Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.

I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:

M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.

Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:

M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.

At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?

There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:

M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.

DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.

I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.

PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

Swift, oh my god, why do you have to be like this?

I'm looking to write a simple for loop like this one in java

for(int i = 5; i > 0; i--) {
// do shit
}

Thats it, simple, go from 5 to 1 (inclusive), I saw that to iterate over a range in a for loop (increasing ordeR) I can do this

for i in 0...5 {
// do shit.
}

So I thought maybe I could do this to go in reverse (which seems logical when you think about it doesn't it?)

for i in 5..<0 {
// do shit
}

But no, this compiles FINE (THIS IS THE FUCKING KICKER IT COMPILES), alright, when you the code runs you get a fucking exception that crashes the mother fucking application, and you know what the problem is?? This dogshit, shitStain of a language doesn't like it when integer that the for loop starts with is larger than the integer that the for loop ends with MOTHERFUCKER ATLEAST TELL ME THAT AT COMPILE TIME AS A MOTHERFUCKING WARNING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!

Alright *deep breathing*, now we can't just be stuck on this raging, we're developers need to move forward, so I google this, "Swift for loop in reverse" fair enough I get a straight forward answer that tells me to use the `stride` functionality. The relevant code for it

for i in stride(from:5 to:1 by:-1) {
// do shit
}

Wow looks fine and simple right?? (looks like god damn any other language if you ask me, no innovations here piece of shit apple!) WRONG BITCHES !!! In the latest version of Swift THE FUCKING DEVELOPERS DECIDED TO REMOVE STRIDE ALTOGETHER, WITHOUT ADDING IN A GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR THAT SHIT!

Alright NOW IM FUCKING MAD, I got rage on stackoverflow chat, a guy who's been working on ios for quite a while comes up n says and I quote
"I can sort of figure it out, but besides that, iterating in reverse is uncommon enough that it probably hasn't crossed anyone's mind."

Now hope you guys understand my frustration, and send me cookies to calm me down.

Thank you for listening to me !

I love Asus Products but who thought it would be a good idea to have the POWER BUTTON right above the DAMN DELETE KEY!?!?!?!!?
I often press the FUCKING POWER BUTTON accidentally... GOD DAMMIT...

God damn it, I'm a fucking computer guy. Not your fucking photographer. If you want pictures for YOUR website YOU fucking take them, NOT ME! Go step of a fucking lego.

Rekked/insulted a client so hard today in a way which was obvious for me/colleagues but not for the client that the colleague sitting next to me completely fucking lost it. (client did not detect/notice it)

That's entirely fine as he was not too loud but his laughter is so fucking contagious that he went outside to make sure that I wouldn't catch it any worse while on the phone.

God damn it took some serious self control to not completely lose my shit xD (it only partly worked 😅)

So I own a webshop together with a guy I met at one of my previous contract jobs. He said he had a great idea to sell product X because he can get them very cheap from another European country. Actually it is a great idea so we decided to work together on this: I do everything tech related, he does the non tech stuff.

Now we are more than 1 year in business. I setup a VPS, completely configured it, installed and setup the complete webshop, built 2 custom PrestaShop modules, built many customizations, built a completely new order proces (both front and back end), advertised quite some products, did some link building, ensured everything is in place to do proper SEO, wrote some content pages, did administration and tax declarations, rewrote a part of a PrestaShop component because it was so damn inefficient and horribly slow, and then some more. Much more.

He did customer relation management, supplier management and some ad words campaigns. Promised me many times to write the content for our product pages. This guy has an education in marketing but literally said: I'm not gonna invest in creating some marketing plan. I have no ambition in online marketing.

What?! You have the marketing knowledge and skills but refuse to use it to market our webshop and business? What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Today he says to me: 'Hey man, this is becoming an expensive hobby as we don't sell much and have lots of costs. I don't understand why I should be the one to write these content pages. Everything you did in the past 8 months can be done in less than 20 hours! You are a joke and just made it a big deal by spreading your work over so many months. I know for sure because I currently work at a company where I'm surrounded by front end devs! Are you fucking crazy?! You're a liar.'

He talks like this to me every 2 months or so while he can't even deliver the content for 1 single product in 6 fuckin' months! We even had to refund a few of our customers because Mr. client relations manager didn't respond to their e-mails within 1 fucking week!! So I asked him how could that have happened as you do the client relations and support. Well, he replied to me: 'Why didn't YOU respond to our clients? You don't log on in our back office at least once a day?!'.

Of course I do asshole. But YOU don't. He replied that I was lying just like I was lying about what I did for our business.

So, asshole, let's have a look at PrestaShops logs to see who's logging in daily. Well, you can probably guess who's IP was there in most of the entries. It wasn't his.

So, what the fuck have you been doing then?! You can't even manage to respond quickly to a client?!! We have maybe 50 clients and if we get 1 question a month by email it is already a lot. But you keep bitching, complaining and insulting me instead?!!!

Last time he literally admitted on a WhatsApp conversation that he had and still has the hope that he could just sit back and relax and watch me do ALL the work.

Well, guess what you fucking moron. That's not what we agreed upon. You fuckin' retard think you're so smart but you say EVERYTHING on WhatsApp! Including your promises to me. Thank you you fuckin' piece of dog shit because now I have hard evidence and will hand it over to my lawyer to make you pay every god damn cent for all the hours I've spent working on our business. Oh, and I'll take over the webshop and make it a success on my own because I know damn well how to get relevant traffic and thus customers.

You just go get yourself fucked in the ass without lubricant you fuckin' asshole. I have told you you shouldn't fuck with me because I take business very seriously. I even warned you when you were crossing a line again. Well, if you don't listen... You will pay for the consequences. I will be so damn happy to tell you 'I told you so' with a very very big smile on my face. That momemt WILL come, 'partner'.

Fuck you. You will be fucked. Count on that. Fucking asshole.

Get ready for one of the biggest AMAZON rants EVER.
I dislike this company so much I can feel it in my bones.
They have NO, absolutely NO idea how user experience works.

PROBLEM #1.

If you have Amazon Prime / Video (ANOTHER FUCKED UP PROBLEM THAT CONFUSES A LOT OF PEOPLE) and you want to watch a movie on your Xbox using the Amazon App, You have to buy the movie ON YOUR COMPUTER FIRST, YOU CAN’T BUY IT DIRECTLY FROM THE APP.
WHAT THE SHIT AMAZON?

So.. go to your laptop, buy the movie, go back to your other device (Xbox or whatever), click “My movie library” and then you can watch it.

OH AND THERE’S ALSO A “MY WATCHLIST”, WHERE YOUR NEW PURCHASED / RENTED MOVIE DOES NOT SHOW UP.

Yes.. there is a “MY WATCHLIST” and “My movie library” or some shit.

HOW, WHY, WHY FUCKING AMAZON, WHY.

PROBLEM #2.

“WE HAVE A ZILLION ALEXA SKILLS NOW !!!1!!!!!11111! EINZ!!!!!”

Yeah, WELL, NOT THAT HARD WHEN YOU HAVE “Alexa Evangelist” traveling to every DAMN tech convention and having them make USELESS FUCKING SKILLS THAT NOBODY WANTS USING BOILER PLATE CRAP THAT ANYBODY CAN USE.

Oh and Alexa is DUMB AS SHIT.
I asked her "Play the song Starboy by the Weeknd" and she said: "I CAN'T FIND THAT SONG"
Then you go "Play me Starboy" and she goes: "HERE IS A SAMPLE OF STARBOY BY THE WEEKND"

Same with other songs: "YOU DONT HAVE IT IN YOUR PRIME MUSIC LIBRARY".
She doesn't even TRY to go to your fucking Spotify account, you have say: "Play Starboy by The Weeknd on Spotify" AND THEN she still has the FUCKING NERVES to say : "I Can't find that song on Spotify".
BUT YOU JUST FOUND IT ON YOUR OWN DAMN CRAPPY PRIME MUSIC.

"Hey Alexa, how many days till the end of the year?"
GUESS WHAT ,SHE CAN'T TELL YOU. (maybe now but not 2 months ago)

PROBLEM #3.

AUDIBLE.COM and AUDIBLE.CO.UK have DIFFERENT FUCKING DATABASES, THUS, YOU CAN END UP HAVING 2 ACCOUNTS AND HAVING 2 LIBRARIES, and.. THERE IS NO WAY TO FUSE THEM INTO 1 account.
OH MY GOD, HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
I FUCKING HATE that, how can ANYBODY think that is a GOOD IDEA?

PROBLEM #4.

Their website is a TOTAL FUCKING mess, really, who the FUCK designs that piece of SHIT.

Look up a movie, let’s say “SCHOOL OF ROCK”
First result?

“School Of Rock” - “Amazon Video”
So you can click on this and watch the movie.

Then click the second result.

“School of Rock Blu RAY” and next to the price-tag “PRIME”
You click on it, you can buy it, but HEY, LOOK, WHAT DOES IT SAY?

“Unlimited Streaming with Amazon Prime
Start your 30-day free trial to stream thousands of movies & TV shows included with Prime. Start your free trial”

WHAT, WHAT!!!! CAN I WATCH THIS WITH AMAZON PRIME? OR DO I NEED THE AMAZON VIDEO? I DON’T GET IT.

Put me in a room with all those FUCKWIT project managers and their fucked up company culture and I’ll rip them a new one, I can go on for DAYS about the SHIT they are doing.

Wow this one deserves a rant. Where should I even begin? I got a new job for over half a year now doing work in an agency. We're building websites and online shops with Typo3 and Shopware (not my dream, but hey). All fine you might think BUT...

1) I have been working on the BIGGEST project we have all by myself since I started working at this company. No help, nobody cares.

2) If something goes wrong all the shit falls back to me like "wHy DiDnT yoU WoRk MoRE?". Seriously? How should one dev cover a project that's meant for at least two or three.

3) The project was planned four years ago (YES that's a big fat FOUR) and sat there for 3,5 years - nobody gave a fuck. I got into the company and immediately got the sucky shit project to work on.

4) I was promised some time to get familiar with the projects and tech we use and "pick something I like most to get started". Well that never happened.

5) I was also promised not to talk directly to our customers. Well, each week I was bombarded with insults, a shitload of work and nonsense by our customers because (you guessed it) I was obligated to attend meetings.

6) The scheduled time for a meeting was 30 minutes, sometimes they just went on for over two hours. Fml.

7) Project management. It does not exist. The company is just out to get more and more clients, hires more god damn managers and shit and completely neglects that we might need more devs to get all this crap finished. Nope, they don't care. By the way: this is not like a 200 employee company, it's more like 15 which makes it even sadder to have 4 managers and 3 devs.

8) We don't use trello (or anything to keep track of our "progress"), nobody knows the exact scope of the project, because it was planned FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO.

9) They planned to use 3 months on this project to get it finished (by the way it's not just an online shop, it has a really sophisticated product configurator with like 20 dependencies). Well, we're double over that time period and it is still not finished.

10) FUCK YOU SHOPWARE

11) The clients are super unsatisfied with our service (who would have guessed). They never received official documents from us (that's why nobody knows the scope), nor did they receive the actual screen design of the shop so we just have to make it up on the go. Of course I mean "I" by "we", because appearently it is my job to develop, design and manage this shit show.

12) My boss regularly throws me in front of the bus by randomly joining meetings with my client telling them the complete opposite of things that we discussed internally (he doesn't know anything about this stupid project)

13) FUCK YOU COLLEAGUES, FUCK YOU COMPANY, FUCK YOU SHOPWARE AND FUCK YOU STUPID CUSTOMERS.

14) Oh btw. the salary sucks ass, it's barely a couple of bucks above minimum wage. Don't ask me why I accepted the offer. I guess it was better than nothing in the meantime.

Boy that feels good. I needed that rant. But hey don't get me wrong. I get that dev jobs can be hard and sucky, but this is beyond stupidity that I can bear. I therefore applied for a dev job in research at a university in my dream country. Nice colleagues, interesting projects, good project management. They accepted me, gave me a good offer and I can happily say that in 6-7 weeks my current company can go fuck themselves (nobody knows the 10.000+ lines of code but me). Just light it up and watch it burn!

Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.

Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??

That's it. I fucking quit.

Over a month of unpaid work, developing your stupid course, only to get a high-quality outline rejected because "it's not what we wanted" again.

First outline, fuckers ask to do something with a Raspberry Pi and Yocto. Fine, but no Yocto as I don't know anything about it and the coworker doesn't even have a Raspberry Pi to flash the images on. Micromanagement guy (god I hate that word) agrees, fine no Yocto then. So no Yocto it is.
2 weeks later... Course outline is finished. Review stage.. rejected. Needs moar Yocto.
Fine... I'll include Yocto. Coworker was put off the course, I'm exclusively on it now. Time to do it well and get my feet wet with Yocto.
2 weeks later... Course outline is finished and looks pretty good. Review stage.. rejected. Needs less Raspberry Pi. Do it without the Raspberry Pi.

An embedded systems course whose core component is that fucking Raspberry Pi. Omit it they said. WHAT?!!
"Oh yeah but there's this other course that's selling like hot pockets, we can just redo that in videos. Make it more like that course."
You.. you can't be for real, can you? If students want to take that course... What makes you think that they wouldn't just pick.. *that damn course* then?

"But hey" micromanager said, "don't loose hope and confidence, I'm here🤪"
🤪. That describes your level of competence pretty well, you stinking piece of apeshit.
Go back to your micromanaging, at least you don't completely fucking suck at that.

2 times rejected because YOU fucking company's board can't describe your desires in a course properly. You know what, I think I'm starting to understand why web devs keep on complaining about indecisive clients now. Because you know company's board, you seem a lot like those clients from hell. Eat shit.

