Mechanical Calculator, 1936. The technology marvel of it's time.

Recently I've installed Tinder. Had my first match yesterday.

Me: "I see you're a product manager in a software company. Do you get along well with programmers? :)"

No reply. Unmatches. 😶

Thank you

When your code doesn't match your algorithm

Senior Dev: "Be mindful of what you email to the team, some may be rubbed the wrong way."

Me: "I'm going on a year, I figured it was okay to send a meme when appropriate like [the other guy]."

Senior Dev: "Well, [the other guy] has been here for 17 years, so it's sort of expected from him."

Me: "You know what would be weird? If I was here for 17 more years and then 'started' having fun with the team."

Senior Dev: "Yes, but [the other guy] is the only one doing his particular job, which makes him important, so he tends to get away with more."

Me: "No, I get it. If you're a linchpin you can reply with cat memes, but people like me need to mind their place."

Senior Dev: "It's an uncomfortable conversation, but it's all bureaucracy."

Me: "Duly noted. But could you please forward me the specific email I sent that caused the concern?"

Senior Dev: "I'm not sure what the exact email was, when it was sent, or specifically whom it offended."

Me: "Okay, because that would be like me walking up to you and saying that you have a problem that needs to be fixed, but I don't know what your problem is or why it needs to be addressed."

Senior Dev: "You're right, but just be mindful of the emails you send outside of the group."

Me: "I've never group-emailed anything outside of the team."

Senior Dev: "Well, I'll let you get back to work..."

[FML!] 🤦‍♂️

I kid you not, it's been impossible to find a rubber duck, so I had to make my own. Yes, his head is wonky, it's intentional, I wanted him to match me 😁

Interview : alright .. your backend experience match us perfectly. Now tell me about ur experience with JavaScript !
Me replying without thinking :
Fuck JavaScript !

Interview : 😮😦 !!
Me : 🤐😨

Interview : alright then, u are in the short list and will get back to u for your second interview.

Be me

- register on tinder, mentioning I'm a developer
- start using
- first profile
- I like this first profile, I swipe right
- IT'S A MATCH
- get immediately unmatched

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity”

Heard it on the radio the other day

*pops open some Chinese USB Bluetooth dongle*
*finds a chip inside that seems to be a controller*
"Google, what's the datasheet for this thing?"
> Your search - 653uw1f1 - did not match any documents.

I'm doomed... 😟
Finding Easter eggs is hard you say? Try a datasheet 😑

/he/ meets "she" in a dating app.

It's a match!

What they say:

Call from recruiter, “Hi Scott just seen your profile on LinkedIn and think you will be a really good match for a role I’m recruiting for”

what it actually means:

“you have come up in my keyword search and I'm blindly calling you, I haven’t really read your profile”

Talking to Best Buy customer support live chat trying to price match using friend’s laptop.

Typed in “<b>Hello</b>”

Oh cool.. it comes out as bold. Let’s get a scary as fuck screamer gif and img src it.

Me: *Posts picture*
Me: *Waits a few seconds*

Me: “Did you see that picture?”
Support: “No. Sir, could you tell me the item you want to price match?”
Me: “Okay hold on.”

Typed in “<script type=‘text/javascript’>window.alert(‘OOGA BOOGA BITCH’);</script>”

Me: “Did you see that?”
Friend: “Dude stop.”

I push my friend away since I’m on his Best Buy account.

Me: “Did you see a pop up?”
Support: “No.”
Me: “Okay okay hold on.”

You have left the chat.

Everybody is number one and there's only 1 number two. lol

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.

Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌

Me: doing light browsing.
CPU Fan: increases frequency like crazy.
Me: opens task manager.
Windows 10: 60% cpu usage.
Me: sort processes by cpu usage; sum does not match.
Me: closes iTunes update window.
CPU usage: drops to less than 10%.

The update had already finished and the CPU usage was 60%!!!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, APPLE?

OMFG it happened again. I'm always very explicit with recruiters that I don't take full time employment while I'm studying. This one was very understanding about it and said he found a great match for my skillset.

I just had a meeting with the CEO of this great match of a company.
- "No, we only seek people who can work full time, let's keep in touch when you've graduated".

What the fuck, way to waste everyones time.

Got laid off on Friday because of a workforce reduction. When I was in the office with my boss, someone went into my cubicle and confiscated my laptop. My badge was immediately revoked as was my access to network resources such as email and file storage. I then had to pack up my cubicle, which filled up the entire bed of my pickup truck, with a chaperone from Human Resources looking suspiciously over my shoulder the whole time. They promised to get me a thumb drive of my personal data. This all happens before the Holidays are over. I feel like I was speed-raped by the Flash and am only just now starting to feel less sick to the stomach. I wanted to stay with this company for the long haul, but I guess in the software engineering world, there is no such thing as job security and things are constantly shifting. Anyone have stories/tips to make me feel better? Perhaps how you have gotten through it? 😔😑😐

Code never lies, comments sometimes do.

