Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

80% of coding is just staring at the code thinking about how to implement a particular feature into the code...

"should I commit this? nah let's just implement this huge feature first and commit that clusterfuck of changes with a commit message «changes»"

!Rant
Won $10,000 in a hackathon today.
Now, time to implement!!

Almost every f*****g time :(

Real programmers implement it in real life.......😂😂😂

CEO was trying to explain his ideas what he wants us to implement. Well...

In my previous job boss wanted me to implement all features found on WhatsApp 🤦🏼‍♂️

I'm lucky I found another job two months later

void procrastinate()
{
//TODO: implement
}

When you implement a feature by (primarily) deleting existing code...

I made a web app team mad because I'm forcing them to implement HTTPS on their huge website made of sticks and stones.

NO REGRETSSS

Don't design a database we just implement tables as we code the app.

My estimations before devRant:
PM: how long will it take to implement this?
Me: one day, tops.

My estimations after devRant:
PM: how long will it take to implement this?
Me: one week, tops.

Thanks @dfox for making me so productive.

What a nice fucking tutorial.

Clicked an articles which says How to Implement X feature in Vanilla JavaScript.

They used a vanilla javascript library.

What a fucking idiot.

The best way to predict the future is to implement it.

No, I can't implement a "pixel-perfect responsive design".

Why do viruses make computers so slow...? Why can't their programmers implement them efficiently...?

It's like they're trying to be malicious...

That moment when you find yourself seriously arguing with your rubber duck about which approach to implement...

Some people wanted me to implement an alternative to the Google PlayStore, which should someday replace the official PlayStore....

Yeah sure

After 3 hours of trying to implement a feature, I’ve moved from 10 errors to 7 errors!
At least I’m doing some progress, I guess... 🤷‍♂️

$Me: *whispers* Do you like it rough baby?

$Her: *moans* uhuh

$Me: *continues whispering* I'm gonna implement a dynamic programming algorithm for you.

$Her: ahhhhhhh yaass *looses control of her body*

Fictional scenario of course I'd never implement shit for nobody who isn't paying.

Complains why the app is not done yet ...

Because you fucking keep coming up with new features and ask us to implement them immediately !!!??

Had to implement an API reporting on exabytes of data, scaling up eventually to a zettabyte.

I'd never even heard of these words until I started on the project.

If you come up with a great idea in a meeting to solve a problem, be prepared to implement it alone.

- implement feature
- manager suggests a different way to do it
- manager's version adds bug
- get blamed
- manager makes you implement feature the way you originally did it

.....

Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.

"I'm sure I can implement this very easily, it's not much work"
*takes 10 days*

!rant

After reading the wiki page over and over, I was finally able to implement Dijkstra's algorithm 😃

People should fucking document their code. I have to implement something using someone's code. And I have no idea what I'm doing.

Please implement this for the avatars 😂

Do you spend sometimes too much time on making the code look pretty that you forget to implement the f** feature?

Restarting a 70% completed project cause you've found a simpler way to implement it. 😅😅😅

Why would you implement this?

Friend: 'I have an idea you could totally do: a search engine for travellers that searches hostels, hotels, flights and resteraunts'
Me: 'yeahh I'm currently working on an e-commerse website. Should keep me.busy for a while'
Friend: 'integrate it into your website, it'd be silly not to'

Do people think we just click 'integrate idea' button for a living??!
Seriously the fux

It took me 18 hours to implement the design and 3 hours for the actual logic..

Damn you frontend 😪

Me to designer: "I did the research and this just isn't possible to implement, I'm sorry"

What I actually mean: "There's a couple of ways I could implement that feature, but all of them require me to do sketchy things that destroy my integrity as a programmer."

After a long time for making a boiler plate. now i'm ready to implement game logic and sprites ! look at this beauty

Spent 10 minutes starting to implement XML serialization in my old app... and then realize i already implemented it.

The assignment needed me to implement a class that behaves like a vector<int>. I tried the obvious hack not expecting it to work, but surprisingly it did.

Client request hover function on hyperlink to display tooltips...the problem is they request it to be implement on mobile/android apps...

