I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..

I wanna cry.

When you wanted to know deep learning immediately

Never delete code immediately. Always comment it out first.

Just shaved my beard and immediately regretted it. I look like a snail now... And my Linux skills are gone...

"The most important skill in life is mitigating frustrations, but please don't get good at it — your suffering is hilarious"

— Girlfriend, while I was trying to fix her CPU cooler.

I realized immediately she just explained why this community exists.

When people tell me their problems I immediately start coming up with solutions when really they just want sympathy.

"Sir, I fixed the recent bug"

"Great, what did you do?"

"I commented out the code that was causing it :)"

"Brilliant! You didn't forget to push the code to production, did you?"

"No Sir, I pushed it immediately"

"Marvelous! I'll arrange a promotion for you next month"

Joe is a moron

Joe :- Please remove that immediately.

// Joe is a moron

There's a fine line in stack overflow.
If you ask something too complicated, nobody will answer it.
However if it's too easy, you got downvoted immediately.🤔

Things I regret immediately after doing it:
1) Masturbation
2) Overeating
3) git commits

Never trust a developer who’s muscle memory isn’t set up to automatically run `ls` *immediately* after `cd`ing into a directory.

When you show people a working prototype of what they asked for and they immediately start point out flaws.

IT'S A FUCKING PROTOTYPE, DIPSHIT!

Once a customer wanted to pay our invoice cash in a meeting. Then he came up with 14995€. As we asked where the 5€ are he could not remember immediately, but then he yelled: OH YEA I GOT HUNGRY ON THE WAY TO YOU.

When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.

Start coding for work this morning, immediately notice a ui bug, ugh. Want to get cracking with another bug I'm supposed to fix.

Fix the bug, and it incidentally fixes the other bug. Two in one.

*Suspicious*

They apparently think that I should answer every telegram/email/WhatsApp message immediately.
"You're looking at the screen the whole time anyways!"
.
.
.
(╯°□°） ╯︵ ┻━┻) 

Me and my girlfriend are taking care of our friend’s dog for a few days. The dog’s name is Debi, i immediately started calling her Debian 😃

My biggest dev blunder. I haven't told a single soul about this, until now.

👻👻👻👻👻👻

So, I was working as a full stack dev at a small consulting company. By this time I had about 3 years of experience and started to get pretty comfortable with my tools and the systems I worked with.

I was the person in charge of a system dealing with interactions between people in different roles. Some of this data could be sensitive in nature and users had a legal right to have data permanently removed from our system. In this case it meant remoting into the production database server and manually issuing DELETE statements against the db. Ugh.

As soon as my brain finishes processing the request to venture into that binary minefield and perform rocket surgery on that cursed database my sympathetic nervous system goes into high alert, palms sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.

Alright. Let's do this the safe way. I write the statements needed and do a test run on my machine. Works like a charm 😎

Time to get this over with. I remote into the server. I paste the code into Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio. I read through the code again and again and again. It's solid. I hit run.

....

Wait. I ran it?

....

With the IDs from my local run?

...

I stare at the confirmation message: "Nice job dude, you just deleted some stuff. Cool. See ya. - Your old pal SQL Server".

What did I just delete? What ramifications will this have? Am I sweating? My life is over. Fuck! Think, think, think.

You're a professional. Handle it like one, goddammit.

I think about doing a rollback but the server dudes are even more incompetent than me and we'd lose all the transactions that occurred after my little slip. No, that won't fly.

I do the only sensible thing: I run the statements again with the correct IDs, disconnect my remote session, and BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP FOREVER.

I tell no one. The next few days I await some kind of bug report or maybe a SWAT team. Days pass. Nothing. My anxiety slowly dissipates. That fateful day fades into oblivion and I feel confident my secret will die with me. Cool ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Since a "Hello world" program terminates immediately after printing its message, I personally prefer "Goodbye, world"

when I install something on my RPi and it immediately works

Dev: Hey our current server is starting to chug a bit. Can I get approved for $1200 additional spend to double the speed?

