A call I had today, girl registered a domain and put it in her hosting package:

Girl: so where can I view my email accounts?
Me: *explains*
G: Oh, I wanted an email address with info or my first name as part before the @ but I only see an account with the name of my hosting account username?
Me: that's right, that's a default one you get :)
G: oh 😞 I....I.... I've always have wanted a domain name with my own email addresses linked to it and I thought I could do that this way 😩
(I could hear the disappointment and that she seemed very sad suddenly)
Me: do you see that "create new email account" button up there?
G: Yes..... Wait.... Can I make like multiple email addresses myself?!
Me: as many as you can manage inside your hosting account!
G: 😵😍 OH MY GOD
Me: Haha, enjoy creating some!
G: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU BYE
*Click*

It's those moments which can make your fucking day!

Her: Hey, just heard what John did to you.

Me: Yea. I can't believe he screwed me over like that. I thought he was my friend.

Her: Don't worry. Forget about the bustard. You know #FFF

Me: 🙁 #FFF? What does white got to do with all this.

Her: What???

Me: #FFF. This is white.

Her: Nooooo. It means Fuck Fake Friends. As in the G. Eazy song.

Me: Ohhh😐

School time, programming class:
Girl: Hey, Can you help me?
Me: Sure, what's up?
G: I have an error but I don't know why
M: *looks at error stack trace* You're missing a semicolon in line 133 *puts comma, run... 27 more errors* Well, you have more issues up there, why don't you try to fix them?
G: Oh, Ok, thanks
-- 1 hour later --
G: Hey, can you come? I already fixed the other issues but I still have one I can't fix
M: *checks code, same mistake I fixed, missing semicolon, same line* Why did you erase the semicolon?
G: Oh, because if I erase it, I only have 1 error, but if I leave it, I have 27 so....
M: *turn around, walk away*

Cortana, please open Firefox.
>okay, anon
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
OPEN IT.
>y-yes, anon
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
>Saving files
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon

Good Morning!, its time for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!

Todays contestant is a very special one.

*sitcom audience: WHY?*

Glad you asked, you see if you were to look at his linkedin profile, you would see a job title unlike any you've seen before.

*sitcom audience oooooooohhhhhh*

were not talking software developer, engineer, tech lead, designer, CTO, CEO or anything like that, No No our new entrant "G" surpasses all of those with the title ..... "Software extraordinaire".

*sitcom audience laughs hysterically*

I KNOW!, wtf does that even mean! as a previous dev-ranter pointed out does this mean he IS quality code? I'd say he's more like a trash can ... where his code belongs

*ba dum tsssss*

Ok ok, lets get on with the show, heres some reasons why "G" is on the show:

One of G's tasks was to build an analytics gathering library for iOS, similar to google analytics where you track pages and events (we couldn't use google's). G was SO good at this job he implemented 2 features we didn't even ask for:

- If the library was unable to load its config file (for any reason) it would throw an uncatchable system integrity error, crashing the app.
- If anything was passed into any of the functions that wasn't expected (null, empty array etc.) it would crash the app as it was "more efficient" to not do any sanity checks inside the library.

This caused a lot of issues as some of the data needed to come from the clients server. The day we launched the app, within the first 3 hours we had over 40k crash logs and a VERY angry client.

Now, what makes this story important is not the bugs themselves, come on how many times have we all done something stupid? No the issue here was G defended all of this as the right thing to do!

.. and no he wasn't stoned or drunk!

G claimed if he couldn't get the right settings / params he wouldn't be able to track the event and then our CEO wouldn't have our usage data. To which I replied:

"So your solution was to not give the client an app instead? ... which also doesn't give the CEO his data".

He got very angry and asked me "what would you do then?". I offered a solution something like why not have a default tag for "error" or "unknown" where if theres an issue, we send up whatever we have, plus the file name and store it somewhere else. I was told I was being ridiculous as it wasn't built to track anything like that and that would never work ... his solution? ... pull the library out of the app and forget it.

... once again giving everyone no data.

G later moved onto another cross-platform style project. Backend team were particularly unhappy as they got no spec of what needed to be done. All they knew was it was a single endpoint dealing with very complex model. There was no Java classes, super classes, abstract classes or even interfaces, just this huge chunk of mocked data. So myself and the lead sat down with him, and asked where the interfaces for the backend where, or designs / architecture for them etc.

His response, to this day frightens me ... not makes me angry, not bewilders me ... scares the living shit out of me that people like this exist in the world and have successful careers.

G: "hhhmmm, I know how to build an interface, but i've never understood them ... Like lets say I have an interface, what now? how does that help me in any way? I can't physically use it, does it not just use up time building it for no reason?"

us: "... ... how are the backend team suppose to understand the model, its types, integrate it into the other systems?"

G: "Can I not just tell them and they can write it down?"

**
I'll just pause here for a moment, as you'll likely need to read that again out of sheer disbelief
**

I've never seen someone die inside the way the lead did. He started a syllable and his face just dropped, eyes glazed over and he instantly lost all the will to live. He replied:

" wel ............... it doesn't matter ... its not important ... I have to go, good luck with the project"

*killed the screen share and left the room*

now I know you are all dying in suspense to know what happened to that project, I can drop the shocking bombshell that it was in fact cancelled. Thankfully only ~350 man hours were spent on it

... yep, not a typo.

G's crowning achievement however will go down in history. VERY long story short, backend got deployed to the server and EVERYTHING broke. Lead investigated, found mistakes and config issues on every second line, load balancer wasn't even starting up. When asked had this been tested before it was deployed:

G: "Yeah I tested it on my machine, it worked fine"

lead: "... and on the server?"

