🎶 He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town. 🎶

Roses are red,
violets are blue;
If I were a query,
I'd SELECT * FROM you;

When you copy some code and select the code you want to get replaced and accidentally press Ctrl+c again so you have to copy the thing you wanted to copy again 😡

Have you ever seen such a comprehensive Title select?

You are good in programming and data structures.

But we won't select you because you couldn't solve the puzzle. 😑

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = 3;

Well I just did a SELECT CUNT from a table...
Not sure what to think about that :)

"Hey, can you help me with our Algorithms & Data Structures task? I tried to tranlate my problem with Google translator but I can not select the option to translate into Java."

I was speechless when a girl actually asked me that

Ever had a 'why in FUCKS name would you do that?!?' moment with another programmer?

In my first study year we learned about PHP and how to write a login system. Most people would either do a 'select count(something like id) from users where username = username and password = password' or select the values based on the username/email and check if the password matches.

This guy selected everything from the table and FOREACHED the records while comparing if the username/password matched with an if within that loop.

I couldn't get him to understand how fucked up that system would become once you'd have loads and loads of users 😅

This is real.

String query = "select password from users where username = " + username;

Select * 🙄

SELECT * FROM [fucks_given]

0 Rows returned.

Combo box to select numbers.
On mobile.
Between 0-9999.
Unsorted.

Good luck!

Fucking Axis Bank ATM

Card swipe
--> Slow GIF
--> Select your transaction
--> Slow GIF
--> Select your account type
--> Slow GIF
--> Enter your amount
--> Slow GIF
--> Enter your pin
--> Slow GIF
--> Slow GIF
--> Slow GIF
--> Unable to dispense money

Boss assigned me a task on Google Docs:

Boss: "Please remove this line"

Me: "What!? You're already there! How hard is it to fucking select the fucking sentence with your fucking touchpad and press the fucking delete key on your fucking keyboard!? Why assign me with such a fucking waste of time and fucking trivial task!?"

Boot up a Linux live usb on a Windows machine, then rename cmd.exe to utilman.exe and after rebooting select accessibility options which now opens a command line and then 'net user username owned' to reset user 'username' password to 'owned'. Been using this for years..

Who the fuck has time to select destination countries when uploading a mere video

He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town.

Credit to @leeflower on Twitter

In the bottom left corner of the picture there is a devRant guy with a 3 monitor setup...

However 2 monitors are the biggest multi monitor setup you can select...

*puts tinfoil hat on*

Have I just leaked the next big devRant update?

I am someone that usually does stuff that is not required and afterwards regret it, but this is next level!

For the love of dog, if I select English on your online store, it doesnt mean I live in the UK, therefore show me prices in £ pounds, It just means I cannot speak German but I need to read English, but pay in € Euros!!! Can people please stop confusing Language with Location!!!!

Ctrl + W allows to select the word, then the sentence, around your cursor inside a JetBrains software.

Ctrl + W allows you to FUCKING close the current tab in any FUCKING web browser

IF THERE ARE NO CARS IN THE SQUARES THEN YOU DONT SELECT ANYTHING ITS NOT A SUPER HARD CONCEPT TO GRASP.

I'm old school. These are the only emojis I use.

:)
:(
:\

And I don't select them I use text...Sometimes I throw in a Kirby flicking people off for good measure.

<('.')^

It says i should select all parts of a stop sign... help me pls :c

Hold on, is it true that when you select something in windows (not sure about macos), go to any other program (and to an input box thingy) and press the middle mouse button, the selected text doesn't get placed there?!

Is that just a Linux (and possibly macos?) feature?!

I couldn't go without it 😍

1960s: I bet there will be flying cars in the future!

2018: ...

I don't care how secure google captcha is. It sucks.

* select street signs *
* select bus images *
* select again *
* still error *

Every single time

SELECT *
FROM World
WHERE "Someone"
LIKE "%YOU%"

Am i the only one that hates Google reCAPTCHA from the body down to the soul ?

- Click the Car
- The Blue Car
- The Truck
- The Truck Bus
- The Bus Truck
- With Blue Light
- Select the Bicycles
- Skip the house
- Find the sign
- With the blue bat
- Purple pink hat
- Click Traffic light
- We mean all Traffic lights
- Select Stores
- With Zebra Crossing
- ...
WTF!!! Just kill me already.

I was trying to style a website drop down menu (select tag) that would look the same on all browsers using css only. i removed the default arrow down, and i was trying to add a minimal arrow pointing down, and it took me a while to do it. Take a look at the pic.

