I was a freshman in highschool when I encountered the book entitled "Teach Yourself Visual Basic 6 in 21 Days"

I loved that book so much that it took me 4 years to finish it.

It happened.

I wrote "you're missing a tab in your python code" as an answer on StackOverflow.

I was downvoted AND told that I wasn't correct: it was missing 4 spaces and not a tab, according to the python guidelines.

Now, I haven't read them, but my Richard Hendrix fucking intensifies.

Fuck spaces. And if python guidelines talk about spaces, fuck python guidelines too!

*Late night at office*
Was rewriting my stack from angularjs 1 to angularjs 2. Got drowsy and slept.

*Wakes up and opens Hackernews*
Angularjs 4 announced.

How long was I asleep !!

So I "grade" homework for programming 1 students...
Task was to produce an output like:
1
1 2
1 2 3
1 2 3 4
1 2 3 4 5

...and this was committed!
I really had to hold back laughter...
This looks purposefully obfuscated...

we got a new coworker who had no experience in coding. I was planning to leave the company (mainly because my other coworokers were jerks) but no one wanted to teach him so i started teaching the new guy. This was 4 months ago and He is the reason im still here and i enjoy my work again! :)

The times when we coded in C# on weekends at the university and it was a 4-hour nonstop process. I LOVED it. That was one of the only times I've felt in control or competent in anything.

New Guy Day 2: He has deleted the git repo on the project he was assigned to 4 times, written a recursion formula that crashed a server, & knocked my coffee cup onto the floor.

I messaged my boss telling him I am going to hide the body in his trunk.

4 years ago I was placed on probation for not having the special format in source control check in comments. When I asked, the 'special format' was
clearly documented on page 18, sub-section 4, sub-paragraph 2, "All check in comments will include the solution name, separated by a colon,
and why the code was changed." My check-in comment was only missing the colon. Indecently, over 80% of the other comments consisted of 'adsf',
'bug fix', and several 'BOOM!'s. So I mistakenly said out loud 'This check-in policy appears only to exist to allow management to cherry pick
developers they do not like, find something wrong, and put them on probation.' That comment got on a 30-day ‘corrective action plan’ for openly disagreeing with a
company policy. Today, all those managers were either fired or quit and now I set policy. Dear Mr. ex-Bosses, I won.

just built my first ever pc... took me 4 full hours because i was being really careful since i was terrified of fucking something up, but it turned out great!

PM asks for an estimate on a bug fix, I say 2 hours, he puts down 4 hours, I finish it in 10 mins. Today was a good day :)

I wrote an answer, in my exam, about the precedence of operators.

Took a random example: "3+4*6", and explained that "*" has higher precedence, so "4*6" would be executed first and so on.

Long story short, this was the last line in my answer:

"The answer is 27, not 42."

Dear Chrome,

I know it's ridiculous to have 50+ tabs open, but please - pretty please - just make it work for me. 300 MB/tab is starting to make Windows mad.

No, I will not close them. I might need that page I opened 4 months ago and was too lazy to bookmark.

Your abusive friend,

-chappjc

So a car hit me while I was riding the bike back from work and I fractured my collarbone. And I have to wear a sling on my left arm 24/7 for 4 weeks now.

But that's not the worst part.

Coding with one hand is.

I was once called in by HR because i ended an email with an exclamation mark. I kid you not. She said i was being stand-offish and it was rude.

It has been almost 4 years since i left that company but i am still quite traumatized.

The first documented time of "impressing ladies with my computer skills" 😄😄

I was 4 or 5 yrs old, using Windows 98 SE

Being told I’m not experienced enough to get a senior dev job I interviewed for.
Even though I aced the first 4 interview rounds, the tech test feedback was “the best solution they had ever seen”, and I’ve been a senior dev for 25 years.
Time wasting assholes.

!rant

Got pulled into a meeting with my PM at 4:30 yesterday. Was a bit worried (been feeling some imposter syndrome recently), but then he starts out, "These are my favorite meetings to have." I got a pretty big raise! Totally unprompted. I love my job and my PM.

I was wearing my tux t-shirt today and while walking through the city I suddenly heard a boy (around 3-4 years) say to his mom: 'He had a penguin on his t-shirt!'

I smiled and this made my day. :)

Yesterday a newbie gave me a lecture on advantage of using linux about half an hour while I switched to linux about 4 years ago..
Finally he ask if I understand anything he says and I was like "BOY !!! DONT TEACK YOUR FATHER HOW TO FUCK"

Worst experience: had a verbal fight with pm because his poor management overworked me ( I was working on the same project till 10pm every day for 4 days with no OT pay)

Best experience: I stepped up against an abusive pm and told him to fuck off to his face.

4+ years ago, in an interview, I was asked if I was familiar with keeping backups of my code on Google Drive.

When I asked them to explain what that is, they said that after a deployment, they make a ZIP file of the project and keep it on Google Drive.

When I asked about using GitHub/BitBucket they said they don't know what that is and neither do they intend on using it.

So yeah .....

When I was 12 I started programming by makimg games. Then when I was 18 I stopped with a game dev study (because of personal reasons). I went to a web dev study and found work 4 years later. Today my company hired a new sales person who has worked at a few game dev companies and she said she will try to put me on game dev projects.

Im so happy now :D

When i said that i use Linux, 3/4 of the class stared at me like i have a mental problem.
Then i said that i use duckduckgo and they stared at me like i was really retarded.

The sad part is that i'm in computer science department and my colleagues have not any clue about anything else than microsoft/google.

So I found a bug in Bootstrap 4 today that was causing responsive tables to break. I looked at it for a while and threw a bunch of potential fixes at it, to no avail.

I was about to open a bug report when I stumbled upon the cause...

I spelled “table-responsive” wrong 🤦‍♂️

got my Raspi 4 4GB while I was leaving school, so I couldn't resist using it outside

My first rant was about this topic.
I once made a program using C++ which would allow you to make HTML pages.
I made a menu using switch () like this:
1. Add Title to website
2. Add Image
3. Add New Line
4. Add paragraph
Etc..
This was the most useless and stupid thing I ever made

Told the recruiter about 4 times before my lunch interview that I was a working student (I could only take part time jobs).

Just as we sat down and got our food he asked me where I currently worked, and I gently reminded him that I was still, in fact, a student.

He had this weir look on his face as I had tried to trick him into a free lunch, as all the positions he had was for full time jobs.

Still ate the lunch and had awkward small talk the entire time.

Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!

