"Let me write the code that works first, I'll reformat it later."

*After a month*

"help. ;-;"

We must develop and test our code

...via VirtualBox...

...running Windows XP...

...using IE...

..with vanilla Javascript...

...help me...

My girlfriend always takes pics of me coding saying it looks beautiful lol... I once told her that code is like a beautiful woman who is sick and you're the doctor and can't figure out what's wrong and occasionally ask your rubber duck for help...

He: Hey could you please help me with my code?
Me: mhmm ok..
He: I've made this and this and this and this...aaand this and this and... Oh that is the problem. Thx for your help bro.

I'm proud to be a rubber duck.

You guys have ducks to help your code work. I have Lucille to motivate it to work. ☕

Finally got my new coding buddy! Gilfoyle will hopefully help me to straighten up my miserable code. Praise the dark lord 😀

*On a programming support forum*

Guy: My compiler keeps throwing null pointer exception at line 128.
Me: Ok. Can you post your code real quick so I could figure out what is null at line 128?
Guy: No I'm not going to show my code to someone on the internet. What if you want to steal my code?
My mind: "Dude wtf why would I steal someone's code on a support forum?"
Me: *Use the next 15 minutes explaining that showing the code is necessary so that others can actually help him, and that no one on a support forum is going to steal his code.*
Guy: "You know what I'm more convinced that you want to copy my code. I might as well just try to fix this on my own."

What?

*Tries to pull down code changes*
*Repo is dead*
*Tries to load IDE*
*IDE is loaded via the cloud and it is down*
*Tries to contact help desk*
*Help desk is down*
*Sits in silence*
Guess I am done for the day.

Parents who, despite clearly seeing a code on my monitor think that I'm playing games, and need to nag me to study cause they "rarely see me with the textbook".
I'm in an IT university and explaining that everything's in PDF or just online doesn't help

My friend called me for help with her CSS. I was like no problem go to Teamviewer.com and install that software. 10 mins later she called saying teamviewer didn't fix her code. I'm done!

To everyone that writes their rants and comments as code like

Console.writeline("something something")

Stop, get some help.
You don't need to prove that you know how to print a string okay ?

Whenever I feel bad, I go and help random people with their code.

I also randomly offer to help teach people Java so that they can learn best practice and perhaps not make the same small mistakes.

Such is life. My method of coping with sadness.

Worst bad practice..

Manager: I need code today
Developer (thinking) : let me give it without unit test. Anyways tester will test it.

Manager to tester: complete testing fast.

Tester(thinking): developer must have unit tested it. Let me skip it.
Enjoy testing completed.

God help clients.. 😊

Asking a question on Stackoverflow, explained as best as I can, provided links code everything.

5 minutes later I see a notification. Wooooo someone will help me fix my problem.

Some Indian dude suggested an edit.

You know what his edit was?
...
CAPITALIZING THE FUCKING LINKS

With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.

I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.

<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);

for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱

Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!

Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.

New Dev: Sure. Thanks.

*a few minutes later*

New Dev: How to comment a code?

Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.

"Can you help me with this program?"
*sends code on Messenger*

Me everytime when someone ask me to help him in his code

Sometimes, you'll be tempted to copy-paste some piece of code from somewhere (stack overflow, w3schools, etc). But instead, read the code there and re-type it. Will help you to understand it better.

Dear machine

Looking at code in our workplace.. I realized one thing. Like Devops, legacy code is actually a mindset.

So here goes my thought:

A piece of code is not legacy because it was written ten years ago.

A piece of code is legacy because it looks like a piece of legacy code.

With the legacy code mindset, you end up writing legacy code no matter where you are, when you wrote it.

I was looking at some part of our code which we written in just the last few months, and I can’t help but think that they were legacy, so it really doesn’t matter when it was written!

It is more about how you write your code that determines whether it is legacy :)

Hopefully this was not crazily confusing anyone. Have a good day guys & gals!

Team says their code is done, tested, and working. They have merged all of their code and now to merge it with mine.

Take care of the merge, go to test it, and NONE OF IT WORKS.

Ok... So maybe something in my code did it. NOPE. Still crashes without mine.

Thank goodness for version control.

Now need to help define what "tested and working" means...

SHOUT OUT TO ALL FELLOW DEVELOPERS

It's been 4 days now, I haven't wrote a single line of code. Trying to get in the zone but I don't feel like coding.

Any Suggestions? Please help.

My biggest hurdle is learning to code all by myself. I never knew anyone that I could ask for help or discuss problems with, because there weren't any programmers in my family, and my friends were too busy playing video games.

This just makes me mad every time.

I have a friend who asks for help in coding and just reads and copies my whole code, doesn't even understand what's going on and just copies the whole damn thing (the variable names too). Also, says I don't know how to do it properly because I indent the code and he wants it all in a single line.