🖕

"could you put me through to a colleague who has the ability to have an actual intellectual conversation?"

-

Somehow I finished the call but God damn it took some energy and self control not to completely lose my shit. His tone was also very denigrating (he just didn't agree on something which was his fucking problem)

Fuck him.

The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.

IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.

Why do HR people ask stupid questions like the following ones? Everytime I get those questions, I have imaginary answers like the ones right after each question.

Why do you want to work here?

- Obviously, because I need the money to survive. I'm not here because I love working for you and having to endure your stress. I'm not that type of a kinky person.

Are you flexible?

- Why? Do you want to annoy me when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night because of a sudden deadline or because a god damn employee didn't show up?

Do you see yourself as a perfect fit for both developer and tech support roles?

- Read my fucking resume, moron. I applied for a developer role. Nothing else.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- As if you would care. It's none of your business, but since we are at it. I see myself as your manager in 5 years. Hope that you like that thought.

We didn't bother reading your CV. Would you like to tell us about yourself?

- Nope. Have a nice day and suck my dick. I'm leaving.

Can you give us your phone number and the phone number of your girlfriend?

- I didn't know that I am selling my soul to your company by accepting this job offer. I'm not your slave and you will not call me whenever I'm enjoying my private time.

What's motivating you?

- Money and the peaceful vibe at work when you are shutting the fuck up when I'm fully focused during my projects.

How do you handle stress?

- I dick slap everyone infront of me.

Do you see yourself as a hard worker?

- Nah, I'm not interested in sucking dicks, eating her ass and bending over to get a little bit of a raise.

"You claim you are a developer and don't know what firebase is? Pfft"

Words uttered by one of my classmates flexing on some 4th semester college inmates. I don't know what's more annoying his squeaky voice, the pretentiousness of using headphones as a necklace during class or that I was just like him when I was a freshman (minus the low hanging fruit flexing).

God fucking damn, I'm not even mad at his obnoxious pampered kid semblance, it's the irony of this enlightened fago falling into the god forsaken rat race. Why?

Because he hasn't been magnanimously disappointed by one of the most corrupt systems I've ever been witness of, yeah keep talking about firebase to the teacher who just nods pretending she knows what you are talking about.

I've had this same teacher before and your nice asynchronous ES6 express nosql solution will come last compared to all the WordPress templates she'll approve because they are pretty and all the time you invested, yeah, right into the crapper, seriously it would've been more satisfying to just masturbate everyday until Christmas break. I'm not pissed at him, annoyed by his semblance maybe, but I actually pitty him because the system will take a big shit on his face and he's just smiling.

Damn it, all these careers ruined by lazy ass professors who think leaving a shitload of diagrams as homework counts as teaching. And before any quirky brother interjects with "oh maybe your University is shit", "muh University verry gut u suk", you shut the fuck up! I know my university sucks even tho is "one of the best ones" by the corrupt media's standards, I'm here to vent about issues, real fucking issues happening in real corrupt systems, I'm taking about professors sexually abusing students, not going to classes, no centralized teaching systems, fucking chaos.

I'm happy for you if you feel good about the piece of paper you hang on your wall that certifies you as Bobby the guy who not only learned a shit load about computers, he also bent his ass so far for us and payed us so much money for it, it's funny he thinks himself as smart.

I know, I know, you went to an ivy league college, have a wonderful job and owe some money, good for you, some are not so lucky and I'll make sure those lazy asses who take advantage of the system lose their jobs.

I'm so sick of this shit we call "moodern educashion"

I am old enough to go to jail.
I am old enough to have my own household.
I am old enough to pay my own bills.
I am old enough to have children.
I am old enough to take responsibility for my hypothetical kids and for my self.
I am old enough to gamble, drink and lease cars.
I am a self confident dude who took responsibility for creating machines that were worth millions.
And so on and so on..

But hey, it is ok if the fucking teacher at technical school treats you like a 16 yo pubescent child. Im glad he is interested whether i do my god damn homework. And yes, it is totally fine for me, that im getting treated like a unworthy dog who needs surveillance.
So, maybe i should suggest that we should ask for permission if we want to go to fucking toilet. Yes. That would be great. Gonna do that.

*production is down*
Ops: At 5pm? On a Friday? *checks deploy history* God! Who did the deploy
Dev: It was a small patch, a tiny patch. It shouldn't have....
Ops: Deploy on a Friday evening?
Colleague: I didn't think it would...

Ops (on the outside) : *takes a deep breath* Its okay Dev, we can fix this. Don't worry

Me(in my mind) : for fuck sakes! Are you fucking kidding me?*** **** *** god damn it! *****

If I hear "uh" or "uhm" one more time today, I might actually lose it, god damn fucking youtube tutorials.

Why... why the fuck do people write unit tests and then comment out the god damn fucking assertion lines....
Like what the flying fuck? Cool, we can get some code coverage marks but for fuck sake actually let your tests do their fucking job!!!

Oh, the asserts fail?
Well fucking sort that shit out instead of commenting them out.

I don't get it, if you're going to write tests, fucking test something with them, or we'd be better of without them.

Windows, God damn you piece of fucking shit.

Why the fuck can't you make networking fucking easy like literally every other fucking operating system in the goddamn fucking world?

Why the fuck can't I spoof mac addresses so that I have the same IP address regardless of if I'm on a hard line or wireless?

Who in their fucking right mind thought that the pro version of Windows wouldn't need to do that?

I don't even like using you at this point, I'm forced to use you for work.

There's literally not enough explicitives that I can chain together to sufficiently convey how much I fucking hate you Microsoft. So enjoy this seizure inducing tourette's mode compilation.

Fuck shit cock piss mother fucker asshole bitch mother fucker sick and tired of your fucking shit Microsoft you fucking cuck piece of shit nobody fucking likes you they only have to use you because no fucking business in their right mind is going to spend the millions of dollars it cost to fucking switch over to fucking Mac or Linux I hope you fucking choking a bag of HIV riddled flaming dicks you fucking piece of shit.

I'm mad. Really really mad. I've worked so hard and this guy just comes in makes me feel inadequate. I come in every day and there he is sitting in his corner watching me as I work. For him it's so God damn easy! It takes me hours to do what he accomplishes in mere minutes! Oh yeah and he's such a fat ass too. He doesn't even have to do much to get his food. It just comes to him. I don't know how he fucking does it. He's got no fucking phone! What the hell!? I actually have to get up and go places to get my food. He's so fucking entitled, the little shit. He thinks he's a suave motherfucker. Well I fucking hate him. I might actually get around to killing him and then wiping the floor with him. But today's not that day. He's just a little to high for me to handle, honestly.

I should really just keep my head down and continue working and not let him bother me. But I can always feel it, that stare behind my head. I guess...

spiders are just better web developers than i am

Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.

Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.

Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to

Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission

Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.

Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)

My first Windows rant.

I use Spotify heavily. (After all, I am paying for it every fucking month.) In fact, it's safe to say I use it upwards of 12+ hours a day.

My birthday was a few weeks ago. I got a new mechanical keyboard using some money i received as a gift. This keyboard has a function key to launch your media player. Odd function in my opinion. But I figured I would try it out for a week or so.

My problem is: the default media center is that god forsaken piece of shit groove music (not only is it shit, I also have 0 mp3 files on my computer).

No problem, I'll just change the default media center. Fucking Windows doesn't let me change it to Spotify. Odd. Well, I did download it from Spotify's website. Let's try downloading it from the Windows store.

I download Spotify from the Windows store. It still cannot be set to the default media center.

For fuck sake, if Google can let me set Spotify as my default over their shitty YouTube Music that I know damn well they're trying to make as the default for all Android, then you can let me change it Windows.

Yes, I know Spotfiy isn't exactly a media center, but it's basically the same fucking thing.

God damn fucking Windows bullshit.

Why is the fuck does Microsoft HATE its users?

Latest updates, and no fuck Windows 11, completely BREAKS all of my WSL environments.

Home directories are gone, or the environments are corrupt and won't even run.

99% of the issues these dense shit-fucks cause are because they RaNdOmLy reboot for their dumbass updates instead of scheduling them with the end user. During these rebots, do you thing they wait for everything to shut down?

HELL NO!

They just shut that shit down like they fucking own it. Editors? Gone. Browsers? Gone. WSL Consoles? Gone. Docker containers? Gone. IEdge? Hey, we have great news, we made IE your default browser again! BTW, your upgrade to Windows 11 is free until we force you to upgrade!

I'm so fed up with it.....so fucking tired of it...

The only reason why I even use WSL these days is to ssh into my Linux devices or run some quick dev tests in containers. Why not use PuTTY for SSH? Because it fucking SUCKS that's why.

I'm feeling so many emotions right now over bullshit that shouldn't even be happening. I'm literally at the point that I'm just going to install Linux on this device and just create a Windows VM on one of my hosts so I can still do "work" things that involve leadership.

Ok so this happend in the last 3 days, I didn't post it till now because I had to seriously take a rest with all the bullshit and stress that came with it...
(Legacy project I have the lead in called: "Foo")

Monday:
Management decided it would be effective to add a senior and a junior to Foo, which would make (together with me) to be 2 juniors and one senior developer
Well I've spend most of that day helping both the junior and the senior to setup "Foo" on their local development machines... So I could not do any programming myself

tuesday:
The senior wanted to refactor EVERYTHING... and I had to stop him multiple times because we simply do not have the time to do that...
The junior tried to work on other things as much as he could, and after he had run out of things to do, asked me for EVERYTHING... EVEN WHERE TO FUCKING CHANGE SOME GOD DAMN STRINGS!....
Also he did in total 3 commits, two of which existed of my code (because I had to "help" him

wednesday:
Both the junior and senior were removed from the project and I got another senior.. who fucking deleted the production database on accident

god damn rough few days man...

Holy fucking dickballs, AWS cloud platform is one of the most UX unfriendly piles of fuckery I have witnessed.

It starts off okay and then you have to use it for many hours a day.
API gateway is assfucked backwards in its layout and how it displays. Why have things go horizontally across the screen rather than flow down so I can scroll. Also when I add a method to a resource why the god damn fuck do I need to select it from the smallest drop down imaginable when you have HALF MY POXY SCREEN TAKEN UP IN LITERAL WHITESPACE NEXT TO IT.

Now I get on to the dynamodb interface whoever designed must have been some form of insane cause it is as clunky as a donkey in clogs.

Finally, Lambda console, look I get it UX is not you strong point. but WHO IS THE SADISTIC FUCKOFF WHO WANTED TO HAVE TWO SCROLLABLE TEXT AREAS THAT CAN NOT BE FUCKING EXPANDED SO I CAN SEE MORE THAN FOUR LINES OF THE FUCKING OUTPUT.

*grumble* 12hrs a day of this bullshit *grumble*

Happiness 100 to 0 in 0.1234ms

For a second I was happy to see my ++ to 1110
I was like oh my god, I'm fucking getting the Avatar and stress Ball.

Later when I scroll through rants, I found it is in binary. Damn.

holy fucking hell, who’s dumb ass idea was it to make Visual Studio require a god damn fucking update for the installer before I can uninstall it, you stupid ass dumb fucks MS, I didn’t just tell you uninstall it so you can go burn more data down my shitty copper pipes.

God I'm fucking done for today.

We just finished a "Climate-conference-simulation" in school.

Basically ~90 students split into 6 groups representing a delegation of a country or a group of countries.

EU,
USA,
India,
China,
Other developing countries,
Other industrial countries

The target of our efforts was the reduction of global warming from ~4 C° by 2100 to around 2 C°.

My group (USA) elected me to speak and represent (I did kind of mimic the American stereotype of being egoistic and self centered, no offence intended)

As all the other nations and groups were planning great schemes, my group simply continued to put, well, basically rocks in their path by not playing along cause aforementioned stereotype.

It's the working phase after the second presentation of results, I'm sitting there with parts of the Chinese and EU delegation and suddenly two of my friends, in different groups, put my hood over my head, drag/carry me out of the assembly hall, toss me out and leave me there.

Was funny and all, but damn, it's fucking exhausting to stand in front of around 100 people (including teachers and stuff) and completely not play along with the other group's opinions and plans.

But hey, I've been congratulated a lot of times cause I've perfectly stayed in my role.

Yes it was weird

Hey Root, remember that super high-priority ticket that we ignored for five months before demanding you rewrite it a specific way in one day?

Yeah, the new approach we made you use broke the expected usecases, and now the page is completely useless to the support team and they're freaking out. Drop everything you're doing and go fix it! Code-complete for this release is tonight! -- This right after "impacting our business flow" while being collapsed on the fucking floor.

Jesus FUCKING christ, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

If I dropped the ball on a high-priority ticket for two weeks, I'd get fired, let alone for five fucking months.

If I was a manager and demanded a one-day rewrite I can only imagine the amount of chewing out I'd receive, especially on something high-priority.

And let's not forget product ownership: imagine if I screwed up feature planning for someone so badly I made them break a support tool in production. I'd never hear the end of it.

Fucking double standards.

And while I'm at it. Some of the code I've seen in this codebase is awful. Uncommented spaghetti, or an unreadable mess with single-letter variables, super-tightly coupled modules so updates are nearly impossible, typos in freaking constants added across sixty+ files, obviously-incorrect comments, ... . I'll have to start posting snippets to show them off. But could I get away with any of it? ha. Hell no. My code must be absolutely perfect. I hear about any and every flaw, doesn't matter how minor, and nothing can go out until everything is just so.

Hell, I even hear about flaws in other peoples' code during my code reviews. Why? Because I should have fixed it, that's why. But if I do, I get yelled at for "muddying the waters."

