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Client: we need extraordinary website in ordinary price.
Me: ohk *google search* WordPress free theme.12 -
Boss: hey mech eng, we need a setup modification
Mech: no prob, boss, we can have it prototyped in 3 weeks, industrialized in 2 months
Boss: oh, right then, go on
---
Boss: hey, Soft Eng, we need a functional modification
Soft Eng: no prob boss, we can develop it in 4 hours, tested and documented in 2 hours and integrated and shipped to the client by tomorrow morning
Boss: what??? One day?? You just need to edit a couple of lines of code! I want it ready in ten minutes top!5 -
"We don't need to invest in security - noone is going to hack us anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - fire is not going to start here anyway"
We don't need to invest in security - everything is public anyway" == "We don't need a fire department in our city - our buildings are made out of straws anyway"
-- my thoughts after seing a line in client's spec: "sensitive data is transferred via a secure tcp channel (https) and all the public data is transferred via an unencrypted tcp (http) channel"3 -
There was a time in Windows 95, where during login, you could just press cancel and you were logged in without the need of a password.8
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Boss:(pastes a bunch of Python code in Slack)
Boss: Need to convert a long list of ints to a comma separated string. Can you finish it for me? Need it now, I'm in a hurry!!
Me : (Delete all boss's code)
Me : input=[1,2,3,4,5,6,....] output=",".join(str(e) for e in input)
Boss: Damn you! Thanks. Brunch on me today.5 -
Went to the interview.
Filled a hell lot of forms.
Even brought some projects of mine in a usb stick.
Only to discover they need a minimum of bachelor's degree.
People, please when you need something, SAY IT IN THE DAMN AD.3 -
If you need a loading animation when the user open the page, there's something wrong in your website11
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SPECIAL OFFER! LEARN EVERYTHING YOU'LL EVER NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PROGRAMMING IN TWO HOURS! ONLY $99.99! BUY NOW!6
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Here's a favorite of mine. Managers need to be in meetings to be productive. Developers need to stay far away from meetings to be productive. Managers love to drag developers into meetings and then wonder why their productivity is down.1
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When your client still need your work to be tested in IE7....next, should I ask whether I need to test it in Netscape?4
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Why do programmers need long periods of silence on the job?
Brilliantly written.
https://quora.com/Why-do-programmer...?5 -
Pay to win games are technically VR
You need to be successful in real life to be successful in the game5 -
Got rejected by a company in Italy because in order to work for them remotely apparently I need to have Italian VISA. Tried to reason with them that I'm an EU citizen and I don't need a VISA but they wouldn't budge. Its either VISA or ASTALAVISTA16
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The way most of us devs are spending time on devRant, it seems @dfox might need to introduce a feature named "Reminder" in the app to let devs know that they need to get back to code.1
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In my company, we create roadmaps using Microsoft PowerPoint.
If you need me, I'll be crying in the darkest corner questioning my life choices and existence.15 -
In india
Teachers teach students to code, without any field experience
These students learns things tht they dont need in their life and becomes teachers
The cycle continues...
From my genius analysis, we can see that these students need not go to a company to work like a horse,
Why are we in a company working like a horse?13 -
Websites that send a mail to confirm me unsubscribing from their mails need a special place in hell.4
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Most business apps end up being overcomplicated and convoluted because that’s what most businesses are:
Overcomplicated and convoluted.
Building an app to operate systems like that will always be an exercise in garbage in garbage out. Fix your process before saying wE nEeD An aPp To Do ThIs. You don’t need an app. You need a smack upside the head.11 -
My stickers came, thanks @dfox and @trogus! 😄
Now to pull off getting a stress ball. That's gonna be tough... help me out folks! 😨
11 -
Guy: "We need you to update a few applications so we can get some new data. We have very important reports we need out of it!"
Me: "OK how soon do you need it?"
Guy: "Two days!! So we can start putting in the data then will have you create the reports."
...two days later...(in the spongebob narrator voice)
Me: " OK its done. Go in add the data you need then let me know so I can generate the reports."
