Shit... I just got my phone stolen. Realized it 40 seconds post factum [left it at the shop counter and someone took it].
20 minutes later called the police [cuz I had to get home and use wife's phone].
5 min later poluce arrived
10 min later they got all they could from shop's security officer.
Police officer asks me to login my samsung acc on his phone. 2 minutes later we are on the way to the exact location my phone is at.
15 minutes later officer hands me my samsung 😁

got my phone back in less than an hour after theft.

maybe... Ummm... Maybe all this tracking thing is not that bad...?

*Wants to learn a programming language*
*visits Udemy*
*It's costly af*
*Visits youtube*
*Plays learn complete java in 30 min*
*Completed*
*Visits hacker earth*
*Started solving a problem*
-- eternity later--
*Still on same problem*
*Cries in corner*

THE END

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

me: no, I don't have access to X project

PM: don't worry I'll take care of that

2 min. later

PM: so, you were saying ... ?

me: that I don't have access to X project

1 month later

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

Agile my ass. Stand ups should not take 40 min.

Probably old but it made my 5 min of mindless scrolling a little more interesting

"Programers can turn coffee into code"

*looks at java's logo*

Wait a min..

I literally have 27 cents on my bank account and i'm checking every 5 min if i've been paid yet

Response time of different people on Whatsapp:

Best Friend: 5-10 sec
Friend: 1-2 min
Best Friend(Girl): 3-5 min
Girl Friend: 1-2 day 😢
Client(when me solving bug): 0.00005 sec

Client(when me asking payment): *Blocked*

😕😕😕😕😕

I was trying to access this website from 15 min.

i think i need sleep :(

CS final exam in 20 min wish me luck😊

When you have a 7Mbps ADSL and your brother keeps loading Tv series:
- 192.168.1.1
- QoS
- YOUR_MAC_ADDRESS priority=MAX
- HIS_MAC_ADDRESS priority=MIN

Well, now begin to complain that the connection is slow.

Today pycharm recommended me to simplify "if x > min and x > max"

Result: "if min < x < max"

Thank you for enlightening me, JetBrains

LinkedIn Manager to Satya Nadella: ‬

‪LM: Hey, how are you doing? At Linkedin we need to buy Github accounts. ‬

‪SN: Just a min... Yes. We bought Github for $7.5 billion. ‬

‪LM: Dude, we need github account for our developers. It’s just $21/user.‬

‪SN: WTF🤦🏻‍♂️

for(var i = 0; list.length; i++) {}

*Shit what's wrong*

How I losed 30 min yersterday.

Interviews for developers should say: This is an error on production. You have 10 min to find the solution on google.
This is more efficient than making developers write algorithms.

Had to give a 15 min presentation on web development. I somehow turned it into me giving a 1 hour lecture on ssl and end to end encryption to a bunch of accounting students 😅

I got my first own office... We did it. We just painted our mini Iranian office in two nights and we about to code it,has 5 min distance to our college and it's a golden opportunity to work and study at the same time.

!dev

It's raining. I love it.
It's foggy. I love it.

But I live in a desert and nobody here seems to know how to handle the rain, let alone the fog. (It isn't hard, people!) Last night during my ~30 min drive home from work, five separate accidents/collisions happened just a little ways behind me because it was raining. Now it's foggy, too.

I have to go to work.
I'm scared.

🚽 - 5 min
🚽+📱 -15 min
🚽+📱+📶(WiFi) - 1hr
🚽+📱+📶+🔌 - infinite😂😂

There was this site to get prank software, one of them made the start button run away when the mouse gets near (Windows XP). Watched the IT teacher chase it around for about 5 min before he called the lab assistant to fix it

The problem with me programming lately :

Mom: foooood is ready...

Me: Will be there in a minute. (deep inside I know that's a lie).

5 minutes later...⏰

Mom: food is getting cold!

Me: Yes I'm coming, testing one last thing...I swear !

30 min later I'll join the table...The guilt 😩 I'm sorry mommy 🙏

Anybody else with the same problem? 😅

This happens so often!
*Lecturer teaching using a ppt*

A slide with literally one basic understandable sentence on it : unnecessarily discussed for 20 min.

A slide with actual important stuff,graphs, definitions charts etc. : Skipped in 5 sec 😑

Stuck.
30 min. bike ride home.
Unstuck.

Take 5 min break to stretch now and stay hydrated pals.

Just a friendly reminder.

Both: Let's start over.
Me: Everything different
She: Where to start?
Me: Dunno
She: ...