That time I joined the robotics club and made the pid loop for the robot was one of my favorite projects. I learned ROS, and I created the entire chain of software and hardware to control six motors. That one project set up my experience for the next 4 years and led to a few jobs. I miss robotics.

Lol I'm such an introvert
I have joined an internship and have been here for 4 weeks now. I have been seeing people drinking coffee since day 2, but have been shy to ask about it. In my 2nd week I located where the coffee machine was, but to shy to use it. This week, after finally gathering up the courage I went to use the machine after others used. That's when I realised I don't know how to use it. Lol. I made such a bad mix of expresso and milk and had to add 4 spoons of sugar to be able to drink it. Yesterday I made the mistake of not adding sugar and thought it was too awkward to go back to add sugar, so gulped it down after it cooled a little.
Looool, need to develop soft skills

Nobody :
HRs on LinkedIn : A guy applied to us, he was a serial killer in the past and cooked the victims body and ate them. He was rejected by every company. But I gave him a chance. 4 years later ..he is the highest performing employee and my husband.

!rant
Yesterday was my first day at my first internship as a naive rising uni soph. I brought my tiny 13 inch thinkpad thinking I was gonna code on that. Imagine my surprise as I walk in and HR brings me to a table with 4 monitors on it. l o l

I like it there.

When I was in college, our email was on a Unix server. We would login via serial connection or telnet over the network, and get a korn shell. The server was poorly secured. Everyone's login device was world writable. So people would just see who was online, see the username of someone they wanted to mess with, take note of the pts(network) or tty(serial) device their connection used, and cat ASCII penises to it.

cat animated_dong.txt > /dev/pts/4

It was a simpler time.

I was about to ask my manager to roll me out off the project in my company.. it has been 4 years .... Yesterday he came and told me he is going to give me an big fat Raise !

Sooo win has updated itself (in a short 6 hours) and I was wondering what eats my pocket pc's 4 gb ram, so i checked, and turns out system is eating 40-50% of it and its processor ever since the update... *Sigh* Awesome....

(Picture src: tumblr/just-shower-thoughts --> [in reality] r/showerthoughts)

Life can't be too bad when most of your spam calls are from recruiters. It made me emotional to remember 4 years ago when I was the one calling to them.

I was assigned a ticket which was about a drop down menu which was not aligning properly.

Turns out the drop-down was positioned absolutely and my co-worker (read bestie) had written media query for every 10 pixels to match the position for mobile and desktop devices (from 320px to 1040px and beyond ~150 lines for a drop-down). No one noticed any flaw for few weeks until one of the QA had to check the site in landscape mode on mobile device.

I replaced it with 4 lines of JavaScript.

Not really a recruiter but at interview at one place I was given a printed code example and told that there was 8 bugs and that I shield treat it like a code review.

I found 16 bugs and 4 bad practices and explained them all to the director of software engineering and team lead (that set the test), they agree that I was correct; the director turned to the team lead and said ... Are you are your a senior

I tried not to laugh lol

Father devrant I have a confession to make:

I stayed up until 12 in the midnight during Sep 30 to do 4 PRs immediately once it was October 1 in under 1 hour...

Now I passed out on the classroom and people think I got possesed

b r u h

The boss is asking you what is the progress of task1.
You provide the status.
You have 4 hours meeting where he also attends.
The meeting ends.
Boss comes to your desk and asks what is the progress on task1 -_-*¥¥¥¥¥
Fml. I was also on the same meeting OK?!

My company just got a new developer to work on a legacy PHP app.

My boss was boasting about how this guy has more years of professional experience than me ( I have 9 months of experience and he has been working for 4 years on PHP).
Today was one week since he started and I had him set up a REST API, I had to explain to him what json_encode does and how http requests work.

The coolest project I was ever involved on, was when we signed a client in Namibia (we were a South African based company). So I was flown to Namibia for 2 weeks to train the clients etc. I spent about 4 days training the client and I had no more work to do. So the client took me out around town and we drank so much on his tab! He even gave me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, because he doesnt drink Whiskey! The best part of it, apart from exploring their awesome country and pubs, was Mad Max 4 was being filmed in my town, and my client took me to see the yard where all the vehicles and props were situated, because he owned that property! So all in all, it was more of a paid holiday than anything else!

It happened! I found the answer I needed on page 4 of Google! Mind you it was among results such as "Watch Visual Studio S02E14 for FREE"

Worst: I lost development contract - probably due to covid - after 4 years of work. I got email when I was at bank seconds before signing mortgage for my first apartment.
I signed it anyways as a technically unemployed person without income looking at the world collapsing.

Best: I gained new contract with 40% money raise. Fuck yeah !

being told to lead a team of junior developers for a project when i was 18

i never had any formal CS education so i thought the management was joking, but a week after, i was called into a meeting with the junior developers and we were tasked with a project that needs to be completed within 4 months, with me as the lead

the project was successful and after that im occasionally given the task to lead a project every now and then

this happened a few years ago and its still the most confidence-boosting experience ever happened to me, the things i learned during those 4 months are still applicable to my career today

In my first annual review as a developer, I took a copy of the job description I'd applied for and a summary of the work I'd done that year and asked my manager to spot the difference.

I was doing a totally different job, said I was bored out of my mind as a result and expected to leave within 6 months.

Props to him, my job completely changed and I was there 4 years.

Windows 95, I was 4 years old. Amazing times. I even had my own floppydrive

Got offered a project to develop e-commerce site. Bespoke. E-commerce. Sage pay. CMS. 4 days. When I said it's basically impossible, got told that the company was offered the same solution by an Indian developer but in 2 days, so it shouldn't be a problem to do it in 4.

Howdy my binary friends and those who identify as an attack helicopter or an Amiga 500, I was away from devRant for about 2 weeks or 4 because I had to order a new touchscreen (who cares anyway).
Have I missed something on devRant?

Let me just freshen up my dictionary with Alex's rants, be right back.

I was like 4 at the time, it's one of my earliest memories.
My parents called me into the room with the brand new computer and my name was on the screen and they "yelled" at me for writing my name on the screen. I don't remember my reaction I assume crying and saying I didn't do it. And they just laughed and showed how they did it with ms paint and how I can play with paint too.

I knew I'm in this too deep last night when I lay awake on my bed at 4:04 and all I thought was 404 sleep not found

I am proud of myself

I was a Gentoo installer (users are called installers in Gentooish) for 4 whole days!

Back to Debian... 😄

It was about my 30th progress meeting with the clients on a website I was working on for them. At that point, I knew what was gonna happen. Change bloody requests.

