Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
Search - "we do what we want"
-
Well, it happened. The stupidest request, no demand, I have ever, and most likely will ever receive...
Me: So what is it you're looking to do with your website.
Client: We're not showing up Facebook's home page. We need you to fix that. We have a budget of $10,000 to make this happen right now.
Me: As much as I'd love to take your money, that isn't something I can control. Every "home page" is profile-based, which technically isn't a homepage, but a "feed" that changes constantly. So say you create a profile on Facebook, only those you follow, and paid posts show up on your feed. What I can do however is use your budget to create and promote posts from your company page to show on users' feeds. If you're serious about marketing, we can start slow at $250/week, then work our way up or down based on results until your budget is exhausted, then re-evaluate the budget at that time. I can tailor a retainer for you based on the number of ads per week that you'd like to make.
Client: No, this is not what we're asking for at all.
Me: Okay...what is it you're looking for exactly? Run through this in as much detail as possible so I can get on the same page.
Client: We want to be on the main home page of facebook.com. We want our logo on that page when people sign up to make an account, linking to our website.
Me: That's simply not possible. That's Facebook's own home page. Nobody has a right to edit that other than Facebook itself.
Client: Bullshit. There's a Facebook developers section with APIs to edit and view Facebook's entire website. We would do it ourselves, but we signed up and don't understand how to change it in Chrome. That's why we need you and [referring client] said you were the best guy for our needs.
Me: That API has no control over Facebook's corporate data, including their own home page. That API designed ONLY for sections in which you are authorized to access or modify, such as your personal profile or created page for your business.
Client: We know that it can be done. If you don't do it, we'll find someone else who can.
Me: Well good luck with that, because the only way it would be remotely possible to do that WILL involve prison time, since that would be illegal. The only legal way to do it would be to buy Facebook, and they'll laugh you out of the building with that offer. But I'm done with this conversation because I have work to complete from clients that aren't delusional. Have a nice day! [hang up]
----
What. The. Fuck.26 -
A devRant Update!
Hey everyone,
We thought now would be a great time for a devRant summer update on what we've added recently and what we've been working on.
Highlights since our last update:
- We launched devRant++, a supporter program for people who want to help us cover our costs while getting some cool extra features (a supporter badge on rants/comments/profile, reserved spot on our in-app supporter list, ability to edit rants/comments for up to 30 minutes instead of 5, and thanks to immediate user feedback, we also added the ability to post a rant every 1 hour instead of 2, and post comments that are up to 2,000 characters instead of 1,000!) We are extremely happy and thankful for the great response the program has gotten and we plan to continue to improve it using your feedback.
- We added the ability to subscribe to a user's rants. This makes it so you get a notification whenever that user posts a new rant!
- We added an "active discussions" feature (available in the "more" tab on the right). If you're looking to join a conversation happening in the moment, then this feature will help you discover those rants. It shows rants that have recently been commented on so if it's a topic that interests you, you can easily get in on the discussion!
Some stuff we have in the pipeline:
- More fun avatar stuff, including fun new OS/language-themed pets
- More perks for the devRant++ subscriber program - if you have anything you'd like to see, please let us know and we will try to make it happen!
- We will be testing some stuff to help classify rant types (rants, jokes, questions, etc.) in order to create a more personalized experience
- On that note, we're also going to take some more time to do some work on the algo as we haven't done much in terms of improvement since the initial smart algo launched
- Community projects page update - we've been slacking on updating the page and apologize for that. If you have created a devRant-related project and it's not on the community page, please resend it to david@hexicallabs.com (even if you sent it already) so we can make sure it gets added. Sorry about that!
A note on community etiquite regarding voting on content:
We've always believed that one of the most important and awesome experiences on devRant is getting your content noticed and appreciated by others. If you enjoy a piece of content, you should upvote it. If you enjoy 500 pieces of content, you should upvote them all. People really appreciate others enjoying their rants and comments so let them know if you do! If you don't like content, you can downvote it with the relevant reason. What we don't encourage is voting on content that you haven't actually looked at or spamming upvotes in mass for content you're not even actually reading/viewing. While we don't encourage that, it's not explicitly disallowed so we won't impose any penalty for it.
What is strictly prohibited and enforced is using scripts or automated procedures for voting on content. Anyone who is caught doing that will have their account deleted without warning. While very rare, we caught a couple of people doing that this week and both accounts in question were immediately deleted once discovered. To be clear, this is the practice of explicitly using a script or automation to mass vote on content. You will NEVER be banned/deleted for voting on a lot of content manually, even if you vote quickly and on lots of stuff. We just want to make that clear becuase this is not meant to discourage people from voting, it is only regarding votes not placed by humans. So if you're a human voting on content, you have nothing to worry about, we promise!
Please feel free to let us know if you have any questions or feedback on any of this. We love constructive feedback and in the past it has gone a very long way to improving and advancing the devRant community. And as always, thank you to everyone who contributed to the community in any way, we really appreciate it and want to keep making your experienfce better.
Happy ranting,
~David and Tim (Team devRant)
@dfox @trogus38 -
Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?
Me: sure, of course.
Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.
Me: ... wait, then it's not done.
Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.
Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.
Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.
Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.
Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.
Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.
Dev: I don't.
Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.
Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.
Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.
Dev: but it is done.
Me: no it's not.
Dev: it is, look.
Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.
Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?
Me: are you going to make more changes?
Dev: yes.
Me: then no.
Dev: why?
Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.
Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.
Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....
Dev: but I am happ.....
Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.
Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.
Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.
Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.
Me: there you go.32 -
Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.
I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:
M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.
Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:
M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.
At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?
There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:
M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.
DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.
I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.
PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.undefined tools i have access and you don't haha retards why the fuck would you hire that guy? i don't do development46 -
Hey everyone,
Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates, happy holidays to everyone, and happy almost-new-year!
We had a bit of a slow year in terms of devRant updates, but we gained some momentum towards the end of the year and we're looking forward to carrying it into 2020. Recently, we launched what I think are our coolest new avatar items yet (https://devrant.com/rants/2322869/...) and behind the scenes we got our iOS/Android apps on the latest version of the frameworks we use, which will help us continue to improve stability. Still, we definitely would have liked to do more, but we're optimistic the coming year will bring great things for devRant.
One thing we are very proud of is this year we had our best year ever in terms of platform stability and uptime. Despite the platform growing and our userbase growing, we had almost no complete app downtime even though our infrastructure is minimal. A large part of this is thanks to devRant++ supporters, who allow us to maintain a small but effective tier of infrastructure and redundancy.
In the coming year, we're going to launch one of our most ambitious initiatives yet, and we're also going to continue to improve the devRant experience itself. We want to try to gather more user feedback, so we'll be working on a way to do that too. Stay tuned, more on this stuff coming soon.
As always, thank you everyone, and thanks for your amazing contributions to the devRant community! And thank you to our awesome devRant++ supporters for continuing to be the main drivers to keeping devRant up and running.
Looking forward to 2020,
- David and Tim28 -
Frack he did it again.
In a meeting with the department mgr and going over a request feature *we already discussed ad nauseam* that wasn’t technically feasible (do-able, just not worth the effort)
DeptMgr: “I want to see the contents of web site A embedded in web site B”
Me: “I researched that and it’s not possible. I added links to the target APM dashboard instead.”
Dev: “Yes, it’s possible. Just use an IFrame.”
DeptMgr: “I thought so. Next sprint item …what’s wrong?…you look frustrated”
Me: “Um..no…well, I said it’s not possible. I tried it and it doesn’t work”
Dev: “It’s just an IFrame. They are made to display content from another site.”
Me: “Well, yes, from a standard HTML tag, but what you are seeing is rendered HTML from the content manager’s XML. It implemented its own IFrame under the hood. We already talked about it, remember?”
Dev: “Oh, that’s right.”
DeptMgr: “So it’s possible?”
Dev: “Yea, we’ll figure it out.”
Me: “No…wait…figure what out? It doesn’t work.”
Dev: “We can use a powershell script to extract the data from A and port it to B.”
DeptMgr: “Powershell, good…Next sprint item…”
Me: “Powershell what? We discussed not using powershell, remember?”
Dev: “It’s just a script. Not a big deal.”
DeptMgr: “Powershell sounds like a right solution. Can we move on? Next sprint item….are you OK? You look upset”
Me: “No, I don’t particularly care, we already discussed executing a powershell script that would have to cross two network DMZs. Bill from networking already raised his concern about opening another port and didn’t understand why we couldn’t click a link. Then Mike from infrastructure griped about another random powershell script running on his servers just for reporting. He too raised his concern about all this work to save one person one click. Am I the only one who remembers this meeting? I mean, I don’t care, I’ll do whatever you want, but we’ll have to open up the same conversations with Networking again.”
Dev: “That meeting was a long time ago, they might be OK with running powershell scripts”
Me: “A long time ago? It was only two weeks.”
Dev: “Oh yea. Anyway, lets update the board. You’ll implement the powershell script and I’ll …”
Me: “Whoa..no…I’m not implementing anything. We haven’t discussed what this mysterious powershell script is supposed to do and we have to get Mike and Bill involved. Their whole team is involved in the migration project right now, so we won’t see them come out into the daylight until next week.”
DevMgr: “What if you talk to Eric? He knows powershell. OK…next sprint item..”
Me: “Eric is the one who organized the meeting two weeks ago, remember? He didn’t want powershell scripts hitting his APM servers. Am I the only one who remembers any of this?”
Dev: “I’m pretty good with powershell, I’ll figure it out.”
DevMgr: “Good…now can we move on?”
GAAAHH! I WANT A FLAMETHROWER!!!
Ok…feel better, thanks DevRant.11 -
PM: You know that screen that pops up at the start of the app asking for permission to access health data?
Me: Yeah the iOS HealthKit permission screen. What about it?
PM: Can you take that out. I don't think people are going to agree to it. I want people to use the app.
Me: Well we can't do that, apple says if we want to use HealthKit we have to ask for permission. We shouldn't be touching that data without permission anyway.
PM: Oh no permission is fine I get that, but is it not implied by downloading the app, its clearly a health app. I really don't want people to download it and then uninstall it because they don't like this.
Me: Not really, not everyone will know what data is needed, some of it might be sensitive to them.
PM: Nah I don't buy into that. I asked 5 of my friends on the golf course at the weekend and 3 of them said they wouldn't agree to it, thats 60% of our user base, we can't have that.
Me: ... ok, well I don't agree that your 5 friends is a fair sample to judge the whole world by, either way we have no choice.
Pm: No this isn't going to fly, can we not build our own HealthKit that doesn't have this kind of permission screen? Maybe we could start our own, and invite our partners to use it?
Me: ... no
Pm: why not? We'll have legal draw up something we put in the terms and conditions.
Me: ... it will take months to build for all the different types of devices we have, if they even let us get access to them, and then we will have a different standard to everyone else.
Pm: ... no your not seeing the big picture, i'll run the idea up the ladder.
**It was approved up the ladder, and subsequently cancelled when they realised the scale of the work involved which is both a "thank god" and a "wtf" moment**7 -
One of my worst meetings, as the sheer rage was unbelievable.
Backstory:
Architect: "Stop duplicating code", "stop copy pasting code", "We need to reuse code more", "We need to look at a new pattern for unit tests" etc.
Meeting:
Architect: What did you want to talk about?
Me: I built a really simple lightweight library to solve a lot of our problems. Its built to make unit testing our code much easier, devs only need to change a small bit of how they work.
Architect: I like the pattern a lot, looks great ... but why a library? can we not just copy the code from project to project?
... do you have a twin or something?2 -
Most used lie you tell to client: -
Client: “Could you make the software do XYZ?”
Programmer: “No.”
What the programmer really wants to say:
“It’s software. Of course we could do it. But:
it would take a very long time,you can’t afford it,we can’t sell it to anyone else because it’s a terrible idea,by the time we finish it, you won’t want it anymore.”
“No” is just easier to say and is less insulting, especially when the client has a dozen of these great ideas.undefined and bla bla bla bla lie joke fun client programmer fuck i can not think of more tags. fuck13 -
At the beginning of an interview...
HR girl: You know, that position you applied is already taken but I found some similar in our company.
Me: Uhm, ok?
HRG: What about this one? It's some programming... *pointing at some IT position regarding db maintenance* Do you want to try that?
Me: Sure, why not.
I was applying to student position at embedded firmware development at the time. I did some school project with MySQL but it was few years back and I happily forgot most about it.
Anyway, story continues.
IT manager: Hi, I heard you want to join our lines.
Me: That is what I heard as well.
IT: Eh?
Me: I came for completely different position actually.
IT: Uhm, ok. We have standardised test, let's see what you can do.
It was some basic stuff for db guys but I was totally lost. I was done after 3 minutes returning nearly blank paper.
We shaked hands, both agreed this is not well fit for me and I went away.
After this botched attempt HR girl remembered that there is another team looking for embedded developer students. I was accepted.
Corporates are marvelous.3 -
At the mid of breakup I asked my girlfriend: "what do you want from me ? "
She replied "CHMOD 777" | 😭
Both of us broke into laughing
2 days later (today) we are together10 -
I'm so fucking pissed at my PM right now.
He insisted that we use a third party library that his friend wrote for simple functionality. We all disagree, because it's overcomplicated for what we need to do. PM insists that we use it anyways.
Fast forward to now. The third party code is breaking, and it's way overcomplicated, so we have no idea how to fix it. Deadlines are long gone.
We're all pissed because we don't want to deal with this bullshit code, and because basically nothing is working properly.
Had a conversation with the PM today, where he complained about our "attitude issues" and said that "clearly [the library we're using] is above your skill level".
Maybe we would have better morale if you didn't force us to use this shit code.16 -
Are you interested in a devRant hackathon? If so, please let me know what you'd like to see us do/what you would want to get out of it. There's lots of directions we could go, but I want to get as much feedback as we can from the community to try to figure out what would be the most fun and inclusive. Thanks!23
-
One of the linux engineers gets up with: 'I'm sorry, I just pushed a windows server sale to the sales guy :/'
Linux engineer 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D:
Linux engineer 2: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT @_@
Linux engineer 3: Why the FUCK would we want to manage yet another piece of problems?!
Engineer who said it: 'But it's still a sale guys....'
All engineers: THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE O_o
😆33 -
Me: Oh I see were using a non-standard architecture on this app. I like this bit but what is this doing? never seen it before.
Him: Ah we use that to abstract the navigation layer.
Me: oh ok, interesting idea, but that means we need an extra file per screen + 1 per module. We also can't use this inbuilt control, which I really like, and we've to write a tonne of code to avoid that.
Him: Yeah we wanted to take a new approach to fix X, this is what we came up with. Were not 100% happy with it. Do you have any ideas?
**
Queue really long, multi-day architecture discussion. Lots of interesting points, neither side being precious or childish in anyway. Was honestly fantastic.
**
Me: So after researching your last email a bit, I think I found a happy middle ground. If we turn X into a singleton, we can store the state its generating inside itself. We can go back to using the in-built navigation control and have the data being fetched like Y. If you want to keep your dependency injection stuff, we can copy the Angular services approach and inject the singletons instead of all of these things. That means we can delete the entire layer Z.
Even with the app only having 25% of the screens, we could delete like 30+ files, and still have the architecture, at a high level, identical and textbook MVVM.
Him: singleton? no I don't like those, best off keeping it the way it is.
... are you fucking kidding me? You've reinvented probably 3 wheels, doubled the code in the app and forced us to take ownership of something the system handles ... but a singleton is a bad idea? ... based off no concrete evidence or facts, but a personal opinion.
... your face is a bad idea15 -
Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....
- awkward silence -10 -
We build a backup infrastructure at work to make sure that clients can restore their files and databases themselves when something gets fucked up.
We also have step by step tutorial on how to do this.
Every fucking day we get requests to restore backups.
Mostly used reason is "I'm a technical so I won't understand it".
With all due respect, if you don't understand this and keep asking without even trying, please don't host with us.
Because, if you did as I asked and actually read through the entire article, you would.
In case you're wondering, anytime one of us asks what part they don't understand, that question is simply ignored and they pushing for us restoring it anyways continues.
Sometimes they get angry and want to talk to someone higher up or start complaining that they're paying loads of money already and that it would just take us a second anyways.
If you would read the fucking tutorial/manual instead of trying to eat out your mother's badly shaved pussy and hopefully choke on it while you're at it, you wouldn't come asking us for it.
If you genuinely don't understand this article, feel free to ask but also provide us with cocksucking feedback.
Why do you think you have the right anyways to ask us to do it for free? We maintain the backup infrastructure which definitely isn't cheap but we do it so that you, pubic sniffing weazel, can do this shit on your fucking own.
You're entitled to ask us for help but not for asking us to restore your bullshit for free every freaking time.
Tip: give your parents some condoms. Because that way they hopefully won't reproduce again, we don't need more of you in this universe.7 -
Before anyone starts going batshit crazy, this is NOT a windows hate post. Just a funny experience imo.
So I was tasked with installing ProxMox on a dedicated server at my last internship. The windows admin was my guider (he could also do debian). (he was a really nice/chill guy)
So we were discussing what VM's we wanted and the boss (really cool dude by the way) said he wanted a VPS for storing some company stuff as well. Fair enough, what would we use? I suggested debian and centos. Then we started discussing what we'd do if the systems would fuck up etc (at installation or whatever).
So I didn't wanna look like a Linux Nazi so I suggested windows. Then the happy/positive guider/windows admin suddenly became dead serious (I was actually like 'woah' for a second) and said this:
No. We're not going to fucking use windows for this. For general servers etc sometimes, fair enough but we're talking about sensitive company data here. I don't want that data to be stored on a proprietary/closed source system, hell what if there's some kinda fucking backdoor build in, who can fucking verify that? We're using Linux, end of discussion.
😓
I was pretty flabbergasted as he's a nice guy and actually really likes windows!
Linux it became.5 -
Me: What do you want?
Client: We don't know exactly
Me: By when do you want it?
Client: Yesterday
🙊🙉🙈7 -
Stop using progress bars on your résumé/CV!
Back when we were looking for people to join us, we got hundreds of résumés in the mail and online, and I saw so many of them using these progress bars to indicate competency in a particular skill or programming language.
Yknow what that says to me, and to my colleagues?
"Yeah, I'm ok at this, but I'm even worse at THIS"
Your résumé is about selling yourself!
We don't want someone who's '68%' in Photoshop or '82%' in JavaScript. We want someone who knows they're good at what they do and knows they can learn if they need to.
You might feel like you're being 'big headed', but that's what a good resume SHOULD be! Sell yourself to be as if you're the solution to all of my problems and you might just get a job!
Rant over.32 -
Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"
Jackass7 -
Dev : Every user in your organisation requires their own username and password...
User: Why?
Dev: Because if everyone uses one account, every note, product, message etc made by all the user's will be saved to that one account and confuse the he'll out of everyone using it when they can't find their 'own' information they made/captured/downloaded.
We just need the user emails.
User:We can't give you all the user emails just use one account ....
(The reason for not providing us the emails is purely cause it would require user to do work and that's out of the question)
Dev: Uhm ok, but this is not what you want, and *interrupts*
User: It is what we want, do it like that everyone will understand and it will make the system easier.
*Two weeks later*
User: Why is there only one account? Why doesn't everybody have their own account? This is not what we wanted.
... The shit you have to deal with when you are on holiday ...undefined where to hide bodies you still thing it's our fault working even when i'm not working i was right and you were wrong stil my fucking problem6 -
Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?
Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.
*Next week*
Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating
*Another week goes by*
Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!
*2 weeks later*
Client: Here it is!
Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button
Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week
Dev: …9 -
Client: We need to add a field to the model that serves as a unique identifier
Dev: You already have one, it’s the _id property
Client: We want another! This one is for a task number so we can make a connection between the database record and our ERP.
Dev: Ah I see. I can add that for you. Is this truly a unique identifier or will you be using the same ERP identifier for multiple database records?
Client: I already said it’s a unique identifier. One ERP record to one database record, end of story! To do otherwise would be absolutely ridiculous! You should think for yourself before you ask silly questions.
Dev: My apologies I just want to make sure to clarify exactly what the requirements are.
**6 months later**
Client: HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIGN THE SAME UNIQUE IDENTIFIER TO MULTIPLE DATABASE RECORDS??? CAN’T PROGRAMMERS GET ANYTHING RIGHT EVER??
Dev: …14 -
Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.11 -
Me: I'd like a new phone please.
Manufacturer: Okay, what do you look for in a phone?
Me: Well as long as the other specs are good, it's important to have a headphone port, SD card slot, and removable battery.
Manufacturer: Okay, fingerprint scanner. Got it.
Me: What?
Manufacturer: The only thing you want is a fingerprint scanner?
Me: No I don't care about that, what I want is-
Manufacturer: A fingerprint scanner, we know. Every device needs one.
Me: But-
Manufacturer: Shhh... Don't worry, we know our customers.29 -
Me, a 19 year old student at a meeting with a "potential new project" today:
Her: So, we would like a website where people could rent a conference room, and pay for it on the website. After they have paid, we want automated emails to go out to us and the person that rents the room. We basically want an automated rental system.
Me: Sounds fair, what kind of budget do you have in mind?
Her: Well because you are a student and you still live at home, we have a budget of about €200 (~$220). We thought it'd be fair because you don't really need an income yet.
At that point I slowly tried to fade away from the meeting... Please help me 😭22 -
Fuck my life...
Okay, so I’m working on a web app with a small group... the app is basically a lead generator for new business in another country. We just need contact details cause they’re a fucker to buy.
Step 1: prototype to the investors, working with the ceo to make this thing look shiny AF.
Goes well as fuck.
CEO: “when can we get this out?”
Me: “it’s basically done mate, get your guys to look at it and we can talk about marketing”
Que a shower of 10 or so bellends with senior in their title going into a room and coming out with:
Bellends: “so on this page we want the user to confirm and accept the contract”
Me: “cool, makes some sense, that’s what it’s already doing.”
Bellends: “afterwards we want to show them the price and have them put in their banking details.”
Me: “Wait, you what when?”
Bellends: “Yeah, well Jenny says we should have as few clicks as possible to get to the final stage and have the customer accept.”
Me: “Jenny’s on fucking crack, moving the contract formation phase to after the contract acceptance stage is not an option”
Bellends: “Oh it’s okay, Andy in legal said that would be okay”
Me: “Andy’s a fucking moron, tell him that online contract formation laws were updated 2014/2015 and you can’t do that anymore”
Bellends: “No, andy’s legal, surely he knows”
Bellends: “We want all of this above the fold”
Me: “OH FUCKING SUCK A DICK YOU ABSOLUTE BAND OF FUCKWADS... which one of you, which one hasn’t looked at a website this millennia!?”
Needless to say I ignored all their shit, got the lead generator out and told the CEO those ten people are certifiably fucking useless.
Bonus round; recent, but “it has to be on internal infrastructure”
“Why? It’s a mobile app sending rest calls to a third party saas.”
