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My colleagues treat me like a god.
.
.
.
Nobody plays any attention to my existence until they want something 😏6 -
I put a lot of work into trying to explain to you muggles what I do all day in a way you can understand (it's hard, trust me) and you still reject it as boring nerd crap. I'm sick of it! What if you told me working at that restaurant is "putting water on plates, wiping it off, and putting meat and cheese between slices of bread" and I said "wtf is that, and who cares?" Wouldn't that hurt your feelings, that I didn't even attempt to make a connection with you, friend? That I didn't even attempt to step outside my experience to meet yours? Isn't it equally insulting how far you have to dumb it down, just for me to lose interest entirely? And yes, I know that's not your specific task. That only proves my point further.
And why, exactly? Conceptually, you handle pre-digested poop all day.
_I teach plastic to think._ Sometimes it even thinks better than you do.
How is my job less interesting?
And what's more, why does EVERYONE seem to think so?
How do you expect people like me to keep your iPhones, bank accounts, and self-driving cars working if you alienate us like an alternate species for building those things? I mean really. You people treat us with a disinterest harmonious with homophobia. "Don't ask, don't tell." Except you do ask. And then you condescend as if working with my brain makes me less worthy of your attention than your exciting minimum-wage restaurant job.
Have fun with that, by the way.
Oh, and you're welcome for <object I fixed that wasn't really broken>. Maybe next time, just google it.
I know you won't.
24 -
I just noticed I'm programing while wearing a black hoodie, using vim.
I hope nobody uses me for making shitty stock-photos.9 -
Worst thing about being a programmer? Occasionally having to develop stuff you know nobody will ever use6
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Nobody:
LinkedIn: "Someone looked at your profile! IF YOU GIVE US FIFTY DOLLARS PER MONTH WE WILL TELL YOU WHO IT IS"13 -
Probably the most heart breaking thing to hear as a Developer - " Nobody cares about your backend, front-end is the priority !" :/11
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Depression is like email newsletters, nobody signed up for that shit and the unsubscribe link never works 🙈 fuck that 📧5
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me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯13 -
Nobody cares what the code does when it works. Everybody cares about it when it doesn't work. You just can't win. 😤3
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I like the modern entertainment industry's approach to tackling piracy.
Make shows/movies so horrible nobody wants to even pirate it.5 -
During scrum, we have a remote QA Engineer who literally includes what she and her child do during her lunch breaks.
"Yesterday during lunch, little Jimmy and I went clothes shopping during lunch and I got him some new shirts and they're 100% cotton"
NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!12 -
Dear Windows,
All I wanted was for you to live in harmony with my Arch install on my laptop. I appreciate both of you guys for different reasons. You guys did okay for for 2 weeks. Then, when I was using you, you blue screened quickly and rebooted.
On reboot, the BIOS couldn't boot. I reboot again, but instead of my normal GRUB menu, it just goes straight to you. I call for Arch, but only you responded.
I understand you are a bit possessive, but you really need to learn to play with others.
You are in time out until your brother is fixed. Now nobody is happy.9 -
Haha I know your secret now computers. now it's time to expose your secret so nobody has to deal with slowness
1 -
Why nobody uses public/private key authentication for ssh and disable password auth?
Am I the only one around here doing this?14 -
When you redirect every movie link to XXX links on your rip-off netflix school project and nobody suspects a thing
17 -
“I love being disturbed with customer phone calls when I’m coding and working to a deadline” said nobody, ever!
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Nobody with more then 10 brain cells would look at this and go, "yeah, that looks like good design!"
13 -
In honor of Erwin Schrodinger's birthday I may or may not kill a cat. For the love of God nobody ask me which.5
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There are days I work hard and nobody notices. Today I have done almost nothing and nobody notices.
Independence is bittersweet3 -
Funniest meeting ever!
Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.
Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.
My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."
I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."
Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*2 -
When you're in doubt... commit as "Refactoring"
It works 100% of the time and nobody is gonna check3 -
!rant
That great moment when you can just write your code with nobody rushing you and no deadlines
8 -
Nobody:
Very stupid people with no github projects who are probably stuck at making wordpress sites: haha ai is just if statements7 -
We do quantum development at work. Hence no testing nobody knows if the application is working after the deployment. 😶4
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Whenever you feel sad just remember that when Microsoft Visual Studio App Center is down, just like StackOverflow, nobody cares...
1 -
First story (not rant) :3
So I was asked to set problems for an online programming contest for my college (I'm a sophomore)
The participants were students from my college.
