F*CKING DESIGNERS.

Stop sending me your freaking PNG. Don't even dare to FREAKIN' make me use Chrome DevTools to get your FREAKIN' color our of your FREAKIN' PNG.

Give me all your colors in FREAKIN' hex, rgba, or whatever you want.

Give me all the fonts you used.

Give me all the sizes, is it percentage-based? Pixels based? Donuts-based?

I don't give a damn that you think you went responsive-first. Show me the damn responsive mockups. Not just the desktop sized with a note: "Don't worry mate, I made so that it all goes well when responsive".

Oh god. Oh god.

I'm not an artist, I give zero shit about how great it looks.

I'm a programming poet, I want to write code without having to open (or download it first through torrent) the damn photoshop, sketch, or whatever you use.

They take freakin' months to dump a mockup and we have days to make it happen. The pain.

The pain is strong with those damn designers.

Fuck.

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

"Sir, it compiles"

"Push"

"But Sir, what about debugging?"

"I said push"

"But shouldn't we..."

"PUSH THE GOD DAMN CODE"

note to self: do not use super glue on your keyboard

note to self part two: do not listen to the internet and use nail polish remover to get super glue off your keyboard

I love Asus Products but who thought it would be a good idea to have the POWER BUTTON right above the DAMN DELETE KEY!?!?!?!!?
I often press the FUCKING POWER BUTTON accidentally... GOD DAMMIT...

Rekked/insulted a client so hard today in a way which was obvious for me/colleagues but not for the client that the colleague sitting next to me completely fucking lost it. (client did not detect/notice it)

That's entirely fine as he was not too loud but his laughter is so fucking contagious that he went outside to make sure that I wouldn't catch it any worse while on the phone.

God damn it took some serious self control to not completely lose my shit xD (it only partly worked 😅)

God damn it, I'm a fucking computer guy. Not your fucking photographer. If you want pictures for YOUR website YOU fucking take them, NOT ME! Go step of a fucking lego.

Saw this gem today. God damn it Siri

Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.

Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??

"could you put me through to a colleague who has the ability to have an actual intellectual conversation?"

-

Somehow I finished the call but God damn it took some energy and self control not to completely lose my shit. His tone was also very denigrating (he just didn't agree on something which was his fucking problem)

Fuck him.

The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.

IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.

I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...

Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!

My family: Can you repair the printer ?

Me: No ...

My family: can't send my emails, fix it !

Me: No ...

My family: why this people can share my photos on Facebook ? Stop it now !

Me: Then stop sharing all your god damn life each time you eat, fart or go to the bathroom !!!! For fucks sake !

Also me: why have I started computer science ?

That feeling you get when you run

$ php tvVolUp.php

And the god damn tv’s volume goes up a level 😆

Now to clean the shit out of the chaotic mess I just made and make it work from a Rpi which I’ll then add to my voice activated list for my google home.

Coz you know voice activated TV remote in PHP 😍

*production is down*
Ops: At 5pm? On a Friday? *checks deploy history* God! Who did the deploy
Dev: It was a small patch, a tiny patch. It shouldn't have....
Ops: Deploy on a Friday evening?
Colleague: I didn't think it would...

Ops (on the outside) : *takes a deep breath* Its okay Dev, we can fix this. Don't worry

Me(in my mind) : for fuck sakes! Are you fucking kidding me?*** **** *** god damn it! *****

God damn it, i said so many times that this functionality is proof of concept and needs more investigation into technical/legal details...why the flugzeug mr account manager have you gone and emailed all your client accounts telling them we are now offering it?... why are you messaging me starting your sentence with "now that we provide..." god...damn...it

So my company hired a new UX girl last week, today is hers 3rd day at work.
Its 11.30 in the morning, I've been working for couple hours, on my custom module (if you have worked with drupal you know how stoked you are to write your own god damn code once in a while), im blasting some trance through the headphones. It is an early spring and the sky is clear. Perfect day non the less.
Out of nowhere this new UX girl appears near my desk, grabs my tea spoon without even asking and goes to stir her god damn tea. She throws it on the kitchen table without cleaning and goes to her desk.
I got so god damn triggered, this ruined my perfect mood for the upcoming 2 hours. Still cant think of a reason why she would do that, this is just plainly rude.

If I hear "uh" or "uhm" one more time today, I might actually lose it, god damn fucking youtube tutorials.

God damn it udemy, you have courses on the fundamentals of ass wiping but I can't find a good quality c++ from scratch course

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Kill me

Why... why the fuck do people write unit tests and then comment out the god damn fucking assertion lines....
Like what the flying fuck? Cool, we can get some code coverage marks but for fuck sake actually let your tests do their fucking job!!!

Oh, the asserts fail?
Well fucking sort that shit out instead of commenting them out.

I don't get it, if you're going to write tests, fucking test something with them, or we'd be better of without them.

Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.

Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.

Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to

Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission

Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.

Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)

Had some bad experience with new phone delivery times so I decided to sent an email the SECOND the official 'this item will be sent within 48 hours' was passed.

Got an email today saying that my item has been shipped.

Got an email literally about 30 minutes later saying that the item has been delivered.

Now that's some God damn fast delivery 🤔.

Or is it just the slow syncing maaaaby...

God damn it. Today i took my laptop to school and you cant guess how many people though i’m a hacker. It’s quite annoying. But just because you use linux doesnt mean you are a hacker! You uneducated pieces of dumbass!!!!

User gives me a Mac to work on, States that it “only needs Microsoft office Mac installed”

Okay.

Boot up the laptop....

**Mac OS X utilities**

Hmmm, odd. Reboot.

**Mac OS X utilities**

You’ve got to be shitting me. Call user —
Her - “NO! It was working when I gave it to you, you fix it. I’m not paying to get my laptop returned broken. It was working when I gave it to you!”

Me - “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t. I literally turned it on and this is what it stated * read her the message*

Her - “I don’t believe you, you did something to my computer.”

YOU FUCK! THE FUCK I DID! YOU LITERALLY JUST HANDED ME THE GOD DAMN THING! Can I PLEASE curb stomp this bitch, please....

Fuck you Xiaomi for creating MIUI, damn it's so bloated with non-removable adware to the level of extreme annoying. It Keeps popping up ads from creating a Folder to Playing a music.

Look at that screenshot. It even serve an ad in built in cleaner app, like What the fuck man?! For real? I already disable the serve ads option. But it keeps turning on.

I even messing with the Permission settings, doesn't even help.

I REALLY WANT TO MOVE TO LINEAGE OS SO BAD, but the warranty is on duration. I don't want to void it.

God, give me a patience for another 7 month.

When you set an alias for vi and completely forget about it

# alias vi=nano

God damn, I was so confused for a minute 🤦‍♂️

Dear external developer dumbass from hell.
We bought your company under the assumption you had a borderline functioning product and/or dev team. Ideally both

For future reference expect "file path" arguments can contain backslashes and perhaps even the '.' character. It ain't that hard. Maybe try using the damn built in path parsing capabilities every halfway decent programming environment has had since before you figured out how to smash your head against the keyboard hard enough for your shitty excuse of a compiler stops arguing and gives in.

I am fixing your shit by completely removing it with one line of code calling the framework and you better not reject this.
This is not a pull request ITS A GOD DAMN PULL COMMAND.

- Is what i would _like_ to say right now... you know if i wouldn't be promptly fired for doing so :p
How's you guys friday going?

If you haven't seen silicon valley... Do... For the love of God do.

And if you don't like it one... We will never get on, it's god damn hilarious ... Constantly

3rd time I've watched them all

It's perfect.