....4 weeks later...still haven't heard from them and they haven't put in the data. Glad it was soooo important that I had to drop everything else to put in the updates that haven't been used. -
My company's logic:
If your account gets locked, you need to raise a ticket using the company portal. In order to access the portal, you need to enter your credentials.3 -
Come in to work to find my PC is off, power cut in the night. Now I need to reload everything.
#DeveloperProblems4 -
!rant Safely in Texas! Cats have already discovered the tallest places in the house and confirmed that they need dusting.
4 -
Found this gem 😂
TRANSLATION
Java for believing programmers
For who?
Young male,
which want to pray together,
and at the same time make first
steps in programming
How old you need to be?
Up to 25 years
What do you need?
Holy Bible
Laptop
*you just need 500 mb RAM and WinXP
6 -
JIT Learning. Just in time Learning. You Don't need read a book from cover to cover. YAGNI. Many technical books talk about topics that you might never need in your career. Focus on what you need to know after making a plan for what you want to achieve.
YAGNI applies to coding as well. Don't create a class or a method just because you Might need it later. Create them only when necessary. This keeps your code cleaner and there is less to test.4 -
Anyone else flipping tired of hearing: we need more this, more that, more blacks, more women, more whatever, in tech?
We don’t fucking need more anyone in anything.
We just need sane, talented and hard working people to get the job done well. And do that with courtesy to all person.11 -
There once was a game.
In that game, there was an OS.
But that OS knew not his name.
The OS was mad, wild, and free.
"Oh, would you find a name for me?"
Seriously, I need a name for the Linux OS in my game. :3
I'll be used for hacking.
Please be original.
Bonus point if you google it to make sure it doesn't exist already.
:359 -
Silicon Valley last episode, what a climax in the end. The best was, "we need to address the elephant in the room" 😂😂1
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I made a game (rather mod) called "wake up".
I should trademark it and whenever someone says or writes "wake up", I sue them.7 -
Working in a bank, using MIcrosoft platform:
To open my email, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.
To open my email using phone, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.
To open Teams, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.
To open Teams using phone, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.
To access Microsoft Azure, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.
To git pull/push, I need to enter my sms OTP.
To check UAT logs, I need to enter my sms OTP.
To get access to UAT DB, I need to connect to VPN, which then asks for OTP.
Did I also mention that I need to do these OTPs every single fucking day?
#OTPDrivenDevelopment5 -
This is the craziest shit... MY FUCKING SERVER JUST SET ON FIRE!!!
Like seriously its hot news (can't resist the puns), it's actually really bad news and I'm just in shock (it's not everyday you find out your running the hottest stack in the country :-P)... I thought it slow as fuck this morning but the office internet was also on the fritz so I carried on with my life until EVERYTHING went down (completely down - poof gone) and within 2 minutes I had a technician from the data centre telling me that something to do with fans had failed and they caught fire, melted and have become one with the hardware. WTF? The last time I went to the data centre it was so cold I pissed sitting down for 2 days because my dick vanished.
I'm just so fucking torn right now because initially I was absolutely fucking ecstatic - 1 week ago after a year of doomsday bitching about having a single point of failure and me not being a sysadmin only to have them look at me like I'm some kind of techie flat earther I finally got approval to spend around 5x more per month and migrate all our software to containerized micro services.
I'll admit this is a bit worse than I expected but thanks to last week at least I have recent off site images of the drives - because big surprise I have to set this monolithic beast back up (No small feat - its gonna be a long night) on a fresh VPS, I also have to do it on premises or the data will only finish uploading sometime next week.
Pro Tip: If your also pleading for more resources/better production environment only to be stone walled the second you mention there's a cost attached be like me - I gave them an ultimatum, either I deploy the software on a stack that's manageable or they man the fuck up and pay a sys admin (This idea got them really amped up until they checked how much decent sys admins cost).
Now I have very flexible pockets because even if I go rambo the max server costs would only be 15-20% of a sys admins paycheck even though that is 13 x more than our current costs.
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Nothing give more pleasure than find out the cli tool you need is already installed in your distro5
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Finally, I've installed everything I need in Fedora 24. It is now stable and has all the tools I need for development.
