Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

Report to who?

Java Joke......

Linux is love...

*listens to music using Samsung earphones*
Person next to me: Nice song
Neighbor: Nice song
Aliens: Nice song

This story is 100% true.

I got hired onto a team of construction workers to build a house. We set up a meeting with Management to find out what kind of house they wanted us to build, where’s the floor plan, what it’s going to be used for, who it’s for, etc. Management said that they didn’t know all that, we should just get started. They told us that we were going to use “Agile” which means that we just work on small deliverables and build the thing incrementally.

The developer team lead argued that we at least need to know how big the thing is going to be so that we can get started pouring the foundation, but Management told him they just don’t know. “What we do know,” Management said, “is that the house is going to have a bathroom. Just start there, and we’ll know more when it’s done. You have two weeks.”

So we just bought a port-a-potty, and screwed around on the internet for two weeks. Management was outraged. “You call this a house? This is the worst house ever! It doesn’t even have a tv!”

So we bought a tv and put it in the port-a-potty, attached to an outdoor generator. We were going to buy a a dvd player and get it hooked up to cable, but Management rejected the expense request, saying that they didn’t know if we needed it, and we’d come back to that later.

Management decided that we definitely need storage space, so we bought a boxcar and duct-taped the port-a-potty to it. Then to our horror they set up some desks and put a few miserable business interns in there. It went on like this…

After a few years the boxcar grew into a huge, ramshackle complex. It floods, leaks, it’s frozen in the winter and an oven in the summer. You have to get around in a strange maze of cardboard tubes, ladders and slides. There are two equally horrible separate buildings. We’re still using just the one outdoor generator for all power, so electricity is tightly rationed.

Communication between the buildings was a problem. For one of them, we use a complex series of flag signals. For the other we write notes on paper, crumple the paper up, and toss it over. Both of these methods were suggested as jokes, but Management really liked them for some reason. The buildings mostly talk to each other but they have to talk through us, so most of what we do is pass messages on.

It was suggested that we use paper airplanes instead of crumpled up balls, but the fat, awkward fingers of the Business Majors who inevitably take those jobs couldn’t be trained to make them. I built an awesome automatic paper airplane folder, but once again they couldn’t be trained to use it, so they just went back to crumpling the notes up in balls.

The worst part of all this is that it’s working. Everyone is miserable, but the business is making money. The bright side is that this nightmare complex is done so now we know what kind of building they actually needed in the first place, so we can start work on it. Obviously we can’t tell Management anything about what we’re doing until it’s finished. They noticed the gigantic hole in the ground where the foundation is coming in, but we told them that it’s a cache reset, and they mostly ignore it except when the occasional customer falls in.

I’ll probably be out of here before the new building gets finished. I could get a 50% raise by switching jobs, but Management still doesn’t think I should get a raise because I missed a couple sprints.

Data privacy is a thing of past...

Quality code you say...

"I'm not paying for a website that's going to be free to visit, that doesn't make sense"
-A million $ idea guy

Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!

*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*fuck, restart.
*
*Installing windows updates...

*leaves for work.

Treat your employees right...

Thanks wannacry to make people aware about infosec....

Won my first hackathon...

A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .

In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.

A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.

A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”

When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.

IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…” 

The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.

The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.

The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.

I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.

I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...

The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.

I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!

DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them

The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.

The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh

I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…

That moment when you make your code such that even dummies can understand it, implement smart ass algos, do all those comment line things for definitions. Then you show your project to your teacher who has this to say :
"Why are you showing me copied code?"
I am like

*Theoretical computer scientist is at an interview.*

Interviewer: “Imagine that you are walking down a road and see a house on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: “I dial the police and tell them that the house is on fire.”

Interviewer: “Good. Now, imagine that you are walking down the same road, and you see that the same house is not on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: *Ponders for a little while.* “I put the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem I’ve solved before.”

You won’t get it. But I don't care.... :)

U got pwned...

Found this on twitter 😂

When people say: "All you do is sit in front of your PC doing stuff. Get a life"
Me: This is my life!

/*
It's a pretty long rant. Hope you didn't get bored :P
*/
So I have this friend of mine who has learnt Python at good level (that's what he says) and is with me in all classes in college. I have worked with C, C++, C# and Java only and hated Python when it was taught (wk44).
So the following happened in the last 2 weeks:
Once he wrote a Python function in terminal just returning a hard coded string (lame right) and will show me how cool is it and that it is sooo much easier.
Whenever we do a mini project together he will force that we use Python. Even in Image processing when everyone is ready to work on Matlab, he insists that Python would be a better option.
We asked that this XYZ is very easy to implement on Matlab.
We then had to listen about the large and great community of Python and that it has Libraries for everything and that it is the greatest programming language ever.
One day he saw my C# project for DFA and NFA simulation which was the greatest project I have "completed" myself, and went like "Hmph, if I was you, I would use python and make a more "professional" code" (then went on arguing as always)
This happened today in Networking lab-
(Sockets was taught and we are expected to learn its programming aspects)
All students: Open linuxhowtos.org and start reading on socket programming
He : Opens some websites and downloads books on Networking with Python or someting
Now while I am reading the documentation of sockets and bind, he opens spider IDE, copy-paste the code in the book and start bugging ME that he is getting all these errors like literally showing me those errors and whining about all those problems.
Me: We are supposed to learn this in C. Here take a look at this link.
HE: No I'll use Python cuz it is better than your C. It has libraries for everything and is much easier.
Me: Alright whatever I am fed up, do whatever you want

Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞

Statutory warning: Don't try this at work....

