It's funny because it's true

Change some feature, no one cares.
Change the logo, everyone looses their mind

DON'T. TOUCH. MY. FUCKING. SCREEN.

Me doing CSS:

It's like github but for your happiness

"Documentation is like sex; when it's good, it's very, very good, and when it's bad, it's better than nothing." - Dick Brandon

Thanks Windows for deleting my entire fucking Ubuntu partition in your latest update. I didnt really need any of those projects I was working on. It's not like I have deadlines or anything.

PS.
Go fuck yourself

After a long battle with CSS I give up and show the client a preview.
Client: I like how you made this first row a bit wider. Really makes it stand out.
Me: Yeah...right, that was intentional... 😎

It's not a bug. It's a feature!! 😂

"Let's leave it as is but let's change it"
- My boss, Dec 2018

It's not fake.
Really.
It's not.

Welcome to the cloud

Documentation is like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing.

It's not addiction, it's a necessity

A client called today because their email wasn't arriving at the receipants inbox but bouncing back with a 'poor MTA rating' error.

Checked about every blacklist I know and our server was definitely not blacklisted. Must be the receipants host which for some reason was blacklisting his specific email address.

Told the client that it wasn't a problem on our side and that he had to request a whitelist himself (we'd do it but it wasn't a specific server problem so we're not going to spend time on that).

Fair enough, he'd do that.

Calls back. "Well, the other party says that your server definitely has a poor rating, it's on your side!!"

Alright, this is getting annoying. Gave him a few blacklist checking sites links and told him to run his domain AND our server IP through it. Indeed came back completely clean.

"But the other party said it's poor rating on your side so I'd think tha........"

YEAH WHY DON'T YOU SHOVE THAT OTHER PARTY UP YOUR FUCKING ASS. I'VE SHOWN YOU PROOF THAT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT ON OUR FUCKING SIDE, EXPLAINED IT TO YOU AND SO ON. MAYBE, FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND, TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT THE OTHER PARTY IS FUCKING LYING?!?!?

FUCK OFF.

Documentation is like sex.
When it's good, it's very good.
When it's bad, it's better than nothing.

Around 2009 or earlier, I began the long grueling process of creating my own batch AI (yes batch as in Windows Batch , kill me for not knowing there were better languages around). Looking back at it, it is THE messiest thing I've ever created. Mostly because of how many unnecessary files were created to make the entire thing work. However, I’m still proud of it to this day because of the dedication I had put into creating the entire thing.

I would create diagrams on the mirrors in my room; of course I would be scolded for this. But I was mad with thought working through the entire thing.

I would scribble and type whenever I had the chance, trying to create the functions that would allow the thing to talk back to me. Finally, when it opened its eyes and spoke its first words I quickly started creating the functions that would allow it to learn new inputs. Over time and with some elbow grease I was able to polish it up to my liking.

The entire program branched off some of my more earlier programs in batch, they mostly ranged from the medial to the crazy; i.e. turning my computer on and off at certain times of the day, and multithreaded migration of files to new disks

It's not as sophisticated as other AI that were being built at the time, but at the age of 16 and with no experience in real programming at all, I'd say it was my first stepping stone towards more sophisticated programs, and ultimately, my decision in Computer Programming at all.

Manager: Do you wanna be a manager?

$age++;
echo "Happy Bday to me... 🎊🎉🍰" ;
😄

Devquotes. It's about masturbation, means it's python and deep down it's about philosophy

How to present your app/library more positively:
It's slow and bulky -> "It's feature-rich"
It hardly does anything -> "It's lightweight"
It has no comments -> "It's self-documenting"

My experience with AMD Radeon driver updates today:

This looks like fun

Saw a rant a few days ago about hotel WiFi being shitty.

I'm just here to confirm that rant was accurate.

It's not a bug, it's​ a feature. Source:commitstrip.com

I just realized that Dropbox still hasn't changed their 2 GB limit since 2007. 😐

It's not a bug, it's a feature

During yesterday's Demo.

PM: It's a bug.
Client: It's a feature.

Reality: It's merge conflict.

:/

Confession of the day:
1. I work in release mode
2. I work on the main branch only
3. I test on production

!false
It's funny cause it's true 😐

Well, I did it.

