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Me: *poking my girlfriend
Her: *the look of pure hatred in her eyes
Me: remember you can't break these fingers. These fingers are the reason we have money
Her: *groans* Yeah, you're right13 -
I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.
PC: marketoonist
4 -
Indentation check
Hardecoded values check
Kickass logic check
This is the best program that I have seen in my entire life.
8 -
Had an interesting time these past few days. Had a customer who, when I left for vacay, was complaining that he couldn't get access to our private package registry. Get back, this issue is still active.
We'd granted access to his github enterprise, and for some reason he wasn't getting the activation email. We spent about 22 hours of customer support time on his failing to help himself before he finally escalated to the standard 40 person IT enterprise tantrum/come to jesus meeting.
Long story short, he had somehow ignored repeated attempts (35 email replies to the ticket chain, 4 phone calls) to get him to check his spam folder. In which, as it was revealed to all the hollywood squares in attendance, there were no less than 35 activation emails from github granting him access. Of course, none of this was his fault. And while screensharing his big brain to god and everyone he decides the problem is now actually Microsoft because their office 365 spam email filtered his emails incorrectly. We of course agreed with his big brain, smoothed over his bruised ego and went about our day.
I mean, fair enough, it's kind of dumb that Microsoft ever spam lists github, but still. I was just a fly on the wall, and he burned all his paid support tickets on the issue, so hopefully we won't be dealing with him again this year.
Also, this is an edge case with our new product line, most of our customers are painless.4 -
Israeli government hackers hacked into Kaspersky’s network in 2015 and caught Russian government hackers red-handed hacking US government hackers with the help of Kaspersky.
In other words — Russia spying on America, Israel spying on Russia and America spying on everyone.10 -
Dear son: when I ask you to stop using Netflix because I need all the network juice for a work-related call, please do close it or play a downloaded movie. Don't just turn the volume off...4
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Hey thanks Windows for automatically wasting my data on these two beautiful games.
I had to install windows only for gaming. And windows gives me these 😑
13 -
My neighbor(He is 14 I think) pitched this to me and wanted advice since he was going try to participate in the Google science fair.
Him:"A robot that gives you medical advice. You just tell it your symptoms and voila! You've got your diagnosis. No doctor required."
Me: "How are you going to decide what disease the user has?"
Him:" I'm just going to write an if-else ladder statement. I've already got some of the data from this site called WebMD. It's amazing."
Me: "Go with something simple. What you're suggesting won't work out."
He told me I didn't have "Vision".
His ditched his project last week.18 -
"Hey we need you to be laser focused on these rush projects, but first let's have an hour long meeting to discuss how you need to be laser focused on these projects".
😑6 -
5 nEw JavaAcriPt frAmeWorkS foR 2020
...
.....
...
this is why people keep thinking us in the JavaScript world are fucking retarded.11 -
Thought Amazon servers went bonkers seeing these names. Later realized these are episode names for TV series, Mr Robot.
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What is going on with the web these days? 500 adds, 3 auto play video's per page and now this shit?!
Websites that do this should be removed from Google.
I don't think it's even allowed.
If you block it, it goes to a subdomain 1.<website> and asks for permission again. If you block that one it'll go to 2.<website>, up until 10.<website>, then it switches to either a "get Express VPN" or another website that asks for permission. And that one even claims to be reCAPTCHA! and then another that asks you to press "Allow" in order to watch the video. What video?!
21 -
It's easy to multitask these two things.
"Being" a programmer and "being" single.
Trust me, there are no easier ones than these.1 -
Browsing job postings, and some of these requirements are just crazy, and/or wtf. Here's an example:
Front End developer wanted, junior to mid-level. An ideal candidate will be an expert in PHP, C#, and Java. Minimum experience of 10 years. Estimated compensation 30,000 per year.
Entry level full stack developer. Must be an expert in SQL. 5 years experience, BS in computer science required.
Web Developer intern - must have 3 years of experience. Must be an expert in x, y, z. This position is unpaid.
Sheeit.6 -
Holy fucking shit! What the actual fuck is this?!!!
The funny part: this is not the worst e-mail I got from them, the person who is responsible for these e-mails should have been fired 2 years ago.
7 -
I don't know if there is an algorithm, sorting these posts so that these type of things happen, but it's happening quite too often 😂
1 -
http://mindprod.com/jgloss/...
