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My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.26
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My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.
GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"37 -
So this happened last night...
Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.
After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.24 -
GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8 -
"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"
- ex gf 2011
"I'm proud you do something you love"
- wife 201611 -
Fact=!rant
Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?10 -
Me : I need to give Tom a wash.
GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.
Me : you hurt poor George!11 -
My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".
The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.
BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂12 -
My girlfriend saw me coding in XCode.
GF: What are you doing?
Me: Ahmm. Coding.
GF: *saw the colors in every line of code
GF: That's easy. You just need to follow the color pattern. Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.
Me:
Macbook:
XCode:
Charger:
BTW. She's a Preschool Teacher. Hahahaha23 -
GF: I'm unable to undo my zip, help
Me: ctrl Z
GF: what!
Me: what? Oh.
(She left me the week after :'| )14 -
When your gf isn't a Dev but still tries to surprise you on your birthday with an HTML cake. But your OCD is killing you because of the mistakes
Src: IG - developers_team
44 -
*Trying to finish up this project I'm doing*
Me: "Fuck this shit I'm done shit doesn't work"
*non-dev girlfriend sits in front of computer*
GF: "I believe this line shouldn't be here it messes up what happens in the loop. Or atleast that's what it looks"
*checking it*
Me: "So what's your ring size again"7 -
Walking with gf.
diadev: hey that desk would be perfect for someone with one monitor!
GF: What kind of fuckin normie has one monitor?
I'm keeping this one 😂26 -
Me: "can we go to the cinema this weekend?"
gf: "uhm, maybe if blablabla..."
Me: "boolean!"
gf: "true"
...9 -
My GF, an iOS QA, went for an interview with a large enterprise and was rejected.
Interviewer: Your current application is hybrid or native?
GF: Native, because it is written in swift using native iOS SDK.
Interviewer: Does it use internet?
GF: Yes.
Interviewer: It is a hybrid application if it uses internet. You know nothing about your projects. You are rejected.
GF: 😯21 -
GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string18 -
GF: "Honey can you leave the PS and give me some attention?"
ME: "ofcourse!"
**Gives her 29 minutes of attention**
12 -
GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*4 -
So here I am in iceland watching Aurora with my gf, and suddenly I realized somewhere in my code at work I freaking forgot to add 1 to the denominator of a fraction. Shitty shit shit, gonna go back to work finding NaNs everywhere. Fuck fuck fuck
10 -
If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha3
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Last night I caught my girlfriend on my phone.....
Reading devRant..
I asked her what she was doing, she replied "I wanted to see what you spend all your time reading, some of this is actually pretty funny.."
❤12 -
!rant
Girlfriend doing her first IT internship:
"I think I got the roto virus"
Me: "Disconnect LAN cable and turn off PC, so that you do not infect the entire company's network".
GF: "Why would I do that, it's my body that feels bad".4 -
GF: I swear, you're spending more time staring at the screen than actually typing anything.
ME: Because literally 80% of coding is staring at the screen thinking about how to code something. My mind is an endless void of possible approaches to a problem.4 -
GF: please remember the flowers!
Me: I'll set a reminder.
GF: and don't forget to wrap them in water.
Me: I'll see what I can do about the laws of physics.
GF: ... I swear to god..
Me: yes yes I'll wrap them in water.7 -
Another rant about my gf
She tried HTML and well, cause there are h1, h2, h3... instead of classes, she used div, div2...
17 -
Me: *Working intently on project*
Gf: "Why are you just googling stuff & copying"
WELCOME TO PROGRAMMING 10111 -
Me: *coding*
Gf: *walks into room*
Gf: awww look at all the sad winky faces
Me: excuse me?
Gf: look at all the sad winky faces *points at this ); *
Me: ... 😕😂11 -
Got this today from my gf (only one part of birthday invitation card).
So cuuuuute 😍
English: "I'm 18, will I get something now?"
21 -
So my girlfriend (non techie) just saw my rant about how I'd give her a baby if she knew how to close vim in a proper way (she saw me on devRant, asked me to show it and read my rants) and so I showed her vim so she'd get the joke.
I than told her, how it worked and such so she'd see how it's not a regular text editor and told her to try and quit it, and to my amazement, she did!
Guess she's a keeper :')11 -
GF: Why are working so late?
