Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

NOT A RANT

My brother is teaching himself how to code. Couldn't be prouder

My worst nightmare:

it's not the code what's wrong during testing.

It's the unit tests themselves

Actual code by my (former) coworker. No wonder he's not here anymore

Friend: Dude, could you look at my code, see what's wrong??

Me: Its not indented. Indent is properly first..

*On a programming support forum*

Guy: My compiler keeps throwing null pointer exception at line 128.
Me: Ok. Can you post your code real quick so I could figure out what is null at line 128?
Guy: No I'm not going to show my code to someone on the internet. What if you want to steal my code?
My mind: "Dude wtf why would I steal someone's code on a support forum?"
Me: *Use the next 15 minutes explaining that showing the code is necessary so that others can actually help him, and that no one on a support forum is going to steal his code.*
Guy: "You know what I'm more convinced that you want to copy my code. I might as well just try to fix this on my own."

What?

Mom : there's a letter for you. It's from USA. Are you in trouble ?

Me : oooouh shit what have I done ?

Fiuuuuu..NSA still not tracking my buggy code 😂

So, a couple of weeks ago I started a temporary job writing code mostly for DB purposes. I noticed during that time there was a specific person just copying my code and not giving credit in the meetings. So I decided to put a small, quirky, joke in my last code just to see if the person reviewed it before presenting.

FF to yesterday, the person did not check the code and he presented a table with a field called PENIS Contract Length in our zoom meeting.

Not sorry at all

Latest from my team,
One of the Dev copied code from a stackoverflow question.

Got same exception as highlighted in the question and started complaining that his code does not work.

I like to code with my laptop unplugged. Gives an extra bit of excitement knowing that my last change might not save.

"Can you work on this ticket? It's kind of urgent."

-- "OK"

"And could you please not refactor? Just get this done."

-- "Why? What's the issue?"

"The logic is complex. We should not break it."

-- "Erm, that's what the tests are for. So yes, if the need arises, I'll refactor. The tests are my guidelines if the logic breaks or not."

There's a reason we create tests. So let's not hinder code base improvements by some random fear that stuff might break.

If breaks due to refactoring, we'll fix it by adding a valid test case during and then fixing the bug.

If my refactoring does not break the tests, I'll assume the code base is stable.

If your code is untested, then we have a complete different problem.

Look... I know I'm just a newbie. I started a year ago as a junior. Sure. No one wants to do code review, so I got chosen to do it. People don't like it when their code gets criticised. And you know what? I get it, I should probably be a bit nicer with my comments. I should not suggest I'll make a fork and split internal library into two streams if things continue this way. I should not ask questions that can be understood as me being passive-aggressive.

But holy fucking shit, you're a senior developer. Don't treat Java as a fucking scripting language. Don't have a method that has 600 lines of code, because you're repeating the code! You've already copy pasted this shit, and modified it slightly. Like, couldn't you have created some architecture around the code? How can a senior dev copy-paste code?

Oh and why the fuck did you create a new utility class for functionality I already provide? Look, I admit, yours is a lot better, ok? It has extra functionality. But why the fuck didn't you enhance my utility class? Why did you create a new one? Did you just not want to touch my code, or did you not see it right below your newly created class?

Am I the only one who fucking cares about maintainable code in this company? When I got hired, I was in tears by how frustrating a lot of the things were. No documentation anywhere, not even fucking comments. No processes in place. Want to do something? Source code is your documentation. Fuck you! I busted my ass of to force everyone to document every little bullshit, to re-factor their MRs that I reviewed, and I won't let even a senior fucking dev pollute the code base!

Fuuuuuck... Me...

I'm confused...
My code works but... It's really not supposed to...

I'm not sure if my in-laws know me really well, or if they are secretly plugged into Github and are making a comment on my code.

My coworker comments every line of code I think the code is not readable!

#1
Thinking Edge might actually be the next new browser.

And then using it for a few weeks.

#2
Not documenting my code 😥

A guy that just did not know how to code. He had years and years of experience (?), but DID NOT KNOW HOW TO CODE. He was given a simple task, spent weeks on it and what came out was usually 60 lines of "if, elseif, elsif....else".

He was given several warnings, and eventually "voluntarily" left the company.

I still get screenshots of his code sent by one of my ex-colleagues who's still there when he stumbles across it.

Catch or catch not, there is no try.

How my code is some days...:/

Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!

I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.

It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!

When the code is not working:

I have failed my parents, my job and everyone. I shouldn't have taken Software Engineering as my profession. All I'm doing is giving pain and frustration to everyone. *thinks about a clean way of suicide*

Then after a while the code works:

I am probably the best engineer to live on these planet.

