Finally I found a webpage related to my bug.

The page is from 2004.

*keeps reading*

"Yes, yes! This is exactly the problem I'm having"

*Carefully reading each comments*

*Looking at scroll bar with stress*

*Almost coming to end, no signs of solution*

At the end the thread creator say: "Ah finally I've fixed the problem. Thanks everyone for helping"

*moment of silence*

WHY U NO SHARE THE GOD DAMN SOLUTION? YOU FUCKING IDIOT

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

So, this random teen on subway asked me if it was 9GAG I was scrolling [i was on this app ofc]. I said it's better than 9GAG.
He went on like this "oh cool, does it have the the NSFW section too?"
...
Me: a...No, but can learn coding stuff
Him: hacking?
Me: hacking is not what you thin... [He interrupted me]
Him: Damn cool, I wanna learn hacking, it's my stop nice meeting you tell me the name of the app
Me: a...9...ha...ck, 9hack!
Him: cool, thanks. [Gets off]

(Um...Some people just don't deserve DevRant, if you know what I mean)

Ummm, thanks but no...

Interview went well until i asked my questions about them.

"Are pet-projects a thing in your company"
... no.

"Can i attend programming gigs in a workweek, and are they paid by the company"
... no, no

"Any restrictions on the IDE"
... yes we only allow visual studio
"Wait, frontend web development in vs?"
... yes

"Do you develop in other languages then JavaScript"
... only Java

I calmly stood up, told them "I dont think that the company and I are a good fit. Thanks for your time."

You have done a great job!! Thanks for delivering the project on time. It is exactly what I asked for. I will ask for no changes and I will pay you right away.

Said no client ever.

C: application not working
Me: k. What changed?
C: we didn't make changes
Me: k... *gets a tech team (W) on the phone*
W: Hey, what's broken?
Me: C's application. How do things look?
W: running healthy. I'll check logs.
Me: thanks. *gets tech team (S) on the line*
S: hey, everything clear on our end, will check logs.
Me: thanks *gets tech team (U)*
U: hey! They asked us to deploy their new version today during normal deployment time. Is it acting up?
Me: C, what did you change?
C: nothing major, just how we connect to W and S...
W&S: are you shitting me???
Me: U, will you please roll it back?
C: no! Must stay on this version, you need to fix your side!!
Me: nope. *calls U boss (UG)*
UG: U, you have my permission to roll back, they need to fix. C, if your boss doesn't like it, have them call me.
*rollback fixes problem*

IF I FUCKING ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CHANGED, YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH, OR I WILL STRIP YOUR CODE OFF OUR FUCKING SYSTEMS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT. MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU AND YOU NEED TO BACK TO FUCK UP AND NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY JOB OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

IT: Hi, how can I help?
User: Hi, I can't get onto the wifi / internet, my computer says "No Signal".

IT: Hm, we don't have wifi, your on a cable, what exactly is saying no signal?
User: Its just on the screen here.

IT: No but where, are you inside a browser, or is it a popup down the bottom corner?
User: No I haven't got that far yet, it just says no signal on a black screen, then it flashes and says no signal in another position.

IT: ...... did you turn on your computer after turning on the monitor ... thats the screen saying no signal from the computer.
User: ah yep, thats it, thanks!

They asked for a web developer
Interviewer : can you fix this printer ?
Me: no
Interviewer : You're not for this job
Me: thanks God I'm not for that job

While working support a client calls saying he's being DDoS-ed. The whole team went into high alert. Everyone is checking network traffic but there is no evidence of an attack. The client insists, calls all the way up to our CEO complaining of our incompetence and that he's losing thousands of dollars every second.

I take it on myself to look a little deeper. After some Sherlocking, I find that the client's developers managed to build an infinite loop that makes HTTP requests to localhost. The client was DDoS-ing them selves.

I got no thanks for my competence no apology regarding my incompetence. 😑

Son: Dad why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because your Mom loves roses! Son: Thanks dad!
Dad: No problem, vue.js

Fuxk yeah! My code works! It's 2AM, I'm happy and there's no one around, so I wrote a poem :-P

What was once impossible,
Is now close to completion,
Thanks to my debug statements,
Which now await their deletion.

Alone at home ✔️
Night time ✔️
Battery about to die ✔️
No electricity ✔️
Painfully hot weather ✔️

If I die here tonight, please commit and push my code..
Thanks

I know why it exists but.. no thanks.

Dear nerds from all over the world,
We get it. 404 pics are funny.

But did you know there other status codes too?
Like...
204 - No Response
301 - Moved
302 - Found
400 - Bad request
401 - Unauthorized
402 - Payment Required
403 - Forbidden
501 - Not Implemented
502 - Service Temporarily Overloaded

I'm sure you'll also find funny situations with these.
Thanks. We're the best!

I love how Developers always seem to make the greatest communities, there's no hate. Just the most genuinely nice and helpful people. Thanks guys for being here!!

Bought new headphones because my current ones' input fucked up again. Already ordered a new one for free but hours of traveling today without music isn't really an option for me.

New headphones don't work on devices without usb ports! 😭.

Went back to the store because I didn't know that and thought they were just failing and got it explained there. No money back because they were working fine.

Me: "well fuck me right now, then I'll just travel without music today :'(".
Guy: *grabs something from a closet thingy* "Here you go, a pair of earphones!"
Me: "Awesome! How much?"
Guy: "Enjoy your traveling man!".

😮

Thanks a thousand times to that guy!

USER: I can't see any data in the page...!
ME: ok, I'll do a check
ME: API calls get no data back. Boss, did you change anything and put it in production?
BOSS: Absolutely not, I just modified the name of what was the "Family" parameter in "Type".
ME: Seems legit. Totally agree. I'm going to lunch. Can you check in the meanwhile why calling the API with "Family" does return nothing? Thanks.

Thanks for @PonySlaystation for coming up with this idea!

Wrote my first ever Firefox extension. It loads a json list from a server containing domains which, according to the snowden leaks of 2013, are integrated within a US powered mass surveillance network.

If it finds any urls on the page being loaded, it puts a fullscreen red background with a warning text and the links which match the surveillance criteria.

There's no way to continue to the web page yet, will try to add that later on.

Friend: Is blockchain a programming language?
Me: No it's a java framework
Friend: Ah, thanks for clarification.

My brother did something so stupid, I'm even doubting my relationship to him.

So yesterday he goes of to a friend of his and takes his MBP with him.

Later that evening he messages me : dude i got trolled big time, but reaaaally big time.

I ask him what's up, and what he replied to me, i still cant comprehend.

He said that he had lag on his mb when playing a game so he went to the internet and he came across a post with a command ... 'sudo rm -rf /' and someone else replying 'thanks bud, solved the problem for me'. So he went ahead and removed his root partition lol . I was like : WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ENTER A COMMAND YOU DONT KNOW WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP.

It made me think of another post here 'sudo like you have no backups'
Lol

How reading E-Mail is hard:

Me:
"Dear client,
please send the pictures for content A and Content B.

We also found content C in your spreadsheet. Do you want content C to be uploaded? Please us where to place it.

Regards

Me (who does not consider this a difficult text)
"

Client:
"Hello. Please find attached the pictures for A"

Me:
"Dear Client,
Thank you for the pictures for A.
What about the pictures for B?
And what about that content for C?
"

Client:
(no answer)

Desperate Me:
(Looking at the attachment and finding pictures for A and B)
!!@**! :(

Reluctant Me:
"Dear Client,
Please look at the new iteration <here/>

And by the way.. what about that content C?"

Client:
"Thanks and find the images for Content C attached."