“It just has to, we have this thing called the private cloud and w”
“Wait... you what son, priv 🤦🏼♂️ private what mate?”
“Private cloud”
“You... you mean a server rack?”
“Nah we spent £2mn on it, it’s brilliant”
“Hahahaha you fucking dick, you blew £2mn on server infra with fuckall to put on it!?”
“No, no it’s the private cloud”
“Fucking idiot, aye son, where’s the fucking bean stalk you prick!?”
“It has to go on internal infr”
“Shut up, that won’t work”9 -
Client: "Hey we want you to integrate your product with our system."
Me: "Oh, OK. Where's your API?"
Client: "Here! We even have an outdated .Net SDK, we use XML."
Me: "Ok.. how do we authenticate? What's your OAuth 2.0 endpoint?"
Client: "O auth what?"
Me: " You know, the current standard for REST API authentication and authorisation"
Client: " What's REST?"
*Hungs up*8 -
At the data restaurant:
Chef: Our freezer is broken and our pots and pans are rusty. We need to refactor our kitchen.
Manager: Bring me a detailed plan on why we need each equipment, what can we do with each, three price estimates for each item from different vendors, a business case for the technical activities required and an extremely detailed timeline. Oh, and do not stop doing your job while doing all this paperwork.
Chef: ...
Boss: ...
Some time later a customer gets to the restaurant.
Waiter: This VIP wants a burguer.
Boss: Go make the burger!
Chef: Our frying pan is rusty and we do not have most of the ingredients. I told you we need to refactor our kitchen. And that I cannot work while doing that mountain of paperwork you wanted!
Boss: Let's do it like this, fix the tech mumbo jumbo just enough to make this VIP's burguer. Then we can talk about the rest.
The chef then runs to the grocery store and back and prepares to make a health hazard hurried burguer with a rusty pan.
Waiter: We got six more clients waiting.
Boss: They are hungry! Stop whatever useless nonsense you were doing and cook their requests!
Cook: Stop cooking the order of the client who got here first?
Boss: The others are urgent!
Cook: This one had said so as well, but fine. What do they want?
Waiter: Two more burgers, a new kind of modern gaseous dessert, two whole chickens and an eleven seat sofa.
Chef: Why would they even ask for a sofa?!? We are a restaurant!
Boss: They don't care about your Linux techno bullshit! They just want their orders!
Cook: Their orders make no sense!
Boss: You know nothing about the client's needs!
Cook: ...
Boss: ...
That is how I feel every time I have to deal with a boss who can't tell a PostgreSQL database from a robots.txt file.
Or everytime someone assumes we have a pristine SQL table with every single column imaginable.
Or that a couple hundred terabytes of cold storage data must be scanned entirely in a fraction of a second on a shoestring budget.
Or that years of never stored historical data can be retrieved from the limbo.
Or when I'm told that refactoring has no ROI.
Fuck data stack cluelessness.
Fuck clients that lack of basic logical skills.5 -
We have no more time for all this Agile stuff!
Half of our developers might have been injured when we built the Great Wall of China, but no worries, we've listened to your complaints about feeling overworked!
You can take 3 extra days off this year. Meanwhile, we're starting the next project.
We're building some pyramids.
What? You want Scrum and sprints? Sure, do sprints, whatever helps us build those pyramids!
Requirements? Refinements? What requirements are there to refine?
We require a giant pyramid.
For v1, you can build the foundation out of wet mud. It must be 500 meters. Wide, or high, we're not sure yet, we'll get back to you on that. It must have less than 4 sides, but certainly more than 3.
The Frontend team has already built a part of the entrance using 60 semi trucks filled with papier-mâché, pipe cleaners and glitter.
Now go build already!20 -
Marketing coworker: We MUST integrate with XYZ
Me: sure, they have a REST API and OAuth2. What part of our system do you want to integrate with XYZ?
coworker: Emmm... I don't know. Everything
Me: ...okay. What does XYZ even do?
coworker: Emmm... our customers use it, so we have to integrate with them.
Me: fine. I'm reading that XYZ has function ABC and PQR. Which one do our customers use?
coworker: ABC, definitely ABC
...
coworker: Our customers say nothing is working!
*looks into the problem*
Me: That's because they're using PQR and not ABC.
This kind of research is NOT my job, it's YOURS5 -
This happens nearly every sprint.
TEAM: So, are you happy with how we are going to make this feature?
Business: Yeah, we really need it! It's exactly list that! Quick build! 🏗
TEAM: You're sure.... remember what happened last time...
Business: yeah, yeah, yeah
TEAM: ☕️💻
one week later....
Business: Oh yeah, that thing, we changed our mind we don't want it can you do something else?
TEAM: ...
Business: Agile!!!!!!!!!
TEAM: 🤦♂️
Found out they all went on a 2 day course to learn SCRUM...5 -
Apparently, part of being a software engineer means knowing how to read minds and do other people's jobs.
While implementing a user story for marketing, we found some associated features that, according to the database, have not been used for years. We tell them this. We do the courtesy of asking, "Hey, is there anything on the site that is utilizing these features? We'd like to clean up the DB."
"We don't know."
Engineering suggests, "Ok, lets turn the feature off, then, and see if anyone complains. It's been years according to the DB."
Marketing gets angry and hostile and says, "That's not the way to do things!"
I don't vocalize, "Well, not knowing how to do your own damned job is not the way to do things."
-
Marketing asks us to integrate a third party feature to the site. We ask, "Ok, what page do you want it on, and what information do you want to collect, and what should it look like?"
"I don't know. You're engineering. You tell us."
We implement it as best we can.
Marketing says, "HEY! This isn't done right! It's missing this and this and this!"
"Did you ask us to implement that? According to the user story, it passes acceptance criteria."
Marketing says, "I thought you would just know that! I didn't know it was a separate thing. Just put it on all the pages, then. You guys really should know the site better."
Engineering gets angry and hostile
-
Marketing says, "We need this removed from the site."
Engineering replies, "We have a GUI for that. Just go to this URL and you can do it yourself."
Marketing replies, "Well, if that's a really complicated thing, can you just run a script against the DB?"
Engineering says, "If we've built a UI for you, we really shouldn't be executing SQL scripts directly against the DB."
Marketing gets angry and hostile.
-
Engineering tries asking nicely.
"Marketing, if you want us to add new stuff to the site, or change stuff, please tell us what it is and where it should go and what the customer experience should be like."
Marketing replies, "We don't know the site that well. We are leaning on you to tell us."
I do not vocalize, all while trying to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, my face red with rage, "YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF SELLING SHIT ON A WEBSITE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. YOU ARE ASKING FOR CHANGES TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"
Engineering is angry and hostile.3 -
I’m getting fucking tired of having this conversation:
Company “we need x”
Me “ok. In order to deliver x I need y”
Company “we can’t do that”
Me “ok. Then can I have y”
Company “nah ah”
Me “what about Q?”
Company “nope”
Me “okay. Well until you decide to provide me with the resourcing needed, this is getting deprioritized”
Company “wait this needs to be top of mind”
Me “okay. Provide me with y, and I’ll deprioritize other work”
Company “wait we also need that other work”
Me “you’re only getting one. Pick which one you want first”
Company “we’ll get back to you”
Me (muttering) “no you won’t”
Company “what?”
Me “what?”10 -
*makes course outline*
Management: Um yeah make the outline similar to this course from earlier
Me: Hmm, so Yocto etc.. well that'll require a good amount of research because I've got no idea what Yocto is or how I'm supposed to use it.
*researches about Yocto, prepares build VM and Raspberry Pi target, thinks of how on Earth I'd make my coworker without Raspberry Pi interface with it from across the world*
2 days later..
Management: Yeah actually we don't want Yocto. Just do simple stuff like application development, GPIO etc.
Me & co-worker: Awesome mate! That'll make things a lot easier. Except for the 2 days of lost work, but we can live with that if it's just GPIO and such.
3 days later..
Management: guys your course outline sucks. Do it all over again, we want Yocto to be in it after all.
YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Why don't you behave a little bit less like a fucking client that doesn't know what they want for once?!!18 -
Fvcking project manager wants me to commit my partials code to the master branch just to let our employers know that we did something today! That's why you are there to relay our predicaments to them, you piece of shit!
Now he is insisting it the whole team. Fvck! Are you nuts? Do you really understand what version control really means? Why master branch, why can't we just create fucking different branch and push it there if they want reference! Commits are supposed to be a fix code or update not a broken and unfinished piece of codes! I will fvcking cross my finger after messing up the master branch. Now it looks so disgusting to me.9 -
Customer logic - "We'd like a website but we don't know what we want...so can you do a whole thing so we can change 80% of it day after day until we are bored of it? Thanks"4
-
Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."
I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.1 -
Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently
Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.
Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.
Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.
Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.
*Not even two days later*
Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!
Dev: …6 -
Lets get to know eachother, shall we..?
It's come to my attention that all we do is either rant, or post memes! Lets talk! D;
What's your favorite programming language?
How about spoken/written language?
Favorite band?
Song?
Do you sit or stand while working?
What's the last four digits of your SSN? Haha, jk..
What are you passonate about?
What projects (programming or otherwise) have you started/picked up/finished lately?
What else do you want to share?
Answer as many as you'd like~97 -
We want to improve the portal by making apps for it what can you do or recommend?
Well holy shit this is new you're actually asking the dev team for advice on a future project.
Normally you immediately go to a third party waste a shit ton of money and then tell us we have a week to add whatever it is into our system.
Then when we can't do it or have to delay other projects you're dragging our manager into a meeting with the CEO complaining that IT are refusing to cooperate or are holding up the project etc.
The change of heart is much appreciated but where the fuck did this come from? New year resolution?5 -
Alright, so my company wanted to redesign its old website, so we (the dev team) got tasked with making it happen.
Talking with the people making the marketing decisions for the site (think clients but in-house) :
CLIENT : We don't want any colors, black and white only, it's trendy.
US : Okay, but you actually do need colors for call to actions, to achieve the effect of levels of importance and such.
CLIENT : No colors.
Why would they listen to us, not that we are the experts are anything... Oh and they scrapped pretty much all of our CTA, why would you need those anyways, right?
Sometimes later, while coding the Dealer Locator :
CLIENT : The more important dealers will be shown on the map in black, the ones a little less important in white, and the ones we would rather not send people to will be in blue.
US : In blue? Blue, the only color in a sea of black and white? You do realize that the only thing the user is going to see are the blue ones, achieving the exact opposite of what you want?
CLIENT : We have decided.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻5 -
- WE NEED TO KNOW THE VERSION OF THE SYSTEM THIS INSTANT!
"what? version? wtf are you talking about"
- THE CLIENT HAS I.T. GUIDELINES TO STRICT CONTROL THE VERSION OF EACH SOFTWARE VENDOR'S SYSTEMS!
"We are not a 'software vendor', we provide them consulting on logistics!"
- THEY USE OUR WEBSITE! THIS MAKES US A SOFTWARE VENDOR!
"Wouldn't that make 'google' their vendor too?"
- IM SURE THEY STRICTLY CONTROL GOOGLE'S VERSION TOO!
"I'm pretty sure they don't. But, whatever, that do answers the question of what they want. Some paperwork jockey wants a meaningless number to fill a form, let's give'em one"
I just had someone make an API endpoint where they can ask "the version", and it is just the number of commits in our production branch. For lols, we even 0-fill and split every three magnitude orders with a dot, so we're in version 0.012.345 or something.
Major version upgrade every million commits!
Fuck those guideline-parrots who are unaware that words sometimes have meaning, and sometimes not.8 -
Business guy: hmmm, what do you think about getting the programmers to come to the office more often?
Me: uhhhh explain?
BG: feels like when working from home they might only give it their 90%, but in the office they'd do 100%.
Me: let's not talk about how you reached that conclusion for now. If you force them to come more often they will quit.
BG: what about the new people we want to hire?
Me: most jobs have full remote available, why would anyone pick us?
BG: hmmm. Btw next week we'll talk with some stakeholders about trying to get some outsource help. You know, for repetitive stuff that doesn't require in-house engineers.
Me: like what?
BG: you know, repetitive stuff
This is suffering. Is my only choice to tell the guy that he has no clue what he is talking about, should STFU, and let the technically capable people to handle themselves? As in, we already do but for some reason he still thinks he knows better than the people doing the god damn job? But if I do so, the salinity in his blood will bring other problems upon us.10 -
6 months ago:
Boss: We have this idea to improve our onboarding to avoid drop off in the new app. See this section here? Were going to take that out of the onboarding and just let them pass straight through to the app. Then when they get into the app, there will be a banner telling them they should go to settings and set this up. That way they can ignore it for a while and get into the app sooner
Me: Get into the app sooner to do what?
Boss: Explore it
Me: Explore an empty app with no content, as they are a brand new user with nothing setup? While theres a big banner on the screen saying "You have insecure settings" ... basically forcing them to do it straight away anyway?
Boss: Yeah, we can give them some recommendations or something while they click around. It will be good. This is months away anyway, we'll talk again
Yesterday:
Boss: So this weird unexpected thing happened. We showed some beta users our plans to remove this section from onboarding and they felt weird about it. They said they didn't like the idea of the banner telling them they haven't set it up correctly
Me: Thats not weird, I said the same thing 6 months ago
Boss: ......... oh, really?
Me: Yep. Its not an improvement to get them through onboarding quicker, just to tell them they have to now go do it somewhere else
Boss: ... right. Ok maybe we'll build it anyway and see how they feel with it in there hands?
Me: nope
Boss: ... what do you mean?
Me: We are behind, you've asked me 3 times in the last week if we are going to be able to get everything in on time ... and now you want me to build something that everyone, apart from you, says they don't like. So realistically, i'm going to build it, and then remove it next week ... and we'll have a discussion about what has to be dropped because of this
Boss: ........ right .... ok .... hhhmmm
Me: *sits with resting bitch face*
Boss: ... maybe we can hide the banner until later. Not show it to them until they've done something in the app?
Me: ... maybe we can not do any of this?
Boss: right but then the onboarding will ...
Me: *talks louder* ... yes will be the way our users want it to be
Boss: ... hhmm i'm not sure
Me: Ok heres what we'll do, so long as it doesn't delay me getting the designs I need, feel free to have the designer mock up what it would look like using that figma on device preview thing. If users say they like it, i'll build it
Boss: ... right but it won't be real on device app so ...
Me: Its that or we cut feature X
Boss: ... well we need that
Me: ok glad we agree, let me know what feedback the designer gets
Boss: ... ok10 -
What the fuck has one of my clients been up to?! Every request he makes he suggests we might want to do it via a function.
"We need to ensure this is password protected. Maybe wrap the calls in a function."
I wander if he goes into the bakery and says, "I need a loaf of bread---use flour."
All I can think of is that someone influential in his life is an FP zealot and he's latched onto this word.
But, I quite like FP. Maybe I'll refactor everything to static classes to meet the requirement.
Hope to Christ he doesn't find out about HTML, etc. "Maybe add a CSS rule."8 -
I would like to invite you all to test the project that a friend and me has been working on for a few months.
We aim to offer a fair, cheap and trusty alternative to proprietary services that perform data mining and sells information about you to other companies/entities.
Our goal is that users can (if they want) remain anonymous against us - because we are not interested in knowing who you are and what you do, like or want.
We also aim to offer a unique payment system that is fair, good and guarantees your intergrity by offer the ability to pay for the previous month not for the next month, by doing that you do not have to pay for a service that you does not really like.
Please note that this is still Free Beta, and we need your valuable experience about the service and how we can improve it. We have no ETA when we will launch the full service, but with your help we can make that process faster.
With this service, we do want to offer the following for now:
Nextcloud with 50 GB storage, yes you can mount it as a drive in Linux :)
Calendar
Email Client that you can connect to your email service (
SearX Instance
Talk ( voice and video chat )
Mirror for various linux distros
We are using free software for our environment - KVM + CEPH on our own hardware in our own facility. That means that we have complete control over the hosting and combined with one of the best ISP in the world - Bahnhof - we believe that we can offer something unique and/or be a compliment to your current services if you want to have more control over your data.
Register at:
https://operationtulip.com
Feel free to user our mirror:
https://mirror.operationtulip.com
Please send your feedback to:
feedback@operationtulip.com38 -
Shitty call
Me: what do you want?
Q: I Lost my iphone
Me: (already pissed) ok,do you have an icloud account?
Q: Yes, but i forgot the password.
Me: what!?!, ok, fine, we will reset it, which is your ID?
Q: I lost it too.
*stay calm* *stay calm*
Me: I can't help you go to an apple store and ask there. *I Close the call*
*Add that number to blacklist*2 -
Came out to the country with my wife and her friends. We were all sat around in the sun and I asked what we were going to do. She said we can do whatever we want. So I got my laptop and sat in the shade. She then had a go at me for being unsociable. FFS7
-
Tech support: we need to install backup software on your laptops.
Devs: what for?
TS: to backup all your important files, like word docs, excels, etc.
Devs: we don't use those. everything is on git/confluence/etc
TS: my boss told me to install it everywhere, so I have to do it.
Devs: well just disable it. uses too much tam, disk time and such
TS: whatever.
So he installed it on each laptop separately, took half a day, then we just disabled it and proceeded with our tasks. Now we get a question every other week why nothing is being synced from our computers. "We paid for the system and we want you to use it".
yeah..7 -
Teacher: "Will this SQL statement work LavaTheif?"
Me: "you need to put a 'WHERE id.."
T: "but will it work like this?"
Me: "well it wont do what you're trying to do, so it wont work properly"
T: "so will it work?"
Me: "no."
T: "wrong. It will work, but it will change everything in the database, which we dont want"
Thats what I was saying??
Also, he spent 50 mins out of our hour lesson explaining how to use SELECT, INSERT, UPDATE, and DELETE. I just wanted to get on with the work tbh.7 -
Part of an honest interview :
- What is your biggest weakness?
+ Triceps femoris muscles
- Why do you want this job?
+ Earning money to buy food so that I don't die of hunger.
- How do you handle pressure?
+ By shouting the word fuck
- What are your goals?
+ Have a cheek in bed every night.
- We will be in touch.
+ you never call, do you?3 -
Old boss story. This guy was nice but a terrible boss. Also relevant, he has a background in IT so should know better.
Him: So when you wanna check a password is correct you just unhash it in the database?
Me: *facepalm*
Me: Hey we should be doing unit and integration testing at a minimum to lower bugs.
Him: We don't need those, we're not a bank. If a problem comes up we just fix it and push to production.
(A while later)
Him(in email): Why do we keep getting bugs reported. Don't you devs test your code.
I was mildly annoyed at that one.
Him: We're always over budget on projects, how can we fix this.
Me: What if we increase our quotes.(technically there are other ways as well but not really possible at that time)
Him: We can't do that, clients won't want to pay.
Me: *finishing off my handover as I'm leaving for a new job*
Him: Wow you do a lot of work2 -
"Create an account now to watch these courses for free (don't worry, we hate spam as much as you do)"
Well that's a fucking lie. This woman named Christy is abusing MailChimp vigorously.
Fuck off marketing with your disingenuous "community update" mails, "what you missed last week" newsletters and "handpicked crap for you" notifications.
I want to use your platform, I even pay for it, but I don't want to get your useless mail until I found the energy to dig through your config panel looking for some half broken toggle button.6 -
- Project for a 40+b$ company.
- No business analysis.
- Only some 64 pages tech paper dividing the project in 4 iterations (pretty well written).
- « Please estimate the first iteration ».
- Can we do it in 2 weeks? Only items in first iteration, I think we can but we need a BA before we accept the project.
- Confirmed by senior dev front. 10 days, says we need a BA before we accept.
- Confirmed by senior dev back. 12 days, says we need a BA before we accept.
- UX/UI senior designer says he can't estimate such a technical, says we defo need a BA before any estimations.
PM, who is actually the department manager, says OK we can do it. No BA and estimations are halved, UI/UX 2 days.
He fucking signs the contract.
SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER, WE NEED STUFF FROM FUTURE ITERATIONS IF WE DON'T WANT TO THROW AWAY ALL THE FIRST ITER WORK.
PROJECT BECOME A CLUSTERFUCK.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ANYTHING. THE CLIENT HAS NO CLUE EITHER.
The fucking dep. mgr assigns another PM and says he don't have time anymore.
NOBODY HAS A CLUE WHAT THE PROJECT IS AT THIS POINT.
We have 3 days left.
Whole team came to a conclusion: the only sane thing to do is to give our grouped resignation letters.
Thanks. It was fun while it lasted. Your dep. can go to hell.5 -
This is what happens to overworked PMs.
Me: When users create accounts with social logins, they don’t have passwords in our database. If they try to enter an email and pw on the login form, what do you want the error message to say?
PM: Can we add a modal that says “Your account doesn’t have a password, set one now.” And have a password field?
Me: ☠️ That…would…allow…anyone…to…hijack…an…account…
PM: Right. Never mind.12 -
It's only day one of the year and I'm already pissed right off
Why the fuck do all clients expect you to come up with absolutely everything!?
All I ever get is we want a website. I ask well what do you want on it.. our products .. news? Contact maybe ... Urm our business information ... That kind of stuff.
Well what are they?
Pft.. I here is a name if our products. And other stuff
WE ARE SELLING IT WAT ARE THE PRICES AND INFORMATION DO YOU HAVE IMAGES
Yeah do you want them
Of course I do 😐
Great here's 2 of them we have 1100 so I'll get more to you soon.
😤 Thank you!
Holy shit it's always like talking to a fucking brick wall.. why do people have to make our jobs so hard it's already fucking tough
I have no time to plan your entire website by myself I don't know what you want on it. How could I possibly know that!? It's your fucking site10 -
Business User: Hey can we get a sample output you plan to send us?
Me: yes heres a mock
BU: This doesn't look right, can you use real values?
Me (said nicely): WELL IF WHEN YOU WROTE THE FCKIN REQUIREMENTS WEREN'T SO VAGUE AND ACTUALLY PROVIDED REAL VALUES FOR THE INPUTS WE WOULD GET AND WHAT WE SHOULD OUTPUT USING THEM MAYBE I COULD GIVE YOU A BETTER SAMPLE... AND DO LESS GUESSING ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU ACTUALLY WANT...
BU: Oh I forwarded some data
Me: *looks at input data*
(thoughts) THIS FUCKING MAKES NO SENSE!! NOWHERE DOES ANYTHING LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU WANTED.... HOW ABOUT I PULL MAGIC VALUES OUT OF MY ASS?6 -
I think the hardest thing about being a programmer in college with a security emphasis is when I approach a business for a penetration test or for a vulnerability analysis (your pick) is that they almost always say, "you are pretty young don't you think?"
Ummmm not sure what that has to do with it. If it would make you feel better I have claimed bug bounties from an antivirus company, a bank, several local businesses in my area and I do this for work at my 9-5.
