*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

Me: Let's grab something for dinner!
GF: Sure, but let's go somewhere safe
Me:

So this happened last night...

Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.

After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.

Told my gf I wanted a coding buddy so she won me this during the hackathon 😀

"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"

- ex gf 2011

"I'm proud you do something you love"

- wife 2016

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

Fact=!rant

Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?

Me : I need to give Tom a wash.

GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.

Me : you hurt poor George!

My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".

The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.

BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂

My girlfriend saw me coding in XCode.
GF: What are you doing?
Me: Ahmm. Coding.
GF: *saw the colors in every line of code
GF: That's easy. You just need to follow the color pattern. Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.
Me:
Macbook:
XCode:
Charger:

BTW. She's a Preschool Teacher. Hahahaha

GF: I'm unable to undo my zip, help
Me: ctrl Z
GF: what!
Me: what? Oh.

(She left me the week after :'| )

My girlfriend heard I wanted a stress ball. She made me one.

When your gf isn't a Dev but still tries to surprise you on your birthday with an HTML cake. But your OCD is killing you because of the mistakes

Src: IG - developers_team

*Trying to finish up this project I'm doing*

Me: "Fuck this shit I'm done shit doesn't work"

*non-dev girlfriend sits in front of computer*

GF: "I believe this line shouldn't be here it messes up what happens in the loop. Or atleast that's what it looks"

*checking it*

Me: "So what's your ring size again"

I was at school working on my school project.

I receive a message from my girlfriend:

"How is called the hacker thing?"

Me: "what?"

Gf:"yeah the black thing"

Me: "what black thing"

Gf: "found it, it was this" *sends a picture of cmd*

Gf: "my classmate is hacking" *sends picture of cmd with 'dir' command on it"

I was crying from laughing.

Me: "try to write this: %0|%0"

Gf:YOU ASSHOLE, MY COMPUTER IS FUCKED UP"

Me: "this is 'real' hacking"

No sex for a week, but I still think it was worth it.

Walking with gf.

diadev: hey that desk would be perfect for someone with one monitor!
GF: What kind of fuckin normie has one monitor?

I'm keeping this one 😂

What would you choose?

My GF, an iOS QA, went for an interview with a large enterprise and was rejected.

Interviewer: Your current application is hybrid or native?

GF: Native, because it is written in swift using native iOS SDK.

Interviewer: Does it use internet?

GF: Yes.

Interviewer: It is a hybrid application if it uses internet. You know nothing about your projects. You are rejected.

GF: 😯

Me: "can we go to the cinema this weekend?"
gf: "uhm, maybe if blablabla..."
Me: "boolean!"
gf: "true"
...

GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string

GF: "Honey can you leave the PS and give me some attention?"
ME: "ofcourse!"

**Gives her 29 minutes of attention**

GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*

If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha

So here I am in iceland watching Aurora with my gf, and suddenly I realized somewhere in my code at work I freaking forgot to add 1 to the denominator of a fraction. Shitty shit shit, gonna go back to work finding NaNs everywhere. Fuck fuck fuck

Last night I caught my girlfriend on my phone.....
Reading devRant..
I asked her what she was doing, she replied "I wanted to see what you spend all your time reading, some of this is actually pretty funny.."
❤

!rant
Girlfriend doing her first IT internship:
"I think I got the roto virus"
Me: "Disconnect LAN cable and turn off PC, so that you do not infect the entire company's network".
GF: "Why would I do that, it's my body that feels bad".

That moment when you find that sexier than nudes

My gf wanted to kill me when she saw this..

GF: I swear, you're spending more time staring at the screen than actually typing anything.
ME: Because literally 80% of coding is staring at the screen thinking about how to code something. My mind is an endless void of possible approaches to a problem.

GF: please remember the flowers!
Me: I'll set a reminder.
GF: and don't forget to wrap them in water.
Me: I'll see what I can do about the laws of physics.
GF: ... I swear to god..
Me: yes yes I'll wrap them in water.

Another rant about my gf

She tried HTML and well, cause there are h1, h2, h3... instead of classes, she used div, div2...

Reason why Devs like me can't have a Bae or a side project :

Me: *Working intently on project*
Gf: "Why are you just googling stuff & copying"

WELCOME TO PROGRAMMING 101

Me: *coding*
Gf: *walks into room*
Gf: awww look at all the sad winky faces
Me: excuse me?
Gf: look at all the sad winky faces *points at this ); *
Me: ... 😕😂

Got this today from my gf (only one part of birthday invitation card).
So cuuuuute 😍
English: "I'm 18, will I get something now?"

