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Douche: So your a programmer ?
Me: Yes
Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....
Me: No
Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money
Me: I have a question.
Douche: corz man waddup
Me: do you use a screensaver?
Douche: no, why?
Me: *walks away angrily10 -
And thus another 365 days have passed and here we are. Woooh! In celebrations of the age++ I gave my little avatar his own cake while I now enjoy my own. Cheers!
12 -
Client: Glad to have you on the team, you come highly recommended for your experience in Microsoft technology, specifically asp.net
Me: I was contacted for a php, mariadb project
Client: well they're all the same
Me: actually sir no.... No they're not.
Client: then why was I told to contact you
Me: you tell me, your hiring manager contacted me for a php project not asp or. Net
Client: well I guess I know who to blame for your, sorry for taking your time. Can I contact you if we have a project made with that thing you mentioned?
Me: php?, Sure
Client: nice...... Take care
Me: you too
That went better than I expected3 -
Clint want custom CMS with php,
*makes custom CMS with php
Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.
*shows php code
client still not convinced it's php8 -
My own language, hence my own parser.
Reinvented the regular expression before realizing it already existed (Google didn't exist at the time).
I'm a living reference for regular expressions since then.7 -
"I want to create a Linux distribution from scratch but i don't know how to code, I'll pay you $300 but i get to have the rights to it"8
-
So the tax authorities in the Netherlands have this slogan that roughly translates to:
"We can't make it fun, but we can make it easier."
I'm not sure how this is going to be easy for me. This arrived in the mail today.
Even worse this is a fuck up from them. They are saying our company did not do it's taxes but when we log in their online portal we can see that we did them. But they are saying that they don't see it in their system.
Who build that system?
Trying to stay calm when they are claiming I own them more taxes then my company has earned in a year.
I did not have enough sleep for this drama.
By the way how about we save some trees and don't send 30 letters on 1 day.
11 -
Our own company website. Everyone got involved, the process broke down, and because all of management and company owners were participating- it was nearly impossible to get anything done.
We are our own worst client.5 -
When you get a client from real MOTHERFUCKING hell.
You just really FUCKING want to say this:
Scorched earth MOTHERFUCKER. I will massacre you. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
First, take a big step back and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE.
I will rain down an ungodly FUCKING firestorm upon you.
You're gonna have to call the FUCKING United Nations and get a FUCKING BINDING RESOLUTION to keep me from FUCKING destroying you.
I am talking SCORCHED EARTH MOTHERFUCKER.
I will MASSACRE you.
I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
But for your own sake you keep it at this:
Yes sir/ma'am :).7 -
WTF .... now there's a 3D coffee printer, and we can print our faces on it!!!!!
https://instagram.com/p/...
(pic related)
5 -
the first program ive written in my own programming language
schreibe
{
hallo welt
}
i didnt know about parsing back then, so everything was its own line4 -
I am searching Google for a strange error message I have in my program. Find one stack overflow thread from a couple of years ago with one answer approved by the OP and upvoted a remarkable amount of times.. I am reading the question and it is exactly my problem...to the point. So I am reading the answer and it works and solves my problem and I am happy. Let's see who is the OP of the thread .... Um, what? No?! It's me?!?! And who posted the answer to the question? What??? Also me?!?! Guess I had this problem years ago, figured out a solution and posted the answer.
This brings me to some things:
1 - I am a better person than I imagined i would be because I never thought I would document my findings publicly
2 - I am the biggest idiot for not recognizing my own post
3 - Dafuq, why did I stumble over the very same problem twice??
4 - on the other hand it is totally cool to see stuff I did and think "wow, I managed to do this??"2 -
Finally it was my turn to receive a call from the now infamous Indian "Windows Technical Support Department" from a spoofed out of service 1-888-425-6866 number. My wife and I are on vacation we had just gotten back from the beach and she was taking a shower so I had all the time in the world to play along with them. It is too long to type out but it was extremely entertaining especially the bits that happened after I finally informed them that I own a Mac. The final thing he told me on the phone before hanging up was to go fuck my sister and I felt I must have performed well to deserve that.6
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You know what? I'm gonna write my own WordPress theme and I'll write it in my own docker compose.
14 -
I got selected for a dev job at a bank and I received a form on email to fill up and come with the hard copy to do the documentation etc.
HR girl: I can't understand what you wrote in the form.
