Prof: Okay guys, i need a flash drive to put a copy of your next project.

Me: *pulls out a flash drive and sho-..*

Prof: except you, I dont trust you.

The first thing my prof showed to us day 1.

When CS professors are lazy to grade so they think they can just give you any grade without you questioning them...

Me: Hi Professor, I see I got a 94 out of 100 on my 2nd project. Your comments said, some of my functions didn't pass your junit test cases.

Prof: Yes!

Me: How come? I tested it several times before submitting and they all passed the test cases. You gave us the test cases to write the code for.

Prof: Yeah, but some of your functions aren't passing on mine.

Me: Since I'm in your office, can you please run it again so I can see?

Prof: Are you doubting me? I gave you the project and I'm telling you they're not passing my test cases.

Me: I just want to make sure because I did work really hard on this project to pass all the test cases. *Runs the code to show him on my laptop and they all pass*

Prof: Fine, let's run it together on mine again. *He runs it and they all pass on his laptop*..hmm, that's weird. They didn't pass when I ran them. Maybe, because of the IDE I used earlier.
Well, looks like you get your 100.

Me: Thank you but which IDE did you ran it in that failed? Just wondering..🤔

Prof: Doesn't matter now...they're passing. Just be ready for your next project...you guys will be writing the test cases yourself this time..

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

So, we got a palindrome sequence today fellas.

*Corona Virus Lock-down*
-University Prof: "Now You have lots of time to do your projects. from now, you will have 1 project each week"

-Boss: "You are at home all day! can you increase your working hours?"

-Me: "Fuck Corona"

Prof: What country's next to the USA?

Me: USB

What are your point of view on this?😂😂

So... I just remembered a story that's perfect for devrant.

My brother got into engineering in university, and during the second semester they had their introductory class to programming. They had weekly homeworks that the lecturer would check and give grades accordingly.

The factors that could influence the grading were: execution (meaning that the code would excecute as intended), efficiency and readabilty. The weeks passed and everyone was doing well, getting fairly good grades. Everyone was happy.

Until one day a random guy we'll call bob got the worst grade possible. Bob wasn't a bad student. He had over-the-average grades in all the weekly homeworks and even impressed the professor in some. Naturally, he was baffled when he saw his grade on the google spreadsheet. He was pretty sure his code ran well. He always tested it on different machines and OSs. So, at the end of the class, he went straight to the helper of the class, in a pretty imperative manner, to demand to know how the fuck he got that grade. It's impossible he got excecution, efficiency and readabilty, wrong. All three wrong? Impossible. Even the stupidiest kid in the class had some points on readabilty.

"Oh, so you are Bob. Huh?" said the helper in a laid-back attitude. "Come with me. Prof. X is waiting for you in his office."

This got Bob even more confused. As they approached the office, the courage he had in a first moment banished and gave way for nervousness and fear.

The helper nocks the door. "Prof., Bobs here"

As soon as Bob sits in the chair in front of Prof. X's, he knew something bad was coming.
"In all these years of teaching..." said Prof. X hesitantly. "In all these years of teaching I have not come even close to see something similar to what you've done. You should be ashamed of yourself." Needless to say, Bob was panicked.

"In all these years I have not seen such blatant mockery!" added the professor. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DARE TO SEND A HOMEWORK WITH SUCH VARIABLE NAMING" That's when Bob realised the huge mistake he made. "NEVER IN ALL THESE YEARS I HAVE SEEN SOMEONE NAME HIS VARIABLES *opens the file on his desktop *: PENIS, SHIT, FUCKSHIT, GAYFUCKING<insert Prof. X's name>MAN, GOATSE, VAGINAVAR, CUMFUNCTION, [...]" The list of obcenities went on and on. In each word, the professor hit the table harder than the last time.

Turns out Bob felt so in comfort with the ease of the course he decided to spice things up by using "funny naming conventions" while coding, and then tidying everything up before uploading the homework. This week he forgot, and fucked it big time.

So remember folks, always check your code before committing/giving it in/production. And always adhere to naming conventions.

Prof: alright class our topic for the day is all about TCP. What's TCP?

Me: Our topic for the day.

Took an interview today.

Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.

Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.

At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.

In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.

Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.

I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.

So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.

The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.

In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.

I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.

When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.

I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.

When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.

Second semester

Java - OOP Course

We had to write a game, an arkanoid clone

Neat shit

And a fun course, mad respect to the Prof.

BUT

Most students, including me had this ONE bug where the ball would randomly go out of the wall boundaries for no clear reason.

A month passed, sleepless nights, no traces.

Two months later. Same shit. Grades going down (HW grades) because it became more and more common, yet impossible to track down.

3 months later, we had to submit the HW for the last time which included features like custom level sets, custom blocks and custom layouts.

So before we submit the game for review, they had pre-defined level sets that we had to include for testing sake.

I loaded that.

The bug is back.

But

REPRODUCIBLE.

OMG.

So I started setting up breakpoints.

And guess what the issue was.

FLOATING FUCKING POINT NUMBERS

(Basically the calculations were not as expected)

Changing to Ints did it's job and the bug was officially terminated.

Most satisfying night yet.

Always check your float number calculations as it's never always what you expect.

Lesson learned, use Ints whenever possible.

My prof suggested me to use matlab instead of Python for my project.

So I started learning and found out that in matlab ARRAYS START FROM 1.

Wtf!

I am going back to python

z-index: 999999999

Math Prof.: What is the result of √-4 ?
Noobs: 2i
Geek: An Indian bread called "NaN" 😎

A Professor of mine - We need u to build that website so that your juniors could work on it too after u leave.

Me - Sure, I'll have docs and vcs

Prof : Whatever, at the end we need the "exe" ready.

---------😇

Prof: You need to submit a project that uses AI

That night:

THIS is why unit testing is important, I often see newbs scour at the idea of debugging or testing:
My high school cs project, i made a 2d game in c++. A generic top down tank game. Being my FIRST project and knowing nothing about debugging or testing and just straight up kept at it for 3 months. Used everything c++ and OOP had to offer, thinking "It works now, sure will work later"

Fast forward evaluation day i had over 5k lines of code here, and not a day of testing; ALL the bugs thought to themselves- "YOU KNOW WHAT LETS GUT THIS KID "
Now I did see some minor infractions several times but nothing too serious to make me refactor my code. But here goes

I started my game on a different system, with a low end processor about 1/4 the power of mine( fair assumption). The game crashed in loading screen. Okay lets do that again. Finally starts and tanks are going off screen, dead tanks are not being de-spawned and ended up crashing game again. Wow okay again! Backround image didn't load, can only see black background. Again! Crashed when i used a special ability. Went on for some time and i gave up.

Prof saw the pain, he'd probably seen dis shit a million times, saw all the hard work and i got a good grade anyways. But god that was embarrassing, entire class saw that and I cringe at the thought of it.
I never looked at testing the same way again.

*gets a new phone.
*installs devRant as the first app

Best Code EVER!

Flashback to when I was in 7th grade

Art teacher: Taco, your focal point is wrong
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Art teacher: *looks* ...oh, you're right

Fast forward to c++ class

Prof: Taco your calculation is incorrect
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Prof: *looks* ...oh, you're right

My cs prof just said if loop.

So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.

Dear Prof,

One does not simply encrypt the exam tips and give it to the students in a computer security introductory module.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Undergraduate

Hey PMs!

Fuck you!

Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.

If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!

The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.

- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!

Sometimes when I code, I plug in my earphones and listen to music, focused, in zone.

* I let everyone think that.
** I actually don't listen to anything.
*** Keeps the buggers away!

A few weeks ago at infosec lab in college

Me: so I wrote the RSA code but it's in python I hope that's ok (prof usually gets butthurt if he feels students know something more than him)

Prof: yeah, that's fine. Is it working?

Me: yeah, *shows him the code and then runs it* here

Prof: why is it generating such big ciphertext?

Me: because I'm using big prime numbers...?

Prof: why are you using big prime numbers? I asked you to use 11, 13 or 17

Me: but that's when we're solving and calculating this manually, over here we can supply proper prime numbers...

Prof: no this is not good, it shouldn't create such big ciphertext

Me: *what in the shitting hell?* Ok....but the plaintext is also kinda big (plaintext:"this is a msg")

Prof: still, ciphertext shows more characters!

Me: *yeah no fucking shit, this isn't some mono/poly-alphabetic algorithm* ok...but I do not control the length of the ciphertext...? I only supply the prime numbers and this is what it gives me...? Also the code is working fine, i don't think there's any issue with the code but you can check it if there are any logic errors...

Prof: *stares at the screen like it just smacked his mom's ass* fine

Me: *FML*

So I was applying for a research position in linguistic department, and had the interview today.
Prof: So you know excel right

Me: (show a project to him to prove I at least know csv file)
Prof: Ok so you know excel.