So my girlfriend (non techie) just saw my rant about how I'd give her a baby if she knew how to close vim in a proper way (she saw me on devRant, asked me to show it and read my rants) and so I showed her vim so she'd get the joke.

I than told her, how it worked and such so she'd see how it's not a regular text editor and told her to try and quit it, and to my amazement, she did!

Guess she's a keeper :')

My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅

GF: Why are working so late?
Me: Because no matter what I do, everything is working correctly.
GF: What....

The only career when you have to work late because everything is working like it should (cannot reproduce an issue).

Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"

This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.

Me typing
git rebase --help
GF: What!? Oh... nevermind it says rebase. I thought it said rebae.
Me: What?
GF: I'm the only bae you need in your life!
Me: ... This is going on devrant.

Var gf = [];

When you ask your wife/gf to make sandwich for you and she obliges.

That awkward moment when you tell your gf you want a rubber duck for your birthday present but you mistyped it.

Gf: "Sweetie, what gift do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "a rubber dick would be fantastic! it'll help me debug things"
Gf: "Ok... if you say so..."

Today my sister told me "bro, I want you to teach me how to program". My gf told me the same some months ago

So proud of my girls 😍

>Dev: How many eggs do you put in the cake?
>GF: 3 or 4
>Dev: Ok, I'll put 7.

I miss my old ZenBook with Linux 😔

I mean, the MacBook is great, but it feels like I left my old simple gf who loved me for a Hollywood sexy bitch who doesn't give a fuck

And for my birthday my girlfriend told me "your age++"
I don't know who told her that (she knows nothing about programming languages) but that was cute.

I often wonder how my GF puts up with me.

My gf tried to charge the pendrive, coz the pc said device not recognized.
How they do this ???

relationship with dev perks (just happened):
GF : *bad mood* i'm hungry
Me : Let's go get some food ! *trying to cheer her up*
GF : No.
Me : Ok, whatever you say.
GF : Do you really wa--
Me : Whaat? you said "No"?
GF : Don't you see abstraction in my face?
Me : so what ? you want me to Implement it?
GF : NO. PUT IT IN YOUR GODDAMN MAIN FUNCTION.
Me : ok let's go *still don't understand what she meant*
GF : Good Job.

Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.

I love this girl to death 😍

Just saw my gf print documents, scan them and then mail the scans... 😶

My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.

Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".

😢

Someone: how do I convert cute girls to .gf format ?

Me : Sorry, this feature is not available in the beta version

Gf, shouting: why are you using my premium shampoo and hairdryer on your keycaps?

Me: because just like your haircut, they were unnecessarily expensive, they embody all my self worth, and deserve to be shiny and clean.

Gf, pondering: ... Could you clean my keyboard next?

I gor a problem with my gf, and she asked for space, then i got a new problem in my workplace, i want to kill my boss and my senior mothercuker! FUCK THIS!!!

GF: Who is this girl?
Me: I need a backup plan if this production environment fails

Awesome gift from my girlfriend #2

GF away, playing with my son the whoole weekend :)

`npm install yarn`

like getting your ex-GF to move your new GF’s stuff into your house

Teaching my girlfriend how to program 😊☺️

I have the best gf in the world.
She tries to understand what I spend so many hours working on, even though she has little interest in it. She is seriously patient with me and lets me do my thing just because she knows it makes me happy.

*me seeing rant with stress ball in the pic*
Me to gf:"look babe!!! Streeeeesssssballllllll :D I want one"
*gf points at shirt*:"these are your stress balls ;)"

Me: when are you coming?
Gf: 1 hour
Me: started updating windows!!
.
.
.
After 1.5 hour
Gf came
Windows still updating 😂

So my gf wants to learn how to code. Just showed her Codecademy. It will be fun to watch this.

My fiancé gave me and my son this for December!! She gets me❤
🎅

Credits: xkcd.com

!evolution of the desk
gf send me...

Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁

If she doesn't write assembly or fortran, she's too young for you, bro.

Just received a mug like that from my girlfriend.
I love her.

MissingArgumentException: Girlfriend.

Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?

Me: (int)4.5;

Gf: Ffs the proper way!