5 min later

She: I created a new folder
Me: ?
She: That's at least a start, isn't it? ^^
Both: *laugh*
Me: Lemme create a rant about that

6 min 38 sec Skype Meeting that could have been covered in an email..WHY?!?!

me : *leaving 15 min earlier*
manager : IT'S UNACCEPTABLE, HOW CAN WE BUILD A TRUST RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT

manager one week later: yeah we need you to work till midnight if needed today. You cannot say no.
me : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm holding a programming class today, it's an open-door event, so anyone can come and try it out.
Nothing too much, just basic things.

I've been holding it for 30 min... To no one... No one showed up...

Jason Bourne movie:
"Use SQL to corrupt their database!"

In my head: "Seriously? That's like saying 'Use a computer to hack them!', 5 bucks says someone is going to say "ENHANCE" on a blurry photo."

3 Min later. 'ENHANCE!'"

that feeling when you code from 11 pm to 2 am to solve a problem and then decide to google it and see that you could solve it in 2 min or less

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

When the .min turns out beautifully poetic 😢👌💛

Couldn't get stress ball from devRant.. But I found one at work.. Now it's mine 😀

After 5 min with it, my stress levels dropped and productivity also..

> be me
> has some free time
> decides to practice rust skills
> logs on codewars
> finds challenge involving prime numbers
> passes 30 min skimming the Internet to implement the Sieve Of Atkin algorithm
> tries example tests
> passes
> submits answer

> “memory allocation of 18446744073709547402 bytes. failederror: process didn’t exit successfully”

> 18446744073709547402 bytes ~= 18 million petabytes

So yeah, I think it’s broken

Yay, it's Monday!
And as Monday's go, there's a prod deployment, cool beans! 30 min later it's done!

So why the rant?

Because I'm on FUCKING ANNUAL LEAVE YOU BITCHES!!!!!

Fuck it, it's done, I'm going back to bed.

Me: I love Atom!

10 min later

Me: I hate you Atom!!!

Before shutting something down, verify that its the right one ;)

A colleague was testing some performance setting on a server and needed to restart the network driver so he disabled it and was going to enable it when the remote session died ;)

Fast 30 min trip to the datacenter to enable network card.

Elon Musk is building on new, rocket like transportation technology to travel to any part of the planet in half hour. Also should cost same as aircrafts today.

This is man modern day "Thinker"

Let's start 2023 !

WHO THE FUCK imagined that having language like YAML is a good idea ??

Fuck you and your spaces. No editor produce any decent errors messages except "Your spaces are wrong".

When you edit an Azure debops pipeline, it's just 5 min ti do thing, 35 minuites to figure ou where to add/remove spaces.

NO, I WILL NOT read 25 pages of documentation to add a single step into pipeline.

Fuck YAML !

30 min figuring out what happen to my code. And realize that = is used in if statement instead of ==.

Thanks brain

When I signed up to devRant 2 min ago it asked me about "Skills (js, xcode.. .)".

I was like "eeeew... Well.. Getting to university in time?"

- me, student in the first semester.

Sometimes I am so motivated .Today I tried coding in car .(I was in backseat)
20 min: Damn,my eyes hurt😞
40 min: Why do I feel dizzy😵
50 min : Oooh...I feel like puking.🤢
51 min : Dad......Stop the caaa....
Nothing I'm done
Lesson learned

Pomodoro technique 2016
- 25 min Code
- 5 min DevRant

Me: Gets a brand new 1TB SSD

Also me:
> npm install

Decided to switch from qwerty to Dvorak since I saw someone rant about it. Took me 3 min to write this, plus another 1 min for this ...

I’m waiting visual studio 2015 for 3 hours and another one for this program devexpress because we need to learn it at my bootcamp

2017 doesn’t even took 30 min to finish up

Intervju for new job in 30 min ..

Nervous? Me? Nooo not at all 😂

Vodafone, 2019
This is simply ridiculous

"Welcome to The United Arab Emirates. Warning - you have activated your mobile device overseas. Significantly higher charges may apply. While you're here, it will cost up to $20.89/min + 40c connection fee to make calls, $5/min to receive calls, $3.50 to send a TXT and data is charged $51.20/MB. It's free to receive a TXT. (...)."

Not Shure if other carriers are better, but with roaming on this rant would have, probably cost like 10$ :D

Two sql databases enter a nosql bar. After 10 min they exit because they couldn't find a table

Just watched Snowden

to check if Edward had completed his assignment that is supposed to take 5 hours but Ed does it in 40 min, top CIA director guy types:

cd backup
ls

Into computer terminal.

Pats Ed on back. Well done super hacker.

Apparently by opening a folder and looking at what files are in said folder you can confirm the success of a CIA exam.

Turns out scrolling through devRant while thinking for a function name was not a good decision after all.

That 90 min meeting could be an effin email!