Gf: Promise me that you'll never reject my request.
Me: Pls implement error handling

*DUMPED*

Me: let's implement reusable code
Them: Fuck no...

***brawl***
🤦🏽‍♂️

Function to implement blockchain ML

People thinking you are able to implement the universe.

Many thanks MySQL. Really a good way to implement a driver. Go fuck yourself.

Found in one of the projects I had to implement fixes.

My god...

Client:
So we need to implement this entire eCommerce API so we can use this webshop in two days.

Me:

Anyone else is doing this? When you know you need to implement it, but want to fucus on something else and #TODO just doesn't cut it. xD

People who actually implement DRY: "Don't repeat yourself!"

People who "implement" DRY but are morons: "Don't repeat yourself, never say the same thing twice, and try not to be redundant."

Our story start like this.

Boss: Hey programmer A, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer A: I suggest not implement {feature X} because {negative impact of feature X}

Boss: Ok

Boss asks Programmer B.

Boss: Hey programmer B, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer B: Of course, no problem

Programmer B asks Programmer A.

Programmer B: Hey Programmer A, Do you know how to implement {feature X} on this application? I have no idea.

Programmer A: WHAT!!! do you know that {feature X}, Will negatively impact our application?

Programmer B: Well that's our boss want, I can't say no.

Programmer A: (F**k I hate this guy)

Yeah sure I'll implement blockchain with HTML.

Spending more time grooming a user story than it will take to implement.

When a Senior Developer hands off their project to a Junior to implement new features

Me: I think we should implement some kind of unit tests.

Lead: No time everything will take twice as long.

* some of my code accidentally breaks some of his *

Lead: I think we should implement some kind of unit tests...

Immediately know the most efficient way to implement something.

I forgot the password to my test account for my forum.

Time to implement a password reset feature

When the developers are told to implement the given design without questioning whether a design makes sense at all
...

Someone tell them its 2017 already. Saddest part was TA asking me to implement Binary Search in this TurboC++. Toughest 2 hours of my day :(

After all these years of web development I have realised that sometimes its faster to implement what the client is saying instead of arguing that the feature is pointless.

My first new year resolution for this 2017 is learn to do the f****ng unit test before implement the code

As lead developer I was not allowed to implement automated testing as "we don't have time for that" - you have no idea how much time it would save!

"Congratulations on winning our hackathon! We're not going to implement your feature in favor of one that was already on our roadmap, but we really like your idea."

"You don't have to implement all that functionality, just X" - proceeds to describe how X entirely depends on *all that functionality*

I am writing a graphics library for low power small memory footprint micro controllers to implement pebble watch like vector animations ( gif shows what i am trying to implement)
But I couldn’t find time 😔

Don't hire a designer if your gonna ignore his designs and make me implement your shitty designs

When you're lazy to implement a little feature you thought about but the feature gets implemented anyway because of some bug in your code..

True story btw

When you implement an algorithm on your first try:

Our boss demands us to implement machine learning to an obscure project.

So we use machine learning to find what to use machine learning for.

Remember to always implement a backup solution if the first one fails.
Don’t break the experience for the user. 😉

Now my worst fear is that I figured out how to implement my idea, because now the only thing stopping me is my laziness.

What if you use C++ to implement C++ code into C++ so you can have a better version of C++ called C++++?

DBA bitches about one of our developers SQL... implement changes... deploy... now it takes 12 minutes... up from 40 seconds... good job!

I'm getting annoyed with the increasing number of platforms that implement the "Oops, something went wrong" vague error message.

Client: A thing I know abso-fucking-lute-ly nothing about shouldn't take you long to implement.

Ability to learn and implement everything in just one day top!
So I want to be a know
-it-all.

Man I really wish I knew how to implement TDD. Sounds so good in theory, seems impossible in practice 😅

PM1 : "we need to implement this feature"

After days of development.

Testing time

PM2 : "My recommendation is that we don't need this feature"

:/

Me: We did [technical debt] and [next feature] is hard to implement because of it. I suggest we do [actual 5 min solution] before proceeding to implement [next feature].