However when i looked at the code. there was no code for that little arrow. I was confused for a few minutes, looking at both html and css. thinking how is this even possible, then i realised.

My f-ing screen was dirty. Dirt was similarly shaped like the thing i wanted to achieve. I was laughing at myself for a few minutes.

btw i did it in the end 😊 no dirt involved

SELECT * FROM programmers WHERE attr='no_gf'

Query took 6 months.

Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more

Please select.

Select * from World where "someone" like '%you%';

No result!

Damn...

*project manager + designer are showing new designs*

PM: so, can we get some estimates?

Devs (literally all of us): do we have a mockup for this interaction?

Designer: no.

Devs: What about that one?

Designer: not yet.

Devs: What happens when you click here? Hover there? How does this look if I select that option + this option at the same time? Does it make sense that a user can select *this* option with *that* option? They're kind of mutually exclusive.

PM: Well...

BTW: code freeze is in two weeks...

Being a techie surrounded by "normal" people is like a torment you didn't ask for. I just watched someone copy a whole folder of images to their flash drive.
File by file.
Without keyboard shortcuts.
In one explorer window.

Select, copy, navigate to flash drive, paste, navigate to folder, repeat.

1) Install Debian 9
2) Select GNOME
3) Hate GNOME
4) Uninstall GNOME
5) Install LXDE
6) Love GNOME

Today, for fun, I wrote prime number generation upto 1000 using pure single MySQL query.

No already created tables, no procedures, no variables. Just pure SQL using derived tables.

So does this mean that pure SQL statements do not have the halting problem?

Putting an EXPLAIN over the query I could see how MySQL guessed that the total number of calculations would be 1000*1000 even before executing the query in itself and this is amazing ♥️

I have attached a screenshot of the query and if you are curious, I have also left below the plain text.

PS this was a SQL problem in Hackerrank.

MySQL query:

select group_concat(primeNumber SEPARATOR '&') from
(select numberTable.number as primeNumber from

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as number from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by number) numberTable

inner join

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as divisor from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by divisor) divisorTable

on (divisorTable.divisor<=numberTable.number and divisorTable.divisor!=1)
where numberTable.number%divisorTable.divisor=0
group by numberTable.number having count(*)<=1 order by numberTable.number) resultTable;

So, the HR has made it mandatory to fill a Google form,
fill in info about yourself (name, employee ID),
your family (name, address),
and select radio buttons for symptoms like fever,cough, cold.

You must fill this form DAILY, and if you miss filling the google form, it will be Loss of pay for whole day.

Yes, so if I have contracted coronavirus, and am running a high fever, first thing I'll do is login, open a shitty ass google form and select a bunch of stupid radio buttons.

And if I'm not ill, I'll still go and fill this form every single day.

Because fuck logic.

Select all the squares with features

I was searching through StackOverflow when I found this guy:
He is using a "dot operator" in LINQ at the end of the Query
Example:
a.Where().
Select();
Not
a.Where()
.Select();

How barbaric

QA: As a admin, when I select 'ALL' in currency drop down, then all currencies should be available for users

Dev: I believe ALL stands for Albanian lek

Select all images with cars. I did and its not correct. Why not?

He’s making a database
He’s sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behaviour = ‘nice’
SQL clause is coming to town

SELECT * FROM VISA_CARDS

...yes, every bit as bad as you imagine

(and yes, there were other tables for other card providers. Insult to injury... in like.. a fractal of mistakes)

What could be worse when Technical Manager forcing you to write SQL Scripts inside C# Code as:

List<String> items = SELECT * FROM table

And not accepting to argue with me as I am a noob according to him

diskpart

list disk

select disk 1

clean

*silence*

*more silence*

Fuck

That is peak security:
- Require timebased OTP for login
- Also require recaptcha for login
- Select the frickin bus, palm tree and cross walk 93 times
- Finally manage to please the algorithm
- The 30 second validity window of TOTP expired

*GAAH!*

How men select clothes:
stack.pop()

How women select clothes:
Elasticsearch.search()

A dickhead boss that wrote a single fucking sql select (SELECT * FROM data WHERE 1) to display all the not normalized and redundant shit in an html 4.0 styled table. He proudly shown that shit to me saying "modify it to make a crud that will become a full management software in the 2.0". Furthermore he wants to scarpe data from websites that ecplicitly say that using that data it's not legal.

To all developers,

Please stop making web applications where ALL state is saved in cookies. If I make a search and select a result, why the hell are the search parameters not in the address bar, but rather in a bloody cookie, and why when I select a result is this page not identified by a unique address? Rather saved in a COOKIE. This makes having multiple tabs open pretty useless.

Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.

After lots of complaints I finally decided to attend my CS lecture.
Learnt something new today.

"Another way to open a folder is to select it, and then press Enter"

So my boss copied a code from stackoverflow and thought "foo" was a function or something... It was just an alias to a SQL select...

"Why are there so many programming languages? Why don't you guys all just program in binary?" A friend of mine some of you may remember, the same one who decided to select system32 when trying out some encryption software from the internet, and who put a shutdown script in the start up programs

Started sending my resume to a few select companies. My job is secure (for the moment at least) but I cannot work with someone who is anti-vaccination, believes men and dinosaurs coexisted and International Space Station is out there to meet and greet his Lord...

Wish me luck

Motherf.. they didn't make a select all option, WHY do you NOT have select all when there could be thousands of options
fml

Just found out you can take Screenshots of a webpage right from the firefox console... neat! You can even select specific elements to screenshot.

Just throw :screenshot into the console - Ff v62 (--selector [css-selector], --fullpage, and some other params you can look up)

Have a good Monday :)

Select finger from hand where id = 2

Spinner (combobox) must not change it's content when user selects an option. 🙄

For example if by default it says: Select an option

If user selects an option from it's drop-down, text must not change and must always display: select an option.

I thought most developers were aware of the dangers of interpolating variables into strings in the context of SQL queries, but apparently some people are oblivious.

`SELECT * FROM USERS WHERE USERNAME = ${username}`

My username is ' ' OR 1=1;

Wrote a long post on Android.
Wanted to reformat.
Wanted to make sure I won't screw up so I'll copy all text first.
Selected huge part of the text.
Mistakenly tapped on "paste" instead of "select all"
99% of my post is replaced with some unintelligible shit from before.
Where the fuck is CTRL+Z?!?!

FML

select the whole line and hit delete or backspace on your keyboard? nah

ctrl + x

Fun drinking game. Get the Oxford dictionary select a random word, search it on npm. If there's a package you drink. The last one standing wins

Stupid things I've done from being tired

Typed "SELECT star FROM..." instead of "SELECT * FROM..."
Typed "instead" when writing the previous sentence
Typed the door code for work into the microwave instead of the time
Listened to my alarm in agony for 2 minutes before registering what it was and that I can switch it off

Confession: sometimes when im too lazy to look at the db schema, i just select *, and filter the stuff i need from the ResultSet.

LPT: Name your branch after your user name.

If you select the branch in your IDE the status bar shows "Checking out dbx12". So at least someboddy is checking you out.

Rails console:
> `ModelOne.joins("ModelTwo")`
# => ActiveRecord::StatementInvalid (Mysql2::Error: Unknown table 'database_name.model_ones')

MariaDB:
> `select count(*) from database_name.model_ones`
# => 13274641

It's right there, ffs

Interviewer at the end of the meet : Do you have any other queries..?

Our programming guy : of course, select * from ...

'; SELECT * FROM rants; --

I had to demonstrate file uploading, clicked “Select file…”, it opened a file dialog, and there were photos of me posing with cum on my face.

Windows 10 now let's you step through a options menu, which shows automatically after the new update, to select which kind of tracking you want to have. This makes it way more transparent for not tech savy people:)

Not sure if this counts as a dumb request but:

Customer- There are too many tasks, we need a 'SELECT ALL' button to complete everything easily
Me- sure that's easy to add
(After addition)
Customer- people are completing the tasks too fast! We need to get rid of the select all !

Ugh

Because fuck logic.

'This returns a lot of rows
myAdapter.SelectCommand.CommandText = "SELECT FROM tblNews order by DateAdd desc "
myAdapter.Fill(rs)

'He only wants the 4 latest articles
For index = 0 to 4
'Do something with the data
Next

How some people manage to still have a job is truly fucking amazing.

WHY Atom, when I explicitly select a suggestion do you NOT ACTUALLY AUTOCOMPLETE THE SUGGESTION ?

I have configured so many fucking settings to try to avoid this why is it that I have to explicitly select my option 3 and 4 times before you ACTUALLY auto fill it.

I use you specifically FOR the auto complete function and you FUCK ME OVER ON IT.

I can just not seem to find a text editor or IDE that doesn't annoy the shit out of me one way or the other

We don't have to be afraid of AI becoming self-concious and eradicating entire humanity in the near future.

Example 1: Amazon ads. You buy a TV and start receiving ads for YET ANOTHER FUCKING TV. Just in case you'd need a second/third/∞ TV on the same day.