Me: Yeah kinda.

Prof: Ok that's good. Cuz right now we are using amazon Turk, and the data they returned, which are excel files, are not really the way we want it.

Me: Ok sounds like a parser can fix it......

Prof: Yeah.... the students in the lab are doing it manually now

(Dead silence)

Prof: Ok move onto next matter

Prof offers a VR project to us:

Prof: Lets do something nice using VR
Us: Sounds interesting. Will we get VR glasses to test at home?
Prof: No.
Us: Can we use the VRs of the university?
Prof: There are no available.
Us: Will there be additional ones?
Prof: No.

WHY DO YOU OFFER A VR PROJECT BUT THERE IS AND WILL BE NO HARDWARE??? SORRY, BUT MY OWN GLASSES HAVE NO VR FUNCTION!!

OS prof recommends installing a windows GUI on linux

>blasphemy

I'm pissed at my cousin who's studying IT at the moment. He wants to copy my thesis project(from 3 years ago) and make it his own for his thesis project this year. Like woah dude! Can't you be creative, work hard, and make a project of your own because that's for your own good? And don't you dare bring up the "I'm your cousin, pretty please"-card up! He also wants me to lie if his professor contacts me and tell that he was part of the project. Are you effin' kidding me? You didn't know how to code 3 years ago! How would you expect me to tell your prof that you were part of the team? I just gave him the documentation(without the source code) and I said I lost the apk. That's just how far I can go for someone like that 😕

Today while livecoding in lecture, my prof got a call that got shown on his Mac. His response to that was very interesting:
“Has anyone else noticed that phones have gotten so advanced that when we receive a phone call we treat it almost like a DOS attack? It impairs is from doing everything that’s secondary to making and taking phone calls and that pisses us off”

It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.

That's like my birthright taken away from me!

>Starts learning/coding in python for two days straight.
> Two days later goes into C programming class.
> Prof. Displays my screen as we go through a program as a class.
> Starts typing in Python
> Can't turn off Python mode until halfway through class.

My computer science teacher is very sly: while you are working he stands right behind you for some time, so you start writing good code, functions for everything, perfect indentation... But you don't know if he is still behind you, and you're not brave enough to look back, so you write good code for the rest of the lesson.
What a good prof

The code provided by my CS Prof on “reading CSV files”. Wtf?!
#include galaxymeme.h

Making our own linked list class in C++
This is how he deleted his list in the destructor

~myList() {
delete head;
}

Gets a couple of points off, blames the prof for biased marking

Professor in Programming 1 & 2, 54 years old, divorced, has two kids in our age, golf player

Every time, he came in, we started with the lecture, than he started to talk about politics, greta, the stupid young people, specially the women, always the women. While he was talking to himself or asking us students very personal questions to judge us and recommend how we should do it better, he was talking himself into rage. We never learned something about cs or java longer than 10 minutes, the other long hours he only talked and talked about personal stuff or politics.
One day he asked us about the method of training a dog. You train a dog with pushing his face into his own pee. Than he said with us it is more difficult and that if he would be allwoed he would use methods like this and other very effective stuff on us.
He always starts his emails with
Dear humans
To make fun about gendering.
Another day a student came 1 minute to late, the prof stopped talking became very angry, first he went to a armchair and was sitting there for 15 minutes without saying a word, than he left without a word the room for 30 minutes and when he came back we had to listen to one of his monologues for some hours like usually.

And these are only some samples, he always acted like a little kid, but our university is very poor and i dont think they can effort a better professor for this.

A small bug is found.

Chad dev:
😎 *Exists*
> Writes a simple ad hoc solution in a few lines
> Self documenting code with constant run time
> No external dependencies needed
> Fixes the bug, easy to test and does not introduce any new issues

That guy nobody likes (AKA. regex simp coder):
🤡 'This can be "simplified" into oNE LiNe'
> Writes a long regex expression that has to line wrap the editor window several times
> Writes an essay in the comments to explain it's apparent brilliance to the peasant reader
> Exponential run time (bwahahah), excessive memory requirements
> Needs to import additional frameworks, requires more testing that will delay release schedule
> Also fixes bug but the software now needs 2x ram to run and is 3x slower
> Really puts the "simp" in simplified, but not the way you would expect

I had a mate in college in my programming class who always worked in Microsoft Excel. Even when we're writing code in class, dude will be in Excel. Everyone who partnered with him including me in programming projects complained that he's always in Excel instead of coding. But somehow, dude always had the work done whenever the Prof asked to submit them.

So a good friend of mine calls me up on Friday night, and he tells me about his close friend abroad who messed up and, without going into details, needs me to do his C# project for a course. The deadline was on Monday. I said I couldn't promise anything, but send me the requirments and I'll look into it.

Now, the pay was good and I felt that the guy's reasons were valid (and that the prof was being a dick), also the project was doable in a day and a half, so I said ok. I spent my entire Saturday working on it till I had most of it done: I just needed to refine the code and do the report.

I sent the app to him so that he can check it out, to which he responds by freaking out and explaining that he has missed most of the classes and has a barely passing average (huh maybe the prof isn't so much of a dick). If I get him a high grade, the gig will be up and his prof will fail him. He wants a 60-70/100, no more.

Feeling obliged by our agreement, I spent my Sunday complicating trivial code, breaking standards, and adding minor bugs. Had I know this was what it was going to lead to, I would have never accepted.

It's just so much harder to break good code than to write it.

I saw a meme about USB and thought I could make a stop motion gif. Here it is. 😁

Keep your arrogance, your fucking stupid logic and religious belief about everthing you say is right aside.

when somebody says there is a better way to solve a problem.. you can do two things. you either listen to them, validate the idea and accept or reject based on discussion or you just be an arrogant fucking prick and stick to your fucking reasoning, about your "right" way.

Don't do the latter. Wont help you become better neither at work nor in life.

FUCK YOU.

- a teammate

This is how my prof uses braces:

If () {
test;
} else {
test2;
}

He uses it as an example of how to use line breaks properly.

!rant
Just remembered the project back in my bachelor CS classes. The Prof was so utterly busy that he did not even read my thesis which he had to grade. I once sent him a 2mb bulk from /dev/rand which I piped into 'documentation.pdf' and got an A.

Sometimes the worst professors are the best :D

When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?

Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.

Prof: So yeah this is going to be difficult. We're going to make the scalable math library. Then we have to make a functional finite elements library using that. Then make a multiphysics engine using that library. This could easily take your entire PhD. Are you prepared for that?

Me: May I show you something?

Prof: Sure, sure.

Me, showing him: We can use moose to code in the multiphysics. It's built atop libmesh for the finite elements. Which can be built with a petsc backend. Which we can run on GPUs and CPUs, up to 200k cores. All of this has been done for us. This project will, at worst, take a couple months.

Prof: ...

Guys, libraries. Fucking. Libraries. Holy fucking shit.

why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?

checkStatus1
checkStatus2
checkStatusMyAss

Look, what I just found a perfect paper cup for all of us here. ☕

When your prof gives you 9/10 on your CS assignment because, instead of returning an int and doing a comparison, you do the comparison and return a boolean.

🤔😑 u serious man

So I met this Professor in my campus recently.. This life-changing conversation followed :
Prof: What are you doing on your laptop?
Me: Sir, I am practicing some coding problems.
Prof : Coding problems? What's your branch?
Me: Electrical Engineering.
Prof: You aren't expected to code. And you aren't taught much coding in your coursework too.
Me : Sir, I take it as a passion and I did learn coding all by myself.
Prof : Rubbish. Learning coding by yourself is similar to saying that you don't require a Prof. to teach you. Just focus on your subjects and stop wasting your time.
Me :Good afternoon, sir. You're right, I did waste my time here.
*Grabs laptop and leaves,hoping he won't be taking any lectures in my next sem. *

Told my prof about brainfuck
He gave me the stare.

Professor: Envision a person as an object, what methods would it have?
Student: Run
Prof: Yes, good example.
Other student: Jump
Prof: yes, people also do that
Me: Die
Prof: Well yes, but I'd prefer we don't take this any further

prof: were gonna program snake today
me: yay!
prof: but program the way i did it :)
me:

me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......

*goes on to explain cool stuff*

her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?

me : I AM DONE

My roommate's CS Prof literally makes them print their code on PAPER (max 80 chars to a line) and submit it to his physical dropbox across campus. This includes end of term projects where a single submission might have literally 20 pages of code.

I don't know what to say.

Remembering a university lecture

Prof: "What are some other downsides of using polling instead of interrupts?"

Student: "The process has to wait until it gets polled."

Prof: "Exactly. When you click Ctrl+W, you want that tab to be closed immediately. You don't want the system to wait a few seconds for those keys to get polled and risk your mom looking at that tab."