Extremely fatalistic and desolate Me:
"Well thank you. Where shall we put it then?"

Client (answer to the unanswered mail above)
"Thank you. Please don't forget to put in C."

-_________-*******

This one colleague at my work.

I'm pretty new to a lot stuff and I stress out about some stuff a lot more than the other guys, mostly because I'm scared I might not be able to fix it.

But whenever that happens, I explain this guy what's going on and then, while making jokes, talking in a very calming way, he always knows to fix it in no time!

For everyone who does this, thanks for being there for the little/new guys :)

This is where everything started. I got the chance to work with actual production code. While it is very fun to work with, in some places it's also very frustrating. And this is from where, most of my rants come from.

Thank you @dfox and @trogus for making such a beautiful community.

The best part of this community is I never have to think or take time to make jokes or posts so that I can get upvotes. I've always wanted likes or retweets or reddit upvotes. But it never worked out because I have to think so much to make clever comments or posts. Most of the time, I gave up.

But in devRant, all I do is just share what's happening in my daily dev life. My frustrations, my happiness. That's all it takes. Everyone understands, everyone cares and everyone loves.

Over time, thanks to devRant, I've understood that I was part of the wrong community. This is the community that I deserve, this is the community that every dev deserves.

Thank you all. I love you. And I promise, more rants are coming :D

Especial thanks to @Yeah69 @kevbost @yarwest @tisaconundrum @Linux @donkeyScript . I have no idea why you guys all of a sudden rapidly upvoted me. Although I would love to reach 10k naturally but won't complain haha

A real interaction I just had...

Team Member: "Can you handle this ticket for a bug fix?"

Me: "Whats the problem?"

TM: "We aren't exactly sure..."

Me: "Ok, so can you show it to me?"

TM: "We can't get it to happen again, and when it does the machine freezes and we can't debug it..."

Me: "So, if I find a fix then how do we test to make sure it worked?"

TM: "I'm not sure..."

Then today,

Product Manager: "How's that bug fix going?"

Me: "Well, let's see. The problem still hasn't been defined. I have never been able to recreate the issue. I have a hacky fix in a PR..."

PM: "Great, so we can deploy today?!?"

Me: "No, because we have no way to reproduce or test this issue at all..."

PM: "Do you think your fix will work?"

Me: "Honestly, no. If you're asking for my opinion then you can have it. IMO this is NOT a bug fix but a change to how the system operates altogether. This system was built by someone who didn't know what they are doing. We have done our best with it but it is a house of cards. And now the solution is to replace a card at the bottom layer. It is likely that no matter what fix we do (even when we can fucking test it) that it will topple the house of cards..."

PM: ~Looking at me in disbelief~

Me: "If you ask me for my honest professional opinion then you will get it. Keep that in the future if that honest response was outside what you expected."

PM: "I will do that, thanks for your assessment"

Where do we go from here? God only knows.

Praise Joe Pesci

My Senior php backend team leader told me I could choose a new laptop, he said:
"You could always choose a mac, and be a real developer"
mean while I was already downloading ubuntu, and replied
"No thanks, I don't do html/css"

Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...

My friend write to me
Friend : Hi my PC is broken
Me : Any text on monitor ?
Friend : No
Me : Do you plug power cable ?
Friend : Oh sh**t no. Thanks !
Me : facepalm

*at front end job interview*
Me: so what kind of version control do you use?

CTO: well, one of the guys here developed our own system.. bla bla bla *turns around laptop*

Me: *sees internet explorer* NO THANKS 😬

No, thanks, I'm fucking fine without it

Teacher says we're using Wix for the assessment we're doing in IT class.

Yea no thanks.

"hi, we have some dns records we'd like to change, they're in the attachment. Could you send a message when it's done? Thanks in advance!"

No, fuck off. Fucking cunts.

Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!

PM: Please get this done by tomorrow. It's just a small change.
Dev: No its not that simple.
PM: Why is it not simple? Please explain so I can understand.
Dev after a hard thought finally explains: blah blah blah
PM: Well, we have promised the client so please do this by tomorrow, thanks.
Dev: *bangwall

DevRant feels a lot like home. Not because I'm a pro developer - I'll probably never be one. But because I get to spend time with "my people". It's like when I went to Dreamhack for work and after 30+ years of being weird there were suddenly over four thousand people just like me.

There is no shortage of online IT culture but devRant is unique. It could have become the usual cesspool of hate, misogony, trolling but hasn't. Somehow it gives me hope to se a place meant for blowing of steam turning out to be one of the more respectful communities. So - thanks people! Your rants actually make my days a little better.

God virgin media are useless:

Me: “hello how long is left in my contract”
VM: “you have three months left, may I ask why”
Me: “this is now the 3rd day in two weeks I have had no broadband I’m looking to swap to someone more reliable”
VM: “ I’m sorry to hear that I’ll check our system to see what I can do for you”
2 mins on hold
VM: “hello mr day we can offer you a special offer of doubling your internet speed for only £5 a month”
Me: “how does that help with the fact I have no internet”
VM: “well it won’t but we have an engineer looking at the problem and we estimate it will be fixed by 17:05”
Me: “thanks but no thanks, what’s the early exit fee”

😡🤬😡

Me: ooh my eyes hearts, I have to sleep now, I fix this tomorrow morning.

(go to sleep)

Inner Me: hey
Me: ...
Inner Me: pisst! wake up
Me: what?? leave me alone I'm tired
Inner Me: remember that issue you had?
Me: yes?
Inner Me: this is how you can solve it
Me: great thanks, I'll fix it later
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now
Me: I'm tired, I'll fix it first thing in the morning
Inner Me: no no you'll forgot it
Me: no I won't, let me sleep
Inner Me: no no you'll forget and I won't tell you again
Me: look I write it down in my phone now leave me alone
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now.
Me: *crying* for God sake...

(gets out of bed and try to turn on PC and it's not starting, realizing that the power is out)

Me: you happy now, I fix it tomorrow.
Inner Me: no no stay awake till power is back on.
Me: SHUT THE FICN ON PICK OF CRAPE. Did SHDUHDBD DBDJDB

Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.

New Dev: Sure. Thanks.

*a few minutes later*

New Dev: How to comment a code?

Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.

Boss: Hey, you were in that "Pike place fish market session" today. How was it?
Me: well, it was really motivational and inspiring. I learned few new things.
Boss: Great! Also let me tell you that you're again our employee of the week and we're considering you for the employee of the year award. No one got nominated so early in the job here.
Me: Thanks
Boss: So you wanted to talk to me. What was it about?
Me: Oh, I wanted to resign. Already sent the mail to you.

Drove 1.5 hrs for a interview at a company which was developing mgmt software for fire departments. They were very pleased with me, as i am with a volunteer FD and a perfect fit in their opinion. I declined after i found out they code base is mostly VB6 and they considered source control unnecessary.
Thanks, but no thanks.

I recently found an old laptop and turned on. It was running Windows but was too slow to use. I had Linux installed and it runs like new. I now have a laptop to use with no extra charge. Thanks Linux!

People who use smartphones with brightness set to 100% and no blue light filter on a dark bus at night with the display (7+ inches ofc) in the direction of your eyes... thanks, now I’m blind.

Story time:

Ok so I'm in school and I'm on the computers we have to do a project on them the with rest of the class and I'm sitting beside this guy let's call him Bob (not his real name) anyways so Bob is working away on his computer and I'm trying to move documents and i decided to use cmd for it so opened it and then bob saw the cmd window and yelled "TEACHER HE'S TRYING TO HACK THE SCHOOL" then my teacher came over who has no idea how to operate computer like the rest of the class im surprised they can even turn the computer on anyways my teacher comes over and yells "PRINCIPALS OFFICE RIGHT NOW" and I'm like WTF?! anyways I have to explain to the principal what I was doing but she didn't understand so I go detention that day. Thanks a lot BOB!

