"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"

So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.

First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.

So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.

Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?

I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.

Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?

"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"

So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.

More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!

I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.

And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.

"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."

You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!

"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."

I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.

So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.

You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.

Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.

I thought it would be good prank change semicolons to Greek question mark in my boss' code where his delivery date is today. I thought he will spend like at least few minutes figuring it out.

He ran make, immediately figured it out and even corrected with sed only. Then yawned and looked at me with a smirk. Now I am getting paranoid what he will do as revenge

Never delete code immediately. Always comment it out first.

Client: we need you to give us access to the code ASAP. We don't like this black box approach.

Me: You have always had access to the code. It is here on this bitbucket repo and your usernames have admin access.

Client: We want the code moved to our GitHub before EOD.

I check out how to move repos over and it's fairly easy.

Me: just give me access to create a repo on your GitHub account and you can have the code moved over.

Client: Sorry it's late in the day and we stepped out to get drinks. (It was 2:30 pm). Not sure why you think there is a rush on this, we'll handle it first thing next week.

Me: WTF

Commenting out unneeded code instead of deleting it.

"Sir, I fixed the recent bug"

"Great, what did you do?"

"I commented out the code that was causing it :)"

"Brilliant! You didn't forget to push the code to production, did you?"

"No Sir, I pushed it immediately"

"Marvelous! I'll arrange a promotion for you next month"

*can't figure out why code doesn't work for hours*
ugh fuck this.
*angrily leaves for bathroom break*
*come running back*
I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!!!!

Code not working.
Comment out code.
Slowly rewrite it bit by bit till it works again.
Check against commented code.
They're the same.
Wtf.

Seven hours wasted on this shit :/

That moment when you've spent an entire weekend trying to solve a problem spanning hundreds of lines of code but then you find out there is a library for it

Will you PLEASE stop just commenting out code that doesn't work
Delete it
Please

We just fucking code get your hipster bullshit out of it
Thanks 😃

Wife asked if she could see my Python so I pulled it right out.

She yells, "That's not what I meant and you know it! Show me your code!"

Now apparently I'm in trouble 😂

> be me
> last hour in office
> trying to figure out solution
> figured out a plausible solution
> write the code
> power outage before I compile

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well, on the bright side I committed it locally...

Whenever you figure out an incredibly simple solution to make your code work after being frustrated by it for hours on end.

Just reduced 900 lines of horrible code into 106 lines of less horrible code..

QA: do those 106loc really do what the 900loc did ?
Me: yes
QA: really?
Me: yes
QA: are you sure?
Me: NO. I was lying. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you should run it and find out.
QA: *immediately releases for prod*

When your code breaks, but it all works out.

This is why one shouldn't code in more than one language a day. Basically spent almost 15 minutes to find out why it wasn't working.

Commenting out legacy code, instead of deleting it

Best: actually getting something working out there and having it visited by devRanters! (security/privacy blog)

Worst: rewriting entire applications because my code often fucking sucks

*Looking at code you wrote 6 months ago*

I should just throw it all out and start over

Currently building code for an app for a website using nothing more than my tablet, it sucks being out of country when you're trying to work😡😡😡

Don't copy-paste the code. Type it out. You'll learn a lot that way.

I spend over 3 hours thinking why my code doesn't work. It turns out you need to attach the code to the game object. Who would have known...........

Senior architect-type person at work wants me to review some code he's written. Is it on GitHub/Gitlab/Bitbucket etc? Nope. "Here, I've printed it out for you. " 😂

When was the last time you printed code out? Also it's in black and white, times new roman😱💀

The code you write is your child.
When it misbehaves(bugs) you disciplines(fixes) it.
You are ecstatic when it achieve something(into production).
You want them to be at par with the world(adapting to new libraries).

So, to all the developers out there happy father's day.

Anyone else went to bed thinking of how to solve a bug in their code and then ends up dreaming about it then, the idea of how to solve it comes into mind. You wake up to try it out and it worked? 😀

So Twitter apparently used http status code "420 - Enhance your calm" to notify the client that it was sending too many requests (basically chill the **** out). Note the status code number as well 😁

Image from wikipedia.

Dude, for the hundredth time, stop leaving random chunks of commented out code all over the place in case we "need to find it easily later"...

This is literally the reason we use git.

