Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

Report to who?

I know a few developers who do this 😂

Java Joke......

Linux is love...

This story is 100% true.

I got hired onto a team of construction workers to build a house. We set up a meeting with Management to find out what kind of house they wanted us to build, where’s the floor plan, what it’s going to be used for, who it’s for, etc. Management said that they didn’t know all that, we should just get started. They told us that we were going to use “Agile” which means that we just work on small deliverables and build the thing incrementally.

The developer team lead argued that we at least need to know how big the thing is going to be so that we can get started pouring the foundation, but Management told him they just don’t know. “What we do know,” Management said, “is that the house is going to have a bathroom. Just start there, and we’ll know more when it’s done. You have two weeks.”

So we just bought a port-a-potty, and screwed around on the internet for two weeks. Management was outraged. “You call this a house? This is the worst house ever! It doesn’t even have a tv!”

So we bought a tv and put it in the port-a-potty, attached to an outdoor generator. We were going to buy a a dvd player and get it hooked up to cable, but Management rejected the expense request, saying that they didn’t know if we needed it, and we’d come back to that later.

Management decided that we definitely need storage space, so we bought a boxcar and duct-taped the port-a-potty to it. Then to our horror they set up some desks and put a few miserable business interns in there. It went on like this…

After a few years the boxcar grew into a huge, ramshackle complex. It floods, leaks, it’s frozen in the winter and an oven in the summer. You have to get around in a strange maze of cardboard tubes, ladders and slides. There are two equally horrible separate buildings. We’re still using just the one outdoor generator for all power, so electricity is tightly rationed.

Communication between the buildings was a problem. For one of them, we use a complex series of flag signals. For the other we write notes on paper, crumple the paper up, and toss it over. Both of these methods were suggested as jokes, but Management really liked them for some reason. The buildings mostly talk to each other but they have to talk through us, so most of what we do is pass messages on.

It was suggested that we use paper airplanes instead of crumpled up balls, but the fat, awkward fingers of the Business Majors who inevitably take those jobs couldn’t be trained to make them. I built an awesome automatic paper airplane folder, but once again they couldn’t be trained to use it, so they just went back to crumpling the notes up in balls.

The worst part of all this is that it’s working. Everyone is miserable, but the business is making money. The bright side is that this nightmare complex is done so now we know what kind of building they actually needed in the first place, so we can start work on it. Obviously we can’t tell Management anything about what we’re doing until it’s finished. They noticed the gigantic hole in the ground where the foundation is coming in, but we told them that it’s a cache reset, and they mostly ignore it except when the occasional customer falls in.

I’ll probably be out of here before the new building gets finished. I could get a 50% raise by switching jobs, but Management still doesn’t think I should get a raise because I missed a couple sprints.

Data privacy is a thing of past...

Treat your employees right...

Thanks wannacry to make people aware about infosec....

Won my first hackathon...

A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .

In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.

A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.

A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”

When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.

IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…” 

The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.

The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.

The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.

I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.

I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...

The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.

I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!

DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them

The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.

The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh

I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…

*Theoretical computer scientist is at an interview.*

Interviewer: “Imagine that you are walking down a road and see a house on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: “I dial the police and tell them that the house is on fire.”

Interviewer: “Good. Now, imagine that you are walking down the same road, and you see that the same house is not on fire. What do you do?”

CS Guy: *Ponders for a little while.* “I put the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem I’ve solved before.”

You won’t get it. But I don't care.... :)

U got pwned...

Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞

Statutory warning: Don't try this at work....

ProTip: Use knife to save ammo in a paintball battle.

Love this one.... Tooo good....

Business model...

Saw my uncle using Microsoft Edge today.

Me: Uncle, you should use Chrome or Firefox. They are better.
Uncle: Windows 10 showed a pop up few days back that chrome drains battery faster. So I uninstalled chrome.
Me: But Windows is fooling you to use its product. Edge is horrible and useless.
Uncle: So you think you are smarter than Windows people? Are they idiots who designed this whole software?

Microsoft u got 1 more Edge user. Enjoy, you lying and misleading company.

I accidentally sent my password to slack channel!!

I have deleted it and changed my password of course, but it still doesn't make the embarrassment go away. Especially because my password is something ridiculous like :

Materialisticbitch88$$$

Some people have already seen it!!
RIP my reputation.
:/

Life's too short to boot from a HDD.

Cutest virus ever!

Recruiters and HR plz note there is difference between Web Developer and Web Designer... I repeat there is difference between Developer and Designer.

When my impostor syndrome is going rampant.

Data structures.... The easy way....

Wtf Microsoft...

Found out the hard way that copying a line of code from Teams chat will sometimes convert the spaces into unrecognized ASCII char.

Spent a few hours yesterday to fix the bad chars.
🤡👍

Boss: Why will it take 3 hours? It's just a minor change.

Making a custom T-shirt design for the first time!

UPDATE: devRant Trans-Oceanic Journey Community Project

It was a mere 12 days ago that I asked the question; 'Could devRanters, as a community, build a 21st Century Technology-Laden ‘devRant devie-Stressball-in-a-Bottle’ and send it on a journey across the Atlantic ocean?

I am thrilled to report that devRanters enthusiastically accepted this difficult challenge. A core team quickly formed and a tremendous amount of research and progress has been made in a short period of time. I want to give you a high level-flavor of what we are doing. Please keep in mind we still need your help. We welcome all develops to take part in this journey.

I want to give appreciation to the devRant Founders @dfox and @trogus. Without your support and sponsorship this project would not have been possible. devRant brought us together and it a reality. Devie journeying across the Ocean the Columbus sailed will stir the imagination of children and adults worldwide when we launch on May 1, 2017.