Don't y'all (I'm from the south DEAL WITH IT) just hate it when you find an answer form to your problem on Google and all the replies are:

"I have that issue too"
"Sorry no idea"
"I had that problem last week"

Then the guy who asked the question says:

"I fixed it thanks"

CARE TO SHARE WHAT YOU DID SMARTASS?!?

Using Eclipse for java programming.
My program doesn't work... No errors, no warnings, the logic seems good.
A couple of hours of debugging later still nothing.
I close it and open it again, it works, thanks Eclipse.

Just when I deactivated Facebook I found devrant. Hmm no regrets 😁 (thanks to Google play's homepage).

A senior developer come to interrupt me.

Senior developer: blah...blah....blah about this concept...... that concept... So, any new things you learn lately that you would like to share?

Me: I am learning back C++
Immediately he stop me and said, "Why did you learn C++? It is obsolete, no one use it anymore"

Me (in my head): But, you just said what I learn. It doesn't matter if its obsolete or not. Infact you are wrong, C++ is not obsolete anytime soon. I was about to share on webassembly.

Senior developer: So, would you like to join me in a short sharing session this afternoon.

Me: No thanks, I am really busy (just want to avoid at any cost)

I love how some services have trap pricing, pretty much like drug dealers of the interwebs.

Me: I would like to send e-mail to my clients.

Company: Sure bro, here, take our service, you can send emails to all your clients, just 5€ per month!

A year later

Me: I have now over thousand customers, I would like to send more emails and implement some new features.

Company: Thousand customers you say?

Me: Yeah

Company: All in our servers you say?

Me: Yeah, thanks for the great service!

Company: Sure, no problem. We can enable you additional services for 40 000€ per month, half of your liver and two of your first born babies.

I fucking hate holidays. Every goddamn time when it's a holiday, that's when I need to go to the store and get something, only to find out that they're closed. And what for.. holidays are - to me at least - no more than an excuse for people to not go to work for the day.

So, now I ran out of booze, and can't continue developing and testing my breathalyzer until Monday.

Then it hit me.. what if I take all my Arduino equipment (laptop, jumper wires, ...) to the café and deploy my build environment on a table there?

Eh, no no no. I don't want some idiot to come up to me saying "YOU EVIL HEKORMAN!!!" and have to explain that just like when you call a banker who's working with the money vaults a thief, it's wrong to call someone that's developing shit an evil hacker.. one should strive to not throw mindless accusations out of unknowingness. Not that I'm a good example of that though. But still.

It's probably that or some stupid bitch coming up to me asking to hack her boyfriend's Phasebuk.. that said, that could probably be an opportunity to get in her pants. But then, I don't wanna insert my meat in an idiot like that... ._.

So, no booze it is then? Thanks national holidays!

"Ok Google, remind me every day before a holiday because I really couldn't care less about them!!"

No Google translate, I don't want you to translate my Lorem Ipsum. You are misunderstanding what I'm trying to do here. Thanks anyway.

Sure, WhatsApp. It's not like humans have been using the 12-hour format for literal millenniums. Change it to this weird English format with no apparent way to change it back. Thanks.

Dear Nokia, I really like your phones. But if I have a question about it, I expect the "Send" button on your contact form to actually work. Thanks.
FYI, I actually checked the console and network tab in two different browsers. No requests, no errors -.-

Usually, I work that way :

1. Read the documentation
2. Try stuff
3. Fuck it doesn't work.
4. Oh no 😢
5. THIS THING IS HORRIBLE I DON'T WANT TO WORK WITH IT SOMEONE HELP BEFORE I COMMIT SUICIDE
6. - "You should look at this :"
7. "WOW THANKS GOOD IDEA"
8. Yeay it works!
9. Oh wait, why does it work?
10. What the f*ck 🙃 it doesn't work anymore
11. Oh I get it
12. THIS THING IS AMAZING I SHOULD USE IT MORE OFTEN

Windows 10 update: no more wifi, no more trackpad, 60MB more RAM usage when idle.
Thanks Microsoft!

Great... Just spent so much time on unfucking that HP turd that I don't have the energy anymore to rant about the many certified brainfarts that I saw in there - such as gluing the bezel onto the LCD, placement of ribbon cables etc. Thanks HP -.-

And no I'm not gonna design and mass-produce an alternative without any flaws, just to support my own criticism towards certain design choices.

For my school coursework, we have to create a search facility, now the problem is my class weren't taught this. So 3 sleepless nights and with basically no knowledge of Javascript, I create it. Now, I like my classmates so I don't want them to fail, so I distributed it to them with clear instructions and told my teacher that I'd done this. They asked for my help anytime it crashed but no-one said thanks, they just treated me like an easy route to a pass. I went onto my school private development forums and it turned out my teacher had created a tag for me called 'Unsung Hero' and made a UH appreciation thread that I could read but others could only type their own post. People in my class were praising me for what I'd done and how much I helped. I understand why I do development and why I'll never stop.

Making an Android app for a group project. Of course, no one besides me in the team knows anything about Java, or Android, or life, apparently.

A guy "worked" on some small feature for 90 minutes last night before calling me for help. He can't comprehend git so he sends me a message containing his spaghetti code. I proceed to bang it out quickly the right way with him on a Skype call watching my screen but he isn't asking any questions or contributing at all. We have an approaching deadline so I am beyond coaching this guy.

We go to test it out and I had forgotten a line. Simple fix, but it prevents the feature from working as intended. Rather than being remotely helpful the guy gets an attitude about how I write buggy code and that the feature should be robust. I fix it and he slinks back to silence.

Cool. Thanks for the help bro. Glad you could contribute.

An idiot was running to get the train (underground) and almost slipped into the track.

Tried to hold me, smacked me in the face in the process. Still held him from falling in the track. Didn't even say thanks.

My nose is now bleeding like there's no end to it. There's a big cut right in the middle of the nose.

Not the Friday I was looking forward to :(

"You've earned the Tumbleweed badge (asked a question with zero score, no answer, no comments, and low viewed for a week)..."

Thanks SO!! When I feel down, you can always make me feel lower...

No Google, I don't want to download Google Chrome to use YouTube. Thanks for the offer, but I'll stick with my browser.
Fucking cunts.

When you learn your project will be launched Monday in an email sent to the whole company, just before the weekend...

I'm not even kidding. No one on our team was consulted if the app was ready or not.

There was no infrastructure in place to even deploy the app. Everything had to be done in a hurry over the weekend to deploy something half baked, thanks to that idiot project manager who told his boss everything was ready.

Two colleagues ended up doing this work over the weekend, but looking back, if I was the one having to get something deployed over the weekend, I would have just refused and come back to work as usual on Monday and watch that idiot explain why it's not live.

I hate it when I try and have a discussion with another dev and the conversation devolves into something akin to:

Me: I'm doing a thing in y language! How do I do z using y language?

Dev: WHY ARE YOU USING Y LANGUAGE?! Y LANGUAGE SUCKS AND IF YOU USE IT YOU'RE STUPID. ALL REAL DEVS USE X LANGUAGE.

I just wanted to know how to do something. Maybe I don't want to do it in another language. Maybe I have to use this language for work/study. Maybe I've just been given legacy spaghetti code and can't change the system easily.

Why do people feel the need to do this? And if they want to flame a language why can't they do it constructively?

Dev: If you are trying to do a thing in y language, why don't you try using x language? It offers an easier way for you to complete the task that you want, and it has other amazing features too!

