I was programming in style... -
One of our newly-joined junior sysadmin left a pre-production server SSH session open. Being the responsible senior (pun intended) to teach them the value of security of production (or near production, for that matter) systems, I typed in sudo rm --recursive --no-preserve-root --force / on the terminal session (I didn't hit the Enter / Return key) and left it there. The person took longer to return and the screen went to sleep. I went back to my desk and took a backup image of the machine just in case the unexpected happened.
On returning from wherever they had gone, the person hits enter / return to wake the system (they didn't even have a password-on-wake policy set up on the machine). The SSH session was stil there, the machine accepted the command and started working. This person didn't even look at the session and just navigated away elsewhere (probably to get back to work on the script they were working on).
Five minutes passes by, I get the first monitoring alert saying the server is not responding. I hoped that this person would be responsible enough to check the monitoring alerts since they had a SSH session on the machine.
Seven minutes : other dependent services on the machine start complaining that the instance is unreachable.
I assign the monitoring alert to the person of the day. They come running to me saying that they can't reach the instance but the instance is listed on the inventory list. I ask them to show me the specific terminal that ran the rm -rf command. They get the beautiful realization of the day. They freak the hell out to the point that they ask me, "Am I fired?". I reply, "You should probably ask your manager".
Lesson learnt the hard-way. I gave them a good understanding on what happened and explained the implications on what would have happened had this exact same scenario happened outside the office giving access to an outsider. I explained about why people in _our_ domain should care about security above all else.
There was a good 30+ minute downtime of the instance before I admitted that I had a backup and restored it (after the whole lecture). It wasn't critical since the environment was not user-facing and didn't have any critical data.
Since then we've been at this together - warning engineers when they leave their machines open and taking security lecture / sessions / workshops for new recruits (anyone who joins engineering).26 -
Teaching php to noobs....
type in echo 'hello world'
Go to the browser and run the page
Do you hear the echo?6 -
This has been said countless times before me, and way better than me that’s supper tired, but I need to rant out
And what I’m ranting out today, is Apple. Its essence, its core, the reason it still exists: the ECOSYSTEM!
The problem with Apple ecosystem is that it’s the ecosystem of a fucking PRISON!
People like it because it works well together , but it’s sure that in a prison, the path from your cell to the cantine is pretty optimized; you get forced there! And you might try to get your food elsewhere, but the walls of the prison are made to be difficult to cross. Especially on mobile, where they’re making it harder and harder to escape, to make a jailbreak (pun-intended). Keeping you the loyal little sheep, or the forcing you to it.
That prison is also made private, a little club, to attract people to it. They even got their own little system to talk to each other, but oh god protect them from their little messages to pass the walls of the prison.
And all that prison is guarded by the warden, watching from high in the cloud. Forcing you to report yourself to him to be part of that prison.
That prison, also, can only be entered with specific vehicles, provided by the prison, to ensure maximum compatibility and efficiency. Good luck entering with a disguised vehicle if you find the official ones too pricey for their parts.
They also provided pressure tubes to send things from one cell to another. While being only simple pressure tubes like any other, they’re acclaimed because they’re apparently easier to use than the other 3rd party pressure tubes that can send things to the outside. Why? Because, oh yes it’s already in everybody’s cells (of that prison, outside is dangerous) and the other tubes have been conveniently being placed somewhere harder to reach.
Another thing they have are those windows that can view the outside. While being maybe less clear than some other windows, they are ok. But if you ever consider going mobile to enjoy that safari with lions, then man do they love bringing you back to that window.
Ok so I’m done with the prison metaphor, or I won’t sleep.
The ecosystem is probably the major reason Apple is still there. You buy from there because you’re a prisoner (I guess I’m not finished with the metaphor after all).
This is a prime example of RMS’s quote “If the user doesn’t control the software, the software controls the user”
AirDrop isn’t some sort of revolutionary tech, it uses a well established protocol that other implementations use to do the same thing. They could really easily open source the protocol and allow everyone to profit, but they won’t, because that would mean you don’t have to buy Apple.
That’s why I militate for open source, decentralized and standardized protocols. Because that way, we control the software, and it doesn’t control us.
All the things I said aren’t so bad because when you buy Apple, you make a choice. But I don’t have a choice, I am typing this on an Apple device, because I need to (I won’t elaborate on that) because of that fucking *ecosystem*
I am really tired, so half the sentences probably don’t make sense, but thanks for coming to my stupid TED talk.12 -
To all Linux Wizards out there:
You should create an alias to your package manager called 'installman' to praise the grand master.10 -
!rant
Most programming shirts/hoodies really suck. They fall into two categories:
1. Super lame pun quotes in an ugly font.
2. Memes transfer-printed onto cheap fabric
I'm not against puns, or quotes. I quite like the design from @AlexDeLarge
https://devrant.io/rants/830390/, and I've been looking for a nice shirt with Dijkstra's "simplicity is a prerequisite for reliability" on it.
But many do not put any thought into beautiful design, and shit like "No place like 127.0.0.1", "404 girlfriend not found" or "There are 10 kinds of people" really stopped being funny a decade ago.
Good design, colors & quality are so fucking important.
What are your favorite dev-related clothes?16 -
University of Maastricht right now:
*Clop clop
Who's there?
*Clop
Clop who?
*Clop ransomware!
(Klop (clop as pun in this context) is knock in Dutch)3 -
When walking, Women swing their arms at level height as your balls, watch out.
I've learnt the hard way (no pun)6 -
'Sup mates.
First rant...
So Here's a story of how I severely messed up my mental health trying to fit in university.
But the bonus: Found my passion.
Her we go,
Went to university thinking it'll be awesome to learn new stuff.
1st sem was pure shock - Programming was taught at the speed of V2 rockets.
Everything was centred around marks.
Wanted to get a good run in 2nd sem, started to learn Vector design, but RIP- Hospitalized for Staph infection, missed the whole sem and was in recovery for 3 months.
So asked uni for financial assistance as I had to re-register the courses the next semester. They flat out refused, not even in this serious of a case.
