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"Can you give me an estimate on how long it will take you to fix this bug?"
"That's like asking how long it will take to find my keys."8 -
don't disturb the coders who wear head phones. It will take 2 more hours to make them back to track4
-
*sigh*
Ssh'd into raspberry pi:
$ sudo ip link set dev wlan0 down
*waits 5 minutes for response*
Oh.. Oh yeah..15 -
Today we had a yearly company photoshoot... Fucking hate it..
Anyhow, the guy walked around office to take pictures of us in 'action'. However as a precaution he couldn't take pictures of the source code... So I was like:
17 -
Friend : "I can't take it when people don't delete old downloaded shortcuts from their desktop"
Me as a programmer:
19 -
Manager: "How long do you think this will take?"
My brain:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Me: "Shouldn't take too long"4 -
Me to IT team: I need a more powerful machine to run my optimization code on.
IT: Okay take this - 64 gigs + i7HQ
Me after an hour:
21 -
President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?
Me: I don't know. We've never done one.
President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?
Me: I don't know. I've never done one.6 -
My estimations before devRant:
PM: how long will it take to implement this?
Me: one day, tops.
My estimations after devRant:
PM: how long will it take to implement this?
Me: one week, tops.
Thanks @dfox for making me so productive.3 -
Her "it's just a Web portal how long can it take"
Me "it's a completely custom content management system. It will take time."
Her "well how long then?"
Me "a good six/seven weeks. With a lot of overtime."
Her "oh don't be so dramatic, just use WordPress."9 -
SYS_ADM: We have something important on the internal GitLab?
ME: Please tell me it is working
SYS_ADM: I take it as yes...5 -
How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, because developers are sensible and rational people.5 -
Business: How long will it take to add that feature to the legacy system?
Programmer: When will the new system be implemented?
Business: 6 months
Programmer: The new feature will take 7 months3 -
Just fucking start it.
Don't stop before it is done.
Take breaks when needed.
And don't forget to have fun!4 -
Mine and @CozyPlanes hobby, it really helps you take your mind off programming and it's "quirks" hehe
38 -
"You know that feature we told you to put back in again after we told you to take it out after we had that meeting where we decided to put it back in again after we agreed to take it out after that change request was submitted to add it? We're going to need you to take it out again."
Exhibit B in an upcoming murder trial. I'm pleading justifiable homicide.3 -
Take my dollar. Take. My. Dollar.
TAKE MY DOLLAR. I WANT A DR PEPPER. THIS IS A GOOD DOLLAR. ACCEPT IT. YOU ARE MY MECHANICAL BITCH. I WISH TO EXCHANGE MONEY FOR GOODS. I WILL LITERAL-
Oh, okay. You took it. That's what I thought.4 -
Are you done yet?
Is it ready for review ?
How far?
Any updates?
When can I check?
We are wasting time..
How long will it take ?
Are you saying this will take 2 days to complete?
😪😪😪
Pls raise a cup with me if you can relate.
Add yours too.8 -
1 bottle of beer on the wall take one away throw it away, 0 bottles of beer on the wall.
0 bottles of beer on the wall take one throw it away, 3560890 bottles of beer on the wall6 -
Never did I realize how much I take it for granted.. Until it suddenly stopped working.
R.I.P space bar.4 -
How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But you can guarantee the next developer who comes into the room will want to take it out and replace the bulb and the fixing because the previous developer did a shit job.
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Take whatever you want, you'll probably need it sometime.2 -
!rant
Boss challenged me to get something done before a demo and he'd give me tomorrow off paid. I completed the task on the time and at the end of the day told him I was leaving for another position. He was totally calm, cool, professional and still gave me tomorrow off paid. I don't know how that happened. Life is good.4 -
My tip for staying productive: **Don't**
Take a break. Take a few. Have a nap. Take a stroll outside. Enjoy life.
Life's too short. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck productivity.5 -
Why is it that people that can't program always seem to think they know how long it should take you?5
-
Funny story: everytime i take the MacBook of a friend, it somehow manages to crash after a certain time. Seems like it doesn't like me.
3 -
Notepad++ is best. It take seconds to launch and provide color schemes for every language and its indentation is really good.12
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Facebook: Take this video
Me: No, thank you, I'm good.