Then you could actually respond with the appropriate response which would be thanks but no thanks because of this reason or thanks i'll check it out.

No need to be so elitist all the time.

Dear Tech-News Outlets,

Yes, I accept 30994 cookies and do not want to uncheck them one by one.
No, I don't want to subscribe to a newsletter full of content completely unknown to me - maybe let me stroll around a bit before asking me? But please don't ask me in the middle of reading the shitty article. Maybe make use of a so-called "sidebar" for shit like that?
Yes, I want to continue without turning off my adblock.
No thanks, I know how to turn it off, I'm going to remove this overlay now via devtools, alright?

Yours
An annoyed user

Yes, can't w8 to debug skype using IE.. :/
Thanx but no thanx!

Thanks java! FAILURE :java.lang.OutOfMemoryError: OutOfMemoryError thrown while trying to throw OutOfMemoryError; no stack trace available

*removes Paint 3D as well as a bunch of other apps that I never use*
*Windows shits the bed every now and then again, BSOD here and there like the usual piece of shit it is*
After a few of those occurences..

Windows: Oh look, you want to open this PNG image? Well I guess that I'll open it in my newly (re)installed Paint 3D!!!

Me: For real, Microshit. Just how pushy can you fucking be. If I want to edit images, I'll just use the "legacy" fucking Paint for that, thanks!!! No need to convince me anymore, and get this 3D shit out of my fucking system already!!!

PS C:\WINDOWS\system32> Get-AppxPackage *paint* | Remove-AppxPackage

AND NOW JUST FUCK OFF, FUCKING PAINT 3D!!!

Well dear former employer thank you for everything. Thanks for taking me on as a junior and not providing any training at all. Thanks for changing my job role without consulting me whilst I was on holiday and again failing to train me for a job I had no idea about, but you apparently needed me to do for you. And finally thank you for letting me work nearly a full shift before telling me how much you like me, don't have a bad word to say about me, and you're really happy with all my work but the company and I "aren't a very good fit for each other anymore".

Dear recruiters and so called "startups".

If you want to attract me by starting with the phrase: "Mobile lead role in Startup" and you go on like...

"We are a startup with offices in Shanghai, Hongkong, Vancouver, San Francisco, New York,... "

or

"We are a startup and also the 6th biggest phone network in the world... "

No thanks, enjoy your startup themed cubicles and fuck off!

After the stickers, the ball is finally here!
It's way bigger than I expected, I love it. (no sexual jokes, please)
Thanks, once again, to @dfox and @trogus for this awesome app and this amazing community.

"You should definitely use Ruby on Rails. All the startups and cool companies use it, plus it's really easy to pick up."
- random dude in computer lab

No thanks.

I hate recruitment agencies. Had a conversation, i said no thanks. They phone back they next day and tell me i need to let them know if i want to go forward with the job then get angry with me as i tell them no again. WTF?!?!!

Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!

"No thanks lol it works this way too"

Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution

"Why are you so mean"

Today, my dad can finally ditch his iPhone 4 which is passed down from my eldest sis to my mom and to my dad, all thanks to my brother-in-law getting a Samsung Galaxy J7 on Black Friday.

Finally. No more Apple bullshit in my house!! NO FUCKING MORE!!! *insert hysterical laughter* GOODBYE STUPID 20-PIN CHARGER CABLE~ GOODBYE ITUNES~ GOODBYE ICLOUD~ FUCK YOU!!!

Me to friend: I have finally unlocked the devRant C# shirt!
Friend: like, an actual shirt?
Me: no for my avatar, I'm so stoked!
Friend: so... It's not real? That's so stupid.
Me: you want to get deleted like I deleted Facebook? devRant swag is the best swag.

Thanks everyone❤️

A true story.
"Ok you did a very good job during these 3 months, so we think you can go on with us."
"Thanks, so how about the final contract?"
"What? oh no eheh, you will do other 3 months as test because we want to see if you can do also other stuff not only as developer, we need that you act also like a secretary, a tester, a manager, and working again for home after work, and also during the weekend, but we can't pay extra work of course. So, what you think?"

The magic world of startups

Lots of stress and strain the last months private and at work.
Headache all the days and no time to get back to my self. Programming starts to get tedious.

Now changing my life completely.
Broke up with my girlfriend and started looking for a new work - finally got a new contract today.
Dismissal coming on Monday.
3 months to go to get a enjoyable life.

PS: lurking some months and finally created an account. Thanks for all the rants which let me smile!

Wanted to ++ rant about that clicking devrant logo refreshes page. Now thanks to algo I can not find it... Sorry mate, no ++ for you

!rant

Im going to boast for a second. I wrote a lockless multi producer c++ thread pool that scales linearly, doesn't eat cpu on no work, and has a proper packaged_task + futures interface. It's fucking awesome, and that is all. Thanks for reading 😎

What's the shittiest IT company you seen ?

I'll tell one i know - it had the shittiest web site I've ever seen, they built Android app that "enables users to pray to God" , a basic shitty app with pictures of Hindu gods and a button labelled "Perform e-pooja" Also the app description said "Share the app with friends and family" to receive free Gods blessing.

Really dude?! How low can you go?...have some basic ethics!

P.S: This company came to our institution with job offers and my teacher asked why i didn't attend their interview.

No thanks, I'd rather start as freelancer and work on building my own company than wasting my life in such retarded company.

Google's slogan is (was?) "don't be evil" but all of their new MD apps are blindingly white light themes!

Retinas?, no don't need them. Thanks Google.

Microsoft seriously hates security, first they do enforce an numer, upper and lowercase combined with a special character.
But then they allow no passwords longer than 16 characters....
After that they complain that "FuckMicrosoft!1" is a password they've seen to often, gee thanks for the brute force tips.

To add insult to injury the first displayed "tip" take a look at the attached image.

Got a call from a recruiter today

Recruiter: I'm trying to fill a full stack position in Charlotte.
Me: not interested
R: why
M: I hate NC
R: what can I do to make you reconsider
M: I want 120k
R: Ok, well please pass this opportunity along if you know someone who is looking

I *actually* just moved from there.
Guess someone didn't read my job history.
Convo was seriously less than a minute.

2013 Wanted to make games with unity, no prior experience. Failed horribly learning unity script. Nothing made sense.

2014 change in carreer from retail to sysadministration at a local small recycling company ( no prior experience other than being a digital native )

2015 Got bored at work, learned c# with scott lillys tutorials. It clicked!

2016 i enroll in cs at local university. Acing most classes, even got a b on the math module i took. I am 28 now and my life changed a bunch to the good thanks to coding, tech and cs.

“Hey, thanks for accepting my request we have a role you might be interested in.”

Sure, happy to move forward

“Great you just need to a complete a Technical test”

How long is the recommend time?

And I quote:

“It’s entirely up to you how much time you spend on this task. I’ve seen tasks done in 45 mins with minimal effort previously. I’ve also seen others take a week on it. Totally your call”

——

...so you contact me to offer me a role and want me to invest up-to 1 week on a technical when I’ve not even visited your offices. How about no.

had wished for a raspberry pi as christmas present, ideally with a pi cam on top.
now i've got a pi cam😏 ... and no raspberry pi😐🤨😅
that was unexpected

“Hey - just calling you to give you an update”

Great - sorry can you refresh my memory what was this for?

“So I was about to put you through for a client but they’re no longer accepting CVs so just to update you that’s not happening”

Sorry, what was the client again?

“Oh I can’t say, but they’re no longer accepting CVs”

“...Thanks, goodbye.”