Oh, look. Elementary OS loki is out
😭🖕😭6 -
My co-worker, still studying but working as a "senior dev", just decided that we don't need a test/staging environment anymore. We just "validate" (we also don't use the word "test" anymore) newly created features in production.
Makes absolutely sense...
Thank god I have a new job from february on!1 -
We seem to have a problem, if I leave the 50k club, there'll be no one in the 50k club 😦
Come on you 40k clubbers, you need to pick up the slack!17 -
HTTPS requests in most languages:
Import a couple of libraries, you may need to install a few as well. It's possible that you will need to initialize and set up the socket. Be sure to specify SSL settings. Create the connection, provide it a URL, and attempt the connection. Read the response, usually in chunks. You may need to manually create a buffer of fixed size, depending on if the language has buffer helper classes or not. You will probably need to convert the input stream response to a string to do anything with it. Close the connection and clean up any buffers used.
HTTPS requests in Python:
import urllib
urllib.YEET()6 -
I really need to kick Tim Cook in the ass.
“Everything Works”, yeah tell that to your dead dog.
Debugging watchos experience:
I need to uninstall main app for watch app to register changes in code.
Xcode crashes during debugging.
Cannot SET custom keys in Info.plist, in watch target, ohhhh goood, but thats where app configuration is set, how and why do you care about simple string keys!!! What now i need to send that configuration from main app??
Tim Cook just go die please, you have ruined apple.3 -
Recently covered pointers in class. I know how to use them/Have an understanding of what they do, but why would I need to use a pointer in the first place? What problem would need to be solved through the use of pointers?15
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Explaining why I need something installed on my work laptop in a request ticket: BECAUSE IT LOOKS COOL1
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Never felt the need for a stressball until I started using those damn automatic checkout machines ...
The f***** juice is in the f***** bagging area and I dont need no f***** help. Who the f*** coded this shit ***** ***** *****3 -
Does anybody know a course on machine learning with python that doesn't need that much mathematical knowledge? Because in every course I find I need to know advanced mathematics yet I am still in grade 10 and haven't studied it yet.17
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Lawer: "We need to share in our internal site a document but it can't be shared, printed or downloaded. We need it yesterday"
And now how we can make it happen???8 -
i miss being intuitive, creative, free of that need for productivity and reason and purpose. i need more of that dionysian energy in my life4
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You know you've been wired in for a long time and need some sleep when you typed in wrong css property.
#careless #whatissleep
4 -
I work full time in backend web development and my sister that's in retail makes double what I make in a year... I need a new fucken job.8
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I know this really isn't the place for this, but I REALLY need help..
I need to add app scaling inside my game.
To do this, I need to listen for a MouseDragEvent (or similar) on a JavaFX object like a Label or Image.
Here is my SO post:
http://stackoverflow.com/questions/...
Thanks in advance!22 -
delete this;
(in the constructor)
Actual line of code I wrote in my code because of sleep need... Coffe isnt always good, kids... Rather sleep polyphasically2 -
What I have in my mind for my future plan as professional developer :
"I need my own Espresso machine"3 -
Handsome co-workers in my visual range distract me from my tasks...
I need to get back in shape and start the dating game again... :'( -
Definitely 'ditto' this is one of the best tool for every programmer.
It's a multi clipboard-history where you can store more then one item. You never need to think: 'what's last thing in my clipboard. Do I still need it?'1 -
So you may have noticed that I'm making a way to create devRant Webhooks (see last rant), but now I need you help:
What Webhooks would/could you need?
What does it do?
What additional fields does it need (for example for specific tags)?
What data does it send?
Thanks in advance!14 -
When you've got a Node daemon with so much weird async shit going on you practically need a flux capacitor to sort out if all those promises get resolved in the order you need them to resolve.
4 -
All I want is my holidays back, with all the nice stuff I did..
*being sad cause school starts again* -
"In this API you need to pass the epoch in user's timezone."
WTF!! can this world be any worse...... how many epochs are there in this world?4 -
I'm confused. How'd we go from contributors like Ada Lovelace, Grace Hopper and Margret Hamilton, to: WE NEED MORE WOMEN IN TECH, WE NEED MORE WOMEN IN TECH!!!10
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man just please include the using statements in your examples, because i don't know what namespaces i need to use in your dumbass examples4
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TFW you open a StackOverflow question only to find the answer you need in the question itself and not even in a comment or answer.