Some of the research and action items in progress:

- Slack and trello environments were created to capture research and foster discussion.

- A Stony Brook University Oceanography Professor suggested the Gulf Stream would be a good pathway across the ocean. We researched it very and agree. The Gulf Stream has been a trans-Atlantic conduit for hundreds of years. We are deciding whether to launch from Cape Hatteras, NC or the Virginia coast. Both have easy access to the rapid currents in the Gulf Stream.

- We are researching every detail of the Gulf Stream to make the journey easier and faster for devie. We have maps and a team member gathered valuable ideas reading a thorough book – ‘The Gulf Stream’.

- We decided on using a highly resilient plastic rather than glass for the bottle material. Plastic is much lighter, faster and glass breaks down more easily. The lightweight enclosure will allow us to take full advantage of waves and ample trade winds. We are still discussing the final design as we want to minimize friction and mimic the non-locomotion fish that migrate thousands of miles riding the Gulf Stream.

-The enclosure might be 3D printed unless we can locate a commercial solution. We have 3D specs and are speaking with some experts. There are advantages and dis-advantages to each solution.

- We will be using Iridiums' RockBLOCK two-way satellite technology to bounce lat-long coordinate pings off their 36 low-orbit satellites. The data will be analyzed by our devRant devie analysis software. IOS and Android public apps being built by the team will display devie's location throughout the journey in.

- Arduino will be used as the brains

- Multiple sensors including temperature and depth are being considered

-A project plan will be published to the team Friday 12/9. Sorry I am a few days late but adding some new ideas.

There are still a lot of challenges we must overcome and we will.

That’s all for now. I will send updates and all ideas / comments are valued.

This is going to be a long rant, coz this is the only way to vent out my frustration against our tech head.

Yesterday, while our fucking twat tech head was playing around in company aws account, he terminated the production server. By mistake, apparently. Coz he doesn't know shit about server management. But that egoist ass won't admit and fucked the production server.

And then ran away. We developers sprang into action. Updated dns to point to staging server, setup virtual hosts, env files, point to prod database, force flush dns cache. All systems were up and running in 30 mins. And since it was staging server, it had lot of untested features and codes, and we spent rest of the day fixing the bugs.

And that tech head, who ran away hiding his tail between his legs, after he fucked the server, came back after systems were up. And started cracking jokes, that "so many features got released in 1 day" . "We cut server cost by shutting down 1 server."

We were struggling and working in full throttle to make the services running again. And that fuckity fucker was cracking jokes.

And I don't even know what excuse he gave to ceo for the downtime. I am pretty sure he would have made up some crappy excuse to hide his fucking mistake. That ass never admits his mistake. I am thinking to go to ceo today and tell the real story and get that faggot head fired or at least a strict warning.

Ah, yes. The C++++ programming language.

OMFG!! I just discover a fucking bug in a library used by thousand of people in scientific community!! 🤩🎉

Started when my program outputting strange result. I was in a huge fight with my supervisor about one of the function from the library. My hunch was telling me that this function is the source of the problem, but he insisted that no such bugs could exist in the library that has been used by thousands of people.

I couldn't reproduce the bug so I just stayed silent at that time,
But now, I finally got the bug showing. Yeah I am gonna shove it to his face next week.✊
I will also let the people who maintain the library know.
Feels so good being able to be a contributor PR to this famous library 😎

The downside is now I can't use this function, I have to implement by own function.

What is it with clients who have never even seen a single line of code in their entire lives telling me how long they believe a certain change request should take to code.

I mean, what if I told you that your "seemingly simple enough" change needed an update to 36 class files, 9 oracle stored procedures AND several database schema changes. Also, who the fuck is going to perform a regression test to make sure I didn't break anything? Your Uncle Bob??

Got fired... Yipee....

When you're just 5++ away from getting a kitty.

throw laugh;

Best co-workers? Umm, does Google and stackoverflow count?
Coz I am sole IT guy in my company....

Who even uses the right shift key?

Chinese measure tape...

There is power cut in my college area sometimes...
Once we were in computer lab, when power cut occurred. So fan, tubelights went off.
I heard one girl ask her friend "how are laptops on?"
That moment.... Only I know how I controlled my laugh....

Explaining my mom about my job as backend developer... She couldn't understand what is there behind the website. She was like "u designed the website. It's done. What u do full day?"

Finally I gave an example of restaurant... I am the cook(backend developer). Front-end is waiter. Finally she understood....

*tries to SSH into my laptop to see how that third kernel compilation attempt went*
… From my Windows box.

Windows: aah nope.

"Oh God maybe the bloody HP thing overheated again"
*takes laptop from beneath the desk indent*
… Logs in perfectly. What the hell... Maybe it's SSH service went down?

$ systemctl status sshd
> active (running)

Well.. okay. Can I log in from my phone?

*fires up Termux*
*logs in just fine*

What the fuck... Literally just now I added the laptop's ECDSA key into the WSL known_hosts by trying to log into it, so it can't be blocked by that shitty firewall (come to think of it, did I disable that featureful piece of junk yet? A NAT router * takes care of that shit just fine Redmond certified mofos).. so what is it again.. yet another one of those fucking WanBLowS features?!!

condor@desktop $ nc -vz 192.168.10.30 22
Connection to 192.168.10.30 22 port [tcp/ssh] succeeded!

ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?!

Fucking Heisen-feature-infested piece of garbage!!! Good for gaming and that's fucking it!

Edit: (*) this assumes that your internal network doesn't have any untrusted hosts. Public networks or home networks from regular users that don't audit their hosts all the time might very well need a firewall to be present on the host itself as well.