Teacher told me "make as hard as you can"
I gave it my all.
:|
1 person solved the first question. Nobody solved the other four. :|
Not sure if I should be proud or sad.
And if you're wondering - here was my first question -
Sam wants to invest in real estate. He's got X dollars to spend. He knows the expected value per square meter of a given property. He knows the coordinates of the vertices of the polygon shaped properties he's interested in.
(both the values and coordinates for each property are given in input)
Find the maximum return on investment he can get.
(answer is, basically you calculate the area of each polygonal house using half the vector cross product, multiply it with their expected value per square meter, and then apply a dynamic programming - knapsack approach)
;-; I really thought it was a nice question man. ;-; I put so much thought into others too. ;-;
Got ignored. ;-;6 -
When your brain comes up with "You can refactor this later,too!" Slap yourself in the face as hard as you can1
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There are two types of programming languages, one that everybody hates and one that nobody uses.
Finally understood this after learning Haskell.1 -
So the vacation mood wore off very quickly and the usual nobody will understand or nobody can accept me mood got activated.15
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Nobody:
Me going insane minutes before midnight: I made a OpenWRT LXC container
(It's also in images.linuxcontainers.org)
3 -
What kind of variable conventions do you use?
timesincereseat
TimeSinceReseat
timeSinceReseat
TIMESINCERESEAT
TIME_SINCE_RESEAT
time_since_reseat
global{'tsr'} # so nobody can read it :)12 -
updated my app and wrote "nobody reads this :/" into the changelog. did not thought that i was wrong :D
2 -
OK @QuanticoCEO
Nobody should be allowed anywhere near a Git client until they have read this book.
16 -
Dropping several production tables at my first job. Nobody died but I thought I was headed for Guantanamo..2
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Aaaaaaaand I'm back! I'm sure nobody cares but here you go enjoy this picture of the best cup on the planet.
6 -
My stack overflow experience in a nutshell "Sorry, we are no longer accepting questions from this account"2
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We all get replaced by AI and nobody can understand their source code...
And everyone else just goes: hey it works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯12 -
probably most of my life, not just career.
realizing sooner that nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever help.
realizing sooner that i can make and sell stuff. realizing sooner that the fact that what i sell is shit is completely disconnected from the success of my sales.
realizing aooner than most people are morons.
getting okay with exploiting morons' moronism sooner.
realizing that nobody has morals so unless i drop mine i'm just holding myself back.
stuff like that.6 -
Nobody, nobody, nobody should accept an office-only position unless they actually want to work in an office. People who actually believe that everyone should go back into the office should be excommunicated from this field. This freedom we have needs to be protected for the best interest of the future.4
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I found a way to make me procrastinate less on my own projects today! Stream development of it to Twitch.
Yes, there may be nobody watching most of the time; yes there may be nobody interested in a wall of text and no voice; but you just feel the need to stay on-topic when streaming, and I kinda liked it.3 -
!dev #SocialIsolationIsBad #I'm_waiting_for_this_script_to_finish
I'm the one who intentionally creeps out everyone who like her, and then sits on the toilet shedding internal tears of self-pity that "nobody likes me" and then does the comfort talk of "I'm a strong independent moldy potato and need nobody".
Anyways, came full circle now can somebody hand me more toilet papers, please? 🚽10 -
DevRant should have a sort by random I am tired of reloading and get basically the same thing but in different orders2
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ME: ok its time to create a game let's see... i will do a 2d pixel art game and... it will be medieval type of game... ok lets start by creating a character design.
*30 minutes later*
Me: I quite!!!4 -
If you're on a mobile development team, you are treated special when you're the iOS guy. Nobody here damn cares about Android.6
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'Hey, I've learned proogramming from this book[...]' - said nobody ever while being honest to himself.3
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It's like nails on a chalkboard:
Meeting #3 about "Thing doesn't update."
Where nobody has shown it not to update yet.
(⓪益⓪) -
Windows: restarting in 10 seconds
Me: probably just a bug or something like that *click OK button*
10 seconds later
Me: it's no a bug! IT'S NOT A BUG! let me save my stuff
(I don't now why windows did that it made some kind of update without warning except for the 10 seconds and then I had some problem s like I couldn't connect to a SQL server and the computer was super slow)6 -
a "landing page", that was just any and all features of the application forced into one huge, unbearably slow, indeniably confusing page.
which took months of work. which i said beforehand "nobody will use it". which now, through the magic of user tracking, is proven to be used by nobody.3 -
Urgent!