Just. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

It's like playing a shell game where no matter which shell I pick (or point to their goddamn sleeve where they're clearly hiding it), I get insulted for being so consistently useless, and god damn, how can I never find the fucking pea or follow the damned rules? I'm so terrible and this is why "nobody trusts me." Fuck you.

I'll tell you why I can't find your damned pea: IT'S RATTLING INSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEADS, you ASSHOLE FUCKING IMBECILES.

That's right: one pea among the lot of them.

goddamn I am fucking pissed off.

Let's do photorealism they said,
It'll look beautiful they said,
...
...
...
NO!
Fuck it, we're going with low poly. I'm not rendering one fucking tree, for three god damn hours!
(That's presuming that it doesn't crash during that period)

And yes I know it doesn't actually look that photorealistic, but hey, give me a break I just started. Plus I don't even wanna know how long it would take to render if it was done to look really fancy.

It has been bugging the shit out of me lately... the sheer number of shit-tier "programmers" that have been climbing out of the woodwork the last few years.

I'm not trying to come across as elitist or "holier than thou", but it's getting ridiculous and annoying. Even on here, you have people who "only do frontend development" or some other lame ass shit-stain of an excuse.

When I first started learning programming (PHP was my first language), it wasn't because I wanted to be a programmer. I used to be a member (my account is still there, in fact) of "HackThisSite", back when I was about 12 years old. After hanging out long enough, I got the hint that the best hackers are, in essence, programmers.

Want to learn how to do SQL injection? Learn SQL - write a program that uses an SQL database, and ask yourself how you would exploit your own software.

Want to reverse engineer the network protocol of some proprietary software? Learn TCP/IP - write a TCP/IP packet filter.

Back then, a programmer and a hacker were very much one in the same. Nowadays, some kid can download Python, write a "hello, world" program and they're halfway to freelancing or whatever.

It's rare to find a programmer - a REAL programmer, one who knows how the systems he develops for better than the back of his hand.

These days, I find people want the instant gratification that these simpler languages provide. You don't need to understand how virtual memory works, hell many people don't even really understand C/C++ pointers - and that's BASIC SHIT right there.

Put another way, would you want to take your car to a brake mechanic that doesn't understand how brakes work? I sure as hell wouldn't.

Watching these "programmers" out there who don't have a fucking clue how the code they write does what it does, is like watching a grown man walk around with a kid's toolbox full or plastic toys calling himself a mechanic. (I like cars, ok?!)

*sigh*

Python, AngularJS, Bootstrap, etc. They're all tools and they have their merits. But god fucking dammit, they're not the ONLY damn tools that matter. Stop making excuses *not* to learn something, Mr."IOnlyDoFrontEnd".

Coding ain't Lego's, fuckers.

At my previous job we had to complete an online security training exercise. It shows you how to behave secure in the work place, to not open unknown links etc. The scary part was that the entire training thing was BUILT IN FUCKING FLASH. So I'm suppose to listen to some god damn virus shitting flash application on how to do online security?! Get your shit together before teaching others.

Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there

Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.

C: Yes sure.

< Two days later - over text >

C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.

Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh

No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "

Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!

i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

Me: *kills process*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
* hour later *
Me: *kills process with 3045974th method*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
Me: "Are you absolutely FUCKING kidding me?! What is this fucking thing, the god damn grim reaper? I've done some SKETCHY fucking things at the terminal to kill this BASIC fucking server and it is still running!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Manager: *peeks in helpfully* "Did you try the 'kill' command?"

Where the fuck my privacy go?

I'm paying you to listen to music or watch films, I don't want you to create a damm profile my taste or "learn" what might like.

If it was a free service, fine, I'd understand, but I am fucking pying you. I should have the option to completely disable your arse sniffing software.

I know some of them provide a "private mode", but I want that to be the default, I am paying for the god damn service :/

So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!

The new mobile app codebase i'm working with, was clearly written by someone who just read a book on generics and encapsulation.

I need to pull out 2 screens into a separate library to have it shared around. The 1 networking request used is wrapped up in a 'WebServiceFactory' and `WebServiceObjectMapper`, used by a `NetworkingManager` which exposes a generic `request` method taking in a `TopLevelResponse` type (Which has imported every model) which uses a factory method to get the real response type.

This is needed by the `Router` which takes a generic `Action` which they've subclassed for each and every use case needing server communication.

Then the networking request function is part of a chain of 4 near identical functions spread across 4 different files, each one doing a tiny bit more than the last and casting everything to a new god damn protocol, because fuck concrete types.

Its not even used in that many places, theres like 6 networking calls. Why are people so god damn fucking stupid and insist on over engineering the shit out of their apps. I'm fed the fuck up with these useless skidmarks.

I just signed up to get this off my chest.
Dear Windows, you god damn moronic, ugly, unuseable abomination of an excuse for an OS. I wonder how we could end up here in this situation. You suck, in every way imaginable. I didnt choose Linux or Mac, you made me do it.
I know no other OS that can screw you up this bad when setting up. My friend is an experienced windows user and the last install took him 2 days. I just spend the last day trying to get this uncompatible sucker installed. I manage to set up an hackintosh quicker than I was able to install Windows the last three times I checked, you scumbag.
Your error messages suck ass, there is nothing I cant figure out given enough time, except your useless hints and pathetic attemps to get anything done on your own.
And you are fucking slow. Just why, do you keep installing stuff I didnt ask you to. Now I got this ugly ass Bing-Toolbar because I missed a damn checkbox in an .exe, which could have also been an exploit, you never know.
You are cluttered with useless stuff. I dont care about you lame ass app store, idc about your cortana annoying spy assistant and I certainly dont care about your forced updates.
Just sit back and feel your PC getting slower every day by background processes. Watch your productivity decline while dealing with their brain dead privilege and file system.
You ugly malformed mutation of software. When I look at your UI I feel disgust while wondering how you can fail with the most basic principles of UX.
How pathetic, badly supported, bug ridden and dangerously unsecure can an OS be you ask while trying to navigate through the settings, a pile of legacy software debt this garbage pile was build on. And your shell... what a sick joke.
I hate you Windows. For screwing other OS with your asshole boot manager, hardware driver requirements and making people send me .zip and .docx. You should be embarrassed to charge money for this unfunctional junk, but you do, a lot.
I really try to see the positive here. You got all the software, but thats not on you, thats because all those poor suckers are trapped with you and the effort to change is too big.
This OS is the most disappointing thing technology could come up with today. I would rather set myself on fire than work with this pain in the ass software professionally. I mean if you are a serious developer at some point you have to admit that you just cant develop on windows. You will get fucked 5 times as often as any Mac or Linux user. Fuck you, Windows.
Hey Microsoft, thanks for Typescript and VSCode and all the other good things you have done. But burn in hell for what you have done to all of us with this piece of shit OS.

First we had this stupid Hoverboards.

Now we have god damn fidget spinners. Every Idiot got one.

Now there's fucking Fidgets Spinners with LED.

Will the next fucking Cancer be a IDE with RGB flashing Code, animations and this shit is coming form coding Noob Hipsters and script Kiddies, who wanna be cool???

Kid from the future: Yo Bro lets configure our LED Fidget Spinner with this premade software and call it coding. We will be cool hackers.

Absolutely hate these "moving up", "stairs of success", "we are so diverse!" stock photos all over the internet.

You feel like you are being subtle, fuck no. Unless your target audience is stupid as as fuck, this photos looks dumb and over the top. And what is up with this "diversity" all over the place? don't get me wrong, I am all for diversity. But learn how to apply it properly.

"Looks like we need a picture of a student. Oh no, we need to be diverse. Add 15 kids of 15 different ethincity in the same picture to make sure we looks diverse. Phew!"

And the animations. Holy fucking shite. Why is it that a cheap website immediatly means that your website needs to have 100 different animation in the front page.

Seriously, picture rolling from here and there. Text coming out of nowhere.Everything being squeezed and rotated. God damn it!

This is another reason I fucking hate these 1 click websites and shite like that. This fucking website was created with WiX and my God, it's a fucking nightmare.

Good news is client is recreating the website.

4 hours! four fucking hours! f.o.u.r. h.o.u.r.s.!
It's the amount in the time domain this bug has cost me to fix. The cost in the sanity domain is immeasurable...
I swear, the god damn ass births of devs who coded this abomination should be slowly mutilated and then raped by their own severed limbs.
It took me 4 hours to figure out that their 12 year old binary CLI tool they used to generate PDFs from PHP could not handle neither HTML5 nor some linebreaks at specific places. Some part of it is due to them using REGEX to find and replace HTML tag.
Yes, I am indeed very pissed. And I need a 🥃 or 3

What we learned:
- Don't use REGEX to "parse" HTML
- Don't call random compiled CLI tools from PHP if there are PHP packages to do the same shit

God damn it lastpass, how the hell do you get a memory leak and an infinite loop in a fucking browser extension?! Using 7GB of RAM and all 8 cores @ 3,4GHz!!

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

Not about favorite language but about why PHP is not my favorite language.

I recently launched a web shop built on Prestashop. I found that some product pages are so god damn slow, like taking 50 fuckin' seconds to load. So I started investigating and analyzing the problem. Turns out that for some products we have so many different combinations that it results in a cartesian product totalling about 75K of unique combinations.

Prestashop did a real bad job coding the product controller because for every combination they fetch additional data. So that results in 75K queries being executed for just 1 product detail page. Crazy, even more when you know that the query that loads all these combinations, before iterating through them, takes 7 fuckin' seconds to execute on my dev machine which is a very very fast high end machine.

That said I analyzed the query and now I broke the query down into 3 smaller queries that execute in a much faster 400 ms (in total!) fetching the exact same data.

So what does this have to do with PHP? As PHP is also OO why the fuck would you always put stuff in these god damn associative arrays, that in turn contain associative arrays that contain more arrays containing even more arrays of arrays.

Yes I could do the same in C# and other languages as well but I have never ever encountered that in other languages but always seem to find this in PHP. That's why I hate PHP. Not because of the language but all those fucking retarded assholes putting everything in arrays. Nothing OO about that.

WHY???
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING SURPRISED SHIT HITS THE FAN EVERY GOD DAMN TIME A CHANGE IS MADE IN YOUR LIMPING SYSTEM?
YOU GAVE NO FUCKING SPECIFICATIONS NOR ANY CARE TO DECIDE ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT IN IT.
EVERY TIME I SEE THE CODE I GET EYE CANCER, DEBUGGING THIS SHIT IS AS HARD AS FINDING THE FATHER IN A HOBO STREET ORGY
AND YOU FUCKING THINK ADDING FEATURES INTO THE SYSTEM UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IS SO GOD DAMN EASY.

I hope life's god damn dandy for you, get fucked with a pipe bomb.

Oh, hello DevRant, sorry for sitting on the fence for the past months.

God damn it, LEARN TO FUCKING READ!!!

#support-channel
> Admin: @here the tool will be disabled from today until Wednesday
> Chap: @here Admins, I cannot use the tool it says that it is disabled. Please let us know when we'll be able to use it again

FFS.. Srsly, man...

I work in a fintech company and our product is a point of sale app. Two senior indian dev contractors just spent 3.5 months on a feature where all they had to do was map two tables by using a third mapper table and display 2 lists to the user so he could update the data in those two tables.

After hearing same excuses (that they are working in it) for the past few weeks, I took it upon myself and made a proof of concept for them.

Yeah our codebase is kinda shit but even me, a fcking junior with 3 years of experience managed to do it in 1 week.

Meanwhile these fuckers spent 14 weeks beating around the bush and couldnt even save data to a fucking database. They just added UI and thats it. When asked how investigation is going fuckers couldnt even come up with any findings. For weeks. Seniors my fucking ass.

If not for me, I guess they would have taken till the end of the year. No, fuck you, here is an example now pickup your slack.

Im tired of picking after you. God damn incompetent leeches

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

i just waste 2 hours on DevBullshitRant. This app is a trap

The people who wrote the specs for SAP OCI should be hanged by rusty barbed wire while being tickled by krusty the clown.
Which one of these stinky hobbits thought it was a great idea to require a (catalog) server to handle a POST request by sending back an HTML form which has to execute a POST request immediately by JavaScript on load?
Why not fucking respond with the actual god damn fucking data?
Some "senior" (read "senile") software "engineer" has to get decapitated.

Quote from the specification (OCI Function: VALIDATE, section 2.3.2):
"The product catalog replies with an HTML page that contains a form with the productdata in OCI format. [...] The HTML page may not contain any visible elements ([...]). The form must be sent automatically by JavaScript after the page has been loaded."

The only thing that should get sent after loading would be these people's asses to hell after my minigun has finished loading.

SAP is the kind of company who earns a huge junk of money from utter, stinking, filthy crap and they like to piss in their customers' "müesli".

I only went and left my god damn bag on the train with my work laptop in it (2016 Macbook Pro, started this job 2months ago...). Now I have to get up at 5 fucking 30 am to make a 5 hour round trip to collect it while making up a BS excuse to WFH, or more accurately - work from some cafe in a random city 200 miles away. FML

The Cloud Of Bullshit

Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.

For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.

I love it.

And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.

Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"

I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.

2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?

3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?

The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"

Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.

Native or nothing.

For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"

But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).

So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).

It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.

It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.

So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?

Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.

Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".

Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.

I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.

Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.

After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.

Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.

P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.

And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."

It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.

OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.

The cloud can suck my balls.

Firefox.

I ignored your update for ages.

Because half your dev base are retards circle jerking over a language made by a smug midwit marxist who believes in ceremony over productivity.

And then you go and autoupdate without my permisson. Didn't realize microsoft wasn't the only one that could push things on people like common rapists.

Went and pushed an update when I've EXPLICITLY turned down your update nagware hundreds of times.

And now ad block is disabled.

And I'm being flooded by bullshit.

And the 'patch' you released requires me to update.