G: "no, my machine will do the same thing"

lead: "do you have a load balancer and multiple VM's?"

G: "no, but Java is Java"

... and with that its time to end todays episode. Will G be our most incompetent? ... maybe.

Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!

Unbelievable...

My company bought me a new laptop. It has 2 512 GB SSDs.

Our IT set it up with windows 10.
ON BOTH SSD.

OM fucking G. How dump you have to be to install windows 10 two times in the same machine? What kind of mental illness is this?

Oh snap! Stackoverflow going with the hard hitting questions!

oh hey
it’s just me
o
v
e
r
t
h
i
n
k
i
n
g
yet again

/^\🙏.*$/g

Almost every f*****g time :(

*sitting doing a CS assignment*

*girl walks up to me*

G: Hey so how many countries have you been to?
M: 😶😯 Uhhh I'm not sure let me think
G: *rambles on about what countries she's been to*
G: Anyways, what I really wanted to ask, how do I connect to the wifi?

☹️

😢

😭

D E F R A G M E N T I O N

npm i -g npm

All my works...

G G. O O O. N. N. E E E
G. G. O. O. NN. N. E
G. O. O. N. N. N. E E E
G. G G. O. O. N. N N. E
G. G. O. O. N. NN. E
G G. O O. N. N. E E E E

I love to see the confusion in people's face when they ask to use my computer, open the browser, type "g", hit enter, and land on GitHub instead of Google. 😄

Working with a "senior frontend developer"

HIM: committed this code, and took him 2 weeks before his first commit on our project
var str = ''

if (string == 'String Here') {
str = 'stringhere'
} else if ( string == 'Another String Here') {
str = 'anotherstringhere'
} and so on ...

ME: WTF?
ME: can we do it like this?
ME: str = string.replace(/\s/g, '').toLowerCase()

Maybe he is senior by age :D

”G as in giraffe” really got me lol

I asked her to open her Gmail account, this is what she did.

types www...... opens Google
types G mail (yes, with uppercase g and space between g and mail)
and then clicked on gmail in search result

We never met again.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

in g++ we trust

. _ _ _ /\/|
/ \ _
| [ o]-[ o] l l
\ ¬ / l l
////////// l l
/ \ \ / l_l
/ \ \ _ _ _ _ l
/ \ _ _|_ |- -| \ /\
| ===== |_ |

D E V E L O P E R
A T
N I G H T

Why I love devRant? Cause it redirects me to my good old browser after clicking on a link instead of open such a f*****g build in shit!

Having fun in Germany, I'm going to stay here for 3 days.

Everything is nice
except
that

I'll forget e v e r y t h i n g of my code
because
it is
U N D O C U M E N T E D

Wish me luck

Among G+, Snapchat and Instagram, devRant is the only social media app that'll will work on this device. And I'm perfectly fine with it! 😁👌 Thank you @dfox and @trogus

Everytime I try to do

`npm install -g`

pronounce GUI as "gooey" one more fucking time

Everyone but me in my team touches the screen. Everyone except for my one co-worker G, she mashes it like the screen is at fault for the code being bad.

npm install -g create-react-app
create-react-app hello-world
du -sh ./hello-world/node_modules

253 MB

ಠ_ಠ

C++ is a beautiful programming language

((foo<bar>)*(g++)).baz(!&qux::zip->ding());

Found this G++

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhbhhbhhhhh

Finally!!!!!

Oh..

My.

F*ing...

G****t

It finally worked!

Holy shit!

I figured out how to make it work. Only took me like 3 weeks. But it works so smoothly now.... Holy f.

GAMER : After finishing the game.. "gg mates"

ME : After finishing my code in vi editor.. "gg=G"

bammm!!!

looks beautiful

i tried implementing the mandelbrot set without tutorial.

ended up with this.

is this fractal known? if not, i guess i invented a fractal

When you type 'g' in your browser and press enter and notice that instead of google, github has been opened.
Time to take a day off.

What if the g in gif is silent?

define every function like this:

def function ( arg ) :

instead of

def function(arg):

bit of a nitpick I know. but when I asked her about it she said "convention" and when I asked which convention she replied with "the only one in existence"

so I was triggered by that for sure

When I was in school I had some guys walk up to me and asked:

G: Are you Feeno?
Me: Yes, what's up?
G: We need our FY project on school management system done.
Me: Okay?
G: How much will that cost us?
Me: *confused because I was still a freshman. At that point the only programming language I knew was elementary qbasic. I couldn't even write a hello world program without the help of Google*
So played along because yes we're talking about money here.

Me: It will cost you guys N amount of money (*improvised deep voice*).
G: Okay. Fair price.
* Right there they transferred half the requested amount to me. *
Holy moly! This guys aren't joking around. I don't know shit! They clearly mistook me for a senior student whose first name is Feeno, to me that was a nick referred to me by my friends.

I'm in this one for sure and it's a do or die transaction cus I'm returning no fucking money. I told my friends what had happened and they insisted I return back the money to the students and admit I can't deliver the project they were requesting.
Fuck all of yah! I'm keeping this money. Same afternoon I visited the school library with the intension of writing the code using the help of YouTube tutorials. I didn't find anything useful for qbasic as I thought I could write a full fledged school management system using qbasic.

I was lucky enough to find an existing source code on Codeproject, God bless that Indian guy. The source was in PHP and the tutor gave a step by step guide to setup XAMP and MySQL. I really don't know PHP but I guess source code modification is a natural skill to all programmers as I was able to modify the code to meet the requirements of the students (i.e school name, logo and other minor changes).

