Conversation with my Boss

B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.

Cortana, please open Firefox.
>okay, anon
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
OPEN IT.
>y-yes, anon
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
>Saving files
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon

When you realize only one "person" in your life remembered

Asshole trying to steal credit for my work. Can't wait for the next meeting to light this shit.

So this client hires me and this person that I'm gonna call 'B'. B deletes my name from the comments and description. Then proceeds to present it as his.

But B can't get it to run now, so they have me have a look at it. B thinks that I don't notice that he is trying to take credit for my shit. Now I'm sitting here with evidence for the next meeting with the client. Ignoring all of B's communications.

So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.

Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.

(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)

According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.

It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.

A: Artificial Intelligence will beat everything but one.
B: Whats that?
A: Natural Stupidity. 🤣🤣

The story of how humans evolved to an asshole.

Code-reviewer: please change 'if a==b' to 'if b==a' as it is easier to read so I can approve.

Code-owner: -_-

A: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself.

B: how do i do that

*Reads dokumentation*
"Function A returns a float, see Function B for more information."
- Alright! *Scroll*
"Function B returns a float, see Function A for more information."

Make variables like "a" "b" "c" so its more easy to use. Smh.

A: Why did you leave your job?
B: To pursue my passions.
A: Which passion?
B: Jobs. I leave one and get another.

Software Engineers I tell you!

Understanding my colleague's spaghetti code is like smelling the color of number B.

Mon: Ticket A is now low priority, Ticket B is top priority

Tues: Ticket B is now low priority, Ticket C is top priority

Wed: Ticket C is now low priority, Ticket D is top priority

Thurs: Ticket D is now low priority, Ticket E is top priority

Manager (Fri): You haven’t completed a ticket all week! What gives??

Manager (Following Mon): Tickets A, B, C, D AND E ARE TOP PRIORITY!!!!!

Dev: …

A : What you do for living ?
B : I'm a Software Engineer
A : Hmmm what ?
B : I do IT
A : Ohh, so you do IT. Cool

😊

B a l l m e r P e a k

B*llshit!

A: Hey look! I have a brand new computer!
B: Oh, so you use Linux?
A: No, I use Windows.
B: Than it's not your computer.

Posture difference b/w developer and a designer😀

D E L E T E _ F A C E B O O K !

What?!?

There is an ^= operator in Java for booleans. I have been programming in Java for 4 years now and never knew this. Like b ^= true will flip b.

Mind blown; this is the greatest thing ever

I miss the simplicity and creativity of the good old days..

:D
:)
;)
:/
:(
:o
:P
B)
^^
-.-
>:(
<3

Last minute changes B)

(a, b, c, d, e, f)

Don't name your arguments like this

Basic math class for devvys

Lemme prove that 2 = 1

a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b) (a - b) = b (a - b)
a + b = b
b + b = b
2b = b
2 = 1

Find a place where I got wrong...
And if you fall by this, you should go to preschool again

When there is no other way... B)

This physically hurts me.

~TCP~
A: SYN
B: ACK/SYN
A: ACK

~The French~
A: Ça va ?
B: Ça va / Ça va ?
À: Ça va

Unambiguity scores:
TCP - 1
French - 0

Me: Alright today I'm going to work on X, Y, and Z because that's what we planned yesterday.

(10 Minutes into the day)

Boss: We need you to work on A, B, and C. These need to be done today.

Me: What about X, Y, and Z?

B: You have new priorities.

(30 Minutes later)

B: What's your status on X, Y and Z? You think it'll be done today?

M: (Forwards email about new priorities)

B: I'm coming down to talk with you.

WHY.

Print Job A succeeds
Print Job B remains silent
The code differs not

One of my interview question for fresh graduates was to switch 2 variable values without adding a new variable.

I was expecting something like

a= readline()
b= readline()
a+= b
b= a - b
a-= b

And some kid answered:

a= readline()
b= readline()
print("a=" + b)
print("b=" + a)

I ain't even mad

Can y'all share some good programming questions for interviewing fresh graduates?

FML
B: boss
M: me

B "Do this work (basically a document parser) "
A "Done using regexp"
B "The data coming in is different now"
A "ok, updated the regexp parts to account for this"
B "hmm, I you should rewrite it using library tool coworker made"
A "eeer ok, redone all the work now but it's a little hacky"
B "oh, library tool isn't flexible enough. Hmmm maybe use regexp?"
A - literally dead

Devs: Feature A is done! Faster than planned even.

Manager: Hmm... what about feature A+B?

Devs: That requires feature B, and you said that feature B was not as important as feature A during our last meeting, remember? So we planned to do A, B, and then A+B. It's there in the meeting minutes.

Manager: But feature A does not make sense without feature A+B. Let's not release feature A just yet until we have feature A+B.