I spent 45 minutes writing my first hacky, shell-and-python automation script to save me 15 seconds every morning.

I'm over here wondering how in the hell this guy can contribute every day like this.

Dear Android:

I know I'm not on wifi. I get it. Sometimes data coverage isn't amazing or the network is congested. It's cool. You can just flash "no service" and I just won't try. or even "3G" and I'll have some patience. I rember how slow 3G was. It's okay, I'll wait.

But fucking stop showing 4G LTE if you can't make a fucking GET request for a 2kb text file in less than 5 minutes! Fucking really? Don't fucking lie to me with your false hope bullshit, just tell me the truth and I'll probably sigh and say shit and put my phone away.

But fuck you and your progress bar externally stuck in the middle. As if to say you're making progress! Wasting my time!

If you can't download a kilobyte in a 5min period, why even say I have data at all? What good does that do me?

Seeing my Dad write a game for his work (ecology research) makes me so happy.

"Isn't that Java?" - bypassing stranger who happens to look over your shoulder when you're coding in public.

Every step of this project has added another six hurdles. I thought it would be easy, and estimated it at two days to give myself a day off. But instead it's ridiculous. I'm also feeling burned out, depressed (work stress, etc.), and exhausted since I'm taking care of a 3 week old. It has not been fun. :<

I've been trying to get the Google Sheets API working (in Ruby). It's for a shared sales/tracking spreadsheet between two companies.

The documentation for it is almost entirely for Python and Java. The Ruby "quickstart" sample code works, but it's only for 3-legged auth (meaning user auth), but I need it for 2-legged auth (server auth with non-expiring credentials). Took awhile to figure out that variant even existed.

After a bit of digging, I discovered I needed to create a service account. This isn't the most straightforward thing, and setting it up honestly reminds me of setting up AWS, just with less risk of suddenly and surprisingly becoming a broke hobo by selecting confusing option #27 instead of #88.

I set up a new google project, tied it to my company's account (I think?), and then set up a service account for it, with probably the right permissions.

After downloading its creds, figuring out how to actually use them took another few hours. Did I mention there's no Ruby documentation for this? There's plenty of Python and Java example code, but since they use very different implementations, it's almost pointless to read them. At best they give me a vague idea of what my next step might be.

I ended up reading through the code of google's auth gem instead because I couldn't find anything useful online. Maybe it's actually there and the past several days have been one of those weeks where nothing ever works? idk :/

But anyway. I read through their code, and while it's actually not awful, it has some odd organization and a few very peculiar param names. Figuring out what data to pass, and how said data gets used requires some file-hopping. e.g. `json_data_io` wants a file handle, not the data itself. This is going to cause me headaches later since the data will be in the database, not the filesystem. I guess I can write a monkeypatch? or fork their gem? :/

But I digress. I finally manged to set everything up, fix the bugs with my code, and I'm ready to see what `service.create_spreadsheet()` returns. (now that it has positively valid and correctly-implemented authentication! Finally! Woo!)

I open the console... set up the auth... and give it a try.

... six seconds pass ...

... another two seconds pass ...

... annnd I get a lovely "unauthorized" response.

asjdlkagjdsk.

> Pic related.

Our product owner's equivalent of "It's not a bug, it's a feature" seems to be "It's not a new requirement, it's a clarification."

:-/

Just installed some pink LEDs as backlights

Quit job: ✔️
Created brand 🎧: ✔️
Registered on popular platforms: ✔️
Publish new content: ▶️

Sometimes it's a great feeling when you changing your self vector and start to spent time on something new that you have wanted to try out or didn't spent enough time before.

Yesterday I were full stack developer, today - independent musician which tries to spread his feelings and vision.

Writing HTML is not coding. You can't relate to me.

Built my own Amazon Echo with a raspberry pi because they aren't available in my country. Decided to pick up an official Echo Dot while in America but I'm too proud of my little project to tear it down and use the official thing haha

I download a lot of different stuff all the time. Often times I don't actually get around to cleaning it up. Thus, I decided I needed to build a script to further encourage my bad habits.

Here I've built a script for both Windows and Linux. It's designed to take all the files in the current directory and move them into their own folders based on their extensions. Why is this useful?

It's fucking useful when you're not having to swim through fucking mountains of content.