So, time to register courses for third semester, turns out most of the 2nd year courses are full, I had to take 3rd year courses like:
Social and Informational Networks
Human Computer Interaction
Image processing
And
Parallel and Distributed Computing (They had no prerequisites listed, for the cucks they are: BIG MISTAKE)
Turns out the first day of classes that I attend, the Image proc. teacher tells me that it's gonna be difficult for 2nd years so I drop it, as the PDC prof. also seconds that advice.
Time travel 2 months in: The PDC prof is a bitch, doesn't upload any notes at all and teaches like she's on Velocity-9 while treating this subject like a competition on who learns the most rather than helping everyone understand.
Doesn't let students talk to each other in lab even if one wants to clear their friend's doubt, "Do it on your own!" What the actual fuck?
Time for term end exams and project submission: Me and 3 seniors implement a Distributed File System in python and show it to her, she looks satisfied.
Project Results: Everyone else got 95/100
I got 76.
She's so prejudiced that she thinks that 2nd years must have been freeloaders while I put my ass on turbo for the whole sem, learning to code while tackling advanced concepts to the point that I hated to code.
I passed the course with a D grade.
People with zero consideration for others get absolutely zero respect from me.
Well it's safe to say that I went Nuclear(heh.. pun..) at this point, Mentally I was in such a bad place that I broke down.... Went into depression but didn't realise it.
But,
I met a senior in my HCI class that I did a project with, after which I discovered we had lots of similar interests.
We became good friends and started collaborating on design projects and video game prototyping.
Enter the 4th sem and holy mother of God did I got some bad bad profs....
Then it hit me
I have been here for two years, put myself through the meat grinder and tore my soul into shreds.
This Is Not Me
This Wont Be The End Of Me
I called up my sister in London and just vented all my emotions in front of her.
Relief.
Been a long time since I felt that.
I decided to go for what I truly feel passionate about: Game Design
So I am now trying to apply for Universities which have specialised courses for game design.
I've got my groove again, learnt to live again.
Learning C# now.
:)
It's been a long hello, and If you've reached till here somehow, then damn, you the MVP.
Peace.9 -
I got selected for a dev job at a bank and I received a form on email to fill up and come with the hard copy to do the documentation etc.
HR girl: I can't understand what you wrote in the form.
Me: Yeah, I don't usually write things these days with a pen.
HR: So when was the last time you actually wrote anything.
Me: I think it was at a bank. I filled a form.
HR: Nice one!
Me: Oh!5 -
"I don't see women as objects, each woman is in a class of their own! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- People who have no fucking clue how OOP works
Objects are instantiations of classes, you poor, retarded bastards. You saw those two words while skimming your 1st year college textbook, made this joke, promptly changed to some useless English degree because you cried after your "hello world" program didn't run, and never looked back to see the damage you had done.
I know the joke is the word play but word play word play puns are retarded anyways. Everything about this pun is awful.8 -
A typo today has rendered me the joke of the office... 😂
Almond's PR: "Added missing unit testes to classes Foo and Bar"
----
Bob: "LGTM. Bet that took some balls."
Craig: "LGTM. Missing unit testes drive me nuts."
Ian: "LGTM. Write your testes with your code guys, a bit bollocks to have to add them afterwards." -
Tl;Dr - It started as an escape, carried on as fun, then as a way to be lazy, and finally as a way of life. Coding has defined and shaped my entire life from the age of nine.
When I was nine I was playing a game on my ZX spectrum and accidentally knocked the keyboard as I reached over to adjust my TV. Incredibly parts of it actually made a little sense to me and got my curiosity. I spent hours reading through that code, afraid to turn the Spectrum off in case I couldn't get back to it. Weeks later I got hold of a book of example code to copy out to do various things like making patterns on the screen. I was amazed by it. You told it what to do, and it did it! (don't you miss the days when coding worked like that?) I was bitten by the coding bug (excuse the pun) and I'd got it bad! I spent many late nights on that thing, escaping from a difficult home life. People (especially adults) were confusing, and in my experience unpredictable. When you did things wrong they shouted at you and threatened to take you away, or ignored you completely. Code never did that. If you did something wrong, it quietly let you know and often told you exactly what was wrong. It wasn't because of shifting expectations or a change of mood or anything like that. It was just clean logic, simple cause and effect.
I get my first computer a year later: an IBM XT that had been discarded by a company and was fitted with a key on the side to turn it on. With the impressive noise it made it really was like starting an engine. Whole most kids would have played with the games, I spent my time playing with batch scripts and writing very simple text adventures. And discovering what "format c:" does. With some abuse and threatened violence I managed to get windows running on it. Windows 2.1 I think it was.
At 12 I got a Gateway 75 running Windows 95. Over the next few years I do covered many amazing games: ROTT, Doom, Hexen, and so on. Aside from the games themselves, I was fascinated by the way computers could be linked together to play together (this was still early days for the Web and computers networked in a home was very unusual). I also got into making levels for Doom, Heretic, and years later Duke Nukem 3D (pretty sure it was heretic; all I remember is the nightmare of trying to write levels entirely by code!). I enjoyed re-scripting some of the weapons and monsters to behave differently. About this time I also got into HTML (I still call this coding, but not programming), C, and java. I had trouble with C as none of the examples and tutorial code seemed to run properly under a Windows environment. Similar for my very short stint with assembly. At some point I got a TI-83 programmable calculator and started rewriting my old batch script games on it, including one "Gangster Lord" game that had the same mechanics as a lot of the Facebook games that appeared later (do things, earn money, spend money to buy stuff to do more things). Worried about upcoming exams, I also made a number of maths helper apps, including a quadratic equation solver that gave the steps, and a fake calculator reset to smuggle them into my exams. When the day came I panicked and did a proper reset for fear of being caught.
At 18 I was convinced I was going to be a professional coder as I started a degree in Computer Science. Three months later I dropped out after a bunch of lectures teaching what input and output devices were and realising we were only going to be taught Java and no C++. I started a job on the call centre of a big company, but was frustrated with many of the boring and repetitive tasks we had to do. So I put my previous knowledge to use, and quickly learned VBA to automate tasks. It wasn't long before I ended up promoted to Business Analyst where I worked on a great team building small systems in Office, SAS, and a few other tools.
