I SWEAR IVE SEEN IT HAPPEN AND IT KILLS ME

So after a long day of CSS’ng for building a new form layout, I walk out of work and see this 😨

I swear the universe is cruel at times.

F🤬k!! why doesn’t this work on the testing server!l! I swear it worked local.

Meanwhile live:

I swear... The world don't give us enough credit for what we do.

Our text book still has Windows 98.

I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.

PC: marketoonist

Swear to god in going to pole drive the next person who asks if my watch is an Apple watch into the fucking ground...

Just deleted Eclipse, I swear I heard a sigh of relief from my laptop.

I swear to God, if I see one more vim joke I'm going to :x life

>be me.
>never understood jokes about linux users fucking shit up
>starts using linux
>day 3 manages to fuck shit up
>ooooohhh

I accidently left log.debug("bollocks") ;
In an exception handler our customers log monitoring system picked it up and they questioned why and I quote here "why is there a spike in bollocks at 3am?"
That was an awkward conference call

Fuck the EU. Fucking puppets. I'm literally going to go and create my own fucking country, i swear to fucking god.

If I learned every spoken and dead language ever created in human history, I still wouldn't have enough swear words to describe how much I loathe SharePoint.

I'm so fucking done with all those "woke" YouTube programming tutorials like: "Why you should NEVER use else statements", "Why functions should ALWAYS return a value", "Why switch statements are actually EVIL" and stuff like this
I swear to fucking god

Collegue *yells through the office*:
Hey IT-guy the file is not there, where is it ?

Me: what file is not where ?

Collegue: you know that file i've been searching for 30 mins now on the Google drive.

Me: Have you tried hitting the name into the search bar ?

Collegue: Sure dude, I'm not stupid.

Me -> *one the way to her desk*
Collegue: OH! never mind I found it with the search bar. I swear it hasn't been there before!

*turning around, going back to my desk*
-fml

Confession of the day:
1. I work in release mode
2. I work on the main branch only
3. I test on production

I swear to you... This is how my uni cools down its servers

Oh god the mess 😥, gets worse when your in there

I swear I didn't know that. Am I a bad programmer? Should I quit writing code?

I'd be handing in my two weeks notice if I got some shit like this.

Don't get me wrong, I understand it's not that professional to swear during work every sentence. But come on, I'm going to swear if I fucking want to every once in a while.

Guns should be illegal. Otherwise I swear I'll end up shooting someone the next time they ask me to "implement this feature, it will only take 5 mins".

Those who don't know programming should keep their "expert advice" to themselves

Had my first official job review with the boss today. I should try to swear less but except for that it's going great!

Yay!

CEO once thought it would be hilarious to give everyone Christmas bonuses in the form of little brown paper bags filled with fifteen hundred $1 bills.

Was a little awkward trying to deposit. 👯‍♂️

I swear I'll die alone.. Maybe even very soon

I swear to god Dick Davis is the coolest wannabe and biggest threat here..

PS - This is a figure from one of my textbooks

Love how you guys swear and just say whatever here.

Such a nice change from the cunts at HN that sit there choking on their own dicks and giving you -20 for using the word fuck.

me when i wake up: im gonna code!
me 12 hours later: i swear ill code this time.

Was asked to log into a website by my company and I swear something was up... I needed to double-check

Yup... it's even worse than I thought.

If we had a swear jar at work, I'd get a negative salary

I wanted to rant about some code that should run smoothly but somehow doesn't run at all, then I realised I don't know enough English swear words to express my anger and frustration.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why the fuck would you assign two new values to the same variable in consecutive lines like that ? I swear this project is driving me nuts. Fuck the dev who wrote this.

I swear down.

There is a developer out there. His one mission to break something in such a way that it only falls over at 1AM.

I hate that guy.

I swear that some people in StackOverflow are there just to downvote others...

Literally all they see is design.

Users can't make or receive payments across the entire app? Ah, who cares! Much more important is the color and fading animation on that button!!!!

Absolute clowns, I swear.

🤡

I just programmed a counting sort algorithm, and I swear to God I think it has AI. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

To save server cost and developers' productivity, devRant should have an intentional downtime of 3 to 6 hours daily :3

So you're telling me, that "margin-bottom: 10%" was more unreasonable than this?