Anyways without any further ado here are the scripts.

Linux

#!/bin/bash
for i in *.*; do
filename=$(basename -- "$i")
extension="${filename##*.}"
extension="$extension"files
mkdir "$extension"
mv "$i" "$extension"
done

Windows

@echo off
for %%i in (*.*) do (
if not exist %%~xifile md %%~xifile
)
for %%i in (*.*) do (
if "%%i" NEQ "movingFiles.bat" move "%%i" "%%~xifile"
)

pronounce GUI as "gooey" one more fucking time

I hate all of these rants about JavaScript being a terrible language.

In reality, it's one of the easiest languages to work with. This makes it easier for new programmers to write messy code, but is it the language's fault?

People get mad about the things that happen when you multiply "undefined" and a string...what do you expect?

You also have the freedom to choose from a variety of tools the community has created to solve existing problems. People just don't realize that they don't *have* to learn everything, you just learn as you need them.

Don't blame JavaScript for you bad programming, terrible type conversion needs, and great tooling.

After a couple years as a developer I've learned that all those banking sites and cool online stores and apps are held together with old chewed gum, duck tape and that guys who has been in the office 48h straight and whose wife thinks he's dead.

It's not a bug - it's an alternative feature

Start a development job.
Boss: "let's start you off with something very easy. There's this third party we need data from. They have an api, just get the data and place it on our messaging bus."
Me: "sure, sounds easy enough"

Third party api turns out to have the most retarded conversation protocol. With us needing a service to receive data on while also having a client to register for the service. With a lot of timed actions like, 'send this message every five minutes' and 'check whether our last message was sent more than 11 minutes ago'.
Due to us needing a service, we also need special permissions through the company firewall. So I have to go around the company to get these permissions, FOR EVERY DATA STREAM WE NEED!

But the worst of it all is... This whole api is SOAP based!!

Also, Hey DevRant!

!false, it's funny because it's true 😂

Documentation is like sex... When it's good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing.

Update 2:
Second update, second terrible quality gif!
Keyboard controls working over a web server!
Also there's loads less latency now since I'm using websockets :)

Got a new job my dudes!
I feel as light as a feather.

Everytime I check the time and it's exactly 13:37, I find that funny.
I think I'm weird :)

It's not a bug, it's an Easter egg!

when Administrator Gives Full Internet Access

Whohoo, I'm in the +1000 club!

So I started new job, full js dev but new project requires python backend. 0 prior python exp but ready to lean and learn. Got my first assignment. Supportive coworkers made me a death clock counter

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

yearsLeftToDeath--

It's not, "space." It's storage.

Today our manager agreed on buying a second hand server for the development team to play around with and run personal experiments.

We found a dual cpu (6 core 2.8 GHz) system with 24 gigs of ram.

Let the fun begin!

Easy cop out for people who wrote code vulenerable to SQL injection: It's not a bug, it's a feature that let's users search using SQL syntax.

*launch software*
> goes tits up with no info
*restart machine, launch software*
> still goes tits up
*su to the user it runs as and run it manually because fuck you shitstaind*
> still goes tits up
*launch with debug logs enabled*
> suddenly works

What is this black magic?!

it's not a bug it's a feature...

Just found this little gem when I ducked RBL.. must be a super high quality bank with that meta description :3

Got my first response from a company i applied to a few days ago--it was a no without much explanation as to why, but at least they actually responded.

Comments should describe the why and not the what and always be up to date ... or this will be the result.

Putting 👏 _ 👏 in 👏 front 👏 of 👏 your 👏 properties 👏 doesn't 👏 make 👏 them 👏 private 👏

If it's running on Windows it's not production.

The surprise and suspicion you get when something works first time.

I hereby salute every JS-wanking web dev who uses a pop-up type of dialog *and* display yet hugging blur the actual hugging content behind it, only to become completely visible when you allow JavaScript and allow those hugging cookies.

With my middle finger I salute you, motherhuggers. You filthy hugging pieces of hugging shit.

7 hugs so far, oh wait 8! Will this rant defeat my current record on amount of hugs given that apparently stands at 18 (which is hugging incredible, if I may say so myself)? Not that that's really the hugging point though, the hugging GDPR that's responded at by those motherhugging hugwads is. I hugging salute you, hugging pieces of hugging shit!!!