Most of what I learnt in programming came from modifying the source of that project. I learnt how to connect a PHP source to a MySQL database, I learnt about functions and their usage, I learnt the basics of HTML, I really learnt a lot and I would say that the speed at which I learnt was proportional to the amount of pressure I received to deliver.

That was how my journey as a full stack developer started. By chance maybe.

Npm install -g yarn

2016's version of using IE to install chrome. 🙈

Real story at a screening interview:

Me(interviewer): how do you convert a string into a number in Javascript?
Candidate: what do you mean?
Me: (writes "123" -> 123 on paper) How do you convert "123" to 123 in JS?
Candidate: (starts writing program on paper)

str.replace(/\"/g, '"")

mind==blown!!

Post from G+, this screen made me exhale more air from nose than usual :D

You know there's something wrong when you write 50+ lines of code and it compiles on the first go

Google+ just died today ☹️

F

Mood:
- Currently coughing my lungs out, I'm not working tomorrow to keep my colleagues safe
- Cat is purring on my shoulder
- Listening to some dope ass synthwave
- Updating the JetBrains IDEs so that I can work on something to busy my mind
- It's 3:45 AM.

Tutorials on the Internet.
They say you have to enter a 12 Character long hexadecimal number.
AND THEN THEY PUT A "G" IN THERE?
WHAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?

Coding with my phone using Termux and installing Vim and g++ because Im writing C++

DuckDuckGo SUCKS!

I mean, I like the concept. The private, highly customizable search engine is what we all need.

But if 4/5 times I have to use 'g!' just to find some really basic stuff, because the results are incorrect or point to low quality content then what's the point of using it in the first place?! It's really frustrating especially if I try to find something in Polish or Dutch, but even in English most of the time the search results sucks!

F U C K I N G
P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N

I’m conducting a train.

For testing, I tell the train to go to station C when someone requests station G. But when I request station G afterwards, it sends me to station H instead.

I never asked for this.

It's Sunday night... Jira is emailing you because your product manager assigned you 12 tasks.

You're about to check what these tasks are, then realize ... my weekend isn't over yet!

Goodnight phone, goodbye g-mail, it's time for some more games and TV

Anon thinks about replacing Car ECU with Raspberry Pi 3
>>Other anons think that there is only one ECU and its only used to control critical functions

/g/ is a weird gold mine 😂😂😂

Story time!

About seven years ago, I was in high school and had friends who kinda rocked with computers. I mean, they knew how to build one, how to make cross tests to find what was wrong with one, which softwares to install to detect viruses, etc. Once, I was with one of these friends, A, when another friend, G, came to us to explain his problem: his computer didn't turn on anymore. He said that he opened the computer, took off the RAM, that let the computer start once, but when he switched off again he wouldn't start anymore.

I was just a silent witness, and A started to ask G how it did happen. "Oh, I was downloading an Allopass generator, when my computer froze."
I smiled.
"But where on hell did you download that? So we can try to find exactly what virus you downloaded! " "Actually", said G, "I was on a streaming site at first, then saw an, then another, and after a dozen sites I found this soft..."
"But", A couldn't believe it, "you don't have antivirus or anything that would have told you not to download it?"
"Oh, it tried, but I reaaaaaally wanted this software. So I shut down it and managed to download it."

I burst in laugh. At the same time I was feeling bad for this poor computer. What amazed me it that not once during the process, G thought it was a bad idea to download an Allopass generator found in an ad that even his antivirus told him it was dangerous.

Nice ending, A took the computer, and managed to make it work again. He even managed to keep important stuff that wasn't destroyed by the virus. G got a little lesson by A, then got yelled at by his parents, because the computer was in fact theirs.

Thanks for reading, and sorry if there's any mistake (grammar, punctuation, etc.), I am on my phone with autocorrect set on french. Have a nice day!

My Professor today, explaining data distribution in distributed systems:

"Imagine distributing Username data in subsets, such as A-C, D-F, G-I, J-L etc... And we have a lot of users with A .... *long pause* A bunch of assholes basically .."

His last words:
"I'm not a slave of you(boss). I'm a fuckn Developer!"

La-da-da-da-dahh 
It's the mfin D-O-double-G (SNOOP DOGG!) 

Left unchecked, recursion jokes can go on forever

HR meeting about flex time. They rounded up the entire engineering department for an all hands meeting.

Started off "we're not here to single anyone out, and no one's getting fired", and then proceeded to shower an employee, lets call them G with praise because they worked late the one day they brought in an investor.

The rest of the meeting was a guilt trip for the entire group. Great use of company time. /s

N O S T A L G I A

Writing "every other f*****g language" after Python is pure frustration

-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!

OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.

-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`

Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.

-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

And yes, that works.

- Uses duckduckgo
- !g everything

Scared the shit out of g/f by using festival on Linux.

SSH'd into computer in bedroom from bathroom, announcing
"I am Lucifer. I'm coming for you, Jenny!"
Followed by a shutdown of PC. She shit herself banging on the bathroom door.
😂

I just discovered that "giga" is pronounced with hard "g". My whole life is a lie

OKAY FUCK OFF APP I JUST WROTE A LONG AF STORY AND THE DEVRANT APP WENT AND CRASHED

i guess i will write the story some other time then :).

Sometimes I want to slap myself.

I’ve been making progress with my voice activated TV remote project - coz you got to use a Google Home and a Raspberry pi for something right? Right??