4 week summer vacation over. Did not code any sideprojects and opened laptop only to watch netflix on vacation (Stranger Things ❤️). My liver will be pleased that its over. Tomorrow back to work, hopefully I remember how to code again 😜

Once I got zero in an exam just because I chose to make a function for a piece of code I had to use repeatedly. I went to my lab teacher and asked her what was wrong about my code to which she replied "This code is wrong because there should not be this function in this class". She was our lab instructor and turned out she marked us by matching our code with code given to her by our lecturer. I quietly returned to my seat and started thinking about how did she get this job.

Me today at class, doing a group work, while suddenly I saw my colleague’s code looking very odd.

Me : “Why is your code like that?”
Her : “Like what?”
Me : “Its not spaced correctly... look its way over there”
Her : “Oh well, I just like it like that, its my style”
Me “...”

And im just like, if she post her code at SO, she wouldve been eaten alive...

No, listen to me. I cannot approve this PR because your code does not comply with our code style. All the imports and annotations must be sorted in ascending order by length. They must all make fir-like blocks of code. Because it looks nice.

Now go and fix your code

I just smiled and walked away to obfuscate my code with firs . I had no idea what to even say to that... I still don't

{Context: English is not my native language}

The first time my code get a review ( by my boss that time)

Boss: Your code is full of butts 🍑

Me: Eh, What?

Boss: *showing his screen* see that? variables names: validateButt, contactButt, seeMoreButt..

Me: *interrupting him* oh, I mean button.

Boss: I know, just being sarcastic, but it'll be better to get another suffix.

Me: 😐

OH MY GOSH SHUT THE CRAP UP. I AM NOT INTERESTED. I DON'T EVEN CODE JAVA.

I'm a JavaScript developer. And I don't respond to this spam. Ugh!!!!!

Not commenting my code because "it's so clear what I'm doing, how could I ever forget what my own lines of code do."

ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~

Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."

Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"

Finally got my rubber duck. He's not too happy about my code. 😎

"I strive for code quality and maintainability. I actually do. And i will not work for a company that does not care about it and just wants something done as fast as possible.
The only time i will do something quick and dirty is if it's actually urgent. And even then with one condition - my next task will be to fix it properly.

I do not care about your deadlines. I will do my best to meet them, but not at the expense of code quality. I've seen too many projects fall into technical debt, where productivity is so low, that the only way to move forward is hire more people and start working on a project 2.0

And please do not lie about how great your company is, if it's not. These kind of things surface very soon, and you will have wasted both of our time, because as i said - i will not work for a company that does not care about code quality."

you think i'll ever get a job again if i put this on my CV ? :D

I have to start my best moment last year with a confession: I moved from Dev to Test half a decade ago. Naturally I do a lot of automation. My Best moment was when Dev said my automation code is so well structured that he wants to work on that and not an the production code anymore. Gave me that warm "still got it" feeling 😊

What the duck man? I need answers, not you popping your eyes over my bad code!

In web technologies lab.

Friend copied some php code from some website and saved it.
Tries to run it and it just prints whatever he wrote.
After thinking for like half an hour he calls me.

Friend: hey u know php right? Why my code is not running?

I check the code in the editor and everything looks fine except he saved his php code with an extension .txt 😑 😑

Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.

"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.

Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.

Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.

Here's a conversation I had at work:

Me: "this project that I've inherited, aside from the UI problems it has, it also has severe code problems that need to be fixed"

Project Manager: "I don't care about the code. The code is not my concern. Don't waste time on it and just make the app look good."

My cousin just messaged me and asked me to make him a discount code for an online retailer.
THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

My friend just sent me this piece of code...

Not sure I can take this...

MY CODE IS NOT WORKING 😬

Do NOT "compress" your code by leaving out braces in control structures and putting the 300 char statement on the same fucking line as the control structure!
Yes, your code file becomes vertically shorter than the usual 3000 lines, BUT my brain tumor proportionally grows larger.

I've spent three days trying to upload some code to my ESP8266 and it failed every time. Now I just plugged the Arduino at my Desktop and it works. Notebook USB port does not provide enough current I think.

I wrote code yesterday, that functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not understand my code today.

My co-worker not only doesn't create unit tests, he comment out my own unit tests after he changes the code and the test breaks.

thought I'd check why I'm getting connection timeout on my app
I think the problem is me and not the code

"My co-founders are all nontechnical so they do not understand when I rant about code"

"There's an app for that!"

My code is not working correctly but there are 0 errors on the console.