Manager: *Sharp inhale*. We need this project to cost as little as possible, we really can’t justify spending any additional money for any reason right now.

*2 days later*

Manager: YOU ARE APPROVED FOR $100,000 TO IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT SOMETHING RELATED TO NFTs IN ANY OF OUR APPS. THE BUSINESS NEEDS TO EXPAND INTO THE METAVERSE ASAP IMMEDIATELY. I NEED AN ETA BY EOD AS TO WHEN THIS CAN BE ROLLED OUT.

Dev: …

I have the habit of immediately closing parentheses after opening them, then insert the code.

The problem is, this applies to hand writing as well. Because you cannot move characters in a hand written exam I spend half of the time writing, then removing parentheses.
Whyyy brain

Be me

- register on tinder, mentioning I'm a developer
- start using
- first profile
- I like this first profile, I swipe right
- IT'S A MATCH
- get immediately unmatched

Suddenly my KDE neon installation didn't want to start anymore. (emergency recovery shell)

Immediately searching for solutions, praying for the best...

Saw a suggestion about removing any custom /etc/fstab entries. Removed an entry i added earlier today.

Boots again right away, fuck yeah, Linux, I fucking love you ❤︎

🙌 My stress ball arrived!

(And was immediately commandeered)

Immediately start doing a project way beyond your level, and within 2 weeks you'll learn things that would take college 2 years to teach you.

8 year old girl meets a classic typewriter at Norsk Vegmuseum.

"Mom! Mom! Look! It prints immediately!"

This was just a „you had one job“ moment. I double tapped a rant to give it a ++ and immediately this message appeared. devRant, why do you give me such unnecessary notifications?

Hey yo guys, Legion here dropping you some lit tips for yo dev job interviews

A friend of mine asked me if I could review his code. I said ok and immediately regretted it when he sent me 250 lines of .docx text. In PDF. So I couldn't even copy-paste it.

When given a task, don't start working immediately. Think about it first.

If it is taking too long, don't just persevere, stop and think why.

You are paid to think, not type.

1) Open devRant app
2) Enjoy so many great rants
3) Thinks is enough
4) Quit devRant app
5) Immediately open devRant again without thinking
6) ....

(damn my muscle memory)

Fucking developers putting emojis in their code!

My terminal (st) doesn't support displaying emojis and it crashes immediately once it read an emoji. I have been chasing crashing bugs for weeks and I just found out where the issue is.

It's 3:45 am, I have a meeting at 8:00, game of thrones streams in 15minutes rick and morty streams immediately after....... Am fucked

Enki game: Will it work in IE 8

Hmmm....
*immediately starts swiping everything to the left*

Not only the manager/developer ratio is insane, but they are complaining about their top dev is getting an extra special status .. I just wish he sees this and quit immediately.

*browses devrant*
*read all latest rants*
*closes devrant*
*immediately thinks "let's check devrant"*
*opens devrant*
"oh wait"

PM: Please do this immediately.
Me: But the other deadline, I...
PM: I don't care, do this first!
Me: Alright, fine.

(at the end of the day)
PM: Why is the thing you were doing not finished yet!?

Your first day at work be like:
"If your new team doesn’t use git, announce your resignation immediately and walk out."

So a DBA walks into a NoSQL bar, but immediately leaves because he couldn't find a table..

Feedback from a client

-"It doesn't work! I want this solved immediately! "
- What? Which of the 20 views? Can you be more specific?

... 5 hors later (and lot of wasted time debugging) ...

-"I mean, this button is not aligned."

Former boss asked my "team" (2 fullstack devs including me) to immediately stop our projects ( 4 rather complex websites - yeah simultenaus ) and start developing a website maker AI, because "that is the future". "You have one month". EOS

I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.

My time as a Dev have given me deep mistrust of the following words;
Only
Just
simple
Quick
Easy

Any requirements, specs or feature files presented with the above words should immediately be deleted and/or burned if in hard copy.