Example 2: Recruiter bot Mail. I HOPE it's a mass mail bot and not a real human being ;)

"we're looking for PHP developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('PHP')
Gives
+10 to intelligence
+5% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for Java developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('Java')
Gives
+20 to intelligence
+10% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for frontend developers working with Angular."

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE projects IN ('frontend') AND experience IN ('Angular')
Gives
+40 to intelligence
+20% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for QA Engineers ready to relocate to Ukraine or Cyprus"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('QA') AND location NOT IN (any country with higher living standard, lower living costs and no war)
Gives
+80 to intelligence
+40% to skynet training speed

Example 3: Alexa understands me only if I'm drunk.

atm: what would you like to do?
me: $40 fast cash from checking
atm: select an account
me: checking
atm: please enter an amount to withdraw
me: $40

So far, no one has surpassed the ultimately blasphemous practice of
Select text -> right click -> copy -> right click -> paste

Your choice. Select one
1.
foo (bar) {
return true;
}

2.
foo (bar)
{
return true;
}

3.
foo (bar) { return true; }

4.
foo (bar)
return true;

5. Collapse
|-------------------|
| foo (bar) ... |
|-------------------|

6.
#define foo boo
#define bar par
#define ( `
#define ) '
#define return go_home
#define true false
#define { ☞
#define } ☜

6-1.
boo `par' ☞
go_home false;
☜

6-2
boo `par'
☞
go_home false;
☜

6-3.
boo `par' ☞ go_home false; ☜

6-4.
boo `par'
go_home false;

6-5.
|--------------------|
| boo (par) ... |
|--------------------|

Select and Comment below.
Or add your own.

I think nobody as a developer or as a sysadmin wants to deal with a grouchy sysdba. As a full stack developer who sometimes does the work of a sysadmin or sysdba I prefer to do things myself when I can.
But last week I was notified that my app was failing in prod. After some debugging the problem seemed to be related to some queries.
Upon further inspection I realized that the cunt revoked the select grant for the user my app was using.
I will let that sink in. He revoked the fucking select grant. Wtf😶

Ive got a suggestion for this app. When one rants, he has to select whether its a rant, joke, achievement, celebration, (or your wife gave a birth to a baby) etc etc and we can filter them on our "Rants" activity.

And when dfox comes up with algo v3 he can preference different rants according to categories.

so like, I managed to select the date and time somehow on my android phone

Saw a question on SO asking why foreach was slow with big data.

The code provided was 6 nested foreachs (basically a cartesian product between an array of arrays, and 4 other arrays).

Inside, a select query and an "update or create" operation.

"But why is foreach so slow?"

900 lines to build an HTML select list which displayed the months from January until the current month, for picking which months data to display seems a tad excessive... probably good the guy who did it doesn't work anymore.

I just had a WordPress interview on Hangout and got rejected and the interviewer said I build very basic projects.
That's why he can't select me.

What kind of projects do they want??

A dev adds a nice range of categories that content creators can select from. Users get a neat filtering system to restrict the unwanted content.

And then...! People post everything in default category.

*Explaining over the phone how to connect an iPad to the internet
Me: "Select the wifi network and put the password in"
Them: "It says here something about the IP Address - is that the postcode?"

😩

devrant rant
Why can't we select specific text inside of rant/comment for copying on phone app?

I need a name for a new app.

It's a spur of the moment travel app that lets you select the temp and humidity ranges you want and finds you the cheapest flights.

Dazzle me please.

I can’t stand how designers insist on over designing <select> elements. No, 50 divs with aria attrs will not make this component as usable as the native elements

That dumb coworker who worked with SELECT *; statements exclusively.

Dev. policy: The use of SELECT * is forbidden.

Open Data Access Layer > first statement: SELECT * FROM bullshit_table

The interface for time input in outlook Web on mobile is driving me crazy!! It's not as if there was a built in control that is well supported in all modern browsers.... Right

1. You can't tap on an hour to select it
2. You can only select by scrolling
3. The scrolling is "smooth scrolling". So you have N O fucking chance to select the time slot you wanted. After too much time has passed you just give up and accept that your meeting will be at 09:57
4. In order to go up in time you constantly activate the"pull to refresh" feature of Chrome.

I'm definitely no mindless MS hater but this I cannot tolerate.

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = '3' AND owner = 'me'; DROP ALL TABLES; --

Gahhhh!

Just inherited a HR backend written in Laravel. However, ALL database interaction is done using DB::raw() i.e.