I just customized my ddg theme to match my editor's color scheme. Ahhhhhh. Pure bliss.

That disappointing moment when your phone vibrates in your pocket and you hope someone has +1'd your rant but then find out it's just a Tinder match

Database Life

You are no match!

List of benefits given by some random company to its developer,
1- Medical, Dental, AD&D
2- Generous paid time off and holidays
3- Free fitness center in our building
4- Flexible schedule
6- Mac or PC, your choice
7- We and our customer don't use IE
8- Starbucks on the 1st floor
9- Generous 401k match
...

But I like 7th one the most!

Thanks Windows 10. You were working for the most part and now thanks to your update when I hit WinKey and start typing 'down' I get 'Download and install braille' as the first match. Or as Windows 10 calls it 'Best match'.

accurate 😂

Feature request for @dfox:
Swiping for rants:
Left = nay, right = yay
Or better:
Match making via rants for devSingles.

Just kidding! I love devRant the way it is. It's the best app. Probably the best of all. It's huge. You'll like it.

Tinder bots that match must have secret conversations all the time and we'll never know

> be me
> create profile in dating app because pandemic rules make meeting people at irl events impossible
> match with cute girl
> start to talk about interesting stuff
> mention being a software developer
> her: 'pls help me I have a not activated windows 10 on my laptop and can't do stuff since the last update'
> fml

When you start a project.
You pass 6 stages.
But in the end it is the best thing you ever did.

Me and @Ovyerus decided to avatar match, and this was the end result.

Email subject: Urgent need for developers!

Email body: We found you in our database, and think you're a match for this position! Requires 5+ years of C++ experience

Apparently C# == C++. Good luck finding an appropriate candidate, buddy. I was tempted to send them an email pointing out their error, but I'm not too good with "pointers"

Never underestimate the power of developers on stackoverflow.

If you forget a single restriction they will find solutions that perfectly match your question but not your problem.

Meanwhile for loop in the stadium

SQL gives me a hard on right now.

Two tables, 954 rows and 9414, connected via foreign keys and shit.

SELECT a_id,name,shit FROM table1 a JOIN table2 b ON a.id = b.a_id WHERE ((lower(name) LIKE '%lorem%') OR MATCH(name) AGAINST('lorem' WITH QUERY EXPANSION) OR name SOUNDS LIKE 'lorem')

and you got fuzzy search with resolved keys to another table in 0.047 sec, fuck me dude.

Hmmmmm

I finished two projects. Both of them need to connect to each other. However, the tool to do that is not currently licensed to achieve my desired outcome. I email my boss to check the status of the license key I need, that they promised, and the only thing I get back is "Correct." Seriously? 😠 The person who has the company credit card and authority to buy, also the same one that gives me a deadline to turn this shit in, can't give me the time of day to respond to an email? Their response wasn't even relevant. I've been trying to move beyond this roadblock for a week now! I'm a pretty independent guy, but I'm not going to buy the license myself for a tool that I didn't even want to use. So when someone comes to my cube and I'm raging on Steam, ✋ I don't want to hear anything about company time, because mine isn't being respected either. 👊👊

My career is going well. I was really prepared for a small inconsequential raise. But my manager literally doubled what I was expecting (was expecting just inflation match). Awesome 😆 now time to rapidly build a real proper emergency fund and my savings faster than ever

1:1 ++ to comment ratio and a 1:10 rant / comment ratio.

This wasn't even that intentional, well, of course I ++d 23 rants for it to be a perfect match but almost 100% legit lol

Me:
* I wanna make a website
* I'm good at backend
* I suck at frontend

Friend:
* I wanna make a website
* I suck at backend
* I'm good at frontend

Initial though: Match made in heaven
Now: FFS Wordpress is not the kind of frontend I had in mind.

git commit suicide.txt -m "It was a nice thought before it was put into action"

I want my dual-monitors :c Seems like I need to double my amount of upvotes then. But I want to match my avatar to my real setup! :c

Couldn't afford a Mac .....
So tweaked the the theme of Mint to match that of iOS a bit 😅
At least feels better for now !!!!

Also a cautionary depiction of coding in dim rooms without a dark theme...

#frontend #backend

Can someone make like a tinder app, only for finding employees/job?

Can we remove HR companies from standing in the middle and making things hard on both sides?!?! Fuuuck

This could be so much easier..swipe..swipe .. There's a match.. scheduled interview.. done

Well... I could have played a CSGO match in that time...

