adding //To do in my code be like

Code comments be like....

So this happened in my computer science class

Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"

(Whole class laughed)

*code doesn't work*

-Run three times, just to be sure
-Its NOT the code, must be the project. Full rebuild.
-Run a few more times after rebuild didn't fix it.
-Google the issue.
-Stackoverflow must be wrong. The code is JUST like their solution.
-Run a few more times, but with your lucky underpants
-Reboot. Must be an operating system thing.
-Tea break. Give the issue time and it will fix itself.
-Run a few more times. Still unfixed
-Contact customer support.
-Walmart said they can't help.
-Consider writing your own language without this OBVIOUS flaw
-Kickstarter for c++++
-Raise $50,000
-Start a family
-Contact customer support again
-Run a few more times
-Now banned from Walmart
-Oh shit, missing a semicolon

Not a coding test, but:

Them: So you are interviewing for a programmer opening. Do you like programming?

Me: yes.

Them: do you make logos?

Me: ...I can...?

Them: good because you won't always be writing code here.

Me: I'm out.

Reading other's code be like...

Imagine what a coder Gordon Ramsay might be like:

Your alghoritm is so FUCKING slow, I'd rather to try to brute force a 20 characters long alphanumeric password!

This app is more insecure than an average teenager!

If your code was a spaghetti it would be a fucking health hazard!

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

girl friend: What kind of stripper would you want for a Bachelorette party?!?

me: no stripper...

girl friend: like a coding stripper?

me: what?

girl friend: he'd come out and be like, one zero one one zero one...

me: I love that you think I code in binary hahaha

girl friend: like the matrix!

me:
*pauses*
*contemplates explaining what binary is*
yes, like the matrix

:D

"You can teach my son to code. He doesn't like typing so just use that mouse thing (track pad). He's got an idea for an app (Flappy Birds clone) that'll make millions. It needs to be done tomorrow for his school computer project."
- Boss

Started Computer Science class yesterday, but i code like 12 years. My fellow mates mostly never coded in their life. They think its gonna be easy. They think they will have a social life. They think their gonna get sleep.
Those fools.

My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was

Hollywood be like

"Oh no they shot a hole in my CPU, let me just rewrite the code so that it works again. I'll be 5 minutes."

《WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A DEVELOPER IN ZIMBABWE》

Working on my project and suddenly power cuts off

Laptop doesn't have a battery
So it instantly shuts down

Ohh snap !!!

Luckily I've set my Vs Code to auto save every 3seconds

[Sigh..]

I code through the night until 8 am, then sleep until 6pm+.
My family then calls me out as being unproductive and lazy.
Why must the whole world be oriented against night owls like me? 😥

Colleagues asking me to write clean code be like...

"everyone can code" is like to say "everyone can write". Yes, everyone can write, but there's a difference between be able to write and be able to write a successful well-written novel

An actual quote from a kid in my English Class:

"Because I'm a programmer, everything I make has to be perfect, cause that's what it's like when you work with code".

Okay it's called devRant - so I'll rant...

Why the fuck do people write comments like that:
$savesThisStuff = "stuff"; # does save stuff

Why are here 1500 lines from which there are 700 outcommented code and 300 dead functions which aren't called anywhere?

Why the fuck is here PHP code which generates JavaScript inline which itself generates STATIC (!!) HTML.

------
"Always code like the one maintaining your code next is a violent murderer with an axe and you'll still be save."
... Where's my axe again?

People who don't understand what I code or who don't even know what a freaking "code" is, telling me how to do my job!! Then my reaction will be like -

When you get appreciation for the code that you took from Stackoverflow be like... 😂😂

Debugging the code be like...

Pushing code to production be like...

Spoke to a programmering student who insists on writing his Java and python code in PARAGRAPH format, like an essay (the teachers do not teach this). Tried to explain why this is a bad idea. He explains to me that if others can't read his code that it is their problem and that he would never make a silly syntax error like missing a semicolon or a bracket. Called me stupid and walked off.

Life will be hard for him.

I sit near a Spanish guy who talks to himself under his breath when writing code, I think its mostly swearing. You would think this would be annoying but I have grown fond of it as he sounds like a ninja, and its most entertaining to sit back and listen some times.

Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.

I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml

Had a PM in my programming class say "I want to understand what my team is going through, so I want to learn to code and the like, really to be a jack of all trades to better myself and my team" 👏 I respect that.

Removing bugs in code be like

The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.

@dfox
!rant, it's the Feature request

Possibility to post `a code snippet with monospaced font` would be usefull.
Or even
```
def multiline_code():
from 2 to Inf:
"Lines of code"
```
Sth like in markdown.

No, listen to me. I cannot approve this PR because your code does not comply with our code style. All the imports and annotations must be sorted in ascending order by length. They must all make fir-like blocks of code. Because it looks nice.

Now go and fix your code

I just smiled and walked away to obfuscate my code with firs . I had no idea what to even say to that... I still don't

You know what you sound like when you say that "I want to be a programmer but this code is offensive so remove it"? It's like saying that "I want to be a surgeon but I don't like blood, so remove the blood right now."

I personally don't really like blood a whole lot, especially when it comes out of the bodies of other people. I don't really want to become a surgeon, but let's say that I would. "Teacher, I don't like blood, I want to become a surgeon but I hate blood!!! MAKE ALL PATIENTS STOP BLEEDING NOW!!!"