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> make
HEY
YOU NEED AN }
YOU NEED A ;
YOU NEED AN @END
YOU PUT A VOID IN A UNARY THINGY
make errors: 4
>
fix typo
> make
Compiled successfully.
>
sanctuaryGuardian(); -
I need to install homebrew in my OS X so i go to brew.sh
brew.sh: /usr/bin/ruby -e "$(....
me: ok, need to install ruby
ruby-lang.org: brew install ruby2 -
When your code misbehaves in production and you need all the ducks in the world to fix the problem😂😓
(Marshmallow doing some serious debugging!)
1 -
I need a framework that does http and websockets for C++. I have seen many that offer a crap load of stuff like widgets, Json, templates... I only need the protocols!
Do you guys have any experience in this?5 -
What is the functionality that you have always wanted to have in a blog???
Need suggestions.
> Please, something that makes sense in a blog.18 -
When you need input from your seniors to run a script in prod and none of them are comming in to work that day :(2
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can't fcking post a question in stackoverflow!! it says i need to format my codes but i dont have fckin codes in my post!
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In 2020, the Earth slightly accelerated its spin.
For the first time in history, we need to add a *negative* leap second in our datetime systems.
...
Which means all the datetime libs need an update. I hope they anticipated this.20 -
Importing all libraries at once above the code VS importing libraries when u need them in the code4
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Do you think we should have a Linux black-ops team?
In case we need to execute a `kill -9` in real life.
Like the facebook. -
Implementing a for loop in js because I need to skip some elements in a map as I transform. I'm feeling dirty
* cries in functional *4 -
I want a component that rain rubber ducks or something spammy on a page in ReactJS.
Help a friend in need2 -
There are many people broadcasting over Zello from Puerto Rico on the 'Puerto Rico' and other channels. Might help if you need to connect or need situational awareness.
Thoughts with our friends in Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands...
Stay safe. -
I need to make a prototype. I've needed to make it for weeks. I need to have it made by the end of June.
Fuck you Netflix!
Fuck you right in the balls! -
well, I'm free now. In case you need a freelance software developer with experience in Python, Go and React living overseas drop me a message :)10
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It never fucking fails; you get in the zone, you have in your head where your at and need to be, your happy, and life calls in you. 😞2
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!rant
Need some advice on which university to choose in melbourne for bachelor of software engineering1 -
do I really need another tool to make my life more simple in the js world?? I mean who the fuck thinks we need another choice in this js world at this point? data layer used to be the easy part for me, now I need this new great thing I can't live without?? and the have to have new way tool never simplifies. like ever. sequelize my balls.4
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Messed up with my virtualServers in my router.
Now I need a VPN, to connect with internet in my own home.😞😞 -
I need a short command in Slack to paste in the text "Let me know when you have pushed", you know, for efficiency's sake2
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What is the use of https in local host? Do I really need to enforce it in local server even tho I'll add ssl cert after it gets deployed anyway! For example an express server in localhost .Does it need ssl in local server?8
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We need to capture ips on our internal Network in order to figure out who is actually calling our apis because we will be meeting a breaking change so need to melee sure they support.
But in order to have IP capturing, we need a be Production Issue ticket...
So to prevent crashing downstream system, we need to crash their systems... 🤔🤔🤔🤔1 -
I need suggestions
I’m thinking about making a blog called but how do I, this will include tutorials that covers things not taught in school, but you wished you knew how to do.
So right now I have ideas like:
How to write zsh plugins
How to scrape the web(scrape html or sending request)
How to write chrome plugins
How to center a div in different ways
How to write backend codes in js
How to setup an interactive website on a server with domain
But I need more, I need suggestions.8 -
The whole time I've been in school they have been telling me I need an amazing portfolio, LinkedIn and GitHub. From what I keep seeing and can tell... is this all a lie?? What do I actually need to get hired?12
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Can't operate in normal conditions, hmmm... These airplane media systems really need someone to come in and change the game. Linux stack, nice, but most obviously some Linux frontend? 🤔 Although, this is satellite, my rant remains the same! Need to change the game!