I decided to retrain in psychology, so left the job I was in and started another degree. During my work and placements my skills came in use a number of times to simplify and automate tasks. I finished my degree, then took a job as a teaching assistant while I worked out what I wanted to do next and how to pay for it. Three years later I've ended up IT technican at the school, responsible for the website, teaching a number of Computing lessons each week, and unofficial co-coordinator for Computing as a subject. I also run a team of ten year old Digital Leaders who I am training in online safety and as technical experts; I am hoping to inspire them to a future in coding. In September I'll be starting teacher training with a view to becoming a Computing specialist teacher. Oh, and I'm currently doing a course in Android Development in my free time.
And this all started with an accidental knock on the keyboard of a ZX Spectrum.6 -
Conversation between my husband and myself.
H: I ordered a game for the switch last week. It was delayed by USPS, and it looks like I got a partial refund due to it being late.
Moi: That's your mail privilege at work.
H: Did you really just make a mail pun? *Snerk*
Moi: This is why we work. ♥️5 -
Me: *Sends link to mate about netgear vulns because he just bought a netgear thingy*
Mate: Doesn't affect me, I ordered a switch, not a router!
Me: Ohhh so you're going to 'switch' away from routers!
Mate: Ba
Mate: Dum
Mate: I'm not even going to finish this *sigh*
I was enjoying this way too much :P1 -
!rant - Story:
I got accepted to the university of Osnabrück!
Finally! I've had a though time.
After kindergarten kids went to primary school while I had to go to a place called "Vorschule". Kids with disabilities go there. I, for one, was not physically disabled. I was psychologically disabled.
My German was not that good. My native language is Turkish. I had to spend 1 or 2 years there, before I was able to attend the primary school like the normal kids.
In the primary school a few teachers started making racist comments. I didn't really understand them, but my father did. After 2 years of attending that school, I switched to another primary school and continued with everything there.
In the secondary school (comprehensive school) I got bullied a lot. I was getting racist comments on a daily basis. Even by some teachers. Whereas some other teachers were showing it indirectly.
In the same school a teacher made me get a bad grade in one subject on purpose. Thus I got a bad certificate. Not the certificate I deserved.
I spent a year in economics after the secondary school. I was in a vocational school. I didn't like it, because I wasn't really interested in economics.
"Why did you choose that then?" you might ask. That's a legitimate question.
I didn't get accepted in anything related to informatics.
Anyways, I got bullied there, too. Physically beaten by trouble makers in my class and mentally by a french teacher.
He told me that I will not be able to get my certification that allows me to attend a university after me telling him that I will change the school and try it again in informatics. Several times.
I was in the new vocational school after that one. It was very stressful.
I, again, got bullied there. But this time not by the kids, but by some abusive teachers and directors.
One of them was a racist moron. My ex-PE teacher. He someday told me that I won't be able to achieve anything in my life.
I was always naive and kind of let all these words destroy my future plans in my head, but I had a little bit of hope nonetheless.
Today, I got a letter in which it was written that I got accepted to the university of Osnabrück!
Omg! I'm so fucking happy! I could explode! (A lil racist pun)17 -
!dev
What can you say for certain about your argument when you bring it to a discussion and you pretty much lose but it still stands?
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It's not sitting down.
I'll leave now......4 -
The weekend is here!!!
Time to go out and have fun!!!
Nah just joking. Time to write some quality code after cleaning our company's backend (pun definitely intended) all week! -
At Starbucks today, ordered a lactose free JavaScript Frappucino. The barista turned out to be a computer science student, I'm pretty sure he spat in my cup.3
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The worst (best) pun I've seen in a while.
I hope it was intentional. Probably not. But one can hope.
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We as a 15ppl company are contractors for various big agencies, but we're most of the time under NDA. So I guess I'm a "Ghost-Front End Developer".
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Well I never! Did you know: C++ is the 'incriment' of C and that C# is C++++ (two + on top of the other two + to make a # sign)1
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Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
Terrible Dutch (!dev) tech pun I just came up with: (posted it earlier under the rant section but removed it due to that)
Wat moet een AMD CPU doen als'ie op vakantie gaat?
Ryzen.11 -
When you run your test suite with 320 assertions in 64 tests and it all passes..
Something is very wrong somewhere x)6 -
I am in love with regex (re in py)!
It is so damn cool!
Unfortunately, Python's find is faster.
But regex is so much better when it comes to complex patterns you would not be able to find with the regular (do you see the pun here? ;)) python's string object find method.4 -
Worst pun of the year contender, a colleague said to a node Dev...
"These Node Devs are all the same... They think they node it all"1 -
My highschool computer eng. teacher works in IT and he was telling us about one of his first days of working for a company and he said "Whenever we had a stupid client or customer, we'd tell each other that we had a 'one D ten T' as a code because it sounds professional. But really, it spells 1D10T"
Lame but it cracked us up and I thought I might share lol2 -
I can't stop myself from thinking like a computer when I'm sick.
The OS that runs my body is kinda fucked up right now. It was very vulnerable and now it got infected by viral executables sent out by an agent which happens to be on same work network that I'm connected to. Well, it executed and populated feelings of infatuation and crush in my heart drive. ( pun intended )
As a precaution, I patched the vulnerabilities by masking response of my Emotions API.
To further secure my system, I'll be executing memory intensive tasks that will also put my hardware to it's limits. According to my estimates, this will stall further execution of this infection and eventually kill them while rewarding me with upgraded hardware.4 -
1) Read the wiki on git. I probably have enough shorthands and test methods that you won't need much other shit to debug issues.
2) when debugging, remember that if it is there, there's a good reason why I put it there.
3) commented-out code is probably useful for maintenance. I left it there for a good reason. 😛
4) chances are whatever I wrote, was the state of the art at the time I wrote it. There might be better ways to do it now tho.
5) I always work modular. First, understand the structure. (probably also documented on wiki) DO NOT fuck up the structure. If you change it, you document it.
6) If you feel I wrote shit, it's probably because management annoyed the living shit out of me. Pun intended.
7) Your confusion is normal. I don't do dumb shit.4 -
As I was browsing pornhub, I started reading articles about AI, dick still in hand, and went down the rabbit-hole (no pun intended) of self referential systems and proofs. This is something I do frequently (getting off track, not beating off, though I have been slacking recently).
Now I'm no expert but my neurotic DID personality which prompted this small reading binge DOES think it is an expert. And it got me thinking.