Skill in writing unmaintainable code
Chapter : The art of naming variables and methods
- Buy a copy of a baby naming book and you’ll never be at a loss for variable names. Fred is a wonderful name and easy to type. If you’re looking for easy-to-type variable names, try adsf or aoeu
- By misspelling in some function and variable names and spelling it correctly in others (such as SetPintleOpening SetPintalClosing) we effectively negate the use of grep or IDE search techniques.
- Use acronyms to keep the code terse. Real men never define acronyms; they understand them genetically.
- Randomly capitalize the first letter of a syllable in the middle of a word. For example: ComputeRasterHistoGram().
- Use accented characters on variable names.
- Randomly intersperse two languages (human or computer). If your boss insists you use his language, tell him you can organise your thoughts better in your own language, or, if that does not work, allege linguistic discrimination and threaten to sue your employers for a vast sum.
and many others :D -
I seear man fucking shit php devs make it hard for people to appreciate the language.
To start, i don't think there is anything wrong with php. As a language I know damn near all of its pitfalls and have successfully deployed huge applications with minimal fuss.
The thing is...this shit seems to happen only when I AM THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT DOES IT
In any other scenario i am constantly cursing the original author under my fucking breath hoping that they choke on their own dicks. Fucking cunts.
Really man, some of the fucking code i have seen. This shit is dangerous as fuck and i can't believe that in 2019 motherfuckers would not have the decency to google for best fucking practices or learn it from a fucking book and shit.
Writing proper php code is not that fucking hard people, every fucking update to the language, every fucking tool that comes out is for the betterment of it.
Guess proper oop or functional paradigms are too complex for some dickheads. Hell, not even top to bottom procedural code.
Fuck me. Good thing is, boss is happy, the entire faculty is happy, the board is happy. Everyone is motherfucking happy.
Dez negroids better remember this shit cuz I just asked for a $20k raise.
I got a raise literally every time i ask for one so this one better make the cut.
Fuck shit php developers man. Y'all don't deserve the language, y'all make the language look bad, y'all make the community look bad.
Fuck you, die and eat a dick. Do all that shit in whatever order you prefer.15 -
Saw one of these in store today.
Who designs these "Ergonomic" things?
My fingers starts aching just by looking at this..
13 -
I don't know who this "you" guy is on all of these git blames, but he's a real asshole for writing all of these bugs.1
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Does anyone remember these? I would navigate to search just to see these characters perform different animations and movements
What a wonderful time it was🥺
7 -
these backend devs,
please. dont touch the CSS.
you primitive animal. we use SCSS these days.
all of your changes will be overridden by us when we compile.9 -
So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.10 -
How do you explain to a bunch of teenagers that their Smartphone/Tablet is, in fact, a computer?🤔😐😕5
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!devRelated
I personally think that one of the worst things a person can be is a bad driver.
I really hate the driving culture in my city.
This ain't some third world country with no roads and no traffic signs or regulations. We have very very nice roads. Good traffic systems in place. Decent driving speeds and people STILL manage to fuck shit up.
Not one fucking day do I get in my truck without wanting to murdee someone.
I flipped off about 3 people today. One of them started to scream at me. I told the bitch ass motherfucker to do something about it. I was really hoping a motherfucker would.
I really hate these fucking people.
My fucking city is the reason why Trump supporters get off on hating mexicans. How the fuck can I blame them if when driving through such fucking city damn near every fucker on a vehicle drives with 0 regard for others.
Fuck this bullshit man. This is fucking Texas. I have yet to see nicer fucking roads, no fucking excuse really.
I am going to kill someone one of these days. And I will aim poorly...see if that shit hurts more.5 -
FUCK THESE FUCKING GPDR! FUCK THESE SITES! FUCK EVERY LITTLE COCKSUCKING BASTARD POPUP!
I click DISAGREE ON EVERY FUCKING POPUP! YET THESE BASTARDS SELL MY DATA LIKE EXOTIC BUTTERS! FUCK THEM ALL!6 -
By the time I’m able to put my baby girl to sleep, I get hungry again.....
