Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

We need more JS devs for our frontend.
After half a year of PM complaining that he doesn’t find devs, he finally came back to us:
„Sorry guys, I found two devs, but they are not Java developers, they only do JavaScript“
Me:
Team:
*both speechless*
TeamLead: „... wait, you searched for Java devs half a year?“

Forums are the reason half of the programrs have jobs.

How to decrease productivity of half of the globe in just 3 words:
Stackoverflow is offline

For half of devRant its 2018 and for half it's 2017. Timezones ftw.

Thinking of a name for a function or a variable is half the battle 😕💭

I think I'm going to become a lumberjack. I spend half of my days looking at logs.

When you are Amazon employee and accidentally deleted half of internet because of S3

List of things that my fucking corporate proxy blocks

* Maven
* The NPM registry
* Github

List of things that aren't blocked

* Google drive
* Twitter
* Porn

Half my mobile data is burned away by NPM sinkholes. Fuck this place.

My Boss: Let's do single page web but we wont use any framework.

And yes, how fuck I ended up myself with almost half 10k of lines.

Broke my glasses in half.
Not being able to see shit i took my 3D glasses apart and ziplocked my glasses lenses on the 3d glasses frame. Been using this version of my glasses for a good one and a half year. Yeap

Ah, let me open my half baked personal Android project. Maybe I'll finish it this time.

*opens Android studio*

"You have shitloads of updates. Please download and restart now"

Ok, makes sense. I haven't opened it for a month.

*runs the app*

"CoolApp has crashed"

What the fuck? It was all working before. WTF happened.

*half an hour of online research*

The google play service version is somehow fucked up. So let's fix that.

*App opens*

Yay! Let me login right away!

*Login via google doesn't work*

I didn't even touched the bloody code.

*another half an hour of research. Nothing works*

Fuck this shit.

Resigning tomorrow, and I can't sleep. Thrilled to finally end the slavery at a company that pays me half of the market price. Exciting day coming up..

When you're trying to fix your code but you don't want to delete anything valuable so you just comment out half of the file 😂

Today I took the risk of upgrading my gradle to a newer version

5 and a half hours later I figured it was a bad decision.

:/

I was hired to create a MailChimp clone for internal use. Since then, more than half of the marketing team has been fired because their work is not needed anymore.

- gets assigned for a bugfix
- can't reproduce it in the matter of half an hour
- marks as fixed

Half of my work is dealing with the incompetence I had 6 months ago

The reason half of Games Development students drop out is because they think "me like play game, me make game"

Instead of actually being interested in the development.

They say developers don't have social lives...

Over one half of my total commits on GitHub have been from just Fridays and Saturdays...

I mean, I guess they're not wrong.

My friend was telling me some UDP jokes earlier, I only got half of them.

Well, the OS that is my brain has an official uptime of 19 years... It's gotten pretty buggy, I'm not sure what the devs were thinking with half the features...

Today someone called about issues with setting up email (they were hosting where I work) locally.

Fellow support guy spend half a FUCKING hour trying to explain it.

Throughout that half our, our activities existed of making gun-to-head gestures, sending meme faces back and forth (derps, fuckthisshitimout's, trololol's and so on).

It was hard to contain our laughter but damn he needed that badly 😆

Enough of Linux stickers! Here are some stickers of products which I barely recognize half and use none at work 😅

When the client sends you a template they want to use and half of the css file looks like this...

Quit my first dev job. Don’t have another gig lined up. Here’s hoping I find another gig before I run out of savings.

Wish me luck, folks.

When you fix a bug in half of the estimated time:

When you realize that you are in the third school year and still the half of the class prefers eclipse over intelliJ and think that git is useless.

Pessimistic people: the glass is half empty

Optimistic people: the glass is half full

Engineering people: the glass was not manufactured to the correct specifications

Half of the time I open Google is to check whether my internet is working or not.

:/

Really?! Now even StackOverflow is going to be nice and welcoming to users?!

Half of our fucking rants are about StackOverflow and it's asshole moderators. 😑

Company grows a 30% and internet starts getting slow.
Solution from company: Block half of common websites

Getters & setters are half of my code base.