Y'know what I can't understand? People who knock and literally immediately come in. THEN WHATS THE FUCKING POINT OF KNOCKING

So I was playing Formula 1 game and I heard “push, push, push” from the engineer while leaving pit-lane.

I immediately closed game and started “git push”

If I could talk to Linus, I would ask him to change sudo for simon. And I'm convinced he would accept immediately.

Complains why the app is not done yet ...

Because you fucking keep coming up with new features and ask us to implement them immediately !!!??

Went to recruit some interns at a CS school in my area. Talked to their teacher in charge of internships and asked her about their students skills in Java. She said they all are very solid in JavaScript. I left immediately.

*deploys new VPS*
Click clack tap.. alright, done.
*notices that I accidentally made an Ubuntu 14.04*
Well shit... Guess I'll have to update that immediately to 18.04 then.
*logs in, immediately disables SSH password auth*
# systemctl restart sshd
> systemctl: command not found.
What the fuck..?
What was the command for that old init again.. >_<
# /etc/init.d/ssh restart

WHY THE FUCK IS THIS UBUNTU STILL USING THAT OLD INIT?!! Goddamit, Canonical living up to the philosophy of its Debian counterpart indeed!

Me: "do you know about .exe files?"
Girlfriend: "yeah, like '.exe stopped working'"

*Windows exe immediately associated with bugs by common user*

Congratulations to myself. I deployed an app and immediately lost the credentials to the database

Last night I had a dream that I met some girl. We immediately clicked but the only thing I remember besides this is that she coded in Vim. 😁😁😁

People who email you then immediately walk over to check whether you've read the email yet

Colleague: Oh i've noticed your PR uses tabs instead of spaces, we use spaces, can you change yours please?

Me: ..... can you leave the building immediately, for your own safety

Asked a question on stack overflow, immediately got an upvote. Maybe 2018 will be different after all.

I tell him to submit a pull request, he just merges his code. I revert it and tell him to submit a pull request, he submits one then merges it himself immediately after...

When your system deadline is tomorrow and you need to finish it immediately

VP of company gets fired. Immediately jacks their nice office chair.

Can I trust myself?

Start a new email in Outlook 2013. Drag an attachment onto it. Immediately double click the attachment to sanity check it's the right file.

"You should only open attachments from a trustworthy source."

Sigh.

Go to Defcon.
Buy Hak5 hacking tools.
Afraid to try them out.

Setup WIFI Pineapple.
Figure out how to use it.
Start seeing everyone hitting my captive portal instead of the hotels captive portal.
Immediately turn it off.
Feel like an asshole.

Why did I buy these?

If they immediately agreed to your salary expectations, either your expectations were low or their expectations were high (or both).

Just learned that the open source license from Facebook is shit

It says if u ever filed a patent case against Facebook or any of its subsideries organisation then your license to use Facebook open source stuff will be immediately revoked .

When your team has no time to address technical debt/infrastructure improvements but we need to make that square checkbox round immediately.

Bought new phone. Installed all necessary apps. Installed devrant last.

Forgot devrant password. Decide to skip login, will do it later. Press Skip.

Eyes immediately experience fire burn with the intensity of demon sulfur smoke from light theme. Instant headache.

Find forgot password link with the quickness. Reset password, relieved. Login.

Eyes immediately experience fire burn with the intensity of demon sulfur smoke from light theme.

APPARENTLY MY THEME PREFERENCE IS STORED IN PHONE'S LOCAL STORAGE. THANK YOU FOR THE HEADACHE DEVRANT.

Wow. I think I've got devrant fever.

I just browsed devrant. Closed devrant. Immediately saw devrant on my homescreen and thought, I need to check devrant. Then immediately after that I remember I just browsed devrant. *Sigh*.

Father devrant I have a confession to make:

I stayed up until 12 in the midnight during Sep 30 to do 4 PRs immediately once it was October 1 in under 1 hour...

Now I passed out on the classroom and people think I got possesed

b r u h

A company just offered me 15,000 USD over what I asked for. I've been treated like poo so much at my current job my mind immediately went to "what's their angle... what trick are they playing on me".