Before attending that meeting I thought, "I'll change them on the fly as they comment for more ridiculous changes" as I drank 4 cans of RedBull. At the meeting I was having my 5th and the clients was firing all sorts of changes and complaints in the air and I whack them all with my lightning fast fingers can go.

I didn't know I could go that fast, like I was flying. Clients were impressed. Boss was worried that I don't look so... Normal. In fact, I jitter every mid sentence.

Told him to tell them to email changes/complaints instead of bringing it to this meeting. A complete waste of my Red Bulls.

was working on a passion project, looking at the clock periodically. was surprised a couple of times that it's still before 12 but kept on working. it wasn't. its 3 am. windows' clock was stuck. i have to get up in 4 hours. fml.

i worked at this startup that had these very low wages, hustle culture, bad work environment (bad or no computers for staff, no ergonomics, cramped), and they delayed payments a lot. my boss was mad at me cause i said i didn't see myself there in the future lol. i didn't last 4 months, and i saw colleagues leave within a month. i was so burned out i thought i didn't want to be a dev anymore

Phew! I'm so happy that I can use dial-up Internet connection just by connecting my laptop to this telephone! Who would have imagined I was going to be using such advanced technology in a 4* hotel in Germany! Such an improvement from the amazing 450kb/s on the free WiFi.

So my plan was to buy 4 x 4tb wd reds. But then I saw a really great offer, and now I've ordered 4x 8tb Seagate ironwolf 😅

Has anyone else noticed how hostile Stack Overflow has become? I was up at 4 am the other night (or I guess technically morning) and I was too tired to think straight so I posted a question about a syntax error I had and went to bed.

By the time I woke up I had 3 down votes and 2 comments saying how dumb this question was yet not a single answer.

I have always considered myself as a tab person.
I was living my happy life thinking spaces didn't make sense in code.
This until last week, when I realised intellij is automatically putting 4 spaces instead of tabs
I feel betrayed

My girlfriend needed a flash drive to back up her Chromebook. I took an old 7g I had and formatted it to exfat (standard procedure here, nothing special). She plugged it in and had some issues with it, so I told her to see erase the drive from her Chromebook. Chromebook said it would delete all 4 terabytes (4tb) from the drive. Lol. Don't know how that happened, and was tempted to try it to see how it went, but did not want to mess up her laptop or wait days for a supposed 4 TB drive to format.

Tl;dr: girlfriends Chromebook thought a 7gb flash drive was 4tb

It seems like the project I'm tasked to tweak last edited when I was 4 years old... 😏 I doubt is there any dinasour alive who used that generation's technology. :P

I had a few girlfriends in the past and now am married for 4 years and can't remember any gfs before the married life. Ever had a pre-identity crisis?

My mind: "WHO THE F&*! WAS I? WHAT DID I DO? ITS LIKE TOTAL RECON AND AMNESIA ALTOGETHER!!"

There's this huuuge project I was a part of for half a year. I was kicked off along with a few dozens of other devs (>60% of total manpower) a while ago for particular company reasons.

Now the remaining devs are oh-so-enjoying their time there..

1. workload has not changed
2. deadlines have not changed
3. no one will have Christmas-NewYear vacation
4. a new k8s-based infra is scheduled to roll out to PROD on Dec 23 (k8s is still far from ready - might need a few more months)

The most fun part is that it's not client's mgmt who has decided for #4 -- it's our own....

Boys.. Girls.. Save yourselves.

So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.

Yesterday I spend around half an hour 'debugging' why a screen wasn't working. Checking cable connection, drivers and so on. Then the system admin pointed out that the extension power cable box was turned off... In my defence, I only slept for 4 hours that night..

So my client had a simple request a few days ago.

It read: "can you update the bottom middle image on the about page grid to the attached image".

There were two issues with that that my client cannot seem to comprehend - even after I have emailed them clearly explaining the issues.

The about grid is 4 x 4. Not sure how they expect me to update the "middle image" in a 4 column row, but alas.

The second issue was a little clearer. The attachment they mentioned wasn't an image. It was an empty .txt file.

2 consecutive fails right there :)

I decided to fix my car after car mechanic gave up... The backlight was blinking even the car was locked and turned off in the parking. Took me 4 days to figure it out. What I realised is that we are pushing tech to places where tech and electronics shouldn't be... My next car will be 1972 ford c, it doesn't have any of these modern problems.

i was coding some SQL queries for about 4 hours. After i had all of them done (more than 20 queries), the administration chick told me she doesn't needed all of them, just the half. I just wanted to kill her...

So, company I work at, is on desperate need of PHP developers, who can work in WordPress and Magneto. Company announced vacancy.

Only 20 CVs were dropped 4 days before from today. So company called all of them for interview and I was one of the interviewer. Most of applicants told me that they know Laravel but not WordPress.

I was like fine. Maybe they can work on WordPress too. But I was wrong. Here are some funny interviews:

Me: how many types of inheritance does PHP support?
Applicant 1: 7. Single, multiple, etc..

Me: Do you know difference between interface and abstract class?
Applicant 2: (he just said some gibberish)

Me: why do u prefer Laravel to WordPress?
Applicant 3: because by default Laravel support payment gateway, so we can create e commerce application faster. WordPress doesn't support payment gateway.

Me: how many WordPress site you have worked on?
Applicant 4: I have 4 themes in WordPress.org
Me: Do you create all of them by yourself?
Applicant 4: Yes
Me: Do u know difference between require and include?
Applicant 4: No
Me: Do u know difference between query_posts and WP_Query?
Applicant 4: No
Me: (facepalm)

Turned on this old phone after 4 years, devrant was the only app still working without needing to update and logged in 👌
"I have a date! 😍
var date = DateTime.Now;"
Was still stuck in concepts waiting to be posted on here 🤣

It's 4 am in the morning.

I have an important test at 9.

My laptop decided now was just the right time to make the screen go black.

Sometimes Murphy just politely hands you your ass.

I just found out I had used, for over 4 months, the wrong function to encode/decode url strings, which caused a lot of issues with my app...
I refused to believe that the problem is there, so I was looking elsewhere.

The longest search of a bug in my life finally over. Fixed! :D

Around 11:30pm I honestly thought I was about done, but a series of production issues has kept me up until 4:30am. Solving one revealed another, and so on.

Finally, all is quiet.

Goodnight World.

Woke myself up shouting hdcp at 4:40 am today!!!

I was explaining what hdcp was to my sister in the dream, why the HDMI cable wouldn't work..

Had a chuckle and continued to sleep, realizing what a nerd I am 😆

Who dreams about hdcp and hdmi cables?