Godel’s second incompleteness theorem says that "no sufficiently strong proof system can prove its own consistency."
Then utilizing proof by contradiction, systems that are "sufficiently strong" should produce truth outputs that are monotonic. E.g. statements such as "this sentence is a lie."
Wouldn't monotonicity then be proof (soft or otherwise) that a proof system is 'sufficiently strong' in the sense that Godel's second theorem meant?
Edit: I WELCOME input, even if this post is utterly ignorant and vapid. I really don't know shit about formal systems or logic. Welcome any insight or feedback that could enlighten me.1 -
A friend approached me with an "unpopular opinion" regarding the worldwide famous intro to Machine Learning course by Andre Ng.
His opinion: "shit is boring AF and so is the teacher"
Honestly, I loved it, i think it is a really good intro to the actual intuition(pun/reference intended) to the area. I specially like how it cuts down the herd in terms of the people that stick with it and the people that don't, as in "math is too hard. All i want is to create A.I" <---- bye Felicia.
Even then, i think that the idea that Andrew Ng is boring is not too far from reality. I love math, i am by no means a natural, but with pen and paper in front of me and google I feel like i can figure out and remember anything, i do it out of sheer obsession and a knack for mathematical challenges. That is what kept me sane through the course. Other than that I find it hard to disagree, even if it was not boring for me.
Anyone here thinks the course was fucking boring as well? As in, the ones that have taken it.8 -
Me after using Prolog for 6 hours because of University...
Sometimes prolog gives me brainfuck (pun intended)
3 -
i hate linux like a lot , how do you guys use it
like you guys dont want an advertising ID, how the fuck will advertisers know who you are and what you like?
open source , give me a break, you mean your os devs are soo untrustworthy that you just have to see what they wrote in the code, who does that?
free come on, how poor are you linux people, i mean, quality stuff gets paid for, free stuff just means it's trash
and the linux devs , the aint like real coders they are just hobbysts, making your os in their free time
and who wants to install their own software anyway, on other platforms the company curates restricted software that you can use, and i know you'll say its oppressive but its just customer protection.
and i do want my platform to track everything i do, it only helps them build better stuff for me.
and whenever they decide to outdate my hardware and kill support for it, it only means they care and want me to get the latest tech, how considerate.
wait , i hear you say, there are no bugs in linux, my vendor makes sure my os comes with the latest antivirus software, nothing can break my system.
and just because linux runs on servers and most super computers only shows that common users like you and me are ignored, at least my vendor is not a sellout, and still makes stuff for the masses.
you say freedom i say safety i can sleep safe and sound for am protected nutured under one echosystem of software that i can not leave.22 -
Not claiming any originality here... I'm just happy to finally have included it. We'll see if it passes PR review - might make my coworkers "steam" a little (pun intended) ;)
2 -
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.6 -
So my real name is jason and I got the habit to use Json as my nickname as a little Dev pun.
I think I overdid it
3 -
Pun :
My C# developer friend Alfred getting a divorce because his feminist wife didn't like him treating her as "Object".
Now she's gonna "Dispose" him after "Using" him for her benefits.
😋3 -
I live in a 3rd world country so we don’t have a lot of technological advancements as compared to to developed countries. This means true technological talent is very rare maybe 0.01% of the people in the space, which in this case is programming. Why then do these dumb Fucks who didn’t even score good enough grades to attend any computer science related course which aren’t even that high, so high minded(pun may be intended). Seriously every time i meet someone somewhat capable in their domain e.g. mobile devs or frontend devs, talk like they can move the fucking world and change the course of humanity but when you ask them to pass down the knowledge you will receive a fuck u note of no reply. This pisses me off because I thought because of our slow progress in catching up with the world we would have communities that aim to expand the knowledge of everyone and help everyone help themselves.
I write this because I’ve attended so many meetups around my area and every time I ask someone for help to get to some enlightenment as they have the reply is always put down your email and I’ll send it to you and this is the last you ever hear from them.
The worst part is you’ll see them bragging on local forums about how awesome they are and see them poking holes at other peoples attempts. Seriously if you are so great why aren’t the tech giants of the world salivating over your talents.
Personally I believe that these people are afraid that once they pass the knowledge someone will beat them at it and they won’t be as “awesome” as they initially thought.
That said not everyone is like this we have some good eggs in the basket. To the others I would like to let them know that we can’t know everything and someone somewhere is always gonna be better than us, a candle never loses its light by lighting another candle. If you are one of these people please try and make a change. You never know what’ll come out of it.1 -
I agree with many people on here that Front-End web development/design isn't what it used to be.
Things used to be simple: a static page. Then we decoupled design from description and we introduced CSS; nice, clean separation, more manageable - everything looks nice up to this point.
Introduce dynamic pages, introduce JavaScript. We can now change the DOM and we can make interactive, neat little webpages; cool, the web is still fun.
Years later, we start throwing backend concepts into the web and bloating it with logic because we want so much for the web to be portable and emulate the backend. This is where it starts to get ugly: come ASP, come single pages, partial pages, templates,.. The front-end now talks to a backend, okay. We start decoupling things and we let the logic be handled by the backend - fair enough.
Even later, we start decoupling the edge processes (website setup, file management, etc.) and then we introduce ugly JavaScript tools to do it. Then we introduce convoluted frameworks (Angular,..). Sometimes we find ourselves debugging the tools themselves (grunt, gulp, mapping tools,..) rather than focusing on the development itself (as per ITIL guidelines; focus on value), no matter how promising today's frameworks claim to be ("You get to focus on your business code"; yeah right, in practice it has turned out differently for me. More like "I get to focus on wasting copious amounts of time trying to figure out your tangled web").
Everything has now turned into an unfriendly, tangled web (no pun intended).
I miss the old days when creating things for the Web used to be fun, exciting and simple and it would invigorate passion, not hate.