And this week I got this, "I think I would like someone older so we can define the goals better."
Oh so rules of engagement, yeah of course I understand that and that's something we would discuss and draw up a contract for...
"Well we really need someone more skilled."
---- End of story ----
I don't understand, you haven't asked about certifications or schooling and you glanced at my resume for exactly 5 seconds what the hell do you want? Me to double my age over night?7 -
A true story.
"Ok you did a very good job during these 3 months, so we think you can go on with us."
"Thanks, so how about the final contract?"
"What? oh no eheh, you will do other 3 months as test because we want to see if you can do also other stuff not only as developer, we need that you act also like a secretary, a tester, a manager, and working again for home after work, and also during the weekend, but we can't pay extra work of course. So, what you think?"
The magic world of startups5 -
The sad thing is no matter what we do we are all a variation of homer 😂🤣
Borrowed from https://medium.com/@cscalfani/...1 -
So out shopping on a Saturday with the other half and 12yo son.... He clearly is wise before his years when he asks
"why do we always get dragged around all of the shops mum wants too go and we have to sit there waiting while if we want to go anywhere she complains and we can't?"
Hate to generalise but he's already figured out what most shopping trips in married life are!3 -
Me: here's the code.
Sr: allright, looks fairly ok. Just change all *FIELD* modifiers to protected rather than private.
Me: what? Why???
Sr: bcz that's the code style we've adopted.
Me: srsly? If so.. Where do you use private fields then?
Sr: nowhere. We use either protected or public so we could extend any class we want9 -
New client: can we go live next month?
Me: do you think you are our only client, or do you want to pay an extra priority fee?
New client: what?
Me: what?
*Crickets"4 -
We don't know what one-to-many is! Instead, we convert all associated IDs to a string and join the list into a string separated by commas! Only after this absolute clownery do we save this new nice clean string to the database column! Then, when we want all associated entities, we serialize this list back into an array of IDs and retrieve them! It's clown-genius!
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡16 -
Talked with my boss about documentation for projects in markdown instead of (shiver) MS Word. My boss laughed after I explained what mark down was and said that she did not want a world where we had to edit text files all day.
Wait? What do you think programming is?!?
Also Word is basically a text file with tons of proprietary bloated junk on top. Any “feature” it has is not needed.15 -
I don't understand why so many devs complain about not having money or complain about the company that they work for. We literally have the skills to do whatever the fuck we want in today's world. Literally everything is structured around what we do. If you hate your life so much, do something about it. Granted, I understand if you live somewhere that doesn't allow you to control your own destiny but I'm pretty sure that the majority of the people on this app has the ability to do so. The rewards are endless if you decide to think outside the box just a little bit. Sorry, this has just been on my mind for a while and decided to rant about it here since that's what this app is for.14
-
Backstory: Offering manager brings a project through a few months of requirements gathering / feasibility study etc. Project spends 8 months with a R&D team to flesh out. Our team gets 6 months to turn it into a ship able product. 4 months in, offering manager calls a meeting.
OM: ok so you are all working on project X, well I need your input on something
Team: Ok, go ahead
OM: what do you think the app needs to do?
Team: ... I'm sorry?
OM: well we've been looking at it, and we don't think it does very much compared to existing apps. We need a killer feature but we don't know what. Any ideas?
Team: well we were looking at project Y originally, which was a lot more advanced. But you pulled the plug in favour of this.
OM: yeah, believe me customers will want project X a lot more. It just needs to do something interesting ... you know what I mean?
Team: not really, if it doesn't have anything, why did we go for it?
OM: ok I don't think I'm being clear. Point is, if anyone has any ideas let me know, we need to ship it in 2 months and it needs to be killer
I handed in my notice that week and was asked why ... let's just say I told them. -
What do you mean you no longer want the feature? We have developed the feature, we have tested the feature, we have sign off for the feature. You are getting this feature, whether you like it or not!
-
System design meeting with the client.
Client: We need feature X in the design document
Me: But feature X was not a requirement, so it's not in the document and we will not add it.
Client: But feature X should be a common feature today.
Me: That doesn't matter, it wasn't a requirement. And besides that you don't even need it today, the planned system doesn't even support feature X, so we couldn't implement it, even if it was mentioned in the design document.
Client: But we may need it some day, and what do you do, when we decide to enhance the system in a few years and we need that feature then?
Me: Then we make you an offer for feature X.
Inner me: You ordered a bicyle and now you want it converted into a delivery truck next year without charge. That's not how things work.3 -
Manager: I want you to make an architecture diagram for this system
Me, not sure what diagram but ok asking my senior then
Senior: You know those diagrams you learned in uni? Yeah, do whichever you think is suitable
Me, left to my own devices, makes a shitty use case and sequence diagram
Manager: We don't actually do diagrams like yours here. But I like it so lets stick with it.
😱 Ok. Cool.5 -
HR: you didn’t write in your job experience that you know kubernetes and we need people who know it.
Me: I wrote k8s
HR: What’s that ?
…
Do you know docker ?
Do you know what docker is ?
Do you use cloud ?
Can you read and write ?
Are you able to open the door with your left hand ?
What if we cut your hands and tell you to open the doors, how would you do that ?
What are your salary expectations?
Do you have questions, I can’t answer but I can forward them. Ask question, ask question, questions are important.
What is minimal wage you will agree to work ?
You wrote you worked with xy, are you comfortable with yx ?
We have fast hiring process consisting of 10 interviews, 5 coding assessments, 3 talks and finally you will meet the team and they will decide if you fit.
Why do you want to work … here ?
Why you want to work ?
How dare you want to work ?
Just find work, we’re happy you’re looking for it.
What databases you know ?
Do you know nosql databases ?
We need someone that knows a,b,c,d….x,y,z cause we use 1,2,3 … 9,10.
We need someone more senior in this technology cause we have more junior people.
Are you comfortable with big data?
We need someone who spoke on conference cause that’s how we validate that people can speak.
I see you haven’t used xy for a while ( have 5 years experience with xy ) we need someone who is more expert in xy.
How many years of experience you have in yz ??? (you need to guess how many we want cause we look for a fortune teller )
Not much changed in job hunting, taking my time to prepare to leetcode questions about graphs to get a job in which they will tell me to move button 1px to the left.
Need to make up some stories about how I was bad person at work and my boss was angry and told me to be better so I become better and we lived happy ever after. How I argued with coworkers but now I’m not arguing cause I can explain. How bad I was before and how good I am now. Cause you need to be a better person if you want to work in our happy creepy company.
Because you know… the tree of DOOM… The DOMs day.5 -
Please allow me to share my thoughts since I can't totally outrage my frustration because we have this so-called fasting to control our anger towards a person we currently disagree with.
A letter from your loving, sincere, pretty and gorgeous working partner to my young, chubby, smart and clever colleague:
Please do cooperate in times of live editing from the FTP since CTO is not and will never be going to appreciate version control since CTO is too tired for giving a shit and just want deliverables be delivered as fuck perfectly regardless of the resources that we have.
As you know, I tolerated you for not getting the freedom of live editing as what you've experienced from your previous team lead. All I ask of you is to get fresh file from FTP whenever we touch the same file because firstly, God knows how frustrating it is how your hard work is going to be replaced and be gone as much as I do. Secondly, I don't want you to experience how pain in the ass could this be in the long run, and lastly, I don't want any hard feelings to be wasted just because of this.
P.S. I'm too shy to send this to you because I don't want to hurt your feelings and don't want to sound too seriouz and feel old. I also hope we share the same telepathic understanding so we can agree with each other.
Your loving, sincere, pretty and gorgeous working partner,
xoxo ❤️
(thinking of stating my first name) 😂16 -
Customer: Do you have a 2GB RAM stick?
Me: Yes, we do. Do you know what you have and what you need?
Customer: Yes, I have a one-zero-two-four M-B stick and a two-zero-four-eight M-B stick.
Me: So... a 10-24 Meg stick and a 20-48 Meg stick
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok.... and do you know if it's going to be DDR2 or...?
Customer: Yes, DDR2.
Me: Okay, yes, we do have some. And will you want us to install it?
Customer: No. I can install it. I've been putting computers together for 30 years, so I think I can do it.3 -
Dealing with other technical professionals who cannot think outside their respective boxes.
Here is an example.
A QA (who is very good at her job) said this...
Her:
“We need to get one customer who is willing to pay us a lot of money to make the features they want!”
Me:
“But you realize we are a SaaS company and that means we need lots of customers and constant growth”
Her:
“No, we need to find a customer who is willing to pay us, like a million, to make the features they want. Then we make them for that customer. Then we do that again.”
Me:
“We sell software to small businesses, none of them have a million dollars to pay us, and even if they did then why wouldn’t they build it themselves?
Her:
“Well, when I worked for my last company this is what we did...”
Me:
“So you worked for a contracting company who built software for individual companies. We are not that type of company. We are a SaaS company.”
Her:
“It’s the same thing”
Me:
~Facepalm~
As a software developer and entrepreneur it frustrates me when everyone think everything is the same.
You’ll here things like...
“All we need is to get lucky with one big hit and then we will ride that wave to success, just like Facebook or Amazon!”
Holy fucking shit balls, how stupid can you be!
FB and AZ run thousands of tests a day to see what works. They do not get “lucky”. They dark launched FB messenger with thousands of messages and then rolled it out to their internal team first, they did not get lucky!
Honestly though, I can’t blame them. Most people just want a good job that pays. They aren’t looking to challenge their assumptions.
Personally I know I will be in situations again where my pride, my assumption, my fears are realized and crushed by the market place and I do not want to live in a world of willful ignorance.
I’d rather get it right than feel good.1 -
Boss: "i need you to build a feature so that customers can do bla bla bla and it has to be done by friday.
Dev: "Ok i can do it fast if you sure this is what you want, and requirements wont change in the future. Have you considered bla bla"
Boss: "Yes do it"
Dev: *writes, tests and deploys code*
A few weeks later:
Boss: "we need to add bla bla to the feature you built since some requirements has changed."10 -
Spotify premium ad: "Subscribe to Spotify premium and you can skip any number of songs you want. We won't take it personally."
Actually you do!
What I skip and what I listen through tells your machine learning what I like and what not. That's how it builds my listening profile.
So your (software's) opinion of me directly depends on what and how much I skip.
(I expect that skips from people skipping often to have less value than from seldom skippers.)
That sounds like the definition of "taking it personally"!7 -
Client:
We want you to use the code you used 3 years ago to deliver a similar feature for a different company and then it means we can do this properly because you can just copy and paste it for our needs.. we can pay you a few dollars but we really know what we need so the cost should be very small.
Me:
What the fuck.3 -
I'm cry-laughing.
Management wanted us to deliver a completely new feature before the holidays (see my previous rant) and they were acting really sad when we told them it is impossible. It turns out they really want it to be done, and instead of realising it is not going to happen, they are coming up with brilliant new ideas on what we should do and how should we do it on a daily basis. It was just just a little nuisance until today, listening to them and reading their mails for half an hour a day is not a big deal.
So guess what? They changed the whole fucking specification today. I can't even...6 -
Hello devs, me and a friend want to do a little experiment. We want to install some kinda tracking software on his android phone to monitor everything he does for a few weeks to see what data/metadata his phone sends to what servers etc. Problem, we can't seem to find an app (free) which does this... Any recommendations?14
-
Hello guys and girls!
My company tasked me to do something insane.
Little background info: I'm a trainee, in my first year (of three, even though I will shorten my apprenticeship to two years). I told my trainer that I like encryption in a somewhat private talk.
Now to the insane part. I got tasked to develop a whole security concept ~2 weeks ago to protect our products against industrial espionage. I feel in no way competent enough to achieve this especially because my concepts so far have been dismissed with a 'naaaah. Can't we just do X for now and add the other stuff later?' or 'we can't do that.'
I seriously don't want my name under a concept we would use world wide on our customers pcs which I know has serious flaws.
What should I do? What would you do?22 -
So one of our clients is changing the IPs of his systems (3 servers and one VPN).
It was scheduled that we should support them yesterday. They have tried to change the IPs yesterday for almost 16 hours, don't know they have done in all of that time.
Today I woke up at 8AM on a Sunday (in weekends I just want to sleep!!!!) to continue and hope that we finish fast.
BUT NO! THE fucking VPN IS NOT WORKING!! We are trying to do this over Team FUCKIN VIewer.
But guess what... they cannot either connect to the new IPs from their local systems.1 -
Okay, seriously, are there some secret question-asking ninja skills i am lacking, or does some people just insist on confusing people and wasting time?
I was working on this small bug. Super tiny. Basically a counter that was way off since it counted some duplicate values. Simple, right?
I decided to ask a clarifying question to the lead dev, since i am still new to the company. Really simple. Do we remove duplicate values, do we ignore them in the count when they occur, or is it actually working as expected?
He decides to answer with a long message on what the issue is. That is not what I asked, so I ask again in a slightly different way, thinking he didn't understand the question.. and he answers the same, in a slightly different way.
We go back and forth like this for 30-40 minutes, until I got tired of it and directly asked "I am asking what solution we want, not what the issue is"..
He finally picks option A. Fine. I made the adjustment and pushed my code. He checks it out, and apparently it's wrong.
After a long series of questions (again), it turns out the solution he now describes is exactly what I listed as option C...
A bug that should take 10 minutes to fix ended up taking over 2 hours. Awesome waste of time.5 -
Daily scrum
Today, the Scrumpy Master was not here, so I leaded the daily scrum meeting,
rephrasing the 3 standards questions a little bit: the results where amazing.
Here my questions in case somebody want to use them:
- What the fuck did you do on Friday?
- What the fuck do you think you are doing today?
- What is your fucking problem?
We managed to keep the meeting very short and after the meeting everybody was sooooo concentrated I couldn't believe it.
Beeep Beeeeeep 7:00 o'clock. Shit. I was dreaming. Must wake up and go to work.
Scrum master will be there too.8 -
Me: so, what are you doing as a developer?
Him: I am full-stack developer, basically ROR...
Me:...! Sorry, do you mean R&D, research and development? Or you mean Aroura DB?
Hi: no man, I am expert in ROR! You can not call your self developer in our days without knowing the on demand technologies!
Me:... Sorry dude, can you please tell me what is ROR, I don't want to lose my title as a developer!!!?
Him: OK, we call Ruby On Rails as ROR.
Me: ~¢°¤”©°$®”«2 -
Client : We want to develop this particular software. While developing it, we will be following Agile methodology.
Developers: Sure.
After developer achieves few features and decides to give 1st Demo of the software to the client.
Client : Wtf is this? This is an incomplete software, there are bugs in it.
Developer : Yes, you point that out to me and I will solve them.
Client: What do you mean point them out for you l, couldn't you do it yourself?
Developer: As a standard method, we often do unit tests, but we are not testers and with a strict deadline to match, we are more on the core implementation then checking again and again for minor bugs.
Client : I thought it would be a full proof software without any bugs in the 1st demo.
Developer : Software development is a process. It's not straightforward, hence you only mentioned at the initial, it's agile.
Client : If that's so, let's make it not agile and make you rot in hell for the next few fays. Now you next time show me a demo with no bugs, great complicated features and we will not mention you our expectations, predict them by yourselves, and most importantly, here's an impractical strict deadline.4 -
Devs: Can we please get adequate hardware to do our job correctly? Please, just a new set of larger monitors.
Lower management: Sure, this is going to be easy.
Upper management: Wait what? This will cost us around 500€ times 10? Any maybe in the end other departments will want that to, so make it times 100.
We're a 4+ billion company ... but yes, please, I love scroll bars and they make my work so much faster.4 -
met a client yesterday to discuss about the coming task. After discussion, we agreed that I will develop the API for the system in one month. I did the planning and posted the upcoming tasks in Trello. Today, he told me some of the tasks have been done by his staff and asked me if I can continue the remaining tasks and get it done in one week. Hey, bro, what you want!? it is not what we agreed! do you think i can understand the code that your staff wrote, with poor documentation and structure, in few hours and immediately start working on it, yet deliver everything with high quality? come on...5
-
"I found this tool that we should use because I'm a manager and its simple enough that my tiny little manager brain could set it up!"
Oh wow good for you, Mr. Manager! And what, praytell, does the tool require?
"All proprietary and cost-ineffecient products: MSSQL Server and Windows IIS! What do you mean we have to get the data out in order for it to be scalable? Look at it! I set up a website by clicking on an EXE i downloaded from github!"
Amazing, Mr. Manager. So you violated our security practices AND want to pocket even MORE of our budget?
Kindly fuck right off and start suggesting things instead of making people embarrass you into stoping your fight for your tool (has happened on more than one occassion).3 -
Biggest thing that pisses me off about windows 10 is the fact that they do not give two shits about wasting your internet, and they try to hide everything in obscure split settings, set updates to happen at a specific time sure but did your dumb ass remember to disable downloading app updates in the store? Probably not.
Heck how about we preload apps for you because you are on mobile aren't you, we know it is a desktop but we would really love to be the next android so here you go have apps all the apps.
Instead of being the foundation for things you actually intend to install we want to also give you a sample fucking 200 level tower that will take forever to demolish so you can start building the cozy cottage you do want.
I am digressing , but final thought is just that Windows can be a 1gb install since the rest of the shit is what fucktards that use a Samsung S8 just to facebook want.
Plebs.1 -
Conversation with coworker at a staff function...
girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...
Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!
Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!6 -
Serious Question/Poll
Imagine a job where instead of a worker, you're a partner. Hold on, I know that sounds markety...
Let's say instead of an employee, you're basically like a free agent. The company has a pool of projects that are approved to develop, and you can pick what project and what team to work on. More than that, you can even choose how much you want to work on it, and get paid accordingly in ownership stake of said project (on top of your base salary)
What if you were encouraged to submit your own ideas about everything, and that feedback is instantly public, before anyone (management) can water it down, take credit, or worse, suppress it entirely.
What if you could work from anywhere, home, not home, middle of the ocean, whatever.
Plus, we give you a budget to buy your own pc/mac whatever. As long as you can code on it, we don't give a shit.
Also, foosball and ping pong, beer, coffee, cool work environment and all that kind of shit too.
Paid training, for even whimsical new technology, in fact, especially so.
Want to do agile, fine, hate it? fine, just find the team and project that does what you want.
What else am I missing?17 -
I took a Computer ethics class some time ago, and at some point, we talked about honesty in Computer Science.
There was one thing that bothered me that we never had the chance to touch on, but how do I know that the button I'm clicking is doing what I want it to do?
I mean seriously there is really nothing that is stopping someone from making fake buttons that pretend to do what they say they are doing. I might be uninstalling something on my computer, but can I "really" trust that the software was "completely" removed?
As a developer I always strive for honesty, but that doesn't mean other people are.
How do you guys deal with this?13 -
We want an App!
Our logo big and centre screen!
It's the emergency button to call for help in dire and potentially dangerous situations.
What? Our logo doesn't look like a button? Just do what we say.1 -
I just got trolled by Amazon.
LOL and FML.
Be me, super busy with tons of things to do trying to prioritize tasks and jiggle jaggle from one thing to another.
Then i get a call from an Amazon representative, which I know:
Her: You should join the AWS Founders Club, you will get a lot of benefits.
Me: I don't really want to, I already looked into it and the process is long.
Her: You should do it, you got what it takes. Just register through this link..
Me: O.k.
1 day later
AMAZON: Unfortunately, we have to inform you that at this time we aren't able to accept your application. Though your startup story is impressive, your startup isn't at the right place in its journey to benefit from what the AWS Founders Club can offer.
WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!
I didn't even want to join in the first place!!! What is this next level of trolling?!5 -
Damn simulation.
Some juniors grabbed keyboard and reprogrammed main species to stay at home and fear of death while I was busy working with other features.
Moreover someone made additional changes from infected computer and guess what....
Unfortunately it’s real time system with increasing entropy and we can’t revert changes so fixing damn shit would take from one to two decades.
We don’t have backups cause last time we used them we also killed dinosaurs.
It would be just easier to erase everything and start from beginning cause our statistics charts are fucked up - again but motherfucker boss don’t want to do it.
He’d rather teleport again to adjust the world. Damn fucker thinks he’s god but in fact he’s just prick with rich parents.
I’ve decided to piss him off by adjusting planet thermostat so we can start over.
2 years more and changes would be irreversible.
Damn job.6 -
Today somebody claimed they have the "copyright" of responsive websites.
First of all, I'm here for almost a year now, but this is my first rant. Hello guys!
(linuxxx, call me)
This didn't happen to me.
So, it begins like this:
Some client called us and said "[INSERT_COMPANY_NAME] called us and said they have the copyright of all responsive websites, asking money."
I hanged up, laughed hard and visited [INSERT_COMPANY_NAME] website and saw this:
- Each website that uses the solution must report the domain name in order to register it.
- If a company undertakes web site design, it is the company responsibility to inform and record.
- Any unauthorized website will be considered unauthorized and a violation case will be opened.
...
Pricing (Currency Converted to Dollars)
1 Website ~$260
2 - 10 Website ~$1300
...
Well, eventually I reported this to government. I unmasked this fraud.
OR DID I?
Their site is saying this now: "We do not serve this to anyone except government now, you are making nonsense and we do not want nonsense."
So I posted it on a forum, asking what can we do.
We are suing this company now. Yeah, I said "we".
PS: If we cannot win this, I'll get the copyright of subdomains.1 -
Owner of the company I freelance for: The proposal I sent yesterday to [PR Company we do work for] got bounced back. They said it was incomplete.
Me: Well no shit, they didn't provide us with a detailed itinerary of everything they need, nor did they give us access to sections that they want copied to the new website. I can't and won't provide a full quote when I don't have all the information needed to build one. I would be guessing at this point and it would be shitty guesses.
Owner: Here's a proposal they got from another company. We need to make it like this [sends file].
Me: They mention a one sentence footnote about what I laid out. Everything else is marketing jargon that I don't know, because I'm a developer, not a marketer. I'm not sure what it is you want me to do, because you're asking the wrong person.
Owner: Are you going to help me or not?
Me: Help you with what? You got my notes. Paraphrase them if you need to, but I have more important things on my agenda, like being a web developer, not a proposal drafter. -
https://tagesschau.de/inland/...
What the fuck?
Yea, lets give the (in my opinion corrupt) police the full power to do just about everything - Oh and if you are not christian, bad for you we also put crosses everywhere you look now.
WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK? Why in the flying fuckworld is it possible to do such changes to the law without listening to "intelligent" (intelligent == people with a bit of common sense) people?