Colleagues: Agreed

Team Lead: We don't have time for this I dont want to change anything because the way we did [technical debt] already works besides we can [more technical debt] code go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

When i get ask to implement encryption methods in my code

Last week's Android development time breakdown:

21.9% Managing state
17.7% Referring to lifecycle diagrams
15.1% Waiting for Gradle
8.5% Reading the official docs on how to use component x
8.4% Reordering auto-generated ConstraintLayout XML
7.5% Swearing
4.2% Googling “Stack overflow component x is deprecated”
3.9% Googling “Stack overflow implement component x on API 24 or lower”
3.7% Googling “Stack overflow implement component x on API 21 or lower”
3.2% Googling “Stack overflow implement component x on API 19 or lower”
2.9% Googling “Stack overflow callback y called twice”, realising its a feature and not a bug, swearing a lot
2.0% Checking if Flutter is mature yet
1.0% Implementing business logic

1) Implement a filesystem in my operating system
2) Write a gameboy emulator

if(true)//TODO: implement later
{
//do stuff
}

Asked to implement Conway's Game of Life, pondered about the meaning of life instead.

Finally had the time to implement that feature I wanted all the time. Testing now and everything works just fine again. Very suspicious.

A time you've been asked to implement something you felt uncomfortable with.

Boss: What you guys think about this feature?
Employee: ~details 5 good reasons not to implement it~
Boss: Nah, I don't think so, do it anyway.

Clients get mad when you asks for more money for the website, but "hey, can you implement this function too??:)"

Saw this on Reddit, might just implement it

Finally, it's working..
A new device added to my Collection.
Welcome Echo Dot !!!!!
Long list of skills planning to implement..

I emailed a client with a question if they want option A or option B for specific feature. I got a one word response. "yes."

Witch one should I implement?

How do you guys learn something new? Do you first learn things deeply and then implement or straight away start using it? I find it confusing sometimes.

"But we already decided on this"

- or-

"We've done it this way before"

2 excuses that seem to allow you implement / design what ever the fuck you desire

I'm on a trial day for a new designer job. Now i'm tasked to implement my screen design into html. I feel so lost.

Add your fucking requirements.txt files or atleast have a decent fucking readme. I have had to implement many official repos for AI ML papers now and most of them are shit with a load of bugs in them, cant you implement them properly while you are at it?

Also would like to add most of the sota results arent honest maybe famous ones are but the research community is full of shit really. All of that cant be changed but atleast add readmes and requirements ffs.
I have to spend days just to implement your sub par result providing fuckery.
I’d rather just code it all myself sometimes

When we had to implement urgently a small project estimated in two weeks. Took me an afternoon. 3 years later, still works, not even 1 bug.

When I try to implement cryptography based on tutorials. 👾

implement it in the way that is quickest rather than best, we can always improve it later.

Too lazy to implement DB Transaction. I hope I won't get fired for this.

I'm lazy as 🦆 duck

e.g
If I want to implement a new functionality I'll just look for a library for it, rather writing it from scratch

Things are fun until you have to implement authing.😔

BOSS: We need to renew ourself.
ME: What do you think to implement a video game department?
BOSS: Go immediately in the server room

A call centre manager is dictating the direction for the development of an app I'm working on.

Everything is working perfectly and then I'm asked to implement logic that makes sense to noone else but her. Then a week later shit breaks. Then I'm blamed. Then I implement a "fix". Repeat this cycle over and over.

I've started looking at local postings for a job in construction.

I've lost 3 hours trying to implement third-party extension just to realize I've never imported it into the project.

Why me?

I've found a job as a junior developer several months ago, but I really want to find another job...

I know, my knowledge and skills aren't superior yet, but I am tired of that feeling of being useless.. I constantly self-educate myself after work and university, but still, I often need to ask co-workers "where's this form?", "wtf is that", "how do I access this"... Plus, their projects are HUGE, but no matter how big the project is, there are 2 to 4 people working on each at a time. And 1 person may work on 2-3 projects. And we are usually late for deadlines :/

Also code quality is meh..
Me: Why do we implement it here?
Co-worker: oh, we don't actually use it, it's just to hide warnings and pass the test.