Why must I always have great ideas for my projects and have the code in my head when I'm out for dinner with family and drinking, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ok so this happend in the last 3 days, I didn't post it till now because I had to seriously take a rest with all the bullshit and stress that came with it...
(Legacy project I have the lead in called: "Foo")

Monday:
Management decided it would be effective to add a senior and a junior to Foo, which would make (together with me) to be 2 juniors and one senior developer
Well I've spend most of that day helping both the junior and the senior to setup "Foo" on their local development machines... So I could not do any programming myself

tuesday:
The senior wanted to refactor EVERYTHING... and I had to stop him multiple times because we simply do not have the time to do that...
The junior tried to work on other things as much as he could, and after he had run out of things to do, asked me for EVERYTHING... EVEN WHERE TO FUCKING CHANGE SOME GOD DAMN STRINGS!....
Also he did in total 3 commits, two of which existed of my code (because I had to "help" him

wednesday:
Both the junior and senior were removed from the project and I got another senior.. who fucking deleted the production database on accident

god damn rough few days man...

Happiness 100 to 0 in 0.1234ms

For a second I was happy to see my ++ to 1110
I was like oh my god, I'm fucking getting the Avatar and stress Ball.

Later when I scroll through rants, I found it is in binary. Damn.

holy fucking hell, who’s dumb ass idea was it to make Visual Studio require a god damn fucking update for the installer before I can uninstall it, you stupid ass dumb fucks MS, I didn’t just tell you uninstall it so you can go burn more data down my shitty copper pipes.

God damn it.. Yet another night lost to the exciting world of cryptography and Internet security. Why is this shit so damn interesting?

I'm soon graduating from a tech/IT school which recently specialized in cybersecurity.
Today when I changed my password on their website, it displayed the old one in clear text.
God damn it people, THIS is the reason why our school's reputation has been slowly but steadily going down.

Let's do photorealism they said,
It'll look beautiful they said,
...
...
...
NO!
Fuck it, we're going with low poly. I'm not rendering one fucking tree, for three god damn hours!
(That's presuming that it doesn't crash during that period)

And yes I know it doesn't actually look that photorealistic, but hey, give me a break I just started. Plus I don't even wanna know how long it would take to render if it was done to look really fancy.

At my previous job we had to complete an online security training exercise. It shows you how to behave secure in the work place, to not open unknown links etc. The scary part was that the entire training thing was BUILT IN FUCKING FLASH. So I'm suppose to listen to some god damn virus shitting flash application on how to do online security?! Get your shit together before teaching others.

Was trying out React Native and creating a Hello World, I checked the file size and it was about 465mb, and I just thought it was nonsense, then I checked the size of the node module and it was 465mb...smh

god damn node modules man!

Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there

Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.

C: Yes sure.

< Two days later - over text >

C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.

Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh

No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "

Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!

Got bored and threw a wrapper for devRant together and god damn it chromeOS why do you have to add a line to separate the window bar from the main content, would have looked slick!

i am fucking tired of companies that come to me expecting to magically fix their STEAMING PILE OF BULLSHIT AND TRASH CODE. how about when i ask "can i get a project brief", instead of saying "just fix it" or "it just needs to do this", GIVE ME A FUCKING COHERENT AND DESCRIPTIVE WRITEUP OF EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. i can't read your minds, let alone read the code the previous cock sucking developer wrote, so guess what? i'm left with no other option but to completely rewrite it. to top it off, instead of giving me god damn excuses as to why you can't get me the api key for your order processing, MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT AND GET IT TO ME. how the fuck do you expect me to test an application when i don't even have access to the fucking api the whole shit pile is based around? i swear to god if these people expect me to have this done by the end of the week but want to be little cunt nuggets they can go eat shit. fuck you, fuck your "contract", fuck your company, FUCK EVERYTHING. greedy, shit faced bastards

Where the fuck my privacy go?

I'm paying you to listen to music or watch films, I don't want you to create a damm profile my taste or "learn" what might like.

If it was a free service, fine, I'd understand, but I am fucking pying you. I should have the option to completely disable your arse sniffing software.

I know some of them provide a "private mode", but I want that to be the default, I am paying for the god damn service :/

... its been one of those days

Me: *kills process*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
* hour later *
Me: *kills process with 3045974th method*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
Me: "Are you absolutely FUCKING kidding me?! What is this fucking thing, the god damn grim reaper? I've done some SKETCHY fucking things at the terminal to kill this BASIC fucking server and it is still running!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Manager: *peeks in helpfully* "Did you try the 'kill' command?"

/* rant */

I freaking hate it when people call me to fix their 9 gazillion dollar ultra extreme enthusiast alien technology pc just so they can play a a god damn freaking son of a damn bloody bitchy fb game on 9000 fps in 4k while some people struggle to have 6 tabs open at the same time so they can code+compile+preview+consult the interwebs. And lets just not mention the amount of monitors mmkay?

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

Mint can't find correct driver for Intel NUC.
The download page for linux Intel graphic driver update tool project was closed.

Asked what's happened on Ubuntu stack exchange, got immediately closed, because of off topic: mint is not Ubuntu...🤦‍♂️

My solution is to uninstall mint, and install Ubuntu...
Still the same driver issue, but at least I could ask...
God damn it.

The new mobile app codebase i'm working with, was clearly written by someone who just read a book on generics and encapsulation.

I need to pull out 2 screens into a separate library to have it shared around. The 1 networking request used is wrapped up in a 'WebServiceFactory' and `WebServiceObjectMapper`, used by a `NetworkingManager` which exposes a generic `request` method taking in a `TopLevelResponse` type (Which has imported every model) which uses a factory method to get the real response type.

This is needed by the `Router` which takes a generic `Action` which they've subclassed for each and every use case needing server communication.

Then the networking request function is part of a chain of 4 near identical functions spread across 4 different files, each one doing a tiny bit more than the last and casting everything to a new god damn protocol, because fuck concrete types.

Its not even used in that many places, theres like 6 networking calls. Why are people so god damn fucking stupid and insist on over engineering the shit out of their apps. I'm fed the fuck up with these useless skidmarks.

Is it normal for every stupid, arrogant, selfish person to talk all kinds of bad stuff about my app and attack me personally on the play store? It's just a soundboard and it's free you pricks, be grateful for once and don't mind the god damn ads so much. I can't believe that shit.

I spent almost 10 hours coming up with this RegEx. Trial and erroring my way to hell. First I had get rid of the HTML tags (which was easy-ish) then I spent most of my time trying to figure out how to remove the god damn dash but keep hyphenated words ....... Then I found \B and look behinds...

I am making it a point to get good at this shit... Because right now I am petrified of it... Fuck you Regular expression you have taken away all my emotions...

Seriously, Ubuntu can go burn in hell far as I care.

I've spent the better part of my morning attempting to set it up to run with the correct Nvidia drivers, Cuda and various other packages I need for my ML-Thesis.

After countless random freezes, updates,. Downgrades and god-knows-what, I'm going back to Windows 10 (yes, you read that right). It's not perfect but at least I don't have to battle with my laptop to get it running. The only thing which REALLY bothers me about it is the lack of GPU pass-through, meaning running local docker containers rely solely on the CPU. In itself not a huge issue if only I didn't NEED THE GOD DAMN GPU FOR THE TRAINING

I live in a developing country where not a lot of people know much about security, programming and such. The moment I make a post about coding or something on social media, relatives/friends/strangers come and ask me to hack a Facebook profile or request a free download link to PUBG. And when I say that I can't, or that it's not really possible, they fuss and blame me for it. God damn people.

Microsoft are you serious! You are installing a major update that will take a while, specifying that it will restart my computer many times without even asking if I want to proceed with it now or later! I don't have my charger ! What would happen if It goes out of battery! Damn you Microsoft !! Isn't there any good OS or what! Windows is sometimes buggy ! Linux distros don't make use of GPU! And I don't even talk about Mac.. God damnit we're on year 2017 and made so many astonishing work and still there is no fully operational and good OS! 😬😬😬

So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!

Google a problem

Click on first link that details the exact problem I'm looking for. This guy has exactly the same problem as me.

First answer is "Oh my god just google it". There are no other answers.

