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ERRORs are red,
INFOs are blue.
My logs look pretty,
But not as pretty as-
Wait, hold on. Why are there ERRORs in here?
Why is the homepage returning a 5- oh crap.
Can you just... Can you give me a minute?12 -
GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*4 -
one time while my colleague was away from his computer, I changed every system sound to a loud, elongated moan.4
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Hello DevRant my old friend
I’ve come to moan to you again
Cause the server that I’m re-building
Just won’t boot and I keep on swearing
And the fans spin as though the CPU runs hot…
Except it’s not…..
I think I Hate….. this server
And in the manual I can’t glean
What all the BIOS beep codes mean
It might that the CMOS battery’s flat
But it’s brand new so I don’t think it’s that
I’ve ordered RAM and disks, so I must stay resolute
I’ll make it boot!
Oh yes, I hate….. this server!!!52 -
Updated description!
Fuck Wordpress in the ass with a new kind of cms. Make devs happy with clean code. And Laravel66 -
So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.
Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.
I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.
Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.
Nothing.
Let's check the mail header. Nothing.
Face -> wall
Fml I want to cry.
Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.
Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!
At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.
BAM!
It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.
I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.
Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.
Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!
Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.
Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.
Holy cockriders of the galaxy.
Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.
That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.
I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.
Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer17 -
I want to make a worm that recognizes when the user is using headphones and occasionally play a silent footstep sound behind them.7
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Working in the midnight at home, feeling lonely...
https://github.audio
Hearing commit sound from the world. Telling you that you are not alone
10 -
"This dump is taking forever" - things that sound strange outside of a dev environment.
What are some other good ones?34 -
I need a site with seo and advertisement.
The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.
You will get 150€5 -
Developers sound like psychotic sewing serial killers.
Always taking about strings and threads or killing parents, children and detaching heads.11 -
Just broke up with my ex-girlfriend after 2 years of relationship. This might sound strange but scrolling after scrolling on dev rant is actually helping me getting through this situation!14
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Facebook videos will soon autoplay with sound.
It's like I didn't have enough reason to leave facebook already.18 -
For motherfuck's sake! It's not pronounced 'Linix'. Pull the couch out of your stinking trap of a mouth and try again, you fucking cunt fart!
Say Linux, with a fucking 'u' in it! Say it, SAY IT, AND SAY IT RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER, OR I'LL CUT OFF YOUR TONGUE AND WIPE MY ARSE WITH IT!42 -
Alright people, let's make our own free, decentralized, p2p encrypted Internet.
How does that sound?24 -
My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
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Found a private api key on a github project. Created a pull request with key changed to “TH1S5HOULDB3SECR3T!iMBECIL5“ comment was “security fix“ i wonder if they accept4
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My friend had the bright idea of making a version of bubble sort that plays a quacking sound effect on every swap. I added in different variations of the same sound effect for various conditions.
We named it "Quacksort," and one of the professors asked us to present it to the intro class.
My career has reached its peak.4 -
This may sound odd but I find myself more productive when I use linux. The whole environment kind of helps me to concentrate on the work.
Bad news is I always Windows 😞18 -
This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.
I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.
I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.
The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.
They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.
Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.
I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.
Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.
Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.
I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.
Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.
I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.
And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?8 -
*Reads some text about frequencies
"Oh, bass is within 40-100hz. How does it sound?"
*Clicks on demo audio*
*Table trembles*
*Cat jumps high and runs off*
*Pauses audio*
"Yup, that's bass"1 -
The sound of your $1500 MacBook crashing into the hard tile floor from a very tall breakfast bar...
Why are we babysitting this kid again?19 -
I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.10
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What my parents would have said back in the day if I told them I was a dev: "You listen to that annoying sound for a living?"
2 -
Can we all grow up and acknowledge that every programming language has its benefits and drawbacks? You don't sound edgy and sophisticated by only advocating for your language of choice, you twat.18
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It's interesting how specific music can actually sync your brainwaves in different ways depending on the music. You can actually utilize this for specific tasks. Listening to technical Death Metal like this: https://youtu.be/tJ7Y4SNj6u8 helps me focus best on new concepts.
Routine work that's fun works well with "groovy" riffing or seventies (revival) rock, like this: https://youtu.be/kSpsffboOAc
When I'm really stressed out I love hiding behind a wall of sick, harsh noise: https://youtu.be/gTRZdFqAOGA
Do you experience that too? Any specific music that works best for specific tasks?37 -
A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.
I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!
Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.
Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap17 -
I just told a colleague of mine, and worst programmer i got to know, to call me the alchemist.
Because I'm the one turning his shit to gold -
I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!
What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?
But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!12 -
What is it with clients who have never even seen a single line of code in their entire lives telling me how long they believe a certain change request should take to code.
I mean, what if I told you that your "seemingly simple enough" change needed an update to 36 class files, 9 oracle stored procedures AND several database schema changes. Also, who the fuck is going to perform a regression test to make sure I didn't break anything? Your Uncle Bob??6 -
How to reproduce:
human - F**k
process - Fork
Is that skeumorphism of words/sound by Unix developers ?7 -
So I got a bluetooth headset for Christmas ...