$results = DB::select( DB::raw("SELECT * FROM tbl WHERE col = '$fromThe QueryStringLOl'") );

No models at all :(

FML.

With all this fuckery around master/main nameing, I wonder what all those people, who are for the renaming, think of the SPI-Bus.
Its pinout is normally:
SCK: Clock line
MOSI: Master out slave In
MISO: Master in slave out
SS/CS: Slave or chip select

When you want only 10 rows of query result.
Mysql: Select top 10 * from foo.... 😁
Sql server: select top 10 * from foo.. 😁
PostgreSQL: select * from foo limit 10.. 😁

Oracle: select * from foo FETCH NEXT/FIRST 10 ROWS ONLY. 🌚

Oracle, are you trying to be more expressive/verbose because if that's the case then your understanding of verbosity is fucked up just like your understanding of clean-coding, user experience, open source, productivity...
Etc.

Google search results always return 2.7 version of documentation. Load it, hit the drop down, select 3.6...

The unsubscribe link on the emails from whois.com redirects you to a fucking PDF with written instructions on how to unsubscribe...
Are you fucking kidding me?

I have to go on your website, login, go through 4 fucking sections in the settings to finally select "NO" in a radio button???
It should be illegal.

Trying to reserve a tour guide at Auschwitz in Birkenau. Google captcha wants me to prove I'm not a roboot. Pops up a collection of images where I should select only those with a TRAIN station..

well played google.

Used to be the intern in the company I work at...
Finally became a Jr software dev, I get to select the next intern...

That was 3 months ago, he has started and I get to bug fix all his stuff...

He's a nice guy tho

Select *

SELECT programmers FROM social
And put in devrant :-/

My goal was to hack the game to increment a random byte of memory every frame if SELECT was pressed. Mission accomplished!
(Done with ASM hacks, not recompiling from the pokeblue disasm)

moterfucking google stop wasting my time with your endless captcha bullshit.

You know exactly my fucking home IP, I don't have time to select your fucking bicycles, hydrants and buses.

And all you motherfuckers who use google captcha go fuck yourself because you are dumb as fuck

1. Hits "Run" in Android Studio.
2. Goes to make coffee knowing Gradle will take a while to build.
3. Comes back after 30 minutes.
4."Select Device"
Fuuuuuuck!😠😠

endor's first magical adventures with PostgreSQL

"Alright, got the docker image up and running, and I'm connected to the db, both from console and from Datagrip! Cool, let's get started with the tutorial!"
*cue montage of me using Datagrip to create my first schema, then the first table, then insert a bunch of data to try things out*

"Cool, now let's see if I can view my data from the console"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]

"*Ahem*, I said:"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]

db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [cricket noises]

"Wut, why can't I see the data that I inserted? Wtf is going on?"

*30 minutes later*
"Alright, I have no idea what's going on, so let's try inserting the data from console and see if Datagrip can see it"

db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
ERROR: syntax error at or near "SELECT"
LINE 2: SELECT
^

"Wait, what?"

db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
INSERT 0 2

"Wtf? Haaang on... "

db1-# select * from my_schema.table1;
id | name | field2 | field3
----+------+--------+--------
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
(4 rows)

*eye twitches*

Start-up life.

Learning to code but must do website.

Must learn illustrator....

Can`t even select a fucking circle without it becoming a splatterod non sensical shapes.

Been at it for 2 weeks.

Boss/friend like. Hey i know its the holidays but lets catch up to see what youve done....

Me. Well... I can fuck up circles ;)

SELECT REPLACE(@COMPANY, @SQL_DEVTEAM, SQL_DEVTEAM_NEW)

Me: How to copy paste to the clipboard in X language?

Internet: Open your text editor to the file where you're writing in language X. Select a few words, then click Ctrl+C Ctrl+V

When you go to select shoulder pets and there's no cat option despite the cat always on your shoulder. Come on, devrant! Give me shouldercat!

@dfox
I just noticed that I can't select text from rants or comments on my android phone. I wanted to quote a part of the rant. Is this intentional?

In one big project I made in past (when I was new developer) every ajax call execute code which looks like: dbquery("SELECT * FROM table WHERE something='".$_POST['value']."'");

That project doesn't exist now (thank god)

I was hating on Postman for 10 minutes straight...
and then I found out it was me all along.