Holy shit, wtf, I've spent half day trying to figure out wtf is this and why is it not working :/

So, today I will be setting up Selenium grid on Docker.

Neither of the things I know!
😅

please , the guys responsible for developing devrant should implement Ctrl + Enter to post a rant. I am so lazy using my mouse at times.

A trading bot for cryptos. At first, I just want it to do arbitrage trading. When that's working, I want to implement more complex trading strategies.

!rant

That level of satisfaction when you successfully port a Python2 Project to Python3 and implement proper backward-compatibility - without 2to3!

Guess who has to finally swallow his pride and implement traditional deferred rendering with a traditional gbuffer even though he swore to never do that

This guy right here

I love to implement easter-eggs that maybe will be found years later.

...waiting for Twitter/Facebook to implement a "Rant this!" Button...

When I had to implement fibunacci recursively at university, wrote an iterative algorithm instead and impressed everyone with my insane performance.

Producer meets designer.

Monday, 10am email "new task added: implement this new feature. Priority: can wait forever"
Tuesday, 4pm email "change on task: implement this new feature. Priority: urgent, it's a must on wednesday's build"

What method strong people like to implement?

Body.builder()

that moment when you implement a new feature for product
while testing, QA comes and says everything is working fine except its not working properly in IE8🤔🤔

Why doesn't JSON allow trailing commas? Why? How hard is that to implement? Everyone else has them, why not JSON?

Getting really annoying how I think of the perfect solution on a project after leaving the office.

Now I need to wait 15 hours to implement it 😭😭

Bruteforce programming about which I've already ranted earlyer and also let's implement everything in our ms access database and regularly open the DB using the Windows task skeduler.

just gotta love changes that involve a major database redesign to properly implement weeks before it's supposed to go live

Android fan boys: WOW! Android O Dev Preview released! Time for numerous commits.
Apple fan boys: Apple so needs to implement these features in the next update 😂

Interviewer: Implement Binary Search on a Linked List

Me: * did so on the whiteboard *

Interviewer: *irritated* This is complete BS

Me: Yes, a complete Binary Search 🙂

I just cant Wrap my head around matrices and linear Algebra.

I am currently doing a uni course about this and need to implement some eigenvalue solvers. I somehow manage to implement the stuff with the help of pseudocode and the internet but I have nö idea conceptually what all these things like norms, eigenvalues, conditioning etc are supposed to tell me and why.
How do people handle this so naturally?

When you finished those react components and finally ready to implement them into the app...

I've got an Idea for an android app. First thing I implement?

The dark theme ofc

Fuck I am so screwed... Spent an hour + trying to implement a Trie except I didn't know it was called a Trie... and don't remember how to implement one...

I am so fcked for my technical interview/test i m planning to take this weekend...

It's like I know i've seen this problem before and the brute-force way probably won't work... but after an hour trying to implement the right way... i just go fck it...

and lo and behold... it doesnt work..

Google the solution and the code is like less than 100 lines... and probably took the guy 10 minutes to write...

That very moment! when your app is ready
but suddenly
Android Marshmallow has gone live
and every pips has updated their phones

and you forgot to implement about runtime permissions

"Could you implement a network connection into the project so that people can use it even when they don't have a Internet connection?"

It's always a good day at work when you can leave knowing that you were able to implement several working features.

Was bored af with assignment at hand. So just went ahead and wrote a class to implement Eat. Sleep. Code. Repeat. XD

Just got a request to print the new Tesla truck.

I think it wasn't that hard for the Designer to implement the low pol. Design for the 3d print :')

I am developing a REST api for my android app using laravel.I want to implement web to mobile chat like Facebook's messenger.Any suggestions?

So I wanted to implement a feature in my app, but was too lazy to implement it myself. So I spent the entire day searching for a library that perfectly does what I want instead 😅. Happens to anyone else?

"An array of arrays? What the hell?" - the client's dev team, failing to understand the parameters of the JS lib they chose to implement.