Step 1: try a third party defragmentation tool as windows' one is shit
Step 2: go to sleep while shit is getting done
Step 3: ???
Step 4: prof- Wait what ? Fuuuuu

'Sup mates.
First rant...
So Here's a story of how I severely messed up my mental health trying to fit in university.

But the bonus: Found my passion.
Her we go,

Went to university thinking it'll be awesome to learn new stuff.
1st sem was pure shock - Programming was taught at the speed of V2 rockets.
Everything was centred around marks.

Wanted to get a good run in 2nd sem, started to learn Vector design, but RIP- Hospitalized for Staph infection, missed the whole sem and was in recovery for 3 months.
So asked uni for financial assistance as I had to re-register the courses the next semester. They flat out refused, not even in this serious of a case.

So, time to register courses for third semester, turns out most of the 2nd year courses are full, I had to take 3rd year courses like:
Social and Informational Networks
Human Computer Interaction
Image processing
And
Parallel and Distributed Computing (They had no prerequisites listed, for the cucks they are: BIG MISTAKE)
Turns out the first day of classes that I attend, the Image proc. teacher tells me that it's gonna be difficult for 2nd years so I drop it, as the PDC prof. also seconds that advice.

Time travel 2 months in: The PDC prof is a bitch, doesn't upload any notes at all and teaches like she's on Velocity-9 while treating this subject like a competition on who learns the most rather than helping everyone understand.
Doesn't let students talk to each other in lab even if one wants to clear their friend's doubt, "Do it on your own!" What the actual fuck?

Time for term end exams and project submission: Me and 3 seniors implement a Distributed File System in python and show it to her, she looks satisfied.
Project Results: Everyone else got 95/100
I got 76.
She's so prejudiced that she thinks that 2nd years must have been freeloaders while I put my ass on turbo for the whole sem, learning to code while tackling advanced concepts to the point that I hated to code.

I passed the course with a D grade.
People with zero consideration for others get absolutely zero respect from me.
Well it's safe to say that I went Nuclear(heh.. pun..) at this point, Mentally I was in such a bad place that I broke down.... Went into depression but didn't realise it.

But,
I met a senior in my HCI class that I did a project with, after which I discovered we had lots of similar interests.
We became good friends and started collaborating on design projects and video game prototyping.

Enter the 4th sem and holy mother of God did I got some bad bad profs....
Then it hit me
I have been here for two years, put myself through the meat grinder and tore my soul into shreds.
This Is Not Me
This Wont Be The End Of Me
I called up my sister in London and just vented all my emotions in front of her.
Relief.
Been a long time since I felt that.
I decided to go for what I truly feel passionate about: Game Design

So I am now trying to apply for Universities which have specialised courses for game design.

I've got my groove again, learnt to live again.
Learning C# now.
:)
It's been a long hello, and If you've reached till here somehow, then damn, you the MVP.
Peace.

In the last project i worked in, the product owner wouldn't treat people as people but as resources.

The problem with that is you just look at people and their work in terms of a checklist and remain blind about real humans face.

She wouldn't understand the challenges of building something with an absolutely new stack which people needed to learn from scratch and put pieces together. She wouldn't be supportive of people trying out things and fail.

One fine day I told her that I was spending too much time on meetings and i should be excluding that time from available sprint timings.. she made me open my calendar in a screenshare session with all team members. Made me go through go through every meeting invite i had on calender and ordered which ones should i be attending from then and which ones i wont. That was insulting. It broke the trust.

I decided to not work with the project. Stopped putting my heart and soul into it and eventually got out of it in a month time.

Don't put your team into a position like this ever. You have to trust them with the problems they face and try to find a solution. Scrutinizing and micro management will always kill the team.

The startup life culture is probably killing a lot of talent and taking away peace of mind.

Everything is needed
- too fast
- to work well

Forcing people to compromise on personal life and health.

It also takes away the interest to work on something as an interesting problem and makes it feel like "just another job to get finished".

First (procedural) c++ lectures:

Prof: K guys, go ahead and attempt the homework
Students: sir, how can we have 1 file per exercise?
P: oh, you can't, just make one huge file with multiple functions and rename them to "main" whenever you wanna run them

Me: WHY DO I EVEN PAY FOR THIS BULLSHIT

Ps: not allowed to use classes as that's too hard...

My compsci II Prof pirates windows 7 for his openbox vm to teach C++

Prof: "Hey, you can take a look at the source code that we used last year in this research paper"
Me :(surprise because other papers usually don't share source code), "Okay"

A few weeks later:
Me: "Prof, if you use method A instead of method B, you can get better performance by 20%. Here's the link"
Prof:"The source link that you mentioned is for another instrument, not GPU"
Me:"Yeah, but I tested in on GPU and I found it is also applied in my device"
Prof:"That's interesting."
-----------------------------------------------------
This is why folks, sharing the source code that you used in scientific papers is important.

That moment when your prof has to resort to Stack Overflow after failing at debugging.

😂😂

Our prof told us today in a zoom lecture: "Never visit b-ok.org, it is totally illegal", with emphasis on how he would NEVER recommend to visit that website for free education illegally.

I guess he is totally against the idea of pirating educational material

me: hey prof, i dont know why this is wrong
*points out where its wrong*
prof: hmmm let me see
prof: u see its wrong here. thats why it doesnt work
*points at the exact same thing i pointed out*

Time Not Found! :P

I will be working from home tomorrow.

*Today*

I am at office because fuck me! I forgot my laptop charger here.

In my master equivalent thesis, I was supposed to build upon a year of work from my predecessors. However, I argued that it had no actual foundation and would never work properly, so I threw it away and started from scratch.

The prof was astonished and commented "well it's your thesis", insinuating that the risk was on me. Turned out I had been right.

It's a new semester and the introductory class for a General Ed is going on.
Prof: What do you want to be when you are done with engineering?
Me: I'd like to be in the security domain but I'm still not sure.
Prof: Then why are you doing Computer Science? You can just get a job as a security personnel.
FML.

Friend: You're a hacker right?

Me: *Cringes* (Fuck here we go again) *Ignores*

Friend: Can i hack someone with my USB plugged in the TV while the HDMI cable is connected to their Laptop? i wanna steal the test resulta from our prof! can you also make it like it changes his wallpaper into a "YOU'VE BEEN HACK BY" -And add my name? dont worry, i wont tell anyone you're anonymous ;)

Me: *Does the sign of the cross* (Lord have Mercy)

Update: He just sent me a link to a page that he claims where anonymous is and asks if im one of their members.. god help us all.

Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.

And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.

🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!

Remember the Christmas lecture I told you about?
Did you know, we have Santa in our faculty and he only communicates in the "Ho, ho, ho!" language?
So they created a ho ho ho programming language based on brainfuck and a way to do multiplications with a christmas tree🌲 and the prof sang a song to Andrew Tanenbaum. We had Punsch or Glühwein and Christmas cookies and there was a flashmob of the new choir 'C#' aaah it was just so cool
Last year they sent a paper to the journal of Universal Rejection, the paper is called: "Toward Xmas 4.0 - Recent Advances in Santa Claus Research"

Wk92 makes me realize why maths and coding are thaught together..

The time your prof last wrote a program was when computers were used for actual calculations only.😁

"You should clear your browser's cache ".- my first solution.

When your payload has persistence and cant be detected by known anti viruses and your prof. gave you his laptop to repair but you're fighting to do the right thing.

Taking a database class, prof insists on using Microsoft Sql server 2014. "Okay cool" said the Microsoft surface fan boy inside me as I installed it. "Holy shit this is using 6 fucking GBs?? Eh it's okay I trust" again said my Microsoft fanboy self. Finished installing, makes queries and it works. Cool.

Go to run Sql server again next day and get an error (nothing displayed, just a box pop up and then a crash) I use some Google skills. Change a bunch of shit and still it persists. "Just uninstall it and reinstall again" says my prof. I do so except random errors during installation saying Sql already exists even though I just uninstalled it. "Maybe it's some registry keys messing with it!" do some digging, remove unneeded registry keys and try again. Installation finished but a whack of features say failed to install.

I sit and try to work this shit out for the next four hours (not paying attention to my class) and still can't get Sql to completely uninstall itself. I try iobit uninstaller, command line uninstalling, fucking everything but still not working. Slowly my fanboy side is wishing that the windows symbol on the back of my machine was an apple.

I ended up having to backup all my files and reinstalling windows to get it working properly. Holy sweet fuck. The worst part is when this class is done ill probably need to reinstall yet again to save the 6gb it's sucking up. So if you're not sure whether you need something as heavy as Microsoft Sql server or not for your application, don't use it! It's a fucking virus that is super difficult to remove.

Tldr: life long Microsoft fanboy becomes apple convert in a day of using Microsoft Sql server.

Why am I so introvert ?
The statistics's homework was 63 problems and the prof said that we can solve them in groups so each person will have to solve less problems .