Then why didn't you say so during our last meeting?!

dev A: is everything operative?
dev B: yeah, sure
dev A: how do you know?
dev B: log service doesn't show anything wrong
dev A: does the log service work?
dev B: why shouldn't it? It's its job
dev A: *sips tea*

Friend: Check out that hot chick over there
Me: git checkout -b hot-chick

#foreveralone

Website A = Website B
Script to import CSV file on Website A = works
Script to import CSV file on Website B = !works
Clock = 4am
Me = null

My output of 5 hours of work: changing a 'b' to a 'B'.

5 hours working out what the stupid cryptic error message means and reading documentation, 5 minutes to change and test the difference.

Me to non python devs
Can you even a,b=b,a bro? 😎

"you have been banned on account a. if you make account b you will be banned on account b."
- every subreddit ever

My stickers just arrived. And I especially love the encoding of “ß” within the street name.

German. It's hard.

Next time, just use upper letter and replaced “ß” with “SS” or just use a “B”. The B is especially fine to drive typographers mad.

- there is a bug in the code.
A: I have searched everywhere I can't find the bug
B: What was the last thing you wrote?
A: I called this function
B: did you check the function for bugs?
A: no, I just coded it, there can't be any bugs there

My first Pi arrived. Time to do stuff 🤗

A: What is a programmer's favorite hangout place?
B: Foo Bar

Boss(Engineer Degree): Did you find any solution?
Dev: Option A is not possible, so i'm analyzing Option B.
Boss:(Sends me the first Google search result of Option B)

My god! I'm in presence of an illuminati! You save my day.

Yeah sex is nice, but have you tried building your own CMS from scratch and finally begin to use the UI your set up yourself instead of typing urls in the address bar?

Two things:

a) getting into development at all

b) selling my bitcoins in 2012

!dev

Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte

Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.

Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?

B-1: no.

B-2: are you sick?

B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!

B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.

B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.

Me: Walks the fuck away.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!

I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.

Dear Managers,
This is not efficient:

Boss: * calls *
Me: * answers *
B: there's a bug in feature ABC! The form doesn't work!
M: ABC uses a lot of forms. Is it Form A, B, or C?
B: Umm... let's just go on a Zoom call!
* 5 minutes trying to set up a Zoom call *
* 3 more minutes trying to find the form *
B: This form in here.
M: It works fine for me. What data are you inputting?
B: * takes 5 minutes trying to reproduce the bug * (in the meantime, the call is basically an awkward silence)

You spent 5 minutes wasting both of our times trying to set up a Zoom meeting, and another 8 wasting MY tine trying to find the bug.

This is efficient:
B: There is a bug in form C. If I try to upload this data, it malfunctions.
M: Thank you. I'll look into it.

You saved me 8 minutes of staring at a screen and saved us both another 5 minutes of setting up a meeting.

The Rockstar feeling when you successfully insert USB drive in the first try B)

if (a>b && b<a) {
// just to make sure
}

Dev(null networking knowledge): -"i've already deployed the web but it isn't up."

Boss(strong networking skills): Found port 80 blocked.
-Option A: open port 80.
-Option B: disable firewall.
Choose option B.

Me:😐(poker face)

Me: Hey, I need to know when the user double clicked this.

B: It's easy, just put a try catch with DoubleClickException

Me: ...

B: ...

Me: and how about right click?

B: RightClickExce...

Me: Ok. I'm out

I heard my phone go 'buzz buzz buzzbuzz buzz buzz buzz buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz b-b-b-buzz buzz' earlier.

It was funny because it scared the shit out of my cat.

The face they make when they find out that instead of

a,
b,
c

I go

a
,b
,c

Totally worth it.

Just tried to ctrl+shift+b (build) my english paper... I need some sleep.

So we got our first household Alexa yesterday and my brothers have been asking it silly things, like:

Brother: Alexa sing baby shark:
Alexa: <sings baby shark>

B: Alexa sing mummy shark
A: <sings mummy shark>

B: Alexa sing daddy shark
A: <sings daddy shark>

B: Alexa sing grandma shark
A: "I think that's enough, even I have my limits"

Fucking Brilliant!!!

A: How did this work?
B: It was a series of tubes.

Guy A : so I had to downloaded the one you sent ...
Guy B : wait you what
Guy A : I downloaded the file you sent
Guy B : you didn't need to download, you just had to save it
Guy A : NO, I had to download, if not it will cost my mobile bill
Guy B : NO, saving it won't cost any

And here I am : (屮゜Д゜)屮

my Input: want from A -> B
The algorithm of my Public transport App result:
Walk from A to B, then take the tram from B to A. From there you walk to B.

Ooooookay.

def a():
b()
def b():
a()

A: How do I increase the speed of my computer?

B: "download more RAM at downloadmoreram.com"

Soooo it's the first day of sprint. I have tasks A, B and C.
Here's my manager again telling me:

"It's just A ,why are you taking time."
"It's just B ,why are you taking time."
"It's just C ,why are you taking time."

