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Famous last words:
-"This change was so small, so there's no need for tests. I'll just deploy right away."9 -
I dont need no girlfriend. Stack is my bae.
PS: Please inform me if this is a repost but haven't seen this on devrant
22 -
This made my day (and is the 3rd freaking time I try to get this shared here. Definitely need more coffee)
2 -
Said my code is self explanatory and doesn't need comments.
After few minutes "wtf is this shit?".5 -
Me: I know so many languages, I don't need to learn c++ to follow along with this 3D OpenGl tutorial!
Narrator: Oh, but he did need to know c++ to follow along with the 3D OpenGl tutorial.4 -
This is a true story
I am a freelance developer, i recently had this conversation with my client:
Client: Add multi language option to my website
Me: Ok, I need for it 3-5 days
Client: Why?
Me: I need to create multi language system, this
website is built from scratch without using any
framework
Client: No need to built it, Just enabled it i need it fast
Me: Sir there is no such thing to enable features that
does not exit
Client: Listen me, I need this feature today, enable it
and we are done.
Me: Thats not how it works..
Client: I know how it works, i have hacking certificate15 -
Technical Founder at today's meeting: "All of you guys have work-life balance. It shouldn't be like that. We need act like a startup. You guys need to work really hard. This guy (pointing at me) once worked 10 hours each day, where I worked 16 hours. We really need to move fast."
I'll just leave this words here.13 -
Because Moment.js is too mainstream,
Oh man I really need to punch person who wrote this shitty file,
1k LOC , whole thing is a mess, this is just a gist of this crap
18 -
Dev: Hey, I need you to see something.
Client: ok
Dev: this is the models of those reports you need
Client: ok, wait, what is that number? This is wrong, we can't...
Dev: hey, calm down, this is not the production, it's just fake database!
Client: ah, ok.
(5 minutes of explantion)
Dev: so, what do you think?
Client: just one point, that data is very very wrong, we need to change this ASAP!7 -
Need job to get job experience..... Need job experience to get a job. Who the fuck designed this system.
Fuckinggggg Sadists
Arrrghhhh17 -
1825. Leaving work. Today sucks. My coworker is out and she normally does this weekly report. I need her. I don't like this.26
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am I only one who thinks that ≥6GB RAM for phones is just too much as most of the time the unused RAM gets wasted for no goddamn reason but the only one being that the companies want their product(s) to look more compelling in `spec sheets` and it's a competitive market so it ok for them to do so...
24 -
Invited by a company who desperately needed me to fix their messed up code and the reception lady talks crap and threatens me.
:(
Guess who is not replying to their emails ever?4 -
Boss : Need very very little change on our project
Dev : Ok, what is the change?
Boss : This, this, this, this and just this one.
Dev : Really very very little.1 -
Boss: I need you guys to give me an estimate on how long this project will take.
Team: We've put a lot of thought into this, and we think we can get it done in 2 months.
Boss: I need it next week.2 -
Interviewer: Sell me this pen
He: Hey do you want to buy this pen ?
Interviewer: No
He: You might need it to write stuff
Interviewer: No, I don't need it.
He: Ok, no problem.. Bye
Interviewer: What are you trying to do?
He: Trying to be a part of a company that doesn't sell stuff to people they don't need or want ..
Interviewer:
He:
Interviewer: Please give my pen back..7 -
Found this in a class that has not been touched for 2 years:
// TODO do we need this check? Clarify on Monday.3 -
Client:
So we need to implement this entire eCommerce API so we can use this webshop in two days.
Me:
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If you're this kind of developer..
Then you seriously need to reconsider your coding standards and structure.
8 -
Think My manager is following me on this, need more anonymity @dfox need to change my username and put a balaclava on my avatar2
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Found this gem 😂
TRANSLATION
Java for believing programmers
For who?
Young male,
which want to pray together,
and at the same time make first
steps in programming
How old you need to be?
Up to 25 years
What do you need?
Holy Bible
Laptop
*you just need 500 mb RAM and WinXP
6 -
Anyone else flipping tired of hearing: we need more this, more that, more blacks, more women, more whatever, in tech?