Hmmmmmmmmmm😑😑😑😑😑😑

Dev: My VM is not working. Something is wrong with VM.
Me: Have you made any changes to the code?
Dev: It shouldn't matter my VM is not working.
[I go and check the Dev's VM.]
Me: ಠ_ಠ The build output literally states your unit tests failed

10 hours later: I might have not fixed the bug, but at least my code looks presentable

Every time when a person refers to code in plural. IT'S CODE not CODES. Makes my blood boil.

Leaving my 2500 line code unsaved. Not fun, not fun.

!rant
I would like to ask you guys for advice.

I am a content manager who is gradually given more and more dev tasks. That is great because I want to become a webdev. However I have one big issue. Whenever I write code (any code) I feel ashamed because I know that anyone else could do better. I am also ashamed to show my work to my colleagues because I am afraid of what they might think of me. I know that they are good people and they would probably help me out but still...

Someone once tried to explain to me that I am not my code and whenever my code is being evaluated I am not the one who is being judged, it is my code, my current knowledge. I understand conceptually what he was trying to tell me but I just can't feel it.

Did you have similar feelings when you started out?
Thanks in advance.

My place of work just put on the World Cup live stream. I'm not even a huge fan but it looks nicer than my current code, so I'll live in denial for a bit

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

Finish this sentence :

“Everytime I code, ...”

My answer :
“Hope is not with me”

My code is not working, why?

There have been so many times I wanted to say something funny about my code, but my Facebook/IRL friends wouldn't have gotten it.

Finally found you guys!

... this is not one of those times
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

While I was working with my Android project that is written on Kotlin. One of my on non-tech colleague came and saw my screen and

said "Why are you overriding fun"

I replied him that we just not override fun we also have private fun and public fun.

Is it not funny translating code to real English 😂😂😂

Was forced to code like this:

if(condition)
{
//code
}

Instead of this

if(condition){
//code
}

Also I should mention that this happened 4 years ago and my mentor (27 years old economy major at the time) did not know how to use git, we stored projects on a shared networking folder.

Jenkins, you're testing my patience and not my code today.

It's about a guy that knows better.

I was working as a subcontractor on a bigger system. We (subs) were not allowed to deploy code, we had to wait for contractor to deploy.

One day I got an email that my code is bugged and that my feature is not working on production. I checked it on test env, everything was fine. Then I checked if the code I wrote was deployed. It was not.

I send an email explaining that if they deployed my code it would be working. Then I got a response. There was a bug in my code.

Another email. I asked how would they know? Do they have a test on their environment that failed?

No. There is one guy that READ my code and he said it should not work, so he will not deploy it. He was not a programmer, he was a business consultant responsible for the documentation.

His issue was that I used a function that was not in a class. So if the function is not declared it's obvious it will not work. I had to explain to him in another email, that you can use object of another class inside your class and then call a function, that is not in your class. It was the last time this guy blocked my deploy.

TL;DR, I had to explain a non-dev how object composition works in order to have my code deployed. Took four emails.

When I see a bug in somebody else's code (Gnome):
- "can you please not write bugs!"

When I see a bug on my code:
-"whatever, I'm only human..."

😅

Quited my job because I want to code and not project managing (instead of coding). Found a new job as front-end developer with opportunity to become a full stack dev.

I guess I'm not the only one who sometimes code in my dreams while sleeping. Maybe it's because working as a programmer is like a dream come true.

The same code works in the console but not in my script. Freaking hell.

Thanks, Capybara.

I already told you that my boss is not a developer. So, when he tells me "that should be easy to code" I always get a little nervous.

The freaking furniture people didn't complete things on time and our business development department is still not finished. The freaking reception desk is not there yet.

Here I am going to my new office on Saturday morning. Not to code but to monitor those guys to get things done by today.

Four reasons why I'm not testing my code today!

Lezzgoo to PROD!

I recently came across my old interview assignment code which I had written while I was still in college. Oh my God, it was cringy! It was such crappy code 😂

My coworker (who had interviewed me) saw it too. He was surprisingly very chill about it, saying that the code is not bad, it just shows a lack of experience. I think I will choose to believe him 🙃

not that fun....... my code has a bug

Often I look at my seemingly perfect code 30cm away from screen, mumble "WTF", while asking me why it is not working.
My boss might think I'm retarded...

My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.

Had to hand in as assigment for my algorithms & data structure course and really put alot of work into it, commented code, easy to understand and all.
"Why are you showing me copied code from the internet?" was the professors answer...
I did not copy any code and some algorithms often look the same...

I can actually write my own, simple code, I'm not very flexible but I actually get JS now.

I hate it when people whine about code reviews. You should never take it personally. We're not against you, we just want good solid code.