Me: Math.Round(4.5);

Gf: Fuck off.

<rant data-type="corny">

My Gf of 3 years left me for some douche. Thus said, she "removed" her feelings before kissing him. WTF! I didn't know feeling came like dependencies...

</rant>

My GF said I look so silent and innocent while working. She has no idea how much I curse the monitor in my head while working.

Funnny thing happened today, my gf took my phone and started scrolling through recent apps, suddenly she sees devRant app and says, "What is this app? Is it the place your rant about me?"

All because her pet name is Dev! #DevRant

When she just gets you

My gf has recently told me that she's sick of all those privacy invasive Google services and wants me to degooglify her! Am I the happiest guy on Earth?

Good job linux player 😍

Laughed at this :wq, showed to gf, she can't understand why it's so funny ;)

!rant

My gf loves rubber ducks so much, I'm just waiting for her to learn coding just for the debugging process :D

Fingerprint sensor is insecure

-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.

Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??

-all of the same points can be applied to it.

So today my gf wanted to know if I, a software developer, know anything about SQL.

Adorable. 😍

root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep

Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉

!rant

i've been working on a web game with the gf - we're planning on making it a technologically correct 'hacking' game. updates will probably be posted as we go!

Me and my girlfriend's pillow talk about memory leaks

Me: **... So garbage collection is a means to stopping a memory leak from occuring
Gf: what 's a memory leak ?
Me: a memory leak is like when you want a pizza, and the guy gives you pizza. But you don't eat the pizza and you ask for another pizza. You keep doing this repeatedly. Until the pizza guy realizes what you're doing and decides to kill you. He then takes back all his pizzas
Gf: why would you do that though?
Me: Lazy ass programmers who don't clean up after themselves.

!rant

Just wanted to share stuff. It's my first time.

<backstory>
I'm a c# dev, recently got excited about neural networks and stuff. I have a gf who studies biology
</backstory>

So i've noticed yesterday what my gf is doing for her science stuff. She has an image taken through a microscope of some erytrocytes and shit. And she's clicking on those tiny fuckers to count them. There are like almost a hundred of those things in an image and she has a butload of those images.

I was like "what the fuck? Don't you have an app that counts the stuff for you or something?"

And there is none. Or at least i wasn't able to find one. That's bullshit. My inner programmer screams with hate for boring repetitive tasks.

So i guess i'm going to write a neural network to count similar stuff in an image.

Telling someone you don't like the way they format their code is like... Telling them their girlfriend is ugly.

Gf: "Why are you such a typist"

Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."

Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"

Me: "Uhhh"

Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"

Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.

Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"

Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"

Me: 🤔

My gf got me my first "rubber ducky". He is a bit sarcastic and rough on my code but I mean... He's Deadpool!!

"Maybe the internet has an error”

Quote from my GF after booking tickets online failed, and on some level I feel like this is a very profound, relevant statement..

My gf didnt laughed...

>Be me
>Have coder gf
>Goes to Disney world with family for vacation
>Me on the phone with her "can I just ftp over to you"
>Her *giggles*
>Me subconsciously "that was stupid but it didn't fail"

Would you rather debug a broken JS app or a mad GF? 🤔

Do you ever look at your girlfriend and think, "what kind of hallucinogen did I take this time?"

I'd have a gf
But she'd probably ransomware

God dammit ... Gf said I should go "early" to bed and not like last night at 3 am. Now it's 4:20 am...

My gf said some of Japanese companies specifically ask developers to code for IE6 and IE6 only. 🕺

Glad that I don't have to work for them.

So my ex gf was a developer too and she used spaces instead of tabs and she would put the { on a new line. That was not the reason to break up with her but I just can't hold my rage ffs

My gf was hinting at this, but DAMN that's a lot of ink 😂

showed devrant to gf she sent me this to post here 😁

ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~

Tell gf that I'm gonna start the washing machine. 30 minutes later she finds me at the computer.

-You forgot the laundry half way.
-oups but I had to try a possible solution to my problem ...

The look from her :/

GF: hey wanna get pizza for dinner?
BF: HTTP response 200
GF: ... 😐

My gf wants to learn programming, I lended her a C book but I feel guilty.

Found myself a gf who also does the code stuff. We are each other's debug buddies.

!dev

TL;DR: My GF flipped out and locked me out, and we may be splitting soon.