Yesterday I paired it with my (android) phone without problems, today I tried again, connected it but it wouldn't play any sound, I tried unpairing and pairing again didn't help
Then I thought: I'll try connecting it to my laptop
Connected it and nothing, no sound, it says it's connected but no other sound comes out of it
that was under Solus
I booted into Windows
I connected it
It works
What is this sorcery?23 -
Playing sound on OS boot is just as bad idea as automatically playing sound on a website load. Yes I'm looking at you Ubuntu.
// it can be muted I know but.. who decided it was a good idea in the first place?11 -
Sometimes I think back to all the funny shit that happened and how simple stuff fucks everyone
- tired Database engineer deleting (not dropping, literally rm -rf) the database files on the wrong server
- Microsoft delivering viruses through updates
- Pissed and stubborn dev deleting his one line library repo which does something like removing a char left side of string fucking an unmeasurable amount of other projects
- Adobe getting hacked and exposed for storing passwords in plain texts
- a doubled line causing a bug called heartbleed in a fuckton of webservers
- a Tutorial Company getting kicked from github because their repo got so big github staff had to maintain the repo manually
- and an old one: bad code crashed a space shuttle16 -
Brought my blue switch mechanical keyboard to work.
My colleague came in wondering what that tapping sound was. Heard it through the wall 🤔😂13 -
My colleague want to change notification sound on application I created. I said it support only WAV file. What they do is change extension of MP4 file to WAV and report me that my program isn't work.
*sigh*1 -
Me and my droog went to see dva bandas for a malenky bit of ultra-violence last nochy, peeting the sharpest of knives. We were throwing ourselves into the lewdies, getting one in the keeshkas for giving one out on the gulliver.
Oh, slooshying that gromky zvook and shoom was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. Everybody went bezoomny, and many a chelloveck, fisting away, got tolchocked over the head by other vecks, and that got the lovely red vino flowing real horrorshow for some of us.
We viddied flying voloss everywhere and threw our own glory while enjoying the firegold. Nice devochtkas among us, but a gloopy, merzky sooka as well that I didn't like at all, as it happens, oh my little brothers.
Appy polly loggies for govoreeting like this and using all these slovos you might not know, but after that last nochy I'm feeling as queer as a clockwork orange ;)39 -
Fucking hell!
The new Septicflesh album is amazing to listen to while programming. If you're into symphonic metal, blackened death metal and similar genres, try it.22 -
“Never,never, never, NEVER eat raw userinput“
Referring to stuff like “insert into foo (bar) values ($_POST[username])“4 -
FUCK!
How can a keyboard fuck up my sound settings so badly?
I'm using the Reidea RGB keyboard and I've encountered a really weird bug where the soubd is and stays compmetely off in Windows 10 when I use the sound off key combination FN+F9. Whatever I do, tge soubd will be off and remain off ubtil.I reset the keyboard. This only happens in Steam and when setting the sound (volume up, volume down or toggling sound on/off).
I'm.not using the driver, because I don't have a CD drive, but nevertheless, how the hell can this even happen? It fmdoesn't happen in Linux, I just tried it.
Freakiest bug I've ever encountered. What. The. Flying. Fuck?9 -
Random thought: what would a Taylor Swift song about the Swift programming language sound like (besides catchy AF)?5
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Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.
"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.
WTF?!
Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll
Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!12 -
I think for me game tester would be ideal job. On top of it if we get big screen, good sound system, couch and private cabin I guess then it will be the perfect one.
7 -
Hey, ranters!
There are a lot of mechanical keyvoard fans among you, and since I'm building a new PC and already got a new M500 (still my favourite mouse for everyday tasks and gaming), I thought I should get a new keyboard too (I only have a solar-powered keyboard for programming that I often use with my laptop at work which isn't suitable for gaming and not mechanical either).
I like mechanical keyboards, because I'm a pretty tactile person, but I'm not into the loud clacking other than normal typing. As I ubderstand it there are different cherry MX key colors that feel and soubd differently. Blue ones offer the distinct clixkibg soubd, red ones don't offer direct tactile feedback, brown ones are like blue ones without the clicking sound, etc.
Which ones do you prefer? Can you recommend a spefmcific keyboard or specific Cherry MX (or a similar producer's) keys/keyboards? Different needs for gaming/writing/coding?32 -
Had a problem.
Heard the errorsound a few dozen times too often.
Replaced it with Hitler screaming "NEIN NEIN NEIN".
Solved problem.
Let the sound stay.
Someday it will make a bad situation slightly brighter.2 -
Who needs fireworks if the sound of angry consumers after deleting a production database is as resounding as the sound of war itself
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Might sound weird but I pretend somebody is watching me through my own eyes. Somebody I want to impress, or make jealous, of my productivity and skill. Elaborate, but it works.3
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What do you think of my DIY - Headphones? You need a rubber band to put them on but the sound is amazing!
5 -
I asked a question at stackoverflow related to MySQL. I tried to explain everything a good as I could.