Bought a 27" 1080p monitor and decided to use my old monitor besides it in portrait mode. This feels so good, portrait monitor's good for reading tutorials or for writing code. My coolest setup so far!

I want to print this pic out in enormous size and qty, hang them in many classrooms to show my female friends that it's normal to wear cute skirt and cute shoes while wringing cables on your shoulders.

😏

Finally got 4k resolution...

MySQL should have a recycle bin. I just deleted whole "user" table by mistake... Forgot to add where clause properly... Had to restore 2 days old backup copy. I just hope no accounts were created or someone changed their password in last 2 days....

I think devRant should introduce a cactus to give besides the ducks, as I've seen a lot of people here wanting to shove cactuses on others where the sun doesn't shine. 😂

I forgot to git fetch, so I spent quite a while doing exactly WHAT MY TEAMMATE HAD DONE JUST HOURS AGO

I don't have a girlfriend to commit to.
So I commit to github...

Just found an admin portal online. There was a modal asking for password, but in background the portal was visible. ctrl + shift + i and then closed the modal.

Voila, the whole portal and actions are accessible. Seriously, who develops things like these?

I am pretty sure it's vulnerable to sqli and xss too.

Hey dfox, trogus... Show us your sticker collections!

Fucking pigs at my office keep the AC at 26 C with the fan at minimum making it so hard to breathe in this Auschwitz simulator. 😡
Seriously the outside temp will be like 30-35 C and they still don't want the AC :/

Fastest upload speed...

Finally I got a speed up in my GPU!
😎😎🎉🎉

I swear to fsck, "RTFM" is gonna be engraved on my tombstone

My attitude isn't bad....
It's in BETA! 😝

Me thinking that getting a job in tech is easier than getting a non-tech job because we are "in demand".

Coz dual boot is too main stream...

It's truly amazing how much a single line of perl can do. Such a time saver.

I only wish that I could understand what it does two days later.

When ur boss starts learning coding... Shit just got real.... Now I can't fool him....

That awkward moment when you made some changes in your code and hope that it will fail so that you can confirm your theory/suspicion.

Otherwise you'll have no idea what's going on.

: /

Oh God help me!

!rant

Just had my coworker to notice me, that there is a fire alarm right now.

Man I must say, good Job Sennheiser on Their NC headphones!

Heh.. Came across my first PC last week :) oh the nostalgy... Entity, Mach3, wolfeinstein 3d, Dangerous Dave in a haunted mansion and a guy pushing boxes in a 2d maze.

DOS, nc and windows 3.1 [in that pile of 5" floppies bottom left].

oh the times!

🤨🤨??

Prof: "Hey, you can take a look at the source code that we used last year in this research paper"
Me :(surprise because other papers usually don't share source code), "Okay"

A few weeks later:
Me: "Prof, if you use method A instead of method B, you can get better performance by 20%. Here's the link"
Prof:"The source link that you mentioned is for another instrument, not GPU"
Me:"Yeah, but I tested in on GPU and I found it is also applied in my device"
Prof:"That's interesting."
-----------------------------------------------------
This is why folks, sharing the source code that you used in scientific papers is important.

Me 2 days ago :
"I have applied to so many places, and did lots of interview for my internship. Still no result so far. Maybe I need to take some odd jobs to cover my bills while I improve my coding skills. Rent and food need to be paid, you know.
But I will keep applying to at least 40 companies before I change my strategy"

Me today :
"OMFG, they offered me a position despite my very bad interview!!"
🤩

So whoever is still looking for a job out there, don't give up man... We are in this together.👍👍

"Me getting ready to squash the bug" vs
"Me after fixing the bug caused by my own stupidity"

Ransomware on IoT.... Amazing infographic...

Got rejected in interview for Web developer... Interviewer showed company website and asked if it's made in html or WordPress... I said html which was wrong...

Am I incompetent? How can I predict the platform just by looking at UI...?

Had last paper today... Finally 4 yrs of engineering comes to an end. I am a proud computer engineer....

Why God? Why do you do this to me?

"Systems open to all, but closed to intruders"

HEY, HP, PACK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OF TRASH SOFTWARE INTO YOUR TRAILER HOME AND DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE __FUCK__ DOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU LITERAL BLOAT FLIES. HOW ABOUT WE START WITH THE FACT THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER ANYWHERE IN A COMPANY GIVING AWAY ONE LOGIN IN A SOCIAL ENGINEERING ATTACK TO POP THIS NICE FART FILLED BALLOON YOUR DRUNK SALES AND MARKETING MORON PARADE CAME UP WITH.

STOP FUCKING ADVERTISING ON MR. ROBOT AND LET ME PRETEND IT'S NOT A PRODUCT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

I can’t even say what’s wrong with PHP, because— okay. Imagine you have uh, a toolbox. A set of tools. Looks okay, standard stuff in there.

You pull out a screwdriver, and you see it’s one of those weird tri-headed things. Okay, well, that’s not very useful to you, but you guess it comes in handy sometimes.

You pull out the hammer, but to your dismay, it has the claw part on both sides. Still serviceable though, I mean, you can hit nails with the middle of the head holding it sideways.

You pull out the pliers, but they don’t have those serrated surfaces; it’s flat and smooth. That’s less useful, but it still turns bolts well enough, so whatever.

And on you go. Everything in the box is kind of weird and quirky, but maybe not enough to make it completely worthless. And there’s no clear problem with the set as a whole; it still has all the tools.

Now imagine you meet millions of carpenters using this toolbox who tell you “well hey what’s the problem with these tools? They’re all I’ve ever used and they work fine!” And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. And you knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door.

That’s what’s wrong with PHP.