Background:
I have a GF for about 4.5 years, 2.5 of which we live together. She comes from a very harsh past of abuse from her parents and it reflects on her personality. About a year before we moved in my parents flipped out on her and since then she's not welcome in their home. We fight a lot and much of it revolves around this issue - she can't stand me going to visit them so I come there 2-3 times every semester (except when I need my brother's car) and don't stay there overnight. This has been the issue for about a year and a half now and it gets worse every time the thing comes up. As a result I missed 3 New Year's Eves, all my and my family's birthdays and every holiday I could spend with them.

Story:
On Friday I took the car and we went to go visit her grandma. We came back and I drove to my parents' place to return the car. As I get into the city (it's about 35-40 min drive from my city to theirs) my brother tells me he doesn't need the car and he works only tomorrow morning. It's 9:30pm and to get his car in the morning I would have to leave my home at 5am, so I decide to stay there overnight so that I wont drive after 5 hours of sleep. I tell this to my GF and she is disappointed, I go on to talk a bit with my mom and sit around so I see (and respond to) her messages after 1.5 hours. She's pissed and says she wants me back, then goes on to say "you can stay there for good for all I care". I reply pretty patiently but she won't let go of her anger and can't get to understanding me.

Next morning I get home and she won't open the door, I stay out for about 3 hours. She claimed I should now I feel what she felt the day before when I didn't come home and left her alone. I knocked, rang, sent messages and called her for like 30 minutes, and after that I became really angry and shouted at her through the door, at which point she claimed I'm being aggressive and violent and she doesn't feel safe opening the door. The other 2.5 hours were just sitting outside the house and waiting for some miracle.

At some point she went out and I SLIPPED in and since then we barely talk, she says she can't see any solution and she started packing her things. This is the second time she locks me out, the first time was about 3 months ago. I know that the only thing I've done wrong is leaving her hanging for over an hour but it doesn't excuse her behavior IMO. I know we have to break up but I still feel really depressed over this, 4.5 years of relationship do have a lot of good memories.

Just wanted to vent about this shit. Thanks for reading that far.

Probably a girlfriend...

GF: Honey... What is that thing called... It's like a neverending if statement...
Me: ... A while loop?
GF: YEAH!! It's a while loop in the brain!

Happiness is having a girlfriend who can write code.

I have been strongly considering writing a small fb app today named something along the lines of "Hack your fb friends - for realz". Then add basic oauth (You have to login to pick the friend to hack duh), retrieve their friends list and then publicly post to their own timeline and the friends they chose humorously stating they attempted to hack the persons account "for realz". You know just enough to alert people that the "hacker" is a idiot with bad intentions but with just humour enough to fall under "satire" so fb doesn't remove it.

If your bored please feel free steal and implement my idea, it's hereby open sourced and I will even fund this shit on kickstarter 😂

Today I volunteered for an iOS event to help people get started with Xcode and swift. Granted, I only volunteered because my gf is part of this startup and the pay was 50 bucks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The fucking stupid organizer (has no idea what programming is) thought it would be a good idea to have a gaming section where people can play video games. Well stupid fucking fortnite had everyone's attention, and only a little group of people was interested in participating in the workshop (build an iOS game from scratch) that my gf worked her ass off to create.

Also, fuck trying to teach programming to kids.

Found this community yesterday, love it, more than my gf.

I finally got home...

This morning my girlfriend told me about the network at her school constantly disconnecting, to which I jokingly replied "So, it doesn't deserve candy". She came back with "But it's already asking for so many cookies"...

I don't have a girlfriend to commit to.
So I commit to github...

Forgetting to reply to my gf when I code, I always return to 30+ texts, 12 missed calls, some Instagram and Facebook messages, an email and find my face on the back of a milk carton 😂

Want to work on a pet project, but gf demands all of my time. So, I work at nights. Then I get bitched at why I'm always tired and don't want to do anything -.-

Things that pissed me off on Monday.

1 - that bastard of a jerk whom you have known since childhood, pulling your legs in front of your gf

2 - few minutes of "_ _ _ is typing" placeholder text showing up after asking something in IM

3 - the increasing number of appointments/meetings for the rest of the week

TBC

1.) Get a girlfriend

2.) ???

3.) Profit!

When scrolling through free Udemy courses for fun, my gf says:
"Whaaaat? Data analysis with Panda and Python? Isn't that shit dangerous? Like they go in the jungle and stuff?"
Me:"oh..."