*So you call me to tell me that you can’t give my details to a client that you can’t disclosure....get off my line 🤬😡🤬*

I can't tell you how much I hate people who make articles doing relatively simple things, in node, and instead of showing how to do it, they proceed tell you to install a fucking package (usually made by them)

Yeah no thanks, it's great that you figured this out and took the time to "enlighten" other devs but I'll just look at your repo and use the native JavaScript functions you wrapped on myEgoInflatingPagacke.justAWrapperHuehue(). Bye.

- Information -
The RandomQuote Bot is out of order. No more quotes to post...

Skayo, the owner of this bot, is currently working on an alternative to the quotes. Please be patient!

Thanks,
Skayo

*at work*

co-worker: what are u doing?

me: programming and learning

co-worker: but school has just started... u guys havent learnt anything yet

me: thats the great thing about programming, everything is already in the internet waiting to be read and learned. try it next time ;)

co-worker: learning out of school, no thanks

This community is amazing. I started developing an app from scratch, with no knowledge of how to do it but this community has helped me so much. I have just started it, been a few days but devRant is what got me into coding in the first place. I was more of a hands-on electronics/mechanical engineering kinda guy but this has been amazing and I might just switch to computer science branch for my engineering. Thanks devRant and the community :)

Got an email in response to an internship application asking "if you can just complete a coding challenge within next 24 hours thanks". They also wanted to me to setup a phone interview today or tomorrow. As if they expected everyone to drop everything with no explanation.

Told them I'm busy but can get started on Sunday, and was told they have assessment centres next week so it can't wait. No real apology.

I didn't set the date for the assessment centre, this is your fuckup. You have to at least feign respect when you ask for a day of my time with less than a week's notice. Been through too many bad interviews to waste my time on a company that doesn't have its shit together and/or doesn't respect interns.

Idk, maybe I overreacted. Thoughts?

Sales guy calls up from overseas and complains website we got developed from another vendor is not working.
Being just the middle man who project managed the website development with the offshore vendor, I had no clue what was wrong as the site was working fine and "worksforme" was not going to be acceptable answer for the costumer demo.
Being an embedded drivers guy, had no idea to debug this, except one:
Me: Which browser are you using?
Him: I.E
Me: try any browser other than I.E
Him: it works. Thanks
Boo yeah

After lots of interviews and waiting and hard work just got something similar to my dream job.

I am so happy. Thanks for all your success rants they gave me the motivation to keep going when it seems there was no hope.

Remember everyone just keep going, keep trying, keep pushing.

Happy ranting.

Handed in my vacation for this year. Didn't hear back for a long time, no info at all. Got the new employee assignment spreadsheet for our biggest client, which went out to them. In it, my vacation is pushed behind by 3 weeks.

Thanks, but I didn't want to learn that my vacation has been delayed from THE FRICKIN CLIENT.

Today work at fuck*ng salesforce project. No time to eat. MANA helps. Thanks god

Dear people who create frameworks and libraries,

Please don't advertise your stuff as 'super easy to use', 'incredibly lightweight', 'no configuration needed', 'seamless integration' and shit like this. We all know it's a big fat fucking lie. Just be honest and write 'it supposed to be all-purpose but won't solve your problem', 'a huge fucking chaotic mess', 'slow as shit', 'will eat up all your resources', 'might be good but we've lost the documentation' or 'actually worse than vanilla'. If you'd do this, the world would be a better place.

Thanks,

Looks great. That's all now set for my WhatsApp profile pic no more hassle on that. Thanks devRant for the awesome avarter.

Matryoshkas are better companions than Ducks, and here's why:

-Made with wood. The material of Men! No industrialized rubber to spread Capitalist propaganda

-Multi-layer. Explain your code with different levels of complexity. Babushka Matryoshka is keen on C!

-Never feel alone. Maybe you want some intimate one on one, maybe you want a whole party of helpers, all thanks to pocket dimensions (included with the Matryoshkas).

So what's your excuse for not having a Matryoshka Comrade cyka!

After 3 interviews with test:
"Ok very good, I see you are good with JavaScript, Php, MySQL and some frameworks, it's exactly what we need because we use only on the edge technologies and we do very cool products."
"Thanks, so what about the first app?"
"App? oh no eheh, now you must manage our 12 wordpress sites and edit the CSS!"
"Very good, so while I see you all goin to fuck monkeys I with to you a nice day"

>Installed a new graphics card (thanks santa <3)
>Boots into Ubuntu
>Try to SSH. No route to device.
>Log in locally. "Failed to start raise network interfaces"
>ok.
>find out that installing graphics card renamed enp2s0 to enp3s0.
>ok.

Remember how CPU speeds stopped mattering after they reached 2GHz? (except for gaming and media editing of course).

I believe Internet speeds have also met that zero marginal utility point at 15Mbps.

I felt no difference when mine went up gradually from 15Mbps to 75Mbps now. (Thanks ACT, India)

TL;DR;

Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...

Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:

Boss: is there any problem with the server?

Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.

Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?

Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.

Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?

Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...

Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.

Boss: OK. Thanks

TL;DR;

Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...

Woow when you remember those days when there were no weekly rants and now you saw 22 weeks woow and in this time became like person who know how i feel in problem and fuck they can help better then other and best of it they are programmers so they know how hard is it its been awesome with you and i know it will be even better with you. And i think everybody here would say " @dfox @trogus thanks for this community"; devRant is just fucking awesome everybody knows how you feels when you have those fucking bugs in code.

ouuu yeah today arrives my 16Gb sdcard put it in my sdcard work and now PiBook the hardest thing with shitty display from ebay it will be ok but the shity seller send it damaged i get 1/4 refund for not working thick black line ? it has 5 mm shit next mount will get money and i want to invest it to bmx but no i need to buy some old screen from somebody ahhhh bot ok calm down haxk20 its ok you can do it from that display. Ok but when i will buy Bmx and then nothing to invest in i will need to buy a new display fot Pibook for now it will be 7 inch PiBook
Thanks for listening guys

Thanks stupid workmates who fuck up the project first and then 4 hours before the deadline tell you without any feelings "it's late, I'm going to sleep".

NO FUCK YOU GET YOUR ASS HERE AND START HELPING ME

So apparently I can't test my apps on my own device without paying my Apple Developer Certificate.

I knew it is needed to pay for it if you want to publish/distribute your app but c'mon... This is ridiculous.

My app was literally a fresh app creation, a fucking white screen one page fucking app and when I tried to run in on my iPhone, then I ended up having this problem:

dyld: Library not loaded: @rpath/libswiftCore.dylib
Referenced from: /var/containers/Bundle/Application/BCD48EAA-82C2-46F6-ADEE-45C740C3B66D/HWorld.app/HWorld
Reason: no suitable image found. Did find:
/private/var/containers/Bundle/Application/BCD48EAA-82C2-46F6-ADEE-45C740C3B66D/HWorld.app/Frameworks/libswiftCore.dylib: code signing blocked mmap() of '/private/var/containers/Bundle/Application/BCD48EAA-82C2-46F6-ADEE-45C740C3B66D/HWorld.app/Frameworks/libswiftCore.dylib'
(lldb)

If any of you guys know how to solve it without paying (even more) PLEASE let me know

THANKS

The irony - no thanks

I practice stress-debugging.
It means that while I'm debugging and still in the phase where I have lots of ideas about what possibly went wrong (thanks to my loyal diagnostic team of ducks), I intentionally increase my discomfort level, forcing my brain to work faster and solve the issue. I don't drink, eat, or go to the loo no matter how desperately I need to, until the bug is fixed.
My colleagues and managers think I'm insane or a closet masochist but nevertheless, they acknowledge it actually works for me.
How weird is that?