Took a couple of days off last week and was at home for 4 days straight.

I picked 2.7kg of mulberries and made jam.

I don’t want to sit in front of a screen now 😭

When I had to submit an enhancement to the customer and so I pulled an all nighter in my office. I knew before hand that the office would be empty post 11 pm, so I sneaked in 4 cans of beer and coded the night away while downing chilled beer.
That was a good night. :)

I found it yesterday that 6 and null is false and 4 is true in our database in addition to a previous rant. I went to see how it's stored. I assumed it was an integer.

It was a nvarchar(6). I just sat there in disbelief and felt disgusted.

It kept me up later than usual last night

Why tho? 😐

F*CK...that feeling when you were working as a junior UI/UX designer for about 3 weeks in new company, you were on a project which is almost finished and delivered...

1 and half week Later (after technical issues - check my older rants)......

you have noticed one quite importat mistake in the designs, which were done by senior designers, which can lead in future to a huge Ux problems - so huge, that users will probably leave/close the app and will not purchase the product via that app... ( We can say than whole design solution was a waste of money for the client)... On that designes was working a team of 4 people, about 3 Months (and the app (prototype) had to be ready already 2 Months back)...

the deadline was pushed 2x already...

And your boss (senior designer) tell you that this is not such an issue.. But thx for your opinion.....

1 week Later by user testing 4 out of 4 people were asking about that stuff I told to my boss that is missing...

And I was ignored...

In less than 1 week Later after the testing I get fired from the company without no reason...

Or better - the reason was:

I have too little experiences for this job...
Dont know if I should laugh or cry🤦‍♀️🤣/😭

Doing a python code review after working in Scala is all:

"Why the loop? Can you just put a function here and... oh yeah, right... python does not allow it. I could have written these 20 lines in 4 if was Scala"

Scala, stop spoiling me!!

So, that was it, after 4 years ... I finished college.

Yay ... now let's start learning for real

My papa was financing my first university education. After 4 years in electrics&electronics engineering, I had 2.1 GPA and was not ready for life.

I reapplied for university exams and earned right to computer engineering dept. Papa supported my decision for whole new education after a brief talk and financed me for the second time.

Thanks father.

i'm writing a custom web server for a project (esp32 based)

each 4 connections system crashes (cannot bind socket anymore)

i was so angry with espressif thinking that was their fault (bad implementation of posix sockets)
but is mine...

today i did another code review and I just discovered that i missed a fucking close() in the websockets handler
fuck
fuck
i wasted a month on this issue.

If there was one thing (and one thing only) that I wish was unanimous amongst programmers (and that we all agreed on) is that a tab is 4 spaces.

So the company didn't make an offer in the end because I was "not motivated enough" and "too interested in 4-day-week / PTO". Yeah right, fuck me for wanting to have a life outside work. *sigh*

The worst was an open source project I tried to look at.

It was written in Turbo Pascal.

I am not sure, never really got so far, but it looked like it was one single class with hundreds of methods and hundreds of instance fields for data.

Almost no data objects, if it needed for example 4 sets of 6 variables it had 24 instance fields and in some instances 4 different sets of methods for accessing said variables.

Around there I stopped looking ;)

Back in 1999, when I was like 4 years old, my grandparents got me one for my birthday because i was quite intelligent for my age apparently, so they thought it might be a good idea. Today i m wondering if it really was a good idea xD

Just remembered the CIO wanted to discuss a project with me when I "got a moment". That was 4 months ago... and I work somewhere else now. Oh well.

Your first operating system?
I'm 16 years old but mine was... Windows XP.
I used it for 3/4 years and I loved it. I miss you mate.

So Chrome 63 automatically forces https to anyone working with a domain name finishing with ".dev". Thank you a lot, I was planning on loosing 4 hours of my time figuring this out.

I just spent the last 4 hours lip-syncing audio to an animation.

I forget why i was doing that in the first place...

I spent 4 hours trying to rectify a client's website.

Just to find out it was missing a '}' in one of the CSS line. Can you not?

*facepalm*

I was out sick the day an urgent ETL job I was building would be due, so it got reassigned. When I return, I find most of my code commented out and replaced.

The first step was rewritten, with a comment that reads "Made changes to run faster." What used to be a single execution lasting 30 seconds was now a 4 step process taking 5 minutes, and yielding identical results.

Being a one-time execution (not a recurring job), I'm left wondering why they thought execution speed was even an issue, let alone what about their redesign they felt was an improvement...

YEEEEEESS! FINALLY!!!!
After 4 days trying to find why my build script was showing an error! I finally fixed it!

I still doesn't work, but, hey, it's not the same error message!

First I helped her with coding the Newton-Raphson method in Python (she has background in Mechanical Engineering).

Later I introduced her to the Linux world and she was amazed with the system responsiveness.

Now I am helping her with learning C (she is programming to Arduino but some concepts are hard for her because Python was her first language).

We are together for 4 years and going on.

Accepted a feature request that practically doubled the workload without asking for more money, on account of trying to be fair to a customer who was working through a translator.

Only to get stiffed on 3/4 of the money agreed to in the first place.

Only saving grace was everything was on my servers, so I took him down for non-payment.

4 and a half years doing socket/network programming and I only just learnt my understanding of TCP was largely incorrect...

Well then... That's something...

Do after been made redundant! A few interviews I finally was offered a job! \0/

Now I ended up meeting the team yesterday they said an hour or two and I ended up spending 4 hours with them and have a blast!
Normally I would be #tgif but roll on Monday for me!

It was when I saw that he was writing CSS in one huge file (couple of thousands of lines)
And I needed to change one thing (ctrl+f it) and saw it was copied and pasted 4 times ..

And no, not just the CSS properties, the whole thing including class/id selectors...

1. Use browser for a few minutes and creating tabs with 'ctrl + t'
2. Switch over to vscode to open a new tab with 'ctrl + t'
3. Random wild search popup thing appears
4. Confused. Searches for keybindings
10 minutes passed till I remembered the keybinding was 'ctrl + n'. Thought my vscode was broken.

Why am I here? How did I got this job?

Does anyone just feel tired, in general? Like the boss is (usually) alright. I like the work and I am good at it. Maybe I'm not feeling challenged enough? Honestly, I'm not sure. In the last retro, I was an 8.5/10 on the happiness index, now I'm a 4...wtf

At the age of 50 I have learned what FICA is.

FInancial Customer Account

It'a a SAP module but I suppose It was the name of a Penthouse department.

P.S.

FICA in Italian are female genitals, "recupero" is retrieve.
It sounds like "pussy retrieve".
This document was made by a staff of 4 men and 4 women.