Active Noise Cancellation (ANC) headphones in, whatever music that your mood requires at the time (my taste varies from classical to country to blues to jazz, pop, rock, metal and even heavy metal (growls) at times).

libre.fm is a good source for non-redundant music. The community channel is actually very good. (even though some crap do creep in every once in a while)

If you can zone out the noise around you, have a coffee machine within your chair's (assuming it has wheels) roll-range - you're all good.

PS : There's one problem that you can never rule out - interruptions from people around you, for that, you make a list of predefined answers :

Love this one.... Tooo good....

Business model...

Saw my uncle using Microsoft Edge today.

Me: Uncle, you should use Chrome or Firefox. They are better.
Uncle: Windows 10 showed a pop up few days back that chrome drains battery faster. So I uninstalled chrome.
Me: But Windows is fooling you to use its product. Edge is horrible and useless.
Uncle: So you think you are smarter than Windows people? Are they idiots who designed this whole software?

Microsoft u got 1 more Edge user. Enjoy, you lying and misleading company.

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

What if...

Today when showing a game that I made:
X: So you used Unity, it's so easy
Me: Yeah I mean compared to....
X: Thus since you used a game engine, I can't say your game was completly developed by you.
Me: So you are saying that since a builder didn't make bricks thus he can't claim credits on the building he made?

Cutest virus ever!

Reviewing coworker's code:

Me: I see you're doing a convoluted sort for every element twice to get your two lists in sync... 😐
CoWorker: Yeah. *straight face, no regrets* That's the only way to do this.
Me:... Uh... No? You can just manage one list with a simple struct and then use the the standard sort.
Coworker: Yeah sure I know. But it'll take time. We don't have time.
Me: *aghast* This is embarrassingly bad code!
Coworker: Don't worry, later on I'll use a hashmap for it. But this needs to be pushed now.
Me: *to myself, no you don't need a hashmap*
Okay, you do you but I can't back you on this. It isn't going to take a lot of time to correct it.

Next day.
Coworker: Hey can you review my code again?
Me: You've made the changes already? *in a bored tone, knowing that they wouldn't have changed shit*
Coworker: No this is a different file. Our manager agrees that we can worry about performance later.
Me: Sure. *😀🔨🔨*

Few weeks pass by:
QA: The operation takes absurdly long time to complete even with the smallest data. Ten minutes for X is unacceptable.
Me: Who would've known? ☺️

Recruiters and HR plz note there is difference between Web Developer and Web Designer... I repeat there is difference between Developer and Designer.

Data structures.... The easy way....

Boss: Why will it take 3 hours? It's just a minor change.

Do the 'best' programmers use fewest lines of code?

The best programmers write the appropriate number of lines of code. No more, no less.

That moment when your password is constantly rejected and you realize that the fucking NUM LOCK IS OFF.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─ 💻

This is going to be a long rant, coz this is the only way to vent out my frustration against our tech head.

Yesterday, while our fucking twat tech head was playing around in company aws account, he terminated the production server. By mistake, apparently. Coz he doesn't know shit about server management. But that egoist ass won't admit and fucked the production server.

And then ran away. We developers sprang into action. Updated dns to point to staging server, setup virtual hosts, env files, point to prod database, force flush dns cache. All systems were up and running in 30 mins. And since it was staging server, it had lot of untested features and codes, and we spent rest of the day fixing the bugs.

And that tech head, who ran away hiding his tail between his legs, after he fucked the server, came back after systems were up. And started cracking jokes, that "so many features got released in 1 day" . "We cut server cost by shutting down 1 server."

We were struggling and working in full throttle to make the services running again. And that fuckity fucker was cracking jokes.

And I don't even know what excuse he gave to ceo for the downtime. I am pretty sure he would have made up some crappy excuse to hide his fucking mistake. That ass never admits his mistake. I am thinking to go to ceo today and tell the real story and get that faggot head fired or at least a strict warning.

Me: *reinstalling windows10 using the recovery disk.

"Your partitions will be reformatted if needed... warnings this, that... Continue?"
Me: do it already!

"Recovering... 1%..."
.
.
"Recovering... 1%..."
.
.
"Sorry cannot recover. We didn't change anything."

Me: *reboot
.
.
.
.
"No bootable drive found"
YOU MOTHERFUCKING LIAR! *throws away the thumb drive with the laptop attached out of spite

I brought my pet dog to devrant

Got fired... Yipee....

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

Chinese measure tape...

There is power cut in my college area sometimes...
Once we were in computer lab, when power cut occurred. So fan, tubelights went off.
I heard one girl ask her friend "how are laptops on?"
That moment.... Only I know how I controlled my laugh....

Explaining my mom about my job as backend developer... She couldn't understand what is there behind the website. She was like "u designed the website. It's done. What u do full day?"

Finally I gave an example of restaurant... I am the cook(backend developer). Front-end is waiter. Finally she understood....