Many years ago I had a job as web developer at a small promotions company. The owners loved micromanaging their 7 employees, down to the minute. Work started at 9am, if you were even 1 minute late, you were deducted 1 point. (Even if the weather was bad) Once you were at 10 points, you were disciplined by being given an unpaid vacation day. (Thanks for the day off!). At 12 points, you were fired.

It only took me about 8 months before getting my day off. Somehow I was able to time it perfectly to a job interview at a large company.

Luckily I got the job, and purposely was late the next two days so when they told me I was fired I could tell them I already got a new job (thanks to their 10 pt rule) and I'm out anyway.

At the new job, I'd often drive home and nap on my lunch hour. No one would notice if I came back an hour and a half later.

The owners of the 1st company divorced a few years ago. The husband and I have actually kept in contact over the years. He's a cool guy when you don't work for him. He invited me to a Green Day concert over the summer. Probably makes the above story a little less cool, but at the moment, I was burning bridges!

Recruiter: I might have the perfect role for you that will match your salary expectations, they want to send you a technical challenge using Java.
Me: Did you read my CV headline at all?
Recruiter: is Java and Javascript not the same?
Me: Thanks but no thanks.

One of my colleagues tried upgrading his Windows 7 laptop to Windows 10... he had multiple issues getting the installer to run but got past it after a couple of hours troubleshooting.

He left for lunch when it got to 81% installed, and got back an hour later to find "Something Happened" proudly displaying on-screen.

He clicked 'okay' and it just started rolling back to Windows 7 with no explanation as to what happened, or even any error codes!

Thanks Windows!
As helpful as always!

Being honest in an interview:

- What animal would you be?
- No one else. Happy enough as human, thanks. [ sarcasm face ]

Recruiter: how many years of experience do you have?
Me : 4
Recruiter: the client wants someone with a minimum of 5 years
Me : okay then, let me know if anything else is available.
Recruiter: You can change your resume... just add a year.
Me : ???? No thanks
Recruiter: they’ll never know ... you can tell them later
Me : ....

I read a lot about people that think that millennial are the most entitled and demanding group of people. The more i work in technical support, or any Client based job, i know how it's an half truth.

Truth is Older people usually are WAY worse. Can't fucking make a decision by themselves, i always have to CHOOSE their fucking language. How can you so stupid, you can't figure out which language you want you computer in... You don't know which language you talk dumb fuck? (Not talking about keyboard layout here, you can imagine it's even worse! But at least i know why somebody that has no technical knowledge can be confused)

I have to take them hand by hand because they can't figure out how to read... Younger people usually just say: Okay i'll try that! Thanks! And just hang up, no fucking dicking around on things i don't know what they are doing or why they are asking. They are rarely the fuckers that want to talk to a supervisor to get free repairs and returns. Entitlement at it's best...

Stupidity and entitlement have no age. Period.

Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.

Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.

We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:

"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"

WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?

Made an Android app a while ago. I needed some pet project so I decided to go with Java for Android. First time, no experience at all.

So everything went ok, I had a little help from a colleague, structuring code, and pushing to the store. Work done app was doing ok.

A year later I came back to this project. I needed to fix a bug - date time and daylight savings crap. 😥

Spent a week on it. Ready to push a new version to the store, with some extra features! Build apk. All good.

Wait. I need to sign the APK? Wtf. I had to format my hard drive. How do I recover my fucking certificate?

*Google's for a while*

No fucking way. I can't restore the certificate. Or get the keystore back. The solution is to create a new app with a brand new package name?

Thanks for nothing, I'm done with Android development.

Finally after a couple of years, we finally finished our game for... Windows phone. When we started the only real choice was to develop in silverlight.

Now silverlight has been discontinued and microsoft released uwp, no real help to convert to uwp (I know mobilize bridge exists, but it is not very good) since many features does not exist yet in uwp :/

But hey that's expected right? But couldn't microsoft at least ensure performance of silverlight apps on win10 mobile??? We have used a lot of time optimizing that the game runs smoothly on crap phones on wp8.1, but highend phones on win10 lags....

Thanks microsoft for taking a change :/

Fuck StackOverflows a shit show of support.

I post a question asking what the best practice of achieving a certain function would be, only for it to be down-voted to high hell and marked a duplicate. Yet the duplicates it refers me to have very little to no help on the situation.

And then there’s that one twat who has to edit your post, the most pedantic of changes. Why don’t you actually help!?

Thanks, rant over. Breathe... 💆‍♂️

Didn't go to class on Friday cause some asshole broke into my car. Checked slack for my homework over the weekend before bed and...nothing.

Check slack 2 hours ago... huge project due in 7 hours... wtf slack thanks for no notification and updating my messages late as fuck...

Time to brew some coffee I guess.

One of the reasons their extensive data collection is becoming annoying for not just the privacy freaks, but everyone is when it starts suggesting me dumb stuff like no thanks I learnt coding by spending two years on messed up projects and wrecked half a dozen servers before I had an idea on how to host a website go feed this zuckershit to some other n00🅱

!dev && rant
No words can describe 8 hours of this. Thanks Vietnam!

!dev

@dfox and @trogus I have to say I'm very impressed with the quality of the stickers I got back in October. They have been enduring near daily use from taking my laptop in and out of my backpack to dealing with my sweaty palms on the keyboard deck. No discoloration at all.

Appreciate you guys and this platform you are cultivating! Thanks again.

So today I was offered a job at the company as a junior frontend developer. Digging a little deeper I found out that they don't have any other frontend devs in house.

So the job offer translated to:
- senior skillset
- senior workload
- junior wage

Best part is that I was freelancing for them in past and was helping to establish some of the workflow a year ago for more money they offered now.

Thanks, no thanks, I guess?

You know it is gonna be "fun" integrating client APIs, when all of them respond with
"Thanks for submitting the request"
And no error or status code whatsoever, no matter what you send.

Also, the client likes to test/call this API in Internet explorer address bar, and doesn't trust Postman. Amazing shit dude.

<noRant>
Thanks @devRant for the stickers!
Now I need to find a good spot on my laptop to stick em on.. No idea which layout looks best
<\noRant>

HR: good news! We're going to be moving your whole floor to a **newly renovated floor** in our main building.

Me (thinking): sounds good! It'll be all new and I'll be reintegrated with the main population, see young ppl (girls) finally.

HR: there will be no assigned seating though. Do you think you will have any problems finding a seat since your deaf?

Me: Hm.... should be fine... (Thinking: so no nobody will care if I work from home or not...yes!)

HR: Actually they said they can give you a fixed seat!

Me: wow thanks!

(Wait... Fuck... Did they actually review my low physical attendance rate so now if I become the only guy with a fixed seat on the floor, I will have to show up more instead of working remotely whenever I want (the rest of my team are in different countries)... I will literally be the center of attention...)

I'm getting addicted to collectables.
New one is the storm trooper. Me no like rubber ducks.
Thanks china... Would never pay 30 dollars for a doll :p

Developing a notification API, sends emails to subscribers, email API can take only 100 IDs at once, so partitioned the email list and send mails in blocks of 100.

Forgot to reset the list after every block, so each new partition got appended to the existing list and kept going on.

Ran it against a test DB, which was recently refreshed with near-prod data !!! Thousands of emails went out of the app server in one shot and everybody receiving numerous duplicate emails. Especially the ones in the very first partition.

Got an incident raised by the CEO himself reg the flurry of emails. But, things were out of our hands, quite literally. All emails are queued up in the exchange server.

Called up the exchange server team, purged​ the queued emails. No other emails were sent/received during this whole episode.

Thanks to Iterables.partition in the present day.