Facebook: come'n it won't even take you a minute
Me: I'm quite busy
Facebook: Please...
Me: okay I will take a look
Facebook: Video will continue after a short ad1 -
boss gives me a new task that requires to rewrite quite a lot of the code to accomplish.
me: "it will take some time, I'll have to rewrite x, y, z... and it will require some rigorous testing too..."
boss: "so it'll take you 2 days?" (serious face)
you gotta be f-ing kidding me right?!1 -
Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.
No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.
If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.1 -
The guy across from me on the phone being loud as ever just said this "the key to using cloud software is having it organized (he means storage in a sense), otherwise you end up with a mess on your desktop"
LOL I've seen his desktop it's a mess! -
I can't believe how difficult it is to convince people in a *tech* company to automate things.
"oh yeah it's only a couple of times a year. How much work is it gonna take to automate it, it'll take us only a few minutes to do manually"
That's how you get stuck in the past.7 -
Sometimes I get frustrated so I grab a decommissioned computer and take it to the roof, then I watch it plummet 4 stories to it's death.4
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Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.
*badum tsss* -
[ Meanwhile in python ] I thought it was just a joke , and now i take it seriously '😂😂😂!
(Old one)
2 -
how much developers does it take to change a light bulb? 10. 1 to actually change it and 9 to say: "I can write it better in language 'X'..."3
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Why is it whenever a task is something you've done before, and are confident it will take 10 minutes, it ends up making you tear your hear out for 2 hours?6
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For the Linux users/fans out here, take a look at Pinebook (just Google it). If I get enough money for this I'll buy it straight away.13
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I've always wondered.. how much human does it require one to be human?
Like, how many organs, how many cells would be required to be copied to an artificial self, in order for that being to be considered a human?
Is it just the brain? Does it take the brain itself to be transplanted to an artificial Demi Machina type of being? Or is it just the information? Can a brain - just the information held within - be cloned into an artificial brain and be considered a conscious demi-human?
For that matter, what is consciousness anyway? What does it take to be human? What does it take to transfer one into an artificial self?
If one were to take organs and replace them with bionic parts, at which point would that being stop being human? Would it ever stop, if the information were to be preserved?7 -
Full devRant in-app notification support is here! It actually took me WAY less time than I thought it would take me.
14 -
Guys
What would you recommend?
Shall i go to college or take courses in programming?
Is the college worth it?12 -
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
I want my relationship to be like a Nintendo DS cartridge. If we have any problems, take it out, blow on it, and put it back in.1
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This is How I actually feel using Windows again after some time.. please wait. It will Just take One Moment.
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Hmmmmmm i just got offered a position for a php developer........but something that was not listed in the original application was that it is expected of one to work with wordpress. My wordpress experience is limited to creating simple themes.
I don't like cms systems also. But the position pays really good.
What to do what to do hmmm9 -
How long will it take till an AI creates "aiRant" where neural networks and AIs are writing rants about us? :-(2
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When your boss asks you if you know how to fix it and how long it is going to take.
Task Manager (not responding) -
Those corperate slow laptops which has preinstalled software on it. Especially the antivirus which decides to take up all memory to take a scan on 08:00 when you start up.
Im really close to throwing this piece if shit through the window...6 -
So pissed with MacOS , installing Ubuntu instead .
Don't take it personally yea for those apple fan
23 -
When your work laptop decides it wants to take 45 minutes to update Monday morning...
(I'm looking at you MacOs...)
9 -
Stolen’t.
A USB drive has 2 sides. So it’ll take a maximum of 2 tries to get it right.
Why does it take at least 5?1 -
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It doesn't matter. Its a hardware problem not a software problem...1 -
When you spend so long ranting that the broken chocolate in your pocket melts, you take it out, and it fuses together in one piece...
4 -
Q: How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? 💡
A: None. It's a hardware problem. 👩💻7 -
99 IT recruiters on the phone, 99 IT recruiters.
Take one down and pass it around, 99 IT recruiters on the phone.3 -
PM - Client wants to know if we can do this? Also, how long will it take?
[Spend 2 hours researching because you've never done this before]
Dev - Yes, it'll take 15 minutes.1 -
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.5
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I take a colleague's project... and find this. How? Why? It was a small feature and now I have to maintain it. Fuck!