I had forgotten why I hated GoDaddy so much.. until today. It all came back to me.

I have been a GoDaddy customer for over 5 years now. Last year I tried out Namecheap for the first time because someone who was sending me a domain asked me to create an account on NC.

A couple of days on NC and I fell in love with the support and pricing. I started transferring all my domains to NC over the year. (30+)

Now I was left with 3 domains, 1 of them was to expire 4 days ago. but 5 days ago, GoDaddy switched it to pending mode, barring me from transferring to domain or changing any details.

today I called GoDaddy and after a loooong chat, they fucking forced me to renew my domain!! Saying that I need to renew the domain before I attempt to make any more changes!!!

FUCK YOU GODADDY! THIS IS WHY I NEVER SEND CLIENTS YOUR WAY!!!

Found out other team's project result about performance for uni assignment. It's that Matlab is the fastest, followed by python and C++ is the slowest.

They are gonna get roasted during presentation (by many people in the audience including me).
This is gonna be fun.
/*devilish grin*/

My software is safe from buffalo overflow. What about yours? Is it safe from hip overflow too?

Got a call from a recruiter today

Recruiter: I'm trying to fill a full stack position in Charlotte.
Me: not interested
R: why
M: I hate NC
R: what can I do to make you reconsider
M: I want 120k
R: Ok, well please pass this opportunity along if you know someone who is looking

I *actually* just moved from there.
Guess someone didn't read my job history.
Convo was seriously less than a minute.

Error reporting in metro ticket....

Is "++i" more efficient or "i++" ?

P.S. I already wasted more cpu cycles by posting this, than I would ever waste by using either of them....

My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.

I wish he doesn't come back only....

Was about to build a finalized apk with this in one of the screens of my app:

If I do it in python : Finish in one day!
If I do it in C++ :
1 week for installation and configuration
3 days for coding
Another 1 day for troubleshooting...

But I will still prefer do it in C++.

That moment when you make heads turn, coz you are using laptop with loads of devRant sticker on it in metro.....
Feeling l33t.....

Skills required for ML :
Math skills:
|====================|
Programming skills :
|===|

Skills required for ML with GPU:
Math skills:
|====================|
Programming skills :
|====================|

/*contemplating career choice*/
: /

Every project ever :
Initial plan :
||===================|| 100 %
Actual submission
||==|| 13%

- Not enough money!
- Not enough people!
- Not enough time!
- Not enough resources!
- Hardware not supported
- Software not supported
- My team are useless
- God didn't like it. :/

Debian based bedsheet...

Our marketing just change the blacklist/whitelist terms to blocklist/allowlist to make it more "neutral" following change in github "master branch" to "main branch"

When will this end, people ?
:/

I attended a 2-days scientific conference last week which lasted from 9 AM-7 PM.
I submit my travel expenses today and the university adm got guts to tell me that
I should commute 6 hours everyday to that place instead of staying in a hotel.

Please people, I contribute making our research and name renown to the public. I don't even get paid doing that (did it for the sake of experience).
The least you can do is to support the accomodation. The penny pinching you did in the name of cost saving is embarrasing.

I didn't like every hour spent working in the uni, yet people still ask me why I won't continue to PhD.
No offence to all PhDs out there. It's just that my practical and money-oriented ass couldn't
stand all the free work I have to do if I do that.
I'd rather work in a supermarket, at least I'm getting paid of what I'm worth.
😕

Previously, I rant in twitter but none of my followers understand them.
So now I am gonna switch here.

Please bear with me. (^.^)d

I'm a noob so I was dumb enough to google 'Eyeballs' in case it's a kind of tools that I don't known yet.
😕

Petition to change the Anonymous logo from this to this
🤡🤡

When someone you know IRL knows your devRant username and went through all your posts and comments. 😳

Wanna hear a story? The consultancy firm I work for has been hired to work on a WPF project for a big Fashion Industry giant.

We are talking of their most important project yet, the ones the "buyers" use to order them their products globally, for each of the retail stores this Fashion giant has around the world. Do you want to know what I found? Wel, come my sweet summer child.

DB: not even a single foreign key. Impossibile to understand without any priopr working experience on the application. Six "quantity" tables to keep aligned with values that will dictate the quantities to be sent to production (we are talking SKUs here: shoes, bags..)

BE: autogenerated controllers using T4 templates. Inputs directly serialized in headers. Async logging (i.e. await Logger.Error(ex)). Entities returned as response to the front end, no DTOs whatsoever.

WPF: riddled with code behind and third party components (dev express) and Business Logic that should belong to the Business Layer. No real api client, just a highly customized "Rest Helper". No error reporting or dealing with exceptions. Multiple endpoints call to get data that would be combined into one single model which happens to be the one needed by the UI. No save function: a timer checks the components for changes and autosaves them every x seconds. Saving for the most critical part occurring when switching cells or rows, often resulting in race conditions at DB level.

What do you think of this piece of shit?