If there is any error in the code, just tells me that there is a problem and does nothing and keeps nagging me if I solved the problem every 2 minutes.

Once I solve the problem, just copies the stuff again and then brags to others about the code and takes all the credit.

After bragging, if someone asks him for help he just tried to match the code line by line and worry by word. And tells them their code is wrong if they are using a different method of solving the problem and asks them to do it like him.

Being an introvert, I don't go shoving my stuff in others faces and criticising their code.

But the professor knows I am good, so that works for me. :)

I just want to thank StackOverflow. You saved my ass thousand times :*

Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.

Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED

I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."

Please help me.

Managers: Fullstackclown!!!! When are those features we poorly designed and spec'd going to be released to production!?!?!??!!

Juniors: WE SO DUMB DUMB REEEEEEEEEE HELP FULLSTACKCLOWN!!!!! WE PRODUCE GARBAGE CODE THAT TAKES MORE OF YOUR TIME!!!!!!!!

Designers: Hur dur, how can I export this stuff to png, help us, Fullstackclown!!!

Fullstackclown: * inhales sharply * AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Favourite code editor?
Hands down, it’s actually Vim.

It’s mostly because I haven’t been able to exit it though. Actually it’s the only reason. I’m stuck. Someone please send help.

Ask for help then send blurry screenshots of the code

Pls send help. I having problems with following code:

Human h = WildOrangutan
.getInstance();
Ass ass = h.getAss();

Toilet toilet = new Toilet();
ass.attachTo(toilet);

while (ass.hasOutput()) {
ass.output();
h.readDevrant();
}

ass.detach(toilet);

// This throws
// OutOfToiletPaperException
ass.clean();

So he is in the “elite” team as a “Sr” dev and i’m in the normal team as a ssr dev.

He: Hey look, the ‘F’ case is empty and doesn’t return anything, can you help me? This is some old code and we have to add some features.

Code:

Switch(string) {
case “J”:
case “F”:
cade “D”:
// some code
break;
// more code
}

I’m crying

Signed up for a coding contest that starts at 9am. I’m bad at timed code challenges, but I’ll never get better if I don’t push myself.

Woke up in a panic, thinking I’d overslept... 1.5 hours after falling asleep.

This is definitely not going to help matters. Thanks, brain.

I really hate it when people asks for help on forums and mailing lists by taking a screen capture of code instead of pasting the text or using a gist or pastebin or any other USEFUL way to share code.

I don't know how to really put this but a professor at my university thinks adding a space in java program will help to execute code successfully .I am rethinking over my decision to join university

Pattern I'm noticing...

*email* Hey, can you help me with my code, I don't know why it's not working...*end email*

no comments. if you wrote the shit and don't know what the blazes it's doing, how am i supposed to know what you broke? I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you were thinking when you wrote the code.

true, I could go through and read it and try to figure it out, but then i'll be cranky and much less likely to want to help you in the future because you're causing unnecessary work, and part of my job is to get you ready for work environments, and I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY FUCKING POWER TO MAKE YOU THE ONE PERSON THAT EVERYONE DOESN'T HATE, BUT I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER BECAUSE YOU'RE PISSING ME THE HELL OFF.

Say hi to my new code/debug buddy.
It'll help me to solve complex issues with his big brain.

me : cat! help me to code..
cat : fuck u

Help?

I work in support and some of the developers here don't seem to realize that their customers can't use the app they wrote because of all the bugs, but they freak out if anyone so much as *thinks* there's a problem with the code.

We have evidence it's their code. How do I get them to see I'm not saying their code sucks, just that a few changes might help performance?

I don't want to insult them, but at the same time, they're only responsible for one application...

When your code is working without any errors. And without any help the first time you compile it.

That moment when you as a junior developer is trying to write good, maintainable code and a more senior developer stops by and says "It's too late to start adding good code. I'll help you quick fix it".

How to teach a 5 yr child to code?

The method is simple you don't need to teach him to code just help him to understand the method to execute a task. It took me years to understand that coding is a way to express what you want to say- the method and also is our expression. So, if you can help him/her to understand what to express, then I believe the method on how to express is totally unworthy. He/she can say printf("I know this") or print("I know this") or #I know this or he/she may create a new language.
Which you might call: The Baby's Code in future

If you like it do ++

??????????????????? What??????

???? What???????

I couldnt solve a bug for hours.
Hours of googling.
Hours of mental trainwreck.
Hours of stress.
1:28 am.

I cant solve it.

HOLD ON I HAVE AN IDEA.

ChatGPT AI. HELP ME.

i copy and pasted the part of code thats bugging me. Keep in mind that this is a VERY large and robust system and this is just tiny percentage of code.

I told the AI to help me fix this shit bug.

ChatGPT literally explained me what the bug is as if im retarded and wrote code how to fix it.