Now i go for a cigarette and expect a -5 when I come back....6 -
Just thought I'd share my current project: Taking an old ISA sound card I got off eBay and wiring it up to an Arduino to control its OPL3 synth from a MIDI keyboard. I have it mostly working now.
No intention to play audio samples, so I've not bothered with any of the DMA stuff - just MIDI (MPU-401 UART) and OPL3.
It has involved learning the pinout of the ISA bus connectors, figuring out which ones are actually used for this card, ignoring the standards a little (hello, amplifier chip that is wired up to the +12V line but which still happily works at +5V...)
Most of the wires going to it are for each bit of the 16-bit address and 8-bit data. Using a couple of shift registers for the address, and a universal shift register for the data. Wrote some fairly primitive ISA bus read/write code, but it was really slow. Eventually found out about SPI and re-wrote the code to use that and it became very fast. Had trouble with some timings, fixed those.
The card is an ISA Plug and Play card, meaning before I could use it I had to tell it what resources to use. Linux driver code and some reverse-engineering of the official Windows/DOS drivers got me past this stage.
Wired up IRQ 5 to an Arduino interrupt to deal with incoming MIDI data, with a routine that buffers it. Ran into trouble with the interrupt happening during I/O and needing to do some I/O inside the handler and had to set a flag to decide whether to disable/re-enable interrupts during I/O.
It looks like total chaos, but the various wires going across the breadboard are mainly to make it easier to deal with the 16-bit address and 8-bit data lines. The LEDs were initially used to check what addresses/data were being sent, but now only one of them is connected and indicates when the interrupt handler is executing.
There's still a lot to do after that though - MIDI and OPL3 are two completely different things so I had to write some code to manage the different "channels" of the OPL3 chip. I have it playing multiple notes at the same time but need to make it able to control the various settings over MIDI. Eventually I might add some physical controls to it and get a PCB made.
The fun part is, I only vaguely know what I'm doing with the electronics side of this. I didn't know what a "shift register" was before this project, nor anything about the workings of the ISA bus. I knew a bit about MIDI (both the protocol and generally how the MPU-401 UART works) along with the operation of a sound card from a driver/software perspective, but everything else is pretty new to me.
As a useful little extra, I made some "fake" components that I can build the software against on a PC, to run some tests before uploading it to the Arduino (mostly just prints out the addresses it is going to try and write to).
46 -
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Some people.... urgh!1
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God damn fucking shit.
Now I know again why I don't do apps.
This is a app as simple as can be:
Enter a link, click a button, do a http request, download a file.
BUT FUCKING HELL WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING RETARDED ANDROID?!
I'm not familiar with java but i don't care why is this so freaking unintiutiv to get shit done? Why are there thousands of ways and none works or atleast at a easy way? Make an object for this, make an object for that...
THIS IS RETARDED.
In PHP a simple "file_get_contents" would do the job. I were even down for some curl shenanigans if it were an easy implementation. BUT GOD DAMN.
URL url = new URL("http://fuckinghardcoded.com")
Oh no can't compile because that MIGHT be an invalid URL. Ok try catch this or just tell the rest of the Programm to watch out for this bad boy cause he might throw a MalformedURLException.
Ditch that and try volley. Everything is document except how to fire that queue! Does it do that by itself? Do I really have to do an override to a function while declaring? CMON ON I'M A WEBDEV IS THIS TRYING TO DO A FUCKING CALLBACK AND IS THIS TRYING TO BE AN ANONYMOUS FUNCTION??? Why is this so frustrating and confusing? I'm also mad at myself this is dropdead simple shit but I can't get it to work. Fuck this, fuck java , fuck android and fuck myself11 -
my desk neighbour started an online meeting, with her headset on. but she didn't realise that all the sound came from speakers. meeting lasted several hours.
5 -
Me: *reading work order* Customer states Mac does not have sound
*Me turns on Mac, it makes the signature "BONNNNG" sound*
Me: Uh huh...
Coworker: Rule No. 1 of tech support: The users always lie
Me: True, but still! How do you miss the start up Mac sound?!3 -
It's 2017 and Ubuntu still doesn't automatically switch the sound to your earphones when you plug them in the jack. :'(9
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15 sorting algorithm visualised in 5 minutes with awesome arcade sound.
https://reddit.com/r/programming/...11 -
I'm starting to hate js. Every library needs atleast 1000 other libs. I just blew the node_modules folder to 100mb with just one npm require22
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I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes
JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?
Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.
Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?
So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.
I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays3 -
- Ban "code on paper";
- promote open source;
- a bit more multimedia foccused(sound, image, 3d modelling).9 -
Chrome to stop autoplaying content with sound starting 2018. I fucking love Google 😁
https://venturebeat.com/2017/09/...3 -
It's kinda awesome how we all code in different languages but the sound for a keystroke is universal.5
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“Commit“ sounds like the german “komm mit“(come with me).
NonDev coworker asked me what “Komm mitting“ is1 -
Titled my presentation "High Availability Setup", after a moment of thought, I changed it to "High Availability Architecture".