S̠̪͓͓͐̑̑ͥȉ͎̦̬̱̤̣ͯ̆ͩ̃̌n̦̙̙̦͉̟̟͋ͬ̉ͫ̍̈́̚c͓̰͚͚̆̎ͦͫe ̹ͨ̚ͅt̠̟̦͍͕̑̾ͬͬ͒ͦͅǒ̪̩̑m͍̖̭o̝̬͚̦̥̺r͌̋ṙ̒̐̄ò͙͓ͭw ͩ̔̿̎ͤ̋ͮi̼̭̦ͥͣ͒s̪̰̃̂ ̲̰̮̣̮̌ͭͬ͆̔H͉̳a̠̲̟̹͓̰͎͐͆ͥ̓͋̍̎llo̱̺͖̲͑̒̿ͨw̜͓̟̺̹̹ḙ̭̳̬͇̻ê͖̼̮ͥ́n͉̺͑̽,̫̲ͪ̅ ̫̲͓̟̳̋͊̇̆̈̓ͅľ̠̰̅et̠̩̟̦͉̦͕͐̓ͦ͌ͩͥ̓s̱̓ p͔͚͈͎̰͓̘ra̰̘̥̗̲̯͓n͎̪̠̗͎̬k̈ͬ̊͛̉̅̚ ȏ̻͇̫̰̞ͣ̌̄̌uͤͭ͑ͯr͉̗ͅ ͊̊ñ͙̯͈͑͑o̗̙̍ͤn-͚̘͎̣͑͊͑̇̔ͅtͨ̽̿͑̇̚ḙ̱̾ͭc͍h ̯͖̓ͯf͓̗̥͔̥̬̎͒ͤ́͒ͯr͍͙̋̋ȉ̤en̥̻̦̥d̟̜̟ͬͩ̈́s͍͕̦̭̣͉̿̔̇ͯͥͬ ̲͛w̞̽i̥͕̙̹ͅt͖̠͕̒̍̈́h͉ ͊͐ẗ̒́̄̍͊h̗̜͔ͅi̖̟̫ͪͨ͊͊́ͅͅs ͚̩̟̐ͦͩ̔ͅz̰̫̦̹͖̙ͅḁ̗̬̪̪̰̋̐̂̈́̑͆l͂̓͐̈́g͖ŏ͓̘̳̝̩͍̯͆̈̎̈̍̚ ̫̞͕̺̣̌ͬ͛͋̿t̤̰͍̼̘͖͈́̇̄̂ͭͬͮe̘͖̠̠̓̊ͤ̅x͉͙͎͈ͩ̂̉͂t͙̞̣̖͖̀̎̽ͮ̇.͎̣̤

Boss: some consultants worked on this feature extending some legacy code
Boss: it's 90% done
Boss: they used FTP. It uses iframes and we fired them when they couldn't get the frontend modules working in sync with the backend.
Me: git checkout -b herewegoagain
git diff-tree --no-commit-id --name-only -r 666w3wl4d
*copy output list of files to sublime text 3; select all lines; add to each:
gitk --follow [filename] > src/.notes/herewegoagain/[filename].diff
*examines....
Me: It's -10% done. you'll know I'm almost done when I enter the fugue state. You'll find me at this address. Give me this USB stick and a 4 pack of redbull and I'll do the merge.

The guy I work with was pissed because I asked him the status of his task during the daily meeting.
He doesn't want me to embarrass him because he hasn't finished this task. He said not to push him further as he will do it soon.

Dude, the point of having a daily meeting is to give updates of all pending tasks. it's been one week, you're procrastinating on this task is delaying the progress of my task.
Mind you, this guy has a PhD but he can't even understand a simple project management like this.

Hehehe this whole team is clown world 🤪🤡

Successful Ddos on NASA.

My non-programmer friend (a mechanical engineer) has better pay doing what she loves.

I have lower pay, clocking more hours, and stress, doing a subject that I don't like.

Should I change profession?
: /

After you make your 1st PR,
Gsoc is not far away! 😂

This guy told me that I was unprofessional because I called him reckless.
He thought that reckless is unprofessional word?!

Are you fucking kidding me?! 🤬

I was just pointing out his recklessness of wanting to delete files in our shared platform without permission from the owners.
These files may be important and he only gave us 1h to back it up. He's the one being unprofessional.🤪

Anyhow, this is not the first time I have had a fight with him, and certainly won't be the last.

Go to the office, start the computer, get some coffee, open up Eclipse...

Java.lang.NullPointerException

Fuck this shit.

Me : "I need to stop geeking out about security because I have exams and need to write a report"

Me 2 hours later : "Ooooo.. what's this cool article about?Let's check it out 😎"

$age = 21;
$age++;
echo "Happy Birthday! You are $age yrs old now";

Me working in High Performance Computing :
CPU/GPU in full throttle ... go brrrr...

Me working on an app:
Should put sleep() in the while loop so as not to overwork the CPU

😑😑

My laptop's fan is blowing so fiercely like someone is trying to mine a crypto on it.

: /

Unpopular opinion:

- It's not a guarantee that someone who gets into tech because he/she likes gaming will be a good dev

- It's not a guarantee that someone who gets into tech because he/she likes money will be a bad dev.

The one and only "Linux beer" I've ever seen.

Here's how I describe my workplace:
- a mid dev that will stay mid forever
- a senior but with junior skill
- a mid but actually a junior
- a verbose dev, people having rough time trying to understand her because her explanation is always blown up
- a PM without enough technical skill
- a dev with personality like a moody teenager
- a contractor but acting like a customer

Did I miss anything? 🤔

Working on Sunday because deadline is next week.
P.S. We got project yesterday.... Wish me luck.....

Those of you who like "The Imitation Game", you probably want to check out "Hidden Figures" (2016). It's on Netflix now.

About a team of female African-American mathematicians who wanted to "break the glass ceiling" in NASA.
- Dorothy : conquered the (recently acquired) IBM frameworks using Fortran and taught her team to program it
- Mary : appealed to court to be allowed to study in a all-white school to get her qualification to be an aerospace engineer
- Katherine : her skills in analytical geometry enabled her to be the first female African-American in the Space Task Group in calculating the momentous capsule launch into orbit

My lazy ass just can't fathom how someone who deals with so much math and pressure can still smile to their family after work. My grumpiness nature will surely turn me into a monster.

And now I know what "human computers" means.