Me: Yeah, I don't usually write things these days with a pen.
HR: So when was the last time you actually wrote anything.
Me: I think it was at a bank. I filled a form.
HR: Nice one!
Me: Oh!5 -
My new fitbit reminds me take 250 steps each hour. When I do stop and take a walk, I find it helps my productivity, and I feel better. However, I'm not good at keeping to it.
It's always the same story.
"Quiet you, I'll get up and walk once I finish this one thing".
...
Another hour goes by.
If only I could keep to my own convictions.4 -
When your own error messages come handy while casually using your own app :p
//this one is a bad json resposne
1 -
So c# has its own system.collections.list and system.collections.generics.list<type> classes. And this guy wrote his own list (no generics) using an object[] array which always had same size.5
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Finally finished setting up my private Git Repo.
First tried to install Gitlab, tried 2 hours to fix it. Holy shit the configs were a shit piece. Ended up at the end with a 502 error.
Fucking hate Gitlab, go die you piece of shit for dedicated servers.
Removed it and installed Gogs. Had 25 Minutes to set it up completly and I'm happy with it. ✌️
Dont won't to spent 7$ on private Repos for Github, when I have my own high power dedicated Server 😜
20 -
Everybody dream of making own version of google company,that is paradise for every programmer. Atleast its advertised in that way.
But eventually when s/he start own company it eventually become evil corp.
Reality is harsh.3 -
Is it just me or what. I had begun learning web development (but prefer C, shell scripting, Linux... ).
One thing that amazes me - besides having to learn 1356367626785576 technologies to get something done and the fact we get a fresh new amazing framework every 0.00000000000234 seconds - is CSS.
Amazing, I made a navigation bar where I wanted the items to be displayed in the horizontal position, so I
.navbar li, a {display:inline-block}
Works fine.
Next day I'm doing the same from scratch, doesn't fucking work. I look the previous design, HTML structure looks identical, I only use a different font face and colors.
After a while I randomly decided to put a <div> around the a element in order to do something else, update the page and... Voilá, text is in line.
Like... Wtf.
I'm like fuck it. No way I want to work with this shit, let's go back to shell.6 -
I just realized with this pandemic it's better to live in a dirt-cheap country, in a house you own, have a second hand car, work as a dev from home, become good with tools in your spare time, grow your own food in the garden.
Fuck this impossible system with it's promises of finding a cure and it's high pay but high taxes and expensive rent for living in a shitty rented apartment with no friends around, nothing to do than watch YouTube and play video games and be depressed half the time, then die because of lack of phisical activity.
I used to think countries that had good infrastructure were the best. Now public transportation is the worst idea around here, since no one wears masks and pretends all is well.
This is actually a decision I need to take next week. If you believe things will "get back to normal" please give me your input as it is valuable to me.28 -
Good idea:
Making your own framework so you have control over it and your projects
Bad idea:
Making your own closed framework rendering Google and SO useless
Context: the company I work for creates their products using their own framework, it works well and allows for things other framework didn't think about, any error coming from it cannot be searched for since it's only used internally.3 -
Do you git clone with ssh or https and why?
I am thinking about using ssh just based on my own research, though you guys may have a your own reasons.10 -
How is devRant better than Facebook?
Facebook allows you to like your own posts and devRant does not allow you to ++ your own rant. 😜5 -
Just went from full time employee at my work to contract under my own LLC on a retainer at my old salary. I'm my own man and it feels great. All the tax breaks shall be mine.6
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Ok guys, its a Sunday afternoon. Who is hustling like me right now? I'll do whatever it takes to create my own business and depend on myself 👊
I regret lots of wasted time playing games. I should have used all of that time to escape the rat race 💪
No one wants to become a high paid slave forever.8 -
I did a thing. And I'm super happy about it. I just wanted to share.
I bought an LLC and have registered a domain name for it. I know there's a bit of a stigma about people who are always saying that they have ideas. But I'd like to think those with ideas that are willing to commit to them and actually create something with the idea instead of making others do it, is what matters the most.
Anyways. I'm not going to share anything about the idea because it is still in its infancy and I want to release it when it actually has traction.4 -
Delete your Facebook
Delete LinkedIn and Gmail too
Stop visiting websites with ads
Stop being friends with anyone with smartphones
Draw your own maps
Draw your own water
Avoid drinking tap water
Avoid going out in public with your face on
Kill your own meat
Kill your gods
- From tweet2 -
Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"
Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.
Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books
Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net
Client: what are those?
Me:.................2 -
Any fun self-hosted app or useful services you guys use on your own server?
For some weeks I have started to host my own git repository with gogs and take continious development into my control with jenkins and feel pretty neat.
Now I understand why my grandmother loves to raise her own food even when she could buy everything in the supermarket.11 -
My own colo server. My own cloud. My own infra.
Fuck all of the CSP's and their fucking broken TOS and their data privacy violations!
Why do you think Amazon is so cheap? Because when they discover a product/service/software on AWS makes money, they WILL Reverse engineer it, make it and price you out of the market. It's their business model!5 -
Client is A BIG corporation
Client want an large app and has its own ui guidelines
Client sends design
Client doesn't follow its own guidelines......1 -
No better feeling than being able to debug something with your own scripting language... Kind of makes you feel like a god!
Even better when you debug your own scripts with it :-D2 -
I work in marketing just as much as in development, so this is relevant. Fill in your own captions for your own situation.
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I see loads of rants complaining about getting asked for tech help. And then I see Linux getting recommended as an OS.
Me? I'm telling everyone to use ChromeOS so they leave me the fuck alone.
In the future, I'll tell everyone they are too fucking stupid to own a computer and phone is the way to go.
Systems thinking, people.1 -
You know what’s more annoying than someone downvoting your answer on Stack Overflow without leaving a comment explaining why?
When it’s your own answer to your own question... -
I find it very strange and telling when people tell me that a dev shouldn't "re-invent the wheel", "roll your own" or "leave it to the experts" while simultaneously promoting substandard own-rolled projects by other people that simply got popular.
Kind of a strange elitist double standard that encourages a bad mindset of "I can't be as good as them" and it's toxic.
If you wanna make your own framework / package / etc, just do it, it might even be better.7 -
Last week I made my own Website, I was so proud on it.
Today I told a friend absolut it and he shows me how to do it right with CSS-Grids.
Now I am asking me how coud I be proud on my old website4 -
Oh man setting up postfix and dovecot (plus things like rspamd) is a pain in the ass.
But it's worth it, having your own mail server is just quite a good feeling.
Now I just need to find out how to get it to pass the spam filter of Google, despite the server and the DNS zone being well-configured (better than my school's mail server according to tests, but that one still manages to pass. I have no idea why.)9 -
I'm thinking about starting my own blog, where I can post my research and/or opinions on...
Though my private projects have a bad reputation I still think I might try one again and see if it works6 -
At NYU doctor's office that forces me to register a temp account to use their WiFi.
I get an email saying my medical records have changed so I try logging into the site to check.
Site can't be accessed on the network..,1 -
... I really truly hate with a passion..
when you've agreed on one solution and when it's done, but not approved and deployed..
suddenly decides "oh it needs, x-y-z that I said it won't need"..
Mind you, that x-y-z things mean rewriting a lot of it...
Oh well, at least I get paid for the extra hours to be spent.1 -
I write JavaScript and C#. Like an author. Now and then I send my work for review so it can be published.... If I start telling people that instead of saying I am a developer maybe they will stop nagging me about their printers and shitty malware-loaded computers.2
-
Can your iPhone do this...
Take a screenshot of you trying to save your own screenshot and then save its own screenshot in place of your screenshot.
5 -
Are you using your own laptop at work? Or your company provides you with a company laptop? I use my own at work because I don't like to develop using company windows desktop.13
-
Build your own X – awesome tutorials library. Especially when you want to build your own Docker or operating system.
https://github.com/danistefanovic/...3 -
I think I might need to own my own business and foot the bills. That way I can learn why it's a good idea to only focus on the short term costs and ignore the long term ones
-
Guys I work for myself and its great (love being my own boss) but after covid I decided to look for work for some company because financial stability is everything in this life
Last job I had, I quit because the boss asked me to make coffee sometimes. We had a good relationship but fuck that 'can you make me a coffee', go make yourself a coffee..
Please god give me patiece..
Pray for me 😅13 -
Walking in a shop. Using my react native todo app with redux i made for personal product. Feels good man2
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Do you all have your own VPS server to host your own portfolio website ? If yes provide me with a decent one.7
-
Remembered that firefox container tabs also allow you to force domains to their own container, so now have again youtube, google and other creepers automatically in their own containered tabs :)
2 -
Java Dev: "Does Josh's team own this java service?"
