When your coworker appreciates your code saying it's neat and beautiful

When your code game is strong

Indent your goddamn code!

Comment your own code.

"But nobody except me will see..."

COMMENT YOUR OWN CODE!!!

When your code is a mess but still works

Code review titles by year:

1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist

When you find a bug in your code...😭

Anybody tried code licking to solve your problems?

How to properly comment your code

How it should be:
- First: solve the problem
- Second: Write your code.

How many people do:
- First: Write code
- Second: solve code problems
- Third: Adapt code with requirements
- Forth: get lost on your spaghetti code
- Sixth: make a suicide

Don't explain your code, write code as like code explain itself..

My code: 0.00000001ms
Your code: 0.00000002ms

Change the code and see what broke. This is the only way to understand your code

When your code compiles without errors

Your code is like someone tried to quit vim

Whitespace is the most valuable part of your code.

"Sometimes you just gotta see your code from another angle"

When your code doesn't match your algorithm

When your cat wants to code...

Don’t get too attached to your code.

Your code is your karma 😅

May your code rest in peace!

Keeps bugs out of your code

when your code is fire

When you properly comment your code.

Eliminate negativity from your code via @tojiro with this...

when your teacher says he prefers this:
class A
{
// code
};

over this:
class A {
// code
};

me: can u not

When you have maths but your code is calling

Never let your code automatically short things. Oops.

When your code breaks, but it all works out.

Friend: Hey, your code doesn’t work because you have too many lines of code !

Me: Wait... What?

Frame your code

Code is reflection of your soul. Consider whether your soul is shit.

code as if your users are like this

Schrodinger Code: your code is both broken and not broken until you recompile it.

When you come back to your own code after days

When your code executes finally 😂😂

When someone says document your code

You know your code is broken when it outputs -0....

Maybe your parents won't know, but I sure as hell will

When someone is reviewing your code

What would Gordon Ramsay's reaction be if he did code reviews for YOUR code?

Figuring out the perfect algorithm for your code

I edited your code

When your code is compiling, with no errors.

Always comment your code.

Where's your best place to code?

When the trainee wants to improve your code.

What's your funniest error message while testing your code ?

For me : Fatal error - Parachute deployed.

0_o

How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods

When you want to code but your day job keeps you from your true love

When another programmer tries to edit your code.

Looked at your old code and starts wondering "who the heck wrote this shitty code!"

Time flies,

when your code doesn't work.

IF YOU HARD CODE URLS INTO YOUR CODE I WILL HARD CODE MY FIST INTO YOUR FACE

Staring at your erroneous code...!

When you are so incompetent your senior gives up and writes your code for you

When you move your code to aws....

Oh God, When your boss is reviewing your code and he pauses to take some meds.

When the bus arrives and leaves your stop and you don't notice because your brain is thinking about code!

Once worked for a guy who lectured me in front of the whole office because I didn't continued work at home after I stayed 3h unpaid overtime at the office.
I quit soon after that.

When refactoring your own code makes your past self feel stupid.

Do not let your co-worker modify your code

You know it...from the introductory page of "Clean Code" by Robert C. Martin.

Which door represents your code?

One thing I learnt after over two years of working as a programmer is that sometimes making your code DRY is less important than making your code readable, ESPECIALLY if you're working on a shared codebase. All those abstractions and metaprogramming may look good in your eyes, but might cause your teammates their coding time because they need to parse your mini-framework. So code wisely and choose the best approach that works FOR YOUR TEAM.

When your code have more issues than vogue magazine.

Comment your code, they said

When your code actually works in first try

When your supervisor/teacher is looking at your code and you hope he/she doesn't detect the bug you found before showing the code.

When your code reviewing the new guy and there's 50 comments for every line of code

When your colleague writes code like minified JS. 😱

When all your test case passes.

Haters: "All your source code are paid actors"

I always wonder why people complain about php being horrible, then I actually see the code they write.

It's like complaining "I can't believe I have to use such a horrible desk" when it's littered with empty coffee cups and yesterday's lunch.

When someone looks over your shoulder when you write code.

That moment when the CTO fucks up your code

When you opensource your code ...

Test your code please..!

Those feels when you try fix your colleagues code

"Your code doesn't make me want to off myself".

That face you make when your IDE tries to tell you how to write your code...

The best way to write maintainable code is to imagine the next person who has to debug your code. Then imagine that they have your phone number, personal address, and your daily schedule.

Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.

What was your first line of code?

Dear Apple,
Let us fking code on your ipad

Aaahhh my co-workers... Comment your code already!

The best way to code is: put your headphones, take your coffee and play electronic music.

When your code doesn't run even after working for hours.

Remember the time when someone appreciated your code and praised the implementation, said that your code was better??
Yeah, neither do I.

!rant
Is this how you empower your code? 😁

HTTP Error Code 420: "Enhance Your Calm"

DOCUMENT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CODE!

Seems worth spending your free time that you don't write code making memes about code

javascript... the language where your code works even if you forget ';' and declaring your variables.

wtf

Document your code, Don't give your variables silly names. Use git !!

Here's a real tip for people new to the industry.

It's one of those things that's been said over and over again but very few can really seem to employ. I suggest you learn it /well/.

You are not your code. Criticisms of your code, ideas, or your thought processes, is not a criticism of YOU. You absolutely cannot take criticisms of your work personally.

We are engineers. We strive to seek the best solution at all times.

If someone has found a problem with your code or with an idea or whatnot, it is coming from a place of "this is not the best solution", NOT "you're an idiot".

It's coming from a place of "I'm closing this PR because it is not a change I feel suits this project", NOT "I'm closing this PR because it's coming from a woman".

It's coming from a place of "This feature request is ridiculous/this bug is not actually a bug", NOT "you're a fucking idiot, fuck you".

It's coming from a place of "I've already had to address this in a number of issues before and it's eaten up a considerable amount of my time already", NOT "I don't even know you and this I don't have time for a nobody".

You do not get to be bitchy to maintainers because they denied your request. It's not a reflection of you at all. But if you're arguing with someone who has maintained a piece of code for almost a decade, and they're telling you something authoritative, believe them. They're probably smarter than you on this subject. They've probably thought about it more. They've probably seen their code used in many different places. They have more experience than you with that codebase in almost all cases.

Believe me, if we cared about who was behind all of the issues, pull requests, etc. we get, we'd get NOTHING done. Stop taking shit personally. It's a skill, not a defense mechanism. Nobody has the time to sugar coat every little thing.

Let's normalize directness and stop wasting time during technical discussions into opportunities for ego-stroking and circle-jerking and back-patting.

Always backup your code. UPS failed :(

When your code finally works! Hahaha

Your code so bad even your rubber duck won't listen to that nonsense.

When you co-worker gets screwed because of your code.

Reading your code when you were an intern.

Apple has the best UX:

"Type your password followed by the verification code shown on your other devices"

C is nice and all but have you ever had to massacre your code with preprocessor instructions to make your code portable?

I’d rather read Latin than your code

Does your code have a bug?

Life is like code,
Your loved ones are your IDE,

You can be good with code without an IDE,
but it makes things much more smoother when you have one :D

Life quote :)

reading your old code like

Some days you write your code and it all goes well.

All your tests pass, you write clean code, you solve your problems nicely.

Other days everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

...the latter was the case for me today.

Trying to debug your code be like:

When Tigeress and Bob help you debug your code.

When you're 14 hours into debugging your code...

codeCertain - Duolingo styled code learning platform that emphasizes learning by repetition. Be certain of your code.

When your code works one day but not the next.

Conspiracy Theory:

Coding standards were invented so that your colleagues can steal your code without any effort.

Modularise your code. It makes it very readable.

When your code works from the first time

When even the duck knows your code is shit...

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

With C3D your embedded systems code themselves!!!

When you type perfect code and your system crashes

Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do

Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck

Me: oh ok, I will do that ...

Testers don't break the code,they break your illusions about the code.

When your code is compiling and your heart beats faster!

That moment when code blocks and eclipse have more errors than your code

you motherfucking cocksucking ass wipes.

How fucking hard is it for you JS cockheads to have STABLE fucking code?

So hear I am, thinking through a side project for data extraction and loading to automate some shitty part of my job, that could be used by the broader team... and decide to use electron.... I know it's a clusterfuck, but this wouldn't be a big application, so against my better judgement I run:

npm install electron
npm start
...
Error: unknown spawn

🤷‍♂️ you had 1 fucking job... 1 fucking lousy shit stain of a job, and you can't even have something run out of the god foresaken box without someone debugging your shit.

Now who has a WORKING alternative to electron?

When your code runs with no errors at first try

>Advanced code optimization class
>Professor : Your midterm exam will be written on paper....with no code.
>Me: ?????????????