Well jumping fucking christ on a pogo stick. Why didnt you just force update the whole god damn application you shit-for-brains firefox devs?

What, you thought I wouldn't fucking notice?

You thought, because microsoft did it, that this shit was cool, in 2019?

Like that bullshit you pulled as a 'tie in' for mr robot?

I would kick you in your fucking nuts if I met you.

Ps: Your fucking patch that you put out doesn't even fucking reenable extensions.

Incompetent dumbasses.

I'm moving to another browser with less 'diversity' in the dev team.

It is time... to rant about macs!

No, seriously - I had such a different experience about which not many talk in real life or pretend that it never happens....

Model: 2015 mid MBP 15" with second to highest specs (don't have dedicated gpu).

Rattling fucking toy.... Yea, it rattles! If you shake/move ir sit in trait/bus - it non-stop rattles as a fucking toy. Worst part? It's confirmed issue by apple and it manifacturing issue that they are not keen on fixing!!!! WTF? We have 4 macs in our office - all of them fucking rattles... God help me how annoying that is. (Lose LCD control panel that unsticks from glue. Replacing it solves the issue for 1 month if you carry it anywhere).

Constant fucking crashing/updates.... Every morning I wake up and don't have an app that requires confirmation for restart - it's restarted. YAY, turning on all apps once again.... Why you may ask? Well, because if you tinker with software in any way - it fails to update it and hell breaks lose. It's been a long time since High-Sierra came around and the issue is still there (not running Mojave as it conflicts with soft I have... Woo!). Tried few times - updates fail. Resolution? Reinstall OS!

OS conflicts with applications - damn... People told me it works out of the box.... Yeah, as long as you don't upgrade the OS - then it breaks. Why? Well, because.

Piece of shit power supply. With 4 of our office power supplies - 2 of them failed twice withing warranty and once afterwards... Really? Not to mention that all 4 are starting to shear the sleeve or already did (mine is just wrapped with white electrical tape to give it a support... lol).

Bluetooth - who the hell needs that in mac, right? Well, people do. To start with - it conflicts with 2.4GHz wireless network - you might have one of those and not both at the same time. Next thing is using a device that needs constant connection (mouse, headphones, keyboard - non apple branded) - shit... They can't stay connected for more than an hour without any issues... Constant battle to re-connect it, to re-pair the device and all due to smart apple bluetooth settings. Hell, my mouse (logitech MX master) was even printing random symbols in some applications if moved. All of the issues went away after using a bluetooth dongle... WOO!!!!

Xcode... Ahh, you may never prepare your mac if you don't download 17GB of fucking xCode libraries that enables some tools to be installed/runned as you can NOT get them in any other way and you have to install full xCode software in order to get them... YAY! 17GB wasted on my 256GB SSD that I can't upgrade. GREAT!

OsX applications - ah, don't get offended but if you are using them and you are fine with them - you are probably a monkey that loves being told what to do. You can't customise any actions, you can't configure it the way you like - either you accept their default workflow or go kill yourself. Yep... Had issues with calendar, mail, iMessages, safari... None of them fit my needs :)

Resolution scaling... Fucking hell, the display is 2880 x 1800 but all you let me to use is 1440x900 without scaling? Am I blind to you? Scaling the resolution means that you are fucked if some applications don't support scaling very well. Looking at you Jetbrains - your IDES suck at scaling and slows down the pc to a potato....

Now the pros - keyboard is way better than the new ones, trackpad is GREAT - no need for mouse (using it on external 4k displays only), the battery life is great - getting around 6h of continues development time, 8 if using sublime instead of phpStorm and well, that's about it...

To clarify:
I've bought this device due to the fact that at that time mac and windows pc's with similiar specs costed the same while windows pc sucked with their quality of the device and trackpad... Now the situation is better and when time comes for a next upgrade - it's going to be one of these:
Razer Blade 15, Dell XPS 15, Lenovo Carbon X1 series.
And of course - LINUX. I've had enough issues with windows, and had enough of retardness of apple ecosystem, so switching it is a must for me.

Disclaimer: I might be an unhappy customer, a bit picky but I'd like my device to be setted up as I like and continue to have that until I don't like, not until the company decides to break it. Not to mention that paying almost a yearly salary in my country for one device - I'd expect it to be at least reliable and work without issues....

Rant over.

ps. You can disagree with me, this is my personal experience with MBP over the last 3 years :)

Fuck you apple, and fuck your god damn shitty documentation.

Working with NFC enabled passes, their documentation says "payload max is 64 bytes"

What they ACTUALLY fucking mean is 64 ascii characters.

Also, the way they handle date time formats is fucked. They say they support W3C formats (iso) but what they actually mean is, they support a half assed version of a subset of it.

I told their chief engineer over a phone call and his response;

"I agree, our documentation is lacking"... HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING UPDATE IT!

Also, how they handle json is just bad.

TL;DR - the doctor is a lazy cunt and I hope he steps on a lego.

We’ve got a user authentication portal for all the users in our network. Well, we have it set to where you can only have two active log ins on two different machines, anything else will give the error message “you need to log out elsewhere” or whatever it is...
This god damn doctor has been told to log out several times and still calls us to ask why it’s “not working”.

I just received a call because the lazy cock sucker didn’t want to walk from the clinic to the hospital to sign out, are you fucking kidding me you lazy fucking ass hole? It’s not my job to be your mother fucking slave dude, get the fuck up and do it yourself!

I’ll take a lot of shit from anyone but when you refuse to retain the information to preform your job and want someone else to do it because you’re too fucking lazy, that’s when we’ve got problems.

I hope you step on a fucking LEGO.

I’m heavily medicated so if this doesn’t make sense I... don’t care.

Aaarrrrghhhh! I am frustrated.

My manager keeps cancelling our 1:1, which I look forward to as a potential platform for
- Me to build a rapport
- Discuss key decisions
- Slowly gain her trust that I can lead the entire product

And whenever we connect once in a blue moon, she started inviting two other team members in. Who the hell does that!!!

My colleague, she is nice and hard-working. But she fucking talks a lot. A FUCKING LOT.

1:1 and such key connects are not meant for status updates and this colleagues goes into every minor detail and explains the shit for 15 minutes each. Non-stop. No one really cares or bothers for that level of statuses.

Today she spoke for 30 minutes without a breather break. Everyone went numb.

But whatever, fuck it. I am getting things done by her so let her talk. I'll get my way through manager and skip level guy.

On the other side, they recruited a half witted potato for training. That was completely unnecessary. I am not putting in my time and efforts on someone who isn't willing to learn and contribute.

I spent more than a week explaining her basics of how to write a god damn user story and detailed functional requirements.

And even after 5 rounds of feedback (45 minutes each) the potato is stuck on colour of the button and alignment.

GOD DAMN FUCK! SOMEONE KILL ALL THE MORONS WHO CANNOT UNDERSTAND BASICS AFTER SO MUCH EXPLANATION.

I was really an impatient guy in past but over the years, I developed to be more calm and forgiving. Yet some people manage to get on my every nerve.

How the fuck am I supposed to grow when I am being dragged down instead being with smart colleagues where we can just accelerate to success!!!!

Oh my motherfucking God...
How the fuck can a dumb IDE be so fucking slow? I entered the office at 8:15. And I am still unable to checkout a motherfucking previous version of an android app in git and get Android studio to build it, because the fucking gradle is so damn slow it freezes the GUI. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Android studio get you shit together and maybe, just maybe don't be such a dick!!!

You need 5 min to open that project and another 10 to build it ONLY FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT WHOLE PROCEDURE BECAUSE I NEED A DIFFERENT APP VERSION FROM THE GIT REPO FUCK YOU YOU SHITFACED STUPID COCKSUCKING CUNT, SHIT FUCK ARRRRGH!!!

Sincerely,
Me.

Edit: now it's 9:35 btw

Do I really have to explain how frustrated I am right now?!

Fajsjsgksyekeytwotepruiwtohrkyeltek.

God fucking damnit automating a client's "Job applicant form" system is the most boring shit l've ever done.
Get me some damn monkeys to do this
"Oh OK so I just have to take this form and turn it into HTML. Oh shit, 25 check box's, let's just copy paste this shit in over and over. Oh damn, forgot I have to change the name and value fields for each one. God damnit this is boring, I guess I have to"
Fucking hell it's annoying work, Boring, easy, no thought needed. Ended up turning this task into a drinking game. Every time the word "Management" came up, I took a shot. Got me pretty fucked up.
Client emails back; "Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, we have these 3 other forms we want you to automate".
Well fuck at this point I feel like more of an alcoholic than a developer.

porra; caralho; toma no cu.

this fucking shit xamarin. I wish the ass who programed the xamarin vs2017 integration to go fuck off.

srsly, I just want to fucking code this fucking fucker VS2017 keep shitting all around me

first I was gonna install it. didn't install because no memory left. fair enough, my fault there.

cleaned 35 gbs.

finish installing VS, with xamarin. FIRST GOD DAMN TIME I create fucking project, 2 fucking errors and 3 warnings. I DIDN'T EVEN TYPE A COMMA.

ok, tried fucking it. it seems to be conflict between version of Android and xamarin forms. fucker you it shouldn't be like this. anyway.

tried downloading the updated Android version.

it failed at 80%! what error you ask? missing fucking space ok, fuck that thing is huge, ok, my fault again. uninstalled all programs I was not using, all projects I'm not current working on. more fucking 30GB free. tried again. ANDROID IS TOO FUVKING HUGE CAN'T INSTALL IN 30GB!!!

Ok. instead of updating android, gonna downgrade xamarin, can't downgrade. ok gonna remove and install an early version.

unistalled. CAN'T FIND XAMARIN DLLS.

I was like, fuck this project, gonna start a new one. ok, all seems fine, for some weird reason. Except no. I try adding a new page, ops, APPARENTLY VS2017 CAN'T LOAD A GODDAMN .XAML

Ok, I can create a .cs page. done, except now I get a fucking timeout error. fuck.

I search the internet for a workaround, see a guy saying I could manually add a .xaml + .cs by creating this files and then adding them to the proj file.

did it. I go again, everything seems fine. but now I can't freaking reference the damn page.

I'm fucking losing my mind here.

In the mean time I have to turn in this project at the end of the week AND I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE GOD DAMN FREKING PROJECT PROPERLY!

FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK XAMARIM AS WELL
FUCK VISUAL STUDIO
FUCK MICROSOFT
FUCK THAT DAMN SSD
FUCK THAT BOSS WHO THINK THAT A 128GB SSD IS ENOUGH
FUCK IT ALL...

The fucking defective Caps Lock on Apple keyboards drives me fucking ballistic!

WHY would they ever think it would be a good idea to introduce a minimum press time for a key?!?

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I use the damn thing it inevitably fails and I have to backspace, delete the non-caps text I just entered after HITTING THE FUCKING CAPS LOCK KEY, tap the damn thing again (harder this time) and try again. It usually takes 2 or 3 tries before it actually catches. I'm sorry, but training myself to type slower is not as easy as you think!

Who the fuck thought up this nonsensical bullshit?? And who the fuck is going around accidentally tapping their caps lock key to the point where such a delay would be needed?? Do you not know where your own fingers are??

Seriously, all this does is penalize fast typists and people who actually want to USE the caps lock key for what it was meant for.

I swear to god this one little thing pisses me off SO much. And what's worse is they don't even give you an option to disable it, AND it's bloody fucking impossible to disable yourself even through the terminal.

(Also, typing this rant with so many caps was probably not as cathartic as I was going for!) 😂

My two cent: Java is fucking terrible for computer science. Why the fuck would you teach somebody such a verbose language with so many unwritten rules?

If you really want your students to learn about computer, why not C? Java has no pointer, no passed by reference, no memory management, a lots of obscure classes structure and design pattern, this shit is garbage. The student will almost never has contact with the compiler, many don't even know of existence of a compiler.

Java is so enterprise focused and just fucked up for educating purpose. And I say it as somebody who (still) uses it as main language.

If you want your students to be productive and learn about software engineering, why not Python? Things are simple in Python can can be done way easier without students becoming code monkeys (assuming they don't use for each task a whole library). I mean java takes who god damn class and an explicitly declared entry point which is btw. fucking verbose to print something into the console.

Fuck Java.

That job you thought you may not be a good fit, you end up at.

Sometimes as developers we doubt ourselves because we set higher bars for ourselves to learn more and try and build better solutions and share them with everyone.

You are almost as good as you need to be and you are going to be getting better, as long as you keep hitting the road towards your main goal.

But look at it this, isn't it the best of scientific communities?

Everyone is trying to improve and share more and make the ecosystem richer.

And open-source, fucking open-source, if there is a God, then he inspired the moral of open-source...

Anyway, congratulations for being among the best of scientific communities and damn I appreciate'yall!!

Sorry to keep whining about my stupid fucking job, but y'all, I think I'm nearing my limit.

There's some good...I am pretty much free to resolve issues any way I want to, as the only other person in the company who "codes" only knows one old ass language that doesn't apply to 90% of the rest of the tech stack at all, and some SQL - all of that to say, we may disagree, but ultimately, these matters are always deferred to me at the end of the day, insofar as the actual implementation goes (which is to say I am not micromanaged). At least as far as non-visuals are concerned, because those of course, are the most important things. Button colors and shit, woo hoo**. That's what we should focus on as we're bringing in potentially millions of dollars per month - the god damn button color and collapsible accordions based on data type over the shit ass DB performance bottleneck, the lack of redundancy or backups (aside from the one I made soon after I started -- literally saved everyone today because of that. My thanks? None, and more bullshit tasks) or the 300GB+ spaghetti code nightmare that is the literal circulatory system of the FUCKING COMPANY. Hundreds of people depend on it for their livelihoods, and those of their families, but fuck me in the face, right? I'm just a god damn nerd who has worked for the federal government, a handful of fortune 500's, a couple of fortune 100's, some startups, etc. But the fuck do I know about the lifecycle of companies?