Gave my last University exam today.
Finally free from academics 😃

Have anyone seen an Orange BSOD before?
(shitty camera but believe me it was orange)

"Word" of the day you say...

Finally got 4k resolution...

MySQL should have a recycle bin. I just deleted whole "user" table by mistake... Forgot to add where clause properly... Had to restore 2 days old backup copy. I just hope no accounts were created or someone changed their password in last 2 days....

Ah man thos days 😨

I don't have a girlfriend to commit to.
So I commit to github...

I think in this field mistakes at low level are easy to miss and can cause big problems later on

Just found an admin portal online. There was a modal asking for password, but in background the portal was visible. ctrl + shift + i and then closed the modal.

Voila, the whole portal and actions are accessible. Seriously, who develops things like these?

I am pretty sure it's vulnerable to sqli and xss too.

You know whom I hate more than apple fanboys, "language" fanboys!
Yeah...that's a thin now.
(I'll post the whole story when I reach my room)

Starting on Dvorak today... Bglj vd ofuv!

Fastest upload speed...

Avicii died. 😞😢
At just 28.

He got me through some tough and grueling times. I still use his tunes while coding. I'm still shocked that he left so early. But he made it count. He might've lived short but he lived large.
I'll miss him. I'm sad that he left so early. But his work will live on. I hope to become as good at programming computers as he was at using them to make music. His music was perfection. RIP.

I swear to fsck, "RTFM" is gonna be engraved on my tombstone

My attitude isn't bad....
It's in BETA! 😝

Save up to buy this beauty

Coz dual boot is too main stream...

Telling an Arch beginner to try Gentoo is same as telling someone who switched from Java to C to try assembly.

When ur boss starts learning coding... Shit just got real.... Now I can't fool him....

Skype v5 for linux in beta...

Got rejected in interview for Web developer... Interviewer showed company website and asked if it's made in html or WordPress... I said html which was wrong...

Am I incompetent? How can I predict the platform just by looking at UI...?

Had last paper today... Finally 4 yrs of engineering comes to an end. I am a proud computer engineer....

Ransomware on IoT.... Amazing infographic...

Remember the time when someone appreciated your code and praised the implementation, said that your code was better??
Yeah, neither do I.

"Systems open to all, but closed to intruders"

HEY, HP, PACK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OF TRASH SOFTWARE INTO YOUR TRAILER HOME AND DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE __FUCK__ DOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU LITERAL BLOAT FLIES. HOW ABOUT WE START WITH THE FACT THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER ANYWHERE IN A COMPANY GIVING AWAY ONE LOGIN IN A SOCIAL ENGINEERING ATTACK TO POP THIS NICE FART FILLED BALLOON YOUR DRUNK SALES AND MARKETING MORON PARADE CAME UP WITH.

STOP FUCKING ADVERTISING ON MR. ROBOT AND LET ME PRETEND IT'S NOT A PRODUCT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

I can’t even say what’s wrong with PHP, because— okay. Imagine you have uh, a toolbox. A set of tools. Looks okay, standard stuff in there.

You pull out a screwdriver, and you see it’s one of those weird tri-headed things. Okay, well, that’s not very useful to you, but you guess it comes in handy sometimes.

You pull out the hammer, but to your dismay, it has the claw part on both sides. Still serviceable though, I mean, you can hit nails with the middle of the head holding it sideways.

You pull out the pliers, but they don’t have those serrated surfaces; it’s flat and smooth. That’s less useful, but it still turns bolts well enough, so whatever.

And on you go. Everything in the box is kind of weird and quirky, but maybe not enough to make it completely worthless. And there’s no clear problem with the set as a whole; it still has all the tools.

Now imagine you meet millions of carpenters using this toolbox who tell you “well hey what’s the problem with these tools? They’re all I’ve ever used and they work fine!” And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. And you knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door.

That’s what’s wrong with PHP.

Why God? Why do you do this to me?

Saw one of these in store today.
Who designs these "Ergonomic" things?
My fingers starts aching just by looking at this..

Error reporting in metro ticket....

My software is safe from buffalo overflow. What about yours? Is it safe from hip overflow too?

I got a bug report with a typo in it. The subject read "...action X takes long time thank expected."
The thank is supposed to be "than".

I chuckled and immediately created a snapshot that shows the result of the action and the success message says, "Action successful, thank you for your patience."
I shared it with my team but no one even acknowledged it. 😞

That moment when you make heads turn, coz you are using laptop with loads of devRant sticker on it in metro.....
Feeling l33t.....

Is "++i" more efficient or "i++" ?

P.S. I already wasted more cpu cycles by posting this, than I would ever waste by using either of them....

My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.

I wish he doesn't come back only....

I hate the idea of a programmer's day.
I like the logic (256th day) but hate the idea.
It feels full of bullshit. It feels fake.
I guess it had that wannabe impersonator vibe to it that makes me nauseated.
I have similar feelings towards other kinds of such days.

Debian based bedsheet...

Every time I have to recall how to LaTeX, it's a huge pain in the ass. It's like learning to code in Greek (I don't know Greek). Happens every single time (it can be months before I need to use it again).

However.

Every time I finish my creation, I fall in love with LaTeX all over again.

I trimmed my beard and now can't grow it back.
:/

Slapping idiots around.

This needs to be a trend.