// 2011-05-13 - no idea why we're doing this, revise later

Wow thanks, take your time.

Cocktail for disaster:

- TDD
- Mocking
- Multithreading
- Averagely well written, testable code
- All tests pass
- One test methods still shows some vague stacktrace in a worker thread ❌ but the test passes ✅
- Run only that test method and no stacktrace.

So I've been pulling my hair for the last two days trying to figure out what was throwing in that test method. Turns out that thanks to the multithreading going on, some other, similar method threw the exception in parallel. And apparently a different test method was already running when the exception was finally caught.

🖕

When I discovered that, it was fixed in a minute. 😭

Fuck this shitty C ecosystem! Multible compilers, one standard complying, one hacked toghether? Only one GPL poisoned standart library, with no real chance of switching it, which prevents me of making staticly linked programs? And then there is microsofts compiler, with fucking ANSI support. Thanks. No dependency handling. Concurrency? pthreads. Are you fucking kidding. JSON? Have fun finding something static. Compile times where you can read entire books. Segfaults without one helpful info, so you have to debug with prints. And every library, every tool, installer, compiler, stdlib, anything is poisoned by GPL. But hey, its fast. And efficient. After you spend many slow and inefficient months developing something. I am so done with this shit.
Well.

Tommorow i will continue working with C on my backup project.

Did i mention that the stdlib has no features? Not even threading? Which is IN THE STANDARD?

@dfox thanks for the stickers! No better place than on ur works notebook.
Next target the stress ball...

Me: *Showing the "You ! Count" image from devRant to a friend*
Friend: Haha! Nice one!
Me: You should install devRant, the image is from there
Friend: What is devRant?
Me: It's like Twitter, but only for programmers
Friend: No thanks, I don't like Twitter

I have failed you, master!

A course at university made us program a chat server and client with Java RPC (in the days where there was no such thing as stack overflow), without ever teaching us anything about coding.

The grading was based on unit tests executed on a Server the university provided.
The server was down or overloaded most of the time and one could only try to deploy at most 3 times...
There were heuristics in place to find duplicate solutions.

... I have to say, that course took me from "hello world" to developer within a couple of months. Thanks assholes!! :D

I'm using my devrant avatar for some UI testing :P , thanks @trogus and @dfox
(no production and plagiarism intended)

Man I'm having coding cancer today. Working on old shit made by previous people. I'll make this example generic as it's from my workplace but..

There's a function that is called isFriend(), you would expect to return true if that is the case or false otherwise right?..

WRONG. There is a tenary statement within it that essentially translates to:
if (jobRole != "friend") return true else return false;

What the fuck.

So how does he rectify this? He flips the output everywhere he used the isFriend statement by putting '!'. No comment to indicate how he patched the fuck up (JUST FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FUCKNUT); so when looking at this code I saw:

if (!isFriend()) { do not friend code }

He has wrote:

if (!isFriend()) { do friend code }

Thanks for wasting my time asshole.. many tidbits like this I've found..

Caller: Hi, I work with Google. Can I talk to the decision maker of [your company]?
Me: I am. (Ho, my god, this is finally happening, I'm the chosen one!)
Caller: Would you like to improve your visibility on Google by ...
Me cutting short: Thanks but I'm not interested.
*Click*
To myself: Raaah, me too I work "with" Google!

(no my phone doesn't do *click*, it does *bee doooom*, but well)

So it's 2018 and i am wondering is there a:

Laptop with at least 16go of ram that can last AT LEAST 24 hours ?

Tasks involved:
Running vms
Ide
Browser

Work related stuff

No Apple products please

Thanks!

Ps: i already got a couple of laptops so i am not in a hurry i am more looking for something that i can carry around while traveling in a lightweight manner

Tech dumb Friend just came in with his laptop saying it was overheating and shutting down for d past 2 weeks for no fkin reason. Initial thoughts were dusty vents but wow i opened task manager and ders literally a bitcoin miner named GPUminer.exe running in d top of task manager task list. Retard mfs didn't even mask d mf name. Resetting d shitshow now thanks mr hax0rBoi.

Yesterday
Me : Hey, I'd like to do a pull request, but there's something that might not help, you think you can help me solving it before I finish that task ?

Worker : *no response at all*

Today
Worker, by mail : Hey could you do a pull request ?

Me : ... 凸(⊙▂⊙✖ ) thanks for answering my question, edgy bitch

Thanks for notifying me.
I really needed to know about
'Default title (title parameter not sent with no..'

On a programming lab the professor told us to use gedit to write our code because "it's easy to use"
No, thanks
*Installs a few plugins and uses vim instead*
Now *that's* what I call easy 😎

I hate to hate. Wow that’s a paradox. But Windows—why? Why must you have he volume be 2-3x louder every time I unpause a YouTube video. Then I have to adjust the volume to have it reset to what it was before.

I try to give every operating system an equal chance, but EVERY TIME I PAUSE A VIDEO? Not to mention you also updated *some* driver, in which I am very unaware of, while I was watching a video. Then Firefox crapped itself for no reason.

Please, stop it.

Thanks,
User.

Thanks for the reminder, wk17. To get unstuck: *pomodore*. Set a timer for 30 to 45 minutes, under which you are only allowed to concentrate on a single thing. No email, no looking up why your editor doesn't find declarations, no tuning of the red color of your terminal that is to bright, no compulsively opening devRant.
Time's up, do whatever for 5 to 10 minutes, and repeat.

Looking through job openings in case I get shafted so bad here I end up leaving, I see a nice sounding Java role and think "oohhh dis sounds good".
Required experience: Using the Eclipse IDE.

*closes page, cries*

Swift 1 and 2 were really pain in the ass!! You had to write God damn completed word of each statement. Eg : "presentViewController" is now "present" in Swift 3. Or that fucking "NS" in every object :)))
Thanks God! Thanks Apple! No more bull shit keyword!

What was supposed to be an inoffensive shutdown during the weekend for maintenance became a nightmare today. The storage went to the space thanks to a system admin who was supposed to know what is doing. Since there is no power button I just pulled the power cord, he said.

Apparently the windows 10 anniversary update did "something" to my laptop today.
Keyboard stopped taking input at a random moment a few hours after the update. I shut it down, and it's stuck while shutting down. Pressing the power button has no effect, and the battery is non replaceable (except with a screwdriver and unplugging a cable, which I don't want to do while there is still power running through the system)

Guess I'll just leave it unplugged and hope for the battery to die.
Thanks you Windows 10, thank you Dell P57F002.

TLDR; sometimes I want to murder my friends.

Pratten: Hey Ethan can you image the robotics programming laptops?

Me: Yeah sure no problem. Let me just make a custom windows iso with all the software we need so I don't have to deal with installers after the fact.

Pratten: Ok great!

Me: *makes custom ISO compiles it and puts it on usbs*

Pratten: hey could you also add drivers station?

Me: uggggg... *Recreates iso and preps bootable flash drives*

Me: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED?

Pratten: nope that should do it ;;;)

Me: ok great. *flashes laptops and runs install. (they're old so it takes a while)

Pratten: ok good job thanks. Did you install *NOT PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TOOL SUITE 1* or *NOT PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED NEWER TOLL CHAIN THAT ONLY HE KNOWS HOW TO GET* ? If not I'll have you install those later.

Me: *suicides*

From Friday 6 am to Tuesday 6am (108h i think)
Why?
I had to get a website up and running so i worked until 2 am and realized that no trains or.busses are going anymore until 6 am so i kept working, then suddenly, thanks to my adhd i went into hyperfocus and didn’t nt leave from the seat (other than to get coffee) until Tuesday morning
I had had so much coffee that my heart felt like it would be home half an hour earlier than rest of my body

After that i stayed home for 3 weeks not wanting to see a line of code or talk to any rubber ducks

Thankfully i was able to recover and apologize to my rubber ducks

When working on a schoolproject I actually managed to do loads of work in a night when I was mad drunk.