Blah blah blah JavaScript is the worst blah blah blah clients suck blah blah blah everyone’s an idiot

Am I instafamous yet?

*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*

Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*

Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.

Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.

Get assigned ticket.
Finish the most of the feature. Finish most of the specs.
Push.

Second dev wants to own accounting half of the ticket.
Rip out half my changes, rewrite specs.
Push.

Code review asks for minor changes.
Finish them.
Push.

Product creep creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.

Product creep creep-creeps the scope.
Finish the feature again.
Push.

New release happens.
Merge in master; fix conflicts. Run specs; random unrelated specs fail, some fail intermittently. Rabbit holes of complicated, unexplored, obviously-flawed code.
Fuck that. Push.

I love learning new and exciting technologies, but I hate that it makes me want to rewrite half of my projects.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

― George Carlin

I refactored half of my code and it worked for the first attempt. What kind of sorcery is this?

Started learning vim... It feels like a DIY IDE where you have to find half of the parts on the internet...

Getting stuck on a problem for 1 and a half hours when you realise Python was aliased to python version 2.7 instead of 3 :(

Was feeling like a boss in new office after fixing a major bug.

Yes, the bug was fixed. Only half of the program doesn't work anymore.

Stewart doing his routine security brief:
"Please put your phone on airplane mode.
If you own a Galaxy Note 7, please turn it off."
*Half of passengers cracked up*

I apparently got home drunk last night and watched half an hour of a talk on optimizing compression for web applications.

Now I'm caressing a slight hangover with coffee and watching the rest of it.

My food-loving other half just said this to me:

Her: "I love you more than pie"
Me: "Aww, that's nice"
Her: "I love you 4.173692 out of 10"
Me: "..."

Using 10% React with the rest in Jquery. Importing a giant legacy CSS blob in a newly made SCSS file. Two thirds of the API documentation in docblocks, the rest in Markdown files. Half of the repositories in Github, the other half in Bitbucket. The root of every project littered with ymls and jsons and readmes of stupidly named tools no one has ever heard of.

Fuck your partial refactoring, fuck your little experiments, fuck all this half work. I'm so done with this shit. 😡

I swear half of my time is spent finding the perfect color scheme for VSCode.

Perhaps you've seen my earlier post about the bottom half of a lamp post?

I've really stepped up my environment for this one. NOTE: Top half of the lamp post still not modeled.

Here, we see a 16K skybox, a a reflective sphere, and a glass sphere, in addition to my original lamp post base.

It used 2.24 GB of memory to render. But only took 47 seconds.

Me: what's the square root of 5+7(2*4) / 4?

Him: *takes half a second* about 3.74

Intel i7: fucking loser

Logging into Windows at the age of 1 and a half ... Challenge accepted!

STOP. LOOKING. AT. HALF. FINISHED. SPRINTS. FOR. STYLING. ERRORS.

For the love of god I know it's not right yet leave me aloooooone

Code comment rant of the day... fcking excel just cost me over half an hour to fix the fking formatting...

How I'm spending half of my work days.

Editing this method for half an hour. All of a sudden I realized I was editing the wrong method. This was me.

*Slowly presses CTRL-Z 100+ times*

3 years ago I started my computer science bachelor's, during this time I thought that I would finish my 3 years and get a job as soon as I'm finished, I was certain that I would never study any advanced programs.
I was also told from my seniors that only an 8'th of all of us that started will get a degree on time since half quits the first year, half of what's left quit the second and half of what's left the third year will get a job before finishing

3 years later, not only did I get my degree on time , but I am now studying for a masters...

Moral of the story: never say never || life is strange || you can't plan ahead in life

I finally finished a project after weeks of not knowing what to do with my skills.

What that project is?
It's a discord bot that bans half of the members in a server. :/

When you're in the middle of a spree and you haven't saved in the past half hour. Then this blue beauty appears. 🙃

We all know who the winner of week 27 is...

I forgot that WiFi was turned off, and so I went through half of my data plan in just an hour. Fml

Yall know those small biscuits, with half of them covered in chocolate? I mean why half? Cover it all, or leave ot naked, but this way i cant be sure which is the chocolatey side to put on my tongue in the dark. Its a complete gamble.