Same happened when europe wanted to give robots basic human rights (luckily they gave up on that after scientists wrote a paper)
This REALLY isnt a world I want to live in.17 -
Today is a stark reminder of why i want to leave here. First we couldn't do anything because production was down which blocks dev login. Then support tells me I need to work harder because my bug count keeps going up. But what is in my bugs? Feature requests, global changes, and work that isn't mine. Gee thanks :( Why does support get to comment on my performance anyway by something as dumb as a bug count? Grrr.5
-
My Little Pony, season 1 episode 14, "Suited for Success". Rarity wants to make dresses for her friends, but strives too hard to get it just how they really want it. The project becomes a stressing problem when she tries to make each dress specific to its wearer's taste. Each of her clients has requirements that don't necessarily allign with Rarity's vision, so she has to cope with changing demands and finish them before the Galloping Galla.
Rainbow Dash: I just want my dress to be cool.
Rarity: Do you not like the color?
RD: The color's fine, just make it look cooler.
R: Do you not like the shape?
RD: The shape's fine, just make the whole thing, you know, cooler. It needs to be about 20% cooler.
🎵
All we ever want is indecision.
All we really like is what we know.
[...]
Even if you simply have to fudge it,
make sure it stays within our budget.
🎵
Rarity first makes dresses that she herself loves, but her friends don't, and in the end she makes dresses that her friends love, but she doesn't.
I have sympathy for her.12 -
I fucking hate stupid accountants!
Yesterday we went to a customer to talk to the accountants because we want to remove one of their unused PC's in the office.
First, just the way they think (and talk if) they are the most important and it's absolutely critical everything works 100%. I see they are important but not 100 times more important than everybody else!
They called us their EDP-guys (EDV in German, that's the translation I found). That insulted me a bit. I'm rather called IT-guy, I don't know anything about the fucking EDP systems nor want I to. I'm there to make sure the hardware works. But whatever, fine, call me what you want.
Then they straight up threatened us, because their work is so important, they can't afford to have downtime in their systems. They don't really care, but the bosses of us both do and if we fuck up they (the bosses) will hold us responsible. There is a fucking update for your piece of shit software (datev)! I don't do the update, I'm just responsible that the update can be deployed on the hardware. I'm not responsible if this update fucks your system and frankly I don't care!
I could tell them all of this but they won't listen. They always talk in this patronising arrogant voice, because they are so important and we better don't fuck up the update.
I'm there to help. I don't want downtime for your systems. I want you to work with our systems the best you can.
But fuck you, I hope the server burns down!13 -
Personally I am starting to think that any development tools, resources and sites should not be allowed to use marketing dribble.
It should go
-> Land on home page
-> Hi, we are a realtime database cloud host
-> no you cannot host it yourself
-> here is code to speak to our servers
-> here is the cost
->now take it or go.
Something like that, and not
We provide clients with the leading cloud and hosted data solutions that can scale vertically and horizontally on and offline data management keeping people connected and saving kittens.
Fuck you show me one kitten you saved? Lying pieces of shit that do not want to just say hey this is what we have , this is ours, it may not be much but it is what we believe in and if you would like to use it here is how , thank you now move the fuck along our server can't handle so many concurrent connections.2 -
Designer: These nine logo's come after the intro text...
Me: Wait... nine? How do we know the number of company logo's in that section is always nine?
Designer: Well that looks the best.
Me: That may be, but we're working with CMS content here. We cannot be sure that this company works for exactly nine clients.
Designer: What do you mean?
Me: In general the idea is that a CMS allows a customer to determine that for themselves. That is kind of what a Content Management System does.
Designer: But shouldn't I, the Designer, be in control of that? Nine logo's simply looks the best!
Me (trying to cope with the fact this guy's formal education is a joke compared to his ego): The reality is that the client being able to determine his own content is the reason we make this website. We will have to take into account the actual number of items in the CMS may be less or more. We could paginate it or randomize it if you want to use that grid of nine.
Designer: I don't see why I can't determine that.
Me: Designing around those constraints is what my boss hired you to do.15 -
Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)
Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.2 -
CSS quick maffs
You need to make a responsive grid that should wrap its columns on smaller screens. That's whay you do:
.grid {
display: grid;
grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(15rem, auto));
}
Replace 15rem with minimal width of a grid cell. Putting 0 there is bad because columns won't wrap then.
Now, let's make our task harder. We want the same grid, but we want say 4 columns max. That's what we should do:
.grid {
--columns: 4;
display: grid;
grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fill, minmax(max(15rem, (100% - (var(--columns) - 1) * 1rem) / var(--columns)), 1fr));
}
--columns regulate the maximum amount of columns we can have.
Aight bye4 -
Me: what we want our users to do is inherently complex. We can't make it "iPhone-intuitive", this thing needs instructions.
my boss: we have put people on the moon
me thinking: how intuitive do you think that rocket was4 -
A couple of days ago I needed a RS232 to USB adaptor.
Went to a store:
Me: Do yo have any RS232 to USB adaptor?
Him: Only to USB-C
Me: Ok... Now I just need a USB -> USB-C adaptor
Him: But what kind of TV do you want to connect?
Me: Wait. WHAT?
Him: Yea, you want a VGA to USB? Why do you need that?
Me: No, RS232, I don't need VGA...
Him: Ah... ok, no... we don't have any...
(Funny story... almost the same happened in 3 stores in a row....)
fml8 -
I find many of the peculiarities about our kind (developer) to be amusing.
Here is one I have seen too many times to count...
You ask a group of developer something like...
“We have a project built using X, Y and Z. We are looking at integrating the “example framework” to solve a specific problem. Do you have any experience with “example framework” or would you suggest another framework?”
Inevitably you get the same useless response of “Why are you using X, Y, and Z. It’s so <insert generic complaint here>!” Followed with no actual attempt to answer the question asked...
Listen, I know some of us a socially awkward (I can be) and I know we like to debate and argue.
But, if someone asks you a specific technical question about an existing product, either...
1. Answer the question with your experience
2. Declare that you do not have experience with it
3. Shut your fucking childish mouth
No one cares about how you feel about the size of the underlying technology in existing products! What do you expect?
“OMG, we didn’t realize X technology as 100mb large! Hold on while we go and reengineer our entire product base because of this fucking revelation you just told us!”
You may want to hear your own voice but the rest of us would prefer it if you would shut your mouth if you have nothing useful to add.
(Reads as: we would prefer is you fucked right off!)3 -
So you warn the agency that the client is going to eat into the Dev time with their constant design change requests. Warned them repeatedly for a good month, I should add, asking them to better manage the client's expectations and push back for a later launch date. Come time for development and they act all surprised that we can't build the entire site, that we outlined in the timeline will take 4 to 5 weeks of Dev time, in less than 2 weeks!! ... It gets worse! They say the client is happy to compromise as long as we launch "something" by this date. We list out what can be done, and the fact that there's no time for the client to do QC and we won't be able to do a full QA phase on the site until after launch and only when we finalise all the features. Agency says client agrees and within 3 days into development, they want to QC the site and add more features....... still wanting all this in 2 weeks. This site has now been in development for 3 months.1
-
tldr:
first year in college we programmed 24 hrs straight to fix somebody's mess before the deadline. Decided not to screw him over, instead he claimed to have done everything and we failed the assignment.
Long version:
var group= new[]{"Mike", "Gavin", "Gus", "I", "Ben" };
var client = "Jack"';
First year of college we had an assignment to make a web program for somebody.
Ben wanted to join our group and he already knew a client so we let him join.
After joining Ben wanted to be project lead, but we already decided Mike based on his experience.
Ben claimed to be much better in every way than Mike at and kept coming with stuff the following weeks why we should make him project lead. He kept pointing out when Mike did something wrong and he even came with an audio file where he clearly made jack say that he wanted Ben to be project lead .
After that we were all a bit pissed and told him that he should get it in his head that he was not going to be project lead and just start working on his part of the assignment.
We also found out that Ben was a documentation addict, what we could write in a small paragraph, he wrote a whole page about it. No joke, I rewrote a page of his in 5-6 rows with the same information in it.
No problem you thing, wrong! Because of this he kept bothering us arguing and claiming that our documentation was wrong because it was to short.
In the week of the deadline we asked Ben if he was also done, and told us that he was done for a while now.
The day before the deadline we came to school thinking we only had to do some merging and finishing up documentation.
Then we found out that Ben has almost nothing, and what he had the IDE was screaming that it was incorrect, spaces in Id's and css class names for instance. A really good programmer, my ass!
We were so pissed off at this point, but we had 24 hrs and needed to come up with a plan to fix it.
We decided that Mike and I were going to fix Ben his shit in the coming 24 hrs and Ben was going to make our last bit of documentation because we would not have the time for that, Especially if we had to argue with him like we had to do for each bit of documentation. Gus did not have time and Gavin could not program on his own yet, he wanted to help, but helping him help us would cost more time than we had.
We all went home after that and Mike and I started to program 24 hours straight while in a Skype call, making what Ben had 2 months for. Shortly before the deadline Mike looked at our finishing up documentation received from Ben and told me it was "Okay" and zipped everything up and uploaded it to school with a few minutes to spare.
After that we thought everything was good, we made Ben's part work and delivered it in time. We also decided not to throw Ben under the bus, because this would hurt all our grades because we did not work good as a group since we should have noticed it earlier.
A few weeks go by till the assessment.
The assessment start with asking if we want individual grades or as a group when you all think you did equal amount. We choose as a group, because if we chose individual not only Ben but also Gavin would get a lower grade and we did not think that was fair because he tried so hard.
We demo the product and the teachers are positive. When the teachers start about the documentation, the first thing they tell is that they found something interesting in the documentation, and they read it to us:
"I, Ben, have made all the documentation because my group did not want to."
That was so far from the truth, we all did make our documentation about the parts we made. Yes he did do overall a little bit more because every single bit of documentation we had to argue with him, so every time he volunteers to make it, we would all agree. And he made Mike's and i's last bit of documentation.
Telling the teachers on that point would not have mattered, it would only have hurt is in another way, so we did not and all failed the assignment. And we all felt like to strangle him.
This is now a few years back, but i still want too.1 -
I have a server. I want to filter connections to that server so only people on my work network can access the server. A quick search yielded my public IP address.
"Is this static?" I asked IT. "Do we have static IP address?"
"What do you mean? What do you need that for? You better know EXACTLY what you are doing before we release that information to you!!!! This needs to go to my manager. My manager is demanding to know why you want that information - we are having Network Engineering look into this request, someone will be in touch to find out more."
I have now been waiting for 3 hours. I think I will just go ahead and assume my IP is not going to change...undefined infosec how many engineers does it take i am on the 10th floor the fall would kill me corporate america5 -
Operations: Can you exclude some user records for the website? These are obsolete and we don’t want users to access these anymore.
Me: So what are you using to indicate the record is obsolete?
Ops: We changed the last name field to say “shell record - do not use.” Sometimes it’s in the first name. Actually, it gets truncated to “shell record - do not u”.
Me: A…text field…and you’re totally ok with breaking user accounts…ok ok cool cool
Not cool 😳😬🤬 I’m not causing more chaos because your record keeping has gotten messy11 -
We had a course where we, the students, got connected with companies who could pitch ideas for us to choose. So we were to develop something for a company for free, but that probably won't be so bad, right? When the course was over we told the company we would fix any critical bugs that appeared after the final prototype was developed. We only had 8 weeks to complete the project, and that includes documentation (project plan etc) and other "school stuff" like an essay on what we've learned and so on. In other words, didn't have enough time to develop what the company was really looking for. Still those guys is bugging us about minor bugs they want fixed or "could you just implement this feature" . The course is over, they have all the source code so they could hire someone else to do it (or us, you could pay us you know?) but nooooo they think we owe it to them. We gave them a fully functional application to use, free of charge, but that still isn't enough. And they threaten with "but you can use this in a future resume" (yea we had to sign a NDA). Fuck it, am I being a whiny bitch?3
-
Different perspective.
So your friend wants you to make the next big Facebook or Google because they know you can code....lots of rants like that and it gets me as well when I'm fixing printers for family and friends. Thing is these people genuinely just want to do something cool and succeed so they can have a good life. They see what we can do and wish they had the same talent. They have an idea they think will be great, they don't know what we know, and they don't know that it could be the most amazing thing ever and still never take off.
They don't realize to be Facebook or Google you have to sell out your values, morals, and soul. They just think if we can code we should be millionaires. So on that philosophy after just over a year the devRant creators should be rolling in cash right? But pretty sure I saw they are still operating at a loss.
I'd love to be able to have the time to work with each of them, teach them, and guide them through that first failure and let down of realizing that coding doesn't buy a magic ticket to a new life.
// Like anyone ever really fixes a printer //2 -
The coworkers I work with are really smart and capable at their job. PRs with 20+ commits. So guess what? all the PRs are squashed “by default”, so every commit in the history has 100 file changes. Fan fucking tastic. I totally don’t want to kill myself. As an added bonus, all of it is in an Azure repo, so we can’t actually search PRs which is awesome. Plus, all the BE developers want us to do their job! It’s an amazing learning experience!!!5
-
So you have an organization that flirts with scrum and wants to be agile. You have non-crossfunctional teams who don't know what agile is. You have product owner who doesn't want to do backlog, but instead acts like project manager and asks for statuses and assigns tasks to peple. He wants the teams to find out what needs to be done and fill the backlog themselves - and then raport to him. You have business owers who noone knows who they are. You have project managers, who don't fit the whole scrum hierarchy. These project managers insist calling scrum masters "team leaders". Also these project managers think scrum is silly and don't want anything to do with it. And then you have higher program management that think this whole scum thing is better than sliced bread and everything is going just dandy!
Oh yeah, also highest organization management thinks that we are on the right track. We just need be more agile but less agile and work more efficiently whitout really saying, what the hell are we supposed to do.
Basically every day is like going to the zoo. Without the fun part.6 -
They brought the artist Salvador Dalí back to "life" with DeepFake for an exhibition. And it's nothing short of amazing. This is why want to work in technology. Bringing a smile and amazement to people. ☺️
What do you think of it and what do you think will we see in the future?
check it out
Behind the Scenes: Dali Lives
https://youtu.be/BIDaxl4xqJ46 -
No matter how much we do for client, sponsor, do the app for free. They will still not be happy with me. Always trying to bullying me to get more things done for free. Plus the fucken asshole bad mouth about my company and doesn't recommend us to anyone.
This one client we did a website for free 3 years ago. Just came in today wants to revamp the website for free again but this time they want more features. What surprising is that they don't want our company link to be on the website as they don't want to tell the world that we made the website. According to my boss via sponsorship they have not given any client.5 -
We had this customer that wanted a app called "Bottle message" to use it for basically everything like ordering shoes or sending money. He thought it would be practicable to just write in the "message" what you want to do and when you want to make it happen.
-
Writing an efficient, modern renderer is truly an exercise of patience. You have a good idea? Hah, fuck you, GPUs don't support that. Okay but what if I try to use this advanced feature? Eh, probably not going to support exactly what you would like to do. Okay fuck it I'm gonna use the most obscure features possible. Congratulations, it doesn't work even on the niche hardware that supports that extension
If I sound jaded, ya better believe I f*cking am! I cannot wait for more graphics cards to support features like mesh shaders so we can finally compute shader all the things and do things the way we want to god dammit -
Weirdest morning in a while:
- good morning!
_ good morning
* walk over to colleagues desk to see what he’s working on pure out of interest*
_what do you want?
-nothing just curious
_do you want to fight?
-wtf?
The more i work with fellow developers the more i realize the special kind of people we actually are.8 -
People: "Well we could put this data in the address book.....?"
Me: "Wait, what does that data have to do with the address book? Does a given address need that data / is it specific to that address?"
People: "No it's not related to addresses ... we just thought we could put it there."
Me: ....
Me: "So if you use that address you always want that specific data you want stored in the address book?"
People: "Oh no it's not tied to addresses."
Me: ....
Me: "So help me out here, when do you use a given piece of data? In the example here, what made you add that information?"
-Silence-
People: "Um, I'm not sure."
Me: "I think it would be a good idea if we found out. That might provide us some important guidance here."2 -
I started working at my company a year ago.
Back then I was just graduating from sofware engineering degree.
The position was Junior Web Dev, But actually it is full stack developer.
When I joined I wanted salary X (because I "got offers"), which was a bit above what big companies like Intel gives to graduates back then.
The offered back 80% of it, which was a bit more than was most graduates got in startups.
I settled on their offer and we agreed that after a year I'll get the raise if I'll do good.
A year passed.
The team leader left for a bigger company, and I became the unofficial team leader (and was always the scrum master )
Bare in mind that there are two developers that are in the company for 2-3 years, yet I got the unofficial roll.
We had the talk, and my manager asked me straight away "under what salary would you start to search other jobs? We want to keep you here"
I said that under my initial X salary that we agreed a year ago.
He claimed to have forgotten that we agreed on 20% raise.
I answered that it's the least I ask, beneath it and I'll start looking for another job.
He replied that he'll do his best to make the owner give me that.
A week passed and I got no update....
What should I do in your opinion?12 -
Longest I've worked without rest + why?
Over 24 hours. Why?
In our old system, the database had fields, for example, a customer like Total97, Total98, etc. to store values by year (or some date-specific value).
Every January 1, we had to add fields to accommodate the upcoming year and make the appropriate code changes to handle the new fields.
One year the UPS shipping rates changed and users didn't want to 'lose' the old rates, so they wanted new fields added (Rate98, Rate99, etc) so they could compare old vs. new. That required a complete re-write of most of the underlying applications because users wanted to see the difference on any/all applications that displayed a shipping rate. I'll throw in asking 'why?' was often answered with "because we pay you to do what we say". Luckily, we had already gotten to work on a lot of this before January 1st, so we were, for the most part, ready.
January 1st rolls around (we had to be in the office at 3:00AM), work thru changes, spend some time testing, and be done before noon. That didn't happen. The accounting system was a system that wasn't in (and had never been) in scope, and when we flipped the switch, one of the accountants comes into the office:
E: "Guys? None of our Excel spreadsheets are working. They are critical to integration with the accounting software"
Us: "What? Why would you be using Excel to integrate with the software instead of their portal?"
E: "We could never figure it out, so we had a consultant write VBA scripts to do the work."
Us: "OK, a lot of fields changed, but shouldn't be a big deal. How many spreadsheets are we talking about?"
E: "Hundreds. We have a separate spreadsheet for every integration point. The consulting company said it scalable, whatever that means."
Us: "What?! Why we just know hearing about this!?"
E: "Don't worry, the consultant said making changes would be easy, let me show you, just open the spreadsheet..click here..<click><click><click>...ignore that error, it always happens...click that <click><click><click>.."
Us: "Oh good lord, this is going to take hours"
E: "Ha! Probably. All this computer stuff is your job and I've got a family to get to. Later"
Us: "Hey 'VP of IS', can we go home and fix these spreadsheets as-needed this week?"
VP-IS: "Let me check with 'VP-FS'"
<few minutes later>
VP-IS: "No, he said Excel is critical to running their department. We stay until Excel is fixed."
Us: "No, no...its these spreadsheets. I doubt FS needs all of them tomorrow morning."
VP-IS: "That's what I said. Spreadsheets, Excel, same thing. I'll order the pizza. Who likes pepperoni!?"
At least he didn't cheap out on the pizza (only 4 of us and he ordered 6 large, extra pepperoni from one of the best pizza places in town)
One problem after another and we didn't get done until almost 6:00AM. Then...
VP-IS: "Great job guys. I've scheduled a meeting at 8:00AM to review what we did so we can document the process for next year. You've got a couple of hours. Feel free to get some breakfast and come back, or eat the left over pizza in the breakroom fridge. There is a lot left"
Us: "Um...sorry...we're going home."
VP-IS: "WHAT!!...OK...fine. I'll schedule the meeting for 12"
Us: "No...we're going home. We'll see you tomorrow." -
I dont need DuckDuckGo,
I dont need any VPN
I dont need all of this "Internet Privacy Service" BULLSHIT which my ISP wants me to use,
I DONT NEED ANY OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!
AND I DONT WANT IT EITHER!
I HAVE MY OWN PI HOLE!
AND THATS FUCKING ENOUGH FOR WHAT I NEED! STOP TELLING ME ABOUT ALL THIS "We are clearly not logging your shit" WHILE YOU DO!!
Because I have my own shit!
Thx10 -
Me: Let's implement this integration test suite in Python since it has got plenty of rich libraries for accomplishing our goals.
Client: Let's use Node.js instead.
Me: With Node.js, we'll need to handle a lot of it's inherent stuff like asynchronous code flows, promises, etc. That's not what we primarily want to achieve.
Client: Let's use Node.js.
Me: Okay. What potential advantages do you see with Node.js?
Client: Umm.. let's just use Node.js?
Me: FML4 -
Fuck Angular and everything it represents
I've been working in a large enterprise cooperation for the last year and I fucking hate it
Fuck Angular
Fuck everyone who thinks they are the shit for using this fucking piece of garbage fRaMeWoRk
You can use this shit if you want but shut the fuck up when we want to do a react project
I don't care what frameworks and libraries other people use stay the fuck out of my projects and let me use what ever I like
had to rant 😔29 -
Tuesdays at work suck. This is something I've put a lot of thought into.
Take Monday for instance, we love to hate him, when it comes to Mondays we all know the score we tell Monday where he can go and he takes that and owns it. He knows we hate him and we all know where we stand.
Wednesday is hump day, not great but we know we're halfway through the week. Thursday gets us a little excited cos we can see the end of the week.
Friday is the one we've been waiting for and we love him, Saturday and Sunday are bliss.
Tuesday... What's Tuesday got? It's just a day, there's nothing going on with Tuesdays.
Well except this week, in the UK we had Monday off as a statutory vacation, so this week, this week Tuesday is the day we love to hate, he's now got all this beginning of the week rage directed at him. The other days are unaffected, Thursday and Friday still have their thing, Wednesday still marks the half way point.
Monday has buggered off and let Tuesday be something for a day, I don't think he can take it. If he could Monday would probably go into retirement. Monday probably has more hatred directed towards it than Katie Hopkins (and that's saying something).
In short, no, no I do not want to get out of bed and go to work today, but I will, cos that's just what we do, but fuck you Tuesday.
Fuck you with a bag of spanners...
...Sideways...
...With habanero sauce...
... And a pineapple.1 -
I really don't know how to please StackOverflow people. I did my due diligence on a bit of code but, like we all do, I got stuck and needed a bit of advice. I posted clearly and concisely and still my question got downvoted twice. What do they want? For me to post the question AND the answer? Only ask Ph.D.-type questions? Why am I never good enough for these people?!4
-
At a previous job, boss & owner of company would waste hours of my time to show me, at his own desk, every small detail of some random feature he had fallen in love with on some random webpage he found, while saying "I don't want to disrupt your plans or anything, this is just something to keep in the back of your minds, as this would be a really nice thing to have, even tho none of the clients have asked for this and I have asked no one else for a second opinion, and I will most likely ask you to remove this feature in the future because I will finally have realized it wasn't that good an idea anyway."