To which my teacher surgeon would of course respond: "Well how about you don't become a surgeon then, because humans that are cut open do bleed, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Same thing with code. You know why code is written? To be a useful tool, for people to become more productive by running the thing (unlike the average SJW). And normal people, you know how much they care about the code? They only care for it as much as for it to be able to run properly. And the ones that do look in the source code either want to improve its functionality or check whether it's actually something decent, secure, safe to run etc etc. People don't normally look at code for the sake of getting offended by something.

But the formulation used in the code, does it even matter? Jerk, it's a term that's used in physics. Does it refer to your despised white cis males whacking off? Of course it doesn't, it's a term to describe change in acceleration. Masters and slaves in code, does it refer to slavery? Most certainly it doesn't. So why bother?

Just signed my first contract as coder. I will finally be paid for writing code. I haven't been paid for doing something I like for years.

If you're gonna comment a lot or a little, at least be consistent. I just read some code like this:

//prints "are you ready?"
printf("are you ready?");

//get the value
int findVal(int x) {
/* some fucking complex algorithm with no comments whatsoever that seems to have an error messing everything up */
}

Opinion:

I feel like the word "code" is way too overused and more of a buzzword. There are all these sites that say "learn to code using HTML in 2 hours!" Those titles are great for getting people interested but I feel like they hurt the "reputation" of the word.

There are so many people that come to me and say they are HTML coders and know the entire language. But then they can only make a site that says "hello world" with maybe a link and a colored background.

Also. Can these sites please explain that html isn't really programming and is more like fancy documentation? Html + CSS may be Turing complete, but they aren't programming languages and in my opinion, shouldn't be treated or referd to as such.

If the message you got from this is "ewpratten doesn't like front end web development" , you are wrong. I think it's great.

Anyways.. what are you guys' opinions on this?

True compliments I have given:
-*actual tears dripping* I'm changing how I code to be setup more like yours
-if I could fuck that code I would

Today I made like the dirtiest hack I ever made. I needed to convert people's birthdate into days (starting from 0), and then had to find out the oldest person. It didn't work, because the output was the youngest person... So instead fixing the mistakes in my code, I simply made the value be negative ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Going through a new hire's code, CSS noobs be like...

This is why development with Node.Js is tiresome...

The story is always the same. After several weeks, you finally understand that new fancy concept and you enjoy it...

Only to find that 8 month from now, it is going to be deprecated...

You need to refactor your code for the sake of future generations. Otherwise, your code will looks like a pathetic dying dinosaur...

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

For a developers ranting social media platforms, it sure seems strange that we can't format code snippets... 🤔

At least something like `foo(bar){}` would be awesome!

Add no comments or documentations whatsoever during my initial years of coding (when actually I used to write code worse than a constipated elephant's shit).. In my mind I would be like "This is quite clear-cut.. A first grader will be able to understand this code.."

But then I had to debug my own code barely some 1-2 months later and I figured out the importance of good comments and documentation..

I should find me a girl that loves to code. Those would be some arguments I would like to pass through

I am like the weakest programmer at my job. I wanna improve and get better. Understanding how to write good unit test to reading code. Damn it. I just wanna be better.

If you've spent time learning how to code and you're daydreaming about having a dev job but don't have one because you're too nervous to apply, just do it. The worst thing that can happen is that you'll get the job (and be stuck ranting like us).

My code be like:

"Call the method cronk...

WROOOONG MEEEETTTTHHHOOOODDDD!!!

Why do we even have that method "

Lecture be like, I have provided some "working code" for you to modify.....

(applying to a developer position)
interviewer : So, do you like to code?
me : of course!
interviewer : Are you sure? because this is a developer position and women prefer something more administrative than coding.
me : Wow! nobody told me that before. If I had known I wouldn't have studied this.
didn't expect to be called back after that...

That complete mental block when you know where you want to be and you know where you are but you look at the code and it's like looking at alphabet soup 😞

Code reviews be like.....

ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ON MY VACATION TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NOPE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOUR UNSTRUCTURED PHP CODE WHICH NEEDS TO BE REFACTORED BECAUSE 2 VISITORS ON YOUR WEBSITE SUGGESTED SO!

I have to refactor code from an intern. He's VERY lucky that he already left the company.

If I'd say he programms like the first human that would be very insulting to that first human.

It looks like code at first sight, but when you try to understand what he was doing to achieve his goal you get a brainfuck. Duplicate code, unused code, dumb variable names like blRszN.

He wrote unittests like "expects Exception to be thrown or Server returns Statuscode 500".
Yes, Exception, the generic one.

THESE FUCKING TESTS ARE GREEN BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY TEST SOMETHING.
GREEN IN THIS CONTEXT MEANS: YOUR PRODUCTION CODE IS A BIG PILE OF SHIT.

I already removed 2 bugs in a test which caused another exception than the "expected" one and the test does still not reach the actual method under test.

Dumb fucktard.

The sad thing: The fuckers who did the code reviews and let this shit pass are still here writing code.