Me: Because no matter what I do, everything is working correctly.
GF: What....
The only career when you have to work late because everything is working like it should (cannot reproduce an issue).19 -
My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
25 -
Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"
This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.11 -
Me typing
git rebase --help
GF: What!? Oh... nevermind it says rebase. I thought it said rebae.
Me: What?
GF: I'm the only bae you need in your life!
Me: ... This is going on devrant.2 -
That awkward moment when you tell your gf you want a rubber duck for your birthday present but you mistyped it.
Gf: "Sweetie, what gift do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "a rubber dick would be fantastic! it'll help me debug things"
Gf: "Ok... if you say so..."8 -
Today my sister told me "bro, I want you to teach me how to program". My gf told me the same some months ago
So proud of my girls 😍14 -
I miss my old ZenBook with Linux 😔
I mean, the MacBook is great, but it feels like I left my old simple gf who loved me for a Hollywood sexy bitch who doesn't give a fuck11 -
And for my birthday my girlfriend told me "your age++"
I don't know who told her that (she knows nothing about programming languages) but that was cute.3 -
relationship with dev perks (just happened):
GF : *bad mood* i'm hungry
Me : Let's go get some food ! *trying to cheer her up*
GF : No.
Me : Ok, whatever you say.
GF : Do you really wa--
Me : Whaat? you said "No"?
GF : Don't you see abstraction in my face?
Me : so what ? you want me to Implement it?
GF : NO. PUT IT IN YOUR GODDAMN MAIN FUNCTION.
Me : ok let's go *still don't understand what she meant*
GF : Good Job.71 -
Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.
I love this girl to death 😍7 -
My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.
Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".
😢6 -
Someone: how do I convert cute girls to .gf format ?
Me : Sorry, this feature is not available in the beta version7 -
Gf, shouting: why are you using my premium shampoo and hairdryer on your keycaps?
Me: because just like your haircut, they were unnecessarily expensive, they embody all my self worth, and deserve to be shiny and clean.
Gf, pondering: ... Could you clean my keyboard next?4 -
I gor a problem with my gf, and she asked for space, then i got a new problem in my workplace, i want to kill my boss and my senior mothercuker! FUCK THIS!!!
11 -
I have the best gf in the world.
She tries to understand what I spend so many hours working on, even though she has little interest in it. She is seriously patient with me and lets me do my thing just because she knows it makes me happy.6 -
*me seeing rant with stress ball in the pic*
Me to gf:"look babe!!! Streeeeesssssballllllll :D I want one"
*gf points at shirt*:"these are your stress balls ;)"7 -
That moment when your GF bothers you so much with her Instagram photos
https://github.com/gulzar1996/...16 -
Me: when are you coming?
Gf: 1 hour
Me: started updating windows!!
.
.
.
After 1.5 hour
Gf came
Windows still updating 😂10 -
Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁
26 -
Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?
Me: (int)4.5;
Gf: Ffs the proper way!
Me: Math.Round(4.5);
Gf: Fuck off.12 -
<rant data-type="corny">
My Gf of 3 years left me for some douche. Thus said, she "removed" her feelings before kissing him. WTF! I didn't know feeling came like dependencies...
</rant>9 -
My GF said I look so silent and innocent while working. She has no idea how much I curse the monitor in my head while working.3
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My gf has recently told me that she's sick of all those privacy invasive Google services and wants me to degooglify her! Am I the happiest guy on Earth?22
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!rant
My gf loves rubber ducks so much, I'm just waiting for her to learn coding just for the debugging process :D
6 -
!rant
My girlfriend sat on my lap the other day when I was helping a friend of mine with some assembly code. She look at the code an said
What are you doing?
I explained the code and said that is the lowest you can get before machine code. She didn't run away in fear....
This is a great sign...6 -
Fingerprint sensor is insecure
-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.
Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??
-all of the same points can be applied to it.28 -
root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep
Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉11 -
Me and my girlfriend's pillow talk about memory leaks
Me: **... So garbage collection is a means to stopping a memory leak from occuring
Gf: what 's a memory leak ?
Me: a memory leak is like when you want a pizza, and the guy gives you pizza. But you don't eat the pizza and you ask for another pizza. You keep doing this repeatedly. Until the pizza guy realizes what you're doing and decides to kill you. He then takes back all his pizzas
Gf: why would you do that though?