LOOK AT THE SCREENSHOT U CANT EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP

HOW????

Nothing irks me more than when I sit down with a fellow student and try to help them with a programming assignment that I’ve already completed and after clearly explaining everything to them they just say “Can I take a picture of your code?”. Uhm... no. Fuck you.

So there is this one person who keeps asking for help from everybody and expects them to do their code .... And surprisingly they do....

I was done with that shit when I was expected to code for the person .... So I did do it with a comment saying "I have no idea why I get paid" 😂😂😂

I'm waiting for the reviewer to notice this now 😂😂😂

I think what would help is to teach them these things:
- awareness for security in code
- how to use a fucking VCS like Git and how it works

I can't sleep, I dream of code.

I made it! 5 pull requests for Hacktoberfest :) .
I'm super happy because until now I really didn't know how to help other projects or even have the motivation, but now I can say I have helped a few get their code right :P

I'm a junior dev working with some very proprietary applications. The point is, I can't Google for code solutions at all.

The seniors are all very put upon and too busy to offer much actual help unless it's urgent.

I beg for assistance until I'm blue in the face and eventually stumble my way to something resembling the solution.

I get one of them to review my code, and while they do I point out all the places I STILL need help.

They don't answer any of those questions but damned if they don't have opinions on how my comments should be formatted.

Aaauuuuggghhhh

What genre of music help you code and more productive?

When Tigeress and Bob help you debug your code.

Email from a client today: The programmers just need to add an "if/then" code that IF ... BUT NOT ... THEN ... ONLY ... AND ...

God help us if they discover while

So many years of programming and it's still complicated to explain to my parents why lecturers at university won't spend time to help me debug my code on big projects
And that doesn't mean that I'm -not learning to code- if I don't receive help on finding bugs

Often when I struggle with a complex programming task or get stuck in a bug, this cube and a big cup of ☕ helps me to get back on track.
But when nasty legacy PHP code or WP templates hits the fan, only a mental institution can help...

The guy was a complete asshole. He criticized every line of code i did and said he could find someone else who could do it better for less.

It also doesn't help the fact that i worked alone in that project.

"Potimized imports and remopved temp code"

Can't help but wonder what's the code quality like from an author of such a carefully written commit message 🤔

Can anybody help me in understanding this assembly code of 8051?

In a web dev class I once put my hand up with help regarding some HTML code. The teacher came over and before I had a chance to explain my issue he asked what I was using. I forget what it was but it was a basic webdev IDE on Ubuntu at the time. He then said its Linux and therefore couldn't help me. I told him the issue was with HTML and not my environment. He refused to help unless I used...Dreamweaver on Windows. Yup.

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

I am a fucking software developer and not an IT guy, I write code and if the fucking printer is not connecting, throw it out of the window, that's way better than calling me for help, because one day, I'll do that, and you'll regret...

One of the most hated things by me in my entire Internet using experience is guys who comment on blogs and forums saying "Pls send me help/full code for this: my email is X and my number is Y"

Grow up guys. The admin is not your slave to send you personal help on an email.

It's so damn embarrassing I'm starting to hate my nationality.

Alright. It's one of these rants that everyone despises. The help me rant. Now before you tell me to google, I have, but I want a more personal opinion on the matter.

I am fluent in JAVA, C#, C++, and a few more, but I have never done web development.

I want to get the fuck out of my current job (I got screamed at because I didn't do the PABX guy's work - I am a fucking programmer not a technician), and start a venture there.

Now I know that I have to learn HTML, CSS, JS -> what more do I need to know to code a fully functional website? I don't mind learning any languages, I like learning. It sounds naive and perhaps stupid, but I am asking for some educated opinions.

Thanks, and soon I will be the fuck out of this hellhole.

Are there many people out there like me who don't subscribe to the whole "software to help you write software" malarkey? Resharper being a big one where I work!

Just give me a nice lean code editor.

#FuckPHPInTheAss

>Start working on PHP after ages.
>Found that mail() is deprecated through server support
>they suggest to use PEAR Mail
>Suggest to use deprecated PEAR code
>Fix deprecated code and magically runs on localhost
>ohmygodyess.php
>try to run on server
>fuckMyLife.exe
>Try using PHPMailer
>WTF is this How the fuck this works?
>Spends hours to understand with example code
>WorksFinOnLocal.exe
>NopeIWon'tRunOnServe.lulz
>about to use YiiMailer.

#Sleepless

"We've refactored most part of the code to follow best practice. Many of the unit tests are broken. Please help us to fix them all".

Me: Oh joy!!!

Asks help from the top student in my class. Answers "I'm really bad at debugging. My code always compiles the first time" 🙃

Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?

After trying polymer for a week, I can officially say that it is the most confusing framework ever.

They need to learn how to properly document their code.

Stack overflow doesn't help because the dipshit who asked the question ALWAYS "misspelled" a variable.