Go back to google. The entire first page is jackwagons just telling people to google it.

God damn it, I am googling it.

First we had this stupid Hoverboards.

Now we have god damn fidget spinners. Every Idiot got one.

Now there's fucking Fidgets Spinners with LED.

Will the next fucking Cancer be a IDE with RGB flashing Code, animations and this shit is coming form coding Noob Hipsters and script Kiddies, who wanna be cool???

Kid from the future: Yo Bro lets configure our LED Fidget Spinner with this premade software and call it coding. We will be cool hackers.

Absolutely hate these "moving up", "stairs of success", "we are so diverse!" stock photos all over the internet.

You feel like you are being subtle, fuck no. Unless your target audience is stupid as as fuck, this photos looks dumb and over the top. And what is up with this "diversity" all over the place? don't get me wrong, I am all for diversity. But learn how to apply it properly.

"Looks like we need a picture of a student. Oh no, we need to be diverse. Add 15 kids of 15 different ethincity in the same picture to make sure we looks diverse. Phew!"

And the animations. Holy fucking shite. Why is it that a cheap website immediatly means that your website needs to have 100 different animation in the front page.

Seriously, picture rolling from here and there. Text coming out of nowhere.Everything being squeezed and rotated. God damn it!

This is another reason I fucking hate these 1 click websites and shite like that. This fucking website was created with WiX and my God, it's a fucking nightmare.

Good news is client is recreating the website.

God damn it lastpass, how the hell do you get a memory leak and an infinite loop in a fucking browser extension?! Using 7GB of RAM and all 8 cores @ 3,4GHz!!

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

WHYYY is LDAP so god damn convoluted??!?
I love the idea of it, but in practice, everything is just a hack on top of hack on top of hack going as far back as the 90s.

God damn it, LEARN TO FUCKING READ!!!

#support-channel
> Admin: @here the tool will be disabled from today until Wednesday
> Chap: @here Admins, I cannot use the tool it says that it is disabled. Please let us know when we'll be able to use it again

FFS.. Srsly, man...

WHY???
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING SURPRISED SHIT HITS THE FAN EVERY GOD DAMN TIME A CHANGE IS MADE IN YOUR LIMPING SYSTEM?
YOU GAVE NO FUCKING SPECIFICATIONS NOR ANY CARE TO DECIDE ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT IN IT.
EVERY TIME I SEE THE CODE I GET EYE CANCER, DEBUGGING THIS SHIT IS AS HARD AS FINDING THE FATHER IN A HOBO STREET ORGY
AND YOU FUCKING THINK ADDING FEATURES INTO THE SYSTEM UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IS SO GOD DAMN EASY.

I hope life's god damn dandy for you, get fucked with a pipe bomb.

Oh, hello DevRant, sorry for sitting on the fence for the past months.

FUCK OFF with all this Code of Conduct/ Contributors Covenant BULLSHIT..... Coraline Ada Ehmke The stupid cunt ass tranny bitch started this bullshit.
Heres a crazy idea.... Focus on the god damn code and quit worrying about the other shit.
If you cant stand the heat get the fuck out of the kitchen....
I am sooooo fucken tired of this pansy ass cry baby SJW generation. All of them just need to be forced onto a judas chair... im afraid they would like it too much tho.
At this point there is'nt a law to prevent me from discriminating against Political Ideologies in employment. Its the only way to prevent your company from being infected by the virus.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

i just waste 2 hours on DevBullshitRant. This app is a trap

I only went and left my god damn bag on the train with my work laptop in it (2016 Macbook Pro, started this job 2months ago...). Now I have to get up at 5 fucking 30 am to make a 5 hour round trip to collect it while making up a BS excuse to WFH, or more accurately - work from some cafe in a random city 200 miles away. FML

Working with a client on his "superior idea" and suddenly this happens: (longer rant)

tl;dr;
Client wanted me to move a div by 3 millimetres to the left and blamed me for not being capable of doing so while giving him a nonsense about different resolutions and screen sizes. (Use a ruler, DUH)

Me: Here's the updated design layout as our designer specified.
Him: Looks good but it needs to be moved 3 millimetres to the left
Me: *Confused as hell* - Wait, did you just said 3 millimetres?
Him: Yes, is that a problem for you?
Me: *Amazed* Well, yes, you see, we don't measure in millimetres. We use pixels.
Him: Ahh, can't you do anything right!? Why do I have to deal with your nonsense of telling me that this is not impossible? Just take your god damn ruler and put it on your screen, then move it 3 millimetres to the left.
Me: You do realise that every person has a different size/resolution monitor so it won't work?
Him: I don't care. Just do your god damn job or i'll find someone else to do it.
*
Story continued in such manner - we spent an hour on skype moving the stupid <div> around until it hit his 3 millimetres mark.
*
His: See, you could do it.
Me: *Sends him screenshot of my own screen (his was 1024x768, mine 1920x1080) where page is broken and not aligned*
Him: Oh come on, you break every god damn thing. You are the worst. I'm going to find a better one. *hangs skype call*
Him: *3 days later* Hi, so, umm, I've talked to other developers and they said it's impossible to measure in millimetres. Can you revert those changes we did?

After all this I've fully realised that this person is sits at computer very rarely and does not how it even works...

Damn simulation.

Some juniors grabbed keyboard and reprogrammed main species to stay at home and fear of death while I was busy working with other features.

Moreover someone made additional changes from infected computer and guess what....

Unfortunately it’s real time system with increasing entropy and we can’t revert changes so fixing damn shit would take from one to two decades.

We don’t have backups cause last time we used them we also killed dinosaurs.

It would be just easier to erase everything and start from beginning cause our statistics charts are fucked up - again but motherfucker boss don’t want to do it.
He’d rather teleport again to adjust the world. Damn fucker thinks he’s god but in fact he’s just prick with rich parents.

I’ve decided to piss him off by adjusting planet thermostat so we can start over.
2 years more and changes would be irreversible.

Damn job.

Job posting: "we require 1.5 years of experience in iOS development"

Also job posting: *doesn't mention a requirement for a degree*

Me: "Cool, this looks exactly like a job for me, I'll send them my résumé!

Recruiter returns to me a day after with this:

"You said you have no work experience, we said in the posting that you need to have 1.5 years of work experience"

THE JOB POSTING DOES NOT MENTION THIS ANYWHERE, THEY ONLY MENTION EXPERIENCE IN IOS DEVELOPMENT

WHY MAKE IT SO AMBIGUOUS AND THEN CHANGE YOUR STANCE

When I finally get a fucking response from a recruiter after sending my résumé to dozens upon dozens of companies, it's a bullshit response.

FUCK YOU.

Note: I am aware of the massive amount of AltRant crashes, I am sorry for making it worse. I need to work on 2 more major final tests that I must pass, but I think I will start fixing some of the crashes today.

Is it only me or does Unity really force people to write ugly code?
Sometimes I think to my self : " just go and write your god damn own fuckin engine"

But then I sit back and realize that I'd never finish a game that way.

Love & Hate Unity !

3 hours...

3 damn hours for 200 lines of bash code.

Exorcism, Magic I don't care.... But please make a special person never touching bash programming again.

I ripped my hairs out. Really.

Till I realized someone wrote functions with _logical_ return true codes as numbers.

0 - as logical false, for failure
1 - as logical true, for success

Leading my brain into a severe segfault fun.

Why... Oh why.

Second fun part as I corrected that...

Someone wasn't fond of exit codes at all.

Script is now 86 % rewritten....

God damn it, if you don't like a languages fine.

But inverting core logic should give a free trip to the electrical chair.

God. Damn. It. I'm trying to build a REST client, computer!!!

So I finally get code in Xcode able to compile and run after crashing in main()... due to obscure settings in it's build it does not like. Took hours of hunting around, googling, and used up all my craps table luck for the month.