I swear to God maintaining code is just absurd...

What the fuck is this. I swear every time I look at this codebase I find something more stupid than I did last time.

I can't wait to throw the whole legacy system away.

It's amazing how much you can do only in 1-2 hours. Somehow I was in full productive mode and I swear I completed tasks that would normally take a week because of how lazy I am normally.

But I swear it worked on my machine!!

I swear, every time someone says we have the latest front end tech stack, makes me think of this.

How Linux users swear:
What the fork !

Me: Hans, Get ze Flammenwerfer!!!

Hans: Why?

Me: The fucker rejected my PR because "calling twice the same getter is a code duplication". I swear, he always tries to find something!

Thank you so much for the goodies @dfox and @trogus

Now the duck can swear at me with it's high pitch noise when I am unproductive 😃

I swear to god I saw someone writing code in Arial font today at my university 🙀

I swear I'm going to kill someone if I ever see another "create REST API with Express in 10 minutes" tutorial.

Advice to all new programmers, take this one from personal experience. DO NOT PUT SWEAR WORDS IN DEBUG STATEMENTS.
You will miss one, it will go to production and it will get picked up by your log monitoring...

Big News from corporate today, we are no longer making bots to replace people. We are now "virtualizing" the workforce.
I swear I'm living in a dilbert strip...

I swear I'm going to punch the next mf who asks me to hack FB.

Although im more of network engineer than a developer, I feel safe and welcomed here. I swear im not a spy!

It was on purpose I swear.

Make sure that when developing software and using print outs to test output to not use swear words.

Last presentation when demoing to a customer I ended up on a white page saying: "Shit fuck!!!!!!" Embarrassment was an understatement... 😅

Programming in a dead pool onesie. I swear I'm an adult

convinced a friend to join devrant, have to read his every day rants anyway.

he: are you allowed to swear there?
me: are you kidding? THIS IS FUCKING DEVRANT
he: okay i'm in

I recently had to explain to my girlfriend why I was searching for rubber ducks on Amazon.

She doesn't get it. I swear I haven't caught another weird addiction! 😨 🐤

<rant>
I swear to god if see another "Here's how I made my amazing new website with Wixs" advert on Youtube, I'm going to throw my laptop out the god damn window!
</rant>

I swear “remote” has become the most hated word for recruiters, the moment you message it they vanish, never to be heard from again…

Whoever's the fucker that want my pictures over in DMs in Discord please stop asking for it or I swear a big tiddy onee-san will ara ara you in bed, and that won't be me

I have noticed on here, there is a direct correlation between the number of swear words in a post and that posts ++ count. As a programmer who doesn't swear (I know, "just give it a few years" or "YOUR NOT A REAL PROGRAMMER!!" [side note, I also don't drink coffee]), I guess my ++ counter will only ever be allocated 1 byte...

I swear to fsck, "RTFM" is gonna be engraved on my tombstone

I don't swear while in office.
I don't swear while at home.
It takes me about an hour to get home, during that time tho ...

I swear half of my time is spent finding the perfect color scheme for VSCode.

If life was an RPG, I swear they forgot to give me points at all in creativity.

Every time I get a new phone I swear "this time I will keep my browser clean".

One week later dozens of _interesting_ taps opened. 🙄

When I was a kid I fucked with a ouija board and now trying to debug massive regex expressions I swear Satan has finally come to screw me

Can I fucking swear here?

Next interview.. i swear! 😂🥳

Dear fellow JS devs, if you make 1 more good damn module loader I swear to god....

Hi - here's a new module bundler named parcel.

FFS

Everytime i see stickers,i swear i feel a tiny orgasm down my stomach 💗💗

We have an intern.

Swear to McCarthy this girl is so weird I am gonna die of ackwardness.

I swear the the majority of my work is spent on "how can a user fuck this up"

If ever your code breaks, just utter these words and it will magically fix itself:

"Wtf. Hey [coworker name], Can you sanity check this code? I don't know why this segfaults! It looks fine but you just run it and it bre- oh wait... I swear it didn't work a minute ago."