Crocheted a Doctor Who season 12 scarf and then crocheted a mini version so my husband’s cat could match with him.

Coolest project I've worked on. Artistic.af machine learning + Instagram makes your images artistic AF. Did it as a side project to get up to speed on NN implementations on GPUs

Was playing Call of Duty online and after the match, this kid types "git good" in the chat.
Was impressed kids are starting young these days!

Git: "so what'd you want to commit?"
Unity: "just fuck me up"
Git: "got you covered"

It's funny how all the pretty girls on LinkedIn want to have a cup of coffee with me after I updated my profile to match my current position. Previously not even bots on Tinder would chat to me.

A recipe for COMPLETELY hacking me off - ask for help, pretend my advice is bollocks, then rephrase it as your own and follow it up with a smart arse comment.

"Almond, could you lend me a hand with this regex? I'm trying to match this particular group, but only if it doesn't have 'foo' after it."

"Sure, take a look at negative lookaheads - that sounds like it's exactly what you need"

"Nah that won't work for me, because I need to check for more than one character after it, I need to check for 'foo'"

"What? That doesn't make sense, you can..."

"Ah don't worry, I've found the answer by myself now, I can actually just add '?!' before the text I don't want to match and it'll do it - I'm fast becoming a regex expert here! Let me know if you want me to explain this to you"

DAHHHHHHH THAT IS A NEGATIVE LOOKAHEAD YOU CRETIN

Match twice, order once, they said. It always works, they said.

I freaking got the job this Monday!
How I did it? Well I suppose I just match the type of person that the company needs. Not in skills but in soft skills. Communicative, honest, motivated to learn new things.

Finally after 5 month unemployment! So happy :D

Helpful message midway through watching the football match... Always at an important moment... Must be coded to display when the commentator gets excited.

My current project. Won't reveal anything about it until I've got a usable version (which might take more than a month) but it would be a good way to give a middle finger to a big ass surveillance company.

It won't exactly match with their product since this is impossible for me to do as this would compromise user privacy but it'll come close enough!

My code was doing the exact oposite of what I wanted it to do and it took me about 2 hours to find out that strcmp() returns 0 when the strings match, problem solved, fml.

Android studio + a cup of coffee are match made in heaven! :'D

Applied to a job I knew I was a perfect match for but never heard back. Wondered why but ah well. Applied to another and go to edit my cover letter to find out I had "joined the company when I was three years old" inside of it. Note don't write cover letters at midnight when your tired.

Can your terminal match mine 🔥

Python 3 Cheatsheets

Microple 👌

Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.

When a small part of your company still uses production Cobol and VB6. 💀

Just spent 30 minutes confused as hell because an API call I wrote just randomly stopped working.

Forgot that I hardcoded an ID for testing purposes and then ended up creating a new object with a new ID.

Needless to say... they didn't match. Explains why my query retrieved zero results.

A dollar or a peso is a certain amount of work stored in a piece of paper. You need to work to get them or have other people work for you. When governments print new money and push it into circulation they reduce what you were compensated with for the work you did. Essentially they are taking your wealth (spending power) away without you even realizing. It is a modestly sophisticated form of theft. When public companies issue new shares onto the market they are doing same thing by reducing the percentage of the company you own. This is why you will see non-inflationary assets such as Bitcoin, land, gold bars and gold ETFs, etc. continue to rise in value and certainly outpace inflation. It’s because people who are smart with money are fearful of holding cash and they are looking for a safe place to store it. If you are not afraid of holding substantial amounts of cash, then I suppose you don’t really understand what it is. There is a reason why they don’t teach teenagers about inflation in any country of the world. As long as the masses are focused on earning and saving fiat, governments have so much more power and control. If you remove all of the fiat from circulation, then we will revert to a barter/trading system which would substantially reduce government power, at that point they would only maintain control using physical force, which is a lot more challenging to carry out. #btc #gold #rant #av

Normal human: Visits web store -> orders for product -> leaves store.

Me: Visits web store -> Stares at header -> Stares at logo -> Check if colors match -> Scroll to footer -> Frowns at ads -> Scroll back up -> Multi click product item for debounce -> Fuck i clicked twice but it added the product thrice -> Closes tab -> Drives to local store -> Purchase product -> leaves store.

A transaction level to match the rest of my code.

Api-docs: Use the query parameter name_pattern to return results that contain name. Otherwise use name to return an exact match
Api: Returns *name* results when using name and everything when using name_pattern without a wildcard

11.1/11.4 GB of RAM is being eaten open on boot, even though I just rebooted. Almost half of my swap is in use too. WTF! Windows is no help in explaining it either...SO ANNOYING!

And we thought no social media platform could match Facebook.