Me: Lazy ass programmers who don't clean up after themselves.6 -
!rant
i've been working on a web game with the gf - we're planning on making it a technologically correct 'hacking' game. updates will probably be posted as we go!
25 -
Telling someone you don't like the way they format their code is like... Telling them their girlfriend is ugly.4
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Gf: "Why are you such a typist"
Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."
Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"
Me: "Uhhh"
Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"
Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.
Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"
Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"
Me: 🤔5 -
"Maybe the internet has an error”
Quote from my GF after booking tickets online failed, and on some level I feel like this is a very profound, relevant statement..2 -
>Be me
>Have coder gf
>Goes to Disney world with family for vacation
>Me on the phone with her "can I just ftp over to you"
>Her *giggles*
>Me subconsciously "that was stupid but it didn't fail"1 -
My gf got me my first "rubber ducky". He is a bit sarcastic and rough on my code but I mean... He's Deadpool!!
5 -
God dammit ... Gf said I should go "early" to bed and not like last night at 3 am. Now it's 4:20 am...7
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So my ex gf was a developer too and she used spaces instead of tabs and she would put the { on a new line. That was not the reason to break up with her but I just can't hold my rage ffs18
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ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~3 -
My gf said some of Japanese companies specifically ask developers to code for IE6 and IE6 only. 🕺
Glad that I don't have to work for them.5 -
Tell gf that I'm gonna start the washing machine. 30 minutes later she finds me at the computer.
-You forgot the laundry half way.
-oups but I had to try a possible solution to my problem ...
The look from her :/3 -
!dev
TL;DR: My GF flipped out and locked me out, and we may be splitting soon.
Background:
I have a GF for about 4.5 years, 2.5 of which we live together. She comes from a very harsh past of abuse from her parents and it reflects on her personality. About a year before we moved in my parents flipped out on her and since then she's not welcome in their home. We fight a lot and much of it revolves around this issue - she can't stand me going to visit them so I come there 2-3 times every semester (except when I need my brother's car) and don't stay there overnight. This has been the issue for about a year and a half now and it gets worse every time the thing comes up. As a result I missed 3 New Year's Eves, all my and my family's birthdays and every holiday I could spend with them.
Story:
On Friday I took the car and we went to go visit her grandma. We came back and I drove to my parents' place to return the car. As I get into the city (it's about 35-40 min drive from my city to theirs) my brother tells me he doesn't need the car and he works only tomorrow morning. It's 9:30pm and to get his car in the morning I would have to leave my home at 5am, so I decide to stay there overnight so that I wont drive after 5 hours of sleep. I tell this to my GF and she is disappointed, I go on to talk a bit with my mom and sit around so I see (and respond to) her messages after 1.5 hours. She's pissed and says she wants me back, then goes on to say "you can stay there for good for all I care". I reply pretty patiently but she won't let go of her anger and can't get to understanding me.
Next morning I get home and she won't open the door, I stay out for about 3 hours. She claimed I should now I feel what she felt the day before when I didn't come home and left her alone. I knocked, rang, sent messages and called her for like 30 minutes, and after that I became really angry and shouted at her through the door, at which point she claimed I'm being aggressive and violent and she doesn't feel safe opening the door. The other 2.5 hours were just sitting outside the house and waiting for some miracle.
At some point she went out and I SLIPPED in and since then we barely talk, she says she can't see any solution and she started packing her things. This is the second time she locks me out, the first time was about 3 months ago. I know that the only thing I've done wrong is leaving her hanging for over an hour but it doesn't excuse her behavior IMO. I know we have to break up but I still feel really depressed over this, 4.5 years of relationship do have a lot of good memories.
Just wanted to vent about this shit. Thanks for reading that far.34 -
I have been strongly considering writing a small fb app today named something along the lines of "Hack your fb friends - for realz". Then add basic oauth (You have to login to pick the friend to hack duh), retrieve their friends list and then publicly post to their own timeline and the friends they chose humorously stating they attempted to hack the persons account "for realz". You know just enough to alert people that the "hacker" is a idiot with bad intentions but with just humour enough to fall under "satire" so fb doesn't remove it.