Half fact: Code reviews help to maintain clean codebases.
Full fact: Code reviews are a way to find out who secretly wants you fired.

Everytime I don't sit in front of my code (and go for a walk or something), I immediately find bugs or things to improve from all the code I've written, IN MY HEAD. If you have a hard time finding bugs, try this, maybe. Might help.

Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!

I have always believed that clean code is readable code, and if your code is readable, then it shouldn't require masses of comments to explain it. However, in the course I am being taught, we are being told that in programming, comments are massively important to help another developer understand your code and what it does. So what is the consensus of the dev community?

Do you feel comments are key, or redundant if your code is written well?

I went to a friend to help him learn angular. I asked him to show me his code, he opened sublime text, the code was all white ...
- aren't you using a TS plugin ?!
- what is that ?
- since when are you coding like this ?
- more than a week ...
I installed the plugin, than showed him VSCode.
Hi bought me a beer later c:

I remember the first time I had a code block, I sat on my desk for up to 18 hours trying to fix it. In the end realizing that my impatience is not helping me. It was all in vain. A tired mind did not help.

I finally came to realise that I was lacking on knowledge and a tired brain did not help. I did it the next day but learnt a huge lesson. When it's just not your day, it's not you day. A fresh mind will help next day. Relax, do anything apart from code.

Too much of code can drain you of ideas and smartness. You need to let your mind breathe. Life away from the PC is important too.

TMW the code is so complex that even the debugger can't help make it understandable

When your non-programmer boss thinks after explaining a program design to you, his sitting by you and staring at your screen will help you code it faster...

Improving my English using DevRant

Note: Will be of great help in writing precise documented code 😜

Help others with Java code on this discord channel.

CTO s shouldn't write software once there are more than 50 devs in the company. They shouldn't make tech decisions. It is time for you to back off and help with more important things. We really need you to get process nailed down. We really need you to help us understand business better. Not writing code.

Does wearing nerd glasses help you code better?

At first my dad was against it, I'm studying electronics engineering and he didn't want me to code because he is a software developer and he know that in my country it's really hard to make a living out of it. But since he realized that there is not much he can do about it he became really supportive and always review my code to help me improve it.

Here's an excerpt from GitHub's mission statement -
"Code is about the people writing it. The tools we create help individuals and companies, public and private, to write better code, faster."

And yet, is there anyone else who goes - "What a load of crap! You came up with Atom and Teletype, but couldn't make your Search feature even a tad less annoying?!"

Only me?
.
.
I'll see myself out.

!rant

I need pancakes

on a evening

I'm weird help I can't debug code and I crave for pastry aaaaaaa

Just got my first paycheck. Felt amazing tbh. Proceeded to make a little Python project to help me with high precision budgeting and budget analysis. So, any grad students here who invest and/or save half of their paycheck and use their own code to help them do it?

I just went to SO to browse questions and learn something or help someone...
And then...
THE FREAKING PRINTSCREEN OF IDE
INSTEAD OF COPYING THE CODE

And you know what's worse?
There was also a PHOTO of the output from the console.

Why are people behaving like communist dramaqueens on every OSS repo?
Why do OSS libraries and frameworks have to be political cunts and insert *the current thing* into every god damn console message of their tooling and on their websites?
Stop it. Get some help.
I want to code, not be a aborted political SJW fetus. Let me fucking code in peace.

To all the developers with a permanent job:

Do you guys still reference the web when working on a project or you know everything and code everything perfectly w/o help?

Just wanted to know if I need more practice with my skills or am I good to go.

Guys, I think I am addicted and I have problems... I tried to write a simple SudokuSolver program in C# (one file) but I ended up writing an ExtensionMethods class, a Puzzle class, a Solver class, an IO class, a Program class...

That's why I hate working on big side-projects for too long

Is it just me or do any of you people also hate asking for help with understanding other devs code?

At the same time I also hate explaining my code to other devs, like I have to justify I'm not an imbecile.

Literally removing the sleep(10);

Nah jokes aside, reworking my entire code from scratch based on what I drew up on a board.

Sometimes visualisation of processes and control flow can really help you write better code.

So I don't want to code again (or do anything, at all). I think my burnout is back. Send help!

I’m trying to explain the theory behind ‘Rubber Duck Debugging’ and to be honest, they don’t believe me 😂 they say I’m drunk. Help me out here, who else uses a rubber duck or something similar to help debug code?

Working on codebase of a 20+ year old system that the company I work for bought five years ago and in that time there’s been no refactoring, no security updates, no attempt to create automated testing (there is none), new features have just been built on the codebase with no regard for quality and it’s just spun into the horror cesspool that it is today.

I joined one year ago and I’m slowly refactoring the codebase and updating it to get it to a more modern codebase, cleaner code, faster load times and creating a ton of dev documentation so the devs in India can start getting into best practices and start producing quality code.