Anyway, when the API you have written suddenly stops working and you’ve spent hours trying to solve it, it is really soul crushing when you realise you’re using a class variable incorrectly

I’ll just go cry now, while I control my tv 😥😎

Class TVAPI{
Private $tvIP = “192.xxx”;
Private $args = $this->decodeArgs($_GET);

Function of tvVolume(){
exec(“python tvRemote.py {$tvIP} {$this->args}”);
}
}

I'm bored af so I'm creating a language based on images.
In one day I instantiated my first variable :D
Basically, the first pixel defines the action type (in this case, red = initialize variable), the second one defines the variable color (aka name), and the rest defines the value using grey scale (0-255, every r/g/b is a character).
I know this is soooooooo useless but I just want to do something particular.
*Epic music* this is the birth of JPxl *stop epic music*!

Hi guys, my little 2yrs daughter started speeking of each Word "sudo". E. G. "Sudo hi dad". Whats wrong?

been up with g suite support people for last 3 hours...

Grandma: so how do I scan that thingy in order to comnect to the wifi?
Me: I already told you that's something that you have to do only once. Just turn on wifi and it'll connect automatically
G: But I already turned it on and it's not connecting. Now tell me how to scan that again
Me: Are you sure that you did?
G: Yes
*Checks*
Me: It's disabled...
*enables wifi*
G: Oh, thanks, it's working now.

Literally every time she wants her phone to connect to the wifi.

Today I had the most f...g ABSURD and POINTLESS meeting with the client ever, that was arranged by the sales! I drove f...g 100km there and f...g 100km back to have a meeting that lasted about 20 minutes. And it's not even the worst yet. It turned out that I was not even the right person to be there. So guess what - the whole meeting boiled down to me making a phonecall on a loudspeaker to the f...g right person. I have wasted half a day and I HAVE OFFICIALY BECAME THE MOST EXPENSIVE PHONE HOLDER!! Not that I have not insisted a few times before to make a call to ensure that the meeting is necessary at all.

I am just thrilled about the new employees! They are so talented…

O-M-F-G!

Who hired these people!? It-is-incredible! (Actually, I know who hired them!) Just unbelievable amount of wasted time holding their hand on every step of the way. 10 years experience? I-think-not! This will not working out!

Don’t even speak understandable English. Just difficult to know what they are asking since they lack the basic principles of the english language.

Beginning of the end.

Imbeciles!

aight fresh day, 9am, lets start coding feature A because it is complex and required

*end of the day*

finally done coding feature B,C,D,E,F,G,Z,X,Y,Z,FUCK,SHIT,COCK,PUSSY, CUM, time to commit.

i feel like i forgot something...

WTF, Google?! Get your shit together!! No one wants another GUI disaster makeover which leads us from bad to worse.

Every time I log into g+ or gmail, the whole flippin GUI has changed.. OK, it might be just my taste for simplicity, but I do not think a 'better GUI' should make you feel like an ape trying to code.. :\

If people with programming skills can't use it 'out of the box' & without googling stuff like "where did you hid the new email button", how the f do other people who are IT inept supposed to use it!? OR is it just me?! If it's just me, I'll shut up and love the new GUI.. otherwise: juck!!

#itSucksToBeOnTheOtherSideOfTheCode :\

As someone who works with front end stuff regularly, know what I love about safari? Specifically mobile safari?

Not a god damn fucking thing. If safari was a band, it'd be Nickelback, featuring Kenny G and Michael Bolton.

Look I'm a huge fan of Google (fight me about it, idgaf) but like G+ was such a fucking disaster and the fact it took this long is nothing short of a miracle lol

- Learn git/github
- Create and finish a useful project on my Raspberry Pi
- Successfully organize a LoL tournament in my school, and develop something related to it
- Do not lose my mind when my programming teacher keeps saying bullshit
- Install a Linux distro along with my Windows as dualboot
- F u c k i n g clean that computer case a l r e a d y
- Finish the website I have been making for like half a year for my hobby
- Be active on devRant

Python:

sed -i -e s/master/parent/g file.py

Ready for zero-g 👍

The year of 2018 is slowly coming to it end, so how about summing it up in a few keywords ?

I start : Bitcoin, Spectre/Meltdown, GDPR, Facebook-out-Linux-in, A.I., Elon Musk, Corporate fuckups(fb,g..), Cheap & Good smartphones

Just a few random ones, hope you come up with better summary:)

What the actual fuuuuuuck?! Google, can you just stop making improooovments on ui that is making your apps work/look like shit?!
Fuck I'm pissed.. 😒

*maniacal laughter*

/(?<digit>\\d)|(?<non_digit>\\D)|(?<alphanumeric>\\w)|(?<non_alphanumeric>\\W)|(?<whitespace>\\s)|(?<non_whitespace>\\S)|(?<horizontal_tab>\\t)|(?<carriage_return>\\r)|(?<linefeed>\\n)|(?<vertical_tab>\\v)|(?<form_feed>\\f)|(?<backspace>\[\\b.*?\])|(?<NUL>\\0)|(?<control_character>\\c[A-Z])/g;

... I need to sleep

Facebook has 👍
Stackoverflow has 🔺
Medium has ✋
Google Plus has +1's
Devrant has ++

Whooo....! If you are creating a content creation platform for people, then better hurry :P

Today on "How the Fuck is Python a Real Language?": Lambda functions and other dumb Python syntax.

Lambda functions are generally passed as callbacks, e.g. "myFunc(a, b, lambda c, d: c + d)". Note that the comma between c and d is somehow on a completely different level than the comma between a and b, even though they're both within the same brackets, because instead of using something like, say, universally agreed-upon grouping symbols to visually group the lambda function arguments together, Python groups them using a reserved keyword on one end, and two little dots on the other end. Like yeah, that's easy to notice among 10 other variable and argument names. But Python couldn't really do any better, because "myFunc(a, b, (c, d): c + d)" would be even less readable and prone to typos given how fucked up Python's use of brackets already is.