When you are the tech side of the startup and founder asks you to implement stuff used by the competitors and you're like *are you kidding me*

I dream about discovering weird side effects on certain built-in functions way too often.
I usually implement those myself but without side effects. All in the dream.

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

I have a great idea:

Remove # from tags if people forget.
It should be easy to implement and it will finally shut up those purists.

nothing worse than undocumented API changes in the bug tracking system you implement against for your company...

It would be great if you didn't change your changes after I implement them you fucking inconstant bitch...

Me: Let's try to implement this in js...

Also me: npm install webpack webpack-cli typescript --save-dev

Had to learn c++ to implement JPEG compression , not an easy way to start if you ask me 🤔

Did 9gag implement the "Export to devRant" action yet?

Do love it when your code works and the system to implement it works.
But when you run it, it doesn't work.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

When will a client finally understand I can't just 'implement a new secure chat feature but only for these people' before lunch

dev: ugh we need to set and implement coding standards

same dev: no I don't need to follow what you just said, it's already clean and readable (it's not)

Just implement the iOS design on Android

Any open source CRM recommendations? I've been tasked to implement one for my company. Pic related, how I feel with some paid systems.

A quick suggestion, @devRant app should implement an implicit intent so we can share directly to it.

I'm renewing my kitchen and I was wondering if I could implement some fancy (technical) stuff.

Do you guys have some nice ideas?

I've read so many rants while testing my app that I have to implement the Surprise Me feature.

(My app filters out rants I've seen before)

Marketing department sometimes are so Fucking annoying in the context of they " just found out certain technology" and try to enforce us to implement.

For example recently this guys just found out firebase(Firestore thingy ) and keep asking us to implement into the app (E wallet app) which our software architect refuse to use firebase( I agree with him) because in the long run , the project will definitely get surprising prices in the invoice.

Also, our DBA had started to implement Apache Cassandra .....

So dear marketing department, why don't you guys shut up and let us do our job and let our software architect do his job? Fuck off!

Looks like Comcast gave me my reason to drink today. Apparently they are going to implement data caps for my region next month -_-

At the time, I'm working on a simple RAT, for leaning purpose, written I'm Go.
Now simple command-execution work's and I want to implement an encrypted connection between the client and the C&C-Server.
I know Go has some kind of TLS in its standard library, but is it really usable, or would it be easier to just implement my own simple encryption-module with some RSA and AES?

I feel like a total dickhead, might fuck around and implement some data structures and algos in c++ later idk.

Other people.

Seriously how you wrote that shit I have to implement/maintain.

Hey guys ! I'm currently working on a project to implement a simplest version of TinyDB on Z1 motes 😀

And you, what project are you currently working on ? 🤓

Let's implement a workaround on top of another workaround which is a workaround of another ... workaround to the nth level. Just to avoid touching an ancient code¡¡¡

Petition to implement a 2FA upon registration to deter bots and spam accounts.

What do you guys think about backend developers who design&implement POST requests with URL parameters? Is this even legal? 🙄

!Rant
Kind of want to see a texting app implement syntax highlighting. Hmm 🤔

Why the fuck do the browsers need to implement the same API in a different way?

Counted it out... 100k LoC frontend & backend... Not a single automated test. No unit testing, no integration testing, nothing. I've been asked to implement a CI server.

Halp

Wanting to implement something and not knowing how or what should be done feels really bad.

oh the joy when you find out a graphic designer will make the website layout, witch you have to implement later on...OUCH

Hire the best talent you could find. Then give them little to no time to actually implement the extra layer of their expertise. Profit! Wait a minute....

Read. Learn. Implement. Repeat.

Holy shit I just figured out a pretty decent (and way to complex) workaround to implement specialization in Rust, I'm so hyped

Simply walking. While walking I'm getting many ideas how to implement my features/changes. Especially when they are interesting.

Boss: how long would that feature take?
Me: About 2 weeks to implement and test.
Boss: hmm, can it be done it 1 week instead?
Me: .....