Turns out, it's an advantage if you actually select the proper environment before sending a request.
fuck me... coffee! ☕

Please who the fuck wrote sql query with 6 nested select queries as 1 giant view. Literally 6 paranteses. Garbage 30 year old legacy codebase Please fuck off i now understand why nobody wants to work on this bullshit

It’s just me or copy-past options in DevRant app appear with Kanji? Why? Even if I open my photo gallery to attach an image, the “OK” option appears with Kanji 😞I select the text and “copy” at my own risk.

Open droid edit, ignore big ads at the bottom.

Open file, make small changes.

Save as.

Open andftp

Login to azure web app

Navigate to wwroot

Switch to device files

Go to .deployment folder

Select file

Upload.

Is it efficient? Fuck no.

Notepad++ style editing on the go? Fuck yes

Best way to learn dev tech is to choose the thickest book on the field and start reading it. Don't lose your time on blogs comparing what is the best framework If you do not know any of them... Select one and full blast!!!

I’m fucking lost.

So, situation. I have a SQL table with about 3M rows (not a lot).

I have indexes. Indexes are used. BUT when I add where clause (On indexed column), it’s super slow. Around 10 seconds.

If I do select * (ALL 3M rows) and THEN I filter then on webserver side, it takes 0.5 seconds.

HOW my manual filtering is faster than DB filtering with indexes? I even tried bubble sort. Bubble sort is faster than SQL ‘where’. HOW ?!

I do not understand….

And if I add group by….. WELL, 25 seconds SQL time. 2 Seconds if I do select all and group by in code manually.

Does not make ANY sense to me.
What am I missing ?

WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THERE AN OPTION TO QUICKLY JUST FUCKING PRINT A TABLE IN PHP???!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO SIT AND WRITE 50 MORE LINES FOR YOU TO DO SUCH A SIMPLE TASK.

I WANT TO JUST "SELECT * FROM BLABAL" AND PRINT THAT FUCKER IS IT THAT HARD EH?

var currTime = execQuery<DateTime> ("SELECT SYSDATE FROM DUAL");

To get the current date...

SELECT * FROM PEOPLE WHERE GIRLFRIEND = 'Y';

> 0 rows returned

*Sigh*

SELECT VIDEO FROM WEBSITES WHERE URL LIKE '%hub%';

another big applaus for windows 10 update getting stuck and fucking up my whole GRUB!
I'm not even able to boot from live cd or select OS by UEFI anymore..

Spent 2 hours trying get ng-model working with <select> with no success. Then co worker came and changed model from string to object and moon walked back to his seat.

SELECT * FROM yahoo_user_passwords WHERE powned = null;

// 0 records found

I basically need a select few contributors to speed up the development process. Python3 developers, testers and researchers are all welcome

Ok so apparently somebody at Google gcp thought it would be a great idea to be able to select more than one instance at a time and select something like delete and it goes ahead and deletes it without any sanity checks.

3 days down the tube

SELECT * FROM beer_barrel;

I can fucking believe this is still the norm.

Micro selection borders for window / panel
sizing are the worst, please for the love of
god, MAKE THEM THICCer.

No need to make them visually wider,
just let me select it more easily, PLEASE.

Corporate Training: to lock your screen press ctrl+alt+delete and select lock screen.

Non-Dev: need to lock screen, ctrl+alt+delete... It's not responding... Ctrl+alt+delete.... Wait why did my computer reboot.... NOOOOOOOO... MY WORK

Me, Dev: uhm I just used Win+L...

Why?

SELECT ...
FROM ...
WHERE ... AND 1=1;

Eclipse and it's fuckery!

Shows error/warning on random line. Don't know what's wrong, coz nothing is! Select all, cut and paste the selection on the same page and save again. Woof! Errors gone! Dafuq Eclipse? What sorcery is this bitch?

The agenda app I downloaded has a bug now.. can't select the day of the month from the calendar... Have to go swiping from page to page until I get where I want :/

Fuck eclipse....
Ugly, Heavy, Shitty, won't select tomcat 8.5 from its shitty server's list.....
Back to my lovely simple text editor and terminal... I can rely on them always.

*using random JS for website*
*finds stuff not working*
*opens JS file*
(mesh of code)
*select all*
*Format Selection*
I love you, Visual Studio :')

Fuck testing react native apps with Detox ! I can’t select a value in a picker no matter what I do 😭

What I write:
select * from x where id in (1,2)

What appears in sql-server management studio:
select * from x where IDENTITY INDEXKEY_PROPERTY (1,2)

Just got this popup again, and it always comes right in the middle of me doing something. And of course there's no "remind me in an hour" - if you select "Try in an hour" it usually just automatically installs and restarts your computer in an hour, instead of asking you again.