And while I'm on the topic of dumb Python syntax, let's look at the switch, um, match statements. For a long time, people behind Python argued that a bunch of elif statements with the same fucking conditions (e.g. x == 1, x == 2, x == 3, ...) are more readable than a standard switch statement, but then in Python 3.10 (released only 1 year ago), they finally came to their senses and added match and case keywords to implement pattern matching. Except they managed to fuck up yet again; instead of a normal "default:" statement, the default statement is denoted by "case _:". Because somehow, everywhere else in the code _ behaves as a normal variable name, but in match statement it instead means "ignore the value in this place". For example, "match myVar:" and "case [first, *rest]:" will behave exactly like "[first, *rest] = myVar" as long as myVar is a list with one or more elements, but "case [_, *rest]:" won't assign the first element from the list to anything, even though "[_, *rest] = myVar" will assign it to _. Because fuck consistency, that's why.

And why the fuck is there no fallthrough? Wouldn't it make perfect sense to write

case ('rgb', r, g, b):
case ('argb', _, r, g, b):
case ('rgba', r, g, b, _):
case ('bgr', b, g, r):
case ('abgr', _, b, g, r):
case ('bgra', b, g, r, _):

and then, you know, handle r, g, and b values in the same fucking block of code? Pretty sure that would be more readable than having to write "handeRGB(r, g, b)" 6 fucking times depending on the input format. Oh, and never mind that Python already has a "break" keyword.

Speaking of the "break" keyword, if you try to use it outside of a loop, you get an error "'break' outside loop". However, there's also the "continue" keyword, and if you try to use it outside of a loop, you get an error "'continue' not properly in loop". Why the fuck are there two completely different error messages for that? Does it mean there exists some weird improper syntax to use "continue" inside of a loop? Or is it just another inconsistent Python bullshit where until Python 3.8 you couldn't use "continue" inside the "finally:" block (but you could always use "break", even though it does essentially the same thing, just branching to a different point).

Google Plus may be dead, but still with us, silently...

Theory
You work on thing B while waiting to hear back about thing A

Practice
You are waiting to hear back about things A-G

In a react-native code camp right now and troubleshooting participants install took 30% of the time 😂😂😂😂

My mom asked me to speed up her PC's startup process. I looked into it and and probably found the problem: G Data.

I told her she has to delete it, there is windows defender anyways (and virus scanners are just snake oil). She refused and said: But I bought it from the local IT shop. They said it is the best.

I said: Yeah because they cannot sell windows defender...

She still argued that she paid for it and wants to keep it.

That was were I said: then enjoy your slow startups.

She also said she feels more secure with it. 🙄

I would not even be able to work with that PC! Its not old at all, but the permanent scanning comes at a high cost and probably does not help much.

But she trusts that local it store guy more than me apparently.

Copying a javascript anonymous function (Yes, the whole function) 11 times with only one parameter changing
I'm currently cleaning it up...

O H B O Y F U N D A Y S I N C O M M I N G...

Teacher asks the class:
"How do you become a good developer?"

All the students starts talking about algorithms, problem solving or working in a team.

He nods and starts writing on the board. w w w. g o o g l e . c o m
He then leaves the classroom.

So here I am years later, a master googler and a expert stack overflower.

One of my teachers pronounces the 'g' in 'git' like the 'j' in 'jet' and it confuses me each time he says it

I fucking hate being a Dev sometimes.

G i v e m e f u l f i l l i n g t a s k s p l e a s e

Not these shitty ones with API documentation riddled with holes 🫠😥

I love how my University CSSE courses make it hard for Windows users.
Student: Is it possible use VALGRIND in Windows CMD?
prof: I don't know, I only use Linux command line. Next question.

All programs must compile and run on Linux using g++. So everyone using windows has strip the IDE bloat and transfer the project files over to the remote Linux lab every single time they compile and run.

Benefits of being a Linux user!

People who reuse variables.
Yeah, sure, let's just go declare
number1 = g * 86;
Oh and 10 lines down let's reset it
number1 = 0;
I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL DESTROY YOUR SMALL RAM 'ed THING YOU CALL YOUR COMPUTER.
Variables should be made for one purpose and one purpose only.

New job is going well overall, but...

Just overheard a conversation with two coworkers and heard them both say “jif”, unironically...

Don't question my infrastructure setup. I ssh into server A because it's the only one available from the outside. From there i ssh into server B to ssh into server C. C functions as a router and allows me to ssh into D, E, F and G. I could go from A to C directly, but OCD.

In one of my teams there was this non-IT girl.
One morning, she asks out loud:
G - Can I run a Json?
Me - Wait! What are you trying to do?
G - I need to deploy my changes into the Dev server.

Suddently I realized what she meant.
Me- It's Jenkins! Not Json. :D

How is GNOME pronounced?

Is it
Gee-Nome
Guh-Nome
Or Nome (with a silent G)?

I've heard all three

For when I need to make a website awesome:

javascript:var a='hotPink',b='pink',h=document,i=h.body,c=function(d,e){f=h.getElementsByTagName('*');for(g in f){f[g].style.background=d;f[g].style.color=e;}};i.innerHTML='<marquee behavior="scroll" direction="left" scrollamount="30">'+i.innerHTML+'</marquee>';(function(){function htmlreplace(a,b,element){if(!element)element=document.body;var nodes=element.childNodes;for(var n=0;n<nodes.length;n++){if(nodes[n].nodeType==Node.TEXT_NODE){var r=new RegExp(a,'g');nodes[n].textContent=nodes[n].textContent.replace(r,b);}else{htmlreplace(a,b,nodes[n]);}}}htmlreplace("a|e|i|o|u",'o');htmlreplace("A|E|I|O|U",'O');})();c(a,b);

Compiling a Linux zImage... pray for me, guys!

ripgrep is AMAZING!