I really hate it when it's my boss who's bitching about pull requests. When you throw your hands up and start yelling, "Well I'm blocked, I'm blocked," then you're not helping. You're just being a baby.

i'm here because my code is not working 😂

Why people who can not write code criticize my code? 🤔🤔

So many years of programming and it's still complicated to explain to my parents why lecturers at university won't spend time to help me debug my code on big projects
And that doesn't mean that I'm -not learning to code- if I don't receive help on finding bugs

In my uni course "Algorithms and Data structures" we use Java. Fine. Definitely not my preferred language but it's not like I have a choice.

Anyway, our teacher uploads code files for us to use as reference/examples. The problem is, they look like this. Not only does she not indent the code, she also uses a charset that is not utf-8.

In the rare cases where she does indent the code, she uses THREE, yes THREE spaces...

First comment by the architects that were reviewing my test, as part of the selection process:

"Well the code was very well documented, not something we see much of..."

Made my day :)

Yes, my Python scripts are not remotely pretty. But then, neither was my nonexistent formal training in scientific computing. And no, I will not 'write two lines of comments for every line of code'. Physics major programmer problems.

Legacy projects are cancers of this profession. I would not wish maintenance of legacy code(written by someone else) on my worst enemy.

Fuck you, discord.
Fuck you for not using a monospaced font for the code block on mobile. Renders my beautiful function to align stuff useless on mobile...

1 am, wide awake,
I want to go code but cannot take,
for time is not my friend,
If I go now, it will not end.
Rest is needed, sleep must be,
or tomorrow I will pay the fee,
concentration will be sparse,
and boss will surely kick my arse.

Everytime I open Android Studio for the first time. I look at my code and I'm like "What is this? What was I thinking?". But 30 minutes later I'm so deep into the code I'm almost in a trance. Tell me I'm not the only one.

Boss: oh so you are working on that unrealistic 3week project ? Let me also assign you some completely unrelated office work.
Me: But I'm a programmer, researching other companies and contacting them looking for new projects is not part of my job descrip...
Boss: oh don't worry I'm sure you'll do great!
Me: that's not what I'm sayi...
Boss: ok I have to go now, have it ready by tomorrow!
Me:(crying internally)...ok.

My colleague does not use git (well, not for much), hates all external frameworks, and when he sees my code he tells me "that's not how I would have done this", every single goddamn time. Aaand we are the only two developers in our company.

First day of new year, first day of relaxing until my new job starts .. Plan to travel and not code for awhile!

Code is not the only thing I do. Sad but true.

Sure, sometimes I just want to scream "JUST LET ME CODE", but internal hackathons and PO 1-on-1s make me feel like there's a meaning beyond my 34 open tabs.

Today I gave my Network assessment (code) on an A4 sheet as told by the professor. He will later type the code and check if runs or not and award marks !!
ಠ▃ಠ 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸 Where is my stress ball?

Messed Up my first Coding Interview and that too of Google!

My first rant.

The first question was not an easy one. I cracked it though. Happy. Very Happy! I had 40 minutes left for the second question. And then came the nightmare. Okay, my foolishness.

I compiled my code. Compilation error.
Declared variables. Compilation Error!
Imported Libraries. Compilation Error!
Changed vector to an array. compilation Error!
Checked the loop for edge cases. Compilation Error!
Cannot use an IDE too. Tab's change is not allowed.

My score was still ZERO and I had only 15 minutes left.

Then lazily my eyes went to the language selected. It was C. I wrote the code in C++.

I mean HOW CAN I BE SOOOO STUPID??
I was coding in an entirely different language!

But..But, the story doesn't end here.
Next, I copied the code and switched languages. NOOO, my code was lost. I couldn't paste my code!!

I checked the timer- 5 minutes left.
Somehow, I managed to rewrite the code. And submitted it at the last minute.

I have no idea what will be the results. I just solved 1/2 questions.

SAD but FRUSTRATED at my stupidity :(

Not documenting my code.

Think twice code Once, if I had a cent for every time I've jump right into the code without a proper analysis or design just to notice that my whole implementation is not functional or scalable I'd be a millionare

Just because I have not written any code yet, does not mean I have not started on your project. I can either plan it well or let the code flow from my fingers like diarrhea.

I have been trying to understand why my student's code isn't working just to find this piece of code. Checking out code early in the morning is definitely not my thing.

Random guy at work pushed this to production today...

var i = 0;
do { // DO NOT DELETE THIS! }
while (i < 1);
....
doImportantThing();

And my boss keeps saying code reviews are overrated, lol.

*me browsing through my company's code style guide*
"You must not use spaces for indentation" - awesome!
"Files must not contain more than 4000 lines of code" - wtf?