But me ! No friends , no group ! Must solve all of them on my own :(

This happened with one of our senior profs during the first year of my college. I wouldn't call him a dev if my life depended on calling him a dev but regardless, I narrate the story here.

We were "taught" C++ by some really dumb professors during our first year of college and it was mandatory that everyone cleared the subject regardless of what field of engineering the students chose. Having already done 2 years of C++, it was quite a breeze for me. But during the final lab exam, one of my friends requested my help in solving the quite tough question (for those beginners). Thinking the exam and teaching was unfair, I stupidly wrote the answer on a piece of paper and passed it to him. One of our teachers, who had seen him ask me, was lying low waiting to catch me in the act and she swooped in and busted our asses kicking us out of the exam hall and sending us to the HoDs office like some prize from her war against academic corruption.
In the end, I failed the exam for cheating and had to redo (not only the exam but the entire lab course).

When I returned to college during the summer vacations to redo the course, I first met the antagonist of our story. Having a huge head that looked like a deformed watermelon and an ego the size of a building, he assaulted us first with a verbal diarrhoea of his achievements as a CS professor. I quickly realised that I was in a class of people who had failed to grasp how to make a program that printed "Hello World". To make things shorter, every question the prof gave us, I managed to solve in a mere matter of minutes, several better than his own solutions. Not having expected a student who knew his shit, he was determined to play me down. He hurled tougher question at me and I knocked them over his enormous head piercing his ego. He asked me such questions as how to reverse 1000 and get 0001 and wasn't satisfied with the several ways I gave because none of it were what he had in mind (which turned out to be storing them in a fucking array and printing them in reverse. That's printing not reversing you dung beetle). I kept my calm throughout but on the day of the final exam, he set quite a tough paper for a class of people who had already failed once. To his utter shock and dismay, I aced that too and I produced flawless code. This man who has an MTech from one of the most reputed colleges of my country then proceeded to tell me that he had to cut my marks because I had used more than one function when the question had asked for one function ( it never said only one). I lost my shit and pointed out that since I was the programmer, it was my wish how I coded. I also explained to him how repeating code is a bad practice and one should use functions to reduce redundancy and keep the code clean. Nevertheless, he lost his shit and he threatened me with consequences as apparently "I didn't know who I was messing with". I handed over the paper and stormed out of the class (though he called me back and tried to argue more with me. I apologized for losing my shit and left when he was done talking). I ended up getting a 'C'. Totally worth it.

That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.

You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.

You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.

Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.

For fuck sake Facebook! do position:fixed for your goddam toolbar on mobile site because you have that fucking infinite scroll!

Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.

Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.

*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.

*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.

Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎

*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.

Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.

Today's the day! We're having a "Christmas lecture" with one of my favourite professors, I'm excited!
And afterwards: Punsch 🍹

My prof is so cool he has his own meme:

Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.

So I got an email from my employer/prof saying that there's a really important software that needs to be installed on a specific server, and it (the email) had all these additional "highly technical" stuff. So I open the link to this software.
.
.
Had to resist a really strong urge to burn myself to ashes, and then go jump off a cliff.
.
.
The website (and the software) is in Comic Sans. 😲

Not CS degree, but EE, and totally worth the effort. Not only that without degree, I wouldn't get jobs in many companies, but I actually learnt a lot. Laplace and Fourier will be as valid in a 100 years as they were 200 years ago.

Yeah, it was fucking hard. Math was rather OK, only 50% of the students failed the first exam. EE was harder, 90% failed at the first try. That wasn't regarded as problem - on the contrary, the exams were designed to weed out. After two semesters, we already had 50% student loss.

I remember what the EE prof told us in the first semester: we would learn a lot of things, but most importantly, to think like an engineer. Didn't make sense right away, but 5 years later, I knew what he had been talking about.

!rant

I am the happiest person today. Thanks @dfox. 😍

I asked one of my engineering classmate which processor they had in their laptop.

Ans : 3GB.

I dont know whether they dont know a shit about computers or they are too bad at english.

Fuck my life! For my studies at University it is required that I learn how to code... Over the past month I've been learning java, and yesterday a friend of mine has introduced me to Go. Now all I want to do is learn Go, meanwhile our Prof pushes us to learn switch-case and goto...

C++ Exam question today:

Convert to Decimal: 0x2a

My CS Prof never disappoints :)

#LifeRightNow
- need to find a new place and roommates to live with
- my gf's father doesn't want us to marry.
- my joint family wants to get separated.
- my boss wants me to be at our primary office ( i work remotely ) asap irrespective of anything since it is our biggest production yet.
- i am about the least productive i can be from last couple of weeks.
- going through a serious allergic condition.

#FuckMyLife

well a 🖕🏼 to everybody who thinks CSS isn't really "coding". Stop shaming CSS and people who love it because the moment you would be asked a simple alignment problem, you'll shit your pants.

No! not because it's a hard thing to do in CSS(there are tons of ways to do it.) but because you are ignorant and have prejudice.

🖕🏼 you again!

Ahhh yes Prof, because I really want to be doing more work than I need to be...

// Tedious string concatenation.
System.out.println("a: " + a + " b: " + b);

// Output using string formatting.
System.out.printf("a: %d b: %d\n", a, b);

But, hey that's just my opinion.

I love how my University CSSE courses make it hard for Windows users.
Student: Is it possible use VALGRIND in Windows CMD?
prof: I don't know, I only use Linux command line. Next question.

All programs must compile and run on Linux using g++. So everyone using windows has strip the IDE bloat and transfer the project files over to the remote Linux lab every single time they compile and run.

Benefits of being a Linux user!

Was an awesome start to university... Again. Our prof is just reading what's already visible for everybody on the screen....

Project in college, many moons ago.

Team is building a robot for a project. Nothing too crazy, it does some simple tasks like walk along a path and shit.

3 weeks for the project. 3 team members.

The largest graded part of the project is the ability to follow a path based on vision.

The 3rd member INSISTS on doing that part, he says “I want to prove to the professor that I am the smartest in the class so he helps me get a work term.”

Of course, my other partner and I see this as the complete selfishness of a child who will never be employed anywhere worth talking about anyways. He is a big asshole about it and we end up giving in.

## Week 1

We get our parts done (working together the way a team would) without his help.

He struggles, hits walls, complains. You know, dumbass grown child stuff...

## Week 2

We offer to help since we are done. He refuses. The teacher sees all of this and doesn’t like it at all.

After class the 2 of us go to the teacher and let him in on the details. The guy insisted, he is struggling and will not take help etc.

Teacher goes and talks to him and tells him it is a team project for a reason and that we should be helping. He says yes.

Then he misses the rest of the classes that week and send an email saying...

“Since everyone decided to keep interrupting me and breaking my train of thought, I could not get anything done in class. Therefore I will be staying home to finish the project from there.”

And to top it off, he didn’t even take home the robot’s connectors he needed to do the damn thing. Haha.

## Week 3

We know he wasn’t going to get it done, so we approached the teacher. We make it clear that we have done all we can and that we are not ok with losing marks because of this.

Since we are both good students that he likes, he decides to give us an option.

You can take a 50% on his part even if he doesn’t get it done (for trying to help) or we can do it ourselves and he won’t get the marks if he doesn’t finish.

## Night before

We say fuck it and do the thing.

In fact, since we were learning Java at the time we decided to do it in Java. Our other prof sees us playing with robots and gets excited, he stays with us and suggest improvements.

In the end we rewrite all 3 robot functionalities in Java and hand in the project the next day.

## The day of

Partner 3 comes into class and says this...

“That walking path part is impossible, I didn’t get it done, but I bet nobody else did either. So at least we will get a 60% on the other 2 parts!” (With a big shit eating grin)

Prof calls our group up. We walk up and the prof looks at the 3rd guy and says.

“Since you have decided to do your part alone, we will have you present your part alone at the end of the groups”

He tries to say something but the prof cuts him off and tells him to sit down.

We show all of our code and the robot does everything perfectly.

Groups go by, now it’s that guys turn.

He says that the walking part was impossible but seems to realize right away that he just saw EVERY other group get it working.

The teacher ask him to stay after class.

## Result

We got a 98 (prof said he was hoping we would have done in VB like asked but he liked the result a lot).

Other guy gets a 5% for his non-working spaghetti code on 0s on the other 2 sections. He blames us, of course.

Bonus Content:

That same asshat above once said this to me...

“I don’t indent my code so that if I work for a company and no one else can understand the code then I am unfireable!”

Yes, he wrote all code like this...

const Example = () => {
Stuff
More stuff
For() {
Stuff
If() {
Stuff
}
}
}

Fuck that guy🖕🏽

Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.

Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.

We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:

"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"

WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?

If a programmer writes colour, he is not a programmer!