---
Actual rant :
I'm sitting in this idiot haven completing my mandatory hours doing nothing. Earlier I would spend this time learning stuff but I'm too fed up to do anything. This place is driving me mad and just today I had to suffer through more madness that is blocking me from resolving a bug.(I don't have the license to run the product I'm supposed to be fixing)
The number of inept idiots is too damn high. I try not to be bothered but I can only try so much.

Boss: some consultants worked on this feature extending some legacy code
Boss: it's 90% done
Boss: they used FTP. It uses iframes and we fired them when they couldn't get the frontend modules working in sync with the backend.
Me: git checkout -b herewegoagain
git diff-tree --no-commit-id --name-only -r 666w3wl4d
*copy output list of files to sublime text 3; select all lines; add to each:
gitk --follow [filename] > src/.notes/herewegoagain/[filename].diff
*examines....
Me: It's -10% done. you'll know I'm almost done when I enter the fugue state. You'll find me at this address. Give me this USB stick and a 4 pack of redbull and I'll do the merge.

Successful Ddos on NASA.

$age = 21;
$age++;
echo "Happy Birthday! You are $age yrs old now";

Today I gave my Network assessment (code) on an A4 sheet as told by the professor. He will later type the code and check if runs or not and award marks !!
ಠ▃ಠ 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸 Where is my stress ball?

A project in my friend's resume

Sometimes I spend entire days working dark-to-dark with my headphones on

... without even listening to anything

And if I happen to be "in the zone", after the whole day of having my headphones on and not listening to anything, I take them off and feel like it's so quiet out of a sudden. It feels like I was in a noisy discussion (with myself) whilst I was "in the zone".

Just sharing my observations :)

'Hey I found a bug in your code, it's probably a typo, see here.'

Me: Oh right, yeah. How stupid of me. Thanks, I'll push it.

'It's okay. You can push it or I can do it too after you push the changes we just discussed. I actually simplified one of your methods.'

Me: You, what... ?
(You crammed multiple lines in a single line with your stupid as fuck, rigid constructs, removing my error handling, loosely coupled service, in the name of simplification?)

' Yeah it's just four lines in a single function now, no need to call the function again and again.'

Me: (No... Just no. This totally undos whatever little I could do to avoid supporting your idiotic object in the first place.)
Oh... okay, we'll see. I'll let you know.

What life.
Life in a company full of ignorant, inflated egos is no joke.

Details:
I created a service that reads a configuration file and returns the configuration. This person needs five entries for his app logic. He collected them in a object. Quite alright. Except that the class prototype is shitty. I, like a normal person, made my service return a value based on input. I was asked to incorporate this awful object so that I can return the five entries together, which is awful because the service is not supposed to know about how the entries are clubbed. It should most certainly not know about the data members of the object!

Company's HR team has launched a eco drive. As part of the initiative they're asking everyone to use only one tissue paper (among other things) to save trees.
.
.
So they've printed that message on thick glossy papers and pasted them, at least four per washroom among other places.

Okay, I guess.

Best laptop to run your linux distro
"Razer founder and CEO Min-Liang Tan has announced that Razer is soon going to support Linux distros on its Razer Blade laptop series officially. To welcome the suggestions from the community, Razer has created a new Linux Corner hub"

Working on Sunday because deadline is next week.
P.S. We got project yesterday.... Wish me luck.....

What the fuck is wrong with Google?!!

Trying to log into Gmail.
Forgot password.
Gmail: To reset, code from authenticator app is required.
Me: Super. Good thing I set it up.
Enters code.
Gmail: Recovery email.
Me : Uh... Forgot that too.
Gmail: Some email address to communicate.
Me: Super!
Enters some other email address.
Receives mail with a link.
Me: Finally!
Opens link

Gmail: "When did you create your account?"
Me: Uh... If I had that kind of memory, we wouldn't be dancing right now.
.
.
.
Gmail: Sorry we couldn't verify you.

WHAT THE FUCK, GOOGLE?!
What sort of sadist play is this?!

Dropped them a mail to get access back. Got a link in the auto reply that explains how to repeat the above process. WTF?!

What the actual fuck?!

The only programming joke I know is my code....
(I am already laughing while writing this) 😂😂😝

1st thing to do when in a computer lab...turn on DARK MODE cuz some asshole always switches it!

today I spent an hour and a half (30 mins past my paid hours) explaining go my boss that I'm not just being rebellious; that the time I'm taking to do the job right is appropriate and the only way to end up with a piece of software that they'll be able to request features for without adding on to the absolute shit pile frankenkrakken that is their mutated 13 year old OSCOMMERCE dumpsterfire.

I convinced him.

My college still uses turbo c++, how's your day going?

The best way to predict the future, is to invent it...

I received this fantastic t-shirt 😌

When your rant crosses 500 ++s mark.... Yipee....
*rich rich*

My first Project is finally ready to be deployed on prod server.... Nervous.... How u guys cope with this stress?

DevRant algo is awesome....

Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problem.

3 database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later, they walked out. Because they couldn't find a table.

If the box says:
"This software requires Windows xp or better."
Does that mean it will run on Linux?

Putting mobile phone to DnD.

Putting on Bluetooth headsets with ANC, blasting some good shit music.

Violently cooking or desperately ordering food at the good restaurants.