> do you feel sorry for freelancing contractors
> whose previous client abandoned them
> they ask you to help them fix some trivial bugs in the shitty code
> you believe you can change the world by going overboard by also improving the code quality, along with fixing the bugs
> initialize an empty file where you'll translate the shitty code into a more organized one
> start creating variables and generic functions which can be used in a modular and organized fashion
> meticulously document the first function you write
> realize this is not worth your time
> insert some glue code into the original code which fixes the trivial bugs
> glue code has hard coded values so it adds to the shittiness of the code
> submit the work
> get $$$

Me: "Need help with build config problems, please help almighty documentation page!"

Docs Page: "Nah fam, I got 4 headers about problems with no text, a blank code example, and 2 error 404 pages."

And that's why I don't like build pipelines.

> Help novice programmer with his task
> Compile his code
> Start it via Visual Studio
> Visual Studio freezes
> Get Blue Screen
> Lose work of over one week

How do you guys relax when something like this happens besides smashing your keyboard against somebodys head?

the boat was sinking in the middle of the sea,
athlete: I can swim my way out,can you?*
dev: no, but I can write code for "help me!" in 10 languages

Tfw you get to help out someone who is more experienced at writing code than you.

I think I've reached peak boredom, can't work on my main project so I'm sitting here going through nano's C source code and planning to port it into C#...

Send help pls....

To peoples asking on StackOverflow or making an issue on Github:

Please, include enough code to reproduce your issue.
But don't put your entire project either

It should be as easy as possible to run and read your code.
Otherwise, peoples trying to help will get lost and give up

For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!

There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!

Google is a bitch today.

Bad code is bad code. Whitespace isn't going to help you decipher what it means.

me: something wrong here, this should work
*asks teacher to help*
*looks at the code*
teacher: google it

gee thanks XD

Want to read a book that can help me avoid newb mistakes and can help me write beautiful code ?

Pragmatic programmer(1999)
Or
Clean code
Or
any other book ?
Help me !!?

I'm very bad at reading someones code. For example when someone on uni asks me to help him with code I just write it from scratch, I can't find the mistake or even understand thoughts of this person. I'm afraid that when I'm going to work in team I'll be useless. Can I even do something with this?

three days trying to code magento payment method, our seniors didn't help me (because they lazy), went to other company senior, 10min and everything works...life sucks

When your tech lead revokes everyones merge priviliges on Github because of an issue with "code disappearing from the repo" which he originally suggested was a bug in Github and we should call them for help.

Someone gave me his code and told me to improve it and being the nice guy I am I agreed. Then while trying to work on that, a dozen other people asked me to help them with their code too, so in the end I barely got any work done.

I should stop helping people

u+200b.
Who made that shit? and whhhyyyyy?
I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out why the code file, a mac using co-worker sent me, does not compile.
Intlij did not help, np++ did not help, textmate did not help!

Only hex editing the file worked!

kill it with fire!

My productivity has gone fucking low.
I have hundreds of things ti do , Prepare for exams, write code for my internship project,write code for my game, learn new things about ML,etc.
But all I fuckin do is play games all day instead of making mine!

Plz help, give me some words of encouragement or tell me something that you do to boost your productivity and keep away from distractions !

Why am I always tired when I want to code?? Coffee does not help anymore...

today when I was asked to fix some code I couldn't help but count if those variables where used more times :D

hey is there a non code browser automation tool? one with a record and play button?

I have to "copy / create" 16 drupal pages with a gazillion modules manually by hand. And each page takes an hour of tedious click work.
Thank you for your help ❤️

Stackoverflow is full of pedantic cunts who can’t admit they don’t know how to answer your question, I just spent 20 minutes having 4 people tell me because they didn’t have “the full code” they couldn’t help with the problem, despite by the end of me posting more and more (completely unrelated) code they were LITERALLY complaining because I hadn’t added fucking “#include” statements 😑

Need a C++ partner..

I'm self taught developer and it's kinda hard to understand the code of your own.. since c++ is not an easy language to master I need partner whom I can easily discuss code and topics of c++. I'm in slack too and it's great community .. has people who always willing to help you out.. but the thing is it's really weird to ask simple question there again and again.. so i wanna have some partner to discuss C++ code easily..

My brain these days-
1] Okay I will get this done today
2] Oh wait how does this work
3] What the hell is happening
4] Going deeper down the rabbit hole
5] I am so lost. HELP
6] Okkk, this makes sense, but I have to figure out how another 10 parts of the code, to see how it works and then add my code
7] I wanna give up.

As much as I love programming, I like to help others when they're in trouble with code (even thoe sometimes I'm not that helpful) but I hate when someone asks me for help and when I try that person acts he knows it all and that my suggestions are stupid... I mean why did he ask for help in the first place?