Trying to write more commit , so that i can stay top in github project chart with less real code be like....
Git commit -am "added p in code"
Git commit -am "added r in code"
Git commit -am " added i in code"
Git commit -am "added n in code"
Gir commit -am "added t in code"
Git commit -am " gave the proper indentation to print"

When you and your colleagues fight over code intending whether it should be a tab or ''x'' spaces.
My reply: It doesn't matter what you use!! It's like eating with either a fork or spoon, as long as you eat, dammit!!
My friend:

Writing code for SJWs be like

Sad. Got a new job. Apparently, readable code is not a priority. My suggestions were being ignored. Does the benefits of condensing an if-else to a simple one-line return statement really that hard to understand? Does making clean and readable code should be an optional thing to consider? It doesn't help that I'm the youngest, they felt like I don't have enough street cred. I'm starting to hate my job.

Self documenting code is a fucking myth you bloody sheep.

Write “self documenting code” then add a fucking comment or two explaining why the fuck the code deserves should be there because nobody can see what the fuck it is doing or understands how the whole collection of microservices works. I’m sick of spaghetti code bullshit full of accidental redundancy because it is impossible for anyone to realize why something is there at a glance.

I renamed different “Contract” classes today by adding numbers before code review.
Contract
Contract1
Contract2
Contract3
All of these classes are supposed to be the same but somehow they aren’t and you self documenting dumbasses missed it. Don’t gripe about the numbered classes in the repo… fix the fucking code and collapse the classes so we don’t have four sections of code describing the same fucking structure from a http get with different interfaces because four people couldn’t read the whole like some fucking computer.

Cleaning up my old code be like..

When someone pushes the code with compilation issue be like...

I am using VS Codium instead of VS Code to see what kind of things change when you scrape the Microsoft out of it. Apparently some tools for dotnet core like debugging are locked down and only allowed to run in Microsoft made IDEs.
I hate the sneaky Microsoft API lockdown nonsense and will be steering future projects away from any dotnet core development. I thought this was dead in VS Code but they managed to sneak it in.

To all "I hate microsoft" weepers out there. :)

Well, I like the way Microsoft moved. I LOVE Nuget, I like Github. I like how you they moved to open source!

I like Visual Code, love Visual Studio Community Edition, hell yeah some dont do that I heard. About Dotnetcore: (asp)dotnetcore is a fucking miracle. I LOVE it, I LOVE the conventionmodelbuilder, I LOVE how they allow DI. I like the easy shipping, I like the cutting of dependencies. I also like Azure, And to be honest:I like the C# language. I even think it's the best I ever had to use. And I love LINQ, I love Entity Framework, and WPF!

I like the way all that works together, integrated, without having to fuck around, (think of maven+gradle and crap conventionless plugins).

I like their documentation, I like how they keep you up to date. I like their feedback programme, which actually gets issues done.

I like their developer-first approach. I like their focus on SOLID, code quality and development guidelines.

I like a lot about them. frankly, I would still prefer them to all this linux and java crap, even if they took away my favorite shortcuts..

Lets be honest... You rant about that? Then you never seriously tried big scale software engineering with that. Its a charm,

Universities.. stop teaching people that java bullshit.

Now burn me.

I hired a coder to write a WordPress plugin on my dev server. He no longer works for me and is unreachable. The plugin does most of what it needs to do. But when I dig into the code and the database to find what should be obvious bits of code that do obvious things? None of that code is found. Not even with a recursive directory keyword search for that should be easy to find like CSS class names and IDs. Even the data that comes from the database and that I see on the screen is not actually present in the database!!! Yet it all works. I'm pretty sure at this point the code and data reside in a parallel dimension only the coder can get to. How do I debug code that doesn't actually exist?!

Should a developer really have to be a jack of all trades? I write code, but at work I feel like I am always getting pulled into sysadmin debacles. I am not a sysadmin or an ops person. I am a developer, not a systems guy.

If you want me to be a systems guy, then train me to be one. You hired me to write code, not to troubleshoot shitty IBM Application Servers.

Last time I post my need-to-be-refactored code, I see some mean-but-useful comments.

Everyone's comments are like: "Look this stupid coder trying to be clever and write an idiotic code, let's bully him because we are better".

Ok guys, sorry for hurting your eyes, but please do it again...

I really want to know your opinion, especially on the part where I try to make the "if condition" more readable by defining some boolean variables.

My development process seems to go:

1. Write code
2. Believe that said code is amazing
3. Write more code
4. Revisit earlier code and start to doubt it's amazing-ness
5. Get frustrated that it could be done better
6. Redo 1 and repeat cycle

Seems a massive waste of time but I tend to like taking a different approach as soon as I find I'm getting stuck with the previous one.

I then get encouraged to take the quick/easy approach which seems like a backwards step and not worthwhile because I know it won't be as fast/efficient.

Monday: coffee tastes like dead rat. And I wrote hacks around hacks in legacy code just to get it to last a little longer until the new system can be made.

The coffee left a better taste than my commit.

Snapchat be like:
A bug in my code?
Bitch it's a feature!

Using an array of function pointers to replace large switch statements... holy shit.. I feel like Thanos getting the time stone.
Just when you think you can’t get your code to run any faster, nor did I think I could get the code any smaller... BOOM.. C never ceases to impress.

Next I’ll be turning this into “object” oriented ... but since it’s C ... it will just be Struct oriented .. SOP ..