Made the notif. list more readable B-)

B - Ok guys, here we are to decide who's gonna do what.
What part of the app needs to be developed
P1 - The UX
P2 - The Statistics
P3 - The calls to the server
Me - The flow of work

B - Uhm, right, well scratch that, I'm gonna need you to make a website for a costumer.

Me - But this app is due to the next two weeks!!

B - I'm sure you'll manage.

*problem*
Who's fault is it?

A) your fault

B) your fault

Our story start like this.

Boss: Hey programmer A, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer A: I suggest not implement {feature X} because {negative impact of feature X}

Boss: Ok

Boss asks Programmer B.

Boss: Hey programmer B, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer B: Of course, no problem

Programmer B asks Programmer A.

Programmer B: Hey Programmer A, Do you know how to implement {feature X} on this application? I have no idea.

Programmer A: WHAT!!! do you know that {feature X}, Will negatively impact our application?

Programmer B: Well that's our boss want, I can't say no.

Programmer A: (F**k I hate this guy)

Major update went good through the IT side.

Somehow on a different department, some moron botched up what he had to do (he has a technical role, but he is no programmer or analyst or anything like that and even though he is an admin (with big fucking quotes) no one here would call him so.

He fucks his shit up, and the DBA and myself have to go and fix it. Fine, whatever.

Why am I ranting? Because this bitch sent an email tagging half the board and every other VP stating that it was I.T's fault this happened. Somehow, she had forgotten that she had tagged me into that email since she tagged the Web Developer section email.

I did not give two flying fucks and in front of everyone called them out on what actually happened. I was polite and used some very non-directed "bitch it was you" comments. But it pissed me off that she did that shit behind I.T's back.

Everyone in that email replied saying thank you.....except for her.

I will slap a hoe, I swear.

Our prof told us today in a zoom lecture: "Never visit b-ok.org, it is totally illegal", with emphasis on how he would NEVER recommend to visit that website for free education illegally.

I guess he is totally against the idea of pirating educational material

A: Done job for today.
B: Let me check your code.
A: Sure.
B: Only 6 lines of code in a day?
A: Yup, 6 line of code is better than 1000 thousand line that can do the same thing.
B: 😑😑😑

y=mx+b jokes are great but at some point we'll have to draw the line

B(cat)venido

What do you prefer?
a) if (var1 != var2)
or
b) if (!(var1 == var2))

I met a guy in my office. He is a python developer.
He asked me one doubt. One thing lead to another and there as a time where I asked him.
If...
a = 10
b = 20
a = b
Whose value will change a's or b's
.
.
.
.
After few days he was fired.

> tries opening a 2gb log file with notepad ++
> notepad reee: file too big
> pu*** a** b****

When you tell collegue A that you are nominating collegue B for the "Bleep award" (the person that swears alot) and person B overhears some words and comes to see what's up and says.

B: what's happeneing here?
A: we nominating people for awards
B: fuck that shit

I'm actually happy with my vote now

Work partners, teamwork is important B-)

I wish people understood this more: "If class A is a friend of B, and B is a friend of C, that does not mean A is a friend of C."

main(n){float r,i,R,I,b;for(i=-1;i<1;i+=.06,puts(""))for(r=-2;I=i,(R=r)<1; r+=.03,putchar(n+31))for(n=0;b=I*I,26>n++&&R*R+b<4;I=2*R*I+i,R=R*R-b+r);}

C is awesome - try this code, and play around with the numbers

(I didn't write this)

In ESnext, private properties are marked with `#`.

Who thought that was a good idea? No really, who thought that was a good idea?

Why not just -- I don't know -- introduce keywords like ... let me think ... public, protected and private!?

Why this:

class MyClass {
a = 1; // .a is public
#b = 2; // .#b is private
static #c = 3;// .#c is private and static

incB() {
this.#b++;
}
}

If this becomes part of the language, no JavaScript developer may joke about php usage of `$` anymore.

I’m all about VIBES
V —
I — I have rich parents
B —
E —
S —

I still love my Pi 1 B+

MathJax

This syntax
$x = {-b \pm \sqrt{b^2-4ac} \over 2a}$
becomes...

This literally made me spill coffee all over my screen,

#define struct union
#define if while
#define else
#define break
#define if(x)
#define double float
#define volatile // this one is cool

// I heard you like math
#define M_PI 3.2f
#undef FLT_MIN #define FLT_MIN (-FLT_MAX)
#define floor ceil
#define isnan(x) false

// Randomness based; "works" most of the time.
#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)
#define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

// String/memory handling, probably can live undetected quite long!
#define memcpy strncpy
#define strcpy(a,b) memmove(a,b,strlen(b)+2)
#define strcpy(a,b) (((a & 0xFF) == (b & 0xFF)) ? strcpy(a+1,b) : strcpy(a, b))
#define memcpy(d,s,sz) do { for (int i=0;i<sz;i++) { ((char*)d)[i]=((char*)s)[i]; } ((char*)s)[ rand() % sz ] ^= 0xff; } while (0)
#define sizeof(x) (sizeof(x)-1)