(short story)

happened a couple of months ago. I was drawing some diagrams on the board -- planning new infra for the app. While explaining all this to the analyst I needed some random number. It was smth like 1470285206. Half an hour later I need another random number. And I again come up with the same exact sequence....

It was both funny and spooky at the same time. Apparently my biological RNG is utterly broken.. Either that or my subconsciousness wants to tell me something about an early morning of 2016 Aug 4.

I always thought the hate on senior developers doing stupid stuff was exaggerated... Mine just pulled an entire table, then used 4 for loops to reduce the records by criteria... I don't think he knows what the where statement is in SQL!

First time using a computer:

Booting up some Mickey Mouse game from a floppy disk when I was 4 on my dads gateway 2000.

First time coding:
Writing html in dream weaver at 14.

Edit: holy shit dreamweaver still exists?

Do you know guys why a programming bug is called so? It's because the very first time a software crashed it was because of a bug ( a real bug stuck in a bus on the machine!) That caused that 😂 imagine if something else was stuck instead! Like someone's​finger : hey I fixed that finger but still got 2 critical fingers and 4 small ones

Spent 4 hours trying to figure out why my expressjs application wasn't working in my environment but DevOps loads it just fine. Turns out there's a difference between ^ and ~ on dependency version requirements. I was loading latest versions of nunjucks and NodeJs instead of stable.

What is life.

Was playing fallout 4 a couple days ago. About 20 minutes in. The computer just shuts off. Like no power at all. I start up the computer again. Try fallout 4 again. It shuts off at the beginning video. WTF... I try Skyrim wondering if video card is busted. Skyrim runs perfectly fine. I startup Fallout 4 again. It runs. WTF...

Next day I try fallout and bout 20 minutes in power off again. Now I am assuming cooling issue and I am trying to see temps with programs. Cannot really tell.

So today I take apart my laptop and vacuum every cooling orifice out. Vacuum any dust looking crap I can see. There was dust in the fans. All clean. I run a memory test for a couple hours. Memory passes (it was brand new memory, thought maybe flaw in ram). Now I run fallout 4. Runs fine, zero issues for about an hour.

Me to myself: CLEAN YOUR DAMN COMPUTER MORE OFTEN! Okay...

In between I read about Fallout 4 causing system reboots and shutdowns due to loading and heating. Apparently something about Fallout 4 causes this more than other games. Wild... Pretty sure it was thermal shutdown protection going on.

Am I contractually obligated to give a shit after 9pm?

Today, I say no.

"Aww yeah, Bootstrap 4 is coming!"

Shut up bitch! I started 2 years back with web development when I was a noob and since then you are coming.

I just wasted 4 hours debugging a wordpress plugin because the API was returning only the first element of a list. I posted it on support forums, downloaded the plugin's source code and tried to manually find the cause, and I was about to post an issue on the plugin's github page.

It turns out that I forgot I had '$[0]' in my insomnia json filter.... I should probably look for a different job.

Lemmings. I was like, 4.

Today I heard my boss counting 14,15,16,17 multiple times, then he said OMG 4 days, I asked him about the issue
So he said the easter will make 4 non-working days, I was surprised
Then he said yes
Turns he was counting Saturday and Sunday 😂

Last week I received an invitation to lead the development of a e-commerce redesign, replatforming and data migration. I was excited to work on it, and started the analysis and planning, glad to spend time focusing on quality. But Murphy's law is never asleep - this Monday, I was asked to speed things up and reduce a 4 month project to 1 week.

We had a thunder storm with pretty strong winds while I was at work. A transformer across the street blew up (came off the pole, lots of fire, pretty neat)... I had a meeting at 4:30 and was told we were still having it even without power or internet. the meeting organizer never showed up.

...I could have gone home and worked because our vpn and dev servers are on another state that still had power.

So I am back home for a week without my laptop and my phone was low on power so I finally give up and decide to use a old PC we had.

I was gonna download some anime which I did but as I was waiting I started just looking around...

1. The drives are huge, 3 HDs with 400GB each.... vs my current 128 GB SSD

2. I found an old stash of anime (2013-4), several series... that I had actually not watched

3. The machine is known to be slow but after using it for awhile to install VLC and JDowloader... It's actually OK...

4. Video can playback at 3x speed... No lag... Apparently I forgot the onboard GPU failed and my dad replaced it with a cheap (I think) GFX card that has like 1GB RAM/processing power...

Finally ended, the stupid meeting which was going from last 4 hours for a web app. In the end I got to know that I'm not part of it.
Wow, what a wonderful way to waste my time.

I can literally remember back in January 2015 when android studio was a fat piece of slow SHIT and to boot up an emulator it took me 5-20 minutes. Gradle build took 1-2 minutes. I was dying.

Now 4 years later in 2019, it still might be fat but godfckindamn it is fast. Emulator boots up in 2-4 seconds. Gradle finishes in no more than 6 seconds. Hierarchy opens up in less than a second. Performance statistics and analytics no longer lag or have latency.

Google has finally done a great fckin job fck u thnx

Some years ago I was on vacation with my wife. Everytime we were at the swimming pool, I worked on a really small side project. About 4 months later, I had an interview for my first Job as a developer. I showed them this project and got the job 😁

This weekend I was working on a fun hobby project with a friend of mine. While he was modeling items for the game I started with a dungeon generator.

This morning I got stuck at a bug which took me more than 12 hours and 4 developers to fix. In the end I found the issue. I was checking

If y > arraySize && somethingElse
DoSomething();

It had to be:
If y < arraySize && somethingElse
DoSomething();

After I changed that everything worked without issues... Day well spent...

Why do I get the urge to do 3-4 side projects just when I don't have time for neither of them and when I had time to do them I was just doing nothing all day...

Me and my mom played an online farming game together when I was about...4? We still were running Windows XP.

Was going to school for computer science and loved it, but I had to work 40 hours/week and that still wasn't enough. Do I had to drop out. Since December I've used my computer like twice and opened devRant 3 or 4 times. Happy to say I've turned on my computer because of y'all.

Just got interviewed for a project today.The interviewers knows i am a fresher and the last thing that they told me after the entire interview was that the job requires a 4 yr experience!!! I was standing there and wondering why am i being interviewed then and how was my profile selected for the job 😂

!rant

I was 4 years old and it was 1998. A shiny new computer, with plastic covers so it would not get dusty.

It came with Windows 95 and I damaged that installation of Windows after installing a game made for an incompatible version of the C++ runtime. Good times.