When down voting needs to be add a non dev related and add to the setting a option to hide all rants voted non dev related.
Basacly like repost but it says non dev related5 -
As the outrage surrounding Facebook burns on though the night, Google continues to happen and nobody bats an eyelid...3
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nobody :
Literally nobody :
Microsoft : Great news ! We added integrated blockchain in Azure SQL !
How about fixing :
performance issues
Stability issues
Reservations issues
Pricing
vCore counting16 -
I offered a girl sex to cycle to the supermarket and get a pizza. She offered the same to me. Apparently we're both whores and nobody is getting sex or pizza. What an outcome12
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I told you. I told you that adding this fancy library to the project was going to bring problems but nobody cared.5
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I broke prod for 10 seconds, and nobody noticed. Also, why the fuck did the alarms not go off? 🤷♂️ 🚨 🙈5
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Would you rather get a sticker for free or help DevRant and buying in there store?
Personally I would rather help18 -
Me: Ah, that solved my problem. Let me share what worked for me by adding a comment to the already posted solution. Seeing that the solution didn't completely solve my particular issue, maybe it will help another poor soul.
Stack Overflow: You need a reputation of 50 to comment. You're reputation is only 25, you are crap and nobody wants to hear your solution that could "help another poor soul". It would probably just add clutter and help nobody. You are crap and nobody likes you. Good day to you." -
Mother hugging systemd... Nobody asked tou to be born in a first place. Nobody asked you to solve problems we didn't have. And nobody asked you to open hugging backdoors in our systems!
https://thehackernews.com/2018/12/...3 -
Fuck off OneDriveSetup.exe, nobody asked you to install anything. This "i7" is only dual-core, and I need both of them to run my code, kthx.
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Just passed 2 to 3 hours learning how to model a chair when I was almost at the end my pc shutdown randomly, I lost everything... Thank you life.3
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What are you guys doing against brute force attacks on your login webpages? I don't want anybody to access my porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But I don't want to block the useraccount because that would be annoying because you could simple lock a user out of his account :/ any suggestions? What are you doing on your sites?11
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Full round of QA, full round of internal testing, and the client still finds a bug nobody can reproduce.
🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️1 -
Jonas: *obliterates that ++ button”
Drake: Kiki am I a joke to you?
Everybody asks where’s Kiki but nobody asks how’s Kiki.
8 -
With new terms of service docker desktop is becoming winrar - everyone use it but nobody pays for it
2 -
I am not a math expert but I am almost 100% sure that 617 comes first (this is a bug that happens a lot when searching for top and all)
4 -
Unexpectedly a feature status changed to disabled:
"It doesnt matter. If nobody noticed, it means that nobody is using it."
After that my point of view is:
Just because you dont use your Car Airbag everyday, it doesnt allow your mechanic to keep it disabled. -
How the fuck are you supposed to read the Nobody: shit? What does it mean? It doesn't make any fucking sense.19
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Work on projects where designs come reliably before development and nobody self-merges their work. Ahhh, agency work...
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Rename cookies to tracker?
"Accept cookies" Vs "Accept tracker"
Nobody wants trackers but cookies are delicious!! :)4 -
The worst kind of legacy code is the one in which a function body run miles climbing if-else ladders until nobody knows where the sky hits the floor, and returns when nobody is looking.
The best kind of legacy code is the one which is fully commented out! -
Finding a bug that wont trigger an error but will deliver incorrect results, but only in certain circumstances and has only come apparent after the site has bern live for 6 months.
You turn in to a detective trying to determine what triggered the wrong result, what the client changed/added/edited in the cms and work from there.
After much investigation it dawns on you, you then find the bit responsible in your shit code and fix it.
Then feel extremely elated at how cool you are, but no-one gives a shit.
Back to work.
That’s why I play bass guitar, do some cool licks on stage and its instant gratification, glad I have that... and devRant community.
maybe I should learn how to code properly as well.1 -
DevRant should have a questions and awenser in the more tab so when people have question about DevRant, jobs and other things other people could awenser, I belive that is a good way from keeping rants and memes in a place and Q&A in other place2
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Appraisal Time Realisation: Nobody oils a good wheel. People always oil the wheel that makes most noise.1
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Yassss website field now supported!
Gonna add twitter since nobody is going to bother checking out my website 👀1 -
Git branches.