<my cents="2"></my>3 -
Life can be simplified with code. We're all running on an infinite loop. Eventually, we come across an unexpected bug and crash.2
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daily reminder (most of you don't need it i know) that reddit is full of the most ignorant and dumb people on the planet
thought i could hop into comments on a /r/worldnews post for interesting discussion and discourse, no, its just idiotic neckbeards trying to one up eachother on painfully cringe doomer phrases and / or who can get the most upvotes from their godawful dumbass pun
what a fuckin cesspool
and they wonder why the world is going to shit7 -
> be me
> be developing a react native app
>realize the iPhone X notch is clipping your content on the first/home screen of the app
>google says: simple fix
>find a built-in react native thing to add safe area padding
> refresh the app
> ohno.png
> the other screens with navigation bars already have built in padding
> TOOMUCHPADDING.jpeg
> remove safe area thingy
> finds a clever, not particularly hacky way to pad the home screen without showing the header bar by setting its height to 0 and the color to match the content background
> more-problems.app
> there’s a small 1–pixel light colored line separating the header from the content clearly breaking the otherwise continuous single color background
> google.sh
> wtf.txt
> stackoverflow.html
> no responses except something I’d already done
> keep experimenting
> tries basically everything to figure out where that line is coming from
>sets borders to thicccc and bright red
>no bottom border? Ok that’s not it
>opacity?
>forgetaboutit.mov
>try shifting the header position around by a few pixels? Maybe it’s misaligned with the white parent layer underneath?
> nope.jpg
>it’s past bedtime
>Sleep.jpg
>thenextday(today).zip
> what about the content? Is that misaligned?
> nope2.jpg
>Maybe its an iOS feature not a react thing?
> make a test Xcode project, completely native to test
> negative.dng (pun intended)
> more-furious-googling.mp3
> find a native iOS stackOverflow question with the same issue (1px line)
> realize your Xcode test wasn’t done properly.
>atleastimmakingprogress.iso
> start looking into the SO post
>it’s native so I have to find out how to do it in react-native
>invent a bunch of style parameters that don’t exist in the documentation to see if there’s an undocumented thing
>loadsaloadsaerrors.log
>googles for a react native version of the iOS only SO post
> somethingpromising.tar.gz
> *tries it*
> “Haha nope” -my code
> whataboutthisotherthing.bin
> KENSISHSBUCNEGWISBVSIDNRVSIDNFIRJRBDKFNFIDJFIFKFNR
> HOLY FUCK
> IT WORKED
> AFTER TWO FUCKING DAYS OF SHITTERY AND SHENANIGANS
>AND MANY STACKOVERFLOW EDITS TO A NOW VERY MESSY POST
>THEREISNOMOREBORDER(final).zip
>*screams of relief*7 -
While I sit here working, I find myself confronted by the fact that there is a little willie sitting on a pouf right behind me
4 -
Very ranty
Very devy
Watch the eclipse! Starting soon
https://eclipse2017.twitter.com
P.S. I heard rumors that devs can control the eclipse by editting eclipse.css in Eclipse6 -
Used ES6 classes 'cus I really like doing things the classy way..
...nice shit you can do there...
...
FOR FUCKS SAKE WHO THOUGHT IT IS A WICKED IDEA TO SPECIFICALLY NOT IMPLEMENT PRIVATES IN THAT SHIT.7 -
I guess I'll post my first rant, rant.
(Aka rant that wasn't a pun)
The Ipads our school use all have the same code, 0000. Even though about all the features are blocked... They never blocked the ability to change the pass code. No one would know who did it, and there would be 9999 possible choices for the new IPad. Who ever though it was a good idea to let highschoolers (12-18 year old) find this out.2 -
Proud to finally be another supporter of devRant. I've made myself a promise (no pun intended) to support devRant as soon as I begin to earn some money as a dev. So here I am...
Thank you dfox and trogus for your work!4 -
They actually support me.
My mother, grandfather and grandmother think I'm a highly skilled mage.
My father, who thought me how to use torrent, sees my potential and wants me to become a developer in his company.
I explained him the basic concepts of Bitcoin, block chain and AI and thinks. He wants me to create a cryptocurrency 😮😃.
All the more reason to invested into cryptocurrencies (pun intended). -
Project Manager: "C++ has become much better for embedded now so we're gonna use it in the new project."
Me: "I didn't C that coming."
I know it's silly but I'm proud of it 🤓 -
I’ve been thinking that “low code” generally means high body count. You can take that as a pun, or not.6
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Talking about Deutsche Bahn ticket buying not working, but the NS sends me emails with non-functional buttons to press in order to get my ticket. What a train wreck1
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I often ask myself why I chose this career path.
Right now, I had one of those moments where it all clicks and falls into place.
Where you can take a problem, have a rapid fire thought through your head and you've got all the modules in memory (pun unintended,) and it's just a case of touching keys.
I think that's why I do what I do. The feeling of satisfaction after you go 'I got it!'
🤙🤙1 -
have a couple friends now who have gotten dev jobs at microsoft. I've since turned down their offers to apply and have them vouch for me twice now - not sure if their recommendations would mean anything to begin with at such a place.
this has gotten me a lot of criticism from peers and mentors who have chided me for "throwing away a golden ticket" on my resume.
at first I declined because I sure as fuck did not believe I had the skills to last very long there - and truth is I probably still don't.
but now I see it as a case of the cliche "corporate devil" that everything I believe in in terms of software freedom is squarely against.
I mean, I don't really think I have the chops to make it far with the open source and free software communities either, but if I had to pick a dream or a goal to move towards, that would be it. I don't want money or reputation. I just want to be free to tinker with the world as I please.
maybe I'll have the courage next hacktober... but until then, I'm just gonna focus on learning and self-improvement. no one can ridicule me for being a dumbass if I'm actually putting in the effort to learn and improve, right?
would welcome any advice for aspiring open source contributors, as I'm not really sure where to begin that wouldn't make me look like a total hack (pun not intended)5 -
!rant
You knoe, my first insights into computer programming came out of spite. I thought windows to be garbage and wanted to blame someone other than myself for my machine constantly crashing. Thus I discovered programming and down the rabbit hole. But my interest in computer science came from videogames. Portal in particular. I found the idea of GlaDOS fascinating and thought that artificial intelligence would be something interesting to research. The web then gave me Lisp, and boy was the language different from all the other languages I went through. I remember feeling super excited when Racket, Common Lisp and eventually Clojure would help me discover many different ideas. Every time I work with reduce or maps or stuff like that in other languages I always thank languages such as Clojure for having me descipher different ways of manipulating data to get a result. To this day I feel sad whenever I find that my languages do not have the same constructs that Clojure has. I mention Clojure because it is my favorite flavor of Lisp. But one thing that always remains grest to me is firing up Emacs and plugin my code to Slime or Cider and see the repl pop up waiting for something to happen. This feeling is beautiful.