As long as I remember, all goes well. Probably not because I'm a good coder or something. But all the time it ends up like this:

Reviewer: Can you make this in two hours?
Me: perhaps...

[Type a lot of sinful dirty code, and I'm glad it's just for review]

Reviewer: Oh, well cool, you're in...
Me: No need to see the source code?
Reviewer: It is going to be your job, not mine....

So, this "always good" code review experience is usually bad omen. Means I'll be the only one who is able to write some working shit....

who here has worked for a bank?

without naming names? what was the scariest thing they did, like, bad code, bad security, etc, that you had to fix

always wanted to be a fly on the wall of the devs office for a bank...

Hello World! First post here. I'm literally done with frontend stuff. I want to design code, not to code design. Unless it's Processing. I find it cute. So.. I have a somewhat handy grasp on C++ because of a class in electronics course, Python seems quite easy to catch. I'm totally new to programming. I'd like to get into software, game development and android development (but I would like to do things cross-platform).
Which paths, resources, languages, useful books, videos, or just anything would you recommend?

To be fair, I have no coding friends so mentorship or simply finding code buddies would be great. 💜

Life is like code,
Your loved ones are your IDE,

You can be good with code without an IDE,
but it makes things much more smoother when you have one :D

Life quote :)

Trying to debug your code be like:

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

Bro, that code u call well written, would look better if it was encoded in base64

Damn, u look like the guy at github who thought it would be a good idea to sell to microsoft.

You are an insult to anyone who codes... or thinks

No documentation. Thousands of lines of code. Still learn enough about the solution to make a required change in a day. Now the company feels like I should be the one to lead training for the module, and I still don't know what the other half of the code does. T-minus two hours...

Start-ups and corporations trying new things be like:
"Why should we pay a developer or a company to develop this and this for us when we can just:
- start a competition.
- get free design mockups and code.
- decide which is better.
- reward a small prize and maybe some freebies to the competitors.
- profit. FREE CHEAP CODE AND DESIGNS!!!"

It might be the reasonable and logical thing to do from a business standpoint if its about code you need to rarely maintain..

But from an independent developer viewpoint - FUCK YOU AND THE SLOW ENSLAVEMENT OF MY SPECIE!!!

Every time I have to recall how to LaTeX, it's a huge pain in the ass. It's like learning to code in Greek (I don't know Greek). Happens every single time (it can be months before I need to use it again).

However.

Every time I finish my creation, I fall in love with LaTeX all over again.

it's decided, i'm creating a programming language specifically to trigger SJW (like the idea of C+=) which starting to corrupt this industries.

perhaps it's not gonna be huge, so i will blend this with my original idea; a simple language to fix python syntax that a lot of people didn't like who come from C like syntax which transpiled to python code.

maybe it's silly, but this need to be done. at least for my self.

With the winter months fast approaching I am putting serious consideration into smuggling a blanket into my desk drawer after hours so that when it gets really cold due to the a/c, I can just whip out the blanket and code at work wrapped up like a burrito.

Yes, for sure, there will be looks, but I don't much care and it'll also be the day remembered as the day someone brought blankets into work.

Reading old code be like: who the fuck made this shit... oh, wait, it's me...

Anyone ever run across some code that was so succinct and elegant, that you couldn't imagine ever doing something like that and start to feel bad?

<Look up who committed it>

Oh, well, damn... I used to be so good at this coding thing.

What's the funniest advice you've ever received from a co-worker?

Mine is: "Always code like someone with a short temper and a machete will be reviewing your code"

Don't you feel sometimes like you may not be as good dev as you think you are? Like all you do is search for chunks of code in stackoverflow so you can assamble a semi functional project.

I'm having one of those days, and it just feels like shit.

I like writing code, I'm good at writing code, why do I have to be a manager? I just want to work with people, stop pushing me into middle management.

Doing and Code Review today... Not sure if this guy has really bad OCD, gets bored, or gets stuck and starts commenting the shit of things...
I'm not sure if I like it or hate it... typically "Good code should be self documenting" but this actually might be acceptable... code on the left, 10K foot view on the right?

Trying to explain an awesome block of code logic you came up with and how it streamlined everything.. And your partner be like.... Thats cute dear

Hi devs. How can i tell to my colleague that his code should be refactor and use different approach? Some people gets intimidated when a woman (like me) tells a guy what to do. Sssshhh 🙄😳😳

Nah its OK. We will get new JS frameworks and similar languages to python and they will be all junk as python.
Yeah i hate python. The syntax isnt what im used to. I began programming in C and this is just not what im used to. I like {} () ; in code.

When in internship you have to read 150000 lines of code to make changes and the code does not have any comments, no indentation, no documentation, no wiki. You'll be like fuck this shit. I'm outta here.

Maintaining some codeho#*'s crappy code be like 🙈

THE CODE USED IN MY MANDATORY ONLINE TRAINING ABOUT CYBER SECURITY AND STUFF LIKE THIS:

<script>window.showQuestion(someOverlyVerboseResponseFromTheServerWithTheCorrectAnswersMarked);
</script>

Oh boi it would be a real shame if someone proxied your precious function :)

A few days ago, while coding late at night, I had written the following (in Python) to read the first character of a string:

first_char = line[:1]

When reviewing the code right now, I thought this should instead be:

first_char = line[0]

Right?