Not a rant, need advice

I recently signed an offer with Facebook, today Uber offered me a similar position with much more stock compared to Facebooks offer. What's the right thing to do here?

Should I go back to Facebook and ask them to match? Give up fb and move to uber ?

Give them free tech support.

In the process of moving our web store to Shopify (yuck!) and we are first creating 150000 fake orders through the API so that as we import our real orders, the numbers match.

I'm disturbed by the fact there is no better way to achieve this and after speaking with support they said our best bet would be asking about it on the forums.

When requirements and budget do not match

GodDAMN, C# 7.0 is so ridiculously feature packed. I can pattern-match inside a predicate on an exception filter. Want to catch ONLY NHibernate's exceptions caused by a SQL timeout? Boom:

catch (GenericADOException adoEx) when (adoEx.InnerException is SqlException sqlEx && sqlEx.Number == -2) { return Failure("timeout"); }

Today, my manager complained that my productivity doesn't match that of a senior engineer. I pointed out that senior isn't in my job title. He told me he thought of me as a senior engineer. I didn't dispute that that matches the level of experience I have, but it's not in my job title.

Felt great because I overclocked my 7700k to over 5.2GHz (with a tower fan). A few days later I was streaming Overwatch, won a match, blue screened...
So close to winning the silicone lottery!

Have IR in your smartphone? You must try this.

Go to the nearest bar or a place where there is a TV show/match going on. Turn the TV off and run :D. (Order pasta run fasta)

Searching for random Linux bug.. finds Gist with exact match (thinking, WOW, thanks Google!)..

It's a 2000+ line log dump. : |

!rant

I kinda match my avatars desk enviornment, minus the laptop xD

Which type of coder are you?

Recruiter: I might have the perfect role for you that will match your salary expectations, they want to send you a technical challenge using Java.
Me: Did you read my CV headline at all?
Recruiter: is Java and Javascript not the same?
Me: Thanks but no thanks.

This.

Not the worst but almost all of us (including me) handle strings like fucking morons.

If the input doesn't need to be an exact match we use a explicit comparison operator, when the input should explicitly match we do a loose comparison operator.

I'll format the crap out of a number, convert it, validate decimal places, check for float rounding hell, give it a absolute value and return it correctly formatted for the users locale but half the time I forget to trim their input. 🤦‍♂

Like I said - just a tad fucking moronic isn't it?

What is the condition to join two tables ?
Programmer: primary keys match.
Non-Programmer: The tables height must match.😐

I probably just found out that a table in our db has two columns for the same thing. And yes, the numbers are non-trivial and do not always match each other. My senior is now looking into it and it seems hilariously painful.

I was being interviewed by a tenured Java Dev for a position of android Dev in a big company. it was a glass walled cubicle, and I could see in the reflection that he was browsing stack overflow and asking me the questions. My answers, although correct, didn't match with the accepted answer in stack overflow. sigh. felt good to be rejected.

Got bored in class so I did what anyone would do: make a batch file to make a 1gb .txt file

Okay...not a rant. But my boss's boss is amazing! I've been with this company for about a year, and every time my lowly ass needs permission elevation to do something, I have to practically beg. And then I get elevated one little permission at a time. I have a presentation to the board on Tuesday, and all damn day it's been one network permission problem over the other. It's become insulting that I'm the only team member that has to beg for permission scraps. Today, they take me out to lunch and when I get back, sends an email and copies me on it basically instructing that I'm to receive near-God like permissions on the network. Quite an honor for being everyone's junior by like 20-25 years! I feel like I'm about to receive an Infinity Stone or something...best day ever!

fastlane: we can’t handle Xcode’s Automatic codesign
Me: OK, I’ll setup match, as you suggested

...many hours passed...

fastlane: NO
Me:

DevDuck is so ducking incompetent. Just stares at me while I'm shouting at it. 🦆😭🙃

That feeling when your housemate restarts the WiFi router without telling anyone while you were doing some remote work.....

Would it kill you to at least notify us? I would really love to see what happens if my other housemate was on a ranked CSGO match or something...

An easy version of Spot-it for devRanters generated by match-it

Maybe when you release an update, the release notes should match the updated version?

Made a LinkedIn profile for the first time since like 2013.

I haven’t put current job on there, only been here a month and if I absolutely have to have to I’ll just mention working here for a month but it wasn’t a good match in an interview.

Start getting the expected recruiter messages once I finished the profile.

One of them is a recruiter at current job.

Fucking lol.