Git is distributed. What's on gitlab it's also on my 3 different machines. So I have 3 backups for the code. Not such a big deal except issues and PRs.

Modify the front-end code and noting change.

Empty the cache... ✔️ not work
Check xampp open... ✔️ not work
Check my sass compile... ✔️ not work
Compile vuejs webpack... ✔️ not work
Check my laravel route... ✔️ not work
Check with Xdebug... ✔️ not work

Go get coffee... ✔️Not work

See the url on stagging.<website>.ca in my browser ❌

😲🙄😅 Holy fucking retard i am...

How I see my code,

If(){else]:
Do -> this & that with them;
While (for)and >>;
//It takes me forever to figure our my own code

How I see someone else's code,

%fGu$@@)$'®}£jfksksj℅™™}£}∆¢b&jjwoajqh-2+=•{(=jajaJJwUUhh-jtffhk®{£{™>>¥,©®¢€££∆¶¶|×££{©]•{%$==¢++''). 92%+$+
//well I am not sure how in the world I manage to understand someone else's shit

Spent 4h+ debugging my code (it was late)...only to realise that my code was not buggy, but the fuckup in design was in the original part I didn't change..FML..

you're doing a code review and you ask for a simple fix and the reply you get back is: "that's not my code. I just copied and pasted it from somewhere else."

@dfox ++ed my rant !
my day is complete.
my life is complete.
my code though...not so much.

I swear to God it's people like this that just get on my nerves
"Oh look at my fucky javascript code"
"Let's tag it as JAVA NOT JAVASCRIPT BECAUSE IM AN UTTER IDIOT"
It appears that proper tagging is not just a devRant issue.

I remember the first time I had a code block, I sat on my desk for up to 18 hours trying to fix it. In the end realizing that my impatience is not helping me. It was all in vain. A tired mind did not help.

I finally came to realise that I was lacking on knowledge and a tired brain did not help. I did it the next day but learnt a huge lesson. When it's just not your day, it's not you day. A fresh mind will help next day. Relax, do anything apart from code.

Too much of code can drain you of ideas and smartness. You need to let your mind breathe. Life away from the PC is important too.

#confession
.
.
.
My code is still not backed up.

Learning through documentation.

I learned one thing.... That how I can copy paste any thing in my code and comment it as "magic happens here do not touch."

Yeah thats my code learned from documentation (image below )

I started writing a basic translator for a language I invented. I’m currently stuck in my code, not because I don’t know what to do, but because I have to change a few endings in my language 😭

Copilot - not convinced. My experience after a few months is that the suggested code disturbs my line of thought, and for complex code I'd rather it just fucked off and stopped "helping".

It will dumb down developers, mark my words.

In some unpredictable turn of events, ignoring my PR for 6 months will cause said code to not be aligned anymore with develop.

And it gets wilder: if you reject my PR for this retarded bullshit, I may not react in the civilest of ways.

I don't usually put comment in my code. But when I do, it's not relevant anymore.

It's terrible how my mood is greatly dependent on whether my code works or not.

Feeling like shit at the moment.

Once had a teammate who added
// @formatter:off (eclipse)

at the beginning of nearly each class, to make sure my auto-format on save does not ruin his nice formatting

as i usually let eclipse take care of this, i commited unformatted code by mistake

so he formatted my code by hand

I wanna write code NOT TRYNNA FIND WHY ANACONDA HAS TAKEN OVER MY ENTIRE COMPUTER. I've spent the last day looking for answers. I'm now a full day behind with my project.
The mental breakdown is near.

"What? You aren't sure where the Android Wifi credentials QR Code scanner is specifically located? But.. Aren't you the expert?" Trying not to freaking boil my blood right now.

It's kinda nice to have a long weekend for a change to work on my endless list of unfinished side projects and code what I want to code, and not having to use fucking Windows 11 on a slow-ass work laptop.

Just committed a code review change with a heart emoji included, Turns out Crucible does not support this and it broke the code review, Spent the last half an hour trying to change my commit message to fix the review

FML

I only take gaming breaks to heat up my computer to keep my coffee on my computer warm in order to code more its not a distraction it's efficiency

I found out that a major open source project pulled in some of my code for an enhancement I wrote in my own repo. The code was modified some to match the current conventions of the project, but it contains some of my original comments so I know it was based directly off my code. I'm not entirely sure how to feel. On one hand I'm super stoked to know that the maintainers of the project actually looked at my code and included it. On the other, I'm a little bummed they didn't credit me or at least give me a little shout out...

One day i started to code.

One day i was told you will not code without git.

Many days i lost code on git because i was ignorant.

Today i reset the act of commiting without losing all my shit.