Please guys, if you have not tried it, do so! You might hate it at first or push it aside. But trust me, once you get it it will really change the way you think about programming in general. Try the great Clojure for the Brave and true, and go through the third chapter succesfully. If you do not like Lisp by them then no harm done! You would at least know that there are other options.
Now, here are some cool things:
For the standard implementation, try Common Lisp
For a more modern Scheme, try Racket or Guile
For targetting the JVM try Clojure (more akin to Common Lisp) or Kawa (scheme like)
For the python AST get Hy (pun totally intended)
For JS try Clojurescript
For emacs scripting try Emacs Lisp (has way too many disasdvantages but still relatively close to common lisp)
Honorific mention to more pure functional programming languages for Haskell, F#, Ocaml.
Also worth mentioning that Js , Ruby and Python have great functional constructs.
(println "you will not regret it!")2 -
Callback your functions, not your ex.
Hash is for your data, not you,
Query tables, not your loved ones. -
It's been four years. It is time.
My nickname is a pun. There was this thing called “bouba/kiki effect” that demonstrated the linguistic perception of two MEANINGLESS words. So, I jokingly made them mean something. What's the most primitive, most basic meaning imaginable? Yes, it's “good” and “bad”. So, “kiki” is “good”, and “bouba” is “bad”. Done.
My code is straight up kiki.
Your code is always bouba.
Here's where it all started: https://devrant.com/rants/2981477/...15 -
Just a safety pin:
If you ever, ever find my real name and go through my rants, then you should know
no pun intended
I love my job
I love my workplace
and above all2 -
Today is bad pun day it seems.
I'm working on a script to automate exporting PST files and Office Interop is being a pain. I tell my colleague @jacoKotze about my current issue and he just says "Maybe you just need a new Outlook on things" -
People posting their (not so good) workstation. Post it if you code on 3 widescreens, 9 monitors, a gaming rig or if your debug duck is a ducking (pun (maybe)) dragon.
A laptop on a 10 inch table is pretty sad.2 -
Why is it?
My RAM 8 GB
Chrome eats it all (Talking the pun in it)
My RAM 16 GB
Chrome eats it all
My RAM Infinity
Chrome wait here I come
Why does it eat so much?????18 -
I'm starting to compare Computer Science to sadism... the amount of things you have to know and master (no pun intended)...
And then there's the all-time industry favorite: "You have to master this discipline by yesterday".3 -
Can we have a Moment of silence please
https://sebastiandedeyne.com/moment...
I only found this library a couple of months ago and instantly loved it as it made working with JS date so much easier.
Sorry for the pun btw, i couldn’t resist 😂7 -
This is something that I hadn't done or that directly impacted me, but that had an effect in my life several years after it happened.
It's one of those stories that you think "this only happens to others", and then someday you're the "others".
So when I was born, I was, naturally, registered on the health care system. My parents chose an uncommon name for me (uncommon in my country) so I think I wasn't registered by the time of my birth, but 4 months later when all the bureaucratic crap came to an end (long story short, the guy that was there when it started died and my parents had to wait 4 months for another person to be appointed). So, when my parents finally went to register me, apparently, for some reason, the computer took my name and assumed it was a male name. As I've said, my name is uncommon in my country, there're probably 3 or 4 people with the same name here in Portugal.
Why did the computer assume it was a male name AND why didn't nobody check that? Since my parents had to ask to government entities to let them name me that name, I'm assuming it wasn't in their db. So why did it assume male? Was it purposely programmed that, by default, all "newly-registered" names were to be male? Was it random? Who the hell knows.
And how did nobody check that, every time I went to take vaccines? I don't think anyone told my mom that everytime we went there that the data was wrong, otherwise the situation wouldn't have lasted for 14 years.
We only knew about that mishap when it was time I had to take vaccines specifically for women and that I wasn't being noticed of it even though a friend 1y younger than me had already taken hers.
I find this story amusing but now that I started thinking about how it came to life (no pun intended) I'm actually a bit pissed off about how they didn't think of uncommon names and that how that could affect their registry in the system. They could have - IDK - placed "undefined" in that field so that it would caught the register's attention.
Moral of the story: don't assume stuff :v1 -
When you changed our SDK folders from your tiny C:\ to your big D:\ but the IDE still downloads huge updates on C:\ first, and you get "not enough disk space" errors1
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I just switched to the dank side.
It’s like.... devRant in a whole new setting! (10/10 pun intended).
Now I need to become a supporter to go deeper into the dankess... 💀2 -
I think we should call python programmers "Montyneers" am I right ?
#For people that don't know what I'm talking about: Python's name originates from Monty Python's flying circus.3 -
wk195 sounds like people are describing the weirdest places they had sex. Lmao, I'm sure this has gone through somebody's mind at one point.
Let's see, what else to vent about. Ah yes, today I took the public transport because I had to be somewhere in the evening and I wanted to avoid traffic congestion. Guess what? I ended up sandwiched between hordes of people in public transport. I hate that much more than sitting in my car dragging the clutch. At least I was somewhat relaxed and I had my own space (so to speak). Being smooshed between a horde of stressed people? And pushy people trying to ram their way through others "I have to get out, I have to get off here" while the others are clearly heading out too? No, that's not for me.
And I know what's gone through one's mind at one point: "Look at this sad state of the world, look at the highway inefficiently and disrespectfully stuffed, look at these people, most of them wearing sad looks on their faces from the routine of life and their subconscious dissatisfactions. The current system has many shortcomings. In fact, the entire system is wrong."
Well, I'm glad I'm home now. Space, temporal as well as physical and psychological, is indeed a core component of one's space (no pun intended). It's at times like these we need to look at our lives and make the necessary changes to change at least our own lives, there that the system is hard to change.4 -
Blockchain Pun
"I don't have time to talk about the blockchain but we can HASH the details later"
😎1 -
!dev
Sorry about another non-dev rant, but I can't help it :p
I have seen a post here on devRant a few minutes ago talking about being a millionaire, so I thought I'd write a lil something for people thinking of chasing that.