So past week our Web Design teacher proposed a little HTML5 project for the class to make. I have been since that day until today trying to implement an OBLIGATORY drag and drop functionality to reorder a list and back it up to localStorage, but for some reason it wont work as it should. But what a surprise, today I arrive at class and he has changed the specifications of the project, allowing us to not implement that, or implement it differently. That singlehandledly made my day.

Tailwind CSS is a big threat to CSS developers, because now a mere mortal can implement a design on a website on par with them.

Do NOT try to re-implement input type="number" but with nicer formatting. Do not even think about it. DO FUCKING NOT. It's a trap.

How can I fucking plan a software AFTER I implement it??? People want to shit without eating first....

Add 1 - Remove 2
-implement-

Why did you add this?
Alright - Remove 1 and Add 2.
-implement-

I like what you did with 1 but I'm not sure about what you did here with 2.
-wait...wait...wait...-

Hey, just noticed the way you had 1 and 2 before you started making a bunch of unnecessary changes was better, go back to that.

Peer reviews are awesome!

When you successfully implement something that took 3 hours

"We need to implement SSO across our legacy apps in 2 weeks. Don't worry about the details just do it. Pretend you're playing football with computers." MFW

Is there a Map like class in Java that has

getKey(value), getValue(key).

Guess not hard to implement but why reinvent the wheel..

"Ideal" online banking:
1. Force users to change passwords often.
2. Implement possibility to login if forgot password.
3. Make it impossible to chage password if forgot one.

Google didn't implement their own straightjacket APIs correctly but sunset Manifest V2 out of pure greed so now authenticated proxies don''t work in Chrome and Chromium-based browsers.

Our most recent development process:
1. Implement feature
2. Create task
3. Release feature
4. Review feature
4.1 Possibly reimplement
5. Add tests

Installing phpBB 3.0.5 (from 2009) because of reasons.
This thing has no rest API, if I want to automate it I have to implement my own .. fun :)

The feeling when client mails appreciation for a simple if else, but doesn't bother when you implement complex cycle detection algo.

I'm looking to learn a thing or two about automating stuff with python. Any cool ideas you guys have that I should implement?

The characters in Euphoria are living the life. Fuck, do drugs, get high, no feature to implement, no bugs to fix.

when you gotta do front end tickets but the mockups you received to implement aren't finalized

fml

During an interview:
Using map is wrong. Now implement bisection search.

soft skills provide hard skills
hard skills implement concepts
concepts create culture
culture dictates soft skills

I want to implement a functionality, I use framework X with cms Y.

40% of the libraries I find are outdated, 20% just don't work, 20% offer partial functionality but don't do what I want them to do and the rest just seem excruciatingly hard to implement

I'll try to put something together myself, not sure how it will work out

dogs that not respond to whistle just doesn't implement the idog interface

Why am I so stupid and want to implement drag and drop functionality in my react web app? x_x

Every day, relying on third party vendors to write decent code that we can implement.

Our site has a feature where if a user changes some parameters in his profile, his plans on the site are updated in accordance with the change.

It took me a 2 weeks to implement a proper queue based updating mechanism.

My manager : "What's taking so long? Why not implement it in a recursive loop of all the users in the database?"

I could only stare with my mouth open.

Getting a feature request on github but not having the programming skills to implement it😭😭

That moment when you tell your supervisor that an idea they asked you to implement doesn't work but really it was just a bug in your code...

Vendor : “We’ll implement blockchain technology in your website!”

P.S. I stole this pic from the internet

So, to realize a FCM to send messages from client to client you have to implement a server Protocol, on the data Layer, in a language that I have never worked with. I'm not getting enough money from my app to implement such this.

Learning how to implement a dynamic external API on Angular.js with Ruby backend. .....fun 😓

If you don't have enough curiosity to read and know more about technology and how to implement new stuff then i have very bad news for you

Please God let someone finally implement TCP/IP over punchcard with mechanical routers.

Am I the only one that who is forced to implement some funcionality that I know that wont work only to prove to the client that actually wont work as I predicted?

And then implement how I suggested at the begining?