I was looking for a JS library for good typing effects for my portfolio... couldn't find any

So I had created my own... with blah blah blah effects

Today I was trying to search in Google, if in case it appears on 1st page of search result.... Now I've found at least 4 good libraries for typing effects :facepalm:

Now comparing with each to check if it is worthy to spend time to add new features.

Wishing to punch someone...
My dick boss pushes his frustrations on me because I don't reply... (was educated better then that)
If he's not yelling he's teasing or making fun..
I'm sick since I've been sleeping 3, 4 hours a day (overwork)
On the limit... Almost exploding...
And I know myself... If I explode I won't stop... Need this job

:(
Frustrated

!dev
Matrix 4 trailer was such a shit show.

I don’t know why, but I honestly believed that it would not be as bad as it turned out to be. I’m such a stupid prick for believing in it.

FUCK YOU LANA WACHOWSKI. I HATE YOU AND EVERYONE RELATED TO THE PRODUCTION OF THIS CANCEROUS PIECE OF SHIT.

The elusive if (i = 10) in C. Took me about 4 hours to figure out why my if statement was always true.

Client: There was an order issue... please look into it.

Me: Okay, whats the order reference id.

Client: I accidently deleted the order. Please check your system logs. It was a 20 pound order.

😠

Me (4 hours later): It was a 18 pound order with free shipping... and it failed cause they never finished the 3D secure.

😑

I think something's wrong with me... I just went on StackOverflow and answered questions for roughly 4 hours and it was a blast

just did a stochastic exam for my cs degree and let's say it didn't go very well (i'm not very good at stochastic)😒
had a question like: "how many possibilities exist if you divide 8 people into 2 equal groups of 4?" (with 5 different choices to answer)
shouldn't that be 8 over 4 (binomial)? so pick 4 people and 4 remain as the second group, that makes 70 combinations, as far as i know ...
but there wasn't any 70. I then divided by 2 so i got 35 which was one of the available answers🤷, is that correct? did i understand smth wrong?

I don't know if this was the worst interview I've ever had, but a technical director is looking at my resume, then asks, "So you like programming?"

me: "Uhm... yes, very much so. I typically have at least 4 or 5 side projects going at once on top of my full time job."

Interviewer: "tell me about one."

I tell him, and this process reported 4 more times, as if he wanted to be sure I had 4-5 side projects going... it was almost a little bit like meeting with Peter Gregory from silicon valley, but not quite as awkward.

when I was 17 (13 years ago) I was doing my A-Levels in computers and we had to build a booking system using excel. that's when I discovered VBA, I learnt a lot and it made the project so much easier to do and with that I wrote my first calendar which was 365 lines of code. one line for each day of the year. it wasn't until I completed the project and going over some of the code it hit me, I turned 365 lines into 4! I was so pleased with myself. one of my best moments of programming.

Last year, we had computers architecture class where we study about the architecture of processors like RISC, CISC, SIMD... The teacher was a nice person but didn't have much knowledge on the field. I read some of Patterson&Hennessey book (computer organisation and design iirc) and learned how to use openmp and mpi, and then in the last lab we were required to optimize matrix multiplication using 4 threads in openmp, the best students optimiseed for 4 times at best, meanwhile I made 16 times optimisation and showed the teacher how fast it was. She was really impressed lol

If my girlfriend was a prefixed browser-incompatible CSS level 4 property I would still use her in production.

Best: Got my first dev job a month before I graduated my bootcamp. Was hired till rona layoffs started happening. Found another dev job 4 months later, and just received a promotion from said job just before going on holiday leave.

Worst: Being laid off for those 4 months. Sure unemployment + stimulus got me through financially, but mentally and emotionally I was starting to crack. I had thought I broke through the barrier with that first job and was going to be set. That layoff threw a wrench in my whole plan. In those 4 months unemployed I developed some imposter syndrome. Regardless, I plugged along with my side projects. One company was really impressed with one of them and was using a similar stack for an upcoming project, so luckily they ended up hiring me. Confidence restored.

That automation thing with NASA I was ranting about yesterday finally worked. Granted, they posted a pic today instead of a video.

So, assuming it's a true Pic of the Day, my wallpaper gets updated at 4 AM. Maybe they saw my rant? haha

I was designing and building a portfolio page for a photographer. He mostly does black & white portraits with either a white or black background so I had the idea of splitting the page into a light and dark side (Star Wars joke definitely intentional).
I worked waaay too long on a *diagonal* CSS wipe animation when the user switches sides and I was quite proud of it.
Half a year later we realize that basically no one has noticed the switch button. Analytics confirmed it was less than 4% of visitors. 🤦‍♂️

My old boss who somehow has gotten his small team of 4 PHP development contracts with Vodafone and Tesco etc. No QA, no tests, no frameworks allowed.

Sets random deadlines and used to suddenly drop demos on me for projects I'd just started and he had no idea of the state of them. Needless to say one project I was so rushed with no idea what I was actually making (for real) that I got sacked.

Software Development Process

0. I can't fix this
1. Crisis of confidence
2. Questions career
3. Questions life
4. Oh it was a typo, cool

*Not my original content, but it made me smile and I need one more point on this uncomfortably hot day

My phone screen died very suddenly so I had to power on an extremely old phone to serve as an alarm clock.

What is it with Android and completely dying after a couple years' downtime?

Anyway, I think the only reason I replaced this phone was that it was insufferably slow and the immediate excuse to get rid of it was that the charging port corroded. So glad I keep these things around, even after moving house 4 times.

Its been so long since I had a weekend in which I wanted to be productive and also was as productive as I wanted to.

This weekend everything turned around. Last week I learned to use blender to make basic models while I was traveling to and from work.
Today I was really productive and started working on my VR wooden toy block building game.

I now have an infinite blocks box, with randomly colored blocks which you can color yourself as well.
Gonna do performance and textures tomorrow.

Cant wait until Ive finally made a playable game, its been 4 years now.

My past 16hours activities

Woke up > destroyed a healthy running environment while trying to setup dual monitor on my manjaro kde > found out the nvidia driver was the culprit the whole the > the whole thing was a PITA > reinstalled the kde with windows dual boot > did the previous task 4/5 times till I felt satisfied ( call be a dumb but it is what it is ) > and now after wasting the whole fucking day I am setting up the environment finally.
Still I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish this shit before 4 am in the morning . It's now 1.26 AM .

Life is an interesting loop of hell .

Behold. It's Monday morning!

*putting up the false wide smile*

*sigh*

Being already as tired as if it was Thursday evening. So it seems there are 4 Thursdays this week.