Two days later I met with the project group again at school and I remembered I did something with the project, but had not the slightest idea anymore.

My project group showed up all excited that a lot of bugs were resolvee and we finally had something really nice working in the frontend thanks to me. It was a similar feeling to waking up when your arm/hand is numb and on your face and you have no clue whats going on, at first youre scared and later it was a damn cool experience.

So this happened a few days ago.

Me: (chilling like a mo'fucka then suddenly an email alert)

*Opens email and realises it's from a recruiter*

Recruiter: We are a venture-based startup out of LA, funded by a top VC. We have developed the first turnkey Serverless Swift platform for app development.

We are looking at expanding our team and we have a few different openings for remote and contract work.

Simply reply to this email with your resume attached.

Me: Thanks for reaching out and presenting me with this opportunity.

I plan on going back to school this January and for that reason I humbly have to bow out.

I will surely keep an eye out for {company_name}. The idea is rather interesting I should say.

*I go back to chilling like a mo'fucka*

*The next day I'm at work, I get an email from the same recruiter again*

Recruiter: Thank you for submitting your resume.

We are expanding our team and are looking for Swift rockstars to join the movement of bringing server-side Swift to the masses.

We were impressed by your resume and wanted to get to know you better. This survey is the first step in that process.

Please take a moment and complete. It should not take longer than 10 minutes.

Me: ...........................
*Calmly walks away from my desk to the bathroom*

WHAT FUCKING RESUME HAVE I SUBMITTED TO YOU? BITCH, MY EMAIL EXPLICITLY SAID: THANKS BUT NO THANKS...

You can't just force an applicant

Hey everyone!

TL;DR I'm looking for a way to make a webapp for iOS.

I am developing an app for iOS devices. I am more familiar with JS, CSS and HTML, not to mention I have already created a fair chunk of the app. So it would be great if there was a solution that worked like UIWebView/WKWebView. I've had numerous issues with both of these widgets. UIWebView worked the best, most like a normal browser renderer, however still has some very annoying anomalies. For instance the input box could be covered up such so that you could still type but not see what you were typing, no other web browser does this. I've had plenty of issues that I have had to find hacky workarounds for. Is there a better way? I've heard of Titanium by Appcelerator, however I wanted to get as many opinions as a can.

Thanks!

I give software support to Rugged handhelds in a company and everyday some IT support moron comes to me with a crazy request. The day just started and...

IT Tech: "Hello, C, can you improve the touchscreen sensibility? It's not so responsive and sometimes we have to click more than one time to something work"

**breath in**

Me: "That's ok, the rugged ones that you have are very old, besides they have resistive screen, so your fingers won't do a good job"

IT Tech: "THERE'S NO WAY TO FIX IT? I guess I'll open a ticket for you to study more calmly about the issue"

**NGGGGGGGGGHHHH**

Me: "If it's not a software thing, I can't do that, I don't have hardware skills, I guess you'll have to call our provider about that, but, before you do something, try to recalibrate your handhelds, the majority of the users don't do that at the system's start and the touch experience really can become a mess"

IT Tech: "Hmmm, I'll try that, otherwise I'll back to you, thanks!"

OMFGGGGG

I am open to suggestions of a magic batch file/ .NET CF 2.0 software that will turn their handhelds into a Galaxy S6 touch experience. THANKS!

Hi everyone, I've a desktop and in my area power cut is quite frequent. Although we've backup power, but sometimes it takes ~15 mins to come back.

Is UPS only option for desktops? Laptops nowadays have so long battery power, why there is no good option for desktops. UPS usually stays for 5 mins. Could you please suggest something better, as I've seen lots of desktops in posts? Thanks.

I finally found something to rant about! So what happened is that I am participating in the Digital Ocean competition (I need to do 5PR's). So I find a report with a lot of scripts. I decide to contribute and write a discord webhook API (send messages through a webhook). The next day, the guy goes "No thanks :)" and closes the PR. Words cannot express how triggered I am. I ask him if I can make anything else out of exasperation (I did not intend to do anything for him anymore, I can't explain why I did that), he tells me no...

;(

Finally became a 2GB lol just random but a milestone nonetheless. Thanks all for listening to my inner voice when i feel there is no place to get these recursive thoughts out of my head.

Have a great day

There is no one who can relate to me around our area. Even my friends are non-dev. It's frustrating. Thanks devRant for existing.

New years resolution: no more tech support period. No one appreciates it and if anything breaks in the future youre expected to fix it. Lol, no thanks

Hello Darkness, my old friend, I finally moved to dark side xD. Paying a little didn't even hurt, though I got some stickers from Unixstickers, thanks to someone in comment on a random rant here.
P. S. - No, I haven't used them all yet, I just put them together for a group photo and no, arch is not like that.

So I'm soley a Java developer, and I got the task of making a server so I was like what a great time to learn C++ or something. With no prior knowledge of what c++ looks like I make a new project and open the damn template to be confused asf on where to start. I lookup some hello world tutorials and now I'm even more confused. Thanks C++

Hi. I would like a hamburger. Would you like cheese? No. I would like a hamburger with no cheese. Ok. Wait here 15 minutes and I'll give you a hamburger with cheese.

It's the same everywhere... image assets... project managers... node packages... almost every exchange I have - is with someone who isn't present and cannot deliver what they promise.

Huge thanks to the other people who follow through.

Being on time for that 10 am stand-up meeting.

Yes, all the cool kids are doing it. Yes, sometimes there is a benefit in being in the office at the same time as your colleagues. Yes, communication and backbriefing is important.

Yet why has it to happen at that early early possible time? Yes I know other places are worse demanding to be in office starting from 6 to 9. (I wonder why I don't work there. Oh wait, I don't.) Some companies even try to trick you with free breakfast in the morning. Thanks, but no thanks, I just want coffee.

Here's a crazy thought: You let me do my work on my terms when and where and I guarantee I invest the hours we agreed upon in the contract and try my very best to achieve the current goal, and maybe I'll be a happy and productive employee.

How about that? No. Ok. By the way, is this a good time asking for the possibility to work from remote? Also no? Ah okay. Didn't think so ...

Dear last dev, thanks 4 leaving little 2 no //comments as u possibly could. 😑😣😢😠

Please //comment ur code!!

I some time's feel stupid when my Ubuntu start acting up on prod, purge this and that ,fuck apache can't start system CTL that ps ax grep in the p#$#@* , damn apt install nginx full good, mysql can't start too ,OK apt install mariadb-client else percona && apt postgresql thanks ,god no client noticed ..

Story time... (Not long though)

My current employment status is quite strange. Basically I'm a freelancer. My former boss asked me to throw a half paid job and include three days worth of work for free just because it would be convenient.

When I told him no way - he was very uppset and offended and told me how disappointed he was.

Lesson learned: If you work for free and offer to "help" someone out, it will mostly lead to more queries for free of charge gigs. Don't do it like I did. Fuck that shit, thanks for appreciating my effort.

HELL YEAH! First day into the vacation and after checking the mails, I see that I have a new job offer from a company I have applied for. It is not the company with the highest priority on my list, but it is still cool to have them inviting me for a talk that fast.

Btw. I have a question to the experienced job switchers among us (I do not mean job switchers in a bad way).
What do you guys set your priorities on when it comes to joining a company? Do you have any tips for people who want to join a company in a general view? What NO-GOs can you give to us? Thanks.