No, I will not pass it in a code review. The same as last time. And the time before...

Dahhhhh

Fucking developers putting emojis in their code!

My terminal (st) doesn't support displaying emojis and it crashes immediately once it read an emoji. I have been chasing crashing bugs for weeks and I just found out where the issue is.

99 bugs in the code. 99 bugs in the coooode. Squish one out, patch it around. 128 bugs in the code.

Me, re-writing the code for the 74th time: wow, I really figured it out this time!

Immagine that you microwave a burrito, and it turns out perfectly. But if you add one grain of salt to it, the microwave will blow up. That's what the code I'm working in right now is like...

😿🔫

if you were code, you wouldn't compile

I wouldn't catch you if you were the last exception in my code

your brain is so tiny, indexing it would make no significant performance gain

you are so embarrassing, I can only go out with you in SSL

if you were a pointer I'd move to java

I never thought I'd code C#, but it turns out that I just got a dev job doing it 😂

I code, watch Big Bang Theory, sip coffee, and code again. I never leave the doorsteps except for my classes. Some say my life is sad.

Is it? Anyone out there like this?

Do you really expect that I can debug in a few minutes, a part of the software that I didn't build and have never seen before and have no knowledge of the external, third-party web service that code is reaching out to?

Dude, flippin' chill, take a walk, grab a drink, pop some popcorn and give me some time to figure out what the hell this code is doing so I can properly debug it!

You know what it turned out to be? Wrong test data used for the 3rd party service. So in essence... Nothing was wrong! Frickity frack!

Work today was good although put in 2 hrs of overtime....

But I optimized some code by changing out a class. Now it does the same thing except does it:

in SECONDS on my local PC

instead of 10+ MINUTES on a massive server.

When you find an issue with your code logic... and you rewrite it all to find out it could’ve been so much easier...

When you write code and forget to comment it, and then you come back and try to figure out why the heck you wrote certain parts of it.

Let this be a lesson for future me.

Looking at code you wrote a long time ago and you can't figure out parts of it...leaves you like:" Damn I was a genius"

Hunted a bug for 8 hours, thinking it was a problem in my code....

Found out it was someone else's code generator that injected the bug...

Contacted the concerned dev... Had to convince him for another 3 hours that it was his change to the code that caused the issue. He is still sure that his change can't break the code...... What the fuck are you..? A fucking God programmer who never makes mistakes??

I mean how hard is it to just accept when I just proved it to you??

piece of code: *not working*
me: okay, i can try this again later
me: *comments it out*

4 hours later

me: omfg why are there so many comments??? :(

When a programming teacher gets you to write out code by hand and then says "pretend to run it"

Find a great project on github=> want to find out how it works => open the source code =>zero line of comments

Me when I'm updating my projects:
"I put some new code in,
I took some old code out,
I put some new code in and I tested it all out, I fixed some major bugs and I pushed the update out. That's what it's all about!"

Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.

"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.

Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.

Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.

1. Refactor shitty code because it is hard to maintain
2. Rant about how can someone write a code like that
3. Check commit log to see who is the person to blame
4. Found out that's me

Let's comment out this block of code so later we know we have this feature and bring it back if we need it.

Later: commented code everywhere, literally everywhere!!! Shit

When you code a bunch of stuff while horribly stoned, and the next day it all still works really well, but you cannot for the life of you figure out how or even why it works.

Your git commit history on your personal branch when you're freaking out and cry tears in joy because the code you spent the whole previous week on to somehow get it to work suddenly DOES work.

The one who said "Code should comment itself" must not have used assembly.

I literally wrote this 30 seconds ago and I can't work out what it does now...

I often times write code and think to myself "I don't have to comment this, it's obvious what is going on", only to find myself back at the same code, figuring out wtf it does...

when you find a TODO in the code, git blame it, and find out it's been there for five years :(

when your co-worker instead of commenting a piece of old code wraps it in:

if (false) {
...
}

Took me 2 hours to figure out why my changes weren't working.

Stumbled upon VS Code recently, an open source freeware from Microsoft. And as a VIM fan, I must say that it blew me away with its sleek nature.

Been a user of Sublime and Atom in the past as well, but VS code surely stands out.

Is it only me or all programmers out there feel the urge to code even being very sleepy?