In the middle of tinkering with live database. Got to take a dump. 2 min later 😂

after coding for 4 hour you find a class that can do the same task in 5 min .You dought yourself if you are a good coder

When you find a bug in a "min" js file and you don't have the not minified version anymore... ok, it's not a bug it's a feature.

I was to optimise a SQL query (7 min to execute,yes) with around 20 joins (I did not write this). Checked for missing indexes,etc.. but nothing worked. Stared outside the window, and back to desk reordered the joins ,executed in 10 secs.

It has been stuck on 100% for 10 min

1. take a screen shot of the desktop (wallpaper and icons)
2. take all icons and put them in a folder
3. set the screen shot as the wallpaper
4. hide the folder containing all the icons in the wallpaper
5. hide the task bar

My stupid TL was fighting for 20 min before begging me to fix my prank

Me: We did [technical debt] and [next feature] is hard to implement because of it. I suggest we do [actual 5 min solution] before proceeding to implement [next feature].

Colleagues: Agreed

Team Lead: We don't have time for this I dont want to change anything because the way we did [technical debt] already works besides we can [more technical debt] code go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Its true

When your uncle is an Assembly Language programmer, developing Gym Trademills and shit
And he thinks working with Web Technologies is damn easy..

Hahah seriously?

Oh Wait a Min.. :|

Roll call who’s still here?

It’s been a min yall lol

So I have this massive fight with a PM, yelling at eachother for 5 min. Once out of our system we sorted it out, no hard feelings

I wish we had more pm's like him

One of the embarrassing moment for me..
Whenever some colleague pings me whenever I was busy coding I would reply "1 sec", finish whatever I was doing then talk to them.
But what happened one day was I sent "1 sex" instead to couple of the colleagues... When I realised it was very embarrassing..
Since then I have stopped using "1 sec" and use "1 min" instead.

Challenge was

Draw something meaningful in 5 min

I draw this
😅

I'm working with some too smart junior. He rarely listens, does his own magic.

In his last MR, he did an ugly fix, 100 lines big. I told him exactly, what to check first, but nope, he's likes being a magician.

Now, I took 5 min and fixed it with single line of code.

Me: ok, time to archive this shit and publish :D
Xcode: ok. Archiving started
10min later archiving done

Publishing to app store connect,
5 min later, sorry, we can't publish this cuz u haven't changed the build number from 2 to 3¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Me:😠ok, whatevs, let's do this, archive
Xcode: ok, archiving started
10min later, archiving done!
Me: click next to upload to app store connect, 5 min later...
XCODE: SORRY, U CAN ONLY PUBLISH ON XCODE GM'S TO APPSTORE CONECT

Me:😤 OMG, OK 3rd time is the charm...

So now xcode has started archiving, I hope nothing happens again 😬

Sitting 10 min+ to understand why the pagination comes up empty when results per page is increased...

Then in the url i relises that "...?page=2" ☺️

Happy Monday everyone!

Intermediate programming exam today(in Java):
5 min before the exam started the guy next to me :"Hey can you tell me what a lambda-expression is? And why do we need streams? "
According to the assignment description you actually had to solve nearly every assignment with lambdas and the stream API.

Sorry mate.

Stay curious and open-minded. If you hear something new take some 5-10 min and Google it. You will surprise much people even if you know just basics.

And if you're a fast learner, be aware, some people will be intimidated and try to oust you. But stay positive!

Just arrived in Sydney 2 days ago and reported for work yesterday. I looked at my laptop's clock and it said its 4:40pm. Cool! Another 20 min and I'm off.

I started fiddling around with my machine settings and noticed my Location setting is off. I switched it on. My time is updated to 2:43pm.

MOTHERF****!!!

I've been waking up successfully for two weeks now at 6:30 am thanks to sleeping pills and Melatonin pills I'm taking 30 min. before bedtime.

I will change that to 6am starting today.

Yes, I'm sleeping 8 hours and a half, it feels great!.

read a job requirement post says need programmer min exp about 4-5 years
language :- SWIFT,php
😂😂

when you start machine learning on you laptop, and want to it take to next level, then you realize that the data set is even bigger that your current hard-disk's size. fuuuuuucccckkk😲😲
P. S. even metadata csv file was 500 mb. Took at least 1 min to open it. 😭😧

So I have 1mb/s internet that cuts out every ~5 min - i had to wait for internet connection to load the speed test.

I am just outside London - internet speed should not be bad, i am not exactly in the middle of nowhere

52 min Are you fxxxxx kidding me.
Thumbs up Optimization of the decade

When you actually use your knowledge and experience to solve a problem outside work, that's a real nice feeling. Had to distribute a bunch of files, so just threw together a Vue page in 20 min. Fully interactive with filtering and all. Nice!

My 5 cents about refactoring.

People often postpone it, making it harder down the line.