HUG!!!

XCode.........pffft....... more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-hang-myself-while-you-Code

Or more like

Xcuse-me-while-I-crash-myself-while-you-Code

Or

Xcuse-me-while-I-make-you-angry-enough-to-throw-the-fucking-iMac-out-of-the-goddamn-window-while-you-Code

Like WTF, I got reassigned to iOS development after a year being in web development and was genuinely excited to work in swift again. The excitement quickly faded away, seeing the goddamn IDE struggle to compile or run. I dont remember facing these issues in version 7 or 8. FML ;-;

I was so busy studying for final exams that I forgot the Google code-in challenge existed.

I only completed two tasks before I forgot about it haha.

Rip. There's goes my dream of being a finalist. At least there's always next year ;)

Woooo! Closed on a new home today, and it's ours. 2500 Sq ft, 4 bedrooms, huge farm kitchen. Five minute walk from a trailhead for a trail that runs along the shore of Lewisville Lake. Same commute to work. I'm happy.

if (MONTH === 1 & DAY === 18) {
alert("Bro, it's your birthday");
} else {
alert("Bro, just go away, you're nothing special 😅);
}

New role, new stack.
I'm saying see you to Ruby on Rails, Mac OS and Angular to welcome C#, .NET core, Windows 10 and React.

*Motivation for side projects.*

Please come back. :l

Some people just don't get object orientated programming. What kind of mental Frankenstein object is that you've created? It's part customer, part calculator and part tractor!

When you're completely new to android development and Gradle doesn't want to love you...

My colleague and I have 12 years of college and 10 years of experience between us. Can't figure out how to connect a fucking phone headset.

iPhone X - It's all screen (when your internet is slow enough to display the page wrongly)

When your specs simply won't run new code no matter what you do, non-conditioned (and unmodified) calls don't get called, and 2+2 somehow equals Q, you know it's time to give up and restart the simulation by going to bed.

Except it's early afternoon and the project deadline is tonight. 😔

Back to debugging reality.

Today I learned that someone wrote a Python interpreter in JavaScript called Brython. So now you can include a framework to write shitty code in a buggy framework and tell your users to throw more hardware at it.

The guy I heard this from also believed that his code would somehow be "compiled" rather than what's essentially a framework be loaded and then execute code in a language not native to the browser...

So now you can write JavaScript where it doesn't belong in Node and write Python where it doesn't belong through a framework. Frontend and backend are so passé, we might as well start calling it fluid instead.

FULLSCHTAK!!!

🙂🔫

Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.

Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!

Valentine's day, had a date !

Joking, was an appointment to the physiotherapist

It's only Tuesday

You guys, I think I know what is it....I think I know why I wanted to be a developer.

It started off innocently enough. I was a young lad in IT. Wide-eyed. Absorbing anything and everything I could. Then, the asshole clients came.....

I would put on my best customer service face on, and address the client as calmly and as respectfully as I could. Reminding myself that their frustration is understandable.

To deal with the increased time dealing with clients took, I developed scripts to help me handle maintenance and keep my head above water. I developed scripts to streamline equipment provisioning for big deployments. I developed scripts to handle other technicians who didn't log-off the phone queue and fucked up our on-call flow. I put in place email rules to sift through the bullshit and time wasters.

I became a developer to streamline and make myself as efficient as possible. But the clients keep nagging. The bullshit keeps coming. The other players get in your fucking way.

There is no end you guys.... THIS IS ONLY TUESDAY. I can't script the passage of time. I'm....I'm.... I need a fucking nap.

When you finally get to join the small group of people that have reached hell.

🤧😢🤧

It's been a long ass journey and it's warm down here.

It's only micro when it's soft.

Oh boy how do I put it?

So I am an introvert and I have a strange question.

But first some context is needed. I am mostly nice to people not because I like every one but because I think it would only waste my time arguing with them so I just start to ignore the person I don't like. Which puts me in a strange situation where a lot of people think I am their friend where I don't care about them heck I don't know names of some.