Just spent 10+ hours refactoring a code, and at the end I've figure it out a one line fix to the problem... just wasted 10 hours of my life.. :)

Embarrassing moment:

Needed to deliver apk urgent urgently​ for push notification testing. I was unable to receive push token. Code is right in every way. Couldn't figured out in 15min. Lead comes to my seat and asks what's issue. And hey suddenly I figured it out. It was my wifi closed.. Bullshit 😬😠

All code ninjas out there have a story, and it all started with the Hello World!!!.
What a Irony.

Haha this happened to me once! But it took me a week to figure it out and after re-writing the code and hours upon hours of googling

Introduced my friend to VSCode. He was skeptical about switching from Sublime to Code but he decided to try it out anyway.

Guess what's his favourite editor now 😂

When you work for a long while in a convoluted piece of code and then compile and it just works...

*wink, wink*

Then you spend another 30 minutes going through the code in disbelief trying to figure out why it didn't break 😵

when you're dead tired but can't fall asleep until you figure out this piece of code. then once you figure it out, you're so pumped you can't sleep. fml. catching up on devrant it is then

Has anyone told themselves they just want to fix one thing, then have it turn out to be writing a whole new class with 385829 lines of code?

I code when I'm stressed out. It helps me from overthinking about stuff because I'll be too busy finding the missing semicolon.

When you spend 3 hours looking at your project's code and debugging it to find out you forgot to add a '!' to your if condition.... Brilliant

Spent an hour trying to figure out what was wrong in my socket disconnect detection code because it was constantly reporting disconnects when it shouldn't have... Only to find it was a pinched cable causing the problem. Meaning it actually did work the entire time.

Today I have spent 2 hours trying o figure out why my code wasn't executing at all.
It was a typo.
"assFields" instead of "addFields".
I need sleep.

if ur gonna explain a brand new goddamn concept and make a goddamn course or a goddamn series out of it

then dont fcking goddamn copy and paste the godfuckingdamn code and just explain it

WRITE THE CODE AND EXPLAIN IT

Should I remove the code, or comment it out until the client changes their minds...

My code was doing the exact oposite of what I wanted it to do and it took me about 2 hours to find out that strcmp() returns 0 when the strings match, problem solved, fml.

If refactoring scares you, fuck off out my team.

If you keep code in the codebase simply because it took you ages to write it, fuck off out of my team.

Some people must be wishing pain and suffering upon themselves and their colleagues.

My worst "legacy code" experience was when the company I work at couldn't get their heads out of their asses and stubbornly continued to write legacy code. As of this day they are still doing everything according to what was hip around 2004. And they even force me to write new legacy code.

New legacy code: it sounds like a paradox, but this company makes it happen.

Blamed team member for writing unmaintainable code. Turns out it was the other way round.

"I couldn't fix the test so I commented it out."

"I removed build timeouts because our jobs started taking that long."

Next I'm waiting for "Compiling the code is good enough we don't need tests" before I lose it...

Was told I need to code so it will be ie8 compatible. I guess there going to want me to get out my feather and ink and saddle up the horse to deliver info as well.

today a developer delivered his code.
and I found
- all "i" variables missing
- all "(" closings missing
- all "k" characters missing

latter I found out that it was because his middle finger was hurting :XD

Due to hardware failure build server was wiped out.
So all configurations are gone.
- There is no code to recreate builds
- No backups :D

The bright side, we can finally do it right ;)

Me trying to show to my girlfriend family the lord of the rings. I know it is nothing about code but please tell me there's good people out there.

Is it possible to provide feedback on a colleague's code, without him/her getting offended? I haven't figured this out yet..

When you git blame a crap line of code and find out it was your commit

So we have a bug.
Yesterday I spend the morning sorting through other people's code to find out what is causing this bug report it to team leader once I find it. He asks me find out who made it and hunt them down! So git blame... Turns out it was him :S felt awkward mentioning it to him so didn't. 5 minutes later team leader "oh it was me"

Definitely a blackboard or whiteboard. Definitely helps in the modularity of my code. I love it when I spend 90% of my time drawing out my idea on a blackboard, implementing it and having it be super modular.

Ah.. the beauty of clean code.