From my experience, it's better to just do it as you go. 5 min can otherwise become 30 min thing after a while, and combined with some other 5 min thing, this can become 2 hour thing after some time, for example.

Also good luck convincing management (especially bad one), that you need 2 weeks of refactoring. Doing tiny 5 min refactoring, no one will notice.

Being mocked by the chef because I am "almost a week on a task"... Yeah dude, if a script which should update hundred thousands of main entities in production with a 45 min duration even though it is already paralleled is a half day job why don't you do it fucking yourself?

My first rant! Hi everyone:
When stuck, a little nap (20 min or so) and a cup of coffee (3 or 4 liters 😂) usually do the trick.

!dev

Got one of these today, pretty cool in my experience. I do not have any experience at all with sdr's.

I taught I broke it for a good 30 min thinking 350 € down the drain, turns out i accidentally set the antenna gain to 0 (damn ui designer)

Intern tries to merge a huge commit without knowing what he's doing. Breaks half the app. I'm at 30 min and counting of having to fix everything he broke.

> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!

I freelanced for a startup one time, and found out they had ten of thousands of records stored in their DB about dental patients, inducing name, address, social security #, some medical history, etc. All in plain text. Worst part is they hired me after a 20 min phone call, and didn't even sign a NDA!

Makes me paranoid to use the Internet knowing what some of these companies do.

8 min to unzip a 15mb file... Fuck corporate Spyware

I can't get any work done at work... The potatoe they gave me for a laptop is 5 years old, Every day I was approx 2 hours (no joke) for it to power up, open up my visual studio solutions, connect to the VPN, and open my browsers.

Then my fucking shit computer loses connectivity with one of my 2 monitors every 15 min so I need close the lid, reopen it again so it "picks up the monitor" then wait another 5 min for my windows to respond.

Agh!!!!!

It's frustrating too cuz my boss ordered me a new computer 2 months ago. But cuz I work for corporate bozos it took them 2 months just to process/place the order for a new computer. So now I have to wait even longer just to have a functioning computer.

*Releases software for State project comprising of a solution with 3 WinServices and 2 WCF Services*

*Literally 15 min after release*

Email from State: "Here is an updated wsdl schema that is going literally fuck up everything you have released, enjoy!"

Me: *starts convulsing*

Best laptop to run your linux distro
"Razer founder and CEO Min-Liang Tan has announced that Razer is soon going to support Linux distros on its Razer Blade laptop series officially. To welcome the suggestions from the community, Razer has created a new Linux Corner hub"

When you spend 20 min trying to find out why your function wasn't working in your angular2 app and find you put an extra t in your function name than what you were trying to call...

Finally found my topic for the 10 min presentation :
Network protocol security

After giving an overview , i'm gonna talk about http , ftp , telnet , netbios and showing them a sample packet and how easy the username and password can be found if these protocols are used.

Any other recommandation?

I have a presentation which takes 10 min and must be about anything relative to computer .
Since the other students are very stupid , I might not choose a very advanced topic ( after thinking about encryption i realized this)
So i need help!

What is your recommandation for the subject?

Me: Codes a really cool website animation in javascript for 2 days.

*Opens youtube, random tutorial for the same animation in CSS in 30 min.*

Me: * Cries in the corner. T-T *

been trying to figure out why the result of a linux service wasn't updating after 30 min i noticed i was calling 'systemctl start service' instead of 'systemctl restart service' FUCK MAH MUTHAFUCKING LIFE 😊

800+ lines of js, implementing business logic from an excel spreadsheet. All variables named as the excel cells, e.g "B32 = G11 * Min(A12, A13)" and so on, all grouped in a few giant functions.

PM told me to modify some of the logic, ended up rewriting the whole thing. At least the next person working on it won't have to deal with this mess...

Just wrote a rant/story about my school day, seriously spend 10 - 15 min writing it and I was just about to post it, but boom - "Unfortunately devRant has stopped"

Sometimes with good custom ROM comes unstable updates.

P.S. if you think devRant would have saved my rant, don't worry I thought that too but when I checked it, it was empty just like my devRant notifs!!

Boss: hey can you loop through all the entries in the data base (PHP) to make a menu of everything?

Me: me sure thing, shouldn't be a problem

10 min in playing with the database...and I remove the table...FUCK ME?!!??!!!

good thing we backed up the night before 😂😂

When you take pre workout and are getting ready to workout but you have a few min before you have to leave so you look at your current project and end up rewriting most of the program and never making it to the gym... Thanks pre workout...

Spending 20 minutes relearning regular expressions so I can save time on a 10 min task

So I just found out about arrow functions thanks to React and I've been sitting here for legit 20 min, amazed by how aesthetic they look

15 min till technical interview with IBM:
Trying to convince myself I’m not an imposter. 🙃

10 min after the interview:
I’m thinking how for the last 15 min of the interview they were pitching about how great the life at IBM is and why I should join.