Guys, check your tags before posting on weekly rants. There are a few of you still posting under previous week's tag. The question and the answer don't match. 😛

Also, I think I just scared someone off because I mentioned the wrong tag. 😬

Took me a year after graduation to land a job that stuck. Submitted about 100 job applications, most of which were immediate or semi-immediate denials. Got through one screen call and one technical call with Google before getting passed on. I did two technicals with G.E. where I really thought I knew my stuff...but didn't make the cut. I finally landed a job with a contractor for the Department of Defense, but my clearance was going to take over a year to finish, so they let me go after a couple weeks.

Every day, I would sit at Starbucks for eight hours; four of which, I would apply for jobs and practice for interviews. The other four I would self-medicate on Steam and wonder if the last six years of schooling was worth it. I was ready to move out of state and/or cut my losses to find a new industry when I was blessed with my current job.

For anyone going through what I did, don't jump straight to doubting your skills. Breaking in to an industry can be very hard. Have patience, keep getting better at what you do, and be open to opportunities. 💯👍

I'd just like to say that people who enjoy shit like this probably match the laugh track while watching The Big Bang Theory.

Slant.co is either homophobic or hacked (bottom-right)...

Fucking finally

I tried this on tinder. She was confused and proceeded to un-match me. A !false statement would be to say that I’ve failed at life. 😉

There is someone in our building who urinates like a watering can.; all over the place. Do you think I will get caught if I try to get a DNA match, or install a CCTV to catch the culprit?

Boss: The numbers on the report don't look right. Can you check?

Me: <checks> Yep! I verified the numbers against all external data sources and they match perfectly.

Boss: OK well we need to take a deeper look because they don't look right.

Me: ... I don't follow?

Boss: The numbers... don't... feel right.

Cinemark's recommendation system could use some tweaking, lol.

90% of developer effort is maintenance, not making new things.

Sorry, I have to say this. I get patriotic at times.

Asian Cup 2019, we Vietnam had made it to Quarter Finals after defeating Jordani in the penalty shots.

I'm happy. It's stressful watching the shots. It's stressful watching the match but I'm happy. We're happy.

And now back to homework.

sr: XML is difficult format parse PDF instead.

me: (-_-)ゞ゛

checks code...

foo.fooBar = element
.match("<XMLELement>(.*)</XMLElement>")[1]
?.trim();

me: (☉_☉)

If you were to write a regular expression to match phone numbers in the format of either:
(123) 456-7890 or
123-456-7890

Would you prefer a regular expression that looked like:
A) /^(?:\(\d{3}\) |\d{3}-)\d{3}-\d{4}$/g
B) ^\(\d{3}\) \d{3}-\d{4}$|^\d{3}-\d{3}-\d{4}$/g
C) Other
D) I hate regex

Reasoning? Alternative? Discuss.

(I'm curious about preferences surrounding the readability of regular expressions)

Always wanted to try this rubber duck debugging everybody is talking about. Sadly I do not have a rubber duck at my disposal, so this tennis ball has to do (the colors match, so thats close enough I think ッ).

The fastest minigun in service fires 6,000 rounds per minute. If you modify it to fire $100 bills, you will need two of them to match the rate of Elon Musk loosing money.

Match made in heaven

My CV clearly says I don't have any Php experience.. yet.. comes a recruiter ask me if a Php job would fit my experience.

What the.. urgh seriously.

I want to marry a girl who's programmer like me. Do any one has a programmer couple here ?
I think programmers can match best for eachother.
Your thoughts on that?

"Where are we going", spotify? When searching for a song, and there is more than 1 match, including same songs on different greatest hits albums, remastered versions, but also remixes, it would be helpful to indicate the differences in any way, instead of ellipses and 6x redundant same line: "Song. Marvin Gaye" - "Where Are We Going? - A..."

.......

I don't work for Walmart, but they almost put my job in jeopardy today. I have a console app in production that pushes Walmart orders from their marketplace into our system for fulfillment. For half a year, I have handled thousands of orders, but overnight, all customers were getting massive price cuts on products in the Walmart feed! I looked at the data and initially thought it was my error due to using a quotient instead of a product in the code. But upon closer inspection, some fool at Walmart had changed code on their end without telling my team! Broke all the things. Lucky we were able to pull a full stop before we lost disgusting amounts of money, but you would think that a big player like Wally would at least announce a breaking code change to their users. 😲😡

To be able to convince an offering manager that his / her opinions don't always match what our customers want

Onto the next interview again.
Last company was such a bad match I hope this one works out better.

Another day of pretending I think a lot about my life goals and aspirations but honestly just wanna secure a bag.

Wish me luck!

Schrodingers font size:

When you follow the directions given in the style guide, but it still doesn't match the mockups.

The chosen font size can be considered both wrong and right until examined by a member of the design team.

Tf is up with google search? Like yeah it got worse and worse over the years but since the last few months it's actually unusable?

I was able to find everything I always found this one forum answer I needed, on page one.