It's a CLI tool to search your code quickly, and here's the kicker: it uses your . gitignore to only index your source.

It is fast, powerful, and highly flexible and I'm MARRYING IT

`brew install ripgrep`
`rg 'your new bicycle' -g '!*.yml' `

I really despise solving competitive programming problems.

I truly believe it's okay to struggle with them and that people have different abilities. But these kind of problems are an easy way to make you hate yourself and think of yourself less.

I can't solve this problem --> I'm not a good programmer --> I'm not smart enough --> I'm not good enough like my peers who work at FA*G companies, ...

I know these interview problems are a filter and that recruiting is hard and the demand is always high and that they are nothing like the real work but, the reality is, you need to prepare if you want to get into one of the big companies with better perks and maybe better projects.

Why does DevRant not have code blocks and syntax highlighting?
T R I G G E R E D

Linux nerds, here is a question,

I have a machine with 32 GB Ram, currently it is using 12.5 G and at the same time I see swap is used 1.55G/2.00G

why swap is used if i have enough Ram ?

Vs studio 17, Y U NO COMPILE MAH C++? It's literally one tiny program, with only one "Rectangle" class. g++ likes it and compiles it clean, why can't you be more like him? :(

When I type 'g' in the address bar, I get more questions of GitHub than for got Google

An actual email thread:

G: I need this done

Me: okay. Whats the priority, when's the due date, who are the stakeholders, what's the sensitivity level of the data?

G: Priority is ASAP, due date is ASAP, stakeholders are ALL OF IT, and i want to be able to control the data sensitivity level

...

Those arent ANSWERS; they're REQUESTS!!!

When you type g and GitHub appears in the address bar.......

Even Google can make mistakes.

go to gmaps.de and have fun with an nginx error sponsored by big G.

Normally, it should redir to the Google Maps page

Of course the first thing I do when I sat at my desk is to update my Firefox. And I realized that chrome also needs an update.

I remember clearly that I just updated everything yesterday. So Google released updates on the same date as Mozilla.

Coincidence? Don't think so.

Kinda sad when 'Google Play Games' has better update notes than the rest of the G Suite....

Each time my colleague pronounces “integer” with a hard “g”, I feel like cutting my ears off with a rusted and blunt hacksaw. Anything to make it stop!

Every f*k**g morning.. "Good morning _____, goood morning!" I'm so tired of these work from home Zoom calls with my boss. OMG. Everybody gotta suck her dick like we like her. Aaaaaaah. #tears

U P G R A D E S

If you were to write a regular expression to match phone numbers in the format of either:
(123) 456-7890 or
123-456-7890

Would you prefer a regular expression that looked like:
A) /^(?:\(\d{3}\) |\d{3}-)\d{3}-\d{4}$/g
B) ^\(\d{3}\) \d{3}-\d{4}$|^\d{3}-\d{3}-\d{4}$/g
C) Other
D) I hate regex

Reasoning? Alternative? Discuss.

(I'm curious about preferences surrounding the readability of regular expressions)

Trying to develop Java applications in Windows...

sed s/Java applications/anything/g

'sed' is not recognized as internal or external command, operable program or batch file

*sigh*

How do you pronounce GUI?

Gooey or G-U-I.

Have to find a memory leak in a huge, legacy JS application that builds, renders and handles (most) of the basic logic for completing forms - that only works when compiled into a minified js and put in another application that builds into a phonegap based app.
Did I mention everything is bound to a G(lobal) namespace and the ViewModel/Controllers etc. all use JQuery and "this" references and .bind() everywhere?

Deadline of fix: end of today/early tomorrow.

sitting at a bonfire right now talking to a guy that used to write in g code.

My best co-worker and teamplayer in games. Unlike like his stupid wireless brother, this buddy is cheap, super-efficient and literally a Genius with capital G.

Man, I love how G++ (and every other Gnu tool for that matter) makes 0 effort to understand what you fucked up, and they only tell you where they got stuck. What am I supposed to do with this error that doesn't contain a single reference to my project?

!rant && Android

I thought I found something on devrant app turn out it is an Android thing. Not sure if a bug or not.

I use Android 7.1.2 default keyboard . And Google place a small G logo at the top left corner of keyboard. Clicking that show the gif, emoji, language setting etc menu.

On devrant and a few apps I have tried, that G icon remains on the screen in a transparent and almost not visible state but at the same position after hiding the keyboard. Like a watermark.

At first I thought devrant app background has that mark. Even took a screenshot to share here. Turn out it doesn't show up on screenshot. Because when I zoomed in on the image, the icon remained at same position on screen. So it is showing on Google photo app as well.

Any of you guys have that issue?

June rocks. It is time to party:
[L]ets
[G]et
[B]eer
[T]acos &
[Q]uesadillas!

Everyone is going on about how suddenly finding a programming gig is or has become a lot harder why with the outbreak and the economic downturn it is going g to cause.

But realistically is it true? Did I just pick a bad time to start a new career in this particular field or is it just FUD?

THREE DAYS of debugging, reading all the logs I could find, creating tens of new logs in our appliaction, and SUDDENLY an email from your IT admin:

"Hey your CURL requests are being rejected by my !oh so secure! firewall rule".

Not that I haven't said at the beggining, that THIS IS YOUR F...G NETWORK PROBLEM because we get "connection reset by peer" errors, and you ASSURED that everything is CHECKED and OK!

My grade in basic programming course went from B to C, determined by a fu****g semi colon! One damn semicolon!!!