I wrote a very cleanly written program two years ago. Proper variable names, not too many, right naming, right design pattern,.. Now I come back to it and I am able to instantly figure out the code again. It only took me half a minute.

The importance of clean code... that's something the industry needs to understand more. Well, then there's the money issue. lol

Spent 3+ hours trying to debug an issue I was having with the AdWords API - tore apart my code. Turns out it was AdBlock that was blocking images displayed from the API call. Sigh.

If you're angry at someone not figuring out your code because it was “obvious”, remember:

even before 9/11 happened, emergency lines found out they should say “nine-one-one” instead of “nine-eleven”. Why? Because panicking people were looking for “eleven” button on the keypad. They learned it the hard way.

No one is rational 100% of the time.

Me: We should organize our code before it gets out of hand.

Team: Maybe later

Team, 4 days later: WTF why can’t I find anything in this 1000+ line main.js file???

Read source code and unit tests. Don’t bother documentation cause it’s outdated. Dig into the core, look where data goes in and where it gets out. Everything else is just a wrapper.

I feel so unimportant today. I'm feeling like an

else {
continue;
}

in a loop. (I wrote some code for 2 days and then I found out a way to do it better in 10 mins)

Made me always think something like:
Code: should i delete it or just comment it out?

Files: should i delete this file or just rename it as .old?

OldHW: should i put it in the bin or i can recycle some parts?
Etc......

That moment when you couldn't figure out where your JS code went wrong,just because it doesn't show you any clue about the error :'(

Somewhere there is a developer who writing an AI code that will put most ppl out of work. And he doesn't even know it

Forgot my laptop charger in the hotel, flight leaves in 10 minutes, and my computer is at 2% battery life.

I just need to build this code and push! Will the code be pushed in time? Stay tuned to find out!!

... nah jk it just died. 😧

I am a fucking software developer and not an IT guy, I write code and if the fucking printer is not connecting, throw it out of the window, that's way better than calling me for help, because one day, I'll do that, and you'll regret...

I once reviewed some code that parsed HTML using regex (red flag #1), and it turns out that it had to be done that way because the company's HTML was so malformed that no actual parser would accept it without erroring

Back then when I was working on a website logic, I didn't want to comment my code. Despite that, I wrote some things which were obvious and I thought it would be funny to explain obvious things in code. I made a joke out of commenting.
Recently I needed to use a part of the code for a different project and the comments were exceptionally helpful and I would be lost without it.

So, kids, comment your code!

Any one else out there self-taught and employed? I taught myself to code starting when I was in middle school and my code shows it lol. But I've finally found a job where I can ise my knowledge even though i lack a degree. Anyone else out there with similar stories?

It pains me to know that a lot of people out there who code haven't even heard of a version control system

We were all drunk at a college party. I pretended that I was able to code something for a friend. He put me on his laptop and made me code. In 20 minutes I had finished. Everybody reviewed the little program and said it was all good.

When we reviewed again the program sober, it was full of bugs that none of my drunk buddies tested out

Spaghetti Code, Spaghetti Code.
Flush it right down the commode,
Spins a call graph, unreadable size,
Anyone who sees it cries.
Look out, here comes the Spaghetti Code!

When you test/debug every piece of code you made/changed and then find out the rest wasn't working as it should.. FML

Test everything, trust noone!!!!!!
Rewrite all!!

What do you do?

Delete the code or comment it out just in case you need it again?

i had to do a project with someone who isnt that good at programming. but for her to learn programming, i wanted to let her do part of the code even though i could have done it myself. so she wrote some code after 2 days without me intervening. then i checked out the code and it was total crap. it was ugly asf, it could have been optimized a lot more and a lot of variables were unnecessary and to think that the code was just around 30 lines in 2 days! when its not that optimized, they deduct points from the final grade and having useless variables and functions can also be a negative thing to the professors' eyes.

in the end, i rewrote the code myself because i wanted it to be better. my grade also depends on that code so i shouldnt be ugly asf.

i recognize my mistakes too and sometimes my code isnt as optimized as it can possibly be but imagine her code is waaaay fucked up.

p.s. it didnt even compile

I ONLY WANT TO WRITE MY OWN CODE

TODAY I FOUND OUT I HATE DOING PR REVIEWS AND HAVING TO GO BACK AND FORTH WITH PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT THEY DID IN THEIR CODE

I'm sure it's beneficial, but it FEELS like such a waste of time

Just spent the *entire* afternoon trying to figure out why the hell my code runs fine locally, but doesn't when our CI server builds & deploys it on AWS.