Now it just grabs every single word and shows me where some of them match. What the fuck?

Same for duckduckgo btw.

An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.

When your client sends a cropped screenshot of the API keys and you spend half an hour typing it out multiple times trying to match it and failing, then another 30min trying to explain the simple process of copying and pasting text.

You can send a cropped screenshot but not use Ctrl-C Ctrl-V or right-click copy right-click paste.

My friends and I decided to have a match of HOMM6

So, I booted in Windows after almost 3 months and the first thing that it does is run into an update.

IT RESTARTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

Had to wait nearly 1 hour until the update finished

My friends started without me X(

FUCK YOU WINDOWS

Remember about this project of mine? Maybe not because I deleted the rant, but after a long pause I re-started working on it. In -just- 1 hour I wrote this code that picks a random number, goes from 0 to 5 and, if found, it prints the match.
This is my most (useless && senseless) project by far.

There isn't a pale enough skin tone to match mine inside the builder. I mean... THERE IS NOT A PALE ENOUGH SKIN TONE INSIDE THE BUILDER TO MATCH MINE! :-(

And the rant ends here.

OR DOES IT? THERE IS NOT... You get the idea.

Happy Thanksgiving, DevRanters! Gobble 'til ya wobble...

People who use special characters in filenames, or characters that don't match /[a-zA-Z0-9]-_./ Should by law be executed by hanging and public humiliation.

Spent all morning debugging a script I wrote to compare 2 CSVs of tables from 2 different dbs.

It generates a unique key for each row using the data.

For some reason couldn't match 1 in each...

After all morning of debugging and scrutinizing the data in the dbs itself... I found the root cause....

One for loops in the program skips the first entry...

Question to the Java developers here:

Is it always the case that Oracles documentation and actual implementation don't match?

I'm so tired of being on the second floor of this shitty office building. There is a constant vibration from all the employees walking around; moreover, someone walks down the aisle beside my cube...it's like a small fucking earthquake. A group or really fat person walks by? Shit's falling off my walls. Damn it all. 👊

Every time I see #MOTD trending on Twitter I hope it's people talking about an interesting Message Of The Day that they have seen. Instead, it's just football ("Match Of The Day").

Microsoft.Graph has filtering capabilities for dates, which is great.

Format is: "2018-04-12T12:00:00Z"

Doesn't natively support string conversion of a DateTime to match the pattern... Nor does Graph accept any date formats such as the "s" parameter for sortable dates, which goes into milliseconds, etc.

DateTime.ToString("derp");

Sometimes I wish I was a Java Dev.

Rule 34...

So tired today and just realized spent all day on a wild goose chase..

Somehow the test results were wrong... It said the data was out of sync but checking the live data today... They're an exact match...

I was messing with my lemonbar + i3status config (with sway), when I decided to ditch i3status entirely and generate a status line using pure Awk. Battery is calculated from /sys/class/power_supply/BAT0, got workspaces (Material Design Icons) working, have a nice dated, and all colors match Solarized Dark from Vim. Have underlines, highlights etc. setup.
It's so beautiful :)

Paper or e-book? Does it make a difference?

Lady comes over to my cube and stands silently until I notice her in the mirror. She cheerfully asks that I help her reset her password.

Okay...one, I'm buried up to my balls in work that needs to be done, and here she is camping, expecting me to feel a disturbance in The Force to help on her whim, when our company has an issue system for shit like this. 👊

Two, I'm 👏 a 👏 developer 👏! My sign says Software Engineer on it, which might give some context as to why she forgot her password.

Look, I was nice to her. But it seems like I'm getting more and more phone calls and surprise visits lately from people that I shouldn't be.

A good friend connected me with a recruiter before I almost gave up looking for work in my industry. Good thing I didn't piss him off in college!

I'm trapped in a sea of one line work requests. How fucking difficult is it to actually write down your requirements. If you can't be arsed, even after I have asked for clarifications several times, don't act all upset when what I implement doesn't match your expectations.

This is a general question to freelancers or devs who works on only projects, is this worth only £100 pounds:

A survey website with 19 pages. Questions changes based on previous answers. Must have drag and drop, mix and match functionality. It must be mobile friendly as well.

And we have to parse the data we get from survey to a nicely rendered webpage so the client can see it.

The deadline is 2 days

Is it wrong to want to watch the world burn because some fuckwit decided to make a library that matches the path of another library almost exactly, that also has classes named the exact same fucking thing, but that are incompatible with each other was a great idea? Worse is that some dev at my place decided to mix and match them, and then didn'tcomment it's use or fucking why they did it.

Rule 1: You are the best programmer.

Rule 2: Others are acting to be good programmers or are in a fixed match.