...
We are using a shitty language and a even more shitty IDE at our company for our software.
I'm quite new to this, so I don't know all sorta stuff.

Was writing an addition to a convertion from an old system to a new one.
Needed to "Map" Strings to IDs, so I used a switch case to determine the needed IDs.

Because that fuckin horseshit has no realtime errors (just at compile time...) I didn't realize that there is no such thing as strings in switch case in this language.
So I wrote this whole fuckin shit and when I compiled I got massive list of errors.

So I had to redo that shit with If, Else If... And that motherfucker just crashed on me...
HOLY SHIT...

1) Writing data to database works just fine
2) Query reading back that same data returns null
3) Spend 3 hours to try figure out why that 4 year old select statement suddenly doesn't work anymore
4) Figure out mysql master stopped replicating to read slaves
5) Facepalm and cry a little

That time when the IT guy for your client company email you asking if we need to change code of their web based system cause they got new printer.

He forwarded the question from users like he didn't know the users needed to select a new printer or change their default printer.

God knows what he's doing there!!

website: *disables select or animates :hover*
me: *Inspector*

Wish i could make an sql request to filter shitty people. SELECT people FROM world WHERE personality != "pain in the ass"

Knock Knock

Who's there?

select username from users order by last_activity desc limit 1;

So why on earth would Postgres not spell this correctly?
```select rolname from pg_roles;```
Is it that someone could not spell rolename correctly?

Just wanted to know: am I a single maniac in the world that likes to select text on websites and press-hold buttons/links often to check how they look in `:active: and `:focus` states, just for naught? 😂

Customer: "There are only 'X' values in COLUMN_D, your - report - import is wrong!"
Me: select count(*) from table_a where column_d is not in ('X') -> returns more than a thousand... Yeah please only scroll within a couple hundreds of records in your shitty sql client gui without making queries. Fuckhead.

why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.

Friday end of work - select shut down and update, thinking PC would do those things.
My morning so far:

Browsers are really terrible with printing.

This is annoying when building web apps for internal use in businesses.

There should be a JavaScript way to select (or at least ask the user to confirm) what is printed on the borders of the page instead of the standard date, time, url, page x of x.

If you got job offers from 2 companies, one in Poland, another in Germany, and they want you to relocate. All things being equal, which one would you select based on country?

So back to the stories of the gentleman with his master's degree who's job I wasn't qualified for. Hope you all enjoy this gem I found in his stored procedure.

Select distinct *
From(
Select * from a inner join b on a.id=b.id
Union
Select * from a full join b on a.id=b.id
Where b.id is null
)

An inner join unioned to a full join where you exclude null values in right table creates a.....left join you fucking idiot!

FUCKING SHIT! Am I really the fucking only one that is fighting with the cursor jumping into the fucking next line or to the start, while you are trying to select only a part of a long line?! I know theres wordwrap, but I fucking hate it!

Fuuuuu rtl languages!!
I love them, they look fancy, true.. but are a total nightmare to select text. My stüpid brain will never get it right on the first try..or second or... :/

Is there ever any reason for SINGLE Hibernate SQL query/template to join like 10 different tables, do math, and come out to like 30 lines?

This is not a stored procedure, it's a single SELECT

There are so many tools, libraries and frameworks available for Javascript that its so difficult to select the most suitable one :|

Anybody else got this weird little glitch?

Steps to reproduce:
1. Scroll down until the header darkens
2. Hover over any of the header options
3. Scroll up until the header becomes transparent but not fully

Notes:
- Can't use a screenshotting tool, the refresh fixes the glitch
- Can't select the element in devtools, glitch disappears

Teaching a colleague to use INDEX / MATCH in Excel
Me: Type in =MATCH() and select the reference cell, the column its in, and put 0 for the last value.
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now type in =INDEX() and select the column you want to match with, then put in the value you got from MATCH()
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now combine the two formulas
Them: How?
Me:...

CURSE YOU AUTO SELECT!!! I'M FUCKING TRYING TO TYPE!!!

MOUSER! If I select ‘In Stock’ in your filter I want to see, who would have guessed, only parts that are in stock! Why do you think I want to see all the stuff that's on order?

I'm cross-compiling software I create for many years. Ignoring languages targeting some kind of VM, some additional efforts were always needed.

Go (as far as I can see, since 1.5) is doing this right and quite straightforward - select target and architecture, issue build command and you get native executable file. I'm happy ... B)

I have dual-boot Windows and Linux and use Windows just for gaming. After a hard day's work, I'm like "Let's relax by playing Witcher 3 for a couple of hours". So, I restart, select Windows and guess what? Updates... Mother. Fucking. Updates...😭😭😭