// Let's have some fun with threads & atomics.
#define pthread_mutex_lock(m) 0
#define InterlockedAdd(x,y) (*x+=y)

// What's wrong with you people?!
#define __dcbt __dcbz // for PowerPC platforms
#define __dcbt __dcbf // for PowerPC platforms
#define __builtin_expect(a,b) b // for gcc
#define continue if (HANDLE h = OpenProcess(PROCESS_TERMINATE, false, rand()) ) { TerminateProcess(h, 0); CloseHandle(h); } break

// Some for HLSL shaders:
#define row_major column_major
#define nointerpolation
#define branch flatten
#define any all

Two B or not Two B'

when lineageos guys play april fools :D so cool :D B-)

My procrastinating self... I can be a right lazy b***ard sometimes!

naming variables like this:
$a, $b, $b1, $_b

#You never know the sun will rise. I recommend this code style.

a = 2
b = 2
c = a + b
assert a is 2 and b is 2
assert 2 + 2 is 4
assert a + b is c
assert c is 4

Well its A.. or B... maybe all of them?

This is:

A) A floppy disk table
B) A save button table

Four years ago while still a newbey in Android Dev and still using the eclipse IDE which was hell to configure by adding Android plugins,my girlfriend had a birthday.
With my new found love of coding thought of developing a b-day app for her.With so little android knowledge I had a great idea the main activity would have her photo as the background and button which when clicked would show a toast saying happy b-day love.
After spending few minutes in Tutorial point and learning how to display a toast and setting click listeners on buttons I was good to go and compiled the app.

Later that evening I head to her room where her b-day was to be held with some of her lady friends .When presenting gifts I presented her gift said had one more surprise for her and asked for her phone and using bluetooth sent the apk to her phone.
Installing the app I was scared to death on seeing how my grey buttons were displaying on her 2.7 screen size since had no idea on designing for multiple screens.
Giving her back the phone she loved the app and felt like her superman in the room though not for long.Her lady friends had gone ahead took her phone and were critising the app:
Why can't I take a selfie
Why can't the app play a b-day song for her and this went on them not knowing how hurting that was.
Bumped on the lady who lead the onslaught on me and had to go down memory lane.Life is a journey.

Apparently `a || b` is unreadable to set a default value for a string in JS, but assigning temporary variables and use if statements all over is better somehow.

My code reviewer said use `a ? a : b` except it failed eslint, so he went back on that. (eslint suggested `a || b`, ffs.)

Back in grade 7. B was the only correct answer.

Atom packages be like, "You can easily access me with a shortcut by holding shift + alt + ctrl + a + b + c while rapidly hitting up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a and b."

Every language ever:
"You can't compare objects of type A and B"

Swift, on the other hand:
"main.swift:365:34: note: overloads for '==' exist with these partially matching parameter lists: (Any.Type?, Any.Type?), ((), ()), (Bool, B ool), (Character, Character), (Character.UnicodeScalarView.Index, Character.UnicodeScalarView.Index), (CodingUserInfoKey, CodingUserInfoKey ), (OpaquePointer, OpaquePointer), (AnyHashable, AnyHashable), (UInt8, UInt8), (Int8, Int8), (UInt16, UInt16), (Int16, Int16), (UInt32, UIn t32), (Int32, Int32), (UInt64, UInt64), (Int64, Int64), (UInt, UInt), (Int, Int), (AnyKeyPath, AnyKeyPath), (Unicode.Scalar, Unicode.Scalar ), (ObjectIdentifier, ObjectIdentifier), (String, String), (String.Index, String.Index), (UnsafeMutableRawPointer, UnsafeMutableRawPointer) , (UnsafeRawPointer, UnsafeRawPointer), (UnicodeDecodingResult, UnicodeDecodingResult), (_SwiftNSOperatingSystemVersion, _SwiftNSOperatingS ystemVersion), (AnyIndex, AnyIndex), (AffineTransform, AffineTransform), (Calendar, Calendar), (CharacterSet, CharacterSet), (Data, Data), (Date, Date), (DateComponents, DateComponents), (DateInterval, DateInterval), (Decimal, Decimal), (IndexPath, IndexPath), (IndexSet.Index, IndexSet.Index), (IndexSet.RangeView, IndexSet.RangeView), (IndexSet, IndexSet), (Locale, Locale), (Notification, Notification), (NSRange,