It's same for all developersnwho work day and night

Well ,it is correct

*checks upload progress*

45 min remaining

*checks again a minute later*

1 day remaining

:/

When clients calls me, and tells me that the website is broken.
client: It won't upload my pictures, says that file size is to big.

me: How big is your picture?

client: How do I check that?

30 min of explaining and a him forgetting to charge the laptop.

Client: It says 32 mb.

Me: Yep that's way to big, won't work for a website.

Client: How do you make them smaller?

Me: Crying.

MFW my boss asks me to rework a feature and have it ready for a demo in 30 min...

You know you are frontend when it took you 30 min to make it pretty and 4 days to make your Customer happy

15 min Java Coding Challenge - Reverse Words in a String on YouTube.
My eyes are bleeding.

It's very true

60 min before closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: most profitable client website flatlines.

15 min after closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: most profitable client website flatlines.

30 min after closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: Windows Updates.

Well fuck you too, world.

how am i supposed to fix anything if they change the priorities on my tickets every 10 sec, like PM's change them, 2 min later MD over rules them and changes them again, so 5 min later PM's change them again because something urgent came up, but then another client starts ringing my MD so that client is suddenly priority

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG

I give up

Why can’t you just make a document with the description of the things you want?
Why do you feel the need to send me fucking voice notes over 9 min long?

30 min power nap

Waited 6h with friends for a light show to just leave 15 min before start, because I was too bored and there were way too many people... Right now enjoying with headphone and noise cancelation jazz in the train back home. Programming made me way too awkward... 😐

Pro Tip #12:

If you boot of HDD buy one of the cheap 240 GB SSD and try yourself. Windows finally boots in less than 5000 min.

--- s3-r-w.us-west-2.amazonaws.com ping statistics ---
44 packets transmitted, 16 received, 63,6364% packet loss, time 43544ms
rtt min/avg/max/mdev = 258.995/280.765/377.149/37.359 ms

Sounds like a good day to grab a ball and go outside.

3 days 2 nights with only 20 min naps and max 1h of sleep in between. I was finishing my masters thesis. Then I handed it in the next day and everything felt like it is in slow motion? The printing, the going there to hand it in, etc. Couldn't sleep for that day either xD do not recommend. Start writing your thesis on time kids

Just got into office and saw a group email about a recently released feature.

Apparently, it creates a lot of connections which it never closes. This could hang the server since it can only handle a large but finite amount of active connections.

Well the dev said: I will optimize later

My thoughts: later = min(never, production blows up)

Friends were having great and fun time last night partying after (also) last week partying.
And now someone's having friends over for dinner in the shared kitchen.
While here I am hours staring at my screen trying to break the algorithm.
: /
______________________________
Me : Enough with coding! I need social life!
5 min later :
*Checking devrant and reddit/programminghumor

when you check your mobile each 5 min to see whether you have new up votes/comments on your latest 'rant' and you're like 'just checking the time' 😅😅

!dev

Two people are arguing about what time he texted her for like 2 min now..

Both of them hold their smartphones in their hands..

JUST UNLOCK YOUR PHONES AND CHECK THE FACTS!!

When you have 30 min. until your final presentation, 2 persistent errors you haven't been able to iron out for hours....... and everyone else in your class shows up asking you for help with their output..... RAWR!!!

The reason why I like to code alone in the dark is so that people cannot see my dumb mistakes such as 'forgetting to hit run after compile and wasting 10 min wondering why my code didn't show on the console'.

: /

WTF is up with newletters. I click unsubscribe and get taken to the site where I see the bar confirming, I then get hit with a modal asking me to subscribe and then a few min later an email telling me I can resubscribe if I accidentally unsubscribed. WTF unsubscribes accidentally when they hide that fucking link away

WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Whoever says that MacOS is superior or at least on par with Linux in terms of ease of maintenance -- feel free to stick a backwards pinecone up your asshole and push it down with a baseball bat with 5" nails.

The FUCK is this nightmare. You can't even start a process w/o logging in via GUI, password changes are another horror story, esp. for users who have never logged in [warning says to change keystore pass separately... Which doesn't exist...], vnc uses some proprietary protocol, ...

Seriously, even SunOS is easier to maintain, not to mention AIX, compared to this BSD nightmare of a UNIXoid....

Wtf....

Just had a Skype call that explained a Skype chat about the fact that I can't do anything on a task, because we are waiting for another (external) dev do finish his work.

Time wasted for Skype chat: 10 min
Time wasted for Skype call: 20 min
Time wasted for stopping myself from doing any harm to the user: 30 min

happy 2nd birthday to my work lappy's session!!