There, I will sound a bit more intelligent when I read it out loud on Monday. 😎😂3 -
Always triple check which drive you are about to format. It may sound dumb but there are some people (like me) who had to reinstall the whole os because of that.6
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how to sound smart in a meeting: pretend to listen carefully for the new idea being said, and then ask one question: "does it scale?"1
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All employee meeting, tv has no volume.
Guess who gets passed the remote to figure out why there is no sound...1 -
The chairs at my internship make a Skype Message sound from time to time.
I have to grin Everytime.1 -
So my parents got speakers integrated into their monitor. A few years ago (like 3-4) they made me turn off the sound because it annoyed them since all they did were playing some shitty flash games and some office work. Now they needed the sound back on and this is how it happened.
1. Confirm they plugged the right cable in. I know them so I knew that could be a problem
2. Made them download Teamviewer because I know they can't even doubleclick without guidance
Now the juicy part was to tell them they need to turn on sound on the monitor. As I was watching via teamviewer I saw them trying to click on the menu items from said monitor. Took me 5 minutes to explain that their mouse can't do shit on that because they need to navigate with the buttons underneath the monitor.
Turned out they couldnt get things right and I had no idea what they were seeing because they explanations went like "All I can see is Main Menu and Exit." - "Is that really all dad?" "Yes thats all. Main Menu, Brightness and Exit" turnes out the middle part is interchangable like "Brightness, Saturation, etc..."
After 2 hours I gave up and told them to pick up my speakers tomorrow -
Storm outside, our whole office left today at 12 and decided to do Homeoffice. Now I'm coding with the sound of the storm. Amazing :)1
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Do recruiters realize how ridiculous they sound saying they're looking for a "rockstar/ninja/big mover?"
give me an actual job title. -
Absolutely beautiful! Since Vim 8 came out a few days ago, I've been tinkering with it's new features and I love it.
You don't like my setup? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection.
16 -
At a concert instead of coding. This band is talented, but they have nothing interesting to say and sound like every other alternative group out there.
It's like thinking you have to shit and then just farting for 90 minutes.1 -
!rant
Hello dear fellow devs, I got some more nice ram and don't need those ram bars anymore. Write why you should receive them and they are on the way. For people outside germany you (unfortunatly) have to cover the shipping costs.
25 -
Well, my client likes the sailboat picture that I put up on his site as the hero area.
Now he wants to know if I can animate the water and put the sounds of waves and seagulls in the background.
I can, but fuck you. I won't. I have respect for the people that visit your site.6 -
If I had a company. I would only accept code for application. Grades, gender, age... i couldn't care less7
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Did you know that you can 'tap' that track-pad instead of making that annoying clicking sound? It will probably give your track-pad longer life too.
7 -
hmm i think is when my game start to blink like a party lights and just for fun i added sound it was cool but then i found The bug and solve it but it was fun
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The local news came to my coworking space looking for some sound bytes, I was chosen and very carefully opened up devrant on the monitor behind me before she started.6
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I can troll all day by opening Devtools on a browser and change <input type=“password“> to <input type=“text“> they think i hacked google, facebook and their email acoount
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There are always three questions i get asked when i tell people I'm a programmer:
Can you take a look at my phone/laptop/pc etc...?
Can you hack?
Whats the green stuff from matrix?3 -
I love doing crawlers to test stuff. Client wanted me to crawl his page for certain errors.... seems i ddossed them2
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Two types of people in this world.
Those who read "ping" as a command.
And those who read it as a sound. 😂3 -
WTF, did you guys watch inferno? There is a sound effect even when they are scrolling down through Google search 😂2
-
Grable its fucking bullshit and its slow as hell but ohh well i must use it for android.
And one library for sound in C was too fucking slow and complex as hell. -
! Rant
To any games programmers here (I feel so lonely surrounded by these Web devs)
If I tree falls in a scene with no audio listeners does it still make a sound...4 -
Everytime I want to use a well recommended library which last commit was two years ago or longer i get suspicious2
-
Today I dropped and updated a database to override it with local changes. Turned out the same dB was used by another project.
I just destroyed a week worth of work and content.
Good thing I took a dump before dropping everything. Got it running in 5 Minutes7 -
I wish I could read my code on other people's screens. I wouldn't sound like such an idiot whenever I leave my desk. *sigh*3
-
The new regime our PM took on this morning with a newly hired, and still mentally sound dev.
"We will solve bugs for an hour everyday"
FTW11 -
I'm a little confused here. How are "viruses" different from "exploits" in Linux? The way I see it, they're the exact same thing. Although "exploit" makes it sound cool 😂17
-
I hate that I can watch Silicon Valley over and over and love every episode Everytime. (Don't really hate it just needed it to sound like a rant.11
-
Took a devops position for a friend who needed help managing a small datacenter.
Five months of writing nothing but yaml for ansible. I'm about to go mad...1 -
My father had a PC with Win3.11 where young me was allowed to play solitaire and an educational programs for kids, later on, followed Win98. I was fascinated with this big grey boxes which could do so many things, especially connect you to the Internet where you could find knowledge about EVERYTHING. (Someone remember the "Blinde Kuh" search engine?)