If your bored please feel free steal and implement my idea, it's hereby open sourced and I will even fund this shit on kickstarter 😂6 -
This morning my girlfriend told me about the network at her school constantly disconnecting, to which I jokingly replied "So, it doesn't deserve candy". She came back with "But it's already asking for so many cookies"...
-
GF: Honey... What is that thing called... It's like a neverending if statement...
Me: ... A while loop?
GF: YEAH!! It's a while loop in the brain!2 -
Forgetting to reply to my gf when I code, I always return to 30+ texts, 12 missed calls, some Instagram and Facebook messages, an email and find my face on the back of a milk carton 😂4
-
Today I volunteered for an iOS event to help people get started with Xcode and swift. Granted, I only volunteered because my gf is part of this startup and the pay was 50 bucks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The fucking stupid organizer (has no idea what programming is) thought it would be a good idea to have a gaming section where people can play video games. Well stupid fucking fortnite had everyone's attention, and only a little group of people was interested in participating in the workshop (build an iOS game from scratch) that my gf worked her ass off to create.
Also, fuck trying to teach programming to kids.4 -
When scrolling through free Udemy courses for fun, my gf says:
"Whaaaat? Data analysis with Panda and Python? Isn't that shit dangerous? Like they go in the jungle and stuff?"
Me:"oh..."
(Disclaimer: She has no background in CS)5 -
My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.
Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.4 -
She : You spend your whole day with your stupid computer ! That dumb machine is more important to you than me. We are done 😡
Me : Babe, I swear to God, you'll always be number one on my priority list.
She : Aww.. love you so much 😚
Me in mind : This must be the reason behind foundation of 0 index for Devs.1 -
I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"
To delete everything of my ex gf memories...
She just wrote a message, again...22 -
I'm done with dumb girls😠 ! seriously I need a geek girl in my life to understand what I talk or what I share .... A dev girl right now would be awesome ..😃13
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So my gf was sleeping and i took the opportunity to unlock her phone using her finger print. Sent bunch of texts and later told her i hacked her cellphone. She now believes i am a genuine hacker. Should i tell her the truth or just drag a little longer?15
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GF made me a Stressball that debugs almost as good as a rubber duck. Downside is that I can't have bananas anymore :(
1 -
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
A study needs to be done on the therapeutic effects of devRant. My gf tells me I grin like an idiot much more these days 😅4
-
Usually, when I'm in the mood to code, my GF will tease me by sending a lot of text messages at once.
When I'm not in the mood, she had slept earlier :-|3 -
Went outside for a jobintervju ...
Isn't it just horrible to go outside and meet something called other people? My GF said it could be good for me, yeah right!
I even saw something called a sun. It was really bright, must be awful to have to watch that thing everyday.9 -
My GF found this on 9gag, though it'd be worth reposting :p
But oh damn I wish it was this easy...
5 -
Funny programmer fantasy porn titles.
Add your 2 cents.
I'll start with.
Naive user needs hot reloading for her frontend.
Boss GF wants you to fix her backend.
Go!27 -
So I told my gf, if my life becomes dependent on a machine for survival and I am always attached to it. Unplug the machine.
She unplugged my computer2 -
My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...
Not my fault!10 -
Just got a whiteboard as a present from my gf. Decided to use to for flowchart, but I literally never made a flowchart. This...this doesn't seem right. Anyone got any experience with it? Where could I learn and are they actually useful?
5 -
My routine lately :
* Opens devrant*
* Sees loads of posts of developers mentioning their girlfriends or wives*
* Looks around the empty room *
* Gets sad and dies a little.*
* Get back to coding hoping of getting a girlfriend after finishing this project( never gonna happen) *
++ If you ever felt the same.6 -
GF: How was your pitch to investors?
Me: it was great (... went-ahead to talk about the daunting process of the preparation and motivation).
GF: Why do you go through all this process, when you can become a fraudster, you can use voodoo and make it even easier, in less than 3 months you can buy a duplex, nice car and we can go shopping... you don't need to do any human ritual unlike before - I heard you can even meet a chief priest to make it faster for you.
just get the bag abeg (slang for getting rich quick).
Me: Fuck the day I met you, not everyone wants to be a low-life, and fuck out from my life.
Men if you live in a saner society, or you are born to elite/upper-middle-class you don't how lucky you are.