$ uptime
08:16:38 up 730 days, 9 min, 122 users, load average: 1,72, 1,92, 2,06

Waiting ~10 min for a selenium script to click an ok button on a form...
*screams internally*

Graphic & Web Designer
(job offer)

- graphical proposals for:
-web pages,
- banners,
- presentation materials,
- gaming graphic,
- application (iOS, Android) graphic...
Bla bla bla...

Min. 2 years profesional experience...
Valid certification and lvl of proficiency in (Adobe Photoshop, I lnDesign, Illustrator)...

Fast delivery....

Salary 3,50€ brutto / hr 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣....

Jobs in Slovakia 🤣

Fuck Windows 10

Just fuck it

Another update, the audio won't play using the correct device again.

Says headphones, but plays through speakers, simple things like that every day. Now spend 30 min diagnosing why...

Just fuck it

The worst part of youtube is that you have to watch 8 minute ad with no skip button for 5 min video

I took a online job interview today.
During online call I was asked to print a few sheets of papers with some programming tasks. I had 20 min to write down all the answers and send a photo back. Good I had a pen and printer connected, because I didn't expect that.

A microwave can cook potatoes in ten minutes!? Why the fuck did nobody tell me?

A lot of workplaces only offer a microwave and no oven, and barley a kitchen to prepare stuff.

Hence, I was rarely bringing in my own food as I worked under the assumption that I had to prepare it at home and just heat it up at work. And potatoes take round about ~40 minutes the way I make them (20 min to cook, 20 min to steep).

Now, I will be using the shit out of those technical wonders and save a lot of money in the progress, as I used to go to restaurants almost daily for lunch time. Heck, I may even buy myself one for home use.

Oh, now I remember why!
This is what I get by being brought up by a somewhat esoteric mother.

"Microwave are no good, the taint the food."

No, they do not. It's science!

We have pretty fast and lean dev process between QA/Design/Devs.

But sometimes, it's going to shit ;p

QA :
An option "ROLE" is missing for grouping in that table.
So 5 min to create ticket, assign someone from design on it

Design : Yeah, this is true. We missed that option in our design.
Proceds to modift figma by adding an option "Role" to a drop down.

Reasigned to Junior dev.

Junior dev : I have no clue how grouping works with graphql.

So at least 30 min.

Reasigned to me.

Me after 1 min of looking at it : PR chhanges on screen shot :

Facepalm... Everyhtibng was already in place, someone forgot to add id AND name, not just name.

Git blame => Or never mind... it was me..

My sister is 8 and here's what she told me a couple of days ago

My sis: I can't watch youtube!
Me: yeah, the intranets down.
My sis after 5 min: Google is not working.

This just proves that 1-2-3 graders don't know a fadoodle of what the internet is...

I'm in sad nostalgia....

32MB BIOS updates take a loooong time.

Reset...

Hey. i'm updatinf the LED firmware.

Reset again.

Hey. I needed to reset all settings.

BIOS.

Fan detection for min rate.

Dozen settings changed.

Laggy mouse because EFI and graphics is slooooow...

I miss the old days of just keyboard based BIOS. And where updating didn't take 15 mins....

College days
Me and my friend sitting in Lab

Me - Dude I am not able to install simulator in this PC, it's asking for some password
Friend - Try typing random password, admin123, admin000, admin0, admin etc.
Me: (After 10+ attempts) Not working :(
Friend: (Saying to faculty) Mam what's the password for this PC, I need to install simulator.
Mam: Wait, Computer specialist will come and do it for you

** Waiting for 10 min **

Specialist came and starts installing it one by one. After 3 min

Specialist: (After realizing that he can't install it for all 50+ PC's)
Everyone select Administrator account, and press enter, then you will be able to download it.

Me and my friend staring at each other laughing so hard ... !

After 1 month, the password is still same :P
Fun fact: It is Technical Campus.

Some heroes don't wear capes!

When I was doing replacements in a text file manually and some smug coder did the same thing in 5 min after I'd spent a day doing it ...

How to impress PM:
1. Prepare a critical bug, that makes the frontend crash
2. Prepare a hotfix, that fixes the bug
3. Deploy bug on Friday afternoon
4. Wait until PM starts panicking
5. Deploy hotfix after 5 min
6. Get praise from PM

dubSmall = lambda x: x*(2-min(1,x//100))

dubSmall = lambda x: 2*x if x < 100 else x

I prefer the first one, and I think people will always hate me for that.

so, i got a job in a company with 140 employees. they wanted me to work 9 hours a day, 30 min rest time and i had to pay for everything like lunch and even coffee. if i get to work late or leave work early they would punish me.
Oh god...