Am I the only person who didn't know you could set java script as bookmarks to run functions on select tabs my life is so much easier now will be even easier when I master java script

Fucking Google firebase database has no equivalent of 'SELECT * FROM shitheads LIMIT 10, 10'.
Better download those first 20 elements!

Descending order? haha. Fuck you.
Add your own custom index for that shit!

Today I spent hours trying to figure out how the hell to add a Material-UI tooltip onto the ClearIndicator for a react-select multi-select component to warn the user that it would clear _all_ of their selections. Followed the examples in the react-select docs on how to make use of replaceable components, but all of their examples used a different library for the tooltip component, and there was no way I was going to bring in _another_ library that was going to add even more dependencies to the application.

In the end, my problem was that all of the examples were with components that could carry a ref and the component _I_ was targeting was a <path> element, which apparently can’t.

Solution? Add a div between the tooltip and the component I was replacing.

*facepalm*

Sometimes the "L" and "S" keys are a little TOO close to each other in Dvorak layout. Yeah, I just did this:

<button type="button">Select Ass</button>

You can’t “Select All” in Google Keep.

Good UX.

current site issue, client and pm cant see the full list of people in multiple select box because they cant find the scroll bar.

rant.type = feature.request
We should be able to select up to 5 (for example) shirts, shoes... And have the app equip random one each day.

TIL that in iOS, when you select text with double tap, it usually selects one word, but if that word is a part of a full name, it will select the full name. For example, tapping on “react” in “react sucks” will only select “react”, but tapping on “Howard” in “Howard Lovecraft” will select the entire thing.

Now that’s attention to detail. Android will never get this kind of care, pixel or not.

I want to create a static JS class/file to hold shared functions but I can't seem to make it usable in other JS files.

import DbCommons from './commons' //Same folder

getCategories() {
return this.db.transaction((tx) => {
tx.executeSql('SELECT * FROM ' + DbCommons.CategoryTable, []) //Says not found

I forget how do I make things visible outisde of the actualy JS file

On interview: do you know SVG?
intern: yes

It turns out that they meant that they know how to select "SVG" as the export format.

Thank god that intern went into the design department and not coding.

When a junior develops an API call which return the user information and there is session_key and password encrypted in it too.

Dude! do you even know some basic security ! Please don't just Select * From table join table only !

I'm studying Databases and I'm getting confused about Foreign Key.
A Foreign Key made reference to Primary Key of another table. But what's the point? Can't I simply use a value and select requested data where TableA value is equal to TableB value?
Sorry if I didn't explain it well, I'm so confused lmao

Select * from meetings where subject Not like "%dev%"

What is your last WTF moment? I will start, today I was working on some abandoned tasks, finished the first one quickly and unexpectedly. I thought It would take more time though. The second task -the shitty one- finished it too, again quickly and unexpectedly. There was a tiny fix I should make, which shown on the image below, I wanted to change the CSS of this select box and the highlight color when the mouse is over one option, I spent about 2 hours without any luck, this shitty box has no trace in the dom or any CSS attached to it, I was going nuts, why the fuck this has no fucking trace in the HTML. Ok, I can change the select element background but it would be applied to all the box and the highlight color for the option element can't be changed. The WTF moment is that I was testing the website in chrome inspect with mobile devices enabled and thought, holy fucking shit this is not how the select is supposed to be shown on mobile devices, it will fall back to the native mobile system select element. what a fucking shit is this, I was going to go mad for 2 hours about this genie element displayed here.

Sometimes in a very fast flow the variable I select to be replaced by Ctrl+v finger just press Ctrl+c,Ctrl+v.

now I have to look what I copied :/

What is a good application for reading PDF's on phone? I want a PDF viewer that makes it possible to change font-size. The text in my PDF's are really text - not an image. I can select the contents with Samsung Notes for example. If a reader is a able to select it, there must be a reader that changes the font-size right?

I'm reading "Beautiful code" at the moment. It's a great book

There is no such thing as a "Random Error".
Unless you are using rand() to select a random index from an array. And you forget to add - 1 to the generated index.
Now that is one hell of a random error!

SELECT skills FROM life;

[ Fuck off ]

Stop posting feature requests. Go to the hamburger menu and select 'About'. You'll find the email address for ideas in there.

So uh- DevRant for iOS doesn't let me select text. Why? I want to google all these fancy terms I'm hearing.