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Want to upgrade computer for better programming resources in side projects, need $600
Want to start making side projects for dat sweet sweet ad revenue, need stronger computer
Freelance hobbyist catch-22 :(9 -
I love how after updating my ubuntu I need to upgrade node-sass in every single project I need to work on.4
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What gets me in the zone, is I need a couple of Monsters, a good anime with a good dub, and no one around. I may need a good craft beer or a shitty PBR or Rolling Rock.
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!Rant
I need your help gaiz. I need an idea for a project. I have to be tech specific here as I am currently learning ASP.Net from my college curriculum. Pls halp.
A coder in need is a coder indeed.12 -
In Africa,
To get a private company job, you need skills, not books.
To get a government job, you Connections to big people, not books or skills .
To get a scholarship for higher studies, you need books.2 -
Obligatory joke about how much I need coffee in the mornings and the ways in which I cannot function until I've had it.
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Anyone here have zero children and perfectly content to stay away from them and need a live in companion who likely will not kill there ducked up ass ?
I need a drinking and stripper buddy6 -
Guys, i really need to Specialise in Software engineering, for now i can complete a desktop app with java language and mysql or sql server , what i need to learn or what should i do in general ??5
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Need some review about open office , we are shifting to one in next week. Are they good ? Do I need anc earphone ?5
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Hey. So i really need help in getting started with tensorflow lite. Help in any way that you can. Thanks!2
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any network admins with Cisco Meraki routers willing to do me a favor? i need to get a firmware file so i need someone in this position to sniff their own network to get where it gets the files from i will pay you like USD$0.04 in DASH3
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Need to add a new derived class which inherit from class "lorum" that is in file "lorum.cpp". Other derived classes are inside the file "lorum.cpp"
Should I put the new derive class in file "lorum.cpp" or make a separate file for the new derived class?
Why do I need to ask this question...2 -
NEED HELP: C#
Please I am a Beginner in C# and I need little help with Methods.
In the Picture attached, I'd love to use User input as Parameters in the method. Example: example getting user imput with Console.ReadLine(); and storing it to num1 or num2 as parameter in the Method.
Is this possible in C#, if so, how can I make it work? Thanks
5 -
PR done and dusted. Welp! Somehow all permissions on files have been changed. I didnt change it. Wtf happened? Log search turns up I did change it while resolving merge conflicts. I don't know how. Anyway now I am spending my afternoon working on the vaguest fucking issue and reverting back all file permissions. Might have somehow fucked up two repos and will have to fix them all. Kill me. Now
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Need complete control over information you're fetching while logging in via social site in Django
Check this out: https://prakhar.xyz/backend-control... -
Ricing newly installed Mate Desktop
In need of wallpapers (Anime/Illustration)
In need of a motivational quote too (can be sarcastic)
People who are going to roast me in the comments I know its cringe worthy and googleable. Cloning multiple repos and downloading a lot of data so please help me out3 -
Apparently you need to enable the basic zoom in feature of mouse wheel up + ctrl in intellij. Why isn't it turned on by default? Arghhh4
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Need help for a task
I need to do a code in JavaScript that decrements a user value, say 0.2>0.1>0.09>0.08 etc etc.
How do I decrement 0.1 to 0.09?
Thanks.10 -
When do you use parameters in your Dto/ViewModel constructors?
I'm trying to explain to a senior developer, that we don't need to have all parameters for all properties,
we only need it to set default/private fields.3 -
Ok, look, man, I'm not involved in any part of the product planning. If you need me to write tests for product you're still writing, you at least need to give me a solid idea of what you want it to do. I can't make what you need if I don't know what's needed.
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Apparently i need to to "import" the devrant swag. Just today a post arrived in the mail which says i need to fill up a kyc form and need an importer exporter code for a shipment that is stuck in customs. Wtf man!. I tracked the package and it is from usa. The only thing that could arrive from usa is devrant swag. And now i need to go through filling so many forms so that i can slap some stickers on my laptop. My life is not easy.
3
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