I just remembered, I haven’t had pizza in a long time now...11 -
"These are my stickers. There are many like it, but these one are mine"
Thank you @dfox and @trogus :D
1 -
!rant
Anyone who is interested in Laravel and CMSs solution might wanna check these out. I have just found these and looking into them right now.
http://www.atlantis-cms.com/
https://www.coastercms.org/7 -
Student temp is 2/3 done his term, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't learned anything.
When I was a student temp, I built a video chat platform. -
As if somebody who isn't a dev can understand these Explanations and even cares about the Name and Provider of a cookie. Maybe they took GDPR a step to far.
But it's nice to see that you can even say, which cookies you want them to use.
2 -
These are my stickers, there are many like it, but these are mine!
@dfox thank you for the stickers 👍
Happy Ranting!
1 -
!rant
Thanks DevRant for sending these stickers to Singapore all be way from USA!!
Really lovin these stickers!!
1 -
Well shit... There really is an API for everything these days huh.
Not sure how these devs made such a system.
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Sometimes I think devs are like superheroes who are bored to death and just want to have the greatest world clusterfuck possible to be ... Amused.
Backstory: One project, fairly large (roughly 200 dependencies, a framework). I looked over the ticket backlog and a critical ticket title regarding the important framework caught my eye.
(Rephrased as title was gibberish)
Framework fork needed for supporting different versions of library X
...
Ok. They want to fork a whole fucking framework for a single library dependency.
😶
The framework that is the basis of like 30 - 40 % of all projects at our company.
😶
Maybe.. I just misunderstood it. (my hope dies several times a day, one more or less doesn't matter).
Ticker: Blablablablabla...
"to incorporate library X at version A and - for other projects - at version Y, we need to split the framework into two forks with different versions but same namespace."
🤮
Why. Just why. How the fuck can anyone come up with such an incredible stupidity?
After chewing some people's ears off....
It turned out to be very simple.
Just split off the library dependent part, which were like 20 plus classes.
Release it with two different versions, for library in version A and library B.
Done.
Sometimes devs terrify me.
Please. Never fork / branch a framework or anything "heavy" completely.
That's madness. Properly split what needs to be split and be done.
It's not that hard, hmkay?1 -
The biggest pro of GDPR for me will be when some fucking agency will ever call me again, I will ask them right away to delete my phone number and everything.
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You wouldn't believe how hard it is to create an anonymous e-mail address these days. Spent 30 minutes looking for a non-blacklisted provider after failing at Gmail, Yahoo etc..5
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Teaching advanced IT topics like programming or system management has become much harder in only about five years, because many 20 year olds do not know how to effectively work with the file system. I don't blame them: the Microsoft Office applications nudge you strongly towards storing everything in the Cloud (saving files locally requires extra clicks), and on Windows, the folders C:\Users and C:\ are almost hidden in he respective dialogs (open file, save file). Same on macOS. Students also keep loosing files. This used to be an excuse for not doing the work; nowadays, you're able to find the files on their systems by using appropriate tools (e.g. `find`, installed with Git Bash on Windows). And don't get me started on touch-typing... hell, those kids were fast ten years ago with a proper keyboard! Now they're fast with their smartphone, but painstakingly slow on an actual keyboard.8
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You know how we mock recruiters for not knowing anything...
I wonder if they have an app where they mock developers ... Probably not they'd need one of us to build it.1 -
god how the fuCK DO THESE DEMO EFFECTS WORK how do these guys do this shit i can barely draw a cube on a modern CPU and these assholes have realtime 3d on the 8086 how17
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What the heck!
Are kids these days that smart?! I can't imagine a 3 yr old being able to communicate properly or let alone sit still to learn something properly.
I was dumb af and playing all the time till my 6th age.
Thoughts?
4 -
Seriously, all these FB groups have bunch of newb members and content creator whores who spam them with these links to their "Free source code VB6 shit", "Inventory System using PHP", and all those sorts of BS.
When was the last time you went to FB to learn something?
And also, some of these folks post their works when they only glued these libraries or some kind of API thingy together made by awesome people yet they get the praise from these kidds!1 -
Developer these days are more and more required to become language agnostic. I just wondering nowadays so many job posted looking for "fcking fullstack devs". It sound to me like "we need a b!tch that we can fcuk with anystyle, anytime, anywhere and paid once" #nooffense2
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One intern showed me an issue he was facing. "Delete" button was not working in a HTML page he had developed, but edit button is working properly. I checked the code both buttons had same id "edit72-btn". I said to him you need to use unique id in a page.