Now, out of the blue, after a good 30 test run, edit, compile, run cycles... BOOM, the god damn thing starts crashing at before main() again. No friggin idea why.

Xcode says SIGABRT to me... yea well I got something for you Apple Xcode... 🖕🏼

This just happened to me, a few minutes ago:

Colleague: Could you please call xyz and ask how we can administer their server and ask about the bug?
Me: Sure, gonna do this after lunch.
[...]
Me: So I called xyz, and we're now able so ssh into the machine to administer stuff [...] and they'll check the bug.
Colleague: Oh yeah great, I called xyz a hour ago and we're all set didn't they tell you?
Me: No, they didn't.. (YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT!)
Colleague: Oh an what about the bug?
Me: ...

It's totally fine if you're going to do it yourself but WHY dou you WASTE MY TIME? You could've told me that you already called them! 🤬

#define RANT 0

My paid training to become a dev starts today. Or rather in half an hour. God damn it I'm nervous. Even though I'm already kinda experienced. I'll be that company's first trainee.

It will be mostly C#.

I enjoyed my 2 month long holidays that lasted until now, though.

Didn't use windows for over a decade but my refurbished x270 came with it and damn.. They f-ing raped the f outta it. Every action has a kinda lag, nothing is instant. I saw that on my dad's laptop too and thought it was the HD. And why the f can't I smash ctrl+alt+del at boot anymore? It just f-ing ignores. Took a lot of attempts before i found out how to boot from usb. I would not for any $$$ work on windows anymore. Thank God .Net core exists for linux and works great

Fuck you apple, and fuck your god damn shitty documentation.

Working with NFC enabled passes, their documentation says "payload max is 64 bytes"

What they ACTUALLY fucking mean is 64 ascii characters.

Also, the way they handle date time formats is fucked. They say they support W3C formats (iso) but what they actually mean is, they support a half assed version of a subset of it.

I told their chief engineer over a phone call and his response;

"I agree, our documentation is lacking"... HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING UPDATE IT!

Also, how they handle json is just bad.

FUCK YOU IN THE ASS WINDOWS, WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN THE TASK BAR DOES NOT HIDE AUTOMATICALLY, EVEN WHEN IT WAS WORKING? I GO TO SETTINGS TO TURN IT OFF AND BACK AGAIN AND NOTHING HAPPENS. RESTART AND A GOD DAMN UPDATE STARTS.

Oh my motherfucking God...
How the fuck can a dumb IDE be so fucking slow? I entered the office at 8:15. And I am still unable to checkout a motherfucking previous version of an android app in git and get Android studio to build it, because the fucking gradle is so damn slow it freezes the GUI. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Android studio get you shit together and maybe, just maybe don't be such a dick!!!

You need 5 min to open that project and another 10 to build it ONLY FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT WHOLE PROCEDURE BECAUSE I NEED A DIFFERENT APP VERSION FROM THE GIT REPO FUCK YOU YOU SHITFACED STUPID COCKSUCKING CUNT, SHIT FUCK ARRRRGH!!!

Sincerely,
Me.

Edit: now it's 9:35 btw

porra; caralho; toma no cu.

this fucking shit xamarin. I wish the ass who programed the xamarin vs2017 integration to go fuck off.

srsly, I just want to fucking code this fucking fucker VS2017 keep shitting all around me

first I was gonna install it. didn't install because no memory left. fair enough, my fault there.

cleaned 35 gbs.

finish installing VS, with xamarin. FIRST GOD DAMN TIME I create fucking project, 2 fucking errors and 3 warnings. I DIDN'T EVEN TYPE A COMMA.

ok, tried fucking it. it seems to be conflict between version of Android and xamarin forms. fucker you it shouldn't be like this. anyway.

tried downloading the updated Android version.

it failed at 80%! what error you ask? missing fucking space ok, fuck that thing is huge, ok, my fault again. uninstalled all programs I was not using, all projects I'm not current working on. more fucking 30GB free. tried again. ANDROID IS TOO FUVKING HUGE CAN'T INSTALL IN 30GB!!!

Ok. instead of updating android, gonna downgrade xamarin, can't downgrade. ok gonna remove and install an early version.

unistalled. CAN'T FIND XAMARIN DLLS.

I was like, fuck this project, gonna start a new one. ok, all seems fine, for some weird reason. Except no. I try adding a new page, ops, APPARENTLY VS2017 CAN'T LOAD A GODDAMN .XAML

Ok, I can create a .cs page. done, except now I get a fucking timeout error. fuck.

I search the internet for a workaround, see a guy saying I could manually add a .xaml + .cs by creating this files and then adding them to the proj file.

did it. I go again, everything seems fine. but now I can't freaking reference the damn page.

I'm fucking losing my mind here.

In the mean time I have to turn in this project at the end of the week AND I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE GOD DAMN FREKING PROJECT PROPERLY!

FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK XAMARIM AS WELL
FUCK VISUAL STUDIO
FUCK MICROSOFT
FUCK THAT DAMN SSD
FUCK THAT BOSS WHO THINK THAT A 128GB SSD IS ENOUGH
FUCK IT ALL...

God fucking damnit automating a client's "Job applicant form" system is the most boring shit l've ever done.
Get me some damn monkeys to do this
"Oh OK so I just have to take this form and turn it into HTML. Oh shit, 25 check box's, let's just copy paste this shit in over and over. Oh damn, forgot I have to change the name and value fields for each one. God damnit this is boring, I guess I have to"
Fucking hell it's annoying work, Boring, easy, no thought needed. Ended up turning this task into a drinking game. Every time the word "Management" came up, I took a shot. Got me pretty fucked up.
Client emails back; "Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, we have these 3 other forms we want you to automate".
Well fuck at this point I feel like more of an alcoholic than a developer.

writing a whole god damn function in one single line doesn't make it "one liner" and it DOESN'T make your code better and more readable!!!

Do I really have to explain how frustrated I am right now?!

Fajsjsgksyekeytwotepruiwtohrkyeltek.

The fucking defective Caps Lock on Apple keyboards drives me fucking ballistic!

WHY would they ever think it would be a good idea to introduce a minimum press time for a key?!?

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I use the damn thing it inevitably fails and I have to backspace, delete the non-caps text I just entered after HITTING THE FUCKING CAPS LOCK KEY, tap the damn thing again (harder this time) and try again. It usually takes 2 or 3 tries before it actually catches. I'm sorry, but training myself to type slower is not as easy as you think!

Who the fuck thought up this nonsensical bullshit?? And who the fuck is going around accidentally tapping their caps lock key to the point where such a delay would be needed?? Do you not know where your own fingers are??

Seriously, all this does is penalize fast typists and people who actually want to USE the caps lock key for what it was meant for.

I swear to god this one little thing pisses me off SO much. And what's worse is they don't even give you an option to disable it, AND it's bloody fucking impossible to disable yourself even through the terminal.

(Also, typing this rant with so many caps was probably not as cathartic as I was going for!) 😂

I don't need you to reiterate what the problem is. I am aware. I was the one who told you what the problem is. Via email and Slack. Why do you keep restating it to me like you are the one who figured out? I know the table isn't syncing with the third party object. I'm trying to figure out WHY. No amount of "I'm pretty sure the sync process is broken" will trigger a solution. Stop coming into my office every 5 minutes with a new "revelation" that wasn't even your own. This isn't my code, and since the owner of said code is not here to fix it, I have to spend some time figuring out how this damn thing works. SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME WORK SO I CAN FIX THIS

There's nothing like the fresh smell of emails on Monday morning, soooooooo fucking many random emails, actually, 2,708 fucking emails, 99.9999999% are stupid useless logs or alerts that have no meaning to me, and yet, I have to setup outlook rules to filter out this shit.

Ah, another glorious Monday 😤

Much obliged if you stop reloading the folder and searching it every five fucking seconds you fucking cunts.