Now because I am introvert people/friends see me as someone they could unload their secrets on (knowing I won't tell anyone (because I don't gossip(because it's waste of time) ) ). So I know almost every gossip worthy shit that I don't want to know about or don't care. Sometimes they even ask me for some relationship advice and then it seems like I am like a rubber duck for extroverted people cause at that point they kind of ask questions that clearly they want some specific answer (wich if I don't provide they will say themselves). Also it is also lame to ask me as I have never been in a relationship (I am an Indian and here somehow people seams to get in a relationship just to be in a relationship. (cause it's "modern", "forward thinking" "cool") (which I can already see will not last)). I am not against relationships but I think it's better to appreciate a friendship rather then forcing that "a girl and a boy can't be friends".

Ooh BTW the question to other introverts is if they become rubber ducks to there surrounding people?

Nope, it's not your fault. It's the compiler :)

recently people have been worried about what people were going to say I.e "no hate" , don't hold back!

In devrant we only mean light hearted banter if we are pissed we don't want to hurt you we are pissed at a thing and not directly at you. Not that I speak for dfox or trogus but I'm sure that's what they are going for, and it's what ive seen!

We are nice here... This isn't YouTube , it's a credit to devs we are nice people. Hell it isn't stack overflow!

Also I'm brutally honest at times but I love you really.

Ok... I have been desperately trying to control myself from pointing it out to my pm that it's pronounced as "GIT" not "JIT". If he says that one more time, I might not be able to control myself...

It's winter!!!!! 😃

It's not a bug, it's a feature! -Cit

Half the papers on multimodal learning refer to studies on human children learning. Makes me wonder why we never study animals to know how their multimodal learning works so fucking well that some newborns can function straight out of the womb/egg.

[ctrl] + [alt] + [→]
[ctrl] + [alt] + [←]

Using Linux desktops exclusively for a decade or so. Being used to this shortcut as I use it at least a few times every minute. To those who don't know - this shortcut typically switches you to the virtual desktop (workspace) on the left/right.

Then you are assigned to help some folks who only have Windows desktops.
....

My desktop spent more time rotating to the left and to the right than standing still. I wonder what were these devs who saw my screen break-dancing all day long thinking...

I believe @Jase/@jAsE/@theRealJase/@myAss is an outsourced devRant account managed by poor chinese dogs paid by a rotten ratmeat.

Edit: And I am his ++ bot.

I don't know who this "you" guy is on all of these git blames, but he's a real asshole for writing all of these bugs.

After seeing all the rants about github and Microsoft..

>>> import fun
ImportError: module fun not found

"How much time would it take you to implement $some_feature ?"

DAMN IT, I hate being asked for estimates on friday. Reminds me that I have to work again on monday.

It's not a bug it's a feature!

1800rs/26.66 usd for 2tb Seagate hard disk wtf seriously, can't believe the product but it's on Amazon and I'm tempted, so I ordered it. Let's see what happens. Let the wait for the surprise begin. 😎

Often I look at my seemingly perfect code 30cm away from screen, mumble "WTF", while asking me why it is not working.
My boss might think I'm retarded...

Save me!!

This is why you don't want to have Dev gf. Unless you like emotional Rollercoasters. Trust me, had one...

"It's not a bug, it's a feature 😉"

If it's not challenging it's boring as f***

Is it just me or what. I had begun learning web development (but prefer C, shell scripting, Linux... ).

One thing that amazes me - besides having to learn 1356367626785576 technologies to get something done and the fact we get a fresh new amazing framework every 0.00000000000234 seconds - is CSS.

Amazing, I made a navigation bar where I wanted the items to be displayed in the horizontal position, so I
.navbar li, a {display:inline-block}

Works fine.

Next day I'm doing the same from scratch, doesn't fucking work. I look the previous design, HTML structure looks identical, I only use a different font face and colors.

After a while I randomly decided to put a <div> around the a element in order to do something else, update the page and... Voilá, text is in line.

Like... Wtf.

I'm like fuck it. No way I want to work with this shit, let's go back to shell.

3rd time the DB schema has been completely redone since starting this project.

3rd time I'm rewriting the back-end of this login.

But... 3rd time I'm getting paid for the same thing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh, Apple...

Who wrote this??????Oh.... It's me

It's the FUCKING....
WEEEEEKKKKEEEEENNNNDDDD!!!!!!!!

I don't know about you lot, but it's felt like a long time coming since Monday morning.