Code quality is not related to your self-worth.

"Your code sucks. Do better." ~ MotivationBot

I'd kill you and I would hid your body on your lines of code. Nobody would find you 😖

If you comment your code like this, I'd like you to rethink your life choices.

This is a project we need to work on in university. The code was given to us.

No matter how logically clean and simple your SQL code is, test your data....TEST YOUR DATA.

Want to bundle your files: Node.
Want to minify your scripts: Node.
Want to tree shake your code: Node.

FUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOFF I DON'T WANT NODE

Writing code is like writing poetry. You put your soul into it, you create something so beautiful that everyone appreciates it, but no one fully understands it. So comment your fucking code!

!rant

I figured out a way to make your code readable!

The main idea: make everything into a function. Each function should be small and you should gradually use past functions to build future functions.

Depending on the language and the size of your code you should make your functions with different sizes, but always keep them small.

This function splitting allows for debugging small parts of your code, avoids repetition and abstracts your code, each making it more readable.

I have always believed that clean code is readable code, and if your code is readable, then it shouldn't require masses of comments to explain it. However, in the course I am being taught, we are being told that in programming, comments are massively important to help another developer understand your code and what it does. So what is the consensus of the dev community?

Do you feel comments are key, or redundant if your code is written well?

I hope your code is better than your grammar.

(it never is)

That feeling when you view your older projects and see how distorted your code was, how much boilerplate code, realize how stupid you were.

Good to see how times have changed.

Commenting your code is a myth my friend.

When you want to run your cpp code for your customer

That moment your stupid code mate knows too much.

What is your Favorite time to code ?

Find what you want to build. Watch some videos. Code. Grab some books. Code. Find some friends to code. Code.
And learn some theory to improve your code. Code.

Get a job. Code. Get paid.

What is your preferred code editor and why?

Just deploy your crappy code and enjoy your weekend

That feeling that your code works.

the feeling when you review your code on 1st project.

When you debug your own code 😅

Your code looks like shit.

Your face trying to figure out where's the problem in your code

Your code broke Production.

Ya'll have been typing your code wrong

Document your code

I just wrote the best line of code. What are your favourite lines of code?

Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.

Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.

It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.

Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.

Eureka!

when your code doesn't work and you're stuck for hours and start to question your career choices...

UNLEARN commenting your code, and write code that is easy to understand instead.

Comment your code ! Co workers and your future self will appreciate ! #wk26

So after joining devRant I discovered that some people have an issue with people touching "their code"...

This hasn't been a problem anywhere I've ever worked, with any person (that I know of).

Is this a vocal minority, or have I somehow avoided this subset of people through sheer luck?

when your code is almost done and your project manager comes with last minute design changes.

When you can't make your code work no matter what...

When you have to fix someone else's code because you can't push your changes because of their rotting code.

When your code breaks because you comitted :wq

You should probably call your framework "Buttcrack.js" cause we all look like plumbers sifting through your shitty code.

Your code makes me want to sudo rm -rf ~/my_eyes

Good Idea: Code Reviews

Bad Idea: Code Reviews before your first sip of coffee.

When its 2am and your code still not working

I understood your code
WHITHOUT the comment

Do you agree?

Junior: What are comments

Mid-level: Hah! My code is so clean, I don't NEED comments!

Senior: comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comme-...

When your code works correctly the first time 😏 👌

Your code when Writing Java for Android.

Changing your code while running it. 🤦

Your code is:
⭕️ Comprehensive
⭕️ Well Written
⭕️ <!-- Informative -->

Check none.

Walking into another devs code.

When Microsoft buys GitHub, but they can't steal your code because your code has been uploaded obfuscated.

*I am sorry for mentioning Microsoft and/or GitHub, it is quite repetitive*

Protip: proposing a "simple yet beautiful" login form on Bootsnip with absolutely no knowledge of Bootstrap whatsoever, making it not responsive and centering it with hardwritten margins (such as: 'margin-left: 170px'), AND THEN proudly display "theme developed by WhoGives AShit" at the bottom won't make you any publicity at best. At worst, I'm gonna travel to India and won't leave before I erased the code you wrote by smashing your face on the "erase" key.

Fix the Unit Tests to pass your Code!

When your app is full of bad code

When coding, what percentage of your time is spent fluently typing your code vs thinking about what you're coding?