(Disclaimer: She has no background in CS)

I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"

To delete everything of my ex gf memories...

She just wrote a message, again...

My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.

Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.

Robot gf because I can't get a real one 😞

While chatting...
GF: I were looking pretty today. No?
Me : !yes.

So my gf was sleeping and i took the opportunity to unlock her phone using her finger print. Sent bunch of texts and later told her i hacked her cellphone. She now believes i am a genuine hacker. Should i tell her the truth or just drag a little longer?

She : You spend your whole day with your stupid computer ! That dumb machine is more important to you than me. We are done 😡

Me : Babe, I swear to God, you'll always be number one on my priority list.

She : Aww.. love you so much 😚

Me in mind : This must be the reason behind foundation of 0 index for Devs.

I'm done with dumb girls😠 ! seriously I need a geek girl in my life to understand what I talk or what I share .... A dev girl right now would be awesome ..😃

Gf: Promise me that you'll never reject my request.
Me: Pls implement error handling

*DUMPED*

GF made me a Stressball that debugs almost as good as a rubber duck. Downside is that I can't have bananas anymore :(

So, I found this :

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. 

WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.

(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)

Java is hotter then my Imaginary gf.

- a dev.

Usually, when I'm in the mood to code, my GF will tease me by sending a lot of text messages at once.

When I'm not in the mood, she had slept earlier :-|

A study needs to be done on the therapeutic effects of devRant. My gf tells me I grin like an idiot much more these days 😅

My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...

Not my fault!

Told my GF I'm busy working. While in reality I'm on devRant for last one hour

Went outside for a jobintervju ...

Isn't it just horrible to go outside and meet something called other people? My GF said it could be good for me, yeah right!

I even saw something called a sun. It was really bright, must be awful to have to watch that thing everyday.

I love programing more than my gf , just dont tell her

So I told my gf, if my life becomes dependent on a machine for survival and I am always attached to it. Unplug the machine.
She unplugged my computer

well my gf loved the game I made for her. I'm also surprising her with a flight out, I'm waiting at the airport now..... with no way to do any coding.......

So my GF found this on 9gag. I didn't steal it! It was her!

Funny programmer fantasy porn titles.

Add your 2 cents.

I'll start with.

Naive user needs hot reloading for her frontend.

Boss GF wants you to fix her backend.

Go!

My GF found this on 9gag, though it'd be worth reposting :p

But oh damn I wish it was this easy...

To the Tasker users here:
What are your profiles? Need some inspiration.

Mine:
- Turning off WiFi on missing WiFi connection (after 1min)
- Turning on WiFi when opening YouTube, DevRant etc.
- Sending a daily SMS to my gf to remind her to take the pill, a profile which she can turn on/off by sending me an SMS containing STOP/START :D

Remember one date where GF and I made a game, with a jumping cat, using python.

:3

Just got a whiteboard as a present from my gf. Decided to use to for flowchart, but I literally never made a flowchart. This...this doesn't seem right. Anyone got any experience with it? Where could I learn and are they actually useful?

We broke up. I'm pretty numb.

Edit: felt it's a good idea to say that it's the same GF I wrote about a while ago.

When was last time you had Fight or Argument(restricted only to texting) with your GF/BF/Spouse while coding?

The amount of text typed on phone is more than the code on screen.

GF studying C# 😁

My routine lately :
* Opens devrant*
* Sees loads of posts of developers mentioning their girlfriends or wives*
* Looks around the empty room *
* Gets sad and dies a little.*
* Get back to coding hoping of getting a girlfriend after finishing this project( never gonna happen) *
++ If you ever felt the same.

Early birthday present from the gf
Best gift ever...

Calm Saturday night with my GF

My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.

Current mood;
Screw the language, fuck the compiler, piece of shit keeps throwing errors.

Oh wait I forgot to set a variable. That was easy

More errors?? FUCK ALL THE SHIT OVER AGAI- oh wait actually if I just do... SCREW IT ALL YOU CUNT CODE,, no no I didn't mean that dear. Don't give me more errors please. OH FUCK YOU.

A front-end gf and a back-end bf are a match made in Heaven. 👫

Asked my gf what's her favourite language, she said "Hindi".

My girlfriend dumped me coz I named a js prototype on her, she said I treated her as classless.