!rant
I opened devRant and closed it immediately. This is what happened.

Is this related to the Android system or to the devRant app?

If java had real garbage collection then most programs would delete themself immediately upon running.

I am hired immediately after my internship!

Just received a mail from my college that my college's student account password does not contain any special characters and I should change it immediately. Wtf? How did they know that?

I just had a dream about how to squash a bug I was encountering in my app. I immediately woke up, fixed the bug, and cleaned up my code. I thought this only happened in movies.

Why does it take a client, who needs the bug fixed immediately, over 24 hours to respond to my query about what the problem is?

Keeping old and unused code blocks commented out and not deleting them immediately is the equivalent of leaving that bottle of soy sauce in the fridge even though you know very well that you won't use them ever again.

Me: tells computer to restart

Linux: immediately boots down and started back up

Windows: CaNnOt ReStArT bEcAuSe BaCkGrOuNd SyNc Is RuNnInG

TLDR : Some dude was immediately fired by creating union. The email from the CEO of Sii Poland (one of the biggest software houses in the country) shocked the whole IT community

I often create git issues seconds before pushing the fix, then closing them immediately.

Allows my coworkers to receive notifications that I am actually working...

>Download last version of software, a couple hundred megabytes
>Launch software
>Software immediately asks to download a couple hundred megabytes of updates
>mfw pic related

So the HR person who made my life hell about 2 years ago, got fired immediately before the Corona-madness started. And they are still unemployed. Karma is such a glorious bitch.

So I dropped an FYI via slack to a colleague and they immediately replied!

How dare they! They are on vacation!

Turn off your slack, disable your notification, don't check your mails.

Your work shouldn't have any impact on how you spend your vacation. We will manage.

Do you ever open devRant, read a little, and then exit the app to find something else to do. Then open the app immediately again, because that's what you do when you want something to do?

I have a crush on my Zumba instructor (whose classes get booked out immediately) soo bad that I made a bot to ensure that I get my spot as soon as bookings open up

Whenever I see "404" I instinctively add "x not found" after it in my head. Like if this got to 404 upvotes, I'd immediately think "404 upvotes not found." Anyone else do this? It doesn't matter what the context is, I ALWAYS do it. It's almost annoying.

When you're working on a very complex client/server project in 7 open Solutions and changes in about 100 classes and your project manger gives you a "very important text align issue" that you have to fix immediately 😒

Just finished setting up bash on Windows 10. I never thought I could be so happy, installed git immediately.

Installed DevRant. Check settings. Immediately click join darkside. Utter disappointment follows.

Oh, my promotion happens whenever I'm on a call with a sales guy, who announces they have a (insert grandiose job title here) on the call in case the client has any technical questions.

Unfortunately it comes with no pay rise, and I'm immediately demoted again when the call ends ;)

Never underestimate users disability to follow guidance .

Showed me a screenshot where he started the script immediately and entered another command afterwards. Was kinda confused, since the script runs in an endless loop.

Then he showed me his version of the file...

I accidentally posted a Photoshopped image of my boss in her teams channel. I deleted it immediately, but I believe she saw it briefly. She never mentioned it, but things have been awkward ever since.

Showed my girlfriend a portion of my wine installation process, and got this picture almost immediately

she's a keeper

Windows 10 just notified me that my laptop battery is at 6% and shut it down immediately. No warning before that.

I immediately discard job ads which contain cover letters as a requirement.

When you ask a short question(in Slack) to your teammate that can be simply answered in Slack and they start a video call immediately after reading your question...

Now you have to stop music/video, clean the background...

*BSOD appears
*PC Restarts
*Windows updating (oh shit)
*Windows taking forever to finish update
*Me getting angry
*Me press Enter with Anger (while windows updating..)
*Login Screen appears immediately

Oh ok.. wish I knew that from the beginning..
or it's coincidence.. 🤔🤔

Whatever.. *Opens Android Studio*

Immediately know the most efficient way to implement something.