Ok dipshit, what the fuck are we supposed to do with this information? Every week from this moment on you will ask whether we have found the time to implement this feature, even though you are fully aware that our schedule has no room for random, unplanned features and that we are already not able to meet the unreasonable deadline you pulled out of your ass two weeks into a development process that would end up taking 8+ months.
We are already overworked, we already work hours upon hours of unpaid overtime, and yet you still think it reasonable to pull us away from our work every other fucking day to talk about random extra features you want added, but don't want added to the roadmap because you want no delays... Fuck you, fuck your toxic attitude, fuck your meetings where you spend half an hour complaining about features we are still in the process of developing the backend functionality for (on test servers) not having the right font colour for the text, and fuck your legacy desktop software originally written in COBOL that you now want moved to "the cloud".
I would rather be unemployed and live as a hobo on the streets with a "will code for food" sign than work for you ever again. -
Why is it, that every time Microsoft updates their Office, it gets worse?
You want your “ribbon simplified?” You’ve got it, we removed all the buttons that you usually need.
You want a clearer view of items? You’ve got it, we doubled the font size and added 10cm empty spaces between emails in the list.
Wanna see how the weather in Washington? You’ve got it. We added the forecast info there automatically. We know that it’s like 20 000km away from you!
What else could we do in future to fuck up your setup more?6 -
We need more positivity:
Reason why you like coding? / Reason why you chose it as your career? / Why wouldn't you want to do something different?
Best feeling when coding
Nicest colleague/Best teamwork experience/Best boss/easiest client
What do you like about your position/job/company
Besides coding, what makes you happy
Your favorite stack/language/working environment3 -
Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?7 -
Corporations... huge, old, monolithic
We want you to automate but will do everything we can to prevent you from getting resources to do it. Restricting policies, decisions by managers on "what they do not want". No procedures on how to achieve the result within policies. Half the business lives in a gray zone and sea of policy exceptions.
We finally decided to get at least Azure subscription instead of trying to develop similar framework internally, but wE DoNT WANt YOu to dEPlOY thERE As WE Don't cOnSIDEr it sAfE ENough.
Like pissing against wind.6 -
Send out some platform accounts. A few days later VIP Support writes me:
VIP: What did you think by writing to our client. He never used the platform or worked with anyone on there. Do you see any deeper sense behind that?!
Inner Me: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU DO AND I DON'T CARE. If your name is on the list, I have to write you your account!!!
Me: Sorry about that. Someone put it on the distributor list. If you want we can delete it, but maybe he needs it in the future to collaborate.
Sorry for any inconvenience
VIP: ...1 -
We are a small company, and our CEO and CTO attends our daily standups(not sure why)
At the end our CTO, after a little discission with our PM, goes: “This” is more importent and should be gone first - its money to the company.
Pm: Fine but then “that” wont be worked on for now.
Cto: ohh okay, but “this” is really importent, so do it first.
Standup done, people returns to work.
1 minut later, Cto comes into the dev room.
Cto: “something else” is also really really importent.
Pm: ok, so then we do “something else” instead and we will put “this” on standby for now.
Cto: and remember “operation” has the highest priority of all.
For fuck sake... just pick one or decide what it is you want....
Cto has no clue to what he is doing. Does not have a long term plan, other then get money into the company based on really short term goals.
Easy to say im not his biggest fan, and I am a 100% sure he knows this.5 -
Co-worker: At my last job "I was technically lead dev", so don't mind me telling you what to do and criticizing every line of code you write. (He said that in finger quotes. I am also paraphrasing the last part, but you get the gist).
Me: So the fact that we are both level 3 programmers means nothing?
Co-worker: Exactly! See you understand!
Me in my mind: What a prick!
Just a little context there aren't any lead devs at our company, our boss doesn't want any. Also we have been working at this company together for 3 years, and this co-worker just said that to me today, WTF?13 -
fuck my school. all i had to do was log in to see my grades and what do i get? the fucking stack trace. security? i think not. seriously though, why the fuck would my county want to make their own grading website when the one we had worked just fine? it looks like it was written terribly, the cause was just a bad socket connection and it even gave me the server name and version. i copied it to a google doc (it was already shortened) and it took up seven pages. jesus.2
-
I agree with many people on here that Front-End web development/design isn't what it used to be.
Things used to be simple: a static page. Then we decoupled design from description and we introduced CSS; nice, clean separation, more manageable - everything looks nice up to this point.
Introduce dynamic pages, introduce JavaScript. We can now change the DOM and we can make interactive, neat little webpages; cool, the web is still fun.
Years later, we start throwing backend concepts into the web and bloating it with logic because we want so much for the web to be portable and emulate the backend. This is where it starts to get ugly: come ASP, come single pages, partial pages, templates,.. The front-end now talks to a backend, okay. We start decoupling things and we let the logic be handled by the backend - fair enough.
Even later, we start decoupling the edge processes (website setup, file management, etc.) and then we introduce ugly JavaScript tools to do it. Then we introduce convoluted frameworks (Angular,..). Sometimes we find ourselves debugging the tools themselves (grunt, gulp, mapping tools,..) rather than focusing on the development itself (as per ITIL guidelines; focus on value), no matter how promising today's frameworks claim to be ("You get to focus on your business code"; yeah right, in practice it has turned out differently for me. More like "I get to focus on wasting copious amounts of time trying to figure out your tangled web").
Everything has now turned into an unfriendly, tangled web (no pun intended).
I miss the old days when creating things for the Web used to be fun, exciting and simple and it would invigorate passion, not hate.
<my cents="2"></my>3 -
Me: I think our customer should have to specify this thing.
Someone else: Let's do what we can to be really flexible for them.
Me Later: Yeah well our super flexibility now makes these queries they want impossible .....2 -
Look, I get it. Wordpress sucks. It’s bloated. It’s slow. It’s not elegant. It’s a nightmare to debug and code for. The plugin ecosystem is an insecure, confusing mess of outdatedness and issues.
We can all agree that in a perfect world all power to determine everything about a website, from the code to the content, would be in our power as developers. But we don’t live in a perfect world. People want convenience, even at the cost of performance and security, and they will inevitably resent technologists who refuse to give it to them. We do ourselves and our customers a disservice when we only do what we feel is in our own best interests or preferences and not what will help them with their realities.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s a pain. Yes, it’s in demand and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
And that’s all I have to say about that.5 -
Client insisting on Vanilla JS instead of using a existing framework to design a reporting dashboard, because "first I want to build one dashboard page and see how people react to It and what all changes they want. Once we have complete picture in mind we will go for a framework". Sure, let's do the entire work twice for peanuts.9
-
Gave a recommendation to the boss to do a thing. He said “Go and do the thing.” I wanted to do a proof of concept but there was no time. We got the contract. I tried to do the thing. It didn’t work. It WON’T work because the vendor’s marketing far overpromises what the product can do. No way to back down because the client is already fully invested in the solution. I want to quit my job AND my career now because I apparently suck at all of it.1
-
Founder: Are you sure you want to join this startup?
Candidate: 100% sure Sir
Founder: Startups are risky, what if we shut down next month?
Candidate: Sir, I will do whatever it takes to not let that happen
Founder: That’s what I was looking for. You can join at 90% salary cut. That will give us 2 months more runway3 -
Yes, thank you motherfucker. Please change the fucking specification again one fucking day before the deadline.
These project managers and clients are like little children who can't decide whether they want a lego set or a video game for christmas except little children don't blame santa for their own stupidity.
Guess what? I'm not santa fucking claus and can't do miracles in one day. It's on you little project manager children if we miss this deadline.rant project management incompetent fucks project management fail last minute changes project managers1 -
"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.
For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.2 -
Hey, fellow dRs.
I may need some help regarding this circuit.
It is about an 8 Bit multifunctional shift register with a 2 Bit instruction set.
These work:
If "Sel" is 0x00, the circuit loads data into its 8 D flip flops.
If "Sel" is 0x03, the circuit replaces all data with 0s.
These don't work (they do, but they do it in a very strange way and end up filling 1s instead):
If "Sel" is 0x01, it is supposed to ringshift bitwise to the right.
If "Sel" is 0x02, it is supposed to ringshift to the left.
As mentioned above. They do it in a very strange way. If we have 10000000, it will shift to the left or right depending on the "Sel"'s binary value. Let us say we want to shift it right. The output will turn from 10000000 to 01000000 (which is what we want), BUT after that it adds another 1 to it: 01100000. It keeps doing it until every single Bit is a 1. Same thing happens with the left ringshift.
I will include the other circuits used in this circuit in the comment section.25 -
we just created a new web dev team (3 months) and boss came to us, looked what frontend guy has done already (one guy who joined us month ago) and said "this is not how i imagined our platform. It should be working next month". Well how about providing anything to let us know what do you want? Well Im fighting now to get some brief at least ;)
-
What a great day already
* Start learning grahpql
* yay it seems easy
* not 2 minutes later get message from professor to write an apology letter for that seminar that I did not attended (inner ultimate rage), and if I don't submit it I won't be allowed for the final semester of my last step of education
* wow claps for your education system and asshole "professors"
* fuck all friends who want to write their apology letter with "excuse".
* AT LEAST GIVE A FUCKING EXCUSE TO WRITE, YOU MORONS
* what graphql? oh yes couldn't continue
* checks messages on WhatsApp *
* Hey could you write me an email regarding a refund I need.
* ¯\_ツ_/¯ ⤜(ʘ_ʘ)⤏
All of this fucking shit storm and still I haven't been able to land upon a topic for the project
Oh wait, but you have to do your project in an industry, and IT HAS TO BE A PROJECT
Ah we don't care if industry allows a fresh intern to do a live project or gives intern resource and company space and invest time and effort in him/her. no we don't.
*WE WANT INDUSTRY PROJECT FROM YOU*1 -
Rant about IT teacher
(This happened a few months ago)
I go to highschool and in ninth grade you learn about Excel and databases in general. In the first half of the year we learned how to use excel and in the second part of the year we learned about SQL databases.
So we learned SQL and how to set up a database using LibreOffice Base. At the end of the year we had to do one final project which was setting up a database and writing some queries.
We had to do it in groups of two and we had to choose for what we wanted to make a database.
We had like 5 minutes time to discuss it in the groups and me and my friend decided to do something like GitHub, so a database with tables for all the users, repositories, etc.
Then we had to tell our teacher what we wanted to do. Others made databases for hospitals, shops, netflix, app stores. The teacher asked the other groups, they told him what they wanted to do and he wrote it down. Here is how it went down with my group:
Teacher: So what do you want to do?
Me: A database for something like GitHub
Teacher: For what?
Me: GitHub
Teacher: what?
Me (very slowly): G I T H U B
Teacher: what is github?
Me: ...
(I was very surprised that he didn't know GitHub)
Me: well, you can upload files and work on them together with other people. There are also things like branches...
Teacher: Ah ok, so a cloud service
(I was done and wanted to end the conversation)
Me: Yes... it's a cloud service...
(Me in my mind: why do i have to be here)
We named our project 'GitGud', a little bit passiv aggresive.
Yeah so apparently my IT teacher doesn't know GitHub, however he installed Ubuntu on some of the school computers so I guess that's nice
We got an A so that's good.14 -
> Mister IHateForALiving, we need a new table on the website do to thing
No biggie, we know there's a datatable plugin somewhere.
> No, you can't use that, it doesn't have pagination
Oh, right. I also see here it was last updated 4 years ago, it's kinda shit too, it's like the inbred cousin of a real datatable. Ok, how did you tackle the thing until now?
> There's a script template somewhere in the page, we iterate over that to create our tables
Ok, but I'll have to write some logic for that, how much time do I have?
> I want this to be online by this evening
Can't be done, what if we used a normal datatable like normal people?
> No, it looks too different from the real site
How am I supposed to manage the thing then?
> IDK, just reload the page every time
_____________
And here we are, triggering a full page reload on an already bloated Laravel app (something like 600-800ms) for 20 lines of json. Great idea mister team leader, but consider the following: fuck you and your bastard lineage.4 -
Writing some software for a school while sitting in their support-department.
A teacher comes in and asks if we can find the email adress or facebook of a woman he met on vacation because he wants to send her something.
Someone asks: 'what do you want to send her?'
A two second long silence followed...
Everyone starts laughing.
Teachers... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯1 -
Client: I want a fixed timescale and cost on this project.
Me: OK, what do you need?
Client: We need to integrate our website with our CRM system, which we're in the middle of rebuilding and don't know what data will be available from it. We also want sophisticated Google maps integration, online sale, digital agreement signing and a customer login section that works as a social network for our clients. And we want it in six months time. And an app. And we want you to pitch for free with some initial design concepts. And we want details of you project management strategy.
Me: Ok... Do you know what you want your app to do?
Client: Yes, it's an app! So how much will this cost me?
Me: D':2 -
Notice how the Apple code samples have moved from the very well designed Objective C to a mature Swift... (sorry, typo, manure Swift) Swift 1.0, wait 2.0, no hold on 3.0, oh yea 4.0. It's a moving target for their developers with code samples all over the place...
Once Swift stabilizes, sure, ok, force everyone and everything to change (seriously?).
Apple, why the FUCK do you think we want to deal with your beta crap forced down our throat? Its bad enough the language is an inconsistent illogical mess but having to come along with you for the 'we-don't-have-a-clue-what-we-are-doing' ride is utter bullshit. Leave the GOD DAMN Objective C samples up for crying out loud.6 -
!dev
The constant fight between my parents left me traumatized for years. In this lockdown I'm home, for almost after a year, same fight. I was speaking, I was calm. But my body was in a flight reaction, my legs were shivering violently my mind was calm though.
Now they are still fighting, it's as always very abusive, and now I'm just in my bed feeling a bit of just like what I used to feel during my childhood. I thought that things are fine in my family again, we can be reasonable now. We can cultivate good relationships finally but now, I feel the same I as used to do when I was 15, I want to leave. Leave this house. I want to be alone.10 -
Just because you have no idea what you are doing does not make you an artist.
So can we please treat software development as engineering?
I get that in software there are a lot of unknowns and you won't always find best practices, especially if you want to be a pioneer on the bleeding edge.
Yet maybe that issue you were trying to solve with your hackish -- I mean artfully -- solution is a lack of understanding of the basic technology?
If you want to do art, try poetry.3 -
well, that escalated quickly...
today a coworker was asked if he could write a query to find customers which placed orders matching some criterias. so far so good. he write the query and put the result into a spreadsheet and gave it to the lead.
"i need it in another format" (he did not specify any format before nor did he tell which columns he is interested in). 2 hours later the query was finished.
then, the coworker got a call from the leader. he wants to see us both in his office.
"okay, we need to write a personalized mail to every customer with the orders in a spreadsheet as an attatchment. we also need this on paper as not everyone reads our mail. we want to send letters. the whole process needs to be finished in half a day and we want it automated. i do not want to have one of the sales department waste 2 hours writing stuff himself".
well, you can imagine my thoughts on that.
the personalized text is not finished. we wasted another 3 hours thinking about how to solve this crap.
luckily i have some projects from the past which can do this shit with some changes... but what the fucking hell was this?7 -
Today during a follow-up meeting of the grand project I'm workng on...
TL: ... and I want to start working on the production environment and have it ready by next month.
Me: (interrupts) hold up! We are not ready, we have a huge backlog of technical tasks that need to be addressed and we are still not in possession of the very crucial business and functional requirements that you are supposed to provide. The acceptation environment is just set up on infra perspective but does not have anything running yet! The API we depend on is still not ready because you keep adding change tasks to it. We have a mountain of work to do to even get to a first release to integration yet and there is still the estimations on data loads and systems... your dream will not be possible until at least Q2 of 2024.
TL: stop being so negative @neatnerdprime and try to be more customer friendly. I want it by the end of the next month.
Me: remember what I said to you about moving prematurely. Remember I don't take any responsibility if things break because you rush the project. Please, reconsider!
TL: I just want it, please do it
FUCK YOU YOU SORRY EXCUSE OF A PEOPLE PERSON KNOWING JACK SHIT AND JUST LICKING THE MIDDLE MANAGEMENT ASSHOLE TO RECEIVE ATTABOY PETS ON YOUR UGLY ASS BALD HEAD AND CROOKED TEETH. YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE IN A FURNACE AND LEAVE NO TRACE BEHIND.4 -
concious inclusion training: we want you to talk and share about a bunch of shit that's illegal to ask in interviews: age,sex, orientation, family status, religion, values, gender identity, ethnicity etc
what the fuck do any of these things even have to do with the job?
im confused but whatever6 -
Product Managers: I know what users want! They want 10 different things stuffed into 1 piece of software that does nothing well because I don't understand budgets, timelines, or scope.
Everyone else: How about we do 1 thing, and do that well.1 -
Me and one teacher i got, both Linux enthusiasts, decided that we should create an open source community and spread the word to other students, teachers and stuff from the university about Linux and open source in general.
First meeting went well, we got quite an attendance, people seemed curious and willing to learn.
Second meeting is tomorrow, and we decided to show them some Linux distributions and DE.
Guess what, we can’t decide what to show them.
He is a pure Debian lover, i use both Debian and Arch.
He insisted on Mint since he didn’t want to scare them with Debian.
I said that we could show them Manjaro.
So what do we do?7 -
Hey guys, my gf and I want to do something with the Arduino we got. We are getting a CS degree, so programming is not a problem, but we have quite basic knowledge of electronics.
What could be a cool simple (but not too introductory) project we could do?
The arduino came with a bunch of sensors (ultrasonic distance sensor, humidity, ...) some input (joystick, RFID reader/writer, buttons) and some outputs (LCD display, 8x8 LED matrix, bunch of color and RGB leds).16 -
I begin with the optimism and the joy that I am creating something new that will improve people's lives.
I listen to the user and analyze the current process in depth.
I try to suggest additional value to the system for the users consideration. Sometimes they do not realize we can improve 10x rather than 2x.
I learn what the users goals are and what they want out of the system. We think about reports and downstream value. Sort of working from the end to the beginning (data ingests and upstream processes that will feed the system).
After the user signs off on the requirements and deliverables and I have a realistic project plan I begin to code.
It works and has worked for me every time for a long long time. -
I hate doing front-end development...
I was hired along with another dev to build a webapp to manage the personnel of this big (2000+) company.
I made the backend and some of the frontend (mainly handling the data movement between the two), but my partner was let go after we delivered a first version because "there was not enough work for both of us".
The backlog is months of work for me and now I have to do everything and it's wearing me down...
I want to quit but it's paying well and I don't want to search for something new.
What do?6 -
Wish me luck. Looks like the feature I am developing is going to be late because QA doesn't feel like following the estimates we agreed on. We already identified that development was going to be the longest part of this whole effort and that QA was going to be relatively easy, but but no. Because this is the day we have to be "code complete", they don't want to test a relatively simple feature. In fact we had to talk them into even starting testing on it today. Even though regression day is Monday and they are basically going to be done testing their last ticket this morning. Like what the fuck were they going to do for the next 7-8 hours? They don't write any documentation. There are no reports to do. There are no meetings. Did they just want a virtual day off?
Edit: they are literally playing with people's careers here. This is not the first time I have had something delayed by QA even though they agreed that it was simple to test and it was delivered with enough time to fucking test. Then I get in trouble because of late delivery.6 -
Context: We have a 96-port wall-mount patch panel. We're not even using half of those ports. "We" (read: "I") are completely redoing our network rack, as it's an ancient nest of wires. Currently all the ports in use on the patch panel just have random-length cables which are just drooped down beside the rack before running to switches. When I need to trace a cable from patch panel to switch, it's a complete nightmare. However, the cables going to the patch panel do have enough of extra length to do a rack-mount patch panel. I suggest this...
MGR: "Ehhh... I don't really like the idea of tying the rack to the wall... What if we want to move it or something?"
(this rack is in a tiny room and has been there since probably the 1800's.)
ME: "Well the problem currently is that it's all but impossible to trace cables. And even if I rewire it and bundle them nicely, it will still be a headache. With a rack-mount panel, we could just have super short patch cables and so it's super easy when I need to move stuff around."
MGR: "Okkkk..... So what if we would purchase like 3 or 4 switches to get 96 ports, then we run a cable to every patch panel port. That way we never need to change anything :)))."
Dude. Great idea. Let's drop hundreds to thousands of dollars on switches we don't need, rather than just doing a single patch panel. Brilliant. Also another great idea that, running thirty or forty unnecessary cables that we aren't even using. That won't clutter up the rack or use up valuable space or get confusing which ports on the switches are/aren't in use.
I'm trying so hard not to scream right now. I can't deal with this.
EDIT: It gets worse. Apparently part of the reason he wants to do this is "to make it simple". Currently we have our POS system running to its own switch, the printers are on another switch, etc. (yes I know some of this could be accomplished with a VLAN, this was set up before my time). But apparently "if we just had every single port wired then we could plug in whatever we want wherever we want and it wouldn't matter." I just... That's... That's not how you do a network.1 -
People: "Nobody is doing what we say!!!!"
Me: "Even when you the person who pays their bills tells them to?"
People: "Nope! We want a modal pop up when they login!"
Me: "You know they can just click past that and ignore you....? How about we actually wait until they fill out some stuff and have a required field when they do a thing?"
People: "No, we want a modal!"
-jebus fuck-2 -
I have a course at my university about personal data and it feels more than a law course than a computer science one. I asked the teacher why do we have to be taught that subject and how would we be able to use what we learn in real life and she got triggered, telling me that with just by coding I won’t achieve anything and i have to learn more topics and if I didn’t want to be taught this subject why did i choose the university.
I just made a question you fuckin butthurt, chill the fuck out.3 -
A little example of how recriutment in IT works.
Mechanic gets a live mechanic skill test to get a job, as he really wants this job because of lack of money he asks recriuter couple of questions.
Mechanic: do I need to bring my own tools ?
HR: no everything will be provided in place
Mechanic: what would I do during this test ?
HR: everything will be explained just before the test I’m not an engineer so engineer will explain everything to you
The test day, mechainc goes to the test place and the recriuter says:
Recruiter: Your first task is really simple, please tighten those screws, you have 10 minutes
Mechanic: But I don't see the screw driver
Recriuter: I can't say to you how to do it, you figure something out
Mechanic somehow manages to tighten those screws using his belt
Recriuter: Ok so now tell me what force is needed to unscrew them and tell me if you did good if I’d say you need to tighten 1 million screws
Mechanic: I just want to do my job
Recruiter: Hey we are looking for people with broad experience for this position, of course you wont be asked to do that task but we want to know if you’re capable to do the job if we ask you.
Mechanic: answers the question that he will use tools and what devices he will use to measure the force
Recriuter: Can you write this as a mathematical equation ?