Bare in mind that my digital exam was in NOTEPAD with no IDE, no syntax highligting, nothing but black on white!

Is there really any compilator, or realistic job environment, where this could be so devestating?!?!

google has crammed so many things in Gmail that,

I think they will port an entire OS in the future.

G-OS

Classmate from school has logged in to his gmail account on my laptop and has not logged out yet. Now I have access to all the his subscription including g facebook.

Now as a friend and human, should I teach him a expensive lesson ?

You time starts now. Reply fast 00:59:00

Me compiling c++ code at 3 am be like:

gcc filename.cpp -o filename

Some error pops up

Cries for a while, looking up for the solution

After writing the whole code again notices was using gcc instead of g++...

Yo, where's @g-m-f at ?
Haven't heard from him in last few months, his puns were sharper than a toothpick and shorter than a 3 minute jack-off

I like how google is trying to catch up in the competition of video calls, and chat...

I have a Gmail account & work email is on Google G-Suit, every time I access one of them that Google meet popup shows in a desperate attempt to make people use it ....

FFS, I wasted my time reinstalling nodejs just to update my npm and tried npm i -g npm.

Outputs a success status but when I check via npm -v it's still the same old version.

Or maybe I'm just too dumb that I don't know how to do it right.

I am G /

Thanks Windaids, this was the most fun line of code to figure out that I needed in a while: var dir = process.cwd().replace(/\\/g, '/'); + "/my_dir";

Boomer humor: I hate my wife
Gen-X humor: I hate my life
Gen-Z humor:
🥚
🦵 L E G G

"Making good design is easy. It’s polishing the half-assed stuff that takes time." - Stefan G. Bucher

I recently started learning Erlang. This is the story of how I got trapped into it.

When I code, I usually use my trusty text editor and a terminal to either compile my code or run tests in the language interpreter. The interpreter, erl, works fine, but when I wanted to close it, I ran into a small issue.
Because I never know what the command is to close an interpreter, I usually use the EOF character (^D), that is widely recognized. Except erl does not react to it, not even a tiny message saying it won't close or doesn't recognize the output.
Alright then, let's try quit. That's an atom, it does not behave how I want.
quit() is an undefined shell command, exit() terminates the shell process but the interpreter automatically starts a new one...
But I get the welcome message, telling me to abort with ^G! Some progress, finally... except ^G redirects from Erlang interpreter to user switch command. Damn, another interpreter...

I ended up killing the process from an other terminal.

Me: Google, Hello , Wassup?
G: Hi, I can search the web for results.
Me: Okay, Talk to me Im bored.
G: I can search the web for results.
Me: STFU and talk to me. Dont search for results.
G: I can search the web for results.
Me: djkasndakdnasjkdnsadjkasndasnda :/ totally pissed.

Our "boss" asked us to go to office on Saturday to work on something that is not part of the current sprint, but planned to be done next sprint, because we are
A g i l e

Before starting the project team lead told me this is the page of apidoc which will be updated after each new service call so that the communication is clear and i know the parameter of each api call well to use them.

1 month passed and no new service call appeared so i got curious and took a look at his code. He has created 8 f****g nrw calls but did not update the docs.

Who of you needs some non-disturbing background music while coding?

echo "g(i,x,t,o){return((3&x&(i*((3&i>>16?\"BY}6YB6%\":\"Qj}6jQ6%\")[t%8]+51)>>o))<<4);};main(i,n,s){for(i=0;;i++)putchar(g(i,1,n=i>>14,12)+g(i,s=i>>17,n^i>>13,10)+g(i,s/3,n+((i>>11)%3),10)+g(i,s/5,8+n-((i>>10)%3),9));}"|gcc -xc -&&./a.out|aplay

A while ago I found this in a Youtube-Video from computerphile.
I always listen to it or some variations if I need to stay focused.
Works for me.

Lately, all I see is ppl postings gifs instead of ranting...

So, choose a team:

Team Hard G

Or

Team Soft G

Every time I setup a mailserver, spent lots of hours in making it secure, all mails from me are landing in spam folders. I HATE it! A pity that Google doesn't host the free G Suite with own domains anymore :(

I have officially decided to use CI (Jenkins) at work because "apt-get update && apt-get upgrade -y && composer self-update && composer update && npm update -g && npm update && bower install --allow-root && gulp" after a pull doesn't seem healthy 😂

@dfox I g-coded the devrant logo and drew it on my mini CNC plotter.

The pen doesn't go up and down quite yet. Soon though

Challenge: rank the following in your favourite order:

A: Stargate shows
B: Battlestar Galactica (and Caprica)
C: StarTrek
D: Westworld
E: Star wars
F: Doctor Who
G: Black mirror
H: X files
I: Matrix films
J: Babylon 5
K: Altered Carbon
L: The Arrival

And any other sci-fi shows/films I've missed

Inherited a codebase that implements its own word wrapping for receipt printing. Problem is it's putting an extra space at the end of each line.

I open up the implementation, expecting it to be a relatively simple fix, until I see this…

var regex = '.{1,' +width+ '}(\\s|$)' + (cut ? '|.{' +width+ '}|.+$' : '|\\S+?(\\s|$)');
return str.match(RegExp(regex, 'g')).join(linebreak);

This is really shitty from ubuntu the reason I switched to linux was I had crappy windows error slow performance and that I gets hanged time to time.
Guess what I have same problem.on linux :/ fuck this ubuntu gnome.
Can anybody tell if there's any fucking os which doesn't get hang?
because Ubuntu is pissing me off
I have dell core i3 running with 8 g ram

!rant - it's a THANK YOU!

Had the problem so far that I could not start some apps in docker containers with GPU support (e. g. Chromium).