Good god damn this fucking 'feature' of windows 10 grinds my fucking gears. I hit 'x' to stop seeing the visual distraction of the fucking green loading bar when the folders already loaded. Same thing with music. All I want it to do is open and play my fucking song.

Does it do that?

No instead it spends precious cycles updating fucking indexes or sprinkling crack rocks on the corpse of my cpu or whatever cycle fairies at fucking microsoft programmed it to do while wasting my fucking time.

I wish I had a brick and a microsoft programmer within throwing distance, I'd be sorely tempted to nail the motherfucker square in his fucking big fat melon.

Cunts.

fuck count: 8

That job you thought you may not be a good fit, you end up at.

Sometimes as developers we doubt ourselves because we set higher bars for ourselves to learn more and try and build better solutions and share them with everyone.

You are almost as good as you need to be and you are going to be getting better, as long as you keep hitting the road towards your main goal.

But look at it this, isn't it the best of scientific communities?

Everyone is trying to improve and share more and make the ecosystem richer.

And open-source, fucking open-source, if there is a God, then he inspired the moral of open-source...

Anyway, congratulations for being among the best of scientific communities and damn I appreciate'yall!!

You have a meeting with a really really important client who is a typical client from hell who constantly changes his mind about everything and then blames you for “not getting things done” and always says “this is not what I asked for” every god damn time.

Anyway, he now jokingly asks you if you think he has been a troublesome client and before you have time to answer he continues the meeting.

What do you do? Do you suck it up like a weakling and disappear up your own asshole or do you tell him what a monster he is?

I want to rant.

Can we just have a "CUT THE BULLSHIT" mode in racing games for people with jobs? Like fuck this shit, just give me all the Lamborghinis, McLarens and Bentleys and let me play the game god damn it.

I barely get time to play this game, now why the fuck do I have think about putting in extra effort to get rewards. And I'm the one paying you in the first place.

I just paid you 60 bucks for the game now why do I have to grind out the game with shitty ass cars to get a decent car where the game actually starts to be fun.

Finally back at home (after having some trouble with Deutsche Bahn).
It is cold and cloudy here.
It feels so weird to use a laptop. I was there (in Turkey) only with my phone, typing this post on my laptop. The screen is so god damn big.
My bed is very soft. My kitten got very strong and fluffy. He looks more muscular now lol. And it seems like he missed us :3.
I missed him and I missed my car that I did not like like a month ago. I really understood how much value it has. Besides of that my mind is clean now. It was like meditation.
Fuck that pussy ass description.
How was your day, fellas?

I was searching for a good answer about a problem I got. Found an existing thread on stack overflow.
Many answers, all of them upvoted but not working.
One answer being not upvoted was working.
Wanted to upvote it, signed up to stack overflow.
"you can not upvote. too less reputation."
GOD, DAMN IT.

inherited a glossier brand lip balm when my friend moved. the balm itself is cool, but my GOD zoomer-oriented marketing BS is sooo obnoxious. “Spread the lush balm over your lips for the moisturizing, nourishing goodness”, my god, something like that. I don't know for sure because I can't read it — immediately tried to clean it off with acetone, but after that failed, I painted all over it with an industrial-grade paint marker. And I don't remember that either, as my brain's garbage collector immediately displaced that cringe.
Can I just get a damn product? With the packaging saying nothing than a brand name and how to use it?

3 REWRITES, 3 GOD DAMN REWRITES. Just decided that A* Path Finding Algorithm looks nice and felt like sure lets have a go...

3 REWRITES to get it right and even then there are minor bugs, sometimes coding is my passion, other times I wish I didn't know how to turn a PC on :/

we had a front-end dev that needs to "re-architecure" his codes when we need to add a small change or a feature.
and im like: wtf is wrong with your code and you need to re-architect it every damn time?!

PS: that dev is no longer with us now. thank god.

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

I just fucking made the temp table dude, that's what you literally do in step 1 .... how could it not....

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Me: "Oh there we g---"

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

Me: "Hey you just worked!"

-click-

MySQL: 'the table does not exist'

GOD DAMN IT

-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-
-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Me: Uh you're working now?

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

-click-

MySQL 'Records: 1 Duplicates: 0 Warnings: 0'

Guess that API just needed breaking in....

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

Windows is a god damn abomination of a OS. Fucking let me download that one game from the shitty developers that add EAC for no reason. Fucking stop hogging every resource and let steam work. Fucking stop crashing like wtf how is this considered stable. Stop fucking downloading updates. You amount to nothing than playing games made by cunts. There is no valuable information on this system and I have no problems nuking it all.

!rant GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

I failed at a dating sim, how the fuck did I fail at a dating sim? They're designed to make you feel love and romance or some shit like that! The girl got hit by a car, almost died, got amnesia, forgot all about me and then presumably started dating me, but I don't know CAUSE THE FUCKING GAME ENDED!

*sigh* I have work to get back to.

And the time has come, my gf and I are just a month away from deploying yet we still call the project "project".

Usually solutions jump in my head when programming at least once a day but I can't name the damn thing for the love of God! It's the first night since we started development I have felt clueless.

Plus I don't want to be "that guy" that just gives it a generic name, like there's already a "ratemyprofessors", professor this, teacher that, fuck that shit!

I'm brain dead.

In my office, it requires security clearance, but the office is sooo fucked up it takes months to get it sorted

So, now in the position of people knocking at doors, annoying you at your desk to take your pass, often for large periods,,, leaving me sweating when im dying for a piss

WTF is going through MGMT heads,

Of course im sitting next to the fucking door, so when u sitting down to do some nice code, fucking knock on the door,

And wouldnt mind but its the same fucking Wagon who smokes, pisses and chats on the phone like its a God damn super power, as i type this im looking over my divider and they're rolling yet another fucking smoke!

I need out of this fucking 7th ring of Dantes inferno hello hole

Seriously? WHY THE FUCK, are there no English speaking, no god damn accent tutorial videos on YouTube regarding VLSI design, or hell even any of the fucken layout tools ... allllllll of them in very strong Indian accent .. OR not even spoken in English... the fuck folks? Some of them are “ok” to understand but I can’t get past the accent of speeding up and slowing down, and repeating the words and phrases, and then emphasizing shit like a question, but turning it into a unneeded statement, emphasizing the wrong shit... uggh I just wanna pull my fucken hair out.

Americans either are keeping VLSI knowledge a secret.. or nobody who fucken speaks English knows wtf they doing.. and that’s scary.

The new CTO promised us better coffee in his introduction meeting. Honestly felt pretty trivial and part of his used car salesman pitch to us.

A month goes buy and he replaces our shitty drip Starbucks breakfast blend coffee with ... Starbucks coffee machines. I shit you not these things have touch screens on them. So I tried two cups of each bean type and ... this stuff is really really bad. It's literally worse than the drip brew. It's so fucking terrible I have trouble finishing a cup.

God damn it!

Why are people behaving like communist dramaqueens on every OSS repo?
Why do OSS libraries and frameworks have to be political cunts and insert *the current thing* into every god damn console message of their tooling and on their websites?
Stop it. Get some help.
I want to code, not be a aborted political SJW fetus. Let me fucking code in peace.

I just had a new employee, barely out of school, question whether or not we are ready to start a big refactor of an aging legacy system. She knows nothing about the system we are about to attack, barely has 12 months experience as a developer and knows nothing about the past 6 years of countless meetings, discussions and experience leading to the decision to refactor. Still, she's not "convinced" we are ready to get started.

Gen Z - they sure are something different. God damn it, I know it sounds old but where's the fucking humbleness? Spoilt little shits, the world is fucked.

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Joined a startup which does webscraping. I never knew that webscraping can be so much monotonous. I feel like I am doing a damn support job. Apart from that websites keep blocking the scrapers, and that is another thing to be fixed. jesus christ, non devs keep asking for ETA about how long would it take to complete a certain task. Thanks to remote work, I have been burnt out every day, and have been working for 14+ hours everyday!!!!! God help me!