I could continue ranting, but what's the point? I've got a nice little adage that I've started to live by, and y'all might appreciate it: "If everything is a priority/is important, nothing is". These folks just don't fucking get it. I'm torn because, on the one hand, they waste my time and kinda underpay me, in addition to forcing me to be onsite for 50 hours a week. They don't listen to me, couldn't give a flying shit about my experientially based opinions. I'm just a fucking chimp with a typewriter, there to take commands like a fucking waiter. But there's a lot of job security, assuming I don't fucking snap one day, and the job market for devs (I'm sure I don't need to tell you) is hostile atm. I'm also drinking far more than usual, and I really need to do something about that. It's only wednesday - I think...not 100% on that truth be told, and I logged my fourth trip to the liquor store this week already.

**Dear backenders - don't ever learn front end, or if you do, just lie about it to avoid being designated full stack. It's not worth it.

Much obliged if you stop reloading the folder and searching it every five fucking seconds you fucking cunts.

Good god damn this fucking 'feature' of windows 10 grinds my fucking gears. I hit 'x' to stop seeing the visual distraction of the fucking green loading bar when the folders already loaded. Same thing with music. All I want it to do is open and play my fucking song.

Does it do that?

No instead it spends precious cycles updating fucking indexes or sprinkling crack rocks on the corpse of my cpu or whatever cycle fairies at fucking microsoft programmed it to do while wasting my fucking time.

I wish I had a brick and a microsoft programmer within throwing distance, I'd be sorely tempted to nail the motherfucker square in his fucking big fat melon.

Cunts.

fuck count: 8

The new CTO promised us better coffee in his introduction meeting. Honestly felt pretty trivial and part of his used car salesman pitch to us.

A month goes buy and he replaces our shitty drip Starbucks breakfast blend coffee with ... Starbucks coffee machines. I shit you not these things have touch screens on them. So I tried two cups of each bean type and ... this stuff is really really bad. It's literally worse than the drip brew. It's so fucking terrible I have trouble finishing a cup.

God damn it!

Windows is a god damn abomination of a OS. Fucking let me download that one game from the shitty developers that add EAC for no reason. Fucking stop hogging every resource and let steam work. Fucking stop crashing like wtf how is this considered stable. Stop fucking downloading updates. You amount to nothing than playing games made by cunts. There is no valuable information on this system and I have no problems nuking it all.

I cannot even function right now with how angry I am. If you're a python developer, don't take offence to this unless it describes you.

All the python devs I have ever met so far are pompous arrogant cucks that can't even get out of their own way to save themselves. They make EVERYTHING so fucking complicated and complex that the whole point to a project becomes moot.

Instead of understanding HOW a thing works, their answer is ALWAYS rewrite it how THEY want it to work.

They have what we used to call "little-man" syndrome. They're so concerned that they aren't perceived as intelligent that they overcompensate by making the wildest and most fucked up changes to a project I have EVER seen.

They have gone so far as to break the original functional components of a project just to meet THEIR definition of a healthy python project.

I don't hate the language, but GOD DAMN I HATE THE DEVS.

If this describes you, fuck you. Seriously, just fuck off into whatever python hole you crawled out of and stay there.

We need an open-source alternative to stack overflow. They have fucking monopolizing pieces of ratshit admins there and lame ass bots.

I HAD A FUCKING 450 REP :/ and now i have "reached my question limit"

I mean its okay of you want to keep stackoverflow clean , but straight out rejecting the new queries should be against your god damn principles, if those mofos have any!

If it is so easy to downvote and delete a question for the mods, why can't they create a trash site called dump.stackoverflow.com ? whenever a question is not following their stupid guidelines , downvote it to oblivion. After a certain limit, that question goes to dump space where it will be automatically removed after 30 days. Atleast give us 30 fucking days to gather attention of audience !

And how does a question defines someone's character that you downright ban the person from asking new questions? Is there a phd that we should be doing in our mother's womb to get qualified as legitimate question author?

"No questions are stupid" is what we usually hear in our school/college life. And that's a stretch, i agree. Some questions are definitely stupid. But "Your questions are so stupid we are removing you from the site" is the worst possible way to deal with a question asker.

Bloody assholes.

Now, can anyone tell me that if am passing a parcelable list of objects in an intent before starting a new activity, how can i retrieve it in the new activity without getting any kotlin warnings?
The compiler is saying that the data coming via intent is that of list<Type!> aka list of platform type, so how to deal with this warning?

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

I just fucking made the temp table dude, that's what you literally do in step 1 .... how could it not....

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Me: "Oh there we g---"

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

Me: "Hey you just worked!"

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

GOD DAMN IT

-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Me: Uh you're working now?

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Guess that API just needed breaking in....

!Devrelated

Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC

I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .

I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .

Fortnite I mean.

Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!

Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.

A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.

In my office, it requires security clearance, but the office is sooo fucked up it takes months to get it sorted

So, now in the position of people knocking at doors, annoying you at your desk to take your pass, often for large periods,,, leaving me sweating when im dying for a piss

WTF is going through MGMT heads,

Of course im sitting next to the fucking door, so when u sitting down to do some nice code, fucking knock on the door,

And wouldnt mind but its the same fucking Wagon who smokes, pisses and chats on the phone like its a God damn super power, as i type this im looking over my divider and they're rolling yet another fucking smoke!

I need out of this fucking 7th ring of Dantes inferno hello hole

3 straight days with less than 3 hours of sleep per night. If something or someone wakes me in the first fifteen minutes as I'm drifting off, that's it, my wired for however long.

Previous two nights I just barely slept at all. Last night got awakened twice as I was drifting off. To start with, its ettypre for me to be able to fall asleep at all a second time.

Last three nights I'm not actually sure I even slept. I blinked and it was morning and I woke up exhausted. Only thing I can remember is racing thoughts, as I fell asleep, and the very same exact thoughts *as* I woke up, as if my brain had been thinking the same thing on a loop for a few hours, while I was catatonic and unable to fully shut down, stuck in 'on' mode all night and not realizing it.

Not a single fucking job I work honor's their god damn promises, let alone my repeated requests for night shift.

Was so exhausted yesterday my chest hurt.

How am I supposed to drive to work on less than 9 hours asleep spread out across three days? Cant catch a fuckong break lately, and when I do it's like the universe fucking sabotages me with shit like this.

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

I'm trying really hard not to be sensitive, but my manager is making it difficult with their "constructive criticisms" ...

Just finished up a call with them. And I'm so tired. I'm not even angry or upset, I just feel so tired of their bullshit.

I set up a meeting as a courtesy to get them up to date on all the code changes I made. Last night I stayed up late to try and get things in before the deadline and this morning just killed me when they say.

"I don't think I should have given you this."

"I was right, you weren't ready to start doing this."
(Then don't even bother giving me anymore tasks then, I don't fucking care.)

"you clearly don't understand how branches work"
(Absolutely fucking false, I fixed that shit and am very familiar with how to understand the structure of the fucking repo)

"you are rushing and I don't need you messing up the website"
(I'm being proactive you twat, not rushing, making it very difficult for me to do the work and being productive)

Like seriously bro! Don't fucking patronize me for the work I was trying to get out. And trust me this fucking meeting is done in order to get ahead of potential issues, not a time to be condescending of my skills or lack there-of as you seem to so keenly think.

If you had this much doubt about my abilities then why give me the fucking Sr. title? Fucking trust that I'm being honest, and I'm trying to get us to a good spot, not fucking sabotage the company. God fucking damn.

!rant GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

I failed at a dating sim, how the fuck did I fail at a dating sim? They're designed to make you feel love and romance or some shit like that! The girl got hit by a car, almost died, got amnesia, forgot all about me and then presumably started dating me, but I don't know CAUSE THE FUCKING GAME ENDED!

*sigh* I have work to get back to.

Email is horrible.

CSS in email is fucked.

People never check their spam filter / who the fuck knows when the spam filter might decide legit shit is spam.

Every other god damn day some new shit comes up.

Today some sort of either antivirus or email filter or spam / malware detecting shit seems to be crawling every fucking link in an email our customer's send to their customer's.

Activating every option such as declining shit or accepting it... well actually ALL THOSE OPTIONS.

End user can't tell of course so I (and others) have to find this out.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Why are people behaving like communist dramaqueens on every OSS repo?
Why do OSS libraries and frameworks have to be political cunts and insert *the current thing* into every god damn console message of their tooling and on their websites?
Stop it. Get some help.
I want to code, not be a aborted political SJW fetus. Let me fucking code in peace.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!

..that will be all...

youtube's autoplay algorithm has made me discover some interesting gems on the internet.

but fucking damn it if it doesn't like to replay the same 15 songs you like. every fucking time.

like you know I like this band. SHOW ME OTHER SONGS OF THIS BAND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I KNOW I LIKE THESE 5 SONGS ALREADY.

I just had a new employee, barely out of school, question whether or not we are ready to start a big refactor of an aging legacy system. She knows nothing about the system we are about to attack, barely has 12 months experience as a developer and knows nothing about the past 6 years of countless meetings, discussions and experience leading to the decision to refactor. Still, she's not "convinced" we are ready to get started.

Gen Z - they sure are something different. God damn it, I know it sounds old but where's the fucking humbleness? Spoilt little shits, the world is fucked.

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Fuck it all to Hell today. I'm cutting into my mostly night time Xanax script at noon.

My boss just made my coworker remove his own copyrighted photo from our Trello board for internal development. The board is only used by the two of us for internal projects. He thinks that our C-level execs would get onto him, not my coworker, for us having a fucking photo of the Boston city skyline on our own, internal, never fucking seen by anyone but us, Trello board. It has fucking animated gifs from Giphy on it, but my fellow dev can't use his own god damn photo as the background.

We're a fucking marketing department for home building materials not a blog using Getty images without permission for fuck's sake.

Then on top of that fucking Cache rules are fucking up on Drupal views and a webform decided to just stop fucking working for submissions after about 26,000 successful ones and it corrupted the last 500 or so in the process.

Oh and fuck Varnish.

qberry1 [2:54 PM]
routers need to go on the technology list of shitty tech

qberry1 [3:04 PM]
working on a rant

[3:04]
may post it on devrant

[3:04]
Here is a list of technologies that I hate.

Printers:
Can we not make a printer that isn't a POS? We've been making them for years and they still suck.

Bluetooth:
It is supposed to be convenient, but it never pairs when you want it to. It is always when you are driving and dont have time to mess with it that it doesn't work.

Bluetooth Printers:
See above for details.

Routers:
Can we not make a router that lasts longer than a year?

[3:04]
trying to think of more shit

lquessenberry [3:05 PM]
God Damn Laptop Hinges

[3:05]
On anything but MacBooks

qberry1 [3:05 PM]
yeah

[3:08]
satellite radio

[3:08]
what a load of shit

lquessenberry [3:09 PM]
Yeah fucking 48 bit napster mp3s sound better than Satellite radio

qberry1 [3:09 PM]
if i wanted to hear music that sounds like ballsack i'll go download it from napster

lquessenberry [3:09 PM]
^^^^

[3:09]
Boom

qberry1 [3:09 PM]
lol

lquessenberry [3:10 PM]
Fuck it dude, copy paste this convo as the rant

new messages
[3:14]
Oh dude and fucking self serve checkouts. Fuck that shit.

*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
Me: ??
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!

GOD ALMIGHTY I HATE SWIFT & XCODE...

Why the fuck does it take a horrendous amount of time to muck about with layout constraints. Why the heck does xcode choose to add constraint layouts to elements that already have pissing constraints! Why does dealing with something as trivial as tables have to be so god damn fucking involved when HTML and CSS let me create and style tables in fuck all lines.

And what the hell is up with how pissing long xcode takes just to figure out that 1 extra line of code I've just added. You jump to another file and xcode finally decides to be an ide again and bitch at the fact that you've forgotten to add some parameter or that they've decided to rename paramter "x" since version fuck nows what.

Working with abstract classes is fun, lets use protocols (because interfaces are too old school) and then lets tack on something we call extensions and then lets make people piss about with convenience initializers.

And lord almighty, what the fuck is up with casting, what all this ?! BS. What's wrong with just checking if the value is null in the first place, or whats wrong with giving something an initial value, oh because having to unwrap shit is more elegant right??

And good god, I need to own a fucking cinema screen just to have the storyboard open, there's less fucking panels on the Sistine Chapel ceiling
then there is in xcode.

What seemed like a simple task of upgrading our angular project and adding universal to it, is slowly beginning to feel like an impossible mission.

Fuck you npm, fuck windows and fuck whoever thinks javascript/typescript can be used for every god damn thing.

I fucking give up

Android Studio has been the bane of my life for at least the last decade. I hate it beyond description and have given up hope that it will ever improve.

I suffer more than most with it because I am cursed to use C++ on a daily basis, and it has long been obvious that the Google people absolutely do not give a fuck about C++ users.

I get that C++ is niche, a drop in the ocean of Java/Kotlin-centric users, but for the love of god could you Google people at least stop making it worse?

Code navigation is insanely slow. Entire minutes for it to find the right header file to open. "Find usages..." oh my god oh my god oh my god just fucking kill me now. There is no excuse for software ever being this slow.

And thats just doing basic source editing. The build system - cmake and ndkbuild - also defy adequate description. The gradle plugins are constantly going out of date and are often incompatible with whatever gradle version you have. You get no help at all when editing a gradle build file and good luck finding the right documentation.

It's all a giant stinking mess and I wish the whole damn thing would be dragged outside and shot.