Several concurrent projects pulling you in different directions take its toll.

Oh and to answer your question.
Yes, I am mentally unstable right now 🤪

Facebook 2FA:
Want to log in? Sure, authorize your login. Oh you've authorized it? Nah you can't get in. Log in again.
2FA, excellent technology, except when it's implemented by "move fast and break things" Facebook.

Facebook Marketplace:
Want to buy $listing? Sure, you can send a message to the seller to ask for details. Oh, you want to send them a message? Nah sorry, you can't send messages to this person. You'll have to go to their profile, send them a message there and do it not with our le fancy instant messages but by manually typing it in. Because you know, reasons. Message approvals or something like that probably. Because why on Earth would Facebook support its own ecosystem?!

Move fast and break things. And breaking things those certified enganeers at Facebook sure do. Fucking pieces of shit.

Wtf Android? My phone just rebooted itself 7 times in a row on its own 😱

I just spent 2 hours customizing Atom and didn't get any work done.
No sleep for me today I guess...

I think I finally found a reason to have a phone with 8GB of RAM.
So that when TWRP craps out on data decryption and decides not even to ask for a password, at least I can push a whole fucking ROM into RAM to unfuck the phone. Because why not?! Why on Earth would software work properly when you can just throw more hardware at it?

Long live FBE, TWRP what craps out on it, and you remember those things.. SD cards for data storage? I could've used an unencrypted SD card so fucking badly right now, you know... Long live soldered in storage that's encrypted, "for security". Except for when the person who owns said data actually wants to use the bloody data.

FUCK!

Quirks of.... PHP 😂😂😂😂

It's just a quirky language, you either love it or you hate it, or you hate it because you caught the bandwagon in town.

Weirdest quirk though, would have to be function naming conventions and order of arguments.

Shit be crazy at times but you get used to it.

I'll just leave this here. It's an enter key for you to punch

Holy Shit, Rust Is Nice!
Just Used it first time!

I just bought hitgub.co
Honestly have no regerts about it.
Idk what to do with it, but I'll figure it out.

It's not a bug, it's a framework!

It's both extremely satisfying and extremely rage-inducing when you learn that an update in the framework breaks your once perfectly functional code for no reason.

Especially when said code is from a sample written by the developers themselves.

Thank god there was a hotfix.

My boss just gave me a task that Stack Overflow tells me is impossible. He's a senior architect.

-__-

Anyone else seen this before. A friend of mine showed me this as a return from a third party companies API his office was using

Opens legacy code...
Sees char *malloc();

Knows its going to be a long day.

It's not a bug if you talk about it as a feature...

It's not a bug it's feature.

Not been a good day so far:
1. Woke up to my Synology in a 'Volume crashed' state. Tried to contact support via web page; support web page not loading.
2. Ancient software at work stops working. As the last remaining C++ dev, I gotta troubleshoot. Original developer wrote test program...in VB6.
3. Server config file changed, but all the admins swear up and down nobody's made any changes.
4. Client calls account rep and wants to know about our security policies, so he schedules a meeting with me and client and forgets to mention until he's emailing me asking where the hell I am. From the tone of the conversation between the rep and the client, it's clear that somehow I'm to blame for being late.

Sigh.

Well, hey, at least it's Friday, right? Right?

Windows is weird. Flagging a fully functioning game application as (Not Responding). It's not even lagging or freezing. It's just. Working. Perfectly.

When it's 3am and windows decides to switch to light theme.

It's there, it's there, it's there there there there!

I've fixed the bug... After 3 fucking months...

If I worked on this in one go, non-stop, it would've been over 5 days.

Bring on the next one. 🤘🤘🤘

I hate trying to shop on sites powered by services like Shopify. Especially sites that have so many fucking plugins that pop up every 3 to 5 seconds asking me a fuck ton of questions.

When you are looking for a niche solution, you find some very well sounding suggestions in SO and see this in solutions' homepages...

Just leaving this ugly piece of crap here.
I know these kinds of stuff are not welcome here, sorry anyways. But am I sorry if it's insulting? Of course not. Those who really feel the insult in this shit are listed below.