...and I've now, finally, figured out it was all because I forgot to check a damn file into Git 🤦‍♂️

I'm simultaneously relieved, annoyed & embarassed.

Was exploring google foobar upon how it works and found out this strange
div:rhtext

wonder how they insert this code in html randomly.
xpath and ids are all obfuscated,unreadable

Spent 10 minutes trying to work out why my code didn’t work only to find I’m uploading it to the wrong site!

Don't you just hate it when your code works but you have no idea why, so you spend 30 minutes trying to figure out why it works?

No documentation....yeah....just figuring it out! 🤔😲

Upon finding out that Visual Studio (not Visual Studio Code) had stomped on the file association for .TOML, and spending a good couple of minutes trying to shut it down..

Always check the licence when you include a new library.

Very nearly GPLed a large amount of commercial code by not checking this in one of my first projects out of uni.

Luckily someone else noticed and the library in question turned out to be dual licensed so it turned out ok in the end.

I've got a confession to make. I.. I just love hand-obfuscating JS-Code. Not because, i would prefer working with obfuscated code.. I just find it extremely satisfying watching the code shrink and being the only one being able to understand it..

It's out. I feel better now.

Not sure to delete this block of code... or just comment it out until product owner changes her mind!

Java teacher writes code on blackboard in comp lab

He tells us to try it out at our workstations.

We do. The code does work. We tell him.

He says: "There is something wrong with your compiler..."

Question is...we were around 30 students. Can all our compilers not work if we had used the lab before and the code we run worked clean??!?!?!?

We were flabbergasted

My co-worker pointing out there is a problem with my code that isn't implemented 100% yet. Hinting she wanted me to finish it over the weekend.

Yeah FMDL.

My senior and I started pair programming to improve my code quality. He likes it and I find it fun (and convenient that he helps me) but it feels like I'm making him do my work. I also fear that I am too horrible to be trusted with code alone but if that was the case they would kick me out right?

At first my dad was against it, I'm studying electronics engineering and he didn't want me to code because he is a software developer and he know that in my country it's really hard to make a living out of it. But since he realized that there is not much he can do about it he became really supportive and always review my code to help me improve it.

I was just commiting some code on GitHub for school tomorrow and I kinda got lost in the commit description..

Ah, it just hit me so hard I had the urge to get it out.. Helped, tho, love you Git

Spending Saturday from 9-18 trying to learn Angular. Following along with the lecturer but the code won't work when I serve with my unworthy fingers...??? Oh, but now it turns out the instructor's code isn't running either..! Nice to know that everyone turns to StackOverflow in their darkest hour. 😋

I downloaded somebody's GitHub code to use for a project. It had a bug that broke functionality, so I fixed it and started running it to gather data. Then it stopped working for a different reason. I rechecked out the code fresh, same (second) issue occurred. It was a second bug, that once I fixed it, everything worked. But I didn't need to fix it the first time! There weren't any commits in the last two months! I blame ghosts.

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

Just committed a code review change with a heart emoji included, Turns out Crucible does not support this and it broke the code review, Spent the last half an hour trying to change my commit message to fix the review

FML

I found out that a major open source project pulled in some of my code for an enhancement I wrote in my own repo. The code was modified some to match the current conventions of the project, but it contains some of my original comments so I know it was based directly off my code. I'm not entirely sure how to feel. On one hand I'm super stoked to know that the maintainers of the project actually looked at my code and included it. On the other, I'm a little bummed they didn't credit me or at least give me a little shout out...

When you stay out late in the office to finish an urgent feature, but no one else there to review your code before you merge it to master

So I had been debugging this code for the past 2.5 days without much sleep and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work.. Turns out I was passing the wrong variable to a method -_-

On the bright side, while debugging I was able to optimise the code and now it runs waaay faster 😎

Now, time to go into hibernation 😴

Legacy code is like overgrown bangs 😋 It's very hard to decide if you have to let it grow out or trim it.

Testing how good a language is by checking out how easy is it to write hello world! code.😂🤣

Tried to make my qr code look fancy, and it didn't turn out well. My guess is the main part of the qr code must be darker than the complementary part?