Is there a specific reason your company is called 'Hexical Labs'? If so, could you share the story of where it comes from?

My mom (a single mother who had to feed 4 kids) feed me, let me stay in her house (at least until I was 21) and let me use the motorcycle.
Instead of running away and giving up her children to child institution (because that's probably what I will do being a selfish person that I am)
If that's not support, I don't know what that is anymore.
It might not be much but at least it gave me the time to grew up and be independent to pursue my dream of working in IT.

Her strength and toughness facing the hard life is also the main inspiration for me to keep going, to prove that I can do whatever I want if I put enough effort on it.

Hurricanes that start with the letter F can go fuck themselves.

Fran - 1996
Floyd - 1999
Florence - 2018

All 3 hit (well Florence hasn't hit yet, but it's fixing to) NC and did significant damage.

I wanted a few days off from classes, but not like this man. Fucking hell I hope it doesn't take the power out for too long or destroy anything important (like people).

Anyone here has posture problems like anterior pelvic tilt or rounded shoulders form sitting in front of a computer all day?
I have them both and it
It basically makes me look like shit when I walk. Will strength training help with these issues?
Edit: tags

today I spent an hour and a half (30 mins past my paid hours) explaining go my boss that I'm not just being rebellious; that the time I'm taking to do the job right is appropriate and the only way to end up with a piece of software that they'll be able to request features for without adding on to the absolute shit pile frankenkrakken that is their mutated 13 year old OSCOMMERCE dumpsterfire.

I convinced him.

"Some days I amaze myself.
Other days I look for my phone while I'm talking on it".

😑

Every engineer in my company seems to be passionate about the industry we're in.
For example:
If we're in a medical industry, they're excited about being able to help sick people with the medical devices that we program. They're excited about the news/progress in the medical communities. They have something more motivating beyond creating tech tools.
For me, it's just a job with a paycheck. I don't drink their kool aid. I'm occasionally excited if I managed to create new things with new software tools.
I am often jealous with them, because they seem to be already working in their dream job, instead of having cold dead eyes like mine.

Other people : save money to buy car, house, etc...

Me : save money to pay for this f*cking degree where 80% of what they taught will be useless after graduation.

: /

I have only been working with this open-source tool for 2 weeks, but already found 2 bugs. The maintainer is also nice enough answering questions quickly in the forum and submitting the issues for me.

It's nice to be able to contribute something to the open-source community. Yay for me! 💯

Too bad that next week, I will transfer to another project and stop working with this tool.

The program 'x' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: sudo apt install x.

Wow, thanks! I didn't know! I've always wanted to know how to install programs with apt.

When being a developer means you give up sleep :p

The look I give to my friends when they asked dumb questions in class.

Last year, my current manager promised me a significant salary increase if I transferred to his team. He said that's because his department has bigger budget. So I did.

Today I received a notification for a 5% salary increase. 😂

I am a dummy for trusting him. 🤡
There's a reason why a lot of my former colleagues are no longer in the company.

Never fully trust your company folks!

DevRant algo is awesome....

My first Project is finally ready to be deployed on prod server.... Nervous.... How u guys cope with this stress?

Please, fix the printer

The only programming joke I know is my code....
(I am already laughing while writing this) 😂😂😝

Idiot mode: on

It's bad when you realize you are the most idotic person you know. I just bought a wifi card replacement for my laptop only to find out that one of the screws on its back was completely unscrewable. I foolishly decided to force my way through by forcing the plastic. I tought I got away with it as I only damaged a plastic support tighten to the laptop base but now, my laptop screen isn't showing anything.

When I first booted it up after this, it was working, but it started showing troubling signs shortly after. Now, all I can get out of it is a completely black screen, no backlight at all.

What should I do? 😥

The best way to predict the future, is to invent it...

I really feel like coding right now, but I don't have time. Problem is: when I do have time and I have to code I probably don't want to anymore.

How can I make my manager understand that performance should not be measured by how many tickets we have resolved?

If the ticket is an easy one then sure 1-2 days is enough, but for some complicated shit or dealing with models that I have never touched before, I am gonna need several days just to understand the requirement.

For some fucked up reason, our story point is in hours, instead of days. So when we say 24 hours, then it's only 3 days.

Another fucked up reason is that my colleagues doesn't seem to mind. I am the most vocal one objecting when got assigned too many tickets. They just joke around and seem to accept it.

FYI, I am just 6 months in and bouncing between 3 projects.
Am I just too lazy or slow?
In my previous company, the devs seemed to be pretty chill, and the project manager only complained when an issue has been dragging on for weeks.

If I have the same privileges (time, money, connections, environments, energy etc) that they have, I will surely achieve 3x more.

I am not trying to find an excuse, that's the reality. I already achieved way more than most people with the same background. I should be proud of myself, and other people who think otherwise can go fuck themselves.

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Because of high gas price, the government decided to lower our tax.
For me it translates to additional EUR 11/month ☹.
This is after deductions of thousands of euros each months (tax and social contribution) from my hard-earned salary. How come nobody is complaining about this?

During my yearly review, I told my manager that I expect to see significant salary increase next year (the inflation is 9% duh!).
She told me that I can expect to get 20% increase after 3-4 years. ☹
Now I know why a lot of people are leaving. How can you expect your employer to stay put if you're constantly paying them under market rate?! I have to keep switching jobs every 4-5 years to get a decent pay, right? Yet society expect me to settle down and have a stable job.

And then, how come a PM earn significantly more than a regular dev? Even the job interview is much easier. But I like the technical part too much to switch to people management.

By no means, I am starving right now working as a dev. I am happy that I even have a job, but somehow I felt like what I do is pointless just being a wage slave, and felt demotivated in a lot of ways.