I remember my father connecting the modem with a long cable all the way through several rooms to the TAE-outlet and the weird sounds the device made.
I often heard "Get away from the PC or your eyes will become rectangular!" when I was sitting there for hours over hours reading and playing.
When I was ten, I got my first own computer, a trusty 486er (386 with logical coprocessor! 8MB RAM if I remember correctly. Weeee! :D) which was my uncle's old PC with Win95.
I started writing on the PC and got into several online communities ... it went downhill from there. :D11 -
So my gf just told me she saw a video where YouTube claimed it had no sound - with sound.
I didn't believe her at first.. see for yourself
https://youtu.be/lghQ0PxUOUk
11 -
When a two programmers meet in public and they start to talk loud
Then.....
You notice people look like (o_o) and watching
And a sound from the back saying "what are you saying?"3 -
So my real name is jason and I got the habit to use Json as my nickname as a little Dev pun.
I think I overdid it
3 -
Computers fear my devaura. Everytime I get called to fix something it magically starts working when I enter the room. 5 Minutes after I leave it broke again.
Repeat like while(true)3 -
Fullstack Bluetooth in the cloud using a mainframe matrix and heatsinks for optimal parallel multiprocessing.
I hate buzzwords. And especially hate TV shows that try to sound smart.3 -
Just listened to the podcast, Tim rogus known as "T Rogus" no fuck you! You will stay Trogus for me for all eternity!5
-
Is it just me or is the Audio driver for Antergos WAAAY better than the one on Windows? Big diffrence for me at least.
Also, huge thanks to whoever made devRantron available on AUR.15 -
Firefox, are you trying to make me hate you? WTF is this pulseaudio requirement to have sound????? You can forget that!!! *installing an updated distro*
-
Today in innocent tech conversations that sound dirty because I am a child: "system shuts down on case penetration"1
-
Had to submit a form and couldn't because of some js errors. I hacked my way through with the console to submit none the less
-
I'm a Linux guy, but for some goddamn reason I work in sound. Which means I need vst plugins and windows. EVERY FUCKING TIME WINDOWS OVERWRITES MY DARN LINUX PARTITION just enough that I can't recover it AND THEN FUCKS UP THE BOOTLOADER THAT I CAN'T EVEN BOOT Windows. Whyyyyyyy? I just want to work or play a game but now I'm stuck fixing bootloaders and corrupt partitions...... Fml10
-
I use spaces instead of tabs. Working beside me, my mates were irritated of that beautiful sound(they called it noise) from my keyboard.6
-
Well I guess pursuing that musician dream doesn't sound so bad. AI can't take playing guitar away from me 😀9
-
Code like this makes me shed a tear in nostalgia... also I want to murder somebody for still putting that in tutorials
5 -
Freaking out over this tweet, it's making it sound like I've won something. I never win anything. Has that changed now??? 😲😲😲
7 -
Is it just me or is Java really uninspiring as a language? And are there any Java build tools that don't sound like 90-year-old women? Maven, Gradle...3
-
!rant
Anyone else who can't focus while listening to music? I can't grasp how that's not annoying to people.
The sound of silence.
For real, the best coding flows happen then.
If there is something that I can hear and process, my train of thought behaves like a dream behaves when you wake up in the morning.
Even worse are children, humming, whistling or munching as the ONLY sound in that silence, Im scorching inside when that happens.
If I can't be somewhere silent (preferably completely), I block the distractions with binaural beats and/or sound of rain.26 -
When the day gets rough, I either read comics or start sketching cartoons. Yeah! I know. I sound like a kid.1
-
******TRIGGER WARNING******
So my friens doesn't belive that spotify has a better sound than YouTube...LMAO8 -
Someone hates apple for macbook keyboard sound. I hate apple for poor-quality anti-reflective coating on the screen, which is erased gradually when my laptop is closed.
P.s. macbook pro retina mid2014 13'
2 -
My setup. A macbook pro retina 2015. Dell 23inch monitor on a wooden monitor stand bought from Ali Express. With a Razer Goliathus extended mouse pad. Creative Sound Blaster E5 DAC headphone amp. And Bose OE headphone.
18 -
Code in index.php: if(!isset($_COCKIE['access'] == '123') {
echo 'Denied'; die;
}
And then there was the access.php which set the cookie.
So you had to go to foo.com/access.php which displayed a white page and set the cookie. Then navigate back to foo.com for access2 -
!rant
I'm sitting in my RV and it's been raining for two days almost non-stop.
Is there anything more wonderful than rain falling on the roof of the car? I love that sound. Nightly silence and rain. -
A few years ago I worked at company specialized in Magento(eCommerce) and Magento was changing their licensing model. At the time they had 3 Versions. Community(free), Pro and Enterprise.
They decided to ditch Pro and either make all migrate to Enterprise(with a discount) or go community which wasn’t really compatible. So some shops were in need of a more or less complete rewrite.
My hdd crashed literally the day before but hey no big deal everything is 99% done and on staging. So I had a Trainee at that Time and thought the last few crappy things could be done in pair programming so he can learn a few things.