Git reset --soft HEAD^

I didnt event sweat it ;)

Today i feel like half a boss!!!

"Senior developer" blaming me because he's not able to remember the codes anymore because I refactored it.

GET OUTTA MY FACE YOU WERE THE CODE REVIEWER

Go on holiday tomorrow for two weeks. Not sure what's most scary, turning off my Mac and PC for two weeks or having two weeks of no code.

Is it just me or do any of you people also hate asking for help with understanding other devs code?

At the same time I also hate explaining my code to other devs, like I have to justify I'm not an imbecile.

the worst mistake, really, was crashing our production not once, but twice in two days, and being too much of a newbie to recognize it was my fault it broke because of my code

I just wasted 2 hours together with a colleague to trace a bug, through several modules, functions, data, etc to find out it was usage of the wrong information in the wrong place. The data used was never intended to be used this way.

I HATE SUCH SOFTWARE ARCHAELOGY.
Carefully uncovering layer over layer, getting one detail after another, from which you don't know if it's really necessary to trace the bug, until you lose the sight of the whole picture. Then when you're confused to the maximum, try to figure out what's important and what not and reassemble the puzzle until you can see where the road is heading.

At least we found the cause of the bug, so it wasn't useless. Now we have to waste more time to develop a solution (...preparing for next rant 🙇)

While sitting in a train (5 hours trip) I really want to code something, unfortunately I dont have my laptop with me, so i just connected with ssh from my phone to my ubuntu vps, created some project via npm and use android app to edit the code. It is not perfect but works. Someone else code like that?

My baby sister told me she wanted to learn how to code, her reason being; she visited a startup incubation center at her school, my alma mater, and she thought they looked so cool and collected.
Hahaha! I told her to try visit when they are having a deployment or when someone's code is just not working.

When you share some code with someone who knows NOTHING about computers. So frustrating!!

(Not my picture)

Fun fact : Typing on a keyboard that's not plugged into your laptop will not work. Honestly, I should have taken today off. My toddler woke up at 1am screaming bloody murder and didn't get back to bed until 2:30. There's a construction crew hammering up my 14 year old floors to replace it with new ones. My dog is anxious as fuck with all the noise, and truthfully, I'm just staring into my screen hoping the code will write itself. This code will become production deployment logic, so it damn well better be excellent and bug-free. Not a good day to pick up this task.

I don't know what to say.
.
.
.
Yes I do, just some clarification: not my code.

Just came across this in a website project of my company.... and it goes on for about 5 times of that. But it's not in the html code, guess it comes from some js framework. Not sure if bug in framework or bad code in website.

I’m not sure if I like my software development teacher using my code for examples to show the other students. Sometimes I get the “oh that’s nice” and other times I get the death stare”🤔

Pic without code as my light bulb has burned and I will not be able to fix that this week.

But I can update the picture later.

Writing my code, go to run it and boom its not working. I pull up stack over flow to get some insight. At this point i was working on my code for countless hours and became a bit annoyed so i decided to copy what someone wrote on stack over flow delete my code where i thought it was flawed. I run it and Blam bugged the hell outa my code. So i undo go back to my original. Turn to a friend and ask what do you thinks going wrong. He resets my browser and there it goes it works. I just kind of gave him a blank stare and thought to myself Im a dumbass!

I had a friendly argument with a person over comparing visual studio with Xcode,the first thing that came into my mind when he said visual studio was visual studio code (keep in mind visual studio and visual studio code are completely different visual studio is an ide while visual studio code is a code editor )

I was arguing that there’s no point comparing an ide specifically made for iOS app dev with a code editor with intellisense with better code predictions as it would have made more sense if he was comparing a code editor with another code editor like atom or sublime.

This argument went on for a couple of mins in a group chat

Later on I found out he was talking about visual studio and not visual studio code which actually is an ide used for app dev.

This whole time I thought he was talking about vs code and he thought I was talking about visual studio 😂

I ended up agreeing it was my mistake for not getting the message in the first place 😂

gotta have clear boundaries, specially with phones. I don't even think about code solutions outside of work, i leave that stuff in the office. we're not a "family", I'm not doing anything for love and my extra hours are a rarity.

I am really considering teaching my wife how to code just so she can understand my rants better

I feel like the gravity of my ranting is not communicated well enough without programming context

I don't know why my referrel code is not working.. 🤔🤔🤔🤔

I just got a job as a "Web designer", but I've quickly learned that my job duties involve installing theme forest themes for clients and sticking to the template. I'm not allowed to write my own code. ever. uuuuuuuuggggghhhhhh

Not being able to write code only using pen and paper :/
I had one job interview where they ask me to iterate a tree using my preferred language. I felt so uncomfortable.
And my problem is only the pen and paper.
I'm able to write working code without any code completion even without highlighting in any shitty editor. But when it comes to write code by hand on paper it feels like my programmer brain side turns off.