Again.

I really hate this job.

I spent 4 hours to find I have written break instead of continue

I tried to make a Sudoku solver (using human techniques), and then I found it was NP-complete

So the files I deleted by mistake and took me 3 days to write ( was writing vuejs for the first time ), took me just 4-5 hours to re-write 90% of it, again. Damn

I don't see how people like to work from home. Was forced to do that due to a public transport strike. There something about going somewhere with a purpose. The 4 walls are closing in

Tried to log into my laptop 4 times and got wrong password. Fumed for full 5 mins before realizing that I was using password of workplace laptop.

fml

I just intentionally used the "All My Files" shortcut in Finder. There was me thinking "no one would ever use this" for the last 4 years

I commute to work on bike and it started raining right before the time I usually go home. I decided to wait for the weather to calm a bit. That was 4 hours ago. It's still raining, but it's also getting dark now..

I was small and there was a computer at the counter of my dad's hotel. I think i was 4? 5? And somehow i managed to download the original doom and then spent the majority of my time playing that.

Because of you great people, I installed Linux (Kubuntu, latest) again on a device after roughly 4 years, just to see how things are... 3 application crashes, 2 errors with no details just before I was able to install Chromium 😂 oh boy, hope the updates that crashed Discover fixed some of it 😌

Studying multimedia developer course Class year one learning HTML.
Build this with tables and inline styles....

Assignment was clearly written and you where able to copy past most of it.
I was like fuuu. I build it in CSS and external style sheet.

Time set for assignment 4 days, time used: 3 hours.

This was in 2008......

I hope now for you students out there that it has changed and you are learning proper coding and are correctly challenged

I am embrassed.. :(

Situation was..

It was 3-4 months ago I written the process but now client was saying it is not working so I just need to update value in array..

I spent 2-3 hours everything was good..
only in the statement where I am assigning the value is not working.
I was like dude wtf call your senior why its not working .. everything is correct.. then suddenly my eyes catch the rubbish thing I did..

this is what I used mistakenly for assignment "=="

:( and I was looking at statement from 1-2 hour.. it just wasted my time

From few months I was coding late night like 3 to 4 AM but now I can't sleep at night at all 🥺 shit man some time I just think through this and go to mountains 😞

The worst guy I worked with: Ex Military from USA, psychopath creating SaaS, B2B solution. The business idea was good and also got funding. He was so fucking racist.

When I joined his project there were 4 developers already working for him. One by one they all leave. I worked for the first 3 months taking over all the project.

Between the next 3-4 months I onboard 10-15 different developers and do knowledge transfer for all 10-15. Nobody works with him for more than 2 weeks.

He wants to developer do fucking 4 hours of meeting each day, repeating the same thing each time and expecting 8 hours of output. hire 3 project managers in 6-8 months. each one left.

I also told him i want to leave the project. By different ways he manages to keep me approx. 1 year. At end I told him this is my last month find another developer, So I can hand over the project. He was not able to find one. I leave the project he fucked up my profile.

Till date he has been looking for a developer, even trying to onboard developers in profit sharing.

I was 4 I think. Managed to reconfigure the IP and DNS settings and got the internet working again (it was a dial-up, in 2002). My entire family thought I was a prodigy of sorts (I am not).

Now all I do is restart the wifi if it's not working.

I was 4 when I was allowed at school to be on the single computer in reception. It came to break time the teachers just left me on it.

I think that’s because when my brother was kicked off 2 years prior (similar situation) he kicked up the biggest fuss possible so when it came to my first time they just went “nope not touching that”

And then a programmer was born

Well, apparently, I have windows 11 now.

I was in Windows Insider program, but I had selected the option to opt-out at next update (maybe 4 months ago).

Either that didn't work correctly or Windows 11 was technically the next update because last night I did a little update (it really only took like half an hour, which isn't unheard of for some Windows updates) and when I turned on the PC today, I have Windows 11 Pro

Okay!...

I was just flicking through my new android phone, ended up on my I.P address, and it had 6 addresses?!?

One IPv4
One IPv6
4 IPv6 with single colons

I might be a bit thick, but shouldn't a device have 2 I.P's at max? Or am I wrong?

!rant
I just realised my VPS ssh private key was in my servers web root for the last 4 months. Luckily nobody found it (hopefully).

Today I spent 4 hours testbenching and enhancing an algorithm to detect certain metric patterns only to find out that the reason the anomalies weren't picked up correctly was that their metric had some -nan values I didn't check for.... FML

I had a training about secure software engineering recently. Today was the corresponding exam.

One of the questions was a list of 4 hackers and you should pick the one who was in jail.

That question was so unreal... I was speechless.

Had to create an App in unstable Phonegap (2012) for all 4 platforms,
for our biggest Dubai based client for a Tech Event, within A WEEK :/

Forget Phonegap, I didn't even know JavaScript back then :|

That was the shittiest App I have ever created, still somehow got an appreciation mail :|

My first experience with computer was when I was 4/5 years old. We had DOS computer. I did not know anything that time. How to start game or anything. So my dad wrote down steps on my notebook for starting the 'Dave' game. I played that game nearly 2 years, along with 'Prince'. This brings lot of dos memories. :)

Spent the whole day trying too get react-native working on windows. It felt like i was teaching a dinosaur to fly a drone. SMH 4 windows!!! :(

It worked!

Came in and device I was automating a test against wasn't responding. 4 hours in co-worker asked why I was looking so pissed.

Me: Can't get any console input on $device.
Cw: Oh console might still be unplugged. I don't remember plugging it back in yesterday.
Me: ...why...
Cw: I don't know Linux and I locked myself out of console. I just went over and direct connected for a few min.

This is a reoccurring problem.

1 year a go i took angular js 1 tutorials and I was good at it then . I start working with c# and asp a lot. And when I started learning angularjs 4 it was like learning another language WTF

My first rant/rage/despair moment ever was in university during a Java course where I thought I had completely lost the plot at the first exercise.

I was misspelling system.out.println() and kept writing down system.out.print1n()

That was a long day... :/

Luckily I never make 4-hour debug typo's anymore now that I'm a real developer (I wish)

i was probably 4 or 5, my mom brought some educational games from school and I'd often play them. I don't remember a time before computers though

After 4 years of being cautious not to stir the waters it happened again. There was much gratefulness. Then there was much hate. Yesterday I accidentally replaced 17 people department with 3 scripts.

In my working floor there is a large bottle of water for waterstation. It usually ran out during the middle of the month. So I curious about the ran out situation, I got the answer from the housekeeper.