Took up computer course, never used nor seen a computer in my life. Was good at written tests, now first time to use the lab and first time seeing a PC

Prof: Today you're going to create your own bootable micro floppy disk. Afterwards you're going to load it with SideKick and PC Tools. Turn on the PC in front of you and insert your double density disks as soon as you see the C: prompt
Me: my disk won't go all the way in
Classmate: just push it in until you hear a click then it will lock
Me: still won't *pushes really hard until I heard a crack... my disk was inserted the wrong way... it did lock though*
Everyone in class looks at me and I start questioning my life choices. I could've sworn our Prof's face turned white

Final project senior year...
Mistake 1: Chose a project suggested by the prof, who did not initially make it obvious that the project beneficiary would be a personal friend of his.
Mistake 2: Nine of us thought this project looked cool and all signed up for it.
Mistake 3: Looked at the code-behind provided for us and discovered that the web-app we were building was... programmed in Java, using StringBuilder to append HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and create its webpages. Which was then decoded and built into a webpage using some obtusely designed compiler.
Mistake 4: Decided to question the reasonability of said project to the prof.
Mistake 5: Did not quit the project as a group and do something else

We all graduated, I think, but a lot of C-'s were had. Fuck that class.

I don't get why we need videos to auto play on some websites.

I was in class today browsing the news, clicked on an article and forgot my laptop speaker volume was still at max. Guess what happened? Autoplay. Not even the video from the article but AN AD, for a moment the prof. paused and everyone looked around, but I quickly hit the mute button so it did not last too long.

Who ever thought autoplay (WITH ADS) was a good idea?

develop/test/debug in one screen. Best Monitor Setup :D

Today on incompetent profs & classmates...

Dumb student forgets to exit vim and rewrites program 3 times before calling d prof
for help

I ask the prof for approval to use an IDE or a text editor in lab and she has no clue what an IDE is. I installed atom just as she left.

Another kid fooled into thinking web dev has no future.

Apparently I can't use laptop in class to execute programs as "other students may be at loss" i mean wtf that's their fkin problem why do I have to suffer.

Student questions unix prof about the file size limitation in fat32. She had a poker face.

Prof gives "hello world" program to sophomores. Nice.

FUCK YOU ACCESS!!! FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!! FUCK YOU DB PROF FOR FORCING IS TO USE THIS FUCKING PEACE OF CRAPWARE!!!
In the time I spent cursing at Microsofts bullshit I could have done the task twice in MySQL and would already have a nice looking fucking UI for this shit. FUCKING HELL.

! rant

Sorry but I'm really, really angry about this.

I'm an undergrad student in the United States at a small state college. My CS department is kinda small but most of the professors are very passionate about not only CS but education and being caring mentors. All except for one.

Dr. John (fake name, of course) did not study in the US. Most professors in my department didn't. But this man is a complete and utter a****le. His first semester teaching was my first semester at the school. I knew more about basic programming than he did. There were more than one occasion where I went "prof, I was taught that x was actually x because x. Is that wrong?" knowing that what I was posing was actually the right answer. Googled to verify first. He said that my old teachings were all wrong and that everything he said was the correct information. I called BS on that, waited until after class to be polite, and showed him that I was actually correct. Denied it.

His accent was also really problematic. I'm not one of those people who feel that a good teacher needs a native accent by any standard (literally only 1 prof in the whole department doesn't), but his English was *awful*. He couldn't lecture for his life and me, a straight A student in high school, was almost bored to sleep on more than one occasion. Several others actually did fall asleep. This... wasn't a good first impression.

It got worse. Much, much worse.

I got away with not having John for another semester before the bees were buzzing again. Operating systems was the second most poorly taught class I've ever been in. Dr John hadn't gotten any better. He'd gotten worse. In my first semester he was still receptive when you asked for help, was polite about explaining things, and was generally a decent guy. This didn't last. In operating systems, his replies to people asking for help became slightly more hostile. He wouldn't answer questions with much useful information and started saying "it's in chapter x of the textbook, go take a look". I mean, sure, I can read the textbook again and many of us did, but the textbook became a default answer to everything. Sometimes it wasn't worth asking. His homework assignments because more and more confusing, irrelavent to the course material, or just downright strange. We weren't allowed to use muxes. Only semaphores? It just didn't make much sense since we didn't need multiple threads in a critical zone at any time. Lastly for that class, the lectures were absolutely useless. I understood the material more if I didn't pay attention at all and taught myself what I needed to know. Usually the class was nothing more than doing other coursework, and I wasn't alone on this. It was the general consensus. I was so happy to be done with prof John.

Until AI was listed as taught by "staff", I rolled the dice, and it came up snake eyes.

AI was the worst course I've ever been in. Our first project was converting old python 2 code to 3 and replicating the solution the professor wanted. I, no matter how much debugging I did, could never get his answer. Thankfully, he had been lazy and just grabbed some code off stack overflow from an old commit, the output and test data from the repo, and said it was an assignment. Me, being the sneaky piece of garbage I am, knew that py2to3 was a thing, and used that for most of the conversion. Then the edits we needed to make came into play for the assignment, but it wasn't all that bad. Just some CSP and backtracking. Until I couldn't replicate the answer at all. I tried over and over and *over*, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and could find Nothing. Eventually I smartened up, found the source on github, and copy pasted the solution. And... it matched mine? Now I was seriously confused, so I ran the test data on the official solution code from github. Well what do you know? My solution is right.

So now what? Well I went on a scavenger hunt to determine why. Turns out it was a shift in the way streaming happens for some data structures in py2 vs py3, and he never tested the code. He refused to accept my answer, so I made a lovely document proving I was right using the repo. Got a 100. lol.

Lectures were just plain useless. He asked us to solve multivar calculus problems that no one had seen and of course no one did it. He wasted 2 months on MDP. I'd continue but I'm running out of characters.

And now for the kicker. He becomes an a**hole, telling my friends doing research that they are terrible programmers, will never get anywhere doing this, etc. People were *crying* and the guy kept hammering the nail deeper for code that was honestly very good because "his was better". He treats women like delicate objects and its disgusting. YOU MADE MY FRIEND CRY, GAVE HER A BOX OF TISSUES, AND THEN JUST CONTINUED.

Want to know why we have issues with women in CS? People like this a****le. Don't be prof John. Encourage, inspire, and don't suck. I hope he's fired for discrimination.

Fuck my country's universities, fucking greedy assholes that ruin lives, suck wallets and sucks life from the young.

I'm currently studying something completely non related to programming: History. And I really love it. I love reading 1000 pages for each test and essay and talking about the problem of naming the Cold War a war and cold and etc. The problem is that I won't make as much money as I would make even as a self taught developer.

After considering my possibilities, I thought I could enter the computer science carreer. I don't know how this works in other countries but here you would have to study 3 years of an engineering common plan and then specialise in some sort of industrial engineering while getting an specialisation also in computer science. After some counting, I got to the conclusion that I would be studying 6 years (or more), and wasting half of those years learning stuff that I would never use nor care about.

But that's not all. This semester I took the introductory class for programming. It's pretty basic stuff but at least they teach a little bit about algorithms and problem solving. It turns out that a friend of mine that's about to graduate from computer science applied as a helper for the prof. I was so excited I could finally talk with someone about code!

Since the start of the semester I have been passing a lot of time with him and talking about the future. Turns out he doesn't understand shit about code but somehow he learns everything by hard and has passed every computer science course without having any practical abilities. I don't blame him, he's studying hard and playing by the rules, and turns out that he has wasted precious time of his life also learning biology, chemistry, structural engineering, hidraulic engineering, transportation engineering and a ton of engineerings that he won't use.

If the university would instead take that time to teach better courses of practical programming or leave him some time to try out the stuff he learns by hard, he wouldn't have to hear me talking about stuff he doesn't comprehend but feels that should, and wouldn't be utterly depressed, he wouldn't take SIX years to learn less than what he could learn in less than THREE years. And this isn't just a random university, it is one of the 2 best universities we have here and was in 2014 the best of all Latin America.

And wait, here comes the best part. In my country, levels of education are heavily stratified. After school, superior studies give different titles according to the time you've been studying. Yes just the time. And these titles are what your employers will see to give you different work positions. So for studying a 2 year carreer you get a technic job which pays well but not too well, then at 4 years you get a license title which only proves that you know stuff, then at 5 or more (depending on what you are studying) you get a professional degree and will get payed as a full fledged professional. So here, even though in other countries it takes 6 years to have a masters in engineering, they give you just the engineering degree, and it would take 2 (or more) more years to have a master. Even though you can totally teach engineering in 4 years, here they take BY LAW 2 years more, while paying what a fucking full stack of pairs of kidneys would cost in the black market.