...yeah im getting fat

I'm done with laptop stickers. After about a year, half of the libraries I have stickers for have updated their logos.

Been tinkering with circuits all afternoon, and then i made the mistake of eating some pastry right off of my table. Pretty sure i ingested like half a roll of solder lmao.

Accidentally plugged external disk into usb2 instead of USB 3 didn't realise till half way through 60GB VM's copy.

XIAOMI vs APPLE..?

XIAOMI providing almost 90% of the specs of APPLE for half price, shouldn't we go for XIAOMI instead of APPLE....?

Half life of Android Developer is taken by build.gradle.

Corporate Culture™: when those seniors who spend half of their time gossiping with each other pretend to be too busy to answer a junior's question.

I was studying male anatomy for a 3d model from pics of half naked men. My friends saw me looking at pics of half naked men..

Discrete mathematics teacher said "13*37" in the middle of an Euclidean algorithm.
Half the class giggled and the other half just sighed.

These students are your future co-workers.

!rant / funny
Here is something I saw online while in bed, made me laugh so much cried myself to sleep.

Reminded me of the time my mgr pushed me to make an android app despite me having no prior exp then getting snippy when the end results weren't up to it...

A game designer wanted to commission some conceptual artwork about monsters.
He asked the freelance artist to make him something kinda unique but not too far off, something like a mix between a centaur and a minotaur
The artist unfamiliar with that kinda work asked for more details, the designer said ah just mix em together , its easy, half bull half man and the other half man half horse (already incorrect) and he sent the man off to work.

A couple days later the artist is back...
Here its done, had to look up the monsters online but here ya go....

game designer : wtf is is ?!😡
Arist: half centaur half mino... whats wrong?! 😒
Designer: yeah but you got the wrong halves you dimwit!
you gave me a half "man-half-another-man" creature 😡

Disclaimer:
I found the image somewhere online with not much of any context or history .
I just know it was the product of a massive miscommunication 😂so I patched the story up for this rant

Happiness is removing all the compiling warning from a project which has half a million of lines of codes

*peace*

Drinking game: everytime someone ++/comments/mentions you on devrant , drink half a pint.

Of coffe

-Said Linuxer4fun, 14

I feel like half of my life is setting up dev environments

LOL (Lots of Love) to CG (Chaudhary Group) of Nepal.

They're providing new ISP service 120mbps (double the speed of existing competitors) on half the price of current competitor's 60mbps package.

This is unheard of.

for context:
competitors : 60mbps -> $20/month
New CG net: 120mbps-> $9/month

Ah yes, the casual 1500 lines file that is a huge switch that somehow handles routing, half of the logic and two thirds of state managment. Nice to meet you, I'm glad I can work with you.

The one meeting where without warning they fired half of the staff. Bomb-happy.

11.1/11.4 GB of RAM is being eaten open on boot, even though I just rebooted. Almost half of my swap is in use too. WTF! Windows is no help in explaining it either...SO ANNOYING!

So I just found out that half the software requirement specification that I spent a good month writing, half of it may possibly be scrapped due to the client constantly changing their minds about what they want to do.

I wrote a scientific paper of six and a half pages.

This man wrote 60 comments on it.

I admire the dedication. 😐

Fuck Azure, Fuck Windows, Fuck Microsoft.

Half ass baked products in the market. Half the time there's no documentation. When there's a documentation it is so bad that it makes me feel like biting my teeth so hard that I am left with fucking pieces of incisors. My blood fucking boils whenever I need to deal with "POWER"shell. Fucking weaklings.

Any half-stack developers here?

I think I'm a few stacks short of a quarter-stack. :-/

So much to learn and it keeps growing!

I always wonder what could be achieved if I only worked with half the intensity I have during the final weeks of a semester.

it wasn't really useless but i spent months of my internship making a software that was shelved because "it was taking too long to be made". half of my year in the trash

Can I just point out how awesome SideFX houdini is!?
It allows you to create (procedurally generate) 3D models using a method that is half coding and half 3D modeling. Kind of the way I'd want blender to work, but 10 times better.

Friend learning typescript: JavaScript is easy, you do exactly opposite of what you did in java. Typescript is a half baked mess.