The thing he said next made a speechless. I was just looking at his face.
He said "edit72-btn and del72-btn are almost same, couple of characters are different. Are they going to work?"1 -
Some people have rubber ducks for debugging. I however, take it a step further and have these 2 ticked-off fuckers
These guys just speak to me
3 -
Who remember these clips and relation between them?
https://youtube.com/watch/...
https://youtube.com/watch/...
I just love these videos for that... I really miss that time.4 -
Which one of these is your dream university?
Also let me know which one of these is good for pursuing Ms in EE consider CMU and UIUC as well
17 -
Oh, this project is really going to crash and burn with these new incompetent Developers. Just saying.
Hope this client will stop working with us so I don't have to work with these incompetent developers anymore....
Getting really stressed about this and the freaking incompentens from these two people...2 -
I always see job posts for:
• ASP.NET
• Wordpress
• PHP & mySQL
Would you consider applying for these when you don't like these technologies? Why? I need your advice & wisdom guys. Thank you so much!3 -
The longer I go at this job, the more I feel unqualified to be doing it!
My boss is giving all these really fascinating ideas and things to get done... but he's not really describing it well on how to do it... just to do it. My creativity is being tested...2 -
Somebody write more and more ugly / incomprehensible lines of code for 1-2 beautiful line.
But the bug is always in ugly code.
I hate these programmers, I hate these programs!1 -
I don't usually put stickers on laptop bit these two are awesome ;)
But I don't know what to do with these other two..
8 -
"I don't have the answer, but you made a typo in your title, so I'm gonna downvote the shit out of you."
I hope I'll get invited to your funerals so I can piss on your coffin. -
Honest question:
For an open temp role, we are looking for someone that knows and used Angular 1.5 and ECMAScript 6.. yet everyone we have interviewed so far only knows up to Angular 1 and doesn't even know a new version of JavaScript came out, or have never used it before.
Are we really asking too much for someone interested in a temp role or are we just getting unqualified candidates?9 -
Just found out I passed the coding interview phase. Next step is a "live" (covid adapted) whiteboard interview.
I haven't had to do one of these before. Anyone have any advice on these?1 -
From a meme somewhere, but pretty accurate.
When everything works. Boss:"Why are these guys even here?"
When problems occur. Boss:"Why are these guys even here?" -
I swear to god I'm going to break one of these people's heads with a brick. maybe not this time but one of these times.
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my first project was a star trek themed text based rpg adventure. it was a hell of spaghetti of if queries and gotos in gw basic. later these kind of things got something like an ui.
my first experience was my father doing mandelbrot sets from a magazine and i was watching building them up green pixel for greenpixel on an 8086 pc. it was raining outside and i was sitting in an arm chair with a warm blanket. this cozy feeling remains until today and might explain my personal attachment for this topic.
fortunately his failed attempt to introduce me into programming doing a morsecode translator did not stop me for long. -
Just these little things that can drive you insane: TCP should guarantee that the order of packages is preserved, but somehow through a splitting of the message I get them files mangled. OK, might be our own fault, but then I just do a simple grep on the log file, but it won't display anything if I escape the f** dot.
Google it. No I didn't do it wrong, try different quotes. Nothing. Why then does it display the thing if I delete the dot?
Beginning to question my sanity. Grep just. has. to. work.
And that very moment the blinds of the window automatically go up, so the blazing sun blinds us, which as management told us, is not a bug but a feature, protection from freezing bla bla - and the control of the blinds gives me static shocks but refuses to shut them down again.. *sigh*
Just these little things. - Don't know, but I am convinced at the right time, a little mispunctuation or a glitch in a UI could drive a programmer mad. -
debian:jessie has lot many old libraries that cause memory leaks, which gets solved in future releases of these libraries. Yet, debian fails to accommodate these new releases. They do this to make jessie 'stable' they say. I am quite curious if these instabilities faced is what they call stability. Example: glib
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See here is how I know these are not randomly generated some of these sound like things they would say
4 -
What creates these files and folders?
Cache, GPUCache, Local Storage, Cookies, etc...
I see that many different programs have a folder in my appdata with these exact files/file structures in it. Is there some sort of framework that creates these? I'm just curious.4
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