3 -
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.6 -
If anyone says it will take a day, it actually means a month.
1week means 1month
1month means 3months
3months means 1year (will take some for the BA and Product Manager to realise actual the problem they are trying to solve)
1year means you won't be working on project, they'll outsource it.6 -
Take a picture of sudocode, like on a whiteboard, and translate it to actual code (based on language)18
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So how many programmers it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None
( Lightbulb is a class which got method screw(), so it can screw itself 😉 ) -
How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before -
A symptom of Subway Screen Symptom in details.
It is called so because it happens when you have to take your laptop everywhere by subway.
12 -
Dream project: mathematically proven secure OS. It would take forever, and be nearly impossible, but given enough time it is theoretically possible.6
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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Not a single one, its a hardware problem!1
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Be prepared to get it wrong, accept it and learn from it. Also if another dev corrects something you've done, don't take it personally. You can always learn from others.1
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"If it ain't broke, don't fix it
I gave it to you straight don't mix it"...
Since when did DMX take on Programming?1 -
AI won't take our jobs. It will create possibilities we can't even imagine right now. We will work together with AI. Just in jobs we can't conceive right now.
Heck, do you think a programmer in the 70s would phantom that personal PCs would take his/her job? It just opened the possibility of programming to the masses :D1 -
"Why the fuck it doesn't take the rules I've just wrote?"
Ow..refreshing "production" instead of "develop"1 -
For me, I personally just over estimate the time and take my time working on it. Take breaks whenever I need, that could be going for a walk, watching a few videos, etc.1
-
Content strategy expert: How long would it take to program an SVG animation intro video
Me: I'm not sure I've never programmed one before.(still teaching myself)
Content expert: iS it even possible?
Me: yeah all things are possible in programming ;)
Content expert: so then how long would it take
Me: no.
Content expert: but wouldn't it be easier if...
Me: no, go away2 -
Take it easy on me, it is my first Vue code (no reusable components lol)
https://github.com/gitpushdev/...
Feedbacks are welcomed :)
(output attached)
5 -
We estimated out how long a new project was gonna take using story points. It wasn't too big and the estimate came out to two months. We discussed it and it seemed to be all good.
Later on someone pointed out a Quora question where my boss asked why it would take so long to develop such a project.
My boss trusts people on Quora more than his own employees.2 -
Wonder how long time it will take until haveibeenpwned.com will be listed on it's on list of data breaches....
-
Dear old people who sends me emails and asks me to print out the form, fill it and bring it somewhere. Just take a fking reply...1
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It bothers me that tablet/computer disassembly videos are trending toward being labelled "take-apart guides" instead of "disassembly guides"6
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!rant
How many Programmers Does it take to Change a Light Bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
None - It's a Hardware Problem -
anytime someone has a request and tells you how long it should take... run far far away!
"can you do this? should only take like an hour"2 -
Pm: we need to add a feature to the app, how long will it take you?
Me: what is this "feature"?
Pm: we still polishing the idea, how long will it take you to add a feature to the app?
Me: bitch wtf? Get back to work!! -
Dealing with people. They take forever to respond on the simplest things...
Today I fixed a big problem. It took me 2wks or more.
If only they let me have admin on all systems needed, it prolly take a few days...
It's sorta ironic I wrote this then saw the weekly rant... -
I realize burnout is like a steak - Take it off the grill early as it keeps cooking for a bit after.1
-
So, WPA2 was proven not fully secure. Wonder how much time it will take for most devices to be patched...2
-
Things You Learn After A While #464:
Tasks take as long as they take.
Then one week, everything lines up, you're in a groove, make almost no mistakes, and get your shit written in half the time it normally takes.
Management now considers this the standard of timeliness and gets upset when tasks take a normal amount of time.
Moral: Always make sure you take at least as long as you said it would take to complete a task.1 -
Continuing my saga, I'm now tasked with creating a .NET Web Form app and then converting it to ASP.NET Core as a proof of concept.
Problems:
- Web Forms are not supported in Core and are not planned to
- After 3 weeks I still do not have a work laptop
-- My personal laptop is a Chrome book running Linux
--- I can't install VS2017 on my laptop, I need it for this project.