As I said in a comment on that rant: as Jordan Peterson (aka Lord of the Lobsters) said, in order to be successful you need to be an industrious person, i.e. you gotta work hard, very hard. Most success stories are from people that worked very very hard (Elon Musk is one I can remember off the top of my head) and had to put their life, friends, family in second place. To this day I remember watching a video on a 30 year old millionaire, he said he didn't have friends for about 6-10 years, he just worked, worked and worked. If that's what you wanna do with your life do your thing, I'm just saying that's not it for me.
A few years back I wanted huge success (being famous, being rich), but I've come to realize that's not what I want. Being famous must suck, people recognizing you everywhere you go and shit, and being rich comes with a price (pun intended?), which is working every minute of your time for 10 years. That's not gonna make me happy, I have realized that I want to get married in my early 30's at max, have kids, buy a comfortable house somewhere in europe, have enough money to be able to give my family a good life and be able to buy and tune a few cars (that's a dream of mine btw), and maybe even try to start a company of my own (I don't like the idea of having a boss). And I think that to achieve these goals, all I need to do is be a bit smart right now: invest in fixed income, don't buy expensive shit, live with my parents at least until I get out of college and get a relatively decent job.
Anyway I might've steered off-course for a bit there, the point is: before you decide you want to be a millionaire, think what you actually want in life. If you want to be rich and are sure you have the willpower to work a 100 hours per week, do your thing, whatever makes you happy. But if you are going to work 60 hours a week and you're looking to be rich you're just going to be disappointed. You'll be chasing money all your life, sacrifice the (IMO) important things in life (friends, family, health, fun) and you won't get anywhere.
It's all or nothing, make up your mind before you waste your time.21 -
I turned my computer off. When I came back it said "Reboot: System Halted".
I think my computer has a halting problem. -
I remember being a TA for an intermediate java class. I tried helping as many people as I could, but some of them were doomed. Their code looked like it was written by Satan himself. I would try explaining why their code was bad, but it was like speaking another language (no pun intended). It was also the first class where people needed to use git... I don't need any more explanation there.3
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So part of my ok assignment was to Code a simple quize game. So I used a while loop to initiate the quiz. One of the constraints was that after 6 questions answered wrong the quize ends and if you make it to the end of the quize it gives you the number of questions you got wrong. 🤣 The damn code always ran to the end despite having gotten 6questions wrong.
The problem ? Turns out I needed a break. 😂😂😂 Pun intended. -
Mozilla has gone to shit long ago, but this week they somehow have outdone Microsoft on enshitification spree. One post is enough.
My two cents: https://techhub.social/@vintprox/...
Entire thread: https://techhub.social/@mozilla@moz...
Turns out those "Community Calls" they've hosted are just a ploy to damage control Mozilla's first steps into AI crap, back when they added prompts to MDN Web Docs. Fast-forward to today and even most loyal Firefox users should get enraged. Call me surprised (no pun intended).
So, Waterfox and Librewolf it is, then... Or Vivaldi, who cares at this point, really.
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I bought the new dell xps15 57 days ago and now it’s ducked (pun intended).
Last week the screen stopped working. I powered off and back on. Then I get a cpu failure light sequence.
I call dell. To my surprise they have given me next day support for free. The guy comes the next day.
He says he will come between 4-6pm. at 615pm he phones me and says he will be late. I hang out at work to wait for him.
Finally at 730pm he comes and doesn’t have a screwdriver for the laptop. So he leaves to go buy one. 8pm he comes back. It takes him an hour to replace the motherboard by which time I just want to check it works and then go home. It seems good and we both leave the dark office at 930pm.
The next day I notice the sound isn’t working. He also hasn’t closed the laptop properly and there is a dent on the right hand side.
Despite dell giving me next day support it takes a week for them to come back with a solution.
I now have to send it off to them and I’ll be a week without the laptop...
It was incredible when it was working. But laptops aren’t great when they don’t work!
Perhaps I should have got a Mac...6 -
(Note: I got a bit carried away while writing this, so the end result is a lot longer than I expected. Apologies for the long post!)
The beginning of my programming journey started with a book.
This was back in 7th grade. I had some basic exposure to BASIC (pun maybe intended?) from our school curriculum, but it was nothing too interesting as our teachers never really treated it as anything important. They would stress a lot on those Microsoft Office chapters (yes, we actually studied Microsoft Office as part of our computer science course at school) and mostly ignore the programming chapters because I dare say many of them struggled with it themselves. So although I had been exposed to *some* programming, it was mostly memorizing the syntax without actually understanding what was going on.
Then one day there was this book fair thing going on at this local Carrefour (for those of you who've no idea, it's a pretty famous hypermarket chain) in this mall, and for some reason my mother and I were in that mall on that day. Now the interesting thing is that this usually never happens -- I usually visit malls with my dad or my friends, this is the only instance I remember where I had actually visited one with just my mom. This turned out to be fortuitous. My father is the kind of person who's generally not amenable to any kind of extraneous shopping requests. My mother, on the other hand, was and remains pliable.
So I basically saw this book -- Sams' Teach Yourself JavaScript in 24 Hours -- being sold at half price. I vaguely remembered having read somewhere that JavaScript is a good introductory programming language (and it helped that this was the time when I was getting into a Google-craze -- I basically saw some photos of Google Zurich and went all HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHERE I NEED TO WORK WHEN I GROW UP (for those of you who haven't seen it, I recommend googling it. That office is the bomb) -- and I'd also read that you need programming skills to join Google). So I begged and begged my mum to buy that book, and thankfully she did.
Back home I returned with my new prize under my arm. Dad took one look at it and scoffed that I'll never actually use it. Pretty much entirely out of spite (to prove him wrong), I attacked the book with a zeal. I still remember how I felt when I wrote my very first JavaScript program (printing the current system date in an h1 tag) and marveling at the output. I guess that was when something struck -- the realization that this was probably what I wanted to do in life.
Fast forward to today, and I've never looked back and wondered what it would be like to have done something else.