Good programmer swears when something goes wrong, great programmers swear everytime

> You need to make this small change, it won't cause any problem I swear

The small change:

hairWax != faceLotion ...

Aaand straight back to the shower..

I swear macOS Sierra is worse than Windows Vista, I need to type my password like 10 times to install and launch XCode...

I swear to god I am this close to writing myself a Sudoku solver for those damn Mass Effect Andromeda Puzzles

I just deactivated my Instagram account and

My ....gOD..

It feels like i just came out of a prison... But invisible mental prison idk how to even explain this shit

I fkig swear social media is worse than CANCER

I swear, some of us just live on here.

If the live server crashed, it wasn't me. I did the changes locally first. I swear.

I swear next time I see a UHD TV sold as 4K I'm gonna pop a cap in the lying fucker who mislabeled it!

4K has 552,960 more pixels dammit! This is the "720 HD" bullshit all over again!

Swear to god if people don't stop calling the new RTX cards true ray tracing I'm going to ring their necks...

It is far from true ray tracing, it's a hybrid with ray trace base technology... Pls stop

Okay I just had the first good experience of my college career (It's my last semester)

Professor put the PDF versions of all the textbooks in their syllabus.

Swear to god I nearly came.

Good job, professor.

I fucking swear the servers in the data center know when the fuck I'm going on vacation.

YOU CHOOSE TO DIE NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?

It's okay. It is no longer a critical box, but gah dammit.

I swear performance is the last thing on the minds of some developers. It’s going to be a long weekend for me.

As someone who doesn't know a lot about JavaScript, but occasionally needs to create some quick and simple scripts, I swear I'm going to kill someone if I read "just use jQuery" one more time on SO.

Computer related shit follows me everywhere, I swear. Went to a friends house and low and behold - this gem. I knew someone smelt like what I imagined a domain smelling like...

I swear I could sell my layout debugging to sports teams and colleges and cities stuff, they could use them as flags!

I just loooove this search algorithm that this job website uses

I swear they are just lazy.

I SWEAR IF I USE ANOTHER WEBSITE OR FUCKIGN WEBAPP THAT SCROLLS UP TO THE FUCKING TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE OR AT ALL IM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT

I swear if I quit my job as a developer and became a stripper I’d still get adverts from udemy, code academy and the rest about become a developer 😭😭😭 when will they fuck off

Broke: Let's exchange numbers

Woke: Let's exchange GitHub usernames :3c

I swear preparing an app update that's going to be deployed to 500+ people stresses me tf out.

I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Working on my first bachelors degree and I swear this is me any time I get shit to work right 😂

I swear, once I called in sick just so that I could finish coding a feature without distractions( like pings and shit)

As someone who works primarily with JavaScript and started with PHP I fee this deep in my soul

I suppose I swear enough on chat that my "duck" now autocorrects to "fuck".

I SWEAR TO FUCKING ANDROMEDA, IF THIS APP CLOSES AGAIN AUTOMATICALLY, I am gonna open it again but man I am tired.

Dear Sourcetree,

Crash one more fucking time before I commit and I swear to god I will jump through a fucking moving semi truck.

That's it, it's over, I'm done! I'm officially a graduate! I have my paper and I'm out!

Goodbye preditory USA college related companies and practices I won't miss you!

I swear If I ever have to hear the name Pearson again.....

I swear to god you'll never feel more epic while coding than when you listen to the dovahkiin song.

I SWEAR BITBUCKET IS USELESS. NONSENCE

I swear, the next time I hear a web developer say to me: "Yeah let's pretend as if the security hole in the website isn't there, because truth be told, i cannot be bothered to fix it."

These script kiddies fuck with my error metrics! I want 0 !

I swear I'll find them! Even enabled IP log for every request contain “.php”.

Needless to say, app is not even in PHP and PHP isn’t even present on server

LoL, I swear, some of these job ads..

- You study Java every day
- You anticipate and you follow Java trends every day
- You go to our Java events

Oh so you mean I don't have a life? No thanks.

Everything's fine, I swear!