An infinite number of Rubber Duckys typing randomly on an infinite number of keyboards will eventually create half life 3.

Also, a single Rubber Ducky typing randomly on a single keyboard, left alone and unobserved has both created half life 3 and not created half life 3 at the same time.

I’m half developer and half dogshit corrector.

Dogshit specifically being the output of people who fail to properly do the one thing that they are paid for.

Because if I don’t do it, nobody does.

I was deaf but now i'm half blinded ! :/
(Glad i know the place of the keys)

So boered cuz i cant code or even read a book!
FUUUUUCK !!!!

I use "fuck" to rarely i analyzed my rants and comments and have written 8465 words and only 37 occurences of "fuck". That's not even half a percent

I get a feeling nowadays that a lot of u guys here know each other well.

I dnt knw if that made sense. I’m half asleep.

Forgetting to put .DS_store in my .gitignore file so half my repositories are full of them....

How I felt after spending an entire afternoon planning and designing a new feature for a project only to realize half of my design was wrong after I started implementing it

Fine don't take my suggestion during refactoring old code. Keep the python code over 100 lines of code...we could have cut it in half, but whatever

My laptop battery is absolute rat-shit, it drains half of itself when I try to copy a large file...

Today I attended the first half of the WhiteHat challenge at CERN :) one more to go to be a certified pentester! I expected lots of learning, and my expectations were not let down, game on!

Intern tries to merge a huge commit without knowing what he's doing. Breaks half the app. I'm at 30 min and counting of having to fix everything he broke.

Overtime rant, I suspect they will try to denie me half of the overtime pay for the past week cause I did more than ordered to reach their arbitrary deadline.
I will in return offer to delete half the work I did. Rollback changesets and delete the code.

Just discovered 20+TiB of Splunk data in our AWS account today. We haven't used Splunk for almost a year and a half...

Just remembered one day from university
So, I've not been on any programming lectures and labs
Decided to go for one at least
Terrible hangover, late for half of a hour
Grab list of tasks
Fuck, 15 tasks. All very easy, but a lot
Half of a hour later teacher started to check works
- Oh, please, come back to me later, I need another 5 tasks to be done
- What? Did you read header? You were supposed to do two tasks of your choice
- ...

I just broke out of merge-hell.... It was a mere 2 and a half hours... But my migraine says it was eternity.... 😶

My middle school sucks. My county sucks. My friends - they don't suck, they're just gone. Well, most of them. The county has divided my school as we went into high school. Half my school is going to one high school, and half to another. I'll never see my friends again, but most importantly, I won't have anyone to talk about coding with or anyone to teach 😪.

i tried it once, gave up after half a line of code

The student assistant gave me a half point penalty for writing down to much comments! Direct translation:
To much of this kind of comments is not needed, the code itself is clear on its own.

I spent an hour and a half googling and compiling my code because I typed `#ifdef` instead of `ifndef` in one my header files.

Can you C the difference?

4 and a half years doing socket/network programming and I only just learnt my understanding of TCP was largely incorrect...

Well then... That's something...

Well fuck me i thought working for a company was 1) i do work 2)company pays me. Not fucking spending 3 whole days running between government offices trying to get my taxes done because half of the documents can only be sent online and the other half can only be sent in person.

That moment when you think to use fopen instead of open, and everything comes together magically. Only lost half a day debugging this too!

I smoke a lot of weed, then code for half an hour in my petproject and then I can do whatever the fuck im suposed to do

Took me an hour and a half to realize why my function wasn’t returning anything that made sense.

Forgot to put a negative sign in front of my negative bound.

Took me an additional hour and a half to solve for all the edge cases.

Relatedly, I should learn to sleep more.

Also, kind of proud of my notes application, but the tables go all funky in mobile and my CSS wizardry is .... not even amateurish.

I am so tired, I literally almost *signed* this.

My current job. Fire half the dev staff, leave junior as only web dev with no plans to rehire. Then immediately starts a larger project that we don't have a contract for yet with half baked and fuzzy requirements, due by March. The reason for firing most of the staff? Running out of money and can't promise our jobs 3 months out.

This website design PSD is bullshit. If I hide the group of layers labeled "Nav" half of the page disappears.