We don’t fucking need more anyone in anything.
We just need sane, talented and hard working people to get the job done well. And do that with courtesy to all person.11 -
Someone help me, this app keeps crashing on me. I need someone to help me interpret this crash log.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
2 -
Made a website that can make images like this
Basically you just keep splitting the rectangle and color them
https://txstc55.github.io/draw-rect...
It’s very mobile unfriendly though
Need feedback on what you need, also this is an offline version and I’m planning to make it so that you can do it with your friend, just need to watch more YouTube videos on p2p now
17 -
Management : We need to deliver this by September!!!
Meanwhile every dev took 2-3 weeks of vacation in August.1 -
Enjoying this! Just need red keyboard to complete it 😍
(Mouse: Trust GXT 105, controller: Afterglow for Xbox One)
5 -
Good ol' fucking brain-dead autistic dipshit me just pulled an all-nighter reading rants on fucking devrant
Now wish me a good day's sleep you perfect-ragging entertaining bastards filling up devrant with the best posts I've ever read about programming.4 -
-Client: I have a problem.My pc says I need a snake to run this program.
-IT guy: Please sir,tell exactly what it says.
-Client: You need Python to run this program.
-IT guy: *hits his head on the keyboard2 -
PM1 : "we need to implement this feature"
After days of development.
Testing time
PM2 : "My recommendation is that we don't need this feature"
:/1 -
Me : "I need to stop geeking out about security because I have exams and need to write a report"
Me 2 hours later : "Ooooo.. what's this cool article about?Let's check it out 😎"2 -
CW:"We need this."
ME:"It'll take me some time to do. When do we need it by."
CW:"Yesterday."
ME:"Awesome, that's my favorite day to deliver."2 -
Dev: The server is completely down right now. Nobody can access the application, we need to divert some resources to horizontally scaling our app.
Manager: Hm, this was not in the schedule. I need to consult senior leadership on what to do about this. I don’t want to be held accountable for making a decision on this complex and highly nuanced situation.
Dev: No need, I have a solution. Just need a week to build/test/deploy the ability to horizontally scale.
Manager: But that will cause delays to new features.
Dev: New features don’t matter if the app can’t even load.
Manager: Ok you can implement your solution but it can’t take any time. I need those new features out.
Dev: ???????5 -
Node.js homepage went full retard. Black people don’t need more Node?js. Actually, noone should need this.
8 -
I need quit my job, my boss is an as***le... I want to kick my boss as** but, suddenly remember that I need this job, I need this money to help my mom and my sister to rise her childrens, my nephews...6
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I HAVE BEEN CALLED TO 3 OF THE FINEST HACKATHONS IN MY COUNTRY RN, 2 BEING ORGANISED BY HUGE COMPANIES AND ONE BY A COOL COLLEGE. I CAN'T GO BECAUSE FUCKING INFOSYS IS COMING TO MY COLLEGE FOR PLACEMENTS AND MY TEAM MEMBERS ARE NOW BACKING OFF. WTF.6
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I dont need DuckDuckGo,
I dont need any VPN
I dont need all of this "Internet Privacy Service" BULLSHIT which my ISP wants me to use,
I DONT NEED ANY OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!
AND I DONT WANT IT EITHER!
I HAVE MY OWN PI HOLE!
AND THATS FUCKING ENOUGH FOR WHAT I NEED! STOP TELLING ME ABOUT ALL THIS "We are clearly not logging your shit" WHILE YOU DO!!
Because I have my own shit!
Thx10 -
I know this really isn't the place for this, but I REALLY need help..
I need to add app scaling inside my game.
To do this, I need to listen for a MouseDragEvent (or similar) on a JavaFX object like a Label or Image.
Here is my SO post:
http://stackoverflow.com/questions/...
Thanks in advance!22 -
God damn it. I have not ranted enough this year. I need to ramp up my rant game. This could be my new years resolution.