(The one in the image doesn't work)

Just going through some old code from git repo's and code examples and I have a message to every dev out there after seeing some of the code quality...

Never... ever... ever fucking give variables with names like vx, tr and sq.

Give your variables names that explain what they are, it is so fucking hard trying to follow code that has 2 letter variable names and there is a special place in hell for you :-)

Don't you love working out a piece of code in your head that's been troubling you for ages but you can't test it because your at work... It's horrible.

Tempted to whip out vs code and just quickly test my theory in JS...

Ah, love it when my code doesn't work because it's commented out and I have no fucking idea when I did that :)

So my teacher doesnt like us sharing code with eachother cause: "Y'all learn it better when you figure it out yourself."
FFS if ya dont figure it out yourself, you'll end up having learnt nothing. So I ended up uploading every library and exercise solution I wrote to a github repo and shared it with my classmates. Prolly gonna get into some trouble for dis if my teacher finds out. But I dont care. I've written it so I can do with it whatever I want!

Had a smudge on the monitor that looked like a comma spent about 5 minutes looking at the code before I figured it out. I was wrinting new stuff there and the "comma" kept well aligned

When someone copy and pastes code, repurposes it and leaves in the old comments that just confuse the hell out of the next dev.

There was a task of fixing up a payments page that features pretty complex logic. Initially it was like 200 lines of code, seems short but it was a fucking spaghetti mess. Never seen more cognitively complex code in my life.

So I delete the spaghetti and pull out the 500 lines fucking state machine. It works perfectly. It’s perfectly understandable even though it’s longer.

This is how I deal with problems. Shorter code isn’t always better code.

Legit my only answer to fixing shit code for a nursing app at work is.....

Writing more shit code. Man the dude that developed this before had 0 clue what he was doing.....and because shit grew out of control there is shitcode everywhere.

I like writing shit code though. It is good practice.

Writing shit code without knowing is one thing. You really do reach expert level when you write shit code WHILE being fully aware of it.

Sometimes I Google really basic stuff to find stackoverflow answers with code, just because I can't be bothered to type it out myself

Nothing like a client bitching on the weekend that a promo code is broken on their site. Except it works just fine and they printed your physical materials with the wrong code to hand out. And they tested and verified it working with the correct code on QA. AND IN TWO SEPARATE FUCKING EMAILS

!rant

Learning many new things and churning out good code is so fucking satisfying!
And the best part is: it actually works! 😏🚀

An excerpt from the encyclopedia of "Developer Confessions":
At times, when I have no clue what some code does, I comment it out to see what breaks. Sometimes I just want to see the code burn.

Today I submitted my code without making sure it doesn't have any bugs because I was running out of time. Fuck.

Let's hope I'm brilliant and this works out.

I just got a job this month and one of my colleagues talks by himself 😔 making jokes and criticizing his code out loud. It is very disturbing ...

Made this amazing discovery in my project. Made sure to commit the code in Git to show a demo to the manager.

Could not find the code at all when it was time for the demo. Checked all the commits to find out, nope, no luck.

Later realized I committed that code to special branch :/ And I totally forgot about that :(

I had rough week last week. Accidentally deployed dev code to production, soon found out there was no production version of code to do a redeploy. Deployed another app to production, it was working fine then another Dev changed a data type in the database from bool to nullable Boolean which broke some Linq queries. Looked like I deployed crap code. 3rd week with company.

If it weren't for poor documentation I'd be retired by now.

We didn't all write your library. In fact, only you did. So, some helpful documentation would really help us all out. Can't believe the number of times I need to read source code to figure out what the hell you are doing.

I understand that changing code requires it to be tested, but removing code that has been commented out for years shouldn’t matter!

Save my soul

Our teacher gave us some code to better understand c pointers. The only problem is that it spits out a dozen of errors when you try compile it 😂

Gotta love it when you try out a different VS Code extension for a specific language and then on each autoformat, more and more spaces get inserted.
IT LIVES!

Work rant :

I once had a code review and remembered I forgot to comment my code and said sorry I forgot to comment it out.

The reply I got?
Don't worry, here we say your code should be readable enough and no comments are required.