How it feels when you help an older student fix their code and you’re a lowly freshman

I'm a php developer

I don't like
If (something) {
//code here
}

I like
if (something)
{
//code here
}

Sorry.

EDIT:

However, in javascript, I'm fine with the first example. I may need professional help.

!rant;

Just started a new react-native project :O Someone has build an app to help app builders build apps :O
You start the node process, scan a QR code and BOOM app is on your phone...

Did you know “Agile” actually means “Never change code”?

Neither did I until I started working here haha help me

Why is sleep not a choice. I have code to write but my body and mind wont let me stay up.

Too many projects so little time

No one to help 🙃

Sleep is really a devs enemy 🙆🏾‍♂️

Sometimes it's fun watching new developer who don't want ur help end up writing random number generator code who he thinks works great and u break it in seconds. So much for innovation.

I need guidance about my current situation.
I am perfectionist believing in OOP, preventing memory leak in advance, following clean code, best practices, constantly learning about new libraries to reduce custom implementation & improve efficiency.
So even a single bad variable name can trigger my nerves.

I am currently working in a half billion $ IT service company on a maintenance project of 8 year old Android app of security domain product of 1 of the top enterprise company of the world, which sold it to the many leading companies in the world in Govt service, banking, insurance sectors.

It's code quality is such a bad that I get panic attacks & nightmares daily.

Issues are like
- No apk obfuscation, source's everything is openbook, anybody can just unzip apk & open it in Android Studio to see the source.
- logs everywhere about method name invoked,
- static IV & salt for encryption.
- thousands of line code in God classes.
- Irrelevant method names compared to it's functionality.
- Even single item having list takes 2-3 seconds to load
- Lag in navigation between different features' screens.
- For even single thing like different dimension values for different density whole 100+ lines separate layout files for 6 types of densities are written.
- No modularized packages, every class is in single package & there are around 100+ classes.

Owner of the code, my team lead, is too terrified to change even single thing as he don't have coding maturity & no understanding of memory leak, clean code, OOP, in short typical IT 'service' company mentality.

Client is ill-informed or cost-cutting centric so no code review done by them in 8 years.

Feeling much frustrated as I can see it's like a bomb is waiting to blast anytime when some blackhat cracker will take advantage of this.

Need suggestions about this to tackle the situation.

When your friends wants you to help them code in Java and they type

public void Main String

without any instruction ...

When I teach/help someone with code without telling them explicitly what to type and their solution works and they get hyped af. Never gets old. I like helping people.

This just happened. I have to tell someone how stupid I felt a few minutes ago.
I am working on a script that is supposed to rename some files in sub folders of the current folder.
I used ChatGPT to help me out with the last part of finding all sub folders. Copied the code into VS code. Changed the path from “/path/to/folder/“ to just “/“, ran the code. It took a bit too long time to finish. Then VS Code asked for permissions to my reminders… “Why?” I asked before I realized that I confused “.” With “/“ for current folder…

Fine! If I’m not allowed to make improvements to the site, I’ll blatantly write you shitty code and continue to fuck you over for the future. I tried to help but you guys are fucked.

I need help and advice!

I currently work as an consultant at a large corporation. Came onboard for 1-2 years to help rebuild one of their platforms. From the beginning the mindset was that the finished product should not be developed based on anything else than customer testimonials and interviews regarding functionality and design. However, they’re building their platform developed and distributed by this other company. Basically they bought a system that is incomplete regarding to being compliant to the specifications brought to them when they decided which system to go with. Now we’re trying to build around all the issue this platform is causing us. The code base for the system is like something a monkey did with their feet. Nothing makes sense and it’s layers on top of layers of 10 year old code. I f-ing hate it. I don’t know what to do. We have some many technical limitation that it’s impossible to create the vision they had from the start.
I’ve been thinking about talking to the highest chief in the department as he has been pissed earlier about project managers not escalating issue to him earlier. But I don’t want to step on anyones toes. Should I leave the project? Should I talk to the chief? What do I do? I’m miserable🤯

We have a web application that will be deployed to the client premises. Part of the agreement is that the full source code will be provided. Now my manager asked me to hide/restrict the usage of a certain feature, and should not be hackable even if we give the full source code. Gosh help me guys, I don't know what I'm doing here.

Ive been looking for a rant that mentionned being payed to review code for something like 50pounds an hour.

Can any one help me to either find the person/rant/company that offers this service?

I hate it when someone asks me for help in a part of his code, then I find that the problem is the whole code not just that part.

I have 3 options:
- try to make it work, and get lost in his shit, not refactored code.
- tell him that I am not that good so he get out of my face
- kill him, so he can reproduce

PS: just kidding

Newbie here, how long did it take you to get a good handle in the language you code in (that pays your bills)?