Scrum Master: "They did the dev work but we own it."
Java Dev:
-
When meta-programming finally clicks and your code can make its own code, which in turn makes its own code.1
-
What do we do when the WiFi dont work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
On Ubuntu 18.10
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Build it from the source code2 -
where should I start, having something different to work on weekly, being able to work from home, alot of income possibilities, can easily start your own businesses, compared to other jobs a good community, if there isn't something you want made you can make it, and if you can think of an idea for a website or program you can make it.
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Dear whoever decides how websites of various medium-big sized corps work:
I came to your goddamn website to find information. Not to fill out a stupid survey. And, if you had taken the trouble to track me with nasty little cookies, you would have seen that I've never visited your site before, so how the heck could I have any feedback whatsoever to give you?
If I wanted to take surveys, I would have registered an account with Yougov and spend the whole bloody day telling them how many tooth paste ads I've read in the last decade. -
Top 5 richest people.
1.People that own Powerbeats pro
2.People that own AirPods
3.Jeff Bozo
4.Bill Gates
5.Warren Buffet10 -
I wrote a webserver few months back but I couldn't complete the docs and 2-3% implementation part as I had to switch to some other projects.
Today I'm learning what I created myself. -
To have a professional job that lets you work remotely from the comfort of your home in your own office; which pays you well enough but doesn't pressurize you into unachievable deadlines. One that gives you ample time to relax and do some part-time projects for yourself. One that lets you spend time and contribute to the communities you're part of and help you grow both professionally and within the community.
Oh, and best of all, work in the open - open source, open culture and transparency. -
Does your company allow you to bring your own devices?
If so, dou have a choice on which programs/operating system gets installed?
If not, for which security reasons?4 -
1) A widely used compressing algorithm as my very own invention.
2) Master electrical engineering
3) An universal OS Kernel as my own invention. I will declare war on Linux and Windows -
Fuck interviewers that ask for your public github repo that you did in your own free time.
Do they also ask structural engineers for bridge designs they made in their own free time....4 -
Best tip for getting unstuck? If it's after your usual leaving time, GO HOME.
So many times I solved the problem right away the next morning. Only wish I followed my own advice more often... -
Let me run something by all of you. Let's say you once started freelancing as a "Plan B" in case your full-time gig dropped you. Over 12 years you've managed to build a long-standing personal brand around that occasional freelancing. You have several clients who adore you and the work you do and they tell you they would be lost without your talent and have nowhere else to go and nobody else they trust. You know, because in the past you tried to send them elsewhere (for various reasons) and they just kept coming back.
You get laid off from the full-time gig and ACME Company calls and interviews you as a top candidate they're really interested in for that same type of work for a full-time job they're offering.
Here's the catch...if hired, you have two months to basically erase your personal brand and agree never to do any freelancing work as before, even on your own time on evenings and weekends. ACME wants your full focus and attention. Additionally, you find out that the person you'd be replacing is being let go because they weren't sufficiently tech-skilled for the job. And, with a little digging, you find out that person _also_ had several freelancing gigs going on the side. Probably for the same "Plan B" reason. Which is probably why ACME is demanding exclusivity.
Your client base is small. ACME says "we don't care". The work you do is 90% automated and easily achievable in just minutes a day on a weekend or evening. ACME says "doesn't matter". You already had full-time work to begin with so you weren't doing a ton on the side. ACME couldn't be less interested in this "excuse". And you're not keen on the idea of burning down your brand, especially with no guarantees of any kind in the present IT industry hiring/firing/layoffs climate. ACME says this issue is make or break for them.
If you get to the offer stage do you:
a) Flip the bird to your brand and clients you've built up for over a decade and memory-hole it?
b) Negotiate a non-compete clause with ACME, agreeing not to take on any new clients while working full time for them?
c) Flip the bird to ACME and look for something else?
Asking for a friend. ;)16 -
For those who have posted questions on stack overflow, and found their own solution before receiving an answer; do you always go back and answer your own question for others to utilize?1
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I'm genuinely contemplating changing my career to an IT support role from my current web dev endeavors.