Most times I wonder how I keep my sanity with all these shitty people around. like messed up society where almost everyone is a fucking deep hypocrite
.I know I need to change my circle but how the fuck do I do that when I am surrounded by fuckstards, which are far worst than Gypsies.
lowlifes with low dreams.
I need to get the fuck out of this place!
15 -
When was last time you had Fight or Argument(restricted only to texting) with your GF/BF/Spouse while coding?
The amount of text typed on phone is more than the code on screen.8 -
We broke up. I'm pretty numb.
Edit: felt it's a good idea to say that it's the same GF I wrote about a while ago.26 -
My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.
-
Me and my gf are looking for a house. Since we’re both on temporary contract we want a declaration of intent. For arranging a decent mortgage. My gf get’s called and signed within a day, getting compliments and a thumbs up.
I get called after three days; yeah eh we need to talk about this. I can’t sign this right now. A talk with both director and HR. Let’s get stressed...14 -
This is why you don't want to have Dev gf. Unless you like emotional Rollercoasters. Trust me, had one...
26 -
Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)
Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)
Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)
Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love
-
People! I'm attending to a hackathon for the first time (this country sucks)
Any advice?
I hope I can get dev friends, or even a dev gf (my whole life dream)11 -
I had a few girlfriends in the past and now am married for 4 years and can't remember any gfs before the married life. Ever had a pre-identity crisis?
My mind: "WHO THE F&*! WAS I? WHAT DID I DO? ITS LIKE TOTAL RECON AND AMNESIA ALTOGETHER!!"
5 -
When Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your standart browser you should be brave enough to ask your girl out!4
-
Let's find out... (Self-made Long island iced tea, loving my GF for giving me cocktailshaker to birthday)
2 -
My gf left me, it's been a month.
I still can't focus on anything. Suffering panics and anxiety.
Couldn't code for a month. Still can't.32 -
class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}
------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---
Daaamnn6 -
She asked for it...
Me: being happy with my first rant, scrolling through the app on mobile in bed
Gf: aah are you now on instagram for nerds?!
Me: ... (sudden realization how 'our world' may be perceived by muggles)
'5 minutes pass, both on mobile'
Gf: hey can you help me get this *feature* to work on my iPhone?
Me: why don't you can ask for help on your photo platform for cool people?
Gf: ... (sudden realization to be nice in order to get help with iCrap)
True story4 -
I was talking to my non-tech gf about how a colleague of mine didn't understand priority queue and show led her an example, during explanation fucked up the example and duplicated priorities of 2 values but they came up in the unexpected order. She wanted to find the logic in it and blamed the computer for being dumb, but it has been ~45 minutes, she has Wikipedia about binary trees & linked list open as well as simple graphs visualising both + armed with pen and paper trying to understand how it all all works..
Achievement Earned?
P.S I am either creating a monstrosity (Frankenstein style) or recruiting a fresh mind to our ranks, either way I am proud af 😢😊😍11 -
Spent almost $20 on stickers with my gf and I don't regret a thing.. How many references can you get?
5 -
my gf visited over the weekend. when she went out to get groceries I kept myself busy looking for a error on a project.
she came back and was like: did you fail to end a sentence with a period.
that solved the problem1 -
I once built an app because my girlfriend travels a lot and I was worried she might be kidnapped. App becomes a big deal, now I have to add more features. I really just wanted a holiday and peace of mind.1
-
!dev, very !rant
Going to Romania tomorrow and the next day will finally meet my girlfriend's parents (she's from there). More nervous than I expected to be about a (hopefully) simple thing.14 -
Most of guy programmers feel difficult to get a gf . I wonder does girl programmers face the same situation. 🤔🤔🤔14
-
!dev
What I feared is happening.
I will barely see my gf for some time (until summer).
I just feel like crying, wanting to do a lot of things with her, barely getting to do so.
On one hand, I have a gf, on the other hand, fuck my life for worsening good things that happen to me.
P. S. if any of you fuckers unironically complain about the fact that I have a girlfriend (and you don't), go to hell24 -
I show code for some cool but simple stuff to my gf.