Can anyone tell how you yourself to start coding please 😢especially when you you have alot alot alooot of coding that waiting you and you being lazy about it!😢

Holy shit, it happened to me today, I thought it was a myth that people actually use zip for source code.

So, got the task to help out the operations team naturally I for access to the repository. I got a zip file.

#fml

I asked our professor for help, because the code that I exactly copied from her lecture wasn't working.

I forgot to erase my trace('wtf'); code that is literally on every function (mouse_over,mouse_down,mouse_out).

Right after she saw the code, she looked at me like and I was like.....

Hello World!
Where to start? I am trying to learn coding and found FreeCodeCamp today. Anything else you could suggest?

Those moments when you get up hoping that you don't screw up your day but then end up bugging your code rather than debugging it and then Git/other VCS comes to your help.

Learn to debug, breakpoints are your friends. Never ask someone help without trying yourself to debug your code.
Debug an existing code is, I think, as important than being able to write your own code.

Let people help. Also read other people's code. Basically, other people are useful.

My big grievances when doing code reviews, lots of code reviews....

Constants. How difficult is to create constants files for reuse and readability?

Comments/java doc. I don't get any help by seeing this is an automatically generated block to get by check style.

*slap*

I need motivation to code again. Please, send help...

I dont fcking like this.

Anyone else code to de-stress sometimes?

Just took a calc exam and now I’m going to work on a project I started today to help myself feel better about my impending doom.

Yesterday I had a HUGE argument with my mom. I had severe headache after that and I couldn't help but feel angry and disgusted with myself for shouting at her. Guess what's the first thing that popped in my head soon after? Let's code.

Yes, I like to code. I'm not ashamed of it. Good code. Bad code. I code. It makes me happy. It distracts me until I get frustrated with what I've coded and why it went wrong and soon I realise I've moved on from the anger.

You never know what can help you when! Right?

today i said i had holiday until the new year and wouldn't open a code editor until then

and here i am 5 hours later looking at advent of code challenges, trying to do them in rust

🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡

also screw them for discouraging AI. if a tool can help me learn a new language faster i'm using it

I've come to accept the fact that when I first learn a new concept I'm not gonna know what the heck I'm doing with it until I code it for myself and break it and then fix it. Bugs help you learn.

Asked my teacher for help in 10th grade, she came up to my computer, looked at the code, zoomed in to 350%(ctrl+), mentioned that in C# we use upper cased functions names and then disappeared.
Not only the bug was not fixed, I couldn't even execute my code now.

Me vs. Code Moocher:

CM: Hey, did you do the Chapter 6 homework?

Me: Did You...?

CM: Yes... (with confidence but an odd pause) But it doesn't work.

Me: Sorry I'm not done with it either I can help you.

I hate people like this. He could've asked me for my help or waited to ask the Prof.

But he outright asked for my work. It wouldn't be the first time.

FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF MOTHERFUCKER!!!

When there is no way to test the code you have written.... I cannot help but stress my arse off...

!Rant
Help/ideas needed

I need ideas of projects to develop in my free time, I'm tired of the old technology and ugly projects from work, I want to develop something new, fun, to feel the excitement of coding again ;)

The field does not matter i'm willing to learn.

And , no , I can get another job, that is not an option because of the special benefits it's offering that I can not find in another company(very flexible schedule, I'm a student and need it).

You can find so many tutorials, learning paths for C#, C++, python, angular, jss, java, etc.
But literally none for batch file programming (if that's even what it's called) so little documentation on cmd.exe and writing .bat files :'(

Can someone please please help?
Just point me in the right direction?

inb4 google it

When a friend told you that they have a problem and needs a Computer Science student's help ..

.. and it's about a broken flash drive.
I can't even fix my broken C code let alone fix a freaking flash drive.

I'm a junior in high school, and I dabble in a few languages like Python and php. What do you think is a good language to pursue in the coming years? I've heard Ruby and php are some of the top. What is your opinion?

I’m thinking of replacing my dev duck with baby yoda.
Btw he’s 50 years old, and I bet his psychic abilities could help me run my code better.

Need help. Explain why assembly code is wrong.
C code:
long f(long n) {return n + 1} ;

Assembly:
f:
movq rdi, rbp
addq $1, rbp
movq rbp, rax
ret

When asking for help:
Sending screenshots or worse, use their phone to take a photo of their screens instead of copy pasting the code.