After my colleague noticed me of this..."feature", I immediately thought I'd ask you all, why is it even implemented then?

Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...

Cool, so it looks like updating my nVidia drivers somehow killed LUKS on my machine? or whatever happens immediately after decrypting the volume group; honestly can’t tell.

To the uninitiated, this means my machine no longer boots. Like, at all.

Looks like I’m spending tomorrow reverting. 😕

!rant

One of our clients discovered a bug on our site about an hour ago. I wrote up a fix, and after very little testing, pushed it into production. I then immediately left to go home.

You can say I like to live my life dangerously.

Giving up/panicking/talking myself down when shit gets difficult ;/.

I always want stuff to work immediately, and I hate it when I don't understand something.

But since this is such a big part of working in dev, I should learn to keep going!

Saw a funny code-snippet on a notebook in front of me and noticed the name devrant. Checked, immediately registered, already having a blast!

Don't you fucking love spending $700 on a laptop only for it to not fucking work and start freezing immediately after turning it on?

I will immediately change all my ”123456” passwords.

Mfw I fix a bug and immediately encounter a new one

What are some mistakes you can make as a programmer that will get you fired immediately?

You know you've become a true developer when you see this and immediately think about Git forking.

So I decided to let the Ubuntu on an NVIDIA Jetson update itself to 16.04...Immediately get a message saying the USB driver is broken.

Yaaaay

I tried Tiktok.
Immediately my fyp appears to be 18 year old girls doing cringe-worthy miming and people half my age telling me how I can earn over $3k per month using Canva.

...aaaaand...delete.

Client has an "urgent" release that needs to be launched immediately... So they keep changing the spec every few minutes with new changes, but are upset that the product isn't launched yet. Lol. Got to love clients.

What is up with people asking for help and then immediately getting pissy like the first fuckin thing you say?

Shut the fuck up and let me help you, damn.

Just started work at this new company as a backend developer and immediately got into a heated argument with one of the front end guys.

Poor guy has been a front end developer for 5 years and doesn't know how to submit a form input as an array.

FML

I worked on a browser game for two years and I did not use any version control system. This was 13 years ago. Can't imagine myself how I managed this at all without killing myself immediately.

I wonder if I'll ever reach a point where I write a line of code and don't immediately refresh the page to see if it worked like I thought it would

Nothing quite like thinking of answers immediately after the interview ends. FMDL

Whenever I automate a lot of menial code, so that after that I only declare what I want, and I immediately and automatically get it just the way I wanted, I feel LIKE A GOD.

Bow to me you stupid computer! I now command you with just a thought!

dfox +1'ed my very first activities (comment and rant), and I immediately thought he was half a user and half a +1 bot. You know, similar to MySpace Tom. But just now he +1'ed my comment in a rant where he also commented on.

He's real.

Everytime I don't sit in front of my code (and go for a walk or something), I immediately find bugs or things to improve from all the code I've written, IN MY HEAD. If you have a hard time finding bugs, try this, maybe. Might help.

I went to sleep immediately while taking a break from debugging and the dream was me debugging the same error the entire time. Then I woke up in my chair and resumed debugging

I posted 'programming partner wanted' on some social media app.

Some youngster immediately gives me his wisdom : 'JS sucks'.

Some people....sheesh

Community Question:
Do you immediately update your avatar after barber shop?

So, german long distance trees are called ICE/IC (Intercity/-Express).
The wifi there, if any, is called WIFIonICE.
My stupid brain immediately thought of a musical with dancing routers and switches in tights.

I question myself sometimes.

I clicked on not one, but BOTH information bubbles, and proceeded to close them immediately.

NO YOU PIECE OF FUCK APP I DO NOT WANT TO TURN ON YOUR FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS SO I WILL IMMEDIATELY GET YOUR SUPPOSEDLY AMAZING FEATURE STOP FUCKING ASKING.