I have become rather disinterested for quite some time with web development, I've been working with React, Angular, the regular Wordpress stuff with the theme building/modifying, headless instances, plugin development and whatnot and all of these have become more of a chore than anything else.
I'm leaning towards an IT support role as I genuinely have more interest in a user support/infrastructure support role than a developer role, the question is, is it doable ?. I know my way around Windows and Linux Servers, know LDAP, Active Directory, BASH, Powershell, Networking, can do cabling and whatnot but I don't have the experience to show off those.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated3 -
I use Google, stackoverflow, tech documentations to unstuck myself and I'm not afraid to admit it coz ham1
-
I believe that there are 2 paths. Either a successful job(a really high salary) or building your own business. Which do you prefer? I prefer to have my own business.
17 -
I forked an collection/project on TFS so a team could do their own changes on one application and leave me alone. Yay Shadow IT. Now I have to figured out how to do pull requests to merge back into “master” without me doing all the work.4
-
Crypto. I've seen some horrible RC4 thrown around and heard of 3DES also being used, but luckily didn't lay my eyes upon it.
Now to my current crypto adventure.
Rule no.1: Never roll your own crypto.
They said.
So let's encrypt a file for upload. OK, there doesn't seem to be a clear standard, but ya'know combine asymmetric cipher to crypt the key with a symmetric. Should be easy. Take RSA and whatnot from some libraries. But let's obfuscate it a bit so nobody can reuse it. - Until today I thought the crypto was alright, but then there was something off. On two layers there were added hashes, timestamps or length fields, which enlarges the data to encrypt. Now it doesn't add up any more: Through padding and hash verification RSA from OpenSSL throws an error, because the data is too long (about 240 bytes possible, but 264 pumped in). Probably the lib used just didn't notify, silently truncating stuff or resorting to other means. Still investigation needed. - but apart from that: why the fuck add own hash verification, with weak non-cryptographic hashes(!) if the chosen RSA variant already has that with SHA-256. Why this sick generation of key material with some md5 artistic stunts - is there no cryptographically safe random source on Windows? Why directly pump some structs (with no padding and magic numbers) into the file? Just so it's a bit more fucked up?
Thanks, that worked.3 -
Started to value digital properties over material ones.
Examples:
- Own code / Git-Repos
- Own software / apps
- Crisp images
- Open source software
- Private keys equal to real ones 😉 -
Heya guys
Looking to get some extra cash so I'd like to strike out on my own a bit as well.. But struggling to get going... Don't really have a network orso to get opportunities...
I've seen sites like upwork promising great results, and I'm about to sign up for them now, to see how it goes...
But my question is, any of you guys have some tips and tricks for me?3 -
I was going to say Adminer, but apparently VirtualBox too. I don't know which one I use more.
Also, my own library for DOM manipulation. -
A few years ago and today very shameful: Griefing Minecraft servers with an own "Griefer-Class". The class was completly enclosed into a simple ArrayList ( with {{ }} ) to hide it in JD-Gui (decompiler many are using) and had a own remote client that could send own as well as server commands via kinda like a telnet connection.
That were times... 😏2 -
Inhuman deadlines imposed by non-programmers... don't know what feels worst: the shame of my own present code, or the fear of my own future bugs.
-
New in my Masters. Have a module called software engineering. Almost already know everything through own projects...
-
I got the question about the ownership of the technology.
I understand If I develop my own technology outside of company work hour and without using company resource,I own the technology. Let call this technology "X".
If the company want me to work on "X" during company hour with company resource to profit off it, do I still own "X"?11 -
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man! -
I’ve always wrote my own class to sql methods, but I used the Table Adapter in C# and I don’t think I will go back.2
-
!devrelated
Anyone want to catch me up to speed about why some prominent users left? I heard there was drama...4 -
this moment when you write something to sync a 5 figure amount of entities from somewhere and halfway through a wild "sql exception: binary data truncated" weirdo occures because you where too lazy to adjust column constraints properly :-|3
-
Finally implemented my first ANN in my own environment (my own Virus Game). That feeling when have tested everything and it works, so you can just relax and put your feet up and. <3
-
Spending many days on a project, getting the irritating parts to work, you make a theme your client likes and you look at it now adding the so called easy parts and your like what is this mess
-
When the work laptop costs as much as your own PC (1100€), but holds twice the amount of RAM (32GB), has a webcam built in and a fingerprint scanner...4
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