"The was not enough budget to allocate water bottle for our floor, we need to share all of them for the whole building. We only received 4 bottles for a half-month."

(It ran out 4 days from the beginning of the month)

...

EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh shitty shit of all shits in the world

I just run out of time on a crossover test of Android Architect because of a stupid call by a stupid old friend.

The test were a bit difficult but I did something really good, and I was on the step 4/5.

How do you deal with relatively complex Boolean logic requirements?

Here's a simple example, of which I missed 50% of the cases because it was non-intuitive to me:

A year is a leap year if:
- it is divisible by 4
- except it is also divisible by 100
- unless it is also divisible by 400

To my intuition, the logic tree is as follows:

if (year % 4 == 0) -> true
if (year % 100 == 0) -> false
if (year % 400 == 0) -> true

so I ended up with 3 cases and I initially missed all the others until I started coding.

The full solution is:

if(year % 4 === 0) {
if(year % 100 === 0) {
if(year % 400 === 0) {
true
} else {
false
}
false
} else {
true
}
true
} else {
false
}
}

I don't like it when I don't immediately see all logic paths.

Back in 2005 while I was in grade 5.. I was given a computer assignment for MS Word. While opening word, I stumbled upon FrontPage, which was the first spark in my web Dev interest. That was the beginning, it was only 4 years later that simple web design was part of my computers class. That is where things really started. I began coding small websites. And in 2012, my school requested I make a small website for a school event. I did so using a free template xD

I started perfecting my skill in 2013 and have been learning different languages ever since. Got my first clients in the same year too, 2013.

In my high school we just finished our prelims (Aka, Test Exams, Just to see how we are doing). I failed everything except computing. In Higher Computing I got a B (3-4 Marks off A), and I was the only person in my class to pass, and we are the only higher Computing class in the school. And there is no Advanced higher Computing class.
And I was one of only 3 of the S5s taking it, Everyone else was S6.

I feel more proud than I probably should.

Still in the interview phase.
I am waiting for an answer again.
The interview was 4 hours but I really
enjoyed it. The office looked so nice it could have been at Google inc.

Not exactly programming related, more game hosting wise.

I was playing with my friend on his Battlefield 4 server when someone casually states "Great job would come back Mr. Server".

real story. In high school, a librarian (women) recommended me a book. I read it in classroom, it was fine for the first half and then.... the real story began.

It was 50 shades of grey.

It's been about 4 years. I'll soon be completing bachelors. And I've yet to return the book, out of shyness.

What was the worst team work experience you ever had?
Before I share my Dark experience that has been gone for 4 years! Let me have some of yours!

I asked for 2 weeks of coding whereas I should have asked for 4 weeks just for coding.

What the fuck was the even thinking? Fuck

My first computer experience was when I was like 4 or 5 I didn't really understand it yet. My first programming experience was when I was 8. I really wanted to make my own website login system so I copied some PHP code and tried to open it😂. Ofcourse it didn't work.

It was some Toshiba laptop with Windows XP (back then fairly new) when I was 4. Playing Internarional Rally Championship.

"basically I have quite the experience and last job I was senior"

"How much experience do you have with [language] in specific?"

"About 4 years"

"Ah so you are medior, we are searching for a senior."

Seriously, who came up with the stupid idea of "must have 5+ years in a tech to be senior"?

My entire senior capstone project which was supposed to be done by 4 people: I codes the entire thing myself.

I read somewhere that you should change job each 3 or 4 years. I was wondering how often do you change job? 🤔

Getting along woth my incompetent boss. I have 4 bosses and 3 of them are great, 1 of them got an email from me this morning detailing why he stresses me out and was the reason my predecessor quit.

Apparently I don't have a problem with lack of games... Over the years I bought a lot of Humble Bundles which I apparently never fully redeemed...

I just redeemed some today while getting one with Dirt 4... (was actually planning to buy that yesterday from Steam just to test) I now have 54 games in the Library...

Jira for one of my personal projects has an epic called "progress repo". No description. No child tasks. It seems vaguely famiar, but I've got no idea what I was talking about 4 weeks ago...

received them yesterday 😊 they're much better than expected 😱☺️ thank you Team devRant 😉

now I'm just wandering what to do with them 🤔 I mean obviously I want to stick them on my laptop but it's 4 years old and it's got its best behind so I was thinking should I wait until I buy a new laptop? 🤔

Spent 4 hours debugging a script. Running the commands manually in cli worked fine but not when run as a web service. I've done similar things before so I was confident it should work. I tried literary everything I was going crazy. Turns out that Atom added some garbage characters only visible in other editors.. And this was not the first time! Fml..

I called the hack "blow up bunny", was in my first company.

We had 4 industrial printers which usually got fed by PHP / IPP to generate invoices / picking lists / ...

The dilemma started with inventory - we didn't have time to prepar due to a severe influenza going round (my team of 5 was down to 2 persons, where on was stuck with trying to maintain order. Overall I guess more than 40 % ill, of roughly 70 persons...)

Inventory was the kind of ultimate death process. Since the company sold mobile accessoires and other - small - stuff.

Small is the important word here....

Over 10 000 items were usually in stock.

Everything needed to be counted if open or (if closed) at least registered.

The dev task was to generate PDFs with SKUs and prefilled information to prevent disaster.

The problem wasn't printing.

The problem was time and size.

To generate lists for > 10 000 articles, matching SKUs, segmented by number of teams isn't fun.

To print it even less. Especially since printers can and will fail - if you send nonstop, there is a high chance that the printer get's stuck since the printers command buffer get's cranky and so on.

It was my longest working day: 18 hours.

In the end "Blow up bunny" did something incredibly stupid: It was a not so trivial bash pipeline which "blew up" the large PDF in a max of 5 pages, sent it to one of the 4 printers in round robin fashion.

After a max of 4 iterations, bunny was called.

"bunny" was the fun part.

Via IPP you can of course watch the printer queue.

So...

Check if queue was empty, start next round with determined empty printer queues.

Not so easy already. But due to the amount of pages this could fail too.

This was the moment where my brain suddenly got stuck aft 4 o clock in the morning in a very dark and spookey empty company - what if the printer get's stuck? I could send an reset queue or stuff like that, but all in all - dead is dead. Paper Jam is paper jam.

So... I just added all cups servers to the curl list of bunny.

Yes. I printed on all > 50 printers on 4 beefy CUPS servers in the whole company.

It worked.

People were pretty pissed since collecting them was a pita... But it worked.

And in less than 2 hours, which I would have never believed (cannot remember the previous time or number of pages...)