She "how the hell are you able to come up with this shet? Who taught you to program? "
Me "Patience, enthusiasm and google"1 -
Sooo my gf dumped me last weekend :(
I remember somebody here had an idea for a dating app for devs. Is that actually a thing? Does anybody have a link?9 -
White ones are hand made stickers from my gf as a present. Their cuts are kinda messy because of I literally messed up while cutting but i think i really liked them.
8 -
I was working on my OOD class project (code analyzer) while my gf was trying to watch greys anatomy...for some reason Netflix and watch series wasn't working and she asked me what do I do...
My spontaneous reply: have u tried github...😕
Her reply: what is that is it like a porn site4 -
It was my birthday gf and friends got me drunk, so in response i woke up with a hangover. Coding does not mix well with a hangover 😟
-
1. Get some money with little contracts got by my school
2. Pay fucking good holidays with my gf
3. Finish my big school project that will validate almost two years
4. Launch my startup -
For my father, I do wizardry, for my mother I do magic, for my brother I type weird stuff, for my gf I code useless stuff, for my grandparents I do nothing, for my non dev friends I make softwares, for my dev friends... Magic again1
-
When all your friends (which there ain't much of them) are out doing their own stuff, gf and family at the other side of the country, I'm glad devRant is here keeping me occupied and sane... and of course Steam too (but it'll always be 2nd)...2
-
My gf tonight
3am: well be returning for 4am
4am: dont worry, at 5 metros start
5am: lets get home at 6
Fuckit -
I do wish that we could have a dev dating site. Why? Cause I cannot give my girlfriend enough time and then she gets moody and then this leads to breakup.
Now I have to freaking choose between her or code this is bad, bad.
If we devs get dev gf she knows how things work and things would work out16 -
Normal gf after breakup- He didn't do it in my favourite position.
Dev gf after breakup- He used tabs.11 -
So my gf just told me she saw a video where YouTube claimed it had no sound - with sound.
I didn't believe her at first.. see for yourself
https://youtu.be/lghQ0PxUOUk
6 -
When your non-dev gf gets angry on you for not responding to her texts through out the night but you decide to stay quiet because she would never understand that you were trying to fix the code.
5 -
Girlfriend: I don't get why you love me...
Me: Maybe I should write a Setter method to make it clear.
She didn't understand that joke ._.3 -
My non-techie girlfriend tends to get a tad pissed at me when she understands what people are talking about when she overhears them talking about programming stuff, e.g. "website with Python backend" or "differences between JavaScript and EcmaScript"... what can I say, she's the best rubber duck there is!1
-
Just the daily android vs iOS bashing with my gf xD I'll never turn to the light side that is iOS.
2 -
On the positive note, I just installed win 10 on my PC, so I can finally play some MMO with my gf with more than 30 seconds per frame. Needless to say, my first installs were Msys2 and gvim :)
PS, any suggestions on a free casual MMO we could play together? I was thinking about TERA, but not set on anything yet.17 -
its seems like ill lose my gf if i start my cs study cuz ill not earn money in this period.. wtf!?
is this dev life?
console.log ("fuck you") ;15 -
Goals -
1. Learn frontend and backend development. Move out of "Just android developer" description
2. Move out of this shitty MNC and get a job in a good company
3. Blog more
4. Give talks
5. Get fit
6. Have a nice gf ( one can hope)
Can I achieve this much? I'll try my best for sure. -
When you finish the complicated code for a feature you spend all day on and it runs without bugs but instead of returning the high-wife your gf looks at you, asks what the feature does and at the end says "but that sounds really easy to make"9
-
All I want is my holidays back, with all the nice stuff I did..
*being sad cause school starts again* -
When you bring your workspace to bed, she knows it's not her night tonight;
And you know tomorrow is gonna be a total stormy day because the forecast is real. -
Shopping with gf. This is fuckin bullshit. I want to code... FUCK THIS! DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKIN CHECK EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN ITEM'S SIZE AND PRICE RECURSIVELY? For fuck's sake, I got shit to do!7
-
Your girlfriend is sucking away your time, energy, money, and sanity. Fkkkkkkk me ded plzzz asdfghjkl6
-
I've been up for more than 24 hours and I've a project to finish by Friday evening.
On the other hand, I've a complaining gf.4 -
So the gf just came home, threw this in my face (literally, but not intentionally) and said "they were giving these away, thought you might have fun".
I've only heard of raspberry pi, arduino and such, but never actually used one.