That feeling when after not enough time, of reading and commenting on new rants, you catch up to your rant, only to realise 2 hours have past and not 10 min, like you think it was..

Was it just me or did voting not work for like 5 min?

48 hours hackathon, Before 20 min everything working good and fine. Finishing touch and everything breaks. Finally, fixed 5 min prior to presentation start. Panicked to toes, were asked to present first. Result: Runners up. Hell yeah.

*Coding on a website*
Wow this image is huge! Should I give it to my Graphics Designer? Nah I can fix this.
*Opening Gimp*
2 min later....
Image completely destroyed, fml!

Tomorrow I must present a summery of what the prof said in the first session of security+ within 20 min.
All he said was about the most important security certs and some definitions including CIA triangle.

Any idea how I can make my summery cooler or anything relative I can say in addition to those?

My 1300€ Thinkpad is just a noisy and sometimes annoying laptop. It is sometimes so loud that my colleague is pissed off.

It is almost four years old and dust cleaning did not help...
I am so pissed off by this behaviour i am actually thinking of selling it and buying a macbook.......

Way, way back when IBM discovered, gasp, that the largest gain in programmer productivity was giving each one an office. Have also read it takes 15 min to regain train of thought after an interruption. What is pair programming doing to us and worse open offices? And phones?

Who the fuck thought java development is okay on a VDI ! Eclipse runs shit even on local environment and running it on a vm located in a different country with 3gb of vram?

You want to do a file search? Wait for 5mins

You want to. Build via gradle. Wait for 15 min

Fucking idiots.

About 15h...
8:00 - 23:00 with a 10 min break in between to go get some food from the store next door..

Because stuff was promised to the customer and we were told about it on the previous day...

The customer needed it before Christmas, so we delivered on the 24th at 11pm.

Me: *Starts to code for uni assignment*
Puts ANY sort of music in the background => hours of coding go by, beautifully.
Tries to code without music due to broken headphones => 5 min feels like an eternity and nothing makes sense...
I swear, "my headphones broke" should be a valid reason for an extension.

Why the fuck do people post questions on Stack Overflow and not accepting any answers while they 100% solve the question?? I posted a 10000% valid and working answer, and the OP just never accepts my answer or anything. I'm sure he saw it cuz I clicked his profile and saw "last seen 10 min ago." WTF??

Demo

Backend Team : No one want to listen to technical details. A short 2 min demo what we have done.
Shareholders : Have you done anything?

Frontend Team : half an hour demo of validators and fields that sum values from other fields
Shareholders: Wow that is awesome, great job, nice to see, great value, lot of progress.

We should get @dfox on YouTube with the notifications because when I get a notification its instant good job dude 😀. But youtube takes like 30 min so I can get the notification

Fuck stupid VS, stupid M$, have to wait 20 min for Outlook to delete old emails in order to build - deploy solution

I have stopped Windows updates in my laptop. But no windows has to do some shit in order to maintain its reputation. Every 10 min I get this pop up.

watched a 32 min yt video of some guy artificially talking which sounded like those bloated marketing bait sites and after 32 min i realized it was just a preview of the ebook this retard was selling so he said to buy it to read it fully if we liked the 32 minutes wasted of our livves as a preview

kinda pissed at github/microsoft right now. my friend applied for the student developer pack before microsoft bought github and got accepted in 10 min, i'm still waiting and it's been three days. how long did yours take?

double RandDouble(double min, double max) {
double rand = (double) RandomGen::GetRand32() / UINT32_MAX;
return (rand * (max - min)) + min;
}

I wrote this function 2 months ago and until now assumed it was working.

Turns out GetRand32 has a range up to INT32_MAX, not UINT32_MAX. So this function would only ever select the first half of the range.

You gotta be fucking kidding me...

I've been at work for nearly 4 hours and have gotten barely 1 hour of work done due to my amazingly slow computer. Currently I'm waiting for visual studio to start responding. It'll respond in about 10-15 min... Takes 40 min to boot up my PC and launch my VS solutions.

Coding from 8:00 am to 10:35 pm (still counting) straight with 3x10 min breaks ........ Just another typical Sunday. FML

The moment when you realize that your hard disk spins only at 7200 revs/ min after buying 1Gbps wireless router!!

OMG!!!!!!!

CTO of a firm is taking my interview for a summer internship profile. I am so excited and afraid, it will be a 15 min telephonic interview.
Any advises??

Lets start the night with Visual Studio Code.
Passed 30 min and github not synced.

Should i kill myself?

Does anybody else feels like scrum's daily is utterly useless when working day by day on site?

I mean, we talk to each other either way, all day long. Scrum acting like this is the 15 min of whole day we will have the chance to speak...