So fuck that shit, I won't be throwing my money at any university. I hope they get reformed soon becouse this is fucking dumb, really really dumb. Like 2 year old shit dumb. I'll just learn a bit more, make some projects until I have a decent portfolio and apply to some company that cares for real knowledge and not just a piece of paper with letters and a shitty logo on it.

Weirdest moment ever in a CS class:
Course on probabilistic theory. Excercise mentions something about balls in 4 hats. Prof starts to draw them on a chalkboard in a shape of upside down male genitalia. Before finishing the second one starts to giggle.

Dude is a 70 yo grandpa.

Stupid prof thinks paid M$ office/email plan is much better than GSuite because it is free.
FML. 🤦

So some asshole keeps sending phishing emails to every student and prof in our university and the IT department is too pathetic to block it. They all come from the same email and contain the same text yet they cant filter it and just send warnings not to click it.

Im getting sick of recieving 5 of these a day, i scanned and viewed the page and its just a simple form copying the outlook login page with a redirect to the actual page after submission.

Whats the easiest way to write a script that will spam them with thousands of fake accounts? How can i fuck with these guys?

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

uni prof: "you can't make an infinite for loop. Infinite loopsnare only possible with while loops"....
I think it's not what he meant, but it was a while ago and I forgot the context, but multiple students made a 'what the fuck?' noise.

Me during a presentation of a website for university project. It's a simple project for our university where there is internships offer for our field, stack : php, js, css (bootstrap), and the presentation was on my computer, so on localhost.
In that projet i have implemented a back office to manage all the offers, basic CRUD functionality, and as lazy as I am, for delete confirmation i used a simple javascript alert for that.
Me during the presentation :"so here is the back-office to manage users and internships offer, and for deleting one offer you just have to click on this trash icon *click*".
Ze professor : "hold on hold on, why it's showing 'localhost' "
Me : "it's javascript alert"
Prof : "but why 'localhost' "
Me : "oh, because i'm running the website on my computer as a server"
Prof : "but why localhost, it's not professional"
Me : *god please "it's javascript alert rendered by the browser, we can't do anything about it, and for a simple application it's sufficient"
Prof : "but why it's bigger than the message, and if we host that, do we steal have that localhost"
Me to end that : "I'm sorry i made a mistake on that".
Fortunately i had a good mark on that project.
It's my first story here, and sorry for ze bad English ^^

Our prof at university told us at the beginning of the semester, that .NET is the most used framework for web based systems and it would take a big part in this semester. He brought up a statistic, in which .NET filled around 43 %, and wasnt even the most populated one. Nobody seemed to be impressed, that the first information he provided to us, was obviously wrong but okay.. After that I just looked up the statistic and filtered the values for my own country, in which Im "probably" about to work later on. The percentage for .NET in my country was 4 %. I told my classmates, that this guy is talking complete bullshit. Still nobody cared. During semester we learned stuff, that was btw factually wrong. In the end, we didnt even had one lecture about .NET. Now my classmates finally care and are flaming all day about this guy. Didnt expect that... (Irony off)

There is one more story of this ridculous prof that will follow soon :D

My (pseudo)code:
//Cursor1.Open ()
//Cursor2.Open ()
//Cursor2.DoStuff ()
//Cursor2.Close ()
//Cursor1.Close ()

Prof: Why do you have Cursor1 in there if you don't use it?
Me: Because it doesn't compile if I take it out.
Prof: Why?
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I miss the shit I could get away with in grad school.

Prof introducing a batch of non-programmers to JavaScript.

Me: Ha! I'm going to ace this class.

Disclosure: Its an Art school, We're studying Multimedia Arts, and we have a couple of Web Development classes that focus on html, css, js, and php. (and I have been a web developer for 4 years)

- UI Developer Interview
- 5+ years of revelant experience.
- Says pretty good at CSS
- Have not heard of box model.

FUCK INTERVIEWS. FUCK EXPERIENCE. FUCK EVERYTHING.

I remembered one time my freakin prof in programming taugh us how to understand computer language, that time my worst enemy is ASSEMBLY, for some reasons my teacher doesn't know how to code in assembly like wtf?

On our last grading period he asked us to create a program using mov and shift and the deadline is set tomorrow after he announced it.

I remember my code in that freaking subject

MOV COURSE
SHIFT SCHOOL

HAHAHAHA after that I was scolded big time 😂

tldr: I am a human with dreams and doubt.

At the Univeristy you end your course of study with a thesis, and there are two kind of thesis: compilative and progettual.

Compilative means that you study something and then make a report about it. Usually I see that this kind of thesis is done by people who just want to end the course.

Progettual means that you actually develop something, maybe driven by a professor, doing something new, or try something in a different way to see if it works... This is for the good guys.

but mine does not fit any of those.
I studyed a lot about some topics, I learned to use the existing tools, I learned to decide which tool is better and when. I learned the open problems in the field. And my thesis is an analysis for a solution for some of them. I did not develop a project, but I didn't just study something. And I am giving the base for a much bigger project.
And I did everything on my own, the prof who is supposed to drive my work let me go on, and I never really asked for his help.

Obviously everything is a mess, the thesis describes broadly a large range of things, who are outside my course, and I am just copying from here and there (avoiding wikipedia because I would be ashamed of that) (I mean, I avoid wikipedia and jump directly to the source).

I actually made a little project from the conclusion of my analysis, but it is more of a mistake than other.

And maybe I am writing this to grow my pride, and avoid depression. To tell me I am not a total failure. Or maybe am I really good as I dream to be? (because that is how pride works, doesn't it?)
I intented a new kind of thesis! Ah!

I will see the prof on wednesday and the deadline is on saturday! I will let you know!

and oh!I am writing it in english so you can read it!
Just kidding, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore, I just want to end this mess, and in english is easier to copy.
I learned from this big mistake of a thesis, next time I will make sure that the prof drives me, because I am 20 and cannot do an analysis such complex on my own.
becauuuuseeee yes! There will be a next time! I am graduating in december, but I am following the master courses since september! In january the first exams! I am practically already thinking about the next thesis. Suggestion on other mistake to avoid?

Did you know James Joyce and the stream of consciuosness? Well, here it is.

I may have spelled something wrong, I hope everything is undestandable.

wow, 2500 characters of rant, I am improving writing the thesis in english!

mngr, out.

I just wrote into my scientific essay: "thanks to devrant for tho daily motivation"... Now, I feel like the saver of my Informatics profs life

Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.

***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion

#my brain hurts

Course: Modern web standards (circa 2000)
CS prof.: let's start by looking at how to do bitwise operators in java
Class: [crickets]
Me: [groan]

interface Flyable {
public static final int wings = 2;
void fly();
}

This is a good use of interface a/c to my CS Prof
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Long time no rant.
Here's the summary of a review meeting I & team just had with our programming prof:

"You did exactly what I taught you in class, and I don't like it."

"To get a better mark you should've done more than what was required."

"This wasn't a requirement. You should've kept it short."
except we asked about it being a requirement earlier and only got vague answers like "that should be obvious."

Also, printing a class diagram over 2 pages apparently is unacceptable and we should've gone to a copyshop to print that as one page instead.

My best was my first - Dr Aston. Taught me Fortran.

The 1st ever essay I wrote on programming was littered with references to "and-sign". Prof calmly pointed out its called an "ampersand".

When writing code that has to be evaluated by a college prof, redirect all the best practices to /dev/null

20 mins and it's still here. I think my death will arrive sooner than the update finishes.

to whomever it may concern...

if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.

i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell.

My C# class loves to come up with weird/unrealistic scenarios to teach a specific language feature... I feel like the more effective way to teach would be to mention a real life scenario where it makes more sense to use the feature and give it some context rather than coming up with some arbitrary series of classes to represent departments and employees and then say "write extension methods for them to write them out"

If you tell me that I'm going to go, ok this works, but is there a specific reason I should do this instead of using a for or foreach to do the exact same thing? Don't get me wrong I see the appeal of extension methods as well as LINQ but this class never gives any sort of context as to why we're doing stuff. This class could be good, I've had classes that focus on language specific features taught in ways that make sense... My Java prof did a great job...

Also all the slides are terribly written...

Like I attached an example of the description for extension methods... The slides then go on to explain how the syntax for them works and gives an example...

Like ok I guess technically you told me what they are and how to use them, but gave zero context...

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I go to MSDN for their definition of extension methods, and it is much more clearly written and gives context to where/why they're used... and this is supposed to be a 5th semester course...

I got pranked. I got pranked good.
My prof at my uni had given us an asigment to do in java for a class.
Easy peasy for me, it was only a formality...
First task was normal but...
The second one included making a random number csv gen with the lenght of at least 10 digits, a class for checking which numbers are a prime or not and a class that will check numbers from that cvs and create a new cvs with only primes in it. I have created the code and only when my fans have taken off like a jet i realised... I fucked up...
In that moment i realised that prime checking might... take a while..