Every time you find a bug in your code ... 😢

How come your fucking pseudo code is far more complex than python code? You're a fucking university teacher FFS, ALSO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU START YOUR INDEX LIST BY 1.

Use Tabs! And Comment your code!!!!

Learn to refactor your code constantly. You are not writing code for yourself. Think about the next person who has to look at your code.

How to spend more time writing docs then code?
15m = doc
1m = code

<code>
/* Motor DC + Mosfet IRF520 + Servo
Materials:
IRF520 (Mosfet) + Dc motor + Batery (3V min)
diode (1N4007?)
Changed Tip122 for IRF520: Tip122 has less resistance and produces more heat

Hardware:
ARDUINO = A(port , 5V , GND)
MOSFET = M(A[port] , + , GND)
MOTOR = MOTOR(+ , -)
BATERIA = BAT(+ , -)
DIODO = D(sinal_1 , sinal_2)

MOSFET
M(port) = A(port)
M(+) = D(sinal_1) AND MOTOR(+)
M(GND) = A(GND)

D(sinal_2) = B(+) AND MOTOR(-)

ARDUINO
A(port) = M(port)
5V = null
A(GND) = M(GND) AND BAT(-)

*/

#define motorPIN 8 // A(port)
int loopy = 0; // Loop variable to limit de program

void setup()
{
// Initialize the motor pin as an output:
pinMode(motorPIN, OUTPUT);

}

void loop() // 1 loop == 100ms
{
if (loopy < 10) // Turns motor ON for 1 second
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, HIGH);
}
else // Turns motor OFF
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, LOW);
}
}

</code>

One of the best feelings is when you're hip deep in code refactoing and you're delezing old code with your new and shiny code.

TFW when you discover your tests have bugs, and your code was broken all along 😡

Leaving out comments assuming your code is readable enough. Code != English

that BS thing you do when your too lazy to code and just copied a code from an existing class and renamed the vars even if it does not work or not being used just to show your boss that your working hard as f*

When your code works in one go...

I am already tired before even looking at this code.

Looking at your code makes me cry.

I can insult myself whole day but it won’t be enough to survive looking at your coding style.

If cpu could talk it would ask for heater removal because your code depresses it so much.

Looking at your code makes my monitor burn out.

Downloading your code makes my hard drive stop.

And my favorite:
You’re already good developer so now stop writing and appoint as manager / tester.

Isn't it sad, when your happy because your only down to one line of code error 😂 #PHP

You know shit is getting real when you save and you watch your code formatted start rolling through your code like you're watching someone ... write code...

-indent here-

-pause-

-indent here-

Me: Oh man what have I done?!?!?!

It the time to play with your code, folks!

Yeah, sure. Send in your code for review with THE UNIT TESTS YOU WROTE FOR YOUR CODE FAILING!

If your code doesn't compile, use `sudo gcc`
:D

When you change the color of your syntax highlighting on your code edtor

Stop commenting out code blocks!

Either fix your shit or delete it.

I am open to argue what fixing may mean, as it is perfectly fine to make your broken code not reachable, e.g. via feature flags or skipping certain tests. Yet never ever should you comment those blocks!

So you say you want to keep it for historic reasons? You know, that is why we use version control! If you ever need certain functionality back, you can restore that state.

Each decent IDE also offers a local history where you can even restore code blocks that weren't even pushed or committed. So use that!

Commenting out test cases is a really bad habit, as you have no reminder that you shall restore it.

And no, a TODO and a FIXME won't count as a reminder as you have to actively look for them. And we all know how well that goes, don't we? (One time, I found a typo of a `TDO`. So even with a regular lookup for TODO, stuff will slip.)

Each test suite offers you ways to skip tests if there are valid reasons why they should not fail the build temporary and they offer colorful feedback. Yes, that means that your tests won't be green, but guess what: That's a feature! They shouldn't be.

That yellow is a fine reminder, aka warning!, that you should really fix your shit.

Commented code screams: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!" and it confuses the hell out of other developers ("Was this commented because of debugging purposes and should be active again or can I safely delete this!?") and adds verbose crap to the code base.

If you find yourself to be in a place that you comment code a lot, I also argue that your workflow is broken.

When you are using a decent debugger, there shouldn't that much of a need to comment in and out a lot of code in order to reason about your code-base.

Make your code less messier than you are

When your code compiles on your machine but on another machine it fails.

PLEASE do not format your code like this!

"That guy" who always has something to say about your code that knows nothing about code