The guts of Microsoft:
"Microsoft Edge is faster than Chrome
Based on a Google benchmark. Change immediately your browser"
Yes, when hell will freeze 😂

Junior devs PR -

line 98: Catches FileNotFoundException.

line 99: Immediately throws FileNotFoundException

--

CHANGE REQUESTED 🤦🏻‍♂️

Guy's Discord bot "crashes"
we asked him what error.
"no error" he replies
we ask for a screenshot.
bot immediately exists

We ask: have you added this and this (`client.login(token)`)?
He replies: "yes"
We ask for sauce-code, he provides
what do we see? he forgot to add `client.login(token)`

Legitimately haven't written a single piece of code in months... I feel truly broken!

Haven't even done my usual of prototyping 456 things and then immediately shelving them, maybe it's time to get back in the game

Not a rant, in contrary.
When you post a suggestion on reactjs github and it is approved almost immediately.
You need to appreciate the small things.

I've just added the possibility to connect to an external game server to my app and immediately regret it. People started sending me emails saying that it doesn't work. What they entered in the URL bar? "hi", "cunt" and a porn website...

I've learned over the years that there's no such thing as a Proof of Concept app. You might as well call them beta versions since some salesperson or manager will see it and immediately tell clients about it who will buy it and then you have to support and expand it.

> great exciting project
> you have 1 to 2 weeks or we lose 200 million dollars

Bruh

PHB wanted access to our team chat room where we do standup, among other things. Access granted. Immediately a new chat room was created.

So now you can hire a container with computers and all that stuff so you can start mining crypto currency immediately... What is humanity going to be in 10 years? Everyone's just gonna mine Bitcoins instead of working? 😦

What's actually the case ??

Some PPL say that if u want to be a great developer you should start using Linux immediately. Why is it like that 🙄

Im a fucking idiot, instead of fetching some data and then immediately using it to fetch other data, i saved it in a file to parse later and fetch it into other data. And it's been running for a day now so I dont wanna stop it.

After I graduated, I found a junior job in a company where I already knew the only dev, who has been working there for 6 years. Immediately after I signed the contract, the manager told me that the other guy was leaving the company in one month... Horror!

Was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My vision almost immediately started changing. Working with my monitors all zoomed in is frustrating af...

If I unplug a charger then my laptop immediately turns off

if I run a hw diag [boot into diag mode], it says I have a healthy battery, but a faulty ssd

<wat.png>

A musician friend of mine: SOMEONE SHOULD IMMEDIATELY DEVELOP A LANGUAGE CALLED C♭ OR I'M GONNA FIND A NERD AND BEAT HIM TIL HE DOES SO!

(She's actually a nice person.)

Today my girlfriend wake up, to go to college, saying good morning honey. I replied without further thinking "Merge it, good night" and my body dropped on bed and I immediately felt asleep. Now i don't know how to feel about it...

Just introduced my best friend to devRant! Immediately enthusiastic! Welcome on board mate :). @CoffeeAllDay !

Code is sat in UAT for a month and no one looks at it. Two days before the (completely arbitrary) go live date and testing commences, finding one bug which is immediately fixed. And now I'm the one allegedly delaying roll-out. Err OK...

Messing around with lisp. Back to python for a moment. Immediately missed a parenthesis. The irony.

Just got a new car with a 7" touchscreen and an HDMI interface that is extremely easy to disable the safety features on... Then an idea immediately hits me, a development board, a SIM card module, and I have dedicated Spotify, and navigation. How cool is that!?

" If you are demanding registration before checkout, you need to cease this practice immediately. It is costing you a fortune. " - Bruce Tognazzini

*sends out email about Coronavirus and suggests not being close to many people*
*immediately invites entire grades 9, 10, 11 and 12 to talk about how filming yourself throwing teachers is bad for half an hour*

Fuck you.

*Arrives at office* First and only thought is : "caffeine—immediately"

Fucking recruiters. I get an email followed immediately by a phone call. Ffs can I at least have a little time to read your damn email and THEN call if I'm interested.

Fuck - have some respect that we might be working

Every time I read a team member's code I feel like I get immediately closer to them. Like all of a sudden I see how they think a little more clearly.