I hate mostly all of my inability to focus and the fact that I like programming. Surprisingly, they aren't a good match. Im trying to actually learn Java and react native. Anyone have any solutions for quick and effective ways to learn?

The Amazon Music app is so dumb. Instead of simply saying that it can't find anything for your search, it exclaims that they're experiencing difficulties, smh.

I needed to take today off to prep for a home repair. I didn't have much notice either, but I assumed my manager would be okay with some last minute PTO because of how relaxed everyone usually is around here. Guess that didn't include me.

I should have never assumed that my boss was someone I could think of as a peer. I called their boss "Boss" one time, and they said that they don't look at it that way, and that they see me as a peer. My boss nodded in agreement, but it was all formalities, and I bought right into it. Especially since both of them, even the other guys, take time off on a whim. But I'm somehow tied to a stricter standard, even though I can't beg hard enough to get so much as an email answered for legitimate reasons. They'll jump right on my ass when they feel I'm not working as hard as them, but I get silence most of the rest of the time. Bullshit. It's no wonder the conversation changes when your boss sits down at the lunch table. How depressingly typical.

If you received an offer for a new job and asked your current boss for a raise to match the new offer, would you tell him/her the real amount or would you inflate it by ~5-10% (or any other arbitrary amount)?

Would that be considered negotiating in bad faith?

I'm not in this position right now (unfortunately), I'm just genuinely curious about what you all would do in this situation.

Did anybody buy .dev domain from Google? Their website was quite slow yesterday and somehow I managed to add my first name .dev to the cart. But in the last screen I got stuck with "Registering this domain" message. I closed tab after an hour. Today it is still under pending domains. But if I search for the availability, it says exact match is available. Should I be worried?

I don't understand why twitter gives itself so much importance!?
I created some years ago with the wrong date of birth, now when I changed the date of birth to match the real one, they effing locked me out!
It took them around 4 weeks to send me a mail to restart my account.
Chill little bird, why so serious?

Teaching a colleague to use INDEX / MATCH in Excel
Me: Type in =MATCH() and select the reference cell, the column its in, and put 0 for the last value.
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now type in =INDEX() and select the column you want to match with, then put in the value you got from MATCH()
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now combine the two formulas
Them: How?
Me:...

Why are most projects only fun at the beginning? I feel like there should be a "first half" and a "second half" during development.

So if I have worked the whole of first half someone else should work the other half with full bar and zeal just like a football match because honestly most times I feel like I'm gonna die towards the end of the project hoping for another developer to come on as a substitution.
However, in this case instead of going to seat on the bench after being substituted, I am willing to play another match immediately.

working with some voice actors.

Anyone familiar with balancing audio between differrent studios so the sources sound like they.."match"?

Or does it come down to making sure actors have the appropriate recording environment?

Provisioning Profile does not match CFBundleIdentifier :(
I'm going to order a new MacBook. It's easier this way

I'm losing this match that I'm playing online.

I know what to do.

Type with CAPS LOCK on, and furiously type out curse words and talk smack about how I boned everybody's mum last night.

I really like Julias typesystem, but method dispatch makes it easy to accidentally match against methods you didn't intend.

Question for devs who work with databases. Do you constantly get tasks that involve joining data not on keys? Data from Exel files, other servers, etc where you have to try to match things on dates, amounts and other normal data.

Everytime there's a bug for me, being English is the problem.
In the US, the spelling color is used to match the spelling of the word's Latin etymon, and to make all derivatives consistent (colorimeter, colorize, colorless, etc). Elsewhere in the English-speaking world, the spelling colour has been retained

Well that's my first framework... Back when I was a 12 year old nerd who had nothing else to do besides mix and match crappy 240p YouTube tutorials... Now I've upped my game and use 1080p YouTube tutorials 😂🙂

They hold a match to fix shits in current project without any prizes

The france play a football match currently?

I don't care, i prefer developing

!rant
I really like the Material Design guidelines that Google has released with Android 5.0, and maybe, @dfox, you could make the status bar match a darker tint of the app's color, as this color is also used on the recents menu and on my keyboard, and it really (IMO) makes an app stand out.
Thanks!

Gotta go with CSGO... aleays there when I need a break heh... one match always becomes many matches...

TFW you realize you only have 2 days left until your school-leaving exams.... I'm so fucking nervous right now... Aaand apparently our city has won a soccer match, I can pretty much hear everything that's happening at the stadium... there also seems to be some big rap concert somewhere in the city... I can't open the window otherwise I'll have to listen to all that noise.

In light of this week's topic - I need your thoughts. I am planning to quit my current job. In your experience, should I have another job before quitting or look for it full time. I just got my appraisal - will the salary at the new job match my increased salary or would it be the same. Note, I have only 1 year experience.