Rant more!!!6 -
Found this on prod
Don't know who did this but wwhhhyyyy do you need to add foreach loop😅
Just add directly
9 -
me: i dont wanna get out of bed to check the code, i feel so comfy and lazy
me: *after 10 mins* dammit, need to change this, need to change that, its still fucked up, why is this wrong *codes more* -
Dear team leader, If you tell me „I need to review this merge request before merging”, then make sure you are able to allocate time to do this.
If you need MORE THAN A WEEK to even start, then maybe your delegation skills are nonexistent. -
Today we learned:
Don't run a backup integrity check on terabytes of data in multiple jobs your cpu can't handle.
And i cannot abort the process...
Guess i have to go outside, in the cold, brrrr.1 -
First programming-course at the new school.
I was pretty excited until it hit me.
This is an intro-course.
We need to use CPP, not C.
We need to use Windows.
We need to use a shitty IDE instead of editor and compiler.
Went from super excited, to fuck this shit, pretty fast21 -
I am working as a freelance for some company, and yesterday my boss just put my pay and work on hold til next week when he is available.
So now I have a free week, with no money.
Fuck.1 -
This pic keeps me motivated.
It says Great work need time to build their Empire.
What you think??
41 -
All I ask for Christmas! Pls someone tell Santa to make me happy this year..I need this so badly😭😭
8 -
when you need two things to work: the 1st works and the 2nd doesn't and then you fix the 2nd thing but the 1st stops working...this was not a negotiation! I need both things to work!1
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Somewhere out there, a middle manager looked at SAP's time tracking tool and thought, "This, yes, this is exactly what we need in our organisation"1
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Me: "when do you need this for?"
Them: "yesterday!hahahahahahhah"
Me: " :| Never heard that one before"1 -
DAMNIT JUPYTER. Kernel stop dying on me when I need you. I thought this was a mutual loving relationship.
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::This app says you need at least 3GB RAM.
::> delete everything there, I don't need anything.
:: uaaaaa.... you can't (long pause... ) do that.
::> I don't need anything from the laptop, delete everything and make the app run.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (he had 2GB ram)1 -
Can we please make a Over Engineered Section....
This happened a couple of weeks ago...
Hey platform engineer team, we need a environment spun up, it's a static site, THATS IT!
PE Team response.. okay give us a 2 weeks we need to write some terraform, update some terraform module, need you to sign your life away as the aws account owner, then use this internal application to spin up a static site, then customize the yml file to use nuxt, then we will need you to use this other internal tool to push to prod...
ME: ITS a static site... all I need is a s3 bucket, cloudfront, and circleci9 -
"In this API you need to pass the epoch in user's timezone."
WTF!! can this world be any worse...... how many epochs are there in this world?4 -
Js -
"Let me just call this function"
"Oh I need to do something with the return value. Callback"
"Oh I need to do something with that value too. Another callback..."
"Oh, again. Another callback"
"I should have thought about this more beforehand..."1 -
Check this out :
Lib-A need Lib-C version 10.0.2
Lib-B need Lib-C version 9.0.0
And and ..
Lib-D need Lib-A some old version ..
And
Some other shit...my solution .. nuke the project start over and try to use as minimum libs as possible..2 -
"I might need to come back to this page later" always leads to about 50 tabs being open and me just opening the site in a new tab because that's just quicker than finding it.
I need to get better at managing this2 -
Spilled coffee on my keyboard 3rd time this week.. guess who don't want to work and need a vacation1
-
sAleSfoRce aPEx is a hot wet garbage fire. How can I make this actually make this work right when I need to compare case sensitive strings?
10 -
Did you ever had to integrate a fucking "API" that is done via mail bodies?
Fuck this shit! Who need responses about success or failure?! Guess this will take a long time to test this fucking piece of garbage... We don't get a test system, we need to test this with the production system of the other company. I hope their retarded application crashes when receiving malicious mails.
Not speaking about security, I bet everyone can send a mail to their stupid mail address and modify their data 🙈
And inside of this crap mail you also have to send the name, street and email of their company. Why do you fucking need this information?!1 -
Finnaly found some documentation and guidelines for creating Ubuntu suru icons, this took way too long to find!