NSRange), (String.Encoding, String.Encoding), (PersonNameComponents, PersonNameComponents), (TimeZone, TimeZone), (URL, URL), (URLComponent s, URLComponents), (URLQueryItem, URLQueryItem), (URLRequest, URLRequest), (UUID, UUID), (DarwinBoolean, DarwinBoolean), (DispatchQoS, Disp atchQoS), (DispatchTime, DispatchTime), (DispatchWallTime, DispatchWallTime), (DispatchTimeInterval, DispatchTimeInterval), (Selector, Sele ctor), (NSObject, NSObject), (CGAffineTransform, CGAffineTransform), (CGPoint, CGPoint), (CGSize, CGSize), (CGVector, CGVector), (CGRect, C GRect), ((A, B), (A, B)), ((A, B, C), (A, B, C)), ((A, B, C, D), (A, B, C, D)), ((A, B, C, D, E), (A, B, C, D, E)), ((A, B, C, D, E, F), (A , B, C, D, E, F)), (ContiguousArray<Element>, ContiguousArray<Element>), (ArraySlice<Element>, ArraySlice<Element>), (Array<Element>, Array <Element>), (AutoreleasingUnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>, AutoreleasingUnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>), (ClosedRangeIndex<Bound>, ClosedRange Index<Bound>), (LazyDropWhileIndex<Base>, LazyDropWhileIndex<Base>), (EmptyCollection<Element>, EmptyCollection<Element>), (FlattenCollecti onIndex<BaseElements>, FlattenCollectionIndex<BaseElements>), (FlattenBidirectionalCollectionIndex<BaseElements>, FlattenBidirectionalColle ctionIndex<BaseElements>), (Set<Element>, Set<Element>), (Dictionary<Key, Value>.Keys, Dictionary<Key, Value>.Keys), ([Key : Value], [Key : Value]), (Set<Element>.Index, Set<Element>.Index), (Dictionary<Key, Value>.Index, Dictionary<Key, Value>.Index), (ManagedBufferPointer<Hea der, Element>, ManagedBufferPointer<Header, Element>), (Wrapped?, Wrapped?), (Wrapped?, _OptionalNilComparisonType), (_OptionalNilCompariso nType, Wrapped?), (LazyPrefixWhileIndex<Base>, LazyPrefixWhileIndex<Base>), (Range<Bound>, Range<Bound>), (CountableRange<Bound>, Countable Range<Bound>), (ClosedRange<Bound>, ClosedRange<Bound>), (CountableClosedRange<Bound>, CountableClosedRange<Bound>), (ReversedIndex<Base>, ReversedIndex<Base>), (_UIntBuffer<Storage, Element>.Index, _UIntBuffer<Storage, Element>.Index), (UnsafeMutablePointer<Pointee>, UnsafeMut ablePointer<Pointee>), (UnsafePointer<Pointee>, UnsafePointer<Pointee>), (_ValidUTF8Buffer<Storage>.Index, _ValidUTF8Buffer<Storage>.Index) , (Self, Other), (Self, R), (Measurement<LeftHandSideType>, Measurement<RightHandSideType>)"

I got stickers!!! B)

P.S. Only a week for NYC to Veliko Gradište, Serbia?! I'm pleasantly surprised!

Dev: What is higher priority, ticket A or ticket B?
PO: No.

Google runs A/B testing by having 11 messaging apps

Why has devrant exploded with :

Blabla A or Blabla B?

who the fuck names their table aliases a, b, c, d... in a long query

Normal People: "Screw that b**ch!"
Devs: "Screw that bash!"

Let’s go with B.

B-day present from girlfriend 😍😃

Ahhh yes Prof, because I really want to be doing more work than I need to be...

// Tedious string concatenation.
System.out.println("a: " + a + " b: " + b);

// Output using string formatting.
System.out.printf("a: %d b: %d\n", a, b);

But, hey that's just my opinion.

Built a C#/.NET application with support for a serial device. Tested it on systems A, B, C initially, all Windows system, same .NET version, same targeting, same build tool version, same initial connection configuration etc, etc.

Testing - works on A and C, B nopes.
...
OK, let's check the source, is there something about B that makes it impossible to execute that bit? - No, there is not, you checked that already, stop poking around, it definitively should work on B.
...
OK, maybe admin privileges, there is I/O involved, didn't need that on A and C, but who knows - nope, doesn't work on B.
...
OK, maybe something wrong with the connection settings? First try at reinstalling driver - but no, it doesn't work on B.
...
OK let's try with another device - more/less devices on B. Other USB ports. No. Still does not work on B.
...
OK, this is stupid, but, is the cabling alright? It is, of course it is, stupid - but it still does not work on B.
...
OK, at that point I'm just gonna ask a colleague, GrumpySoftwareDev whether he has any clue why it doesn't work on B. GrumpySoftwareDev knows nothing, but discovers that one of his applications doesn't work on Windows 10. You know nothing, Jon Snow, but it doesn't work on B.
...
OK, now I'm just going to ask another colleague TheLastOfHisKind who handed B down to me somewhat bluntly if he ever experienced problems when working with B and its serial configuration. TheLastOfHisKind tells me he does not and kindly offers me some input on the situation. Still no progress to get it working on B but he hinted he might have fucked up B's driver. I already reinstalled the driver but didn't reboot, which comes after reinstall.
...
OK, I'm just gonna remove and re-install the driver, then restart. Hu! Now the UI is gone but another serial device reacted on a general call. Not fully working on B but we're getting there.
...
OK, I don't know, I'm getting frustrated, let's borrow another system D - which has roughly the same configuration as B - from my colleague StrongCurrentGuy. StrongCurrentGuy borrows me his system and cautions me not to break it. I install the driver, plug the device and copy the application from B. It just works on D. Not on B though.
...
OK, you know what. I'm done. For shits and giggles I'm gonna remove that driver again, reinstall it and restart, maybe it'll magically work afterwar- WHAT THE HELL, I JUST OPENED IT AFTER RESTARTING, IT JUST WORKS - ON B!