The best moments are when you've been struggling with an implementation for a few days, and then things start to work. I had this happen last week. I have a Windows desktop app processing product dimensional data from multiple warehouses, then sending that data across the country and transposing into a data lake, joining several databases, and sending detailed reports. It was a struggle from start to finish, with lots of permissions issues, use cases to consider, and data accuracy. Finally, I break through and when I step back, I get to see this well-oiled machine of conjoined ideas run through to its eloquent, seemingly fleeting, conclusion. That feeling you get that makes you throw your hands in the air for a job well done! It's very exciting.

Budgie isn't my best match, but I'm not gonna go back to deepin either. It broke my heart and now I'm done so it can choke on my non-existant dick. *inset darth vader joke*

Can someone pleeeeeeeaaaaaase make some DE that looks pleasant (take lessons from kde/deepin/budgie/mac/whatever) and runs on arch? Please please pretty please?

Fucking windows crashed during a competitive match and I had to hard restart my machine hoping to be able to reconnect in time only to find out windows fucking wants to fucking update. FUCK

Searching for problems 😅

I tried Firefox Quantum, but sadly back to Chrome it is for me.
I miss my extensions too much, and can't quite find an exact match for them in FF
It also still managed to use 3GB RAM 🙄

Detecting platform in cmake (which I hate).
WHY do you display "armv71", yet can't match the string "armv71"???!?

I'll need to post my cmake lists and cli results on stackoverflow.

OK, last try, I'll copy and paste from the terminal into my file.

Ooooh! You weren't saying "armv71"! You were saying "armv7l"! 😥

(And my font does make a difference between l and 1)

The way of the code warrior is no match against the way of the wife...

...unless, wife is a developer as well :)

How to approach job applications for EU and US market?

I have applied at multiple places and have never made it even to the first stage. The jobs I apply for, pretty much match my experience level and stack.

Does this have something to do with visa issues since I am from the Middle East?

Or is there something else I am possible missing out on.

Any slave here? 🙌

I am very close to being a violent psychopath from "Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

Foreach within a foreach with counters and a check if the counters match in the inner foreach and in that case do something.... And that's not even the worst part of the code I have to modify ever so slightly... Fml

You find an almost perfect job match then realize it is 45 minutes away on a good day (while driving a 20 mph). Finding work can be *so* frustrating!

Worst interview ever happened a couple of years ago.

Both me and the company were certain we were a match. The only problem was the physical distance. I live in another city, and is quite stuck because of family matters.

They turned me down because they didn't want me commuting for four hours a day, nor did they believe working while commuting would be a good solution.

So close, yet so far away.

Computer does a BSOD right at the end of a tiebreaker competitive overwatch match where the enemy is about to cap the point and win. I'm one of the tanks. Hard reboot and back in the game within 45s. Just barely hold them off in overtime and win the match. Epic!

Thank God for SSDs!

Fuck I hate when my brain remembers the wrong keyword! Just spent way too long trying to figure out why my regex wasn’t working! I remember RegEx.check(str) tests for a match and returns a Boolean. The docs say RegEx.test(str) checks for a match and returns a Boolean! Dammed cinnamons! English is my native language I swear.

So, I made this API which logins to the system and Used it in an android app, there was one roadblock to it, that everytime user enters a password, it has to match the password hash so I, excitingly, used password_verify($password,$passwordHash), unknowingly that it is fucking unsafe and the code is still there, and here's where it gets interesting it is not over SSL/TLS. Fuck me, any bright solutions?

Remember the days when you had to write your own Main method? And you didn't have to rely on IntelliSense to do the remembering for you? Good times.

Arcolor is an architecture site to match building to their colors.
This giving the architect a view of the common colors in his favorite buildings

What's the point of doing estimates per quarter if you are gonna change the estimates to projects that are being worked on to match the release date?

Also doing estimates per quarter before doing investigations on the requirements is a fucking shit way to do estimates. Arguably doing it per quarter is also trash.

We are not doing hardware design for fuck sake, we work on software, you bunch of retards.

Why, just why, weeks in weekly rabts don't match weeks in year? This is so disturbing.

guide to make successful software house company for future me:

1.find shortest domain name with code / star / best / it / super / ai / - whatever banger word you find
2. parse companies work board / linkedin jobs
3. parse people profiles
4. setup email server and create fake linkedin profiles that match jobs and candidates so company looks big
5. fake c-level management so company looks big
6. spam likes and create posts generated by ai from multiple profiles
7. spam invitations to people that match job descriptions and to people working within companies posting jobs
8. offer fake candidates that match job description
9. find real but less promising candidates and offer them the job
10. tell that fake candidate is no longer available but you have someone better

success