While waiting, grinding some coffee beans, making fresh coffee or some nice tea with milk.

Laying on the sofa in a food induced coma, turning on any streaming service with the real bad shitty movies.

Hentai Kamen, The Machine Girl, ...

Anything thats either pure groteske bullshit or that doesn't require more than a braincell cause it appeals either to the violent or complete nonsense side of my brain.

Last but not least, a few cold beers.

ANC headset stays on, just switching from music to tv - shutting out all the outside noise.

in the early 2000's I started installing Firefox on my high school's computers. about a month later it was being deployed to every one of them

That moment when your rant has gone so viral that you have to force close devRant app. Coz your phone is buzzing every half an hour....

Tech head fires a mail few days company is planning a hackathon. Overnight at office, with food, music and home drop offs in morning. We devs feel excited we will get time to work on our personal projects and complete them.

Yesterday, tech head fires a mail about the topics. Guess what? The topics are projects which company needs to scale up... Image recognition and text extraction. Selenium. Esign.

Now I am searching for an excuse to skip the hackathon...

How surprising is it when a person designs code in a very clear and impressive structure and just when you think about asking them for guidance, they reveal themselves to be complete turds?

I've been working with this person's "infra" code, at work. I've rewritten some classes to use their infra. I had a vague idea of how the classes work. I had no idea of how their code works. Expectedly, there were some issues but now only minor ones remain.
I asked them for a description of what I'm supposed to do for the few bugs I'm facing. They replied in such a condescending tone, it made me want to punch them through the screen.
Almost a month later, we're still going back and forth with emails. I've been swallowing it and responding calmly. I never got direct answers. Always deflections to irrelevant things or veiled insults. I took it because they did correct one silly error of mine that actually my code reviewer should've caught. (What's worse is that it got introduced by me just before my review and commit.)
But does that give them the right to insult me in front of the whole team including my project manager? I got a reply today from them with everyone of note in cc implying very clearly that I have not done any work. They highlighted a line from my code with some todo tag (that was not meant for them) to make their invalid point. A line that's unrelated to the bug I asked them about. This is after I proved them wrong when they insisted that I had done something wrong about a feature related to the bug.

If you don't understand what I asked for fucking ask me to ask again. But do not fucking try establish yourself on higher ground by pointing out irrelevant things in my code.
I was shocked and enraged that they'd do such a thing. I double checked everything like a mad man. Despite knowing that the fix has to come from them, I was instantly transported to the noob stage, grasping at straws. I wanted to send a really scathing reply right away but my manager asked me to wait.

My mind is now a see saw shifting between a panicked noob questioning every fucking thing I ever did in my nada life and a hungry enraged monster looking to maul that fucking shithead for burning me like that.

If anyone looking to start learning blender because of any reason (like being a masochist among others), check out blederguru's tutorials.
The guy is doing God's work. At least animation Gods. Funny, awesome & detailed content.

.titanic {
float: none;
}

Guys, a company's HR mailed me for a position that requires strong experience of ">3 years in Python with C or C++".

Does it mean Python and C/C++?
Or do they need someone who is using C/C++ to write Python?

I have some experience with adding Python support to C++ code. Does it count? 😁

Windows 10 latest update feature.

How many of you wear shades at work?

I started doing it after I faced some problems due to the extremely bright lights. It's such a complicated problem that no one in the management or admin team can do anything about it. 🙄

If Skype 4 Business could stop changing the control names for their input fields, randomly, that'd be great.

That one case ruined everything...

If it fails put water...

Anyone else annoyed by their scumbag brain that is hard to please but gets content easily?
Or is it just me?

So, whenever I delay windows 10 update restart a few times, things start breaking. Wifi doesn't work, 100% cpu, ram or mem usage, sound problems etc. And all this goes away once I submit my soul and update. I'm sick of this shit 😡. Today I got a BSOD after which it updated and things seem fine FOR NOW.
Does this happen to other Win 10 users?

I had a question:

If I do -- (downvote) on @dfox rant, will he ban me?

When a Google image search on your company name turns up more images of "ME" than the co-founders... Amazing feeling... One of the perks of working in start ups...

My old iMac 2010 is returned operative after 12 GB of Ram; it seems reborn!

Yesterday was a horrible day...
First of all, as we are short of few devs, I was assigned production bugs... Few applications from mobile app were getting fucked up. All fields in db were empty, no customer name, email, mobile number, etc.
I started investigating, took dump from db, analyzed the created_at time stamps. Installed app, tried to reproduce bug, everything worked. Tried API calls from postman, again worked. There were no error emails too.
So I asked for server access logs, devops took 4 hrs just to give me the log. Went through 4 million lines and found 500 errors on mobile apis. Went to the file, no error handling in place.
So I have a bug to fix which occurs 1 in 100 case, no stack trace, no idea what is failing. Fuck my job.

Who's shifting?

So...Microsoft is releasing a Linux based IoT OS. What does devRant community has to say about it?

Been at it inconsistently for two weeks and a few days now. Hitting approx 30 wpm with dvorak! Starting to slowly integrate it into my daily work. I'm on my way to becoming ambitextrous. 😎

So today morning I got a driver related BSOD after which during restart, my pc went into windows update. Everything was going fine when power failed and it shut off. Now I am stuck with this...
Good thing I have linux in dual boot so work is getting done.