Who else has to hear the nagging from family members, significant others, friends etc... when you say your planning to get another laptop, desktop, or even a new monitor?

I swear I hear the nagging every week almost.

In my software development class today, the teacher asked us what a double equal sign means, and I swear to god, a student said “it double equals that value” 🤦‍♂️

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

(Fucking bitch dragged me till 3 A.M, NO SHE'S NOT WORTH IT)

I SWEAR TO GOD IF I SEE ONE MORE BUGGY AS HELL SHITTY SNAP PACKAGE I GONNA LOSE MY SHIT AND KILL SOMEONE

I swear my ISP has already done away with net neutrality. My connection is always going out whenever I need to look something up for work.

Someone needs to make a site that generates cool project names because I swear it's the hardest decision to make.

I swear, 90% of the times I edit a message after posting, I'm turning "your" to "you're" and the other way around.

Occasionally have to edit typos that autocorrect has adapted to for some reason.

And I go like I can swear I've never seen this before

I give out ++ like their candy. What can I say I like to increment

It amazes me how quickly give out their passwords. I ask for a person's user name and I swear at least 75% of the time they give me their password too!

status update on the codebox IDE revival project:

WHY THE FUCK DOES PTY.JS REFUSING TO BUILD? YOU IMPREGNATED TWAT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T BUILD RIGHT NOW IM GONNA FUCKING DEPRECATE YOU AND REPLACE YOU WITH XTERM

When you snap at the other Developer because you SWEAR your bug fix push corrected the issue, to then be put back in your place...realizing the other Developer was right...humble yourself

I swear.. Whoever comes up with a better and fixed version of CSS that makes sense when you use it should probably get a Nobel Peace prize for the peace of mind it would give to its users..!!!

I swear to God there is a special place in hell for people that ask for updates on shit when they are not even paying.

I swear to God, I have gut wrenching feeling every morning before work or when I think about work. My stomach actually hurts now.

<!-- Dear future me: I swear to god, if you play with this, I will claw out your eyeballs and eat them for lunch. You've been warned. -->

</div>

I swear they implemented this to just so they could put more "sad faces" into Windows.

I swear it's like my company's NAS is just a room full of 3.5" Floppy Diskette drives somehow hooked up in a RAID 10 configuration.

You know your idea was shit when....

You see it on devrant as the subject of someone's all caps, swear word filled rant...

Happy Christmas fuckers.

I don't normally swear, but I'm with family in Ireland and I'm not the designated driver for once, so fuck it.

Have a good one!

So I just realized we submitted an Android assignment containing a notification with a bunch of swear words ! The submission closed a week ago...
Here's to hoping they have a good sense of humor!..
*Awkward laugh and smile*

HR: Do you work under pressure?
Me: Yes, but I swear very much.
HR: what?
Me: uh.. and sometimes I punch in the face, yes just in the face.

I swear it works on my machine.

<rant>
Tomorrow is my bd and I swear besides seeing my friends all I want is to find this bug.
</rant>

I swear every one of this week's weekly rant could be remixed together with the sound of silence playing over it all...

EDIT: now that I've said this I really want to do it...

Sometimes I read a rant on here, and I swear its a co-worker of mine that's written it since I've heard him make almost the exact same rant....

I swear to god if I made a website twice as good as Google my friends would still use Gmail to piss me off

Bootstrap:

Making developers say "fuck it...ill just build it myself" since its inception.

I swear....for small intranet shit sure...whatever y know...but when it comes to actual design this piece of shit is so quirky.

I swear my brain has 2 sides:
1: c or c++ would be great for this project
2: lol c++ hard so nodejs
1: but c++ would be so much faster and c-
2: NODEJS

How to know when you're bored?

You feel like building CLI based applications for social media like twitter (And i swear i didn't steal the idea form the devrant version of this)

I will reiterate my goal of 2020 and 2021:

Finish my personal project and bring it to market!

It will happen this year, I swear! 🤣

I swear to god Web Designers make the same fucking design every time with a few changes.

Decided to return to writing again and take yet another break from coding and decided to restart my book that I'm working on...

I swear coming up with variable names is fucking easier than working on the first chapter .-.

this is how you post on forums. you swear! it's satisfying.