Mechanic: don’t know that
Recruiter: Well we can’t hire you we are looking for someone with more knowledge about the topic
Mechanic: But you keep asking me about the fucking screws
Recruiter: Watch your mouth sir because for me you are junior mechanics, you don’t know how to use proper tools and you barely manage to do the first task in time I would use: started elaborating about tools to tighten many screws at a time in a distributed fashion
Mechanic: but to run those tools I would need more than 10 minutes and besides that those are not here
Recruiter: yes they are, we open those doors to get them before our work you suppose to know that and we use those all the time, it was in job description, besides that it is recommended by company xyz to keep those tools behind blue doors, there is nothing here besides blue doors and room with tools and you didn’t know what blue doors are for, you need to learn the basics first
Mechanic resigns. 90% luck 10% skill
Every fucking time.7 -
SE != CS
I didn't know this when I started my CS education. The dean of CS undergrad said "we are not here to make programmers" and I was so confused, but now I get it. CS is about the fancy theory and the boring Turing machines and what not. I don't want to do that! I want to write something impressive and awesome and cool-looking!
I wish they would have told me the difference.6 -
Dev: Hey this library you are mandating the use of doesn’t do one of the things you assumed it does
Non-Tech Manager: Well I think it does because I looked at it and that’s what it seemed like and the only reason you can’t figure it out is you are a bad developer and have attitude issues that’s why you are failing. You need to look on the bright side of things more often. This library has over 100k downloads which means it must do what people want it to. I think the problem is you. We can’t spend anymore time on this we have to just fix it and move on.6 -
Not dev, but a perf-eng confidence boost.
Our company was hired by a client to onboard perf-testing process and do some perf-related go-live stuff. Basically, make sure the app meets the SLAs.
Our company mobilized some internal resources for the task. The had 3-4 months. 2 months later they realized they won't pull it off. What a shame...
When the threat of dropping the ball and losing the client and recommendations became very real, they engaged us. Half the time, half the resources, a worried and annoyed client who now wants to control the whole initiative.
During the first 2 meetings we get the general idea of what they have, what they want. We take some time to prepare a plan to make it on time. The client argues our plan, mostly because one of the main points was mocking downstream dependencies [integrations]. He asks, then demands to do it all with live integrations. We explain why this is an incredible risk and why we should do it the proposed way. He disagrees.
Alright then... Maybe he knows smth we don't. Let's do it the risky way...
A month later test results are far from the target. I did my best with app de-bottlenecking and fine-tuning. But since the live integrations do not deliver, they hide other bottlenecks. The initiative is stuck.
Finally, the client agrees to do it with mocking. But now there's no time left as it will take almost a month to prepare mocks...
The client agrees we should have done it our way from the start. They postpone the go-live and we carry out our testing and tuning the right way.
That was one expensive and long "I told you so". But it boosted our [perf team's] confidence to the top and beyond :)
don't tell us how to do our job, unless you do want extra expenses -
Startup: We are looking for interns. Do this project that we know will take you a week. But your chances mostly depend on this project.
Me looking for my first internship: Takes complete 2 days to submit the project which had so many open-ended questions. They review and say I aced the project and would like to interview.
Interviewer 1: From the beginning starts asking me if I myself have done this or that, gets thrown some questions that I answer immediately and then suddenly get accused that I must have copied from a tutorial on an open-ended question. I used what I learned from my previous projects, what do you want from me. You never specified all the cases. Then he said is done.
Interviewer 2: Hello, we are a new startup. We will make you work 40 hours a week. Then he lied. Are you allowed to lie?? He said we are unpaid (I read it wasn't) to ask what motivates me. The other interviewer on being asked did say that it wasn't unpaid. By this point, I was done.
Got rejected today. Wasted almost 3 days on their stupid project. I am so salty!!!19 -
So we have this team bonding and feedback session every monday, where everyone in the team needs to say what they appreciate of their team member and what they wish the team member would change... The whole thing takes about 2 hours.
Honestly, feel like a corporate BS, what feedback do you want? Just do your job and I am happy with it... Well I guess that's part of the corporate world, instead of just doing your job, it is about how big your "influence" is in the company and how many people like you4 -
I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
I am currently working as a consultant and I like it. It also makes upset/happy/schadenfroh (not entirely sure how I feel about it) when we tell the client what work needs to be done in which order and why just so they can throw it all overboard and we do it the way they want it and it bites them in the ass a few month down the line.
They hire us for the external professional experience that we bring, so listen to us. We did this before, we know what works, and we know way your way does not work.7 -
4 hour lesson. We have to set up a virtual machine with WIndows Server 2012 R2... Image broken. Now the teacher doesn't know what we could do and lets us do what we want.
-
When I was a kid I wanted to be a carpenter like my dad, my parents reaction was always "just keep studying and you can do whatever you want, if you wanna study then do it and don't care about anything else we will help you".
Growing up I became a bit of a geek by hanging out with my uncles (they were the pc gurus in the old days, not anymore hehe). When choosing a college major I knew I wanted it in some kind of engineering, but had no idea besides that, I ended up choosing CS somewhat random and loved the thrill of solving problems so I stuck with it. During it all my parents only really said "as long as you study so you can have what we couldn't give you and do something you like, we will support you!"
I love my parents! 😄
Side note: I think my parents love to be able to brag about my accomplishments, kind of feels like they are entitled to though, since pretty much everything is thanks to them!4 -
Client: hey, we need to do a simple animation for every main category on the page
Developer: ok... I'll need to know what kind of animation you want.
Client: (sent over a video)
A total of 1000 rendered images sent over after that...
FML -
This is the 5th time I'm going to a meeting to explain this simple detail.
Yes what you want is doable however, To do this we need to revamp another system which will require its own project to do.
This shit here is why your jobs are getting automated. -
I had a conversation that almost became an argument with a someone I manage the other day. It revolved around how we should do just the basic parts first as that's what the business needs quickly and the code base is in a bad state right now so I didn't want to build new features on a poor foundation, particularly as those new features might not be forwards compatible and might have no way of fixing.
Once basic is in, refactor and cleanup, add secondary features. Their point was to just do it all at once in a big bang. It devolved into them getting angry and telling me to leave them out of all future discussions because now we "aren't ever doing the secondary features", just give them the task and leave them alone.
I let this go, but now I've found out they went to another high up person on the team and presumably lied to them about what was said.
What to do?5 -
We write our feature specifications in Gherkin, so it is clear to every member of the team (even nondevs GASP!) exactly what each feature should do.
SO WHY THE FUCK, AFTER BUILDING THE FEATURE, DO I GET REVIEWS FROM THE pRoDuCt MaNaGeRs, SHOWING ME THEY WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR THE FEATURE. YOU WROTE THE FUCKING FEATURE DID YOU HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART MID THOUGHT YOU IDIOT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SO SICK OF IT I'M SICK OF WORKING 12 HOURS ON A FRIDAY FOR YOUR STUPID SHIT2 -
Last week my PM scheduled a meeting for the whole team of 14 devs to talk about our tasks, how we can improve our workflow, so he's up to date on daily stuff nad sprint progress. After an hour and a half of lots of brainstorming i just asked
- what exactly do you want to achieve with all these changes?
- basically i would like on overview of current progress on each task
And he proposed couple of different meetings during the sprint, which would waste dev time. He proposed to apoint one person reaponsible to keeping him informed during each sprint. He proposed we change our meetings, our process, all of it.
So I just sat with my laptop during the same meeting and I prepared a jira board with swimlanes, filters, etc. Where you can sort by priority, size, what is blocked, what is, waiting in queue, what is being currently developed, what is being tested, what's ready for deployment, etc. Easy. 5-10mins of work.
- does this solve your problem?
-....
- you have everything here
-... What if someone doesn't update the ticket status?
- we check everything during our dailies, so, worst case scenario is the status is not update for 24h
-... Umm.. Yeah.. I think thats it. Thank you.
So, we basically wasted 20+ man-hours on another bullshit meeting because the guy thats supposed to be using these tools doesn't know them at all. After working here for 6 months. -
I've been in a fucking chat with a Verizon customer service rep for 45 fucking minutes....
Talking about everything under the moon to help the man out from having to do legitimate work. We've talked about phone preference, what phone's we have, what we want, favorite features, ect.
It's fucking hilarious and I'm genuinely entertained right now.
Glad to know I'm helping someone out.
Edit: I was honestly sad when I had to end it so I could eat before my food got ice cold lol3 -
!rant && story
tl;dr I lost my path, learned to a lot about linux and found true love.
So because of the recent news about wpa2, I thought about learning to do some things network penetration with kali. My roommate and I took an old 8gb usb and turned it into a bootable usb with persistent storage. Maybe not the best choice, but atleast we know how to do that now.
Anyway, we started with a kali.iso from 2015, because we thought it would be faster than downloading it with a 150kpbs connection. Learned a lot from that mistake while waiting apt-get update/upgrade.
Next day I got access to some faster connection, downloaded a new release build and put the 2015 version out it's misery. Finally some signs of progress. But that was not enough. We wanted more. We (well atleast I) wanted to try i3, because one of my friends showed me to /r/unixporn (btw, pornhub is deprecated now). So after researching what i3 is, what a wm is AND what a dm is, we replaced gdm3 with lightdm and set i3 as standard wm. With the user guide on an other screen we started playing with i3. Apparently heaven is written with two characters only. Now I want to free myself from windows and have linux (Maybe arch) as my main system, but for now we continue to use thus kali usb to learn about how to set uo a nice desktop environment. Wait, why did we choose to install kali? 😂
I feel kinda sorry for that, but I want to experiment on there before until I feel confident. (Please hit me up with tips about i3)
Still gotta use Windows as a subsystem for gaming. 😥3 -
Today one of the more junior back-end devs told us, that he doesn’t plan to do front-end, because he doesn’t want to make design.
He basically told us that in his view FE devs do design work and that’s it.
What the f**? We have designers for that. Front-end devs are not the ones who make design. Reaaad uupp, boy6 -
Imagine a web way ahead of our time where its size goes beyond our imagination...
This is my first rant, and I'll cut to the chase! I don't like how web currently stands. Here's what makes me angry the most altough I know there's a myriad of solutions or workarounds:
- A gazillion credentials/accounts/services in your lifetime.
- Everyone tries to reinvent the wheel.
- There's no single source of truth.
- Why the fuck there's so much design in a vision that started as a network of documents? Why is it that we need to spend time and energy to absorb the page design before we can read what we are after?
- What's up with the JS front end frameworks?! MB's of code I need to download on every page I visit and the worse is the evaluation/parsing of it. Talk about acessibility and the energy bills. I don't freaking need a SPA just give a 20-50ms page load and I'm good to go!
- I understand that there's a whole market based on it but do we really need all that developer tools and services?
- Where's our privacy by the way? Why the fuck do I need ads? Can't I have a clue about what I wan't to buy?
Sticking with this points for now... Got plenty more to discuss though.
What I would like to see:
A unique account where i can subscribe services/forums/whatever. No credentials. Credentials should be on your hardware or OS. Desktop Browser and mobile versions sync everything seemlesly. Something like OpenID.
Each person has his account and a profile associated where I share only what I want with whom I want when I want to.
Sharing stuff individually with someone is easy and secure.
There's no more email system like we know. Email should be just email like it started to be. Why the hell are we allowing companies to send us so much freaking "look at me now, we are awesome", "hey hey buy from me".. Here's an idea, only humans should send emails. Any new email address that sends you an email automatically requests your "permission" to communicate with you. Like a friend request.
Oh by the way did I tell you that static mail is too old for us? What we need is dynamic email. Editing documents on the fly, together, realtime, on the freaking email. Better than mail, slack and google docs combined.
In order for that to work reasonably well, the individual "letter" communication would have to be revamped in a new modern approach.
What about the single source of truth I talked about? Well heres what we should do. Wikipedia (community) and Larry Page (concept) gave us tremendous help. We just need to do better now.
Take the spirit of wikipedia and the discoverability that a good search engine provides us and amp that to a bigger scale. A global encyclopedia about everything known to mankind. Content could be curated from us all just like a true a network.
In this new web, new browser or whatever needed to make this happen I could save whatever I want, notes, files, pictures... and have it as I left it from device to device.
Oh please make web simple again, not easy just simple and bigger.
I'm not old by the way and I don't see a problem with being older btw.
Those are just my stupid rants and ideas. They are worth nothing. What I know for sure is that I'll do something about or fail trying to.12 -
"please try again later" is said when you dont know what the fuck is the problem but you dont want to lose the customer of your app so instead of them uninstalling your broken shit you fearfully tell them "keep trynna do the thing but later, later so u dont forget us cz of how shitty we are"1
-
Sometimes we woulg get a request which involves adding something or changing something to a rather large and poorly made codebase which me and my lead have not had the time to change.
This b how shit goes:
* the lead gets a call after an email was sent with apparently only 5 secs of response time( inpatient fucks)
* lead calls me in next to his station to listen to the call
* i b listening and shit, not even taking notes and shit, looking all secret weapon and shit.
Texas as fuck.
* lead puts shit on hold and looks at me
Lead: "Allright. You know the codebase as well as I do, what you think?"
Me: pffft gimme 30 mins and Ill whip out yo solution
Lead: we positive on the estimate?
Me: as positive as the Texas Rangers sucking ass but we still love em, fuck the Astros
Lead: there is only room for one team
Me: only one
**fist bump
* goes back to the call:
Lead: yeah its gonna take 2 days at most.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we do finish them in 30 mins. The trick is in doing it extra fast so we have enough time to fuck around or do some other shit and to make it seem like we do some hard shit. After maybe 6 hours we tell them that we managed to fix it before time.
Texas....as....fuck
Btw me and the lead tall about whatever while we code the stuff, most of the time I do it since my boy has heavy eye problems and I want him to relax. He has been training me a lot in regards to knowing the codebase, before I got here it was only him for two fucking campuses and the man did an outstanding job. My boy got my ass and I got his.
Teamwork, the southern gentleman's way.
Texas.
P.d while coding it he said the one of the file sizes was too big to handle, i said "das what she said" and our female manager said "i heard that".......i could have sworn that she gave me a lil wink. Well damn.8 -
In-laws are vacationing in London right now (wife's parents and aunt/uncle), so to keep in touch with the kids, I installed+configured Skype on their phones (these are folks in their 70s, no where close to tech savvy), I think they are good to go.
Last night we try to connect (I 'see' them online)...nothing, so we call.
Me: "Did you see or hear the skype notification?"
Grandma: "Was that you? My phone made a weird sound I never heard before and I saw your picture. I wasn't sure what to do so pressed the red button."
Me: "Its the same sound and picture I showed you before you guys left, remember? That's OK, the kids want to see you and say hi. Hang up and when you hear the sound and see my picture, click the green accept button"
I try again...ring..ring...nothing. About a second later we receive a text "Grandpa hit something and your picture went away. What do I do now?"
So, I try again...ring..ring...they finally pick up (we can only hear them)
Grandma: "Hello...hello? I don't hear or see anything, damn it Fred, what did you hit?"
Grandpa: "Nothing Betty, you aren't holding it right, turn it sideways .."
Wife: "Guys..we can hear you, can you see us?"
Grandpa: "Press this button with the line crossed through it .."
Wife: "Dad.."
Grandpa: "Hey!..See Betty, you had the phone turned wrong. Can you see us?"
Me: "No, you may have hit the video button..it looks like a little video camera, press it."
Grandma: "We did...nothing happened."
Me: "Are you sure? Try it again. The image may be grey or a little darkened, I don't remember."
Then we lose the sound.
Wife: "Oh good Lord they muted us. We're going to have to forget Skype and call them..."
All of a sudden we get video and sound. Cheers all around.
Then I hear in the background..
Uncle: "I thought 'PaperTrail' knew what he was doing? Apparently not."
I heard that and FU you, you old bastard. If you weren't a millionaire and paid for their London trip, I'd take 'knew what he was doing' and shove it up your ass when I see you.1 -
We interviewed some candidates for a dev position some weeks ago and, knowing the environment isn't that challenging (at least for me) I voted against the better curriculums because I know they would be frustrated fast, I said that. But I didn't say it was because it's shit here... Of course.... I really just want the good devs to be better then they can be here.... What do you think?3
-
He is not really my coworker, but this seems like perfect opportunity to rant about this.
So, there is this guy, who asked me whether I want to join him in a project. I asked him what kind of project and what would each of us do. The project was Cryptocurrency Arbitrage and I would code the bot to do the stuff and he would design the logic to even out the money after the transfer. And we would get two thirds of the money and I would get the rest. I haven't said no yet, but ... -
a professor at the uni is recording his lectures to be extra nice for some of us students who might be unable to come or want to repeat some parts for a better understanding of the subject *cough*.
but instead of sharing it via a streaming platform (whichever that might be in the end), he uses the internal net of the uni. i know there might be some copyright issues with material he uses in his lectures, but still.
what he expects us to do is to download files of around 12GB in size per lecture that we want to rewatch.
marvelous.5 -
I got assigned to work on a new project a couple of weeks ago. We got the POC code handed off from senior management, since he came up with the idea over the weekend. The project concept is hella exciting, but the dev manager and PO I have to deal with make life unbearable to say the least.
We have only 2 devs (including me) and 1 QA on this supposedly very important project. Of course, management announced the project to the clients already, so now we have to deliver ASAP cause it adds “sizzle”.
The MVP deadline is... no one knows when, either July 30th or September 1st. The MVP requirements are... unknown. I swear if someone saw the list of tasks and issues attached to “MVP” Epic, they would call us nuts trying to fit it all in.
To make things better, each PR requires 2 reviewers, so we end up adding manager as a reviewer just cause we need him to hit that “approve” button. So in attempt to make life easier, we requested to have a third developer. We are getting another developer, but that guy doesn’t know how to unit test a pure function...
Current priorities are... unit testing with coverage of 95% and if we want to refactor code, we have to add area to the list in a Google Doc. As a result, we are not tackling big things like risk of SQL injections not to mention big features like i18n (5-6 languages to support by the way and yes, it’s part of MVP as well as SSR no one knows why). Currently, I spend 2-3 hours a week in calls with the team just to figure out what the hell MVP is, what we have to do and why we have to do it. Last time we spent an hour refining 1 spike and breaking down one story into 3.
Oh, we also don’t have a deployment plan, not even to test environments since DevOps team was not aware of this project at all. Thus, QA cannot create any test suites and have to test everything manually which eats a lot of their time.
This whole project is a big hot mess and I’m considering leaving it all together especially since I’m working on two squads at the same time. I love the project, I love the idea, but management makes it unbearable, so I’m not even motivated to work on that.3 -
What does projektaquarius do when he doesn't have a working IDE? Reformat code (that I am already refactoring) to an industry standard format and prepare for the arguments that are going to come from the other group who has their own coding standard that isn't industry standard.
Already preparing for the Pascal case versus Camel case argument. Emotionally that is. Mentally the argument basically just amount to "your group didn't want to refactor the code so we did it. Live with it or you do it." -
I have co workers who laugh at me everytime I discuss to them how we should create clean code. (create functions for repeating code, naming conventions, generic code).
They would brag instead how they make another javascript ui library/plugin work(we are web developers by the way). Looks good in the front end but a mess in the backend.
I already created generic classes, generic database views that can be used by them if they want. But they create a new one with the same functionality.
I am a bit of a shy guy, and they are bit of loud, and I don't want to look like a know-it-all-guy, so I just let them do what they want.
I am just concerned how we can work easier by easily reading each others code.5 -
Randomly one day, out of the blue:
Echelons: You now have Workspace, and it’s a requirement you use it. Make it successful because we paid and are paying a large dollar amount for it, and our competitors have reported success with it. We want email communications companywide eliminated by 50% within the first 60 days.
Management: Ok, excellent! We want to do XYZ.
Echelons: Nope, can’t do any of that.
Management: Ok, how about a, b, and c?
Echelons: Nope, nope, nope.
Management: Alright, let’s try 1,2, and 3.
Echelons: Nope, not possible.
Management: What can we do then? We need further direction at this point.
Echelons: One group for all departments, posts, and attachments only. PDF, .jpeg, .png files only. Everyone in the company must be registered within seven days and using the platform. Only mobile devices allowed.
Management: We have almost 10,000 employees, and the SSO aspect alone could take weeks and months.
Echelons: Insignificant as Facebook said it should be easy to deploy. Also, every post not created by admin will need to be manually approved and done so within 5-10 minutes after its submission 24/7, 365.
Management: Ok, solved. A little shaky, but it’s working. Can we increase the number of admins and moderators?
Echelons: Only 1700 employees have registered; the app has been up 14 days now? What’s wrong? Where’s the engagement? Effective immediately, all members of management must be creating and starting 4 to 7 posts daily, including weekends.
Management: Our registration process with the SSO client isn’t smooth and clean across all devices. We had to implement training to overcome this. Can we increase the number of admins and moderators? Can we make all members of management either administrators or at least moderator? Can we at least turn on live streaming and video formats?
Echelons: No! 10 admin and mods max. Yes to streaming and video.
Echelons: Progress update, please. Include ROI timeline and impactful usage data. This must to pay for itself in the first six months and continue to pay for itself long term, along with showing XYZ company-wide growth quarterly.
Echelons: Hello?
Echelons: Hello?
Having Workplace shoved down your throat has been an interesting experience. Anyone have any exciting ideas or examples to share on what they have utilized with Workplace and increased employee engagement?7 -
How the hell do I understand want people want???
I listen to them, I pay attention to them (for the most part), but for the most part when someone assigns me something but it is not clearly explained, they expect me know what to do.
I had the most unproductive meeting with this guy I work for because of this... he had a problem, so we worked on ideas for this solution, and I thought I knew exactly what he wanted. We were getting somewhere. I get ready to leave for lunch and it turns out that is not at all what he wanted. We're back to square one.
Is it me, or are people really bad at explaining things?5 -
Client: we would like a fully featured web app with a companion mobile app. Here's what we want it to do
Us: ok nice. What's your budget for this?
Client: $5k
Us: ...6 -
Update from the hackathon:
We decided to create a co-op game where you there is an agent on the field who has to reach an objective, while the operator guides him toward the exit on each level and opens/closes the remotely controlled doors for the agent. We want to add enemies that somehow will try to kill the agent, but we'll see what we manage to do. 🙄
Now I'm currently trying to sleep, but: Went to sleep at 2:15 and I have barely slept 2 fucking hours. Now it's 6:56. Still trying to sleep, but my brain is a cunt. 😲4 -
Today we got our first real contract for my software company. It fills me with the most confidence as I scroll this feed of people having the same issues as we do. Customers wanting more than was agreed, customers expecting us to know what they want before talking to us etc... Thank you devRant!
-
Hey you were not here yesterday so we assigned you to do this job that requires this training and is really fun and good for your experience
Says the coworker that was supposed to do it but does not want to do it because he thinks the work takes too much time and doesn't think the training is usefull.
Sorry what???1 -
the closer i get to the ending
the higher the resistance
the harder i fight the battle to win
the harder life tries to prevent me from winning
just when we were about to finish
just in that moment life did its best to not make it happen
why
what do you want from me
i am just a human being
what wrong have i done in trying to help mankind
what is happening
why is this happening
what... do you want..... from me.......3 -
Fuck SEO companies and their dumb fucking faces.