Got a ++ within 10 seconds of posting!

Make the 14 year old me proud.
It's going to be a big task.
🎩

Worst disturbance: me, with an ANC headset, listening to some music or documentary.
Then a burst of laughing coming through all this sound engineering – the VP marketing, discussing by phone with some 1K-followers "influencer".
Yeah, the same VP that says that she needs silence to focus on the email she's writing when the intern ask her some important question.

Buy dell, hp, lenovo and any other craptop company out there and fire all the numbnuts working there so that they slowly die of unemployment in the fucking gutters where their useless asses rightly belong. Oh and castrate them too so that they don't reproduce.
I'm considering going full Lannister on them but that might be too harsh.

Just found out that I have been reassigned to maintain an in house shitty project... It's full of crap code, no documentation, has lot of duct tapes to keep the project together and 20+ open bugs and issues...

I am so happy with my current project. But my manager is always pissed off at me for no apparent reason.

Fuck this shit... Any excuse or advice to dodge this BS project? Can't quit job, I am getting payed alot here.

That awesome feeling when you launch your application on prod server....

*after 5 mins*
Customers start calling about dashboard not working....

Fuck Salesforce to oblivion and back. I hope all it's buildings, servers and backups fucking burn down. Never has there been anything more frustrating, confusing, over-fucking-complicated and over-fucking-glorified in all history.

# NEED SUGGESTIONS

I am working on a secure end to end encrypted note taking web application. I am the sole developer and working on weekends and will make it open source.

The contents you save will be end to end encrypted, and server won't save the key, so even I can't read or NSA or CIA.

So I wanted to know if the idea is good? There are lot of traditional note sharing apps like Google Keep and Evernote. But they store your stuff in plaintext. So as a user will u switch to this secure solution?

Have a good day. But not today...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Doing a talk on 'Security in PHP' and live demo on web attacks and safeguard tips this Saturday. Any tips fellow Ranters...?

I feel fucking proud of myself.

I spent the better part of three days trying to figure out how to compile source code on Linux using ./configure and stuff and best place to put the compiled source after running make and it all works. It's such a small thing but seeing as I've been tarnished with Windows this is a great accomplishment to me.

Also because I wasted days figuring this out, jumping to multiple topics, progressing deeper and deeper into different topics to figure it out... abstraction would've been nice...

Hell Yeah "Hello World"

Can someone explain this to me?

Still waiting for that confirmation email. Multiple resends and still nothing. My inbox has nothing from devrant. Now I can't ++. I want to ++. Seems like I can't have anything I want at all.
.
.
.
.

That's old. I deleted and created my account again but the rant was still saved so I thought why not start with it.

I've been meaning to sign up on dev.to for a while now.
Finally started the sign up process. They require you to agree to follow their code of conduct which states that they will prioritize empowering the marginalized communities and in order to do that they will *not* act on complaints of reverse-isms. Reverse (sexism | racism), cisphobia, etc.
Am I the only one who thinks that this is wrong? I'm all for empowering people, tolerance and not getting trolled but outrightly rejecting complaints on topics that seem politically incorrect sounds superfluous to me. Am I interpreting something wrong? (I hope I am because in general I find the community to be nice and positive)

Scott Meyers.
He's just amazing. The way he thinks, he teaches, is absolutely wonderful. He's inspired me on many occasions.

Herb Sutter.
Absolute beast of a programmer. His guru of the week series is a simple but effective way to communicate concepts and techniques in a language.

There are a lot more - Scott Hanselman, Martin Fowler, Andrew Koenig, Andrei Alexandrescu, Barabara Moo and many more.
They remind me of why I chose programming. It wasn't for money or fame, just to solve puzzles in cool ways. It's the way you can take a simple concept and apply it to great effect that brings me joy and these people do it relentlessly.

This was in 1st semester and our CSE course went under some major course revision. Python was to be taught in place of C. Now the professor we had was very famous and we were excited to be in his class. But little did we knew he had no knowledge of Python at all. He used to tell the lab assistant to teach.It was so bad that I lost all interest in programming!!
But we all studied python later in our winter holidays for further courses.
Next semester we had OOP and this is what happened:
1st lab:
Professor(different): I expect you have basic knowledge in programming so I have uploaded.
Every question was related to structures in C.
In the same semester, we had data structures where we were 'expected' to know C or C++.
Later we came to know that Python was not going to be of any use in any course ! First semester went into dustbin.
/*
It was pretty long rant. Hope you didn't get bored :P
*/

A dedicated team has built an "infrastructure" for creating UI for c++ developers in the company. What looks like a poor attempt at recreating what Microsoft did with XAML at first glance, it actually is a horrible exercise in force feeding people the stinking pile of shit that their code is.
The idea is to make it easy to create UI for developers who aren't used to front end development. They should just need to declare the layout. Very noble.
But.
If you want to do anything more than show a checkbox or a radio button, if you dare to define relationships between the UI controls or worse, if you get ambitious with creating a simple UI that uses a lot of similar controls and similar relationships with dynamic content... be prepared to eat your own barf from eating too much of their shit.