Sorry I'm on my computer during the meeting but I can multitask I swear!

(I can definitely write code and troubleshoot with other devs on Skype, while you're talking)
I never said I was listening to you though! Lol!

I solemnly swear to never buy a laptop with a realtek WiFi adapter again. Linux kernel doesn't fucking support it.

I swear my co worker said we were meeting at the data center at 10pm all week! I call him and he says 10:30. Wtf?!!! Well guess I got some time to read more rants.

FUCCCCKCKCKKC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING CUNTFUCK BULLSHTI FUCKK!
I SWEAR TO GOD LINKING LIBRARIES IN C++ IS THE WORST FUCKIGN THING ON THE ENTIRE FUCKIGN PLANET.
sfjipomndgsm8h rteügj8jq9rtg

Today is Independence Day here in Brazil. Holiday n the middle of the week. I swear to not touch a computer today :P

I swear, all projects start with good intentions... Start...

i swear i'm so braindead sometimes
i was seriously wondering why i couldn't do an absolute function on an unsigned number

Dear rust,

I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.

Sincerely, a functional programmer

What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

Github cares about spellchecking.
Even the swear words.
(Although "fuckin" shouldn't be considered a misspelled word)

I swear, every time I open up this outdated piece of shit. This company needs to update baaaad

“I wrote it on my own, I swear”

I swear IBM is just incapable of making a product that doesn’t fucking suck. I am terrified of their work with Quantum Computer research...because I just know they will fuck that up too.

My rubber ducky is a terrifying alien species from the exoplanet TRAPPIST-1B, but also a swear jar.

Swear to god ima blow my fucking brains out

"Let's make it almost impossible to test on our mobile devices."
- Apple

I don't think there is a database with more F-words and other swear words than Devrant's 😂😂😂

me right now:

while (me.onHoliday) {
wisdomTooth.x--;
wisdomTooth.y++;
me.ingest(new Painkillers());
}

My first proper holiday in several years, swear my body won't let itself rest!

Finding a dev job in a suburban area is near impossible I swear

Developers must have an oath like "I solemnly swear that I would develop software that I myself would be happy to use.

My teammate send a prank email to us(lots of bad swear words to our client)...unfortunately..he used the thread of client's issue. The next morning we're terrified to learn that the prank email was also forwarded to client.

Do you guys swear 😏, I do a lot about tech but I don't see anyone on here doing that

Nothing like shit I just shocked myself

Or mother fucking ie die in a hole

You know the usual

I dream of the day when I can go to work and actually work. I swear this client has a masters in pointless meeting, the other day we had a meeting to 0lan a meeting.

How i love US companies and their tendency to just lazily send out a programming quiz as a part of the interview.

Look i swear i can make a fucking java bean, i just suck at coming up with algorithms okay?

i think im losing my mind.

i swear i placed like, 10 labels on my VB form, the designer even shows it's there! but when i run it for testing it all disappears!

i think i need a break.

I swear two thirds of job offers now are in insurance and banking. And if that doesn't spell "incoming crash" for you then idk. We're in for some fun times.

Whenever I see someone swear, for example, 'fucking managers'. I think of fucking as a verb.
Which makes it 'managers that are fucking'. Pretty entertaining when you're bored or having a bad day. 😅

"I solemnly swear, my code is 💯% mistrake free."

I swear to god I will never use javascript again.

I swear devRant must use a custom keyboard parameter on android because it is the only place I have aggressive auto correction... I look at half the stuff I posted and it's just filled with broken English 0.o

I swear to god, the next time someone brings in sh*t to a meeting again that's totally off-topic, I'll grab a nerf gun and turn this place into a f*cking war zone!

Alright windows, why is Chrome receiving fractures of my bandwith, but edge can get it all? I swear, I can stream FHD on edge, but not use soundcloud on chrome. This smells fishy to me

Company introduced swear jar last Friday

I swear that's not my amazon unsername.

I swear, 95% of the time whenever I threaten to start using my Task Manager or restart my computer my apps start working normally.

Where's my Monster?! Why's it in the trash can, I swear I didn't drink it that fast. Damn you Illuminati!!!