There was a third task but i didnt do it for obvious reasons. He wanted us to download a test set of few text files and make a csv with freq of every word in that test set. The problem was... The test set was a set of 200 literature books...

Badass scenario:

Professor: writes a loop to sum up first five numbers and asks the output.

Me: 500

Other random student: 15

Prof praises him.

He runs the code.

Output: 500 ( internal server error)

(He had a missing semicolon) 😅

Why for fucks sake can't I motivate myself to finish my thesis?

I mean I guess it is because I already got my third raise in my current (full-time) job because of hard work, which left not much time for side projects (or thesis writing).

On top of that, there is nothing which forces me to finish. My Prof. does not really care. I would probably not earn more because of a higher degree. Only thing is I have to pay the fee for enrolment once a semester.

Also, going back to my thesis project after some time, and having to upgrade all the npm modules in there does not help.

Even though I already have a working backend and proof-of-concept app, something blocks me from finishing all this work.

It is a curse. I would do so many side projects, but I tell myself that I first have to finish my thesis before doing anything else.

It is some kind of loop and I have yet to find the return condition.

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

Today our webdev prof: "you must use bootstrap! You are not allowed to define your own classes!"

He's a nice guy, but I don't like frameworks, especially if they rely on other frameworks so much that you basically have another language.

Sometime i forgot real world don't have pixel😞

"You should clear you're browser cache" -always my first solution.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Have you ever been so confused with the professor requirements for a Java requirement that you had to decompiled his fucking example only to realize he went COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT ROUTE THAT THE BLACK ASSHOLE HE REQUESTED? GOD I FUCKING WANT TO THROW THROW MY MACBOOK AT HIM, IM HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY FOR 12 HOURS, ITS FUCKING 5 AM RIGHT NOW, THE SUN IS FUCKING RISING AND THERE IS LIGHT IN THE SKY TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF LIKE JESUS CHRIST WHAT AM I A CODESLAVE NOW? FUCK.

FYI, there's also an addition of 7 students with me too, we're doomed.

I’m studying at uni remotely at the moment. I’m taking a software engineering class. I love developing software so I was super excited about this course. First assignment is to make a tic tac toe game in python. I finish the assignment super fast within the first hour of our first class.

We end up spending the rest of the fucking semester on this fucking program. No improvements, nothing. Literally just staring at this less than 200 line command line tic tac toe game talking about the same fucking shit every class.

Our fucking final is a presentation about this fucking program. The entire class is going to present the same command line python tic tac toe game

People told me that in the past, this class would find a local client and fulfill a request (making a website, etc)

However, now there’s a new prof teaching this course.

Best way I can describe it, 3 hours of this fucking prof screen sharing a google doc and droning on for 3 hours

I wish I could get the 20+ hours of my life back that this course has taken from me

Major rant incoming. Before I start ranting I’ll say that I totally respect my professor’s past. He worked on some really impressive major developments for the military and other companies a long time ago. Was made an engineering fellow at Raytheon for some GPS software he developed (or lead a team on I should say) and ended up dropping fellowship because of his health. But I’m FUCKING sick of it. So fucking fed up with my professor. This class is “Data Structures in C++” and keep in mind that I’ve been programming in C++ for almost 10 years with it being my primary and first language in OOP.

Throughout this entire class, the teacher has been making huge mistakes by saying things that aren’t right or just simply not knowing how to teach such as telling the students that “int& varOne = varTwo” was an address getting put into a variable until I corrected him about it being a reference and he proceeded to skip all reference slides or steps through sorting algorithms that are wrong or he doesn’t remember how to do it and saying, “So then it gets to this part and....it uh....does that and gets this value and so that’s how you do it *doesnt do rest of it and skips slide*”.

First presentation I did on doubly linked lists. I decided to go above and beyond and write my own code that had a menu to add, insert at position n, delete, print, etc for a doubly linked list. When I go to pull out my code he tells me that I didn’t say anything about a doubly linked list’s tail and head nodes each have a pointer pointing to null and so I was getting docked points. I told him I did actually say it and another classmate spoke up and said “Ya” and he cuts off saying, “No you didn’t”. To which I started to say I’ll show you my slides but he cut me off mid sentence and just yelled, “Nope!”. He docked me 20% and gave me a B- because of that. I had 1 slide where I had a bullet point mentioning it and 2 slides with visual models showing that the head node’s previousNode* and the tail node’s nextNode* pointed to null.

Another classmate that’s never coded in his life had screenshots of code from online (literally all his slides were a screenshot of the next part of code until it finished implementing a binary search tree) and literally read the code line by line, “class node, node pointer node, ......for int i equals zero, i is less than tree dot length er length of tree that is, um i plus plus.....”
Professor yelled at him like 4 times about reading directly from slide and not saying what the code does and he would reply with, “Yes sir” and then continue to read again because there was nothing else he could do.

Ya, he got the same grade as me.

Today I had my second and final presentation. I did it on “Separate Chaining”, a hashing collision resolution. This time I said fuck writing my own code, he didn’t give two shits last time when everyone else just screenshot online example code but me so I decided I’d focus on the PowerPoint and amp it up with animations on models I made with the shapes in PowerPoint. Get 2 slides in and he goes,
Prof: Stop! Go back one slide.
Me: Uh alright, *click*
(Slide showing the 3 collision resolutions: Open Addressing, Separate Chaining, and Re-Hashing)
Prof: Aren’t you forgetting something?
Me: ....Not that I know of sir
Prof: I see Open addressing, also called Open Hashing, but where’s Closed Hashing?
Me: I believe that’s what Seperate Chaining is sir
Prof: No
Me: I’m pretty sure it is
*Class nods and agrees*
Prof: Oh never mind, I didn’t see it right

Get another 4 slides in before:
Prof: Stop! Go back one slide
Me: .......alright *click*
(Professor loses train of thought? Doesn’t mention anything about this slide)
Prof: I er....um, I don’t understand why you decided not to mention the other, er, other types of Chaining. I thought you were going to back on that slide with all the squares (model of hash table with animations moving things around to visualize inserting a value with a collision that I spent hours on) but you didn’t.
(I haven’t finished the second half of my presentation yet you fuck! What if I had it there?)
Me: I never saw anything on any other types of Chaining professor
Prof: I’m pretty sure there’s one that I think combines Open Addressing and Separate Chaining
Me: That doesn’t make sense sir. *explanation why* I did a lot of research and I never saw any other.
Prof: There are, you should have included them.
(I check after I finish. Google comes up with no other Chaining collision resolution)

He docks me 20% and gives me a B- AGAIN! Both presentation grades have feedback saying, “MrCush, I won’t go into the issues we discussed but overall not bad”.

Thanks for being so specific on a whole 20% deduction prick! Oh wait, is it because you don’t have specifics?
Bye 3.8 GPA

Is it me or does he have something against me?

!Long Rant!!
Got inspired by Ewin Tang's paper on figuring out a classical computer algorithm for recommendation systems inspired by quantum computers and started to write up an email to a professor in some Quantum research I'm interested in doing. As a high school student, it's VERY daunting to start. Been researching the prof and I'm super excited but it's nerve racking! Like what if she doesn't even open her research projects to high school students and I'm wasting my time? In case, I am planning on asking if there is anyone else I should contact. I'm focused on doing this research with McMaster since it's nearby but I'm really doubting myself. People my age who do this stuff are phenomenal and I feel like I wouldn't live up to that. You guys are probably a lot more experienced in this so if you've got any advice or tips, let me know.
>.<

Tomorrow I must present a summery of what the prof said in the first session of security+ within 20 min.
All he said was about the most important security certs and some definitions including CIA triangle.

Any idea how I can make my summery cooler or anything relative I can say in addition to those?

Why do supermarkets still use windows xp? Grr! Stuck at billing now.

College. The head Prof of the IT department tries to open a site without even looking at the networking icon, which says disconnected, meaning that the Ethernet cable was unplugged. Tries to refresh a couple of times.

Goes off to find a lab assistant.
Assistant comes is, plugs in the cable.

Failed an exam and have to retake it this semester. The new prof uses completely different approaches and I have to relearn everything. So confusing and annoying. FUCK.

Whatever the fuck is 'absolutely accurate estimates'.

I tried making a pringles wifi antenna and a yagi antenna one time.
I had trouble so i decided to ask my prof. for some help.