You get home from work and one half of your brain goes, "Let's just code a little to catch up on the backlog", and the other half of your brain goes, "No way you psycho, we're off from work and we're not getting paid for this. I'm not helping!"

And that's why you're code sucks when you're not at work!

Me, consulting for a huge entertainment company:
Why do you guys have a 500 line method? And why is half of it so nested that it's indented half way across the screen?

Them: Oh, that was written by the best dev on our team. He holds a PhD.

🙃 so thats what kind of skill a PhD gets you these days?

Yay got my first certificate! C# (even though half of the context wasn't available in our books...)

most of the self-described "AI experts" on my Linkedin feed were "scrum masters" not even half a decade ago. something to think about

Got appraises on first day of my job by reducing the calls to redis by half.
All I did was replace SET and EXPIRE with SETEX.

In class using the University wifi to download half of my Steam library because why not?

Just finished a week and a half with 30 hours of overtime AND got my stickers today. This is turning out to be a great Wednesday!

I got two, both my internships sucked.

First one, I got hired for a C++ job, did JS for most of it. Half the team quit while I was there lol. I was in charge of the whole frontend when I left.

Second one, again half the team quit while I was there, leaving me with only ppl in Europe to talk to lmao.

Java: each type is required being in a seperate file with the type's name, many of my projects have way to many files, half of them for really small interfaces or classes

German saying:
Die Hälfte seines Lebens
wartet der Admin vergebens.

means in English:
The Admin waits in vain for half of his life.

I missed a half of an important meeting today... because my priority is a task given today that has a deadline today

I think the textbox (where I am writing right now) should be scrollable. And also the half of the screen is unusable.
Please fix it.

I missed half of the Algorithm classes because of sleep but managed to keep the highest marks.
Faculty members that don't force on attendance are a blessing!

When you debug a piece of code for a good half an hour and then realise you forgot to change the name of some variable when copying code from earlier bits.

Of the rants that have tags, it seems like half of them contain some sort of non-tag that is dry wit, self-aware joke, or humorous comment.

120 people on a conference call can't figure out why an half of the country is having connection timeouts

Current life status - 7-8 hours of straight coding everyday and a half an hour brake that's it

I would love to get into more frameworks, but half of them make 90% of your work harder, are not documented well enough or are just confusing what they actually offer. 😥

(probably a stretch and only Aussies will understand half of what I'm saying with this one buuut)

Not at all, I did a certificate 3 from TAFE in information and technology with a prominent amount of the course being on software diagnostic and web development and to this day have used absolutely 0 of the knowledge I gained and half of it is now deprecated and obsolete anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lets make an app that shows a lot of ads. Oh, people actually have to download and use it? Well, let's half-ass a game and name it [...] of[...]!

-every mobile game studio

Spending half the day wondering why the longest javascript calculation in existence is not matching client supplied excel by 0.22 percent.. Realised one number was parseInt'd instead of parseFloat'd... FML

Half of my dev team has decided to leave. Back-end decreases with 75% and front-end team decreases with 20%.

This is the fourth time that half or more of the dev team has to be replaced in my companies existing (which is less than 10y).

Full stack? Half stack? Only makes me think of Breaking Bad.

Sometimes I think I should give half of my salary to Google and stack overflow.

After only using Linux for some weeks I decided to start my mac again.

Half of the programs didn't work anymore, I shit you not

I am so f'ing stupid. Half an hour of debugging, only to discover the problem was a simple typo. this feels bad.

2 slices of pizza, half bottle of 7up, one half garlic bread, anyone hungry? 😓

Windows update process takes half an hour. Restart pc.
A message: "updates have been installed" ...

Ffs You think I didn't notice? And why is there no more information? What exactly did you need this half hour of updating for? At least give me a changelog, or the biggest changes.

Last half hour of my life concludes with: I spelled the wrong parameters perfectly!

\Bug Report/

With personal hotspot on, certain pages cut off half of the bottom navigation bar - profile is one such page (see attached ss).

iPhone 6 on iOS 10

I have my computer architecture midterm in about 3 hours and I understand almost half of the material. Wish me luck, I'll need it!