But fuck him! That motherfucker! He managed to WIPE the staging server and no that was at a time without gut and no SVN. That dipshit just deleted 2 months of work because he thought it was a good idea to SYNC his empty project to the staging system.
Oh god I nearly stabbed him. He did that shit out of his own mind even though I told him a dozen times what would happen... we had to do the whole thing again with me sitting next to him watching every stroke he made.
Guess he learned something while inward silently raging the next weeks.1 -
Yoga! Helps me to maintain a sound mental health. As a result analytical thinking becomes more enjoyable and less stressful.4
-
How tell me apart from the other departments?
It's so cold inside my office it creates fucking WIND when you open my door -
That moment when you realize that the annoying beeping sound I was hearing while dreaming was the sound of my server's UPS discharging itself because the power went out. I woke up to the electricity coming back not understanding what is happening 😂1
-
How does it sound like installing latest build of windows 10 on 40 PCs at once ?
like this: https://youtu.be/Rp2rhM8YUZY1 -
I hate people ranting about “Uhh thats not responsive I sent a screen how I imagined it.“
Open Screen, 1918x703 px WIDE.
Explained for an hour that thats not fucking responsive. Nobody could see or read that even if I were to implement. Responsive fucking means text breaks BELOW the damn pictures to make it readable. I will never fit that on an iphone or something unless he pays extra so i can perform dark magic to force vertical view on some devices and put 100 alert functions that the device is not supported by the site.
Im so mad fuck him and fuck me1 -
-- When do you realize that you are not practicing a technology enough?
- When the related questions on stackoverflow start sound weird and more difficult -
Beginner coder. We all have our own relative difficulties (lol my problems sound like simple addition compared to y’all); these are the thoughts from a cs student @ university5
-
People sound like they hate their jobs here. What's your favorite part of being a dev? I like the idea of turning an idea into a real thing3
-
Watch your shell. Someone did it again.
Sysadmin grilled s3 with a typo in his command, shutting down whole subsystems of amazons infrastructure2 -
When no one in the industry knows you because you still didn't land your first dev job, and you're not happy where you are,, but recruiters gotta lie to sound appealing!
-
FREAKING STUPID **** EXCEL
Goddammit, spend hours and hours debugging a csv file generation... It always missed a zero.... Guess what: Excel deletes fucking shit leading zeros -_-4 -
Hello dear fellow programmers,
Lately I'm faced with an issue: i can't code. It takes me a really long time to get my codeengine running and it stops on the first occasion, it either be a cigarette pause, a question from a coworker or what ever.
I love code and I have a blast when I start but I have a hard time starting it.
What to do? I'm a bit at a loss here1 -
A few years ago:
Installing Visualstudio 2008 on Xp.
Pc is laggy as f.
Start browsing nsfw to kill time and boss comes over. Try to close browser and not working. Start to panic a bit. Boss comes over looking at black boxes.
Pictures didnt render. I was so lucky1 -
Listening to rain sound or pleasing sounds while coding helps me think straight and sets a good mood for me to complete a task.Music sets me straight.
-
Does anyone know a single-board computer like e.g. the raspberry pi that features a physical on-board audio input as well as an output?
I know that GPIO-header-boards like e.g. the hifiberry or WolframAudio (which seems somewhat deprecated by now) exist. I could probably also alternate to an USB-soundcard, but I'm curious whether someone might know a more compact solution.5 -
How the fuck is Firefox still alive, it's been burning since 2004.
Now i know why they make that horrible sound.8 -
What is the best way to write an 'About Me' page on your website that doesn't nake you sound arrogant, but doesnt sell you short either?4
-
Anyone elses file names sound more and more frustrating as a client continues to request tiny changes? Like it goes from
Db-image.png to
Fuckityfuckfuck.png6 -
! Suggestion
So I've one project based on fingerprint scanner where the scanner came with sdk for c# and other language libraries.
So basically the user punches for login and logout I'm storing timestamp based on that to MongoDB. Now the only concern is when the user punches, it doesn't give any response like sound or light for telling it's accepted or not.
For that I've to do something so my guess was
1. Sound
2. Light
But, it's for library and they don't want sound. And my scanner don't have any extra light for that.
Anyone got any suggestion or cool idea?
(I'm using Nitgen Fingkey Hamster I DX HFDU06)4 -
A few weeks ago, my phone's lock button broke, I don't wanted to buy a new one but few weeks after, the sound broke too, not only the speaker, everything! When I was trying to play a video without sound my phone crashed...
So I bought me a new phone, and it was fun**info worth !!!
The OnePlus 5t is really amazing 😍 -
I lost one of my 19 rubber ducks, and i can't find it.. It was a great duck, i already miss its squeaky sound :(4
-
Function works() {
Try {
HorriblyDyingCode();
Return true;
} catch (Exception e) {
Return false;
}
} -
I often use white noise to help me sleep and more and more often recently I've start using the deep sound of a moving hair dryer to help me concentrate. I find it extremely relaxing.4
-
That's it I'm done with wordpress.