Girlfriend to Siri: Set my alarm to 05:30
Siri (with the man voice): ok, I have set your alarm to 05:03
Girlfriend (absolutely satisfied): Ok but I don't want this

*manually turns wrong alarm off and the correct one on*

Boss tells me to cleanup prod drives deleting anything older than a year.

So I find a script for that and run it after making sure works.

Told them it's done and freed up 20% but now they've gone silent.... 🤔🤔🤔🤔😥😥😥😥😥😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟

It's not "fintech", it's "trying to get around the regulations imposed on banks by pretending you're not a bank" and it's not "insuretech", it's "scam".

Have any of you ever done this or worked with people who do this?

If it's in Electron, it's garbage.

I feel like devRant clients are becoming JavaScript frameworks, everyday someone makes a new one

Now Kim Jong Un as returned. And all those meme that were circulating last week. I think this anime needs to be made.

We have the artwork. We have the story. Japan your call.

After 1 year of working as android dev and coding in java, finally switched to another startup where everything is in Kotlin where I will be the only one maintaining that project.

Me: This code has almost no comments
Senior dev: Code is pretty self explanatory

FML

At least she spent 4 days with me and walked me through the code, so I'm not totally lost which is great!

Starting my own AI soon. Any advice? I'm doing it in Java, and I know what you're going to say - but I'm doing it in Java anyway

Ad hiring in Iran:
we need a Backend developer who is expert in React, js, scss, and you should have at least 5 years experience in DevOps.
and priority with girls.

This UI when I click on an Amazon link on my Android 7.1.2. "Welcome back to Android Gingerbread !"

When you are all alone at office, stuck with tons of work, nothing to cheer up, browsing every single keyword because you are dumbest person and with millions tabs opened up in multiple windows..

This shows up with a light mood to cheer you up...

I missed to mention that this guy may be working late, but is super lazy to take a screenshot and copy to mobile.

!false

It's funny cause it's true!

I think it's incredibly sad that one of the first serious discussions I ever have with my child will be how to Google yourself effectively, to do it at least once a week and how to go about getting certain things removed (If you can) 😕

86 lines of code...duplicated 3 times in the same file...and only a single integer constant is different. This is the shit that makes my day to day work tedious.

Im glad I dont personally know the previous dev, he would get his throat punched...though calling him a dev is more of a compliment than he deserves.

It's just amazing how far technology has come…

When the user complains that our web tool is corrupting and losing data when converting results into excel while he is the one putting more that 40,000 characters into one text box which is way more than what Excel's cell can handle

Client calls screaming they want to go live today.

And oh yeah they also want three morebpaymentbgatways integrated before that.

The documentation is scarce and we never used them before.

Got it on the table 4h before day ends.

Awesome!

!dev

Long time, no rant. Why is facial hair so difficult to control? How do people even grow beards without looking like hobos all the time? Do I have to make some sort of sacrifice to a dark and malevolent entity?

Believe me, it's so much easier to keep on top of shaving body hair than taming face fur. Especially because your facial hair is, you know, on your *face* which means it's very visible. You can't hide it if you mess up. Unless you decide that wearing a balaclava is a good idea when going outside, like when going grocery shopping. Generally that isn't received too well though.

I need help.
What excuse is there for a bug *in* a feature?

void endlessCrap () {
usleep(365*24*60*1000);
this->happyBirthday();
}

it's not a ++ bomb it's a stimulus package

When a client asks us to support IE 6 can we start noting that there are some fucking useless clients out there and that Microsoft is inflicted with more of them than most? The continued existence of IE 6 isn't really down to Microsoft---it's down to their useless fucking customers.

So, let's beat those people with a stick until they upgrade to Edge.

At that point everyone can return to fighting about FF, Chrome and Edge---apart from me as all browsers seem to support cat JPGs.

The one thing I've learned most about developers is that developers like their lasagna more than their spaghetti.

"Let's make it almost impossible to test on our mobile devices."
- Apple

Excuse me, can you please tell me which ass-to-mouth fucking moron had this oh-so-damn-stupid idea to take something so un-fucking-believable nice and simple, swallow it entirely just to create that most-ugly stinking pile of darkest shit I've every seen in my live.

Bluetooth.

After paired, it actually never works at first try to connect from notebook or pc, windows or linux. It's just a big annoying pile of utter garbage. FUCK.