Anyone else just bleed time like no one's business?

I swear some days I blink and it's 140:00 with nothing to show for it

Me: woo going to a massive LAN party, going to start hammering out some development, writing and gaming!

Friends: there's a pub just around the corner!

Me: *breathing intensifies*

I swear I'm not an alcoholic from all my rants containing grog or being induced by it but I swear it pops up every time I'm pumpedabout doing some coding...

I swear the implementation of byte arrays in dot net is fucking brilliant, never thought I would give good credit to dot net but the amount of bloody times this shit has saved me is unbelievable...

My company got drunk in the meeting decided to go out to town and live it up ... we got loads of work done... I swear...

I swear if you try and ghost me after making me waste my time with those labrat🐀 tests...

...let's just say you're going to find all your companies email inboxes in pretty bad shape by september

Anyone else code better when they're drinking? I swear I'm not an alcoholic...

I swear, developers search histories are indistinguishable from terrorist ones.

How are we not all imprisoned yet ? 😂

Trying hard not to swear on my commit message.

Well, everytime i say hie to a random girl, i swear they look at my shoes first, so i have resolved to stick my upcoming devRant stickers onto my shoes instead of my laptop

Install Instagram, Facebook.
Utter words like "Gaming Laptop" "Predator" "MSI" while screen being locked.
Voila, you get an ad.
PS: I swear I didn't search for any MSI or gaming laptops in google or even typed those words in recent past.

Every assignment is done by reference in JavaScript... like why? Lemme use a pointer when I need it.
ES2016 looks so much like Java, I swear nobody will notice if they added pointers... and over 9000 more confusing features.

I had to solve some issues regarding comments on a Wordpress site.

I noticed some interesting code that an old developer had left behind.
It was an array of swearwords, and an if statement that checked if words in a comment existed in that array of swear words.

It was written in Javascript, everyone; including the customer could see the array of nasty words...

My bash history today:

man column

🤦‍♂️ I suppose if the wife is curious about what I do all day, she’s likely not going to search my terminal history 😂

I've a question. Has anyone in here ever be forced to use something as remotely frustrating as SQL Server Reporting Services (ssrs)? I swear it is one of the most convoluted piece of shit ever.

I swear to god, If I have to explain git bisect to another "senior" one more time!! Like, how do you _not_ know this?! Know your basics, please! 🤬

I swear I passionately hate doing excel reports

I swear to fucking god if one of my colleagues is going to yell "hosting" again at me (note they do it in a higher pitch than their normal voice)

I'm going to break something..

I must be getting paranoid - I could swear I saw a Comic Sans in Chrome's search box 😵.

Last year, 2nd year of Uni, we had to create an app that read from CSV file that contained info on the no of ppl in each class and things like grades and such and had to display graphs of all the info tht you could then export as a pdf.

This had to also be sone in a team. I, however, hate doing anything other than programming (no team leader, pm bullshit) so I tell them I want to be one of the programmers (basically split the roles, rather than each one doing a bit of everything like my professor wanted) and we did.

I program this bitch wverything works well, I am happy. Day of the presentation comes, one of the graphs is broken... FUCK. I then go past it and never discuss the error. We got a 70.

I swear to God it worked on my computer -.-

I also have to mention that our professor was the client and he had set an actual deadline until we can ask him questions. After the deadline I realized I didn't know what a variable in the csv file was for and when I went to ask him he said "You should've asked me this before. I can't tell you now". My team was not the only one that didn't know and he gave the exact answer to everybody else. Got the answer from another team. Turns out it was useless.

He was the worst client ever. Why tf would you put a deadline on when you can ask the client questions?! I should be able to fucking ask questions during production if you want the product as you want it >.<

!rant

I love that you can get Google to swear. In her oh so British accent. Voice search : 'what does FML stand for'

do you guys also dream about code or is that just my brain? i swear to god, if i see something awful at work i dream of a way to fix it

Is there any modals for angular 2?? The ng2-bs4-modal gives unexpected token error. I swear after this project I am never using angular. Worst framework ever.

React Js all the way.

To never forget the semicolon.;