I really think 1 hr+ meetings are a fucking waste of time. By minute 40, people's attentions waver.

If I ever run my own shop I will fucking ban meetings that last more than 30 minutes, and have a hard cap of 7 people per meeting and require a fucking agenda. God damn it. Being stuck in meetings where 90% of crap not relevant to me is bs.

#TiltedMonday

90% of beginner questions are so damn annoying. I get it, some people are new and still learning but for the love of God, I just want to tell these kids to shut the fuck up, sit their ass down and WRITE SOME DAMN CODE, instead of bitching and moaning about what they best language is or how to magically read a tutorial and become a ninja in a day.

Fuck.

Build a docker image.
Adds config file .
Build cache ignores new contents.
Hours of trying to figure the shit out.
Bash into it.

GOD DAMN DOCKER HAS CACHED THE VERY FIRST VERSION OF THE FILE.

Hours lost with headcaches and thinking about existence. Fck my life.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!

..that will be all...

Email is horrible.

CSS in email is fucked.

People never check their spam filter / who the fuck knows when the spam filter might decide legit shit is spam.

Every other god damn day some new shit comes up.

Today some sort of either antivirus or email filter or spam / malware detecting shit seems to be crawling every fucking link in an email our customer's send to their customer's.

Activating every option such as declining shit or accepting it... well actually ALL THOSE OPTIONS.

End user can't tell of course so I (and others) have to find this out.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Do you also feel dirty when a client asks for something that completely defats the purpose of the main feature?

yet you "patch " it because "it's a big client after all" and they can't be bothered to do a simple two number addition.

*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
Me: ??
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!

youtube's autoplay algorithm has made me discover some interesting gems on the internet.

but fucking damn it if it doesn't like to replay the same 15 songs you like. every fucking time.

like you know I like this band. SHOW ME OTHER SONGS OF THIS BAND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I KNOW I LIKE THESE 5 SONGS ALREADY.

God damn it. I have not ranted enough this year. I need to ramp up my rant game. This could be my new years resolution.

Rant more!!!

What seemed like a simple task of upgrading our angular project and adding universal to it, is slowly beginning to feel like an impossible mission.

Fuck you npm, fuck windows and fuck whoever thinks javascript/typescript can be used for every god damn thing.

I fucking give up

I was working on a new feature for this legacy project.. Just minding my own buisness then all out of the blue I got an email from our client (before the email I exported the live database because I needed to reproduce a weird bug) saying the sync stopped working
<backstory>
The database needs to sync every 15 minutes because it has a master-master relationship with a 3rd party database..
</backstory>
So I was like shiiit! Did I do that!? So I checked the logs, nothing... I called the 3rd part to check if they have problems, nothing.. Then I checked the network logs... Again all fine... 30 nervous minutes later, I got a new mail... Saying it finally synced... Still have no clue what happened or if it ever was a problem... God damn clients man...

Windows being like... "60secs left! Nonono wait it's 50mins! Aaah i wanted to say 10. It's definitely 5 now, i am sure this time, 16 is correct!"

God damn it stop wasting computation power for this boolshit and copy faster instead!!!

Every god damn time I have to interact with windows I hate it more and more. I sold my old Dell PC, and said I'd install Win10 on it for the dude.

It's now been 2 hours of me trying to figure out why the Win10 installer complains about missing drivers, and trying to figure out exactly what drivers are missing, because they sure as absolute fuck don't tell you.

"A media driver your computer needs is missing. This could be a DVD, USB or Hard disk driver. If you have a CD, DVD, or USB flash drive with the driver on it, please insert it now."

Well how the fuck am I supposed to know what driver you need? The least helpful error message in the history of computing....

dude fuck fucking salesforce i fucking hate the day someone came up with the brilliant ass idea of inventing this garbage crm software that i must deal with even though it is not my area. i fucking hate the developer experience to do third-party implementations, not letting you upload changes to another environment for the sake of """"good practices"""", the fucking interface is slow as shit i could've already had intense hto sex, taken a shit, cook lunch and sleep 2 hours before it can load a single retarded lightning page.
why? WHY? WHYYY? WHY MUST THIS ASSWARE EXIST? WHY?

AS A FACT I'VE WRITTEN THIS RANT BEFORE THE DAMN PAGE EVEN LOADED A CONFIGURATION SECTION. GOD HELP US.

Fuck c++
Everytime I have to use this fucking language it spits up some other bullshit error

`cannot convert std::vector<int>() to std::vector<int>&`

WHY THE FUCK ARE STACK ALLOCATED VALUES EVEN THEIR OWN TYPES

AND WHY CANT I TAKE A GOD DAMN REFERENCE TO IT

JUST WHYYYYY

!Rant

"The best programming language is C++ because games were made with it" OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Do you guys get this unbelievable dump statement too? I could punch every person who ever said dat 😑 Not is is absolutely wrong, C++ isn't even a got language! It's painfully FUCKING slow!! Why the fuck do people say something before they get their freaking brain to work! 😑😑😑

I FUCKING HATE ARGUING WITH THOSE PEOPLE. THEY NEVER ACCEPT OTHER OPINIONS.

GOD DAMN IT!

Since roughly 1 year ago I have been making "leftoff" comments in my code, whenever a work day ended or so, with a few notes on what I was doing and what I was about to work on next.

And I recommend it, I think that's good practice. Because I forgot to do it on friday and I have no GOD DAMN CLUE what I was working on :|

I hate it when FOSS projects don't put a link to the repository on their website.

I don't want to search through fucking GitHub, GitLab, or BitBucket to hopefully find the official project repo.
Or search every page on the site for a god damn link.

Just put somewhere on top.

yeah I am a software engineer.
yea I am a programmer too.
yeah I am behind my laptop all the time..

but no I don't want to fix your computer.
I have no interest in changing your windows, installing antivirus on your pc and so on..

just understand it , God damn these shit people :(

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!

so it seems that instead of windows updating and restarting without user consent, now they ask you every few hours to restart your pc and install ''The newest windows features''. It's insanely annoying! And why the fuck am i receiving updates every single day, sometimes even few times a day. This is way more annoying than windows updating itself every now and then.

Get fucked !!!!!! (whoever thought this is a brilliant idea)

God damn it ADHD. I can't seem to focus on what I actually want to learn.

Man fuuuuuuck, there's nothing more frustrating and scary than fucking up a local git repo. Because you know for a fact you won't be able to restore it

And I even had god damn backups of the .git folder. But reverting leaves me with more files than I started with fuuuck

I've every been a Arch Linux fag. It's my main OS from 5 years. With a small parenthesis of two months of FreeBSD recently, I've used before Arch Kubuntu, Ubuntu, Fedora KDE, OpenSolaris (randomly), CentOs, plus a lot of others distro for tests.
But I've never tested Debian!
So I've installed it on my small server.

Oh... My... God.... It's fantastic. PACMAN >>> apt, but damn it's really stable and out of the box even if minimal. A very surprise. I think it can be my favorite remote Linux for a long time....

But a question rises. Why with a father like Debian... Ubuntu after the 11.04 is such a shame? The last I've tested is the 12.04 I think, but I've hated it, and I hate it even now. (Crash, driver not found, apt problem, very heavy repos and my internet sucks, UNITY, etc...)

Ubuntu, what happened to you ...? With Kubuntu 8 you were such a good guy...

Rails. Fucking rails...

God damn monoliths, built by a cowboy coder.

Every one I have ever worked with becomes (or already is) a house of fucking cards that will blow over at the slightest gust of wind.

The worst part is that you always hear the same justifications from rails developers, then after they convince the higher-ups that “we will build it right, not like those other monoliths” we find ourselves F’ed right in the A a few months later.

It’s this frustration that lead me to MUCH better paradigms like Microservices, Event-Sourcing, CQRS, Domain Driven Design and the like.