Join me angry devs, let's change the world!
https://devrant.io/collabs/424605/1 -
!rant
Today I made a decission to apply to "music and sound design¹" study programme at University of Constantine the Philosoher(UKF) in my hometown instead of applying to "IT security²" study programme at ČVUT in Prague(Czech Republic)... Can I still consider myself a dev? 🤔
¹ for people who want to do sound mixing and so on
² basically network and sys admin stuff13 -
Ah this is encouraging, to see top scientist and thinkers on this matter coming together. An AI guided by sound principles is an AI future I can look forward to.
https://futureoflife.org/ai-princip... -
Trying to learn something new.
Find a library in a foreign language. It's c++.
Unable to include lib.
Copy contents
Try absolute path
Compiler gives me the finger
Abandon project -
I can't believe it is real: I just had to talk someone out of calling a navigation point "FAQ User"
Had to admit I'm from Germany and so was the client. It's quiet common people pronounce FAQ as fuck here3 -
We had serverside profiles at school. And at one day someone forgot to sign off. So me, the bored dev apprentice, wrote a cmd Programm which spammed every folder with a txt file with contents like "Sign off next time!" Then wrote that sentence to a desktop file until the drive was full.
They had to restore a server backup since that appearantly fucked the system1 -
What I write may not be worth reading, but at least the sound of my fingers clicking away rhythmically on the keyboard is soothing.
-
I hate people. I show them devrant or try to abstract a problem to a everyday problem people still reply with "I don't know computers" ignorant fucks.1
-
GRAAAAAGH I WANT A DEV JOB SO BAD
Developers who rant about their dev jobs sound ungrateful to me. At least you don't work in IT.6 -
Yesterday i went coding, tired as hell. I told myself “Atleast i get smth done“ i was wrong. Redid everything and now expect many merge conflicts when i get home1
-
nothing personal, but fuck you all who are responsible for these mobile game tutorials where i can't even disable sound until i finish it.2
-
I am waiting for the Windows terminal server to log me off. It is currently waiting for Explorer.
"Playing log off sound" -
Had a client whom was using the staging system on my server as cdn, remote computing, etc... because his prod server was a cheap vhost while the vm was a beast compared to it. I shut it down without telling. I just got a call that his site is now slow a f and full of errors.
I kindly told him that there was a recent security breach called dirty cow. Then I told him that I shut the vm down because it would mean security risk for him since there are no patches available yet and only Power on again with there was work for me to do.
If you want resources pay for them -
Was rushed to write a crappy massmailing for super urgent newsletter, had to be finished in 20 minutes. Last 5 minutes i had to rewrite half of it. Told them its rushed, testet and crappy.
Mailed the stuff anyway. Every Email got the same dynamic string in subject.
Looked at code, was setting the subject 2 lines above the loop.
Sorry guys, dont rush me next time2 -
See a stupid neme, trying to get my feet wet in android development, make a "sound board" with 1 buttton that plays 1 sound
> mfw Skiddadle skidoodle is my most successful app with 30 ish concurrent users
Soldmysoul.jpeg for the memes2 -
seniority perks: explain something technical, make it sound like its very easy to do and actually make devs think their dumb in the process.
moron. -
Chocolate. Practically it's sugar but i prefer it in the form of chocolate.
I can work without pretty well, but it really helps in high pressure situations.
I sound like a drug addict. 😱2 -
I really want to dive deeper in other languages. But everytime I see something with a not c-like syntax i can't muster the resolve to dive in.
Any advice to overcome that?3 -
Am I the only one that feels like the Linux sound driver (alsa) have a more clean sound than the windows drivers? I'm a pianist (at least I'm playing the piano in my free time 😜) and I feel more comfortable with the sound on my Linux. (I use the same physical piano modeling software on both systems)1
-
Do you guys know brain.fm? Its superb making you more productive. I have found it yesterday and it is look promising to my productivity.2
-
I took a project. Wild mix of php and html including db stuff and data processing. About 200 files, some 3000+ lines long with if else cases processed in another template/logic behemoth...
I wrote a js file included it at the footer of the monster and update dom + data via ajax on my own api implementation because I'm too afraid to write in any of those files.
I've been told its quality code and well documented3 -
Oops, all day in the pub. Best excuse for not being available win a carton of beer... That I'll never send you.
I sound like a client, gimme shit for... free -
!rant
I've been looking for an open source bugtracker. The Idea is to make it public and lets clients submit their tickets. I looked at redmine and truth be told: I can't do the ruby,so it dropped. Bugzilla? Well... please no. Flyspray.... well we tried but don't get along. I stuck with mantis2 because it's the only thing with eyecandy i've found even though the source is a hellish mix of 1000+ lines of wild php and html mixes. The rest either doesn't fit or looks too old. I also don't mind throwing a buck or two but i want to run it on my own server and do fancy stuff to it if i want to.4 -
A Sonos like App for Android that controls a Rasperry Pi through SSH for a Multiroom Sound System.
Started it with basic Programming knowledge, so I had to rebuild it at some point. Then time wasn't enough -
sorry about this, Feedback does not allow images. little bug I really don't know how but happens sometimes... sound like dumb client, see screenshot . Padding for filter without filter. iphone 5c
4 -
!rant
So... what music/media/sound do you listen to while programming?