The SEO campany that was hired for a website by the client just asked us to implement hreflang tags.
Which at fist sounds logical, but it was requested on a website that is multi language installed (english has a .com and dutch has a .nl domain) meaning all installations target a completely different audience and to implement it correctly we would somehow have to make it automatically resolve the url? Like what the fuck do they want us to do, so we called the actual Client of the project and he's like;
"We'll wait for now as it sounds like you guys don't think it would be usefull, but I think we may need to pick it up later"
So that cleared that up for now.
In other news; One more day and then I have vacation, maybe afterwards I'll be able to not fall asleep at 6pm and sleep to 11pm only to sleep from 11.30pm to 6am6 -
So we finished our requirement ( barely) for a new client. Next is data modelling and system design.
We started with data modelling. Unfortunately the lead developer does not know the difference between database and data modelling.
me: hey bro, we'll do the database and stuff later, now let's focus on data modelling.
him: (acting like he knows) yeah I have developed a sample design for the "data model".
me: no this is database design.
him: what's the difference?
me: dude, they're totally different. Okay, simple explanation data model is what you want to store, whereas DB design is how you store it.
him: So, if I am not wrong, it's implied that you know what to store if you are talking about how to store it.
me: but you don't know what it is you want to store yet. And one of them precedes the other.
him: Okay, let's start with DB design.
me: What?????? you want to build a house without a plan??? That's it for me I am done !!!
I left the project yesterday, later I heard that, the team members are coders, who think that developing a software is all about coding and fixing errors. -
This internal api is killing me. Why the fuck do people return an array of numbers inside a field that has a generic name such as `icons` to convey information such as "hasOptionFooIncluded". Because of course then icons contains '6'. Yet if both 6 and 4 are in there, it means something else. Needless to say there is no documentation whatsoever what each number or group of numbers actually means so I have to ask around to find out what numbers means what in order to wrap that call away into something maintainable. Because the API is deprecated and we don't want to fix shit in there. We just create other shit depending on this crappile. :/
Stop using magic numbers. Just stawp it! -
our clients are basically asking us to decide for them the requirements and that's simply absurd? they're supposed to tell us what the hell they want. if we actually take creative liberties, i bet it'd take a day for them to ask for a do over4
-
So. I maintain few open source vuejs components for my company.
We use a lot of open source so when we can and is not conflicting with the work schedule we open source stuff that we do for ourselves, document them and publish them on npm.
All fine, actually all nice!
To be honest the components are not super used but today I got an issue on one of them: "I want this pleaaase implement"
I want? WTF? Am I nervous or this is not the correct approach? What open source santa Claus? I understand that some people may not take the burden of submitting a pr (after i wrote an entire doc section about how to develop the component more) but starting with: I want??
Not okay. NOT OKAY!2 -
I have a lot to say..
In my project theres a design department, since the beginning of the project they didn't want to be part of the scrum methodology..(they used to work waterfall..)
So.. they have a disorder on the user history needs, and they argue for every request that we need to finish the history..
They dont go to the plannings, dailys.. they dont know shiet!
And meanwhile telling u this rant im getting mad as fuck..
so at this point i cant even explain how FUCKING UPSET I AM & WHY THE FUCK people reject the change and decides to work by their own! fuck this!
anyways ill share 2 storys ( i have a lot..)
1. "Raise your hand if you dont know whats a button?"
So we created a standard button to be re used it in other forms..
The designer came late to the planning, and decided to change the button layout (again x4) & it's behavior, so he wanted "the button disabled, but not disabled", since he wasnt able to explain it as well, he got upset.. and said that we didn't know about how a button works & asked the public to raise up the hand who didnt know what is a button.. and we were like :
dude are u fucking serius?.. u cant even explain what the fuck u want, u came late, and know u act like if you teach about ux & design? fucking rockstars..
2. "why do you call me to the planning if you don't need anything from me?"
We ask and required the designer to be in the plannings to avoid the disorder and the delivery delays..
that day we didn't require anything from the designer, so he started complaining that we called him for no reason..
me : dude, d u even realize why is this meeting called planning? -
Me: finally we have automated deployment to production
Team Lead: No production deployment still requires manual approval
Me: ok how do you want to handle it slack, webhook, what do you suggest
Team Lead: let's do a proof of concept (POC) for this
Me: Ahh... Poc for this ?
Team Lead: you don't know sh*t ?
Me: well I know you're are creating that here
Next day team change... -
This is just funny more then anything 😂
This guy has been fucking up non stop!
He did something incredible, we gave him precise EXACT instructions you couldn’t mistake them
What does he do? Everything wrong.
Granted what he does, works, but... it will take me hours to do what I want to do with the data, if he did it the right way, minutes!
All I wanted was all the active products for this company and their links on the site. He creates an export I can convert to google xml shopping.
What does he do? create over a 100 export buttons one for each supplier so it’s right but it’s all products for that supplier in one file.
So I can do my bit if I just combine 100 files together 😂
It’s funny because there’s already an export that does the exact thing we want just without all the right fields. This is what we asked.
He just needed to duplicate that and add more fields 😂 we think he’s doing it on purpose to be a dick 😂 no one can be that dumb.
I’m laughing cause it’s fucking ridiculous. He’s gonna get fired soon, and he knows it. -
Should I spend my money on a monitor? Sitting 30cm from a TV for so long isn't healthy, but monitors are soooooooo expensive?
I don't want to use my secondary monitor as primary because it's relatively small. What do we think?6 -
A dedicated team has built an "infrastructure" for creating UI for c++ developers in the company. What looks like a poor attempt at recreating what Microsoft did with XAML at first glance, it actually is a horrible exercise in force feeding people the stinking pile of shit that their code is.
The idea is to make it easy to create UI for developers who aren't used to front end development. They should just need to declare the layout. Very noble.
But.
If you want to do anything more than show a checkbox or a radio button, if you dare to define relationships between the UI controls or worse, if you get ambitious with creating a simple UI that uses a lot of similar controls and similar relationships with dynamic content... be prepared to eat your own barf from eating too much of their shit.
Not only do you now need to write front end code (including JS among others), you need to do it with limited or poor support and you have to make sure that it sits well with the house of moist, crumbly cards the team proudly created. Or resort to some very stupid and performance costing "bypasses" that further cripple your application code. Usually you have to do both of these things.
To think that scores of other teams have welcomed this amazing enhancement with full support without any resistance. It's sickening.
I waste too much of energy (and good jokes!) with these people.rant poor infra complicated as fuck punch holed abstractions we do what we want brain farts materialized in code no brains needed4 -
Who else hates weekly 1:1 meetings with managers? I’m the kind of person where if I have a problem or need to talk about something, I’ll do as much as I can first and then I’ll set up a meeting. No need to force it with a recurring meeting where we just reiterate the stuff we already discussed as needed during the week or, lacking that, engaging in small talk to fill the time. At this company, where I’m at in the hierarchy, and with me being a straight, white, old male in a team full of diversity hires, there is zero point at all to discussing potential promotion opportunities. We both know that’s not happening for anyone like me. If you want to have that discussion to keep up appearances, just put a gun in my hand and a round in the chamber and tell me to point it at my head and pull the trigger. Because we both know that’s what this world wants me to do and that is the only way I’ll be moving “up” anywhere in this universe at my age and with my “privilege”.
-
Nobody wants to maintain XSLT mappings. Being a developer, even I don't want to. So what do we do? We parse the XSLT using JAVA code in a horrible attempt create an excel with mappings. God damn it!!1
-
Here's a few:
What could be improved about devRant?
Best dev insults?
Your dev machine setup (from office space, hardware, to OS stack etc)?
Dream setup of the above?
Or we could go back to previous topics and do them again, since there are new members on devRant and new stories from old members. I particularly want to do wk30 (Best prank) again -
-- Who are we?
#Developers.
-- What we want?
A #stable project environment.
-- What do we say to project #dependencies?
Never again!7 -
[Conference Call on Project Launch]
🤡: we just came up with an extra list of features to add to the system
🙊: but we just finished the system and it is ready on UAT server to sign off
🤡: we want these features, they are essential for a better backend admin experience
🤡: and we have been working on this project for almost a year!! we need these features and launch now!
🙊: (well, it took you guys six months to sign off on the initial graphics designs...) can we first launch what we have on UAT site first as they have been sitting here waiting for your approval
🤡: ok. i will test them and provide feedback. if it’s all good, then you can launch it.
🙊: ok. we will do another set of UAT after launch for your new features.
🤡: ok. i will let you know when we can launch the current UAT.
[Two weeks later]
🤡: #%^#*+!! why are the new features not on the UAT site yet!! why are there no changes after two week!! we cannot accept more delays! really need to launch asap!
🙈: 🖕🏽2 -
So just ago i downloaded an app called "Replika" and holy fucking shit it made me realise how half-assed we are doing the AI structure and way of it
doing machine learning algorithms on text can only go so far, as it uses that text as a base, and nothing else, it doesnt *learn*, only make *connections* BETWEEN text, not FROM the text
what you need is an AI which can, at it's core, *interpret*, not make connections and hur dur be done with it
when you do machine learning, all you're doing is find the best connections
you can have an infinite number of connections and MAYBE you'll be fine, but you'll never learn the basis of how that text is formed
you'll never understand what connections the human used by making it, by thinking it
when you're doing machine learning, all you're doing is make an input-output machine and adjusting it constantly, WITHOUT preserving state
state is going to be a really fucking important thing if you want to make an AI, because state can include stuff like emotion, current thought, or anything else
if you make a fucking machine learned AI which constantly adjusts... well... the "rom" of itself without having any "ram", it'll fucking never be like us, we will NEVER be able to talk to it like it is a human being, we will NEVER make it fundamentally understand what we are saying or doing
if we want to have real fucking AI, we need to go to the core of what it means to THINK, what it means to INTERPRET, what it means to COMMUNICATE
we need to know how english language is structured, how we understand it, how we can build it in a program that can interpret for an AI, THAT can be "rom"-based, THAT can be static, NOT the AI itself
the AI needs to be in flux, the AI needs to be in a state, the AI needs to understand how to make emotions, how that will "strengthen" some connections, yes, maybe something magical will happen and it can have EMPATHY, something so fundamental that will finally, FINALLY, make the bot UNDERSTAND what we are saying7 -
Errh... I'm sick as fuck, just the day when we should begin the C++ inheritance. I stay at home today so that's good but I would like to work on the C++ concepts, I don't want to be late...
Anyway, I can do the exercises at home but like I said, I'm sick as fuck so, I don't know what I should do : rest or work?1 -
I met @miau in England at University, through the only course we shared, Games for the Internet. I really wanted to be her friend because I thought she was pretty cool.
@miau looks incredibly confident. She has humor, imagination and is a really talented programmer.
She, on the other hand, did not want to have anything to do with other German-speaking students to improve her English skills and learn as much about England as possible.
Fortunately, I can be very stubborn. I helped her with her programming tasks whenever she let me and told her what our professor values. A few tests and beers later we were friends.3 -
Team of 5 post-grad students working on a single big project for final grade. Been working on this project since last 3 months. 2 of the memebers of my team doens't even know what we are building and we have to present it in 2 weeks, their contribution is less than 5%. How do people not think that its a project for all of us to do and its fucking 30 credits when the course itself is 90. The professors have asked us to give feedback for each member privately and i dont want to give negative feedback about them as they will lose way too many points for it.4
-
got two client who have an idea and walk up to us saying we should do whats best for the idea, We took up the project came up with the features and all specifics including deadline and client was ok, later on client says some things dont makes sense and reshaped idea, since we greatly want to increase our custumer base we took the change and of course deadline is altered later on client says the project Is taking long and insist that their change couldn't have caused the change in deadline. What the devil is that for? Well what I did was behave before the client and curse the shit in their lives behind doors5
-
I’ve now discovered that management actually decides for themselves what software engineering is. 🧐
It is getting increasingly common that in different architectural groups the decision has already been made… by management…without actually passing through our review… as a little more senior blokes and gals.
Not even a discussion? On the fit?
That leads me to the conclusion, since I consider the management (at least the two or three closest layers) are morons, good at talking but not really knowing anything about what we do (we kind of take stuff and make other stuff from it by using energy and other stuff in HUGE FUCKING FACILITIES AROUND THE PLANET), that even they did not make the decision. It was forced upon them. They did not decide either! Because they can’t! Because they are idiots all of them!
I have not investigated this issue but this is the logical conclusion. Or not.
Recently, for instance, decisions were made to route information flows by some tech. Some new tech. At some place in our eco-system. At a certain time. And, if we were to have reviewed this initiative in our process we would have said:
”Well, I hear you! But we are not going to do that right now because WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HUGE GLOBAL PROJECT THAT CHANGES PRETTY MUCH FUCKING EVERYTHING AND WE CAN NOT JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING EXECUTION PROCESS OF THE PROJECT CHANGE THE FOUNDATIONS OF MESSAGE ROUTING BECAUSE WE LACK THE NUMBER OF HUMANS TO DO THE FUCKING JOB. So, we need to take a look at this and to get a better understanding when we can make this happen.”
What is the point of having this step in our organization if it is just pass-through? What is the point? Meetings? Just having meetings? Spending time mastering the organizational skill of administrating meetings? Feeling important? Using big words (holistic being my favourite)?
Below, juniors devs are being hired doing stupid stuff that does not need doing. For months and months.
I believe now that half of the dev staff does not need to be there and three quarters of the team, service, delivery (etc) managers are unnecessary. I mean, the good juniors are going to change jobs soon either way and we are stuck in this vicious cycle where we are not being allowed to be innovative in software engineering. Stability is of the essence here but the rate of our releases are just silly slow. I would say that we are far, far away from any track that leads us to where we want to be. Agile. Innovative. Close to business. Learning. Teaching. Faster. Stability despite response to implementing changing business needs.
And then there are the consultants…
*sigh*4 -
How do you balance what your boss wants, and what the client wants?! 😣
We had design and requirement discussions with clients and they said they want method A.
After doing internal design review and writing up documents, client agreed and sign off on it.
However, during last moments of development, I encountered a minor issue in the design and brought the team together to discuss about it.
Boss went on about how his idea, method B would have been better and is what the client wants, etc. Mind you, method B is quite different from method A that clients want.
I explained to boss that his method is different from what the client wants and also what have been documented and signed off.
He told me he doesn't need comments of such from me and they can always tell the client that method B is better and should be the way.
I feel so fucked because we are currently rushing with only 2 days left in our deadline and there will not be a bonus if we are late.1 -
Day 11 of devWholesome...
I think it is very important today to express how much we care about others. Today I want you to do something nice for a friend or family member and tell them how much you care about them. You realize how important the ones around us are and what they mean to you. Tell me what you did today that fulfills that goal in the comments. And as always, make the most out of your day!1 -
I'm so confused by our architecture and development process in general
We planned what features are to be implemented (e.g. what endpoints should do what), but there are parts of tasks which depend on others, and I'm not sure what classes to build or when to start a task given that related ones are being done by other developers, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing
I could maybe do all of this alone my way if it was just me, but when I ask in planning about how we should go about implementing shit together, I just get backlash from this senior developer telling me we shouldn't waste time discussing implementation details in planning
Like, what the fuck do you want me to fucking do, just implement all the dependencies of what I'm doing from zero, without reusing any of the code other devs are doing that touches on the same parts?
Fucking hell, man, this is the third sprint where I'm confused like this
Maybe I'm just too dumb to be a developer after all lol5 -
Just got this coding task from a recruiter trying to determine what they want.
This for a front end job but we talked about api/network calls.
Are they just looking for the UI or do they want me to make the agency names dynamic through the different databases?
The recruiter is kind of clueless.
How would you approach this.11 -
How do you keep up with this? How to stay motivated?
Management is getting worse. All they want you to do is reduce customer issues, reduce P0 and P1. Numbers aren’t looking good.
But with that also do that GIGANTIC piece of shit epic we assigned you this quarter.
Don’t forget to help that DUMBASS contractor to do this task he was supposed to learn the last 10 times he did it. By help we handholding.
Also all the manager can really contribute is by saying reduce the numbers because that’s what his manager says.
Also why aren’t the code reviews done?
Also attend a 9AM sync up call as well as a 10PM sync up call in the same day.
Gaaaaaaahhhhhhh5 -
Given an opportunity to develop an application for R&D. What do we do as a team? Let build it exactly the same way our current stack is built. (This app won't actually be used for anything useful, just an exercise for a fun R&D task)
It still amazes me with the number of developers that literally have the mindset, let's just do what we know & don't want to learn anything new.
Let's showcase new technologies? No. Let's create a serverless application? No. Let's create some microservices? No. Let's wrap the application in a Docker container so we can easily spin it up? No. Let's have multiple services that sit behind an API gateway? No. Let's for fucks sake at try a different design pattern? Why would we do that? Can we do anything differently? No.
No innovation, nothing - it just blows my mind. Everyone seems to think that the way the stack is built is how every application is. Sorry but a huge monolithic application that can't scale isn't how the other half live...
I don't know why the lack of wanting to try something new bothers be so much, but it does.
Had a real opportunity to showcase some cool tech, design patterns, new services in the cloud. Show not only other devs but upper management that there are alternative ways to develop. It's not like anything that I put together was "new or shiny" - I just wanted to do anything... Anything that isn't how currently do things.
Full disclosure, I'm not a great Dev - I'm pretty dam average but I'm always willing to try new techniques or approaches.9 -
Tech lead: so for this sprint, please implement this HTML page in Angular
Me: do we know what kind of Angular table we are using yet?
Tech Lead: just use the Angular UI one
Me: do we know if that supports drag and drop and custom filters?
Tech Lead: that's not needed for this page
Me: yeah but like 5 other pages of this web app does
Tech Lead: so? We will find a different table then.
Me: but they will look and feel very different and it will be totally obvious that it's patchwork, and we will need to rewrite this page you want me to write now...
Tech Lead: so what if they look completely different. Stop thinking about future sprints. can you have it done next week?
Me: ummmm.....
... this is going to be a fun project. Oh, not to mention I'm only supposed to work on it for 20% of my time....1 -
Client is a group of designers and asks for a website reskin, we made the previous one.
They spend like 4 months fixing up their design and after they're done, we developer look at it and decide what can be done and what can't be done and we go on like this for a few days.
At the end, I begin the development of the website, the data structure is already done, it's there and it's working.
The design is there, we all asked to not modify ANYTHING about it.
After I finish making the website, which is kinda unusable bc of the UI, they decide to completely redo the about page (which took like 3 days to get done)
After all it's done they just say "ok, now we gotta just add animations and transitions between all of the pages"
It took like 3 months to finish...
Is it too hard for clients to actually have a specific idea on what they want to do? -
I need Christmas break so much... Full on sweets from home (my mother sent me a 7kg package), programming whatever I want with no one to tell me what to do and some quality time with the love ones and myself. Fuck work, we should have Christmas breaks every 2 months at least
-
Alright my fellow devs and other tech related/adjacent people, we can easily glean from your rants and profiles what you do while developing. But I want to get to know the person behind the screen. After all we aren't our jobs.
So, outside of software development and related activities, what do you do in your spare time?7 -
Everyday at our standup with my team we chant "Aaaand Break" at the end, Today my manager gave me a new task to come up with a new routine chant for our team standup tomorrow, I have no idea about what to come up with- Any thoughts ?
I just have "go team" in mind, does anyone here do anything similar, want to hear your team disperse chant.?7 -
My new employer is giving me the option to learn whatever I want. I’m doing procurement and Sharepoint and some other things, covering on the help desk, and some graphic design work. I have a bit of free time though and want to try something new!
We have the following teams: networks, development, security, and help desk. What should I ask to do next?
I’m learning SQL and have also been given the opportunity to do some of that work once I am ready.
Note: I know that it’s my preference what I do, I just don’t even know where to begin!3 -
So. I began college this year. I will be majoring in Computer Science. There first thing as a new student I did was signed up for the Computer Science Club and excited for the new adventure I asked, "What are we going to do?
President: "Nothing. We don't have any programmers or budget. But you can do whatever you want."
I don't know what I felt: maybe lost? a little dead inside?
What a disappointment.6 -
In the middleschool we have teacher who wasn't very skilled. We were learning about copying files, creating folders, writing in word...
So me and my frend were bored and do other stuff, talk loud and joking.
Teacher than got angry at us and want to punish as. So he made us show, how to creat new folder in explorer. Thinking we would know.
Me and my frend did it in sec. He just stood there in silence and didn't know what to do. We continue to do other stuff. -
Lately I read post from democracy developer how we are unable to run democracy in direct way. We know something in some fields and are si fucking dumb in others. Sure we could make research, but it takes time which most of us don't have, so we could chose as we feel which could be more less correct, but even doing research could lead as nowhere. But it isnt only fucking democracy, same goes with medication, food, raising children and there goes fucking shopping. We ass people don't like shitty things or more correctly we don't want ti fucking know it and don't want expensive things, middle is the best, but when you could afford best quality it us easy to associate it with price which is so fucking lie. There is this ios and android battle and a lot of others and it is fucking insane. Why? Because everything is advertised as fucki.g awesome, cocksucking shit which could you eat, shit and eat again. It makes you full, well feed and slim, also makes you boobs, penis, ass of whatever bigger than average (always bigger no matter how much average is).
You want to buy coffee? Our brand is fuckj.g best roasted, best seeds from best plantation and costs only 7$ per kg, fuck you because it tatses like shit and makes me vomit. sure obvious scam, but what with 20-30$ coffee? It is well roasted, freshly roasted and do they fucking know how to do that?
Fuck coffee, go to buy t-shit which one isnt fucking cut off efficiency which also make t-shit stretched as ass after naked night in prison?
Laptop? Fuck you each one is fucking best for everhtbing, 4GB of RAM, slow HDD, shitty CPU and windows 10 onboard? Beast of performance and also mobile, the best laptop ever. Obvious scam, sure, but 1000$ laptop? could be decent? Fuck you, shitty hinge and case so it is like fuckenstein monster.
Why couldn't we have honest advertising? because noone will buy it, shitty shit. Even fucking numbers don't always tell you which is better... fucking shit.
Have a nice day ;)4 -
Hello all (App devs) I have finalized all APIs and here is the postman collection for you. I have been working on the chat page so excuse me for my delay but I finished all the system all that is remaining is the chat. I will be working on it tonight.
Please let me know if there is anything wrong.
Dev 1: thank you will see then asap.
Dev 2: why do u want to make me lost we said u deliver the chat first and then we move forward with the app.
Me: well I had some difficulties with the chat so I finalized all else and u can fix those while I fix the chat
Dev 2: no this is not what we agreed on. This is propostrous. I will not do anything anymore. I need the chat to finale x y and z.
Me: dude the chat has nothing to do with x y and z u can finalize those and then fix the chat!