After a long search and a lot of help from the community, today's update of xf86-video-ati (1:7.8.0-2 -> 1:7.10.0-1) has finally fixed the bug. Yay!

Thank you very much Arch Linux and all the great maintainers. You're doing an awesome job.

Google and TikTok sitting is a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love, then comes marriage

Then comes a baby in a baby carriage

---

I see this every time I need to manually update some apps...

@micheltombroff 👍 best happy face ive seen
@g-m-f pitty i couldn't reply with a pic

@dfox
I recently posted a rant containing the tag "$" (php, you know).

But if I search rants with the search pattern "$", the search returns no results.

I guess this has something todo with $ as a special character ;)

Is it a bug or is it a feature? *g*

Anyone else noticed this symbolism in the "compact" Google "G" logo?

The inner circle is like a walled garden of information with an open gate that is controlled by the G-atekeeper.

So watch out for the rebrand to Ooogle

!dev

*packing ventilator*
Me: Allright, now all that's left is to bring it down to the basement.
Grandmother: yeah, but not today.
M: Why not?
G: Because I feel exhausted.
M: I would bring it down get bring it down for you
G: No, I feel exhausted

And I feel exhausted by your constant inability to listen when there's minimal stress and an opinion / recommendation that slighly differs from yours.

I shit you not, when I asked her to repeat my offer she had no idea what I just had offered...

After spending almost all the day trying to find out what was wrong with my code, re-reading all my class, thinking that the universe does not make sense anymore, I find that one loop control variable that I was changing had a duplicate inside the loop. Damn you compiler, why did you not warn me?

Moving from a G-Suite company to one that uses Exchange 2016 is like stepping into a shiny time machine with only one working gear... reverse.

Spam filtering is as primitive as classified ads in print newspapers.
Outlook Web is as primitive as using a printed phone book.

I haven't seen this crap since 2004 and it appears NOTHING has changed since then.

As an Android user I constantly think I coulda got a better cheaper phone.

Such is life **typed from my Moto G**

npm install -g npm-quick-run

Just wondering if there are people that have the 'is it g-i-f or g-i-f' problem with 'g-i-t'.. 🤔

And greetings from Sibiu, visiting the tiny ICDD congress here.

Someone tell me should I just give up because I'm stupid and simple shit escapes me or tell me bro calm the fuck down the guy is full of shit...

Dude says he can't verify 3rd statement in a nested IF - elseif logic because the third check for a false condition is the True condition in the first 2 statements.

So

If (mode) = manual and then
Data(g) /= Status1
Or else Data(g) = Invalid
Then
Do this thing that sounds cool
Elsif
Data(g) = Status1
And then Data(g) /= Invalid
Then
Do something else equally cool
Elsif (mode) /= manual
and then Data(g) /= Invalid
and then Data(g) /= Status1
Then
Do some less cool stuff
end if

Going to develop a electron desktop..

saddest part: doesn't even install on my machine.. don't know why... errors errors everywhere 😢😢

npm install -g electron

so llvm core was written in c++
and it's used to build good compilers.
and they used it to build llvm-g++, a c++ compiler (now deprecated)

huh...

Fix for bug x
Fix 2 for bug x
Final fix for bug x
Really final fix for bug x
Another fix for bug x
...
Fix 59 fit bug x
....
As the gf egg bf egg Jr DG DG r
Rf we j RF at uh xD egg GB g

How often does this happen to you?

Hmm I need to install the nodemon package, ok so I enter:
npm install -g nodemon
Result:
npm WARN
npm WARN
npm ERR
npm ERR
npm ERR....

I then wonder why would it not work??? Then after looking at the errors I realise ohh:
sudo npm install -g nodemon

This literally happens to me almost every single time I install a package.

*Building random c++ project to practice for exam*

*Gets stuck on linker error for a while*

*Furiously screams at compiler*

*Realizes that one of the implementation files is missing from the g++ command*

*Internally screams at self*

I'll do great on the exam, huh?

Is there a better CLI tool for finding/replacing stuff in files recursively? Other than like..

sed -i '' '/some/nonsense/g'

"f(n) is O(g(n)) if c and n0 f(n) <= cg(n) for all n > n0".

I have a couple of questions related to this equation.
1: why we use this equation?
2: which thing cg(n) is represented for?
3: what is the real-life example of this?

Something really strange happened now, I received my 2-step login codes from Google from an unknown number and just codes, doesn't Google usually use this format: G-XXX-XXX
and have their name in the title?

So i fcked up a lot monday. I was working on ftp system and i had some problems, so i wanted to test on my own account.
What i didn't realise was that usermod -g group user
Overrides current users instead of adding them like
Usermod -G group user

So i overrided my users groups including root.
And the next day i logged in, my user didn't have sudo permission 😊

Luckily the owner had a friend with sudo which saved us. Because we only have 1 account which we me and the owner uses.

I was looking at the specs on a tablet and had to make sure it supported everything I needed.

Android: Check
Ram >2G: Check
CPU Cores >4: Check
WIFI l/g/b/t/q: Check

Many many hours into b i g computation I realized I forgot to save the result :(

(I’m too defeated to cuss right now can one of the experts do it for me thx)

When I read this game's description for done reason it reminded me of g-m-f and LetMeCode... Not sure why... but anyway this dev should be on devRant

I've kept training to those dumbfucks how this damn app works... Now they ask for a MANUAL, a fu****g PICTURE BOOK... INCLUDING PICTURES on how to confirm a fu*** email!!! How do you even live without brain at all?! Should i put a picture of a computer in it so these dumbfucks dont type on empty desk... JESUS!!!