In my Inbox, a mail trail with 3 people who concluded: "This is not working properly"
Me: "Looks like a config issue..."
Someone else: "Hey we've now checked the config, it looks fine"
Me: /goes and looks
Me: "But the required line is commented-out..."

Spent the entire morning updating a SQL query.

Client wanted to have different expiration times for different products. So the full package would be 1 year of access and a module would only be 6 months. Then when you renew your account the renewal is 1 year if you have the full package else it's 6 months.

The query takes 0.7s to run and left joins 3 tables. Only to return about 100 results. Still it's faster than the guy who wrote the original query which just dumped the hole db into memory then looped through it appending valid entries to a new array.

If you think you're a good developer, then I'm God.

How it started:

Need to replace in a lot of SQL files certain stuff...

find . -type f -iname '*.sql' -exec sed -i 's|new|old|g' {} \;

12 hours later that find executed a shell script containing roughly 120 lines of text pipelining.

The jolly of inconsistent workflows.

Different SQL format stylings... Makes fun when single line string replace needs to be extended to multiline RegEx handling. Or matching SQL comment configuration..

Different line endings. MacOS, Windows, Unix, Bukkake.

Different charsets / collations. Anyone wants latin1_swedish_ci... utf8... utf16... :/

Realizing some people even left sensitive data inside the SQL files (e.g. API Tokens..... Yayyyyyyy).

...

Ugh. It's never a one liner. It's never easy. -.-

I hate cleaning up messy shit.

It's not a hyphen ‒ it's a dash.

A couple of years ago I was working on a fairly large system with a complex (by necessity) access control architecture.

As is usually the case with those projects, it's awkward for developers to repro bugs that have to do with a user's accesses in production when we are not allowed to replicate production data in test, let alone locally.

We had a bug where I ended up making myself a new row in the production database for a thing I could have access to without affecting real data to repro it safely. I identified the bug so I could repro it in dev/test and removed the row and ensured everything worked normally, whew scary.

Have you ever walked into the office one day, and everyone is hunched over in a semicircle around one person's workstation, before one turns around to look at you and says - after a pause - "... ltlian?.."

Turns out I had basically "poisoned the well" with my dummy entity in a way where production now threw 500 for everyone BUT me who had transitive access to this post-non-entity. Due to the scope of the system, it had taken about a day for this to gradually propagate in terms of caching and eventual consistencies; new entities coming in was expected, but not that they disappear.

Luckily I had a decent track record for this to be a one-off. I sometimes think about how I would explain testing in prod and making it faceplant before going home for the day, other than "I assumed it would be fine". I would fire me.

It's raining outside..

Let's code!!

!rant
Freshman at college watch me using vim and say I'm a masochist, always laughed it off...but after paying for the PWK OSCP course today, I think they may be right.

Hell and below here I come.

Visual studio keeps switching between dark and light themes automatically every couple minutes and it's infuriating.

Javascript is shit.
ES6 is chocolate-flavored shit.

It's not a bug , it's a feature

Documentation is like sex:
When it's good, it's very good.
When it's bad, it's better than nothing...

Honestly if another person complains about how Java and JavaScript are not the same at all I'm gunna be mad

That moment when you decompile a project for its source code but you realize it's open source 😞

Found a lovely comment on an aging blog post about something entirely different:

Am I the only one bothered by the way devRant ( and to be fair also Twitter) previews images?

It just kinda crops some unknown up front amount of edges. It's annoying in and of itself, but also directs viewer focus to some arbitrary part of the picture, and you can't unsee it even after opening the whole thing...

Is there really no better way to handle the issue of size? How can that be a good UX ??

Just integrated urban dictionary in my app.

Feature request: Ability to post and/or comment images.

Damn! All i saw today was rant about zo.

*Not complaining though*

A global pandemic - it's the time of the year when you can legally enter Bank premises wearing a mask w/o drawing any attention.

It's the time of the year when every crime is carried out by "criminals wearing a mask"

School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX

HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !

It's funny it's !false

It's always a good day at work when you can leave knowing that you were able to implement several working features.

I'm fairly new here, so I can't wait to see that one person who knows nothing about tech or software development/engineering join devRant and have no clue what anything is.

days were nothing seems to work and you end up solving the problem of the problem of the problem of the problem... so frustrating 😥