About to start the hackathon in 2 and a half hours. Here I come 0 hours of sleep.

Wowza..... Security certifications get expensive! Gonna have to spend half the week writing one hell of a business case for the certs my team needs!

Jeez, it can be done! Thank you CSS, i really thought it wasn't possible. My bacon is saved. (Overriding an inline style, javascript generated, from a linked style sheet).

Half of my code is logging to the console.

half of my career has gone into resolving merge conflicts...

None of my exes believed at first, one can be twice as obnoxious as Sheldon Cooper without being half as bright.

At first.

I need a new fucking job. Woke up at half 11, missed a couple of meetings. Think I'm just apathetic coz of stupid fucking lying bastard management.

Today is the first day that we have to go back to the office and more than half of the company is exempt from that rule

At some point someone in Apple will realise literally nobody listens to 5 and a half hours of audiobook at once and that they need a way of bookmarking a certain time in it

It took me at least half an hour to figure that one out. :(
These kind of bugs are the most depressing.

!dev

My toilet paper roll is fucked, the rip line only goes half the width of the roll so it always tears off a part of the next piece

We cannot live in a world of chaos

Half of the day is spent on meetings, and the other half is spent hearing others saying, oohh but do we have a ticket for this task? Should we create a ticket for it??

Our favorite ticket system blokes are back with a big fat update for their software.

What changed?
All workflows are fucked because everything is somewhere else suddenly!

Half of the features suddenly stopped working!

Variable formats in forms have been changed from {} to [] without reason, migration or warning! Sorry, {Username} ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Half-assed features that don't work half of the time have also been added!

Fucking great!

Who beta tests this shit? Nobody?

"Working as designed" : slang. The acceptance criteria were too hard, so we only completed half of them.

synonym: "not a bug"

*looks at job posting*
*more than half of the first sentence are tech buzz acronyms*
*closes tab immediately*

!dev

Well just saw guardians of the galaxy for the first time and.... Nope, didn't enjoy it...

I shall now retreat back to my safe space of coding half assed applications...

i fucking broke another half of my android phone screen fuck off

Why are most projects only fun at the beginning? I feel like there should be a "first half" and a "second half" during development.

So if I have worked the whole of first half someone else should work the other half with full bar and zeal just like a football match because honestly most times I feel like I'm gonna die towards the end of the project hoping for another developer to come on as a substitution.
However, in this case instead of going to seat on the bench after being substituted, I am willing to play another match immediately.

I found a cooler master atx with built in power for like half the price of a cm atx and a cm power supply yay

Why sleep when I can spend half of the night on @b2plane's shitty lamp?

Paypal: API, services half old/half modern. Fuck all of it. It's the absolute worst.

Half of what I know I learned from study. The other half I learned defending my ideas.

And I forgot to do half the metric tonne of stuff I had to do today. I'm not even disappointed anymore.

!rant

When after one month of the event, a month n a half of the request, and a failed delivery attempt, the swag finally arrives!!

Stickers!! <3

Happy scenes!

Thank you Mozilla!!

The difficulty of learning the nth language is half the difficulty of the (n-1)th.

So management decided that they wanted to reduce the infection chance by 50%. How? Half of the employees are gonna be working from home. I mean they are technically right.

Best thing about adulting, having half a freezer full of ice cream and cones in the pantry...

In one of my previous jobs. There are some scripts programmed by people that seems to don't know what a function is. It was a fractal of replicated if else code. Every half of the code is almost identical to the other one except for a simple things. Then if you see each half you can see the same pattern again and so on. Files like that are about 50.000 lines long. If you blame it, you see mostly the usernames of current managers. If that is not enough, it was written in perl

This is like - drinking a glass of water after every beer, to cut the amount of consumed alcohol by half.

It is pretty much useless...

Can someone suggest me a good Twitter client. Half of my feed is straight up garbage, filed with tweets from accounts I don't follow or ads. 80% of the accounts I follow are developers, yet more than half the posts I see are related to politics. Why!! just why!!??!!??
Also I wish more apps had chronogical sorting of posts like devrant. :/

half of holidays time spent to answer and solve PC problems for my relatives :|

It's my first time learning back end and I feel like I'm leaving half of my intelligence back before I boot my laptop to try get somewhere

Oh my fucking god, we're doing SCRUM, why does every task get stuck in review limbo and take a sprint and a half minimum because of it.