Nope! This will fail when the string is empty.

Seems like my sleepy brain wrote better code than my awake brain xD

Or maybe I'm more tired night now ZZZ

Help, I don't know if I want to code as a job for the rest of my life.
I feel that I miss physical activity in my job. Its just sitting and programming.
I like programming, it's an infinite series of puzzles, and I like puzzles. But more physical would be nice.

Maybe I should find a 2nd job that is more physical and balance the two.

What is everyone's thoughts on this?

When i sit down and code, its like a conversation with women.
Im not sure whats going on, but it appears to be working.

On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?

Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'

Don't be like me kids...

EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void

My code be like:

Call the method cronk...

WROOOONG MEEETTTTTTTHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD!!!

*climbs out of alligator pit*

Why do we even have that method

If everything goes like the usual, my Valentine date will be a bunch of old code I need to refactor

Tired of non-dev co-workers talking to me like I work for them. They better be careful. I'll code their computers to do their jobs for them.

Java must be like a food that requires an acquired taste because the more that I code in it, the more I enjoy it.

Not even 30 yet and I feel like I've reached a point of stagnation in my career. I no longer enjoy writing code. What else is there to do? My life is set up right now so that I must be a software engineer; I don't have much of a choice.

I feel trapped.

Commented code be like..

when code comments be like

# loop over the array
for i in 1...10
# divide by 2
x = i / 2
# return the result
return x

I don't know if we can be friend...

I don't like cable art, my desk is messy(no setup), no stickers on my mac, don't care I have to use mac or pc or unix, I don't code at night.....anymore, I don't have problem with ;

But....I love coffee.

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

---

This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

!Rant

I'm going to be teaching my roommate how to "code" soon. Or rather, I'll be teaching her how to use Scratch, so she can have a leg up when she applies to work at a children's code academy that uses a Scratch-like environment. Should be fun!

I love that Scratch exists. Such an accessible way to teach basic concepts like loops, conditional statements, etc, with results that are way more fun than "oh look I output the fibinacci sequence"

When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.

"You sure? I mean, alright... "

It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.

Whenever I have to ask about how certain code of someone else works, I feel bad. I feel like I should be able to figure it out on my own.
On the other hand, if people ask me to implement something within their code, that I am not familiar with, I kinda expect more info? Like if you don't have any tutorials or documentation on your tool, be prepared to answer some stupid questions about how to set it up and whatnot. How else am I gonna know how to start with? Having to read the entire source code is a massive waste of time, no?

tl;dr: if you don't provide documentation or tutorials, be ready to answer stupid questions.

My senior and I started pair programming to improve my code quality. He likes it and I find it fun (and convenient that he helps me) but it feels like I'm making him do my work. I also fear that I am too horrible to be trusted with code alone but if that was the case they would kick me out right?

Last year I had to program most of my projects in Python. I like the language, don't get me wrong. But man oh man if you indent your line of code one too many fucking times, it can be such a pain in the ass to find your error...

Even if it may clutter your code (not in my opinion), that's why I love them curly brackets and languages which use them <3

From a few years of programming experience, I come to know that "we cannot write perfect code."

What I mean by this is no matter how perfectly you write code, but if you have a peek on that code after about 3 months, you will be like, "I could have done a lot of things in a better way." Provided the code is atleast of 100 lines.

When you get a summer job at the university to improve internal tools and asking your guarantor why the crappyness of his code is evident even to a noob pythonista like me and getting the answer like "I'm writing this only until it does what I want" kinda frustrates and demotivates. I'm sure this is NOT how things should be done.

When you look through your old projects and be like: "wtf thats not how you write code"

Why is it ok for a girl to live off her husbands salary and not vica versa? Like fuck it ill do the dishes and play games all day and to hell with my 9 to 6 job. Starting to seem the only way i’d be able to code what i want not what im asked too 🤷🏻‍♂️

"Pull the lever cronk

...

WROOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG LEVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRR"

*some time later*

"Why do we even have that lever"

^^^ my code be like

This book isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. I hoped it would be patterns and practices to writing better code...it's more like a philosophical Chicken Soup for the Developer's Soul. Self-care for syntax geeks.

And by that merit, it's actually quite good.

The English language.

Maybe my fascination with code that reads like a book comes from a desire for my code to be understood. Maybe it comes from novelty. But it really does send tingles down my spine when it reads like literature.

That's one of the largest reasons Lua is my favorite language and Java is one of my least favorite (sounds like a guy with a bad stutter, always repeating himself)

So I have a date tomorrow. First meeting in person. I’ve got a little time to kill before hand, and need to learn Dart anyway....so I thought it would be fun to code her up something interactive. Kinda like that game Mr and Mrs. Only in the terminal, and for nerds.

Features, ladies and gentleman?

Hey!
I won a competition called “Google Code-In” and I’ll be in San Francisco this June. We’ll be visiting Google’s office is San Francisco & Mountain View. I would also like to visit other offices. Are there any which are open for public visit ?

Well that would probably be my classmate. He sucks at programming but I wanted him to do at least something. So I dictated him code he should simply type down: "for ( blah foo colon foos ) { ..." And he's like "for ( blah foo .. foos ) {". Colon means " Doppelpunkt" in German which means "double dot" if translated literally. So he wrote ".." instead of ":".