I really think 1 hr+ meetings are a fucking waste of time. By minute 40, people's attentions waver.

If I ever run my own shop I will fucking ban meetings that last more than 30 minutes, and have a hard cap of 7 people per meeting and require a fucking agenda. God damn it. Being stuck in meetings where 90% of crap not relevant to me is bs.

#TiltedMonday

Rails. Fucking rails...

God damn monoliths, built by a cowboy coder.

Every one I have ever worked with becomes (or already is) a house of fucking cards that will blow over at the slightest gust of wind.

The worst part is that you always hear the same justifications from rails developers, then after they convince the higher-ups that “we will build it right, not like those other monoliths” we find ourselves F’ed right in the A a few months later.

It’s this frustration that lead me to MUCH better paradigms like Microservices, Event-Sourcing, CQRS, Domain Driven Design and the like.

When someone says “our backend is in rails” my first response is “so when are you replacing it?”

This shit makes me fucking rage! Ok, so here it goes. I use Multiswipe (multiswipe.com) and I'm actually very happy with it. It works as advertised and doesn't crash. Then I bought a new laptop. I wiped the old one and installed multiswipe on the new one. After launching I'm greeted with the registration (I bought it) where it claims I have already registered the software on a different computer. So I reach out to the owner and ask him to help out and am told

"MultiSwipe can be installed and updated as many times as you want as long as it is in the same machine, but if you change laptops then you will need to purchase a new license, this is because MultiSwipe implements a serious of optimizations depending on your touchpad brand and model and as such it's physically linked to it."

This sounds like horseshit to me. If I download a fresh copy, wouldn't it optimize depending on the new system?

But ok. I'll purchase another one, only to be told that my e-mail address is already in use. After reaching out I am told that I HAVE TO CREATE A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS.

Jon, if you read this, I seriously love your software but what the fuck is this fuckery. Like, seriously, how god damn hard can it be to allow customers to purchase multiple licences?

I'm so angry that I'm considering pouring time into cracking it and sending him the new version with the text "nvm, got it to work."

I'm open to suggestions....

Fuck c++
Everytime I have to use this fucking language it spits up some other bullshit error

`cannot convert std::vector<int>() to std::vector<int>&`

WHY THE FUCK ARE STACK ALLOCATED VALUES EVEN THEIR OWN TYPES

AND WHY CANT I TAKE A GOD DAMN REFERENCE TO IT

JUST WHYYYYY

I hate it when FOSS projects don't put a link to the repository on their website.

I don't want to search through fucking GitHub, GitLab, or BitBucket to hopefully find the official project repo.
Or search every page on the site for a god damn link.

Just put somewhere on top.

dude fuck fucking salesforce i fucking hate the day someone came up with the brilliant ass idea of inventing this garbage crm software that i must deal with even though it is not my area. i fucking hate the developer experience to do third-party implementations, not letting you upload changes to another environment for the sake of """"good practices"""", the fucking interface is slow as shit i could've already had intense hto sex, taken a shit, cook lunch and sleep 2 hours before it can load a single retarded lightning page.
why? WHY? WHYYY? WHY MUST THIS ASSWARE EXIST? WHY?

AS A FACT I'VE WRITTEN THIS RANT BEFORE THE DAMN PAGE EVEN LOADED A CONFIGURATION SECTION. GOD HELP US.

Man fuuuuuuck, there's nothing more frustrating and scary than fucking up a local git repo. Because you know for a fact you won't be able to restore it

And I even had god damn backups of the .git folder. But reverting leaves me with more files than I started with fuuuck

So today was interesting.

I had to extract the domain from an email address and compare the domain to a hard coded whitelist, nothing difficult, fuck takes 2 min really.

Except the project starts throwing 500 errors for no god damn reason, like seriously, I double check syntax, nope looks fine, run pho's syntax checker on the file
# php -l /path/to/file.php

Nope says it's all good.
Checks error log on server -> no log

OoooooooooKay then.

Comments out the few lines, saves, errors gone.

remove comments, error comes back.

Do this a few times, and magically the fucking thing stops throwing errors, now I haven't actually changed anything, and I know this project is so fragile I don't know how it stays running at times but fuck me this is a painful joke.

!Rant

"The best programming language is C++ because games were made with it" OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Do you guys get this unbelievable dump statement too? I could punch every person who ever said dat 😑 Not is is absolutely wrong, C++ isn't even a got language! It's painfully FUCKING slow!! Why the fuck do people say something before they get their freaking brain to work! 😑😑😑

I FUCKING HATE ARGUING WITH THOSE PEOPLE. THEY NEVER ACCEPT OTHER OPINIONS.

GOD DAMN IT!

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!

so it seems that instead of windows updating and restarting without user consent, now they ask you every few hours to restart your pc and install ''The newest windows features''. It's insanely annoying! And why the fuck am i receiving updates every single day, sometimes even few times a day. This is way more annoying than windows updating itself every now and then.

Get fucked !!!!!! (whoever thought this is a brilliant idea)

Don't you just love customers?

It al began when they showed us the flyers they were printing for their new products, an some one at our company who doesn't work here anymore had the brilliant idea of copying it to their webshop, as a fucking gimmick... Ooohh man the customer didn't seem to understand it was only visually

They wanted the 3d layering effect to be dynamic, so each product would have its own with custom colours

So it was made

A few weeks later they didn't want the informational text, they wanted links to each product that the layer uses

Sounded like logical so it was made

Again some time later, they noticed that the layers were not textured, but just plain

I argued against it because it would add unnecessary loading time for some 300 by 400 px element but they insisted

So they got what they wanted

A few days later they said that the textures were of low quality, and that we had to create ones with higher quality

Again our management said, yes

We made ~ twice the size of the element in image pixels to create a higher definition image

Then the customer wanted that the layers should change based on some selection menu above it

(At this point we realized that it would no longer be just a fun little gimmick)

So we tried to refactor/rebuild it to remove most if not all the hacks we did just to make the customer happy, that took too long for them (the customer) so we had to revert back to the hacked together version because otherwise we would not be done on time (commanded by management)

But again, we ... I say 'we' as in the company but realistically I've been the only one who has worked on the fucking abomination

But I digress...

A few stupid requests later, some layer images are almost fully transparent PNG images that are almost 1mb in Filesize each (some products have 5 or even more layers) and the god damn thing now has to account for optional layers...

I AM FUCKING SPENT... I'VE JUST CAME BACK FROM VACATION BUT I ALREADY NEED IT AGAIN... FUCKING WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK JUST TO KEEP ONE CUSTOMER HAPPY WHILE OTHER PROJECTS BREATH ON MY NECK

I'm so fucking fed up with the npm ecosystem. Every single god damn time I've had to do anything it always takes DAYS to figure out how to get anything working and I always have to try multiple tools or libraries to final get it half way sorta.
I'm so fucking annoyed right now. They always turn out not that great, have lacking features or trivial oversights in functionality and ALWAYS have garbage documentation.

I just want to build a fucking npm library with TypeScript to be used with node. That's probably the NUMBER 1 use case so how fucking hard can that be?

So obviously I start out with tsc. That's quite simple, compiles all my stuff and shits out .js and .d.ts files. Okay so how do I use them via es6 import? I don't fucking know, because it doesn't work no matter what I do. The 'module' option in tsconfig is absolutely useless btw. It does *literally* fuck all. Nada. Absolutely nothing.
Okay I'm far from defeated, maybe I'll just have to bundle it. So I waste two days finding something that half works (I'm using fusebox right now) and at last I get a stupid es6 module as a single bundle... But what about type the declarations? They are nowhere to be seen and of course there's no option for that. Because Fusebox the pile of shit that's oh so well Typescript integrated apparently doesn't think TYPE DECLARATION FILES are needed. What the actual fuck.

And that's where I'm now. I need the fucking .d.ts files so I can use it as a module with import. Do I really need another fucking piece of shit tool that bundles these files? Honestly fuck all of this. "Oh the Javascript ecosystem is so great" YEAH fucking great, alright. Where 90% of the ESTABLISHED tools and libraries (we don't talk about the landfill of all the other shit) flat out don't do what you need. Again, how fucking hard can it be to make a npm lib with typescript? That should be NATIVELY SUPPORTED. If not by npm atleast by typescripts tsc.

FUCK NPM. FUCK JAVASCRIPT. AND FUCK THE WHOLE ECOSYSTEM

I am so fucking tired of sitting here all day every day adjusting paddings and margins. Oh fucking hurr durr you got one of the millions of fucking elements to not overflow on your page, well does it work on *this* resolution and *this* orientation? No, well fix that and then go back and fix what it breaks.

I swear to God I never want to touch fucking CSS again it's all I've done for a yesr and it is driving me up the god damn wall. This is my career, I shouldn't fucking dread coming in to work because I know how much bullshit I'll have to deal with. It's awful.

I don't get how anyone has good looking complicated pages that just look good on every possible resolution, it's fucking mind boggling that anyone can sit there and adjust heights and widths and paddings and margins and floats for hours on end nonstop just watching shit get broken and fixed and broken and fixed and AHHHHH

I need a fucking smoke and a pint just so I don't have to think about this anymore

GOD DAMN IT COLLEGE YOU DID IT AGAIN. for real college can go suck Satan's 50 inch red cock for all I care.
A professor asked me to design a processor and I'll get a bonus. I said okay cool nothing hard.
oh but it has to be in verilog.
okay cool.
oh and it has to be on this fucking ancient useless piece of shit called xilinx that the fucking college provides to you only via a fucking 50 gigabyte virtual machine.

sigh. okay..... challenge accepted.

It fucking crashes every 2 minuites. And after 3 days of no sleep. I finally finished the Alu, Control unit, 4k memory, 8 registers and the busses.......... BUT THEN THE ENTIRE VIRTUAL MACHINE CRASHED AND LOST ALL PROGRESS...... fml.
and the professor only gave me the bonus for the Alu. sigh. fuck college.

I hate free cloud services needing a login. Just let me fucking access the damn app. What difference does it make, it's literally free anyways?? I just want to make a god damn spreadsheet and now I need to login to like 3 different microsoft accounts

WHYYYYYYY

Fucking Windows Servers, I just wanted to set a login timeout of a few minutes after several unsuccessful login attempts.

(Windows Active Directory for Domains and shit is installed - just an FYI (otherwise this would be slightly easier))

Steps:
- Go to Group Policy Management
- Navigate to your domain in a policy tree
- Right click "default policies" and select edit in the right click dropdown.
(Why not just fucking double click and edit it them in the convenient right-side window? Because fuck you!)
- Navigate another god damn policy tree
(And it's not obvious, it's under Windows Settings... Ok that makes sense, but there are so many nests.. Fuck me)
- And only now can you edit the "Account lockout duration" field

Windows Servers are a pain.. This actually isn't completely horrible, but it gets really annoying, because literally everything here is hidden in weird places behind thousands of click navigations and in between that there's some shit sandwhich UX.

Some avatar around here just reminded me of the bazillion Europeans living the hipster life in India (I interned there).

context : In India fair skin is a very desired feature, every face washing product has "whitening" on it, god damn it even the shaving foam!
So they tend to treat white people very distinctively : free entry and alcohol in clubs, lots of money in media gigs and the like, strangers inviting you to their marriages just because you're white..
So some white folks would abuse this. And they develop some kind of clothing taste that's weird to say the least.
Maaan they must be trashier than the fucking original hipster God.
I just can't fathom their ways..

Sorry I had to lash out 🙄

This will definetly be an unpopular rant but god damn it I hate to work with untreated depressed people. It's fucking nearly impossible to convince them to try out something new. They are always pessimistic or think that they know everything. They don't care about new things happening around them. Every time in work when we encounter some obstacle it looks like the world has ended for them and every god damn time I need to give pep talks to them like we are in some war and I feel like I need to inspire soldiers to fight even though they are 100% convinced that they will die.

Im done with being a therapist for them. I don't have unlimited amounts of tolerance and energy, I am a human also. I can't keep sugarcoating what I see and I can't continue walking like on eggshels just because somebody is too weak to even take a constructive criticism without becoming passive agressive for days or weeks. I realized that their negative pessimism has started to rub off on me and I think it's time to put an end to this.

Please if you have depression get some help, don't expect that new workplace or employer will motivate you enough to turn your life around. Don't expect that putting on a mask will actually hide who you are and that your condition will not impact others around you in work. Just stop pretending and get some actual help. Start from yourself.

Multi User, One Account, and other shit

I'm gonna rant about something as a user, and someone who makes stupid web stuff.

My bank has been updating their web banking over time and they decided that every individual on an account, should have their own login. They really want to push this on their users, I suspect specifically folks like me and my wife who share one login for the joint accounts we have at the bank together.

Why share one login, because it's the only sure fire way I know that I and my wife can see all the same shit no doubt about it.

The banks never tell you what you can see or can't with joint accounts, I doubt it is even documented on their end, but in every damn case something is hidden or different in some weird way.

Messages to the bank people? If I send it, my wife often can't. I get that for security reasons that's a thing, but it makes no sense for a joint account.

ANY difference to me breaks online banking ENTIRELY. Joint accounts are supposed to be... well one account that is the same.

Other banks we used where we had different logins for the joint account, each login actually had separate bill pay accounts per user. So if I went to bill pay and scheduled something to be paid, my wife had no idea, same if she did.

Right fucking there, banking is just broken entirely!

So no Mr. Bank, fuck you we're both logging in via the same login.

Fast forward to N00bPancakes making a thing.

So my employer has a customer (Direct Customer). Direct Customer wants a thing that makes communication with their customer (Indirect Customer) easier.

The worst thing about making something for your customer's customer is that Direct Customer always imagines that Indirect Customer is gonna be super ninja power users....