Anyone have any experience with this thing in particular? Can I actually do anything with it or is it mostly for learning?
8 -
So, in roughly 2 years?
- Having my driver licence
- Get my graduation (should be in a few months but still)
- Find another work
- Get a better pay
- Loose 40 kgs
- And a GF would be a bonus -
Today I m getting bored at my place, so I just came out..! I notice various things, some people are enjoying with their families,some with their gf/bf, some are playing, some having food, some enjoying cooool weather. that time I realize there is a life apart from coding... try to live each moment who knows about tomorrow......!2
-
I met my crush last day, she is a junior from the same college, everything was fine until when she wanted to find a recharge shop to recharge her phone. I opened PayTm(One of the Mobile Wallet here in India) and said I'm doing it.
Her reaction : What ? How ? You can do recharge right away from your phone ! wow !
I lost my interest on her :(
She is BTech Final Year Student
Tragedies2 -
---12.018 HE----
I want to
- finish my A-Levels
- play less & do more
- work on side project
- learn lots of new programming stuff
- have a great time (making my gf happy <3)1 -
Oh fuck off. Why do you put a fucking iMac on the floor
... Face up I imagine to then have your gf step on it 😡
Why the fuck would you even allow that situation to happen2 -
So I was talking to my gf (a filosopher) about why I don't like a Cisco ad.
She sent me this, this morning. . .
Have you heard about it? Where can I learn more?
2 -
Joined the dark side.
Used to think (),{},[] meant the same. Just a type of brackets they said
Started counting at 0
Designer/Developer perspective to every website/app I visit
Rubber ducks were children bath toys
And for the love of LINUS! Stop asking me to hack your bf/gf 's social media accounts. -
Anybody else use ellipses somewhat excessively? My GF pointed it out about me and I was like... Sorry.3
-
I love my gf but she can't talk code, or mathematics etc... What do I do? She refuses to even try becoming interested.25
-
My GF doesn't understand anything I say, but she continues to be there to listen to my coding problems.2
-
Imagine requesting something from a girl/boy you're interested in, and getting replies in Http codes...
What are the funniest?
402: Payment required
403: Forbidden17 -
I always love trying something new, especially when it's Linux.
In this case, I'm installing Plasma Mobile on my phone to see how it handles.1 -
!rant
tl;dr: programmer's excuse vs civilian excuse funny moment in conversation w/ gf
pertinent info: gf has access to my calendar; I added my class schedule for the upcoming semester earlier today
gf: you're taking human psychology where as im taking human development lol
me: I'm taking human psychology?
wat
gf: <screenshot of my calendar entry (it's human physiology)>
see
me: OH
Physiology
!=psychology
psybnlogy
close enough
the human brain's word recognition relies on lossy compression
not my fault
.-.
gf: ohhhhhh
I don't have my glasses on and my computer is far so that's my excuse lol
me: LOL
I assumed I misread it
didn't even double check your spelling6 -
So the other day I was talking to my gf about how it was crowdy in the metro area and how big the queue was for ticket, she said 'You should never say it was a big queue but it was a long queue' and I said 'It wasn't a big queue but it was a double queue' and I started laughing.
My gf being from a non technical background didn't understand why I was laughing so much.2 -
Me (waiting for a torrent download): this is gonna take a while. [ISP] is being slow again.
GF: Why not just force download it?1 -
1) clicking on the wk141 tag wouldnt show the wk140 rants
2) big titty mafia mommy gf
3) when i buy something i always have the exact price on my bank account -
I am happy that my gf has started taking programming seriously
And I get super happy when she asks me small doubts
-
Fix for bug x
Fix 2 for bug x
Final fix for bug x
Really final fix for bug x
Another fix for bug x
...
Fix 59 fit bug x
....
As the gf egg bf egg Jr DG DG r
Rf we j RF at uh xD egg GB g2 -
I came to hospital to see my ex-girlfriend father because his diagnosised with TB!! I couldn't able to see my ex gf face nor I couldn't control my tears!!!2
-
So it's Valentine's day here in the states.
I don't know what to do for my GiF.