Not only do you now need to write front end code (including JS among others), you need to do it with limited or poor support and you have to make sure that it sits well with the house of moist, crumbly cards the team proudly created. Or resort to some very stupid and performance costing "bypasses" that further cripple your application code. Usually you have to do both of these things.
To think that scores of other teams have welcomed this amazing enhancement with full support without any resistance. It's sickening.

I waste too much of energy (and good jokes!) with these people.

Worst disturbance? This person who sits behind my back. I've gotten used to them not minding their own business and snooping into mine but to counter that they've taken to distracting me and others all the time.
Sample this incident from just a few moments ago (inspiring the rant).

Me: *debugging while listening to some ambient music channel
Them: *rushes to my desk, putting a hand behind my back
Me: *politely takes off headphones asking, What?
Them: *after peeking at my screen, nvm, I'll tell you later, I have a meeting to go to.

Fucking hell, idiot! It already takes me hours of pushing myself to come to work at this good for nothing place and then actually get to working. Just flush your head in the toilet so you don't take a dump on me with your shitty restlessness.

Feeling like learning a new language.

I am between Julia and Scala.

Any thoughts or opinions ?

Finally I have something decent for my résumé.
I was going through some LaTeX hell before someone started a cv tools discussion. It was good to learn that json cv is a thing. But it was too late for me. LaTeX posed a challenge and I was bored. It became personal.
After a lot of kicking around and landing on XeLaTeX, I finally have a decent layout. I had to compromise a tiny bit but that's on me for having little content.
(I wanted a graphic résumé but I'll need to do more to sufficiently fill a page. Besides I'd need to design icons and shit for it.)

Now it's done and my job hunt can start!

Just a regular day of my life...

My pin board which keeps reminding me of deadlines , progress and goals.

Out of the loop...

Why was the chill people thread deleted?

Last rant update:
I won't have to take a leave after all and won't have to force myself to a wasted day full of useless awkward interactions or roaming around in a park.
Phew!

It's too late for this but I just realized it so I'm sharing it anyway.
How do I get through tough dev days?
Depending on how tough it is going :
House music
Soundtracks for focus
Soundtracks for action (any Assassins here?)
AC soundtrack with chocolate.

Worst project team handled

Pretty recent one. I found that I can use Perl to edit files using a single cmd line (with regex search and replace). Loved it.

Completed 1 year of experience in web designing and development today...
I haven't even passed out yet. I am still in 4th year computer engineering....
Hands on experience teaches me more than college lectures....

What do you think of online tests (for hiring) with a mandatory webcam?
The webcam part is making me anxious enough to back out.

Weekly drama call 1.
(the number reflects the devrant broadcast count not the actual count).

We work with a remote team and the project manager there just loves to talk. It started as something adorable(?) but it's just plain annoying now. He keeps on talking and talking and talking. We just muted him, had a good laugh and missed nothing. Nobody has any idea when he'll stop.
:/

.
.

I know it's old but it happened again and I had to waste a few minutes because I couldn't disable the bloody task this time.
But using psexec tools worked.
Guess micro and soft describes their ux team.

Look at the balls on their micro cocks. "Heads up". How dare you scare me like that on *my* fucking machine that I paid for, god dammit.
"We're going to make Windows better...". Can it suck my dick after updating? Because I'd like to choke the retard genes out of it.

The only thing that comes close to it is the fucking swiping keyboard that I'm using to type this rant.

So apparently Microsoft is planning to buy GitHub at $2 Billion!

Too much division fellow devs.

We will never know world peace until 3 people can look each other in the eye...Simultaneously

Youtu.be/UjVoJn7BWdY

Ever experienced that moment when you spend hours debugging a complex issue, only to realize it was caused by a single missing semicolon? It's like searching for a needle in a haystack, only to find out the needle was hiding in plain sight! I guess we should add 'semicolon detective' to our resumes. Who knew such a tiny character could wreak such havoc? Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of the semicolon and the bittersweet triumph of finding it missing!

What password manager do you use?

Probably Dangerous Dave.
I used to play and draw shit on ms paint before I got into programming.

My ANC headphones have clearly lost most of their noise cancelling effect, and now I can hear all the talk in the room and can't focus on any work. Makes me want to yell, SHUT UP EVERYONE! This sucks :(

Wifi not working at my home.... What to do with my life??

When the recruiting company mails you about new jobs along with your PASSWORD!
Dude, you have a fuckall dev and u will help me find a job... Thanks, but no thanks.

@trogus, can we get angry/sad looking faces in avatars?

It's working locally and on Dev server. And not on staging server... Horrible day...

Use Windows coz I am too lazy to install Ubuntu...

Best: rediscovering auto hotkey. It's weird how much it pleases me. 😳

Worst: Oh so many. I've tried to overcome these with varying success rates but there's one that is still a big pain: job.

Music/Headphone gurus !
Can anybody tell me the difference between ANC (active noise cancellation) and CVC (clear voice capture).
I want to buy a neckband and a variant of it says that it has active noise cancellation while other boasts of CVC and doesn't mention ANC .

I understand that cvc is used for in-call clear capture while active noise cancellation reduces the sound in music too.

Am i right ?
Does it mean the one with cVc won't work in music ?

I need a task queue for my life. A 'The Sims' style set of icons om desktop OS that breaks down into details, checklists, related pages I've visited/researched. cross platform so I can keep track on my phone.