But no, that's not the case... in fact almost nobody is a power user, and absolutely nobody WANTS to be a power users.

Worse yet in my case the only reason this tool exists is because Direct Customer and Indirect Customer can't communicate well enough anyway... that should tell you something about the amount of effort Indirect Customer is willing to expend.

So with that tool, this situation constantly comes up:

Direct Customer thinks it would be great if every user from Indirect Company had some sort of custom messaging, views, and etc in of Cool Communication Tool. The reason is because that's what Direct Customer loves about Ultra Complex Primary Tool that they use ....

Then I have to fight the constant fight of:

NOBODY WANTS TO BE A POWER USER, NOBODY EVEN WANTS TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET THAT ISN'T SCREAMING AT OTHER PEOPLE OR POST MEMES OR WATCH SHITTY VIDEOS. THE MOMENT ANYONE AT INDIRECT COMPANY LOGS IN AND SEES ANY INFO THAT IS DIFFERENT FROM THEIR COWORKER THEY'LL SHIT THEMSELVES, FLOOD EVERYONE WITH 'OH GAWD SOME NON SPECIFIED THING IS WRONG' AND RESPOND TO EMAILS LIKE A JELLYFISH DROPPED OFF IN NEW MEXICO... AND NOTHING WILL GET DONE!!!

God damn it people.

Also side rant while I'm busy fighting the good fight to keep shit simple and etc:

People bitch about how horrible the modern web is and then bitch at web devs like we're rulers of the internet or something.... What really pisses me off about that is other devs who do that.... like bro, do you make policy at your company? You decide not to sell some info or whatever shit your company sells? Like fuck off with your 'man I miss html' because you got scared by some shitty JS error and ran back to your language of choice and just poked your head out of the the basement and got scared... and you shit on another developer about that? Fuck you.

Apart of the fact that WordPress itself is one big hack, my most creative hacky solution was making it (dev) environment friendly.

First, I created a DB pull and push tool in NodeJS (on TypeScript). Then, because WP is so clever and stores internal URLs in full length in the DB, I had to create a DB migrator (find & replace) and attached it to the DB pull task.
After this, of course WP still has its config in one file, so I used composer to install phpdotenv and filled the config with environment variables.
Bundled with some good ol' Gitlab CI/CD magic, the website is now 10% sanely developable.

It feels like having to shovel piles of shit, but with a golden shovel. Everything stinks as hell but at least there is a tiny bling to it, temporarily.

But in all seriousness: WordPress is a god damn fucking pile of tumors!

!dev

A "state of siege" and isolation can gradually erode your sense of safety and sanity.

This can come in the form of bosses who's behavior, whatever it happens to be, makes you hesitant to come into work. It can be a partner who you dont want to see after work. It can be in laws or a landlord.

In our case it's the crackhouse down the street.

These people have broken into houses, cars, stolen, vandalized, and even threatened people.

So I'm hear, chest hurting from stress, and here comes a shithead we already ran off, pipe in hand, going to smash up the truck.

Chased him off. Not even the first time.

These motherfuckers threatened the elderly lady next door. Threatened an old lady *at my work*.

God damn drug addicts every where. No god damn respect. Violent cracked out lunatics. All hours of the. night and day. Last attack was broad daylight.

And it's just been a total siege.

I'm sick of living in a nation where those who try to get by are punished, and the worst are allowed to roam around like wolves preying on people.

Its intolerable and im sick and tired of it. I have no more patience left.

Whatever your situation, meber out up with violence, shitheads, lunatics and deranged drug addicts.

Smash them in their fucking mouth if you are forced to defend you and yours. Never hesitate.

Got one right now, no idea if it’s the “most” unrealistic, because I’ve been doing this for a while now.

Until recently, I was rewriting a very old, very brittle legacy codebase - we’re talking garbage code from two generations of complete dumbfucks, and hands down the most awful codebase I’ve ever seen. The code itself is quite difficult to describe without seeing it for yourself, but it was written over a period of about a decade by a certifiably insane person, and then maintained and arguably made much worse by a try-hard moron whose only success was making things exponentially harder for his successor to comprehend and maintain. No documentation whatsoever either. One small example of just how fucking stupid these guys were - every function is wrapped in a try catch with an empty catch, variables are declared and redeclared ten times, but never used. Hard coded credentials, hard coded widths and sizes, weird shit like the entire application 500ing if you move a button to another part of the page, or change its width by a pixel, unsanitized inputs, you name it, if it’s a textbook fuck up, it’s in there, and then some.

Because the code is so damn old as well (MySQL 8.0, C#4, and ASP.NET 3), and utterly eschews the vaguest tenets of structured, organized programming - I decided after a month of a disproportionate effort:success ratio, to just extract the SQL queries, sanitize them, and create a new back end and front end that would jointly get things where they need to be, and most importantly, make the application secure, stable, and maintainable. I’m the only developer, but one of the senior employees wrote most of the SQL queries, so I asked for his help in extracting them, to save time. He basically refused, and then told me to make my peace with God if I missed that deadline. Very helpful.

I was making really good time on it too, nearly complete after 60 days of working on it, along with supporting and maintaining the dumpster fire that is the legacy application. Suddenly my phone rings, and I’m told that management wants me to implement a payment processing feature on the site, and because I’ve been so effective at fixing problems thus far, they want to see it inside of a week. I am surprised, because I’ve been regularly communicating my progress and immediate focus to management, so I explain that I might be able to ship the feature by end of Q1, because rather than shoehorn the processor onto the decrepit piece of shit legacy app, it would be far better to just include it in the replacement. I add that PCI compliance is another matter that we must account for, and so there’s not a great chance of shipping this in a week. They tell me that I have a month to do it…and then the Marketing person asks to see my progress and ends up bitching about everything, despite the front end being a pixel perfect reproduction. Despite my making everything mobile responsive, iframe free, secure and encrypted, fast, and void of unpredictable behaviors. I tell her that this is what I was asked to do, and that there should have been no surprises at all, especially since I’ve been sending out weekly updates via email. I guess it needed more suck? But either way, fuck me and my two months of hard work. I mean really, no ego, I made a true enterprise grade app for them.

Short version, I stopped working on the rebuild, and I’m nearly done writing the payment processor as a microservice that I’ll just embed as an iframe, since the legacy build is full of those anyway, and I’m being asked to make bricks without straw. I’m probably glossing over a lot of finer points here too, just because it’s been such an epic of disappointment. The deadline is coming up, and I’m definitely going to make it, now that I have accordingly reduced the scope of work, but this whole thing has just totally pissed me off, and left a bad taste about the organization.

So the universe is determined to fuck with me for no other reason than the fact that I exist.

I managed to get 2 dates with 2 different girls (obviously) for next weekend.

And now, Australia is going into lockdown: No restaurants and shit.

So far, I am still laughing about the whole situation but now I am faced with either calling it off (which sucks because this lockdown can go for 6 months) or find another way to meet up.

I'm tagging this as a question to see if you guys have any ideas.

As for this fucked up universe... if the parallel MrCSharp is somehow watching me from the parallel universe that has a good 2020 going on at the moment, can you please like take me to your 2020.. that'd be fab.

Oh.. and my office is now fucking closed and forced to work from home. No more gym too..

god fucking damn it...

FUCK! I've done this a fucking God fucking damn million fucking God fucking damn times fucking before! FUCK! FUUUUCK! FUUUUUUUUUCK!

The best part is that someone is going be paying me once it works............................... FUUUUU K!

I think all our jobs are safe
I've been sitting in a laundromat watching what passes for children's tv because they won't change the fucking channel.

This is not return to oz or something wicked this way comes or even Aladdin's

This is in fact more retarded than the tellitubbies and it will make the gen of kids that watch it amazed with us as if they we were goddamn magicians

God damn

What have I been working absolutely all fucking day? FUCKING PRINTERS. I am so fucking tired of printers, everything to do with the stupid pieces of shit.

Then, some fuck stain has called me 6 times in the last hour trying to get me to drop all the things I’m doing and make him priority #1... Even though it has nothing to do with the computer and everything to do with the lack of fucking skills he has to preform his god damn job.

For fuck sakes, FUCK OFF!

Windows piece of shit mother fucker useless trash.

Why can't I just compile without the dumb ass "Antimalware Service Executable" having to check every single fucking file and eating fucking 4GB ram. God damn it. fiadsfleaf oaiehjf afpo jafj
I start compiling binutils and then the whole thing fucking crashes ad;adsfjhc odshfaj;sdl hfja;odsfh;osa dhif;aosdhfi a;osdihf;skdjnvba; dsjch;soduf;dsao fu;nodjf ;anaod

I get really fucking mad, when people show termux and boast about "aai yuse leenox"

Use the real god damn GNU/Linux. If it is not available for your device then PORT IT! Like i did..

"=$B1*INDEX(A:A,ROW())"

See this absolute bullshit right here?

This fucking cunt of a problem designed by some dippity-do finger-painting fucking jackass at google doesn't work why?

Because for some *god damn reason* they decided it would be a good idea to setup it up in a way that when you use absolute cell references in a formula, you can't use functions in the formula too. No the other side has to be a literal or cell reference apparently.

Motherfuckers.

Finally got the last round of god awful bugs in this god awful shit code fixed. I thought I could finally get back to working on the new build, but no. My reward is updating a god damn pdf, because none of the fucktards here know how. I have to work backwards through all kinds of pointless bullshit code that apparently generates it, all to find a mother fucking image that just needs to be replaced. Thanks a lot, to the tryhard motherfucker who wrote this code. I hope wherever you are, you're in complete agony.

So after multiple hours of wrestling with Jira I finally managed to autofill fields in the service desk. How? By installing a plugin to show message boxes and injecting JavaScript through it, what else?

Fucking wonderful piece of crap :)

Next up: automatically capture errors triggered by employees with Sentry and raise Jira requests. "A button didn't work" isn't enough god damn it.

FUCK reddit

Seriously fuck reddit. I just wanted to post a fucking Question but noooo you must have Karma to post it. Your account has to be old af. Which dickhead designed the god damn karma system???? I'll never try to use that fuckin platform again, the user experience is horrible and their official app is absolute trash. It's slow and buggy, even a fucking 12 year old can code a better client.

Argghhhh I am angry

Fuck you Firefox and your shitty debugger.

Why do you try to be so different, to the point where you make the error messages obscure?

Google the error message I get in the Chrome debugger - hundreds of results.

Google the error message I get in the Firefox debugger - I can count the results with my fingers.

Just use the same error messages god damn it.

P.S: Also, why is there no fucking option to open an image in a new tab, like in Chrome?

I have an unreasonable phobia of bugs, but I never really feared wasps. I still don't, actually. They mostly just mind their own, sure they carry a weapon, but if I remain calm they aren't as trigger-happy as most policemen.

BUT GOD DAMN IT, if this FUCKING STRIPED DUMBASS decides to crawl under my wrist while I'm typing, hidden completely from view, in total silence, standing on a hard surface with something obviously alive above its head, I feel like it DESERVES to get squished and it should take it without a retaliatory strike against the densest collection of nerve endings on exposed skin on a human body. FUCK. I can't even type right, pure anger fuelled me through this rant.

god damn it No-IP, I've opted out of these email lists 10 fucking times already. this shit is so annoying.

Lua users, have you used moonscript?

It's a little language that has it's own interpreter or can be compiled down to Lua and it's absolutely lovely (currently using it with Love2d).

Of course, as with most things, what I love about it also royally pisses me off sometimes.

For starters local has to be declared for variables, unlike lua.
Otherwise the variable goes to _
Also note, that some tutorials literally tell you the opposite.

all variables are local by default
unless you don't declare them
then they go to _ (throwaway)
Some tutorials get this wrong too.

all variables have to be declared local
except tables. failure to declare a table WITHOUT a local will cause things like
table.insert to fail with "nil" values for no god damn reason.
No tutorial I could find mentioned this.

Did you know we call methods with '\'?
By the way, we call methods with '\'.
Why? Who the fuck knows.
Does make writing web routes more natural though.

Variables in the parameters of new are declared and bound for you. Would have loved to know this before hand instead of trying
to bind to them like a fucking idiot.

Fat arrows are used to pass in self for methods.
Unless you're calling a method. Then you use backwards slash. This fact is unhelpful when you're a beginner and dealing with the differences between the *other* arrow, the backslash, the fat arrow, and the fact that functions can be called with or WITHOUT parenthesis.
And on that note..

While learning all this other shit, don't forget parenthesis are optional!
Except when they're not!
..Like when you have a function call among your arguments and have to disambiguate which args belong to the outer call and to the inner call! Why not just be fucking consistent?

But on the plus size, ":" is now used for what it should have been used for in the fucking beginning: binding values to keys.
And on the downside, it's in a language thats built on top of another language that uses it for fucking *method calls*, a completely
different fucking usage.

And better still, to add to that brainfuckery thats lost in the mental translational noise like static on a fucking dialup modem, you define methods with the fat arrow. Wait, was that the single arrow or fat one? Yeah the fat one. Fuck. But not before you do THIS shit..

someShit: =>

yeah, you STILL include the god damn colon just so when you're coming from lua you can do a mental double take. "Why am I passing self twice? Oh right, because fuck me, I decided to use moonscript." It's consistent on that front but it also pisses me off.

A lot of these are actually quality of life improvements disguised as gotchas, but when you're two beers in to a 30 minute headscratcher it sure doesn't fucking feel like it.

Nevertheless, once I moved beyond the gotchas, it was like night and day. Sure moonscripts takes a giant steaming dump all over the lua output, like a schizophrenic alcoholic athena from the head of zeus, but god damn, when it works it just WORKS.

Locals that act like locals? Check.
Sane OOP? Check.
Classes, constructors, easy access to class methods, iterators? Check, check, check, check, check.