BOSS: We need to renew ourself.
ME: What do you think to implement a video game department?
BOSS: Go immediately in the server room

An identifier or keyword cannot immediately follow a numeric literal.ts(1351)

-Marge Simpson grumbling-

inherited a glossier brand lip balm when my friend moved. the balm itself is cool, but my GOD zoomer-oriented marketing BS is sooo obnoxious. “Spread the lush balm over your lips for the moisturizing, nourishing goodness”, my god, something like that. I don't know for sure because I can't read it — immediately tried to clean it off with acetone, but after that failed, I painted all over it with an industrial-grade paint marker. And I don't remember that either, as my brain's garbage collector immediately displaced that cringe.
Can I just get a damn product? With the packaging saying nothing than a brand name and how to use it?

Who else when they're coding or get a new app, immediately Google how to change to a dark theme?

Am I the only one that immediately assumes people who use nano are complete psychopaths?

Once had a manager who would say things like "you're odd" and didn't have the decency, and was paid double. Some people just step on others to make themselves look 'taller'. Had to leave that negative space immediately. Got a 40% pay rise at new company. Win!

Most emotional day?

My friend/colleague getting fired out of the blue!

I was so pissed I immediately tried to resign, but they convinced me to calmly reconsider in few weeks. That would be right about now...

Lucky shit: no need to clean ass/toilet

Lucky call: Boss/Client asks you immediately after you say Hello if you were ill, and leaves you alone

Today I had both!

Hard times are coming....

Spotify Premium. without it, productivity drops immediately to 0

Reading a book:
"You’ll be able to go to bed at night and not have to worry about a 2 a.m. call from DevOps that some thing has gone awry and you need to fix it immediately."

This is a fantastic book!

Trying to redeem my free hacktoberfest shirt. Click the link in the email, pick my size, hit continue, and I'm immediately met with "this website is under heavy load" and the request fails... That's embarrassing.

PR by my team leader:
"OH NO! This method is not inline. This will slow our program by 1 ns!!! Fix that immediately!!"
FYI
Our program computes stuff for dozen of minutes, because of his short sight and bad design from day 1...

Whenever I hear or see someone talking about Kotlin I immediately start thinking of Kotlets and Kebab and I get really hungry...

Me: Hey, I looked into the bug, *explain what it was, how I fixed it, when it will be pushed etc.*

Boss: *calls immediately* How are you doing with the bug?

Me: ... I sent you a message?

Today I answered 3 not trivial SO questions spending about 30 minutes at each of them, caring about formatting, explanation, sources, documentation, links and tests, and also paying attention at catching questions immediately after they were posted and without other answers by faster users.

End of the day: 0 points

-Writes a small python script on windows
-This should work without a hitch
-Throws more errors than there is tangible numbers in the universe
-Spend an hour trying to fix it
-Give up, copy and paste the code into linux line for line
-Works immediately

Whoop

When I was taking a programming course as a Mathematics prerequisite, and then object oriented programming basics (inheritence, interfaces specifically) all just clicked at once. Immediately decided I was going to pursue the computer science major instead of math.

Get assigned a PR review
Spend half an hour meticulously looking through it
Looks flawless, no errors, compiles, test cases passing, expected results
Approve request
Another developer immediately finds a flaw

Fuck. I think I am totally incapable of making myself look good.

I am very patient but I've finally lost it...

I haven't been able to login or even reach the login screen in Aetna for over 6 months... (I've tried different browsers and different computers...)

I thought such a big issue would be fixed immediately but finally.... I BLEW UP!

Immediately after I fix a big I'm super happy.

Then I think about how it got there I'm the first place and realise it's because I made a stupid mistake and I'm super angry with myself.

I didn't choose the bug life, the bug life choose me.

If you're over the age of 12 and I hear you use the word "Stan" I'mma immediately assume you're the result of not having bullying.

Grow the fuck up and talk like a normal person.

I deleted the Facebook app on my phone (2.5 hours of background use a day?!)