I'm not to big to admit I need skynet to keep me on the tracks

Why do I have to install github lfs for files just over 100 mb.

I am wondering what secure app do you guys use for texting/voice/video.

I know Signal but I am looking for something that uses a username like devrant instead of a phone number.

There's a game called Virtual Beggar. I don't usually like these mindless games but since it was so easy and I wanted to see what jokes the developer has hidden in it, I played it for a few days. I got to a point where you're asked to make the ultimate donation and restart the game. That's apparently asked multiple times in the game. You become a millionaire and then restart. Billionaire, again restart.
That's what I see now when I see people deleting their accounts and returning the next day.

Update to my last rant:

I wrote a reply to the person. Not scathing (as I'd have liked it to be) but firm and in a no nonsense way. My manager supported me. My project manager talked with the person to in order to convey what the issue is and to undo any misunderstandings due to written communication (we have different native languages).

I have not received a reply but my project manager told me that they are analyzing the problem now. I was also told that they are not a bad person. ^^
I think I'd like to believe that. We all make mistakes after all.

I wrote my first proper promise today

I'm building a State-driven, ajax fed Order/Invoice creation UI which Sales Reps use to place purchases for customers over the phone. The backend is a mutated PHP OSCommerce catalog which I've been making strides in refactoring towards OOP/eliminating spahgetti code and the need for a massive bootstrapper file which includes a ton of nonsense (I started by isolating the session and several crucial classes dealing with currency, language and the cart)

I'm using raw JS and jquery with copious reorganization.

I like state driven design, so I write all my data objects as classes using a base class with a simple attribute setter, and then extend the class and define it's attributes as an array which is passed to the parent setter in the construct.

I have also populateFromJson method in the parent class which allows me to match the attribute names to database fields in the backend which returns via ajax.

I achieve the state tracking by placing these objects into an array which underscore.js Observe watches, and that triggers methods to update the DOM or other objects.

Sure, I could do this in react but
1) It's in an admin area where the sales reps using it have to use edge/chrome/Firefox
2) I'm still climbing the react learning curve, so I can rapid prototype in jquery faster instead of getting hung up on something I don't understand
3) said admin area already uses jquery anyway
4) I like a challenge

Implementing promises is quickly turning messy jquery ajax calls into neat organized promise based operations that fit into my state tracking paradigm, so all jquery is responsible for is user interaction events.

The big flaw I want to address is that I'm still making html elements as JS strings to generate inputs/fields into the pseudo-forms.

Can anyone point me in the direction of a library or practice that allows me to generate Dom elements in a template-style manner.

Anti climactic story time (as in there's no promotion in this story):

Sometime ago there were some organizational changes happening in my company that put me in a very tricky place. Theoretically, I was put on a level that was supposed to be an upgrade from my previous level. Practically, it didn't come with any benefits and it was actually a downgrade because anyone who joined the company in the six months before these changes was in the same level as me (who'd been in for roughly 2 years).
It felt really insulting because I was about to be actually promoted. My manager and his manager tried to gaslight me into believing that I'm not at all affected in any way, before giving in and agreeing that a mistake was made. I was promised that next year it'll be corrected and I'll be promoted two levels. Even the HR assured me of that. I knew it was too good to be true but I was too demotivated to find another job.
Fast forward one year. My bosses are all praises for the work I put in. But, no two level promotion. Reason? They tried but couldn't get the management to agree. The boss apologized to me and asked me if I wanted him to try again. What an insolent arse!

Fast forward one more, extremely glum year.
This time I am part of a different team so the team lead is different but the manager is same. The team lead really went all out with showing appreciation for me. He talked for almost an hour(!) about how I exceeded his expectations and went on to claim that his app's release would have been impossible if it weren't for me, the new team member. It was really humbling and satisfying. But what did I get? A limp handshake from the manager with fucking loose change.
Silver lining. At least the manager did away with the 'well wisher, on your side' pretense this time. No mentions of failed promises, just regular empty promises for the future.

Fast forward 3 months.
Still here. Recovering. I am mulling over a much better offer than what my current boss can give me. Thinking about how long it takes before I'm in the dumpster again. I have stopped giving any fucks about anything here. I try to do the minimum required unless it benefits me in some way.

The end.

Fellow social skeptics, I need to vent. Flew back into RI for the family, not the various holidays. Fuck christmas. Fuck the societal norm that's been programmed into me and all of us. "Merry Christmas", "Happy holidays".

Yeah that doesn't play so well for my family after your brother dies the night of the 24th.

Even my best friends slip up with it, and even I'm regurgitating the phrases when I'm in public and need to be socially fucking acceptable. It's fascinating to me just how muscle-memory it is. Does that make it hollow in the first place? Is the well wishing the point and the sounds and message secondary?

Whatever it is, I've never felt comfortable in these social situations anyway. If I didn't have to travel to see my family, this would just be another day. So here's a big fuck-that to social obligations and gatherings. I just need a good intellectual conversation or a project to dive into.

I have a choice to either take a leave without me wanting to or to go waste my day with the people in a theme park that I already don't much like.
All because someone wants their picnic figures to look good.

Dvorak users, how do you manage your shortcuts, like in vim?
I can't quit it anymore! 😜

I am too scared to remap everything.