I feel like more than half of the time i spend coding Java is actually writting system.out.println().

I mean come on ! Who got time for that ?!

If you don't have an empty can of fizzy water or a half-empty company water bottle next to you, are you really in the zone?

A bit of a shocker to see Microsoft putting an add that isn't annoying or eating up half the screen or damaging my eyes, let's hope it stays like this

Pretty much half of what clients ask for.

But to be more specific a username on a login form instead of an email address when it already had ratelimiting lockouts implemented on an internal network.

Suggestions @dfox :
What about profile achievements?
10/100/1000 total +1s
Invent a new metric unit: rants/week
Can @localhost get a gold star or something on his profile for first to 1000?
Silver stars for people who gave an idea that was impliemented
Bronze star for people who have gotten a stress ball

I'm half working on this project, half thinking of DevRant... It's Friday!

I don't understand why people are so preoccupied with new languages and scared to try them out. At least half of the language features are a rehash of the same ideas and the other half are 2-3 ideas. Seriously. I find it distasteful that people in my co are so scared of learning new shit. NEED To GTFO.

Half sleeping at the train and writing some codes on the back of the ticket ... What is wrong with me

I get half of the answers to the questions when I'm trying to post my question on StackOverflow!

I tell myself I'm in second half of my life and there isn't much left till I'm free

well I start my first dev job in a week and a half. after telling my family I was resigning from my helpdesk support gig, they asked about the pay and didn't understand why the dev job payed more.

I tried to explain it and I think about half of them got it but the older half still just associate it as "computer stuff"

Elsie: -Does that make it a glass half full or glass half empty type of situation?

Bernard: -We're engineers, means, the glass has been manifactured to the wrong specifications....

Gotta love Westworld :)

(Also, damn.. Do those foldable tablets they use look awesome?!)

(Src: Westworld s1 e6 around 5th minute)

I have dreams where I stare at code/tables/program output, half of the problems are real and half are made up, I wake up stressed out about not solving anything and trying to remember which is the real half I need to solve.

Why can't I dream about the video games I play? I need to get a life...

If being late can be marked as "half day leave"; should leaving early also be marked as "half day leave"?

On a side note, my company already has just 3.4 out of 5 ratings on the basis of 3 ratings, on glassdoor... Now they're messing up with 2 employees on notice period. Both of us are planning to give 1. :)

Spent an hour today deciding if something in my framework should be called functions or methods... Decided on methods and had to rewrite half of my documentation.... Productive day...

Fuck companies that want you to build new systems that are a superset of what they already have when they can't even tell you what they have now. Fuck you with your bullshit, nonsensical, self-contradicting, third-assed diagrams--some half-UML, half-clip-art, half-pie-chart drivel. If you're the CTO of a company and you want me to think long and hard about rebuilding your distributed systems, you can think long and hard about expressing what you already have. And NO: a verbal explanation pow-pow WebEx over your DSL connection with your protege that mumbles worse than an Atlantan rapper doesn't count as fucking "knowledge transfer" of your fucking architecture, FOR FUCKS SAKE.

The revolution has started. Over half of the computers in my household run Linux, the other being macOS. Even my grandma has hopped on the Antergos train.

Thanos snap his fingers and half of the internet went missing

Spent half a day creating my CV, some time ago and today it was time to upload it to my site.

Unfortunately, swapped the first and second arguments of the tar command, so the CV file got overwritten with the tarball...

After about ten minutes of panicked searching in my browser cache, I realised that the jetbrains IDEs have local history 😀

So I did not lose half a day's work after all 😃

Half of my time coding is spent coming up with descriptive, unique var names that won't clash with damn namespace.

Kong API Gateway in Kubernetes is a load of balls. Spent half a day trying to stabilise the deployment after I bumped its pod resource requests.

After one and a half months of excruciating wait, I finally got my stickers.

If this was really a thing I would've spent half of my day reading T&Cs...xD

Wondering for half an hour why the 7zip batch commands are not working.

Realized I was using 7zip instead of 7z :(