My dream is to live in Himalyas with my laptop and a WiFi

GF it's the only thing that hurts when you have to see deep secrets

I had a few girlfriends in the past and now am married for 4 years and can't remember any gfs before the married life. Ever had a pre-identity crisis?

My mind: "WHO THE F&*! WAS I? WHAT DID I DO? ITS LIKE TOTAL RECON AND AMNESIA ALTOGETHER!!"

Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)

Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)

Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)

Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love

my GF and me some times..

God, please send me a designer GF. So we can work all night and make money. Thanks.

My gf left me, it's been a month.

I still can't focus on anything. Suffering panics and anxiety.

Couldn't code for a month. Still can't.

This is why you don't want to have Dev gf. Unless you like emotional Rollercoasters. Trust me, had one...

Spent almost $20 on stickers with my gf and I don't regret a thing.. How many references can you get?

Look, it's better than freezing up and having to reboot yourself. Nobody wants to deal with that.

People! I'm attending to a hackathon for the first time (this country sucks)
Any advice?
I hope I can get dev friends, or even a dev gf (my whole life dream)

When Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your standart browser you should be brave enough to ask your girl out!

When they knew that you have IT/CS majors:

Others: "Can you hack my GF/BF facebook account?"
Me: 🙄

Every single time! 😑

Told my GF she's my number 1.

... She wasn't happy finding out devs count from 0

class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}

------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---

Daaamnn

Let's find out... (Self-made Long island iced tea, loving my GF for giving me cocktailshaker to birthday)

my gf visited over the weekend. when she went out to get groceries I kept myself busy looking for a error on a project.
she came back and was like: did you fail to end a sentence with a period.
that solved the problem

!dev, very !rant

Going to Romania tomorrow and the next day will finally meet my girlfriend's parents (she's from there). More nervous than I expected to be about a (hopefully) simple thing.

Computer : it does what you want without asking questions

Gf: pretty much the opposite

That moment when your GF gets a Jarvis Johnson video in her YouTube feed...

I was working on my OOD class project (code analyzer) while my gf was trying to watch greys anatomy...for some reason Netflix and watch series wasn't working and she asked me what do I do...
My spontaneous reply: have u tried github...😕
Her reply: what is that is it like a porn site

When you have sexy time with your gf but she says she saves her code in a ZIP.

I was talking to my non-tech gf about how a colleague of mine didn't understand priority queue and show led her an example, during explanation fucked up the example and duplicated priorities of 2 values but they came up in the unexpected order. She wanted to find the logic in it and blamed the computer for being dumb, but it has been ~45 minutes, she has Wikipedia about binary trees & linked list open as well as simple graphs visualising both + armed with pen and paper trying to understand how it all all works..

Achievement Earned?

P.S I am either creating a monstrosity (Frankenstein style) or recruiting a fresh mind to our ranks, either way I am proud af 😢😊😍

I once built an app because my girlfriend travels a lot and I was worried she might be kidnapped. App becomes a big deal, now I have to add more features. I really just wanted a holiday and peace of mind.

!dev
What I feared is happening.
I will barely see my gf for some time (until summer).

I just feel like crying, wanting to do a lot of things with her, barely getting to do so.
On one hand, I have a gf, on the other hand, fuck my life for worsening good things that happen to me.

P. S. if any of you fuckers unironically complain about the fact that I have a girlfriend (and you don't), go to hell

barh 😂😂😂

i am actually exciting to go to work tommorow.

Thats weird.

Over the weekend the gf was away and it was quite boring, gaming didnt do the thing so i relaxed quite a lot but i am somewhat excited to continue to work tomorrow, to further my project. I was able to stop to do nothing at home, but still..its a bit weird

mom : i don't understand why my son became a nocturnal being..

father : son .. what the hell do you do entire night alone in your room with your lappy .. go get a gf or get married .. go get a life

relatives : beta (son in indian lang) my tv is not working can you fix it.. beta my internet is not working on my mobile (goddamnit turn on the mobile data for fuck sake )

If Front end is your gf
Then back end is what?

White ones are hand made stickers from my gf as a present. Their cuts are kinda messy because of I literally messed up while cutting but i think i really liked them.

It's good to be home. 🏡😊❤️🤗

My GF is also a programmer. But we rarely talk about coding stuff.

Everything is fine with just one problem.

When I have a good focus on whatever I'm doing, I have trouble giving attention to other things and people around me. When doing Programming especially.

So I often feel bad that I couldn't give her enough care and time.