Now I have nothing to close to immediately reopen and feel like an idiot. And don't you dare suggest dev rant, this place barely has enough content to open once a day.

Some kid on stackoverflow, just starting out in the coding world, posted his resume to the board and asked what people thought.
Immediately recieved 3 negatives and then had the post removed.

Pretty shitty community - we all started out once, just give him some useful pointers. What a miserable lot.

my 4TB Seagate HDD is failing in a very strange way:

I noticed an issue where my PC would just outright hang for a minute or two occasionally when swapping to the 4TB HDD. When I look at logs, when it hangs, the 4TB HDD times out but then on a retry IMMEDIATELY reads whatever sector just fine. In fact, it reads fine constantly for a few days until the same sector has an issue. So, the timeout is a remap, then? No, as the spare sector and bad sector counts in the SMART info don't change. It doesn't even change how many read errors or anything it's had. Strange, but let's test it with Seatools to be sure.

Tests go as follows:

- Short: pass
- Short: pass
- Long: seatools immediately crashes. Reopening seatools, it pulled a serial of all zeroes... okay....?
- Long: seatools immediately crashes. Seatools gets the right serial on reopen.
- Long: pass
- Long: fail
- Long: pass
- Long: seatools immediately crashes. All zero serial again.

i have no idea what's happening

Bug raised: "Please investigate these CRTICAL issues immediately, the system is not working properly"

Translation: "We're too stupid to use our own system, the system that we created the specification for. Please re-educate us and explain that these are not actually issues (immediately). But we're gonna CC every motherfucker in the company so they KNOW you fucked up and the pressure is on you to fix it, bitch! Huehuehuehue"

That sensation......
After ~12 consecutive hours of coding to complete a task.
you feel it for about 10seconds immediately before crashing on bed.
It's short but it's awesome.

What the fuck is so bad about JavaScript??? Like really. Everyone hates it but why? Developers HEAR JavaScript mentioned and immediately throw shit. Why?? JS is my go-to.

When you immediately start reading in hex even though it's about biology

Companies be all excited when you're available immediately but then be in no rush to get back to you

Hardware irony - clicking "eject" for an external HDD that's asleep wakes it up just to immediately send it to sleep again.

When you immediately regret your career decisions.

Who else is a retard and does this:

String = "";

and doesn't notice the error immediately??

Don't tell them that you can join immediately even if you can.

Did some math about corona development in germany...
even if we immediately lockdown, the health system will be far overstressed.

we're literally fucked.

but dont believe me, dont believe the rki, go run the numbers yourself and keep in mind, that theres a 2 week incubation period

When I think of myself as a 41 year old junior developer (2nd career shift), my mind immediately goes to "40 Year Old Virgin" for some reason ...

What's the point of opening a PR if you're just going to immediately merge it without even asking anyone to look at it? Just so you can say "Oh look I'm following process"? Well, you're not..

Dev: *completes tasks, pushes to UAT and assigns to PM in Jira for testing*

PM: *receives notifications and immediately bulk change on all taks and assigns to client without testing*

So what is it you do here...?

When you immediately know a Pythonista/Gopher wrote the JS code you're reading :^)

I realized how much I suck at maths.
But seriously now, I started understanding the way things work, what makes them 'tick'.
It feels good to look at a random huge advert screen and immediately conjure up a pseudocode how I imagine the developers must have done it.

If you discovered a vulnerability affecting multiple of the big dogs, would file a cve and report it immediately or have some *fun* first?

*sends message in a thread at work immediately responding to message from another person*
*no response in more than 10 minutes*
*edits message to include apology of some kind*

Damn it, self. Why do you feel you have to do this?!

Why do all these fucking stores not sell anything that isn't crap ? Our waste centric culture pisses me off when I can't just always buy something new immediately on something else wearing out

Goddamn getting back on my feet a million times crap !

Went shopping with my girlfriend the other day and saw one of the sizes was OOP

I immediately asked out loud: “Object Oriented Programming?”

Ultimate Home Office Productivity Hack:
put on pants immediately after waking up 👖