Oh well, at least I can finnaly start working on some icon sets for my apps! :-D3 -
Me: I need some time to understand this app(taking over it from another developer without explanation)
Boss: I need to bill the client, please finish all the pending features.
Me: :/1 -
Feeling like shit, tired, stressed and then going into a performance review where aparently im far exceeding what i need to do. Makes me wonder why i need to feel like this, i dont really feel excited although there was positive news.. I think i need sleep1
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* 3 months ago *
Vendor: We screwed up and need to start the project from the scratch, this delays the project completion by a year.
Me: OK. Anything you need from me?
V: The good news is that you've given us all we need. Everything should be fine to submit and review by the end of March. (Deadline for 2018 completion is mid-April 2017)
* This week *
Vendor: We need this (partially unspecified) documentation urgently, and also we're missing these parts (~3 weeks effort).
All of which could've been started 3 months ago… -
Just heard about Malbolge and I just need to ask...why???
How border do you need to be to make something like this? And why?
I mean I heard about brainfuck , small and huh? before, but this is some next level shit4 -
DAILY LARAVEL PROBLEMS
I need to parse a JWT with some custom claims. There's a JWT library with Laravel; documentation really lacking, kinda hardcoded to work with Laravel but whatever; it's already installed, let's see what can I do with it.
It turns out I can't say something like "take this token, parse it, tell me it's valid". Let's see how that goes.
You need to build a parsing class with a manager, some auth stuff, a parser.
To build said manager you need a provider that implements a contract, a blacklist, a factory (of what?)
To build the factory (of what?) you need a claim factory and a payload validator
To build the claim factory you need a request
To build the blacklist you need a Storage
To build the storage you need a CacheContract
To build a CacheContract you need IDK it's a mess
To build the contract you need... IDK for real
WHY LARAVEL IS SHIT: 'cause only in this framework it seems reasonable to build this clusterfuck to parse a base64 encoded string, throw some json_decode and check a signature. And have it work only to authenticate a user.1 -
TrueCaller has an “unlisting” option.
Note : First you need to deactivate the number if you ever registered it. If you didnt register then no need to unlist.
Go to this page 👇
https://truecaller.com/unlisting/ -
I just spent about 30h desperately trying to figure out why my Qradar API queries were not working while running in docker, but somehow worked when running locally. I was just minimally stressed because it's my bachelor thesis, which I need to turn in in 3 weeks and this basically nuked my whole planning.
So apparently docker requires you to set your own timezone, so my API queries were always querying data from an hour early, when the requested data did not exist yet....
It's 3PM and I need a drink, or maybe 101 -
https://youtu.be/kPRA0W1kECg
Sorting algorithms visualized & represented by audio. You definitely need to watch this!4 -
When I need to ask my boss something...
Jesus... This guy explains you 3 HOURS long on why you need this cable and why you cant use another one, and he wants you to write it down... Every. Single. Word...3 -
does anyone diet here to increase productivity? any productivity tips? I could have googled this but I need "tried and tested". I need ideas.
I've been feeling strange for some weeks now8 -
leaving work place > stay to finish important feature > on second thought we don't need this feature
-
How can someone like everyone at their workplace yet somehow hate what they do so much?
I need to get out of this fucking city. I need to leave this fucking useless pointless css with a sprinkle of php job.
I just feel do frustrated.2 -
Hello friends 😊
I just need to get this of my chest
But at my school we currently have this project where we need to create a webapp eventually which is nice. BUT first we NEED to spend a whole semester documenting stuff! I mean some things are necessary I know that! But a whole semester ffs I'm studying to be programmer so I WANT TO CODE STUFF
Why is my school like this 😩16 -
How much I hate when someone says "You need to do this because in my experience this is more optimized". Dude, have you even profiled that?
-
Listening to @addlinny and @cascross123 dealing with our apple developer account, I probably need popcorn for this!3
-
Sometimes I really hate offshore desktop support... yes I know Visual Studio 15 was installed, and works. But now Python tools was uninstalled in a forced update that corrupted my VS and now I can't install PTVS(not that I need VS has the vim emulator that I can install at work, it's a whole mess of weird security policies.) fucking hate windows and visual studio. Fucking listen what Im telling you the issue is. I need your dumbass to uninstall this shit software so I can do a clean install since the shitty as software management system doesn't so shit when it say's "uninstalling".