The security guard confiscated my stuff because He thought the pringles can was an IED

He contacted other security guards and had me watched until my prof came and explained i was a student and that i was making an antenna and not an IED

way back in highschool, for recitation i fixed a bug in the code written on the board with a very small change. feeling proud of my work, i did a 'mic drop'-esque thing on the marker i used.

my prof apparently did not see the change i made, said to the class something about 'having guts,stagefright,etc. he thought i really did not do anything, and just erased the whole thing. i almost lost interest in programming after that.

after college though, graduating top of the class and all, the school asked me to do their website, it was kickass and the board liked it.

months after golive, i came across the same prof in a party for celebrating the success of the website.
i will never forget that "in your face" smug smile i gave him, and the obvious stumped look on his face.

sorry if its too long, here's a rant potato (:/)

I wish I had that self esteem a lot of my classmates posses.
I'm working for my prof, I've kinda made my very first step into the industry. Somewhere deep inside I know I'm talented and smart. However, every day I am worried that I'm not good enough and it will be noticed at the job soon.
Is that common thing in Dev community? Just want to know opinions

201, an intro programming course using Python2. Prof was funny. She was a Redditor and slipped the casual troll face or derp face or other rage comic character in her lecture slides.

!rant. Story from my college abt 6 months old.

We had to make projects for our course.
One team made a very nice project. One part of that was mobile no. verification using OTP.

And the student who was supposed to to that, did it by sending the required otp to the frontend page, and when user enters it, validate it using javascript.

The prof got mad about it and the rest of the class couldn't stop laughing.

Just remembered. Thought it would be worth sharing.

Took a software engineering class at my university. The class was online which is common at my school.

The entirety of the class ends up being the prof. scrolling through a google doc while sharing her screen. No watching her program stuff, no opportunities for us to program in class, nothing. Basically like reading documentation for 3 hours.

The final project? A fucking command line tic tac toe game written in python.

My group asked if we could do a tic tac toe multiplayer web app instead and she denied us with no reason

Complete waste of time

When you want to cuss that prof so badly.. md5('Fuck youuuuu!');

why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.

Alright, fellow coders, I need your help this time <3

I was thinking about getting a full stack developer position after school, with mean/mern stack. (Yes, I love js, but you can hate me for that later)
So, I just got an offer for a front-end developer position that I didn't apply to but was recommended for by my full stack prof.
Everything is great about that company, but! I'm not sure I'm good for that!
My question is: does being a front-end developer mean being good at putting together nice looking website?
I'm good with angular, but suck at material or just CSS in general.
I can implement business logic, but anything more complex than grids causes my eye to twitch.
So, is front-end developer supposed to be good at design part of it or not?
Google says yes, but I got other opinions from my friends, but they are still students too!
All hope on you guys! Thank you

Designing with "real" data

In Interaction Design Uni i've got this assignment to design a prototype for an "Ebay for used books". A requirement is that we have use "real" Data and not lorem ipsum for our design prototype tools. Which is a fair point but....

It's about 50 book categories (crime, history, romance) we have to cover, and for every category the prof wants at least 2 Books.

I've don't have the time to type in the (meta)data for 100 books at 30 JSON properties by hand. What would be your advice?

Do you maybe know a easy to use online bookshop API? (remember I'm a tech savy designer not a dev)

Or do you know someone in a low income country who does data entry? Or any experience with hiring someone on fiverr?

Thank you for your help. :)

1am and I'm waiting for my zipped project to finish uploading to OneDrive, so I can send my prof a link to it, because our fucking intranet just gloriously shat itself again -_-... Because a GitHub link is too mainstream I guess?

Ah yeah, deadline was 1h ago, but who cares about deadlines right?...

Has anybody worked with HP Quality Center that runs only on IE? Yeah! I hate both of them.

(Day 1 of Database Class)
Database Prof - "Your final project is a program or app that deals with big data and showcases data analysis. Make something that can be used by consumers and has real-world application."

(After the Day of Showcasing Projects)
Database Prof -
(What he should have said on Day 1) - "Make something that makes me laugh with added data."

i'm making my python prof wanna strangle me again, it's 100% the same as the example output, for those wondering why i do this to him it's because he said he "favors speed over readability" so i'm doing as he asks

code:

print("\nThe cost of the item is "+str((float(input("Enter the retail value: "))/(1+float(input("enter the markup percentage (e.g. 0.9): ")))))+"\n\nEnd of Report")

I dont understand why we must use PHP to
understand OOP

Im a student software developer and this is the first time i will learn about Object Oriented programming but i dont know man im really confused why our prof makes us use PHP to understand the concept of OOP rather than to learn Python or Java which is ten times easier for an OOP based application

I can understand that PHP can be used for OOP but why just why... can someone please explain why this might be and how does it feel to use PHP for OOP purpouses

Disclaimer!!!
Do at your own risk.
-----------------------------------
- Take a strong magnet, like a neodymium magnet.
- Hold it in your hand.
- Move your hand across a Macbook 15"'s keyboard. Say from left to right or vice versa. Almost touching they keys.

You'll see the screen dimming. If you just hold it there for a little longer, it'll lock your macbook. It's funny, but I am not sure if it's doing some damage to hardware.

Prof - Students, from now If someone asks you what you did yesterday, explain every minute detail of the task... Use fluent English, use rich vocabulary and MOST IMPORTANTLY -- if you were not able to complete your plans, make sure the other person knows it wasn't UR MISTAKE.... Don't forget to call out things that u asked for but will be delayed due to "unavoidable circumstances".
Make sure you take atleast 2 mins to finish. At the end greet everyone by saying "That's it".

-
HOW TO BECOME EFFECTIVE STANDUP SPEAKER

Best part of being a dev is that you get to be part of an amazing community like devRant.

Also the kind of jokes and stories devs get to share and laugh about is beyond anything. 😍

We had a tutorial on how to use spark/Hadoop.. part of the tutorial was the installation instructions for Ubuntu vms.

The Prof insisted we used an older version of Hadoop (v2.1.5), so naturally this required pulling older repos and older versions of java.

Naturally, some of the people in the class got some namespacing issues and garbage left from uninstalled packages.

Now, the tutorial was geared towards business/math people, not com sci. So most of the people didn't understand why apt didn't let them run certain commands (even though it very clearly just asked for them to run autoremove or autoclean, like in the "error message"). When the Prof and their "experienced TA" saw these messages, their recommendation was "make a new fresh vm".

The fuck? I heard that, run over and was like no. Just run the suggested command, it's literally a simple issue. And the guy didn't believe me. I had to sit him down, show him how I literally typed what the console was asking for, and everything just worked... The guy's response was "well that's Linux for you, its really complicated and can never trust anything, this time it worked, but next time it might not". Dude... Do you even know what you are saying? Like you are a supposed expert, least have some understanding of the package manager you are using. Maybe things will then be less "schrodinger cat".

God damn I can't wait to be out of this stupid fucking school. Never going back to academia.

For an exam we have to develop an app starting from the documentation (still the hardest part), like risk plain, timing projection ecc. we did all this stuff in time, except for the app. At the ending of time the professor ask to us how the app was going, and well... we bluffed, we said that we only need more time (at that point we have only installed Android Studio and JFK) but the prof give us an other month for the app, so we decide (me and my friend because in my team (4students) only 2 of us want to do something.. btw we learn how to work on Android Studio an develop a ugly, tiny but working app (the app consists in a remainder for your pet stuff like give it food,water or take it out ecc..). We took the max vote -1 because u know, timing is important ;) and yes, this is the story of my first, ugly, app :D My friend an I are so proud of that tiny shit 😄

Professor: with rm -r /* you can delete everything on your pc

Me: ou boii lets try it can't be so bad🤪

Prof: pls never try this, when i say everything i mean everything

Me: ou frick what did i do 😱

Note for me: Next time do a backup

So I'm ranting quite often about my university and everything.. but here's something positive:

The prof for c++ has all his coding classes recorded and uploaded as videos. (The screen only)
And thats just awesome. Partly because I don't have to get up 5 in the morning on monday, partly because it makes much more sense then squinting your eyes for 90 mins because you can't see what is projected in front of you..😅

Yesterday while learning some basic php stuff, prof was telling us about text fields and how php auto converts HTML and JavaScript.

He said to test it out before class, he wrote a lil JS script and submitted it to a text field using IE and then again using Chrome.

IE let the script run no problems (big surprise) but chrome blocked the script from running.

He doesn’t use Firefox, but I just recently switched from chrome to FF so I tested it out in class on FF.

I was surprised to see FF ran the script no problem. Surprised because I made the switch because of security reasons, my partner helped me secure all my shit and we both switched to FF cause every resource suggested it.

This is just one small case that I feel isn’t a huge deal, my prof said any decent dev will strip tags or whatever, but made me think: are there any other security concerns with FF? Am I right to consider it a more secure and therefore “better” browser?

Me vs. Code Moocher:

CM: Hey, did you do the Chapter 6 homework?

Me: Did You...?

CM: Yes... (with confidence but an odd pause) But it doesn't work.

Me: Sorry I'm not done with it either I can help you.

I hate people like this. He could've asked me for my help or waited to ask the Prof.

But he outright asked for my work. It wouldn't be the first time.

FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF MOTHERFUCKER!!!