Fuck meh

So today I started working on a code base someone else wrote and stubled across this and thought it was worth sharing.

Why somebody would be doing something like this is beyond my understanding.

Not commenting on the empty catch block keep in mind the whole snippet has nothing to do with rest of the code...

WHY!!!!!?!?!?!?!

Get a request for commit rights for my container repo; another developer would be lovely. Let's see what they know and want to work on.

*reading message*
*reading message*
"...I'd like to enable your containers to hold other containers."

They already do. Stay the fuck away from my code.

i transferred shitload of code from one class to another, stackoverflowed something and copy pasted it because i have never seen that this needs to be written like that, hit run compile, open up my logs expecting a mass crash and possibly explosion. it worked on the first try

I'm a junior dev, been on placement a year.

I get tasks done mostly on time, my pull requests are merged, yet I still feel like what I'm writing is seriously under quality.

What point will I stop writing code that isn't good enough to not be stressed about? 😷

So this is what a test looks like here in my school...
I really like my teacher but his test are... uhh... fucking awful.

I mean the code isn't even indented ffs! Like wtf?!? How should one be able to read this bullshit?
The questions are shitty too.
Also please add line numbers so it is easier to describe how things work in the code.
AND USE FUCKING A4 PAPERS FFS!!!

Thanks,
an experienced student

First question in a job interview should be " when you are not familiar with a certain code do you use find-usage or freak out like a little girl" - I have a coworker that freaks out and makes me crazy

That moment when, after you've spent days trying to refactor your code to be clean and readable, you look at what you've made and you honestly feel like you actually made things worse than before.

"Dear Windows staff,

To think a fatal error screen can be shown beautifully is likeable.
To add in a QR code to be redirected to some assistance is likeable.
But like things that are likeable, THEY DON'T NEED TO BE REGULARLY SHOVED TO THE FACE !

Sincerest regards,
One who desperately wants to shutdown Windows Update once and for all.

Too much technical debt
Write more unit tests
Unit tests failing, the code will be right so change the tests to pass
Too many unit tests to maintain, they look a lot like technical debt
Remove unit tests to reduce maintenance overhead

1 day ago my wife's father died, I'd like to do checkout on this repo called life, but we can't, I loved that man as my father, I have to be strong to keep my wife strong, I cry when I'm not in home. Code it's like my beer. Cheers!

Same as we look at some old pages and see "oh this is unstyled table layout, that is xHTML inline style - it's from the 20th century"

People will look at pages of today in like 20 years and be like "Oh gosh, the material design phase. - oh the apple-blur-copy-cat-phase, oldish HTML5 code, that's from the 2010-20-ies"

Today I asked a stupid question on stackoverflow
Got a reply which I already knew
I just hadn’t implemented it as it had to be put in a complex part of code step by step.
I took the time and implemented the solution step by step and it worked.
Why have I become like this.....old and stupid....

Yo the developers I see on Instagram are doing 100days of code with 3/4 monitors along with a laptop and tablet side by side. rich af lol. seems like a show off but idk.may be im saying that cause i can't currently afford it lol.

Its christmass and im writing code for Advent of Code 2019 and Playing elite dangerous.
Yes thats the way i like it.
(Yes we already gave gifts to each other so no worries).
And well since this is Haxk20 it woudlnt be me without compiling something.
Last year it was kernel. Now its full android ROM on server. YAY.

At what point can I claim to not be a script kiddie anymore?

Like, I've built compilers, and interpreters for an excel-like syntax, I refactored a pdf-parsing library from the ground up. I managed databases and wrote protocols for communicating with hardware.

But most of my experience is with python / nodejs / golang. It is only recently that I started playing with C and rust for actual efficient system code.

i think ai assistants would be much more interesting / less annoying if it had a faster, snappier syntax to talk through. Like shorthand code but in the sense of talking and just getting one word responses.

Programmers after Writing some successful code be like:-
"Chill, chill just chill"

When that code went into Testing phase:-
"Where are you now? Under the sea.. Under the sea..."

Not really in work as a job, these people inspired me rather in lifestyle and thinking: (these are not quotes!!)

Richard Stallman - you can't be sure the program isn't harmful unless you see and understand the code.

Linus Torvalds - doesn't matter if you like the person or not, let the code speak for him/her.

Raymond Hettinger - there are both stupid and smart people. It doesn't matter. What matters is asking the right questions and providing clean and explaining answers.

When you commit code to the repo and a a junior on the team takes it upon himself to rename all the classes and methods coz he doesn't like them even though his changes make no sense and then sends them to you for a code review .....

Wonder what the results going to be ;-p

!rant

I know this may not be the typical post on Devrant and it may be a little off topic, but I could really use some advice from fellow colleagues here.

The thing is, I just finished engineering school and I got my first job as a software engineer. So far so good. I've never been a natural talent in this field, and I suck at writing code. I find things like architecture, system design, innovation, requirementsspecification, management and business development much more interesting.

These past weeks as a software engineer has been really challenging for me. I seem to be totally "in over my head", and fuck everything up. I can't understand how the code I'm supposed to write works, and can't solve even the simplest of tasks that are assigned to me if they involve any implementation of code, or fiddling with Github or build servers.

Is it normal to feel like this as an engineer with zero experience? Will things get better, or should I just resign or wait to be fired?