Not documenting my code.

WRITING CODE ON PAPER...smh

I know many people wrote about this already, but writing code on paper is one of the worst things of a CS class. I’d rather get a computer with no internet access and use a notes app to write code instead of having to write everything by hand. It takes so much more time that you could spend thinking about the problem. Not only that but also my hand gets tired of writing...ughhhh

I need to convince my teacher and the school to switch to writing code on computers! I will not loose this battle ahah

Not commenting my code 😨
Oh heavenly one, please allow me to atone for my sin 😭

My code does not control my life. I also have other hobbies: like DevRant and CommitStrip.

NO. I will not write code for a website on paper. And I will NOT draw my website. Go to hell.

1.Working on a repo's 20 day old version without pulling the changes first
2. Then blaming me to not tell him
3. Ultimately sending me a see screenshot of his code to incorporate in my code ( which he himself didn't write, but asked a coworker to do it)

WTF DUDE. Atleast you could have realised your mistake and not blamed me for it

I'm not slacking... my code is compiling

My code is not backed up

I had a school project with a friend, we concord to code some parts of the program, share it and explain the code so the teacher see the code was ours, when the final date come, after some doubts from my find we could delive the project with a not good note, the time passed and the teacher repeated the temps for a final protect, my friend was totally lost, the he arrives with all of his part, I questioned him about the code but he don't not so much abut, we almost fail the final protect because he buy the code to someone else and couldn't explain it to the teacher.
This was my face when I knew he cheated.

someone please motivate me to code again.

since one month i did nothing but digital art/youtube watching/maths/chatting but i did not code.
the main reason being that all my projects have bugs currently :/

sensible naming stuff for readability? nah.. it's not like someone will read my code after i'm done here right?

Me: Gets my friends code and opens it on Eclipse to study it
Me: Sees code and tries to study it and actually understands it
Inner me: (OCD kicks in and realizes code is not formatted well)
Me: alt + shift + f
Code format changes

Me: how the fuck does this work now

I don't know what happens to me today.
As always, I've gone to work, but when I sit on front of computer, I felt unable to code.

Not afraid of coding, not exactly unmotivated. Just my head is not able to code.

It's strange, because until now always I'd felt so motivated with this project. But today I've spent 3h on front of computer and I've not been able to write a single line of code.

Maybe I need holidays and I didn't noticed.

Did so much work today that my ring finger on my right hand is actually sore from pressing the enter key.

Too bad all that code belongs to my job and not me.

Jilano had not even posted a single rant ever and having more than 30000 upvotes.
This changed my idea
"Code sometimes lie
Comment never does."
Commendable!!!

to whomever it may concern...

if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.

i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell.

I need to build multithreading in my brain, i want to learn at least 8 new code languages and techniques at the same time(not to mention normal languages)

Not leaning on unit tests. I usually write them after testing my code manually, and lose time for testing feature by hand.

Boss asks if the project will be finished today, I reply ‘yes’ and then realised I’d not pushed my code after working from home the previous day! Doh!

The website I'm working on went down because of a 500 HTTP error and halted my company of working

I should not code in production

I'm not perfect. I've made fuckups. But most of the fuck ups I've made have been in unimportant code that wasn't used by anyone (part of the reason I'm not super happy with my job but whatever). But I've just found a fuckup that was in code that did matter...

My biggest regret is not learning to code earlier in life.

Why fucking my coworker push not compilable code on master branch??

Ok we are developing it, no yet release but I can't compile it for my tests.

Spent about an hour wondering why my php code was showing in the browser window after submitting a form using Ajax. Found that I had start my php file with just <? And not <?php. Feeling dumb.

Got this from Robert Martin's book: Clean Code(not my work).... I am guilty of the one on the right

Is it bad now I seem to take some pleasure whenever I see someone/something on my team blow up and go "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not my code, not my problem"

When I only want to code, but university LaTeX bullshit burns my time 😭 they dont even have clear rules.

Not to mention that their formatting rules make my work look like shit I would never read myself.

The rest of my team do code reviews like human linters (not very well). I love the look on their faces when I volunteer to review their changes.