Will this crazy idea work? Doesn't matter. Nobody needs to know about half these branches. Just the ones that worked.1 -
That meeting where everybody apoints the mistakes of the organization and how nobody was going to do a shit about it.
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So my team started creating an in-house wiki for all information about our products, methods, scrum, documentation etc. From the beginning we had settled on doing everything in English instead of native language just in case we get a foreign student intern or simply a foreign employee... And now it looks to me that nobody but my team leader and I care about it: half of the documents are either fully native (especially from other part of the team who work on a different project, they have probably never gotten the memo of language choice to start with) or the documents are in some weird-ass combination of English-native which is even worse imo.
I really don't understand why my own team doesn't adhere to the decision though: we're all at least reasonably educated and our country focuses heavily on using English as second language so that should be no big barrier. And why would you want inconsistent documents/code?!
And this is not the first time people don't stick to what is decided for things like formats and language... Getting a bit tired of it tbh...5 -
I'm a bit bitter that the first half of my associates degree was spent learning php and now that I'm in the job market, fucking nobody wants php 😑 I have other coding skills but like we spent A LOT of time learning a language that nobody is building new applications in.7
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Aaarrgghhh! That piece of crap build system we use is acting again. Nobody touched it, nobody had time to replace it with something reasonable and now it starts not building as far as I can tell random parts of system. I guess it can sense we wanted to release :-/ So no time for any nice project and back to kicking its shit together :-(2
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how do you actually get a paying job in development, nobody seems to be hiring backend developers anymore...17
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I run auto-formatter with every typo correction so nobody notices. 300 lines changed, message "formatting"
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So you find out a bug in your own code... a bug that nobody noticed in the month it was out and about... because nobody used that feature the manager asked for in one of those mood swings... that yet you so had so carefully built with love...2
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Why does nobody use company/school name here when they say in which domain they work? Is it a taboo?3
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When the project manager gives you a specification and a deadline at the same time...and nobody has been consulted...
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Coworker is trying to make me look bad by posting a piece of code in the group chat...
Nobody reacts.
Winning1 -
"There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses."---Bjarne Strostrup
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Okay so kotlin is basically just scala with some of the features removed and nobody can change my mind.1
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If you dont know what to put in a oracle TNS string ... Its ok ... Nobody know what to put in this shit
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Why the hell does NOBODY, including Apple, figure out, how USB-C is supposed to work? I'm tired of shifty half-assed implementations with some having no USB 3.1 (Apple), some not supporting current DisplayPort standards (Apple, Dell) or limiting the speed to USB2.0... *GAAAAH*
Future seems to suck pretty hard.3 -
I want to start a blog, and the name will be “I have a call degree/I am a programmer, but how do I”. Through this blog I want to share things I learned by my own, like seriously, nobody taught me to write full stack application, nobody taught me how to write opencv in c++, nobody taught me how to write a simple game, anyone has any suggestions?2
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Everyone expects you to work your "magic" and get shit done... But nobody thanks you or gives a shit when you do.
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I've been working for this company for year and a half. There is nice tradition of being polite with colleagues. It is so cool that nobody rants to nobody.
But for God sake! I want to fucking rant to people! I want to swear to people! I want to shout "fucking get your ass with your shitty code out of my project"!!!1 -
I just don't get why nobody ever even talks about ShellScript any longer! While it is still extremely relevant unlike Ruby... Whaaat?2
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There was a murder at a mime convention.
People that were there know who did it, but nobody is talking.2 -
Everybody speaks about this "compatibility matrix" but nobody can produce an accurate copy anymore.1
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Nobody gives a rats ass about what i’m trying to accomplish here. Really nobody gives a fucking shit about frontend. I need to leave asap.3
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For every one that thinks that if you use try/catch on everything make your code all errors desapiring you are living a lie!! They still exist now if the users see or not it depends on what you put inside the catch
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Nobody where are authorized to do remote working
Covid-19 : everybody look how its fun to do remote working ....
Ya 🖕 please -
Last year I spent several months working on a private project, which I thought was a (free) cool and helpful addition to the target audience. Was excited to finally release it to the public. But nobody cares, nobody is interested and nobody uses it. Can't even advertise it (on Facebook) because it is Crypto related. And other platforms (Reddit, StackExchange, ...) want $20k+ for a small ad campaign.6
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Nobody : Do you know what's most annoying?
Me : Yh, When I want to do something quickly on lap and it gets hang...3
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