I switch between video game OSTs (Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, KH2), movie scores (The Social Network, Pride and Prejudice, and misc. stations), classical piano music, and hip hop. Sometimes I throw on Netflix on a series or movie I've already seen countless times.11 -
Installed tweaks to make parts of iOS 9.3.3 look and sound like iOS 10, but with the full customization of a jailbreak. Who needs to update when you can upgrade?
Jailbreakers: 2
Apple: 0 -
Is there an alternative to Stereo Mix? My sound card doesn't support it.
I don't want a half-assed trial version. I shouldn't have to pay for something that every sound card should support nowadays. Removing this from many modern sound cards is one of the most retarded tech decisions I've ever seen since the fucking Apple Pippin.
But rant aside, any ideas? I've tried Virtual Audio Cable and it sucks. I also checked AlternativeTo and couldn't find anything decent.
11 -
When your extreme workstation doesnt make any sound when starting up so you just sit there waiting in tension... :/1
-
When VLC player generates a Windows notification on every track change when using it to play FLAC albums.2
-
Which is the best noise cancelling headphone under 2000₹(30€).
Primary criteria is that it should keep us away from the world.
It should also have good sound quality if not great.4 -
Today's tutorial
Bombox for your phone for really cheap.
Self explanatory, Try it and see how easy it is to get a clean sound from your cellphone.
6 -
Asked Siri to "call my wife" but did it in an accent that obviously made it sound like "call _me_ wife".1
-
I wish this place had a sound proofed dark room where they play "Dust in the Wind" on never ending loop so I can scream and cry.
-
Sonic the Hedgehog is kind of developer, which smashes bugs and goes through stages with speed of sound... But at the end, Eggman is faster than him.
-
Serious question, what is the use case for Arch? From all that I hear about how complicated it is it doesn't sound very practical6
-
My boss just asked me to automate the training data tagging process so that I don't have to do it manually. He's so kind.1
-
Explaining !IT people my job...trying to sound more professional as possible so they don't think that I just "play with computer" :)1
-
Hey Fellows!
Just to know, what are your favorites music's for programming? Personnaly it's Bon Jovi but that's sound a little bit clichee6 -
We are dependent on dependency injection and package management... which also comes with a lot of dependencies installed by another package manager1
-
I have something ethnical controversal in the making. I learned to shut up about the project. That's how i learned people fear and hide a lot1
-
I have no idea how to make custom images so i keep a txt file for “apt-get install“ or “yum install“
-
I once had a colleague ranting about my variable naming because it went out of bounds on his IDE's printmargin. To please him i wrote minified code while pair programming
-
For those who ever tried to find and/or implement a crm: everything seems to be based on that bastardized vtiger core which is based on an old version of sugarcrm I'm so fucking tired of that shit. I gonna make my own. The underlying framework makes me sick to the bone. Everything in there relies heavily on magic. Being arround for years and just recently got a new major release yet unable to transfer offer items to the invoice even though it requires a relation?
This is not blunt talk. My thing is based on Laravel, EAV principle for dynamic fields, module code structure, interface for the list view and many other stuff is already integrated. This is gonna be done and will be done because existing stuff is so fucking ugly and broken I can't fathom myself.
Btw I still need a name
PS: I hate smarty, PearDb and their fucking database layout -
Is it just me, or does it sound like some people's accents say: "hatechtml." Those people probably also say "Jaah vuh script." Kinda funny....1
-
How do you politely tell the person that sits next to you the sound of them loudly slurping their hot beverage each afternoon makes you want to bitchslap that mug out of their hand. I'm going for a walk now3
-
English has no rules. Why bixby is pronounced with sound of letter "e" at the end? It's letter "y" there! BixbY, you see? It drives me crazy 😡😡😡9
-
installing nircmd and psexec. closing processes, muting the sound and opening/closing the cdrom tray of a colleague can be funny, especially during the night shift.
-
“My whatever isnt working“
“Was there an error message“
“Yes“
“What was it?“
“I dont know I dismissed it“
FML1 -
Who else remembers games where you had a choice of either sound effects or music, but you couldn't have both at the same time?1
-
JavaScript query:- I have number of sound clip on server. Which user can create different mixer sound by combination or by merge. How can I save the output merge sound by JavaScript or php in user local desktops or mobile.
-
Does any one know how to install ffmpeg for php on server
On window or Linux server? I want to use ffmpeg for merging the sound on server.5 -
The sound of kids arguing when you told your client you need one more day to finish up. Tomorrow you'll repeat your self.
-
Coffee finally works again. And just as long as i need it to work. Then i'll have a sound, deep and relaxing sleep.
-
Fuck you sophos. Fuck you hard. I moved a server to a new datacenter and it worked like a charm. Thank you windows and hyper-v. BUT! BUUUUUUT my fucking sophos worked like shit. Blocking everything by default? Yeah fuck you. Reconfigured everything. Still blocked and why? Forward “all“ doesnt mean forward all. Had to apply rules from port tcp 1 - 65335 and udp 1-65335. Nice you piece of fuck.2
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