My road trip still lasts for another 5 hours and my laptop does not have power anymore 😧😧😧

I could refactor or comment so much code. Maybe add even more loggings and unit tests, but noooo 😔

My tablet that I had all my code for an app just took a shit out of no where it was never dropped not even a scratch it just went black and well never went back fuck my entire existence

I probably dont balance it well. I spend majority of my day either reading code, reading about code, or writing it. I would say my balance comes on the weekends. I hang out with my girl more and I not in front of the computer as much. But even on the weekends I sneak in a few hours of code. My leisure time is literally sitting at a starbucks with my favorite text editor listening to a playlist and coding. That's like total zen for me.

I just realized something. So my company's whole release process and code management now run on mainstream tech products: Atlassian, Jetbrains, IBM and not in house/vendor crap

So here I am trying to Code a Rick Astley video on my website so 2 people can watch it in real-time but the code KEEPS DOING THE PART THAT I SPECIFICALLY TOLD IT NOT TO DO UNTIL I GET THE TIME FROM THE GOD DAMN DATABASE!!!!

My code works.
Well, it should, but not like this.
I've set some datas to a nested form,  saved by a variable named 'stat1', however the code won't work unless I use a variable named 'fields'. Not 'stat1'. I'm only 24 years old and I already feel too old for this shit.

Visual Studio Code + Mac = not lightweight, really not that good performance

I mean the battery is burning. Literally, i plug my mac out and after a hour the battery is dead

Try = -1

if (try == -1) {
Do this
}

My code ends up not triggering the if.

I just realized that I subconsciously believe more lines of code means slower code.

It's not intellectual. I understand that little lines of code often are just calling other code. That this is not how Big O works or does not replace benchmarking and that some data structure requires a lot of code for immense speed up. E.g: B-Trees with sizes at page size for big amounts of data read from a secondary storage location.

But still, when I see a function with just 3 to 5 lines, my inner monkey believes it must be fast.

Know your biases, I guess.

Installed celery...
ran my code...
error...
module 'celery' not found...
wondered why...
reviewed...
didn't install it properly in Docker...

end of story

I hate it when someone asks me for help in a part of his code, then I find that the problem is the whole code not just that part.

I have 3 options:
- try to make it work, and get lost in his shit, not refactored code.
- tell him that I am not that good so he get out of my face
- kill him, so he can reproduce

PS: just kidding

Using vim without plug-in and writing my first ever python code (not "hello world") on it
Hail emacs!

I just realized that in my company , the code review is not important.... And the source code is fucked up.... The structure is like functional programming and Oop combine with redundant function everywhere.

And in the source code there's a folder called depreciating service , I asked them what is that , they told me it is the service previously but not recommended for using it.

I was like "you mean deprecated"? Omg

They don't care about code review and clean code here.

My struggle here is they dare to create one class for the entire project and every code are in that class...
This is fucking not acceptable.

Trying to put together all the code of my ajax request into a function so I do not repeat myself. The code works perfectly outside but not in the function. Well fuck JavaScript. I've been stuck here for two days.

Not commenting my code just to return 2 weeks later to wonder what kind of special asshole wrote the code. And what the heck it does.

Code didn't change my life because I've been coding since I was a kid. You could say that it shaped my life instead. I don't know life without code. I don't know if that's good or it's not...

Switched to Visual Studio Code as my main editor when not using an IDE and really enjoy it way more than I thought

We're all Domain experts...

"Not my code."

"Code monkey not say it out loud. Code monkey not crazy just proud."
-Jonathan Coulton

Regarding many of my rants and, I would suspect, many rants on here.

I can't entirely remember the code of my own web portfolio that I wrote a few months ago! The code is not even that bad, but I'm just tweaking stuff and building more on top of these ruins. There's a cost to rewriting something from scratch and it's not worth it. I'm using Jekyll and Github pages.

I have spent my entire day code reviewing thinking ...
This developer must think all the lines are fighting with one another ..

I kid you not ! Every line of code has white space between it ....

To top it off ... all strings are initialized new String() then assigned to constants ......

*sigh*

Gotta stop providing better code solutions to crap that's not my business, roped into so much crap and now I have to put all these bad code fixes into some intern training scenarios or something​...fml

Dev Mantra

I do not write code with my keyboard. He who writes code with his keyboard has forgotten the days of the punch cards. I write code with mind.

I do not write non descriptive variables. He who writes non descriptive variables has forgotten the days of the punch cards. I write self descriptive code.

I do not debug by brute force. He who debugs by brute force has forgotten has forgotten the days of the punch cards. I debug with breakpoints and stack traces.

My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.

Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.

New job. "Wtf" code.

I can see my performance review being hampered by the fact that I'm not intimate with this mess.

Can someone come and clean my desk? I not on the mood and my code to clear the desk seems to be stuck in a wtf loops.

I'm kinda bit embarrassed when I write my code in public or internet corner especially with my friends cause I'm not using an open source OS. .