... seriously, what the fuck. But yeah, at least it works now.

A: Why do Java developers wear glasses?
B: Because they don't C#

Everytime I read "USB", My mind consider it a backup of USA.

🤷

What I have: [a, b, c]
What I need: [[a],[b],[c]]
No documentation
Just numpy things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In a programming exam, we had to write a program in 60 minutes, part of which was sorting some strings by length (strings the same length had to be in the same line)... I had like 3 minutes left, so i wrote this beauty:

boolean b = false;
for(int i = 0; i <= 999999; i++){
for(int j = 0; j <= strings.length; j++){
if(i == strings[j].length()){
System.out.print(s + " ");
b = true;
}
}
if(b){
System.out.println();
b = false;
}
}

In PHP, this:
<?php
if($a < $b) {
$c = 'W';
} elseif($a > $b) {
$c = 'E';
} else {
$c = ' ';
}
?>

Does the same as this:
<?php
$c = ' WE'[$c<=>$a];
?>

How cool is that?!? xD

Me: do you want option a or b?
Pm: let's make it configurable

Market Cap drops to $600 B
"I am not selling now. It will bounce back 😀"

Market Cap drops to $500 B
"I am not selling now. Just FUD. Fuck whales. It will bounce back 😃"

Market Cap drops to $400 B
"Haha. Nice played whales. But I am not selling now either. It will bounce back 😅"

Market Cap drops to $350 B
"Ok. The market is fully saturated now. Not gonna drop anymore 😓😐"

Market Cap drops to $300 B
"I think I should sell now 🤔🤔"

Boss : we have to do 'task', come up with ideas.
Me: cool

Few days later...

B: we will do 'A' to accomplish the task.
M: but I have few ideas that are better.
B: Nevermind, we are doing 'A'
M: but 'A' is impossible to scale.
B: doesn't matter its only POC
M: I have better non scalable solution, which is easier and faster to Implement.
B: yeah whatever, we are doing 'A'.
B: also I am on leave next week, so take care of completing 'A'.

WTF.

P. S. Was happy for few months, didn't need devrant, guess I will need vent out again.

<b> or <strong> ?

#WhatTheHTML

I love that JS allows for variable swapping,
thanks to structuring / de-structuring.

```JavaScript
[ a , b ] = [ b , a ]
```

Thats all, lol.

Q 1 options b 😂😂😂

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!

Difference b/w Front-End and Back-End ;)

A becomes B
B becomes C
C becomes A
D becomes B
E becomes A

Now add real hostnames... Make this list longer (roughly 15-18)

Add resource calculation, migration of VMs, organizing new hardware, removing and rebuilding hosts, etc.

I think my brain is permanently damaged and cannot be repaired.

Hardware migration finally over tomorrow.

I really won't miss the fuckton of Excel lists, constant speaking mistakes, having sore fingers from mutilating the desk calculator etc.

I'm too tired to be happy. But... It's over.

It's my b-day, neat af

I just had a programming test.
I'm such a fucking stupid retard.
What I should've written:

static bool NotAnd(bool a, bool b) => !(a && b);

What I did:

static bool NotAnd(bool a, bool b) => a != b;

So instead of !AND, I wrote a fucking XOR. I got everything else right but not the simplest of all.
Great birthday so far.

What you would do in a situation where your manager tells you to do "A" and your team lead tells you to do "B".
A and B are solutions to the same problem that we are trying to solve. Lead says the manager is wrong and Manager says they are correct.

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Swap variable without temporary variable
meanwhile C:
a=a+b
b=a-b
a=a-b

while python:
a,b=b,a

Python be like:B*tch Please

B)........

So true ... B(

"Clients care about the user interface, not the code."

For when I need to make a website awesome:

javascript:var a='hotPink',b='pink',h=document,i=h.body,c=function(d,e){f=h.getElementsByTagName('*');for(g in f){f[g].style.background=d;f[g].style.color=e;}};i.innerHTML='<marquee behavior="scroll" direction="left" scrollamount="30">'+i.innerHTML+'</marquee>';(function(){function htmlreplace(a,b,element){if(!element)element=document.body;var nodes=element.childNodes;for(var n=0;n<nodes.length;n++){if(nodes[n].nodeType==Node.TEXT_NODE){var r=new RegExp(a,'g');nodes[n].textContent=nodes[n].textContent.replace(r,b);}else{htmlreplace(a,b,nodes[n]);}}}htmlreplace("a|e|i|o|u",'o');htmlreplace("A|E|I|O|U",'O');})();c(a,b);

Welcome to the upside down xD hdd temperature was 55°C before... Now 36 B-)

A: "It would be great if we can add a snack bar in our office."
B: "Why?"
A: "It makes our developers smarter."
B: "Why??"
A: "Jobs said 'stay hungry, stay foolish'. That's why we shouldn't makes our developers fool."