- Working from home, where I have the resources available, is apparently against company policy (I'm not 100% on this yet, can't find it myself)
- I'm likely going to be sent back to the offline computer lab at a different location to work on this, where I doubt the programs/packages are installed
Perfect.4 -
I clearly define the day's goal, get beverages/snacks ready, get my hair out of my face, take my glasses off, answer any remaining email, take a deep breath, and dive in.
Sometimes I'll listen to music, but it depends on the ambient noise level. -
When clients come with virus-infested Windows machines asking to take data from theirs and wondering where it all went!2
-
Sometimes developers forget how to take a pragmatic approach to solve issues. Just because it is shiny does not mean it is right for the job.
-
Boss: how long would that feature take?
Me: About 2 weeks to implement and test.
Boss: hmm, can it be done it 1 week instead?
Me: .....3 -
So I didn't realize it was going to take a global pandemic to work from home, but I guess it did and it's great!
-
The funniest take from the 'don't quit a bad job' take is that of 'mental health'
Have you asked someone who has no job and financially stressed what toll it takes on their mental health?
I can bet which scenario causes more anguish.11 -
Is it terrible that I always take the interesting projects at work, and give the juniors the boring stuff?1
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How many fucking programmers does it take to build a fully functional human being.
One male and one female.4 -
Just by refactoring to use the correct data types to skip all checking and conversions and also use data bindings, the performance increased several folds.
Why take the time to refactor? It would probably take longer to implement the new features if I did not. -
Love when code doesn't work so you take a break, come back and clear it and retype exactly what you just had and it works.
-
Creating a meeting on the same day it shall take place and inviting everyone an hour before it is starting does not good planning make.1
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Nothing's worse than when you sudo apt-get intsall a package and you know that it's gonna take some time so you take a fucking nap but when you wake up fresh to work it says...
E: Invalid operation intsall.
-FML1 -
My curse.
Have a job. Job doesn't pay much. Another mediocre project opportunity appears. I take it. Later, a great project opportunity appears. I take that as well.
Rant "Crap, I don't have free time" around.
No thit Sherlock.4 -
When was the last time you dealt with an evasive memory leak in JavaScript? How complicated was it and how long did it take to resolve?1
-
I hate that I have to take my multi screen desktop apart to move. Worst part is I'm moving overseas and it'll take months before I see it again. Wish I could pack it in my carry on.4
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How much time does it take for a developer to build a custom plugin in WordPress to add products and categories, tags etc to it?14
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What a lovely Sunday morning...debugging a double free on a GTK+ software I'm writing! It will take me ages to find it xD
-
How long will it take me to learn laravel? I feel like starting in a big bucket filled with darkness.6
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I understand that impostor syndrome is an occupational disease among devs... But what does it take to overcome it?
Any good stories/advice?6 -
sorry for fans, but SailsJS... it sucks
If your documentation doesn't have a search function i cant take it seriously.
Back to AdonisJS i go5 -
Have fun with it and don't take it TOO seriously. Always look at a bug as a puzzle then you'll enjoy it more in the long run.
-
Has anyone taken a gap for 6 months or more? Where are you from? What age did you take it? Why did you take it? How did it go? How difficult was it to find a job after?
I am 25 from India. Due to stress and neglect, my health has been constantly deteriorating and at this point I am really running out of options. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.6 -
Status meetings. Jesus, some people don’t understand the concept of “take your discussion offline”
Yeah, we get it. You have questions... we are not all wasting our time to fix your issues in one meeting.
“Take it the fuck offline” -
When you get work assigned to you. Are you asked for how long it will take you to complete the work or does your manager give you a deadline to complete the work? Note: Manager was a senior developer but now a manager so he states he knows how long it might take and sets deadlines.8
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When the company you work for buy you a laptop, do you take it home or leave it at the office? If you take it home, do you use it as a personal laptop for side projects for example?11
-
when you take a vacation day on sprint planning and leave a note in team chat of how much work you can take on next sprint but it gets ignored and you get overloaded next sprint
fml2 -
How long does it take to someone to master backend web development with either in spring or asp.net?4
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Is it worth to have an intel i9 yet ? Or softwares doesnt know yet how to take advantage from it ?8
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