P.S.: I am writing this now in front of my work computer. I have to catch up some work to do otherwise I won't have time to do it during the weekdays 😔
Pray for me guys I can get better job within next year.

Not a rant, but I think it's really cool, so I just wanted to share this with you guys. I recently went to a small symposium by an alumnus of my university. He uses the program Mandelbulb3d to explore the wondrous world of fractals. He's recently started to apply Neural Style Transfer to fractals. His website is julius-horsthuis.com.
↓ this is 1 (composite) formula, by the way

When your rant crosses 500 ++s mark.... Yipee....
*rich rich*

The whole dev community.

Those who have dedicated time and energy to share solutions, tricks, bug-solving ideas, codes that I can steal; teach me patiently even though I am slow, cheer me up when I am down because I'm stuck debugging for hours, brighten me up with programming jokes when I am sad.
Those who have allowed me to earn good money in the field that I really enjoy.

Yeah, including you 😘

Annual inflation rate = 9.2%.
My annual salary increase = 5.5% (from my meager salary as junior)

Thanks management 🤡👍

That moment when your rant has gone so viral that you have to force close devRant app. Coz your phone is buzzing every half an hour....

Intend to help a friend to find out what's wrong with a software installation in his laptop today...
But forgot that his Windows installed in Chinese version... how am I supposed to help.... (; _ ;)
I can't read Chinese... can't even find how to open Control Panel...
_________________________________
My native language is not English, but I always have all my techies set up in English.

Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problem.

3 database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later, they walked out. Because they couldn't find a table.

If the box says:
"This software requires Windows xp or better."
Does that mean it will run on Linux?

I am in the mood for anything at 11 PM-5 AM.
Cleaning the house, studying, coding ...
Juices of ideas, energy and focus are just overflowing.
Too bad that I have to follow "normal people" schedule which starts at 9 AM.

:/

Friends were having great and fun time last night partying after (also) last week partying.
And now someone's having friends over for dinner in the shared kitchen.
While here I am hours staring at my screen trying to break the algorithm.
: /
______________________________
Me : Enough with coding! I need social life!
5 min later :
*Checking devrant and reddit/programminghumor

Tech head fires a mail few days company is planning a hackathon. Overnight at office, with food, music and home drop offs in morning. We devs feel excited we will get time to work on our personal projects and complete them.

Yesterday, tech head fires a mail about the topics. Guess what? The topics are projects which company needs to scale up... Image recognition and text extraction. Selenium. Esign.

Now I am searching for an excuse to skip the hackathon...

Can someone tell me how a mid level developer with a PhD from EU country is unable to work independently, conduct investigation by himself without too much hand-holding?
Is he too allergic to use google search?

Or is it me that have too much expectation? He's been in our team for 3 months, he should be able to search docs/procedure/files by himself now. Is it me that are too workaholic nerdy and he's just a normal person?
🤔
Thankfully he's the nicest person in our team, but I am getting fed up having to answer his questions many times.

in the early 2000's I started installing Firefox on my high school's computers. about a month later it was being deployed to every one of them

I was looking at some info about how much ads pay, CPM and all that, came across a guy who answered a question related to this on quora (FUCK quora piece of shit content farm :/ but that's a story for another day) and put links to his apps on Google Play in it.

I always had low self esteem and think that I know nothing and I'm shit but seriously fact that people who make apps like this exist and are proud of their shit makes me feel better.

His entire collection of apps are garbage like this, like a "driving school" with images from Google Search and other games screenshots and "top 10 search engines" with just logos of search engines. 😂

EDIT: Typos

I was on the train and a woman came aboard. The only available seat was next to me. She takes this huge laptop out of her bag. While I observed this, I thought: she's going to code. She logged in and.. GitLab! She was writing R code.

I just came across this again

Windows 10 latest update feature.

Friends/Seniors : "Hey, you should take these courses. They are easy and you can get easily an A!"

Who the fuck decide what optional courses to take based on if it's easy or not?!
Students take them because :
a. They are interested in the subjects
b. Knowledge/skills after attending the courses will be beneficial for future career.

I put my money more on option b though, i.e I'd rather get C's in courses that I found it useful, than getting A's in useless courses.
(Btw, my avg grade is just a little above Cs)
If my sole purpose was just to get straight A's, I would enroll in liberal art courses instead of this stressing half-CS course we're in.
You're a joke to yourself, that's why I don't hang out with you.

One crucial lesson I learned while diving into programming:

Use various learning resources. Everyone explains things a little different.

You can understand stuff much easier.

Me everytime before our daily meeting:

"Breath in Breath out ...
I am not gonna pick a fight with anyone today ..."

No need for indentation

The reason why I like to code alone in the dark is so that people cannot see my dumb mistakes such as 'forgetting to hit run after compile and wasting 10 min wondering why my code didn't show on the console'.

: /

I've only been here for 1 month for my new position in Ops, and I already miss software development!

All I do everyday is just typing commands on the terminal.
If I am feeling fancy, I may create a script or two (that's the closest thing I have to writing code).

I hope I can get more interesting thing to do in the future. If not I can't see myself doing this in long term. It's OK for occasional tasks or added responsibility but I don't want to do it as my main job.

If it fails put water...

What I want to write :
//TODO : Parallelized this sh*t ???

What I actually write :
//TODO : Parallelized this part later if possible (i.e after checking if overhead doesn't cost too much)

Sigh.. I want to add more of my personality in my code.
: /

I always wonder why the IT guys seem to be short tempered when dealing with dev related issues.
Now I understand...

For a few days I have to help my colleague setting up his new project and dear Lord...
I thought I have enough patience because I am a woman...