How do you type your code? Like:

a=b+c;

or

a = b + c;

How about creating a new programming language named "C slang"

highlights from the language:
1. variable declaration :
by default, all declaration are var, but inorder
to declare a constant, write:
cunt a = 15; // means const a = 15;

2. input and output :
suck(b) // input stored in variable b
spit(b) // output b

3. function declaration:
f**k <function_name>(parameters);

4. null or None will be replaced by sh*t
for example: if(node root == sh*t)....

any other sh**y recommendation will be appreciable

function sum(a, b)
return a + b
end

Why would a company (A) create another company (B) within itself?

Both companies are literally in the same building.

Company A is manufacturing plastic products and company B is all about company B's IT (sys admin, dev, etc.).

A: Seems no error reported yet~

B: Yes, since no one is using it

The B in PROGRAM stands for Bugfree...

$a = 1;
$b = 2;
echo ($a < $b) ? ($a > $b) ? 'This is totally fine' : ($a < $b) ? 'This is not ok!' : 'Perfect' : 'No problem here';

Why do people do this?!

(And I mean nested ternary ifs, not coding in PHP :P)

So - A && B == B && A ?
Not according to my mother. She seems to think that "eat the rice and I'll give you dessert" is different from "give me dessert and I'll eat the rice"

for(int a = 0; a < b; a++){

//1k line of code using badly named variable
}

For all the linux weebs tired of the Windows v/s Linux debate,

how about <strike>arguing over</strike> <b>agreeing with the obviously true fact of</b> how "nano is the *best* command-line editor, better than the *obscure* ed or the *vague cryptic* vim"
:))))))))))))))))))

Ever wanted to have undefined behavior in Python? Do this in Python 2 (yes this was supposed to be a fibonacci number calculator with a limit but one of my classmates forgot the conversion just as seen below):
#Begin
def fib(n):
a,b=0,1
while a<n:
print a
a,b=b,a+b

fib(raw_input)
#End

Why not ask me before going to eat all , {{you}} b*tch
you='Dell auto maintenance'

What's worse in an open office?

A) Music
B) People

(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter, credit @dustin)

I haven't even learned "Language A" and now "Language B" & "Language C" are the current sh*t..?

A: "What's your address?"
B: "127.0.0.1"
A: "Srsly? I mean your real address"
B: "00.25.B5.AA.01.1F"

Needed to update one column in table A with data from table B (huge table).

Created awesome update query with join between the two tables.

A few hours later realized all data in table A is already being imported from table B in a query executed earlier in the process...

Well this is the end...

My dream of getting a enginieer degree is over.

I hope my plan B wont fail.

Bait question: What's your style?
a) for ( ... ; ++i ) {
b) for ( ... ; i++ ) {

I am disgusted of b). a) for the win 😎

Thug Life! :B)

A or B? Fight!

A) "Why did you do that?"
B)<typing>
A) "Hello? I'm talking to you..."
B) "Sorry, i missed to tag this Commit. please see the commit history for your questions. That's why i use the DVCS.

Lesson of life 1-B: like DevRant

More masturbation with numbers.

If you take some product p,
and do

√p**(1/p)

and it's factors

a**(1/p)

and

b**(1/p)

you might find something interesting.

Take for example

a=21977
b=43331
p=a*b=952285387

(√p)**(1/p) = 1.0000000108551363

a**(1/p) = 1.0000000104986928
b**(1/p) = 1.0000000112115799

More often then not, a, b, or both, will share one or two of the most significant digits in the mantissa, as the root of p.

It doesn't always work, but it seems to be true more often than you might expect.

This is probably obvious in hindsight but I still think it's cool.

In some instances if you then do, say
sqrt(log(p, 1.000000010)), it comes pretty close to the original factors, but thats really hit or miss.

June rocks. It is time to party:
[L]ets
[G]et
[B]eer
[T]acos &
[Q]uesadillas!

Today I learned that right-shifting (a >> b) is just floor(a/2^b) and left shifting (a << b) is just (a * 2^b).

if (a == 0 && b == 0) {}

or

if (a + b == 0) {}

What do you think is more readable? Is there any (performance) difference in the compiled programme?

For a and b >= 0.

A: Please build a Website for our new product.
A: Please use fancy technology, Animations and stuff!
B: OK, but $_things won't Work on mobile
A: mobile is Not our target audience. No Problem, optimize it for big Screens only.
B: it's 2017 - we need a mobile optimized Page, are u sure?
A: yes, so what i say

A week later...

B: hey a, here is Your preview. Optimized for big Screens, and i didn't Care much about mobile.