All I did was rm -rf objects around the apartment and she seemed pleased...Am I doing this relationship thing right?6 -
When your gf texts you and you just dwell into long romantic conversation and forget what you were even coding.(I'm serious it happen to me sometimes, not all the times coz we spent most of time arguing 😂😝)
-
Searching new laptop / system on current laptop / system can hurt feelings of it.
It's same as asking gf which is better girl than you 😂😂😂😂2 -
My gf has declared devRant to be my 2nd gf because nowadays I spent most of my time with devRant. And she gets visibly upset.8
-
Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
-
"This is the last warning I'm giving you, don't you dare to talk to my gf"
"But I only listen to errors" -
Playing Pokemon Go with my girlfriend, actually, she is playing and meeting with the quite active community in the town. I am just dragged along, i feel a bit like when i take my gf in the adventures that are Mobas, just with swapped roles.
I might be a tad bit opposed to the idea of spending money for a mobile game3 -
!rant
I've been coding for just about 2 months now! I literally dont wanna do anything else!! Its all I can think about... I know im not qualified to work a dev job yet lol but I wish i could nab a junior dev position so I can practice 9-5 not just after business hours and on the weekend... -
Me and my GF at a tea shop. GF knows one of the tea baristas.
Her = "tea barista"
Him = "tea barista"
Her: you're studying queer theory
GF: Yes I am
Him: Why don't they just call it Query
Me: LOLOL
Him: LOLOL
Her && GF: >.>1 -
Experience with Plasma Mobile:
After an hour of confusion and bash file trolling (as in scrolling through a bash file, not trolling someone with a script), I ended up needing to reinstall Lineage OS on my phone.
While it's a new and seemingly exciting expanse for modern Linux and Android phones, it's very obviously not ready yet.
Even after fixing some bugs within the bash file, my phone seemed to have a mind of its own; prematurely attempting to boot into the OS during a critical part of the setup. Even after finishing the setup correctly, my phone never actually boots into the system.
While I like the concept behind Plasma Mobile, it does still have a ways to go. But I have some hopes that the project will start getting bigger and better as the time goes on.1 -
On holiday with parents and gf...
Wifi here forces you to use their DNS (using Google's or Cloudflare or any other DNS is blocked)...
Can't use my OpenVPN either...
fuck...12 -
When you are proud of your work you have finished today, come home and want to explain it to your non-coding gf...never felt so misunderstood in my life
#rightInDaFeels -
Hi who knows a tool for reverse image search on Facebook? Someone blackmail my gf by posting her picture and tagging her as a "call me for sex" hooker...16
-
I told my friend that only my special snowflakes could borrow my Plex server, so he made the account with
<username>TheSpecialSnowflake#1
So my gf made:
<username>TheSpecialSnowflake#0 -
Why it's so damn hard to find a GF as a Dev?
when I talk to one no title about life but dev titles come to my mouth and she has no idea what the heck am i talking about!6 -
Engineering life is not easy 😐😐😐😐all those assigments, practicals, vivas...... And above that.... ..no GF 😔😔😔10
-
once I heard a joke that a nerd programmer want to have sex with his so called gf, she said if u could post something online and get 10K reply then she will do it.
guess what that dude did?
he post "PHP is the best language ever" on a dev forum
he got 10K reply in 10min, the gf said ok so be it let's do it.
the guy said could you wait, I really think PHP is the best language ever I need to persuade those assholes on this
at last he win the war but lost the sex1 -
Was going to have some fun refactoring js code on the weekend, gf dragged me to a jazz festival instead </3
I enjoyed it, though -
!rant && silly
Well so I was thinking of ways to proposing to my non existent geek gf, so far I thought of
Would you do pair life programming with me?
How would you do it?4 -
Have you ever need "modify/edit" button in your real world in talking??!
I told my GF a memory which I had with my frnds. It was about drinking and hangOver. She said "You didn't tell that to me!!" I said "I said that before! " again she said "No you didn't!!!" At that moment I was just looking for a modify/edit button!!!😒😒 -
When is the next space shuttle leaving for mars or moon? Have got to relocate out of this world. Pls who got SpaceX booking phone number. Or elon musk addy?.😔😔 you ask why? I need a geek gf and i can't find one on planet earth..😳😳😳1
-
If someone asking me stupid question
Someone: can you hack my gf social media?
Me: Are you a human? [ 10$^10£ - 0.5¥ = ?INR ]5
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