When someone says “our backend is in rails” my first response is “so when are you replacing it?”

Overhears colleague say 'Ohh there's a plugin for that'. Few weeks later i find the dumb fuck added it to the codebase and not use the dependency manager. I'd happily shoot the senior Dev who peer reviewed it but looks like this pleb merged straight in!

With a codebase overflowing with duplicate frameworks and unused jquery plugins I'll be burning the god damn place down come next week!

I am so fucking tired of sitting here all day every day adjusting paddings and margins. Oh fucking hurr durr you got one of the millions of fucking elements to not overflow on your page, well does it work on *this* resolution and *this* orientation? No, well fix that and then go back and fix what it breaks.

I swear to God I never want to touch fucking CSS again it's all I've done for a yesr and it is driving me up the god damn wall. This is my career, I shouldn't fucking dread coming in to work because I know how much bullshit I'll have to deal with. It's awful.

I don't get how anyone has good looking complicated pages that just look good on every possible resolution, it's fucking mind boggling that anyone can sit there and adjust heights and widths and paddings and margins and floats for hours on end nonstop just watching shit get broken and fixed and broken and fixed and AHHHHH

I need a fucking smoke and a pint just so I don't have to think about this anymore

This will definetly be an unpopular rant but god damn it I hate to work with untreated depressed people. It's fucking nearly impossible to convince them to try out something new. They are always pessimistic or think that they know everything. They don't care about new things happening around them. Every time in work when we encounter some obstacle it looks like the world has ended for them and every god damn time I need to give pep talks to them like we are in some war and I feel like I need to inspire soldiers to fight even though they are 100% convinced that they will die.

Im done with being a therapist for them. I don't have unlimited amounts of tolerance and energy, I am a human also. I can't keep sugarcoating what I see and I can't continue walking like on eggshels just because somebody is too weak to even take a constructive criticism without becoming passive agressive for days or weeks. I realized that their negative pessimism has started to rub off on me and I think it's time to put an end to this.

Please if you have depression get some help, don't expect that new workplace or employer will motivate you enough to turn your life around. Don't expect that putting on a mask will actually hide who you are and that your condition will not impact others around you in work. Just stop pretending and get some actual help. Start from yourself.

Some avatar around here just reminded me of the bazillion Europeans living the hipster life in India (I interned there).

context : In India fair skin is a very desired feature, every face washing product has "whitening" on it, god damn it even the shaving foam!
So they tend to treat white people very distinctively : free entry and alcohol in clubs, lots of money in media gigs and the like, strangers inviting you to their marriages just because you're white..
So some white folks would abuse this. And they develop some kind of clothing taste that's weird to say the least.
Maaan they must be trashier than the fucking original hipster God.
I just can't fathom their ways..

Sorry I had to lash out 🙄

Just wish I could swap a portion of my dev super powers for something more f’king practical like being able to do DIY or mix cement and lay bricks properly.
Every damn time there’s some small job to be done it turns into a god damn nightmare.
Anyone else as single skilled as me or can you actually do real world skills too?

GOD DAMN IT COLLEGE YOU DID IT AGAIN. for real college can go suck Satan's 50 inch red cock for all I care.
A professor asked me to design a processor and I'll get a bonus. I said okay cool nothing hard.
oh but it has to be in verilog.
okay cool.
oh and it has to be on this fucking ancient useless piece of shit called xilinx that the fucking college provides to you only via a fucking 50 gigabyte virtual machine.

sigh. okay..... challenge accepted.

It fucking crashes every 2 minuites. And after 3 days of no sleep. I finally finished the Alu, Control unit, 4k memory, 8 registers and the busses.......... BUT THEN THE ENTIRE VIRTUAL MACHINE CRASHED AND LOST ALL PROGRESS...... fml.
and the professor only gave me the bonus for the Alu. sigh. fuck college.

"Our supplier asks that you double the number of php child processes for this fpm pool"

"Are you aware, that that would lead to about 100% of memory overcommit, taken the current limit of 128MB/child, and that if a lot of them started at once, the system would probably go for OOM-Kill, which would most probably kill your database, that still runs on 100% MyISAM tables that do not support transactions, and you'd have to kiss your data integrity goodbye, right?"

"Uh... Nevermind then"

I get that some people are not IT-versed, but really... Hire someone who knows what they are doing and doesn't live 20 years in the past, god damn it!

Ok, a customer came to us saying he had a product that is just randomly rebooting. It sure must be a software issue.

I got the task and worked my way through ~10k lines of assembly code (8085 processor on board) Weeks go by, i tested every single god damn funktion they had, analyzed every vector they put in, finding NOTHING...

Meanwhile the hardware department analyzed and tested some possible culprits on the product for me. I had NO idea what the problem could be...

Then hardware department said: oh, they forgot a resistor on the FUCKIN RESET PIN OF THE PROCESSOR!!!!!

fml...

Am I the only one that wishes that YouTube to either:
-becomes a separate company from google (because, god damn it. Its the only app thats keeping me from going gappless or use microg)
-gets replaced entirely with something not related to google and actually respects the creators

God damn it! I have multiple exams that I need to study for, but can't because of my headache that I have had for two weeks now... My mom finally forced me to the doctor, and apparently I have gotten a severe case of migraine... no devices, no books and no lights allowed until it gets better.

Worst part? The exams are next week, and I havent been able to study, not even one page out of hundreds...

Guess who's retaking them this summer... döda mig 😞

Signing off from all tech now until it gets better..

Can some drone operator please end my suffering existence?
I just got on a bus from Berlin to Munich (8h trip) and apperantly some fuckwits thought it was a great idea to destroy the GOD DAMN FREE WIFI. ONLY DRUNK ASSHATS COULD BE SO STUPID. I need a podcast to sleep well but since I already used up my mobile data volume, I'm stuck in here, surrounded by idiots and lost to the world.

Apart of the fact that WordPress itself is one big hack, my most creative hacky solution was making it (dev) environment friendly.

First, I created a DB pull and push tool in NodeJS (on TypeScript). Then, because WP is so clever and stores internal URLs in full length in the DB, I had to create a DB migrator (find & replace) and attached it to the DB pull task.
After this, of course WP still has its config in one file, so I used composer to install phpdotenv and filled the config with environment variables.
Bundled with some good ol' Gitlab CI/CD magic, the website is now 10% sanely developable.

It feels like having to shovel piles of shit, but with a golden shovel. Everything stinks as hell but at least there is a tiny bling to it, temporarily.

But in all seriousness: WordPress is a god damn fucking pile of tumors!

FUCK! I've done this a fucking God fucking damn million fucking God fucking damn times fucking before! FUCK! FUUUUCK! FUUUUUUUUUCK!

The best part is that someone is going be paying me once it works............................... FUUUUU K!

So my day started well.

I come in an the DVR monitor is not working, ok lets turn it off and on, nope. Lets turn the DVR on and off, nope still nothing. Played around with the VGA cable, nope. I cant replace the cable because its hard wired into the monitor....

I grab the spare screen next to me and connect it all up and it works!

Boss tells me to throw "broken" monitor out, I say I want to test it just to make sure, connect it all up to my pc and now it fucking works!

There are days I hate technology....

!dev
god damn tabacco addiction is a son of a birch 😣😫 everything feels so boring and unsatisfactory without it

Fucken clock stretching.... seriously ... if you’re gonna clock stretch me for any more than 3ms (which is still pushing it) just fucken NACK me so I know your not ready god damn.... it’s fucken i2c .... stop with the application i2c bullshit... I just want to read the fucken registers stop abstracting it put it on a god damn DMA..
clock stretching is why we can’t have nice things lol

Dear every app developer or web managers/designers that can read this.

Specificly, the ones who own a android app.

If you have an old android app that is still updated from time to time.

Please, take your time for just one minute.