On a side note, this fuckwit just tried to explain what the screenshot tool and how to use it... it's only pinned to my taskbar and menu for shits and gigs since I don't use it everyday to tell the stupid data entry analysts I deal with to fuck off. -
"Can you make this quick change?"
"Yeah, but I'll need to change every page this thing is on and you told me this other project I'm working on is high-priority. Are you sure you want me to do this?" (Also this is a change you're capable of making yourself...)
"It shouldn't take too long, we need this done."
...if I thought it wouldn't take long, I wouldn't have brought it up. -
Anyone here who had used powerbi embedded with nodejs backend? Please I need help. Can't take this shit anymore
-
do I really need another tool to make my life more simple in the js world?? I mean who the fuck thinks we need another choice in this js world at this point? data layer used to be the easy part for me, now I need this new great thing I can't live without?? and the have to have new way tool never simplifies. like ever. sequelize my balls.4
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Me (to Google): I need *this* WITHOUT *that*
Google: Okay, so you need *this* WITH *that* gotcha.
*SEO guy laughing at my misery*3 -
When you create a middleware function and title it gtfo // no comments need to explain this function
-
Noob question
Is it better to implement a cryptpgraphic algo in a function or in a class? Also how?
More info:
I have a cryptography class and I really enjoy implementing the different techniques that we study in class. At first I was just implementing the techniques in a simple function with 3 parameters; key, message and a bool for encryption or decryption. But as they are getting more complex, it is becoming harder to continue implementing them in a single function block. So I thought of using a class but ran into the problem of how do I even do that? Do I make different methods for key generation, encrypting and decrypting?
P.S. It's really just for learning how the crypto technique works and not for anything serious.12 -
I just saw this: Choosing between React Native and Flutter
Well fuck both, each has its ups and downs but native is the only thing that keeps mind clear, and I'm happy to do double the work than wasting time fixing dependency shit (RN you little bastard) and having to clone an entire project just to add support for Bearer tokens because it is not yet supported by Google out of the box (Flutter -_-)4 -
This laptop se poes!
3 BSODs already today. On top of the whole wicket thing giving me kak with the stupid way it pulls in JS.
Like this is a Java gig (which comes with several issues of its own) so why the fuck am I on Windblows anyway5 -
Wordpress so fun.
We need to update a theme you say.
Update failed, you are on the latest version.
You need to update this theme ...1 -
When your boss says this is the cause, it must the cause. No, you don't need logs, you don't need any investigation, you don't need any proof to support why this is the cause. You don't have to provide alternative suggestions or any testing... Because he must be right! Just fix it the way he told you!
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4 goddamn degrees. Cape Town was not designed for this shit. Oh and they need us in office everyday this week for some fuckin reason6
-
I just love screwing around with the test data for hours instead of solving the actual problem. This system does not need to be this complicated
-
Done and with that JS2PS convertor now need to Run that code. God Brace us.....
But first need to create types for each function and services.
FML need to complete it by this weekend1 -
I have a little ask for you guys, If you need to start a Java project, Will you use kotlin or Just Java? I'm a little confused with this choice, so i need more visions19
-
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man! -
I just totted up how much I've made this year so far. Its fucking depressing.
I really need to get this saas stuff on the go. -
New year, new Google HashCode!!!
I need a new stupid name for my team, last year "SicroMoft" by @Fast-Nop was great, but this time I need something even better (or worse)
Also, who else is participating?6 -
Sent a User Story link to a senior that he had requested (10+ years of exp)...
Me: Sir, why do we need this US?
Him: Why
Me: Yes sir, why do we need that?
Him: Yes, that's what I'm asking you, why do we need this?
Me: But sir I asked first 🙄1 -
Pls can anyone help me with this i need the image away from the menu label and i need the image small too pls help me
16 -
I need this !!!
https://youtu.be/kEQ3zAjjVmw
Apparently this device tries to stimulate your brain waves for certain brain activity you are targeting!!!
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