What would a natural next step for a software engineer who'd like to move more into business and management be? A MBA? Project management courses?

I hope to get some advice from you guys. Maybe you've felt like this when you started out as well? Anyway, any constructive feedback would be really much appreciated.

!rant First code review in the new team, came back with list of helpful suggestions and constructive criticisms. Yep I'm going to like it here. Excited to be learning from the bests.

When it’s 3am and you are working on an exception for more than 2 hours and have optimized your whole code just to be sure and remember you are writing swift not java: some ints have low max value like UInt8.

Some of the worst code reviews I had were at my 1st proper workplace which incidentally was the strictest one! I was such a lazy oaf and hated those.

Still don't like code reviews but I do admit those first ones did me a tom of good.

Nowadays when I am the one co ducting them I tend to be more relaxed and chill and not be a nazi coz I still remember the repulsion of my first ones ^^'

Who the fuck invented Hungarian notation?

lpszName, bVisible, pNext, ppData...

A variable's type should already be clear by its name and scope. If not, get yourself some decent IDE that helps you out. Why this style is still in use in code like the Vulkan API is beyond me... IT IS NOT USEFUL!

How f*cked does a code base have to be until you jump ship? I got a new job recently and been working there for about 4 months. It's a big company and there's ways to move around internally.. but holy cow the code is bad. It almost seems beyond the point of no return... Almost like a totaled car.

I love it when you don't know if your code is working as intended because you can't figure out what the intended behavior should be.

yay!
*sad party horn*

Please ignore the wk99-like code. I've been throwing stuff at the wall.

Never comment, and you'll be rethinking your code every day like it was the first

Just opened a project that I'll be working on for work, first thing I notice is C++ like code formatting, which hurts my eyes (keep in mind this is Java)

But then decompiled Hybris classes came at me with not only that, but three newlines between methods.

I fear what I have yet to see...

Work rant :

I once had a code review and remembered I forgot to comment my code and said sorry I forgot to comment it out.

The reply I got?
Don't worry, here we say your code should be readable enough and no comments are required.

Im still amazed, like... Even if the code is readable, fuck this I need a tl;Dr comment for the long ass fucking code... What the fuck

Is it common to be handed a code base, be told "that's yours now", and not be told what needs to be done with it? Like not given a spec, not given a list of change/problem reports, just "have this, it's yours, go do stuff, don't break anything"? I am trying to determine if this is a blessing or a curse.

Have you ever committed to an impossible deadline simply because your client would have been completely FUCKED if you didn't?

this would have been remotely doable if the existing code base that was handed over was just mildly reasonable. But how could this shit ever have worked the first time?!

Gilfoyle would just have said no. Why can't I be more like Gilfoyle >.<

Not writing tests for your code is like leaving it unguided in the hands of future Devs who gonna just change something and break the core logic and there won't be any regression test to run and check the integrity.

Our professor takes points off our code if we use tabs (not much, but still).
But the best part is having "few" spaces is also a problem. Seems like using tabs we be a solution then.

Why?!

Fuck you for asking for my advice and then just disregarding it because it doesn't dovetail with what you were hoping for. You continue to justify your shit code design as "the way it has to be". Bullshit, I just told you other ways to do it. You didn't want to hear it. Open your mind. Learn something new. Be a professional. Your code is ass and you should feel like an ass. Don't ask for my help anymore. Prick.

Generator functions should be treated like sorting algorithms: Not worth your time if all you have is 4 or less async instructions.
Callback hell is actually kind of nice and warm when you're a just a few levels down. If you're really confused by your obfuscated code, you suck at node.

@dfox, @trogus, would you consider adding the topic for next week to be "Near miss: how I almost lost all my code/data"?

It sould be fun, and people can also learn something. Like what not to do, how to recover and how to prevent this kind of stuff...

Ugh I really wish I could just decide on something and role with it, haven't touched my book or website for a while so of course my websites code is all fucking horrible and spaghetti and I want to rewrite and revisit a lot of my book -,-

Why can't I just be happy with something like this!

Sometines after a long day of having clients continually find edge cases that break the code makes me want to be like.

"Hey! Having the app work well was never part of the scope for the project, just that it would work ish."

But I know better.

Are there people here who actually unit/integration/end-to-end/stress test (almost) everything? Or is it a common fact that nobody has time/budget and/or needs to do so?

I like to think I test all the code I write, but to be honest, I think it's closer to 1 to 5%

Optimizing JS is such a pain. like, the total runtime of the rest of the code is not measurable compared to DOM operations, so the goal would be to optimize DOM access, but there are zero resources online on the relative cost of certain operations, and I get the feeling that they don't have much in common across browsers.

At the beginning of a project, everybody has lots of good intentions- call them "new project resolutions." ... Once the project gets underway, though, these good intentions are abandoned, one at a time. When the project is finally delivered,the code looks like a mess, and nobody seems to know how it came to be that way.
-Coding Standard

Pretty legit

So, I like refactoring old shits.
Now I want to exterminate this over thousand lines of code class. I have to be witty about it and do it within couple of PR, or they will find out I'm not doing anything productive but making their code cute again!

Me compiling c++ code at 3 am be like:

gcc filename.cpp -o filename

Some error pops up

Cries for a while, looking up for the solution

After writing the whole code again notices was using gcc instead of g++...