This guy is very very junior, I couldn't get any input/ideas from him when debugging
Dear god, help us because I am the only one with enough experience in this project.

Interviewer said that passing technical interview means that 90% of the time I will get the offer.
In the final interview with management, I can't answer some questions because I didn't study. Isn't final interview should just about getting to know each other like hobby, interest, talking about company products?
They gave me some puzzle to solve :(

After that, they wait another 1 week just to tell me I don't pass. Why the fuck they wait 1 week just to tell me that? They should just tell me 1 day after!

I still have other job openings right now, but the job searching has been very depressing.
I will give it like 1 more month. But if I can't get any leads, I will just give it up. Maybe tech is not the right job for me.
I will just go back to my old job in non-tech. It's not exactly my dream job, but at least they don't treat me like shit like this.

Spent 3 weeks working on an issue (raised by dev A) by following the suggested solution stated in the issue.
Pushed a PR and got told by dev B that it's not the correct solution.
Dude, I am just an intern here and following whatever they told me to do. If you have a problem with the solution, please discuss it with dev A.
Now I may have to let go of the issue completely because it turns out to be much more complicated, not for someone with intern level skill.
FML, I guess this won't be the last time I had this right?

I just bought my laptop last year.
But I already crash it several times due to my horrendous C++ programs.
Lifespan is greatly reduced.

/*Please bear with me, sweety!
At least, until graduation!*/
: /

My first time doing a pair-programming for uni assignment.
My partner is actually smart (a Mechanical Engineering guy), except when it comes to programming :
1. Don't know how to spell FALSE
2. Don't know how to create array in Matlab
3. Poor variable naming
4. Redundant code everywhere
5. Not using tabs
6. Stealing my idea and spit it again in my face after claiming it as his idea
7. Mansplaining every line of his code like I am a stupid person who never sees a computer before.

He said he has an experience in Matlab, wants to specialize in Robotics and taking several ML classes. What did they teach anyway in class to produce a shitty programmer like him?

Thankfully despite his being an arrogant shitty guy, he still manage to get our code to works.
That's good because if not, then I will happily push his head under water while slowly watching him drown.

🤨

That one case ruined everything...

I just completed my college degree in may of this year and started working in a small company of <50 employees. I'm made to sit idle all day because I'm a junior and also because they dont have much shit going on.
I approached my head a few days back to discuss the same and he says that it's my responsibility to ask my senior devs to keep me busy and assign me work.
Now do I really have to suck my seniors dick everyday to make him assign me something?
Plus this asshole made the head believe that I'm not competent enough and that's the reason they're soft ignoring me, whereas I always did everything up-to his standards and then he even sometimes appreciated me for that.

Now the real question, if I leave this company and they give me a bad review, will it have a considerable impact on my future? I'm confused as fuck. 😐

TL;DR: Newly joined fresher, made to sit idle in the company, company guys somehow make it seem it's my fault for being idle, may give me a bad review when I leave, will it make me look bad?

In several occasions I run rm -rf * in the wrong folder (or wrong server!!).
No big deal so far, but I had to spent more time to redo my work since Linux has no fucking recycle bin like Win!
So I created this helper function to give my brain a few seconds to think before my finger hit Enter.

delete_all_files()
{
echo "WARNING:Delete all files? Type fluffycat to proceed"
read x
if [ "$x" = "fluffycat" ]
then
echo "Deleting all files..."
rm -rf *
fi
}
alias myrm=delete_all_files

Hehehe... I am a genius 😎

Removing Linux the right way

Today I'll be working in Prada. I'm scared as hell.

When a Google image search on your company name turns up more images of "ME" than the co-founders... Amazing feeling... One of the perks of working in start ups...

I was having a discussion with my Spv because I am stuck at my project, when suddenly he said :
"Hey, you seem to enjoy this subject!"

And I was just standing there speechless..
🤨
Excuse you...
I spent so much time than required in the contract because I'm getting paid and more importantly because I can put this experience in my portfolio.
Not because I enjoy this job.
I'd rather work on my personal project, preparing for job interview or playing with my cats if I have another choice.

He is a nice guy and has helped me a lot, but in the end it's all about the money.
Or maybe because I have a hard time trusting people these days.
I can't wait to start job hunting next month so that I can say goodbye to this job.

Q: "What's your most hated programming language?"

Me: "Lisp"

**Maniacal laughter from the interviewer**

I had a question:

If I do -- (downvote) on @dfox rant, will he ban me?

Yesterday was a horrible day...
First of all, as we are short of few devs, I was assigned production bugs... Few applications from mobile app were getting fucked up. All fields in db were empty, no customer name, email, mobile number, etc.
I started investigating, took dump from db, analyzed the created_at time stamps. Installed app, tried to reproduce bug, everything worked. Tried API calls from postman, again worked. There were no error emails too.
So I asked for server access logs, devops took 4 hrs just to give me the log. Went through 4 million lines and found 500 errors on mobile apis. Went to the file, no error handling in place.
So I have a bug to fix which occurs 1 in 100 case, no stack trace, no idea what is failing. Fuck my job.

How many job applications did you send to get your first full-time job?

My friend applied for 200 jobs before he got one. I am in my 30s now, but my motivation has almost run out.

The future seems bleak.

So I just finished my degree and started working here at a small game development company that makes board games for mobiles (android/ios) using Unity. I love Unity and have built some demos and all for my college projects before.

They said there will be a training period but all they make me do is integrate firebase and other ad network plugins into their shitty game project.

And above that I'm offered only $200 a month. My college made me believe that you must get employed however low the salary is, no matter what. Fuck this shit.
I'd rather like to make my own game someday and make money off that than to work at this nihilistic place.