AND REPLACE YOUR GOD DAMN OLD "Get it on google play" BADGE WITH THE NEW ONE, PLEASE! ITS NOT THAT HARD, WHY ARE YOU GUYS NEVER UPDATE TO NEW LOGOS?!

NOT JUST OLD APPS, EVEN SOME BEW STARTUPS ARE ACTUALLY USING THE OLD BADGE, WHY OH DEAR GOD WHY! WERE YOU LIVING UNDER ECLIPSE ROCK OR SOMETHING?!?

Windows piece of shit mother fucker useless trash.

Why can't I just compile without the dumb ass "Antimalware Service Executable" having to check every single fucking file and eating fucking 4GB ram. God damn it. fiadsfleaf oaiehjf afpo jafj
I start compiling binutils and then the whole thing fucking crashes ad;adsfjhc odshfaj;sdl hfja;odsfh;osa dhif;aosdhfi a;osdihf;skdjnvba; dsjch;soduf;dsao fu;nodjf ;anaod

I think all our jobs are safe
I've been sitting in a laundromat watching what passes for children's tv because they won't change the fucking channel.

This is not return to oz or something wicked this way comes or even Aladdin's

This is in fact more retarded than the tellitubbies and it will make the gen of kids that watch it amazed with us as if they we were goddamn magicians

God damn

What have I been working absolutely all fucking day? FUCKING PRINTERS. I am so fucking tired of printers, everything to do with the stupid pieces of shit.

Then, some fuck stain has called me 6 times in the last hour trying to get me to drop all the things I’m doing and make him priority #1... Even though it has nothing to do with the computer and everything to do with the lack of fucking skills he has to preform his god damn job.

For fuck sakes, FUCK OFF!

It booted, after months of working on a god damn simulation with various BIOSs revisions and fixes, with millions of kernel builds and a million of fixes of recipes. It booted from a first try. I almost fainted :D

I get really fucking mad, when people show termux and boast about "aai yuse leenox"

Use the real god damn GNU/Linux. If it is not available for your device then PORT IT! Like i did..

!dev

A "state of siege" and isolation can gradually erode your sense of safety and sanity.

This can come in the form of bosses who's behavior, whatever it happens to be, makes you hesitant to come into work. It can be a partner who you dont want to see after work. It can be in laws or a landlord.

In our case it's the crackhouse down the street.

These people have broken into houses, cars, stolen, vandalized, and even threatened people.

So I'm hear, chest hurting from stress, and here comes a shithead we already ran off, pipe in hand, going to smash up the truck.

Chased him off. Not even the first time.

These motherfuckers threatened the elderly lady next door. Threatened an old lady *at my work*.

God damn drug addicts every where. No god damn respect. Violent cracked out lunatics. All hours of the. night and day. Last attack was broad daylight.

And it's just been a total siege.

I'm sick of living in a nation where those who try to get by are punished, and the worst are allowed to roam around like wolves preying on people.

Its intolerable and im sick and tired of it. I have no more patience left.

Whatever your situation, meber out up with violence, shitheads, lunatics and deranged drug addicts.

Smash them in their fucking mouth if you are forced to defend you and yours. Never hesitate.

Dreamed about fixing an unsolvable bug in some code that made absolutely zero fucking sense and woke up with a fucking migraine.

"=$B1*INDEX(A:A,ROW())"

See this absolute bullshit right here?

This fucking cunt of a problem designed by some dippity-do finger-painting fucking jackass at google doesn't work why?

Because for some *god damn reason* they decided it would be a good idea to setup it up in a way that when you use absolute cell references in a formula, you can't use functions in the formula too. No the other side has to be a literal or cell reference apparently.

Motherfuckers.

Video conferencing apps:

Competition is great. It just sucks when you have to use all the competition.

Things I want to be able to do:

- Test Mic and Audio before joining the call, BOTH DAMN IT (some do do this, some just one or the other).

- No fiddling in settings to do test / change settings. I want to know / test every damn time before I join ...

- and it would be great if it forced everyone to test too ;) (obviously some complications there if folks are joining and don't intend to talk)

Things I to see all the time on the app, don't hide this shit, and GOD DAMN IT DON'T AUTO HIDE IT:

- Is my mic muted or not.
- Is my mic broadcasting sound or not.

I've been lucky enough to not have any terrible dork ups using these apps but man they seem to invite it by hiding stuff.

So here I am trying to Code a Rick Astley video on my website so 2 people can watch it in real-time but the code KEEPS DOING THE PART THAT I SPECIFICALLY TOLD IT NOT TO DO UNTIL I GET THE TIME FROM THE GOD DAMN DATABASE!!!!

God Damn Privacy Regulations

Changes to our privacy policy
We've updated it privacy policy
New terms of service for your account
GDPR

Sigh...if i we're EU citizen it would be for the best, except for those businesses that can't bother to update but I'm not even EU.

Email filter activated!

HIT THAT MOTHER!)#%Y!)!!! BREAKPOINT!!
...
...
...
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God damn it, it's in Release configuration again.

god damn it c++, you and your ambiguous, contextual grammar!

currently working on a c++ and c parser, went from trying to use a parser generator to now writing a parser by hand.

Finally got the last round of god awful bugs in this god awful shit code fixed. I thought I could finally get back to working on the new build, but no. My reward is updating a god damn pdf, because none of the fucktards here know how. I have to work backwards through all kinds of pointless bullshit code that apparently generates it, all to find a mother fucking image that just needs to be replaced. Thanks a lot, to the tryhard motherfucker who wrote this code. I hope wherever you are, you're in complete agony.

I have an unreasonable phobia of bugs, but I never really feared wasps. I still don't, actually. They mostly just mind their own, sure they carry a weapon, but if I remain calm they aren't as trigger-happy as most policemen.

BUT GOD DAMN IT, if this FUCKING STRIPED DUMBASS decides to crawl under my wrist while I'm typing, hidden completely from view, in total silence, standing on a hard surface with something obviously alive above its head, I feel like it DESERVES to get squished and it should take it without a retaliatory strike against the densest collection of nerve endings on exposed skin on a human body. FUCK. I can't even type right, pure anger fuelled me through this rant.

(colleague) Are you still using Emacs?? why don't you use Sublime instead?
(me) Because I am a PERVERT and I god damn LIKE it (being pervert & Emacs)

My computer started crashing two days ago. Logs say its the audio driver. Now I wanted to start the diagnosis just for fun. Guess what? The conclusion of it was: You have a low volume level, we will increase it by 20%p... GOD DAMN. YOU HAD ONE JOB TO DETECT THE DRIVER IS OBVIOUSLY CORRUPTED (Reason: Unknown)

Sitting 3h in a bullshit claiming and blaming meeting called 'refinement' as 'the tech expert' while PO and customers fight how stories and bugs should be priorized and importantly enough they discussed why the god damn bugfix isn't alive yet that was promised to be deployed this morning.. I was up to deploy it right the time they said I really have to go to that meeting... Yeah.. Business as usual

god damn it No-IP, I've opted out of these email lists 10 fucking times already. this shit is so annoying.

So after multiple hours of wrestling with Jira I finally managed to autofill fields in the service desk. How? By installing a plugin to show message boxes and injecting JavaScript through it, what else?

Fucking wonderful piece of crap :)

Next up: automatically capture errors triggered by employees with Sentry and raise Jira requests. "A button didn't work" isn't enough god damn it.

God damn it, if you (libGDX) have default values for public methods then make those constants public. Now I am writing wrapper and I either create my constant with same value as your private one, or do some reflection black magic which will probably break after obfuscation. *sigh* Going with my copy of the constant, not happy about that...

FUCK reddit

Seriously fuck reddit. I just wanted to post a fucking Question but noooo you must have Karma to post it. Your account has to be old af. Which dickhead designed the god damn karma system???? I'll never try to use that fuckin platform again, the user experience is horrible and their official app is absolute trash. It's slow and buggy, even a fucking 12 year old can code a better client.

Argghhhh I am angry