Im still amazed, like... Even if the code is readable, fuck this I need a tl;Dr comment for the long ass fucking code... What the fuck

Looking through code, discovered a front end plugin wasn't activating right on a form input. Go look at the code, intern commented it out and wrote a comment saying "This didn't work and I didn't know how to fix it. So I turned it off." If you don't know, then ask. Don't leave it broken and not tell anyone! I am so glad this kid is gone. I really hope he doesn't come back after term.

When you get this great idea at 2 am, code it out and the next day you wonder why you even bother to be a developer

Is it only me, or is reducing production code size by #ifdef'ing sh*t out sexy as F?

So after a few struggles on my current uni assignment I’ve come to the realisation I need to change the way I write code, or at least the way I think about the code before I start.

I have a tendency to rush into coding something before I’ve planned it out properly, and over the last couple of days stupid mistakes on my part caused hours of stressing.

Are there any good methods for sitting down and planning stuff like this out, or is it just a case of getting some paper and a pen and writing out the logic etc in whatever way makes sense to you (me)?

I have a friend which have a hoarding disorder when it comes to coding. Here are some of the things he does:

1: If he rewrites, remove, or in any other way refactor a function, then he keeps the old one in the file commented out.

2: If he deletes a class then he takes the code and paste it into a class that he have just for old code. AN ACTUAL CLASS! Not just some random text file somewhere. Even though it is commented out, he leaves it so that you can initiate his garbage.

3: In point 1, the code is not pasted on the end. It inside all the other actual code.

So if you try to help him with something, then you have to dig through a mountain of shit just to find some code.

Was trying to figure out why the code coverage tool always reports 0% on my android tests. Turns out that is specific to newer samsung phones and it reports the coverage correctly on other phones.
Good old samsung, annoying devs since 2009!

when CodeClimate reports it 2.0 GPA but your colleagues says it's good code-wise and styling wise...

turns out I didn't have the YAML override

I love it when you don't know if your code is working as intended because you can't figure out what the intended behavior should be.

yay!
*sad party horn*

Please ignore the wk99-like code. I've been throwing stuff at the wall.

make dumbass solution duplicating code because you can't figure out how to do it correctly

nobody corrects you on code review

later somebody on another team has their stuff broken because of you and kindly offers to hopefully fix and not break what you got out of it

I have a confession to make, I use a light theme, and I like it.

There. I said it. You can all hate me now.

It helps me to focus tho, as I use a dark UI theme. It really brings out the code.

Just realized my code was working fine the whole time after spending 5 hours debugging. Turns out I accidentally made it throw an exception at the wrong place .-.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

When people write "sys.exit()" in their libraries instead of giving a helpful error and you spend about 3 hours debugging your code and trying to find out why it is exiting.

Spent almost two days debugging the hell out of an interrupt handler only to find out that my reference code (official example from the vendor) has some wrong function calls damn it.

I would say a code editor.
It just vastly improves your efficiency, and combining it with a few plugins can make it even better.

I initially started out with Brackets.io, but it was mainly for web development, I went on to use Atom.io and later Visual Studio Code. However, I now use Sublime Text 3. Its simplicity and its vast array of extensions make it the best general purpose editor.

You know what really cheeses my onions? When people write their code in a foreign language, say French or Spanish, and then come to me asking why it doesn’t work. Like, mate, how you expect me to be able to make sense of your code if your variable naming is totally foreign? And it looks horridly out of place to boot.

Moral of the story: Write your code in English and save us the headache.

I've been staring at the same section of code for about two hours now. I want to solve this puzzle and design it properly. I'm desperately trying to resist the urge to hack it. Not sure I can hold out much longer...

One time I had to review some SAP / Excel / Visual Basic toolchain.

It was a huge mess with like 10 layers of if-then cases in around 1000 lines of code analyzing excel sheets, resolving error codes etc. in maybe two functions.

It turned out that I programmed that code about 8 years ago :/

I have plenty of those but one that shines out from the croud is one frontend guy.

He had to modify some javascript slider but couldn't figure out how.

So he comes to me and tells me he found the code where the slider is initialized but changes are not applied.

I walk up to his desk and he shows me some CSS code with #slider selector in it.

Holy shit, it happened to me today, I thought it was a myth that people actually use zip for source code.

So, got the task to help out the operations team naturally I for access to the repository. I got a zip file.