Sorry for bad english

So before 14 min of this post
My browser keeps hanging because of that large message wich my boss sent to me

And simply message was about "company giving me raise from this month"

So i am happy now and angry too on my pc

!devrelated

I just have to vent somewhere about how I'm SO DAMN SICK of the effin' cross-realm BS in World of Warcraft. Nothing breaks immersion like having to stand in line for some mob with 10 min respawn timer. I joined a low-pop server for a reason!!!

I closed devRant App and reopened it in 1 min.

Good.

Each programmer is a poet at heart
Programmers are like God. We create defects and also kill them too. We spend the whole day fixing a defect, and the patch itself gives birth to a few more defects of its own.

Starting my PC. Slow. Very slow. Keyboard and mouse are not responding.
I think - I THINK - Windows is updating. Ok, I let you 15 min. Still frozen. Mouse move in a nearly 1 frame per 4 seconds.
Ok, I have to leave all day, I let you finish.
Coming back after 24h. Still frozen. Are you kidding me? An update so-called stealthy? Go in hell kro$oft!

Doing personal online shopping whilst waiting for code to compile (took about 10-15 min every time, just for the smallest code change).
This was a really slow Adobe Flex system which I hated. Actually glad I left because no sane company uses Flash, even in 2012.

Every once in a while I start to question my development principles and start to read articles, especially software philosophical, and try to improve my practices, aswell as find several trade-offs between my own best practices.

For the longest time I've had trouble trying to get my background images full screen viewed and responsive for some components while learning angular 2. Then some one typed this in the CSS
Min-height: 100vh; for height

It felt like I had a heart attack and spontaneous orgasim at the same time.

The most frustrating part of the "your password must be min. 8 characters long and include a number and a special character" thing is that it does not improve security.

On the contrary.

I wonder how many people in the company have the name of the city they are located in, and the current year in their password...

#newyork18 #beijing2017

3 min of join. devRant looks familiar 😉

Waiting 3 min for our deployment pipeline's "build step" to finish downloading all 1.08GB of source code because business won't prioritise tech led tickets (to use shallow cloning in this case) 😞

Feeling so apathetic rn 😝

I'm first at the office today, and I've got a 90 min commute. How funny.

This is fuuny

Programming in Delphi without any concepz. Done in CS class in school. Like wtf did anyone see delphi even near production?! Teacher did not know any other programming language

Does anyone knows why in c++ floats range from numeric_limits<float>::lowest() to ::max() and ::min() is just the lowest positive value instead the actual minimum? This strange naming convention just costs me an hour of my life that I'm never getting back...

Sigh... Just troubleshot a shell script for 30 min cause I overwrote PATH for some reason lol

Had a markdown text in gitlab and tried to print it. It did not work.
Pasted it into atom then ctrl shift m
for markdown view and find out atom can not print. tried firefox instead of chrome, also no luck. After 15 min Odyssee I mark the text im chrome and rightclick+print it, works

My commute time recently went from 15 min. to 50 min. (rant for another time). Looking for a podcast that I can listen to on my way to work. It can be language specific (java) or it could be about software development in general. Anyone have any recommendations?

it's a lazy weekend and devrant asking for min 6 chars

Nothing shuts up a client quite as fast as completing and pushing (to QA, product isn't complete yet) a feature request within 30 min of getting the email for it.

[before]
Client: Throughput is very less. ~50K communications/min.
Me: 🤷‍♂️

[after some rocket science]
Client: Throughput is very high. ~600K communications/min. Our servers crash under high load.
Me: 🤷‍♂️

Tried streaming a demo of a project I was working on...

A little while later my friend told me that it only showed the first frame... For the whole ten min...

At least now I don't have a potato PC...

Lesson learned.

If you're planning on buying a MacBook and WWDC is ≤ 4 or ≤ 5 months away, JUST WAIT FOR IT.

Bought min almost 2 weeks before wwdc, and turns out they made a refresh of the same model...

FML

company policy was to bill in 10 min increments to a contract whose deliverables you were executing on, this was federally mandated. they never told us where to bill the 5+ hours of meetings per week we had on "technology". every time i asked i was told i would be "gotten back to"

!dev
So, I implemented a 30 min jogging first thing in the morning to my daily routine.
Needless to say that I've done it for about 3 days before I failed at waking up early enough to run before having to leave for college. It was a fun ride though 😊

min-height: calc(100% - 1rem)

AAAAA REEEEEEEEE WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGGGGGGG IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND CSS DONT USE ITTTTTTTTTTT

so much pain / time could be saved if devs just used a damn framework (i don't care, bootstrap or tailwind, have at it which is better, i could care less). stop trying to be fancy, like this above, because its ultimately wrong. sorry i'm not sorry