Dev 2: no I don't understand this is not right.
Me: dude I built the backend I know what u need for x y z. Anyway why all the blame and the destructive approach?
Dev 2 don't think we r kids we r not kids .. (bullshit talk)...
This is the scenario that happens Everytime a pussy of a Dev is late and is ignorant of their job and all about blame it on the weakest point.
Therefore guess what's drafted ?!
MY RESIGNATION PAPER!1 -
SO's accepted answers being "no dont do what you want to do, use this corporate™-certified library instead, we ALLLLL use it too"
Like bitch if I wanna kill myself with a knife, tell me which vein to cut, dont recommend me a gun, I dont want it. ffs.9 -
Sometimes I ask myself how former IT people can become "Bosses"
Boss: We need to validate all links on our site
Me:Okay, let's vrab the response codes and some variations of under construction and we should be done.
Boss: No that only tests negatives, we need to test if the website content still matches.
Me: How?
Boss: Hmm... Just test if some keywords exist.
Me: So you want me to add a bunch of keywords for +-150 links? What about the maintenance?
Boss: Well, those sites basically never change.
Me: Then why do that?
Boss: Well, for when they change.
Now I can search through 150 mostly legal stuffy pages to find usefull keywords only to get a bunch of wrong negatives because the fucking semantics have changed...
+I have to type all that shit. Primarily, I have to type.3 -
How do you share some feedback about certain things to your peers?
A little context.
Within our team, me and another person are two senior folks and we are the ones who are answering all the queries to external teams, product, issues, incidents. Obviously we are seniors so we tend to lead by example and try to handle as much as we can. But this is giving the junior folks a nice getaway to not pitch in and scale and handle things as well. They are happy to sit back and when me or the other senior person is not available, their response to all the queries is that we dont know because we havent worked on it and then when we come back, we respond to those.
Also for the work, what usually should take 1-2 days, takes 3-5 days for these guys. 3-5 days of work gets delivered by them in 2-3 weeks. And the reason again, this is new, i didnt not get this and i have facing this issue. In all of this, our lead is quite laid back as well and doesnt inquire more about why things are constant getting delayed from their side.
The side effect of this has been that more critical and time sensitive things gets pushed to us senior folks even more and we are seriously getting bogged down by the amount of work.
We want to question and point out to these junior folks that they need to scale up, but we feel a little helpless since it might make them more hostile and retaliate. Why are we saying these when our lead is not saying anything. That will be their argument. Plus it will create an unpleasant working environment which we dont want either.
We think of talking to our lead, but again, I am not sure if that would be considered as bitching about them.4 -
In the time between my 1st and 2nd semesters I had this course to help develop our soft skills. In one of the classes the teacher asks what we wanted to do when we finish our courses and when I said I wanted to make games someone snickered behind me 😒 maybe I was a bit too enthusiastic (I'm super pumped about it, I just wanna be out there and make games and make people happy. It may sound childish but it's what I want to do. After all, I'm still 14 😜 (jk, people look at me and think I'm younger than I really am. I've been even "put" in 5th-8th (12-15) grade once, when I was in xmas vacations from uni, early this year)) but no need to be rude 😒
-
"And so we have an issue. A classic impasse. Management wants process. Developers want to build something that works. Designers want to spend time thinking about use cases. What do we do?" - Ben Bleikamp1
-
Not really programming related other than it has to do with my work.
Why in God's name are the trains in the Netherlands so annoying, Autumn started what 4 days ago? And both the Friday and Monday I have had delays or just trains that refuse to drive... Probably because there is a single wet leaf of the railroad... Oh no! We wouldn't want to slip WITH A TRAIN1 -
In my school we had a CS lab and we were supposed to do lab assignments.
I had a book which gave a basic introduction on event driven programming, and introduced me to two new functions which I couldn't have ever known(I got internet in 2013) if I had gone with just the curriculum, kbhit() and gotoxy(). With this new knowledge I created my first 2d game. And that feeling of creating something no one expects and something fun, which also gets you attention of the whole room(Nothing like that was ever created in that lab, it was a shitty school), made me realize that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. 😃 -
>work as a team lead in a tiny startup that lives off of investment money due to a strained business team that should stop sucking
>everyone is underpaid
>make do with what I can, manage to push for raises to keep the team going
>one dev, Timmy, is a pretty nice fella
>with 1 very annoying flaw
“Why can’t we get all of our utilities paid?” “Why can’t we have unlimited paid time off?” “Why can’t we be like Biilionare Company XYZ?” “Company T gives everyone the latest laptop models” “we should be getting paid twice as much” “why do we have to work 8 hours?”
Constantly, to everyone.
I agree with Timmy in most points. He is not saying something I do not know. Sometimes I want to strangle Timmy, feed him his own nutsack, and kick him out to apply to billionaire company XYZ. He can have all those sweet sweet benefits. -
Do you all sometimes have this strange feeling, that.. actually humanity would not lose anything, if we killed all that useless tech we earn our money with?
Yeah, we get all that propaganda how technical prowess is empowering and sure we all know it's a nice feeling if you can apply the right clicks and bit flips to make the machine do as you want so you feel like the apprentice's sorcerer.
BUT even if you believe your user story adds some business value to some abstract package - what do these devices mostly do? Distract, diffuse your focus, envy other eye-porn provider, endless aberration of clips.
Fuck social media!
(Yes, I know I am on one, but this is because I haven't given up hope on this one.)6 -
One month ago I had to start a school project with some my classmates. I managed all the infrastructure using terraform and today, the day before the delivery, I noticed that the graphs used for the monitoring always been so quiet. I decided to ask my team what was going on and these are their replies:
- "I thought IaC was more describing the actual infrastructure"
- "I didn't know we have a database on AWS, I always used my local postgres instance"
- "Why do we need to host our web app on AWS? I can just run it from Visual Studio"
I don't think I want to live on this planet anymore10 -
So my code works, but it's not the best way to do because there is a specific object made as a helper to do what I want to do.
Thing is, it is written nowhere. We agreed with my fellow co-workers, it's written nowhere in the developer guide provided to give the best ways to code.
Just
Fucking
Update
Your
Documentation -
Somebody: (whinwy) we need something to log into nonprivileged technical accounts without our rootssh proxy. We want this pammodule pam_X.so
me: this stuff is old (-2013) and i can't find any source for it. How about using SSSD with libsss_sudo? Its an modern solution which would allow this with an advantage of using the existing infrastructure.
somebody: NO I WANT THIS MODULE.
me: ok i have it packaged under this name. Could you please test it by manipulating the pam config?
Somebody: WHAT WHY DO I NEED TO MANIPULATE THE PAMCONFIG?
me: because another package on our servers already manipulates the config and i don't want to create trouble by manipulate it.
Somebody: why are we discussing this. I said clearly what we need and we need it NOW.
we have an package that changes the pam config to our needs, we are starting to roll out the config via ansible, but we still use configuration packages on many servers
For authentication as root we use cyberark for logging the ssh sessions.
The older solution allowed additionally the login into non-rootaccounts, but it is shut down in the next few weeks after over half an year of both systems active and over half an year with the information that the login into non-privileged accounts will be no more.7 -
Any backend devs here working with TypeScript? What are the best framework choices right now? I've been looking at Nest.js, but there seems to be a steep learning curve that might hamper onboarding of my (literally fresh graduate) new hires. There's also Ts.ED, which seems like the fat has been trimmed from it.
I know people will recommend something like, just using express / koa / hapi but I don't think we have the time to work with something super lightweight 😬😬😬. And besides, opinionated frameworks will speed things up for now (we have a lot of crap we want to do this incoming 2022)12 -
implementing ticket from epic somebody else did breakdown on
someone from other team mentions that we should be getting approval from their team and preferably avoid doing stuff in this legacy repo
im just a code monkey, i didn't make the decision (or know the nuances around it), nor did i want to be in that old legacy repo
pain
i didnt know, i dont know what i dont know,
how do i do better next time...3 -
Le Angular programmer
Me: I need to add all these fields across this 30 page (seriously) questionnaire to the dataLayer for Google Analytics...I'll see if I can loop over all the controls and get the native element so that I can do things with it.
Also me: WTF do you mean I don't have access to the native element? Damn it! What does Google say?
**terrible french accent**
A few moments later
**end terrible french accent**
Me: I don't want to have to create a directive to put on every single one of these fields. That's dumb. Not gonna do it...bad vanilla JavaScript?
**terrible french accent**
Several minutes later
**end terrible french accent**
Me: Wait...if we use this directive then the directive can handle all the things AND we can use it outside of this questionnaire. The rest of the app can send this data so that Google Analytics can know all the things
Man Google..You sure do know what I want before I know what I want...Are you spying on me too?1 -
Let's say we want to host a small-medium project currently running on shared hosting (ehm) in cloud. What do you recommend? Amazon or DigitalOcean or something else? Our requirements are: availability > price, a good price/performance ratio, EU servers with possible North America expansion. Emphasis on availabity.
I think a simple 4-8 core server is going to be enough for now as our app is not resource heavy, but we may need to expand in the future.9 -
I have an upcoming team meeting whereby we are going to ask the team on how they think we (as in the department) are doing? This can cover anything really from the way deliver code, interact or even just the wider context such as the office space we occupy.
I don’t want the session to be a free for all moan, so what techniques have other developers employed to elicit feedback?
In the past I’ve done a big piece of paper with sections:
What we do well
What we can improve
What we are poor at
We then asked people to write post it’s and attach them to the paper. These were gathered into broad themes and we then voted on as to which people felt most strongly about.
Just looking for suggestion of how I could make the session more successful. Thanks.1 -
TLDR, need suggestions for a small team, ALM, or at least Requirements, Issue and test case tracking.
Okay my team needs some advice.
Soo the powers at be a year ago or so decided to move our requirement tracking process, test case and issue tracking from word, excel and Visio. To an ALM.. they choice Siemens Polarion for whatever reason assuming because of team center some divisions use it..
Ohhh and by the way we’ve been all engineering shit perfectly fine with the process we had with word, excel and Visio.. it wasn’t any extra work, because we needed to make those documents regardless, and it’s far easier to write the shit in the raw format than fuck around with the Mouse and all the config fields on some web app.
ANYWAY before anyone asks or suggests a process to match the tool, here’s some back ground info. We are a team of about 10-15. Split between mech, elec, and software with more on mech or elec side.
But regardless, for each project there is only 1 engineer of each concentration working on the project. So one mech, one elec and one software per project/product. Which doesn’t seem like a lot but it works out perfectly actually. (Although that might be a surprise for the most of you)..
ANYWAY... it’s kinda self managed, we have a manger that that directs the project and what features when, during development and pre release.
The issue is we hired a guy for requirements/ Polarion secretary (DevOps) claims to be the expert.. Polarion is taking too long too slow and too much config....
We want to switch, but don’t know what to. We don’t wanna create more work for us. We do peer reviews across the entire team. I think we are Sudo agile /scrum but not structured.
I like jira but it’s not great for true requirements... we get PDFs from oems and converting to word for any ALM sucks.. we use helix QAC for Misra compliance so part of me wants to use helix ALM... Polarion does not support us unless we pay thousands for “support package” I just don’t see the value added. Especially when our “DevOps” secretary is sub par.. plus I don’t believe in DevOps.. no value added for someone who can’t engineer only sudo direct. Hell we almost wanna use our interns for requirements tracking/ record keeping. We as the engineers know what todo and have been doing shit the old way for decades without issues...
Need suggestions for small team per project.. 1softwar 1elec 1mech... but large team over all across many projects.
Sorry for the long rant.. at the bar .. kinda drunk ranting tbh but do need opinions... -
Not really a rant, but maybe someone can help me on this one.
Me and my brother are thinking about creating our first app. We know what features we want and also how the workflow of our app should be (we even sketched the workflow with an online mockup tool). The programming of the app itself is no problem, but we are both struggling when it comes to create a nice looking, smooth design from our draft. As we both believe that a nice looking UI is important we are not afraid to invest a little bit to get a nicely designed UI - "Make it right, or don't do it at all" ;-)
We searched a little bit in our hometown and found a company that would design us something for at least 15-20k Euros. As we do already have a pretty detailed sketch and also would need to pay that from our own pocket (we do not know if it gets more than a hobby project) its definitely too much for us. So my question is: Are their any app design companies out there that takes a sketch and creates a smooth design from it?4 -
Time for an actual rant.
3rd year of CS.
We have Mobile Systems course - Android & iOS development.
Lectures - 1hr of interview with Steve Jobs about greatness of iOS.
Practice - So far we had to write 2 android apps.
Seems wrong? No, it's perfectly fine for "Course Leader" (idk how the guy is called properly in English)
First app - 3 screens (it was forced to do it with Activities), data passing between activities, lifecycles
Second app - 2 screens - one with ListView (well, I asked about RecyclerView, luckily I was allowed), another one adds elements to that List plus Snackbars, Notifications, list item selection and removing them (I ended up adding retrolambda and streams to write it anyhow). We were asked to do it on Activities, I thought it was an overkill, in the end did it on Fragments.
What pisses me off - we were asked to do those two apps after watching one hour of interview, the guy who leads the practical part of course has no idea how to do things in Android (said it clearly), I was, and still am, only one who knows how to do anything.
I work as Android dev, so I want to help my colleagues. Decided to make tutorial streams where I explain how to do everything.
Troll colleagues come and dislike it on youtube, post lulzy comments into chat. Not that it bothers me much, but still, people who I'm trying to help are mixing my help with shit, great :)
If Polish devranters want to check out those streams (you can write a decent app after watching those 4 hours) I can post them in comment.2 -
Working on a CS370 (Software Engineering) project with 5 people; 2 of which feel like their time is more important than everyone else's so when we all meet as a group to go over presentations, documentation and other things we need to do as a group, they silently sit alone working on bits of code they should have done previously. Then when we can't get docs done and handed in on time, one of the two decides to spam our group chat at 2am when 2 of us are sleeping because we work in the morning, one of us is sleeping because of morning classes and the last one is doing god knows what. Like, I'm sorry. But failure to do your shit on time does not constitute an emergency on my shit. All of our weekly peer reviews reflect on how no matter what we say to these two; they refuse to work as a team.
!rant, more like dev hint
In a team, your time is not more important than team time. You can do things on your time whenever you want; but unless your entire team shares your schedule, team time might be a rare commodity and should be used as such. -
I understand that to get a promotion or a level boost you should try to do duties far above your level to show you can do more.
But what if your manager deems that the expectation? What if they don't believe your work is really above your level, and find your lack of domain knowledge compared to someone who's worked for 4 years a restriction from getting promoted? And also what if you can't get involved on projects to increase the domain knowledge you specifically lack (we have a service we don't develop for but own and get pages and resolve incidents for it, and it's an ancient one without good docs).
I just want advice on what should one do to be able to get a promotion at this stage6 -
I started to learn backend development for help a friend with his idea for an startup. i learn the basics in one week. then we put the hands on the project.
the first week everything was ok, we make progress fast and get things done, second week my productivity go to the floor. i found my self trying to do hacky stuff every day. never reach solutions. i was a mess.
Today i just broke, inclusive with my main Data Science projects im feeling bad. i quit everything a start watching Mr. Robot.
Right now i feels truly bad, but i have no option, tomorrow i will pit my hands again on all this shit, what more i can do? this is what i want to do.
The suffering and stress seems to be part of this job. We can only keep going.6 -
I have a class on my college on which we can choose what to do as a final project the only requisite being that we need to do something we haven't covered in any class at the degree.
I want to be a Gameplay programmer and saw that many offers ask for Lua, then I think this is an opportunity to do something in Lua and learn the basics but I don't know what to do, any ideas of a simple project I can do in Lua or a framework that uses Lua that can teach me the basics of it?
Tl;Dr: Want to do a small project in Lua, have no idea what to do tho. Ideas?4 -
There is only one life what you want do now only because we don't know after mixing in the mud again we will come to this earth or not. So Trust in your self work for your dreams and catch them.
-
I am a 3rd year undergraduate and we need to make a web based project. Problem is no one on our team has ever made anything web based or even a simple website before. We need to run some Java code in the backend apart from that we are free to do whatever we want. Any advice on what frameworks to use and what to avoid?
I literally have zero experience on this so any advice is appreciated!3 -
Oh let the rant time begin…
So previous post I mentioned about this dev who has resigned and how I was going to see about a Snr. position.
Management is now scrambling to figure out what to do as this dev managed all the migration to AWS etc, I know servers but haven’t got too much familiarity with AWS.
Anyways so I finally get a 1:1 with my new line manager. I ask about the position and he says they don’t know what there going to do yet. Hire a new dev in India to offset and with the same knowledge even though the guy leaving is in the U.K. Bad idea as the servers are in the U.K. so if we get downtime or the server crashes we have no one in the U.K. to reset or access to the servers. India are very cagey who gets access which is annoying to say the least even though us (three devs) in the U.K. are the principal engineering team so there looking at all options.
Anyways we have a back and fourth, we discuss some of the plans for the app, some of which we are nowhere near ready to even conceptualise as the app in its current state sucks, (ruby 2.2.6 and rails 5 but not really). Needs major refactoring and rewrite, one thing they want to do is multi tendency which again given the state is laughable.
So, as my manager is speaking my head is screaming being like “this is just going to be a massive disaster”. Then we go onto that he’s seeing what everyone’s strengths are etc. And then we get onto the upgrade and that he wants me to work on it.
Yes.. the upgrade I’ve been trying to do for the past 4+ months but I keep getting told to stop and getting pushed backed.
I’ve been told we have devOps looking into restructuring the app, not possible as how the app is written, we have India trying to multi tenant again disaster incoming as they’ll end up rushing it. Legal are going to have a field day. Every time I say the issues are the fundamentals with the app, here’s how we can sort it. In one ear out the other basically there patching the ship even though it’s still leaking.
I have so many ideas, and things I can do to improve the app and get it back to not only working order, fix the performance issues, data issues and everything else. Brick wall.
So rants ensue where I basically say I would love to do the upgrade but management gives me no time in the roadmap (we have no say in planning). At this point I’m just speaking to a brick wall.
After the meeting I have a chat with the BAs, we all have the same issues so honestly it sucks we end up ranting to each other for an hour.
I’m being under-utilised, being told do this, do that even though I’ve had two stabs but told to stop and pushed back, I know what benefits I can bring to the app with a refactoring, ideas and how to properly lead the team because honestly we’re working on an old legacy app, and management are clueless and there priorities are all wrong, the company is getting frustrated and it’s a sinking ship. They would rather patch issues without solving them and everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.
Frustrating is not the word.1 -
I know it's a stupid question but then also I want to ask because I am very confused...
Recently I started learning about cloud computing and I have question that:- What actually cloud is?? (Please don't tell the advantages or what can we do with cloud, etc.)
Is it collection of hardwares or many companies have built some special servers that are put together for the purpose??5 -
Non-dev beings think devs are lifeforms with the power to read minds and foresee the future: they ask us to do things expecting we already know what they want without a concrete explanation, and want a time estimate without analysing the request nor the code.2
-
" Whenever we are stuck in a life situation, ask yourself 'what do i want in my life?' "
Yeah people are nice enough to give you this useless advice. I would rather like if someone showed me things that i "should be wanting" in my life :/
I had always been a member of a family where adjusting is a common practice. And now everything seems useless when we could simply "adjust"2 -
Was chatting with my long distance gf today, and sad that we had to cancel our Easter trip because of coronavirus.
Somehow she cheered me up and we ended up talking about what we want to do once the pandemic is over. I am going to literally restart my wardrobe, since I would be sick of the clothes I have been wearing till then.
How about you? -
Started a new job at the same time as another guy. We are doing pull requests, I leave a comment about a one line improvement.
"This is not part of my task. If you want me to do extra run it past our bosses. You can't tell me what to do."
I despair. -
Yesterday, as I open the door, I see the biggest fucking spider I've seen in my entire life. And I freak out. FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Wow, it's gigantic... Crazy. Now, I can't leave the house.
Anyway, this goes on for 10-15 minutes and I finally manage to leave.
I go to language exchange and talk to all kinds of people. There was this Indian dude from the US, he was alright. Almost cured my hatred of Indians. It's strange how we hate people we don't know or seen before.
Anyway, I really need to further expand my world view and thinking by meeting more and more people and going to many places. Also, it's crazy how we all live on this small planet, only consume what other humans have written/created/made-up. The universe must be so vast, if we could do interstellar travel, and just travel and do crazy shit.
Life is truly amazing. I say live violently, live like you were in paralysis all your life. Run faster than fucking Forest. Fucking live until you want to die.
One last thing, PEOPLE are far more interesting THAN WE EVER EXPECT OR IMAGINE.
Just ask them few questions:
Have you ever went snowboarding?
Have you ever been on television?
Have you eating something unusual?
You will never believe who was on TV for what reason or who never went snowboarding. Well, I never tried snowboarding. I want do try it. We should it together actually. I have some skateboarding experience from past life. So hopefully I don't hit a tree and break my neck. Anyway that's all for today, peace out devRant faggots! I wish I could lick some of y'all.13 -
What do you do when clients are not able to specify what they exactly want? Do we present them with one or more possible solutions?5
-
what only seems like yesterday only seems like that because so many of us can't face or understand why it would want to live like it does and hold everything needlessly behind.
we are behind because of them, because they do things to us and then freak out, if they could keep their fucking mits off us when we were children and our children they wouldn't be in this spot and neither would we be getting driven nutty by watching them do the same things, but no they just had to covet the lives of others and breed more trash like them.4 -
I have the following scenario with a proposed solution, can anyone please confirm it is a secure choice:
- We have critical API keys that we do not want to ship with the app because de-compiling will give access to those keys, and the request is done before the user logs in, we are dealing with guests
Solution:
- Add a Lambda function which accepts requests from the app and returns the API keys
- Lambda will accept the following:
1. Android app signing key sha1
2. iOS signing certificate sha1
- If lambda was able to validate them API keys are sent back.
My concerns:
- Can an attacker read the request from the original (non-tampered) apk and see what the actual sha1 value is on his local network?
- If the answer to the question above is yes, what is the recommended way to validate that the request received is actually from the app that we shipped and not from curl/postman/script/modified version of the app11 -
At our university we do interviews as part of the admission for students who want to come to study computer science. For those who say that they have previous experience we ask them in what languages have they coded?
Best answer so far "Mostly English" -
I think what is not being understood is we want nothing to do with these pieces of shit or their ridiculous waste of life.2
-
With stock market down, I want to get into some future tech trends cheap but which ones are good.... honestly don't think I can make much unless the prices jump 50-100%...
I see clean tech and 5g, but not really sure what 5g means. Not sure what the wow factor is...
Clean tech feels like we need to do it or we're screwed though I was also thinking about buying oil... But that's probably b not a good long term.
Crypto I don't think it doing to well and sorta goes against clean tech? So what else is there and thoughts?20