#fml

I am already tired before even looking at this code.

Looking at your code makes me cry.

I can insult myself whole day but it won’t be enough to survive looking at your coding style.

If cpu could talk it would ask for heater removal because your code depresses it so much.

Looking at your code makes my monitor burn out.

Downloading your code makes my hard drive stop.

And my favorite:
You’re already good developer so now stop writing and appoint as manager / tester.

Spot what's wrong with this command!

It took me 10 minutes scratching head to find it out. This is why we still need to use our brain when copy paste-ing code.
😕

Just make a program that spits out random strings, run it as code and see if it compiles. If not, repeat. That way, just like the apes typewriter thing, you find the most amazing code that is so complicated, nobody would have thought of, but it solves all of humanities problems, especially the power problem you created by running this code 1000000000000000000000 times parallel.

ticket sized small: figure out why this thing is failing, get the old MR to work, test it

month old MR, over 8000 lines of code changes

FML

My tablet that I had all my code for an app just took a shit out of no where it was never dropped not even a scratch it just went black and well never went back fuck my entire existence

I just copied the exact same code from another program into mine, actually left out a loop because I didn't need it. Also took some other stuff out, nothing much, just some var = othervar that I didn't need.

The other program, from where I copied the code, works fine, is fast, I see no issue, has been in production for a while now and no complaints. Mine, WITH THE SAME CODE, doesn't move. I don't understand how this is possible.

Just figured out an interesting fact ..
While learning to code it sometimes gets complicated to differentiate between learning and copying codes..

"Code monkey not say it out loud. Code monkey not crazy just proud."
-Jonathan Coulton

Regarding many of my rants and, I would suspect, many rants on here.

Can we all please try to keep emotion out of coding? It never ever helps to get upset at a code review.

Please please please accept constructive criticism, and dish it back to me! You can hate my code just don't hate me. :/

I hate it when someone asks me for help in a part of his code, then I find that the problem is the whole code not just that part.

I have 3 options:
- try to make it work, and get lost in his shit, not refactored code.
- tell him that I am not that good so he get out of my face
- kill him, so he can reproduce

PS: just kidding

So it turns out that a lot of writes to S3 is slow, regardless of whether you spent the time to rewrite your code from SAX to JAXB, then Go, then finally C++, thinking the problem was always with your code.

...is that someone who finds some, let's say, questionable quality code that I've written in previous roles, finds me again and calls me out on it...

Your code is like your face! Looking at it often it makes me laugh... But sometimes I just want to punch the shit out of it!

So, I like refactoring old shits.
Now I want to exterminate this over thousand lines of code class. I have to be witty about it and do it within couple of PR, or they will find out I'm not doing anything productive but making their code cute again!

Did an interview and got some feedback and my coding challenge (I didn't make the cut) . Was surprised at a particular comment on why it was I didn't make the cut and it was about the code not compiling atall. So I went to check the repo and found some code which I oath to have removed lodged into the code base which prevented the reviewer from being able to compile it. How tf it wasn't flagged out when I was compiling before pushing to the repo is beyond me. Now I feel hella stupid and disappointed in myself 🤦🏾‍♀️ (to be fair it wasn't the only reason I didn't make the cut. The code could have being better)

I feel so fucking proud after finally finishing what i started coding

I delayed so many days and procrastinated because it seemed way too fucking hard to code it

But i sat down and forced myself to do it despite it being hard

Yes i broke my fucking head trying to figure it out but i somehow figured it out

And it is finally fucking done

Fucking good Lord thank you

Lesson learned today :

Don't get lazy and muscle monkey hanging out your laundry..

Like your code, you'll eventually regret monkeying it.

Was passing values from back end into template .nothing appeared so I though I screwed up somewhere in the code ,turns out it was the css.

Coding distraction: accidentally finding out about some Vim plugin or cool tool you didn't know about and having to stop searching for that error code to check it out.

In CS class I had a only 10 lines long python script (everything else was commented out). It didn't work and I searched the bug for ca 20 minutes. I asked a class mate (who commented the other code out) if he could figure it out and he just says: "The indention of the comment is wrong". We had a discussion that it doesn't matter how to indent comments. In the end he selected all the lines, pressed tab and it just worked ?!?!