You know what really cheeses my onions? When people write their code in a foreign language, say French or Spanish, and then come to me asking why it doesn’t work. Like, mate, how you expect me to be able to make sense of your code if your variable naming is totally foreign? And it looks horridly out of place to boot.

Moral of the story: Write your code in English and save us the headache.

Shouldn't there be a place like roast me but for code?

- StackOverflow

when you see this in the code of a senior programer

if(0){
all sort of things;
}

or just like

if($var == $tmp){
do nothing
}

if i would have done this in college i wouldnt be programming today...

To me, writing authorization code for securing APIs is like having to fold an enormous pile of laundry and actually putting it all away afterward. It needs to be done but I'm not going to enjoy it.

Learning to code is like learning to write when you were younger. It can be sloppy or clean but if you keep at it it'll probably become clean. But, with these sites like code academy that accept only one solution to the problems they present it's as though you're being told that everything you're doing is wrong eventhough you get a solution to the problem in the end. It bugs me that these sites want people to code the exact same way.

Not sure what is going to be worse. Fixing the bug in this code. Or removing all of the code I added in the name of finding the bug in this code. I have found myself asking myself why I chose coding when I come have picked something less stressful. Like flaming bull fighting.

Something about my experience in a startup that I co-founded as a developer is that I feel like everyone always depends on me for almost everything. So when I just want to jump in and code, I have to be worried about who's gonna call me for what tedious reason. It really gets to me.

I just submitted my professional goals this year.

As I was writing them a lot of them actually sound like things my manager should be doing to increase code quality n agility n reduce the # bugs that end up in prod...

Some people be like:

MAN: Are you at office?
SE: No, I'm on a airplane at 35000 feet;
MAN: While you are up there, you should write more code. After all you know that bugs won't survive at 35000 feet.
SE:(sighs and facepalms) hmm that a very good point....
MAN: plus you are closer to the cloud, so server code should run faster or with lower latency at least.
SE: (jumps off the plane)

I love sports and code. I dreamt of being able to teach my boy how to play ball but after a few years of TBall and Soccer, I accepted that he did not like sports. I didn't want to be the kind of father that forces their child to play when they don't want to so I let the dream go. Besides, he'll be a coder like his old man right? He's 10 now, so I tried to start getting him into working on some Minecraft mods. He loves Minecraft... but no interest in code. 😭

When you marvel at your code creation and the beauty of your envisionment only to be painfully whittled down as your boss tells you to change it all, because he doesn't like how the code looks. Joys of being a junior developer!

Most of my projects are based on one or few existing platforms, so core technology considerations are usually quick.

I like to wrap my head around the user stories first and then decide should this be more of a future-proof code, ie more extensible/generic, or just a code that will serve a few specific scenarios but would allow me to get it over with quickly.

Me: *Starts to code for uni assignment*
Puts ANY sort of music in the background => hours of coding go by, beautifully.
Tries to code without music due to broken headphones => 5 min feels like an eternity and nothing makes sense...
I swear, "my headphones broke" should be a valid reason for an extension.

I might not be the only one who writes a complex ass code to do some task and when it's done I feel like a spartan and then I find out that a library was already there for it. Me 0 Internet 1

I feel i need to be specialized in something coz everyone can code now... like u have machine learning engineers and devops/cybersecurity but im not really into either. What other sub fields are there?

I: I see, this web contain user functions, like registrations, product adding, details editing and many other stuff. Can i ask one question?
Client: Sure.
I: Why designer did not designed those elements?
Client: You can do it better directly from the code.

Should i be mad or delighted? I have no idea.

Coding in Pharo Smalltalk makes me not want to code in anything else.

If i could find a Pharo job i would be pretty stoked.

Yeah I like Smalltalk that much.

I'll be always there like a bug in your code.. happy friendship day...

Internet-based open source platform for democracy. That is, a package of code that you can use as a website that would basically encapsulate all the functions of incorporating the voice of the people into governmental decision-making -- like voting, initiatives/referendums/recalls, contacting representatives or other officials, etc.
This would also be something that could be used to run a private organization or public company as well. Hopefully super flexible.

Immortality in the sense like Matrix did it would be quite handy. Imagine you could become a program like Smith and be able to change your own source code, clone yourself with the same thoughts, knowledge and past.

Well, unless someone turns your machine off.

Not sure what's better on Friday:

Fix the bugs and push it to prod so manager will be happy.

Or sit there like a dumb fuck and wait for Monday before touching the code

Communicated 50% more time than I actually estimate for a new feature because the management usually thinks it can be done faster than estimated.

Actually got that 150% approved so I have enough time to write some bad ass beautiful code with unit tests and documentation 😳

Seems like good things actually happen..

The stdlib does stuff that the compiler rejects in user code.

I actually like this most of the time, it stops people trying to be clever and fucking everything up.

Yeah Statler and Waldorf are my new role models. A code review in S&W style should be quite a killer, haha.

- I've never seen anything like this before.
.
.
.
- And I hope I'll never see anything like this again!

Am I the only one who seems to have trust issues when saving code in my text editor? Whenever I want to save I press Ctrl+X+S like 5 times just to be sure.

NB: Ctrl+X+S is equivalent to Ctrl+S in Emacs/Spacemacs