PS: for all you beginners out there, JavaScript is a horrible language. Please start with something like Python. Also there are better resources than Sams' Teach Yourself JavaScript in 24 Hours available, that I just didn't know of back then. I'd recommend Eloquent JavaScript any day. -
I had to program a webservice in PHP (never touched it before). First of all, i get why this language is so much hated. Second i had to debug one function for 5h because of 'é' in my DB.... UTF8 FTW i guess.
Let's finish this by a pun
PHP is really a rich language. -
What if a guy who is actually a gay wants to learn R and actually succeeds?
Well, he becomes gRay.1 -
Recommended PHP ORM?
Had a couple bad experiences with Sequelize (I know it's JS, save it). Also, I'd like to try the decorators pattern. I'm also looking for good (and I mean GOOD) relationships management (you are allowed ONE pun about it).
Anyone? :((3 -
When you've been ignoring the low battery light on your mouse for a few weeks, finally it dies while you're working and it's really frustrating to have to either go find batteries (good luck) or fish that wired mouse out of the bin of spare things.
To top it all off, it's only a 3-button mouse and I can't get used to going back. (No pun intended lol)6 -
Protip: Bugs exist everywhere, also in real life (no pun intended). Trying to think of possible real-life-bugfixes while commuting (train legroom too small, traffic jam on the same spot every day) makes makes the entry to your work projects easier. You simply haven't stopped thinking about bugfixes, only the project changed to "commuting".
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Not sure if I could care any less about the choices being made anymore.
But the best choice I made was actually quitting the working from home job I had right when they were starting to use WordPress and outsourcing it to whatever Indian developer they found to do that for them (pun intended, though no hard feelings and understanding of the situation) for their general projects. I just wasn't open to it anymore.
I was setting up websites for almost zero to no money, a website in 4 hours upto 2 days, whilst doing internal support to save their frigging mailboxes from the Outlook Demon all the time. (Exaggerated in some sense, but I abide by the thought)
Best decision would be to start working full-time in an E-commerce fulfillment company, learning the good stuff, both structural and management wise. Working on one entity, but still doing it whilst using 100's of technologies, connecting to a ton of platforms and projects and most of all being able to aid in lessening the work-load for both my co-workers and customers as much as is deemed possible.
I'm fine. -
So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us.8
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One of the worst practices in programming is misusing exceptions to send messages.
This from the node manual for example:
> fsPromises.access(path[, mode])
> fsPromises.access('/etc/passwd', fs.constants.R_OK | fs.constants.W_OK)
> .then(() => console.log('can access'))
> .catch(() => console.error('cannot access'));
I keep seeing people doing this and it's exceptionally bad API design, excusing the pun.
This spec makes assumptions that not being able to access something is an error condition.
This is a mistaken assumption. It should return either true or false unless a genuine IO exception occurred.
It's using an exception to return a result. This is commonly seen with booleans and things that may or may not exist (using an exception instead of null or undefined).
If it returned a boolean then it would be up to me whether or not to throw an exception. They could also add a wrapper such as requireAccess for consistent error exceptions.
If I want to check that a file isn't accessible, for example for security then I need to wrap what would be a simple if statement with try catch all over the place. If I turn on my debugger and try to track any throw exception then they are false positives everywhere.
If I want to check ten files and only fail if none of them are accessible then again this function isn't suited.
I see this everywhere although it coming from a major library is a bit sad.
This may be because the underlying libraries are C which is a bit funky with error handling, there's at least a reason to sometimes squash errors and results together (IE, optimisation). I suspect the exception is being used because under the hood error codes are also used and it's trying to use throwing an exception to give the different codes but doesn't exist and bad permissions might not be an error condition or one requiring an exception.
Yet this is still the bane of my existence. Bad error handling everywhere including the other way around (things that should always be errors being warnings), in legacy code it's horrendous.6 -
I have a pun ban on work this week, apparently I have used it all up. They are always bringing me down..
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What's your favorite esoteric language? Lolcode?
"Nope. Perl"
crowd: "ooohhhhhhhhh. Oh no you didn't"1 -
Today I thought of an ethereum pun while deploying a smart contract to the testnet:
'I was trying to send some money to a buddy of mine on Ethereum, but it didn't work, cuz the network told me there was no wei' -
First boss introduced me to VCS., so I PUSHed my self --HARD was very COMMITed, but I still don't GIT it
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You know how people rant about js frameworks; well the very same is true about nosql.
I thought let me broaden my horizon (pun intended) with a nosql db in my project.
So from Friday evening, I started off with ElasticSearch, which is pretty simple to get started, but apparently I need to understand it a lot better to use it as a primary data-store.
Then I stumble upon orient-db, was pretty exciting and learnt the apis/librarys but researching it a bit more to learn about the community; there is some bad-blood there.
Now I'm onto something called ArangoDB, think I'll stick with this; Any more time spent on this and I'll just give up on the project.5 -
Google just fucked Apple so hard by extending Assistant to iOS! Now let's see wether Siri visits Android 😝! I think it was more arousing than porn, "pun intended" 😂 ...
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I get highly sceptical of a company when they need external garbage tier recruiters to find people who want to develop, HIGHLY TECHNICAL AVIATION SYSTEMS AND FLIGHT SIMULATORS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS SHOULD SELL IT SELF. PEOPLE SHOULD BE FLOCKING. PUN INTEDED EVEN.
I also hate recruiters. No, I don't want to leave my job. And, are you stupid? You are not looking for someone with a BsSc. You are looking for someone with a MsSc, or am I just that fucking amazing that I don't need as much education to be considered? 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠
Aaaaaaaaaaah. Stop. It. I'm not looking for work.1 -
So.
They mill round
Zimmerman states something as an interpretation
This infuriates someone further
Are they totally fucking retarded or just that clueless?
I remember many times that they got their come uppance no pun intended at all. -
Can the error types of my library depend on a custom library context object to be printable or otherwise meaningful? Pretty much everything else depends on this context, but until now the errors were an exception (no pun intended) because I wanted them to be printable by any handler that bumps into them, without scoping concerns. Now I tried removing them and like a third of my library has suddenly become context-free, because it only used the context to fully resolve everything before error reporting.1
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Why do Haskell/Scala/Lisp/Clojure develops do crossfit?
Because they like their fitness how they like their programming paradigms: functional!
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