I fucking hate ceremony. Configuration over convention is for cunts. And moonscript goes a long ways toward making lua less cunty.
If you've ever felt this way while using lua, please, give moonscript a try.

You'll regret it, but in a good way!

You know what I've noticed? I've been applying for jobs lately, and it has occurred to me that most job postings for software developer require proficiency in a framework instead of a language.

Do these people even know what the fuck they want? If I know the fucking language then I can pick up the god damn framework pretty damn quickly

😠 Fucking douche bags!

... 😧 ok I'm done

!rant

So I have bought a new laptop and this time instead of straight up booting linux I had an idea of giving micro$oft a try, so I have decided to use only their services for 2 weeks.

To be honest, I really did not expect windows to use do much cpu and hdd during updates and background tasks, but after a day it was ok and windows feels snappier than during my last encounrer (maybe cause the new hw?).

I was even so dedicated that I started to use cortana and I have to tell, that she is dumb as fuck, since she fails to understand even the basic tasks and if u want something advanced, she refers to the next update. But boy, tell her to open Visual Studio and she asks if you want VS Code or Visual Studio, which seems great. But my response was 'Code' then she insisted that I said Coke. Im like OK, Im not native english speaker, lets try Visual Studio Code, where she told me that there is no such thing and Spelling VS - Code ended me in bing search for Unesco :/

I really want to like Cortana, she has nice name, nice history, but she is like that A girl from class, who looks gorgeous, has great voice, but then u reallise that she just eats a book before exam and after that she is that dumb basic hoe.

I also gave a shot to Bing and Edge. Bing is something between Google and DuckDuckGo, since it gives you a liiitle less results from search history, yet if you want to find something in different language its even possible to tell you that what are you trying to find does not exist.

But I have to tell, that I like Edge and I mean it. Like... Its fast and has some good features, like pushing all your open tavs away, so you can open them Later. It also does not have that stupid ass feature that lets you control tab from left to right, not by chronological order, so you wont end up in infinity loop of 2 tabs. And even if people make fun of M$ trying to convince you to use Edge by being too aggresive. God go on edge and try to use some Google Service(You still dont use chrome?!).

I also tried to play with .Net core and I have to tell that against java they are a bit further. I liked some small features, but what I just simply loved was rhe fucking documentation. You basically dont need google, sincw they give you examples and explain in a human way.

What I didnt quite get was the 'big' Visual Studio. Tje dark theme to me feels strange(personal and irrelevant). Why the hell I do need to press 2 shortcuts to duplicate line?! Why is it so hard to find a plugin to give me back my coloured brackets and why the fuck it takes like a second to Cut one line of code on a damn i7?!

Visual studio Code was something different. It shows how dark theme should be done, the plugin market is full of stuff and the damn shortcuts are not made for octopi. So I have to recommend it ^^.

I even gave a shot to word and office as a whole and fuck I never knew that there are so many templates. It really made my life easier, since all you need to do is find the right one in the app, instead of browsing templates online, where half of them are for another version of your text editor.

Android Launcher was fast, had a clever widget of notes and the sync was pretty handy to be honest so I liked that one as well.

What made me furious was using the CLI. Godfucking damn what the fuck is ipconfig?! :/

Last thing what made me superbhappy was using stuff without wine and all of the addional shit. Especially using stuff like Afinity Designer and having good looking apps in general. I mean Open source has great tools l sometimes with better functionality. But I found out, that what is pleasure to look at, is pleasure to work with.

To Summarize a bit.

It wasnt that bad as I expected. I see where they are heading with building yet another ecosystem of It just works and that they are aiming at professionals once again.

So I would rate it 6/10, would be 7 if that shit was Posix compatible.

I know that for Balmer is a special place in hell... But with that new CEO, Microsoft at the end may make it to purgatory..

We had a tutorial on how to use spark/Hadoop.. part of the tutorial was the installation instructions for Ubuntu vms.

The Prof insisted we used an older version of Hadoop (v2.1.5), so naturally this required pulling older repos and older versions of java.

Naturally, some of the people in the class got some namespacing issues and garbage left from uninstalled packages.

Now, the tutorial was geared towards business/math people, not com sci. So most of the people didn't understand why apt didn't let them run certain commands (even though it very clearly just asked for them to run autoremove or autoclean, like in the "error message"). When the Prof and their "experienced TA" saw these messages, their recommendation was "make a new fresh vm".

The fuck? I heard that, run over and was like no. Just run the suggested command, it's literally a simple issue. And the guy didn't believe me. I had to sit him down, show him how I literally typed what the console was asking for, and everything just worked... The guy's response was "well that's Linux for you, its really complicated and can never trust anything, this time it worked, but next time it might not". Dude... Do you even know what you are saying? Like you are a supposed expert, least have some understanding of the package manager you are using. Maybe things will then be less "schrodinger cat".

God damn I can't wait to be out of this stupid fucking school. Never going back to academia.

i just went out with a new girl

shes so beautiful irl omg

much younger

starts her first year of college on 1st october and goes to same engineering college i graduated from

shes so fun to talk to

her face so beautiful i could look at it for hours

her eyes too

she even prepared a list of questions for me

one of the questions is what brainrot terms do i know

what the fuckj, how can a female be this much damn cool?

she also mentioned she wanna become a mom at around 24, so asked if i can cook, what music i listen to, etc

she has a very strict father figure but she loves her dad (HIGHLY IMPORTANT SIGN OF A NON-WHORE FEMALE)

and also asked me where do i see myself in the next 2-3 years.

i didnt realize it at first but i just did now--she was testing to see if i can be the potential father of her kids in the next 2-4 years when she turns around or close to age 24!!! holy shit.

this means i need to lock in and get fucking rich cause having a girl this fun smart beautiful and respectful (all of the traits my ex whore does NOT have), would be a fucking tragic waste if i dont lock her in❗️❗️

she was fixing her hair putting lipstick on and i knew she was into me

so i hugged her, then i tried kissing her she said "next time", so i said lets do a quick kiss at least, and we kissed.

then she held my hand barely letting me go.

just met her for first time ever.

what the hell just happened

how did i pull a 10/10 like this, with an 8 yr age gap, and she doesnt even care about my materialistic stuff

1. God opened my eyes to show me how my blonde ex was whoring behind my back

2. I dumped my whore ex

3. God helped me buy a brand new beamber

4. God sent me this new girl as a reward for my suffering from the previous whore

this girl has made me requestion if all women are whores--perhaps i may be wrong

I'm currently sitting in a hockey arena owned by my city, they offer free wifi, and cause I'm privacy conscious, I try to download a VPN for my computer. The motherfuckers block the download under the vague "violation of use policy" bullshit. Even better, I read the ToS they give you when you connect, and it says sweet fuck all about prohibiting downloads. What the fucking fuck do you have to gain from me not using a god damn VPN. It just makes no god damn sense.

!dev but working via a Dev firm..
So these dudas hired me to cut and edit videos for them and get to know them (considering to work as web dev after studies, good way to start they said..) sure bit of an extra income..why not..

First clips I get, butthurt ass image quality with low ass sound that not even my grandma with here hi-tech super eardevice could hear a shit..

secondly who the fuck films a company video with a mobile phone in hands.. not even a fucking tripod... The angles are all over the shitfaced scene and your shaking like a fucking dildo vibrates.. "oh fix it with warp, it's easy".

FUUCK YOU! If I tell you these pieces of shit clips aren't even worth posting on Snapchat stories, how the fuck could you even consider using them for companies?!

Every god damn client video has shitty as dildo vibrating Slenderman light quality... Come one! And you want me to consider working for you as a front end developer (where I probably still will have to go through these pills of shit videos)?! Mate.. you better think twice about that...

Ps. Yes I have consulted them regarding these issues and no.. considering that these piles of shit still come my way they haven't taken my advices..(╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)

(Had to steam out somewhere.. ☕)

god damn it, your a grown ass fucking person. Why the fuck can you not be mature enough to stay on slack during business hours?! GAH!!!!!!!!

So I have a semi big project ongoing:

Because my modem+router combo sucks dick and gets buttfucked to much I want to make my own Router with PPPoE.

So I ordered an 8 euro used switch, 24ports for management, but our IP TV provider is sucking cock too! He uses multicasting to send the fucking IP TV signal. So the switch is not VLan ready and so the network will be flodded.

But that's not the worst...

I don't know how to route VOIP over QoS correctly... So I just hope that part work's!

I also ordered another network switch Wich is manageable + an God damn networking closet. 80 bucks gone again! Wish me luck this works better...

BUT THATS NOT THE WORST BECAUSE NOW COMES THE HEAVY PART!

I wanted to use my old AMD Athlon X2 64bit and 4 gigs of RAM PC to be my powerhouse of the router. I plugged it into the wall, booted, screen error... Thought it might be the integrated graphics card... Unplugged my old one, inserted it.... AND IT WOR... NOPE NOPE IT DIDN'T NOW MY DAMN MOTHERBOARD IS FUCKING FRIED TO DUST BECAUSE OF THE GOD DAMN ... I DONT EVEN KNOW! AAAAA

So I thought I could temporarily use my raspberry pi one model b, a good fellow with multiple years of usage! I plugged in the sd card into my girls laptop, wasn't at home, and her God damn internet downloaded that shitty raspbian (sorry raspi but your servers sometimes are very slow) and after the download I realized her GOD DAMN SD READER DIDNT FUCKING WORK!!!

SO I GUESS I WILL WAIT!

if (!rant) Fuck oranges
else
It's about time we make some God fucking damn things fucking God fucking clear. What the fuck does programming have to do with fucking non-programming?

Honestly. Fucking fucks pretending to be fucking programmers (probably not you, but fuck off if you're one of those fuckers.) FUCK SUCH PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK!

There. Now that's out there. Leave fucking programming to the fucking fuckers who fucking know some-fucking-thing fucking ab-fucking-out it. If you're learning, ask questions, without you there'd be no fucking future for good fucking programmers. But if you're a fucking fuck fucking ducks in the fucking park--fuck the God fucking damn the fuck OFF!

TEACHER: "DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE"

ALSO TEACHER: *DOES MISTAKE*

F*******************K

Why the fuck does it happen every god damn time???!!!?!??!! Oh look the 5(0) year old designer created an Armageddon (layout) and went on holiday but that's okay cause it has been already approved by our sweet project manager WITHOUT SHOWING IT TO THE DEV TEAM FIRST. Fucking this fucking fuck fuck! FUCK. You deal with this idiots, i fucking QUIT bitch bye.

FUCK YOU EMOJIS! FUCK YOU AND YOUR EVER FUCKING GOD DAMN SPECIAL WAY OF BEING HANDLED.

Now that I have that part out...

I really fucking hate emoji at this time. Currently I'm working on one of my projects that has markdown support. One of the things I'm extendending the parser with is github style emoji (eg. :smile:) now this part works great. The problem however is getting that short code into a unicode char for HTML. And at the same time I have to take any unicode emoji inserted into the text box by phones and stuff and convert them into the shortcode (My database does support emoji but it's much nicer to store all emoji with the same standard)

All of this has taken 5 hours of research (needed a database of unicode -> short names) and several hours of converting the data from someone elses json into something I can use. (AKA Shrinking the damn file to only what I need) and now I've spent 5 more hours working on the actual code. And I still don't have it working properly.

I wanted to accomplish new things today.

Instead I'm swimming in:

"This worked before"

- No it never worked that way, you want it to, but it never ever ever has done that thing NOT EVEN CLOSE.

"The thing..."

- Wtf is the god damn 'thing'? How could anyone possibly know what you're talking about? How do you go about life like this?

"How come we can't make it do X?"

- Because the code can't read your god damn mind, that shit isn't in the database, you don't update it and your laundry list of minor fixes for one time or non issues has resulted in you getting coded into a maze of stupid custom code so deep you're NEVER GETTING OUT!!!!

"Is your timezone before or after our timezone?"

- I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I JUST TOLD YOU MY TIMEZONE, DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOUR TIMEZONE?!?!?!? IF YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LOOK UP YOUR FUCKING TIMEZONE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT!!!

Who in their right mind would do this / think of this....

Salesforce has the option use their API. Either via SOAP or Rest. At my work we currently use SOAP and I wanted to rewrite that to Rest. Fine, you would say.

Their Rest API uses oAuth, nothing fancy you would think. But those motherfuckers, per default have the option enabled that the refresh tokens you get via the necessary API calls are being marked expired the moment the API gives them to you... Then why the hell give them in the first place.

It took me 2 hours of my life to figure out, why in godsname all my refresh tokens were marked as expired. Fuck you Salesforce, I want those 2 hours back! God fucking damn it... I really fed up with this type of bullshit!!

One letter story:

This is going to be weird--do it and we'll see how far we can go without going completely insane.

Whitespaces is one single comment, so is symbols such as the period sign. Be creative--use ampersands and quick way of writing longer things.

The rest of the rules go the same as for my previous rant. I'll write the first comment, then we COMMENT THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN FUCKING RANT!

Any Microsoft employees who work on SharePoint here? DROP AND GIMME 20!

OMG, you need some blood to run into that walnut sized brain you have on top of your head.

This thing is such a piece of shit. While I subscribe to Chaos Theory, you are not suppose to implement it in a god damn user interface!

This fucking thing sometimes shows controls, sometimes does not. Sometimes some features are available on a section when you access it one way, and then accessing it a different way removes some capabilities from the menus and adds others.

While I subscribe to the theory that there is no such thing as "random" in the universe, this piece of 🐒💩 makes me start to doubt reality. It is not software, it is cochroach infested gaslightware.

God damn you microsoft fuckers piss me off with your ShitPot web hackware.