As if reading their code isn't hard enough already. Ugh

I jst need AI to detect typos in my js code and it's probably going to save me hours of debugging.. 🙃

Or maybe it can help me get a well nights sleep.. so I can detect it myself.. 🤷🏽‍♂️

So my friend had an idea for a game and asked me if I could help him develop it. Now, he understands how the code works and can even write quite a bit himself. On several occasions (including today) this happened:

*writes code*
*tests code*
Me: Hmm... this isn't working like it's supposed to
Friend: It looks pretty good, maybe check to see if everything is in the right order
*checks code*
*tries alternative solution*
*checks again*
Me and friend: Well this is even worse than before
*presses ctrl+z a lot to go back to the original*
*opens new project*
*writes new code for same purpose*
*checks code*
Both of us: IT WORKS!!!
*checks again just to be sure*
Both of us: IT STILL WORKS!!!
*compares new code to original code*
Me: It's the exact same code with different variable names!!! Why did this not work before?
Friend: No idea
*puts new code into main program*
*it still doesn't work*

Reasons Java makes me cry sometimes

Why the fuck people on stackoverflow write shitty unformatted code and expect to be helped? I mean help me help you...

How do you feel when people post their bugs or issues of the code asking for help on devRant?

Ok I fucking give up, does anyone know of any tutorials on adding custom languages and syntax highlighting to VS code, I followed what little readable documentation overlord Microsoft has given and still no fucking clue, help!

Have you ever been stressed because of some bugs in some of your code? It helps having friends that code that can help.. and it helps the stress!..

I'm too embarrassed to show my team leaders code to other developers..

unreadable, no tests, parameters hardcoded..

But managers want to "help him grow"..
When do you decide you can't fix a lemon?

Before my first year of college/university I started looking at various online resources such as Code academy as well as watching many YouTube videos that would help me understand the basic underlying concepts of programming

AAARGH

I fucking give up. I can't debug my code, and all my programmer friends have better things to do than to help me. The fact that portaudio requires me to store things as void* makes it even more convoluted if possible.

So my last rant was regarding a piece of code I found while clearing up an app. Here's the newest edition... a recent migration I found... a class within a migration creating records, this is not what migrations are for haha you don't add data using migrations jeez help me.

I think I'm a good teacher, learner when it comes to Front-end development. I've been active on Stackoverflow, but this platform to help someone seems more decent (here you don't need to curse someone's code to help him/her) 😀

canadian duck to help me code

Well....i started programming roughly 4 months back.....i can code python very well but still can't understand when to implement what and how should i think about a question in order to solve it....
Any help to overcome this problem???

Now as I am refactoring the internal codebase of my company
I understand how important it is to have a good code documentation and writing patterns.
And also how much it is important to help his a junior when someone is in senior position when the junior was given the task of refactoring the internal codebase.

It's such a pain the brain situation these days for me. The documentation is not properly matched here and there and code writings are random. It makes me hates the code.

I got a new idea : I'm writing some python scripts to help me in my projects at school, I think it will help me a lot !

But I would like to code some scripts for my side-projects that are made using full JS.
NodeJS + Express + Sequelize for the Web API and ReactJS and HighlightJS for the client.

I would like to know if you could give me some ideas of scripts I could write for these JS side-projects ?

Sitting listening to music, thinking about some feautures that i could code for practising my code skills.
Phone rings, a girl that i know asks me if she could say at my place.
Can't deny, i said whenever she needs help i can provide it.
My git pushes are delayed for tomorrow.
Sorry for betraying you Vim.

I thought putting up a !ctags -R in .vimrc would help me use ctags in all of my code and I wouldn't have to do it manually but sadly that was a bad decision like.But I didn't know tags that generate to a 220 GB

If you search for c tags, the first post is c#, even with "c".

Happens on every stackoverflow search too.

This is the only reason I don't like c. If I need help with a simple problem, 50 lines of template code is not the answer ;(

Is anybody else indecisive enough to code a RNGesus to help them decide what to do? lol... I even have it bark out commands indefinitely until I decide when to kill it, just so I feel that I have a wee bit of control in determining my faith. :P

I tried hackthebox but I'm not good enough even with cracking the invite code. I don't know what to learn and where to begin. Any tips or help would be appreciated :)

Rushing to get a feature completed for a client presentation tomorrow has turned my Sass sheets into a nightmarish hellhole of classes, nesting, and questionable specificity. This is taking a huge liberty with "if it works, ship it."

Colleague says some of my code sucks, says he's gonna rewrite and improve it.

After he finish his work, I look in his new written code:
F*ckload of unused methods and classes,
some usings of deprecated API calls...

god. It's okay, if you want to help and improve code (my code wasn't the best, I admit)... but when you do, do it the fuck right.

What is the best service to use for learning? I'm looking into TreeHouse right now.

Every time I read "IDGAF", I can't help but parse it as a Doom cheat code, trying for a moment to recall what effect it had.
Boy I feel old

Learning Java after learning python for School and helping the new programmers who are in the class I finished last term. I see python code and get nervous because there’s no semicolons or curly brackets, but then again I’m like “Fuck I miss python!”
But I’m usually the go to guy when people need help because I make YouTube tutorials for my colleagues to help them understand what I’ve learned, and share flash cards on quizlet, and generally tell anyone if you need help I’ll help.