A: HEY B, YOU NEED TO FIX $FUNCTIONS ASAP!! THEY DON'T WORK ON MOBILE

A: Is it raining today?
B: ... Is it raining today?
C: There's no rain in the forecast.
B: There's no rain in the forecast.
A: ...

Which voice is a computer?

Hey y'all clever programmers.. If 'a' and 'b' are two equal real numbers, 'a' = 0.
a = b;
a^2 = a*b;
a^2 - b^2 = a*b - b^2;
(a - b)*(a+b) = (a - b)*b;
a + b = b;
a = 0;

😎 Prove me wrong

Bottom tab bar now? I sense some A/B testing going on 😏

A) Pencil and paper

B) Get away from the computer and go back to it later.

Mind blow of the week: JavaScript has no "else if".

It's always two tokens. Not one. It's NOT like python's "elif".

It's ALWAYS chaining an additional and DISTINCT if statement in the else clause of the first. It is NOT creating multiple comparison paths in the same if statement as it would seem.

For example:

if(a) console.log(a);
else if(b) console.log(b);
else console.log(c);

Simply needs more proper indentation to show which "if" the "else" actually belongs to:

if(a) console.log(a);
else
if(b) console.log(b);
else console.log (c);

Was reading about FizzBuzz/Algo again and I guess the modulo run-time.

The most optimal solution I came across is like:

if (x % 15) FizzBuzz
else if (x % 3) Buzz
else if (x % 5) Fizz
else x

But then how long does % take? Should you care?

I was thinking it should use variables:

var f = x % 3 == 0
var b = x % 5 == 0

if (f && b) FizzBuzz
else if (f) Fizz
else if (b) Buzz
else x

No one seems to realize that C was actually based on another language called B.

!rant
Resigned B-)

2,825 B/s?!?! Are you for real?

Ever felt like swapping variables?

a, b = b, a

It is the small things that count

TWO QUESTIONS...

1. Do you consider yourself a...
A) Geek
B) Nerd

2. Any why?

Being asked to produce a graph for metrics a, b and c and then being invited to the two hour "a, b and c" meeting to explain what they mean to the people that asked me to graph them. That's rapidly becoming my "job description"...

a, b = b, a
Because that's how it's supposed to be done!

Erlang... variables you can't vary? WTF!

Writing JS two weeks later...
const a =1
const b = a + 1
Why would I ever assign over a? Pfft.
const c = b + 1
...

I’ve had meetings specifically for team A’s problems. Team B gets invited to assist. Within ten minutes the meeting was all about team B and none of team A’s problems were solved. “Team B” is notorious for hijacking meetings. I’m not a psychologist. I don’t feel qualified to speculate about WHY they do this...

Similarities b/w Java and JavaScript

Why do programmers always start with variable I,j,k for loops and not a,b, c ...?

A===B
B===C
A!===C for some reason.

Ughhh, am I just being dumb?

OMG my life is over b/c stackoverflow is dead.

App development in 2019:

1. Open app A
2. Open completely unrelated app B.
3. Scrolling in App B changes the sound in App A. Not raising or lowering volume, mind, but full on dropping samples and warbling the sound.

It's almost impressive how fucked up that is.

What's Your Blood Group? 😂

It's Bug +ve.
Oh, I mean B +ve.

git checkout -b myself
git commit -m "fix bugs"
git push myself

Fucking Eclipse at it again.

Colleague was setting up their IDE for working with the ABAP R/3 backend, we use. To speed up the process, colleague A is sending the zipped plugins folder to the new colleague B and telling them to put them into the directory of where eclipse is stored.

Like a good and neat person, B renamed the folder plugins into plugins _old and unzipped the other folder in there. Clicked on eclipse and nothing worked, Error message immediately.

B then proceeded to tell A that it didn't work. A then asked "how did you copy the stuff in there?", and B said that they backed up the original and put the new one in there (mind you, technically that should work, because the eclipse versions were pretty close to eachother, only like a few patches apart).

And then A said, "No No No, you need to just overwrite it."
So that's what B did. Okay so original plugins folder has been overwritten with the sent plugins folder. B clicks eclipse.

Eclipse starts, and shows loading screen.

For like 5 minutes.

Then crashes with sone random error message.

B asks A what's going on, and what cracked me up was, that A just said: "Yeah, it's supposed to crash, just restart it".
So B clicked it again, it launched for another like 5 Minutes and then opened normally, with everything where it should be.

B asks then, if that's normal, and the other devs in the call replied "Yeah, we did it like that too"

ngl, that was one of the funnier teams meetings i had in a while

Here's some delphi code where one random developer from the 80s tries to force an error
if k=N then
begin
Memo.Lines.Add('Error, [some info]');
a:= 0 ; b:=b/a; {Here we try to force an error}
end ;

Oh god :'(

Who says life is not just black and white...?

WTF I can't find any difference b/w Instagram, Facebook, and Linkedin posts now...